Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Adam Friedland!

Episode Date: March 27, 2023

Kippy and Foley are joined by the hilarious Adam Friedland! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Blue Chew: https://www.get.bluechew.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Lucy: https://lucy.co Promo Code: Garbage Rocket Money: https://www.rocketmoney.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Quick tour update gang the state trashy tour is a cook and we're adding shows and we're coming to a city near you Bring the squad out and come see us. Yeah, baby. Plus. We got new digs Next week. We're going to be in oklahoma city dallas texas houston texas austin texas texas second show added there Then in april we're hitting new avon kinetic at burlington vermont new second shows added in both those cities What then we're going to tampiv florida second show added there There's dania beach florida riley north carolina louisville cleveland get your tickies now you snooze you lose see you out there Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals?

Or absolute trash Now here are your hosts kevin ryan and h foley Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast This is r u garbage. Oh, yeah It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that after group to be classy Dr. Just a big old piece of trash I'm your host h foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at tooties in a new edition, baby I know who to rich get richer. She is spending that cut a couple of papa john's gonna be opening up in the neighborhood soon

My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of r u garbage He is an international businessman and he's my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for kj kevin james ryan Hey, what's up gang? Thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you rate review subscribe on itunes full video available on youtube As you know those numbers are true Obviously, I don't have to say it in the presence of these guys the greatest website of all time www.patreon.com Check it the fuck out gang. It's a party over there fellow shareholders in the building And gang having a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire the magic man makes us all look good works

The ones the twos the threes the fours He crosses the t's dots the eyes and let's not forget. He's got that big old wee wee now You can get a peek at him ladies. Give it up for t-bone Mcscruffins. Toby Mcmallon everybody. Hey, what's up, dude? Look at him back there beautiful day out here. I love this dude. We got in here. He's gonna make me giggle for years Ain't fucking lion gang we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guests here with us today For the first time, of course, he is the host of the adam freeland show give it up for adam freeland everybody There he is the world famous Wow, you guys are real pros you guys are like fucking radio

I've been doing this shit for seven years. You guys have the catchphrases We go real morning. That was unreal I feel like i'm outclassed right now I feel like the new boys of like it's like uh when the like the kids in the wire they like come in and like Take over the corners. You're like marlowe's crew It's like when frank lucas gets out of jail in the 90s. What the fuck happened in new york? What's going on with these new these new kids? Why these bitches shaving their pussies? A couple of young guns come in. It's gay to eat pussy

I don't trust it. Yeah, buddy. Thanks for sitting down with us. Yeah, thanks for having me guys I know you're a busy man. You know what's going on on this on this new setup. Thank you, brother. Appreciate it I can't stop looking at this picture of you and Yeah, he's gonna take a run at you. I don't like it. I don't like it. Wiped me up. He's looking right at me He's looking directly at me the the eyes follow you wherever you go It's really for lunch meat or something. Jesus christ. I feel like that picture is gonna pass me I feel like she's gonna give me a swirly make out with your girlfriend Is it a finger pop my girlfriend?

This is what you get for being a nerd It's all pussy. It's up friedling dork Pusha has your sister doing She's all right You fucked it. Damn, dude. Just be good to her. Give us the backstory, dude. What's the scoop where you're from? I'm from Vegas That's crazy. Yeah, not a lot of people shocked off the jump local like born and raised. Yeah, I was born in LA Really? San Monica. Yeah See and I'm on the wikipedia page

Uh-huh for the hospital. I was born at no shit Yeah, so like the only time my dad came even close to saying he's proud of me You saw my someone told me told him my name was on the wikipedia. It's like I can't believe as like notable births Yeah notable birth number two Who else is on there? Santa Monica's got to be a couple of people. You'll patch your carousel probably somebody I don't know st. John's hospital. Hold on. So you're born in Santa Monica. I'm born in Santa Monica. My parents My parents were my dad was on a list The enemy's list of the apartheid regime in south africa and that they wanted to send him to angola

They wanted to send my dad to angola to the civil war right after my parents got married so they had to come to America So he got out what it getting was good. What the getting was good So they didn't have to go to the blood bath in angola parents are south africa My parents are south we're south african jews and as they were often told they were like is if it wasn't for the blicks It would be you Sounds like a real good time Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, no, my yeah, my my family was there for like two generations One and a half generations really and what does your mom and dad do?

My mom is a dead woman and my dad is how long she'd been doing that? Uh, three years now. Your mom passed away three years ago. She loves it. Um, yeah, she passed away three years ago. I'm sorry She was like, uh, she my dad's an architect. Okay. Yeah So your dad's an architect and then then my family lost all their money when I was four Never That's why we went to vegas. Yeah, what was what happened make it all back bad deal What happened? No, they thought because it was like the fastest growing city in america And then it's just it's kind of they kind of hated it. So what happened? Give us a scoop

Uh, the savings and loan crisis in 1991 something California. My dad was an architect So he was designing houses in the san fernando valley Okay, and then he hates the republicans because he blames the republicans for it. He thinks it's reagan's fault I would never say that. I would never say that about a great man. I would never say I was I was born 1987 and I I do take pride in the fact that I was born at the end of the reagan Yeah, man, I I slept good at night as a little kid I was like, thank god I just know that you got another guy on the other end of the phone if something's gonna happen

Got the big dog All right. Well, I guess you're gonna nuke them all. I guess at the end Hey, you course just dropped the reagan at the end. He was just gone. He was just fully gone mentally. Yeah, and um No, isn't though. What are we all right? We had already beat the russians. I mean, I guess it's whatever but um I guess nancy. I just found this out had a psychic Who is making like state decisions? No shit straight up. Yeah, she had a psychic who was like changing like the times and dates of like state functions and like Based upon the premonition or whatever based upon like, yeah, I don't know the yikes really

Yeah, the I like the cocktail from what I understand. I also like the oral sex as well They said she was the super head of hollywood. Yeah, no shit. Yeah How about tour? How do you know that? It comes out. It comes out literally every four years on twitter where they're like, did you know nancy reagan was a Was a throat goat. Yeah, and then um You gotta get on twitter. You gotta get on twitter. Every four years There's a day on twitter where everyone's like, I can't believe it, but it's just like, I don't know It's like the thing. It's like cosby being a rapist. It was like every four years

Everyone would be like and then finally Hannibal said it and that's that it costs. Yeah, finally finally Finally the federal government decided once Hannibal Finally the government took over. Hey, maybe something's going on Um Federal investigation, but yeah, really? She she shlobbed all of hollywood. Sinatra this and that and the other thing She used to go all documented. She said, uh, I think she used to go into like hollywood executives offices And uh guck give them the guck guck really guck them. We're not gonna have any this commie talk here

She was a great woman. That's what that's what castro wants you to think. Yeah Yeah, this is all propaganda. Yeah, it's pretty cool that she sucked her way up there Uh to the top, you know, hey, I guess women have been doing that. I've been trying to do it for fucking a decade I can't do that anywhere. I'll be blaming Ronnie Riggs for your dad making bad investments. Let's go. No, no, no So, um, god damn american here. Yeah, so that happened and then we moved to vegas Was it a significant downgrade? Well, my parents my parents were d-class. So I I kind of They kind of still They kind of still thought that they were rich rich and I was like, we're not like we're not

Which is the class which is like I kind of I had some of that growing up But I was like I was like, why are you judging people that are like living in the same apartment complex? Oh, right. So it made me really have shits creek have disdain for well for wealth Yeah, especially like, you know, I remember the night before I moved to new york might I call my dad And I was like, I'm gonna be a comedy star He was like, you're gonna fail and I was like, why and he's like, we don't have connections in show business And I then I realized that he was absolutely right You don't happen to know ernie hudson. They're a ton of there are a ton of people. I was like, you have to just be the best

I was like, it's like, uh, it's a meritocracy And then there I got here and there were a ton of people who yeah, I'll be able to stay care. We're doing well Don't No, no, no, you guys built this from you built this temple from the ground up. Hold on back this up. My dad owns g Jack welsh good friend of mine. Um Hold on any brothers and sisters younger sister. Yeah, how old Four years younger to the day So you guys grew up together same birthday grew up together. All right

And then so you're living in Santa Monica until when how old are you when you move? We moved we'll move back to south africa for a year It did after mondela got out And then because my parents ran out of money. So we had to go back there No, and then because because of the apartheid might they couldn't get like all their money out because they just had to leave So they had they still had a little bit of money there. So we live there for a year and a half I learned how to swim there. So you're pulled on your parents are over there. That's a weird fact It was really it was also tried pickles for the first time

No, no, it was like it was a traumatic experience. My parents took me to this woman I still remember her name lora something and she was just this woman wearing jeans and wearing like fishing galoshes And her philosophy on teaching a four-year-old how to swim was um, uh, Survival in throw you in. Yeah, that's big Throw you Yeah, she's like just getting bullied my dad was like listen to her listen to her. It was a high school. She knows how to swim Where'd she do this in a pool or in the ocean? It was like an indoor pool. I still remember it was like one of my first memories I wasn't great

That panic sets it. Yeah, could you apparently you could do it when a kid is like a baby? Yeah, it's instinctual They're like a womb. Yeah. Yeah, but if you're for you're like, I'm gonna die I know what dying is Yeah, I know what dying is. It's scary to die. Yeah, sure. Yeah, wait. Hold on. So you live in Santa Monica The the loan crisis hits. I don't know. Yeah, my parents or my dad had like a He was like building how like designing house designing gotcha and then that went south Did you guys live in a nice house? I don't know. Yeah, Monica No, we had like a like a town house like okay, okay, you know

It was nice and the thing with South Africa. He you got out of there because they were gonna they were gonna I wasn't there into the army. Yeah, they wanted to send my dad My dad was like a hippie in high school. Okay, so they found out he really thought he was a hippie But they they found out he did a humanitarian relief project in swaziland Or losota one of the there are these two tiny countries in the middle of south africa one of the two I forgot and then he was on a list and then they were like, oh, you've been selected for a Reserves program so we could call you up for any time in the next 30 years To the military so he went to college in london

Got out studied architecture and then came back and met my mom And then they got married and then they try to send him to angola and he got the fuck out My dad, you know, my dad's a real jane fonda, you know, he's a real He's a real deserter. Yeah, he's a real But then he went back you went back there. Then we went after money He left the fucking scores. Was there any worry that he was gonna get back when he was there or was it all cooled down then? No, mandela got out so it was like the new country was starting Okay, and then mandela spoke at my grandma's synagogue. Really?

Yeah, and she was like tell you he was like tell your kids to come back because their whole generation like jewish Got the fuck out. Yeah, they're like tell them to come back. We want we want to build this new country with them too And then uh, so then yeah, we're there for you back and try to drown you Yeah, no, no, it was a fucking setup. It was a white lady But my grandma still lives there. She lives in capedown. Yeah, okay And so I just went in january to see her and she's she's also the throat the throat of South africa your grandma. She's my my grandma. Yeah the whole team the whole squad No, no, uh, she's a good lady. I don't know why I said that in public

She's a very nice woman. She's divorced Okay, yeah, and what was vegas like? Um apartment complex. How many bedrooms you have to share a room close to like the strip But we talked two bedrooms me and my sister share a room and then we got when I was 14 We got a house. Okay, and like a like tracked housing like uh, how close to the strip So it's all like it's like you have you seen the show weeds? Yeah, so it's like all like um all the houses look the same. Okay, so it's all like a cookie cutter Yeah suburban development. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like the southwest has a lot of places like that

So like phoenix is like that. Sure. I got you. All right. Yeah. Yeah, and like orange county is like that too and like, okay um So, yeah, so we're like 30 minutes from the strip. I mean, it's 30 minutes from anything anywhere down there but vegas vegas was like, uh I don't know. Yeah, it was like, uh I don't know. It was like a weird place to grow up. Yeah, do you go to public school private school public school public school What was your parents doing when you were there? Was he still my dad as an architect? No, my dad was uh, he had like a company for a bit and then he didn't he he was like, uh

Eventually he started a magazine with my mom. This was after I love this was after I graduated high school started a magazine college Yeah, they started a jewish magazine together Las Vegas. Yeah Jewish illustrated. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, the this was not like, uh, like local stuff or like just yeah, it was like arts and culture and I don't know Yeah, and then the 10 like just like, um real nasty centerfolds And just Real spread eagle shit. Yeah. Yeah. Just like spread it

this situation, you know this thing just just uh, you know Gloria Miss July Irva Fleischman Look out Yikes, just really just no no, uh editing just real raw Of the time I think it's called. We're not doing that airbrush bullshit. Just a lot. Yeah, cinema verite Give me a real feel. Yeah, I like no touch up work. Yeah

And then where'd you go to college and then I went to school in dc um and I didn't visit before I went there, but they gave me a lot of money because I I got good grades What was what your so you were a good student in high school? I was it I cheated a lot. I respect that I was a cheater Yeah, yeah, my parents wanted a's so then I was like then I'll just Try to do the least amount of work to get the a's I respect it

So I learned how to well I taught myself how to cheat in middle school. Yeah, because I was like, it's just a game You just did you have any any good any any big Tactic that you use that you were oh your system. There were a lot of different systems. Yeah I found out that Well amazon.com was pretty new at the time I found out a lot of teachers were just Like copying like zeroxing The quizzes from the teacher's guide

So then I would just buy those That's pretty we have all the answers I mean, but I was still like I'd still like take You know the test at the end and be good, but I was just like it's not worth I didn't know that you're supposed to like edge be educated. I got you learn. Yeah, I'm just trying to get the score You're just trying to get the score. Yeah Jewish I got the high school. Very Vegas. I got the point. I got them. I thought you wanted the point

Any sports in high school I played I played baseball Up until ninth grade and then Freshman ball is like when you start going to the gym and my body hadn't changed yet. So I just couldn't do the weight room and so yeah, my body was I Can't cheat in the gym. I was a bit of I was a bit of a weight blooper. I didn't have pubes I didn't have a full bush. I'll say a ninth grade. They have a full There was a few stragglers, but yeah, okay. What was the high school mascot? We I went to a magnet high school

What does that mean? It's I don't know. You have to like take a test to get it. Okay. And smart kid Yeah, but like cheating cheating. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I just know it's like, you know, if I wouldn't be able to I wanted to go to law school. That was like my plan and I got into law school before I started in comedy Nice, but then I went to school in DC. What school in DC? GW. Ah, good school. I hated it Really? Yeah, it's just like some of the dumbest like Like new money tri-state area kids. Okay. Yeah, Ed Hardy was very popular in those days. Sure And like everyone everyone like kids had their parents like American Express black cards and stuff

That's crazy. And I was like, I just got it. You're right. I graduated in three years. I I got out early. Damn. Look at you Because I took um Summer cuz I was like a nerd. No, no, I like college. No, you couldn't cheat. Well, I did Not a little bit, but like no, I just I I realized I wanted to learn and you were in pre-law at the time I did uh politics. I did uh international politics. Really? Yeah, it was bullshit. Smart kid. No, no It just sounds smart I don't know like a minus probably and what you do that's the points What'd you do in the sat's I did all right, I think ours was out of 1600 so I got 14

What is that good you guys still remember? You did eight seven. Is that for your name? That's what you get for your name That's what you got. Dude, look at that cte. Look at that cte stare Jesus Christ is jovan belcher over there Was that guy the kris ben wanto the kansas city chiefs? That's the saddest story ever The guy who like killed his girlfriend that went to andy reed's office and committed suicide Andy reed is like um, Andy fad has read. I know he is. Well, you guys are philly boys. No, they used to call him on the sports radio

He's like, uh, you know kelsey grammar. He like only knows tragedy in his life. Yes Andy reed is the same. He's like sons. He's sons of kill kids Fucking yeah, this guy that was like had like advanced cte like kills his girlfriend Maybe they they're infant child and then goes to andy reed's office. Can you imagine a fat jolly old andy reed just watching? Hey, what's going on? What's going on? Boom, he does like state farm commercials now. Yeah, I mean he's just like kelsey He's like apparently kelsey grammar everyone. He's ever loved his dad Yeah, he went through a real tough time and he's just like he was apparently on the set of frasier

And he was just a like a drug like a stupor like Like this and then they say actually it'd be like no, I was like, I can't believe I saw that exact interview with the guy I think it was uh, matt williams or somebody like that. It was some famous, uh, hollywood writer that told that story Yeah, yeah, yeah, he would just snap into it. It'd be all fucked up and then just snap into it. Yeah Fucking professional Kim, let's talk about blue chew knock knock who's there my heart on let's go Listen Let's be honest. Uh-huh. All right. You study. I'm fucking 400 pounds. You start getting older

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L u c y dot co and use promo code garbage to get 20 off your first order shipping is always free. That's lucy l u c y dot co Promo code garbage to receive 20 off and always free shipping lucy products are only For adults of legal age in every order is age verified warning. This product contains nicotine nicotine is an addictive chemical Back to the Friedland. Yeah I've never really I've never really talked this much about I mean like on come town. We just say that my dad was like rollerblading Which I don't want to take away from no, this is like I don't know this feels this feels like like inside the actor studio

What was the family vacation like growing up we just go to our grandparents house in in San Diego We just go to our grandparents house. Really? Yes. It was they had a pool. I guess I don't know was your mom from South Africa, too But both my parents from Cape Town. Yeah How did so one set of grandparents your dad's grandparents stayed and my dad's mom stayed his parents were divorced But everyone else everyone came to the states everyone split everyone came to the states Yeah, southern california. So you had grandparents. Did you have extended family in southern california as well? Yeah, like San Diego la. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we had cousins my parents were the first to come over and then everyone basically followed Really? Yeah. Yeah. Nice. They like I mean it's like southern california is kind of like Cape Town. It's like

This is is that true. This is apartheid No, I mean, it's just there's the beach, you know, you can cut that that's boring Why'd I say that? You know, it's fantastic. The weather the weather is very comparable. They like sydney and LA Um, yeah, so I don't know. So yeah, but if growing up in Vegas was weird I mean, I remember when there were kids We used to do weed and stuff and then I remember kids you started doing meth That's a big jump. And I was like, I remember we were just no like like the white trash girls in high school like senior year We're doing meth and I was like, we're just kids. Why are we doing this?

We're just kids. Yeah. I mean, it's just like middle america. It was pretty boring Sure, and I remember also that there's like Girls like senior year you could start dancing you could start uh stripping at 18 So they'd be in our class, but also strippers and I'd be like, wow, but Are you still waiting on the pubes to come back? It's weird. Come on. I didn't even think of that. That's crazy I remember there was that one girl that started dancing and then a bunch of kids in my class went to go see your dance Of course in retrospect. That's

It's really fucked up. It's fucked up. Just a bunch of guys be like, ah Man, it's kind of a weird place to grow up. I can imagine Um, but I kind of like it now. I kind of like being from like a weird place Does your dad still live there? My dad still lives there. Yeah. Yeah. It's the same house you grew up in same house. He's got to move Okay, I told him the downsides. He's our family home, but whatever. What was uh, what was the grocery store that you guys went to out there? Just uh, albertson's just Yeah, do you have albertsons out here?

It's albertson's akmi It's like that's like the east coast version of vons and albertsons is where we go and smith's Yeah, just the regular ones Okay, which is the deli counter What uh, what kind of car were your parents whipping around in my dad? We had the We had I remember during the firestone tire incident. We had a forward explorer. We almost died Wait, what was the firestone? Do you remember that all the tires on forward explorers were? Yeah. Yeah, we're exploding And everyone had that car everyone everyone in america had that car

Yeah, I remember being like a child like eight or seven just like petrified that the car was going to explode Yeah, it was like, yeah, we had one of those and then my mom had a Honda. Okay. Yeah, respectable Was a pet situation a cord what a pet pet no pets. No pets at all. No, they make a mess. Yeah, really My parents are neat freaks. Yeah, huh? Yeah. Yeah, okay. They keep saying they keep lying like they get us a pet Look, oh, if you do like good as if you're a good boy, you'll get one of them Never got a liar. Haha. You flying second. Shit. I got a pet though I got a pet though as a revenge as an adult What'd you get cat a murder dog? I got a pit bull from best

Really? Do you have it now? Yeah, you do you got a founder on the street? No shit. Yeah, her name is isis No, no, her name was I said no no is a guy was giving her away on the street Yeah, he was like I was breeding her at my grandma's house to to give birth to fighting dogs But no, she now she's homeless. So she was like a sad. She was like a teen whore Who got knocked up and then she was like my puppies were taken away from me. You took her off the street Yeah, I made a made a made a made a hoe into a house. There you go. But now she's like lives with a Jewish guy So she's like thinks she is in a comfortable place in life because she pulled herself up by her boots Sure driving around in Mercedes passion judge. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She thinks she's better than everyone else

But she just found a nice man. Uh-huh a nice Jewish guy wish boy to take care of her It does look pretty funny for me to be walking around with like a murder weapon on like just Just Just for me like just me just walking around brooklyn People out with you. She was like spikes around her collar or something like that. No, but she got in a terrible terrible fight Whatever has got her terrible fight like, um like bloody gory fight and then like

Well, I lived in like clinton hill in brooklyn So like you know, it was all these like white people like did make it stop like I don't know like what? I didn't make it stop and I was like, I don't know. I've never had dogs. I just got this dog a week ago I just found it. I don't know and then like there was like a like a bagger vance like a ghost appeared And he was like you want to get them to stop fighting you put a you put a thing your finger in the dogs I asked and I did it and then she like oh immediately. No shit, which is gray. I didn't know that then he disappeared Then he went back. He went back to the antebellum south You want to get them boys to stop their dog. It hurt. What did the other dog get hurt?

The other dog was bigger than her and also people and also fucked with her But she got she's very she was scared and defensive and then and then she she snapped Did the other couple start beef with you? I mean the no, it was fine. Okay. Yeah, I guess I was like I'll pay for your Your dog's funeral, but I think the other dog was fine. I think I'll come by and do a song. Yeah, I'll play a song on acoustic. I'll play a uh A kettle in the wind

Goodbye Yeah, so, um, how about you was it get any injuries? No, it's too safe too too too careful. Have you ever broken any bones? It's my pinky toe Really vulnerable times just hitting it on the corner of the coffee table got you just indoor tough guy I got my I got my heart broken I wear it on my sleeve. I they they put me on the dl for a broken heart. I was dating back That's all right. Yeah zero pussy till 18. What else you got?

Any more brain busters? All right. What else you got ever been arrested as a kid? I got pulled over for marijuana and my dad had to pick me up It was bullshit That guy was a that guy's a dick at that cop Vegas cop He was a fucking highway patrolman out of jurisdiction on the surface streets And he actually didn't see the weed at all that's law school. He saw that I got he saw that I got a fucking I had a hookah. I was going over my boy's house to smoke hookah And uh, he's like, I know what weed like he's like, I know what that is. That's a bong

No, but I was so high when I was right so high and then um Yeah, so then he saw it He was like, I know what that is and he made me do like a field sobriety, but I was just I wasn't drunk So I was like passing everything And then yeah, but then my dad had to pick me up and tell me that I don't know that our That his immigration wasn't worth it And then I'm a bad boy. You know what I got on what I got riding on the line here

I could have been working on the front lines right now. It's a dealing with you. All right first concert um I went with my parents when we lived in South Africa when I was a little kid We went to go see Paul Simon. Whoa That's when he was doing wait that like epic Paul Simon. Oh, no shit. Yeah with lady smith black mombasa Damn, I was a little kid. I've seen footage of that. I had a piss the whole time I remember and they were like shut up. Stop. I remember I kept getting it. I would get in trouble all I would get in trouble and then try to argue my way out. I was one of those kind of fuckers. I was a little bastard

um but then to my first concert like I think I went to like a like ska concert Like no name bands. I saw this band the toasters and the aqua bat I feel embarrassed. I I'm only embarrassed to say this because a fucking Ian acts like it's still good like good music Because he's like trapped in childhood He told me when I we got Ernie Hudson on the show. He's like, I have a proton pack

And I'd love to take a picture with Ernie. I was like Ian grow up What are you looking at a four-year-old? There's something that's keeping him there. Man. How sick of that shit is Ernie Hudson, do you think? I asked him. I asked him. Who you gonna call Ernie? I asked him on the show. I was like, what are you? You must be sick of nerds I was like, you're a cool guy. You got these freaking nerds coming up to you like your whole life probably And he's like they're not they're nice people and I was like, no, they suck. Yeah, give us the dirt here He said he went to dinner with some couple and the the husband

Converted a Cadillac into the Ghostbuster Mobile and his wife had to go to the fucking grocery store and shit Driving that shit. Yeah. I was like, that's that's all move. I like the Ghostbusters, but that's going pretty far No, that's just like that guy suffered a horrific trauma Around the time Ghostbusters came out And he is frozen He is frozen. Yeah, you gotta describe him by childhood All right, let's see, uh, how old were you the first time you had lobster? Oh, I don't know an adult probably

Lobster? No. Yeah, probably an adult. Yeah. Do you have milk with dinner growing up? No. No, that's for non-jews Yeah, yeah I remember I had Mormon friends in high school and they had Kings Hawaiian rolls at their house I was like, I was like non-jews have the best food Which I just ate like a hundred Kings Hawaiian. They're so good. They're so good I had very solid a holla bread. Yeah, it is like a brioche. Yeah, the thing sweet Yeah, very nice Kings Hawaiian. I agree. There are a lot of Mormons in Vegas. I grew up with a lot of Mormons. Yeah Um, were you guys practicing?

Uh, Jewish or just like culturally, I mean, I got a bar mitzvah and stuff. Yeah, I mean, yeah, pull it on the bar mitzvah Uh cash wise That shit was stolen. Your parents took it. My parents are like, oh, we're putting this away for your future. Never. Yeah All right, I respect that That's a that's a very catholic move right there. I'm I've never seen that. We have communion on our side We never see a dime of that money. Oh my god. That's a great usually clean up That's a that the ones whose parents do you remember what you pulled in though?

I don't remember at all 10 g's 5 g's. I don't remember Literally, I do not remember that like literally the checks just went in the drawer. Damn. I don't thank you very much That's made out to your dad. I mean, my friend's like my friend david He his parents were like in the sub prime Uh, griff, okay In growing up in Vegas. He had his bar mitzvah. He got a white tuxedo with tails Pretty sweet and he had it at the four seasons and his mom and dad got him like motivational dancers So like like sexy girls to dance with like a 13 year old really that was big in the bar mitzvah

They got it. They literally got us like hordes But just a 13 year old jewish boy. So chick from your school. This is the best night of my life. No adult women 24 year old chicks that were down and out like dancing for us No, I got hot. They didn't get a 1400 in the sat's I'll tell you that much I'm so diamond. Can I get you some more punch? Yeah, yeah, it was a weird place to grow up. Okay. Um, hmm How many suits do you own? um

Well, I have one that I wear on the show that's my dad's old suit Okay from he got it in the 80s. I think Um, and then I think I have a blue one. I have two other ones. Okay. Can you tie a tie? Yeah, for sure I did speech and debate in high school. So I had to learn how to look at you. Yeah, I didn't learn until After college probably yeah Until you try to get your kids back to I defended myself in traffic till man had died

Uh, what was the job situation growing up? Did you have any jobs pizza place or anything like that? I I know I worked in uh I like would work at like summer camp I worked at summer camp like for little kids when I was like, uh Between the summers, but I would go to jewish summer camp to get pussy because I wasn't getting pussy in regular high school So I'd go there start closing deals and then girls would girls would jay me. Oh, really? Yeah. Were you getting late at summer camp? Yeah, it's a completely different hierarchy. No kidding. You can't imagine how

Free you feel to play basketball Just like so much heart Just like my entire soul you're coming down the core calling out play just like yeah, just like You got your confidence. Swish swish swish. I saw I saw just out of general population. It's incredible Basket was four feet. It is incredible Everyone's yamming The passion on display. All right. I respect tears in my eyes absolute masterclass

Jordan flesh Kepp let's talk about rocket money rocket money Let's talk about getting jammed up with a bunch of subscriptions that you don't even fucking know about and they're still coming at you Taking money out of your checking account. That's how to get you could be using for all different kinds of things Rocket money's about to put the clamp on that and as you know, rocket money Formerly known as true bill they go to check your subscriptions. You can 86 them right there. It's a good time Yeah, it's all in one place. You can cancel what you don't need to get rid of Uh, the cat snack box you signed up for eight months ago. You the ramen of the month subscription

Whatever you got you might keep that one You save yourself a ton of cash I did I found out I was I was subscribed to some movie thing that I signed up for once about 18 months ago And they've been fucking went and they're beat the whole time safe t-bone a couple of bucks too I know To end the subscription just press cancel rocket money takes care and arrest no need to log in sign ambidee bida boop You get rid of useless subscriptions with rocket money now go to rocket money.com slash garbage Seriously, it could save you hundreds of dollars a year and who don't need a couple of bucks and they're fucking day in age

That's rocket money.com slash garbage cancel your unnecessary subscriptions right now rocket money.com slash garbage now back to the show Back to the show Uh, huh any time shares in the family? Uh, I don't know What is a time share you own a part of a house? Yeah, you like you get a house twice a twice a year I think my grandparents had one at some point. They were big back in the 80s and 90s. They're still kind of big It was like a scam, right? Kind it's not not a scam you go and then they say, oh, we'll give you like a free you go

Yeah, you go, uh, hey come you just have a free weekend. You just have to listen to this three-hour pitch Yeah, yeah, and then you go and then it's like hey for 800 bucks A year or whatever you get to use this place twice a twice a year I'll say this there's a lot of lawyers now that advertise if you're jammed up in a timeshare call me and I get you out Yeah, yeah, so it was predatory. Yeah, it was like put it on a credit card. Yeah like that kind of show. Yeah. Yeah What's the mayo situation helman's? Helmets helmets. Yeah, Costco. We're Costco everything your Costco family Vegas sure Makes sense. Uh, anyone in your family still have an aol email address. No

No fast No, my no, okay. Okay ever have quail eggs I've had them. Yeah. Yeah, I've had them my girlfriend. My girlfriend is uh She cooks good. She cooks like she's like gourmet. Really? She does really nice stuff respectable gourmet. All right. She's hot She jays me out I met her at camp Duncan she's barely Jewish Uh, you got you ever buy any products as seen on tv? I

Wanted I I for some reason I wanted the four mangroves so bad. You didn't have one. No. No. No. No. No No, we got one. We got one. We got one, but I would watch it on tv and I'd be like dad. You're a fucking loser Like you're a fucking idiot. I was like it knocks out the fat What's wrong with you? I was like, what is wrong with you? Yeah, like this is this will be good for our family I don't know why I was like us together. I wanted the formant grill so bad It was a game changer the showtime rotisserie never hit like that for me. Really are you a roto guy? You like a rotisserie chicken? I just like that guy ron popey

Of course, we talk about it all the time You do you still kicking ronko dude. Yeah, we just did a whole we just did a whole picture on episode pretty much on Really? Dude sold fucking merch worth a couple hundred million at ron popeal. What a guy. What a guy. What a life It's an american dream right now. What a life. He always said that dumb broad would have a couldn't figure anything out Yeah, there was always someone juggling stuck in the curbs or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, those idiots those women No, these women. Uh, have you ever gone ghost hunting? No Okay, come on. Have you ever you don't believe in ghosts? Jews? No, nothing. No, I mean

You know Hey bar mitzvah, they tell you hey listen There's no ghost if you give me 12. No, there's no ghost. No ghosts I remember my parents told me there was like by the way, you know, because I'd watch everyone's so happy at christmas Now I do christmas with my girlfriend's family Really a whole lot they say and I was like I was like everyone looks so happy guys Like this sucks and they were like there's no santa No, pull the aside. I just fucking tell all your fucking friends. There's no sin gave you a real deal. That's diabolical

Jesus, whatever. Would you guys go to the movies on christmas day? Uh, yeah, I think so go to the movies get a little chinese. I think we'd go to the movies. Yeah, all right That's pretty classy. I remember me and my friend in high school We used to do the deal where you get like a 11 a and matinee you see like four movies. Yeah, that was the best day Yeah, I kind of missed those times always jealous of it not a thing to do There's there's so nice. You just check the newspaper for the the show times We're gonna hit crouching tiger. Then we're gonna hit, you know, whatever sure soul plane. There you go Double-header great movie. Uh, do you sneak snacks into the movie theater? Of course. Yeah

Do you stop at snacks or where you go crazy? We take food in we take backpack tupperwares Really? Really? Yeah, we're bad boys No, I mean we're just broke high school kids and we'd like steal food from our moms Will you do that now though? No, come on. Do you steal now? Will you take something from the airport? CVS Dwayne reed sometimes at the airport sometimes at the airport just to feel Yeah, just to feel everybody does it man Everyone but it's just free. That's the rule, right? I think man. I think I worry about getting jammed up by tsa. That's not any tsa

After tsa, I don't know who who's also you're afraid of a guy in tsa. Who's jurist? I don't want to get jammed up and not get on the flight You're out of jurisdiction This is international waters. It's international terminal. God damn it. Do you have a hook on you? Uh, have you ever bought or sold anything on craigslist? Oh, yeah, for sure. Really? Would you sell and door by so many things? Really? That was a big Big platform for me. I remember in college. We were in a dorm that they had a tv in And the tv was half broken And we sold the college's property

And bought a nicer tv. No, that's all right I like that. That's a nice scam people are doing that now with the monitors at like mcdonald's and taco bell Are they they're selling them as tv's and you get it to the house and it just says It's like just has the menu on it. It's like it's a hard wire to the like it's hard wire Where whatever you have to hack it. Yeah, so you plug it in and it's just like the fucking dollar man That is so good. I wouldn't mind. I love that show. I love that show That is a good restaurant. Have you ever owned sketchers? No, come on Have you? I'm trying to get a light

What are those that you're rocking right now? Yeah, it's like those are the Birkin's dogs. I got them for Christmas from my girlfriend's mom There you go. I celebrate Christmas now by the way. Do you do a tree at the house? We had one. We had a mini tree last year. I I it is it is so it is so good. Christmas is all right I've only had it for like three years. It is it is the best thing ever. Yeah, it's a good time I was so jealous of him my whole life. It's a good time. I remember it's like my first one I was the night like 33 years old in bed like I can't wait to wake up for presents

So fucking awesome tomorrow see this fat motherfucker speaking in Did you get Hanukkah presents growing up? I got like a check on like day one. I'd get like a check for like $25 or something and then I don't know where I put out Why don't you sign this over to me? I'll deposit it for you Don't feel bad. I'm telling you I was always jealous of my jewish friends that went out and went to the movies and I Chinese food on I mean, that's a nice day. It's a good time But I did that more in like after I moved here to new york Okay, yeah, I've lived here for like eight years, but

That it's that week in new york is the best. It's awesome. It's fucking awesome Like for christmas to new york's because the city is like half empty. Yeah, it's kind of shut down But there's like a really nice vibe. Yeah, everyone's yeah. Yeah, everyone. Hey, how you doing a little bit every bar is like Half full and yeah the best night decorations up the lights and stuff. It's really really great week here. They do shabby I love it might be honest something Ever break out the acoustic guitar in a party Yes, yeah You have a go-to song you would play

You stink Really not at a party explicitly. Yeah, but I kind of You've shown off you've shown a girl. Yeah, or maybe like a couple girls I mean not for a while. Yeah I really love to can you play well? No, but I love I love to play And see do you have an acoustic guitar at your house now? Is it out like like on a stand? Uh, I I have two guitars. Yeah. Do any of them on the wall? No, no, come on. That's that's tacky

Wait, who's not new money? Eddie Van Halen I have it on the wall. What is this a hard rock cafe? That's pretty good. Why would I have it on them? Let me ask you this If someone not extremely close to you, but an associate if one of us if we if we a capo reggiano, what do you mean an associate? What do you mean the fucking an associate not like a super tight someone you may and may not know Okay, let's say let's say you and I run into each other at one of the clubs And if I had a booger or bad breath, would you tell me?

Probably good. Good man. We're guys. All right guys. We're dudes. We're men. I respect guys act, right? Thank you Yeah, you got a fucking booger on your face. I like it. I like your dick is hanging out of your pants Come on. I mean we're fellas no judgment. Uh, anyone in your family have a standalone hot tub Just a hot tub. We do really do we had one in our backyard. No kidding in high school. Yeah Was it always operational? No. Yeah, right? It always falls in the late night. My dad was like, I'm gonna get it right this year It's the same house. So is it still there? It's still there. Just still work. No, it's just I remember I when I got my first one of my first girlfriends. I try to have froggy style sex in it What's froggy style sex? You know in the pool just in the tub. All right

more of a bad moment myself A lot of flies are out. You guys don't you find your lily pad? You guys have never had froggy style I never heard it. He said it and you co-starred. I'm like, what am I, a brood? You know, I assume you've been having sex in the hot tub. Just clarifying there's a lot of people out there listening. And I also assume he wasn't very good at sex called it froggy style. Dude, a dog should have sex. Oh, terrified of sex. Oh, I still am I think I'm less scared but still bad Will you get a burger at a Mexican restaurant? No, I'd recommend it. They're always fucking a home

I'd like to sit down at a sit down Mexican restaurant. Yes, okay If they have like a burger with like, it's always a home run But what kind of patty because I have a very specific philosophy on burgers Lay it on it. I don't like a restaurant patty. I don't like a thick patty Really? I don't disagree with you. I like, uh Are you a smash burger guy? I like a potato bun, minimal toppings American cheese, potato bun, yeah, like a flat patty and uh, maybe white onion Okay, then minimal. Yeah, I don't like, uh, like a fucking aioli

Dude, keep it simple. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I think that's a way better burger Maybe you are Jewish I don't like, I don't like, I just want a little raw onion I just, I mean, I used to go to fucking apple bees and chilies with my family growing up And that was the, that was the kind of burger you get. You get the restaurant burger Yeah, the pat, the fucking bun, the bottom bun never, the bottom bun never lasts It's just, it never works. No, well, here's the thing I'm furious right now. Here's the thing. If you are, say you're, you have that restaurant style burger

You're in an apple bees, you're eating good in the neighborhood, whatever it is, you know You take the bite, do you place it back down on the bottom? Or do you invert it and sit it on the top? That's smart You go, that's smart. I never even thought about it Yeah, and do you cut the structural integrity of the bottom bun? Do you cut your burger in half? You cut it in half You do?

I do, gently I copied my dad That cuts it in half My dad is, he's a real thoppish dandy I like He has some pinky up cuts in half All right, I'm gonna give you that Try the Mexican burger, tell me it's phenomenal

I'll try it, I'll try it How, how many? I love a table side guacamole That, that is a real pleasure in life When they hook it up at the table Seeing a guy make you a guacamole, you feel like a real prince They got the mortar and pestle out You feel like, oh my god

You're like, oh my god, I'm the queen of England right now More salsa I end up saying thank you 12 times I say thank you, I say thank you Put tomatoes, oh thank you I say thank you No, I'm always like, I act surprised I'm always like, what?

I would hate to do that You gotta be on your game all the time But it really is a nice feeling Real, it is You feel fancy You feel really fancy Yeah, that and the Caesar salad When they do the Caesar salad

I feel like a captain of industry Yeah I like the Caesar salad at the table Clean living How many emails would you say you get a week? Oh, like, like, like from like a Me being on a not unsubscribing from things? Yes

I have like 5,000 unread I'm a mess My email's a mess right now But it's all because I just don't unsubscribe Like I just like The fucking New York Times won't leave me alone They got a lot of balls too When you go to look at something

And they say you gotta sign up for that Give me a fucking break Let me take a peek at the article How many email addresses do you have? I try to keep it to one Okay I try to keep it to one That's respectable

But then I don't like, yeah I don't like merging different email addresses I'm very sloppy I'm a very sloppy guy As an adult Do you say goodbye to places? Like if you're To places

Like say you and your girl Like the world treats you What do you mean a place? Say you and your girl are at like an Airbnb Or a hotel when you leave Do you say goodbye hotel? Thank you No

No Wait, wait, what is that? Beach, McFarter Goodbye hotel What is that? There's like a good night mood You have to think there's not gonna be another guy in there And you're fucking two hours drunk and all

Whatever, it's a nice thing to do It's a nice thing to do All right I'll give you a classy on that one I know that track It's so sweet But I love it That is so sweet

Thank you It's really nice to the building I'm sure the architect loves it Will you talk to strangers at a hotel bar? Will you strike up a convo? No, I don't think so I do I guess maybe I talk to strangers more than most people

But I've kind of just fucked people But not like in a mean way Like I'll just make up an insane lie Yeah, I'll be like, you know, I'm fucking coming in at Pittsburgh for a volleyball tournament They got a good squad this year You got a great team Yeah All right

That's crazy For no reason Yeah, I don't know I used to do that way more when I was younger Yeah Will you send people a Venmo request? No Good man

No Tacky Do you open your eyes under water? Uh, yeah Okay You take the customer receipt? No Good man

No Have you ever saved a crowned royal bag? Are you flying up front mostly or you go and coach? Coach You do coach Take your shoes off on the plane? Yes You do

Yeah, that's not good You bring food on the plane No Good man Put your seat back I mean, sometimes I'll bring like a snack from Hudson News That's okay A dry snack

A packaged Not like a tuna sandwich See back if the guy in front of me I respect the move Now, do you just, if you put the seat back, do you just drop it back or do you give a peek behind you? See what's going on back there Oh, you can't give a peek behind you Then they own your soul

Wow, that's very true You can't give them that power Uh-huh Okay If the guy in front of you is doing it, you can do it And then they have to shut the fuck up But you're not going to look at them and be like, sorry, can I rape you with my seat right here? You can't like, come on

Just that's ridiculous All right Have you ever owned cargo sweatpants? No Have you ever had a hoodie with the uh, hole for the thumb or the sleeve for the thumb? Oh, I think so, yeah, yeah, yeah Yikes Ever burned a jersey?

Burned a jersey with like a blunt or something? No, no, like No, like a fit of rage if your team lost Oh, no, no, no That is so funny That is so funny See where she went to the beach No

No, no What's the credit card situation? You got an amix? I have a chase sapphire That's off there That's pretty good But I'm very, I'm not very good at these things I'm not good at money

I'm like, you know, like Jews are oftentimes categorized as money or book And I'm both illiterate and not good at money Do you read at all? The sports page What am I an asshole? The fucking sports page I like Mike Lupica I like the fucking box scores, baby

No, yeah, I mean, I know, I've been listening to books Okay, fair enough What are you listening to right now? Um, I'm listening to the power broker right now I'm trying, but I'm not gonna finish it I've just tried to start this book What's that? 75 times

It's this book, uh, this guy Robert Caro, he wrote this book about, um, he's like a famous historian He wrote about this guy Robert Moses Who's like the guy who planned out New York City Of course, Robert Moses He was the city planner under Mayor LaGuardia Yeah, yeah, yeah And he kind of like the way New York, I mean, he like

He built a highway through the South Bronx And like put them in poverty for the next 50 years I do know this book Yeah, yeah, yeah Built Long Island So everyone's supposed to read this book or lie that they have read this book And I've like tried to start it, I think maybe 10 times But now I'm like, if I listen to it and it's, it's, it's like 100 something hours

It's gonna, I'm not gonna finish If you have general knowledge of a book that you haven't read And someone says, hey, Adam, have you read this? Do you say yes? Yeah, of course Good man Yeah, yeah The movie?

Come on Dude, I lie about, I've read about two books and I fucking tell everybody Dude, I lie, I was social Yeah I remember when Scary Movie came out In, uh You read the book? No, no, no

The book's way better I remember like kids in my class were telling Like, oh, and then that part in Scary Movie And then they say the funny thing that happened I would remember Remember the funny thing, yeah Remember, memorize that from, from like, uh Sure

Overhearing and not seeing the movie And then just repeating that to other people Oh, that's, that's really pathetic Diabolical, I fucking, diabolical, I love it It's very like sixth, seventh grade Like very just trying to not get Eight up Yeah, not be a freak

Sure Just wanting to be cool And have seen Scary Movie That's all right Any student debt? Yeah, still Really? Yeah

Okay But I'm, but I'm chilling You're chilling I feel like, uh, yeah, I just keep it Because I think it's good for your credit If you make regular payments Sure Or something going on, yeah

I think, I don't fucking know credit I think that's what someone's told me Do you know I'm a wrong people? I haven't looked I think it's all right Okay I don't know Fair enough

I don't have any assets in my life I don't have any equity in anything You're rent now I rent You're rent What's the vacation look like now? Were you in the, were you in the new lady? Yeah, I went, we went to

My grandma's house We went to my grandma's house We literally said, we went to I took her to, uh, to South Africa You did? Yeah All right I took her back to Wakanda with me

Yeah, I took her back to Wakanda I was like, these are my people Told her you were a prince Yeah, yeah We were king We were Kang's We was Kang's No, yeah, so I took

Yeah, we went back to South Africa And then I'd never been to Continental Europe before So we went to France and Spain Very nice It's very nice It's very nice over there It's great

It's fucking awesome It's a big fan It's really, you know, it's just very It's just very nice Just the way they do it Just Paris Have you been to Paris? Went for the, I've never been to the country before

Me and the, me and the lady went last year Christmas time And it was Nice It's just like, it's really We like to shit on them Because the whole 9-11 thing They do a pretty good job

I still order freedom fries They do They do That's just me They do a real good job over there The food is Food is crazy Paris is magic

This is what we're talking about on Are You Garbage Have you been to France? Well, and also, he did take out a loan to go So it, it does I took out a loan to go to Hawaii Oh, whatever Paris, I think you parlayed it Do you know Tommy Pope's Paris story?

He was gonna like, leave America for the first time Oh yeah, I'm 9-11 So he got a flight alone to Paris and then 9-11 Yeah, I do know that I do know that Shout out to Tommy He probably hasn't left since That is so filling

That is just so filling I'm gonna go to Paris alone Oh fuck that, I ain't going out I gotta get out of this town You hear what they did? Looking at it with his denier face That is the funniest story dude I still die

I forgot He just told me that not that long ago I love that guy I love that guy Shout out to Tommy Do you know the acronym BOGO? BOGO No, what is it?

Buy one, get one Really? You don't know that That seems really huge That seems like, that seems like Eastern seaboard Okay Even the way you said BOGO That's just, I'm a Philly dirtbag

It just sounds like Philly, Maryland, Delaware BOGO You know, you know, Woodard? Never BOGO, Woodard dude? You know, like Yeah, all right All right Have you ever ordered a lumberjack?

Special Yeah, for sure You're a lumberjack guy? Yeah, as a boy As a boy What's your ultimate breakfast? Oh, okay All right, well, oh, okay

I don't want to blow this up because Well, I've talked about it before in public Lay it on us I just have a concept I think it's gonna revolutionize breakfast I'm listening Okay All right

This is gonna stink, by the way Everyone hates it Everyone hates it I'm in Okay, so you have to make a choice If you want to bagel You got to make a choice between a savory egg Bacon situation

Or a salty Locke's cream cheese situation Sure Right So my idea is a 50-50 Okay Open face Half Locke's bagel capers, onions

Okay Tomato I'm with you The other half soft scramble Eggs and bacon That's Fucking not crazy I don't hate this

Whoa In a similar world, my wife does Bacon egg and cheese with cream cheese on it That's Well, that's really good I've had that before Yeah, it's really good Gives you a little bit of both

That's a nice plate at a place You know what I'm saying? Like, you should be able to get both Right? And if you're alone in life Sure You shouldn't have to Nobody to share it with

If you don't have a beautiful, sexy girl You should be able to get a 50-50 That's pretty good If you had it If you had some kind of special I'm gonna start at Adam's 50-50 That's not bad, man If you had like six options

This is the most supportive Anyone's ever been of my idea We're gonna make fun of you I think it's the greatest thing Okay Let's say you had six options All right You have six options of half bagels

That you can pair it up with That's all right Yes One could be a Benedict Sure One could be sweet, cinnamon raisin Ba-ba-ba You could, yeah

Different combinations of a different half a bagel Yeah That's not bad I mean, essentially you could just make them ahead of time And just have like a bacon, egg, and cheese Like if there was enough demand If you had one And you could just piece them together

No, made to order Made to order Yeah That's crazy Made to order This is what we're doing We get the boys We get the boys in the kitchen

We get them How are you gonna Fucking grinding How are you gonna what? As long as you do it How are you gonna make a sandwich in a kitchen? As long as you do it You think we can't figure that out?

You think we can't figure that out? As long as you do it We're businessmen! If you have an even number of options It's all gonna work out And if there's leftover half bagels That's what I'm saying There's gonna be leftover

If I listen Chop them up Make them croutons We'll run it as a special Hey, relax there Fucking bagels on the brain Jesus All right, that's the name right there

Bagels on the brain Bagels on the brain Yeah I can be written for 25% No, I'm out I'm out I'm out You're out

You'll be getting high on your own supply As I know from you, dog As I know from me, dog We need 30 grand for the initial investment Yeah Oh, no, no, no Just to get some bagels You're missing out

You're missing out Yeah, yeah My family Speaking of garbage I just found out From my uncle about My mom's mom I always thought she was this posh lady

She always was like She's like, talk like that Toyty toyy She's the one in San Diego She was the one No, she like She no She ended up

She died in Vegas Okay She moved to Vegas She, he said the funniest thing to me Like poverty mindset He was like, no, she was like She had 12 brothers and sisters They were all born in different cities

Because their family was such trash They kept getting kicked out of every city In South Africa Like, you know, like her parents came from the old country Gotcha She, yeah And they were so poor I don't know if you guys are gonna think this is funny

But what do I also tell you this? I was peeing my pants They were so poor That they would throw their garbage Out of their window onto the street To brag to their neighbors that they had food Jesus That's an apple core, don't you forget it

We have apples Talk about flexin' I like it That is They were horse thieves, apparently And I just knew this lady I was like Oh, my word Yeah, she was like, talk like that

There's no coming back If you have horses Literally like gypsies They're peasants That's all right Shout out to a horse thief I mean, I have enough to render a decision here I just got two more

Specifically based on horse thieves in your bloodline I don't know But that's all Jews We were like, we just have the greatest comeback story of the 20th century We were like getting murdered by Cossacks And then the Holocaust happened Stealing ponies Now we're controlling the weather

I got two more Bendy straw or regular straw? What would you prefer? Regular straw This is my most conservative position Politically Okay I

Straw technology is just the most efficient way to drink Okay You get the most water I'm fucking I I don't get these fucking liberals trying to take our fucking straws away I don't give a shit about the turtles Okay I am

It made me furious The paper thing drove me nuts They stink It drove me fucking nuts And yeah I'm glad the straws are back It seems like people have fucking Yeah, we were we're turning a blind eye

It seems like we won that It seems like we won that You know I like turtles I'm gonna be wrong But what the fuck Jesus Christ Um, all right

So that that that was one And the other one two more actually Yeah Do you have you ever had an agronie? Yeah For sure On a regular basis I don't really like I mean like

I've never had an alcohol and been like Yeah me either You know like I like I've gotten plenty drunk in my day But I've never been like this is You know like my girlfriend's like This wine was incredible And I've been like I don't know

Yeah it's a wine's lost on me It's an alcohol That's pretty trashy It's alcohol Last question How often do you wash your hair? Like two times a week It just looks worse after I wash it

Yeah, I agree And now I have to be beautiful for the camera Of course Now I'm a talk show Got a big show Got a big talk show Those are the fucking major talk show Now I'm a you know

A titan of the industry Of course Of course You throw your trash out slow But I don't even know I throw my trash out That's a half a bagel I have food

What do you think Kip? I mean I was gonna give him the coin flip He was right down the middle It's tough I mean the fact that his parents Still haven't fucking stand alone Hot tub that doesn't work Tough look

Tough look And then the fact he comes from horse thieves Tough look I got him Lee I'll go 60-40 trash on a guy here Yeah, you're trash kid Yeah Thank you

Hey, he's trash By the way, I lied about everything My grandfather is CEO of the Iraq War I knew I feel like that you lied about everything And I kinda respected My family invented opioids My last name produced suckers Got the Sacklers

Throw pills at us and run out Freeland is a stage name My real name is Spielberg The fableman is all about me I love that movie so much Did you see it? I have not I turned to my girlfriend and I said

This is my licorice pizza Really? Yeah, yeah I hate it It's one for the boys It's one for the these Okay, I want to see it I just haven't seen it

I loved it so much I saw everything everywhere all at once I didn't see it I heard it was doodoo I loved it It was great I'll tell you what I did I made the fucking big mistake of watching the whale

Sunday night All the biography What are we talking about? Oh, zing Man, no bueno Yeah, I heard it was a dog shit But Brandon is amazing He's brilliant in it

He's great Buddy, we love you man Thank you so much for coming in I'm really fun You got the Adam Freeland show Anything else you want to folks start to know? Congratulations guys on the show Thank you

I don't know, when does this come out? Uh, next week Next week I'm in Salt Lake Next week The following week I'm in Salt Lake City At Wise Guys

There you go The itralian themed comedy club With Salt Lake City Shout out to Wise Guys The Wise Guys Good stuff And gang, make sure you check out the Adam Freeland show On Patreon

Patreon.com Yeah, we got a lot of really big bookings coming up That we're really excited I'm not shitting you It's wild It's really becoming a real show And it's really it It's awesome

I don't understand Like, people thought that we were like doing a We decided Nick and I kind of made a conscious decision Not to do like a ironic talk show Like, uh, like Eric, uh Andre I was going to say Eric Adams

Like Eric Andre But we want to like ironically make it We want like the two guys from the dumbest podcast of all time To accidentally make a real talk show That's awesome Well, you're right there It seems Looks fantastic

We're trying We're trying It's awesome I mean, I think it's coming together It's been a I saw this place and I was like God, fucking dammit These guys put this together in 17 days

We're a fucking like We've Nick and I have like literally Threatened to kill each other Oh, well, we did that a lot Nine months I think this was all moonlight and canoes What do you mean? Look at this

This is this is beautiful All those pictures are covered on poles of those walls Congrats to you guys Thank you Thank you, buddy I'm really I love it here Thank you, man Congrats to you as well

And we're neighbors We're we're just we're like He told us about a lunch spot Yo, yo, yeah Don't give it away No, no, we're not going to tell these Yeah But between us

The lines will be out the door What do you got for them? Guys, we're all over the road Shows are selling out We're adding second shows Get your tickets While they last we appreciate it Thanks

Come see us We love you very much Adam Freeland One more time Adam, we love you, buddy Thank you, boys And we'll see you guys next week Peace

Thank you