anything goes with emma chamberlain - mind your own business

Episode Date: May 20, 2021

Often it can feel like drama is all around us, like it follows us and we can’t get away from it. Or, we find ourselves seeking it when we know it’s bad for us. This week Emma is chatting about all things drama: how it occurs, why we’re drawn to it, and provides insight an examples of how we can avoid it and live a much happier and stress-free life. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey everybody, welcome back to anything goes. I'm Emma Chamberlain, your host. I hope you're having an amazing week. Let me tell you about my morning. So I woke up early this morning and felt inspired to kind of meal prep, right? Like cook some things that I can eat throughout the week if I'm feeling lazy, you know the drill.

So I spend about an hour preparing ingredients and assembling ingredients, and then I threw everything into the oven at 375, and I go to set a timer for 20 minutes, and I realize that my phone is upstairs. So I was like, oh, no problem. I'll just go upstairs and set a timer for 20 minutes. Well, I seem to have forgotten that I put everything into the oven from the time that I left

my kitchen to the time I entered my bedroom. I already forgot that I had put things in the oven. I think you can probably imagine what happens next. In hour and a half goes by, I go downstairs, I smell burning. My life flashes before my eyes, I open the oven, smoke comes out, everything is burnt to a crisp. I was heartbroken. Heart broken. I spent so much time and used so many ingredients to make this food, all for it to be burnt to a crisp. I couldn't believe myself. I was so angry.

And then to make matters worse, I burned my hand on one of the pans. While trying to shovel everything into the trash, I burned myself. So yeah, that's how my morning went. But hey, it's only 2pm right now as I'm recording this. I totally have time to turn it around. And you know what, I'm actually going to turn this into a fun thing and I'm just going to eat out all week. I'm just going to go to restaurants instead. I'm actually going to turn this into a fun thing and I'm just going to eat out all week. I'm just going to go to restaurants instead.

I'm done. You know what? I don't trust myself. I need a break from cooking, okay? Because apparently I'm getting reckless in the kitchen and things like this are happening and I can't. So I am going to be strictly eating out this week. So anyway, that's my morning.

That's how my morning's going. But what are we talking about today? Today, we are going to be talking about how I learned to stay out of drama, to mind my own business, and stay in my own goddamn lane. That is what we're talking about today. And I wanna start this off by saying that I did not always live a drama-free life. I didn't always know how to stay in my own lane. In fact, when I was younger,

I was kinda nosy. Like I've always been kind was kind of nosy. Like I've always been kind of a nosy person. And I haven't always been repulsed by drama. You know what I'm saying? I'm not even necessarily repulsed by drama now, but I haven't always steered clear of drama. I haven't always steered clear of drama. I haven't always avoided drama and gossip and all that kind of stuff. When I was in middle school and high school, I would participate just like the next guy,

you know what I'm saying, in any kind of drama. And I think that's pretty normal for people who are young adults. I think there's a lot more drama between young adults. Maybe that's not true. I mean, I think drama lasts your whole life. But I don't know. I feel like young people maybe are more prone

to experiencing drama because they haven't learned how to handle situations with perfect grace yet. Obviously, I think that's why there is so much drama in high school and in middle school because it's like, you know, you put a bunch of kids together, what do you expect? There's gonna be arguments, there's going to be kids

that hate each other, there's gonna be arguments? There's going to be kids that hate each other. There's gonna be you know immature relationships like all of that it's inevitable so When I was in middle school in high school like I dealt with drama like there was a lot of drama going on whether it was like you know between friend groups or with boys or whatever it was, there was drama inevitably. And that was normal. I feel like that was standard. Everybody was dealing with drama at that time.

But then I left school and I was in the real world. And when I first was existing in the real world, my first, let's say, year and a half of not going to school anymore and having to kind of fend for myself in the real world. I felt like I still was surrounded by a lot of drama. And it didn't occur to me up until about a year ago, maybe two years ago. Now, I don't know. That like I didn't need to be a part of drama.

Like I, like, there was more drama in my life than there needed to be, and it was because I was allowing it to be there. The thing is, you know, when you're in school and stuff, it's a lot harder to avoid drama because you're forced to see the same people every day. Even if you have a certain job that requires you to see the same people every day,

it's a lot harder to avoid drama in those environments. But for me, I could choose who my friends were and I can choose who my friends are. And I'm the pool of. And I can choose who my friends are. And I'm, you know, the pool of people that I can choose to surround myself with aren't confined to just who's at my work or who's at my school. You know what I'm saying?

Because it's like, once you graduate, especially, it's like, you're in the real world now. Like that's your pool of who you can hang out with. Whereas when you're at school, it's more like who you hang out with at school, you know, and who you see at school. It's like, that's your pool of people to choose from. And when you have a small pool, it's like, not good.

It's a lot harder to have balance. But when you can choose anybody you want in the whole world, you know, then you have a lot more control over who you want us around yourself with and, you know, whether or not you want to allow in drama basically. But I know that everything I just said kind of makes it sound like it's impossible to avoid drama and avoid gossip and avoid all of that stuff when you know, you're in school or you're in a work environment

where you're around the same people every day. But I don't think that that's true. I think it's more that just for me personally, I wasn't able to learn how to avoid drama and gossip until I was out of all of that. And I, you know, How to avoid drama and gossip until I was out of all of that and I, you know, was kind of on my own in the world and like didn't have my social interactions decided for me, you know what I'm saying? But I think that you can absolutely avoid drama and absolutely avoid, you know, gossip and stuff like that in those environments as well and so Today I'm going to be giving you my tips and my kind of

life rules if you will That helped me avoid drama stay in my own lane mind mine my own business, and just live the most socially rewarding life because being social and being around other human beings is like one of the main things we do as human beings, and it can be awful, right? But it can also be good if you know how to handle it and you know how to, you know, just do it right. And so I'm going to talk about all the things that I do and you guys can take these or leave

it. And I hope you enjoy. Now first let's talk about gossip. So gossiping has always been something that I've kind of not like struggled with, but that I've always kind of dappled in a little bit. And it's not because I'm like even necessarily hating on anybody. It's just because I've always been very passionate about analyzing people. Like, that's always been something that stimulated my brain. But, you know, everything is good in moderation,

but if you aren't, you know, being balanced with it, it can get out of hand. And I know for me, like, even if I'm just quote unquote, gossiping to my mom or to a really close friend where the gossiping is technically harmless, like if I do it too much, it can start to harm me. Even if it never ends up getting back to the person that I'm talking about, or even if the gossip itself is harmless, it's not even necessarily negative or mean. If I don't control myself,

and if I don't gossip in moderation, like it harms me, whether it harms others or not. I think I got to a point, probably two years ago, where I was like, too concerned about what everybody else was doing and I was too concerned about what my own opinion of it was. So like, let's say somebody decided to, God, I don't know what's something I would gossip about, I'm trying to think.

Let's say somebody started drinking a lot of alcohol and doing a lot of drugs. You know what I'm saying? Let's say somebody did something like that and I knew about it. I wouldn't even have to gossip to somebody else about it. I would gossip within my own head. I wouldn't even have to gossip to somebody else about it. I would gossip within my own head. Like, I was getting to a point where I was gossiping in my own head about people all the time.

And then occasionally I'd talk about it to like my mom or my dad or like one of my really close friends. But like above all, I was just gossiping and judging people in my own mind. And it was a waste of energy. Like, why was I wasting my time, you know, forming opinions about what other people are doing when it's really none of my business, you know what I mean? And if there's nothing I can do to like help them or stop them or guide them on a better

path, then it's like, why am I even thinking about it? Or if somebody, you know, cut their hair in a way that like, I don't think looks good. Or if somebody got married, you know, at 14 or something, extremely like that. Like, I would spend hours per day just thinking in my own mind about what other people were doing and judging them and like, having my own opinions and whether or not those even had the light of day and ever even got spoken out loud, like, I was spending so much time doing that. And that's not positive, that's not constructive.

It's not helpful. And even if it doesn't necessarily harm anybody else, and even if it's just in your head, it's still gossiping and it's still negative. So, I realized this, and I realized that I needed to like figure something out, right? Because this was like consuming my mind. It was almost becoming a hobby.

And I realized quickly that it was because it was distracting me from my own problems. You know, when I was looking at what other people were doing and judging them and internally gossiping about them, I was distracting myself from my own discomforts in my own life, my own insecurities in my own life, my own embarrassing moments or bad decisions in my own life. If I was fixating on what other people were doing, I didn't have to fixate on myself. And so I realized in that moment, okay, I need to actually do some work on myself here so that I can avoid this gossip, you know? And luckily, all of this gossip and judgment that was internal, it never harmed anybody,

except for me. It only harmed me because I never shared it with anybody, but like my parents and close friends or myself. So it's not like it ever got back to them and hurt them, but it was anybody, but like my parents and close friends or myself. So it's not like it ever got back to them and hurt them, but it was just, it was just simply a waste of my own energy. So I made it a rule that I would simply keep any kind of gossip or talking about other people to a minimum. And that's very vague, right? It's like, okay, keep it to a minimum. And that's very vague, right?

It's like, okay, keep it to a minimum. Like, what's a minimum? This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is more than a website builder. It's in all in one place to make an online space that's entirely your own. Their all in one platform allows you to customize everything from the fonts and color scheme

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Like what if I get into a fender bender? Or what if my home gets broken into? But State Farm can help you with some of those big what ifs They're available to answer your questions day or night You can reach them 24-7 file a claim on the state farm mobile app or simply call your agent to ask what's on your mind Like you good neighbor state farm is there call or go to state farm comm for a quote today number one I Made it a role that if I'm talking about somebody else verbally, right, out loud, everything that I say, I only allow myself to say it if

I would say it to their face. Now occasionally, occasionally, and maybe not even occasionally, actually, there are moments when I will say things that I wouldn't say to somebody's face behind their back, but that's only really to my parents or to like my closest friend. Like that's it. And besides that, I would never, and I don't, say anything about anybody that I wouldn't want them to find out that I said. And guess what? Sometimes it might be constructive criticism.

Sometimes behind somebody's back, I might be like, I don't think that they're handling their life very well right now with the way that they're doing something. But if they ended up finding out that I said that, like who cares? Because I believe that to be true, and I would say it to their face.

The reason why I'm not saying it to their face is because they haven't asked me for advice. So I'm not going to Give them advice that they're not asking for but if they ever did I would absolutely say it to their face You know what I'm saying? So that's rule number one the good thing about Living by this rule that You don't talk about somebody unless you would be okay if they heard what you were saying is that this number one relieves anxiety because you never have to worry about this getting back to them you know because you're confident in what you're saying and if it did get back to them it'd probably be good for them right but also it's like you're putting so much less

negative energy out there, and it's just overall better, you know? Not to talk about people in a way that's just mean and just degrading. It makes you feel better about yourself. It also makes you more enjoyable to talk to. Nobody wants to talk to somebody that's just shitting on other people all day long.

It's just not fun. But, you know, if you have constructive commentary about somebody's actions, that's not necessarily negative. That's just your opinion. And that's just an observation. And, you know, I think that there's a good distinction there, you know? And I find that to be really helpful. But the other thing I do is that I do my absolute best not to seek out drama or gossip. Like if I hear about it, great, that's fine. But I make an effort to like not look for it. And if I hear about it or if I see it,

I kind of just let it go in one ear and out the other. Like I make a conscious effort not to like overthink anything that doesn't have to do with me. Like I won't go and investigate more, I won't go and ask more questions, I won't like and investigate more. I won't go and ask more questions. I won't like let it consume me because it's really easy when you're maybe a nosy person or somebody that likes to analyze others.

It's really easy to like find out about a little bit of drama or gossip and to like dig into it and you know, look into it. I've made a conscious effort to stop doing that. And sometimes I have to force myself to stop. And be like, Emma, just don't, just don't ask any more questions. Don't go stock somebody on social media to find out more about this drama.

Just stop. Let it end, you know what I mean? Let it go in one ear and out the other. And that's been really helpful. It's like, you choose what type of information that you absorb. You have to make a conscious effort, but you choose that.

So I've made the conscious effort to choose not to absorb gossip and drama. Like if somebody tells me something, like a secret, like let's say somebody's like, ooh, I just found out these two people are dating, but like it's a secret. Instead of like sitting there and like thinking about it, and like, ooh, I just found out these two people are dating, but it's a secret. Instead of like sitting there and thinking about it and like, you know, or even going on social media

and like stalking their accounts and being like, oh my God, like, you know, and trying to analyze like what kind of couple they probably are. Like that's the stuff I used to do. Instead of doing that now though, I hear the information and I'm like, wow, that's interesting. And then I allow myself to forget about it. And I kind of force myself to forget about it. And with practice, it gets so much easier.

But the reason why this is so good is because you're not weighed down by all this gossip. Like, it's so easy to just fill your brain with gossip and with information about other people, but that's really not useful. You can use that space in your brain for much more constructive things. But the last thing I'm going to say about gossip is that you also need to be mindful about gossiping about yourself, because I find I used to do this. Like, I'd be hanging out with people and I would just start like gossiping about literally myself, like talk about like, you know, oh my God, like one time I dated this guy

and I did this and like, you know, like, I would tell these stories, right? And I would be gossiping about myself in kind of a negative or dramatic way. And it was because it's easy to talk about. Like, it's easy to get somebody to want to listen to you if you're like gossiping about yourself, but that's harmful, you know?

It's harmful long term because then the next day, you're like, I feel like I overshared and like, I don't feel good about that. And I wasn't really telling stories about myself that were positive for my own narrative or for my own identity. Those aren't stories that are helpful. Be mindful of gossiping about yourself. Tell stories about yourself that are empowering or even funny,

like even embarrassing, but not stories that are gossipy about yourself. I hope that that makes sense, but that's absolutely an element of gossiping. And so learning to talk about other things, whether that's things that you're interested in or embarrassing funny lighthearted stories about yourself. Those are all just as interesting

as some dirty gossip story about yourself. Like, people are gonna listen to you just the same. You don't need to be extreme in those ways. You don't need to be extreme and overshare in those ways. Being vulnerable and telling stories about yourself is amazing and is so important for connecting with other human beings, but there's a line there. And you don't have to take it to a point where you're almost degrading yourself by the stories that you're telling

about yourself. So the next kind of genre of things we're going to talk about is gravitating towards drama out of boredom. Okay. this is more like when you're by yourself. This is kind of more on like what I touched on earlier about the internal gossiping. The gossiping that happens within your own mind. Let's get into it. So the first thing that I do to avoid gravitating towards drama and gossip out of boredom is to stop hate watching

or hate stalking people. Now listen, I'm embarrassed to admit that I do this, but I really think everybody does. It's like when you hate somebody or you don't like somebody, they're interesting to you. Period. Whether it's like somebody you've dated, you know, whether it's like somebody you've dated, whether it's like your significant others X or it's one of your ex best friends or it's just somebody on the internet that just pisses you off.

It's so easy to go and stock them and see what they're up to and to like fill your mind with just judgment and gossip about them from doing that. You know, it's so easy. But let me tell you, it's like junk food for your brain. Because in the moment, it's entertaining. And in the moment, it feels good in a way.

But long-term, it's not good. It's like a lazy form of entertainment. You know what I'm saying? It's not challenging at all. It's kind of like scratching an itch. It's satisfying in the moment, but it's not good for you long term because it's just putting negativity into your brain.

And then that, you know, that lingers and that makes your mindset worse. It's like, you are what you consume, you know? And if you're consuming like negative media by hate watching or hate stalking people on the internet, like that becomes you, you know? And that's not good, you don't want that, right? So I've been working on spending my time watching

or looking at inspiring things that help to grow your personality and your interests. That could be like, I love watching cooking videos because they're fun, they're entertaining, but I learn things from it. Like, I've learned so many things about cooking from watching videos about it. I run it because I burned everything in my oven this morning, but you know, like morning, but you know, like that's constructive. It's still fun and entertaining and, you know, I still get to relax while I'm watching it. I can still watch that stuff in bed, but it's at least more helpful or more positive. Or even, you know, watching a YouTuber that you really like that, you know, makes you feel good. That's positive. That's a good thing.

That's a step in the right direction. Or going on Instagram and stalking somebody's Instagram who you don't compare yourself to, you actually are inspired by, right? Or somebody who is inspiring to you, like you can go and stock their Instagram instead, that's so much more positive. Or my favorite, and probably the best option would be, you know, to listen to some sort of educational podcast, whether it's about politics or about science or about science, or about nutrition, or about history. Like something fun and easy to digest, but that's useful. There are moments when you just want to lay in bed

and you don't want to read a book and you don't want to journal, you want to consume easy to digest media. There are moments like that. It's about using that time wisely. Like there are so many positive things you can find on the internet. easy to digest media. There are moments like that. It's about using that time wisely. Like there are so many positive things you can find on the internet. It's about discipline and, you know, not letting yourself go and look at those accounts. Block them if you have

to. You know, whatever it may be, like don't let yourself do it. It's bad. And the other added bonus about, you know, maybe listening to educational podcasts or watching educational YouTube videos or, you know, watching a YouTuber or stalking an inspiring Instagram account that makes you feel good. The added bonus of using your free time like that is that it gives you more to talk about in conversation rather than just immediately starting to talk about gossip.

Because maybe you learn something interesting about cooking that day and you can share that with your friend. You could be like, oh my god, I had no idea. Like it takes 36 hours to make croissants. Like I had no idea, but like we should try it sometime. Like that, you see, it's like, it's a chain reaction, right? If you hate watch a YouTuber, you hate for three hours, what are you gonna talk about

when you hang out with your friends later? You're gonna talk about that YouTuber that you hate, okay? If you stocked your significant others ex for two hours earlier in the day, when you hang out with your friends later, what are you going to talk about? You're going to talk about what you found. Whereas, if you listen to a podcast about biology, you're going to be more inclined to talk about biology or something more interesting or something more helpful with your friends Biology, you're gonna be more inclined to talk about biology or something more interesting

or something more helpful with your friends when you hang out with them later. You see what I'm saying? It's a chain reaction. And I know that on the internet it's so easy to look up a hate video or look up a drama video or look up a T video video or if you're on Instagram it's so easy to look at drama accounts that are talking about all the internet drama

or more in your personal life. It's so much easier to just go on social media and look at what all of your classmates or work acquaintances are doing and be nosy into their lives. I know on the internet, it's really hard to avoid that stuff. And I'm not saying that it's easy, but it's about getting into a rhythm and making it a habit to gravitate

towards that useful content on the internet instead. And my last point about gravitating towards drama out of boredom is if you're hanging out with your friends and you guys are all sitting around and you guys are bored and next thing you know, all of you guys are talking shit about people. Listen, it happens to everybody and it's normal and I think to a certain extent, it's not bad. Like I think to a certain extent,

like you can gossip and you can talk shit a little bit here and there and it'd be fine. But if your friends and you are just constantly hanging out and talking shit about people because you guys are bored, it's time to find some fun group activities because you can't just sit around and do that shit. It's not good. And it's lazy and it stems from boredom, right?

Go try out a new restaurant with your friends. Maybe try to make food with your friends. You guys can all go to the grocery store and make a recipe together. You guys could try a new workout class. You guys could go a new workout class. You guys could go on a walk and see what you find. You know what I mean?

There's so many other things you guys could do. You guys could go to a fucking roller rink. I don't know. Go to a roller rink and roller blade around. Personally, I hate rollerblading. It's like my least favorite thing to do ever, but maybe you like it. Maybe go fucking rock climbing.

Just don't let your hangouts with your friends be all about gossiping and drama because that leaves everybody feeling like shit when they go home. You know what I mean? It's just not good, it's not positive. This episode is brought to you by LiquidIV. You might think that hydration is only necessary

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And the interesting thing about liquid IV is that my preferred way to drink it is to pour it into a water bottle with lukewarm water and chug it. So not sure what that says about me. Grab your liquid IV in bulk nationwide at Costco or you can get 20% off when you go to liquid IV.com and use code anything at checkout. That's 20% off anything when you shop better hydration today using promo code anything at liquidiv.com. Next, we're going to talk about how to avoid drama in social situations. My first rule for myself is to literally be nice to everybody. And obviously,

you know, we're going to slip up here and there because we're human. I can remember a few moments in the past few months where I maybe wasn't as nice as I should have been. For example, some lady bumping into me at the grocery store and me accidentally giving her a dirty look. You know what I'm saying? Or I remember one time, one of my neighbors, like, said something rude about me leaving my trash bins out too long. And like, my reaction maybe wasn't as nice as it should have been. And those are all in

moments when somebody catches me in a bad moment. But generally, I try to be as nice to everybody as I possibly can. Rule of thumb, just kill everybody with kindness. If they're an asshole to you, don't raise your voice, don't react, just say, sorry, and move on. Don't give them the reaction. Like, no matter if somebody's giving you a hard time

or if they're being annoying, just kill them with kindness. I've learned that this is like the best thing you can implement into your own life. Like, I used to have an attitude sometimes. Like, if somebody would be an asshole to me, I would just be an asshole back. Or if somebody was rude to me at the store, I would be an asshole back.

Like it was just, I was matching other people's energy. You know what I'm saying? If they were being an asshole, I was an asshole. They were nice, I was nice. If they were annoying, I was an asshole. Like it was like, that's how I used to be when I was a little bit more immature, right? But I've learned that just being nice to everybody,

it just makes everything so much easier. And also, you can feel good and proud knowing that even if somebody is rude or annoying, that you're still nice to them. And that takes strength and maturity, and that's something to be proud of, because not everybody can do it, and it takes a lot of practice.

Well, I mean, everybody could do it, but not everybody cares enough to do it, right? Anybody could do it, but most people don't care enough to do it, because it's a lot easier to just be an asshole back to an asshole. It takes a little bit more strength to swallow your ego and just to be nice, no matter what, right? But let me tell you, it causes so much less drama. For example, I used to have these friends that had

a raging attitude towards everybody. They handled everything with this attitude, right? I remember one time we rented a boat. And I can't remember the story properly, but we like, we didn't dock the boat correctly, and some dad came out and started yelling at us and was like saying that we were irresponsible and that we were like and that we were like, you know, like, you know, even like yelling rude names at us and stuff like that and just calling us stupid and like whatever. And my friends at the time handled it in a way that I think is a great example of how you shouldn't. It's basically the exact opposite of what I'm talking about here.

They started yelling shit back at him and just made him more and more mad until it just became this entire explosive argument between us and this guy. And that moment was really like, it put me and my friends into a bad mood for the rest of the day. And I thought about it and I was like, you know, if we just would have said,

hey, sorry that we didn't dock the boat correctly. Do you have any advice on how we could like do this better? If we would have handled it like that, I know for a fact that that dude would have softened up a little bit and he would have been like, actually, yeah, sure, like I bet 99% chance that that guy would have turned his attitude around and ended up being kind and who knows, it could have actually been a heartwarming experience. He could have helped us dock the boat and it could have actually ended up being really positive. You know, but instead, because, you know,

we fought fire with fire, it caused this whole explosive argument that ended up like making everybody in a bad mood for the rest of the day. And like, that's not how you wanna handle things. Just because somebody else is being an asshole doesn't mean that you should be an asshole. Because look where it gets you, you know what I mean? It ruins your day, it ruins everybody's day.

Whereas if you respond with kindness and you respond with a level of calm and you almost make them feel stupid for being an asshole in the first place, you win. You win. And maybe they could win too if they soften up a little bit and stop being an asshole, right?

Then everybody wins. It's like, you can turn a negative situation like that into a positive. If you just don't fight fire with fire and you stay strong and you stay nice, truly. And let's say in the off chance that you're nice and they're still an asshole, guess what? You can go to sleep at night and feel good about the fact that you at least handled it better than they did.

You know, I don't know. But that's a huge way that I've learned to avoid drama. It seems so simple, but a lot of people want to just argue. You know what I mean? And are okay with arguing. And we'll handle situations in a petty fashion just because they're like, oh, you're an asshole? I'm an asshole now.

But like that's, and that's fine, like whatever, but it doesn't need to end badly. Like you can really, really, if you're nice enough, you can turn it around, usually. Another thing that I do to avoid drama socially is that I do not participate in any form of pettingness at all. If, like, let's use, let's find some excuses for pettiness, right? Let's say,

you and your friend are having a disagreement. And your friend starts to make like, petty remarks about you, like being like, let's say for me, right? Let's say I'm having a debate with my friend about something like history or science, right? And let's say like we're having a disagreement. And let's say my friend says to me, well, you didn't even finish high school, you fucking

idiot. Like the moment that things get petty at all and things go from being rational, constructive argument or like rational discussion, the second that things go from irrational to irrational and petty is the second that I just immediately removed myself. Like I don't participate, I don't fire back, I don't stoop down to that level, I literally I will stop responding to texts, I will not answer your call, I will get up and walk out of the room, like I do not have any patients for any level of pettiness. The second that things are no longer mature, are no longer constructive, in are no longer useful,

or mature, I am out. I will walk away. I will block your fucking number. I don't care. I have no tolerance for that. And in the past, I would have fought back. I would have been like, well you're getting shitty grades in college. You know what I'm saying? Like I would have fought back, right? And stoop down to the level and been petty too. But no, like none of that anymore. Or let's say like, I text somebody

and they don't text me back. Then finally, when they text me back like a week later, I'm not going to be petty and like not respond. Unless I don't have anything to say, but like if I have something to say, like, sure I'll respond. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't want to start petting this in any kind of areas.

There's so many more excuses of like petting this in day to day life, but I just will not participate in it whatsoever. Like I will just remove myself from any petty conversation. It's just, you don't have to participate in it. You choose to participate in what you participate in. You choose that on a day-to-day basis. Every day, you have the choice to participate in hundreds of things. And you decide whether you do that or not. Let's say, you're in a relationship and your significant other comes home and they're being petty. Like, they're just being an asshole. They're just making little jabs that are rude because they you're in a relationship and your significant other comes home and they're being petty. Like they're just being an asshole.

They're just making little jabs that are rude because they're just in a bad mood. You have an option. You have a choice. You can fight back and be petty back or you can say, I really don't like the way that you're speaking to me. And you're not being very nice and you're being petty towards me and like when you're ready to not do that anymore, let me know. But until then, I'm gonna go another room.

Like I don't wanna fucking be around you right now. Like I can't be around this. And you have that choice. You have that choice to just walk away from it. And so that's another way I avoid a lot of drama. It's just by like, before I even can fight back, I'm out. I'm out. I leave. Another rule of thumb that I have is that I don't raise my voice at anybody.

I don't yell at anybody. Ever. I can't remember the last time I yelled at somebody. Occasionally, my parents and I will yell at each other, but that is a complete, that is a very different exception. Like, I feel like that's just inevitable. Family, the rules are different. You know what I mean? Like, you're gonna get frustrated with your family members.

You might yell a little bit here and there. I mean, obviously avoid it and try not to, but like, that's where it slips up sometimes. You know what I'm saying? But generally, I handle arguments, disagreements, or disrespect in a level tone. I've taught myself over the years to not raise my voice when I'm upset or when I'm frustrated or when I disagree with somebody.

And I find that this helps keep the conversation rational and not dramatic, right? The second you start raising your voice is the second that things go crazy. If you can keep your voice calm and collected, I find that it's easier to keep the things that you're saying calm and collected and not overreact or say something that you don't mean. The second that things start to get hysterical is when like all hell breaks loose, right? So if you can just handle uncomfortable possibly angry conversations with that level of calm, it is so crazy

how much of a difference it makes. How much of a difference it makes. And it also rubs off on the other person and they're less likely to start getting irrational and start raising their voice and yelling and saying things that they might not even mean. I try to keep all of my conversations, even if they're conflict as calm as possible. And it's absolutely possible.

And you can be mad and you can want to cry and you can cry. That's fine. But try to keep it as calm as possible. How many times can I say calm before you get the fucking idea? I think you get it. Another thing I do to avoid social drama is to only spend time with people or work with people

because it's like desirable. Obviously this is excluding like people at school and you know people at work and stuff like you can't always avoid that. But when it comes to your free time, you should really only be hanging out with people that you really love to be around and that really enhance your life. You know what I'm saying? Don't hang out with people because you're desperate and you're lonely. Don't hang out with people because they have connections like they could benefit you in some way. Don't do that. Don't hang out with people just because they're popular, maybe they're the popular kid at school or they're the popular person at work. Don't just hang out with somebody because

they're popular. Only spend time with people that enhance your life and that you truly like being around. Because it's so common to hang out with people that you don't even really like for some sort of external purpose, right? Oh, if I hang out with this girl, you know, I'm going to be able to hang out with the popular boys and like that will benefit me. Or, oh, I'm gonna hang out with this person because they have a lot of money and they go on vacations a lot. And if I'm friends with them, then they're gonna take me on vacation.

Or don't hang out with somebody because, oh, you know, they're the boss at my work. And so if I hang out with them a lot, then I'm gonna get a raise. That inevitably causes drama. Whether the drama is between you and said person you're hanging out with for bad reasons or it's just drama within yourself, you don't want that. You don't need that. You know what I'm saying? You shouldn't be doing that. All social interactions that are out of pleasure,

like all pleasurable kind of social interactions, ones that are like extra curricular, all of those should be just out of the joy of your own heart and not for any kind of weird hidden motive. Like, I used to hang out with people just because they were popular, you know? Because they didn't know any better, right?

But that caused me so much drama because I would go home feeling awful because I was like, I don't even like these people, like they're, and they treat me like shit, but I'm just hanging out with them because like they're popular. And, you know, just hanging out with them because they're popular. And that was not good for me. It affected myself esteem badly

because I was hanging out with people that tore me down, but then also it affected myself esteem negatively because I wasn't proud of the fact that I was hanging out with these people. I knew deep down that it was like, I had ulterior motives in a sense, whether like it was super conscious or not, deep down I knew that like I wasn't really hanging out with them because I really loved them. It was because they were popular and so I was like, okay, well they're popular.

It's that simple, but that's not the way that, you know, you should handle your extracurricular social interactions, you know? Obviously, if you're at work, like, be nice to your boss. And that's like, if you, okay, let's say you hate your boss at work, but you're still nice to them. That's fine, because you guys have to be around each other. That's work, you know what I'm saying? You have to, or let's say you have a teacher

you don't really like, you should still be nice to them and even if deep down you're only being nice to them because it's gonna help you get a better grade on your essay or because it's gonna hopefully get you a raise at the end of the month. That's different because that's like, in a working environment. I'm talking about after school, I'm talking about after work.

You know? Being alone is better than spending time with people that you hate and are going to gossip about later. It's just the goddamn truth of it. Now, the last thing I do to avoid social drama is I really make a conscious effort to not be judgmental of other people who have different views to me. And I make a conscious effort not to force people to see or agree with my opinions. Like, it's just inevitable that sometimes, you know, you're not going to have the same opinions as somebody else. I find that a lot of

people are really judgmental of people that don't share the same opinions as them. And I find that a lot of people feel they need to force their opinions onto others. And unfortunately, 90% of the time, that doesn't end very well. Because most of the time people are setting their ways and they believe what they're gonna believe about anything, it could be religion, it could be politics,

it could be how people dress, It could be what people eat. It could be like, you know what I'm saying? Everybody has strong opinions about those things internally, right? There's a level of strength in knowing that, you know, you're not going to agree with everybody on everything. And there's a level of strength in being okay with the fact that other people just might not see eye to eye with you on everything. And it takes a level of strength to keep that stuff to yourself sometimes and to realize that you can still have a great conversation with somebody who isn't exactly the same as you. You know what I'm saying?

Trying to force your beliefs and opinions onto others just causes conflict. And in the 10% of times when it doesn't, it's between two very mature and very level headed people. And that doesn't happen often. It just doesn't. Like, you can discuss your differing opinions, you can discuss your different beliefs in a positive way, in a way that's educational for both parties. And that is a beautiful thing. When it turns sour is when you try to force other people to see your point of view.

Unless they're open-minded to that, it's just going to end in conflict. So realizing that you don't share the same opinion to another person. And then realizing that maybe it's time to gear the conversation into a different direction. Maybe it's time to shift the conversation into a different direction because you know, you guys don't see eye to eye on something and it might end up turning into a conflict if you don't just maybe move on from it. That's so huge. Like, it's just none of your business what somebody else believes in or what their beliefs are and things.

Like, it's just none of your fucking business period. And so if you don't like their beliefs or if you don't like, you know, their opinions, If you don't like their beliefs or if you don't like their opinions, you can share yours and you can try to show a different perspective to them, but if they're not willing to understand that, then your job is done. And if you start a conflict over it, that is your fault. You could just get up and walk away.

If you don't like their opinions or their beliefs and it makes you angry, then why are you hanging out with them? Just stop having that conversation then. Remove yourself before it becomes an argument. A big part of minding your own business is realizing that like other people are gonna believe what they're going to believe.

And if you don't like it, then you just need to walk away. So long story short, it's all about balance, right? I still got to be about people sometimes, especially only, only strictly to my parents and the two people who aren't my family, but are very, very close to me. Like that's it, okay? Those are the only people that I gossip to, and I really try my best to keep it to a minimum. But I'm human, we're all human, we're all gonna do it. But practice makes perfect, and I can tell you, I've gotten so much better at all of these

things that I just mentioned, and it's really made my life so much better. And I find that there's so much less conflict in my day to day life. And my day to day life is just so much more positive and is so much smoother, which is things run so much smoother. And I can't promise that everybody out there is going to look at life the same way as you. You know what I'm saying? I can't promise that because you decided that you're going to mind your own business and stay out of drama, that everybody else is going to do the same, because chances are that's not going to happen.

You know what I mean? You may be the absolute best at minding your own business, staying out of drama and avoiding gossip. You might be the absolute best at minding your own business, staying out of drama and avoiding gossip. You might be the absolute best about it, but most likely, there are gonna be people around you that can't say the same. And you can't control that, but what you can control is how you handle it.

And you can control how you decide to absorb that information and what you decide to do with that information. And you can decide what you do in your free time. That's all up to you, baby. I think that it's easier to avoid drama and do all you know, and you're in touch with your own soul in a sense, not to get like super deep in spiritual here, but like if you are on the same page with yourself, you're aware of your own insecurities, you're aware of the things that stress you out, you're aware of your fears, you're aware of all

of that. And once you can kind of learn to accept those things about yourself, it's a lot easier to live every day in your own body. It's a lot easier to be comfortable in your own body. It's a lot easier to be comfortable in your own body. It's a lot less scary. And so you're less likely to go and gossip and start drama and be nosy and stock your significant others X because guess what? You don't need that distraction anymore because you're more comfortable in your own body. So you're not desperate to find something

to fixate on and distract yourself with. You know what I'm saying? It's a never-ending battle to become comfortable in your own life and body, but the more you are, the easier it is to avoid all this drama stuff, seriously. And I think it also, you know, is good because the more, you know, confident and independent you become and the more self-aware you become and the more comfortable you become in your own body, the less you feel like you need other people around you.

And I think that, you know, a lot of people surround themselves with people who cause a lot of drama in their lives, because they feel like they have nobody else and they'd rather be around toxic people than, you know, be by themselves. So the moral of this story is, and the moral of every fucking podcast I record is, it's time to do some work on yourself. And guess what, I have some news for you. I have a feeling that that never goes away. I have a feeling that you are working on yourself

every single day until the day that you die. And if you work hard enough, you'll be able to avoid a lot of drama. And on that note, I'm going to answer a few questions. Thank you for listening to my ramble. I hope that that made any sense at all. Every time I record a podcast, I have this crippling fear that nothing that I said made any sense at all. Every time I record a podcast I have this crippling fear that nothing that I said made any sense. But yeah, I mean, I had fun regardless. So let's get into questions about minding your own business, staying in your own lane and avoiding drama. Somebody said, do you think that there's a difference between gossiping with a friend in social commentary? Where do you think it crosses a line? I love this question. I think it's

worded so well. I would say gossiping is just mean-spirited and it's not helping you like evolve as a person, right? I've watched other people make mistakes and I've gossiped about it to my parents or my really close friends and analyzed their mistakes and I've learned from mistakes that other people have made and that has been beneficial for me. I've benefited from that because I saw somebody else make a mistake and I talked about it with people that were close to me and I came to a realization like, oh wow, I don't want to make that same mistake. And that has made me a better person in a sense. Like that has helped me grow in a sense.

That's social commentary. You know, I've analyzed other people's romantic relationships that I've saw to be maybe toxic. And I've talked about those with my close friends and family and maybe gossiped about it in a sense. And that again, is social commentary in a sense where if they heard me say that, like, I don't think it would really bother me.

Like, I think that their relationship is toxic. That's true. You know, I'm not making any low blows at either of them. I'm just analyzing and observing that their relationship is toxic. And yeah, I'm saying it behind their back. But like, if they ever asked me what my thoughts were, I would tell them I think your relationship is toxic. Basically, I think the difference between

gossiping in social commentary is that social commentary is analytical and it's a conversation had in order to further understand yourself and other human beings and it's more sophisticated. You know what I'm saying? Whereas gossiping is just saying shit that's just mean and pointless. Like commenting on stuff that people can't control, you know, like somebody's appearance or the way that they dress, like well they can control the way that they dress. But like, you know, like who cares, like the way that they dress doesn't harm anybody,

it's like that's just harmless stuff, it's just, it's stupid, it's pointless. You don't gain anything from calling somebody ugly or saying that their outfit looks like shit or For calling them like a loser behind their back like that doesn't Benefit anybody whereas analyzing somebody's actions and Using that as a tool to like further better yourself like I don't think that that's toxic, so I think that that's the difference. Somebody said kind of related, but how do I learn how to manage how much information

I put on the internet and stuff because I overshare and I need to learn to keep myself and my internet self separate to say sane. My biggest recommendation for this would be to never post on social media in any capacity when you're in an emotional state. I think that people, when they're really emotional, tend to go straight to the internet and just start posting about their feelings, they're posting that they're crying, they're oversharing,

they're telling everything about their current situation. And it's because they're in an emotional and slightly hysteric state, right? The key is to never share anything on the internet unless you feel rational and calm. I would say wait to share things until you're almost past the situation. Like let's say you and your boyfriend broke up, right? And immediately you wanna go on social media and start oversharing about it.

My recommendation would be wait until you're 70% healed, and then maybe you can talk about it. Because at that point you're gonna be more rational and you're gonna be a lot more tactful about what you decide to share and what you decide not to share. Never go on social media when you're too emotional. That's the best advice I could ever give to you. Somebody said, I feel like minding your own business is so hard. There are only two ways in our society.

If you mind your own business, you're either an outsider or your selfish. But if you don't mind your own business, you gossip and you try to fit in. I kind of agree with this. I think it's really true. Like, you know, me being somebody who minds my own business has made it so that I don't respond to a lot of people's texts, you know what I mean?

Like there are certain people I just avoid because I don't like their energy, or they stir up a lot of drama or they talk about a lot of gossip and I don't wanna be around that. So there are a lot of people I just ignore. And there are a lot of people that I don't engage in conversations with respectfully,

but I don't engage in conversations with respectfully, but I don't engage in conversations with them because it's not constructive and it doesn't make me feel good. And a lot of people think that that makes me an asshole sometimes because they're like, you know, M.O. only talks to like five people. What a bitch. It's like, no, I'm doing that because I'm preserving my own energy. And listen, I'll talk to anybody if they are positive and have constructive things to say and have interesting things to say.

I'm more than happy to do that. But unfortunately, especially in this age group, I'm about to be 20, there's a lot of drama. And I don't want to be a part of it, so I'd rather be considered selfish than be a part of all the drama and shit. Like I just don't wanna be a part of it, and guess what, if people think I'm selfish

or people think I'm like a loser and I'm isolated, then so be it, because guess what, I'm a lot happier than they are probably, I don't know about that actually, but at least I'm avoiding drama. My life's a lot more simple and people can think what they want of me. It's not in my business. I don't fucking care. You know, it's better to be a little selfish. Somebody said, how do I stay away from toxic people? I don't want to be rude and I can't just tell them that

I don't want to hang out with them. So what should I do? This is really hard because I know I've been saying like if somebody's being an asshole or somebody's being toxic or somebody's causing drama Just walk away. I know that sometimes it's not that easy and especially if you're friends with people who are kind of toxic You know exiting that situation is Never comfortable and it's always a little bit awkward But the way that I always do it is I just slowly but surely stop responding to them, stop talking to them. Maybe for the first week that you're deciding

that you don't hang out with them anymore, you just say that you're really busy, you know what I mean? And maybe you are busy, but you're not in your line. That's fine. Then you know, you stop responding to their texts as much. Maybe you only respond to them once a week. And then eventually you just go and you stop responding to them all together. And they'll get the message.

You know what I mean? The key is just to let them down easy. Somebody said, hi Emma, I need you to tell me how to stop stalking other people's accounts. It's like an addiction and I know it's a toxic, but I don't know how I can't not do it. Well, we kind of talked about this earlier, but I think that it's all about replacing it with something else because if, let's say, you know, you're in bed and you're like, oh, I really want to stalk somebody's account. But you have nothing to replace that time with. Then you're just immediately going to go stalk them anyway because you're like, oh, I really want to stock somebody's account. But you have nothing to replace that time with.

Then you're just immediately going to go stock them anyway because you're like, why have nothing else to do? Find something that is equally as satisfying to you. Let's say it's a new podcast, or let's say it's a new YouTube series that you find or something, or a new Netflix series that you find or something or a new Netflix series or new documentary. Find something that is easy to digest.

I'm not going to sit here and say every time you want to stock somebody's account, read a book because as great as that might be, listen, if you have the strength to do that, do it. But there are moments when you're bored and you just wanna do something lazy, you know what I mean? Like stock somebody's account. Have some fun lazy things that you like to do just as much as stock people's account. Watch YouTube videos, watch a documentary,

like find those things and have those go-to's so that the second that you see yourself wanting to go stock somebody's account, you're like, oh no, I'm going to actually watch this Netflix documentary instead. Then you go and you start watching the documentary. Next thing you know, you forgot that you even wanted to stock those people's accounts. It's about breaking the cycle. It's about not letting yourself start. It's about replacing it with something else so that you never even begin. And then that becomes a habit.

Last but not least, somebody said, what do you think about people who start drama just to stay relevant? I know you could never relate there, but there are some people who rely on drama and attention for views. Now, ironically, my answer to this question is, you know, it's none of my business, how other people handle their fame or their relevancy.

If people want to start drama to stay relevant, listen, as long as I'm not a part of it, all power to them. But the reason why I don't do that is because I don't want to be known or be relevant if it's based in negativity. Like, where's the fun in that? You know, that's not fun. I want to do, I want to have a positive impact, not a negative impact. And like, if people just know me because, you know, they saw me in a drama video, like, that's not the impact I want to have on the world that by any means.

I don't judge what other people do. Well, I mean, I am not a, I don't judge it, but I definitely don't agree with it. But it's also none of my business and it doesn't affect me directly. And because of that, I just pay no mind. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, okay, well, I wouldn't do that, but go off. You know what I mean? Like, you see how that ends for you?

Like, good luck. And that's the end of it. And that's part of mining my own business. It's like not getting triggered that some people might get more views than me because they are using drama for views. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's a part of my mining my own business journey

is just to be like, listen, I wouldn't want to be doing that. So I'm not even going to pay any mind to it. I'm just going to ignore it. It doesn't exist in my world. And on that note, guys, I hope you enjoyed this episode. And I hope you learned something from it. And if you did, let me know. You can tweet at me at AG Podcast.

You can also follow the Twitter at AG Podcast and you can interact with the episodes, ask questions, etc. Say up to date with what's going on. If you like anything goes and maybe like me even on the off chance that you somehow like me, you can subscribe to anything goes on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Apple Podcast, anywhere you listen to podcasts. And last but not least, you can leave a review on Apple Podcasts. And it always warms my heart to read the reviews of this podcast and I really appreciate it.

So that's all I got for this week guys. I will see you next week. Have an amazing rest of your week. I love you all so much. So that's all I got for this week guys. I will see you next week. Have an amazing rest of your week. I love you all so much.

And peace and love.