anything goes with emma chamberlain - the lies i tell myself

Episode Date: October 19, 2025

[video available on spotify] sometimes reality is a little too real and we need to lie to ourselves to survive. but that doesn’t mean it’s beneficial. today, i thought i’d sit down and acknowledge some of the lies that i still tell myself, and address them head on. Discover quality formulations at TheOrdinary.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

One of the many silly little goofy things that we do as human beings is lie to ourselves. And I know that because I've lied to myself many times throughout my existence. And I imagine that you have two. Sometimes reality is just a little bit too real. And we need to lie to ourselves to cope and survive. I didn't Google it, but I imagine that this is a natural thing. This is a normal thing. This is a human thing.

It's an inevitable thing. life is really hard to grasp sometimes and lying can help so yes i've lied to myself many times throughout my life and just because it's a natural normal inevitable thing doesn't mean that it's a positive thing i know from experience that lying to myself is almost never if never beneficial i cannot think of one time that i've lied to myself and benefited from it it's almost always harmful which is unfortunate It's unfortunate when inevitable things are harmful. That sucks. But I've come to the conclusion as an adult that I want to strive to lie to myself the least amount possible.

And I know that I'm not going to be able to get to a point where I never lie to myself because, as I already said, it's an inevitable thing. And I am kind of convinced that it's like an innate human thing that we do to help ourselves survive and cope with reality. So it's not my goal to never lie to myself again, but rather lie to myself the least amount possible. And I'm kind of convinced that lying to ourselves is something that's sort of automatic, at least with me, like I don't make the choice to lie to myself. I lie to myself automatically. And then it's up to me to discover that I'm lying to myself and ultimately choose to discover

the truth and accept it. It's sort of a choice. choice thing. And what I've realized is the best way to do that is to constantly self-reflect and try to pinpoint the areas in which I'm lying to myself. Pay attention to what I'm saying and listen to myself talk and try to catch things that are lies in the moment. Because it is sort of this automatic thing, but it can be through practice, I think you can get better at catching it and catching yourself in the act so that you can lie to yourself for less time. Do you know what I'm saying? It's not about eliminating lying altogether, but rather recognizing yourself lying and then

stopping. I think one of the hardest things to do, though, is to recognize when you're lying to yourself. But we all know when we're lying to ourselves, right? It's not like we don't deep down know. It's not like we're so good at lying to ourselves that we can't tell. It's that we're really good at kind of knowing that we're lying to ourselves, but not fully admitting to ourselves that we are. We're really good at kind of turning a blind eye. But I do think it's a practice in noticing that feeling and then addressing it head on when

you feel it and when you notice it. Even when it's really uncomfortable and you really don't want to look at it, getting used to looking at it. Does anything that I just said makes sense? I'm not sure. So today I thought I'd sit down and discuss with you all. all, some lies that I tell myself, that I'm still struggling to have an honest perspective on. And this is sort of a selfish activity for my own benefit. These are lies that I still tell myself that I'm working on not telling myself anymore. And through acknowledging them, I'm going to improve on that issue. Does that make sense?

So this is super selfish this podcast episode. This is all about me, admitting to you all the lies that I tell myself. But hopefully I can lead by example. And maybe this episode will inspire you to address some of the lies that you've been telling yourself. So without further ado, these are some of the lies that I tell myself. I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is presented by the ordinary. Self-care is important, but it can be super expensive. right, especially when you're talking skincare products.

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Now back to the episode. To start, I love to tell myself, I'm not procrastinating. I'm gathering inspiration. A lot of my job is coming up with various ideas, whether it's for the podcast or for YouTube or for Chamberlain Coffee or for other creative endeavors. A lot of what I do, pretty much all that I do is come up with ideas for things all the time. And a lot of that process is just sitting and thinking or walking in thinking. Or walking in thinking. or driving and thinking. It's just a lot of thinking.

And sometimes just staring at the wall or staring at the window can get boring. And so I'll decide, you know what, let me take my eyes off of this document for a second where I compile my ideas and let me surf the web a little bit. Let me surf the web. Let me go on Pinterest for a bit.

You know, let me scroll on YouTube a little bit. Let me go on Spotify and look at, you know what kinds of podcasts are trending right now let me just kind of surf the web and in my head my idea is like by exposing myself to the zeitgeist what's happening on on the internet now i never go on like instagram okay that's a step too far for me that's not allowed but i'll allow myself to go on platforms that i consider to be safe for my brain right Pinterest is safe youtube is safe for the most part. I still have to have boundaries with all things, but I feel like those are the most positive, inspiring platforms, Spotify as well. It's like music podcasts. Hello. So I'll allow

myself to surf a little bit. See what's going on in the zeitgeist. Now, I'm not going on Pinterest, YouTube, Spotify, to necessarily take ideas. I'm very against that, especially now more than ever when I was younger I feel like on the internet there was less of an emphasis on people owning their own ideas like when I first started on the internet

it was all about internet trends like there were so many internet trends like oh everybody's doing the cinnamon challenge you know everyone's doing like a challenge where they're doing their makeup blindfolded or they're doing somebody else's makeup blindfolded

like, I started on the internet in a time where everyone was copying each other and it was totally fine. But now more than ever, there's an emphasis on protecting people's ideas, giving credit for, you know, it's like, and then also I've matured as a creative person. And I want to come up with my own ideas that are unique and fresh and exciting. Like, I don't want to do what's popular anymore. So anyway, all of this to say, I'll let myself surf just to see what's going on and see if it triggers a brand new idea, because that does happen. Like, I might see a picture of an outfit. It might be a red dress with black shoes and white tights, okay? Let's say that's the outfit I see. That image might inspire me to wear a black, white, and red outfit. It might just for whatever

reason make me think of three different pieces that I own that are those colors and it might inspire me to wear that or well that's not necessarily like a creative idea but that's a personal creative idea i might be on youtube and see that somebody made a video about subway sandwiches okay like they made a video essay on on the rise in the fall of subway sandwich okay and for whatever reason that might give me an idea to make a cooking video where I make a sandwich. Like, I don't know. Do you get what I'm saying? Like, I'm not surfing to steal.

I'm surfing to hopefully trigger new ideas, right? But you know what the truth of the matter is? A lot of times, I end up just getting sucked into scrolling. I'll convince myself that this type of scrolling is coming up with ideas when in reality, it's just procrastination because I'm bored of staring out a way. window and thinking. I'm bored of thinking. And as I'm talking about this, which I've not really talked about this out loud very much, as I'm talking about it out loud, I'm realizing, instead of opening YouTube or opening Pinterest, even though those things can be helpful sometimes,

I know when I'm doing that to procrastinate versus when I'm doing that to intentionally to help me come up with a topic or to help me gather things to discuss or, if I actually need to be on Pinterest because I need to make a mood board for something. Like, I know when I'm using those platforms intentionally in a way that's helpful and when I'm using them to procrastinate. I know that deep down. Moving forward, when I catch myself doing that, I need to just do something else. Like, honestly, I should just go do chores. If I'm so bored of staring at a window and thinking, I should just do something productive that I can also think while I'm doing it. You know what I'm saying? Like, I should go do the dishes. I should go

organize my garage. You know, I should go do something that is sort of mindless so that I can keep thinking, but I'm a little bit less bored. Anyway, okay, moving on. This episode is brought to you by Uber 1. If you're heading back to campus this fall, check out Uber 1 for students. It's the best way to save money on Uber and Uber Eats. Members get great perks, like $0.00 fees, up to 5% off eligible orders, and 5% back in Uber credits on rides. If you're a student, it's a no-brainer. You can also get free items on eligible orders throughout the week, like a free burrito from Cassada every Thursday and loads more from brands you love.

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Let yourself run, lift, flow, and go. Explore the new Peloton cross-training tread plus at OnePeloton.ca. Another lie I tell myself is that my feelings aren't hurt. What that person did to me is totally fine, and I'm unaffected. I might feel maybe a little bit uncomfortable, but no, no, that can't be right. My feelings aren't hurt. That can't be right. Sometimes the idea of confrontation with a particular person is too uncomfortable for me to bear.

I am all about communication, all about it. I'm the first person to give the advice to others. Like, if someone hurt your feelings, you got to tell them. Because otherwise, the relationship is going to be strained and that person is not going to learn from their mistakes. And that's a shame. I'm the first person to give that advice. But that doesn't mean that it's always easy to do that. And I will often catch myself lying to myself about whether or not inaction affected me negatively so that I don't have to confront the situation.

I think this is very common. I think a lot of people do this. But I think it's one thing to be afraid to confront, but to accept. Like, oh, no, this did hurt me. This did bother me. I'm aware of it. But I just don't want to confront it. That's one thing.

It's way more complicated and devious to convince yourself that you're not upset when you are. That's an even more complicated sort of situation to figure out. Because now you have two hurdles to jump through. Number one, figuring out whether or not you're upset. Or I guess it's more like figuring out how to accept that you're upset when you don't want to be upset. And then you have to figure out how to confront it. you know, or how to handle the situation. This doesn't happen to me all the time.

It happens to me in very specific types of situations. It tends to happen to me with people who I'm not close enough with to feel comfortable confronting them. Even worse, someone who I've had a really smooth relationship with thus far. Like, the relationship has been almost flawless. And now all of a sudden it's not and it's like, fuck we were doing so well i don't want to ruin this streak that we have going like this can't be right i can't i can't be bothered by this i'm not i'm not bothered by this but the problem with that is

is that if you don't address it then you'll start building resentment and then the other person doesn't get to grow and that's such a shame i honestly think the first confrontation in a relationship is the hardest because you are sort of breaking that seal because when you first meet somebody for the most part everything's sort of perfect it's cute it's perfect you know and then eventually something will happen it's inevitable and that first conflict is the most challenging because you don't really know how the other person's going to respond it's sort of the unknown and we're scared of the unknown and that's usually the type of interaction that I struggle with that's usually the type of interaction that I lie to myself about but it's so important that I stop fucking doing that

because what I know to be a fact is that in order to have a real functioning relationship with somebody, you have to break that seal. You can't be so precious with relationships that, you know, you don't let that seal get broken. You have to break it so that you can have a real functioning relationship where there's an open dialogue about issues. This hasn't happened to me in a while, luckily for me. But I just knowing myself, know that if I was put in this type of situation right now, this is a lie I would tell myself because it's a lie I've told myself in the past and I know that I'm not over it yet. Like I know that this is something I'd still do. So hopefully the next time I'm faced with this sort of challenge, I acknowledge the lie immediately, allow myself to be upset and allow

myself to confront. Let's all manifest that together. Actually, speaking of manifesting, another lie I tell myself is that if I say I want something to happen, if I manifest it, that will jinx it and it won't happen. Yeah. And to be honest, I do think that this one is a little bit, um, this one's a little bit loaded, right? This is a little bit of OCD for me. This is a lie that I tell myself due to a particular psychological issue that I have. However, it's still a lie that I tell myself because I know that that's not how the universe works. You know, I mean, I don't really know how the universe works. Does anyone for sure? I don't know. I don't think any of us do. But this weird lie that I tell myself doesn't even align with my spiritual views. Like, if I were to assess my

spiritual views, this doesn't, this actually doesn't make sense. You know, like, it's illogical, Which is why I almost was hesitant to include particular lies that I tell myself that are rooted in OCD or anxiety or paranoia because they're so irrational that it's like what's even happening, but they are lies that I tell myself, so I did ultimately decide to include them. But it's like it's illogical because I believe that manifestation does work in a way, whether it literally works, whether you're actually speaking. to the universe and the universe is listening, or manifestation works just through mindset shift. I don't necessarily know how manifestation works, but I actually do believe in it. However, sometimes, for whatever reason, my brain decides to convince itself that manifestation will backfire for me. It will jinx it.

Why? I don't know. I don't know why my brain does that. It's just a silly little goofy thing that it does. For whatever reason, sometimes I think that if I think something, an unrelated outcome will happen. It just, it doesn't make sense, but it's a lie that I tell myself. And I also lie to myself about the opposite. So I'll lie to myself and say, if I manifest that I don't want something to happen,

usually that's something bad or tragic, I convince myself that by hoping that it doesn't happen, it will. It's so much fun, you guys. It is a hoot. It's a hoot up here in my brain. It's a fucking hoot. It is always a fucking party up there. It is so much fun, you guys. It is the best. It is a party. It's chaos. It is a fucking movie up there. It's like Project X. Remember that movie about the big party? That's my brain. People doing shooters, people throwing up everywhere. people passing out super fun that's what my brain is like i wish i had more to say about this but i really don't because it's illogical i mean i think the way that i have combated this challenge is by acknowledging time and time again when this doesn't happen okay like i'll give you an example

i will convince myself that by praying on an airplane that the airplane doesn't crash, that that will make it crash. Okay. I'll convince myself that by praying that the plane doesn't crash, that's going to make it crash, right? But then when the plane doesn't crash, I force myself to pay attention to that. Emma, look, look, that wasn't real. That's not how shit works. And also, the universe doesn't revolve around me. That's the other thing that has helped me manage these sort of superstitions, OCD, intrusive thoughts. The universe does not revolve around me, okay? I'm not the only one on that fucking airplane.

It's narcissistic and selfish and unrealistic for me to think that I'm important enough out of all the hundreds of people on this plane. I'm the one that's going to dictate whether or not this plane goes down. Like me praying and thinking about the plane not crashing is going to somehow jinx this plane crashing when there's also hundreds of other people on this plane who have good karma, bad karma, who are praying for the plane not to crash as well. Like, I am not that important. I am not controlling the universe. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, my actions are not dictating the outcome of everything. You know what I'm saying? That's the other thing that I remind myself

when I have these thoughts because it's true. Or, I mean, I don't know, know. It depends on your spiritual belief, but that's my spiritual belief. It's so interesting that certain psychological challenges can actually cause your brain to fight itself. Like, it can cause your brain to say things and believe things that actually go against your own philosophy on things, your own theology on things. Okay, moving on. Another lie I tell myself, hey, this person seems cool. I really like this person. I think I can trust them. Why do I do this? I don't know. It makes no sense to me. I will meet somebody and on the surface level I'll kind of like them, right? Maybe we have good banter. Maybe I like their style. But I'll get a weird feeling about them for whatever

reason that I can't explain. I'll get a weird feeling about them. And I will ignore that feeling. time and time again, I will ignore that feeling. I will know deep down that something's off and that I shouldn't trust them and I shouldn't be so quick to like them because something's off. But I'll convince myself because maybe the banter is good

or we're actually having decent conversation or I like their style or other people that I trust like them. I will convince myself that I like them too, that I think that they're cool, that I can trust them. When I don't have a good feeling about them deep down, I actually don't. And I will dishonor that feeling and convince myself that I like them. And what tends to happen is down the line, the reason for that uneasy feeling will come to light. And I will

discover why I felt that feeling. It's very interesting how we have a better read on people than we think we do. And see, that's where the lie comes in. I will convince myself that I'm being paranoid. I'm being overly judgmental. I'm the problem. I'm being weird. But I've almost never had a bad feeling about somebody and then been wrong, ever. I think what it comes down to is that I want to like people. I really do. I want to like people. I want to have good conversation. I don't like disliking people. I really don't. And I know that that might be shocking to those of you who know me who listen to this podcast because I have said many times before that I love gossip. I do love gossip. And usually gossip comes with dislike of others. I don't like disliking other

people. Gossip for me doesn't always mean disliking people. Gossip can be anything. Gossip could be these two people who I really like broke up. And I like gossiping about that because I like analyzing their relationship and figuring out why they broke up. Gossip for me might be, talking about someone's career and perhaps analyzing it with my friends. Maybe I like this person a lot. Maybe whatever, but like maybe something happened with their career and it's like interesting to talk about. It's gossip. Like maybe something that they were working on got canceled or something. I don't necessarily feel happy that that happened, but that is gossip and it's interesting to discuss. You know what I'm saying? Gossip for me is not about hating on people. It's about analyzing.

analyzing things that happen. I love analyzing things that happen. That's fun for me. That's interesting for me that teaches me things about myself in the world around me for fuck's sake. I love it.

I love it. I don't like disliking people. I want to like people. I think especially when I'm in a good place in my life. If I'm in a good place, I just want to have fun, you know? If I'm in a particularly challenging place in my life, it can be a bit harder for me not to,

like I might become more tempted to dislike people because disliking people feels good when you're in a bad place unfortunately. Like when you feel bad about yourself in your life, there's something sort of cathartic about hating other people and unfortunately there's a human, there's something about bringing other people down when you feel down. And part of being an adult is knowing how to not cave to those negative feelings when you're in a moment like that, you know. But anyway, my baseline when I'm in a good place is I want to like people. I want to love people. I want to get along. I want to have fun. I want to make more

friends. Fuck it. And I think most people feel that way when they're in a good place. And that's why I think I tend to lie to myself when I meet somebody and I get a bad feeling because perhaps they really like me and perhaps they want to hang out and they want to go to dinner next week. I don't want to have to say no, but I get a bad feeling about them. But instead of trusting that gut feeling, I'll be like, fuck it. I guess I'll go to dinner with them. Because I don't want to have to act on something that doesn't have a lot of evidence, you know? And I will say with this particular one, I feel like it's not always bad to test and see if your gut feeling was right or wrong. I mean, in my experience, a lot of times my gut feeling was right.

I don't think it's the worst thing in the world to test it and to see. Because who knows, you might meet your best friend that way. And you might be wrong, right? I guess. And the worst thing that can happen is that you start to develop a friendship that you realize, oh, fuck, I probably shouldn't have developed this friendship. Now I'm further into it and I have to walk away. It would have been easier if I had just walked away when I had that bad feeling.

But it's not like the worst thing in the world to give people a chance, even if you get a bad gut feeling initially. I mean, it's not the worst thing. But I have had moments where I've been like, fuck, I did have a bad feeling and I didn't listen. And now I have to kind of blow this person off and that sucks. You know, because I don't like blowing people off. I would have rather just kept it in a place where we weren't friends.

Do you know what I'm saying? This also can bite me in the ass because I might convince myself that I like somebody and I think they're cool and whatever. And then I'll overshare with them. I'm getting better at this. The older I get, the better I get at this. But I still, even now, will be like, oh, this person seems cool.

Fuck it. I'll just tell them some shit. I'll get into it with them. Because I'm such an open book, especially in real life. I'm really an open book in real life. I'm an open book on the internet, but I have to be a little bit more careful because it's the internet. And if I'm not careful, like,

I can't talk about other people and say names on the internet. You know, whereas, like, I can, do that a bit more in real life. Whatever. I love connecting with people through stories, through interesting life experiences. I love to get into it. And I know that when I tell vulnerable stories, when I tell real stories and I do it quickly, I make better connections with people sooner. And so that's why I do that, you know. But I've learned over the years that I have to be careful because if I just decide that I think somebody's cool and I can trust them and I just start getting into shit, not even necessarily like drama, but just, I don't know, getting real with

somebody more than anything I suffer through regret and anxiety, because then later I'm like, well, what if they, what if they tell people? I don't know that I want to be friends with this person and now they know something about me. Like, I've, like, opened up to them and like, that makes me feel weird. I don't know. I almost expose myself more than I want to and then later I regret it. This episode is really exposing to everybody how dysfunctional my brain is. But I would like to believe that we all are dysfunctional in our own cute little ways. So maybe let's not judge Emma too much. Okay, moving on.

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Visit bestwestern.com for complete terms and conditions. This next one I know we all do. So nobody can judge me for this one because we all do it. I have lied many times to myself about being over my X. Okay? Not like, not like, I'm not saying a specific X. I'm saying any X.

I've had many. And there have been a few that have taken me a while to get over. Like, I would say, hmm, like I would say two in particular really took me a while, you know? and I have lied to myself and said, I'm fucking over it, over it, not over it. But I think the reason I lie to myself about that is because I want to be over it, especially when it's been like a year, you know?

And you're like, are you kidding me? I'm still not fully over this. I'm still thinking about it. I still have complicated feelings about this. Why? It's been a long time. Why? You know?

It's kind of embarrassing in a way or it can feel embarrassing on a personal level. I don't think it's embarrassing when other people take a year, two years, five years to get over an ex. I don't judge at all. I totally get it. But when it's yourself, it's tough. We all want to believe that we're tough and we're resilient. We don't give a fuck about our ex.

We don't care. We're moving on to greener pastures. We don't care. We want to believe that. It makes us feel shameful when we're not. It makes us feel weak. It makes us feel vulnerable. And it's embarrassing because breakups inevitably involve some sort of rejection.

Whether you were the one that got broken up with or you were the one that broke up with your partner, but perhaps now they've moved on and you actually haven't. And then you're like, wait, what? There's always some sort of rejection involved, right? Because if you broke up with your ex and then you miss them and you regret it and you want to go back to them and then they accept and they say yes let's get back together then you're not feeling this feeling anymore you don't have to lie to yourself about being over your ex because you're back together so even if you're the one that did the breaking up if you want to get back together

and they don't that's still rejection do you see what i'm saying like inevitably if you're feeling this way it's because there's some sort of rejection involved and that is really hard to accept it is really hard to accept when you've been rejected it's incredibly challenging. It takes a huge toll on your confidence. It's a tough one. And so it's not fun to admit when you're not over it. Because in some ways, that's sort of an admittance of the rejection that you've experienced in a way. If you still miss them, that's a painful reminder that you've been rejected. Whereas if you're over it, in a way, that's a power position. You're like, I'm over it. And I'm rejecting them. I'm over it. I'm rejecting them. Now I'm rejecting them. I don't care anymore.

You know? It's really, it's uncomfortable. And it's even more challenging when you're out and you're dating. And perhaps you've met somebody new and maybe you started to date them. But deep down, you're still not over it. And you're like, fuck, I want to be fully present, but I can't because I'm still caught up in this. But all I want to do is be moved on so that I can, you know, start my new life or whatever. But it just takes time. And I think a lot of us don't want to admit

how much time it takes. And so I've told that lie to myself many times. I mean, I guess just twice, really. More than twice, but like really badly twice. Moving on, another lie that I tell myself is that if I buy this book and I leave it on my nightstand, inevitably I'll read it. Obviously I'll read it. Um, I have like five books on my nightstand

right now that I've bought in the last six months that I have not picked up. And the reason for that is, listen, I have excuses for why I haven't read them, but I actually think that those excuses are further lies, which concerns me. I'll tell you my excuse and then we can decide together if I'm lying to myself. My excuse for why I have not read those books is because I've been honestly working too much. And reading to me is not, it's not, the books that I bought that I put on my nightstand are educational. They're not escapism. And I've been working so much that the thought of like reading to me is just further work in a way, which will be appealing to me at some point. But it's not to me right now because by the end of the day, I've expended my brain. Like I don't

have anything left. I can't do anything else hard. You know, I need to just escape into something, whether that's a YouTube video or just going to bed. So that's my excuse. I do think that's a lie in a way. Like I do think I'm lying to myself. I could make time to read those books if I really wanted to, but I'm choosing not to, right? But the lie that, the initial lie, let's go back to the lie. Okay? The lie is if I buy a book and put it on my nightstand, I'll read it. That's just not true because what I know about books, and listen, I'm not the most, I'm not the, I'm not the, biggest reader, okay? I read sometimes, but I'm not the biggest reader at all. But I go through phases. I think the truth of a book is that it needs to come to you at the right time for you to

want to read it. Just simply needs to be the right time, especially with something educational that you're going to teach yourself about voluntarily, right? Obviously, when it's a school book, you've got to read it. You're at school. But when you're in the classroom of life, okay, and you can read a book whenever you want. An educational book. I think it can be hard to motivate unless you pick it up at the right time, you know, and you have kind of a hunger

for that particular topic. And I just don't have an appetite for learning about the particular topics that are on my nightstand right now. I just don't have that appetite. And so I think the expectation that by having them there, I'll read them is just unrealistic because for whatever reason,

I just don't have the appetite for those right now. But then I think when this becomes detrimental is that I have these books on my nightstand, right, that I bought because I really want, I really want to learn about these things eventually. And so I'm keeping them on my nightstand because I want to motivate myself to read them. But the problem is they are not speaking to me right now. So I'm not picking them up. But the issue with that is, now I'm just not reading anything. Whereas if I were to say, you know what, these books aren't speaking to me right now, I'm going to go put them in my book collection. keep them there until I'm ready for them. And in the meantime, I'm going to go look through my book

collection and find something that is speaking to me. And I'm going to put that on my nightstand. And so when I have a moment where reading is appealing to me, at least I'm reading something because I think reading books is very important. But it is hard to motivate. Now more than ever, very hard. It's very, very hard for most of us to read. There are so many other things that are much more dopaminergic, you know? Is that even a word? I say that word all the time and I actually have never Google it. So I don't know. I think I used it right. So I'm just going to pretend that I did. Yeah. So I need to be much more intentional about the books that I keep on my nightstand so that I actually read more, you know, instead of being like, you know what, I'm going to be disciplined and harsh with

myself. And I'm going to put these books on my nightstand. I'm going to buy them because these are things I need to learn about and I'm going to put them on my nightstand and I'm going to read them because I need to learn about these things right now. Instead of doing that, which fails every time, I'm just going to start maybe, you know, I can collect books, but instead of putting them on my nightstand and convincing myself I'm going to read them just because they're there, I'm going to be more intentional about the books I keep on my nightstand. That's what I'm going to start doing. Okay, moving on. Another lie that I tell myself is that every guy that talks to me looks at me even. He's in love with me.

It's so embarrassing that I do this. It's really embarrassing. Like, I barely wanted to include this on the list. I didn't want to admit to it. But this is a lie that I tell myself. I kid you not. It's not good. I feel like that's like a narcissistic trait.

Like, I feel like that's a sign of narcissism. Like, I feel like this is not, like this is a red flag about me. Do you know what I mean? We should all hold up the red flag. This is bad. But at least I'm aware of it, and I know that it's, like, kind of ridiculous and narcissistic. This is not to say that sometimes they're not in love with me, like, maybe. But, like, okay, I'll give you, you know what, I'll tell you a story.

This proves that I'm a little delulu, okay? One time I was at a bar in New York, out of my element. And I walk in, I'm sitting at the bar with my friends, and this very gorgeous, very gorgeous guy comes in. gorge, gorge. I was like, whoa, that is a hot guy. Okay? And I couldn't help it. I was looking. I had to look a little, which can go a long way. If you look and you can get a little eye contact for a second, sometimes that can start a conversation later. You know what I mean? It's like a little message. You know how it is? So I was doing a little looking and then I looked away, whatever. And I was like, we like locked eyes for maybe one second or like, or it was either that or like I looked

and then I looked away and then I could feel that he looked at me and I was like, I'm so fucking in. I was like, I'm in, I'm so in. He wants to marry me. He wants to be with me forever. He is at K Jewelers getting me a ring tonight.

He's breaking in to the jewelers to get me a ring because that's how fucking obsessed with me he is. He can't stop thinking about me. He just laid eyes on me and for the rest of his life, he will never stop thinking about me. This is how I'm thinking in my head, okay?

Going, going, going, spiraling. Spiraling, if you will. Positive spiral, well, delusional spiral, but fun spiral. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to look away, obviously. I have to, like, you know, play hard again. I'm just not going to look again for like at least 10 minutes, you know, like got to seem busy, busy, busy, because that works wonders with boys. And so I wasn't looking.

And I'm just minding my own business. Eventually I decide, all right, I got to shoot my shot again. Let me just look back, shooting my shot for me. By the way, he's looking. That's it. Because I do not flirt very well. Actually, I think I flirt. Actually, I don't.

I don't flirt very well. I'm very subtle and very dry and very scared. But it works in its own little way. So I decide to do some heavy hitting flirting, Emma style, look back. He has a boyfriend. They are very romantic. He's fully in a relationship. And he's gay.

He could be by. so maybe he thought I was hot and he wanted this but he was fully in a relationship that was a miscalc for me to be honest you know what I mean like I really miscalced is there a chance is there a slim chance that maybe no to be honest that I don't think so

I think I miscalculated it on that one so yeah it's fine yeah I've actually also had that with, like, guys that I found out later were married and stuff. But see, I guess even in relationship, you never really know. Like, you never really know. You know, even if you end up seeing them with their partner or whatever.

It was like, you still don't really know. But moving on. Okay, the next lie I tell myself is that I need to be alone, majority of the time, to maintain a creative output. I need to be alone 95% of the time to be creative. And I do think to an extent that being alone is important for my creative process. It absolutely is because a lot of the things that I do and I make, I make by myself. You know, I record these podcast episodes by myself. I film and edit my YouTube videos oftentimes, well, I do the editing especially by myself. I do the conceptualizing of YouTube videos by myself. I do a lot of brainstorming for concepts for Chamberl and coffee by myself. I'm a control freak and I like to do things by myself. And a lot of times, I do need to be by myself to come up with ideas. But I think to a certain extent that's healthy and then beyond that, it actually becomes unhealthy. And I'm actually stifling my creativity by not

involving other people. And so that's a lie I tell myself that being alone is crucial. And I think, again, this one's complicated because to an extent that's true. But I think I take it beyond. And I'll spend an entire week completely by myself in my creative bubble. talking to almost no one. And that means not talking to people on a creative level, like not collaborating with anybody, but also just not talking to anyone in general. Because that's the thing about this lie. I believe I need to be alone, not only creatively, meaning I need to work on projects alone with no creative partners, but also I believe that I need to be alone away from friends, away from people in general, to be creative.

And the truth is, when it comes to creative collaborators, that can be incredibly helpful sometimes to have somebody to bounce ideas off of. Again, is it always the answer? No, but I could probably do a little bit more of that. Also, if you're not living your life outside with people, you will run out of creative ideas. And I know that that's true. But I will lie to myself and convince myself that going outside, spending time with people, being in the world is getting in the way of me being creative because it's wasting time. But that's not true. You know, a lot of my inspiration for things comes from lived experience with other people. So I guess the lie is that I need to be alone all the time when I really just need to be

alone some of the time. And that's something I really need to work on like right now because I have been alone a lot in the last few months a lot. And for a while, it was working for me. you know, and I was getting so much done and I was being so creative. But then at a certain point, I just became kind of empty and I need to, I don't know. But it's hard because I'm so type A and I'm so obsessed with, I'm a workaholic in a way. And so it's hard for me at times to justify like involving other people or taking time away from working on things creatively to live my life. like that's really hard for me because by nature I'm a workaholic if you will that's what everybody in my life calls me there like everyone is like Emma is a workaholic and needs help

and I do need help a little bit but it's something I'm actively working on because that lie is harmful and it actually ultimately long term gets in the way of my creativity there can be little bursts where it works and I can get away with it but it all comes crashing down eventually you know, we need other people. Creative people need other people. The creative process is a solitary experience a lot of times, but that can't be the entirety of a creative person's life. And I will convince myself at times that that needs to be my life and it's not true.

The next lie I tell myself is that I'm just going to post on Instagram really quick. No big deal. Just going to open up Instagram. I'm just going to open up the app. Just going to do a little posty, posty, just going to post really quick. going to post something and then right after I posted I might read comments for a second heart some of my favorites maybe respond to a few you know because that's really fun and then I'm going to stick to my boundaries and I'm going to close the app and I'm going to put my phone down

and I'm not going to scroll scroll scroll because I know myself and I know that that makes me feel anxious and not so good and you know what I do in reality I scroll scroll scroll scroll next thing I know I am on, like, Cheez-It's Instagram page. Next thing I know, I'm looking through Haley Beaver's photo dump. This is just my life. This is just life. Next thing I know, I'm on my Explorer page watching Reels. Next thing I know it's been an hour.

And I'm still watching Reels, you know? That is a lie I tell myself. And honestly, like, it's not that I never let myself scroll and, like, look through Haley Beaver's photo dump and go on Cheez-It's Instagram and look at Reels. because I don't think it's like, I do think that it's important that I'm not completely out of the loop. Like, I definitely look sometimes. But I need to admit to myself that every time I open the app, I will be scrolling a little bit. Even if, even if I think I'm just

going to go post and then I'm going to, you know, put the phone down, that's not true. And so I should honestly go into every time I post, go into the app knowing I will be scrolling a little bit and I should set a timer. Because that's what I do when I just want to scroll randomly. And I really don't do that a lot, to be honest, but it does happen. Like maybe once a week, I'll be like, fuck it. Let's just see what's going on. Maybe on the weekend, you know.

But that's it. And that's not a lot. That's less than normal, I would say, less than average. And I don't post on Instagram that often, you know, depending on what's going on. Like during fashion week or something every day. Here's my outfit. Here's my outfit. Again, again, again, here's my outfit.

but I'm like when not much is going on in my life, I'm not posting on Instagram that often, you know? So it's like, whatever, but that is a lie. But you know what? The lie goes deeper, actually, because even when I set a timer and say, like, I'm only going to let myself go on Instagram for 15 minutes, right? Half the time, that's a lie.

Half the time, me setting that timer is a lie. Because half the time, I'll be like, fuck it. Let me just look a little bit more. It's so tough. Like, I have good boundaries with it, but even I struggle. Like, I am so strict and so rigid and, like, so careful, but even I will fail. It's the hardest, though, when there's some, when I have to, when I'm posting a lot, that's when it's the hardest, like, during Fashion Week or during, like, the Met Gallars,

like, I'm posting so many different things. And also, I want to look at what other people are posting. Like, I want to see what other people are wearing the Fashion Week. I want to see what, like, behind the scenes stuff people are posting about the Met Gala. You know, I like love seeing what is going on. During those times, I am so on my phone. It's almost like all my rules go out the window. I don't even care.

I just let myself indulge in it. And then I pay the price and I feel anxious and I feel like shit. I lie to myself that every time I open a social media app, I'm going to have good boundaries and half the time it's a lie. But I work on it every day. I'm very aware of that lie I tell myself, though. I'm very aware of it. And I am actively working on it.

but it's just, it's, we all know, it's tough. Moving on. It's hockey season, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a nice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain old ice? Yes, we deliver those. Goaltenders, no, but chicken tenders, yes.

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Streaming on Paramount Plus. Cue the music. Like NCIS, Tony and Ziva. We'd like to make up your own rules. Tulsa King. We want to take out the competition. The substance. This balance is not working.

And the naked gun. That was awesome. Now that's a mountain of entertainment. Another lie I tell myself is that everyone hates me. I tell this lie to myself more often than you would think, but I am aware of why I tell myself this lie so often and why it's so hard to deal with. I think it comes down to my career, which is on the Internet.

And I think being a public figure is a very weird thing because, as we're all aware, public figures experience an unnatural amount of exposure to other human beings. And what does that lead to? An unnatural amount of opinions, which means an unnatural amount of negative opinions, okay? Public figures experience more hatred than somebody who's not a public figure. This is obvious. We all know this. But I think because it's such an unnatural thing, the human brain struggles to deal with it. No matter how good you are at being in the public eye, it's tough. And I think because I know, I don't even have to see it to know. Okay? I don't even have to see what people are saying about me to know that at all times,

people are saying mean things about me at all times. Somewhere on the internet, people are saying mean things about me. Somewhere in the real world, people are probably saying mean things about me because I'm exposed in a way that's unusual. So I know that at all times I'm being hated on. I know that. And I think that's such an unnatural experience that it sometimes subconsciously convinces me that I'm just a hated person.

And I thought I was the only one who experienced this, but I've actually met many other public figures who have the exact same experience where they just feel hated by society. They feel hated by humanity as a whole. It's a very common thing. I'm talking about beloved celebrities who, like, in the grand scheme of celebrity, are so loved. And even they're, like, I feel despised by humanity.

When, from my perspective, I'm like, literally everyone loves you. Like, you're not widely hated. That makes no sense. But it's just, I guess, the way that the human brain reacts to that. And so I will convince myself often that everyone hates me. Like, I will just convince myself that I'm a hate. person. Now, are there people that hate me? Of course. Are there people who think I'm stupid? Of course. Are there people who think I shouldn't have a job? Of course. Are there people who think I'm annoying? Of course. Are there

people who think I'm evil? Of course. That's being on the internet, unfortunately. And that's the case for any public figure. There's not one public figure that is unanimously liked, right? But I'll let that seep into my psyche and I will convince myself that everyone hates me. and what pulls me out of that is when I'm out and about and someone comes up to me and says, oh my God, I listen to your podcast or, you know, I love watching your YouTube videos, whatever, and says, you know, it brings me joy, it brings me value, like I'm so grateful for it. Then I'm like, Emma, stop, see, look, not everyone hates you. Look, look, there are people who like you.

remember this but it's so tough it's so tough because even though in a comment section there can be so many nice comments the mean ones will really stick in a weird subconscious way and it'll it'll creep back in in this weird lie that I tell myself that everyone hates me it's very weird and again it's not even rooted in truth because like there's people in my life who love me there's people in my comment section who love me but it doesn't matter for some reason this creeps in. It's very weird. And it is ultimately a lie. So I need to keep it in check. Another lie that I tell myself often is that I'm not jealous. Listen, I do get jealous sometimes. And I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on my jealousy. Like, I have a good method of managing

jealousy, but that doesn't mean that I don't get jealous. Like, I've given advice on this podcast about how to handle feelings of jealousy. You know, I know how to handle it, right? but that doesn't mean that those feelings are never going to come up. I think, like, nobody wants to feel jealous. And even worse, nobody wants to admit that they're jealous. It's just kind of a shameful feeling in a way. And so I sometimes have a hard time admitting to myself that I'm feeling jealous. Like, it takes me time.

Even though I feel like I'm good at managing it at this point in my life, I still will lie to myself when feelings of jealousy come up and I'll lie to myself for a little bit before I admit that I'm jealous. Like, it takes me time, even though I'm aware of everything that's going on. It's very weird how the brain works. Another lie that I tell myself is that on a particular day, I haven't been productive enough today. I don't deserve to rest.

I need to keep going. I haven't gotten enough done today. I do this all the time. This is a lie I tell myself all the time. I, this goes back to the workaholicness of me. And again, this might sound like I'm like, this is not a flex, by the way. This is not me being like, oh my God, I'm just like so motivated. It's not that because I actually think that at the end of the day, not even at the end of the day,

but like at the end of a month, right, the way that I push myself and then burn out and then can't do anything and then push myself and then burn out and then can't do it. Like at the end of the month, I probably get the same amount done as somebody who just takes it a bit slower and has a bit more balanced. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, being a workaholic, I don't think actually makes you get more done necessarily. Maybe, maybe, but I consider it to be a flaw, is what I'm trying to say. The truth is, some days are going to be productive and some are not. And the type of person I am, whether I've been productive or not, I will almost always come to the conclusion that I haven't done enough. I am insatiable. Is that a word? Whatever.

I cannot be satisfied. I am rarely satisfied. And so I'm constantly telling myself the lie that I haven't done enough. When it's like, you know what? If it's the end of the fucking day and there's no deadline that hasn't been met, I can be done. Do you know what I mean? I can be done. Oh, it's 9 p.m. and there's nothing that has to be done. Okay, then I can be done. You see what I'm saying? that's why it's a lie. Because it's like, if it's the end of the day, I have to stop. Like, there has to be a stopping point. But I, I lie to myself almost on a daily basis and say, there's still more to be done. Which leads me to my next lie that I tell myself, which is, I'm not tired and burnt out. I'm just a lazy sack of shit. I don't deserve rest. I'm just being

lazy and making excuses. Again, this sounds like a flex of a lie that I tell myself, but it it really is ultimately detrimental because this type of lie leads me to burnout, leads me to the point where I can't do anything. And I'm very mentally weak. And I've talked about this trait that I have many times. And I have gotten better over the years at not getting to this point, not succumbing to this lie, recognizing this lie. I've gotten better at it. But that doesn't mean that I don't still lie to myself about these things sometimes. I do. Okay, the next lie I tell myself, I can take on more responsibilities. When I think about my life in the plate, like, you know, the metaphor of like what you have on your plate, I am really bad at properly analyzing my plate. And I constantly

lie to myself about what I can put on my plate. I will look at my plate, my metaphorical plate. And there'll be one small little corner open where I could put something there. And technically that portion of the plate is like for sleeping, or hanging out with people that I care about. But I'll be like, that's an open space. Let me take on some more responsibilities. And then I have a mental breakdown. And then I have to take the plate

and I have to scoop everything into the trash can and then I can't do anything. Again, all of this stuff, all this like work-related stuff sounds like a flex until you realize that it actually leads to a state where I can't do anything and then I get nothing done for a little bit. until I recharge my battery.

And again, I'm getting better at all this stuff, but I'm including it on this list of lies that I tell myself because these are very prominent lies that I'm still figuring out how to manage. Another lie I tell myself is, once I complete this goal, I'll finally feel a sense of accomplishment and I'll finally allow myself to just finish

and complete and be done. You know, like the work can stop for a little bit, and I'll just sit in this sense of accomplishment. No. I really struggle with that, even when making this list, I'm talking about the list that we're talking about today for this podcast episode, the list of lies I tell myself. I told myself, once I come up with 10 lies that I tell myself, I will stop writing this podcast outline. I will feel accomplished and then I will sit down and I will record the episode. Well, I hit 10 and then I

decided, that's not enough. I need to do 12. Came up with 12 and then said, 12 is not enough. I ended up coming up with 17 because I did not feel accomplished until I got to 17. Then I was like, okay, I feel good now. I am the type of person that just does not ever feel accomplishment. There's always something,

if I'm seeking the feeling of accomplishment, I'll never reach accomplishment, I feel like. That's kind of the conclusion I've come to with myself. I think I need to remove the emotion from it. Like, for example, in making this list of lies that I tell myself, instead of saying, once I get to 10, I'll feel accomplished, and then I can stop. I need to be like, once I reach 10, I'm not going to feel accomplished because that's the type of person I am,

but I'm going to be done, and that's it, because it is a lie to think that I'll feel accomplished. I mean, I think there are ways to feel accomplished, even when you're not the type of person who naturally feels accomplished. And I've talked about that before, but I think it's not always realistic, and I think I need to know myself a little bit better. The next lie I tell myself constantly is that I'm dying, like in the moment, that I'm dying. For example, for the last few weeks, I've had a cough. And I have convinced myself on a daily basis that my lungs are collapsing and that I'm having shortness of breath and that I'm dying. And every time I take my oxygen, my oxygen levels are perfect. I am not dying. When I'm on an airplane, I convince myself that the plane will crash soon and

I'm dying. When I'm at a restaurant, sometimes I'll convince myself that I've gotten food poisoning or I've been poisoned or I've developed an allergic reaction that I've never had before and my throat's closing up and that I'm dying. I convince myself that I'm dying multiple times a day and I'm not. Well, my parents always remind me is that number, one, humans are very resilient. That's not to say that like, listen, we're not immortal, but we're shockingly resilient, like more than we think we are, you know? And if I'm able to talk, you know what I'm saying? Like, if I'm able to walk and talk and move, I'm not dying. Do you know what I'm saying? I don't know. I'm just, I'm ridiculous, but I'm, this is how my brain works.

I'm very anxious and I'm a mess. And the last lie that I tell myself, I mean, there's definitely more, but this is the last one that I can think of, is that I'm genuinely having a bad gut feeling. Like something bad's going to happen out of nowhere. Not just like something minor, but like something major. Like somebody's about to die or something's about to explode or like something intense, something extreme. I'll convince myself that I'm genuinely having a gut feeling about something tragic happening.

And I'm not just anxious and paranoid. No, I'm genuinely having a premonition. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. I just had an intrusive thought about something scary happening. And then I convinced myself that that intrusive thought is a premonition, is my intuition. When everything I've read up about intuition is that it's far more subtle. It's like when I get a bad gut feeling about a person, it's so, this is again, it goes back to like how certain psychological challenges make no sense.

It makes the brain fight against each other. It makes the brain hypocritical almost. Like, I lie to myself and say, wait, I think this person's cool. I really want to like them. When deep down I get a bad gut feeling about them because I don't want to feel that bad gut feeling. I'm avoiding it. I'm avoiding that bad gut feeling that actually should be listened to. But it's easy to ignore because it's not about anything too serious.

And I can't necessarily figure out exactly what it means. It's more vague. It's more soft. It's a whisper, right? And I actively will ignore that gut feeling. But then when I have a scary thought, as my mom calls it, when I have an intrusive thought that's really scary and disturbing to me, I will obsess over it and convince myself that it's a premonition and that it's going to happen.

When in reality, everything I know about intuitive feelings is that it is much more subtle, much more abstract, and much less intense. It's not like this is about to happen and it's about to be really scary and bad. It's like more like a, almost like a spiritual guide inclining you to do something or not do something. But what's kind of hypocritical about it is that I know that a subtle little soft gut feeling is one to pay attention to because that's what intuition is. And yet I ignore that one. But then when I get some sort of loud, intrusive thought, I'll convince myself that that's intuition when I know that that's not. the brain is so complicated it's and i feel like mine especially is complicated but it's

it's not everybody's as complicated but i feel like mine sucks sometimes i'm like why are you like this and nothing even makes sense like half the time shit doesn't even make sense that's going on in there but that's enough of that's enough of my brain for the day to be honest like i think we all need a break from emma's brain for the rest of the day so i'm going to stop talking now i'm going to spend the rest of my day doing things that are mindless because it's the evening time, and I think I've earned it. I encourage you all to face the lies that you tell yourself head on. It's an ongoing practice, I think, that you'll never perfect necessarily, but it's a practice that I think is worth starting to practice as soon as possible. And with that, I thank you all for listening.

And if you enjoyed this episode, new episodes of anything goes every Thursday and Sunday. you can tune in and hang out twice a week if you want or not and that's fine too anything goes is everywhere you stream podcasts but if you want to watch video that's only on youtube and spotify anything goes is on social media at anything goes i'm on the internet and i'm a chamberlain and my coffee company is in the world and on the internet at chamberlain coffee i love you all i appreciate you all i have a chin hair that i need to pluck it's like really bothering me so i like really need to do that now so I really need to wrap this up. I love you all.

I appreciate you all. Thank you for listening and hanging out. It's always a pleasure. And next time I see you, my chin hair will be plucked out. Hopefully you didn't notice it. But now that I brought it up, you're going to probably go back a little bit and zoom in and try to find it.

So I've really sort of screwed myself over there. Okay. I have to stop recording. Like, I have to stop. We have to be done. Bye. I love you.