anything goes with emma chamberlain - success

Episode Date: January 14, 2021

Success comes in all forms, and means something different to everyone. Some may view it as popularity, or money, or something else. Emma chats through it all, from her successes as an influencer and how she views it, to how others perceive it, and how it can change us. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi everybody welcome back to anything goes I'm Emma Chamberlain your host and I had so many things I wanted to talk about and I literally forgot about all of them. Oh well for starters you can't see me so this topic doesn't really matter but I dyed my hair brown. My hair is now brown. Here's the thing. I don't know if I like it. And I know that it has moments where it looks good and those are the moments that make it to Instagram, but there are moments when it genuinely looks bad. And I'll explain. I was blonde for about eight months.

I was bleaching my hair every few weeks, maybe every few months, but more like every few weeks. And I mean, as you can imagine, my hair just got destroyed. It was so dry and broken that I could do virtually nothing with it anymore. It was like, there was no hairstyles I could do anymore. If I left it down, it was just the most unfortunate looking head of hair anybody's ever seen. It was so awful. And on Instagram, I made it look good because I'm a liar and a faker and blah blah blah

but in real life it looked and felt so awful, so lifeless, so bad. So I decided to cut majority of my dead hair off of my head and dye it back to something closer to my natural color, which would be brown. My hair is naturally like dirty blonde brown, but the hairstyle has told me that if I went my natural color, I would look lifeless and knuckered, which I don't know if I should be offended by that or not, but I also trust them, I guess,

but she dyed my hair very dark. I mean, this is much darker than I had anticipated. If you go on my Instagram at Emma Chamberlain, it's almost black. I mean, it really is almost black. And listen, she told me it's gonna fade and it's gonna turn lighter brown over time because I have literal bleach blonde hair underneath.

So like, there's no way it won't fade. But I kinda hate it right now. Like I have trouble looking in the mirror, I have trouble facetiming people, unless I have a full face of makeup on, and I style my hair, and like take a solid 10 minutes to do that, I hate how I look.

It's super weird Because I had grown to be so confident with the blonde that Can everybody leave me the fuck alone? I swear to God if one more person fucking calls me I'm Gonna fucking lose it. I want everybody to leave me alone I'm in one of those moods where I just don't want anyone to talk to me. And it's always in moments when I don't want anybody to talk to me that I get calls. Anyway, sorry, that was kind of violent. I did not mean for that to be that violent.

Um, anyway, I genuinely feel self-conscious when I walk out, and about, when I go out and about, with my hair like in a little low bun because now my hair's so short that like I can't put it up or anything, like I genuinely feel self conscious of it when it's not styled and I don't have a full face of makeup on.

And that sucks because I'm used to just not wearing makeup and just free-balling it and going crazy. And you know, but now that my hair is different, I don't feel as confident and it's kind of a bummer. I like to feel confident and natural. I like to feel confident with no makeup. That's like always what I'm striving for. But right now I don't feel like that because I feel like I look weird. And it might just be because it's a new hairstyle, blah, blah.

But I'm genuinely I look weird. And it might just be because it's a new hairstyle, blah, blah, blah. But I'm genuinely struggling with it. Like, it's really affecting myself, the steam, I hate it. So that's some news for the week. That's kind of what I've been dealing with this week. I also feel really emotionally exhausted. And it could stem from the fact that yesterday I went on a run. And it was a really good run. It was one of those runs where you start running

and your body just wants to do it. Your body just wants to run. That virtually never happens to me, but it did happen to me yesterday, and I was just running and it felt good. Like, I wasn't tired. I didn't feel winded. I just felt good.

And I was listening to music, and I just started crying when I was on my run. For no reason. It was just like the music was just hitting right for whatever reason. And I started crying. And then I got home and I sat down on the floor of my room in front of my mirror. And I sat there for probably a half hour. And I cried more. And it half hour and I cried more.

And it wasn't like I was crying because I hate my new hair, although that is part of it, but I also know that it has potential so that kind of stops me from crying about it. Like I haven't cried about my hair yet because I know that if I style it, it looks good. So that's like comforting. I know that if I need to look good, I can.

But well, not look good, but if I need to look good, I can. But well, not look good, but if I need to look presentable, you know, it's possible. But I just sat in front of the mirror and cried for like two hours and I don't understand why it felt like weirdly spiritual. I felt like I was something spiritual was happening to me, but yet it all, it like literally, I felt like I was having an emotional awakening. And it literally could just be that I'm on my period. Well, you know what, that's definitely what it is. But regardless, it felt good just to cry for a little bit in front of the mirror. It's really a weird sensation to sit in front of a mirror

and look at yourself in the eyes and cry, but there's something really therapeutic about it. And I know that that sounds insane, but it works for me, apparently. I mean, I've never done that before, but it was kind of nice, it was kind of fire. So let's just dive right into today's topic. Let's waste no more time. Today's topic is the truth about success. Today's topic is the truth about success. And I don't know if I've touched on this before, and I think I might have, but in that scares me genuinely.

So I really hope this isn't just like a literal rerun episode. I did look through my discography. If that's even, is that a word, discography? Is that only for musicians? It's like a list of all of the things you've ever created, all of the music you've ever created, is an artist's discography, discography, discography. Discography? God, I'm not sound so stupid to anybody that knows what that word

is. We have now Siri. Definition of discography. Discography means. means okay a descriptive catalog of musical recordings Particularly those of a particular performer or composer Okay, so I actually think I might use that word right do you guys ever like use a word and you're like You randomly pull it out of your ass And it like just makes sense and then you're like did is that even the right word? And then you look it up and it was the right word and your instinct was correct. I literally feel like my life is just living from one of those moments to the next.

I love it that much. I love that feeling. I love when I use a word and it came from my subconscious and then it ends up being actually the right word to use in that sense. Ooh, that gets me going. Woo, woo, woo. Does that get me going?

Oh my God. Yes. Okay. I really don't think I've talked about this, but I'm now freaking out. So I'm going to go look at my entire discography and see. You know what? I don't think I have.

Low key, it might be time to send it. I think I'm gonna send it. I think I'm gonna send this episode. The truth about success. Success technically is accomplishing something. The more you accomplish, the more successful you are. Blah blah blah. But I think that the term success is really complicated,

to be honest. It's so different for everybody. It looks so different for everybody. Somebody else may think that someone is successful, but that person very well might not think that they're successful. It's so abstract. It's so up in the air.

And that's why I think it's such a weird thing. Because it almost doesn't exist. Because as humans, we're always yearning. Is that the right word? Yearning? We're always yearning for the next accomplishment. And I find that a lot of people don't ever feel successful because they never reach that point of like euphoria

that I think success is assumed to bring. And I'll take a personal stab at it. I didn't start my YouTube channel for any kind of success really. I started it because I was depressed and I needed a hobby and YouTube was the only hobby that I had ever tried that stuck. That's simply what it was. At a certain point when I started to gain a following, I think that part of me did want to grow my YouTube channel and accomplish higher numbers and technically succeed as a YouTuber

because that was natural for my brain. My brain was like, well, you've gotten this far, it's like why not take it all the way? Yes, it started like this, but why not run with it? Why not succeed at this? Because I think in the YouTube world, succeeding just basically means getting as many views and subscribers as you possibly can. Now that's not really the way I looked at it. I was more excited about growing a community and possibly being able to make this my job. That's kind of what my goal was,

less than, say, numbers in milestones with numbers and stuff like that, like hitting my first hundred thousand views or hitting my first million subscribers. That was definitely less important to me than actually just like growing a solid community and having a group of people that Fuck with me and want to hang out with me every week That was my main priority and that was More what success looked like to me But I also think that making money from it was success rather than some number

on a screen I'm glad to say that I've always looked at it like that and that's pretty much stayed the same. I've never had any type of number goal, which I think is really good. But the interesting thing about all of the quote-unquote success I've had on YouTube, or with my podcast, or with my coffee company company or with whatever it may be.

The weird thing about all success that I've had in these areas is that I have always felt really numb to it. Since day one, even when I first started gaining a following, my videos started to get more views. People were recognizing me in the streets. Even when all of that happened, I've always been really numb to it and I've never felt super shocked by it or super mind boggled by it. I was and still continued to be mind boggled by it, but I'm also not.

It's like, I'm mind boggled by it, but not in the way that I thought I would be. I thought that by becoming successful on YouTube, it would change my whole perspective on everything in life. Like, it would change the way I look at the world. It would change the way I think of myself. It would change things in ways that I couldn't even understand in that moment, but it turns out that has not been the case. Like I don't have any sort of like surreal feeling.

I think a good way to put it is since I've accomplished, you a feeling or sensation that I've never felt before. Does that make sense? I think that I thought that becoming successful and accomplishing things would almost unlock a new emotion or a new feeling within myself that was like euphoric. But that literally has not happened because I realize almost unlock a new emotion or a new feeling within myself that was like euphoric. But that literally has not happened because I realize that as humans, we only have a certain span of emotions that we can feel. Happy, sad, devastated, excited, anxious, whatever. We only have

a certain span. So no matter what's going on in your life, you can only feel so many things. We only have so many capabilities when it comes to feelings. But for some reason, I always believe that success and all that would bring some sort of new feeling to me, would make me feel a new emotion or a new feeling that I'd never felt before, that would be the best feeling ever, because I'd finally succeeded at something. But the truth is that that doesn't exist. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. There's no instruction manual

when it comes to being an adult. Sometimes I lay awake at night, rehashing something I said earlier that day, or I lay in bed at night thinking about what the future holds. I know I'm not the only one going through a lot of what ifs. Like, what if I get into a fender bender? Or what if my home gets broken into? But State Farm can help you with some of those big what ifs. They're available to answer your questions day or night.

You can reach them 24-7, file a claim on the State Farm mobile app, or simply call your agent to ask what's on your mind. Like you good neighbor, State Farm is there. Call or go to statefarm.com for a quote today. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is more than a website builder. It's in all in one place to make an online space that's entirely your own.

Their all-in-one platform allows you to customize everything from the fonts and color scheme to your domain name. All you have to do is choose from one of their beautifully design templates as a starting off point. Then, at whatever you need to show off your ideas to get your side hustle on, you've got all the tools you need to sell products, schedule appointments, and send email campaigns to your mailing list.

Plus, everything is optimized for mobile, so it looks just as good on a phone as it does on a desktop. Check out Squarespace.com for more features and inspiration, and when you're ready to build your site, use the offer code Emma for 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I actually feel like I'm a little bit numb to success and I blame myself for that. Although I do not feel like it's my fault, but something so amazing could happen. I could accomplish something huge

and I will never give myself credit and never really see it as a success. And I don't know if I have a mental block up that's like stopping me from allowing myself to feel excited about success. I don't know if it's a fear of getting comfortable and success subconsciously that prevents me from like celebrating success,

but for whatever reason, I am really numb to any accomplishment or success. It's very weird. And I don't know if it's normal. And this is just my truth about success, not necessarily everybody's. But I find that I feel nothing when I succeed in some sort of numeric way

or some sort of materialistic way. Like, when I was able to buy my first car, I felt numb about it. It was really cool and it was really exciting, but for some reason I was like numb to it. I just didn't even care. Or when I hit my first million subscribers, it was extremely exciting, but I also did feel this sense of numbness about it. I was like, it happened and then I was like, wow, nothing changed though. Like my life is still the same.

Like I still wake up every morning in this body and have to live in it. And listen, I know it may sound extremely ungrateful. And I'm aware of that. And that's something that I'm self-aware of, to a point where I feel guilty about the fact that I feel this numbness towards any type of success that I have. But that's just the way it is.

I just really thought that these moments would make me feel something intense and crazy, but the truth is none of it ever has. Also, brief intermission to hear the kitty meow. Can you hear her anyway? Come here sweetheart. I don't get what you want from me constantly. I close the door and you're like scratching at the door.

You're never happy. Oh there she is. You hear her meowing? Anyway, my favorite thing to do when I'm recording a podcast is to put my microphone up to her head so you can hear her sounds. If that doesn't prove that I'm a good cat mom. I don't know what it is. What does? What could? I just find it crazy that no amount of money, fame, recognition, anything like that

can change the way that I view myself or the world. I see everything truly the same. And that might be why I'm numb. Maybe I'm numb because success doesn't inflate my ego. And I'd like love to think that. But I also worry, what if I'm a sociopath? Because I feel nothing when I succeed at things. I expect to feel so much more than I ever do. I do think it's a really good thing that success doesn't change the way I view the world or anything

and that I am consistent and have been consistent with all those things. I think that's super important and that's just the way that my brain is wired. I think that's a good thing. But I think that that also does create the numbness and it's just so bizarre. Like, for example, I think people crave success because they think that it's going to make them more confident or it's going to make them feel happier or it's going to make them, you know, make more friends. The truth of the matter is there's a silver lining to all of that.

For example, if you succeed at something and then you start getting all these friends, are those real friends? Because they're only friends with you now because you're successful. That's not what you want. Or let's say you look in the mirror after accomplishing something huge and all of a sudden you're in love with yourself. Do you really want that?

Because then the second that you fail at anything or the second that things stop going your way, you're gonna look in the mirror and hate yourself 10 times more. You don't want that. You see what I'm saying? It's like people think that success is going to bring this added element of goodness to your life. When in reality that's not necessarily true and I think that that's why I feel so numb possibly

is because I know that reality is still reality. I can't... if I drown myself in the dream of success and I allow myself to get too comfortable in it, one day you have to wake up from that dream and stare at the life that you have in front of you. And even if the success has made your life better in some ways, you can't become blind because of it and change the way that you view yourself and others, etc. the world, whatever. Do you see what I'm saying? It's like there's this balance. And I think that I might be too far on the end of not even giving myself credit for my success.

Like I refuse to even like admit that I've ever succeeded at anything. And I don't know what that is. I don't know what is wrong with me in that area. I know that I've accomplished things, but my brain just keeps telling me, yeah, but you didn't because there's so much more that you could do and, you know, don't get comfortable now because everything could go way tomorrow and, you know, oh, well, did you even really work that hard? Like, do you even deserve what you have? I almost feel like I have success guilt, and I think a lot of this comes from

Me probably having imposter syndrome and I will read you what imposter syndrome is on Google Imposter syndrome refers to an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be While this definition is usually narrowly applied to intelligence and achievement, it has links to perfectionism in the social context. I do believe that I have this. But then again, you should never self-diagnose, but I would say I have this for sure. Because I never can fully be excited about anything that I accomplish because I never can fully be excited about anything that I accomplish because I just don't feel like I deserve it. I just don't feel like I feel like everything was a mistake.

I feel like there's a fluke in the fucking matrix that got me to where I am. And that's not true, and I know that that's not true, but it's like, I think a big part of it is that success scares me because I know that it won't last forever. There's always going to be dips in it. You're going to fail bazillions of times in your life. So every time I succeed at something, or I accomplish something, I know that there's a chance that the next time won't be that way.

And that causes a lot of anxiety for me. I feel like whatever I do next will be a disappointment because every time I succeed, I feel like, well, now the bar just got raised, how the fuck am I going to reach that again? I think it also is worse for me because things are, you know, in a public scale, so like people can see

if I fail or if I succeed and that, I think makes it a little bit scarier because I'm not only facing the judgment of myself, but also whoever wants to see because I make everything public and that's the decision I make in blah, blah, blah, but that also freaks me out. Another interesting thing is that I feel like success ages you

in a way, like because I've accomplished things at a young age, everybody holds me to this unrealistically high standard. And I'm still a 19 year old girl. You know, sometimes I have to lay in bed all day. Like sometimes I have to. sometimes I want to just talk about boys all day and not work sometimes I want to fucking Cry on the phone with my parents for 48 hours like sometimes I need to do those things But there's a lot less room for me to do that now because people just expect me to be on alert because oh Well if you've accomplished this before then you know

You're not allowed to have a down moment the fuck you have to be mature only make mature and good decisions and you can never act your age and you know blah blah blah and that is another burden of success that I Think is really tough especially for young people is just this new expectation people have for you. Even as a full grown adult, let's say you are a really successful accountant, and you're the best one, blah, blah, blah.

And everybody at the accounting firm respects the fuck out of you, but let's say one day you show up for work late. Everybody's gonna be like, yo, what the fuck? Like the eyes are on you, like you never fuck up. What the hell? But then if you know, if Joey, who's late to work every week shows up late, you're like, oh, it's just Joey being Joey again. It's like, you know, Joey's held to a lower standard and doesn't, and I get that, but I think that people start to dehumanize almost people that maybe succeed at something.

And I also feel like I'm guilty of that as a consumer. If I like, let's see Jeff Bezos, he's like the richest guy ever, right? Let's see like Jeff Bezos. He's like the richest guy ever, right? If I met him and he like had a shitty personality, I would be 50 times more judgmental of him than I would be a random guy on the street because Jeff Bezos has accomplished extreme wealth.

So I'm 50 times more analytical just because of human nature of him than I would be of anybody else because he's a fucking bazillionaire. And I just find that interesting that like, you know, Jeff Bezos would be held to a higher standard. My point is success should be defined more about what makes you happy and what makes you feel fulfilled that success successes one? Accomplishing something makes you feel good and That brings me back to the beginning of this which is I started my YouTube channel to grow a community of people

That liked me and that wanted to hang out with me every week. And I definitely accomplished that. But that was my goal when I started because that's what was going to make me happy. Or me being able to do this as my job was another goal because that was going to allow me to, you know, have a job that I was passionate about and excited about, which is, of course, a great dream to have, not necessarily for everybody, but at least for me, that was definitely a goal. And I accomplished that. Those were two things that I accomplished that made me happy,

but I've also succeeded in areas such as hitting a certain amount of followers. That, yeah, people might think that I'm successful because I hit a certain amount of followers, but that doesn't feel like success to me because that's not something that necessarily makes me happy. I don't feel happy when I look at how many followers I have. I feel happy when I get to read comments of people

that connect with me in some way. That's success for me. And I don't know if any of what I just said makes sense or was useful by any means, I don't know. But there it is. The truth about success and the moral of the story is, although success may be very abstract, I think the best way to look at it is accomplishing something that makes you happy. Point blank period.

That's what real success is and that's when you're really going to feel that gratification. This episode is brought to you by LiquidIV. LiquidIV believes everybody needs hydration every day. It's not just for athletes or that one time you try to hot yoga class. Staying hydrated is essential whether you're just taking a stroll through your neighborhood, traveling or slogging through back-to-back meetings. And with just one stick of liquid IVs, hydration multiplier, you can hydrate two times faster than water alone

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or head to liquidiv.com and use the code anything for 20% off your order. That's liquidiv.com and use the code anything for 20% off your order. That's liquidiv.com with the code anything. Tap the banner or visit this episode's page to learn more. Okay, so now an answer, COS, Jan. Somebody said, what do you think about people saying that influencers have changed from success? saying that influencers have changed from success. I think that for influencers, it's very easy to succeed at social media. Okay, let's start with what succeeding on social media is. Seceding from on social media in most people's eyes is gaining a large following.

That's pretty much it. And maybe making money. For most people probably making money as well. I think a lot of people just love attention. And I totally get that. I mean, I may not be wired like that necessarily, but to a certain extent, I get it. I get that holy shit.

It's so cool. It's so cool when people know your name. I mean, from a young age, people start to become obsessed with fame, I think, most people. And it just becomes the ultimate goal for a lot of people as they grow up. And I think that when an influencer is able to do it and succeed, they don't necessarily have the wisdom or peace of mind

to realize that it really doesn't mean anything. Like, they still have to wake up every morning. They still have to wipe their ass after they shit. Like, I think that people forget that they're not invincible. It's like they feel like they accomplish them possible and it makes them feel like they're the dopest person on this planet because they succeeded

at such a sought out thing, you know. They eat it up. A lot of people eat it right up and they just see themselves as a fucking God and they get a God complex because they did it. A lot of kids in their class in third grade probably wanted to be famous, but they're the one that did it And that naturally gives most people a god complex a thousand percent And I think for a lot of them it's not their fault and I don't think that they Mean to let their egos go there, but I think it's still harmful, but it's just part of it. I think a lot of young people, especially,

well, I feel like most influencers are young people right now. Being a young influencer would be really hard because you, I mean, I guess I did it, but not really, I don't know, it's just, I feel like I had a very weird way of looking at things throughout, possibly because I may have imposter syndrome. So I never allowed myself to like be like, holy shit, you are badass for what you did. You know what I mean? I never think like that, but I could totally see how like a young person shoved into this would easily get to that point.

Whereas I feel like if somebody was 50 and they were to gain a massive following, they wouldn't, they already have their feet firmly on the ground, they know who they are. Something like 500,000 followers is not gonna make them think any differently about themselves. They've already solidified what that means in their own head. A young person doesn't know who they are yet, so if they all of a sudden have a million followers, they're like, well, that's my identity.

I'm fucking famous now, fuck everybody, you know? Because they don't have an identity yet. So like, they're gonna cling onto anything that they can find. And unfortunately, if you end up clinging onto a million followers, you're probably going to get a God complex from it. Somebody said, what are things that you recommend that other influencers do in order to stay humble despite their success. I mean, I think the main thing is to realize that it could all go away tomorrow. And just because you succeed at something and just because you've hit your goal, that doesn't mean that you can just rest. That doesn't mean that it's over.

You still have to get up and work every day. It's never over. Remembering that it's never over is very humbling. And remembering that it could go away tomorrow is very humbling. Because you're like, I can't lose touch with reality. I have to say in reality checked in or else this could all go away.

I need to be very tactical. I need to make sure I'm getting my shit done. I can't just like disintegrate into my own success. I need to like keep working. I think that's the key. It's just to remember that like nothing really changes. You still have to keep working every day. Also to realize that a lot of success is actually

just surface level shit and that at the end of the day, if you don't have good friends, if you don't have a good support system, if you don't have people around you that make you feel good, your success also means nothing. Success means nothing if you don't have a good life outside of it. Whether that't have a good life Outside of it Whether that simply means a good relationship with yourself

Or that means a life filled with a lot of hobbies a life filled with Self-care like you need to have those things outside of your success your success can't just drive your whole life And be the only backbone of your success, your success can't just drive your whole life and be the only backbone of your life. You know what I mean? You have to have a solid life outside of it. And in order to have that, you can't drown in your own success. Somebody said, how do you think some people are able to maintain their success for many

years while some people only have famed for a couple months? I think the key to that is Not losing yourself in it point blank period if you Get famous and then you just Give up because you're like well, I did it so now I'm done then that's when it only lasts for a few months Or if you started it for the wrong reasons I find if you're I did it, so now I'm done, then that's when it only lasts for a few months. Or if you started it for the wrong reasons, I find if your goal is to be famous for the wrong reasons, people are going to eventually see through that and they're going to let

go. They're just not going to care anymore. You have to have pure intentions, I believe. You have to have pure intentions or be really fucking entertaining. Or also it's only gonna last a few months. Somebody said, was it overwhelming having so much success at a young age? I think it was because, I mean, for starters, again, I want to say, like I am so grateful. I mean, really, as numb as I am to a lot of my success, I'm so grateful for the connections that I have with you guys.

I'm so grateful for the abilities to support myself financially, which has been like my dream since I was younger. That's what felt amazing. That's where I succeeded was being able to support myself and making millions of best friends. I mean, that's a fucking dream. That was, that makes me feel something. That I'm not numb to.

But also, I was able to support myself and I was making connections with you guys online when I had a way smaller following. So I reached that goal a while ago, but things kept going and progressing. And that's when it got a little bit crazier for me because I was like, okay, I already reached my goal. I'm here. I'm happy here. Obviously, as a human being, you always want to get better, blah, blah, blah.

And you want to keep things moving, you know, because why not? And also because, you know, human nature. But it kind of got crazy when things at a certain point became out of my control. It's like, I can't control how many people are watching my videos. I can't control how many followers I have. But now I'm being held to this crazy high standard as a human being because I've accomplished these things. And in their eyes, it's an accomplishment. because I've accomplished these things, and in their eyes it's an accomplishment. When for me I'm like, I'm the same person,

with the same goal. Like, sure, like gaining followers just means that I'm hopefully doing something right, which is a good thing, and that just means I have more people to connect with, but it's like, I don't care about that number accomplishment. But yet, that makes people hold me to a way different standard.

And I understand that, but it's also like, okay, wait, everybody, let's remember, like I'm still a child, you know? And people started to treat me differently and more like an adult or more with more pressure because there's more expectation around me now. But yet, sometimes I can't fulfill what everybody wants me to be. And that's why I think it was tough was because I think a lot of people forgot that I'm still

just a kid and sometimes I don't want to fucking clean my room. You know what I mean? But at the same time, I'm so grateful because at the end of the day, I did accomplish my goal which was to support myself and to have you guys. That's it. I love that. And that makes it worth it no matter what type of expectations people have towards me.

Like, it doesn't matter. All that, it's like, sure, I'm like talking about it, but it's part of it. And what comes with it is so amazing that I would never trade it for the world. Somebody said, a while ago, you said that you're, you think that your YouTube success was based on luck. Do you still think that? I will never know for sure, but as I'm trying to talk myself out of being so pessimistic about my own accomplishments, I've started to realize that I don't think it was luck.

I think part of it was luck, but I also think that I genuinely have a connection with you guys that is beyond luck, and I really believe that, so I don't think that all of it was luck. I think that my initial following, like when things first started happening, that might have have been luck could have been YouTube's algorithm It could have been anything, but I think that now what I have with you guys is actually a real thing that's not luck That's what made me realize it. It was like Wait a minute. I actually have a good connection with you guys, you know what I'm saying and I Don't think that that's luck. I think that's just how it is That's just what we've built, you know what I'm saying? And I don't think that that's luck.

I think that's just how it is. That's just what we've built, you know? Somebody said, did you ever see yourself comparing your success to other YouTubers slash celebrities? I can't believe I'm saying this, but not really. I mean, I've never compared myself to other people's fame and blah, blah, blah, because I know that they're dealing with their own demons, and no matter what, like I would never want to be as famous as Justin Bieber.

That seems like a fucking nightmare to me. Like a lot of people I think naturally, just because again, it's human nature to want to be famous. It is human nature, I think. I didn't read an article about that or anything I'm just saying, but I just based on literally every person I've ever met. I think a lot of people, especially young people, love the idea of being famous. But I think because it happened to me at a younger age and because I realized the truth of the matter so soon,

I was able to avoid ever comparing myself to anybody else because I realized how bittersweet the whole thing is. It's such an amazing thing, but it is truly bittersweet. And again, every time I say things like that, I fear of coming off is ungrateful. I'm still grateful, but it's still bittersweet. And I'd be lying if I said, being a Victoria's secret model would be perfect in flawless. I know it's not. I've, you know, had the luxury of like meeting these people that have had crazy success. They're just as lonely and unhappy as the next guy,

if not more, because of the pressure and because of the lack of privacy and because everybody uses them and they can't trust anybody and they constantly feel like they're being watched and targeted, like there's that whole like other level of that that I see other people go through and that I've personally gone through.

So I don't envy it because I'm like, this shit is tough. And I don't compare myself to anyone else because I'm like, you know what, it would be tough to be in anybody else's shoes. I don't compare. Not to say that I don't see a pretty girl, I'm TikTok every once in a while

in which I was hurt. That does happen, but that's different. That's more, that's not with like views or like, you know, money, that's like literally, that's just me being vain. And being like, oh my God, well, I guess it's the opposite of vain. That's just me being jealous.

I'm like, somebody who's pretty, but like, I don't know, but you know, you see what I'm saying Like that's what I compare myself more to like Stupid shit like oh my god like her hair is so pretty in mine's not like that's where I'm that's where my comparison and shit comes in in life Not as much with success in this industry Somebody said do you think success can be overwhelming? Yes, because I think, again, as I mentioned earlier, now there's pressure to continue to be successful. Because somebody can be successful for a period of time and then not be successful a year later. You know what I'm saying? So there's a pressure to continue and to continue to improve.

And that's, I think, where the bittersweet part is, is you can never be comfortable. Somebody said, how does being successful relate to how much money you make? Can you be successful without being rich? See, I think yes, personally, but I think a lot of people would disagree with me. Because success for me is all emotional. There's no number that can encompass success for me. For me, success is being happy. And so if I accomplish something that makes me happy, that's success. So that might be learning to play

a complicated drum beat. That's success in drums for me. And that's going to make me more happy. Then if Kylie Jenner follows me on Instagram and that's fine, I finally am recognized by her. And like, you know what I'm saying? And like, I'm finally being recognized by people in this industry. Like, a lot of people define success on how much money you make, like a number. Like, I wanna make $100,000. Or, you know, I wanna hit 10 million subscribers.

Or, I want all A-list celebrities to follow me on Instagram. That's what success is for some people. But for me, it's all emotional. If making a certain amount of money is going to make me happy because I can do something with it that either helps people that I love, helps me do something that I love, or helps support a cause that I love, whatever that may mean, that makes me happy.

So yes, maybe money does have something to do with success, but like that's what it's rooted in for me. It's not rooted in a number. It's rooted in what I'm going to do with it that will make my life better. You see what I'm saying? Whereas I think some people are like, I just want to be able to say that I have this much money in my bank account. And that's fine. I'm not judging, but that's just not how my brain works. And I don't know if it's healthy to have a, well, I think it all depends. I think it all depends with intentions, you know? And also to answer your question,

can you be successful without being rich? Yes, absolutely. I think many artists are a good example. Like artists meaning like people who paint paintings. That can be a really hard, my dad does it, and so I've seen it up close and personal. My dad, like, doesn't care about how much money he makes from his paintings.

He just loves painting, and he loves being able to support himself from it. So success for him is being able to do those two things and it has nothing to do with the money. Success for him could be being in a certain gallery. I don't know if that's true, but I'm just saying success for him could be painting a painting that he's proud of that may never even sell. I think success doesn't necessarily have to do with money, but it absolutely might, and that's okay too. Somebody said, what do you think the key for success is?

I don't think that there is one. Like I genuinely don't. I think for some people, it's hard work, for some people it's luck, for some people it's passion, like genuinely being passionate about something and that showing through, for some people it might be like intuition, like they just have a good gut feeling about things. It's so, there's no specific way to be successful.

There's no specific way to go about it. It's also abstract. The definition of success itself is so broad. It could mean so many different things. There is no key. Somebody said, what do you think is the max point of success or is there a max point of success? I don't think so.

I think that you're always, you're never gonna be satisfied. And that also might just be me, but I feel like I'm never fully satisfied and I'm always like, okay, but what's next? And maybe that's the key to success. Maybe the key to success is never feeling like you fully succeeded. And that just keeps a fire under your ass. That just keeps you going forever.

Who knows? Anyway, I'm done. I literally don't know if any of that made sense. I completely blocked out. So like literally who knows? You know what I'm saying? Who knows what just what I just word-bombed it? But before I end the episode, I just wanted to say I'm thankful I am for all of you. And I know that this episode might seem contradictory in a way. I tried my best to explain it but success for me is having you guys in my life and being

able to support myself making things that allow me to connect with you guys. That is what success is for me and despite my numbness when it comes to crazy shit, like if I'm on a fucking magazine cover or something, despite my numbness, sometimes towards those things, that doesn't take away from the fact that I'm so incredibly grateful for the connection that I have with you guys. And just being able to make that dream come true. And, you know, oh, God, watch me, I start crying. I'm just very grateful, and I don't want that to be mistaken.

And I hope for all of you that you guys can see your successes without drowning in them. I hope for you that you can be proud of yourself when you succeed, but don't let it affect your ego negatively. I hope for that for you. I'm manifesting that for you. And I'm manifesting that for literally anybody. Like I think that that's such a beautiful thing

when you can succeed and you can be proud of it, but you can also understand that it doesn't change anything, and you're still the same you. I almost haven't figured out, but I just don't have the proud of myself thing down yet, but I actually think I'm getting better, and I'm working on it every day. But train yourself to be proud of the things

that you do without letting it inflate your ego. Teach yourself how to do that. I bet there's a way. It's also crazy how in L.A., I think a lot of people are really driven, this is kind of off topic, but I've noticed that in L.A., a lot of people are driven by fame in a way

that's like so terrifying. Like a lot of people will literally do anything to be famous in LA. People will literally backstab, lie, cheat, pay their way through shit like it's crazy. And listen, okay. I'm in no place to judge whatever, but it's really, I think it's disheartening

to see people measure success based off of something as surface level as fame. And it makes me sad. And I hope for everybody who is measuring their success based off of maybe less pure shit that they can learn to see success in a different way and in a more wholesome, pure, good-hearted way because I think it makes life better,

even though I'm not one to talk because I, again, have a hard time acknowledging my accomplishments. So I don't know. But you know what, that's not necessarily true because I just see my accomplishments as my connections with you guys. So I do see success just in a different way.

Anyway, I'm gonna stop going down this rabbit hole. I love you all so much. Thank you guys so much for listening. If you enjoyed, give us a five stars on Apple Podcast. It really helps me out. And let's me know that you guys are fucking with it. And if you want to follow us on Twitter, it's at AG Podcasts on Twitter.

I give question prompts that you guys can ask me questions and be a part of the episodes, and we just have fun and connect on there. And I love it. And I love you all so much, and I'm very grateful for all of you. And I'll see you next week. Have an amazing day.

And I know the times are tough right now and very weird, but we're gonna get through it. And I say that every week, but it remains true. I love you all. I love you and good night.