anything goes with emma chamberlain - weed

Episode Date: June 2, 2022

well, my cats woke me up at 5 in the morning, so i am coming to you early in the am to tell you my weed story. in the last episode, we talked about alcohol. i briefly mentioned that i do not smoke weed. today i’m going to tell you why and share my stories about my experiences with weed…why I don’t smoke weed, why i will never do it again and how it affects my anxiety. actually, i will not make any promises, because i don’t really trust myself, i might try it again, but it’s very unlikely and i really shouldn’t…anyway, now that i’m 21 i’m finally getting to tell you guys all the stories i always wanted to share. it’s honestly been so fun. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello. It is 6.30 in the morning right now. I woke up at 5 because my cats decided to push everything off my nightstand to wake me up because they were hungry. And I'm not mad at them because if my eating schedule relied on another living thing to feed me anytime I was hungry, I would also do anything I had to do to get their attention so that I could get my food. You know what I'm saying? I get it, so I can't be mad at them and I'm not mad at them, but I am awake a little bit earlier than usual. And that's just the way that it is.

But I just wanted to paint a little picture for you. So you can imagine me right now in bed, in my robe, my face is still really puffy, the sun is coming up. Imagine all of those things as you're listening to me today. Anyway, in the last episode, I briefly mentioned that I do not smoke weed. And in today's episode, I'm going to talk about why. I do not smoke weed. Among with other things.

Along with other things. Among with other things. Among other things. I'm going to be talking about why I don't smoke weed. Among other things. I hope that's grammatically correct or else I'm just going to be talking about why I don't smoke weed among other things. I hope that's grammatically correct, or else I'm just going to be embarrassed. Anyway, let's start out with high school,

because high school was when, you know, kids started smoking weed, kids started drinking all of this stuff. Let's talk about that phase in my life. So in high school, I was very nervous about trying these sorts of substances, because my parents did a really good job at warning me the negative side effects of these things while not being controlling with me. And I think that this is why I was very careful was because they approached these conversations about drugs and alcohol very thoughtfully and geniusly in retrospect because they would basically tell me, listen, we know that you're probably going to try these things. It's pretty much inevitable. We know you're probably going to try these things.

We're just going to tell you why they're not good or how they can be not good. And we're going to ask you to let us know if you ever try these things so that you don't get into a situation where you're ever in danger. For example, if you're going to try alcohol and there's nobody who isn't drunk to drive home, let us know we'll pick you up. We'll drive you home. Don't ever do this stuff without letting us know, because we wanna make sure that you and your friends

are as safe as possible, which I think was really cool. And so, they basically warned me that we in alcohol is bad for a young person's brain, like a developing human being's brain. And they explained that to me. They also explained to me how, especially with things like weed, you know, you don't know where it's coming from, not a vibe. Also, both of my parents had really bad experiences with weed specifically, where it made them have severe panic attacks, both of my parents. And so they also warned me of that.

And they warned me of many other things, but those were the main things. And so because of that warning, I just didn't have any interest in trying weed in high school. And so I didn't. And it wasn't until more recently that I tried it because I was open to the idea of it. The first time I ever tried it was that not really a party, but kind of. It was at sort of like a small party. As people in California would call a kickback. I hate that word so much. I really hope that that's something that people use like everywhere, a kickback.

Oh my God, it's so cringed. Like that's the most cringed name for like a small party. It's a little bit too obvious, like a kickback. Like yeah, we're not partying, we're just kicking back. Like just the 10 of us. It's cringed, but whatever. It was at like a small party environment. And there was one person who had a dab pen. If you don't know what a

dab pen is, it's basically like a vape pen that has really potent weed in it. And I felt actually pretty good about this being my first time smoking weed, not because I actually had any knowledge about a dab pen, but rather because I felt like it was just gonna be easier. It's in a form of a vape pen of sorts, which is like easier to inhale. It's not like this burning joint looking thing that's like has all these like harsh

particles in it. I don't know. I just felt like it was gonna be easier to do. And so in conversation, it came up that I had never smoked weed and everybody was like, what the fuck? Like holy shit. Like that is lame AF. No, I'm just kidding. they weren't calling me lame, but they were like, that is insane because in California, especially because it's legal, so many people smoke weed. And so it was just quite shocking to everybody that I had never tried it. And so they were like, let's do it, why don't you try it?

And I was like, well, I'm nervous, I'm gonna have a panic attack because my parents have always had panic attacks. When they smoke weed, they've had really, really bad experiences, blah, blah, blah. And everybody was like, no, you'll totally be fine. Just take one hit off of this dab pen. So I was like, okay, so I did. I took a big inhale of this dab pen, just one, breathed it out, and then I waited.

Now let me set the scene for you. I'm at this party, kick back, if you will. And everybody there is not my close friends. Nobody there. I did not have one person there that I considered a close friend. At the time, I was kind of in a random phase of my life. You know what I mean?

I was kind of just hanging out with new people, trying new things, not really sure what types of people I wanted in my life or not. So I was just kind of experimenting at this time. So everybody in this room was new to me. I had maybe known them for a few weeks to a month. Okay, so like these are not close friends. This was my first mistake because I did not feel safe to like be truly me around these people because they just weren't people I've known for a long time.

We were also in a weird bedroom that was half decorated and just weird, kind of like, frat boy feeling, like, sort of vibe, which, for me, is like, not the most comfortable environment, right? So the weed starts to kick in, starts to hit, okay? Things are hitting. And I notice it the first time because we're all sitting in a circle and talking. And all of a sudden, everybody's voices get really loud in my ear. And I feel like everybody around me is staring at me. Like, it was like all of a sudden I felt like I was in a fishbowl

and everybody's voices were amplified and everybody's eyes were on me. And it made me so uncomfortable. But I was like, okay, I need to try to push through this and seem chill, right? Because I don't want to embarrass myself in front of these new people. I'm just not in the mood to do that. I also was like, I'm probably just psyching myself out. I have a tendency to do that even when I'm sober. So I'm definitely making this worse for myself. I just need to take a few deep breaths, relax, and just try to act normal. I remember at one point somebody

asked me a question, and I respond, I answer. And then a few seconds later, when I was recalling myself answering the question, for some reason in my memory, I was remembering that I screamed the answer. So like instead of me answering the question in this tone, I was answering the question in this tone, like even louder than that screaming, then I really started to freak out because I was like, my memory is clearly very impaired here.

I'm like imagining things. I'm imagining that I had screamed the answer to the question that I had been asked. When I answered it, I thought I was talking in a normal tone, but in my memory, I was screaming. I started to freak out. Okay, completely freak out. And so everybody in the room started to realize

that I was kind of freaking out, but I think that they kind of thought it was funny. So everybody was kind of, I think from my memory, they were kind of joking around with me. They're like, so am I like you feeling all right? Like, you know what I mean? Like, are you feeling it yet? Whatever.

And I was just kind of like, uh, like, yes, yes, yes. Like, you know, just struggling to exist normally in this setting. At one point, one of the kids goes outside and he was like, are you good, you know what I mean? And I was like, honestly, no. And this, this was the person who Smoked the most weed out of the whole room and they were the most familiar

With it and I was like listen I'm not doing okay like I'm not okay and They were like it's okay, you know like this happens you, like you barely, you didn't smoke a lot of weed. Like it was barely anything. You're gonna be okay. Like you're, you just gotta let it pass. And I was like, okay, okay. And eventually, I ended up going home.

I ended up writing home with one of the girls that was there. And I remember getting home and like laying in bed and staring at the ceiling and just being like, am I, you can't ever do this again. I felt so out of control. I felt so slow in my brain, which is so abnormal for me because my brain is always like, going so fast, I felt so slow and I was like,

can't do this again. I never fully had a panic attack this first time. It was just a lot of anxiety and paranoia, but there was no panic attack. So that was good. I felt high for the next three days. Was I high? Probably not, but I still felt off for three days following. And that experience was really traumatizing for me.

I hated it and I was like, I can't ever do this again. Oh, but then I did because a little while later, I found out about edibles. And edibles are basically little gummies, like little gummy bear looking things that have weed in them, just a little bit. And you can buy these gummies and they'll have THC, which is what makes you high from weed. And then they also have CBD in them, which is the chemical in weed

that makes you feel relaxed, right? So you can buy these gummies that have, you know, different ratios of THC and CBD. And a lot of people have really good experiences with these gummies because they're more balanced, because they're like manufactured by a company rather than you just smoking weed in its pure form. It's like they extract the THC, they put a certain amount in, they extract the CBD, they put a certain amount in, and they're allowed to, and not allowed to, but they have the ability to kind of tweak things so that, you know, you might have a better experience, right? I had been hearing about these gummies non-stop. Everybody that I was friends with was taking these gummies, obsessed with these gummies, saying that they were so relaxed and, you know, you don't get too high, you

just feel super relaxed and you can still function. And a lot of people were like, this makes helps a lot with, you know, my anxiety. It makes me feel really calm. And I was like, whoa, you are talking to the right person. I'm going to try this again, because I had not heard one negative review about these gummies. Okay, everybody was like, these gummies are the move. These gummies are the up and coming. Okay. So with somebody that I was very close to and am very close to, I decided to try these

gummies. They had taken the gummies hundreds of times, they loved the gummies. One night while watching a movie, the decision was made, Emma's trying the gummies. And I was in a very safe environment this time, which was amazing because I felt safe. You know, I felt safe, I didn't feel judged, whatever.

So I take one of these gummies. I'll save you the brutal details, but about 45 minutes in, I close my eyes on the couch. And when I close my eyes, it was almost like there were like strobe lights in my eyes, like when my eyes were closed. Like I could see like strobe lights. And my brain started imagining me like falling through. Like I was imagining that every time there was a strobe light in my eyes, in my brain, in my eyes, that I was like traveling through time. Like I'm not, okay, I can't make this up.

I don't know why I am so sensitive to weed. But every time I've had these extreme experiences for just no reason. So this time, I'm like, imagining that I'm like time traveling, okay. And it starts to make me feel really scared for whatever reason. And I start to get really bad anxiety. My heart is beating. I'm on this person's couch. It's just me and them. I know they're not judging me. We're very close. They also know about my experience with weed.

And so they didn't really pay any mind to me for having my freak out. Little do they know. I'm like laying on the couch, my eyes closed, my heart pounding. And I'm having all of these weird visions in my brain. Like all these weird, I'm having all of these weird visions in my brain like all these weird I'm imagining weird shit, okay, like one minute. I'm imagining like me traveling through time the next minute

I like can't stop thinking about what it looks like when a slinky goes down the stairs like I was the weirdest shit I couldn't and I'm at this point I'm like I can't control what I'm thinking about. Like I'm just starting to think about stuff and I can't control what I'm thinking about. And every time I would open my eyes, it would feel like two days had passed. It would feel like my eyes had been closed for two days. And when I would open my eyes again,

I would feel like, okay, I'm back on planet earth. But then I would start to feel weird again. I go to sleep that night, it was tough because my brain was like on the move. I couldn't stop imagining weird things. And what was most unsettling to me was that I just could not control what I was imagining. And every time my eyes were closed,

the weird, uncontrollable visions were worse. Whereas when my eyes were open, I was more chill. I felt more connected to planet Earth, but the second my eyes were closed. I just felt like I was hallucinating in a way, or not hallucinating, but kind of. I just had like a lot of intrusive thoughts in a way, and it was very scary for me.

The next morning I was fine. I was completely fine. All right, I was like, okay, again, we doesn't scary for me. The next morning I was fine. I was completely fine. All right, I was like, okay, again, weed doesn't work for me. Well, I decided to try it again. Because a few days later I was like, you know what, I'm gonna take a smaller dose. And guess what?

I did, and it was a great experience. I ate half of an edible, half of the little gummies that have weed in it. In that night, I felt amazing. I Didn't really feel anything. I almost kind of felt nothing. I just felt a little bit more relaxed Like in my body in mind I just felt a little bit more relaxed and I was like this is great like I still feel fully functional. I still feel In control of my brain and my body and

This is amazing. I I still feel in control of my brain and my body. And this is amazing. I wasn't having any weird hallucinations. I wasn't having any intrusive thoughts. I had no paranoia, I had no anxiety. It was amazing. It was like the complete opposite. I just felt like me, but a little bit more relaxed. And I was like, you know what?

I might be a stoner now. Maybe I've found my magic ratio. I might have just figured this shit out. I might have just cracked this fucking code. It's time to go. I was excited because in Los Angeles especially, there's such a positive culture around weed and its positive effects, which is very new,

because prior to now, it was extremely not that way. And it was not looked at in this light and fun way. It used to be number one illegal. Number two, like, you know, if you were caught with weed or you were caught selling weed, whatever it may be, like there were serious repercussions for that. And now it's so bizarre how weed is just like, especially in California, just like chill and no big deal and a part of almost every adults every day life.

Like, it's very hard to find an adult that doesn't smoke weed or young adult. You go to them saying adult, young adult, it's very common. And because of that, you know, I was fascinated by it and I had heard that it can be really helpful for things like anxiety and depression and things like that. And so I was curious about how it could affect me. And so I was excited that I had finally figured out a way to make it work for me.

For a short time following that, I was regularly taking edibles at night to fall asleep. And I consistently had a really good experience. I mean, obviously, it was very short-lived, but I had a very good experience until one day. One night I was by myself and I took my normal edible at nighttime to just get relaxed. And I was on Instagram on my phone scrolling through Instagram. While I was scrolling through Instagram I saw a post. I don't even remember what the post was about, to be honest. But let's say it's a post about cats, like a cat fact, like a fun fact about cats on my explore page of Instagram. So I saw that, right?

And it was a weird post, like it was a weird post for some reason. I found it weird at the time. And I scrolled past it, but even though I scrolled past it and was looking at other photos, I was still thinking about that one post. And then at a certain point, I was like, wait, that post was really weird. For whatever reason, in my high state, I thought that that post was really weird. And I was like, I think it's so weird that I don't even believe that it was posted.

I feel like I imagined that. And so I scrolled up and tried to find it again, right? And I couldn't find it. And then I convinced myself that I had hallucinated it, which scared the shit out of me, scared the shit out of me. To try and relax, I started watching a TV show. And while I was watching the TV show, I realized that I couldn't remember what was going on.

Like I'd be watching the show, and then like 10 seconds would pass, and I wouldn't remember what I was watching. I'd have to like remind myself what I was watching. I'd have to like remind myself what I was watching. I'd have to like recheck in and be like, oh, wait, okay, I'm watching this show. I kept forgetting what I was watching and what the show was about.

And I was like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Why am I having issues with my memory? This is really weird. This has never happened before. What is going on? And so I call my dad immediately because I'm starting to freak out. But I'm trying to stay calm, right? Because I know that it's probably just a stronger batch of edibles or something.

Even though these edibles were from a dispensary, which is like a place that legally sells weed. Regardless, I was like, you know, they might have just messed up this bad to a little bit and made it a little bit stronger than normal. Like, everything's fine. I'm probably just really, really high for whatever reason, whatever it's going to be fine. Or maybe I'm just hyper aware of the fact that I'm high. And normally, I don't psych myself out and convince myself that I'm hallucinating.

And normally, I just lay there and chill and don't do anything and don't really myself out and convince myself that I'm hallucinating and normally I just lay there and chill and don't do anything and don't really use my brain. Whereas right now I'm trying to use my brain and it's not working properly, maybe it never works properly, but right now I'm trying to use it and it's showing extra. You know what I'm saying?

I was trying to rationalize what was going on. And so I call my dad and I was like, listen, I think I'm really, really high right now. And I explained to him what had happened and how I was freaking myself out. And I felt like I was having memory issues. And I was like, I'm just scared that I permanently damaged myself somehow. And I had researched weed prior. and I knew that that wasn't really something that happens. But also, anything's possible. You know, I could be the first one to experience permanent memory loss from weed, and weed

does temporarily impair your memory. And it can impair your memory for longer than just the time that you're high. It can extend past. And your brain supposedly, according to the articles, I've read, can bounce back, but it does definitely affect your memory. Short-term and sometimes semi-long term. And I was like, but what if I'm permanently impaired?

What if my brain is permanently impaired? And I can't remember things ever again. And so I started really freaking out while I was talking about this to my dad. And he was like, listen, you're going to be okay. Everything's going to be fine. And then he started to say, let's just talk about something else. And he started to ask me questions. He was like, so what did you do today?

And when I was trying to remember what I had done that day, I couldn't remember. Like, I'm not exaggerating. I'm not sitting here being like, I couldn't remember. No, no, no, I could not recall. And when I would try to remember, it would take me so long that by the time I would remember I was so freaked out at how long it had took me to try to recall that when I would try to verbalize it and say it to my dad, I couldn't even get the words out because I was starting to shake

and my voice was starting to like, my throat was starting to like close up out of anxiety and so I like couldn't even talk anymore. So I got to a point where I couldn't remember shit and I could barely talk because I was so freaked out at how slow my brain was moving that I was starting to have like an anxiety response to my body. And I was also having an issue getting words out properly, like I was having

to repeat myself a lot. And it was weird because half of me knew that like everything was fine and I was just really high and I was just trying to overwork my brain while in this high state. And you know, you can't do everything that you can normally do when you're high, right? Some people can, but not everybody. And I'm definitely not one of those people that can just function normally, you know. And so I knew that I was trying to push myself too hard while in this state. But the other half of me was like, no, no, no, I have permanently damaged myself. Like my whole life is over.

I'm never gonna be the same and, you know, whatever. And so I start to have a full panic attack, like bodily. My body starts shaking and I start disassociating, really bad. And I had been struggling with disassociation a lot prior to this moment. I had been struggling anyway with that kind of anxiety. Disassociation, my definition of disassociation is when you don't feel in your body. Like you feel removed from your body. You feel like your body and your mind are two separate things,

and you kind of feel like you're a ghost following the shell of your body around. It's a very weird feeling, and it's very, very upsetting, because you don't feel connected. Everything feels disjointed, discombobulated, and you don't feel fully present because you feel like your brain is in one place in your bodies and another. And it's very, very, very weird. And I had been struggling with that a lot because of my anxiety. I had already been having that issue while sober, but all of a sudden, once my anxiety and the panic started to set in, I started to disassociate worse than I ever

had in my life, okay? While on the phone with my dad, in bed, really high, apparently. So it was basically, here's how it felt. My brain was so scared and was moving so fast that I could not control it anymore. So when I would be talking to my dad or when I would be moving, like for example, if I would move my arm, it didn't feel like something I was doing. Because the most prominent part of my brain was like freaking out. So the part of my brain that was allowing me to talk and was allowing me to move was like almost my subconscious. It felt like this

is all fucking crazy sounding. But I'm just trying to explain to you how I was feeling. It didn't feel like when I was talking that I was even I even knew what I was saying. Like it felt like I was feeling, it didn't feel like when I was talking, that I was even, I even knew what I was saying. Like it felt like I was talking without even thinking about it first. Like the out, what you could see from the outside of me, my movements, my talking, whatever it might have been, almost felt subconscious and robotic. And like I wasn't even thinking about it,

I was just doing it. And it was so scary. And I felt like my brain had 10 different compartments at all, all moving in different places at once. And it was so overwhelming. I'm like almost getting upset trying to think about it now because it was the scariest feeling. And at one point, I told my dad,

I can't talk to you anymore because this is making it worse. I'm going to need to call you back. And I hang up with him and I text somebody who I'm very, very close to in my life, whom I love very much, who has a lot of experience with weed. And I text him and I say, I feel like I need to go to the hospital. Like I'm not kidding, I feel like I'm losing it. And I texted him saying that because he had had a similar experience with weed multiple times and had shared that with me.

And so he was like, Emma, I've been where you are before, like, call me. And I was like, no, I was like, absolutely not. I am not calling you, Like, I am not okay. I don't even feel like I'm a real human being right now. Like, I just want you to tell me right now that everything's gonna be okay because you've experienced this before.

That's all I need. I can't talk right now. And he was like, everything's gonna be okay. You're gonna wake up tomorrow and feel fine. I promise you, I've been there. You're gonna be okay. And I was like, okay, for a second that helped me a little bit. But it was weird because what would happen is I would

feel better for a second. And I'd put my phone down and I'd close my eyes and start to take deep breaths. But then the paranoia and the anxiety and the panic would start to come back. And you would come back 10 times worse every time. And I started to freak out so badly at one point that I had to call my dad back. So I call him back. At this point, I'm crying. And I'm shaking in a way that I've never shaken before. My whole body was like shaking uncontrollably. And I was hyperventilating

a little bit, like could not breathe. And I was just like, I just need you to tell me everything's going to be okay. Because right now I literally feel like I'm dying. Like I feel like I'm dying. I feel like the fear that I felt was the most fear I've ever felt in my entire life. I have never in my life been more scared than I was in that moment. Never, never, ever. In genuinely scary moments in my life, when I've thought that there's been an intruder in my house,

when I've thought that my cats got out of the house and ran away, when I've thought that somebody in been an intruder in my house when I've thought that my cats got out of the house and ran away. When I've thought that somebody in my life was in danger, I kid you not. No fear that I've ever felt in my life. No panic attack that I've ever had in my life has compared to this one. I thought that my brain was permanently damaged.

I would never be the same again. And I was so scared and I was so out of control that I was completely beside myself. And so for another hour or so, I'm on the phone with my dad and he's just trying to talk me through it. As I'm hyperventilating, shaking, crying, just so scared. Eventually, the panic attack subsides. My body finally relaxes a little bit. I think that the panic attack took so much energy out of me

that it honestly exhausted me. And so after this hour of having this extreme panic attack, I felt so exhausted that I thought, you know what, I think I can probably go to bed. So I told my dad, I said, listen, I need to try to go to sleep. I feel so exhausted that I need to just try. And I think that the high was starting to wear off

a little bit as well at this point. And so I was like, okay, thank you for listening to me, I'll call you tomorrow, whatever. And I put on some sleep music. You know on YouTube, you for, you know, listening to me, I'll call you tomorrow, whatever. And I put on some sleep music, you know, on YouTube, you can look up like sleep music, eight hours long. That's just like super relaxing, super calming music. I put some of that on, which I put on all the time if I can't sleep.

And after probably 30 minutes of listening to that, and taking deep breaths, so I'm talking about like, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, the whole, for like literally 30 minutes. After doing that for like 30 minutes, I eventually tired myself out enough to fall asleep. For two weeks following that, I was not the same.

I was struggling with really bad disassociation for like two weeks after that. It was really bad. I get anxiety all the time. I have those feelings frequently, but the disassociative side of it all is a little bit less common. It's a little bit more extreme and it happens less frequently. But after this crazy panic attack, crazy experience, weed experience, I like, I did not recover for probably two weeks mentally. And I'm not sure if it was because

I was getting the weed out of my system. I don't think so. I don't know. I don't know if it was like related getting the weed out of my system. I don't think so. I don't know. I don't know if it was like related to the weed or if it was just related to my anxiety. You know, it got triggered really bad that night. And so that might have carried me, carried through to the following two weeks.

I don't know, but what I do know is that I'm never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, fucking, ever, touching weed again. I cannot do it ever again. That experience for me was so beyond traumatizing. To this day, I literally cannot think about it without feeling a pit in my stomach. I mean, it is like one of the most terrifying memories I have. And I've had some terrifying things happening happen to me, terrifying, at times life threatening. This sticks out as one of the most

terrifying memories I've ever had, because I really thought that I had ruined my life. I didn't. I'm fine. Everybody's fine. Everything's fine. Still for whatever reason, that was the most scared I've ever felt. I don't think I'll ever feel that scared again. I don't know if there's any science about this, but I definitely think that there's two types

of people when it comes to weed. There's people that can function almost even better than normal when they're to weed. There's people that can function almost even better than normal when they're smoking weed. They're focused, they're relaxed, they're happy, they feel chill, there's some people that react to weed like that. And then there are some people like me and my parents and even some other people I know that cannot smoke weed,

ingest weed in any way without having a panic attack. And I think that this is important to talk about, because my few experiences with weed have almost all been so incredibly negative. And the only thing that got me through it was knowing that there are other people out there that also get extremely anxious and extremely paranoid with weed.

And if you're trying it for the first time, you've never tried it before, and for whatever reason you're trying it, you might time. You've never tried it before. And for whatever reason, you're trying it. You might have an experience like me. And because of that, the first few times that you get high from weed, you need to be with people that you are really comfortable with. I'm talking about people that you trust your life with.

You know what I'm saying? Because there's a chance that you could freak the fuck out. And the last thing you want is to be around people that are going to make it worse. Because it is not just like, oh, I'm a little bit freaked out. No, no, no. We can make you freak out in a way that feels life-threatening.

That one night when I had my panic attack, I literally thought I needed to go to the hospital. And I know people that have called 911 because they had a panic attack while they were high and got so scared that they thought that they were dying and called 911. Like it's serious. The thing is, is that it's not actually that dangerous, right? Like it's not actually like, as long as you're smoking weed from a responsible place and, you know, like from a verified place,

you're not smoking random weed that you just found at a party. Like that's very not smart and not good. Don't do that ever because you don't know what the fuck is in it and you just don't want to do that. And you also don the fuck is in it and you just don't wanna do that. And you also don't know how strong it is, you don't know anything, it's just stupid, don't do it. But, you know, if you're smoking weed from a safe place, like from a dispensary, a place that legally sells weed

that's been grown in responsible locations, blah, blah, blah. If you're smoking weed from there, you're safe, you know, you're in the clear for the most part, I believe. But you might feel like you're not safe. Like, I've never, ever smoked a lot of weed or taken a lot of edibles. Every time I've had these panic attacks has been from a very small amount of THC, of weed.

Like, it's always been from a small amount. I've never, like, I used to take one edible, like one little gummy, which has five milligrams of THC, which is the stuff that gets you high. I used to take one edible. The time I had a panic attack, I took one edible, one five milligram edible, which prior to that,

used to almost do barely anything to me, but for whatever reason that one day, it did a lot to me. And that one time, I was at that party, little kick back, I just had one little hit off of that weed pen, the dab pen, whatever. And I was super high, it doesn't take a lot. That's the other thing. I think what I was super high, you know? It doesn't take a lot. That's the other thing.

I think what I wish I knew even more was that the feeling that you might get if you have a bad reaction mentally to weed is that it's not gonna feel like a little bit of anxiety. It's not gonna feel like a little panic attack. It might feel like you are actually dying, okay? And I'm here to tell you, you're not dying, you're going to be okay.

Your brain is gonna bounce back, you're gonna be fine. The best thing you can do is go into a quiet, dark room, play really relaxing music and take deep breaths and try to imagine a blank room. Try to imagine that you're in a plain, all white blank room. That's what I do. I picture myself in just like a blank room, nothing around me when my eyes are closed

and I just take deep breaths. Or I might imagine myself and my childhood bed. That's something I do a lot when I'm having really bad anxiety, or like especially like a panic attack. I just close my eyes and imagine myself curled up in my childhood bed and I take deep breaths and I listen to relaxing music until my body calms down and hopefully my brain follows suit. Anywho.

That is my story. That is my weed story. That is why I don't smoke weed. I'm never smoking weed again. I will never touch it again. Actually, I will not make any promises because I don't really trust myself. Like, I might try it again. You know what I mean?

There's a world in which I might try it again. But it's very, very, very unlikely because that experience was so, so traumatic for me that I just can't do it again. And for those of you out there who have a similar reaction to Weed as me, you know, you just can't handle it. It sends you down a bad path. I know how shitty it can feel because so many people smoke weed. It's very common where I live anyway. And you know, you can feel excluded at times. And you can feel kind

of like bummed almost because you and your friends might be hanging out and everybody might be like, Oh my God, like I oh my god, I just bought this joint. Let's light it up. You know what I mean? And then you're like, fuck, I want to join. And you can't because you know that if you do, that you'll be literally stuck in a dark room for the next 12 hours, trying to calm yourself down.

Like, it sucks not being able to participate sometimes. But it's not worth it. And I mean, find something else. Make yourself a little drink. Like, I don't know. Figure something else out. Don't do it. It's not worth it.

And know yourself. And like, you know, know that certain things don't work for you. That's what I've had to do with myself. I tried over and over and over again to make weed work for me so that I could fit in in a way because so many people participated in it that I wanted to also find a way to make it work for me. And that's why I kept trying over and over again, even though more times than not, it made me have a freak out. And it led up to one of the most traumatic experiences I've ever had in my life. And I could have avoided that by just knowing myself

better and looking at all the experiences I had had with weed prior and been like, listen, this doesn't work for me. Why am I going to try and make it work? Just because it worked for me a handful of times, you know, at nighttime before bed, doesn't take away the fact that I also had a handful of times where it made me have complete freakouts, you know what I mean? Where I felt like I didn't have control over my brain.

And if I would have just known myself a little better, I probably wouldn't have kept trying to make it work. And I probably would have given up. And then I probably would have avoided that one traumatic evening. All of this is to say that these substances are a part of being human in a way. And everybody has a choice to try these things out or to not. And with everything comes the potential for negative consequences. All of these things, drugs, alcohol, all of that. They all come with their different levels of consequence, right? And as you're growing up and navigating adulthood, it's almost inevitable that you will try these things eventually. And I think it's just good to know that like just

because your friends love something, they love alcohol, they love weed, that doesn't mean that you're going to have the same experience. And it's about knowing yourself and really checking in with yourself after you try these things and say, how did that affect me really? You know, did I like how that made me feel? Is it worth trying again? Or is this something that just simply doesn't work for me? Point blank, you know? Like, it's hard when your peers are also doing these things

and you know, your determination to do them too, is normal, right? But you have to be honest with yourself about whether or not these things are good for you. I've been having this dilemma with alcohol as well. Like, as I'm now 21 and I'm experiencing these things, especially now more than ever, I am having to ask myself, is it worth it for me?

Because the consequences are not going unnoticed for me, you know? Like I definitely have consequences with these things. With weed, it's that there's a really big chance that I might have a panic attack. And with alcohol, it's that for the two weeks following me having a drink, you know, I feel like shit mentally and sometimes even physically. And it's hard because in social settings, there are people smoking weed,

there are people drinking alcohol. And in the moment, I'm like, I want to join, you know what I mean? But I'm having to learn like how to decide what's worth doing and what isn't, depending on the potential consequences. Or should I say my consequences? Because everybody's consequences are different.

Some people smoke weed and have almost no consequences. I smoke weed and there's very, very big consequences. Okay, you see what I'm saying? And so, I don't know, it's just don't know, it's all just a journey. And you have to go on that journey yourself. That's the hardest part. You won't ever know how you react to these things until you try them.

And some of you out there might be like, I'm never gonna try this shit. And if that's the case, then I'll power to you. You never have to learn, right, for yourself, you can just float through life, you know, and not have to figure out how these things do or don't affect you because you're not doing them. Obviously, okay, I'm not Mr. Obvious. But yeah, I don't know. It's, it's tough because you never know until you try.

And unfortunately, I had to try multiple times and fail in order to learn that weight is not for me and you know I've seen on Instagram, I remember on TikTok, like I don't remember I've seen on social media people being like I know Amazon's donor. And I've always been like oh my god if only people knew. If only people knew what happens to me. I can't do it. Ugh! Sorry, I'm stretching my back. Anyway, that's my weed story.

Now that I'm 21, I'm really getting to let all these stories out, and it's honestly been so fun. Who knows, next episode, maybe I'll talk about sex. It's just like, I'm just getting all the rated R stuff out of my system because I'm 21. I'm an adult. I can talk about whatever, you know? Although it's funny because those of you who are listening

in Europe are like, yeah, like you're a little bit late. Like we've been drinking and smoking weed and whatever since we were 18. Like being 21 means nothing. There's probably other countries like that too. I'm not sure, I just know in Europe that the legal age for alcohol and weed and stuff is. 18 and I know that because I was 18 in Europe.

I know, anyway. That's all I got for today, you guys. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed these stories. I hope that they weren't boring because honestly, listening to somebody talk about their experiences being stoned, I can't imagine it's entertaining. But I just had to get this story out there.

You know what I mean? I had to tell it. It just felt right. Like, it's one of those stories that I've just always wanted to tell because I kind of think it's funny now. I can actually finally now kind of laugh about it. Even though it still is so upsetting to me, remembering it, I can at least chuckle about it now.

In like five to 10 years, I'll be able to fully belly laugh about it. But right now I'm just getting a chuckle out of that one. Anyway, thank you for listening. Thank you for hanging out today. I love you guys. I appreciate you guys. Follow anything goes on Instagram. At anything goes on Twitter at a G podcast, follow anything goes anywhere you stream podcasts. Leave a review if you'd like. New episodes every Thursday, what else? Check out my coffee company, Chamberlaincoffee.com.

Right now I'm drinking a cold brew per usual. Literally, I just have a cold brew every day. It's nothing new. I'm drinking a cold brew in a Chamberlain coffee, tumbler cup. They are my favorite cups. I drink everything out of them. I drink water, I drink coffee, I drink sparkling water. I drink mixed drinks.

Alcoholic mixed drinks out of them. Like I'm not kidding everything. Okay. It's my favorite tumbler on the planet. So that's what I'm, that's my vibe today. But anyway, check that out if you want. That's all I got. Thank you for listening. Talk to you next week. You guys are awesome. Love you. But anyway, check that out if you want. That's all I got. Thank you for listening. Talk to you next week.

You guys are awesome. Love you.