Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - A Very Garbage Christmas w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: December 23, 2021

It's Christmas Extravaganza! Kippy and Foley exchange gifts, its a fun one! Make sure you check out the special on the Youtube page! Thanks for all the support, love youse guys. AYG Special: https://youtu.be/jStGYCXXHXA 2022 Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.BoxOfAwesome.com Promo Code: GARBAGE https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE https://www.DADGRASS.COM/GARBAGE  H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Gang, Christmas came early this year because the Are You Garbage Special is on YouTube right now. Yeah guys, go share with your friends, hit them up in the group chat, tell people who aren't familiar with the show, this is a perfect way to introduce them, check it out, it's a good time, a lot of laughs, thanks for watching! Love ya. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage. Sure is.

The Christmas episode. Ho ho ho, not talking about your mom either. I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at Amtoody's basement. She's upstairs cranking out homemade eggnog. It's like Boardwalk Empire up there. It's like bathtub gin. Trucks going in and out all night. Fucking Tommy guns laying around.

Aunt Nucky. My co-host is coming at you from across the table, dressed loudly for the holidays. This is a new me. This is Zany Uncle. This is KJ, baby. That kippy's old news, this is all KJ. You have Zany Uncle ruined Christmas for getting a DUI on Christmas Eve vibes right now. I have Uncle who gets Hansy vibes.

I'm going to wrestle the teenagers, you know what I mean? Who just finished their freshman year of college? Shout out to Uncle Larry. Gang, it's the holidays. Give it up for our father, Kevin James Ryan. Hey gang, what's up? Thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube as you know those numbers are. True to roof.

True to fucking roof. Oh boy. I think there's a new special or something over there. Got a hot new special. Hot new special. Summer's saying the best special of 2021. I don't know what you're talking about, but it's over there. Check out the fucking AYG special on the YouTube page.

Most of you have probably already seen it. Share it with a pal. Share it with a friend. And then also, it's that time of year. It's a giving season. Uh huh. You know what I mean? Patreon.com? Patreon.com.

I'd like to give thanks and praise to Sam Yam and Jack Conti. They're whole families. I hope they're safe during this uptick in COVID. They got real trees. They got real fresh cut down trees. They probably got like 12 footers in there. Douglas Furs. Let's get them 14 footers next year, gang.

Sign up for the Patreon. Couple of Fraser Furs. A lot of presents under that tree over there. Billions of hours of content. Check it out. We love yous. We appreciate everybody sharing this special. This has been an amazing year for us.

Thank you so fucking much. And the Army of Garbage has really rallied around this special. And you're all sharing it. And we fucking can't thank you enough. Hit a mood. We love yous. And we're here. We're family.

Quick shout out. To who? To who? To who? The fucking rock star of the day. The magic man. Now you see him. Now you don't.

Put it all fucking together. The genius. T-Bone McScruffins. Toby McMullen. Oh, yeah. What up, dudes? What up, T-Bone? Nothing.

If I don't get a goddamn Red Bull sponsorship out of the amount of sugar-free Red Bulls, I've been cranking it the past couple days. It's cooking. Oh, woo. Thanks for watching, guys. We fucking love you. Yes, we do. We love you guys.

We're here for the Christmas episode. Uh-huh. Which is great because it's gonna be out right fucking before Christmas. It's very Christmassy. That's the idea. We're not gonna drop it on July 4th, you fucking idiot. It's a Christmas special. It's coming out two days before Christmas.

Yeah, by Easter. But that's nice. I always liked when I was a kid. What's that? The Christmas specials that would come out right around Christmas. Yeah. Like, sometimes they would screw you. Like, you'd get like two weeks before Christmas.

Nah. I want it right there. It's December 15th. It kicks in for me. You're crazy. What? I want the whole season. I start Christmas after Thanksgiving.

Yeah, that's stupid. I mean, it was like fucking 65 degrees in New York this year. I picked out my tree wearing shorts. What are we doing? I'll take my ambrosia and go home. Please. Get that shit out of my fucking face. Were you an eggnog family?

No. We were a nutty Irish. Get drunk and fight. Yeah, we were. The drinks called... It's hard to have Christmas with no one speaking to each other, huh? Yeah. Well, there were certain years where some people were dry, which was better off for everybody.

No, we were a big nutty Irishman family. Nutty Irishmen. Which is what? It's like Frangelica. Two Notre Dame footballs. Couple of headlocks. And I write waggle. No, it's like Frangelica, Baileys, and maybe like Amaretto or something.

What is it with garbage that... I met Baileys. My family would talk about Baileys. Dude, my Aunt Patty would... So this was the start of the season. It was Thanksgiving. Everybody went to... Everybody went to Patties at the end of Thanksgiving.

You met Patty. I know Patty. Yeah, Firecracker to have Patty. She's a little spark plug that way. I tell ya. So... She don't take no guff. We'd all go to Patties for like dessert and call.

Everybody had their own dinner or whatever. Everybody would meet a Patty. Coffee, desserts, the whole. And we'd pick the Pollyanna for Christmas. All the kids would pick the Pollyanna. Same thing. Same exact thing. Crazy.

But they would... The season for me started when they came out with a Waterford crystal pitcher. A nutty Irishman. I don't know if it was Waterford. Might have been off the back of a truck. But... It was a mixing bowl. It might do that.

It was a punch bowl. I mean, as a kid, this thing was like $50,000 in my hand. I've never seen a glass pitcher in my life that didn't have fruit punch stains on it. If it wasn't powdered ice tea, I wasn't fucking with it. But they used to come around with this. And I remember being like, wait till I get my hands on that. I was like, I was six-year-old. I want that fucking ha-ha juice that the adults are drinking.

A little scratch of nutmeg on there, if I can set me straight. Come out with ice and they would pour it. Nutty Irishman. I loved it. That was big for us. I wanted to do something today, but we have a very busy day. Yes, we do. We have a very busy day.

We have presents to give. We have questions to get to. We have goddamn Christmas to celebrate here. Shout out to the holiday season, baby. Shout out to all the Jewish people out there. Happy holidays. Happy holidays. Celebrated with my wife and my in-laws this season.

Very nice. Did you? Via Zoom, yeah. We let the candles. Youngest guy in the family's got to let the candles. I let the candles. I got an old bird. Are you the youngest?

In the household. Really? With me and my wife, yeah. You let the candle. You don't fuck it up, did you? No. Goddamn Jesus Christ. I'm blowing it out, making a wish.

You got it in a sheet cake? You better not be trick candles, all right? Fool me once. It's just those sparklers like in clubs and they bring the bottles out. A bottle of great, bottle of nutty Irishman, please. What'd you get for, Hanukkah? Anything? Nothing.

They don't do it. It's like, I don't think they do it. It's more of like just, they do it just like one dinner, one night, typically. You know what I mean? Like they're not doing like the eight crazy nights, the presents. I can't understand. It's, I just, I don't think this has bred in me from being Catholic and a dirt bag and just selfish all the time.

Sure. But if there was a holiday out there. Uh-huh. That, that where presents were given out. Uh-huh. There's no way I'm not fucking getting involved in that. What do you mean? Like there's no way, even, even if I was Jewish, I would still, I would, I would, first of

all, no Hanukkah presents. Come on. What are we doing here? I'm saying as adults. Yeah, whatever. As kids they did. Yes, kids they did it. But I'm saying now as adults, it's like, I don't want to open up eight shitty presents.

Yeah, eight different times. Ah, socks. Great. Ah, keychain. Ah, no way. No, I love new socks. I like getting new socks into one of these and stuff. Yeah, well.

A little something. I know what I'm saying. As an adult, I don't want to do, you know, I don't want to do that. Did you get the ladies something for Christmas? I did. Yeah. I can't say because this is coming out before. But also, it's, it's getting delivered today.

Ooh. And I'm out all day. Pizza? I was, seamless. Shut up. Pepperoni, honey. And it came with an ottoman. A little table.

Okay. I was a Kevin James joke from back in the day. Who would repeat someone? Oh, ottoman. Or you buy a jack or you buy electronics and it comes with a little packets. Who buys a TV going? Oh, cool. It came with chicklets because it says do not eat.

Whatever. Guys, for more of that comedy, check out 2002's Kevin James. Okay. What was that? No, let's go back to that insult that never got off the fucking runway. Captain got hijacked. Take me to Cuba. Yeah, hijacked at the gate.

I got it delivered, but it's like she's going to see it. She's going to know she's got a sign, you know, so it's like it's the cats probably by the time this airs in tomorrow or whatever, the cats probably out of the bag. But I just was like, yo, don't look at the fucking box. Never. No cats are ever out of the bag. It's secrecy. That's always my house.

It was always about the show. The presents were usually set up downstairs. Of course. You know what I mean? Weird if you're bringing them out of the trunk. Yeah, they're set up downstairs. Then there was one hidden somewhere. I go look under the couch.

But we had to wait. I couldn't go rushing down there at six o'clock. Patty be all over. Of course, of course. I had to make sure I had my good pajamas on. She combed out my hair. My brother couldn't wait. My brother was, you know, ants in the pants.

I wouldn't sleep at all. First of all, he would go down. He'd go down at like six a.m. and do some recon. You know what I mean? He'd be down there in a ghillie suit. Night mission goggles. It'd be like Mission Impossible. Not fucking touching anything.

He'd come up. He'd be like, I saw a helmet. Something's big down a pike. Something's coming down a pike. I saw a helmet. Oh, it's a go-kart, a bike, a moped. Somebody's getting something with wheels on it, though. Yeah.

I'm sorry. Did you guys ever find the secret stash before Christmas? Yeah, me and my brother. I think it was starter jackets or something. And I didn't know. And I just listened to him. He was a little pricked at one. So he went up and he found jackets.

And we came down, if I recall, in the jackets on like December 3rd. You idiot. I didn't know. I was like, oh, he's doing it. I mean, he's an asshole. Yeah. Well, he came down.

Oh, my mom. That was a tough shot. It was like one of the early Christmases after the divorce. She was like, you fucking piece of shit, ruin a fucking surprise. Do you know what I think? Better than Christmas? Ruining Christmas.

We ruined Christmas Eve one time. The piece dropped the F-bomb on the way to my Aunt Karen's. Nice. And it was like, it was like, oh, we all, because she don't curse that much, really. And she dropped, she dropped, you fucking ingrates or something. That's what I like to hear. And it was like the record stop.

We were all like, I'm so sorry. I'll go to mass right now. I apologize. Go put $5 on a poor box. I'll make some presents the next day when everybody makes up. It's like family makeup sex. It's nice. Oh, man, you are so fucked up.

It's not even funny. We legit ruined multiple Christmases. I had to have talked about this last year. But one year, my mom, she's fucking slave and working. My dad's traveling. She wraps up all the presents. She puts them in the dining room. She goes out to work one night.

I'm sitting there watching TV. My brother walks in. He's probably 13. I'm 11. He walks in holding the brand new shoe. I'm like, what? Just one shoe? Sneaker.

Like, just show me. I'm like, what the fuck was that? He's like, come here. He figured out a way to take a razor blade and cut the tape and slide everything out. Fucking sneakers, this, that. Sega Genesis that I'd been wanting. Sure. All this stuff.

The whole nine yards. We literally, we had two Christmases. We were in there. We were making popcorn. Eggnog looking through everything where she was gone. Put everything back real slick, right? That Christmas is where you caught the acting bug. What?

Oh my God. New shoes. Mother, how did you know? I knew then it was next for Broadway. You like to say, yeah, I like sneakers. Oh my God. Sneakers. How will I go on?

I do declare, mother. A couple of days later, my mom notices this. Obviously we get home from school. My dad's home at the time he was working about 400 miles away. Usually didn't come back until Friday. It's like a Wednesday. He's there at four o'clock. We're done.

Yeah, something's up. Your mother's over at your aunt Colleen's ball in her eyes out. He was fucking ruined Christmas. You're done. He's like, did you think we weren't going to notice? And fucking dude, they fucked with us for like three weeks. Oh, Christmas morning. Oh, Chinese water torches.

Sure would have done that. Tar Fetter you. What's going on here? You read your fingernails pulled up by your mother. Put like dirty laundry in all the boxes. Fucked with the Senate. I didn't get this. Didn't get that.

Yada, yada, yada. Like just legit. Like that's how I look back and I'm like, how did you stay in this? Yeah. We were fucking brutal. Oh yeah. Brutal. I thought it was a different time.

It was the 20s for crying out loud. Everything was in black and white. We didn't know what was happening. God damn Kaiser was on the move. Very trashy. Yeah. But let's wheel. Let's hop into it.

Let's exchange our gifts. Let's do it. I mean, Foley, first of all, I heard you've been poking around some of my personal friends. How do you know that? Because I was talking to one of them and he goes, did Foley give you your gift? I don't know what it is. He goes, did Foley give you your gift yet? He said, he's been outsourcing this?

Oh yeah. I do my research. Okay. I like to know who I'm in business with. Also, and then it was like. I didn't know you had a condo and bokeh. I'll tell you that. We were in here like all fucking getting ready and everything, the special.

Just all fucking working. If you can see behind Foley, he's made a false wall of fucking wrapping paper to hide my gift, which I don't know what it is. I don't know. I kept this thing alive all these weeks. I'll tell you that. It's rattling like Jurassic Park. You just see the leaves are out on.

If a crane comes up, it's half a Toby. Yeah. I did some stupid right. He shouldn't have said anything. Flip, keep it zipped. Yeah. Shout out to Flip. Shout out to Flip.

All right. So how do you want to do this? Well, first of all, we should say thank you so much for all the support. Last year, we couldn't even afford gifts for each other. That's also pretty crazy. I wanted to, yeah. A year ago, just to show how fucking all some of the almighty garages, all the fucking garages, like last year, to decorate this, and I think we bought Toby Hot Wheels

was Toby's gift. Oh, yeah. That's right. And I bought them at the Fast and the Furious. I bought them at the Duane Read around the corner, and I had $80 in my personal bank account, and I spent $60 to decorate to the same lights as this. Yeah. And to get Toby Hot Wheels.

Now, I think Toby's going to like his presents a little bit better. This year, now the kids are a little flush. Kids got a little bit of cash on them. I mean, the man's wearing a $3,000 suit. I am returning it. If the IRS is, it will be returned. When you were a kid, you knew which Christmases were the good ones. When you had a couple to look them over.

What do you mean? You knew when things were flush. Oh, yeah. And things were, eh. Well, I had the two different Christmases. So I had, my dad was always going heavy. My dad was like, here's the BB gun. Here's the minibike.

Danny's got a go-kart. He was really, you know, vying for the start. Is that me? No, it's not. Okay. Oh, this is crazy. All right. How do you want to do this?

You want to give T-Bone first? Like you said, we're the parents. We got to give T-Bone? Yes. We give T-Bone as gifts first. Okay. Well, then I have to, I'm going to email. T-Bone.

T-Bone is going to come over and sit with us. Bring your phone over, T-Bone. I got to email you your present. What the fuck? What do you mean? I'll get you something else today. We'll go to the store. The kid's got to have something open.

He will. Relax. Yeah, an email. Why do you got to shit on the present? Why not just fucking roll with it, you fucking fat idiot? Yeah, there we go. Come on. More of this.

You only operate in chaos. It's crazy. If everybody's ha— Look how nervous he is on camera. T-Bone. I hate this. I'm wearing this shitty sweater. It really feels like Christmas.

No, you should put the t-shirt on and it looked like you just came down from Christmas morning. Yeah, I got sweatpants on. Our dirtbag son home from college. Oh, man. The comments are going to be lightened, T-Bone. Oh, this sucks. Ass. All right, let's do it.

All right. T-Bone, open up your email. Okay. This is a two-part—this is a two-part—or one-part gift. Okay. It's an invoice. I owe you $3,000. Hey, what the fuck?

Vamp. This shit ain't—this shit is not refreshing. Hey, T-Bone, cut this out. All right, I can just show you two. Oh, here we go, here we go. Hang on. Thank you for purchasing tickets for Pup—oh, you got me Pup Tickets. Oh, my God.

Tickets to his favorite band in New York City and the day off. Oh, my God. Thank you so much. How many tickets? Two tickets. Two tickets. Which means I now have six tickets to that show. Ah!

Shit named a star after a loser. He needs two. I'm selling. And why do you get two? Then he's got to choose between me or you. Who goes? You weren't going to go. I have never even heard of these places.

I would go if there was—if it was only one ticket left, then you were going to go. I bought four tickets so that the three of us could go and bring it in. Well, why don't you say something? I thought I did. Wait, that's not our present, is it? What? Oh, good. I also got you tickets to see my favorite band.

What the fuck? Well, now you don't have the night off. You're working. T-Bone really fucked this up. Oh, that rules. Thank you, man. Thank you. Mine came with a card.

Okay. Okay. All right. Let's do it. That's for you. Thank you. Merry Christmas, and I love you. Oh, I love you guys, too.

And great job on the fucking—on the special killing it. You killed it. T-Bone. Making it funny. My headphones are going out. That really is annoying. Wishing you a joyous season. T-Bone, for when you can't sleep, love you, pal.

I'm going to take a picture. I like this right now. Toby did a very foley thing. It was imperative that you read the card out loud. You have to. You had to read the card out loud. Well, it's an audio, video, medium. Yeah.

They can't exactly see it. Be a band clip. No, I meant just in general when I was a kid. Oh, my God. What? You got me a switch, dude? It's a knockoff, but still. Whoa, holy shit.

It's a Willard. It only plays one game. Kill the Americans. Oh, my God. Thank you, Foley. You're welcome, buddy. Holy shit. I figure because you had said that you were having trouble sleeping.

Yes. And I said, you know, what do you have? What do you have in the room with you? You said I take my phone in there. Sometimes I'll take a tablet. So now you don't have to sit on the couch. You can lay in there and play your games until you fall asleep. Thank you so much, man.

I didn't get you any games. You downloaded these days. Because you download them these days. And I figure, you know, Star Wars Spider-Man. I don't want to impose that on you, so you get what you want. And it's the OLED so we can hook up to the TV. Oh, my. Thank you so much, dude.

You're very welcome. Oh, my God. Thank you, guys. That's fucking very thoughtful. I appreciate it so much. Of course. I have one more, like, stocking stuff for type-john. Oh, sick.

Oh, yeah. I mean, this is just something little that we thought to give you. $1,000 cash, baby! Let's go! T-Y-T Christmas, baby! Let's do it! No fucking shot, dude! Are you serious?

That's new money right there, motherfuckers! Whoa! This money is- I feel like Supreme Patty! Okay. This money is- Let's go! We're doing Christmas this year.

It's legitimately filthy. I asked for the smallest bills they had. This has been- Shout out to Frank's check cashing on 36th Street. Holy shit. Look at that. $980. Isn't that crazy?

Also, we might have to borrow $200 to tip the door cash. Oh, my God. Just because I had any cash. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Just because I had any cash. We'll cash poor at the moment. Holy shit. Thank you. Go down there. Going down to North Carolina to see your family. Gonna have a good time. Take the old brought out to an outback or something like that.

Yeah. Thank you guys so much. Of course, buddy. Thank you. Can I give you guys your presents? Yeah. Okay. Of course.

It better be $1,000. This breaks up for a couple months. Hey, stop sitting in your pocket. Oh, my God. That's nuts. You did a great job this year, buddy. We appreciate you and we love you. Thank you.

Thank you guys. All right. Let me grab your shit. Hang on. Yeah. Yeah. Look at that. Huh?

Long hair. Maybe it'll turn out to be all right afterwards. Hey. This kid stinks. Never had. He gets nervous around a thousand bucks. That belongs in the house, Buster. Bespoke post, baby.

Love bespoke post. That's awesome. Big fan. Not summer, not fall. What it is right now. Winter. Probably nice little goodies in there. They got you all lined up, baby.

They're making moves too. I saw a commercial for them on the old TV. Really? Oh, yeah. Real quality stuff. Nice, classy. They know what they're doing. They got you winter cocktails, cozy threads, camping gear, sensors.

Whatever you need. Box of Awesome has collections for every part of your life. They were nice enough to send us a box. I got a duffel bag. We got hammocks. We got pens. I got a cool knife that opened up all my back, my boxes with. I feel like crocodile dundee.

A little martini shaker. It's like brass. It's awesome. If you want to get started, just go to boxofawesome.com. Take the two minute quiz. They're going to line you up with the best category for you. They release new boxes every month. Tons of different categories.

It's free to sign up. You can skip a month or cancel at any time. Each box only costs 45 bucks and has over $70 worth of gear inside. That's free money. Plus with each box of awesome, you're supporting small business. 90% of everything that comes in your box of awesome is from a small up and coming brand. So here you go, maybe get 20% off your first monthly box when you sign up at boxofawesome.com promo code Garbage.

Check out that's boxofawesome.com promo code Garbage for 20% off your first box. Do it. Yeah. Gang, this podcast is brought to you by the good people and better help. Better help wants to help. If you've got something that's going on, you want to talk it out with somebody, you can do it from the privacy, the comfort, and the sanctuary that is your own home. It's not a self-help line.

It's not a crisis line. It's licensed professional therapists that are there to help you. Yeah, guys. Service is available worldwide and they're committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches so they make it easy and free to change therapists if need be. It's more affordable than traditional offline care and financial available. Financial aid is available if need be. We're going to help you out.

They're trying to help. We're both big proponents of mental health. You just started seeing somebody. I've seen somebody in the past for a long time. I'm real crazy. It's great. I mean, we're boncos as it is. Goofballs.

I'll let you get an understanding of where you're coming, who you are, where everything. You know what I mean? And we've said it's a pain in the ass to try to find a specialist in your area, whatever you need, sometimes wherever you live, better help. They got specialists lined up. It's an easy way into the pool, too. If you're on the fence about it, sign up online. Easy peasy.

Don't have to leave your house. So special offer for all you garbage listeners, you get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash garbage. One more time. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash garbage. Also, between gifts, like when you're doing gifts, what do you guys do with that? Do you have the trash bag for the wrapping paper? We had to go fucking back and forth.

Andrew, me, everything was laid out. Oh, we did all once. Kevin, that's what we do now. What? Kevin, you go. So I got to sit down like a jerk off 25 minutes while you open shit. 25 minutes. What is this?

Jesus Christ. I hope it's blonde, huh? Toby got us a stinger missile, everybody. So what are we supposed to do with this? Open it? Who's is it? It's both of yours. Oh, boy.

So you want us to open it? No, I want you to fuck it. Yeah, open it. Hi, Foley. You can do the honors. Where's the throat slitter? I think it's in the cat. I think it's in the closet.

Dude, thank you so much. That's so fucking awesome. The switch is nice, huh? Yeah, the geek ain't too shabby neither. All right. Kippy, slice it open. All right. This will be real nice.

Especially because we're blocking the camera. Especially for the people who are on the Patreon, they'll fucking get it. Is it a huge chicken sandwich? Oh, my God. Oh, it keeps going. What is chicken sandwiches? All right.

Foley opens the box. It's nothing, everybody. Shut up. All right. Foley opens the box. And inside. What are we supposed to share? No.

All right. A bunch of wrapping paper comes out. Holy shit. That's a lot of paper. What do we got? What are we doing here? I hope it's tiny. Oh, shit.

I got you fucking soundbars because you idiots are using iPhone speakers on your fucking TVs. Look at that. Look at that. Electronics. Very nice. I mean, buttons got to get you some buttons, right? Great.

Here. Holy shit. Sweet. Kippy recently, if you're not on the Patreon, Kippy recently got his first TV, like a goddamn adult. I'm a TV boy. If you have a TV and you're using the TV speakers, you're an asshole because it sounds like shit.

So now you got a fucking nice quality image with some quality sound. Come on. Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. That's fucking sick, dude. Beautiful. Look at that.

Nice. You got to display that. I literally ordered it during the episode. I was like, do you have a soundbar? And you were like, my voice is cracking a child. And you were like, you're like, no, I don't got one of them. Fully wasn't either. And I was like, fucking easy does it.

Here we go. Also shout out. Brilliant. I would have never guessed that. Shout out. Keep it going for a second. Shout out to the expedited shipping I paid, which doubled the cost of the gift.

And then we didn't report for an extra week. And then I got COVID and we had to cancel all recordings. Yeah. That's great. Merry fucking Christmas, guys. Thank you, buddy. This is fucking amazing. This is so good so far.

Got to love, got to love Christmas. T-Bone's walking out in a little bit of cash. T-Bone, you better take an Uber home. Don't be getting jacked. I'm saying, bro. All right. So now you want to go? You give me, you give me, give me, give me.

I kind of, I threw you with the little stocking stuffer. You really did. Hit on where the G hi. You fucking. Shout out to a G bar. You know what I mean? Hell yeah. Let's go.

Think about things sounding better. All right. I didn't wrap anything because I'm garbage and whatever. It is what it is. My wife was even like, I'll wrap that. I'm like, no, that's fine. What do you know? But here you go.

It's 300 bucks. Beautiful. Ah, you got me a watch. Or did I? What? It's a black mamba. You start kicking around. Oh man.

Thank you. It was a nice one too. A pro master. Oh, look at this thing. Put my weed in there. No, this is beautiful, buddy. Oh man. That's fucking nice.

You're a big watch guy. You're always breaking them. I'm a big watch guy. This is absolutely beautiful. We're also going to take what's the over under on how long do you think it lasts? I got the rubber band because you're a big, the bands, the bands, the pins pop out on you. Yeah. It's all good.

It's beautiful. It's fucking absolutely beautiful. Put mine in here. Put this on right now. This is absolutely fantastic. Thank you. Citizens of my brand too. You're a big, I was jumping back and I was on a Rolex, maybe next year.

Were you really? I might be next year. You went to the page. Yeah. I would have dropped it. I would have dropped, you know, it's not money. It's not money. I was trying to find one that you would like.

I think that's subtle enough. You know, it's perfect. I love it. It's subtle enough. I still think it's, you know, it's nice. Classy. It's like sporty, but still whatever. Very beautiful.

Thank you so much. Look at that. New watch, T-Bone. Look at that right there. Looks good on me. Fucking beautiful. I love it. Honestly, I absolutely love it.

Thank you, buddy. Thank you, pal. Beautiful. Look at that, huh? Christmas. This is my favorite episode. This is awesome. This is nice.

This is awesome. Yeah. New guy Luke, we got just some more patreon episodes added. Yeah. I'll continue to pay you. Buddy, this is gorgeous. Thank you. Honestly.

Of course, buddy. I fucking, I love it. I absolutely love it. Give me the fucking bird or whatever you got me. I'm dreading this. I'll be a lot of old newspaper at your house. Here's your card. Read it aloud.

I will not. Yes, you have to. I think you said your goal was to make me cry. That was my goal to make T-Bone cry. So funny you both had goals to make each other cry this week. Yeah. Neither one succeeded. No, Toby got me with the salmon cotton.

Happy Kwanzaa. What the fuck? It's papers from my lawyer. You've been served. I'm suing for more control of the podcast. I want to do the clips. Give me the Instagram page where it's now. You're dead meat.

Wishing you a joyous season. You have done so much for us. I wanted, I want you. I want to you. I don't know. Show you a couple of trips to living. Certainly. God damn it.

I wanted to you something just for you. Give me it. I'll read it. No, I wanted to you. I wanted to give you. You don't have given there. Hey, what the fuck? I got this guy stinks.

I'm going to take it back. What the shit? I wanted to you something. I got the ADD. First of all. You got to write cards with magazine clippings like a serial killer dude. First of all, you write like a doctor who's getting high on his own supply. This is the Foley speaking.

Yeah. Merry, Merry Christmas. 12 S's in Christmas. Can I read it please? I'll read it. I'm trying to read it. You might not be able to. This is how insane you are.

You write a card for me and want to read the card. Well, I want to express the sentiment is not being expressed. You're going to start it with a proofread. How about that? Okay. I have a couple of practice runs. Yeah. From now on, you write cards in pencil.

I mean, Jesus Christ. You're breaking my stones. You forgot words. Dictated but not read. The whole thing's nine words and you lost. You forgot three. Love my watch. You have done so much for us.

I wanted to give you something just for you. You gave me a future. Here is a piece of the past. Best boss I ever had. Best friend I could ask for. Love you, Frank. Who the fuck is Frank? He said that because you were about to start crying.

No, I wasn't. No? What do you think you would have to do to get me? You need a blow torch to get me to cry. And my pants down, okay? I'm fucking dead. I tried to get your dad to show up. He looked at the Patreon numbers and it wasn't budget.

He said get a couple more zeros behind that fatty. Maybe I'll pop by. Yeah. All right. So do I open to your show? Do you unveil? You go over and without looking over the top. Okay.

Rip down and unveil. Yeah. Okay. Well, cut to a commercial or something. Go ahead. Yep. All right. Paul, you got to stay on mic.

I'm going to stay on mic. Don't move that first. Move the skateboard? I hope you like it. Move the skateboard? Now, listen, before you open it, like I said, something, you know, it's like, what do I get the guy that does everything for me that, you know, that has everything that's doing everything?

How about a G bar? This guy got us a black light. What the fuck? I wanted something for you. If you wanted to sit and relax and unwind, you have a drink, do your thing, whatever. He got you an opium addiction. Here we go. I'm good.

Yes. Oh, yeah. And I'll be dropping the receipt on the floor later by accident. That is a Gretch short fret bass guitar with fender amplifier strap. You have a, there's a case over there for it. You have extra strings. You have everything you need and you can sit and you can, you know, get sit and you can have a drink and you can play your bass.

Huh? I'm kidding. This is great. Thank you so much. You played the bass in your band. That's why I got it for you. He plays the bass. Thank you so much.

I'm sorry. This is fantastic. Well, thank you. Plays us all. Is this a tuner? I can't. Thank you so much. That's awesome, buddy.

Thank you. Thank you. That's great. I love you. I figured you'd dig it, right? Yeah. And if not, give it to your nephew or something. Yeah.

Or whoever. Yeah, maybe it stays in here. Who knows? Maybe it just works on the set. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe it lives in the car. I don't know, you know? Maybe there's a pawn shop two blocks away.

If I go downstairs and find one of the doorman, please, if I hear a stairway to heaven, please. Taking the bassline for a walk. You guys got Flea working here. What's going on? That's funny. Thank you so much. That's great. Thanks, baby.

Grinch guitar. Thank you. That's awesome. You're welcome. Holy shit. What a merry Christmas we're having here. When we were talking about what Foley was going to get you, we were having a discussion about you as a human being.

And we were like, Kippy needs a hobby, dude. He needs something to fucking cool his brain off. Never. Yeah, and I figured since you played in a band in high school, you know how to play the bass. Sure. You'd sit there and it sounds awesome. You're going to love it.

Yeah. It's really good. The only thing I didn't get you was headphones. Because I didn't really know what you'd like. So I know you got the broad downstairs busting your balls, put the headphones on on a Sunday, sit and have your scotch play a little bit on something for you to unwind. Sure. I appreciate that.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just also waiting for you to be like, oh, I also got a guitar and trying to get the band back together. Next thing you know, I'm playing backup and Foley in the bozos or something. I mean, I just want to lead Bozo. I just want to say in here, I have some lyrics that I think you'll really, really, really

connect with. Sunny day. Sunny day. Yes. Thank you. That's awesome. Merry Christmas to everybody. Merry Christmas to everybody.

To all. To all. We love you. That's great. Now, I mean, the homies on there that their Patreon wrote in, they got a bunch of Christmas stuff they want to get into. Guys, so as you know, when you join a Patreon, we will answer your garbage questions, stories, we gotcha.

As a hum, the Christmas is a big crux of the show, the holiday season. You set the time on this? I don't think so. Okay. What time is it right now? I think that's like an off air thing we can do is we're trying to broadcast. I mean, that's insane. Hey, man, was it toy?

You just stopped me from broadcasting the show to ask me if I set the time and then what time was it? Like, we're not in the middle of a show. You're getting Christmas morning Foley. I check out. Oh, God. Once I start unwrapping GIG. Where are the cutlets?

Ah, the Christmas cutlets. There's always quiche in our household. Oh, yeah, Foley, by the way, I forgot to mention, I did hire a bunch of dudes to dress up like Cobra Kai Ninjas to attack you so you can live out your childhood fantasy of being an 80s hero, by the way. That's pretty good. That would be awesome. Yeah.

And they're going to put a cut off leather jacket on you before they attack you. So you look good while doing it. A little crazy European escape room in Paris. My girl gets kidnapped. I got to track her down. I probably just move on about my day, to be honest. Kidding. Yeah.

Okay, let's get into some, that there, Patreon questions from the homies. Shout out to the homies. Merry Christmas to the homies and all the bozos. We love all of you. Love yous. Really do. This one isn't a question. This one's just from Tommy.

One year, my dad got my mom a vibrator. That's a tough start to the morning. He orders all of his gifts through a catalog. He thought he was ordering a back massager when it opened it up and fell on the ground. And we all just, that's, I mean. That's awesome. Imagine, that's, that's going to re, you can't like then do stockings. But you can't do the scratchers.

You know what I mean? They're your mom's fucking screaming up in the bedroom. The stockings are stuffed and so is your mom. Yeah. What's more awkward that hitting the floor or her grabbing it and head up. What a batteries included in this. She's upstairs with an extension cord. She takes the batteries out of the remote.

That was always. You kids go make snowmen. That was always big, the batteries. Batteries the day of. My mom, God lover always had that shit ready to go. Yeah. Ready to go. Yeah.

There was always, I was like always. Because there's nothing worse. That's why I'm playing with the watch. Yeah. Once you get it, you want to play. What are we doing here? Yeah. I once ruined Christmas.

Because my. I'm doing this Christmas. What are you talking about? My brother got something that I didn't get. And I just kept playing with it. It was a little jet. I loved it. I was just playing with it.

For some reason, the tension between me and him and me and him fighting over it and this like that, that my parents got into a big fight. My dad like took offers, you know, like when I have to get some air. And I remember that year my dad gave my mom a Lionel Richie record. I can't remember whether it was dancing. We're knocking boots after that. Pictures were falling off the wall. And makeup sex was hot.

And no vibrator needed up there. Big man was taking care of business. No, but they got into a huge argument. My mom was like upstairs laying in bed, just listening to that record over and over again. And my dad was like out like shoveling snow. Geez. Then we eventually came back together. That's what is about dysfunction and about crazy is it makes the coming back together

of the family that much sweeter. No, you can just stay together. You're in it now. Yeah, that's insane. You can just psychos. You're in now. Ruin Christmas. That's the best Christmas ever.

I vow to it. All right. This one's from Daddy. Oh, so anyone related to a Santa at the mall? That's a tough gig. That's bad. That guy usually drives a school bus during the regular time. Yeah.

He's always like peace and stuff. Oh, yeah. We had, I've said to the floor. Take a CFL umpire. You're not doing that fool. That's fucking part of my life. You got a night gig. We always used to do, we get a, we have a big Christmas party for the Sullivan side of

the family, which is like hundreds of people. And we all, like I've said, we get a Santa and he died last year. He would show up fucking bombed up. At the house? No. No. He would, we have to rent a hall in Bridesburg and he would show up and he would show up tuned out of his mind.

You rent him for like an hour. It comes in, you know, wreaking a booze or whatever. And uh, he's like, he's got like the stains in his beard. He's got like his pants are full. You're like, dude, you don't have much long left. Smell to a child was a big thing. Oh, that's a big breath or something. Yeah.

That'll burn, that'll burn in your brain. If you were going to convince me that you were Santa Claus. Yeah. You had to smell like cookies or something like that. I couldn't smell. I couldn't smell the walk and roll on you that you had for lunch at the fucking food court. Burping up a lamb burger or something. What is that?

Orange chicken. What the fuck, man? Oh, God. Just make with the Transformers bozo. Yeah. Let's go. What the fuck? I didn't as a kid.

I hate, I loved Christmas. I loved Santa Claus, but I was petr. I would didn't sleep because I didn't like somebody coming into the house in the middle of the night. I swear to God. I don't know this guy. I know. I would picture the Easter bunnies face, just those big teeth, like an eight foot rabbit

in my fucking house. Yeah. I don't care how much candy he got. Yeah. Leave that shit out in the fucking garage. Kip, let's talk about the guys over there at the Daily Tip. Presented by BetMGM. That's right.

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One more time. Write it down. That's dadgrass.com slash garbage. Now back. That is y'all. Yeah. Like I said, I caught my dad early on with the presence of like five or four or something. He was like, I'm helping Santa.

I'm like, it had to be early because he was still in the, he was still in the, my mom was still together. I'd be like three. I'm helping Santa. He's like, oh, I'm like, what are you? I'm like, are you? Big Scotch and Soda Man, huh? I'll fix you to a drink.

I'm like, what are you doing? Why do you have presents? I'm helping Santa. I think I had already heard rumblings of like, yeah, he may or may not be real. And this was like, you know, cold hard facts. I'm like, nah, I'm buying this shit. There's a lot of gossip in the dugout of the little league games. You know what I mean?

Well, it's like, once you stop believing in Santa, you don't also believe in the Easter Bunny. You don't, I mean, you don't like still believe in anything else. Oh yeah. They fall like Western Europe. You kidding me? Domino's fucking out. Yeah.

Dude, the neighbor kid, like the bad kid in my neighborhood, I remember we were standing on the sidewalk. He was drawn swear words in the dirt. He was like four years old. Fuck Santa. Yeah. I was like eight years old. He looks at me and he just goes, Santa ain't real, by the way.

Smoking a thing. He was. Yeah. Santa ain't real. Let's see. He's getting off a chopper and nom. Go get me a pair of your sister's underwear. I want to do a little sniffing.

That's fucking funny. Let's see here. We've talked about this, Brad G. Our lottery tickets, a part of your family's holiday tradition. They got my house. My stepdad will spend about $100 on scratchers. For you. For people. Individuals.

For like. $100 a person. I don't know. Probably $100. So maybe $200. It's like you'll get like one 10, one five and like three ones or five ones. Okay. And like me and my brother will get the same stack like we just get like a 10, a five and

whatever. Scratch. We're not talking about he's not picking numbers, right? No. We're not talking about the daily pick four or whatever. These are Cesar cold hard scratchers. I won $65. Thanks.

Yeah. Someone's driving to the 7-Eleven. Yeah. I got to go to the 7-Eleven and warm mixture to redeem it. Anybody going to Jersey today? That's always trashy too. Bring back lottery if the one state's got a high jackpot. They stopped doing it.

They're all like commingled now, but back in the day when the big jackpots, the mega millions was in Jersey, we used to drive across for sure to go. Yeah. Let's go to Jersey. Get a couple of fucking mega Millie tickets, grab a Clark bar, a couple of newspapers. Um, yeah. Scratchers are big, big. And then that fucking dust is everywhere.

You got a quarter, you know, get a hot, you got a hot quarter though. Yeah. Got to get the ridges. Big ridges. Figuring out the game. All right. Two cherries. Gold piece on leprechaun.

What's this? More trashy. I just go right at the bottom to see what you want, which I don't know if they do it anymore. Oh yeah, I do that. I don't know what's at stake. Whatever's in a parentheses. That's what you use to be the Pennsylvania.

Whatever's in the parentheses. Yeah. This is what you want. Cause I used to work at the lottery desk or the photo desk at the Acme that will also sell lottery tickets. So I'm well versed in dirt bags. You know what I mean? Well, you know, you're very, very proud, you're very proud of your lottery ticket salesman

days. It's discussed a lot about the rolls when the rolls are hot. Well, it's all trash. It's a trash. It's not a classy opera activity. So it's all dirt bags. You were kind of like a handicapper. You were like making a book.

I was. I was like rusting in it. Same as he is. I can tell you where the delivery guy's girlfriend was on coconut. Oh, that's great. All right. This one's from FatboyFatty. First question KJ.

Ever get all banged up at the family party then go to midnight mass? What was the mass situation for the Foley's? Mass situation for the Foley's when we were at Wilkesbury was midnight mass. Oh, midnight's whatever. Did you ever get hemmed up at a vigil? It's a vigil. A vigil? Candlelight vigil?

No. For who? They do that. Like some of the Christmas masses are like the Christmas vigils. Am I saying that right or wrong? No, I don't think so. A vigil. Vigil.

You are correct. Yeah. V-I-G-I-L. You hold up a candle. Well, it was like a candle, but like also some people like get their holy communion. Some people are getting confirmed. No. It's like a Catholic extravaganza.

It's like a Catholic extravaganza. It's the shit my aunts pray for. The only time in my family anybody was holding up a candle fucking Steve Perry was singing. I'll tell you that right now. He was belting out a ballad. Your mom at her top all. Sitting chicken on my dad's shoulders. Sitting chicken.

Sitting chicken. I love you. Hey, Bon Jovi, get a little of these. Please be 18. It's too buried in my DM's divine, but someone DM me. Do you have to enter the church address into the GPS on Christmas? Someone sent that to me too. It means that you don't go a year.

You're so far out of the loop. Ours was at the end of the block. When we lived in Wilkesbury and I was a little kid, it was smaller. It was midnight mass and then before that we go to Mary Catherine's and get our little presence there. Yeah. Nice. It was real quiet and not solemn, but like, you know, it was like, it felt like the 50s

when I look back on it. Yeah. You know what I mean? Up there. But then we moved down to Wilkesburg. Well, I mean, it wasn't that far away, but yeah. It was the 80s. That'd be like it felt like it was 2004 to me.

That is the 50s. Well, we moved down to the 78. Well, we moved down to the suburbs. It was a mass at like five on Christmas Eve and that was like, that was like who's seeing who. That was checking out the chicks and their Christmas stuff. You know what I mean? We moved to the Catholic school that didn't go to your school.

That would be a church. You're checking them out. Sure. You're in the back hanging out goofing around with your cuss. It's getting in trouble. Yeah. Yeah. We did that too.

We're knocking down Hershey Kisses or something. On Christmas Eve, we would all go to my aunt Karen's in Port Richmond and I think it's like Philly all the churches or at least in that area of Philly, all the churches are like region like they have like the German-Hungarian church, the Polish church, like all that shit. We would go to the, I think we go to the German-Hungarian church, I think that's what it was or the Ukrainians, whatever the fuck it was, we would go and it'd be like me and like 25 cousins all from the age of like 14 to 3 and it was just May.

I mean. Dipping out before communion too. Yeah. I'm not sitting in that parking lot. Take that. Laugh in fun. Just the whole fucking night. People running out, catch a burning when no one's looking type thing.

Yeah, it was nice. That was fantastic. That was Christmas Eve but then I don't go anymore. I stopped going to Mass a while ago. Yeah. What do we do? I mean, what do we do? But while in college.

A midnight Mass is nice. It's good. It's fun because you're all like, yeah, we're not supposed to be here. We all came together. Smell the incense. It's nice. But especially when you run like freshman in college or whatever, you come back and you see like all these people.

That's what I'm talking about. You're like, oh, look at that. Get a little. That's what I'm talking about. Look at the stems on blonde. Yeah. No shit. Yeah.

Look who developed. You got a nice pair of khakis and a fucking blue blazer on. Yeah. Fucking killing it. Mm-hmm. Crush you. Looking sharp. You look like in that jacket.

You look like you sell used Christmas cheer on the 26th. I got to you look like you visit lonely people on Christmas and try to make them seem like if everything's okay. Man, that was wordy. But it just might visit that joke on Christmas and Jacob Marley, huh? Christmas cover. Fair enough. Fair enough.

What? The panic on your face that people wouldn't know what you were talking about. Christmas carol. We all familiar with Dickens work. Popular Paul. All right. This one's from Gary. Ever drink all the milk and he spelled it milk.

Ever drink all the milk Christmas Eve for an excuse to go to the store Christmas day and smoke pot. Telling you, man, that was big in those days of like, oh, you're playing chess, not chat you're fucking. Hey, tomorrow for someone's like, oh, we're out of you have taco season. I'll go. I'll go. Like no, no, no.

I'll go. I'll go. We're at a mustard. I'm on it. Exactly. I'm under the store. Don't worry about it. I'm out there fucking catching heavy heaters.

Yeah. Nice. You know, that while I didn't have it, I had to go down the street to super fresh. They didn't have it. Take a ride. Take a tow. Come back in the Christmas spirit. Yeah.

It was always like, Hey, why do you and Danny both have to go to pick up soda? He's going to watch a car. You know what I mean? These guys at the beer distributor, I'm getting real cute lately. I need some backup. What would you do? Hold on. I'm holding.

I made fun of you. Did you even open presents on Christmas Eve? Did you? We would open one present on Christmas Eve. Right. A little one. Yeah. I know you had to do it because your mom was working and all that stuff.

But that was when we were older. Right. As kids, it was Christmas morning. Okay. It was like, junior high or high, but like all like the. There is people that like Christmas Eve is like the big thing. Oh, then we sleep in and that's that. What the fuck?

I can kind of like, not of like, because I do it, but like, I do think there is something a little more. See, it's the edging that you like. Well, that's what you like. I think there's, seems like a personal problem. The anticipation. I do think. I'm going to open these presents spit on me first though.

Somebody hold my nose. Now who's going to call me a whore? Why open these presents? Because I've been a naughty, naughty boy. You come down on assless chaps, a ball gagging. I'm ready for my stocking stuffers. Fucking creepo. Somebody put on the East German hardcore.

Okay. First. Oh yeah. I can appreciate as an adult or like even older that there is more of a at night, it's dark out. The lights, the lights mean that much more. There's more of an ambiance at night. For sure.

I'll give you that. You got the fire going. There's a glow on the light. You see the neighbors trees in the distance throughout the window. All that shit is better at night. There's just something at night. You're having a cocktail. I'd say it's more, it's more merry.

It's more cheerful. You're watching Seinfeld. You got friends reruns on. But also what we'll do is we'll have the bag of trash and then also if we got a fire cook and we just launch it in there and torch it. Jesus. Yeah. Not a whole bunch, but enough to be like, ah, here we go.

The bag? The plastic bag? No, the wrapping paper. Okay. Just put the wrapping. Just fucking crumble it up. You're throwing plastic in there. No.

Fuming everybody out. Who knows. Everybody knocks out for a couple of days. What did you guys eat Christmas morning? Christmas morning would be like a spread, like, you know, eggs, bacon, sausage, maybe some pancakes if that was preference, but typically, you know, a standard continental. We've discussed it. The quiche was the only thing that we had.

And then later on, somewhere in the early 2000s, a dish became very popular among the garbaggio of the time was the French toast casserole. I don't know what that is. I was familiar with this. No. Dude, it's like chopped. It's like bread pudding. It's like French toast.

I never got that either. You're nuts. Oh, huge bread pudding. Is there pineapple involved in that? It could be. I'm out. Really? Yeah.

Love pineapple. I might be thinking of pineapple stuffing. Either way, I'm out. You're talking about pineapple upside down cake with the cherries? No, I think it's pineapple. That's awesome, too. Pineapple stuffing. My mom would always make.

I don't know about that. I still don't. I've carried it into about 25 Christmas Eve's. I don't know what the fuck it is. I walk into my hand here. I remember my one buddy trying to push carrot apple raisin salad on me that is mommy. I don't even. I don't like any of those things.

None. The fourth thing, carrot apple raisin salad. I am out. I got you a nerd parfait. Yeah. Hey, here's a wedgie. Can I get me beat up? Yeah.

I used to push it all the time. No bueno. Uh-uh. Not doing that. Quiche, coffee, mimosa, Baileys and the coffee. Yeah. Baileys and the coffee, then, for sure. My brother does these, uh, his famous pork roll sandwiches in the morning.

Yeah. That's a big Philly, Jersey thing. Oh, Christmas Day. Taylor Ham Pork Roll. Oh, it's got them lined up just on regular hamburger buns. Baileys. In North Carolina, we do country ham and biscuits, fire. Nice.

That's good. And roadkill. Whatever the catch of the day is. Stop by the remissal building, see we're having for dinner. You guys bang your cousins on Christmas or? Uh, this one I remember from one of my cousins as a kid, which always made me wonky. I don't understand. This is from Wren.

I guess I get it as an adult a little bit more, but from, uh, for Christmas, does your ex or any ex still show up to family functions? Ooh. Were they like, knocked it, they were like, really hit it off with the family, so they show up, that kind of, they're stopped by with a present. It's real. For any of my exes to want to come to my Christmas. Oh, God.

They wouldn't just have to hit it off. They would have to be, I don't fucking know, in a band together or something like that. No, not at all. That would be awkward. Yeah, for sure. You fat fuck. I didn't know he was going to be here. It's my house, what the fuck.

My family always side it with them. Yeah, you stink. Fair enough. No, I do think, uh, I remember my cousin had this girl, and now I think it was more of like an on again, off again type thing. On again, off again is all right. I'm listening. Yeah.

But she would show up and I'd be like, we'd be like, what the fuck? Like, yeah, no, we're not together. I'm like, well then get her ass. She ain't in a Pollyanna. All right. I don't want her low balling me if she pulls my name. This bitch taking a value of real estate in the hoagie depth. You know what I mean?

Get her out of here. That's always weird. Another big thing too, trashy thing. We've gotten a bunch from like, you know, a lot of repetitive things that I just want to touch on. Um, the putting a smaller box in a bigger box is bad. Like, if you're like, if I'm giving you a watch and I put it in a shoe box, like put the watch box.

It was cool in the 90s. One time, I think. Oh, you got me. That type thing. Yeah. Fucking kick rocks. Yeah. Yeah.

Fucking teasing me here. Let's go. Let's get the fucking stealing the swap. Trash. Trash. It's a good time to get an uncle mad at you for sure. For sure. That had, that almost, that ended up, that almost ended a couple of fucking Christmases early.

We did it. We did it. All my uncles did it. Yeah. All my aunts, the aunts and uncles did it. Like all the kids would sit around and watch and laugh. And it was like a huge event. What kind of stakes are we talking about on the table here?

I think like $50 thing or whatever. You know, come on. So somebody would get like, you know, a nice. That's the booze talking. Set a steak knife. And somebody would get like a blender. They'd be pissed. You know what I mean?

Set an ice atoners or something. They'd be all fed up. Oh, shout out to the ice atoner. Dan Marino sold a lot of those babies. That guy can move some leather. Not wrong with those things. The way they feel on the steering wheel of a Miata. Come on.

Oh, yeah. I think you can only wear those in a Miata for sure. Change bond. All right. Let's see here. You're not a gloves guy, are you? No. And I saw the guy yesterday.

So this really bothered me. This is a little off topic, but it really bothered me. It was two couples in their late 30s or 30s, like no kids. And they were like walking and talking. You could tell it was like a wife. Hey, we're going to go for a walk with Steve and Cindy type thing. And it was the two wives were in the front and the two guys were in the back. And it was one guy who didn't want to be there.

Dressed like normal. Just like a Pico jeans, whatever. Just like, yeah. And the other guy had like the fucking ski jacket on the neck. The hat and ski gloves. Walking down like fucking Broadway. I'm like 55 degrees yesterday. I know.

I'm like, dude, he had the backpack. You look like he was going on a trek. I'm like, this guy fucking stinks. Bad. If you, that's like, you can't do gloves too early. You look like a fucking bozo. You're fumbling your phone. You can't get the door knob.

Where will you live now? Unless you're, unless you're one of the guys on the trash truck. Unless you work for the sanitation department. You're wearing gloves once or twice a year. Yeah. If it's like, and that's like. And they suck. If you're outside a bunch.

If you're like, oh, I'm going to be outside. Shovel to side. Shovel to walk. If you're commuting or something, there's no need. Keep your hands in your pockets like a fucking gentleman. Fucking crazy. Yeah. You fucking weirdos.

Take that T-bone. This one's from Bernie Sanders. You're slowly putting gloves behind your back. This one's from Bernie Sanders, homerun of a name. Do you refer to the miniature alcohol bottles as shooters or nips? Either way, is it garbage to get them as a stocking stuffer? Real garbage to get as a stocking stuffer. Depends on your age.

No. No? No. No age. What if it's something classy like Golden Schlager or something? No. There's no age. Real golden there.

There's no age where those are classy. We refer to them as airplane bottles. We say nips. Nips. We had the little nips. Nips. Nips. Nips would be the ponies.

It would be like a rolling rock. The seven ounce Jones? Yeah. A bottleizer nip. No, they're ponies. That's the name of them. Pony. I think.

The nips, I think, refer to the airplane bottles, which are trash. I'm trashy because I find them so fun. I've seen. I'm like, I'll buy one. If they have them at the checkout counter, I'm like, I'll take two of these for the ride out. When you're a kid and you go to. Follow transportation.

When you're a kid and you go to like the wine store and liquor store with your mom or dad when they're getting shit for like a party. And you'll see like somebody in line ahead of you that's getting like a few of them. Even as a kid, I was like, this guy's down on the walk. Yeah. I was going to. That just happened when I went to the store. This guy ain't getting skis this year.

I'm paying that. I just just happened around the. Holy shit. I'm so sorry to interrupt. One year, my mom gave my brother water skis and we didn't own a boat. Oh my God. What the fuck? Holy shit.

Have you ever water skied before? Yeah. We lived on a lake, but across the street from the lake, all of our neighbors had boats. And they were like, yeah, that's the. That's the saddest shit I've ever heard. Oh, thanks. Go. That stinks.

Get him one ski pole. Yeah. That's trash. Holy. It's like. It's like buying somebody skateboard wheels without a skateboard. Ah, here. Thanks.

Did he ever use them? Yeah. In the living room. In the bathtub, maybe. Get out of here. It was a master of the green screen. That's stinks. That's trashy.

Water skis are garbage anyway. Water skiing trash. They always look like they're from the 20s. Yeah. Especially the guys that do it with no skis. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. We used to be a.

There was a while we were a water skiing family. Where? We would go up the mountains. Lake Walton-Paul-Pack. And. You're after a water skiing? Ice. I mean, I was a little fat kid.

I didn't have the upper body strength to get up. Did you ever get up? No. I was probably six or seven. Yeah. I've done it like two or three times. Never gotten up. Yeah.

No, never. Can't even understand the geometry. Yeah. It's a lot of upper body strength that I just didn't. I had a lot of. I didn't have much upper body strength. I had a lot of lower body weight. So it was tough.

They kind of counteracted each other. I was. I had a dumper on me. Hell of a third-cutter on this kid. Kim Cage hitting around the lake. All right. Let's run through a couple of no here. And then we got to go.

It's been a holiday. It's been a happy holiday season. Yes, it has. Let's see. This is from Thomas. Did your parents ever make you go caroling around the corner at Christmas time? My parents did it. We stunk.

They made out. I went one time. I remember there was like a group of people in the neighborhood or whatever. Like all the kids were getting it right away. I'm like, I'll give it at your mixtape. Yo, yo, yo. I was like, I'll go to see what this is all about. But I'm hanging in the back.

I'm not storming the beach with you idiots. Not being the first man through the door. That guy never makes it. And I hung back. We went to like one house as I got to say. And I, nope. I'll be at, I'll be at home with some cocoa. Just in the winter, you open up that door and you smell like their house smell comes out on the porch.

I never, I don't get that. Yeah. I'd caroling, caroling, no. But putting an iPod shuffle. What are you doing? Kick rocks. Yeah. Got a soundbar.

What are we doing? I'll be bumping this for the neighborhood. I want to listen to some broad and middle school or Mr. Bing Crosby. Yeah. Ever heard of him? Shit. We would put the candles in the brown paper bag. That's beautiful.

I do that for my mom. With the whole neighborhood. Yeah. I do it for my, my mom lives in a cul-de-sac and like. Plus you could tell who the non-believers are. Say, hey, this is a nice block. Okay. Why don't you play ball?

I think. There's a Johnson's. Oh, they'll be burning in hell. I think they, there is, I would say it's probably about maybe half and half by block. Yeah. Of my mom's block of like Catholic, Jewish, you know, miss, miss, it's. If the whole neighborhood does, you got to play along. Everybody does it.

They were like, hey, you know. Yeah. Even the heathens pull together. Make it look nice. Make it look nice. But that's as far as we went. I still have to do that. Can you run around and pick up the bags from Nancy on fucking whatever street?

Yeah. I go, hi, I'm here to pick up Denise's bags. Oh, it's 20 bucks. 20 bucks. You should have. Coming out of pocket for that. Mary Foley fresh back from Nam fucking trying to put those things together out front with a fucking half a case of course light them.

Oh, I wouldn't mind a half a case of course right now. Fucking pissed. Yeah. Fucking things. God damn it. But I'd never seen a Carol or in my life. I only, the only time I ever saw one, I was one. That wasn't like a piece of like, I worked at Macy's and Philly.

They had that big holiday show, which sucked. Sure. Hey, the big light show. Tried to go see it on Sunday. Really? Only do it once now. 1030 in the morning. It used to be every hour on the.

Every hour on the hour. Yeah. So we got there on a Sunday. We're like 1030 in the morning. What do we work? T-Bones over there counting his money like a night. We work here. 20, 40, 50.

No, no, no. I just took, I took a picture with the money and you guys look at all Christmasy. Oh, I love it. Happy holidays. You filthy animal. Angels with filthy souls. This one, I don't even get this from Orlando. My sister used to date a dude who always stung.

So my brother gifted him a bar of soap for Christmas. Ouch. Yeah. That's, but that's a pretty good way to be like, Hey, I don't know. I don't think it's lack of soap that's keeping you smelly. No, it's like ax body. You didn't see any little, some cologne or something. I don't know.

I don't think I leave you smell. Cologne's not what you're going to get my high paying job in a place to live. What do you want the fuck buddy? Move out from under the bridge. Here's some pamphlets so we can get your GED. All right. This one's from a rattlesnake Jake. Are you the reason your job no longer has a Christmas party?

I am not. But I technically am this year. Oh yeah. Because of COVID. We were supposed to have a nice Christmas dinner tonight. Stay cast. Take everybody out. Oh, we had to cancel it.

Yeah. I can still do it. We had to cancel it because I got the Coveys, but I'm out of my quarantine. I'm always a little nervous. So also let's trust science. You're boosted. I'm outside of the date. What are we doing here?

Kevin's base is on Russian medical medical standards. Also, I was with both of you. We recorded while I had it. What? Yeah. We recorded two episodes that Friday. Weird. And you didn't get it then.

I felt my high. And I blew you. For sure. I thought my forehead was getting bigger. I don't like office Christmas parties. I don't like parties with peers. Family parties are different. Okay.

Yeah. Don't like parties with peers. What I do love. What's that? Is the next day hearing who got fucked up and who made a fool of themselves. That was me. And me not being there. Yeah.

Oh yeah. Of course. You get all that. Dude, I've said this. I think I said this last time. I worked at a big law firm. Tammy got hammered and made out with Joe and started crying. Me and some tugboat did that.

Really? Yeah. It was bad. It was like, you know. Who's Christmas party? I used to work at this law firm in Philly. Really? Yeah.

And we all went out for like a happy hour. Wow. It was like a bar crawl. Oh. Office happy hour on the holidays. It was a Thursday night. Anything goes. And I'm telling you that Friday, during work, no one made eye contact.

Wow. There was like 500 people in the office and no one even looked at it. When those poppers and fireball shots starts going around. Oh, man. Hey, want to come back to my double mattress on the floor, lady? Was I? Were we living together then? I don't know if we were together.

It was that house, though. Really? Yeah. It was that South Philly house. Nice. Yeah. You were probably in my bed waiting for me when I got home. Just a Santa hat on.

Yeah. Let's wrap it up, guys. What, you know, Merry Christmas to both of you. Merry Christmas to both of you. It's been a fantastic year. Great year. The Army of Garbage, the homies, the bozos. Unbelievable.

We fucking love you so much. You have changed our lives this year. It's so fucking cool. Thank you for all the support. We, you know, we continue, you know, we vow to continue to fucking keep cranking out content. Keep trying to keep you entertained, you know. New tour coming this year? New tour coming this year.

We're launching. We're about to announce a shit ton of dates fucking all over this, you know, Florida, Denver, everywhere. We're coming everywhere. Tampa, Denver. Detroit. Orlando, Atlanta. Trashy, if you say, if you say Detroit.

Detroit. Detroit. Detroit. D. I'll be in a D. Everybody from the 313. We're looking forward to it. We can't thank you guys enough, honestly. I can't thank both of you enough.

I love you both very much. Thank you for everything, all the work that you guys put in this year. What a great thing that we have here and we appreciate it. We love you guys. I did have a, this was kind of a somewhat of a tradition that you and I used to have. Okay. A Tooties rendition of towards the night before Christmas. Sure.

If we, if we'd like to, if we'd like to indulge. No, I didn't really have time to get it together. So we're working on it for four hours before we started. So don't fucking downplay it. All right. Twas the night before Christmas and all through Tooties house. She was feeling the white claws, the bumps and the burnies as she loosened up her blouse. She stared out the window with a lawn chair holding her space.

And if someone touches it, it'll be a bat to the face. Cause the snow had begun to fall on the solemn Christmas night. God damn Omnicron ruined everything. And to be honest, cash was a little tight. Kippy and T-Bone all snug in their beds while visions of Rogaine manscaped in the new special dance in their heads. And I with my Margarita hot dog in the eight team on tap had just settled in for a pre-diabetic nap.

Went out by the garage. We heard such a clatter. Tooty yelled down, one of you pussies get out there and see what's the matter. So armed with only a golf club, Kippy and T-Bone on my back. We tiptoed out in the snow to give someone a Christmas smack. And there in the fridge, helping himself to the Miller lights was a real fat piece of shit dressed only in red tights. We rain blows down upon him like Jerry the stiller.

Kippy moved in with the screwdriver to take the lead. Ooh, that kid's a killer. When all of a sudden T-Bone did shout, oh fuck, dudes, this is Santa Claus. Let's get rid of the body and all just dip out. Later, dude. But he was a tough old bull, probably a vet. He said, ain't no man in Philly has beaten me yet. He laughed it off with the joke and told us he was a fan.

He said, I was just out here collecting recyclables, some bottles and can. We went back to the house and got hammered until dawn. He went out to meet his dealer, but we knew he was gone. And we heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight. Shout out to the bozos and the homies. These boys are all right and Toddy looking good, still keeping it tight. And a merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.