Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Adam Ferrara: Long Island Kid

Episode Date: September 2, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with a hot one featuring Adam Ferrara! They talk Adam growing up in Long Island, being Italian, and starting comedy in the 90s in NYC. Its a fun one! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys.  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.Stamps.com Promo Code: GARBAGE  Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Holy boncos kids, look out. The keep it moving tour is adding new dates. We're coming to a city near you. Come and see us, some stand up. And we play AYG at the end of the show with the crowd. We answer your garbage questions. We've got some trash so far, but I know. I know there's deeper garbage out there around the country.

So come on out and see us. Kippy, tell them what they need to know. Oh baby, we're all over the place. Tejas, baby, September 21st will be in San Antonio, Texas. September 22nd will be in Houston, Texas. September 23rd to the 25th, Austin, Texas for the Moontower Comedy Festival. And I ain't done yet.

August 26th will be at Dallas, Fort Worth, Texas. Then we're bringing it back to Long Island, baby. In September 30th, and then we're coming home. The boys are, the chickens are coming home to roost, baby. October 27th will be in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and then back down to Tejas. November 5th through the 7th for Skankfest South. Get those tickets.

The link will be in the description. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage.

Sure is. It's a little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they're good to be classy. They're just a big old piece of trash. Oh yeah. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at Aunt Tutie's basement.

She's all excited for the eagles. For the eagles coming up this season. Birds. A little bit of a problem. What's that? She didn't realize about the quarterback switch. She got a Carson Wentz tattoo the other time. She did.

That might be the first one that actually got me. Fucking 74 episodes in you finally got me. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He's an international businessman. He is not to be trifled with in the boardroom. I can tell you that. Or the bedroom.

Do me a favor. Nice big round of applause for Kevin James Ryan, everybody. Hey gang, happy to be here. As always, thanks for tuning in. Please make sure you subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. And as you know, those numbers are

True to Roof. True to fucking Roof, baby. And then I would be an asshole if I didn't bring up that wonderful website, www.patreon.com. Slash R U Garbage. Cooking over there, baby. Again, those numbers are true to Roof. Through the atmosphere, baby.

You can sign up, you get bonus episodes of AYG. Episodes of hard feelings. There's a whole nother pod we do. Livestreams with our top tier guests. It's a fucking good time. Get involved. Yes, sir. And have a nice quick shout out to our producer,

extraordinaire, The Magic Man. Makes us all look good. Give it up for D-Bone McMuffin, Toby McMullen. What's up, dudes? Hey, D-Bone. I'm doing great. I'm excited to be here. We got a real car guy in here.

He's going to find out I don't have a license. He's going to lose all respect for me. I'll tell you what we got. We got a little fucking star power in here, man. Let me tell you this. Gang, we could not be more excited to have our Incredibly. And I mean, incredibly special guest here with us today. For the first time in studio, he is an extremely funny,

extremely successful stand-up comedian, actor, and podcaster. Do yourself a favor. As I read off these credits, pour yourself a cup of coffee and make it a large. Because it's going to take a minute. Now, this isn't even all of them. That's the crazy things.

We're going to go through them. Ready? Caroline in the city. All right, 19 episodes of the job. Law and Order, King of Queens, three different episodes, three different characters, no big deal. Very versatile. Definitely maybe.

Paul Blart, Mall Cop, smash hit. Blackbuster. Ugly Betty, here we go. 50 episodes of the FX hit, Rescue Me. On top of that, 20 episodes. What's that? Nurse Jackie. Jesus.

20 episodes. Kevin Can Wait, Criminal Minds, NCIS, Little Italy. Now we go to the stand-up portion of the credits. We've got The Late Show with James Corden, Primium Blend, Late Show with David Letterman. He's got his own Comedy Central Presents, The Rosie O'Donnell Show, The Late Show with Craig Ferguson. How far back are you going?

What's in a Smithsonian for this one? The Sears Portrait Studio. He's done many, many talkies. The Late Show with Craig Ferguson, Rachel Wade, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, WTF with Mark Malin, Hell's Kitchen, 67 episodes of Top Gear USA.

He has an amazing special out called Funniest Out, and of course the Adam Ferrara podcast. But the big question everybody's mind today, is he garbage? If he is, you can write a check and get out of it. Two seconds. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Mr. Adam Ferrara. Holy shit.

Thank you so much. God damn. Wow, you think there'd be more money? You really would. That's funny, because you talked to us, when you were like, oh, have you done it? We haven't done anything. Oh, you did.

And then we got, I look at this and holy shit, stop it, but you can't. I thought you were reading TV guys first. You guys are killing it. Thank you, buddy. I heard the numbers are true to roof. I can't confirm what it is. No, you guys, first of all, I am honored to be here.

I'm a big fan of the show, as you know, because I've had both of you guys on my show separately and really enjoy it. And Toby, I'm going to have you on. I heard there's no driver's license, so we'll have to send a call on it. But yeah, you guys, I'm really honored to be here. You're doing a great job, and I really enjoyed it.

Appreciate that, man. Like I said, when you were on my show, I got a lot of comments about the commonality of everything. Oh, that's awesome. It was cool. Yeah, it was a good time. This is so old school, man. You know, G, it's unbelievable.

Yeah, it's fun. It's nice to do that. We talk because you were a theater school. Yeah. I mean, acting and stuff. Yeah. You know, it's like, now you can't just be a stand-up. You've got to be a punk.

You've got to be doing shit. You've got to do everything. Great, now I'm a fucking Renaissance, man. I've got to come up with a flying machine. I want DaVinci to go to my Patreon and make a shit fly. Did we mention the vegan bakery that he has down in LA, folks? What is the what is the origin story of Adam Farrar?

I know you're Queens. Yeah, I was born in Hillcrest in Jamaica. And we moved out to my father. My father was in a plumbing business. OK, my grandfather. That's right. We talked about this on yours. Yeah, Italian.

Yeah, yeah. No, a suit, judge. Listen to my accent. Yeah, Italians and my uncle and my my father worked for my grandfather in plumbing business, Queens. OK. The neighborhood was changing. And my father says, we're getting a hell of a money.

We're going out to the island. OK. I was a baby, boys. I don't even remember. I was at the everybody, the island. Yeah, and the island just meant, you know, why? You know, just like tumbleweeds and shit. There was nothing.

The original suburb. Yeah, so we moved out. They bought the house. And I think we talked about this. My father actually built the house. That's crazy. Yeah, well, he modified it. And he didn't go to school for this stuff.

They just self-taught guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, so one day I came home and my father off school is in a bulldozer. We had a cornelot. And he's cutting a circular driveway. I remember this. That's the most Italian shit I've ever heard of my life.

You're cutting your own circuit. Italians don't like to reverse. They're like, we're going to put the fountain, Kippy. We're going to put the fountain. You need a couple of lion statues and shit. So he's on a bulldozer. And I said, Pop, how did you learn how to do this? I rented it.

We just went with doing today. And he cut the circular driveway. He would just do it, man. That's the thing that amazes me. There was no fear. There was nothing. There was just dude. Oh, no.

I'm all fear, dude. I can't even hang blinds in my apartment. Yeah. We talk about that all the time, the difference in generations of like, you know, with us, how not men we are compared to like our parents and grandparents. So who came over?

Was it with the other guys? Here's what I think. I think my nonna, which is my great-grandmother on my mother's side, I think was from the old country. She didn't speak English. She had two teeth, and we're pretty sure she was a cocaine addict, because she had. Sounds like a nice lady.

Yeah. Oh, she was. She'd cook for you all day, because she didn't sleep. Oh, of course. She was just. There's something about older like grandmothers when they hit like 80. They just never sleep.

They're up. They're just up. I think she was chemically enhancing. Yeah, sure. She had, remember the snuff that they would. Yeah, yeah. Snuff. Sofacco.

Yeah. So she would send my grandfather, who drove a fruit truck in Queens, down to the docks to pick up this snuff. I'm like, why aren't you going to find a snuff? Yeah, like a docks. Yeah, to the docks. And she came back and got, and when she didn't get it, she was angry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of figured she was up, and the teeth were gone. So she had meth mouth. Yeah. Meth mouth in the 20s. All hopped up on cranks. Talk about an OG. I like it.

So that was my mother's side of the family. So I think my mother's mother was born here. OK. My father's family was here for a little bit longer. And so his father had a successful plumbing business. Yeah, a blue plumbing business at Queens. And then my uncle Louis and my father worked for him. But my father wanted to be like creative and stuff.

You know, he just didn't want to do the plumbing. He wanted to do like kitchens and bathrooms. And that's how we design stuff. And let's be honest, boys. I could do plumbing. I can't do it well. Yeah, I know. But shit don't go uphill.

Now you know it. I couldn't do any of that shit. Now? No, I'm terrible with that. Well, you worked for your dad. Yeah, it depends what you're doing. I mean, if it's like PVC or whatever, yeah. It's plastic.

Yeah, they call it throw and go. You just like glue and fucking primer. And that's it. I know how to pee on the floor. That's the perfect thing to do. I was mainly the digging guy. They were like, here, dig this whole six feet. And then we'll come in and do work for 20 minutes.

And then you fill it back in. Yeah, I was the ripout guy because you can't really break anything. Sure. And I'd load in the trucks. And then when I got my license, it was great. Because I could drive. So I could go and run shit back and forth in the car.

This is how I think we talked about it on my show. That was my dream. When I was like 14, I was like, wait till I get my license. I'll be driving that pickup truck, making $10 an hour. That's $400 bucks in my pocket. Go get lunch. This is how garbage we were. We had a 70-coupe development.

My mother had a Cadillac. And she flicked a cigarette out the window. We thought she flicked a cigarette out the window. Came around the back. His Benson and Hedges landed in the back seat. We wake up the next day. And there's smoke just coming out of the back. Who's in the back seat of the car.

It's like, black smoke. Like, oh, we have a poke. So coming out of the car. And so my father ripped the back seat out. And we figured we can get lengths of pipe in it. A half-inch cup of pipe. You always had to run those lengths to jobs, right? So we could get them in the trunk, going through the cutout.

Because now there's no seat. It goes right up to the dash. It goes right up to the pickup truck. That's what we did. And I took my driver's test in that car. There was tools in it. With three lengths of copper, too. Yeah, the guy sitting in the car like this.

My father told me before I went up there, he goes, don't slam on the brakes, because the torch is going to hit you in the back of the head. And they'll probably fail you. I got a new purlet seat in there. Don't fuck it up. All right, so we're in Long Island. Yeah.

Brothers and sisters? Two brothers. They're both in the restaurant business. Nice. Older, younger? I'm the oldest. The two younger brothers. How young are we talking?

Year and a half and five. All right, so you three are just the animals together, right? Yeah. You're close enough. What happened in our house was, because of the restaurant business and being a stand-up, at midnight, there's a pot of sauce on. There's neighbors to come.

So our house was the house to be in. So at night, the house would come alive. Everybody would come over. So it was a nice way to grow up, because you had all the family. A lot of shit going on. Yeah, there was always something going on in the house. There was always food. There was always a game on.

There was always someone sleeping on the couch. And as soon as you turn the channel, I'm watching that. What are you doing? So you guys had, you said, your Uncle Louis. So you had extended family all around you. Did they move out to the Burbs as well? Yeah, they were out. My Uncle Frank, my godfather, was in Hicksville on Long Island.

OK. We all came out to Long Island. Everybody packed up and moved to the island. And Christmas was great, because my father was the youngest. So all the older cousins came over and were always people in the house. My Uncle Frank worked for United Airlines. And they were throwing out, they had a 14 foot Christmas tree

in the JFK in the terminal. Wait a minute. It was white. Italians, I've always been on record. Italians love a white Christmas tree. Hold on. They do. Did he take the Christmas tree and put it in his house?

Oh, no. He put the top half in his house. Oh, my god. Bottom half of his cousins. No, bottom half in our house. So yeah, we got the bottom half. So you had a half. A Christmas hedge, because it didn't come to a point.

So yeah, so we had a white Christmas head. Split a Christmas tree? Yeah, split a Christmas tree. Split a free Christmas tree that he stole from JFK, I'm pretty sure. Red bows. It was the most gindaloon fucking thing. I love that word, gindaloon.

Scorsese would walk in my house and go, too much. Too much. Yeah, it's too old and loads. It's too old and loads. No, it's going to believe it. It's too much. No, bring it down. Tomatoes are hanging instead of lights.

Cheese. Salami and cheese are hanging. Santa's come and make him a panini. But I assume your dad did well. You guys grew up pretty good, right? Yeah, we grew up pretty good. We didn't want for anything, or we didn't know we didn't have. Does that make sense?

Sure. We don't know we don't have. But yeah, he always listened. He would yell a lot, a lot of fucking yelling. Most plumbers are like that. Yelling and a lot of work ethic. But he would always take the time to try and teach you something and then give you a chore.

He'd be like, listen, you listen to somebody else. You made someone else's fucking mistake and now you got to pay for it, all right? That's what you do when an after it's over. You move on and don't do it again. There you go. Now take out the garbage. Now you go cut the grass.

Go cut the grass. Did he want you? Did he? When did your brothers get into the restaurant business and did your dad want you guys to follow in the family business? Yeah, here's the thing to have. I think my father was always disappointed. Nobody went into his business because it was a good business.

Yeah, it was made money. But I don't have the mechanical ability. You know, we talked about it. I don't, you know, I love cars. I got I got my love of cars from my dad because he could fix anything. So one day I'm trying. I'm working on the car, right?

He's standing in the doorway, smoking a lucky just looking at me. I can feel him. No filter. No filter. The filters bad for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no way to know. There's chemicals and shit.

It's right up the chemicals. Yeah, this is natural. Indians grow this. Oh, Jesus. So he's sitting there smoking a lucky and this wrenches a fall and blood spurning, oils dripping. My father came over, took a drag of his cigarette, put his hand on my shoulder, said, son, look,

you're going to have to get a job and you're going to have to work at something the rest of your life. This ain't it. This ain't it. Learn how to type or something, buddy. So I'm crushed. So I'm still to this day, couldn't be like my dad. Cut to, I get out of school.

He sent me to school. He says, you're going to college. Where'd you go? Where'd you go? Marist College in Poughkeepsie. Maran, I love that. Yeah. This don't tuition?

No. I got out doing the ballerina. I got out doing a 2-2, baby. That was it. Just out. I wasn't standing longer than I had to, but I was just, I came home every weekend and worked. I worked at the World Women's Fence Company.

They drove a forklift and made deliveries. So he came to see me do stand-up when I got out of college. So you didn't start standing up until you got out of college? I got out of college. Did four years? Did four years, yeah. Did four years get out of college? I did four years, got out.

That's literally his understanding of he did all four years. He did all four years, huh? Holy shit, look at the brain on him. That's impressive for me, man. I made it about 18 months. That was two summers in there, too, by the way. But when I got out, he came to see me do stand-up for the first time. Because I made the mistake of telling my mother.

My mother is the original Twitter. It just goes all over the friggin' nail. So I told the sheer. That's how those old timers are. It goes. They all came out to the club, so I had material, but I had a cousin say, be funny. And I just made fun of him for five minutes

before you know it, it's over. So my father saw me do that. I walked to the shop the next day because I had to go to work. He looked at me. Never looked at me like that before. And I said, I want to give this a try, pop. And again, with the lucky, you do it now. Because you do it now before your life gets complicated.

Damn smart. That's a wise fucking state of old school. Yeah, and then he threatens you. You better give it everything you got. Sure, yeah. Don't embarrass me. Otherwise, now go cut the grass. Yeah.

Every life lesson. Every life lesson ends with that. Even when you're 40, he's like, now go cut the grass. Yeah, that's it. Now go find my life. Now live in Hollywood, go cut the grass. You got grass there. There's grass out there.

I've seen the movies. If you get older, the problems get more complex. Sure. And the advice gets short, and the chores get bigger. She's pregnant. I don't love her, but I want to do the right thing. Shit happens. Tartaroof.

You want to see it? Tartaroof, paint the garage. You'll feel better. You'll be all right. And that was it. And from there, you were on your way. Yeah, I did my first open mic. And you know what saved me or what

allowed me to work more in comedy? I had a car. Yeah, that's big. I had a car. I was on Long Island. What are we talking? What year are we talking about? My first time was July 13, 1988, Eastside Comedy Club

Wednesday night. Man, Wednesday night special day. That's fucking old school. Yeah, that's it. I was like, because that's the first time I ever felt like, OK, I belong here. You know, when you hit a golf ball, right? Sure.

I was like, all right. Something just happened. Sure, I don't know what it is. So I had a car, and I had a work ethic. So I would hustle. I would pick up the comics when the improv was open. I would pick up the comics here, and we'd drive to these shitty gigs in Connecticut,

and these bar gigs. I love when I got a gig, and it said Comedy Club. I'm like, oh, they know what's coming. I'm not annoying them. Yeah, it's not going to be a fucking sneak attack. Hey, surprise. We're turning the game off comedy show. Oh, man.

What the fuck? I did it one time. Me and Chris Cotton did a show in front of an Eagles playoff game on a projector in between commercials in Jersey. I did one at a bowling alley next to the Papa Shot basketball. You can't compete with Papa Shot. I don't care who you are.

You're a funny guy, but I love a good Papa Shot. They didn't turn it off. Of course. Of course. I'm there like dogs are funny. Three point is Frankie. Frankie, I got a 27. This guy's all right.

Who are we rolling around with around this time? This time, I stood. There was a little community on Long Island. Excuse me. It was me, Kevin James. Right. Gary Valentine. OK.

Rock Rubin, who's now was the executive producer of Kevin Kenwait and the King Queens. So those were the four guys. That's the squad. Yeah, that was the four of us. The pretty good fucking squad. I gotta say. That ain't bad.

And we're going to sit here tall. I mean, that's a fucking. That's the tightest squad I've heard. But we were the East Side Comedy Club. We painted a strike zone on the back in the parking lot. And we would play Wiffel Ball during the day. Nice. And then we'd write jokes and then try and.

Bozos. Oh, yeah. Let's go play Wiffel Ball on the back. Wiffel Ball in the back of the parking lot. And then write jokes. Yeah. And then how long did you stay? So did you guys stay in Long Island?

Or how much were you going into the city? No, I never moved to the city. Really? No, I never. So that's like for Queens Long Island. That's like, that's a big step. Moving into the city. That's like.

Saturday Night Fever. You gotta get across the bridge. Getting across that water from somebody from Long Island. We do it. Yeah. I'm bridging channel, but this could wash you off. I don't want to be. Kippystamps.com.

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Stamps.com, like the big man said, you've got discounts up to 40% off post office rates and 66% off UPS shipping rates. Yeah, that's bonkers. Not to mention, Stamps.com is a fraction of the cost of those expenses postage meters. What are we doing? No brainer over here.

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Click on the microphone at the top of the home page and type in Garbage. That's Stamps.com, promo code Garbage. Stamps.com, never go to the post office again. Do it. Now back to the show. Holy shit. No, I never moved into the city.

Kevin and I got an apartment down by the train station in Huntington. OK. But we were also doing a row because none of us had enough stand-up time to do full college gigs. Right. But we could improv. So we did the improv game.

So we would both do 20 minutes of stand-up each. That was 40. And in 20 minutes of improv participation. So we had a little show that we could sell and do sort of clubs. That's awesome. We got a similar thing cooking. Yeah, it's kind of what we do on a run. Yeah.

Any questions? Yeah. Where are you from again, sir? Are you still a dentist? OK, moving on. Anyone got pictures of their vacation we could put on? I got T-bono, hook up the projector. What was that like when you were like,

where would your pop take you guys on vacation? What would you guys do? Lake George, New York. Really? Yeah. That's nice, I think. That's real nice. OK, so you're on a throughway.

No, it's beautiful. You're on a throughway. It's such a fucking New York story. It's fucking insane. We had this little boat and we pulled it with a Cadillac. That Cadillac. You're like aggressively Italian. Oh, God.

Pulling a boat with a Cadillac. With a Cadillac. We got boat landing where you parked the car. There's trucks, there's Suburbans, and there's a 77 Fleetwood Broome, right? That's our car. It's like UPS Brown with a trailer hitch on the back of it. It's crazy.

Yeah. So you guys would go up there? We'd go up there and we had the boat and you camp on the islands. And because my father was in kitchens and bathrooms, we had running water. He built this little cabinet thing that came right up out of the boat with a pump.

And he would drain it because you could drain it right into the ground. And you just run the water. And we had a toilet in the boat. My father was like, I'm not shitting in the house. I'm a fucking bear. I'm not shitting out. Put plumbing in the boat.

How are you going to make the sauce in the boat? You can't do it. Oh, that's my mother is trying to cook ziti on a barbecue with tin foil. She's cooking. She's heating stuff up. Have you ever heard of hot dogs? What's going on?

Ow. Cookin' pots on a grill. All the relatives are coming up. I got my uncles are coming up. I got one uncle who's fishing off the dock in a three-piece suit. He's got a Tommy gun in his cigar. Yeah. Toby, I hope I don't catch your witness.

That's a fun party till Elliott Ness shows up. A three-piece suit. That's fucking beautiful. But that was the big vacation was Lake George, New York. You camp on an island. Did you guys ever go anywhere else? Disney World, anything like that? Went to Disney World once.

Did you? Because my grandfather, we didn't know my grandfather was sick. And he was down in Florida. So that's why we went. Nice. So we went down once. And then that was it. And we drove.

Oh. Yeah. What? Yeah, drove. In the summer? In the summer. In the plumbing? With the plumbing stuff in there?

No, this is before I think. Yeah, we drove down. You're sitting at Copper Pipe for $18? Yeah, and I remember thinking of myself south of the border. How fucking far are we going? My god, when you're a kid, you drive more than three hours. You're like, where are we going, Mars? Yeah.

Holy shit. And you can get, and all through North Carolina, you could get fireworks and pecans. That was it. Can we get, no! All the nuts you want, nothing that blows up. So that we did that. And then the host farm, it was a host farm in Pennsylvania.

You know those resort things? Yeah. Sure. And we went there once. OK. So eventually your grandfather, they moved down to Florida. They went to Florida. This is like the classic Italian-American migration story.

Yeah. Fucking Queens, Long Island. Grandfather moves down to Florida. Jesus Christ. That's what they're doing. Fucking love it. Pope says we can go. We got the blessing.

I wanted to ask you this. Dad. In your house, was there three pictures of three different people? Like, was there like the Kennedy picture? No. No, there was. Who was it?

Pope Pius. OK. Sinatra. Of course. Yeah. Sinatra, Pope Pius. They're in a row, right? Yeah.

And it was, I was only two. Was it Pope Pius, Sinatra? Chef Boyardy. Yeah. The Little Caesars guy. Pavarotti. Dude, the picture of Sinatra. That is so fucking awesome.

The one with the hanging that the mic, and I happen to know his microphone, was the Telefunken U-47, which was the same one Jim Morris used. The one he's hanging with the hat. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So the Irish version of that is the Kennedy. Kennedy, yeah.

The Pope. The Pope. Everybody does the Pope. And then it would be like some Notre Dame coach. It would be like, yeah. It would be like Newt Rockney or something like that. Meanwhile, no pictures of the kids anywhere. Yeah.

And they were always going, it was going up the stairs. Oh, the pictures going up the stairs. That's garbage. We had a red, blood red rug, right? Stucco walls. So with the trowel, the trowel, with the stucco on the wall, so you'd walk by and catch it. I can smell that.

Yeah, I can smell it, yeah. Dark, this dark wood furniture. And I was like, ah, this is like, this is Caesar's Palace Casino. Yes, it is. We might as well have a cigarette girl in the kitchen. Shoot a little bit of craps, you know what I mean? Yeah.

Anybody see Maya? She's in the keynote bar. You want to go talk to her? That was the big thing for them. Like, after when I started going on the road and my brothers went to college and they got out, they went to Atlantic City. Every other fucking weekend, they go to Atlantic City.

Yeah, they go down there. They sent the plane from my dad. What? Yeah, they were gamblers. They sent the plane. They sent the plane from Republic Airport on Long Island. Really?

And you fly down to Atlantic City and then you piss away my inheritance. Damn. What was their game? My father liked the poker machines. He don't want to talk to nobody. Sure. Because I'm not sitting on a blackjack table,

because somebody doesn't hit on, I'm not doing this. So he liked the poker machines. My mother liked the slots and the poker machines. But then the crap table was, that's where I got it. What year are we talking? What are doing this? What did you say? Well, I moved to LA in 93.

OK. I would say from 90 until my dad got ill. OK. It was a good, solid 20 years of he was gone. That's awesome. Yeah, he was gone. Yeah, and everything in my house at Ceasar's Palace, the robes, the shampoos, everything.

Matches, everything, ashtrays, everything had on it. Don Perignon all over the place, because they sent the gift baskets, and they brought them home. And nobody drank. My father didn't drink. He was diabetic. He didn't drink, so I'm going to go and bring him a champagne.

Oh my god, that's so funny. So the red carpet in the house. Yeah. What else are we talking about in there? Plastic on the? No, no. We weren't that. We didn't have the plastic on there.

We had the copper pots. And the copper pots, they were. And for some reason, chickens were big in the kitchen. I don't know why they had chickens on shit. Yeah, I can picture it. Yeah, 100%. So we had that. And the food was always weird, because I think

we talked about the big thing that we could get as a treat. Remember the variety packs of the little cereals? Oh my god. Oh my god. Yeah, they only get those at hotels. Oh, that was like crisp. And when we were camp on the islands, my father, we would eat it out of the bowl.

He took out his bayonet he got from the army. He'd go, hey, we're going to have breakfast. And do it right in the box. Cut the bowl open, put the milk in. You eat it with a spoon. Outside, like I'm bivouacking with the great Santina. Yes, we had that. We had the car.

We always had a Cadillac. We always had a Cadillac and a plumbing truck. Always had a Cadillac and a plumbing truck. That was the thing for my dad, because my mother got to drive a Cadillac. He's like, I want to drive a Cadillac. OK, God bless you. They would never knew.

Sure. They were always used or evidence or whatever it was. A couple of bullet holes. Yeah, something. What was your first car in LA? My first car. So, 93 were talking. Yeah, 90.

Had to be something real shitty. Oh, it was terrible. It was a luxury Ford Escort. Oh, man. They were never nice. Even new, they weren't nice. That's where you find a body. Oh, it was terrible.

This little thing was, if you want to, if you want to stop and your brakes go out, you turn on the air conditioner. No power. But yeah, I got that when I went out there. A friend of mine gave me that. So it was a free car when I got out there. God damn.

The last car I had in Long Island, I bought for my brother. Never buy a new car. It's the worst thing you can do. Yeah. So I bought a never buy a car for my brother, because he can overcharge you. I don't remember that.

Yeah, I bought an 85 turbo coop to Thunderbird. Yeah. Five speed. That was my company. OK. I put almost 200,000 miles on that car, because doing comedy, like I said, I would pick up the headliners here in the city.

And this is how I work, because I would pick up the headliners. We go do a shitty bar. Then he's supposed to drop them off back at the Impro. But I'm like, you're going to take a cab. You're going to get out of a car to get into a car. You're already here. Let me save you the cab there. And I would drop them off at home.

The car was always clean. I was on time. I always open for them and kept to my time. I wasn't 30, and I didn't ruin the room for them. So they would, comics wouldn't work with me. That's great, yeah. No headaches, easy. No bullshit.

I'm on time. It's all good. And I get a ride home. So that's how I worked. And that was the car, the 85 Turbo Q. So I get my first TV deal to move out to LA. And I'm like, I'm thinking. I'm laying in bed thinking at night.

You know what? Maybe I'll drive. I get up in the morning. I put the key in the car. Everything goes wrong. Fluids fall out, tires fall off, like sunroof. Basically, the car going, I ain't going. Yeah, they haven't.

Fuck you. Get an airplane ticket. So that was the move. You didn't go out to LA until you got your first TV deal. How many? No, I did go out. I went out to do TV. I went out to do, I think I went out to do the night show

or something. OK. So I went out to do that. And I went into the city to do stand-up. But I didn't go in right away. Because I knew there was a difference between Long Island comics and city comics. Yeah, that's what I'm trying to get.

It still is now. It's still like there's like a. I'm trying to get an image of that. So you guys really didn't do the run around in New York City. No, not until. Because I knew I'm only going to get one shot of making an impression. And I knew that I was not that I wasn't ready,

but I wanted to make be extra ready. Yeah, I wanted to make sure all the the teaser across and eyes are dotted. This is my best shot. So I would do the road. And the difference is we're very animated. The Long Island comics, we actually performative rather than like your backup against the wall.

Yeah, we had we had bigger stages. So we would use shit. His voice is in it. It was more like like you said, so I realized when I came into the city just to watch. Oh, OK. These are like set up punchline segway set up. So I got started doing stand up in New York.

Carrie Hoffman, when he ran it, gave me the late night to host because, you know, the checks were coming out. So you wanted, you know, performance. You got a tap dance. Yeah. So I got to do that. So I got I got I went pretty much went to school just hosting because if I could just keep people from talking

loud, it was a good sure. But I would see all the comics and I would go in early and watch all the guys, you know, John Stewart and all those guys work. You know, it's like going to school. So then my my agent put together a showcase at Caroline. OK, I got to go do the showcase. I'm ready.

I did the Caroline showcase and I had a great set. I walk off stage. Esti, stand right there. Hello, come here. You come here. I want you to work my club. You come down. Come down to the comedy cell.

I want to give you a spot. I want to see you at the club. And I'm like, oh, OK, jumping up and down. I'm trying to play it real cool. I really think I really think I peed a little bit. She gave me a 220 spot. I went down, she gave me a 220 spot and I was happy to get it. Sure.

Down there and I just and I remember thinking to myself, all right, this is this is if I'm going down, I'm going down both guns blazing. Yeah, I'm going down swing. That's it. Yeah, if I'm going to die, this is it. I'm going to die with a sword in my hand. Hell of a gunfire.

I'm not going to try and be this. So I walk on stage and boom, I had a great set. Nice. Manny was alive and Manny shook my hand. Crazy. No one might think. I don't know what was it, but but I remember that flying home, boys, it was sure.

Yeah, you just feel that when you're a kid. And and to this day, I just this I still big spot in my heart for awesome. Of course, that's amazing. God damn it. That's so fucking cool 90s comedy. It's fucking not when you're going through it. It's nerve-wracking anxiety.

Now I can look back. But then yeah, just as fucking nerve-wracking as you guys. Yeah, we've been successful for like three months. So it's still a little nerve-wracking. Milk it. Flying joy in it, you fucks. What is it, August? Yeah.

All right, I think we should get a little. Yeah, let's fucking get into it. Let us go. OK, I will. Can I tell you one thing? Please. I want to hear. I thought of you guys flying in here because I pulled.

I didn't know I pulled a garbage move. I was told by others. Oh, no. What'd you tell us? I'm on a plane. I had something to eat. Something stuck in my teeth. First class?

I mean, first class? No, the extra leg room. The comfort room. Comfort, yeah. Not the mint. I was on JetBlue. I'm like, you want the bed to lay down so we can fuck you on the price?

Just give me the extra leg. So I'm in the, and I like either 6A or 6F because it's the bulkhead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I got it all planted. Wait, what's that mean? 6A, row six? Yeah.

6A and 6F? There's no one in front of you. There's no one in front of you. Oh, OK, I got you. So you have that whole thing. You're the first of the commoners. You're not one of the guys that has to do the emergency thing, though.

Are you? Is the door right there? They think I'm going to do it. Yeah. They kicked out of that. You did? Yeah. Why?

Why do you think, Adam? What are we doing here? Because he's too strong. Hey, sir, you're too powerful. Sir, we don't want you embarrassing the other passengers when you're saving everybody's lives. So we're in that seat. Me and my girlfriend, man.

Dude, it was brutal. I think we were coming back from Hawaii or something like that last Christmas. And I called a guy over. I'm like, can I get a seatbelt extended? And he's like, oh. He's like, unfortunately, you can have the seatbelt extended, but we're going to have to move you because we can't have

someone who needs a seatbelt extended in the emergency row. Yeah. You're not able. I'm not able. You're less able. You can pin me. What do you mean you're not able? Here's the worst part.

Well, he gets stuck in the door and then no one else can get out. Yeah, but I called him. I clog up the door. Depressurized the cabin. We're cruising. Nobody can get out if we have to land. Here's the worst part. Guy makes an announcement to the entire plane.

Would anybody mind switching with this gentleman? We need able-bodied men to be able to operate. He said able-bodied men. And these two fucking heroes behind me go, I have no problem doing it. And they're like fucking jacked. I'm like to my girlfriend, well, you've got to blow these two guys.

I'm sorry. Something's got to happen. We've got a couple of patrons on board. And dude, she was my fucking, just got in there, put the seatbelt extended on, asked for an extra bag of Cheez-Its and golden bag. Fucking tough luck. All right, so you're flying over.

So I'm sitting here, right? And I get something stuck on my teeth. And I'm like trying to, I look down. There's the air sick bag. Now the top of the air sick bag has the twisty tie there. Yeah, the foil. I ripped the twisty tie thing off. And I'm like, and it's here.

I don't, well, I'm just sitting there, minding my own business. Just got it. The lady sitting next to me opens up her bag. She's got a case, like a James Bond cigarette case. Individually wrap, you know, the floss thing. Sure, they're great. She takes one out, closes the case, puts it back, leans over to me.

Doesn't ask me, just went, take this. Take this. OK. Now I'm good. I got it. See, you know, I want to do that. The real trash moves the fingernail. The fingernail?

I don't have the fingernail. My father used to use a match book. Yeah, my dad was big on the match book. Yeah, which I thought was normal. Yeah. So you're at your girlfriend's house when I go, yeah, fucking digging in there. Yeah, that's tough.

Steak was a little tough for her. All right, so we're going to play a little argue garbage here. We're going to ask you a series of questions to determine whether you're trash or not. I don't know, the old school factor so far, I give you a little bit of a pass on that. All right. So far.

All right. They don't still, you guys don't still own the house that you grew up in, right? No. What was it in the street that was on? Bluebird Lane. Pretty nice. That's Americana right there.

That's Americana. Bluebird Lane. That's Apple Pie 4th of July. It's bye-bye. We moved out of Queens. We're over there on Bluebird Lane now. Behind the wall, Whitman Mall. So you got it there.

It's right behind the mall. Off of Jericho Turnpike. Nice. What was it in the grocery store that your mom went to? Pathmark. Not bad. It's all right. There was a sea town too, we'd go there.

Sea towns are, sea town depends on the, it depends on the sea town. Same with key foods. King Cullen, remember King Cullen? I've never been by here, good thing. There's still a couple floating around. Am I crazy or are they all? There are, no, there are for sure.

Where do you go now? What does your wife go now? Whatever those boxes show up at the freaking house. Oh, that's a plan. Yeah, she shows up on Instagram, the Instacart thing. But there's a Vons that I go to for water and stuff. And a Rouse. I go to the Rouse and a Von.

And then there's, but you know, there's only certain things that she needs at the Whole Foods, so then you gotta walk in there. That's the first answer we've gotten where it's all, where it's delivery. That's pretty classy. Yeah, that's pretty good. That's real classy.

Okay, okay, I got a wife. Okay, and so do you. It's coming you away. Sure, no, she does it. She gets her stuff. I'm an animal. I'll go to the corner store and get my food. If the wife brings you up in classiness,

that's just the way it goes. You picked her, so it counts. I didn't pick her. I just said, I gotta lock this up before she changes her mind. Of course she sees me picking my teeth with a hatch book. Is that an ass thick bag? All right, are you guys currently

a shoes off household or shoes on? Shoes off. Right when you get your shoes off. Shoes off? Yeah, the wife is shoes off. Okay, nice. I gotta walk in and take the shoes off. Okay.

What if you have company? Do they take their shoes off? If you're having to take their shoes off. Yeah. Jesus, was your mind taking the shoes off? Yeah. Thank you. Welcome.

We want you to be comfortable. We want you to relax. Do you have a hard time having people come back to the house after you make them take the shoes off? They usually come back because they forget their fucking shoes. I got here for you home. What the fuck, you make me take your shoes off?

My socks are wet. We had, cause we were talking, we had Chad's Pallmentary on and we asked him or like if you go somewhere and they ask you to take your shoes off, we take your shoes off and I'll do it. And they go, oh yeah, why? He goes, cause I ain't going back.

There you go. They get one and I ain't going back. Hey, I got a Pallmentary for you too. All right. Do well. Your friends do well. You guys, if you guys go out to dinner. Right.

All right. Kevin J, whoever you go out to dinner with. What are we doing? Are we splitting the check? One of you is taking turns doing what's going to happen. At some point, they're good friends. Like we went out to dinner. Okay.

I'm going to say, I got to go to the bathroom, excuse me. Then I'm going to go over to the server. I'm going to listen. I don't want to fight with you. As you take this, I can give you something. Come back and bring it to me. Already ran. Yeah, it's already done.

So it's already finished. So I know, and so you run it right now. I'm going to go to the bathroom and come back and sign it for you. All right. It's headed. Okay. So it's done.

Fighting. That's pretty classy. That's class. Man, that's good. I like it. That's no splitting the check. None of that. I like it.

And then if he's out with another time, he's going to get mega. You're making me look. Oh, yeah. I want to win. I want to win. I didn't know. Fucking guy.

That's another generational difference too. Kids go out now. Well, I just had this or I just had that. I remember my uncles and my dad fighting over it. And if one of them did do that, Mike, what are you doing? Why would you do that? And then trying to give them the cash?

Yeah, yeah. And it's just different. I'll tell you what's scary is when you're out with hitters. Sure. When you're out with people that are like, I think it's mad. No, I've been at a table and they play credit card roulette. Oh, that scares the shit out of me.

Oh, jeez. I mean, when it's like a monster bill. Monster bill. And you're like, who jeez? Everybody puts it in and then pull one out. And everybody can really afford it. But you, you can pay the bill, but it's going to leave a mark. Oh, shit.

They put all the credit cards in there. I went to a steakhouse one time for a bachelor party. And it was everybody was doing what? I was obviously, it was like five years ago, a super struggle. I probably had about 150 bucks in my bank account. I ordered like a $40 fillet and I'm like, all right, well, this is all I'm having.

They start going, shots, let's do shots. It's like rounds of 15, two rounds and I'm just sitting there. I'm like, I'm going to have to be the guy to be like, how can you put? But one of my buddies being a gentleman that he was knew I was hemmed up. Right, sure. And was like, I got me, Kevin, and whoever. Yeah, just do that. And I'll pay you back.

I'll take four shots of Strager. He never sold that. You know what I do when I was on the road and I was like, I'd be in Florida and I'd find the timeshare seminars because they gave you to free lunch and I would get dressed up and I would sit. But just for the free lunch and I would sit for the timeshare seminars and I would just eat, take the card, hang on, dude. I'm going to have to put a checkmark.

They see anyone now. That's a wrap. That's a strike right there. That's great. Christ. The timeshare hustle. He's sitting there just having shoes on. I'm interested in buying a property.

Yeah. Did you ever get caught up in any of the, any of the fun things in the 80s? You ever do hands across America? No. Go to Live Aid. I watched it. You watched it. I watched it.

You weren't at Live Aid. I wasn't at Live Aid. What about a fight at, you ever get in a fight at Yankee Stadium or Shea Stadium or anything like that? I got into, I avoided a fight at Shea Stadium in Loge. We were watching the Mets and there was a guy sitting there going, Fucking strawberry, fucking strawberry. My girlfriend and I leaned over and we're going, we're leaving.

Why is this guy's got another half of an eating piece going to punch somebody right there? Fucking strawberry. There was a guy next to him and then my boom. To start it. You can see it. You can see it. Oh, it's a, yeah.

You can read it. And it's, it's, it's like, you know, so, and the noise at Shea Stadium would bounce off the, the upper, you know, you would sit there and so it's, it's almost like thunder dome. Yeah. It's not like we got to get out of it. It's frightening. Yeah.

That was frightening. The vet was frightening and Philly. They had a jail at the, well, they had a jail. Yeah. We talk about all the time, I remember being a little kid going to the vet and being, I thought I was going to fall off of the stadium. That's how fucking narrow it would, like the seats were up, up on the nosebleeds. Yeah.

I thought I was going to fall off of it. This Shea was a dump when the Beatles played there. Yeah. They put no money in it. No. Crazy. What was your first concert? Oh, my first concert was Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes at the Westbury Music

fan. I'm going to have to give you a straight two on that. Too many words. That was too many words. The only reason I went is because my cousin took me. I was a kid. I didn't know what the hell I was looking at. Geez.

Yeah. Asbury Johnny. Asbury Johnny and the Asbury Jukes. They played with Springsteen. I didn't even know what the hell I was looking at. My cousin took me to the Westbury Music. You want to go? Ma, can I go?

I didn't know. I just wanted to get out of the house. And I went. That's fucking fantastic. Oh, mom's favorite singer, I assume, was Sinatra. Sinatra. That's pretty classy. My father was Elvis.

Father was Elvis. Yeah. My father wanted to be Elvis. Classy. You ever see Kissin' concert? No, but I was a member of the Kiss Army. The first. Check this.

I was a member. I was on Ravelling Queen. I had the stickers. Kiss Army. Come on. He starts talking about Mustangs. You know. You want to remember the Kiss Army?

No. Why not? You didn't send away? You didn't get a live, too? That's fantastic. Kiss Alive is one of the greatest albums of all time. Kiss Alive. Of course it is.

Of course. I got a live, too. Yes. Kiss Alive. From the Columbia Rec. and Dave Club. That's the only one I didn't sell. I was going to ask you, did you do the Columbia House thing where you ripped them off?

I used to do Columbia House and then when I wouldn't send to my address, I put my name on the neighbor's address. And they would send it to the neighbor's address and then you go to the Tri-County flea market and you sell them. What the fuck are you thinking? You were flipping them? What? You were flipping them?

You were flipping them? This guy is trash. Man. Talk about a fucking 180. Flipping stolen cassettes at the flea market. Yeah. You wouldn't do that? No.

That's great. I listened to them. That Columbia. What the fuck were they thinking? They got fleeced. Somebody got fired for that. It had to. It had to be like the world's biggest tax deduction.

Yeah. It's lost. Yeah. It could have been. I mean, because you know in your neighbor when you have like, you know, those little stuff. This is a candle shop. There's two candles there with dust on them.

They never sell a fucking candle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That type of shop. Yeah. Hmm.

Any magicians in your family? No. I've seen a couple uncles disappear. That was beautiful. No magicians. Anyone in your family ever involved in a class action lawsuit? Yeah. I got money.

I got money because my father took a Actos or something. He took some kind of diabetes medicine. Okay. Yeah. Like one of those people. You were a victim of a. Sure. The mesophiliuma.

Yeah. Whatever that is, you know. Nice. Vaginal mesh. Sign me up. Whatever it is. Vaginal mess is big now with these. Does anyone in your family say the word idea?

Idea? Yeah. Instead of a bar? I got a good idea. No. Idea. No. Hmm.

Oh, yeah. It's like a looker. Looker. Looker? I don't never knew what that was. Do you and Jared, do you have any aunts or uncles that you don't call them by their first name? Yeah.

What are they? I had a guy we used to call Uncle Scratch. Uncle Scratch? Yeah. That counts? Yeah. Yeah. That would qualify as not a government name.

Yeah. Yeah. That wasn't. Uncle Scratch. What did he do for a living? Nothing as far as you know. Then you got damn business. You're going to get me in trouble.

Slap the microphone away. What is wrong with that? Toby, hit delete. Toby was a DJ or something. Milk with dinner growing up as a kid. Yeah. Milk with the Italian food. Would that be, would that, would that fly?

Milk, no. Milk with the Italian food. I don't think we had because we had the cheese, but if you had like, you know, like a Swanson hungry man on a week or something. Oh, man. You like the Swanson? Oh, do I ever. Geno's Pizza Rolls?

Oh, of course. We get the Geno's. We're allowed to have the Geno's Pizza Rolls. That's when you knew mom was tired. Put in the Pizza Rolls in the Tulsa Robin. So you get that and you get the, you know, a glass of milk with that, but you never really had milk with the big pasta meal on Sunday. Okay.

Did you guys do the Seven Fishes at Christmas? Yeah. You did? Yeah. They got to get in the heaven. They've been sinning all fucking year. That's old school. Do you still do that now?

My mother doesn't. My mother. Have some tuna. I'm not cooking. I'm not cooking. Get a fish for later. Mine was made with the Anguini and clam sauce. My mother would make Anguini.

My mother used to make her own pasta. She had a crone thing, well, my grandmama, my nanny was alive. This one? Want to eat? Do you want to eat? I'm not hungry, but you guys can eat. Yeah. It was a crone, it would clamp onto the bottom of the table.

It's a crank and they put wax paper out. I'll get it. They put wax paper out and then the flour going to wax. Take the dough and they make it long and they would make the raviolis. Oh my God. You're starving. Is Daarvan notch. Yeah.

Yeah. They put neck bones. It was peasant food. Italian peasant food. They put the neck bones in the sauce. The flavor is. Yeah. And the flavor.

And then for some reason, a hard boiled egg went in the sauce. Some Sicilian. Yeah. Some cursed thing. You don't have it. Fuck. Yeah. My grandmother, my great grandmother, the nana with the two teeth, she used to put a curse

on the mailman because he brought the bills. Really? She didn't. What? She tried to stop the mailman from bringing the bills by giving them the evil eye. She would stand there in a house dress. This bro is checking out on my hands. Shit.

Yeah. He bringing a bill. It doesn't work that way. I stop him. Okay. Hmm. Do you buy stuff at the duty free shop? I don't really travel international that much anymore.

Okay. So. At the house now you got to give the garage. Yeah. We just talked about that. Got the garage. You got the garage fridge. Got a fridge in the garage.

Oh, I got a fridge in the, not in the garage. I got it out in the back. It's not in the garage. You got an outdoor one. Out in the back. I got an outdoor one. It's classy. It's a house.

It's an outdoor fridge. No. It's out. My bedroom's here and then there's a little like closed in kind of thing. Terries type thing. Uh-huh. Fridge out there. Yeah.

Really. Full size? No. Low. What's in there? Little bit. Uh, there's water in there. Uh, I think there might be an edible or two.

It's pretty classy. Man, I heard that. And then you get the fridge in the garage with the sodas and stuff. You do have that. Not now. My mother's house. I don't have it in my house. Yeah.

Your mom's house. I didn't marry an Italian boys. Okay. That's her. I married a Benetton ad. She's everything. Really? She's German, Scottish, Irish, Mexican.

Geez. Yeah. American Indian. Not enough for a casino. I love it. Trying to wet my beak over there. I tried to do something like, hey, maybe we can. Uh-uh.

Yeah. So she's everything. And she grew up in San Francisco. So a lot of the stuff that I did. Yeah. Don't fly it. It's two different worlds. Pretty classy having the fridge.

She's fancy too. Outside the door. Yeah. Not trash night. Keep it away in the sidewalk. What are you doing? Okay. Have you ever been to a Red Lobster?

Yeah. Like it? Now? Yeah. I'll still go on the road. Okay. I'll go to a Red Lobster. You kidding?

Get that shrimp? Do we have a summer house? Second property? I know you got the place in New York. I got the apartment here. You got the apartment. There's no summer house. I go year round.

Yeah. And I got it for work. Summer. Hmm. Do you keep your batteries in the refrigerator? No. I used to keep my, I used to keep cigarettes. Yeah.

You bulk buy the cigarettes and put them in the refrigerator. Freezer. Fridge. Yeah. And then you make the, that in the refrigerator. And then. Did you guys have ice pops when you were a kid? Of course.

All right. Fucking asshole. We're talking about the twin pops. You crack them? Yeah. Crack the twin pops. But then my mother would make them. Oh, yeah.

Oh, sure. The ice tray. Oh. With the saran wrap. And the toothpick. 100%. Yeah. Frozen orange.

Yeah. Um. Has you, has anybody in your family ever won anything? Lottery. Atlantic. Atlantic City. Atlantic City. Yeah, of course.

No lotteries. What was the biggest score that you, that was ever, was there ever a big score that everybody knew about? Other than just a regular. Like a jackpot type thing. Not the government, you fucking. What are you trying to do? What are we doing?

Um, yeah. I, I, I talked to my pop once because we hit, I never got a number. Sure. Right. How'd you do? Ah, they don't build those places because they think I'm going to win. You know, so. Yeah.

But yeah, it was never any, like, you know, mind you, he was never standing there with a big check. Okay. There was never anything like that. I like it. I like it. Have you ever written your name in wet cement? Yeah.

All the time. Yeah. All still? Yeah. Really? If I see it. Really? If I see it.

On a job, we used to do it. When you, when you put stuff on a job, I do it. That's awesome. Adam was here. Yeah. I'd still do a kill Roy. They ever forget you anywhere when you were a kid? Uh, no, but I hated my father's station wagon wants to go to work with him.

So it's not like they forgot me. I never forgot me anyway, but they, uh, my father would go drive from Long Island to Queens and I wanted to go to work on that. So I would hit, I hit under the seat once. Uh-huh. And by the time he hit the, uh, the time he hit the bridge, what are you doing? You're going to work daddy. Oh my God.

So yeah. That's great. Hmm. Okay. Let me ask you guys something. Sure. Did you ever, uh, sleep in the car on the back window in the back deck? Little.

Did you sleep? I don't think we had a van when I was that little. So that that wasn't a possibility. But I remember crawl. I remember getting up there. I'm like, yeah. Yeah. My mom's like 92 Taurus.

Sure. Yeah. Long road trip. Long road trip. Long road trip. Yeah. And then I got my legs in there and you were just snuggled in there so you could look out the top of the back window.

Oh, that's cool. Oh, what kind of car? This was a, it had to be like an 81 Dotson. We drove from... You're laying down and 81 Dotson. Ups, upstate Pennsylvania, right? From there we drove to Dallas, Texas to see my cousins. Geez.

In that. Yeah. How many of you are in an 81 Dotson? There was four of us and you're laying down. We're laying down. The back seats came down and my mom and dad in the front seat, me and my brother snuggled in the back seat and I remember there was trash bags and luggage all around us. Oh my God.

But we were stuffed in there. Yeah. I still don't understand the physics of all of this to be honest with you. I was sleeping. When you added luggage and trash bags, I was out. We would one here and then you would put the armrest, which was this big. And my brothers were small so they could fit either way on that side with the head. I like it.

Yeah. And then you always make believe you were asleep so someone would carry you in and you would put your arm around it. I was just talking about that was top notch. The best. Yeah. I'm a grown man. I make my wife do that when we come home.

So good. You got to earn your keep. Just carry me. You never, you never felt more safe or slept better in the back seat of a car when like your dad or your uncle or someone was driving it. Yeah. AC on, a little smell of cigarettes, maybe some talk radio on. Yeah.

And you would hear them bitching and moaning about something just in the back knocked out. Yep. What are you? Sorry. No, please. What do you drive now? LS 400, which was the first year Lexus came out with the LS 400.

I murdered it all out, which means it's all black. I took out the lights. I put in the cold Euro lights that are clear lights. I get black wheels. I dropped it down. I smoked out the windows and I drive around Santa Monica like the Yakuza. I have that and I got my wife's got a little E class mistake. Nice.

Very nice. Very nice. Kids doing all right. Brush your teeth in the shower. Until my wife said that's Jeremy and I can't do it anymore. The answer is yes. What about peeing in the shower? Not as far as you know.

She's listening. Yeah. I like it. Oh, sorry. Is there a painting of the family in your home now? A painting? Painting. No, but my my father.

Okay. This is actually a thing in my house. My father, we had that big cathedral ceiling with the red rugs and you know, welcome to beefsteak Charlies, you know, kind of thing. And my father got a painting of my mother, you know, I don't know. He went down to the he went down to the barbershop. There was a guy that had paint. That's awesome.

And made my mother sit for this and she's got a painting of my mother and it's like one of what he eyes follow you. That's too much. And it's hanging right now because they sold the house and my mom's in one of those 55 and over community. Sure. So there's this giant painting in her condo kitchen that fills the wall and it's her. That's awesome.

I told my wife, I'm getting that painting when they went once she goes, we're not putting it in the house. My father got that. I got to keep it. I got to at least keep it to life. Thanks. Good stuff. You garden now?

You guys have a garden? I didn't garden then. No, nothing. No garden. No gardening. Okay. Have you had poison ivy as an adult? As an adult.

Because that's a bad look. If you did. Yeah. You're doing something wrong. If you're not, you're not a landscaper. Yeah. No. I don't think I had it as I had as a kid all the time.

Yeah. And we used to get poison oak? Oak and sumac. Sumac. Oh, sumac. I don't know. Anybody that had it, there was a theory that some kid in the neighboring school died from it.

Yeah. I got them all. I got every single one of them. I had it senior week. I got it down the shore. I had poison ivy all over my face down the beach. No idea how I got it. How do you get poison ivy on a beach?

I'm telling you. I have no idea. We drove from, we literally left after graduation. We got in the car. We drove down the shore. Woke up the next day. My whole face was covered in poison ivy. Didn't you drive through the woods?

No. I had no idea. I had to go to the hospital and get a shot. Geez. Brutal. Mark that. How many pillows on the bed? How many pillows on the bed?

How many pillows do you sleep with? Like you got the nice pillows. You put everything aside. Oh, you can't use the nice pillows. My wife will shoot you. Of course, you're kidding. Not the nice pillows. I got, I got one of that little rolly thing, that half moon pillow.

Okay. And then I got, I got one old shitty pillow that she's dying to throw out. Yeah. I think it's still as fat as it's this soft little thing that I don't get rid of. So I'll go with one and a half, two, if you want to mark it. Not one between your legs. Not one. Hold the one.

I do. I dislocated this shoulder. Okay. So I got one here too. Yeah. Fan on you while you sleep? I would like one, but one for the breeze and the noise, but we don't have it. The white noise is pretty cool.

You know what I used to get used to? The old shitty air conditioner I had as a kid, because it would go, then it would drop a gear. Oh, it's going to get cold now. Oh, now it's getting cold and the noise is going to keep the monsters away. I need something to drown out the fear baby. Yeah. Are you currently in a beef with a neighbor?

In California? No. In California. Out here in my apartment building, they know not to come near me because. Really? Why is it thing? I'm going to, I got an apartment here, right? I got up and I just, I'm half asleep with the boom, boom, boom.

Guy opens the door and I just, I turn it to my father. My eyes dropped and I went, do you want to lower that place? Do you want to lower that? And the guy went, okay. Older guy, younger guy, you're like. Younger kid. Yeah. Younger kid.

Yeah. But yeah. Not now. I don't know who my neighbors are. I know what they named their Wi-Fi. That's what I know. Yeah. And that's good enough for me.

I don't need to know anymore than that. What's the fridge situation at the house in California? What do you got? I got one fridge. Uh-huh. In the kitchen. Stainless steel? Yeah.

She's got a stainless fridge. Double opens this way? Yeah. One of these. Nice. Yeah. I got that. I like it.

And I got that little one. You got the little one. Yeah. The little one. The little one. The little one. Yeah. That's kind of trashy.

I got to be honest. What's the range? Viking? What are we looking at? What? The range? The stove. It's gas.

I don't know who to help. Okay. I know. I know I paid for it. That's all I paid for. Is there an island in the middle of the kitchen? Yeah. Staten.

Yeah. She's got the island. Yeah. Got the island. Yeah. Got the island. Very nice. How many cars?

How many car garage? Yeah. But there's one of them in the studio. One of them is the studio. Yeah. One of them is that you guys were in. Pretty sharp, man. Hmm.

Pretty sharp. Man. Look at you. We don't know. Yeah. I mean, I kind of do know. Have you ever been ghost hunting? I'm a grown man.

Okay. Just asking. Just asking Adam. I'm trying to get a redo. I wasn't brought here for this. Yeah. No, I've never been. Have you seen a ghost?

No. Have you? I also a grown man. Yeah. I don't. What does that mean? My grandmother's basement. You know when you're scared to go in the basement when you were a kid?

Sure, sure, sure. There's definitely ghosts down there. Let's be honest. Yeah. You know, so my grandmother had a place in Queens. There was a basement down there. And the boiler room was down. And, you know, and my father could always make the boiler work in hot water heaters.

So he'd have to buy a new one. Wait, smack it with something. Mm-hmm. I come down and hold the tools. So I would go down there. You know, we had the light and everything. So once he forgot something down, it was down to the boiler room. And I got shit scared down.

Yeah. To go get whatever he forgot, a wrench, whatever. And I went down and it was like the boiler was making noises and shit. So it wasn't like, you know, there was something there that scared me. Sure. And even the thought of it. Yeah. It's scary.

I got it. There's only one way to leave a basement that's sprinting up the steps. Yep. That's it. Mm. Have you ever saved a cigar box for storage? Shit, yeah. I still got them.

Yeah, you have. I still got. Yeah, you have. Varro Fuente Chateau Nacharral. I know I. Yeah. Yeah. There's like your passport, a book of matches in there, something.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. There's baseball cards in there too. I'm not throwing this away. Maybe one day. Uncle's Purple Heart. Yeah. That's fantastic.

Jerry Grody card. One of the old catcher for the meds. Ed Cranepool. You know, yeah, I got that. I got, I have a 1933 World's Fair can opener. I got my grandfather died. Damn. That's like before my cousin did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how I got. Yeah, that's in there. It was a run on the bank. For they fleeced a place. Yeah. This is a Andrew Schultz inspired question. What's your watch situation like?

My phone. Yeah. The watch? You don't do watches? I don't do watches. Any jewelry other than the wedding ring? This is my wedding ring. And this ring, my mother gave to my father when they got engaged.

Oh wow. And when he died, I took the ring and now that's my wedding ring. Nice. But that's it. I'm the same. I don't even wear a wedding ring. No? No, yeah.

I bought one for like nine bucks the night before we got married. And I was just like, I'm never going to wear that. Does your wife get angry at you? No, she doesn't care. She doesn't care. All right. Yeah, now that jewelry situation for me, even the wife doesn't, you know. Yeah.

She's got it. He said that was a little overzealous. She's got it. I got it. I got it for her. She's got it. I don't even wear it. Why am I?

It's a gore box. Yeah. All right. I got two from the Patreon. All right. So guys, as you know, when you join the Patreon, we will ask your garbage question on the air. This one's from Brian. My question is, do you or anyone in your family walk with a limp?

I did, yeah. You did? I did. For what? I just, when I was born, one of my legs had a catch up to the other one. Really? And it settled itself out? Yeah.

Well, I got it. You know, I had a lift in my shoe. Really? So I am. But yeah. No, I got the, I got the, I still got a little bit of lift. Really? Nice.

Not nice. Birth defect. That's gotta be worth some good. Kippy, we got him now. Yeah. What other injuries did you have when you were a kid? I did a lot. I broke my wrist three times.

Doing what? Once I fell off, you know, that boat that we had in the back, fell off of that, trying to pick a flower for my mother for Mother's Day. Bang! We're in the emergency room. Once I fell off the fence, Levittown, my cousin Scotty, lived right by the schoolyard. So you could, it was a big fence. Uh-huh.

9, 10-foot fence. Jumping fences. Jumping fences. Went over. Every, some kid of every group always gets hurt jumping a fence. Yeah. But every, every like, it was always in the summer and I always started the school year with a cast.

With a cast, yeah. Oh yeah. Did you ever save any of the casts? After you got around? For a while. And the smell. Because people sign them, they would always sign them. Especially in the summer.

Yeah. And then you got to hang it. Don't use the hanger. I'm using the freaking hanger. I would use a roller. I would get in with that. Yeah? Oh, the wooden ones?

Yeah. You fold up wooden ones? Yeah. So yeah, we'd save them for a while and then you go, because you know, your friends signed them. Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

Then you got the cast where you couldn't sign them, like the colorful ones. Yeah. Yeah. Like. They were always real fancy. They were like the kids when they got the. I had a glow in the dark one. Ah.

What? I had a glow in the dark. Well. Parachuting accident? Two years. Yeah. It's just what the bone wasn't healing. They were like, oh, they just kept trying.

On your arm? On my, on my, in my hand here. Okay. But they were like, if it doesn't work well, I'll try surgery. They end up having to have surgery. But I just kept, I had to get a new cast every like six weeks for like 18 months. Cast. Yeah.

So they were like, yeah. Were you like, were you like one of the early adopters? Yeah. Let's see if this works. Worst thing I was 25. Really? I was at parties with chicks. Like, you know, turn the lights off.

But that's like the kids that when they had braces, they got the colored rubber bands. Oh yeah. I remember that. Never had braces. No. No. No, no, no. I had that apply.

I mean, we talked about that, that appliance. It's like the night brace. No. It was a, it was a metal bar that ran from side to side across the roof of your mouth. And then your mom would have to put a key in there and turn it. Get the fuck out of here. It's like medieval. It's called a palette expander.

Crazy. And it pushed, you literally feel your skull cracking open every time. Oh my God. You got to turn it every day for like six months or something. Come here. Let me wind you. Dude, it was, it was. Hey, Frankenberry.

Yeah. Yeah. It was a fucking scene. I was a real cool kid. I don't know if you're picking up on that. Yikes. I got one more from the Patreon and then we can call it. Good.

This was from sideshowbub. Anyone in your family ever held back a grade? Yeah. Really? Yeah. You? No. Brothers?

No. Cousin. Cousin. I was like, he's a kid, but yeah. He's the thing with school. I'm not going back. What do I got to do to get through this? Yeah.

I was the same way. Let me get the fuck out of here. Let me get out of here. I want to go to work. I want to get out of here. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Adam Ferrara. Kippy, what are you thinking?

Come on. Yeah. What? Italian garbage. Yeah. He's trash. The kid's Long Island trash all the way. I mean, the boat is the, the boat with the Cadillac.

That's genetic. You can't come back from that. Your kids are going to have that. Yeah. Their kids are going to have to live with that. Yeah. Cadillac with the, that became a pickup truck. Yeah.

The lift in the foot, not to sound insensitive, but that put you over the top. Yeah. Right there. The fence. That's beautiful. The fence. Yeah. Your uncle fishing in the three piece suit.

Yeah. Your mom trying to make the, the, the macaroni on the fucking grill. Yeah. Yeah. Still saying you'd write your name in wet cement. Yeah. I mean. You wouldn't do that if you had the opportunity.

You know, you wouldn't break a stick off and just go. I'm trying to, I'm trying to be a gentleman. AYG baby. At AYG. That's what. Yeah. Buddy, thank you so much for coming and sitting down with us. Anything you guys, anything you want the folks out there?

Yeah. Later on. I will be at the Chicago improv. I have a hilarious and Cleveland coming up. Levita, you guys are going to be at McGooby's tour schedule. Go to adam4r.com. The Adam4r podcast. You can catch the episodes with both these.

Yeah. And I thank you for having me, my friend. Thank you buddy. And I love what you guys are doing. Thank you. This was absolutely amazing. It was absolutely fun. Thanks for going over all the, all the comedy stuff.

That was really cool. That was fantastic. Kippy, what do you got for him? At Cameron comedy on all social media. Then you know, patreon.com, YouTube, iTunes. There's merch available. And come check us out at a live show. Gang, we love you.

We'll see you next week. Peace.