anything goes with emma chamberlain - irrational fears

Episode Date: August 13, 2020

You know that feeling, you lay down to go to sleep and all of your anxiety immediately hits you. Or, you stay up late worrying about something that’s completely irrational. Emma has experienced it all, shares some of her most irrational fears, and how to deal with them. Plus, thoughts on the paparazzi, how unpleasant her one and only surgery was, and a story she has NEVER told on the internet before. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey guys welcome back. Sorry I'm laying down so my voice sounds weird. I'm gonna sit up because my voice sounds all like I don't know just sound it okay wait see now it sounds normal. Okay I'm not gonna lay down anymore when I record because I literally lay down in my closet with a blanket to record this but that obviously is not working. Anyway, so how are all you guys? I'm good, I guess. I'm not having a good day, but I'm also not having a bad day. I think it's more leaning towards the good side, though. So I think we're doing good. Like, I feel, if, listen, if I don't feel really upset, then it's a good day, period. upset, then it's a good day, period. Although I did cut open an avocado this morning that was not ripe enough, heartbroken over that, had to throw the whole avocado away because it just was not ripe enough and I fucked it up and I like cut it really sloppily and like

the whole thing was a mess. So that was kind of disappointing in addition to of my acrylic nails have fallen off my pinky finger and my middle finger on my right hand and my nails look absolutely like trash. So aside from that, days going really well, I'm going to be talking about irrational fears today. And I have my own definition for this. So basically what that is is like my brain coming up with these crazy scenarios that probably didn't happen but could have happened for sure or could happen for sure but

getting anxious about something that like may have happened or something that like could possibly happen. I'll get into it when I tell the stories of certain things I've been anxious about. You'll kind of understand. I'll start out with some really like obvious ones that you guys have probably dealt with in your past. And then we can get into the crazier ones. If I don't know, I need to literally ask my team about one story because I don't know

if we want this on the internet yet, but it is fucking funny. So we will see I Mean I think since day one I've always had this fear which is somebody taking a joke wrong or something that I said wrong earlier in the day and then the second that I lay down To go to bat bat The second that I lay down to go to sleep at night, I turn my lights out. I'm thinking about that joke that I made earlier and I'm like, oh my God, do you think that I heard their feelings? I constantly feel like I heard somebody's feelings and that they're not telling me and

I literally will keep myself up at night for hours. Thinking about everything that I've ever said in considering apologizing for something, but the problem is, when I apologize for something like that, people are like, I'm a what? And I'm like, I don't know, I thought that like, maybe when I said that your shoes were cool, that you thought that I meant like,

that you thought that I was being sarcastic, like I will literally give somebody a compliment, and then later get anxiety thinking that they think that my was being sarcastic. Like I will literally give somebody a compliment and then later get anxiety thinking that they think that my compliment was sarcastic. That's how psychotic my brain is. Like why do I put myself through that? You know, like that is so unnecessary. And most of the time you can tell in the moment

if somebody got a little butthurt about something that you said and you can address it then. I don't think it's like that much of a mystery but I will convince myself later that I offended somebody that day or I'll lay in bed at night and I'll try to remember every conversation I had that day and analyze it and try to think if I said anything that would hurt someone's feelings.

And I have actually, in fact, apologize for things and people are always like, Emma, what are you talking about? And I'm like, I don't know, maybe you could have taken it wrong. And they're like, no, I would have told you. And you didn't even say anything bad. And I'm like, yeah, but I feel like you took it wrong. Like all of my friends are literally like, Emma, you're crazy. Here's another one that I think this one's a little bit more specific. That one was really broad. But like this next

one is something that was very specific. And I don't, I hope that the person that this happened to isn't listening to this. I, you know who you are. So, anyway, I mean, we are, I already apologized to you about it. So it's fine. So it's hanging out with someone. I was hanging out with somebody and we go coffee together. And it's a coffee place where you order on an app, right? And this other person was driving. And they handed me their phone and they were like, can you order on my phone?

And I was like, for sure. So I ordered, I was ordering on their phone and then the app crashed. Do you know on like an app crash is, and it like just the whole app closes out or whatever? So that happened. And I didn't know where the app was on their phone. And I didn't want to be swiping to try to find it again.

So I just handed the phone back to them. And I was like, the app crashed. And I couldn't tell if they thought that I was snooping on their phone or not. Like, my brain was like, Emma, they think that you were snooping on their phone. And I personally am so anti-snooping on people's phones. Like, that's my biggest pet peeve.

I hate when I give somebody my phone and then they're like, oh, let me just like check your camera roll. Like that really bugs me and people do that. So I hate that. And like, I have a phobia of that. Not that there's anything bad, like on my phone at all. I have nothing to hide, but it's just like, I just a phobia of that. Not that there's anything bad, like on my phone, at all. I have nothing to hide, but it's just like, I just don't like that.

Like, I just feel like it's so violating, and it's just like so like disrespectful, so I would never do something like that. But I, for some reason, felt like they thought that I was snooping on their phone. Anyway, they ended up ordering instead of me. And I was like, oh my God, they definitely think that I fucking, they definitely think

I was snooping on their phone. Holy shit, like how do I get out of this? And I was like, Emma, you're being crazy. Don't bring it up right now. So I kind of forgot about it for the rest of my like coffee experience with this person. And then I went home, they dropped me off. And I literally sit down on the ground,

and I was like, oh my God, they think I was snooping on their phone. They think I was snooping on their phone, and I could not get over it. I was literally hyper focused on this for an hour, and I was like, oh my God, I'm so psychotic, but I have to tell them. I have to tell them that I was like, so my god, I'm so psychotic, but I have to tell them. I have to tell them that I was like,

so I literally sent a voice memo. Wait, I wonder if I still have it. I don't think I do, but I don't know how I would find it anyway. I don't think I have it. I don't think I saved it. Why would I do that? But anyway, I literally basically says something like this. Hi, Blank.

So I've been anxious for the past two hours thinking that you thought that when the app crashed that I was on your phone, I would never do that and I respect your privacy. Thank you. And I literally, how psychotic is that? Why? And I had to send it once I sent it

and I knew that they knew that I wasn't snooping on their phone. I was like, okay, I'm fine now. But it's almost like, I wonder, I don't wanna fucking throw these words around, but it almost, I wonder if it's like an OCD thing. Sometimes where I get so obsessive over things like that that I need to have confirmation from them

that they know that I didn't do that in order to continue my day or else I'm literally bedridden because I'm so anxious. And it doesn't happen all the time, but it's like every once in a while these little things will happen like that. And they will just torture me. So anyway, that person probably thinks I'm an absolute psychopath

although I think they know me well enough to know that I'm just a little bit crazy. So I think they were good on that one, but there's certain people see like, it was certain people, I will have these paranoias. Like, oh my God, I think I heard their feelings. Oh my God, I think that they hate me. And I can't bring it up because I'm not close enough

with them to bring it up. And I don't feel comfortable enough with them to bring it up. And that's when shit gets bad, because then I'm just tortured for months until I see them again. Anyway, oh my God, another one. So I used to have dogs with my mom. Like my mom and I had dogs when I lived at home with her.

And I, before bed, used to literally keep myself awake I used to literally keep myself awake for hours thinking about the scenario of me taking my dogs into an elevator and the elevator closing on their leash and me being inside the elevator and then be outside the elevator and something happening to one of my dogs, if that makes sense. Because if you think about it, okay, if you're holding the leash and the elevator closes on the leash and you are on one side of the elevator door and the dog is on the other side, when the elevator starts moving, God only knows what would happen. And so I literally used to keep myself up at night thinking about that scenario and I was like, I'm never taking my dogs on an elevator ever.

Like that just freaked me out so bad. I would toss and turn for hours about it. And the thing is like, the crazy part about it is that I would have that anxiety, but then if I was actually walking my dogs and I actually needed to bring them into an elevator, when I was actually doing the action, I wasn't even freaked out. I'd be like, wait, this is not that scary. Like they just walk into the elevator with me, and then if worse came to worse, and like they weren't coming in, I could just walk out of the elevator, put my arm in and make

the elevator not shut on it. Like it's not that. But when you're in an anxious mindset, especially before bad, this shit will go crazy and you'll start, you know, totally like freaking yourself out. So that was another one, another animal one. Okay, my door is really weird, my front door. When I open my door all the way, so let's imagine that my door's open all the way. The door kind of swivels on this, on like a pole, that's like nine inches away from the wall. So it like swings out so that when the door's fully open,

there's a gap on both sides. So there's obviously the door side where you walk in, but then there's also a gap on the other side where a small animal could fit through. Does that make sense? God, I'm so sorry. That is a really hard thing to explain. I might post a photo on our AG podcast Twitter of my door so that you guys can understand what I'm saying. Tweet at me if you need a little bit of understanding on that.

Anyway, when I first moved here, I used to keep myself up and I think that when I open my door, that my cats are gonna run out that gap on the other side and I'm not gonna see it because I'm walking out of one side of the door and I had this paranoia that they were gonna run out the other side of the door and I had this paranoia that they were going to run out the other side of the door Because they could definitely fit or I used to have paranoia that I would Shut the door and they would be like hiding in that little gap and it would pinch them

and hurt them and I would literally stay up all night picturing different scenarios of that and And I would literally stay up all night picturing different scenarios of that. And so my mom and I literally had to put a little net there so that the cats couldn't run out because I literally couldn't sleep for days thinking about that. Pretty dumb, but whatever, another thing that I do this with is feeling like I'm going to wake up and the whole internet is going to hate me.

I've definitely had a lot of nights awake about this. You know, just wondering, I mean, it's never like I have, I think the biggest fear for me is that there's nothing that comes to mind. And that's why it gives me so much anxiety because I'm like, nothing comes to mind that I've like maybe done that like, you know, could get me in trouble or whatever. Like I don't, I don't have anything in mind, but that's what freaks me out.

I'm like, what do I not know about? Like what does somebody have me? Like, or, you know, or something even getting leaked. Like something about like, let's say, you know, like a private relationship and then that coming out like I really don't want that you know like what if somebody took a photo of it or something and then it's out on the internet when I wake up like something getting exposed in a sense about me on the internet me waking up and going on Twitter and just seeing

a whole timeline full of something I don't really get as much anxiety about this anymore because I'm almost like you know what if worse came to worse and that happened, what am I gonna do? But still, I mean, it's still, that's still something that I used to get super paranoid about. I also get paranoid about my friends and especially guys that I've dated

or that I've talked to or whatever, hating me for no reason. I constantly feel like, I constantly feel like randomly everyone hates me. I don't know what it is, I don't know why that is, but I constantly feel like, oh shit, they hate me now. Like literally sometimes I won't text somebody for like, you know, I'll like forget to text somebody

for the whole day and then I will be like, you know, I'll like forget to text somebody for the whole day. And then I will be like, oh my God. Well, they didn't text me either. They probably think that I hate them. And now I think that they hate me. And like, and then in reality, like they don't think that I hate them. And they don't hate me. But I created this whole story about that, you know, we hate each other. Like, what the fuck is that?

I've always done that. I've always done that. With everyone, guys, my friends, like, I'm so bad about that. I always think that people are mad at me. And I never bring it up. I never bring it up because I'm always like, Emma, this is so annoying and irrational. Like do not bring this up. You're just gonna piss them off.

But it sucks. Like, I will go to sleep thinking that people hate me and it just like sucks. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. There's no instruction manual when it comes to being an adult. Sometimes I lay away at night rehashing something I said earlier that day, or lay in bed at night thinking about what the future holds.

I know I'm not the only one going through a lot of what ifs. Like what if I get into a fender bender, or what if my home gets broken into? But state farm can help you with some of those big what ifs. They're available to answer your questions day or night. You can reach them 24-7, file a claim on the State Farm mobile app or simply call your agent to ask what's on your mind. Like you good neighbor, State Farm is there. Call or go to stateform.com for a quote today. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is more than a website builder. It's an all-in-one place to make an

online space that's entirely your own. Their all-in-one platform allows you to customize everything from the fonts and color scheme to your domain name. All you have to do is choose from one of their beautifully designed templates as a starting off point. Then, add whatever you need to show off your ideas

to get your side hustle on. You've got all the tools you need to sell products, schedule appointments, and send email campaigns to your mailing list. Plus, everything is optimized for mobile, so it looks just as good on a phone as it does on a desktop. Check out squarespace.com for more features and inspiration, and when you're ready to build your site, use the offer code Emma for 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Okay, next. This is the last story and I don't know if I'm going to be able to include this, so I'm really praying that I can. I'm going to try to tell it in the most innocent

way possible, but it's kind of the reason why I made this episode because I just think that the story is really funny. Okay. But it's definitely kind of like, it's a little bit listen, if you, this might be a side of me that we don't want to talk about, but it's definitely kind of like, it's a little bit, listen, if you, this might be a side of me that we don't want to talk about, but she does exist and we will talk about her. So I was, God, I'm nervous, I'm nervous. But you know, okay, I'm 19 years old, I'm a big kid, I can talk about these stories now.

I think I'm literally gonna ask my team if it's allowed. That's like how scared I am at telling this story. It's so not bad either, but like I just, I don't know, I'm nervous. Anyway, so, okay. I was sleeping over at a guy's house. Oh my God, this is scary. I was like, I don't know.

This is scary to talk about me. Okay, I was sleeping over at a guy's house. And see, I'm just gonna talk to you guys. You guys are my friends. So this is not weird. You know what I'm saying? This is not weird. Because you guys are my besties. Okay, so I was sleeping over and I went to bed. And this is the part that I don't know how to explain it. I'm just gonna talk to you guys. You guys are my friends. So this is not weird. And I went to bed.

And this is the part that I don't know how to explain, but it's really a good part of the story. Let's just say I wasn't where I didn't have pants. Okay, moving on. I'm already regretting the story. It's so not bad, but I just am not used to this. Okay, I didn't have pants. And so I'm sleeping and I wake up at seven in the morning. This person sleeping, the other guy was sleeping. And I check my phone at 7 in the morning

and I was having the worst stomach pain in my fucking life. Like I'm not getting my stomach, it was killing me. And I was laying there and I was like, okay, well I'm not gonna like, I don't wanna move, like I don't wanna get up. Like I didn't feel like I had, I didn't feel like there was anything that the bathroom could help with this stomach pain.

Like I didn't think that that was the case. It felt more like period crampy feeling. And so I was like, ow, like this is really uncomfortable but like whatever. I'm just gonna like ride it out. So I'm like laying there. I literally lay there awake for probably 30 minutes. Just with this like excruciating stomach pain,

I'm like so uncomfortable. I literally was like dying, but I was like whatever, I'll just wait for this to go away. I'll just wait for this to go away and then I'll go back to sleep. Cause like I don't normally wake up to like 8.30. So I was like this is just like,

I'm not just gonna lay here awake for an hour and a half or like wake this person up like no, like I'm just gonna push through, wait for the pain to go away or just wait for me to fall asleep through it. Finally I fall asleep and I don't even remember falling asleep again but I was awake for so long. Finally I fall asleep because the pain went away and I wake up in the morning and the pain is gone and I was like this is awesome and I leave and then whatever.

Okay, when I get home, I'm on the phone with my mom and I'm telling her this story. And I'm like, listen, I woke up and had the worst stomach pain in my life and I didn't know what to do. And I was like, but then the stomach pain just went away and she was like, well, how did it just go away? And I was like, I don't know, like I guess it just went away. And then I started thinking, how did it just go away?

Like I didn't go poopy. I didn't take an Advil. So how did the pain just go away? And that's when my brain started to convince myself, Emma, I think you may have pooped the bed now. Listen, it's virtually impossible for me to have pooped the bed and not noticed in some way. I would have seen it! I would have seen it! There's no way I would have seen it I Would have seen it There's no way I would not have seen the poop in the bed

It is impossible if you're eating. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry But I convinced myself that I had pooped a little bit in his bed and I was like oh my god. I need I Need to know I beat myself up about this all day. I called literally 10 people. And I was like, listen, here's the story. Do you think it's possible that I should the bed? And there were like Emma, no, like check your ass. Is there poop in it? And I was like, no, but I convinced myself that I pooped the bed. And then here's my idea. I was like, okay, well, I need to know if I poop the bed

before this person gets back into their bed at night because they're not gonna lay in bed during the day. So I know that if I can find a way to come over to their place, before they go to bed at night, and I check the bed to see if I've made poopy time in it. Peepie poopoo check.

If I check their peepee poopoo, if I check their bed for peepee poopoo check before they go to bed at night, then if for some reason I did shit the bed a little bit, I didn't think that I like fully shit the bed. I thought that I just like shit a little. Like, and that was just fucking making me go insane. Thinking about them doing their laundry and being like, what's this? And then being like, and then being like,

I'm a, did you make poopy in my bed? Like I just couldn't fathom how painful that experience would be. So I was like, I need to find a way to hang out with them before the end of the day so that I can go into their room and I can be like, oh, I forgot my earring, earring. I forgot my earring. Yeah, in your room, I need to find it,

but then really just like go check their bed for a shit stain. Anyway, I ended up doing exactly just that. I hung out with them again the next day, and I remember I went into their room, and I looked, and there was nothing there, and I was like, and I literally was so relieved. And they had no idea, they didn't, okay, well the funny part was, I literally could tell this person that, it's not like this is somebody, like this is definitely somebody I could tell this to,

but I was so embarrassed that I inspired myself down into this fucking hole. I was so embarrassed of it that I was like, there's no way I can tell them about this. I need to like tell them like a few months later. So then finally, just recently I told them about it and they were like, Emma, that's the dumbest thing. Well, I didn't say it was dumb,

but they're like that just like didn't fucking happen. Like what are you talking about? Like I would have told you if you shit in my bed. Anyway, shout out to him for that. Like imagine putting up with me. And like having me be like, hey, I one time thought I put the, like I can't, this is also the same person

that with the coffee thing, with the phone. Like this person experiences my paranoia, like randomly more than anyone else. And I don't know how they're not like, I never want to talk to you again. Anyway, so that's that. Those are some random paranoia stories. Those are just the ones that are fresh on my mind.

I've literally had so many things like this. Anyway, I think I'm done with talking about irrational fears. I mean, I'll give a little advice now. I talked about irrational fears and anxiety coming throughout the day, mainly here. Like a lot of these were like the anxieties that I get throughout the day, but there. Like a lot of these were like the anxieties that I get throughout the day,

but there's something to be said for having that anxiety before bed, and like when you have anxiety at night, it's not like you can just call someone and be like, what do you think? Like do you think I pooped the bed? It's like you have to deal with it on your own. And I get a lot of these anxieties late at night. Like the weird ones,

like the weird ones about like the elevator in dog situation, or like the cats running out of the, my weird front door, and shit like that. Like that's the stuff I think about at night. Or like if I heard somebody's feelings early in the day, like all of that is stuff that comes at night.

And I think that the thing that's so crazy is that whenever you wake up the next day, it's never that bad. Do you know what I mean? You're always like, wait, why was I so anxious? I'm now no longer anxious about it. And that's what's so funny to me. It's like, why do we get so anxious and freaked out at night? And I think that that's why people,

you know, so many people like use different things, whether it's like melatonin, which is more of a vitamin, or even like drugs to like sleep, because I think that, or alcohol or whatever, because human beings freak themselves out at night, and it's a fucking huge issue, and I don't know how to avoid it. Like I don't know how we all avoid this together. Like without like I don't know, I don't know, I don't know the answer because I, I have to take melatonin sometimes before bed if I'm like if my brain won't shut down which melatonin is,

I mean obviously don't like check with your doctor and make sure that you can take it, but it is just like a vitamin supplement that just helps you fall asleep quicker. Like that's a great way to fall asleep if you're, you know, up late ruminating, which I think is the right word ruminating. Is it ruminating? Yeah, ruminating. Oh wow, I just found an article that says, how to stop ruminating. Let's see what they say.

This is basically everything I just talked about, ruminating on sad thoughts. If you guys don't know what ruminating means, it's when your head is filled with one single thought or a string of thoughts that just keeps repeating and repeating and repeating and repeating. The process of continuously thinking about the same thoughts, which tend to be sad or dark, it's called rumination. And it can be very dangerous to your mental health. And that's very true.

And I bet a lot of you deal with this. So number one, you can distract yourself. Call a friend, do chores, watch a movie, draw a book, draw a picture, read a book, walk around your neighborhood. The next step is to take action so you can make a plan of action to address it, which is kind of what I did with the whole like phone thing or like the with when I thought that that person thought that I was looking at their phone when the app crashed. I was like literally I'm'm just gonna fucking tell them this so that they know.

And then after that, I've done my part, you know what I mean? Also question your thoughts. So like analyze what you're thinking about. Like is this really realistic? Come on. Like me really shitting the bed. Is that really realistic? No.

Or like, you know, the cat's running out the other side of the door. I mean, yeah, it could happen, but like probably not, and like I could be careful, like, you know what I mean, probably not gonna happen. Oh, it says that people who have bad self esteem tend to ruminate, so.

That was a little stab in the back that I wasn't expecting from this article. This administration is good to that I'm never going to do that. Anyway, well that was interesting. Hopefully those tips helped because I will probably take some of those two considering I have a major issue with this. Coffee. Now let's answer some questions. I hope that those stories, I'm a little bit scatterbrained today, and I think it showed like who knows what I just talked about.

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Tap the banner or visit this episode's page to learn more. Okay, time for some questions. First question is not about bedtime anxiety. Well, okay, I'm gonna, I kind of preface this podcast saying that we were gonna talk about bedtime anxiety and then I kind of didn't talk about that, which kind of makes me want to restart the whole episode, but I'm not gonna do that. Because I mean, these anxieties come to me throughout the day, but then get worse at night. That's kind of like what happens.

So I asked you guys to ask me questions about bedtime anxiety, which is basically like, as I said, how everything's worse at night, whatever. So we'll answer questions about that, even though that's kind of not what I talked about. But anyway, which I'm so like fucking a perfectionist about things that literally I like everything to be cohesive and I'm so nervous to listen to this episode and it just be a fucking train wreck. So praying that my editor can make this thing flow. God bless. Anyway, let's get into the questions. First question, what do you think of paparazzi? I actually got paparazzi

yesterday and I never do. And I'm not, because I'm not the type of person that people want a paparazzi, okay? Nobody fucking cares. But it did happen to me yesterday. And it was funny because I went into a thrift store and he found me outside and I like walked around the back trying to avoid it and he found me.

And I'm not really used to it. Okay, like I'm not used to getting paparazzi. I know that a lot of the, I know I've been seeing a lot of the TikTokers get paparazzi and stuff. And I feel like they're all used to it by now, but listen, I'm not. Like this doesn't happen to me a lot.

Unless it's like I'm obviously at an event or something and I like know that that's a part of the deal. But when I'm just like living my day to day life, like this is not something that I'm used to yet, okay? And so I definitely get really tense and can come off as rude, but there's also so many things that I don't want to talk about and I know that those are things that they're gonna ask. So I get really anxious and I just try to like go away before they ask things that will get me into a predicament or that will start drama that I don't want to be a part of.

Lone behold, he did ask me a few things that are kind of dramatic and I was like, fuck, I don't want this to start a problem. That's the thing. I don't like when they ask me certain things because I'm like, this will start drama in my personal life that I don't wanna deal with. You know what I'm saying?

And so that's what I fear with it. If they were just like, hey Emma, what are you working on right now? I mean that would be totally fine and cool. But it's like I fear that they're going to ask me something that could cause drama in my personal life. And that is what I don't like. So anyway, the other problem was he also followed me to a gas station. And he followed me, like he continued to follow me like for an hour, because I would like, he followed me to the thrift store and then he followed me to the gas station.

And I just was like, I'm trying to have a normal day here, dude. I'm, I mean, and I get it, whatever. I guess I signed up for this, but also not really because I didn't think that YouTubers got popper hot seed. So we live in a different time. This is not something I ever expected to happen to me. I think that they're definitely annoying, but I also understand that they're doing their job.

But I also feel like sometimes they can definitely invade privacy. And I mean, I'm on the fence about how I feel about it. It's like, listen, I can't promise I'm gonna be the nicest person on the planet when it happens to me, but at the same time, like, they are doing their job. And it sucks that it exists and it's really violating, but it's also part of it and whatever.

But I literally like start shaking every time I see one and like fully full body shakes. So yeah, but I was like reading comments to me. We were like, Emma's really rude and I was like, I'm not trying to be rude. I'm just fucking uncomfortable. Like listen, I'm a normal, I'm a normal gal here dealing with it. I don't know. I don't know how to like handle this yet. I'm still learning, so anyway. Somebody said, how do you like your eggs burnt in a pan or a hard boiled period? I like them burnt.

Somebody asked, do you ever get sleep paralysis? I was seeing a lot of people talking about sleep paralysis. I don't get it. I've never had it, so I think I might have had it once, but I don't remember. I think I would have remembered if that was sleep paralysis. But I think I just had a dream that I was in my own room or something. And I thought that I was having sleep paralysis, but then I woke up and it was not the case.

So yeah, but no, I don't get that. I'm sorry, I wish I had advice for you guys that do get it, but I don't have it. Somebody said, what helps you turn your thoughts off? Mindless activities, I guess, and talking to my friends or family. I mean, that's just like getting to work. You know what I mean? Like just working on something.

If you just lay there, you're fucked. You just can't do that. I mean, it just, because you won't ever, it'll just keep getting worse and worse. But if you do something with your brain and kind of distract yourself, it's the only way. Somebody said sometimes I'm not tired and I just stay awake until midnight and I get so anxious, do you have some advice?

Again, even if it's midnight, I feel like this is something we need to normalize, okay? We need to normalize getting out of bed after you put yourself to bed, getting up and like going and doing something. It helps so much. Whether you go to your kitchen and you make yourself a little snack or you get out a pen and paper and you start doodling or you go on TikTok

for a little bit and watch some cooking videos. Like whatever it may be, we need to like, just because you put yourself to sleep technically and you put yourself to bed doesn't mean that you need to fall asleep if you can't do it Don't just lay there and torture yourself like Tire yourself out, you know what I mean because that helps so much and Like it will make you go to sleep easier So just because you shut your eyes and you put turned your lights out

Doesn't mean that you have to turn them back on I know that I can feel really trapped sometimes once my light is out. Do you know what I'm saying? When you turn your light out, you feel trapped because you're like, God, now I'm like, it's bedtime and you can psych yourself out being like, God, I need to go to sleep. I need to go to sleep, but I can't, but I can't. You don't need to go to sleep right then.

Okay, you can do things after you try to go to sleep if it's not working. You know what I mean? Okay, you can do things after you try to go to sleep if it's not working. You know what I mean? You're not locked in to going to sleep in that moment. If it's not working, you get up and you distract yourself for a little bit, tire yourself out, and then you try again. Just because the lights out doesn't mean that you're trapped. But I know that there's certain times

where I like fear turning my light out because I'm like, I know that I'm gonna have to go to sleep right now and I know that my brain's gonna start doing crazy shit. And I don't want that to happen so I'm just not gonna shut my light out. And then I end up saying up too late anyway. So it's tough, but we're gonna get through this together. Somebody said, do you remember when bedtime anxiety first started happening? So it's tough, but we're gonna get through this together. Somebody said, do you remember when bedtime anxiety first started happening to you?

I feel like I always slept well as a kid, but because of high school, it got 10 times worse. I've always had this since I was probably five years old. I've always had this. So I don't remember a time in my life where I have it. I mean, I go through phases where I go to sleep like a baby and everything's fine, but like, this has been on and off for me forever. I mean, seriously.

So I'm kind of... I've kind of been in this shit. Somebody said, do you ever listen to sounds or music or anything when trying to go to sleep? I listened to whale noises once and that made me feel like somebody was about to jump out of my wardrobe. I don't recommend. I sometimes listen to rain sounds. I've done that a few times and that can be pleasant. But there's also sometimes it's pleasant to just have complete silence. It depends on the mood, but I've also listened to really soft music going to sleep and that's sometimes been nice because if you're listening to music, your brain is kind of focusing on the sounds and the music. It gives your brain something to focus on when you're trying to relax and that can be

really helpful. Somebody said, is there any ways to prevent bedtime anxiety during the day? Like ways, like things that you could do that will help. Well, I think that staying connected with your friends and family and having a good communication with them throughout the day is really important because then you're not gonna go to sleep

and be like, oh my God, this person hates me or this person's mad at me because you know that they're not because you've had good communication with them throughout the day. Another thing you can do is exercise really helps me because if I exercise, then when I go to bed, I'm a lot more tired. So I just go, another thing you can do is not try to not spend a lot of time in bed

throughout the day. I find that that makes it a lot worse. If I spend like all day in bed, like just like on my computer or like, you know, working on my computer or whatever, that will, if I'm in bed all day, it makes it harder for me to fall asleep and that will make it, you know, more likely for me to have that anxiety before bed. So I think exercise, oh my dad's calling me, not right now, sir. Yeah.

Somebody said, have you ever drank coffee to help you sleep? No. Nope. That doesn't make sense, but somebody said, what's your favorite type of ride at an amusement park? I don't really like going on rides anymore, because again, my anxiety's too bad. And I constantly feel like I'm going to be on the ride

that breaks down and I die. The only ones I do are ones at Disneyland and stuff, because they're not upside down rides. They don't go upside down or anything. They're just like, they're a lot safer to me, they feel safer to me because they don't, they're not as risky. You know what I mean? Like going to an amusement park that's like a carnival or something or like six flags, fuck no.

Those rides are so sus to me. And I like the way that they feel when I'm on them But the risk to me of dying on one or like is just not worth it Like I can't They don't feel safe to me like they feel to end like the way that I always feel like I put on my You know my belt wrong or like my little like seat belt wrong like I always feel like I did it wrong And it just causes me so much anxiety that I'd rather just never.

If I could never go on a roller coaster again, I wouldn't. I would love to never do that again. Also skydiving, no, I don't need to do that. These types of adrenaline things are not for me. I don't need adrenaline. I get enough adrenaline from like, I don't even know. I get adrenaline from other things. I don't even know, like, I get adrenaline from other things. I don't need to get adrenaline from a rollercoaster.

Like, I just don't like that feeling. Um, so yeah. Oh my God, this is so interesting because I do do this and I've never talked about it. So, when he said, do you make up fantasies in your head to get yourself to sleep? I really hope it's not just me. I think everybody does this. Like, I mean, like, that has really helped me with my anxiety, like creating like my ideal, totally I do this. I mean, in certain phases of my life,

you know, this is kind of weird, but especially when I'm single. Like, when I'm single, I just think about like what I want a relationship to be like. And like what an ideal guy to me would be like and like how I want to be treated and stuff. Like I know that that's weird, but I'm almost kind of like manifesting it.

Or like what I want to happen to me, you know, with like my career and stuff like that. And I make up these fantasies and like what I want my life to look like in 10 years. Like I create like that ideal scenario. And I think about that before bed. And I know when I was really young, like when I was in like, not even really young, but like when I was in high school, I would picture this is so embarrassing. Oh my God. I really hope that I'm not the only one that does this because this is embarrassing to me. Uh, uh, uh.

I used to like fantasize about the guys I had crushes on. I would like think about like what it'd be like if they like told me that they liked me or something Or like if they like leaned into kiss me Like I would think about that because I'd be like oh my god. That'd be so awesome I mean I've done that even recently not recently recently, but like I've like done that even in my older teen years too like if I've really liked a but like, I've like done that even in my older teen years too, like if I've really liked a guy, like I'll just like, kind of daydream or even before bed dream, think about like what that would be like if they like, confess their love to

me. For sure. I think that that's super normal, but it is kind of embarrassing and vulnerable to talk about like how embarrassing and fucking Weird is it that I'm like laying in bed and I'm like, oh my god What if Jeremy leaned into kiss me like what the fuck? I'm not in like a coming-of-age teen movie But sometimes I feel like I am Somebody said I was talking this guy for like four months and then we started dating

but less than a month later he said he wanted to be by himself and ghosted me. I thought I could trust him but then he just left out of nowhere. What do I do? Thank you so much. I love you with all my heart. I love you so much. This has happened to me. It is the fucking worst.

God, it sucks so bad. It really does suck so bad. The thing is, he's not ready for you. He's not going to be good in a relationship anyway if he's fucking running away after four months. This is not a guy that you want to be with right now. I'm not saying that he might not make sense down the line, but just right now, he's obviously not stable enough to be in a relationship.

So even if you were in one with him, it probably wouldn't end up being very pleasant for you anyway, because if he's so wishy-washy about it He probably isn't in a place to be in a relationship in the relationship would probably end up hurting you emotionally down the line if you guys were to stick it out because He would end up just treating you wrong because he's not in the right place But it does suck and it does feel selfish because you're like, hello, you just fucking led me on for four months and now you're out of here.

What the fuck? Like, what's wrong with me? Like what the fuck? But trust me, that relationship would have hurt you. You're gonna be able to find somebody who is more than happy to commit. I found that like, if you're talking to the right dude, they're not gonna be like, if he about if they should commit to you, they're gonna be like, immediately like, if you're talking to the right dude, they're not gonna be like, iffy about

if they should commit to you. They're gonna be like, immediately like, yes, I want to do that because they don't like, because they don't see, they don't have eyes for anyone else. They're not like, oh, well, I kinda wanna hook up with a lot of people and like, I don't like, what the, you know what I mean? Like, they're ready to like, be yours only.

And like, that's huge. And I think that that does exist and you will find it. Somebody said, how does being followed around by paparazzi effect your anxiety? It makes me super anxious. I mean, I kind of talked about this earlier, but like that's why I think that I'm so like, I can come off as rude or whatever. It's because I am literally like, that shit will like send me into a panic attack. And of course, I mean, I'll get used to it or whatever,

but it definitely, it makes me super anxious. And so like, I just try to get out of it as quick as possible. Because to be honest, you know, if I don't wanna, like, if I don't wanna talk to them, like, I mean, you know, I don't have to, you know what I mean? Like, I don't have to talk to anybody I don't want to talk to. And that's up to me, you know what I mean? If I don't feel comfortable or I don't want to

or they're following me to a fucking gas station, like I don't have to, like I shouldn't have to talk to anybody I don't want to. And that might come off as rude, but it's like also, you know, this life is up to me, y'all. So I don't want to talk to somebody, I'm not going to do it. Somebody said, you're ever getting anxiety of getting broken into because you live alone.

Yes, I do have a security system that's really good. And so that makes me feel better, because I know that if anybody literally does anything to my house, there will be large alarms going off, very loud ones, but it still makes me really anxious and I literally have escape plans. Like I have so many escape plans. Like I literally, this is another thing I'll think about before bed.

Like this is definitely something I roommate about. I will literally lay in bed and think about 10 different ways that I could escape. If an intruder came in, also like places I would hide, and I just go down a rabbit hole thinking about all the different ways that I could get out of it. I'm like, well, I could climb onto the roof, but using this window that doesn't have a screen. And then I could climb up and then I could jump on them and then I could walk across my roof and then I could jump onto the roof of my car and then I could jump off my car and then I could run out and I could run to the police station that's down the street. And then if I didn't have my phone, I could run to the police station, but then if I do have my phone, then I can call the police

from my neighbor's house. Also, I know my neighbor and I feel like I could knock on the door. So maybe I would do that. But then maybe I could also jump out of the balcony, but then if they went, came in through the balcony, then I could hide under my bed or I could hide in my clothes and my closet. That's what my brain is saying to myself when I'm going to sleep. This is a funny question. I know you hate ranch, but do you still keep it in your fridge for your friends?

No. My friends do not deserve ranch. They're great friends, but I cannot support that behavior. Wait, my mom just texted me instead of cake was delivered to my door. It is not my birthday. A cake? Okay. Somebody said, have you ever had surgery?

Oh yeah, I actually have. This is a great question to end off on. This is a fun story. When I was in eighth grade, I believe, I was peeing blood a lot, but it wasn't from my period, because I hadn't got my period yet. So, that was weird and we ended up going to the doctor, got some tests. I guess I had like a lot of white blood cells in my pee, don't know what that means, but that could mean something bad was happening to my kidney. So they did a bunch of tests, I was literally in the hospital,

or in the doctor's office like once a week trying to figure out what this problem was and then they wanted to test. I think to see if there was anything cancerous going on in my kidney. So I had a kidney by Opsi when I was in eighth grade and basically they had a pomegranate anesthesia. I remember they played me a Megan trainer music video as I was going under anesthesia, awful decision and choice. The whole experience was so traumatizing.

When they were, they told me I couldn't eat or drink for 12 hours prior to the surgery. And then they made us wait an extra four hours before the surgery started, because they were super delayed, and the surgeon needed he was working on something else. And so it took him a lot longer to get to me. And so I had to wait an extra four hours.

So I went 24 hours without eating or drinking. And so my body was super tripled up. So when they were trying to find my vein to put in the IV, like my vein was so closed up because it was so dehydrated that like, they couldn't fit the, like needle in. And so they kept like poking my like muscle that was like, they kept missing my vein.

Like the vein would like, they would try to poke it in and it wouldn't penetrate. And so it kept like hitting my muscle and it was hurting so bad. And I was like, bawling my eyes out because they could not get the fucking IV in. And then they had to put it like, they tried like two different spots

and finally they figured it out. And then what else happened with that? Yeah, then I went under and then when they did the surgery, they accidentally, when they did the biopsy on my kidney, which is basically where they take a tiny piece of your kidney, a little chunk of it, and then they do testing on it to see if there's anything wrong. Turned out I was totally fine.

I did have this disease called like not crackers, disease or something, but it was like, you grow out of it and it's very not harmful. Just kind of uncomfortable and whatever. So anyway, but when they did the surgery, they, I guess like a blood blister formed on my kidney, which meant that I couldn't leave the hospital for more days than they had expected, because they had to heal that.

I also wasn't allowed to move for a few days, because they were like, if you move, you could like, your kidney needs to heal and close that wound, because they took a chunk out. And if you move like it could cause like internal bleeding or whatever, so I couldn't move. So I was literally bed ridden for days. And then I also had that blister on my kidney, which hurt in my back.

And then they ran out of like hospital space space so they put me in a room with a newborn baby and the newborn baby cried the entire time that I was in the hospital. So not only was I not allowed to get up and move but I also couldn't sleep because I had a screaming baby in the room with me. The only thing separating us being a small curtain. So I would not recommend getting surgery. It was not fun. I mean, honestly, most important thing is that I was totally fine and healthy and normal and everything was okay. So very, very grateful for that. But traumatizing, definitely traumatizing experience, not fun.

Anywho, well, I feel like that's enough for this episode. I feel like I didn't even fucking cover anything. Like, what the fuck did I even talk about in this episode? I don't know. But, anywho, I hope that you guys enjoyed hanging out with me today. I love you all so much. I apparently have a cake waiting at my front door.

Could not explain that, really excited to explore it. I really wanna get my nails done today. So let's manifest that some nail salons are open. I haven't checked yet, so let's manifest it together in three, two, one, done. I hope you all have an amazing day. You're all very awesome to me. And I hope that tonight, when you are going to sleep,

that you fall asleep with ease and without anxiety. And if you do get a little anxiety, don't forget to get up, have a glass of almond milk, maybe go give your dog a rub on his belly. Maybe draw a picture. Or maybe watch some cooking TikToks. And together, we can do this shit. I love you all.

Peace out.