anything goes with emma chamberlain - past, present, future

Episode Date: February 9, 2023

today i wanted to talk about how we view the past, the present, and the future. i’ve had healthy and unhealthy relationships with these three time periods throughout my life, and i can almost guarantee that you have too. it’s easy to become obsessed with the past, or the present, or the future in a way that’s imbalanced. so today i wanted to talk about what i think are healthy perceptions of these time periods, and what might be unhealthy. let’s get into it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello. Today I wanted to talk about how we view the past, the present, and the future. Because obviously, the past, the present, and the future are very relevant. The past, the present, and the future consume our minds. Probably 95% of the time. I mean, there's not much else to think about, right? I've had unhealthy and healthy relationships with these three time periods, if you will,

throughout my life. And I can almost guarantee that you have two. And so today I wanted to talk about what I think healthy perceptions are of these time periods and what unhealthy perceptions of these time periods are. Because we constantly think about these time periods, it's easy to become obsessed with them in a way, to become obsessed with the past or the present or the future.

In a way that's imbalanced, I would say, and unhealthy. So today we're going to be talking about the unhealthy ways and the healthy ways to see each one of these time periods. So let's get into it. Let's start with the past. Unhealthy ways to think about the past. I think number one and one of the ones I most struggle with is feeling intense guilt and shame for past actions. Even if what you did in the past wasn't that bad. And even if nobody remembers, and even if nobody knows,

you know it's in your brain, it's in your memory. And as you go through life and you grow up and your moral compass becomes stronger and you become a better person in your conscience, become stronger, you're going to look back at shit that you did in the past and be like, oh my god, like that was not okay. Why did I do that? Like why did I steal $5 from my friends backpack because I wanted to go buy a Snickers bar? Why did I not invite that girl to my birthday party just because I was jealous that she had a cuter outfit than me at school?

Like you look back at things that you did in the past that don't align with you morally now, and you feel regret and shame. And you can almost feel bad about yourself in the current moment for stuff that you did in the past. Even if you would never do that now, and that is not who you are now, and you did those things that you don't approve of when you were younger, you know, and you're maybe even a child. It can feel very overwhelming at times when you're obsessing over everything that you've ever done in your whole life and basing your current identity on it.

It can become overwhelming. And it can make you feel confused about who you are. Because instead of looking at who you are right now in this present moment, you're looking at everything that you've ever done and trying to form an identity out of that. And that's virtually impossible, okay? That is impossible. And that also discounts all of the learning

that you've done over the years. Your past actions don't define you as long as you learned from your mistakes. If you didn't learn from your mistakes and you continue to make the same mistakes in this current moment, then yeah, that is a part of your identity. But if you made a mistake when you were in seventh grade and you beat up some kid because

you wanted to take their lunch money, and then afterwards you felt so guilty, you couldn't handle yourself and you never did it again and you became a better person from it, then that's not really your identity anymore. So I think in this way, obsessing over the past can be unhealthy. Attaching every behavior you've ever had to your current identity. You know, our identities are constantly evolving. And we have to hold ourselves accountable for things that we've done in the past that aren't good, right? But we also have to move forward at some point.

There's not one human being on the planet who hasn't done something kind of fucked up, you know? Stolen something, hurt someone's feelings. It like more human. That's how we learn how to be good people. Messing up, hurting somebody in some way, hurting ourselves in some way, and then feeling the repercussions of that, feeling the pain that comes with that, is what forms us into good people. The guilt that you

feel and the shame that you feel after you make a mistake is what makes you never want to do it again. It builds your moral compass. Another unhealthy way to obsess over the past is to feel like you've wasted your time and I struggle with this so much because it's so easy to reflect on your past and say,

if I would have done this or if I would have done that, then I would be further in my career. I would be in a committed relationship. I would have more friends. I would have more fond memories. I would have this. I would have that. It's so easy to reflect on the past and say, if I would have changed this, this, and that, then my current present moment would be better. But the

problem with this is, is that you cannot change the past. It's fucking done. It's done. There's nothing you can do. And obsessing over what could have been gets you absolutely nowhere. Okay. It gets you absolutely nowhere. Okay, it gets you nowhere. Instead of looking in the past and saying, oh, I should have done this, oh, I should have done that, oh, I shouldn't have done this. Re-focus on the present moment and say,

well, why don't I do that right now? I almost feel like obsessing over what could have been in the past is a coping mechanism and almost a distraction from just doing it now in the present moment. Like, it's almost an excuse to not make the most of the present moment. Do you see what I'm saying? Because wishing you would have put more effort into a certain area in the past takes little to no effort.

To look into the past and say, I should have done that. You can do that while you're sitting on your couch and thinking. It's low effort. But getting up and going and making the change that you want to make, whatever that may be, make more friends, work harder, you know, on a hobby or on your job or at school, or starting to go on more dates so that you can find a committed relationship. Like whatever it may be, getting up and actually going and doing that in the present moment takes so much more effort than dwelling in the past.

Now don't get me wrong. Sometimes dwelling on the past and wishing that you would have done more with your time can motivate you to change your life in some way that's incredibly positive and amazing. But if you obsess over the past and then don't let it motivate you to go and take action in the present moment, then it's useless. And you're

just making the problem worse, the problem of wasting your time, there's no bigger waste of time than just dwelling on the past because it doesn't do anything. It doesn't change anything. And it's only a good thing if it motivates you to go and work on something, right? Another negative way to look at the past is to feel like you peaked and that you'll never quite reach the same level of success or happiness again. An example that comes to mind is Uncle Rico in the movie Napoleon Dynamite. Okay. If you haven't seen the movie, I'll explain his persona to you. Okay. He's like this 40, 50 year old dude who's just obsessed with who he was in high school. Okay. He was

on the football team. They almost won the playoffs. But then one little thing happened, and they lost the playoff game. And ever since then, he's just been relishing on those moments of when he was on the football team and obsessing on what could have been. But yet, even though it didn't go the way he wanted it to go, it was still the peak of his life. Being on the football team in high school.

That was his peak and he's obsessed with it because he's like, I'm never going to peak like that again, you know, like he truly believes that that was it for him. And so he's trying the movie, he even tries to buy a time machine online so that he could go back and win the playoff game and fully relive that moment and hopefully win, you know, win the playoff game. Okay, whatever. He's obsessed with the past. Even though in that scenario, the past didn't actually go the way he wanted it to go, they lost the playoff game. He wanted to win the playoff game, whatever. It was still his peak in his mind, right? He wants to go back there. He wants to do it all over again. The truth is you can, you know, have had a really really special moment in your life in the past. A

moment when everything was going well for you. Whatever that means for you personally. That doesn't mean that you can't have another really high point like that again. I would argue if you believe that you peaked, then you peaked, and you'll never have another moment of bliss like that again, right? There are moments throughout our lives that are memorably great. The moments that come to mind when somebody says, what was the best time of your life? And you have an answer. Although, if somebody were to ask me that,

I don't know what my answer would be. I don't know. I don't know if I have that. But I mean, I would say probably 50% of us have that, right? I probably have that. I would have to think about it for a minute, but I'd probably have that too. I think we all have that moment, or those few moments that felt like a peak for us, right? If you believe that you won't have another peak, then you won't ever have another peak, because I would argue that a peak in life is determined by how we perceive that moment.

Do you see what I'm saying? Like, it's up to us what peaking is in our own life. A lot of our reality is dictated by our perception of the world around us. And so if we say to ourselves, I peaked and I'm never going to peak again, then you might have another moment in life that's incredible. You might have another chapter of your life that's incredible. But because you believe that you already peaked, you won't perceive this other incredible moment as a peak because you almost have a mental block in that way. A peak has no actual definition necessarily.

It doesn't look any specific type of way. It's very fluid and it's also in our imagination to a certain extent. So you have to believe that you could have another moment like that in order to feel a moment like that again. Like you have to believe it could happen. Another unhealthy way to look at the past would be to actually not look at the past at all. Okay. To completely shut it out of your memory, anytime you have any sort of recollection of

the past, you just shut your mind down and you refuse to go there. You refuse to look there. Now the problem is, unless you allow yourself to look back at the past, There's a lot that can't be healed. You can't leave your past wounds unexamined. I think of challenging moments in my past as like open wounds. And it's up to me to go back and look back at the past. Things that happen to me that traumatize me, upset me, hurt me, broke me, whatever it may be. And to give myself stitches,

or to put a bandaid on it, or to put appointment on it. You know, like metaphorical ointment, okay? I think of it as an open wound. And if you don't go back and apply some ointment, put a little bandaid on it, put some stitches in it, then it will just remain an open wound that never heals. And this is something that a lot of therapists will tell you as well. It's

important to look back at the past. It helps you understand why you behave the way that you do, why you think the way that you do, why, you know, you are anxious about certain things, why certain things trigger depression and you, why things, it helps you understand yourself in so many ways. And so I think if you completely ignore it, then you end up living with a lot of unnecessary pain and discomfort. It is really painful to look at the past and to address the wounds that you have, but it's a pain that you need to feel so that you can eventually no longer feel the pain

really at all anymore. I mean, don't get me wrong. You know, you'll always have a scar there. This is really heavy metaphor. We're doing heavy metaphors right now. You'll always have a scar there, but it won't hurt as bad, right? And you'll be familiar with that scar. You'll know, oh, I need to put some aquafore on this scar because sometimes the scar gets kind of dry and uncomfortable

and so I need to put some aquafore on it. But you become familiar with this wound. It's not foreign to you. You've addressed it. You're familiar with it. You know how to treat it better, right? I need to also mention though, that this is a process.

It's not something that happens overnight. I need to also mention though that this is a process. It's not something that happens overnight. If you, you know, looking into your past and addressing open wounds takes your whole entire life. You never have no wounds. At any given moment, you probably have an open wound somewhere in your past. Something that bothers you, something that hurts you, something that traumatized you,

something that you haven't addressed yet. There's almost always something there. It's an ongoing journey. You're constantly having to address these things when you feel like you're ready for it and you're constantly having to upkeep it, right? And sometimes there'll be something that, you know, you try to reflect on and you can't do it. And you're like, right now it's not the time.

I don't have the energy to do this. But maybe three months later, you do have the energy. And so you go and you address that wound and you're like, okay, I don't have the energy to put stitches into this wound right now. But I have enough energy to put a little bit of ointment and abandon, which is not fully gonna heal it, but it this wound right now. But I have enough energy to put a little bit of ointment and abanded, which is not fully gonna heal it, but it's like halfway there.

And then three months later, you address it again and you sew it up and you put stitches in it. You see what I'm saying? It's a process, it takes time. You absolutely have to respect your own boundaries and address these sorts of wounds when you feel like you have the energy to do so. But you also have to have a little bit of discipline with yourself and say, okay, you know what?

I don't want to address these issues, but also I know that I have enough energy to do it. I just don't want to do it. I don't want to journal about this. I don't want to talk to a therapist about this. I don't want to talk to a trusted friend or family member about this. I have the energy, but I don't have the motivation to do this. You know, you have to balance discipline with also self-respect and patience. Let's change our tone here for a second. Let's talk about some positive ways to think about the past because as much as there's unhealthy ways to think about the past, because as much as there's unhealthy ways to think about it, there are also some very healthy ways to think about it. Number one would be nostalgia.

There's nothing wrong with looking at the past and smiling at it. There's a difference between looking at the past and just enjoying those memories for what they are and just letting it bring a smile to your face There's a difference between that and looking at the past and saying I peaked It's all downhill from here It's only getting worse. It's like that's different. There's a fine line between nostalgia and feeling like you peaked but nostalgia is healthy and telling stories and letting yourself return to those comforting moments that you had in the past is such a beautiful and joyous thing. I mean, it's just the best. It's so fun, you know. And so I think nostalgia is just

So fun, you know? And so I think nostalgia is just something that we should allow ourselves to do, you know? I don't think that we should never look back at the past and say, only moving forward, only moving forward. I'm too busy to be nostalgic because I'm too busy grinding right now in the present moment. Fuck the past. I've known some people like that that are like, I don't think about the past because I'm just, my eyes are only looking forward. It's like, no, let yourself enjoy

a little bit of everything. You know what I'm saying? There's a healthy way to be nostalgic and you don't always have to have your eyes completely looking forward. Another healthy way to look at the past is to kind of face the things that you did that you don't now approve of head on. Instead of refusing to look at past actions that make you cringe or make you feel bad,

address them head on and try to figure out a way to forgive yourself and accept that these things happened and accept the fact that you learned from them. And maybe you can even laugh about it. You know, maybe you can even laugh about it. But I think coming to terms with things in your past that you're not proud of just gives you so much peace. Another healthy way to think about it is to look back at past successes and think of it as a reminder that you can succeed again.

Instead of looking at a past success and comparing your current self to your past self and saying, I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to do that again. Like, I wish I could go back to that time when I was succeeding at this certain thing. Instead, look at it as, wait a minute, I succeeded once before because I worked hard and I dedicated myself to something and I did it. So I can actually probably do it again

if I put that same amount of energy and attention to whatever I want to succeed at now, instead of being intimidated by your past self, look at it as, hey, that was still me, and I can probably do it again. On the other hand, with your past failures, instead of feeling like, I'm such a loser, like I failed that one time or I failed all of those different times, I'm probably just gonna continue failing for the rest of my life. Look at those past failures as,

I'm just gonna work harder next time. I'm just gonna dedicate myself harder next time. This doesn't mean I'm ruined forever and that I'll never succeed at anything. This just means that those other attempts didn't work. And I need to approach things differently next time. This is a learning lesson. Next let's talk about the present, okay? The present moment that we're living in right now, starting out with the unhealthy ways to view the present moment. I think it can be very easy to

get too wrapped up in the small mundane issues in day-to-day life. It's so easy to blow current situations out of proportion because they're current. You know, things in the present moment feel a lot more important in the present moment than they do usually in retrospect. A good example would be let's say you're throwing a birthday party, right? And let's say you're somebody who's really into birthday parties, like it is the best time of the year for you. You love your birthday party. It's a big deal.

You want it to be perfect. Blah, blah, blah, blah. An example of getting too wrapped up in the small mundane issues of day to day life would be finding out that they're completely sold out of purple balloons. And you have this vision that the whole birthday party venue would be filled with purple balloons because purple is your favorite color and it represents your aura. You know, purple is just your color.

But you find out that they're sold out of purple balloons all across the country. Okay, they have a shortage of purple balloons and you can't get purple balloons and now Your birthday party is fucking ruined because you don't have purple balloons and you cry and you scream and you're so pissed off Because all you wanted was purple balloons and it feels like the biggest deal in the world to you because it's current That's an example of getting too wrapped up in the small mundane issues of day-to-day life. And that makes you miserable. Because when you're too emotionally invested

in every single little thing that's going on in the present moment, you become unable to go with the flow. And you're forgetting that it's just not that deep. Most of the things that we get all freaked out about on a daily basis in regards to the current present moment are not that big of a deal, but they feel like a big deal because they're current.

And so I think if you can step back and look at the bigger picture, you know, am I getting a care about this in a month? Am I going to care about this in a year? Is this even a big deal right now? Stepping back and being less obsessed about everything going perfectly in the present moment can just give you so much peace. Another unhealthy thought process that you can experience in the present moment is feeling like every present moment

needs to be utilized properly and perfectly. Feeling like every present moment, every waking moment needs to be productive. And as a result of that feeling, forcing yourself to work too hard and beyond your limit, because you're just obsessed with utilizing the present moment properly. The truth is, not every present moment

is gonna be utilized in a productive way. There are going to be days that you have where you just don't have the energy to get things done. There are going to be days that you spend on the couch blissfully watching TV and eating something that you ordered on postmates. And it's not going to be productive and you're going to get nothing done and that's okay. There are moments for me when I become too hyper focused on the present moment and making sure I'm utilizing that time properly.

Instead of looking at the bigger picture and remembering, okay, I have my whole life to accomplish the things I want to accomplish. I don't need to accomplish all of them right now. You know, I can spread it out so that I have time for other things in my life, instead of obsessing over reaching a certain goal or getting a certain amount of things done as quickly and efficiently as possible, I try to focus less on the current moment and more on the next month. You know, look a little bit into the future and say, I can spread out this goal or this project

over the next month, year, five years. I don't need to get everything done today. I can have time to go and hang out with my friends or sit on the couch for two hours and watch TV or lay in bed all day because I'm too tired and it's the weekend and I don't want to work on the weekends. You know what I'm saying? Being too hyper focused on utilizing the present moment can burn you out, exhaust you and make you miserable. And it can also isolate you from people that you love.

And it can also prevent you from doing things that you just enjoy doing, like going on a hike, painting pictures, reading romance novels for fun. Like, I don't know what you want to, what you like to do, but you soon I'm saying, in the last unhealthy way to think about the present is to completely ignore the reality that tomorrow will most likely come.

And what you do in the present affects what happens to you tomorrow, right? What you do in the present affects the future to a certain extent, okay? We can't ignore that. And if you look at the present moment too intently and you don't consider the future at all, that's an unhealthy way to view the present. To think of it like the present is all we have, like tomorrow, who knows, who knows, but tomorrow,

I don't give a fuck about tomorrow. Tomorrow's not here yet. I'll handle tomorrow tomorrow. Okay? Being almost in denial that tomorrow's going to come, and you're going to have to deal with the consequences of what you did in the present in the future. If you're like in denial of that truth, then there's an issue. Because if you're too focused on the present moment and you're

not thinking about the future at all, then there's a good chance that you're going to be searching for instant gratification rather than long-term gain. And the thing about instant gratification is that it usually causes negative consequences down the line. Slow long-term gain provides long-term happiness. Instant gratification causes instant happiness and long-term suffering in a lot of ways. So, an example of ignoring the reality that tomorrow will most likely come would be to have something important tomorrow. Maybe it's a job interview that's really important. Maybe it's an appointment that's really important.

I don't know. Maybe it's a test for school that's really important. If you're kind of ignoring the fact that what you do in the present moment affects your tomorrow, then you might make a bad decision the night before the important events of tomorrow. For example, let's say you have your job interview at 7 a.m. If you're somebody who's too focused on the present moment and having fun and having instant gratification in the present moment, then you might get invited to a party and

go out until six in the morning and then get home and be an absolute wreck and be like, oh, shit, okay, now I have to go to this job interview or I have to cancel it. And that could sabotage your tomorrow. The choices that you make in the present impact the outcome of tomorrow. And if you don't see that or let yourself see that, then there's a price to pay, you know? Instant gratification in the example I just gave going to the party because you got invited and it sounded fun and you wanted to go,

feels good in the moment. In the moment, you're like, hell, yes. We're going out tonight bitches. You know, it's gonna be those night-over. Going to Sammy's birthday party. Fuck yeah, we're gonna have tequila shots on that. Getting offered a shot and taking it is fun. It's instant gratification because it's like,

me and my friends all taking shots together. Yes. We're all laughing because we're taking shots. And then you get offered a third and a fourth instant gratification. Yeah, why would I stop? Seeing that it's one in the morning and knowing you should go home but staying out because you're having fun is instant gratification. Not getting the job because you weren't prepared for the job interview

causes you a lot of pain and suffering because you chose instant gratification over discipline and long-term gain. Having discipline and long-term gain would be to skip the party all together and just go to the job interview, refreshed and ready to go. Or, if I'm gonna be even more generous with this example, maybe you go out to the party, but you don't drink or you have one drink and you go to bed by 1 a.m., you know, still a little bit late,

but at least you get five hours before your job interview to sleep, you know, and you wake up and you're not hungover, you know, you might be a little tired, but you're not hungover. And you go and you nail the interview, even though you're a little bit exhausted and you get the job. Did you maybe have to miss out on a party or did you maybe have to not experience the party to the fullest because you were thinking about long-term gain, sure. But it's worth it when you get the job

because you were prepared and because you were responsible and because you were disciplined and you didn't allow yourself to forget that there will be consequences in the future for instant gratification. Okay, moving on. Now let's talk about the healthy ways to think about the present moment. I think that being present is extremely important nowadays, you know, because there's a lot of distractions. There's our phones, that's it.

That's actually the only distracting thing. That's the big issue. Not to sound like a mom, but, you know, we know our phones are distracting us, okay? You know our phones are wasting our time. That's not a hot take. So I think now more than ever, enjoying the small little special moments is so important. Being as present as you possibly can and enjoying the present moment is so hard,

It's so hard, but it's so valuable. It's how you make memories. It's how you actually find joy on a day-to-day basis. You know, where does the most joy on a daily basis come from for me? I would say tiny little random things. For example, my cat crawling into my lap when I'm having a hard time because I'd like to believe that my cat can sense when I'm having anxiety. I actually think my cats, both of them,

but especially one of them, can tell when I'm having really bad anxiety because they'll come over to me and like sit with me and it's weird because I feel like they know That I'm anxious, but anyway You know a little moment like that might pass me by if I'm not being present if I'm not Hyper aware of what's going on around me and I'm not tuned into The current reality something like that might just fly under the radar. I just don't even pick up

on it. But when I'm sort of forcing myself to be mindful and present, I notice those things. And those things bring me joy throughout the day. You know, a little conversation with somebody at the grocery store. Maybe we're both going and and buying the same thing. And I'm like, Oh my God, isn't this shit so good? And then they're like, Yeah, it's the best. Like I love, I love this snack. Like let's say we're buying the same snack. And then I'm like, Yeah, this snack is so good. And they're like, I know, right? And we have a little moment together. If I wasn't being present in the moment, then I wouldn't have noticed that they were picking the same snack as me. And I wouldn't have said anything to them because I wouldn't have noticed that they were picking the same snack as me. And I wouldn't have said anything to them because I wouldn't have noticed.

Being present is magical because it just by nature brings these joyful, small moments. I also think it's healthy to go with the flow a little bit in the present moment. If you become too obsessed with the present moment unfolding exactly how you planned, I have my fingers and air quotes planned, then you can prevent great things from happening unexpectedly. Obviously, being present is an incredibly healthy and incredible thing, but you can't become too obsessed with everything going as you planned. You have to kind of let go,

relinquish control, and appreciate the fact that every second that goes by will bring something kind of unexpected. You know what I mean? You don't know what's coming next. And there are curve balls coming out of the left and right every day, all day every day.

And if you just go with the flow a little bit more and become less obsessed with everything going to plan, then you'll be able to enjoy the present moment much more. And last but not least, let's talk about the future, okay? Starting with the unhealthy ways to view the future. I think a lot of us have a tendency to build out a plan for the future that is fully fleshed out. And the reason for that is that it gives us a sense of peace, having a plan for the future gives us something to work towards.

It gives us something to fantasize about. It gives us something to almost rely on. You know, the fact of the matter is, the future is completely unknown, you know, and that's really scary. And it feels a little bit less scary if you have a plan. If you've built a perfect model of what the future looks like for you. So that when you look into the future, you don't just see a bunch of nothingness, you know? You see your plan. Now listen, I don't think that there's anything wrong with building a plan for the future. Okay, I don't think that there's anything wrong with that, but it can get a little bit

out of control if you start condemning anything that happens that doesn't fit perfectly into that plan. If you have such a rigid view on what the future will look like, then you will almost definitely become disappointed. Because as I mentioned earlier, life is throwing curveballs at you left and right, okay? And there's a chance that the future that you're imagining right now future that you're imagining right now for yourself will not come into fruition in the exact way that you imagined, because you can't predict the way that things unfold. You know, you can make a basic outline of what you want your future to look like, but each little nitty-gritty detail, it's just not going to look the way that you think

it is. I think the key to mapping out your future, sort of manifesting your future, sort of building out a model of your future. I think the key to it is to look at it as something that's moldable, something that's able to be altered. Instead of imagining it as being set in stone, imagine it as like a piece of clay that you can continue to mold over and over again,

and you can continue to evolve it over time. And it's not rigid. It's moldable. If you look at your model of the future as something that is set in stone, then anything unexpected that comes your way, that kind of takes you off the path that you initially wanted to go on, will freak you out, make you uncomfortable, make you angry, make you upset, and it could prevent you from actually taking a different direction than you initially planned

and potentially finding something awesome. You know, you want your future to be moldable. Another unhealthy way to think about the future is to not allow yourself to think about the present at all because you're too focused on the future. So you're so obsessed with this idea of what the future is going to be, that you're too focused on the future. So you're so obsessed with this idea of what the future is gonna be, that you're willing to sacrifice your well-being in the current moment to hopefully make your future better. Now listen, I think to a certain extent,

this is like normal and maybe even healthy, but I think the line is very blurred and it can become unhealthy so fast. If your current life is completely miserable and it doesn't really need to be, and the only reason why your life right now is miserable is because you're putting this intense pressure on yourself now to basically sacrifice your current self for your future self.

You're not prioritizing the present moment enough. For example, let's say your dream is to be a CEO of a company, right? You want to start your own company or you want to be the CEO of a company. You want to get hired, whatever. In order to accomplish this goal, you cut off all of your friends. You break up with your significant other and all you do is work 24-7. That's it. And your quality of life is fucking terrible because you've ruined all things that bring

joy just because you want to accomplish this goal so bad. I don't care what people say. I don't think that this is a good method because you can't function that way for very long. It's not a sustainable plan, right? It's easier to work hard when you also have moments of your life that are joyful and fun and relaxed. And so if you work yourself too hard as almost a form of sacrifice for your future self, you might not even be working any harder than you would have... If you would have not just thrown all of your eggs into one basket.

The truth is, the future is promising, but it's not promised. You know, I know it's kind of depressing to look at it like that, to be like, I don't know if today is my last day. You know, I don't know. But we don't know. We truly don't know. We never know. And that's the most uncomfortable pill to swallow.

Don't get me wrong. It's not fun to think about, okay? But we don't know if we have tomorrow. Don't get me wrong. The future is promising, meaning that there's a really good chance that we do have a tomorrow, right? But it's not promised. It's not certain.

So I think maintaining a healthy balance between working towards your future, but also making sure the present moment is enjoyable and has moments for you weaved in is crucial in a lot of ways because tomorrow is just not promised. Another unhealthy way to look at the future is to dread the future. To dread the terrifying things that the future may hold, especially worrying about things that you can't control. For example, something catastrophic happening, like, you know, a natural disaster or something. Somebody in your friends or family getting hurt, getting sick, you know, you getting hurt, you getting sick, the list goes on.

I struggle with this a lot. I struggle with the fact that tomorrow could bring absolute chaos, like at any moment today could bring absolute chaos. But tomorrow has an even better chance of bringing absolute chaos, because I'm halfway through today and so far so good, okay. But tomorrow, who fucking knows, within the next year, there's so much time for something bad to happen, you know? That's the way my brain thinks. I'm constantly obsessing over the bad catastrophic things that could happen in the future.

And that's just such a miserable way to live your life. And I'm struggling with this right now. I've been struggling with this since I was a child. Definitely less when I was a child, but still when I was a child. And the truth is, you can't control what you can't control. And worrying about it doesn't fucking do anything. I don't have advice for this, though, because I'm still figuring this out.

I'm still trying to figure it out. The last unhealthy way to look at the future is to kind of use the future as an excuse to not do anything at all. Okay, not get anything done. Not get up and start working towards a goal or something today. Now listen, it's one thing to respect your own boundaries and energy levels and to give yourself breaks when you need them and to respect your own kind of capabilities at any given moment.

But it's another thing to completely neglect your present life because you look at the future and you're like, well, I'm gonna accomplish that later. You know, I'm gonna do that later. I'll work on that later. If you have the energy and the ability to start working on something now, there's no better time than now.

You know what I'm saying? Using the future as an excuse is not a good thing because you can continue doing that forever for the rest of time. Just continue using the future as an excuse and you'll never end up getting anything done. You know what I'm saying? It's one thing to say, you know what, I have time to spread out my efforts over a period of time.

And I don't need to do it all in one day. It's one thing to say that to yourself. But it's another thing to say, I don't need to do anything today. I don't need to do it this week because I have next week. And I also have a month from now to start working on this. And I have next year even to work on this. I don't need to start this now. Just because you're for lack of a better word, lazy. You know what I mean? It's one thing to be lazy and it's another thing to have balance. And I think that that's where we all run into problems sometimes because the line is blurred

and you have to be honest with yourself about whether or not you're using the future as an excuse or you're utilizing the future to have a healthier balance in the present moment and the healthy ways to think about the future to have a healthier balance in the present moment. And the healthy ways to think about the future. Listen, the future is a blank canvas, and that is such an incredible thing, okay? The future is what you make of it. The things in life that you do and accomplish and work on and focus on, it's all in your control. Well, like, it's all in your control. Well, like what a beautiful thing that is.

You know, your idea of what the future is can change every single day and that's okay because it's a blank fucking canvas and you can do whatever you want with it. You could wake up one day and say, I'm going to be an architect. And then the next day you could wake up and say, I don't wanna be an architect anymore.

I actually want to be a barista at a coffee shop. And guess what? The future is yours to create. And so you have the freedom to change your mind or hone in on a focus for the future that you're really excited about. It's all up to you. And what a beautiful thing that is. On top of tomorrow is kind of a mystery, though, too, because you can

control what you do tomorrow, but you can't control what's done to you tomorrow. And that can be a really challenging thing to deal with, but it can be a positive thing if you just let go. And that's what I'm trying to do right now. I'm just trying to let go and remember that tomorrow is a blank canvas. And all I can control is the marks that I make on that canvas, the colors that I use on that canvas. I can't control if something comes in and splatters a bunch of green paint all over my canvas. I can't control that, but what I can control is how I paint around the green splatter marks

and make it look amazing, you know? Okay, I'm done. I'm done you guys. That's all I have for today, okay? I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. I had so much fun as always. It's such a pleasure to spend time with all of you. I really love it.

I really love it and I really love you and I really appreciate you. And I mean, listen, until next week, love you. Okay, love you, and we will talk very, very soon. Follow anything goes on Spotify, follow anything goes on Instagram at anything goes, follow anything goes on Twitter at AG podcast, and I'll talk to you next week. at anything goes, follow anything goes on Twitter at AG podcast, and I'll talk to you next week. Bye.