anything goes with emma chamberlain - i need to leave LA

Episode Date: September 10, 2020

Sometimes living in LA can be like living in your Instagram or TikTok feed. It sounds like fun, but it also makes it really difficult to disconnect. Dealing with that, and some anxieties that come with it. Plus, questions on healthy eating habits, ways to stay motived, dealing with panic attacks in a public place (like Coachella), and what to do if an ex has your nudes?  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

All right, here we go again. Hi guys, welcome back to anything goes. Oh, where do I start? Where do I start? You know where I'm going to start? I'm just going to start by saying a little thank you to you guys for coming back if you do come back or even if you're new. Thank you for checking it out. Just thank you guys for all of your support on the podcast. It means so much to me. I know I've talked about this before. Actually, my first episode of anything goes when I switch

from stupid genius to anything goes. Stupid genius is my old podcast that I now despise with every bone in my body. If you are out of the loop on that. Those episodes are still up. If you guys want to listen to those, I'll delete them as soon as my podcast production company allows me to because I hate them, but we've evolved anyway.

I just want to thank you guys for connecting with this podcast and connecting with me through this podcast. Recently it's felt like one of the only ways that I can truly communicate with all of you and it's the most intimate platform I have and I feel like I truly feel like heard on the podcast. Like I feel like you guys hear me here in a way that you don't on any other platform. And to be honest, sometimes I wish that I only had a podcast because I think that the connection that I have

with those of you who listen, it's so much deeper than on any other platform. And so that's why I think it's so therapeutic for me because I have that connection with you guys here that I don't have anywhere else and it's so special. So I just wanted to just thank you guys for connecting with me here and I'm very grateful for all of you and I'm excited to vent once again. So what are we talking about today? We're talking about Los Angeles

because I've been here for far too fucking long in a row. With like a little three day break, I had one three day break from LA in the past six months. And I've just been here for six months straight, no break, nothing. And this is the longest I've ever been in LA with no break. And it is getting to me.

And I've been trying to pinpoint why. Like why can I not be here for six months straight? Why is this damaging my brain? And I actually had an epiphany about it yesterday and I realized what it is. And here it is. Recently, I've been needing a break from social media more than ever. I feel like it's really toxic right now for some reason.

I'm really vulnerable, so like mean comments and shit like that are getting to mean more than normal. And so it's time for me to turn the phone off, right? And that's fun and all. But the problem is, is that when you live in LA and you turn your phone off and you make the effort to disconnect and you go outside and you go and grab a coffee or you go to a restaurant or you go to the beach or you do this, isn't that? There's a chance that it's not gonna be a disconnect.

A very good chance. And I'll explain why. Living in LA and like existing in LA, especially in, you know, the center of it all and the core of it all, which is basically where I live and where all my friends live is kind of in the middle of it all, where everybody hangs out and shit like that. The problem with living in this area is that

you turn your phone off and you walk outside and it's literally like you're just seeing your Instagram Explorer page, but in real life. And I'll explain. Almost every time I go to a restaurant or I go to a coffee shop or I go shopping or whatever, I'm faced with people that I'm seeing on my Instagram constantly. Like, I see people that I know like almost daily one way or another, whether it's like I already enlisted all the places I go. So you know that. But no matter where I go in LA unless I drive far away like far away to the beach or something like that, there's a very very

good chance that I'm going to see somebody that I know. And that makes it really hard to disconnect. You know what I mean? When you turn your phone off and it feels as if you're still living in it. And there's things like paparazzi where I don't get paparazzi to lot, but like, or whatever, but things like that also feel like I'm still

connected to the social media world because then it's like, things like that also feel like I'm still connected to the social media world because then it's like, oh, I'm gonna see that later. What did I look like? Did I say everything okay? Like whatever. There's kind of no escape here from the social media realm. It's like you're living in a real life Instagram feed, TikTok feed, probably more TikTok than Instagram,

but regardless, it's crazy. And I think I realize that that's why I've been feeling so shitty recently because there's nowhere for me to escape to. And I am somebody who desperately needs escape because I don't like this shit. Like I love making videos for you guys. I love making podcasts for you guys. I love putting on outfits and posting photos in it to hopefully inspire somebody. I love all that shit. And I love meeting you guys.

I think more the issue is is actually seeing like other creators and other things like that out and about. That's what gives me the anxiety. Not meeting you guys, not like the act of posting on social media and being present on social media. But it's the fact that like when I turn my phone off, I'm seeing all the people that I see on my phone in real life and I hate it. I don't like that. It is such a surreal and uncomfortable, weird thing

that like, it makes me feel like I'm living in the matrix or something. Because it's like, why, like, what, it's not like, you know, when I lived in San Francisco, if I turned my phone off, I could go out into the world and it would be the real world. There would be people that like, you know,

have like a normal life, like everybody in San Francisco and in that area, the area that I lived, the peninsula, everybody had a normal life. Like, everybody was normal. Everything was like very like, nothing was like crazy. It was so calm, it was so like, you know, you could truly disconnect there

because when you turned your phone off, you weren't gonna see the Hollywood fix and then turn left and see like, everybody who you saw on your for you page earlier that day. That's not going to happen. And listen, I'm guilty of going to popular places. Like I go to popular places that a lot of people go to and that's my, that doesn't help.

Like if I really, really wanted to like not experience this, I could drive a little bit farther away and like go to a restaurant that's maybe 20 minutes away rather than two minutes away, and I wouldn't have this issue. But the thing is that I wanna live in the area that I live, like I live in this area. It just happens to be like a very popular area

for influencers and stuff to hang out. And I mean, it's kind of making me isolate myself in a sense. I mean, there's a select few people that I have the energy and all of that to talk to you right now and those people are kind of an exception. but like, I'm so, I feel so connected at all times. Like I don't ever feel like I get to, it's shut off. And so that's been really tough for me.

And I never had this issue before, which I think is so weird. I feel like there's an influx of people that are in LA now that weren't here a year ago. Like I think there's a lot, the influencer population in Los Angeles, I feel like is growing, which is great.

You know what I mean? Everybody is, I'm all four people moving to LA and pursuing their dreams and fuck yeah. Like I'm on everyone's team, I want everyone to succeed and I'm here for it. Like I'm not saying like everybody needs to leave LA. Like stop coming here. I'm here for it. Like, I'm not saying like, everybody needs to leave LA, like, stop coming here. I was here first. I'm not saying that because, listen, that, that's not fair. Like, when I moved here, I wanted people to accept me with open arms. You know

what I mean? It's not anyone's, this is not anyone's fault. And I think that for a lot of people, it's actually really fun. Like people like seeing influencers that they know, like out and about, I hate the word influencer by the way, and I hate that I'm using it, but it's just like, it's just flowing. Let me flow. Okay. Anyway, like for a lot of people, it's fun to see people that you know, or, you know, and it's fun to see people that you see on your Instagram or on your for you page. Like for a lot of people, that's exciting and that's fun and it's, sorry. And they like that social stimulation.

Like that is something that they enjoy. And for those people, I'm so jealous because I don't feel like that. And I think that I used to when I was younger, I loved it. Like I loved going to parties and I loved going, you know, and being social and stuff, but recently I've realized that that's not something that I really like anymore.

And I think that's totally fine. I don't know if I've grown out of it or what. I think a big part of it has to do with my anxiety. And it's not like I don't have social anxiety. Like when I'm around people, I don't have, that is not something that I would say I have. And obviously I haven't gone to the, any sort of doctor for that either

because I don't think that I have that issue. But I have pretty bad general anxiety. And I think that a lot of my anxiety comes from, comes from the fact that like, I know that LA is a very small tight knit. Like everybody knows each other kind of thing, which is weird because it is kind of a big city. And there's people all over, you know, 20 mile radius.

There's so many different people and a lot of them know each other because we're all in a very similar industry. Not everybody who lives here, obviously, but there's a very large population, I would say, of people who are in a similar space to me. And so, it's kind of like one big high school, and I've said that once, and I'll say it again. And, you know, I left high school for a reason,

I don't thrive in that environment. I like one majority of people around me feel like a stranger. It's weirdly comforting to me knowing that I won't ever see that person again. When I'm at a, you know, coffee shop and somebody says, hey, like your shoes, it's comforting to me when I'm in a place like New York where I feel like I'm never going to see that person again. Listen, if I lived in New York, it might be a different thing. It might be a similar kind of vibe

where everybody knows each other type of thing. I don't know, I've never lived there. But I know with here, it's like, everyone knows everyone. And it's overwhelming and it's scary. And it's like, it's clicky. And there's, it sucks. And I don't like being in this environment.

I don't like being around that. I like meeting people that have different backgrounds to me that do different things than me. Like, that's exciting to me. And like enriching for my life because I like to learn about other things and not my own space. But listen, is this partially an error on my part? For sure. There's probably bazillions of people in LA that are exactly what I'm looking for, right?

The problem is I don't know how to find that and In my mind it feels everywhere I look it's someone I know, right? And so that might be me looking at LA in a glass half empty way rather than a glass half full. Because LA is such a big city, there's so many different types of people and I just might be looking in the wrong places. At the same time, I'm not even really looking for new friends. Like I don't know if that's even something that I want. So regardless, I think the main issue is it's really hard to disconnect here when everything that you see on your

phone is happening right here. So that's kind of what I'm dealing with with that. And it's been giving me a lot of anxiety, not to mention my anxiety in general, has been really bad. Just about so many things. And I think for any of you guys who struggle with anxiety, it feels like you have this like dark pair of glasses on. And everything that you look at, you see through that dark pair of glasses. So everything in your life could be going really well, but you're going to see everything in a blurry dark way. You're not going to be seeing it clearly for what it really is, which in my life right now, everything's really good and I have nothing to be worried about.

Yet, I'm looking at everything through a lens of anxiety and it freaks me out, but I think it's because there's so many things that are out of my control, which is like obvious, like, okay, Emma, yeah, there's so many things that are out of my control, which is obvious, like, okay, Emma, yeah, there's so many things that are out of your control. Everybody can say that, but I think that sometimes I realize it more than other times, you know what I mean? Like, I can't control what someone else says about me.

I can't control what people think about me. I can't control how people perceive me, all of those things, I cannot control those things. And I think recently that's been really, really making me anxious. But what I'm trying to return to is this mindset of who gives a fuck? You have good people in your life, period. Who cares about everybody else? Who cares about how those people see you? If you have those core people in your life, it doesn't matter, but actually even more important than the core people in your life, how you perceive yourself. It all goes

in one. It's all one. They all go hand in hand is what I'm trying to say. Like, me being worried about what the internet and what other people in L.A. think of me directly correlates with my view of myself right now, which is a little bit injured and I'm slowly but surely mending it. But you know, I've definitely like a few episodes ago, I talked about how I've been having really severe self-esteem issues and they're actually getting better. I've been really trying to make the conscious effort to be like, hey, let's not think about ourselves like that.

And so for a little update on that, I'm definitely doing better. It's not, it's by no means perfect, but I'm really taking steps to fix it and fix myself a seam and fix it, fix the way I look at myself in the mirror. I'm really, really doing my best in making that conscious effort. It's not an easy journey, it's not something that happens overnight.

I didn't expect it to, but it's, every day, it gets a little bit better. And every day I'm talking about it more with people that I love and stuff like that, and that's helping me get through it. So if you guys are on a similar journey with me and maybe you decided you wanted to do the same thing as me when I made that episode, I hope that you guys are having luck with it and keep pushing because we're going to figure this shit out together. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is more than a website builder.

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Sometimes I lay away at night rehashing something I said earlier that day, or lay in bed at night thinking about what the future holds. I know I'm not the only one going through a lot of what ifs. Like what if I get into a fender bender? Or what if my home gets broken into? But state farm can help you with some of those big what ifs. They're available to answer your questions day or night. You can reach them 24-7, file a claim on the State Farm mobile app, or simply call your

agent to ask what's on your mind. Like you good neighbor, state farm is there. Call or go to stateform.com for a quote today. But along with that whole kind of anxiety lens that I've been looking at life through, that can sometimes lead to me having a slight depressive episode. And for the past week or so,

I've been feeling a little bit depressed, not super bad, but definitely crying a lot, definitely really exhausted physically and mentally, can't like was really struggling to get out of bed and stuff like that. But I actually feel like today I'm out of it. I'm a little bit anxious today but I'm not depressed. I don actually feel like today I'm out of it. I'm a little bit anxious today, but I'm not depressed. I don't feel depressed today. Like I felt motivated to get out of bed this morning, which was really good. And so luckily, the episode wasn't too long of that. But I think that anxiety and depression for me go hand in hand. And if I'm anxious

for too long, it'll turn into a depressive episode and the whole thing is just a fucking mess. And I feel bad, you know, telling you guys about this because I don't want to come on here every week and like complain, right? Like that's the last thing I wanna do. And I'm not complaining. I think my goal is I wanna show you guys, I wanna be honest about the way that I'm feeling

and like things that I'm dealing with because I know that there's some of you that are dealing with the same thing and I want you guys to feel better about those things and feel more normal because it feels really good to know that people are struggling with the same thing. Like even I was talking to my friend the other day and I was explaining how I was feeling and I was kind of nervous to like explain it because I was like, God, I want to be a Debbie Downer. But then they were like, am I? I'm feeling the same way. Like, I'm feeling really fucked up in my head too. Like, there's something bumming me out. And I'm feeling like I'm kind of having a depressive, I feel like I'm kind of having a depressive episode

as well. And it made me feel so much better to know like, okay, you know what, I'm not alone in this. My friend is going through this too. I'm, this is normal. And, you know, I'm gonna give advice to them and then I'm gonna take that advice too. You know what I mean?

It helps. I don't know why. Sorry, I was biting a hang nail off. Oh, it, but I think what's really helped me get out of my, I mean, I've been talking to a therapist a little bit. That really helped me a lot. And I usually am like kind of, I have a little bit of PTSD with therapists

because when my parents got divorced, I got a therapist and the experience was really bad for me. Hated it, hated it. But, you know, recently, I was really desperate. And I was like, you know what, I think I'm gonna try to talk to a therapist. And I did. And it was so helpful. I was like, you know what, I think I'm gonna try to talk to a therapist and I did and it was so helpful.

I just did a call with one and it was really helpful and it's actually really helped me. And one of the main things that she told me was she was like, Emma, you need to forgive yourself for a lot of stuff. You need to forgive yourself for literally normal things that you've done in your life. I'm very hard on myself, very tough critic You need to forgive yourself for literally normal things that you've done in your life.

I'm very hard on myself, very tough critic with myself, as I've talked about on here. And she was like, Emma, you need to forgive yourself for the things that you've done that you aren't proud of. You know what I mean? Because none of those things harmed anybody, but you. You didn't, with all the things that I need to forgive myself for, I have nothing to do with anyone else.

It's not like I harmed somebody else with those things. It was like things that I did that harm myself. For example, like staying in toxic friendships for too long or trusting somebody who ended up betraying me or even not being a super good friend to people and kind of being emotionally unavailable, which might have harmed other people, but there's nothing I could do.

Sometimes I'm not able to be emotionally available all the time. Stuff like that that I can't go and apologize to somebody for. She was like, you need to forgive yourself for things that you're mad at yourself about because all the other things you can go and you can apologize to people and have that conversation with them.

But there's a conversation that you need to have with yourself that's even more important, you know what I mean? Because I think people forget to have conversations with themself. And even if you're like me and you live alone, and you're alone of decent amount, like sometimes you forget to like check in with yourself. And the other day, actually yesterday,

I was driving to the beach. And I was just kind of thinking about, I was actually kind of thinking about, I was actually kind of ruminating anxiously about just like a bunch of burdens that I have, right? And I kind of thought about it more. And all of a sudden I felt this like light feeling in my head, like light meaning like heavy versus light, like light. Like it made me feel like a weight had been lifted and I literally felt myself subconsciously forgiving myself

for a lot of things, like letting people take advantage of me and shit like that. That's the main one, I would say. advantage of me and shit like that. That's the main one, I would say. And I like felt myself forgiving myself for it. And I mean, when I tell you I bald my eyes out, I did bald my eyes out. But it was because the therapist told me like, you need to forgive yourself and I have that seed planted in my head. And then it clicked randomly when I was driving to the beach. And then I have felt a lot better since. But it's all about having those seeds planted

and having people to talk to that can plant those seeds because you can't plant a seed in your own brain. So I just recommend that you guys talk to people about what you're dealing with because even a little bit of insight from them or even just like a shoulder to cry on, that shit is crazy helpful. So, I don't know. Y'all, I'm just ready. I don't know. I think the moral of the story is I need to get out of LA. I need to get the fuck out of here.

And listen, I'm grateful to be here. I'm grateful that my life is what it is and I wouldn't want it any other way. And that's that. But I am in desperate need for a little disconnect. And I think that that's very clear. So if you guys wanna tweet me any fun destinations that you think I could go to that are COVID friendly,

because I don't know how that whole thing is working right now, maybe nothing with a plane, maybe anything kind of close to LA that you think is fun, please tweet me and let me know. But maybe let's lighten the mood. I'm gonna talk to you about, I did a workout class today. Let's talk about what I did today.

I did a workout class today for the first time in a really long time because they're all closed, but a workout class that I don't go to often but I like relatively a lot. Barry's boot camp, I don't know if you guys know what it is. They are doing outdoor classes, and so I decided to go. And workout classes are so weird.

I never realized how really weird they were until I took a class outside and brought daylight where I could see everyone, because normally the rooms are dark. Yeah, workout classes are really weird and the instructors are so insane. Like I forgot how high energy and insane they are, they're just so intense that it kind of pisses me off.

Like it kind of makes me angry, which kind of makes me work out harder, and maybe that's what they're doing. But like their voices and the way that they like yell at you, it just like bugs me, but at the same time, like it literally makes me so mad that I'm like fucking going hammy when I'm doing it. So like maybe they're onto something,

but also working out outdoors for me is like really not. I don't know if that's my favorite thing unless I'm like going for a run, but it was so hot. And I got a rash on my face from it. And I'm being too negative. Let's do better. Let's actually get into questions from you guys. Somebody said, what TV show movie, slash music, do you turn on when you just want to zone out and feel better. TV show, I like things that are funny like cartoons like Rick and Morty is a good one or you know something that's like almost I feel like cartoons are better because your brain like knows that it's not real so you're not like afraid of it.

Like let's say you watch like a scary movie when you're like anxious bad idea you know what I mean because it's like unless it was like an animation, I feel like an animation, doesn't, you feel more disconnected from it in a way. Like it feels fake, which is good. Whereas like sometimes watching like real TV shows and like shit like that in movies can like make me more anxious.

I've always been somebody that like to watch cartoons when I was anxious. So like Rick and Morty's a good one. I mean, I don't know. There's so many like fun little animated things that you can watch for adults or even for kids. Like I even like to watch fucking SpongeBob. Like watching SpongeBob, watching, wall seeing gr grommet, things like that make me feel really calm when I'm anxious. I also love watching cooking stuff. So cooking videos, cooking TikToks, cooking YouTube videos, cooking series on TV. That really makes me feel safe. shows that are kind of like mindless like the office or that's kind of the only one I've

ever watched that was like that. But like the office is a good one too because it's just really like, it's not, it's just funny and it's lighthearted and it doesn't, it feels not serious, you know. That's a good one. I don't know. And then as for music, I like to listen to really calm music. Like things that are almost kind of emotional, like the band B-chows, it will make you cry, but like it makes you feel safe in a way. Or even like listening like Taiman Paula or like

MacDomarko's more chill albums, stuff like that. Any chill music velvet underground, stuff like that that's just relaxing. Anything that like doesn't make your nervous system go crazy. Even like jazz, like French sounding jazz can be really nice. I know it sounds like random, but like French sounding jazz can be really nice. And it sounds like random, but like French music, like the kind of old French music. Or like Frank Sinatra feels really good

sometimes for your brain. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by LiquidIV. You might think that hydration is only necessary after intense crazy activities, like working out. But if you think about it, running errands is still running. That's why liquid IV powder hydrates you two times faster than water alone, with three times the electrolytes of traditional sports drinks. I am a big fan of liquid IV. I drink liquid

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whether you're just taking a stroll through your neighborhood, traveling, or slogging through back-to-back meetings. And with just one stick of liquid IV's hydration multiplier, you can hydrate two times faster than water alone and get three times the electrolytes as leading sport strings. I have been drinking liquid IV actually for many years now, and I've used liquid IV for so many different things. When I'm hung over, after a long plane ride, when I'm really dehydrated, when I have a headache sometimes, I'll sip on liquid IV and it can really help when I'm sick, when I just need a little boost, liquid IV is almost always in my bag, almost always. And my favorite flavor, if anyone is wondering,

watermelon and passion fruit, although there are a lot of great flavors, but those are my most commonly consumed. And the interesting thing about liquid IV is that my preferred way to drink it is to pour it into a water bottle with lukewarm water and chug it. So not sure what that says about me.

Grab your liquid IV in bulk nationwide at Costco or you can get 20% off when you go to liquidiv.com and use code anything at checkout. That's 20% off anything when you shop better hydration today using promo code anything at liquidiv.com. Somebody said, my friend is in the hospital right now and I can't even visit her because of Corona and I feel so fucking useless

that I can't do anything to help her. What do I do? Well, first, please forgive yourself for the fact that you can't go and see her. Okay, that is not your fault. That is absolutely not your fault. And you know that if you could, you would go visit her, but you can't. So forgive yourself for that and let go of that burden

because that is so unnecessary. And that's something I've been trying to do with all of my things. Because I have the exact same mindset, even if it's not my fault, even if something is not my fault, I will still be like, it is my fault, though. You know what I mean? And I blame myself for things that are out of my control. You are not in control of the fact that we are in a pandemic and that your friend is in the hospital. Those are things that you cannot control. What you can control is being as helpful as you can.

So checking in on her frequently, checking in on her, calling her, you know, face timing her, sending her fun things to watch. Let's say like, you know, you could send her some movie recommendations, you could send her a playlist, you could send her flowers, or maybe postmate something to her hotel room. I don't know if that's allowed at all, but anyway.

Stuff like that. Do stuff that show that you care, that make you feel good. You know what I mean? If calling her twice a day and sending her a playlist of sorts once a day, so like that's like three things that you can do for her per day. If that makes you feel good, do those things and just know that that's the best that you can do and even those things show how good of a friend that you are. And you are a great friend for even thinking like this. So, forgive yourself and do those things.

Somebody said advice on eating and not feeling bad about it. I haven't been eating more than one big snack and one big snack a day. I think they went one big meal and one big snack a day. I feel horrible if I eat more than that. I hope you're staying safe and I love you. This is slightly triggering for some of you, so I want you to skip through it if it's something that is triggering for you. This is something that I totally understand because I've struggled with this on and off

my whole life. And I think what you need to remember is that your brain is lying to you. Okay? Your brain is telling you that like food is your enemy and that if you eat something bad will happen. And for me, eating and anxiety go hand in hand. So if my anxiety is really bad, then I start to get anxious about food.

And I start to become nitpicky with what I'm eating. And like, I get really obsessive about it because I'm anxious and like that gives me something to like focus on. It's super twisted and weird, but it does happen to me. And so, you need to remember that your brain is lying to you. You need to eat. You'll die without it.

You'll feel like shit without it. And it's actually a really amazing and beautiful thing. Food is something that is so enjoyable and it's so fun and it's a social thing. If you, you know, allow it to be whether you're cooking with your friends or your family or you're going out to a restaurant or anything like that. Food is something that I think in this day and age, you know, so many people associate it with the wrong things. But food is a really great thing.

And fixing your relationship with it is not an easy road. And I'm still on the road to making it as good as it can be. But it is an ongoing journey. And it's hard to get yourself out of that spot. But I would say what you should do is make a goal for yourself. So say, okay, I need to be eating a little bit more. So tomorrow, I'm gonna eat an extra snack that I wouldn't normally eat.

I normally would do one meal and one snack, but tomorrow I'm going to do one meal and two snacks. See how that makes you feel? Wake up the next morning, realize, wait, that was totally fine. Nothing bad happened. So then say, you know what? Today I'm going to do two meals and one snack. Take it up a notch.

See how it makes you feel. You're gonna realize this really isn't so bad. Nothing bad is happening to me. I am completely fine. I just keep trying to push your own limits with food and go out of your comfort zone with it. Like if your comfort zone is one big meal and one snack a day, go out of that, right?

And try to add things to it. So, you know, one extra thing here tomorrow and then the next day maybe switch it around and add another thing here. Until you're eating a sufficient amount of calories that are healthy for your body and you're not limiting yourself. And listen, it is an ongoing journey and I know how hard it is and I...it's so hard. Like, I, this, I can relate to more than probably anything.

Like, I really get it and it's, it tortures you constantly. But, don't make goals that are unrealistic. Take it slow, be easy on yourself. Don't, you know, there's no need to like to fix it overnight. Do it slow and steady. That's what's always helped me. I really wish you luck and I'm so sorry that you're going through this and be patient with the journey. Okay, this is really interesting because Well, we'll get into it. Somebody said I

Want to break up with my boyfriend, but he has my nudes and that scares the shit out of me I just need some advice or how I can do it. I'm not happy anymore. Okay, so This is something that I've dealt with not the nude element, but just feeling like somebody, like, knows personal information about me, or like whatever, things that like are private to me, that I don't want the whole world to know. And this is scary. I know exactly, I have anxiety about this constantly and I have not cracked the code, but I'm gonna give you some advice on how, you can handle your direct situation

because I think the thing with Nudes is that, well number one, you learned a valuable lesson, right? What did you learn from this? That the repercussions of sending a Nude, it's not worth it, you know what I mean? And it's really scary, and you don't wanna have to deal with that down the line. And so I think that moving forward, now you know,

okay, I'm not gonna send nudes anymore. I'm, I can fucking be nude in person. I don't need to be sending nudes. It's gonna damage me later, possibly, and make me anxious. So I'm not gonna do it anymore. That's the first thing. You've learned a lesson. That's a positive, okay?

But here's how you do it. I think the key is to be as civil about all of this as possible. You need to be like, I mean, number one, you can't stay in a relationship for a reason like that. I was talking to my friend the other day about how they were staying in the relationship for the wrong reason. Like a reason that was like, you know,

that was not like because they loved the person, it was because they wanted to avoid something, very similar to your problem here. And I realized I was like, you can't do that. You can't be in a relationship out of fear of what they're gonna do when you break up, because trust me, I've done it. And I would never do that again, why?

Because number one, it's not healthy for you. Number two, it's not healthy for them. Number two, it's not healthy for them. It's a super loose, loose, because you're going to break up eventually. So here's what I say you do. Break up with this person in the most civil way possible. Be kind. Be honest. Don't raise your voice.

Just say, listen, I'm so sorry, but this is not for me anymore. And I really appreciate the time that we had together and I appreciate you as a person. I just don't think that this relationship is what I need in my life right now. I'm really sorry. And I would really, really appreciate it if you could delete those photos right now in front of me because it makes me really uncomfortable that you have them. And I have been getting a lot of anxiety about it and I would really, really appreciate it if you delete them for me. And if you have his nudes, you can say, and I will absolutely delete yours as well.

I just think that this is better for both of us if we both know that those elements are gone. Now listen, I don't know how this would go over. If he's a good guy, he'd be like, for sure. If he's like, fuck no, like, fuck you bitch, here's the thing. You can't worry about things that are out of your control. All you can do is hope that he wouldn't do something like that. Now listen, the way to deal with that anxiety is to look at it like this. Is it gonna happen? Is he gonna leak them or something?

Probably not. But he might. Are you gonna happen? Is he gonna leak them or something? Probably not. But he might. Are you gonna survive? Yes. Is it gonna be tough? Yes. But you have to look at it in both ways. You have to realize the possibility, right? There is a chance.

But I think that if you were honest with him that that was making you really upset, I really think that it would take a pretty fucked up human being, not to delete them. And I hope for you that he does. And if he does in, he's a big piece of shit. But I say communication is key. Try your best to be on the same page with him about that. Somebody said, do you feel like you always live in LA?

No, I know I answered this like literally once in an episode because people ask me this quite frequently. And my answer changes every time. I want to get out of this motherfucker. It's so bad. I want to get out of here so bad. Somebody said, how do you deal with anxiety when you're with a group of people or in public? This actually reminds me of when I was at Coachella, not this year,

obviously, because it didn't happen, but last year. And we were at the Billy Eilish set and I had a panic attack in the crowd. Because someone was filming me in a really invasive way and it just made me feel really, it just triggered a panic attack for me. So what I did, it was tough because Coachella is like, there's not a lot of places to escape.

There's just people everywhere. But I actually walked to the bathroom by myself. It was all the way across the field, and took me like 15 minutes to walk there. But I just walked to the bathroom, and I went into this bathroom stall, and I sat down, and I just closed my eyes, and I called my mom, and then the reception barely worked

because the reception echo cell is terrible, but for some reason, calls were going through for me last year, don't know how it's possible. And I did, I called my mom, well on the toilet and I was like, I'm feeling really anxious and she kinda talked me down and made me feel better and then I was able to reinsert myself into the public. But I think that the key is to either have a second by yourself,

find a little place that you can escape whether it's going to the bathroom, or maybe going and saying that you're getting something from your car, but just sitting in your car for a second. Like having a moment to yourself can really help just to gather your thoughts, cool yourself down, close your eyes, maybe like put a song on your phone and put it up to your ear and just listen to a song and focus on the song.

Focus on something else. Focus on how many tiles are on the ground. Count the tiles. Count how many fucking little metal holes you have on your shoes. You know those little metal holes, you know what I'm it. You know, look at your hands, focus on your hands, focus on your legs, like look, just like focus on anything that's not your anxiety and just kind of like get your mind off

things for a second by yourself and take deep breaths and close your eyes, just try anything. And if you're like me and you know, your anxiety feels better when you're talking to somebody, call someone and be like, listen, I just need to talk this out real quick. Do you have a second? And just talk through it and be like, I'm really anxious about this, this, this, this. And when you get it out and you talk about it, it'll help so much because it kind of puts everything into perspective. So that's what I do. I hope that that helps.

Somebody said, what do you do when you feel lack of motivation about literally everything? I had this for a few days when I was kind of going through my depressive episode. And I, you know, to be honest, it was like this time around because it's different every time, but like, I felt really guilty about the fact

that I had no motivation, because I have a lot of shit that I need to do, and I was doing none of it, because I didn't have the stamina to do it. And I actually think what helped me was going to the beach by myself, really, because even though I didn't really want to go, I went anyway, and I did that for myself because I knew I jumped in the ocean, laid out for a little bit, got back in my car and went home, and I felt a lot better afterwards

because I did that for me. And I pushed myself to get out of bed and do something that I knew would brighten my mood and maybe make me feel inspired. The thing is, it's really hard when you're not motivated to get yourself to even do something for you. And that's the tough part. It's not like, oh, I don't wanna do my homework

or I don't wanna do my work in general. It's like, no, I don't wanna do anything. I don't wanna get up and cook something. I don't wanna, I get it. The thing is, if you make it a challenge to do like one of those things a day, it will make you feel better about yourself and it'll help bring the motivation back because you're like, you know what, I can do it. And it actually felt good. But it's really hard because you tend to feel like, God, I don't have the energy to do that and I don't really have to

do that. So why would I do it? The thing is, you need to do some stuff for yourself. Even if that's literally laying in bed and watching movies all day for a week, that might be what you need to recharge. But if that, if you do that and it doesn't work, then that means it's time for you to get out of bed and do something for you. Go shopping, go to the thrift store, go to a coffee shop, hang out with a friend you haven't talked to in a while. Whatever you think will be enjoyable for you, try to do something enjoyable, because I think when you're feeling unmotivated,

it's because you don't have anything that you're looking forward to, and you don't feel like anything's enjoyable. So it's hard to be motivated because you don't feel like there's joy in what you're doing. But if you try to find something that you feel like might bring you joy, chances are it will,

and you'll feel a lot better afterwards. And then when you need to go, you know, do the tedious things of life, you'll have a lot more stamina mentally. Somebody said, do you get anxiety when you leave a store without buying anything? Yes, I fucking hate it. Sometimes I literally buy things that I don't even want because I feel bad. And that's not smart. Can you leave a store without buying anything? Yes, I fucking hate it.

Sometimes I literally buy things that I don't even want because I feel bad. And that's not smart, so don't do that. I need to work on that. Somebody said, what's your favorite girl scout cookie? I like Samoa's and the peanut butter ones. Forgot what those are called. Docey Does or something? No, I don't think I was right.

Somebody said, when do you think it's the right time to step it up with a guy? This can obviously go either way for a guy, girl, whatever. Like I guess the question is like, how do you know an instant, like take it to the next level with somebody that you're talking to? I would say when you start to feel really strong feelings and like you don't want to talk to anybody else. Like when you're like, I don't want to have anything to do with anyone else. I want to be with this person and this person only. I have only eyes for this person.

I think that's when you either make the relationship official or you know, you have a conversation to see if they're on the same page and maybe potentially work towards starting a relationship with this person. But when you're kind of like, I don't want to be with anyone else, that's when I think you step it up. It's hard to do that though, like for me, I'm never the one that wants to say that shit. I'm always like, well, I will wait for the boy to do it. And I will just sit here and know what I want, which is a relationship or not, who knows. But I will just wait for them to say it. I don't know if that's about thing, but anyway. Somebody said, I use sarcasm about myself way too often.

The truth is that it's my coping mechanism and I make fun of myself so I don't give the right to others. I've been struggling with myself esteem for quite some time, any thoughts on self love. I mean, I made an episode about this kind of, I think it was two episodes ago, and listen, like kind of about my whole self-esteem issue and all of that, but the thing is,

I think that self-deprecation, I mean, I do this constantly, I mean, in real life, in my videos, like I cannot accept a compliment, like it is really, it's really tough. And listen, I don't think that there's anything wrong with like a little bit of, you know, fun, harmless joking about yourself. But I think the key is just knowing that those things aren't true. You can be sarcastic about yourself and make fun of yourself in a way that isn't harmful to your self-esteem or that doesn't reflect your self-esteem.

And I think the key is maybe try to take a break from the self-deprecating jokes because I think that those can get to your head because you start to say these things so often about yourself that they become real in your brain. And I think for a while, practice saying nice things about yourself, even if it's by yourself. Like, practice being like, oh, my hair looks good.

Not being like, well, my hair looks good, but my skin looks like shit. You know what I mean? But, ah, guess I shouldn't. Like, don't practice those things when you're on your own. And like, looking in the mirror and saying nice things. And like, it's almost like retraining your brain. And it sounds dumb, but it's really,

it's replacing the mean and negative things that you say about yourself with nice things, and that goes a super long way. So try that out. But I think overall self-esteem has to do with like, there's so many different variables, and it's such a constant journey. And I totally get it, and I'm struggling with it right now. I mean, I think what I'm really trying to do

is focus on myself and my relationship with myself and growing that relationship with myself and truly being in tune with me, spending time by myself, going to the beach by myself, I literally did that once and think I'm like a new fucking person, but I usually don't do shit like that because I usually, when I'm by myself,

I'm just like, oh, I'll just chill at home and whatever But I'm trying to like do things with myself and realize that number one. I don't need anyone else and number two I'm happy with who I am Whether people are giving me compliments or they're saying something mean about me I'm happy with who I am and like living that Being proud of myself doing things that make me feel proud, things like that. Anyway, let's answer like a fun fucking question. I'm sick of all this dark shit.

Okay, my last question's gonna be also kind of depressing, but I really think this is important to touch on. Somebody said, do you get anxiety about people investigating too much into your life? I'm asking because I know it's something very personal for you, but does it ever make you anxious? The people try to know everything. I love you. I love you too. Yes, it does. And this is one of the, it's a huge cause of anxiety for me. And you know, it is

something that is inevitable in the space that I am in and with the job that I have, I don't like calling it a job, but, you know, with the position that I'm in here, it is natural for people to be curious about my life. And I understand that and I, you know, I get it, but it is really emotional for me because number one, I refuse to talk about it because I can't. It's, I can't. That is where I draw the line. I'll tell stories here and there once things are far enough in the past, but like number one It's tough to do even that because I might tell a story and Everybody might think that they know who it's about, but chances are that's not the case and A lot of things have happened to me that no one knows about there's a handful of things that people have known about

There's a handful of things that people have known about. There's a handful of things that people have speculated about. But no one knows the truth except for me and that person, and those people. And no one knows. And people can guess all they want. But the thing is that I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to explain it. I don't want to explain every failed friendship, in every failed relationship.

I want to move forward. And I also want to respect the privacy of friends and people in my life that don't want the attention. I want to respect that because it would be selfish of me to bring people into this when they didn't sign up for it. And sometimes it's out of my control. And sometimes things get taken out of context and even if something's completely false,

there'll be a whole narrative about it. And you know, I understand, it's, I did that, you know, this is something that I did. Like I'm, and I don't, I'm not angry at anybody about it. I don't like, you know, obviously, but it does make me anxious because it's something I don't want to talk about. And I don't want to address, because think about it, I don't like, you know, obviously, but it does make me anxious because it's something I don't wanna talk about and I don't wanna address because think about it. If I do address every single failed friendship and every single failed relationship

and every single, I mean, I would have no other content, I have to lead, some things need to be private. And the problem is that, you know, that's really hard for a lot of people to understand in a way because I think that I'm so open about everything that like, you know, me not wanting to talk about a handful of things. That's like, you know, people are like, what the fuck? But it's like, listen, I need to keep things private because for not only the well-being of the other people,

but also for the well-being of me and I don't wanna feel like I'm being used for things. I don't wanna feel like, because I'm always on edge, okay? I'm always ready for me to figure out that someone used me. And sometimes people even use me on accident. They don't even mean to.

They might even genuinely care about me, but they're like, well, I also see an opportunity here. So it's like, and the whole thing is just crazy. I have to keep it private, and it does give me a lot of anxiety. But here's the thing, you know, at the end of the day, there's nothing I can do about people speculating or saying this or saying that.

I can't control, I cannot control it. There is nothing I can do. I could say anything about it. I could explain the whole situation. It wouldn't matter, It doesn't matter. People are going to believe what they want to believe. And I don't want to talk about it anyway. And you know what? Not to be an asshole, but it truly is my business. And yes, I put my self out on the internet. But at the same time, I am in time. I absolutely have the right

to say, this is my own private thing. and I don't want to talk about it. I'm allowed to say that, and I'm allowed to feel like that. I don't need to share those things if I do not want to. I don't. And I won't. Unless I, like, when I'm, like, 70 years old, I'll just come out and tell y'all everything. And I can't wait. But not now.

See you guys in 40 years. Anyway, I love you all. Thank you for listening. Hopefully this episode wasn't too much of a Debbie Downer. Tweet me some topics that you want me to talk about, or tweet me questions. The Twitter is at AG Podcasts. Leave us a little review on Apple Podcasts.

Five stars would be amazing. And write a little note about maybe something that you want me to talk about or really anything. Feel free. Head down there. Check it out. I'll see you guys next week. Thank you for listening. I love you guys a lot. I know that there's a lot of anxiety and pain in the air right now. I think a lot of us are feeling it. I just want you to know that we're all in this together.

We're going to get through this together and be patient with yourself through this time and through any time to be honest. And do something for yourself today. Who gives a fuck about anybody else? You are your own best friend, you're your own significant other, you're everything to yourself. You are the only person that you're going to have forever that's guaranteed. So you might as well make that relationship as healthy as you can. Trust me, I'm so working on it. It's not going so well for me, but I am trying to take my own advice. I love you all. Have

an amazing day. Peace out.