anything goes with emma chamberlain - the art of being mysterious [video]

Episode Date: November 19, 2023

[video available on spotify] i feel like everyone falls into one of two categories. category number one, mysterious unknown category. number two, super open, super honest, super vulnerable. i personally fall into the second category. everyone knows so much about me. mysterious people are the opposite. they keep all of their information close to heart and they never find themselves in a place where they're like, oh my god, everyone knows so much about me. and i envy that. so today i wanted to sort of figure out whether or not i should try to be more mysterious. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I feel like everyone falls into one of two categories. Category number one, mysterious, unknown. Category number two, super open, super honest, super vulnerable. Obviously, there are different levels to these personality traits, but I feel like almost everyone falls into one of the two of those categories. I personally fall into the category of being super open, super honest, super vulnerable. That's me. And I've learned to appreciate this personality trait.

I've learned to see it as a positive thing, but because I'm living this personality trait, I'm very, very aware of the challenges that come with it. For example, I'm prone to oversharing, especially when I consume alcohol. My last episode was entirely about this. The episode is called, am I oversharing? Go check it out if you want. Through the years, I've gotten better

about making this personality trait a positive thing for me. Because for a long time, I think this trait manifested in me over sharing. And subconsciously over time, it's gotten much better. And I've been able to sort of control it so that its impact is more positive for myself and for the people around me, though I still occasionally over share. And even though I have a good relationship with this personality trait, I still wish sometimes

that I was mysterious. I wish I was that type of person. And it's one of those things where it's like the grass is always greener. You know, there are probably a lot of people who are more mysterious by nature who wish that they were more open and honest and vulnerable. There are a lot of challenges that come with being mysterious as well. But I'm not as aware of those because I'm not mysterious. I could not be less of a mysterious person.

But I think what makes me wish, I was mysterious, was the overall vibe that mysterious people put out. Mysteries people tend to seem cooler. And I think the reason for that is that you're able to sort of project your ideas of what they might be onto them because they're not giving you that answer. Somebody who's super open and honest is literally telling you and showing you exactly who they are. So you don't have the space to imagine what they are. They're giving it to you. People who are mysterious are somewhat of a blank canvas. They're not giving you a lot of information about themselves,

so you can paint a picture of who they are. And a lot of times, the picture that you're going to paint is going to be way cooler than they probably really are. en av det här är det. Och många gånger, en av det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är det här är Varje vecka tittar samma då som serien sedan i USA De helt utan är klom Och avsett om det är Beverly Hills glamor Miami's lockelse eller South Lake series charm En vardag fylda på överflöd Och drama Se The Real Housewives på Hey You Det här är episodeen brotts på Airbnb

Jag har talat dig med favorit Airbnb-storje Okej, det är en förnårs en år Och en stor grupp av kvälls This episode is brought to you by Airbnb. Let me tell you my favorite Airbnb story. Okay, it's a few years ago, and a big group of friends and I decide, we wanna go to Joshua Tree. Out in the desert of California, we just want to have a vibe weekend, okay? So we go on Airbnb and we find a beautiful home in the middle of Joshua Tree. And we book it.

What I loved so much about this trip was kind of being roommates with my friends for the weekend. And we all just got to play house. We cooked for ourselves. We cleaned up after ourselves. And we just had a really good time. This house was phenomenal too. I mean, everybody got their own bedroom. Everybody had their own private space.

We had a private pool, a private hot tub. This house was so aesthetically beautiful that we were all just happy to be sitting in there and looking at it, because it was just gorgeous. It was super private, so we could all just be ourselves and hang out in the backyard and have fun and truly be by ourselves in the desert. I have a lot of great Airbnb memories. More to come. So I think mysterious people are able to create the illusion that they're cooler, much easier because they're giving you the opportunity to fill in those blanks. On top of that, mysterious people are protected and safe

in a way that I somewhat envy. I love being open and honest and vulnerable because it allows me to connect with other people and feel close to other people and make other people feel comfortable and create more friendships and create more relationships. But at the same time, I sometimes find myself really overwhelmed by the fact that, wow, everyone knows a lot about me.

You know, like so many people know a lot about me, you know, in real life and online. I am not a mystery. Everyone knows who I am, and everyone knows a lot of intimate details about me and my life. So I have moments where I feel super exposed and I'm like stressed out and overwhelmed by the fact that there's almost no information that's completely just mine. Everyone knows so much about me. Mysterious people are the opposite. They keep all of their information close to heart and they never find themselves in a place where they're like, oh my God, everyone knows so much about me.

They don't have that crisis and I envy that when I'm in a moment of crisis. I also envy mysterious people because they're sort of addicting. Let me explain. And you might disagree, but in my experience, mysterious people are addicting because you constantly are trying to figure out who they are. You're constantly trying to crack them. Figure out what's inside because you have your ideas about who they are, but you still have this desire to figure them out. And they're like a puzzle that you can't solve. So you never get bored. I mean, eventually you might get bored. But there's something so intriguing and captivating about a mysterious person because they are an unsolvable puzzle and

that effect that they have on people is so Enviable to me sometimes because I'm like, oh my god. Nobody is ever Laying away get night staring at the ceiling being like, oh, I just need to figure her out. No one has to figure me out I'm giving all the information you could ever want on a silver platter. You don't have to read between the lines to be like, is she seriously really sensitive in there? No, you already know how sensitive I am, how I think about the world, my opinions on everything. Like it's all out there.

It's all out there. And I don't know if that makes people bored of me, but I think people are less obsessed with trying to figure me out. So all of that to say, I envy mysterious people a little bit. And every once in a while, I have a thought where I'm like, should I work on being more mysterious? Would that benefit me in some way? And as I've been thinking recently about this open, vulnerable, honest side of my personality,

this has come back up for me. And so today, I wanted to sort of figure out whether or not I should try to be more mysterious. Listen, spoiler alert, I don't think it's going to happen. But let's go down the rabbit hole anyway and see what we find. Let's discuss the reality of being mysterious. Because when I look at people who are mysterious, I have rose-colored glasses on. I see it as such a cool, hot lifestyle. But I've yet to sort of read between the lines and really think about what it would be like to be a mysterious

person. And so we need to investigate. We've already touched on this, but because people don't know a lot about mysterious people, people are forced to fill in the gaps to try to figure out who the mysterious person really is. And I think that this can be a good thing in the beginning of a friendship or a relationship because the person who's experiencing the mysterious person is using their imagination to figure out who the mysterious person is. And they're probably filling in the gaps in a much more flattering way than reality would provide. So I think in a lot of ways being mysterious is attractive. Now, is it attractive

in a way that's rooted in reality? No, but it's getting someone in the door. It's getting someone interested in you. And arguably that's a good thing. Whether or not it's rooted in reality because hopefully people get to know you and then they're like, oh my god, you were so mysterious and cool in the beginning, but now that I've started to see the real you, I really actually like you. So that could be a good thing. I will say, when it comes to dating, I love a mysterious guy. And my irrational brain, the irrational side of my brain, tends to be the one who's the most active during

dating. There's just something hot about somebody who's mysterious to me. I love being able to project my idea of the perfect guy onto this mysterious man who maybe is hot to me, you know, physically, not the healthiest method of dating. Deep down the rational side of my brain knows this is all a silly little illusion, but the irrational side of my brain is louder and I tend to choose mysterious guys. I also think that mysterious people get thought about more. And the more that you think about somebody, the more that you sort of care about them. So I feel like mysterious people can really infect the minds of people in a way that makes

them more infectious at times. And again, that can be good for building a social circle. When you're constantly on people's minds because they're trying to figure you out, chances are they're gonna wanna hang out with you more, be around you more because they're trying to figure you out. Or they've projected this idea of what they want you to be onto you and then they wanna be around that person

that may not even necessarily be real, but again, who cares? Because it's helpful, I guess, in social situations for the mysterious person, regardless of if it's rooted in reality or not. Now people not fully knowing you can very quickly turn sour. It can be bad when the illusion of mystery wears off, and the mysterious person becomes a bit more vulnerable, a bit more themselves, and they may not live up to the expectation

or the illusion that people had about them. Now, expectations and illusions about others are usually not accurate. They're almost never accurate. Actually, I can't name one time I've ever expected somebody to be a certain way and then they've been that. And a lot of times people can still be great, but they're not what you thought. So you know, it can be disappointing even if the person that you are making up illusions

about is still great in a lot of ways. They just might not be what you imagined and that can be disappointing. Whereas if you would have seen who the person really was from the beginning, you would have been like, oh, I like this person for what they're showing me right now. And you wouldn't have had the space to make up an idea of who they are. And so maybe it would be easier to accept them for who they really are from the beginning, from the get go. Because there's no jarring shift in identity.

Mysterious people protect themselves from vulnerability. This can be good because mysterious people can protect the soft sides of themselves and only share those sides of themselves with people who really have earned it, whereas somebody who's more open and honest and whatever, they're just sharing it with everyone. They're not protecting it for themselves. A mysterious person's default is to hold that all inside, protect that all inside. And so they have to make a conscious effort to share a vulnerable side of themselves with people. And naturally, they're just going to be more selective with who they share that side

of themselves with. And I think in some ways, that's a superpower, naturally being inclined to be more selective about who you're vulnerable with. I see value in that. I kind of envy that. I also think being a mysterious person attracts more surface level conversations. Somebody who's super open and honest and vulnerable are probably going to have more open and honest and vulnerable conversations.

Somebody who's more mysterious is not gonna invite those type of conversations. And if you're someone who doesn't like to be vulnerable, then your mysteriousness can sort of act as a shield to prevent those conversations from happening. Because I'll tell you, mysterious people can really intimidate me. And I'm not inspired to be vulnerable around them because I almost don't feel safe to because I'm like This person is so protective of themselves. They're so mysterious They're not showing me any softness at all so I don't feel

Automatically safe to just be myself in that way mysterious people are very protected from vulnerability in most scenarios, and they have to make the conscious effort to go and be vulnerable. And I think that that can be good as long as there's still some vulnerability happening in life, but I think that it can get bad when you're not making any deep connections with others because you're so mysterious and you're so locked up that you never have a conversation with others that goes below surface level. And you become so comfortable in your little protective bubble that you're kind of alone.

And that's not necessarily good. You may also find that long termterm you've less friendships and relationships possibly because the way that you take friendships and relationships to the next level is by getting progressively more vulnerable and showing more and more sides of yourself and if you're mysterious you might never take it to the next level.

And a lot of people might not feel connected. And so then they might be like, I don't know if I want to be in this relationship anymore, because this person's so mysterious. I just can't even connect with them. And I think that this can also be challenging for people who are trying to be more mysterious, but they're not naturally, because there are a lot of people who are just naturally inclined to be super vulnerable, myself included.

It's painful for me to suppress that side of myself. It's uncomfortable for me. It makes me feel like I'm not being myself. I feel like I'm being myself when I'm being vulnerable. And at times when I've tried to be more mysterious for like 24 hours here, 24 hours there, I felt really fake almost. Like this is not me, you know? Mysterious people also rarely speak about themselves. Now this can be positive because it can leave other people more room to share their stories, their perspectives. It gives the mysterious person more of an opportunity to learn about other people, which

can be interesting and exciting. And it also gives the mysterious person more time to think about what they want to say about themselves. You know, if they center the conversation around the other person, they have more time to think in between about what they do want to share about themselves so they can be more intentional. But I think the problem with this is that nobody will really feel like they know you. And short-term that might be in intriguing and fun and exciting, but long term I think that can be really

Frustrating and even unsettling at times. We all have Mysterious people in our lives when we're like who the fuck are you like who the fuck are you like who are you What is going on inside of that? Who are you? You know those people that just give you one word answers, like, about everything. It's like, how is your day? It was good. How is your day? And then it's always about, it's never about them ever. And you're like, wait, but what's, like, who are you? Like I've had friends for years that refused to open up to me.

And I got to a point where I was like, oh my God, years have gone by and I still don't know you. And that's such an unsettling feeling for me that I can't do it. Like I can't be friends with somebody who never gives me any information about themselves because it's like, well, what are we doing here? If one person's super mysterious in the relationship and the other person is maybe, maybe even mysterious, but is opening up a little bit more and more over time to sort of develop the relationship further, it can feel almost unfair. Like, I'm opening myself up. I'm putting myself in a vulnerable position, which is already uncomfortable, but is 10 times more uncomfortable because we're dealing with a mysterious person who does not invite in this type of conversation.

And then when it's not reciprocated, it can be really, really weird and unsettling. And it can almost be like offensive sometimes. Like it feels unfair. I'm trying to develop this relationship further and this mysterious person is giving me nothing. And I think my point here is that mysterious people can take not talking about themselves too far to a point where everyone feels like they don't know them, like they're a complete stranger to everyone around them. That's not to say that people who are mysterious can't figure out a balance, but I think that that can become a challenge really, really quick. In last but not least, mysterious people hide their emotions.

Now, this can be a good thing because it definitely avoids conflict. When you show emotion in your face, when you raise your voice during an argument, it can cause a much larger argument. I think that this is sort of a superpower for mysterious people. The ability to just keep it all inside and handle it calmly. And that's something that I've really worked on. Over the last few years of my life, really getting good at staying cool,

calm and collected during an argument or during a conflict or during a moment of upset because that's just a skill that I want to have. You know, I don't know if I can be a fully mysterious person, but in that specific area, there's a lot of value there. And so that's something that I've personally adopted separate from being mysterious, just on its own. And I do think it makes conflict less irrational, and it makes resolution more possible

when you're super cool, common collected during conflict and during upset. You don't wanna suppress your emotions completely, you just wanna display them in a way that's calm, rational and collected. You see what I'm saying? But I think mysterious people can take it too far and just completely lock everything up and never ring things up and just let everything fester inside.

And it does have to come out at some point. I think the superpower for the mysterious person is like in the beginning of the conflict, i den begining av konflikt, när det är rassionals superintensfemt kommer upp, är det att vi kan supras de som är uppdämpande. Men när det är bättre, är det inte att vi går i den här situationen. Det är vad jag tänkte.

Detta avsnitt presenteras av Hey You. Mycket glamor är nu mer drama. Upplev alla intriger i The Real Hand Svives min nya avsnitt varje vecka. Titta samma dag som serien sen sig USA helt utan det klom. Och avsett om det är Beverly Hills glamor, Miami's Lockhellsä eller Salt Lake Series Charm. En vardag fylda på överflöd och drama. Stetor Real Hand Svives på H.U. This episode is brought to you by Airbnb. Let me tell you my favorite Airbnb story. It's a few years ago. A big group of friends and I decide we want to have a vibey weekend, okay?

So we go on Airbnb and we find a beautiful home in the middle of Joshua Tree and we book it. What I loved so much about this trip was kind of being roommates with my friends for the weekend. And we all just got to play house. We cooked for ourselves, we cleaned up after ourselves, and we just had a really good time. This house was phenomenal too. I mean, everybody got their own bedroom. Everybody had their own private space. We had a private pool, a private hot tub. This house was so aesthetically beautiful

that we were all just happy to be sitting in there and looking at it, because it was just gorgeous. It was super private, so we could all just be ourselves and hang out in the backyard and have fun and truly be by ourselves in the desert. I have a lot of great Airbnb memories, more to come. Now, though I see the cons of being mysterious, I'm still a little bit intrigued.

Like, is this something I should adopt? A little? I'm not sure. I went on wikihow.com, which always gives the best advice. And I looked up how to be mysterious. And let me share with you what I found. And I think seeing a step-by-step guide on how to be mysterious will help me decide

if this is something that I can actually do. Or maybe I can take little bits and pieces from this applied to my life while still being the open, vulnerable person that I naturally am. We'll see. How to be mysterious. Number one, speak minimally about yourself. If you're outgoing and friendly, you might feel inclined to tell everyone your life story. However, mysterious people aren't open books. Try to minimize the amount of things that you disclose

about yourself. And when you're asked personal questions, answer them, but just with a few vague words. Okay, I do like the idea of focusing on asking other people more questions, and I actively try to do that in my day to day life, even to people who don't seem to want to talk about themselves. But I don't know if I'm fully convinced that it's healthy to make a conscious effort to answer vaguely about yourself. If somebody really wants to know things about you, is it really such a crime to dig into it? Is it healthy to suppress the desire to indulge in a little bit of conversation about yourself? I mean, I understand we're reading a guide on how to be mysterious, so it's quite literally telling you to just shut up about yourself,

which makes sense. But like, when it comes to applying this advice to my own life, I don't know if that's something that I want to do. I don't know if it's being a good conversationalist to just answer questions with a few vague words. How boring is that? Like, what a relief it is to be in a conversation with somebody and you ask them a question and then they just go off and start talking about themselves in a way that's interesting. It's such a relief. It's like, oh my God, I get a break from talking about myself. They're talking about them.

This is great. You know, I don't have to be on for a second. I can just sort of sit back and enjoy this person's story. It's nice to also reciprocate that. And is it worth it to suppress that desire to share things about oneself just to be mysterious? When that's not something that comes naturally? I don't know. Number two, think before you speak. This goes hand in hand with speaking minimally. Instead of saying every little thing that pops into your head, think

about why you want to say what you're thinking and only verbalize it when you need to. This will give you an air of mystery. I do think that thinking before you speak is an underrated piece of advice. Like in elementary school, the teacher's always like think before you speak. And I don't think we ever outgrow that piece of advice because I've had to make a conscious effort in recent years to think before I speak in attempt to not over-share. And it happened naturally. I didn't make this conscious decision to start thinking more before I spoke, but it happened

naturally because I was so prone to over-sharing and then regretting it after that I naturally was like, I just need to start thinking more before I say shit, because I just let shit flow. And I do think that that's a really good piece of advice. Like that's something that I think we all could benefit from. That's something that I'm actively working on. Something that I want to continue to implement. But I don't know about only verbalizing things

when you need to, because you very rarely need to say anything. And again, I feel like this is inspiring a much less dynamic conversation, which I'm not obsessed with. Again, in practice, I don't know if this makes sense for me because maybe I'd rephrase this to fit my own life and say, only say things when they mean something. Like, not just saying shit to say shit, but only saying things when they mean something, when they're going to have a positive impact. Number three, listen more to others.

Those who are mysterious often observe others more than they steal the spotlight. Focus on taking in your surroundings, listening to what others say, and fading into the background a bit. Not only will this make you more mysterious, but it'll also make you a better conversationalist. Okay, yeah, I think that's a great piece of advice. I have no problem with that. And when I was younger, I definitely used to be more of the center of attention

or I don't know, I was always just the loudest in the room. And as I've gotten older, I've very naturally done that less. And I will say it's made socializing, less exhausting for one, but for two, more balanced, I think listening to others, more is never a bad thing. Number four, self-edit your social media posts. When you're really excited or upset about something, think twice before you post it all over social media. To be mysterious, you have to limit how much you disclose

about yourself in person and also online. I'm not sure if I over-chair online. I actually don't think I do. I mean, some people might argue that I over-chair if I'm telling like a super embarrassing story about like me shitting my pants or something or like I don't know me telling like an embarrassing story. I don't think I overshare online. I think I'm very vulnerable online, but I've pulled back a level of vulnerability online over time because I've just felt this natural desire to sort of protect myself a little bit, as I am a young woman

and going through turbulent young womanhood, you know, it's just like a challenging experience. And so there's been certain things that I've needed to protect more of. And I don't know if that's really worked out for me, actually, like, I mean, I needed to do that for my own well-being, but I think in general, I enjoy really telling all on the internet, I actually enjoy it. But I also know my limits. So I don't know, we all follow somebody on Instagram who's so mysterious, right?

Like every picture is super hot and cool. And you look at this person's profile and you're like, they just wake up in the morning, levitate out of bed, eat like rocks for breakfast and then like levitate into their chair at work where they just like, and get worked on for like 30 minutes done for the day. And then they go and they get like a match up

from a coffee shop and then they, like, and they just are levitating everywhere. You know what I'm saying? Like there's some people that you see on Instagram and you're like, this is not a human being. This is somebody who needs to be plugged into an outlet to be charged. Like this is not a real human being. This is a robot.

Ultimately, this is a robot. And I've even had phases where I've sort of enjoyed having that presence on social media more like, ooh, maybe I'm gonna be more mysterious on social media. This is cool. But not only do I feel like people don't like it as much, I don't think, I don't actually think that people like enjoy that.

At least from me, I don't think people liked that from me. And I don't know, it's just such a shame to hide your personality to try to be mysterious and cool. As I just said, I've experimented with being mysterious on social media for various reasons. Number one, to protect myself. Number two, just because it kind of seemed intriguing. Like, oh, I'm going to have a cool vibe.

You know, I think it is good to be mysterious online to an extent. But I think being mysterious to a point where you're completely hiding your personality is not good. And that's something I'm working on. That's a balance that I'm personally working on finding. You know, I went from being so open online and I was younger to now experimenting with how mysterious I want to be online. And yeah, it's definitely been an interesting journey to see how it makes me feel and how people react to it. Number five, display confidence. Being cool and comfortable is necessary in giving off a mysterious vibe. Having an air of quiet confidence is intriguing to others and can greatly contribute to your

mysterious image because it proves that you know exactly who you are, although others may not. Maintain good posture and keep your head held high so others immediately pick up on your confident attitude. I think I'm really conflicted on this because I feel like forcing confidence can sometimes backfire and come off as cockiness, or can come off as fake confidence. It can be very tangible like, oh, this person is not really confident. Something's off here and I can feel it.

You know, but I also think that we should all try to walk around with as much confidence as possible because we deserve it. You know, we all deserve it. The problem is I feel like we never have ourselves fully figured out. That's like a huge ask of humanity. And so faking it is just lying. And I don't know if I like that. Like I think that you can walk around with confidence and comterability with yourself while being open and honest about the fact that

your flawed just like everyone else. I feel like this piece of advice is saying, be cool and comfortable and make everyone think that you have yourself all figured out. It's like, I don't know if I like that because no one has their shit all figured out. But I do think that there's a lot of value in practicing a cool and comfortable demeanor. Again, that's something I've been working on over the last few years. And it's just made my life easier. And I think when I started trying to carry myself in that way, it was sort of forced. It was sort of fake, right? Because it was

like, I don't feel cool and comfortable, but I'm going to pretend I'm cool and comfortable. And eventually it sort of became real. But I think my cool and comfortable nature was not standing alone. It was also partnered with a level of humility, I would hope, and self-deprecation a little bit too, to balance it out. Now, I'm currently trying to get rid of the self-deprecation and just be genuinely

cool and comfortable with myself. But I don't know, like I think that there's a risk of seeming sort of cocky or arrogant. And also it's so human and charming to not be cool and comfortable all the time. I don't know. So I'm conflicted on it. But I do think that like being confident is a great thing to strive for overall. I just think that it sort of needs to come from a genuine place in an honest place or else it just doesn't feel right and that's my only concern with that. But I think that being confident, like that's a good thing to work on for everyone. Whether you're mysterious or you're vulnerable and open, I don't know, I think everybody could benefit from that.

Next, do unpredictable things. Do things from time to time that others wouldn't expect you to do. This will make people doubt their perception of who you are, actions that are seemingly out of character, make night curiosity in others and make them wonder who you are and what you're really like. Again, I don't know if I like this because this feels like we're gameifying our personalities. Like it's like a game.

Like we're trying to play with other people's perceptions of who we are. I don't know if like premeditating actions to make people think a certain thing is healthy. Being like, oh, I'm gonna do something super random and out of character right now in 30 seconds to make this certain person confused about who I really am and curious about who I really am.

That just feels like a game. And I just don't know if I think that's healthy. Like, I don't like to live like that. Like, I want to be far more intuitive than that and far more honest with who I am, you know? Like, it seems like so far that being mysterious is like a full-time job. Like, I have to fucking change everything about myself

and like, make these strategic choices. That is not living a good life. I'm so sorry, it's just not. That's not healthy. Next, can steal your emotions. Mysterious people are hard to read. If you're really expressive, others will know what you're feeling without you having to say a word. Be mindful of your facial expressions

and try to keep them somewhat neutral so that people aren't sure what you're thinking and feeling. We already sort of discuss this. I don't need to dig into it anymore. It's like, yeah, that can be a really powerful tool in anyone's toolbox in life. Life toolbox, it can be helpful. But also, you don't want to take it too far. You still want to be able to resolve conflict in life.

You can't keep it all inside. Next, be less present and available. The key to being mysterious is to keep yourself as private and unknown as possible. The easiest way to keep people from learning too much about you is to spend less time with them and talk to them less. Spend most of your free time alone and or with people that know the real you so that you can appear distant to others. This is possibly the most toxic piece of advice I've ever heard. This is really

unhealthy to me. If you're a mysterious person by nature and you just naturally do this, great, that's one thing. But if you're somebody more like me who's naturally extroverted at times, I'm not always extroverted, I would say I'm 50-50. 50% extroverted, 50% introverted. Okay. But if you have an extroverted side to yourself, do you know what, maybe it's 60% extroverted, 40% introverted, I don't know. But it changes all the time. It depends, it changes depending on what I need in my life.

But anyway, if you enjoy being around people and you wanna get closer to people, like being completely private and unknown is kind of lonely and sad. Like unless you're doing it because you genuinely are craving that in your life, I don't think that that's something that you should force yourself to do. I don't really see a benefit there. You know, I've had periods of my life where I've been far more introverted and I've wanted to isolate myself. I've wanted to spend time alone and I probably was more mysterious during that time without even trying to be it because I was craving a phase of self-discovery.

I wanted to like figure myself out. I wanted to establish a level of independence, blah, blah, blah, blah. That was a genuine desire that I had. But like, right now, for example, I'm loving being social. I've never been more social and I'm really loving it. And it's bringing a lot of joy in my life. And yeah, I do want to be mysterious, too, because that seems also kinda fun, but like to isolate myself against my own will just to be mysterious, like that's not good, and not worth it.

I don't wanna be mysterious to the extent that like I'm gonna isolate myself. That's just sad. Next, only let a few trusted people know the real you. Carefully choose a few different trusts worthy people to completely open up to. Everybody needs at least a couple of people to be close to.

Only express your fears, desires, immigrants to these people. When outsiders realize that you only open up to a select few, they may wonder about the real you and wish that they could be one of the special people you can find in. See, this piece of advice sounded so good in the beginning. It was like, everyone needs somebody to open up to.

Find those people, yes, absolutely agree. I don't think any of us would argue with that. But then when it starts to say, when outsiders realize that you only open up to a select few, they may wonder about the real you and wish that they could be one of the special people you can find in. Again, that feels manipulative in game-like, to be like, I'm only going to open up to a

select few people so that everybody else wishes that they could be a part of this club and know more about me. Again, that feels really kind of manipulative to me. If opening up to only a select few people is desirable to you because you're like, I just want to be safe with my heart and I want to protect myself and only talk to people that I trust about these serious matters. That's one thing. If you're doing that for you, that's one thing.

That's great. Again, nobody can argue with that. But if you're doing it as a way to make other people want to like be in your life more. I don't know. It just feels weird. And last but not least, focus on your hobbies. Having multiple hobbies may make you seem more interesting and versatile to others. It may also add to your mysteriousness if it takes up a lot of free time that you would

otherwise socialize during. Again, I feel like you should do what you want to do with your free time. Like if you want to socialize, go socialize. If you want to do your hobbies, go to your hobbies. Like don't force yourself to do hobbies in use of all your time doing hobbies just to seem mysterious. Again, okay, I'm realizing now you can't force this shit. Trying to change who you are is not the right approach.

Listen, I'm not mysterious. I will never be mysterious. If I wanted to be mysterious, I'd have to change the entire framework of my being, enforce myself to behave in ways that are not organic to me. Okay, I'm so sorry. I'm not going to do that. I'm crushing my own dream right now of being mysterious. It's not going to happen. I am who I am. I'm vulnerable. I'm open. I'm putting it all out on the table at all times, everybody gets to know Emma, you know, and that's just who I am. And instead of trying to change it at this point,

I'm just gonna accept it. I'm gonna accept it with all of the flaws that come with it too, including me over sharing sometimes. And hey, there are some people out there who are naturally mysterious. Guess what, that's great too. Lean into that and figure out the shortcomings that come with that personality trait and work on those. But don't try to change your entire framework

to be somebody that you just aren't. Like I am not me when I'm trying to be mysterious. And so I'm fucking done. I'm never going to try to be mysterious again. Okay. And I'm never gonna try to be mysterious again Okay, and I'm actually excited about this. I'm only going to get less mysterious moving forward and you know This might be less hot You know, let's say I meet new friends and they're like oh she's like too open up a book She's not hot and cool and mysterious don't care Don't care I'm just gonna be completely who I am and if people like it great and if they don't,

fuck it. Do you know what I mean? Fuck it. I'm not mysterious and that's okay. And that's all I have for today. Thank you all for listening and hanging out. I hope that you enjoyed this episode. If you did, new episodes every Thursday and Sunday.

Come hang out. You can stream anywhere you stream podcasts or watch a video exclusive on Spotify. You can follow anything goes on Instagram and anything goes. You can follow me on Instagram at Emma Chamberlain. You can check out my coffee company, Chamberlaincoffee.com. Check us out online or in store. You can go on our store locator and see for in a store near you. And I just appreciate and love you all. And I'm glad that we got to hang out. And I hope that you enjoyed it. And I'll talk to you soon. Don't worry. I'll talk to you

soon. Seriously, in like a few days. All right, talk to you later. Bye. you