anything goes with emma chamberlain - regaining perspective

Episode Date: July 29, 2021

Anxiety comes in a lot of different ways. Sometimes it can feel like the weight of it can be unbearable. Emma has been going through a lot lately, and shares some experiences on how putting things into perspective can really help us. Plus, tips and tricks on how to reduce our anxiety, how to deal with panic attacks when they come, and more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello everybody, welcome back to anything goes. I'm Emma Chamberlain, your host. I hope you're having an amazing day. I have been so anxious recently. Let's just fucking address the elephant in the room. Okay, I've been so anxious recently. And I feel like a broken record because I feel like I talk about my anxiety a lot. And for those of you who maybe don't have anxiety, or maybe for those of you who just don't want to hear about it, I'm not going to be offended if you're like, I'm not listening to this episode, shut the fuck up about anxiety. Stop. about anxiety, stop. But it's such an ongoing battle. And every time I feel like my anxiety

kind of goes into remission, if you will, it kind of stops or it gets better. I'm always like, wow, okay, maybe I'm done now. Like maybe I'm never gonna get it again. Maybe that was it, that was the last time. And then it comes back. And I have been very anxious recently. To a point where I almost feel kind of disassociated

from my life. I'm looking at the definition of disassociation because I don't know how to put it. Disassociation is a disconnection and lack of continuity between thoughts, memories, surroundings, actions, and identity where you feel detached from your environment, the people around you or your body. I've been feeling this very frequently recently and it's been taking a huge toll on me because I feel off and I feel like I'm not in my body

constantly, like I'll have moments where I'm good but 90% of the time right now, I do not feel present in my body. It's the most bizarre feeling and it's so unsettling and it makes it hard for me to, you know, want to be on camera or to record a podcast or to even be in a social situation because I don't feel like myself. It's uncomfortable and I can't explain it. But if you've ever felt it before, let me tell you, I feel for you because it's very

uncomfortable. I feel like I'm a robot almost. It is so incredibly bizarre. I haven't really dealt with this a lot with anxiety. This is kind of a newer thing, I feel like, or maybe I'm just more aware of it. Now that I'm older, I don't know, but it's so uncomfortable.

Because I've been dealing with this recently, I've been trying to figure out ways to help with this feeling of disassociation that comes with anxiety. And I've found some ways to deal with it. The main one being putting things into perspective for yourself. Because if you're like me and you have anxiety, a big part of your anxiety is that you probably find yourself obsessing over small things.

For example, you might be fixating on a friendship in your life. Maybe you're like, I don't feel like this friend really likes me that much. I feel like they are deceiving me and they don't really actually like me. But every time we hang out, it feels like everything's fine, but then when I'm by myself and I'm not around them anymore, I feel like they don't like me, you may be fixating on that. And all these little anxieties about little weird things

can all be really put into perspective and relieved, but you have to train yourself how to do that and how to think like that and how to consistently put things into perspective so that you can alleviate some of these small little obsessions that your anxiety causes you to have. And it's funny because I'm giving this advice, right, about how putting things into perspective can really help with this element of anxiety. Yet I am terrible at this. I am so bad at it. I know that it helps, but I'm so bad at doing it. And I still let myself obsess over these tiny things.

Like, for example, today I started convincing myself that everybody in my life secretly despises me and is using me. Okay, so that was one thing I obsessed over today. I also convinced today. I also Convince myself that I don't work hard enough and that I basically need to work harder to a point where I am I do nothing else in order to Be working hard enough to my standard and that I'm going to fail if I don't work

So hard that I have no life. If that makes sense. Like I basically convinced myself that I need to be working harder or else I'm to fail. Those were some things that I was obsessing over today. And to somebody else, it might seem kind of stupid and just like irrational and dumb. But in the universe of my own mind,

these things feel massive and they feel like life-shattering, you know? But if I actually put them into perspective, they're irrational and they're unnecessary. But the thing about anxiety and anxious thoughts is that they happen almost subconsciously. And they're kind of in the back of your head, just floating around. And so you're existing with these subconscious thoughts that are obsessive and negative and anxiety inducing. And that merely existing like that can make you feel disassociated, can obviously make you feel anxious because they're anxious thoughts. Can make you feel this weird feeling of doom like it's awful.

But if you can learn how to take these anxious thoughts, bring them to the forefront of your head, put them into perspective, you can help lessen your anxiety, but it's just about teaching yourself how to do it. So here's some advice on how to put things into perspective, to help with anxiety, to help with this association, this association, this associative feelings, and to combat all the stress and discomfort that comes with these thoughts and feelings. The first thing that I try to do, especially if I'm by myself, is to close my eyes and remind myself of these four things. Number one, there's nothing that you cannot get through.

Even the worst case scenario of the thing that you're anxious about, you can still get through it. The only thing that you can't get through is death. And that might sound morbid and I know that that is kind of morbid and I'm sorry, but the only thing that will stop you from getting through whatever you're anxious about is dying. Like that's the only thing. And the thing is too about death is that you can't control that. You can't control when that happens.

So if you're anxious about something, remind yourself that there is no way that you won't get through it. You can get through anything. As long as you can take a deep breath in and out, you can get through whatever you're worried about. And I mean, that kind of leads us to, you know, okay, but see, then that brings in the complex side of death, which a lot of people get anxiety about.

I personally don't, because I'm lucky that I don't. Sometimes I do, but I can bat anxiety related to me dying by simply remembering that there's nothing I can do to stop it, you know. And if there's nothing I can do to stop it, then I might as well not waste my time being anxious about it. And I know this is morbid, and I'm sorry, but it's true. I can't control when that's gonna happen. So I'm just not gonna worry about it. But when it comes to the smaller, more mundane things,

like turning in an assignment late, you're significant other cheating on you. Your best friend, you know, saying shit that's mean about you behind your back, not getting the job that you wanted, not getting into the college that you wanted. All of that, you can get through that. Just take a step back and look at the bigger picture.

All of that stuff, yeah, it might suck, it might really suck ass. But it's not something that you can't get through. Don't underestimate how strong you are. You can get through that. You can. And if it doesn't end up being true, you'll have to. But joy will follow those moments.

It's not like if one of those things goes wrong, that you'll never feel happy again. You'll never feel joy again. That's not true. You know, you will get through it and you will see joy on the other side, whether you believe it right now or not. You know what I'm saying? But it's hard to see that when you're all wrapped up in the moment

and all wrapped up obsessing on something along those lines. It's so easy to just get so wrapped up in it that you cannot fathom that life will exist afterwards, but it does and it will. The second thing I remind myself of is that most of the things that we worry about never come to pass, this is something that my dad always said to me growing up. And even to this day, every time I bring something up to him that is kind of anxious or irrational, he says, Emma, most of the things we worry about never actually come to pass.

And they might come to pass. It's, it's true. It's possible. They might come to pass. They might happen. But most of the shit that we get anxious about ends up being just fine. I would argue 95% of it. And when you remind yourself of that, it takes a little bit of the pain away, you know?

But you have to keep reminding yourself every time an anxious thought comes into your head, you tell yourself, most of the things that we worry about never actually happen. And even if they do, and even if they do happen, there's nothing that I won't be able to get through. That kind of brings us back to point number one. It's crazy because when you're in the midst of being anxious, you forget, you genuinely forget that you are capable of getting through literally anything. And that most of the things that we worry about don't happen, like we actively forget that when we're in an anxious headspace.

And that's why it might sound stupid to somebody who does not struggle with anxiety for me to be saying these things because it might be like, well, that's obvious. It's not. When you're in the moment, you need to tell yourself these things. You might need to write them down over and over again in a journal.

You might need to say them verbally out loud to yourself if you're alone in order to remind yourself that that is true. Because anxiety is all irrational. Majority of it is irrational. And so just by saying these little phrases, it can help put things back into perspective. The third thing that I remind myself of and that I tell myself is that I am just one person in a world of billions of people.

And although that doesn't take away the importance and significance of every single individual human being on this planet, it also kind of reminds you that what you do and the mundane little mistakes or embarrassing moments or whatever it may be, look at the billions of people on this planet. There's billions of people on this planet doing more embarrassing things than you're doing and making larger mistakes

than you made every day. And out of the billions of people on this planet, almost everybody has probably dealt with something similar to what you're dealing with. You're not alone in this. You're a part of a bigger picture. You're a part of a planet with so many fucking people. You know what I mean?

It's not that deep. Like, you regretting, you know, cringy things you did in your first relationship doesn't matter when you think about how many fucking people live on this planet and exist every day and do so many different types of good and bad things. You know what I'm saying? I know that it sounds again obvious, but when you're in an anxious headspace, you forget how many people are on this planet and how nothing is really that deep and everybody's so concerned about themselves that they're not paying attention to you as much as you think because there's so many people on this planet that nobody's paying attention to you as closely as you think that you are.

So you can give yourself some space to be a human being and to have made mistakes and maybe to have some regrets. Like, nobody cares that much. There's too many fucking people and there's too much shit going on in this world for anybody to be hyper fixated on you and what you're doing. Trust me, you know? This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. to be hyper fixated on you and what you're doing. Trust me, you know.

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This episode is brought to you by State Farm. There's no instruction manual when it comes to being an adult. Sometimes I lay away get night rehashing something I said earlier that day, or I lay in bed at night thinking about what the future holds. I know I'm not the only one going through a lot of what ifs. Like what if I get into a fender bender? Or what if my home gets broken into? But state farm can help you with some of those big what ifs.

They're available to answer your questions day or night. You can reach them 24-7, file a claim on the State Farm mobile app or simply call your agent to ask what's on your mind. Like you good neighbor, State Farm is there. Call or go to stateform.com for a quote today. The last thing I remind myself of is kind of crazy and a little cookie,

but just bear with me. I remind myself of is kind of crazy in a little cookie, but just bear with me. I remind myself that scientists don't even really truly know how human consciousness actually works. I was just watching a video about it today. Like, scientists can't really explain how consciousness works, how we are aware of Literally things like how we are aware of our own being Scientists can't really explain that and some scientists think that it's because we live in a simulation and it's beyond our comprehension that

All of this is not even really real like The concept of things being real, it's not even confirmed by science necessarily. Like, I've watched so many science videos about this and trust me, I don't know what I'm fucking talking about. But from what I've gathered, like, we don't even really have a full grasp on what it means to exist. And for some people that might make their, it might make their anxiety worse. But for me, it actually makes me feel better because I'm like, okay, then shit's really

not that deep because we don't even really fully understand what's actually going on. So who gives a fuck? Who gives a literal fuck? Because this is all not as serious as we think it is. Because we don't even really fully know what's going on. We don't even fully comprehend what it means to be a human being and to be alive. We don't know what happens when you die. We don't know what happens when you fall asleep even. Like what happens with your brain and when you dream? Like we don't know what, like there's so many mysteries that come with being a human that it's almost stupid

to take it too seriously. The best way that we can make life enjoyable is to loosen up a little bit and to take this kind of full circle to put things into perspective and be like, there's so many things that are a mystery and things just really aren't that deep. We put so much weight on tiny little things

in our day to day life, when in the grand scheme of things, none of it really matters, and honestly, according to some scientists, it might not even be real. Like, we don't even know if this shit's fucking real. So, do you see what I'm saying? It's like, you have to take a step back sometimes.

And look at life from a bird's eye view and see the bigger picture. And really fucking think about it. And I can guarantee it'll make you feel better. It makes me feel better. In fact, talking about it right now is making me feel better because I didn't know what I was gonna talk about today in today's episode

because I was having really bad anxiety all day, really, really bad. And the reason why I wanted to talk about this was actually for myself more than anything. Because I was like, this is something I need to verbalize right now because this makes me feel better and it makes me feel more grounded.

And if it helps me, it might help one of you. And that's the goal every single time I record one of these episodes. So try to keep those things in mind when you're feeling really anxious or you're feeling kind of disassociated. I don't know if that's even a word. It is disassociated. And I find that, you know, when you're obsessing over small little daily things in your life and you're getting anxious about them, or maybe even you've been on your phone too much and you're kind of wrapped up in the world of the internet and the

things that are happening on the internet or on the news feel so big in your brain and feel like they start to feel like your universe. You need to step back and you need to remind yourself of these four things that I just mentioned and put your feedback on the ground and feel grounded again. I thought I would tell you next some examples of things that I obsess over and how I can bat them. Basically, what I tell myself to combat certain scenarios, because I think it might be helpful to give some examples of how I put certain things that I get anxious about into perspective.

Number one, something I frequently struggle with is thinking that all of the people in my life hate me and that they secretly do not like me and that I am being deceived in some way. When I have thoughts and feelings like this, I literally just simply tell myself, okay, well, worst-case scenario, that is true, everybody hates me and I have to find new people to spend time with. and I have to find new people to spend time with. Okay, would that kill me? No. Time to move on. You know what I'm saying? Another thing that I get worried about is that somebody in my life is hurt or something bad happened to them.

This is probably the hardest one to combat and to put into perspective because it's so extreme. But what I tell myself is I can't control what happens to the people in my life. I cannot control it. And worst case scenario, as awful, as the places that my mind may go, I could get through it and I would get through it. And there's been billions of other people that have experienced, okay, I don't know how that makes sense.

Historically billions of people, cause I don't know how many people have been alive in total. Okay, so, anyways, there's been so many people rephrasing. There has been so many people who have experienced the scenarios that I'm playing in my head. And they have survived, and they have gotten through it. And I can too. If something happens to somebody I love,

I'll get through it. And it's a fucking awful place for your brain to go there. It's a terrible place. It is my least favorite place that my brain goes. But I just have to remind myself of that and that's the best that I can do. Another thing that I get stressed about or anxious about is that I feel like I'm not working hard enough. Well, I tell myself I'm working as hard as I can and working as hard as I can is enough. If I need to lay in bed for a week,

because that's all I can do, that's enough. Period. Doing your best and working your hardest is enough. And when I tell myself that, and I remind myself of that, it sometimes helps. Another thing that I sometimes get anxiety about is things in my past, cringy things I've done, embarrassing moments I've had, bad decisions I've made, immature things I've done, every time I think about these things I remind myself that I would not be me without

those experiences. I would not be the person I am today without those experiences. I would not be the person I am today without those experiences. I would not be as mature as I am today without those experiences. I would not be as dynamic of a person if I had not had those experiences. They've shaped me into who I am today and they're nothing to feel bad about and they taught me a lesson. I'm definitely not going to make the same mistakes again. And that's a beautiful thing. So no need to be anxious about those things. Another thing I obsess over sometimes

is that I feel like I'm not a good enough person to the people in my life. And this is irrational because I feel like I'm a good enough friend. I mean, I feel like I'm a good enough family member. But sometimes I start to obsess and feel like, am I not doing enough? Am I not checking in on people enough? Am I not being attentive enough?

Am I not a good enough listener? You know, am I fun to be around, et cetera, et cetera? Whenever I worry about that, I tell myself, okay, well then why don't you do something right now? Why don't you take action and why don't you do something nice for somebody in your life? Right now, send somebody a nice text, send my mom flowers.

Like, you know what I mean? Take action. If I'm so worried about it, then why don't I take action and do something about it? The last example of something I obsess over slash get anxious about would be feeling like somebody is betraying me and I don't know it, like they're stealing money from me or they're cheating on me or they're lying to me

or they're spreading rumors about me. You know what I mean? Like something fucked up like that, right? Feeling like somebody is deceiving me. I tell myself, if this is the case, I will find out if that's true eventually, but until further notice, I'm going to continue to enjoy my relationship with this person because there's no reason for me to be believing this. There's no proof, there's no evidence, there's no signs that this is happening.

This is just my imagination. So until further notice, I'm just going to act like that is not true. And guess what? If it is happening, I is just my imagination. So until further notice, I'm just going to act like that is not true. And guess what, if it is happening, I'll find out eventually. Amen. So those are some of the ways that I talk to myself, if you will, to try to relieve some of that anxiety and to kind of put things into perspective.

It's almost like I'm my own, okay, like it's almost like I have a devil in an angel on my shoulder and the devil side is like, Emma, you need to be anxious about this and then the angel side is like, uh, everything's going to be fine and here's why. And when we're feeling really anxious, we tend to only listen to the devil on our shoulder. It's so important to remember that that angel on your shoulder exists and you need to listen to them. And you need to tap into them. And I know that sometimes it can be hard

when you're in your head and you're anxious and you don't have things in perspective to listen to that angel on your shoulder. This is when I would recommend journaling, right? A good prompt that you could use would be to write down all the things that are making you anxious and you can number them. One, two, three, four, five, six, whatever. Then, when you're done writing down all the things that you're anxious about,

go through, and for each one, write either a solution, or write why it's not as bad as you think it is. You know what I'm saying? Put it into perspective for yourself and write it down. Read over it as many times as you have to, but I can almost guarantee that this will help, because it puts things into perspective, which is kind of what this whole episode is about, putting things into perspective during an anxious time, but it also is kind of training your brain to start to combat your anxious

thoughts with these more rational thoughts. And that's a great skill to have. And eventually, you'll get better at doing this more automatically. So then when an anxious thought comes up, you immediately trigger the other part of your brain to be like, hey, this is why you don't need to worry about this You know This episode is brought to you by Instagram. It definitely feels harder than ever to Feel connected to people though at the same time

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I mean, it sounds wild, but it actually can change your life in a way. It has absolutely changed mind. Connection isn't something that just happens. It's something you make. Start today by downloading Instagram, and I'll see you there. I also thought I'd mentioned some activities that help me with cooling down from my anxiety,

but also activities that specifically help me ground myself and feel more connected to my mind and body as corny as that sounds. Number one, listening to a podcast or watching a documentary about the universe or galaxy, the galaxy or space or science, something that's like based in reality. I don't know why it is, but this really helps me. It reminds me how massive the world in the universe is and how tiny I am in the grand scheme of things

and how tiny the things I worry about are in the grand scheme of things. And it's also interesting and educational and it's like relatively positive. So this really, that really helps me. Also talking to somebody about something that's completely unrelated to what you're anxious about. Having a conversation about something mundane and stupid

weirdly helps you snap out of your irrational thinking pattern. Like, let's say you're anxious about something and then you call your friend on the phone and you guys just start talking about how you think Domino's pizza is the best pizza on the planet, but except recently they changed their recipe for the crust and now they're not as good. Okay, something as dumb as that, right? Having a weird random conversation like that about something completely unrelated helps break the cycle in your brain and just helps put things back into perspective.

I don't know how else to explain it, but it's like, it just breaks the cycle. Another thing that I do is I read a book about something real, like something that actually happened, whether that's a book about history or maybe an autobiography or a biography. Wait, what's the difference? I don't remember.

Literally, I am so dumb, sorry. I am so sorry. Or just reading a book about something that is realistic. You know what I'm saying? Something that, even if it didn't necessarily actually happen, even if the book is fictional, if it's something that could really happen, it can still be comforting. It's just comforting to read about reality.

And reading itself helps with anxiety, but reading something realistic is just even more comforting, because it's relatable in a sense, and it shows you somebody else's view of the world, and that can be really comforting. Or it can tell you about something that's happened in history to real people that really existed. You know what I mean? Like there's so many reasons why reading is helpful, but especially books that are based in reality,

to some extent. And last but not least, just sitting outside and literally listening to the sounds of And last but not least, just sitting outside and literally listening to the sounds of nature and focusing on them, like going on a walk, not wearing headphones and listening to birds chirping, listening to the trees moving. There's something about that that's so grounding and I feel like on a day to day, we're not listening to the fucking trees rustling and we're not listening to the fucking trees wrestling and we're not listening to birds chirping. Like, we're thinking, like we're listening to our brains,

we have headphones and we're listening to music, we're listening to a podcast, we're on the phone, like we don't pay attention to that stuff. So if you take the time to really do it, it can really make a difference and really make you feel comforted. Anyway, that's all I have to say about perspective and how perspective plays a role in helping to combat anxiety and I hope it was helpful and it

definitely helped me. Like I feel better now. I feel like so much more grounded than I did starting this episode just because I was able to verbalize this stuff. And I really encourage you guys to find a way to bring this perspective to the front of your brain, right? Like, whether it's from journaling or talking about it with somebody, whatever it may be, I really encourage you to practice this as much as you can because it's so important and so helpful, especially because the internet makes all of this 10 times worse and makes having any

kind of perspective 10 times worse because the internet just makes reality not feel real sometimes. And the internet and reality start to meld which can be extremely confusing. So now more than ever, you know, putting things into perspective is so important. Try your best to do it as much as you can. And I hope this was helpful. But anyway, it's time to answer some questions. I asked you guys to ask me questions

about anxiety in general on the Twitter, or the Twitter's at AG podcast. You can follow it if you want and participate in future episodes. So, anyway, somebody said, today I was at a restaurant and found myself on the verge of a panic attack.

I couldn't get myself to tell my parents because they wouldn't get it. What do I do next time without making a big deal out of it, but still feel better? I have experienced this before. It's so awful when you feel like you're on the verge of a panic attack or you are even having a panic attack and you're in a public place

or you're in a social setting in general, it's terrible. I think the worst thing that you can do is try to push through it and act like it's not there because that'll only make it worse. So what I try to do is I try to go outside. I try to go to the bathroom. I try to find a way to be alone for a second. I think the bathroom is the best option,

but if there's no bathroom, go outside, do whatever you can do to have a second by yourself. Start taking deep breaths, feel your feet on the ground, let yourself feel the emotions of the panic attack so that it can pass. Because the thing about panic attacks, anxious thoughts, all of that stuff, is that if you push it away,

it makes it worse. But if you let it pass, it goes away. It's almost like how in physics, energy cannot be created nor destroyed. I don't know if this is gonna be a good metaphor, but stick with me. Okay, it's a bad metaphor, I don't know if this is going to be a good metaphor, but stick with me. Okay, it's a bad metaphor. I don't want to use it because I don't even understand physics enough to do it.

So, do you know what? Moving on. But moral the story is, if you just push it off, it doesn't go away. Unfortunately, life would be a lot easier if that was the case. So find a place to be by yourself, experience the panic attack so that it can pass so that you can move on. Somebody said, do you feel like you go through periods of time where you feel like you aren't dealing with so much anxiety and then all of a sudden it comes back? Absolutely.

I'm bringing this question up and kind of answering this question because I think it's so important for us to remember that mental health struggles are not linear. It's all over the place. One day you might feel great and you might have the best day you've ever had and the next day might be the worst day of your life. It's all over the map and that's so normal and it's so important not to get frustrated with yourself when you're coming out of a good phase where you weren't anxious

or you weren't struggling as much with your mental health. It's so easy to get mad at yourself when you're doing really good and then all of a sudden things start declining again and you start to feel like shit again. It's so easy to get mad at yourself and feel like you're doing something wrong. But, unfortunately, it's just a part of being a human being and for the rest of your life and for the rest of all of our lives, there are going to be ups and downs. Somebody said, what's a good way

to deal with nighttime anxiety right before sleep? I have talked about this a lot, but something that I've been doing recently is playing meditation music as I'm falling asleep. And I know that that might sound weird, but I've done this on and off throughout my life, but recently I've been doing it every night because my anxiety has been so bad. And the reason why meditation music is so helpful is because it gives your brain something to focus on. It's not like you're just laying in bed

in silence left with your thoughts. Like, it gives your brain something to cling onto. So, I just look up a meditation playlist. It gives your brain something to cling onto. So I just look up a meditation playlist on YouTube that's like six hours long and listen to that as I'm falling asleep and it's been great for me. Somebody said, I usually get really anxious about things that have happened and didn't go the way that I wanted them to. So I waste too much time thinking about it and getting anxious. Any advice? I feel like human beings get anxious about two types of things.

We get anxious about things that we can control and things that we can't control. And I'm pretty sure I mentioned this earlier, but getting anxious about things that you can't control is pointless because there's nothing that you can do about it. You just have to acknowledge the thought and then try your best to let it go. But human beings also get anxious about things that they can control. And getting anxious about things that you can control. And getting anxious about things that you can control is a little bit easier to combat because you can actually take action in order to relieve anxiety. But with what you're talking about here, which is getting anxious about things that have happened that didn't go the way that you wanted to, that falls into the category of things that you can't control, which unfortunately the only way to

relieve that anxiety is to acknowledge the thought, acknowledge that you're anxious about said thing, and then letting it pass because there's nothing that you can do to change it. Any time that you're anxious about something that you can't control, try to shift your focus to the present and shift your focus to how you can make today a good day, how you can make tomorrow a good day, how you can use your time wisely and try to distract yourself with tasks that will help you have a better present moment. Somebody said, what's the best way to deal with anxiety when you're all alone and it's only you

versus your thoughts? Obviously, you know, you can always call somebody, but sometimes it's late at night and that's not an option or you don't have the energy to talk to somebody. In that case, my favorite thing to do is listen to a podcast, watch a documentary, go for a walk, journal, read a book, work on something that needs to get done. Maybe try a new hobby, like just, the worst thing that you can do

is lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. I just don't think that that gets you anywhere. You just start to ruminate further. You need to put yourself to work when you're by yourself. Okay, I know it's kind of upsetting to bring up, but it's kind of almost back to school time. And although I don't go to school anymore, I still get nostalgia every time it's back to school because I remember back to school shopping and it was my favorite thing of all time. I hated school, but I

loved back to school shopping. I would always buy fun school supplies that all matched and I'd pick out a few new pieces of clothing and I got to hang out with my mom and we'd do it together and it was so fun and exciting. And I'd show up to school with all of my stuff and I just felt great. And then two weeks into school, I was, you know, I was starting to struggle a little bit, but it at least made the beginning of the school year fun. And I know it might only be mid-summer, but Macy's has back to school on their mind. Fall will be here before you know it, so it's time to start shopping for all of the essentials.

Not only does Macy's have all the clothing styles you need, like shirts, denim, shoes, and so much more, but you can also shop for backpacks, lunch boxes, and everything in between. Plus, if you're heading off to college, Macy's also has tons of bedding, sheets, small appliances, like a coffee maker, which is an absolute essential, and all the rest of the stuff you could need. Every year before school started, I always would pick out a new pair of shoes that I'd kind of wear for the whole year, and I remember it was such a big decision, and I think one of my highlights was definitely converse. A few of those years I got high top converse and honestly looking back, it made me look like a badass 10-year-old.

You know what I mean? That was a good choice. I'm proud of myself for choosing converse at age 10. Like I did genuinely look badass. But then some years I would choose stuff that was just like embarrassing. So, you know, you win some you lose some, but anyway, as you guys know, I have my own custom site that I curated

at macy's.com slash Emma with all of my favorites that will get you ready for back to school. I included some backpacks from Kipling, Cool Retro Socks, Lunchboxes, Jackets and sweaters, Denham, all of it. Everything is at macy's.com slash Emma. Go check it out. Somebody says, is there any little tweaks

that you made in your lifestyle that significantly reduced your anxiety? Deleting Twitter and deleting TikTok has been one of the best decisions of my life. I haven't gone on either of them in months. I mean, it's been forever, it feels like. And that's been super helpful. So basically, to answer your question,

deleting social media apps that trigger my anxiety deleted those, and now I feel 10 times better. Do I still have anxiety? Absolutely. It didn't solve my problem, but it definitely alleviated a lot of the anxiety that I used to have. Somebody said, how to make your brain stop from going to places that you know gives it anxiety. I keep telling myself, if I keep thinking about this, I'll

have an anxiety attack. And I keep doing it without managing to stop any tips. Yes, as I mentioned earlier, if you just keep pushing things off, they get worse. You have to let the thought come fully into fruition in order to let it pass. You need to process the anxious thought before it'll pass. So let's say you're anxious about your boyfriend cheating on you, your girlfriend cheating on you. Come to terms with that thought. And don't push it away. And don't get mad at yourself for having

this anxious thought. Relax. think about it Put it into perspective like we've been talking about this whole episode Maybe even journal about it or talk to somebody about it and then try your best to distract yourself so that you can move on Somebody said in my first relationship this year I found myself to be so anxious when I was away from him Not in a separation anxiety sense, but more of a I feel like I'm annoying him Does he still love me way? I don't want this to transfer to my next relationship. How do I avoid this?

This is so normal and I remember when I used to be on TikTok I saw a take talk about something called relationship anxiety. And I think it's really common to constantly be freaked out that your significant other is like no longer into you or whatever, like I think that's common. But the two ways that I would deal with this is number one, every time you're feeling that way, to just reach out and be like, hey, I miss you or something, not in like a clingy way,

but just every time you need a little bit of reassurance, reach out and be like, hey, how's your day going? And start up a conversation so that you can get reassurance that everything's okay, because I think that when there's a lack of communication for a period of time between you and your significant other, it can make your mind go crazy places. So just check in.

Or if you're feeling really balzy, you can tell your significant other, hey, I have anxiety and my brain tends to behave in this way, and sometimes I'm going to need reassurance and sometimes it may seem stupid or over the top, but if I'm getting anxious about a relationship, like I may text you and be like, hey, just checking in to make sure everything's all good. And when I do that, just, you know, know that it's not because you did anything wrong or whatever, there's anything wrong at all.

It's just that my anxiety is acting up and I need reassurance, possibly more than some other people. I just might need reassurance a little bit more than you're used to. I've done that in relationships because I have anxiety in relationships. And so like, if you need that, just ask for what you need. A lot of anxiety that you experience about other people can be solved simply through communication.

Somebody said, I've just realized that Instagram is really toxic for me and I don't have it on my phone anymore. At first I thought it was the people I was talking to, but now I'm pretty sure it was just the app itself. Can you please give me some advice on how to deal with this? Well, I think you handled this great by deleting the app. You are not alone. Many people get anxious from social media. Almost everybody gets anxious from social media. It's very overwhelming. get anxious from social media. Almost everybody gets anxious from social media.

It's very overwhelming. And there's kind of no reason to have an Instagram. You know what I'm saying? Like, there's no solid reason why you should have an Instagram or a social media in general. You know what I'm saying? Like, I would love to see somebody argue why you need to have an Instagram. I would love to see somebody argue why you need to have an Instagram. I would love to see that argument because if it's not serving you mentally, then you do

not need to be on it. I would say just stay off the app and you'll be fine. I can guarantee you're not missing out on much. Somebody said, Emma, this is oddly specific, but one of my close friends will sometimes straight up ignore me when she doesn't like my response to something. And it makes me really anxious. The whole day I'll be constantly checking my phone and my heart will raise 24 seven. How can I handle this better? Well, for one, try to remind yourself that it's not as personal as you think. Even if she's ignoring you because she didn't like your response, it's still not as severe

as you probably think. So that's the first thing to remind yourself. But the second thing is you should communicate with your friend about how this makes you feel and say, hey, if you don't like the way that I respond to something or you don't like something that I say, tell me instead of ignoring me because this causes me a lot of anxiety and I'd rather just get it over with and communicate and move forward

so that I don't have to spend 24 hours being anxious that you're angry at me. I would like to just get it out of the way immediately. So if I ever say anything that bugs you, just let me know so that we can just get it out of the way. So much anxiety can be relieved through communication and although communication is uncomfortable, I would argue that anxiety is worse. Somebody said, when my boyfriend asked me to hang out alone with him, for some reason I

always get anxious. When there's other people there, I'm okay because I can bounce off their conversation but I feel awkward alone with him even though he tries to make me comfortable. This is so normal and I used to struggle with this a lot when I was younger like hanging out with a boy alone for me. Mm, no, no. Not for me, like I just could not do it.

And so I totally understand this anxiety. But coming from somebody who used to deal with this so badly, I can tell you that it gets so much better with practice. You just have to keep hanging out with him. It's like practice makes perfect, right? So don't avoid opportunities to hang out with your boyfriend alone. Think of it like this.

Every time I hang out with my boyfriend alone, I am one hang out closer to feeling comfortable with this. It just takes time because when you're young, like being around somebody that you're attracted to is so scary and if you're somebody who's anxious, then you're attracted to is so scary. And if you're somebody who's anxious, then you're definitely going to be overthinking every single move that you make, every single word that you say. And so don't be so hard on yourself. But also you kind of have to push through it because the only way to become comfortable around your boyfriend is to keep

hanging out alone with him, make an effort to hang out alone with him more often because the more that you do it, the more comfortable it's going to feel. Somebody said, I always get anxious when it comes to trying new things and I feel like it holds me back from finding what I truly love to do. For example, I want to try out soccer, but I'm too anxious because I'm afraid that I'll be bad at it. Do you have any tips? I get a lot of anxiety about the same type of thing.

Like, anxiety about starting something new because I feel like I'm just going to fail and there'll be no reason for me to have started, you know? But you just need to look at it in a different way. You need to put this in a different light. Point out all the positive things that could come from you starting this new activity, new hobby. So, you know, let's use soccer as an example because you wanna try out soccer.

Yes, you might end up being a terrible soccer player in the beginning. It's possible. Actually, it's almost guaranteed. Nobody's good at anything when they first start. But who cares? You might meet so many new friends. You might find something that you're newly passionate about.

And eventually, if you want to get good, you can get good. Anybody can get good at pretty much anything if they try hard enough. So whenever you're fixating on the negatives, like I might fail or I might embarrass myself or people might judge me, look at the positive side, which is that you might make new friends, you might find something that fuels you and excites you. And eventually, you could get really good at it. And actually, whether or not you get good at it is up to you. You have control over that. So you can almost guarantee that if you want to get good at it, you'll

get good at it, which is something else to be excited about. For some reason, I think we tend to doubt ourselves and think, well, there's no way I could ever be good at this. If you want to be good at it, you can. It might be hard work, but you could be good at anything you wanted to be good at. Starting something new is scary because almost inevitably you'll be bad at the start, but at the same time everybody who's ever started said hobby or activity was bad in the beginning. So don't be hard on yourself if you suck in the beginning because I can guarantee everybody else also sucked in the beginning. So take the pressure off yourself there and just have fun with it.

Don't take it so seriously. Anyway, that's all I got for today. I actually have to go to the bathroom really bad. Thank you for listening. Thank you for hanging out. I hope that this was helpful. This actually made me feel really good to talk about. And I really just hope it helped even one of you.

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beautiful rest of your day. I love you all and I'll see you next week. Bye!