Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Adult Happy Meal! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: April 27, 2026

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Shopify: Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/garbage Chubbies: Chubbies is here to keep you comfy and looking good year-round. Get 20% off with code garbage at httpd://chubbiesshorts.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gang, that back on the block tour just keeps her rolling on. Grab your tickets, grab the squad. Come on out. See the boys. Yeah, this may. We got Los Angeles. Then we're doing the comedy seller in New York City, a little AYG and Friends Show, Portland, Maine.

Those tickets are going fast. We got two shows in Pittsburgh, then Cleveland, Ohio, Atlantic City, New Jersey. This summer, the boys are going down to shore. And then Comedy Works in Denver, get those tickets. Come to a live show. We love you. Love you. Hey, everybody out there.

And welcome back to everybody's favorite. This is RU Garbage. You know it. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find it at the group to be classy. Yeah. They're just a big old piece of trash. Trace, Trace.

Trish. I'm your host, Stajolli coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tudies in a new edition. She woke me up six in the morning. Okay. Blast and Shaka Khan. Okay. Bumping.

Going old school on me. Nice. You know what I mean? I feel your dog. My co-os is coming at you from across the tables. We call the Family episode. Just the boys. bozos and the homies just to what you like it he is my best pal in the whole wide world and with

summer approaching back to being the king of the boards big show in atlantic city coming up down in he ain't lying get them pickies gang kevin james ryan everybody what up gang shout out to you as always thanks for tuning in please make sure you rate view subscribe on iTunes full video available on youtube full video available over there on spotify and the boys are climbing the charts we're in the charts we're in the fucking charts slowly getting to the top of the I don't know where it starts the top of the charts. We pop back and forth through the top 100, all podcasts. And we're top 100 in comedy podcasts, huh?

Just a couple of small town boys made good. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, take that. Hey there, love it. The fat boys are on top. Yeah. Fat boys used to beatbox. Gotcha.

Do you remember the fat boys? No. Really? I mean, I do in theory. Yeah, I remember. They did their own movie. Mm-hmm. Can't remember what was called.

Bad boys do something It wasn't go to the gym I know that much Gang the big man said We got a show in Atlantic City The boys are going down the shore At the Hard Rock Casino and Hotel Maybe, I don't know

I made up the internet I don't know I think it's at the Hard Rock Yeah hotel and casino It would be called What I say? Casino and Hotel I think it'd be hard rock They do it different

They flip floping They do it? Old school jazz We're gonna play the tables down there Yeah play the tables I don't have ever been in the Hard Rock down there. I got to be honest, I didn't know it existed. Really? That's why I was like, I'm not sure.

Shout out to him. I might have been in there one time. We used to have a little thing for some reason around college age. We take a bunch of shrooms and go down at Lane City. I don't think it's newer. Find out when the Hard Rock Casino, well, there's no way that's been around that long, I feel. I've been tripping in an odd amount of casinos. Uh-huh.

Well, I mean, it makes sense. Lights thing. Blu-lo, loo, yeah, fucking freak you out, dog. Man, talk about a guy who redlined in it. These fucking casinos will give you a panic attack when you're not over. Yeah, over-stimulate. Uh-huh. Hit me.

What do you got? 1990. Whoa. Formerly the Trump Taj Mahal. Ah. Now, I used to go down in high school and play that Taj Mahal had a good poker room. How could he said it was formerly the Taj Mahal in 1990? You weren't around there in 1990?

No, I know. So I'm saying maybe the building was there in 1990. but the Trump, Taj Mahal, the Taj, I was going to the Taj in 2005, 2003, 4, and 5, ish. So it had to, they had to take over. Taj closed in 2014. There you do. It became the hard rock.

There you go. Oh, 2014, there you go. Yes. But anyway, get those tickets. That's a good freaking time. It's sold out. The boys are going on a shore, going on a shore. I'll bring it a tully nut.

I would love to try to get a, see it'll sell me like a five-gallon jug of tulling nuts or some. Pass on out. Green Room. Having a green room. Having a green. We're all fucked up. Yeah. Some of us.

And then obviously, gang, Netflix is a joke festival in La La Land. Get those tickets at the Balesco Theater. May 7th, I believe. That's coming up. That's a couple of weeks. Get some tickets. Bring the squad. Come see us.

Yeah, the boys are going to be hanging. To be a good friend of the suits out. Yeah, this is definitely going to go. You got to go tap dance and show everybody. Hey, look at us. We got a special. In a cutting room. You try to sell that.

Yeah. Sell that. Mm-hmm. That's like I-T, you know, A-T walked in, got a record deal, didn't give me a demo or nothing. Just convince the guy, give it to me. That's iced tea.

You're no iced tea. And what are you? Huh? Huh? Yeah, buy yourself, say, what did you say? Is it my light? Yeah, so I, speaking of, I got something I want to start off with here.

I believe you have something for me. You know, I do. Come across my desk. There is, this is, this, this, this hits a few points. points of things that are near and dear to our heart a little bit. Yeah, my dad? Just a picture of everybody who's died in your life. I have a montage in a memoriam of everybody that Foley's ever lost.

Oh, man, talk about that I might even put you in a better mood today. I might cheer you up. This coffee tastes very chocolatey. Uh-huh. Good. That's quick you got in there. I was, as you know, diner, we're a big diner guy in New York diners. You like a diner.

Used to be, yeah. Right, used to be. What you mean? What's it the, wait, wait, wait, wait, what you mean? Used to be. You're not a diner guy? I'm, you know, I eat better these days. Was that?

Yeah. Oh, my God, we're just starting off. I'm down 85 pounds. What are you talking about? First of all, it's 80. It's 85 now. Whatever. Hold on.

We're happy. Also, you can eat healthy. You can eat very healthy at a diner. You want to get the California plate with the cottage cheese and the jello? No, thanks. It's like I like that. Get delivery guy. He's got a California place.

You love a diner. I love a diner. Come on. Oh, we kidding? I don't know. I don't know why you're doing this. Not anymore. I like steak fries.

I like getting the entree and they give you the soup and the salad and the basket of bread. Yeah, I like diners, man. I'm fucked up. Actually, that's the most normal thing about you. That's what I'm saying. This goes to show. And diners in New York, diners are a wayward rest stop in home for dirt bags alike in New York City. Bozo's and losers.

You go in there, you fucking, you get a cup of coffee. You can sit there with your friends and talk about what you want the future to look like. Uh-huh, which we did a lot of. Yes, we did. And if you go to a diner enough, the staff knows you. I went into that West Forth diner down there. You told me that recently. Same fucking guys.

Same guys. They have the big fat sausages, too. Oh, yeah, they do. Like a fat man's knuckles. Plus they got the breakfast meats. Now, they have those over-stuffed sausages. Yeah. Which I like.

Do you? I like the tiny little twink ones? Like the big heavy bike, Johns. Well, they're more like British sausages. Hello? I saw this thing. So. Apples and pears.

I'm walking down the apples and pears. Uh-huh. That's the stairs. Okay, man, this guy is I know But I like I like sometimes even with a breakfast dish You silly one

You stink You know why you do Why? Why do you know Uh-uh Yeah You like being told You're a fucking twisted

guy This guy's real twisted Twisted and evil I like sometimes Dipping my sausage and mustard The way the Brits do Oh my God You should write a book sometimes

Well you can't do it regular breakfast sauces like those skinny links yeah it'd be crazy you gotta do it those girthy ones those girthes circumcised johns you're a peeing cut yeah you're a peeing cut um so this is all very of that i sat down there's a new diner's been closing left and right they're too expensive they can the food new york city they're closing and there's been a bit of a revamp of them whole place is tanking culturally um i'm dama i um i go there's a The new diner opened up in my neck of the woods. Yes, that's true.

I've heard about this place. What? You told me. Okay. You told me. Okay. All right. And I think me and, uh,

weren't me and diesel up there for something? Maybe. Yeah, we walked by it. You stalking me? No. You're obsessed with me. Why the fuck were we up there? Drop picking me up or something.

Drop me off, probably. Yeah. I remember walking down the street with somebody. And I said, hey, we should go here. And then somebody walked by it. I was like, the food is delicious. Oh, it had just opened that weekend. Yes.

And I hadn't been. yet. Yeah, a new diner. Who was I up there with? I think diesel. Huh. Interesting. I never take anybody's advice when they say that.

It's not that interesting. You know four people. When somebody says that, oh, the food's delicious. I fuck you. Are you work there? You need something. Trying to sucker me in there. There's a new place.

Yeah. And it was just open that weekend. It's in the neighborhood. I think the local neighbor people are supporting it. That's nice. Yeah. I like that. Okay.

I think that's why he was telling you the food's good. I'm not buying it. I'm not buying it. That's good for a guy like. you maybe. I like mustard on my sausages. I'm no bozo. I'm waiting until the fucking, you know,

the health expect that gets in there. Let them get their fucking, let them make their mistakes. Soft launch. Yes, this is soft opening. Soft opening's bad. Uh-huh. Friar's not working.

Kid don't know what he's doing. That's why like taffery, you ambush everybody with the soft openings. There's never a hundred people walking in at once? That's a stress. That's a test for stress test. Everybody knows that. Well, you know that they're going to fail.

Turn a heat. Yeah. Find out where they fail. A bunch of mouth breathers walking in, judging. All the foleys are there. Paddy's there. Those people are always such. They're always such dicks.

They walk in like to the Kennedys. Oh, yeah. I remember thinking I would... What are you talking about, you rat? If Tapper wasn't picking up the tab, you'd be out in the street. I would never want to be on one of those shows. No? Even in, like, the sense of, like, I'm hanging out at a place that's hanging on by your thread.

Dive bar aside, obviously, but like, you know, also. Wait, you wouldn't want to be like the mixologist going in under cover? Do you mean Johnny Tips? Yeah. I remember thinking, that was the first time of the day, and she's like, this is Johnny Tips. And they cut to him, like, with a shaker. And I went, his last name's tips, that's crazy.

I said, oh, it was a fucking stage. They were always bartenders that, like, sort of like Beniggins and, like, they're all corporate bartenders. Sure. Not shot in beer guys like we're used to. Right now. Guys, I can point you in the right direction if you know what I mean. Stay open late.

Down there are those Shaddy's bar. What if lines are always drawn. But that aside, I popped in the other day with my wife and my son. Is that right? A little late breakfast for me. I'm doing intermittent fasting. Are you? Are you?

Okay. You weren't doing that with beers on here in Potsdown. I didn't have any beers in Potsdam. Yeah, right. You had a whole tray of garage beers. I seen them in there. First of all, that's on the rider. Shout out to garage beers.

It was fine company. Also, shout out to Soljol's. That play, that was awesome. Let me tell you this. Great time. Those lemon pepper wings were something else. I know, it's garlic parmesan. They could tell you right now.

Lemon pepper wings. Were you at the King of Diamonds? No, diesel ordered lemon pepper wings. But they had a garlic parmesan sauce down there. I tell you right now, garlic parmesan is really taking over the wing market. That's it. Everybody's going for garlic parmesan. I swear to God.

I believe you. They are. That sauce was delicious. All that aside, I pop in. You know how like, you know, diners, like you said, you get like the dinner, the entrees. I love that. Right, they always have a decent speck going on. And they treat you better.

Yeah. They treat you better. Like a gentleman. Like a gentleman. So I popped in. This was the market. At first thing I saw and I said, you know what? That's a bumged and waffles.

As a society, we're going to be all right. I had never seen this before. Maybe this is a new trend and old try. I had never seen this marketing in my life. What happened? Really piqued my interest. Hit it. The adult happy meal.

A double patty smash burger fries and a bottle beer your choice available all day, every day, 1995 out the door. Where can you beat that? That's pretty good. I wasn't even in the mood for a... I mean, it was about 11 o'clock in a morning. I wasn't in a mood for a beer, a burger, French. I didn't get it. That was my family.

I had to do fucking airplane mode with a pouch of a... string bean mash. But if it was me, you, or some, I would have fucking said an adult happy meal. I've never seen that. I respect it. Look at that. Yeah.

That's there something. I thought it was two beers. It could be two beers as a little as I put one bottle of beer. Listen, they get you looking, though. Get you talk. I'm sold. Maybe that's the thing they get you looking. I was sold.

Why is there two beers then? That's what I would say. Well, let's order it and find out. Yeah. Also, price point-wise? Choice of bottle beer. Choice of bottled beer. There you go.

Maybe one's domestic, one's imported. Yeah, they got a bud light and a honey. Show you there, you know. Yeah. That's real nice. 1995 for a double smash. That looks like a double smashed cheese burger. Mm-hmm.

Right? Double patty. Smash burger fries and choice of bottle beer. That's going to run you. The burger and fries alone would run you 1599. Something like that, right? You want to know a good gimmick to throw in with that? They're only like a dollar.

What? You buy like a thousand matches. boxes and you get it you get a matchbox you get a hot wheels with it oh like a toy yeah oh are you thought I meant like a match book yeah match book match potatoes I don't want the fries got to match potatoes no people always love when you especially people I do our age toy some sort of trinket would be nice yeah spider ring something like that maybe something for adults that this is for adults like what I don't know what do adults use I don't know not spider ring I can't go back to work

after having a double smashburger fries. Hey Lenny, check it out. And four beers and that fucking wrist full of fucking Well, no, they know you were down there at the joint Getting the Happy Meal. Kippy, what'd you do for lunch today? I'm all fucking slut. Spider-rings all over here.

I'm tapping. I'm typing with fucking eight spider rings on. Nothing, boss. Breast smells like garlic barmejan. Uh-huh. The adult happy meal. That's fucking home. I love that. And maybe it is, hit me up, if this is a new thing or if this has been, if other places are doing it, I never saw that. I've, been somewhere in the back of my subconscious, I feel like I've seen a little bit of this.

I mean, it makes sense. But that's, that first of all, that's a deal. New York City, that's a deal. Give me a favor, Luke, if you don't mind. You don't mind. Just a little bit of work. You're such a thing. Bug man back.

Everybody run. Oh, my God, a bug. I didn't mean to wake here, not like that. Somebody get a big piece of tissues. I can squash you. Why? Because I'm bug man? Yeah.

Yeah, you go ahead and try it. I don't kill bugs. I don't talk about people I don't know. You know bug Jenkins? Would you give me a price check on a burger? Yeah, run that. Give me a cheeseburger deluxe New York City Diner. See what that is.

I would argue, I mean, a cheeseburger deluxe. It's got to be 15. But that's one, that's single patty still. Single patty. It's double smish burger. Double, double patty. You probably, listen, they're probably skimping on the patties a little bit. Maybe.

You know, but you get two of them. Yeah, whatever. Two slices of cheese. It looks at least according to the artist's rendering. Yeah. When does he get hit with an LTO? I don't think they'd do that on a smash, do they? I think smash is just traditionally the cheese and the meat and then some do it.

I like an LTO slaw and a pickle. Listen, I'm sure they would accommodate. What do you got, Luke? With fries at that 24-hour diner. all went to a few, like six months ago. Used to be Tavoli? Yeah. That one that they took over.

Where? Like 23rd or something? Yeah. Yeah, I think on, yeah, 24th maybe. Yeah, it was the old Tavoli. Yeah. That's going to be 15 bucks with French fries. Wow.

15. So you're at. For a single smash burger. Single smash burger. Let's go. I want a double patty. That's four bucks right there. Sure.

You're 1999 without the beer. Shout out to this joint. That's going to run you at 25. 25 bucks available every day all day every you walk in I'll do the adult happy meal me that's a good time a lot of men a lot of guys not me yeah like men men they like a burger and a beer yeah when I was ever anytime we were I was working construction it was like I could never do like the beer at lunch I was never that guy yeah you'd be asleep in the truck I'm the worst the second I eat it's I've gotten a little better as I gotten older but the second I have like even a fucking cheese steak egg roll I'm like sleepy mixie mixie sleeps him. I remember working at Martel's back in the day. Like iron workers come in there. They'd be, they'd have like a burger, beer, a couple, like

a couple beers. Go back to work. Yeah. I would be fucking out. Yeah, and I'm not built that way. Seapy. Night night night time. Tired guy. Dude, drinking Guinness at lunch. Jesus. That's like a stack of pancakes. I would do it when I was working in an office. I never like going out to lunch, but there was a couple other secretaries I hung out. A couple other

Brods. Is that right? They would take me out for my birthday and stuff like that. That's cute. And they would all, we'd all get drink. And I'm like, the last thing I want to do is fucking skull two Budwisers. You get drinks? I would do one because they would.

They weren't drinking beer either. They don't like margaritas and shit. Cosmo. Yeah, something like that. They go back to the work all fired up. Uh-huh. And then I'm like, I want fucking sleepy as shit. They're not.

Nah. Probably go home and throw one to the husband. You know what I mean? Sure. That's all right. You ever drink at your desk? Like a little nip? No.

No? I'm not like a mixed business and pleasure guy. If I'm drinking, I'm clearing his docket and I'm drinking. You know what I mean? I'm not like, I don't like drinking and then like going and doing stuff. I'm drinking if I'm drinking. I was about to say I've never been at work drunk, but I know you know that's a lie. Check please.

I say I have waiting tables. You always, you know. Sure. You know what I mean? Try to beer. Let me get a taste of this. skull that bath in a couple lip-its

all right listen all that's neither here nor there but check out an adult happy meal in your area and if you maybe if you run a small establishment or you're working a small establishment implement the adult happy meal if it's not big it's going to be big this summer could be big just like that Langeley song that's big

you're really pushing that it is you know about this you've asked me about it multiple time I think I just like I've chosen Texas solid and passing yeah God damn hit right there. Beautiful, too, but that's me. A beautiful girl.

A beautiful woman. What is it? Beautiful girls. Beautiful girl. A beautiful girl. I have nothing to do with it. It's very talented. You brought it up.

I like this song. It's a good song. It's a beautiful girl. Can't be here. Let's talk about Shopify. Shopify. I'm trying to think here. I know a couple of people that use Shopify.

Hmm. Oh, yeah. We use Shopify. Oh, duh. If you've ever bought a t-shirt or a hat. Or a deck of cards. Or a deck of cards. That's Shopify.

Streamlines everything, makes everything easy. And I know we got a lot of hustlers out there. A lot of guys, brick and mortar stores, do you some of a favor. I think it's kind of come to the point now. Shopify's taking over. You buddy. So they ain't getting smaller. Yeah.

And here's the thing. We've handled the merch. You've been to our website. It's a Shopify website. The store all powered by Shopify. You bought something on the road. Powered by Shopify. Shopify.

Before Shopify, we, before Shopify, we handled it. it all of ourselves. Dude, there was things flying out of the printer. I got stickers all over my eyes. He's got counting change over here. I'm taking things to the man. It was a mess. Shopify handles it all,

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front of them to help you convert scrolling or strolling that's cool uh it's time to turn those what ifs into uh Shopify money today sign up for your one dollar per month trial at shopify.com slash garbage go to shopify.com slash garbage one more time get a pen get a pencil Shopify. Shopify dot com slash garbage go ahead. Gabby what about chubbies chubbies tubbies tubbies what about chubbies just taking over the summer you love to see it chubbies is big in the summer and a big all year round yeah but Chubby's in the summer, get a nice bathing suit.

I got one that they gave me, I think, last year. The Red John. That didn't fit. And now I'm into it. I know it. And I'm going to break this thing out. And I'm going to be strutting my skinny little ass all around that pool down here, a club fully.

So if you want to get a peek. Uh-huh. Come see it. He's letting the thighs breathe. And that's what Chubby does, baby. Whether you're playing around the golf with the boys hitting up. I got everything. Maybe a couple of day beers pop.

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I got to get me paired him. Came out looking cool. Cool design looks, dries, walking around. Oh, you were in sweatpants? Oh, I was like a bozo. I was in a pair of dungarees. Whether you're getting dressed for your workday, a workout, or a weekend getaway, Chubbies has you covered for a limited time. Chubbies is giving our viewers 20% off your order with the code garbage at chubbyshorts.com.

That's code garbage at chubbyshorts.com. Support the show and tell them the police saying you. Don't blend in with the crowd. Stand out with Chubbies. Chubbies. Gang, we got a gosh darned family episode on our. hands as you know when you sign up for the old patriona you'll get your garbage question right on the air and we got one two tree hum dingers right here this is a good one this is from a guy who's

gotten a handful of questions red because i remember the name this is from banister lanister 10 dollar homie here did you have to drive to your own wedding that's a good one that's a really good one i've never thought about that drive into the wedding means you're probably driving back Right. Yelling at the wife. Uh-huh. The dress is hanging out the passenger door. Yeah, that's a tough one, I feel.

Drive into the wedding. As the guy, as the groom, yeah, it's tough. Mm-hmm. That's a small town wedding. Yeah, you would have to assume. Mm-hmm. I took an Uber. That's two young kids.

So mine. You get that city hall. Mm-hmm. Well, I'm just sharing. Mm-hmm. Yeah, city hall. How much was transportation to yours? It's expensive.

I'm well aware. Nice. You were on that bus. Dricking beers? I had to take a plane to yours. What the fuck you're talking about? Hey, thanks for coming. Anywho, that's a tough one.

I get, unless it's like, that's very, like, to me, if that, like, that's a little, you know, taking it off. That feels like a good to do, like you're running errands. You get in the car. We're going to go get mad. We're going to go home. 80s to me. I picture like one of my cousins doing that. Yeah. They got their, they got like half the tucks on. The shirts open.

They stop by the church. It's like out of a movie kind of. Father Kulutrom, get married today. We'll get over there, you jerk. I got to go stop and see about someone real quick. Why wouldn't he be married? A little plot hole right there. Maybe she's Jewish. They're going to a synagogue. Maybe. Or another, another parish, let's say.

Okay. God forbid. He was not blessed yourself. That's really good one to too Because I This is the one time that someone Kind of blew my mind I always thought

Limos were wildly fancy And like it's what rich people did It maybe in the 80s like the businessmen But then someone schooled me On it during the show at some point That they were like It's real They're actually very trashy

Trashy And it like I guess that happened in like The 90s to 2000s Where it's like it's only kids going to prom Yeah. Who throw up in them. It's a pain in the ass to get in there, first of all. Sure.

You know what I mean? You're down there. An SUV's nice. I think when the SUVs started popping off, they truly killed them. Yeah. Sprinters too got pretty, you know, or like the party bus a little bit. Yeah, the party bus. And not to mention, they kind of did it to themselves with the fucking, with the Hummer limo.

That was the end of it. Sure. That was a little gaudy. But that was at the height. That was like when entourage was cooking. Rap was big. That's like. A fucking Hummer limo.

That's chicks throwing up and like dudes, like beating up like waiters and stuff like that. Yeah. Oh, fuck you what? Well, it was also, they be kidding. They're like relatively affordable. It's not like, in my head they were like a million dollars. But if you got 20 people and you're like, oh, we're all going somewhere, it's like 30, 40 bucks ahead for the night. Now, that being said, if I was like a billionaire or something like that, I'd only exclusively roll in a limo.

Why is that? I don't know. It just seems cool. Yeah, it's got to be, I mean I know Stern rolls like that all limo Really? I think so That's what I heard That Ronnie limo driver

But yeah Would some dude with some nickel on them That's really all I want You just want a guy with a gun around you That'd be cool to have like a handler Like a dude like that That takes care of you know what I mean Someone who works closely with you

You can't be handled What do you mean? If you had a gun That's why he's got a gun fucking Foley do it man yeah hit the trash out listen you don't got a piece you got a gun to my head one I'm aroused two

I can't get nothing done I'm hard all day yeah that'd be cool that's funny to get to get to that point just have like a dude like that a dude with a gun yeah yeah that like you know takes care of shit we know a few people have that yeah not know them personally but we've seen them

they've seen made on fire before are they coming out with a TV show it at is that I heard that. I saw a man on fire with like a younger Denzel looking guy. And they're redoing Cape Fear. Why?

I don't get it. Nothing against Javier board. Damn. He's a goddamn genius. But what are you doing, man? What are you doing? Sure. Somebody writes something.

Hit me up. I got plenty ideas. All right. This one's from Money Mark 97. $10 homie for three or four years. Now genuinely never have one red crying emoji. I apologize. Well, you came with a humdinger.

ever rode a bike barefoot. Oh, something don't feel right about that. Talk about. It's one at summertime. You're probably, I was always, like, wet from, like, a pool, too or something or, like. You ever scraped the top of your feet? Get them, get that big toe knuckle. You had to, like, push hard, but you had to push lightly because, like, the, not the spokes, like, the traction in the pedals.

Yeah. You had to set of metal, metal, um, dig it into you. I remember Danny. It felt like a geisha. Metal pedals, yeah, it was brutal. Yeah. I was walking on hot coals. Yeah, man.

Yeah, that's asking for a fucking jammed up though. That's jammed up. And as well as, I remember one time I saw a guy riding a bike with another bike. And I was like, that guy is doing something wrong. Yeah. He's either stole that bike. It's like a horse thief. Right.

Do horses out of town in the middle of the night. Oh, man. I always seen that. That was always a day. You killed that guy. was on that horse. You know? Where'd you get that bike guy?

They're not just riding around. That ain't free range bike. That's somebody's fucking bike. Wild bicycles. Yeah. That's a really good one. Home run, bro. All right.

Let's see. This is from Avis. Hey, fellas, long time $10 investor here. Is it garbage away or neck brace for a couple days in hopes it helps with your neck pain? I mean, if you're self-prescribing a neck brace. I respect it. What is the main part? Is it to not move it or does it show?

stretch it out. I don't know. They have the new ones I don't like. They're very plastic. I like this, the big donut. The foam, John. Yeah, the plastic ones look like your head's about to fall. Foam looks like a guy strung out.

Yeah, those new ones. You're two seconds away from having those things in your head. Yeah, yeah, with the erector set, the halo. It's the external fixator. Man. Just really limits head movement. Okay. I remember my math teacher in seventh grade had one.

The halo? No, a neck brace. Why, what happened? I don't know, dude, but I did not respect him. He killed money to the wrong people. The first day is school, dude. He's like, I'm Mr. So-and-so. I'm like, buddy, you get a glove, get in the game.

And then after, like, the second week he took, he was a big fat guy. Aw. After the second week, he took it off, and I was so nervous. His head was going to fall off, dude. He was like, turn and slugged. I'm like, no one go near him. Ah, yeah. He never explained it to you?

I got a car accident or something like that. No. Because I'll tell you this. Probably like a vertebrae type theory or whatever it fixes. I don't know. My mom, my family, we were very big on, like, we're somebody that would just throw in a neck brace without seeing the doctor. Because we had a lot of, like, medical equipment around. You know what I mean?

Like crutches, neck braces, wheelchairs, things like that. ankle monitors. No. I saw, dude, I saw a guy wearing an ankle monitor the other day. Had it hidden pretty good. Yeah? And I was just thinking, somebody was like mouthing off a little bit. Where the fuck was I?

Why wouldn't you wear it open so people know you don't have to fuck with you? He was a janitor somewhere. He was pushing, I fuck, I'm not going to remember where I was. And he was pushing a thing around. And somebody, not gave him out of business, just like, and I was just like, oh, that seemed. And then I spotted the monitor. And then he was walking around screaming at someone on his phone. And I was like, that guy's got fuck.

and probably that guy's living a life you don't fuck with older dudes like that he's younger oh really even more so interesting oh i agree where the fuck well i'm not gonna be able to remember what you see a janitor i go to the one what do i found a new mall you went to the mall again i got a new fancy mall beautiful took the baby to the fucking cheesecake factory for the first time how yeah what do you get chicken parm sandwich did he french fries nah did you give me anything uh no he eats his i had a french fry probably of mine Game of fraser. They were a little too salty.

Huh. Mm-hmm. How do you like it? Yeah, but I think they were a little too. I mean, that's like a fucking, he's got a fresh, clean palate, dude. He's used to eating, like, fucking pureed root vegetables. No kidding. Boom.

You give him a little piece of cheesecake? Cheesecake, no. I think we had lunch. I didn't get cheesecake. Cheesecake Factory. Yeah, no. Is he old enough to have ice cream yet? Yeah, he's had like a little bit.

Has he? Uh-huh. Aw. I wasn't there. I was on the road. Miss that. Ouch. Fucking absentee father.

What flavor was it? I don't know. I wasn't there. Just wanted to rub it in. Loser. I missed that. I was. It was butter prickle.

Rocky Road. No, it wasn't Rocky Road. I'm kidding. I was with you. I know. Dummy. We had all that stuff. So if something happened,

just get that thing and put it on it. It'll be all right. Yeah. No, we were. I mean, also to my mom, I haven't now. We had a lot of those toilets, too, for some reason. We had, like, one or two of those toilets.

You would, like, sit on, like, on a walker? Yeah. Whoa. Like, you know. Is that to poop over? That's so you don't have to spend all the way down. Do you shit in that thing? Probably both.

Yeah, no, you pooping that. Whoa. Yeah. Like, you're like, it's like, is that so you don't have to go all the way down? No. No, it's, I think it's because you don't have to walk to the bedroom. Put it right next to the bed. You get out to do your business into a bucket or whatever it is, and then, I don't know.

That's what I was doing with it. Wow Yeah My mom was always There's a lot of Not doctors But a lot of medical professionals In my family

A lot of nurses He met you know Fucking working in the lab Yeah that's what we had People working in lab I'm taking medical advice I'm a dental hygienist That's different

I know Bad Dennis giving you medical advice I think he'll be alright If you just whatever Dude's looking at my jock it When I was a kid I told you that

I can't remember who the guy was My mom showed The pet boys Can't get you up on a lift Take a look at that thing My mom showed my jockage to some guy Yeah, I don't know What you were to do with that info, bud

I've told you that before Yeah Uh-huh I had it bad as a kid I think I was like a fucking You had passed around Like a loose joint You were a amount of people

That's schwan's on you No wonder why you're fucked up I had jockett So bad when I was a kid Yeah all the guy's touching it fucking rough it up like you'd start chafing a little bit. Six. So many hands on it.

Sixth, like a gonorrhea? They weren't that fucking cleansed. They weren't that clean in the 80s. Going port to port. No, I, uh, my mom at least knew the series of events and would go like, do this. You know what I mean? Like, there wouldn't be like, it'd be like, you have to go to the ER. No.

Yeah, we were a big, we. We were a big how to get the... Clean the wound, hit it with a butterfly. You ever hit it with a butterfly? No. Oh, Patty was big on butterflies. Love a butterfly. Keep that scar down.

Little vitamin E. We were a big vitamin E, fam. Hit it with the vitamin E. I love the way vitamin E smells. Sure. Cocoa butter, too, and a stick. You ever got cocoa butter and a stick? We had one for 20...

We were not a cocoa butter. Is that right? A pale Irish Catholic family. We were not into cocoa butter. We were into it. Smelled good, too. We were big into a... Take a lick of...

Horse hoof cream at one point. Did I ever tell you that? This stuff was getting past, no, it was for like utter. It was for like cows utter. Oh, I know what you're talking about. Everybody was using it. No, that's...

There might have been two different things. No, there was... There was hoof cream. It was called like utterless or something like fabulous utter. It was hot for a while. I remember getting stuff that was in... Oh, I'm not gonna... Put it this way.

The stuff we got was in Tupperware. It was from like an industrial size container. Got it from a farm. And someone like my grandma, which friend had it and would like give my, I remember it was a Tupperware with a green lid and never seen Tupperware with a green lid. And it had the little tab on it to you press and it popped open. Never seen that. That's the expensive stuff.

Yeah. Whoever's fucking peddle in this hoof cream is making a pretty penny to be giving this stuff away. Because she ain't getting this Tupperware back to you that. I'll take it at. I'll take it my lunch. school and his job show and its thing off in the parking lot. It smells like hoof cream. Peanut butter and hoof cream sandwich.

We were into pretty hands and feet for a while. You ever used that shit? It was an exfoliant for dry skin on your elbows and your knees. That was a big thing at the Foley household. Had to have good elbows back then. Mine are bad. I don't know why. My dad was always like, grout damn elbows.

Yeah. We used to these pretty hands and feet, rubbed right off. skin great I don't know what yeah not gonna give me a picture huh did you ever use an air or anything no did you ever use epil stop and

epi stop and spray where do you see me using that just like to go smooth like skin just hairless but he's a hairless kind of guy just to be a freak yeah no I would use it on my

on my Jimmy John if if like the burn wasn't bad for you know your testicles is it I don't I'm sure it's gotta be can't be good for it's no wolf cream

I know that much My aunt used nair back in the day She would leave it on and come downstairs and like sit and watch TV while it was sitting there mustache on Oh fucking brutal Brutal there was this dude work though through the 90s they ran this commercial for epi stop and spray do you remember that or epil Epple or Eppie stop and spray it was like a sunscreen spray bottle and you'd spray it on you'd wipe your hair right off And I remember being like this shit is either I don't know this is like who'd made this to DuPont's This is crazy.

I remember being like there's no... See if you can get that commercial. It's... Dude, it wipes off insane. They just take a clean rag and just wipe a guy's leg hair straight off. It's nuts. Apple stop and spray.

Are we allowed to show this? Yeah, we can show it. If you rid of unwanted hair is as painful as a visit to the dentist. You rip, pluck, Nick and cut there's got to be a better way Introducing apple stop and spray the six in one citrus hair removal that's totally Cedrus

Yeah right look Fucking napalm Get the fuck guy Dude it just deletes that guy's leg hair How insane is that? It's a good thing to have the auto because you hear the guy Yeah run that again That is insane

Jesus Christ Just disobeys like he's cleaning a car That's nuts That wasn't the worst of the fifth 50 bucks in the sandwich. That guy got paid for that ad. That guy still got skin damage from that. You know, he's not getting residuals on that.

He even shows his face. Silky smooth skin. Yeah, right. How nuts is that? Yeah, Brazilian is what you got to do. Laser. Nah, the laser comes back. It did when I was banging.

I worked in the laser hair removal industry for four years. I did. I told you that. Listen, I'm not saying you didn't. I did. I'm not saying you didn't. We use Candela lasers. Uh-huh.

Check it. It's cold, Jerry. Yeah, Candela. We use Candela and laser hair removals and varicose vein removal. And I was the driver. I would drive the technician and the machine to a plastic surgeon's office. They would set up shop there for the day. I'd go out to the truck and have like a $40 lunch.

I'd call, you know, told you that. Burned. Listen to Stern, sleep. It was awesome. Put on like 70 pounds. Yeah. That is a life period for you. When you get all.

You get a couple of bucks in your pocket. You get all comfy, cozy and something. You really blow the fucking doors off the fucking thing, don't you, guy? You bulk up. Hey, Russell Crowe does it all the time. Every five years. He started bringing home Academy Awards and you do whatever the fuck you want. He's never won an Academy Award.

Australian ones he has? Has he? I don't know. The Iskes? The Melvins? He won two Melvins there, mate. He's got a. Academy Award. He does.

Gladiator. He won it. Are you kidding me? Best actor. He won't best actor for that? What? I'm not saying he should. This is crazy.

This is crazy. Stop, stop, stop. He almost did the show one time. Didn't they ask about him? I don't know. His people did. I didn't say to the show one. They asked us to stop sending letters.

First of all, I'm not saying that. You're not not saying it? No, I'm not dickhead. All right. Kevin is a known dickhead. We're all weird at. And uses Epplesole. that bull stop on his butthole

that's where my fucking hairline went I got to tangle with that when I was nine years old messing around with that shit in the bathroom fuck I should have been jerking all like a normal kid they did try to anyway first of all he deserved the Academy Award for that I'm not surprised at all I just didn't know

you seem surprised no I'm not I just didn't know what would you recall if that's not surprise what is that emotion I was surprised I was so you're surprised I was surprised I was surprised that I didn't know that he got it. Also, your gut reaction was no. What?

Because Kippie said if you won't in a category. I don't know. I'm just saying. I mean, the insider I give it to him. Gladiator cleaned up that year. Gladiator is one of the greatest films ever made. I know it is. You knew Russell Crow?

I did not say I knew him. I said he touched me. I'm not saying, listen, I want to get that kind of reputation. I love Russell Crow and Gladiator. Don't get me wrong. Got 12 Academy Awards that year Is that right? Fucking Bozo

You Bozo Best picture? Yeah Yeah, best picture, huh? That's all right Who what else What was up against? Let me see

That's pretty good Set it up No I was in that Yeah, that was the joke Okay I was one of What's his name's first

First big films Russell Crow? No, what's the kid's name? Glenn Powell Yeah A big movie star now Big movie star Uh-huh.

So. And you have gone on to. Bulk up. You found another bulking season, part three. You're in reruns. What do you got, Lucas? Uh, we got Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Aaron Brockovich. Oh, come on.

Traffic. What? That was Best Picture movies. You have Best Actor, Javier Bardeen, before Night Falls. Castaway What? Castaway He took out castaway

This is when Hollywood was good That's crazy Imagine those two movies Going up against each other You don't even get One of those every five years Now Traffic castaway

Gladiator Aaron Brockovich In the same year What was it? Yeah You also had Almost famous Whoa Yeah

Man Billy Elliot People are running out to see Jay Kelly Oh brother Where are it thou You break. No, get the fuck out of here.

They were not all the same year. That's insane, man. You doubted the crow. You doubted the crow. I didn't mean to doubt you. It's okay. I'll talk to him. Maybe I can smooth things over for you.

I'm just saying. He likes to put on a couple of pounds in between projects. Sure. He's earned it. That's all I was saying. Yeah. I haven't. I can't have a sandwich.

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This one's from Joey the Lips. Great name. It's pretty good. Has anyone you know ever renewed their vows? Damn, dude, that's a home run. I always thought someone cheated on someone when that happened. That's the only time. I go, what the hell you redo it for?

That's the trashy as shit I've ever. heard of my life. I've only ever known the dirt baggest of dirt baggust to do that. I don't know what you'd have to do in my family to be like, we're renewing our vows. We won't. That was the only shit you saw on like sitcoms or something. It was like a bad sitcom plot. I ain't never seen that in real life. What's that? It's got to be some, something had to happen. To me, it was always like we were about to get separated and we decided to not. I don't know. So we're renewing our vows. We're going to renew our vows. Drag everybody to see this one more time.

Fucking dog and pony show you got going on here. Yeah, it's always bad. 50-year-old people do it, 65-year-old people do it. Yeah, yeah. Which, as you know, I do a lot of material on this. Not later in life weddings. Sure. Have you seen these things?

Well, man, I get maybe, like, if it is, if you're doing it with, like... Fuck that. I ain't going, man. You're dragging me out to some fucking hotel on a Wednesday. Are people... This is what I'm saying. To do this shit? I don't think people are inviting...

extended people. They're not sending out invitations. I would assume it's like, hey, me and your mother, your close brother, sister, whatever, you know, like you're like,

hey, I'm going to have, hey, to me it would be the same people of like, hey, we're having a cookout on Sunday come over. Like that kind of squad.

It'd be like you, your mom, your brother, your aunt and uncle cousins, like the tight. Well, who's getting married? No one's getting married.

You're renewing your mouth. Who is? Whoever. I'm just saying, say your fucking, your cousin wanted to. It would be the, the 20,

person circle would get the invite 10 would show up yeah that's what I'm saying I don't think it's like they're not sending you're not you know people from working get invited and shit I ain't going I'll pay that much um you never heard of anything like that in your neck of the woods right no but I feel like my end of it is always like rich people doing it big really yeah like but like still more intimate not like wedding size but like oh we're filing the whole family out like turks and caco's and doing it there have you done that? Have you seen that? No, never. I've never.

I only like TV shows. Yeah. That's, I mean, I don't know what it would take for Denise. Did they do it on a fresh print? Did they read it their house? Most, dude, every sitcom at some point where that's the only reason I know it. I always thought your dad did it when you went, when you went to Vegas. And the Borgata?

That was a marriage. That was a wedding that me and Texas Hold on Tournament. Shout out to Binions. Shout of Doyle Brunson. That was, I'm not going to lie, that felt that wedding and my dad's second marriage in Vegas. You went to it too, right? Yeah, my little brother was the ring bear, and I thought that was, I was jealous. I was this kid's fucking killing it.

How do people? Shout out, Michael. It was me, my brother, my sister did not go. That was ultimately, listen. chicken sandwiches. She threw a party that weekend at my dad's house. Sick. Oh, that's awesome.

My dad's in Vegas got mad. I don't know why my sister's a dumb bitch, but I would have done the same thing. I think it was like after a dance. Like, you know, it was like a high school dance or something, or something like that. Maybe it couldn't have been college. It had to be high school. They took pictures, disposable camera.

She left the pictures in like her drawer at my dad's. My little brother was like, I mean, he was. It was like four or whatever. It was just like, found them in her room, came down and was like, here's pictures of all these kids partying at the house. That was the first real split in the... Was your dad pissed? That was the first big fight. What?

Was he pissed? He was not... You heard stories. He was not happy. But that wedding, it was me, my brother, me, my two brothers, me, Danny, Michael. Matthew wasn't born yet. Michael was. I remember he's like

Me and Audrey are getting married He sat me down Same sit down I was like this is bad Anytime he gets sat down In the family The living room You jammed up

Things aren't going great He goes We're gonna He was like this big load off his chest He's like We're gonna get married Is that okay? I'm like

I got a four year old brother You guys have been You guys bought a house together What the fuck It'd be weird if you didn't guy Yeah Are you checking in with me now? Yeah

I'm like you own a business together What the fuck you're talking about. Now you're checking, you're taking the temperature on this. A little pot committed at this point to bring up your poker analogy. They're repo in the car right now. This is pulling out of the driveway. I love her, man.

Yeah, so it was me. What'd you say? I remember being like, what? Yeah, like this is, that's paperwork at this point, buddy. You're fucking, you're in it. He asked me this at dinner time? Drop this shit on me. I got a fucking map test in the morning.

I was 10? That's probably 13, something like that. Yeah, so my dad's business partner, Sam and his wife. This is a rough squad. Dude, Sam. Shout out Sam. He was an older black guy from North Carolina, South Carolina. He had Sam's secret sauce.

I told you used to put that shit on a hot dog. Blue my fucking hair back. I remember him going, you like hot dogs? I go, I love hot dogs. He was, wait until you see this shit. He'd come over to my dad's house and grill for the big barbecues. Man. That was the first time I seen a jar,

saw an undiscript, unlabeled jar of sauce. And he was painting this. He might as well had to fucking paint roller to put that shit on the food. But yeah, them two, I want to say that. My dad, my... She had to have somebody, right? She had her bridesmaids. Her parents.

I can probably get the... I can't show the picture, though. Of course. I think her brother. But she weren't, I bet you she was wearing a headband. What? Quit a headband. You know what I mean?

Like a band, like a band. She's not an old lady. It wasn't a patch over. No, I'm saying like, you know, sometimes brides. Sure, like the, yeah, no. Halos. No, she had a nice dress. So is that the Bellagio, it had just opened.

Mm-hmm. I remember being like, I remember telling people at school. Like, Dad's getting my balladio. And I remember, and then I remember to not being that classy. That the guy you moved in the. middle of the night with yeah we're doing all right he's actually gonna marry or you believe that

um he ran it by me I said yeah you know I gave you okay uh no they uh what was I saying that wedding um what was I fucking saying you see him the guy with the hot dogs

no you shut out Sam the first conversion van I had seen too. Let us borrow that to go to Toronto. Man, this is real high dollar stuff, right? You. Hot dog spread and conversion into Montreal. No, that was me realizing it wasn't fancy. This is funny. Like, I've never looked at it throughout. Would you eat dinner? I always forget. What did you do for dinner after that?

I don't think me, I think the parents, I think the adults went out and me, Danny and my younger brother went and sat in the hotel room and what baby sat my younger brother. I remember that vividly Some of the hot dog sauce They're drinking it I'm ordering room service I'll put it on the grill cheese and shit Taking a sip

It's in the back of the mouth Hey You guys get it tried I'm telling the bell up I'm better on anything Yeah no they went out to like play the tables or something and but it is I remember going I remember thinking I was like the Bellagio fancy Vegas Vegas to me was fancy at that time yeah you are fucking and I remember when I realized it wasn't fancy we had to wait for another couple to finish their wedding so we could go in and there was people we were in like in line there was people behind us and me going oh I thought we were the only ones

getting married at the balladish sure i thought you know we were you shut the joint down yeah i thought it was like a fucking room of floor our floor rooms yeah private plane no yeah yeah yeah shit yeah this was this was tangy presidential sweet oh yeah this was we're babysitting we you know barbecue sauce and a green tupperware yeah yeah we had to wait in life yeah we had a way i remember we stood in like a single file line well man had to put that hoof cream like his nuts after that. Oh, spark flying. Yeah.

That's second wedding shit. The party was like 15, 20 people. Well, I didn't go to the party. No, like just your whole group. Oh, yeah, maybe. Yeah, probably that. Probably that. I don't think my, like, our good family friends were there.

Yeah, I think it was just that because I remember just me and Danny running around the casino. So yeah, renewing your wedding vows. That's trash. But God love you. Yeah. Someone's got a dope. it? Yeah.

All right, let's see here. This one's from Chris. $10 general counsel here. Great name. Good name. You's ever been so jammed up. You swap the driver side and passenger side wiper blades after you notice the driver's side is

coming apart and the passenger side seems to have way less wear on it. I've never thought of that. That's brilliant. That's really good. But I've been in that since wipe your blades, man. I don't get them. They go quick.

I don't get it. Either you got a good pair or the ones on my car suck. Just all of a sudden you get that film. You can't get the frost right. Is that on the inside? I think that's on the inside. I think it has to do with both.

One affects the other. Because if you're too hot in the inside, it's going to streak no matter what. Yeah, I don't know. It's one thing I remember at one point having a pretty good understanding of like, do you want the best thing of like circle the air in or pull it in from it? You know how you have that? You can be like, let's recycle it. Or let's bring it in new intake.

And like the best time for the rain and the heat, if it's cold out and it's hot. I'm never at. I don't know it anymore. I'm never at a constant in the car. I'm always playing defense, hot or cold. Yeah, I'm like, you're constantly adjusting it. And you know some people, you know what fucks me up when people close the vents and you don't realize it. And you start cooking on the driver's side or whatever?

I know somebody that would close the vents. Luke? No. Okay. But that was unheard of in my family. That's like fucking stealing the flu. Closing the vents. What's your take on this?

I was in the back of an Uber with Luke yesterday. Yeah. Big Uber, right? Large Uber. Mm-hmm. They got the dials in the back that you can control it. Yeah. Luke was a little hot or a little cold?

Luke was a little hot. And he's like dabbling with it. I guess he can't figure out the controls. Then he asked the driver, can you turn it? The air down? Like, he asked the driver when he's got full command center. You didn't know what he was doing? No.

Was it locked? He didn't have the AC on. So I'm just getting air. I'm not getting an AC. No. He has the AC control at the top. Yeah. I'll give him that.

Okay. I didn't know that. If you need something, say something. Thank you, Henry. You're welcome. Place him with AI. What are you going to do with him? What?

It's like, you know, you're expecting him to. I don't know. Yeah, it was just, uh, I saw him. He's a child of comfort. He doesn't know anything but to ask. He doesn't know anything but to ask. He's got a spot on. Gimmy, ma, sure.

He also took us to the wrong location. Nice. Brue. I didn't yell at him. Nice. I don't think I've ever yelled at Luke. I've been stirring with him once or so. I've never yelled at Luke.

Yeah, yeah. No, I have never yelled at you. I've never been yelled at you. I've never been yelled at you. I have been yelled at you. You've yelled at me. Yeah. Several times.

Yeah, several times. L.A. you really yelled that. No. Or you yelled at me. You yelled at me in L.A. out of nowhere. He really gave it to me, too. A bit of a turn on. That's unfortunately how you get your rocks off.

Brat correction. Whoa. What, brat correction? Yeah. It's a kink. Ew. Send me a link on that. Send me a full wiki breakdown.

Brat correction. Yeah, you're being a brat so you get fucking slapped around a little bit. No, I don't like that. Yeah, you do. A little free. No, I don't like watching that. No, you like being slapped, though. Brady's stepdaughter, stepfather.

I mean, you know. As long as, you know, imagine you're the stepdaughter. Whatever. What are we talking about? I know, you brought it up. Fucking creep. You're a creep. I don't watch that shit.

No one said you did. No. I know. I go to the Lord. It's so funny when you like adamantly deny something that like you clearly do. I like stepdaughter stepdad stuff. What the fuck? What am I jerk off?

No one said, first of all, you just said you don't watch that stuff. I don't know what you're doing. You're the king of bringing something up And then go, no, I don't do that. It's like, well, no one fucking said it. More than 11th. Episol, ladies and gentlemen. Episole.

Epi stop and spray. Epi stop and spray. Uh-huh. All right, let's see here. This one's from Joe, Joe Garbaggio here, $10 shareholder. Dividends used for poor life choices. Respect that. Is it, there's a dirtbag move.

Is it garbage to take all but one debit card out of your wallet? That way when you're at the cashier. and you're not sure if it's going to work, you can rifle through and go, ah, I think my wife took my other card. This is all I got. Like it. Jammed up but trying to play it cool.

I like that. That's a pretty good defense mechanism. I've never, I guess I might have done, I don't have my wallet on me. I only have this car. I might have done that once or twice. I do something similar where I keep a bunch of old debit cards

or credit cards in my wallet. So I can, if it doesn't go through, I can, oh shit, I don't know. But then it just looks like you, all those cards don't work. Because then one of those should work. I say their old one. I fucking forgot the wrong one.

Let me show you? No, I get it. I don't get what you, what you, what, if you go, oh. I want to know that I've had cards before. Okay, but you don't have any money. No. You know, I don't know which one this is. I think this is an old work one.

It gives me more of a story. I have more props to play with. I got denied yesterday, if I'm being honest with it. I went, I got a haircut and they Now you go to any of these places I'd never been to this place I give my number They go can we have your phone number Hey you already cut my hair

Also the guy washed my hair And I'm like I'm okay He's like no it's pot it's not price It's not price same price I like get my hair washed I know but we were in a rush we were doing stuff yesterday And I'm like I popped in I'm like it's more of a time thing He's like well during a rush I'm like Yeah it's fucking noon on a Tuesday

We're working here I show content I love that feeling It's nice going back in that sink in the warm water running over your head. Yeah, but this guy... This guy's name was Eli. It's sensual.

And this guy's the name was... No, I would say it's a... What's the word? In the... Erotic. In the womb. In utero? Yeah.

You get that vibe. You wait. You got memories from in there? No, but I'm just saying it feels good. Like you're in the womb. The warm water running over your ears and like, you get that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I get you. Yeah, sure. I get that it's a little too sensual for me. Huh. Uh-huh. I'd rather be doing a lot of other. I don't need my hair washed.

I like it. Yeah, I like it if a hot broadwood or fucking knockers are jiggling in my face. Jesus. What's wrong with Eli? His knockers were in the... Hey, how long you've been living in the city? It's like, knock it off. I'm hard, all right?

But it got the night. She goes, okay, I give her my phone number. And I don't know how the fuck this happens. is can we use the fucking Amex ending in 1004? And I go, I guess. And that is a number that I kind of remember. And I go, the number we have on file,

I go, yeah, I get, I don't know, how the fuck you got my. Have you been there before? No. That's weird. But I think they're, like, Dave, I think a lot of them have linked up. Or like if it's like a toast type thing. If you go, if you like,

toast has your information, if you signed up on. What the fuck? You shitched us everywhere then. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, which I'm fine with, but then I go, yeah, I guess. And she goes, okay, you're all set.

I had already tipped, I had already tipped Eli. Boom, hit him with a dub. Before I even went over, I said, that's for you. The news is like, I like a place where you go and he rings you up. He cut your head and goes over, and he's like, he hits a cash register that doesn't have a screen. He's like, it's going to be 32, whatever it is. Here you go. And I grease him on top of the total.

Sure. I like doing that, but I saw this wasn't one of those places. They had some brawl at the front desk with a bunch of computers. laptops. Shampoo. So I tipped him right away, then I went over to pay because it was going to be two separate transactions. I get denied.

So I pay and I walk away. I'm getting all my stuff. She goes, Kevin, this didn't go through. And now there's like a couple of like heavy hit, like, you know, rich looking guys. Now I'm embarrassed. And I go, but you didn't, I didn't even know where that card was. Now you're just like, you just look like an idiot. You can't.

I was like, I think that's an old card. I don't even know that number, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. I put it on the company card. I had to show that I had a name I had to show that I had money so I like held up the amex I'm like well my amex platinum work it's not the name on the car

we were shooting content that day I needed it as hair and makeup of course that's what I'm telling that's a fresh haircut yeah when did you get it 24 hours ago really talk to eli huh uh huh looks good because it doesn't look like you just got a haircut

no I'll give you that it doesn't which I normally wear a bad hair I wear a haircut band for three days. Skippy McSkippy doo over there. I know. I'm jammed up. What you want for me? Stink.

I'm thinking about plugs. Huh? No, you don't need plugs. Shark, hit me. Just leave it the way it is. It's fine. I'm not getting plugs. I'm 40 married, wife, kid.

Are you 40? I'm going to be 40 in a couple of months. Oh, shit. You get me. It's in August, right? That you a decent haircut, I hate doing. I get you something nice for your 40th birthday. Like what?

I don't know. What do you get a dickhead like you, though? Bitch about everything. You don't like nothing. Remember when you were in the records for a minute? I still am. I just bought a record not that long ago. Here we go.

Why don't you like that? What record? Bob Newhart. I bought it. Bob Newhart? Yeah. The comedian? Yeah.

That was like eight months ago. That was maybe eight weeks ago. Have you listened to it? No. Hmm. So what's that mean? I don't know. You don't use the record player.

I do use the record player. I just, unfortunately. I play my, I play Billy Joel constantly for me and the baby when we're in the burbs. Constantly. On the record. Because music is supposedly you can feel the record. Not the stranger.

More than you can. It's supposed to be like classical music. No, no, no. You feel the music. You went up town right in in you. It is for sure. The stranger. But, yeah, they can feel they're supposed to be able to feel.

the music more than digital. Like on the pop to crackle. You feel it in your body. So I play for him. And we'd dance. Play it fully for it. But it skips in the same place. What, you got a scratch record?

Yeah, I got a scratch record. It's also probably from the fucking 80s. I'm not buying new Billy Joel records. I don't think they make them. Yeah, it's my... They're not printing new... Wax and new print. Wax.

Anywho. Pressing? But yeah, maybe you get me a record. That would be nice. No. Get you dinner somewhere or something. I'm all right. You don't want dinner?

Your birthday dinners are... No, I'm not going to go with you. I'll get you a gift card. Why would you go with your friend? You don't think I like to. You get me a gift card? Yeah. You don't get a guy you like a gift card.

Why not? You go, you don't think I like you. I'll get you a gift card or something. I'll get a gift card. Use a little bit of it. Uh-huh. There's 32-84 on there. I already know what I'm getting.

What? I've been talking to Luke about it. The lies, my God, the lies. Look, am I right or wrong? You're wrong. You fucking peace. This is why. You can't fucking just back me up once.

You were, you called out my performance this episode. It doesn't matter. You're calling out my childhood comforts as this episode. You turn that all, turn that around. You're the kind of guy in a conversation. You'll burn a bridge and you get made. You can't cross the bridge. It's insane.

I don't, I'll never. That's what I expect that. And then you kind of like it that he fucking, No, I don't. This, I don't. This will be going. That shows a lot. I burn you.

Then you don't burn me back. Now you got a friend for life. The H. Foley School of fucking diabolical behavior, ladies. All right. All right. Gang, I'm going to tell you this right now. Forget all that. Forget all that.

We love you. Forgive. What kind of pornography I watch. Norolize yourself. Gang, we love you to death and we'll see you next week. Peace.