anything goes with emma chamberlain - quitting nicotine

Episode Date: September 3, 2023

approximately three months ago i decided to embark on the journey to quit nicotine for good, and today's episode is going to be focusing on my experience thus far trying to quit. it's been incredibly hard. the reason why i feel the need to say how hard it is, is because people underestimate how severe nicotine addiction can be. i will say, it depends on the person and the level of addiction. but whether you or someone else in your life is addicted to nicotine and trying to quit, it's important to remember that it's not that easy. i was addicted to the vape specifically. that was my kryptonite. so with that in mind, i want to describe to you all of the different ways i’ve tried to get off the vape, and where i'm at in my process today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Approximately three months ago, I decided to embark on the journey to quit nicotine. Now I know what you might be thinking Emma your voice sounds like shit. What are you smoking? You're smoking something. Your voice sounds like shit. Well, I'll have you know that last Saturday, I drank a lot of wine and I was really feeling it and I started singing karaoke with my friends and didn't stop for longer than I would have if I was sober. Do you know what I mean? It's crazy how long and hard you can sing when you're drunk versus when you're sober. I won't even start singing karaoke when I'm sober.

I won't even start when I'm drunk. I will absolutely start and I won't stop until my vocal cords are destroyed. So that's where I'm at today, but anyway, I made an episode a few months ago called nicotine addiction. Go take a listen if you haven't yet, where I sort of talked about my personal addiction to nicotine when it started, how it played a role in my life, why I hadn't

decided to quit sooner. And today's episode is going to be focusing more on my experience thus far, trying to quit. I knew that quitting was going to be challenging because the statistics online are not very comforting. Majority of people who tried to quit nicotine fail and end up going back to it. It's a very, very hard thing to quit. And I sort of knew that because I had casually tried

to quit in the past and I rarely lasted longer than 30 minutes. So I sort of knew it was going to be a challenge, but I had never committed to the idea of quitting for good. And three months ago, when I had the epiphany that it was time, I didn't say to myself, oh, you're gonna quit for now, but you can go back to it later. You just need to quit for now Which was weirdly my mindset before and I know that that sounds

ridiculous, but when I would say that in my head during the Peak of my addiction it made sense to me. It was like oh, it'll be good and healthy to quit for a little while But you can always go back to it later. I guess what I'm trying to say by that is, all the times I tried to casually quit in the past, I always knew that it wasn't permanent. I always knew I was going to go back to it again. Whereas this time, I made the decision to work towards quitting forever. And so it's been a very different experience. And it's been really fucking hard, which is kind of embarrassing

to say because there are substances out there that are so much harder to quit. And yet I'm over here whining about quitting nicotine. It's like, cry me a river, shut the fuck up. But it's really hard. And the reason why I feel the need to say how hard it is is because people underestimate how severe nicotine addiction can be. People assume it's like quitting caffeine. Yeah, you get a headache.

Yeah, you feel sluggish for a few days. Yeah, you get constipated for a little while, but it's not that bad. It's not like quitting hard drugs. How hard can it be? I will say it definitely depends on the person in the level of addiction But it is really fucking hard and I think that that's Important to remember whether you yourself are addicted to nicotine and trying to quit or someone in your life Is addicted to nicotine and trying to quit or someone in your life is addicted to nicotine and trying to quit.

It's important to remember that it's not that easy. It's not as easy as you might assume it to be. I've learned that over the last three months. Before I continue, if you haven't listened to the nicotine addiction episode, obviously go listen to it, but you may not know that I was addicted to nicotine through vape. The infamous vape. I was a vape girl. Okay, I was a vape girl.

That's who I was. I didn't smoke cigarettes. I smoked the vape. I guess you can't really smoke the vape. Like, you kinda hit the vape. Like, that's all there. Like, what do you even say when you're trying to describe like inhaling the vape? Like, it's not smoking the vape. That feels wrong because nothing's technically on fire. You smoke a cigarette.

I guess you just sort of hit the vape. I'm sorry. I think that that's the right way to put it. I don you just sort of hit the vape. I'm sorry. I think that that's The right way to put it. I don't know how else to put it anyway. I was addicted to the vape specifically that was my medium that was my Crypto Knight that was my pride and joy not in a good way, but that was my pride and joy. That was my thing. So with that in mind, I wanted to describe to you all of the different ways I tried to get off the vape. Okay, I'm pretty sure I've tried every method of quitting other than hypnosis. And I have my

method of quitting other than hypnosis. And I have my opinions on each method. So the first method I tried was going cold turkey, which basically means to stop everything all at once, throw the vape in the trash and just handle it. I wanted to try to go cold turkey and just quit everything all at once because in my mind it sounded like the easiest option. It also sounded like the option that was going to be the most successful. In my mind I was like if I just throw it all away and handle the withdrawals that come my way all at once it'll just be so much easier. I did some research and I found that withdrawal symptoms from nicotine addiction go away after

a few weeks and after that you're pretty much good to go. The withdrawal symptoms were not particularly intimidating to me. The nicotine withdrawal symptoms include having cravings for nicotine, obviously, anger, frustration, irritability, difficulty concentrating, insomnia, restlessness, anxiety, depression, increased appetite, fatigue, quitters, flu, which is basically getting a sort of cold like illness from quitting, etc. Listen, I read all of that and I was definitely not looking forward to that experience, but that all seemed manageable

to me. I was like, these are all experiences that I've had in my life when not quitting nicotine, just like in normal life. And I've gotten through it. Yeah, it's been unfortunate, but it's not something that I haven't experienced. It's not something that I can't push through. So I decided to go cold turkey. Very, very quickly. I started to experience the withdrawal symptoms in a big way. I couldn't stop sleeping. I was super depressed. I was having severe debilitating anxiety. My cravings were unbelievable. Okay, unbelievable. Like, I felt like I wanted to like rip my skin off. Okay, I was like, my mouth was like watering. It was all I could think about. I couldn't focus on anything because all I could think about, I couldn't focus on anything because not only did I feel like my body and mind was deteriorating, I also was having these intense cravings.

So I couldn't focus on anything. I was not functioning, I couldn't function. This lasted for a few days. And it got to a point where it was like, I can't get anywhere done. I can't be around people. I can't be around people. I can't do this anymore. And when I came to that conclusion, I was frightened because I was like, it's been a few

days. Things should be getting better and things are not getting better. My withdrawal symptoms are not going away. And I can't function as a normal human being. Like, there was one day where I laid in bed and cried for the entire day. And this was a day when I had a lot of shit to do. Okay, I had work to do. I had people to see.

I could not get out of bed. I was bawling my eyes out for the entire day. I don't even remember what I was crying about. I was probably crying because of a combination of things. Number one, because I felt depressed as a result of quitting. Second, my anxiety was so bad that I was in this state of unbearable fear for no reason. And last but not least, I was mad at myself. I was like,

how did I get to a point where I'm so dependent on nicotine that trying to quit sends me into a spiral this severe? Why? How did I get here? It's safe to say that going cold turkey, trying to quit at all at once, did not work for me. The nicotine withdrawal symptoms impacted me in the most extreme way. You know, I got every symptom in a serious way and everyone's different. You know, some people quit cold turkey and it works out great for them and they don't get a lot of the withdrawal symptoms and they're fine. For whatever reason, I cannot do that. I cannot do that. It doesn't work for me and very quickly I realized I need to

define another way. I was really frustrated that quitting cold turkey didn't work for me because I felt sort of like a failure. I felt like I wasn't strong enough to quit that way. But now I'm able to see clearly why quitting cold turkey didn't work. What I didn't realize was I wasn't just quitting nicotine. I was also quitting vaping. Now let me explain. Being addicted to the vape is a combination of two addictions. It's the addiction to the nicotine itself, right? But it's also being addicted to the comfort that hitting the vape can bring you. I mentioned this in my nicotine addiction episode, but I have had many oral fixations over the course of my life. I sucked my thumb until I was like 10 years old and it helped me calm down when I was anxious. I eventually quit that,

but a few years later, literally, I get addicted to the vape and it has the exact same comforting effect on me. I think the reason why quitting cold turkey didn't work for me was because I was trying to quit a physical and mental addiction all at once. And I think that's too much for certain people to handle, myself included. It's one thing to be addicted to a chemical, right? It's a whole other beast to be addicted to the way that you consume the chemical,

right? I also clearly have a dependence on oral fixation for anxiety relief, and I'm a very anxious person. And so getting rid of my oral fixation was already terrible enough. But the withdrawals, the physical withdrawals from the nicotine just made it unbearable for me. So after trying to go, quote, turkey, I decided to try only using the vape when I needed it. Now, I know you're thinking, that's a bad idea. I know. But after failing so miserably at quitting cold turkey, I had to get back on my feet a little bit to be a functioning human in society.

I had taken a few days to a week off from my entire life to try to quit. And I was really behind in my life. I wasn't getting worked on during that time. I was having a really hard time being social during that time. I needed to get back on the horse. So I got a vape and I decided I was only going really hard time being social during that time. I needed to get back on the horse. So I got a vape and I decided I was only gonna use it when I needed it and I was going to use it significantly less than I was before.

Now, in my mind, this made sense because I was like, okay, if I can sort of cut down my usage, then I'll start cutting down my nicotine intake, which will then make quitting easier. I literally went from hitting the vape every five minutes of every day to not hitting it at all. I went from a constant stream of nicotine to none at all. My thought process was, if I just go and I hit it once an hour, then I'm going to significantly cut down on my nicotine intake, which will then allow me to quit altogether with much less severe withdrawal symptoms. with much less severe withdrawal symptoms. Now, this actually worked for me for about a week.

I was really good about only using it when I really started to feel bad. You know, symptoms would start to come in. I would start to get anxious or I'd start to get depressed or I'd start to feel sick. I would use it and then I'd put it away. But long-term, it didn't work. I started to just bring it around in my pocket again,

like usual. And after like a day of getting back into my old routine of using the vape consistently, I was like, this method is not gonna work, and I threw it away. And I was like, we're done. We're gonna have to try something else. This is not working for me. This method is not working for me.

But what I do think it did was help ease me down to a lower amount of daily nicotine consumption, which then gave me a bit more flexibility and figuring out my next step. I don't think it was good for nothing, but it definitely wasn't a long-term solution. I think if I were to go back in time and do this differently, I would have never attempted to go cold turkey and started the journey by slowly using the vape less. You know, I used to bring the vape with me everywhere. It was constantly in my pocket.

Maybe my first step would have been to just leave it at home, only use it when I'm at home, or swap that, only use it when I'm out and about. That cuts the consumption almost in half, right? And then after that, maybe I would scale down and only use it when I'm working, because nicotine has always helped me get worked on. Ooh, yeah. It's always sort of helped me focus. And so, maybe in this hypothetical situation, I would cut down and only use it when I was

working, and then eventually, ID's off of it completely and not use it at all. But that's not what happened. And I don't even know if that would have actually worked in my imagination. It would have worked, but it's very hard to take something that you're addicted to and only have it sometimes. When you're really addicted to something, it takes an incredible amount of willpower to cut down your consumption. And depending on who you are and what you're addicted to, that just might not be a successful way to quit. So I throw the vape away and I decide I need to try something else. So I bought nicotine gum.

This was appealing to me because I was like, okay, it's gonna give me because I was like, okay, it's gonna give me that oral fixation, right? It's gonna satisfy that oral fixation because I'm gonna be chewing on something. On top of that, when you go out and buy nicotine gum from the store, it comes with instructions on the back that tell you how to use the gum so that you can quit.

And there's something really nice about having instructions on how to quit. It gives you this set goal. Like, okay, I'm going to chew this many pieces of gum for the next two weeks, and then after that, I'm gonna cut down to this many pieces of gum, and then I'm gonna cut down to this many pieces of gum, and then I'm gonna cut down to this, and then eventually, it'll be easy to just quit altogether. So I was really excited about the gum.

I was like, this actually might be the tool that really allows me to quit. And for about two weeks, it worked for me. It satisfied my oral fixation. It gave me the nicotine I needed, although I was still having some withdrawals, because the gum was definitely giving me less nicotine than I was getting before from the vape. But it definitely helped. And at this point, my withdrawal symptoms were far less severe. I wasn't experiencing the full force of the withdrawal symptoms. And so yeah, you know, it worked for about two weeks until I realized that it was destroying

my stomach. Oh, God. I have stomach issues anyway. I have a very sensitive stomach. I have IBS, whatever. Seems like everyone has IBS these days. I feel bad for all of us who have it. It's not fun.

So when my stomach started to hurt around the time that I started chewing the gum, I didn't piece two and two together because I was like, it's probably something I'm eating. Like, this just happens to me all the time. But I should have connected the dots sooner because regular gum hurts my stomach. The artificial sweeteners in gum destroy my stomach.

So I should have put two and two together. I didn't, two weeks go by. I have stomach pain. It's really bad. I don't know what it is coming from. And then I realize, oh my God, it's been the gum this whole time. But I was so blinded by the determination to quit

that I didn't piece two and do together. This was heartbreaking for me because I was like, this could have been the tool that really fixed everything. This could have been the tool that really fixed everything. This could have been the fucking tool, and it hurts my stomach, so I have to stop, because the stomach pain was, it was unbearable. And I'm used to stomach pain,

but it was not pain that I could just put up with. I had to stop. And so I had to look for another method. At this point, I'm starting to get frustrated because I'm like, I tried the cold turkey thing, it didn't work, I clearly can't do it again, I'm not ready yet. I need to find something to help ease me off.

And so I do some research and I find out about nicotine patches. Now the only problem with this was that it didn't help with the oral fixation. So I was a little bit concerned about that, but I was like, we might as well try this. So I buy them and I put one on and immediately it starts etching my skin so bad. Now I have a high pain tolerance, I have a high

discomfort tolerance sometimes depends. This patch was so fucking itchy. I actually got a panic attack because I thought I was allergic to it because it was so itchy that it was unbearable. After 10 minutes of wearing it, I was so itchy in the spot that the pouches on. I had to take it off and I had to throw it away and I had to just throw that method out the window because it was so uncomfortable on my skin that I just couldn't handle it. I never used them again. I was really disappointed because I was like, Emma, we're running out of options. We're either going to have to go cold turkey altogether, or we're going to just have to go back to the vape.

Like, I'm so frustrated at this point because I'm like, I'm just, I'm trying to use these various methods. They've worked for a lot of people and they're just not working for me. Like, am I stuck? Am I just stuck with this addiction? Like, how am I stuck? Am I just stuck with this addiction? Like how am I gonna do this? Then I decided to try out nicotine pouches, okay? This was sort of my last piece of hope.

Nicotine pouches are basically these small little pouches. They actually kind of look like a piece of gum. And basically you put them in between your lip and your teeth, like in between your lip and your gums, right, imagine you like kind of shove it down in there. And you just let it sit there and they have a little flavor and they have nicotine in them. They have a little flavor and they have nicotine in them. So for the last two months, I've been using these nicotine pouches.

These have been the most impactful method thus far, and I'll tell you why. Number one, they don't hurt my stomach. Number two, I don't feel an emotional attachment to them. Like, I had an emotional attachment weirdly to my vape, but I don't feel that with these. These feel strictly like a technical exchange. It just feels like this is my method of consuming nicotine. That's it. It's bizarre. I've gotten to a place now where I'm definitely consuming less nicotine than I was when I was vaping.

And as I said earlier, there's two addictions going on at once. The addiction to the vape as an oral fixation as a means to relieve anxiety and then the addiction to nicotine as a chemical. Now, these nicotine pouches have allowed me to at least get rid of one out of two of those addictions. The addiction to the vape as an oral fixation. That I'm excited about. What I'm worried about though is the fact that I still have a nicotine addiction. I'm still consuming nicotine on a daily basis using these pouches.

My vape addiction is done, but my nicotine addiction is not. And that is something I didn't anticipate before going on this journey. I always thought those two things were sort of the same. Like when you quit one, you quit both. Obviously, I didn't realize that there were two separate addictions happening at once. And so that's sort of where I'm at right now. I'm still very addicted to nicotine, but at least that vape piece is almost 100% done. Why I say it's almost 100% done, but I don't say it is 100% done, is because I still will hit a

vape occasionally when I'm around one. If a friend has one or someone at work has one, I might hit it and I have, but it's interesting because when I crave a vape because someone near me is using one and I take a little puff out of theirs. I'm able to sort of Let go of the craving. I'm still dealing with the challenges of being around one and not using it like I don't Need to go out and buy one myself, but when it's around me and somebody else is using it, that's something I'm not fully over yet. To me, this is still an

improvement. You know, I went from using one a billion times a day to now letting myself use one every once in a while when someone around me is using one. That's good to me. It's not great. It's not great, but I found that sort of allowing myself the freedom to use someone's vape of their around me, it sort of shows me like, this isn't that great after all. Like every time I go and I hit a vape, that's not mine. Obviously, I realize, okay, this is actually not that great. I don't need to do this. And more and more, I'm able to resist the craving to hit someone else's vape while they're using it. You know what I mean? Like, when they have it out, more and more, I'm getting better at resisting that craving. Because in the

beginning, I allowed myself to have that craving and then fulfill that craving, because in the beginning, I allowed myself to have that craving and then fulfill that craving, and then realize, oh, it's actually not as great as I remembered. And now it's getting easier and easier and easier to not cave and be like, hey, can I have a little, little, little, which by the way is the most annoying thing anyone can do. Like, when I used to have a vape and somebody would ask me

for it nine times that a 10, I'd be like, oh, get your own. But I think letting myself have it every once in a while when someone else has it has been weirdly powerful because every time it kind of disappoints me like I expect it to be like this huge relief or this euphoric moment like I get to have a vape again. Oh my god, this is going to feel amazing. It's going to like fix all my problems like it used to know it doesn't. It's so disappointing every time and that's making it easier and easier to not use it at all. You know, I'm getting closer and closer to a point where I don't even care.

Like I see one and I'm like, I don't care, I'm not craving it. But in order for me to get to that point, I think I have to let myself hit people's vapes, get disappointed, and then move on. In general, I feel like I'm done with the vape. Like I do feel like I'm pretty much done with the vape. I'm almost there, but I'm definitely not fully there. And I think that that's clear to all of us here. But I realize now that this is a journey,

and it's not something that happens overnight. And I'm proud of myself. I'm not as far along as I want to be with it, but I'm doing pretty good. I still have a very long way to go and There are gonna be more bumps in the road. I might cave at some point Go back to my old ways and have to start all over again

nothing's impossible, but I am trying to accept the journey as it is and allow myself to make mistakes and then get back up and do better. And that's all I can do. So that's my nicotine quitting update. It's definitely a little bit disappointing. No, it's not disappointing. I'd love to come on here and say, I'm fully done.

I am completely off of nicotine and I've never felt better and life has never been better, but I'm not there yet. And I wish I could rush this process. I wish I could rush this journey, but I know that I can. And so I'm being patient with myself. And if you're going through a similar experience, I encourage you to be patient with yourself

and to forgive yourself as you go and as you make mistakes because these experiences in life are never smooth and never perfect. As long as you're trying your best, you're doing amazing. And you know, I'm going to touch on one more thing. It's so funny because the hardest part about quitting is looking around and seeing everyone else happily, blissfully, ignorantly enjoying the thing that you're trying to quit. That's been really hard for me because I look around and I'm like, why do you guys get to do this?

How is this fair? Meanwhile, I don't have to quit. I should. I don't have to. I'm making this decision for myself, but something feels unfair about it, you know? When you're in the thick of it, and you're having cravings in your frustrated, because various methods aren't working

and you look around and you see a bunch of people vaping at a party and you're like, what the fuck? How is this fair? It's those moments when you're tested the most, when your brain is like, well, everyone else is doing it. Why don't I get to do it?

That's where the lesson comes in. That's when this experience gives you wisdom. When you can come to the conclusion that just because everyone else is doing something, doesn't mean I should be doing something. That's the biggest lesson I've learned through this experience. Something doesn't just magically become okay because a bunch of people are doing it and they seem to be doing fine. You know what I mean? It takes a lot of strength to see everyone else blissfully enjoying what you're trying to quit and to push through that frustration. It takes a whole lot of self-control.

But I truly do believe that learning that skill, learning how to look at what other people are doing and say, that has nothing to do with what I'm doing. Is such a powerful mindset to have. It's such a powerful skill to learn, you know, to learn to ignore what everyone else is doing. It applies in many other areas of life as well. And I can guarantee that if I get through this and I quit nicotine in the vape and everything for good eventually. I'll truly master that skill of being able to look around at what other people are doing and say, that doesn't make

the behavior okay. That doesn't mean that I can go do that. I have to make decisions based on what I know is best and healthiest for me. That's a skill that I want to have. And I see it in my future. I don't know how soon. But we'll see. Now, the next time I speak to you about nicotine will hopefully be when I fully quit. That might be in six months, that might be in 10 years. I truly don't know. And I will say it's frightening to talk about this so candidly because I feel this pressure to succeed on this journey. I'm sharing it with the world and I feel like there's this expectation that I succeed. And I want to, and I think that there's a good chance that I will, but I still don't know what the journey is going to look like and how long the journey

is going to take. So it's going to be interesting. It's going to be interesting. And you technically are allowed to judge me, if you want, for how quitting looks for me. But I politely and respectfully ask you to keep an open mind and not judge me because I wouldn't judge you. And on that note, thank you all for listening. I hope that you enjoyed my nicotine update. It's very clear that I have a long way to go.

But hopefully there's something valuable about me sharing my journey with you, no matter how successful or unsuccessful it is. Hopefully there's something of value in this. And that's all I got. Thank you for listening and hanging out. I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did, new episodes every Thursday and Sunday, tune in. Video exclusively on Spotify. Audio episodes are available anywhere that you stream podcasts. Anything goes Instagram is at anything goes. My Instagram is at Emma Chamberlain.

Check out my coffee company, Chamberlain Coffee. If you want to pick up coffee, tea, cute little accessories, et cetera, et cetera. That's all I have for today. I'll talk to you soon. I hope you're doing well. And I love and appreciate you. Okay, bye.

I hope you're doing well and I love and appreciate you. Okay, bye.