Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - After Hours at the Bar! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: November 27, 2025

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! MEET & GREET SIGN UP: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScLUmBhmeLHRhnkFpXkZD15foLanoepaJrPRBQm08Pzir5cHA/viewform?usp=dialog AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: Hollow Socks: For a limited time Hollow Socks is having a Buy 2, Get 2 Free Sale. Head to https://Hollowsocks.com today to check out their huge sale. Rocket Money: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to https://RocketMoney.com/GARBAGE today. Uncommon Goods: To get 15% off your next gift, go to https://UNCOMMONGOODS.com/ayg Promo Code: AYG Factor: Eat smart at https://FactorMeals.com/garbage50off and use code garbage50off to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, we are giving away free VIP packages to come back and meet me and Kippie after the show. Get a little merch, enjoy yourself, and hang out with me and Kippie. Yeah, we're going to be backstage. You just have to purchase your tickets before December 1st. Click the link in the description to sign up, and we're going to announce the winners. We'll see you there. Love you, Are You Garbage.com. Yeah.

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedian, are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage. It's that little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that I figure out to be classy. Yeah.

Just a big whole piece of trash. Trash, trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition. She just told me she just had a protein show. shake. Okay. My coess is coming at you from across the table.

I don't get it. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He's an international businessman, father of the year. And when he walks through a Home Depot, they all kneel because he's a king of the babes, baby. Give it up for KJ. Kevin, James, Ryan, everyone. What up, gang?

Shout out to you. As always, thanks for tuning in. Please make sure you rate with you, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are in the middle of the charge. That's where we belong. We're not showing off.

We're not making headlines. We're not making moves on anybody. But we're not falling behind. We're at the party. We're having a good time. You look over. We're vibing. We're vibe guys.

Philly show. Philly show. Big show in Philadelphia. Obviously, we've been plugging a balls off of that. We want that to be a fucking hum a dingy. Yes, sir. Biggest show we've ever done. And then if you haven't seen the post, the amount of that.

New merch drop. New merch. Holy shit. I forgot about the boys got to lock the whole. on over here got the new merch drop got the garbage you got the uh trash trash you're just making stuff up you got the toady it's all just things in our world you got the bug man we do go check out the merch obviously on the website and then we just announced a whole slew of new shows daddy oh we got austin texas we got tampa florida we got chicago we got bloomington we got nashville we got

pittsburgh we got cleveland get your techies the boys are hanging some club weekends in there What are you doing called weekends? Looking forward to me. Hanging out, doing a long call week. They'd be like real comics. Get to go out on a Saturday during the day. Uh-huh. See the town.

Have lunch. That's just back to lunch. Get it up. By the way, I didn't realize I have a dented can. Dude, I saw, I don't, did you dent that or no? No, no. You are, dude, you have such dented can vibes as a guy. If a guy was a dented can, it'd be you.

Dented can and crooked heaters. Remember that one? I pulled out at the airport the other day? It was like right before the firing squad. It looked like a piece of lost luggage. By the way, I just saw the executed a guy by firing squad. You're still doing that?

Can you, um... Do you get a blindfold meter? Some places you can chew that you at least... Like a mad libs. But can I drink this or is just going to have botulism in it? What do you mean? I don't know. They're bad.

Botulism will kill whatever you got going on. Taste of tetanous flavor. rabies I scared a rabies Some places I think there's still Like on the books that you can say I want to go this way But I don't think you really can

You can. Okay You can you can decide I think there's a short list of ways to go And firing squad is one of them What's the way Is this state by state? This is in South Carolina

Probably muskets Can I choose to get fucked to death I want to do death by who is I meant the other way, but all right Nothing on that It's pretty good And how'd you not get to Tuddy A protein shake?

Because you're a dad You're an old man You don't like rock and roll no more What do you think I mean She just had a protein shake I don't know I just gave it to you You get it?

Yeah, look at Luke It's a beege? Yeah That's what they say semen is protein I listen I don't know what kind of circles you're running in, but I'm running a clean ship over here. I run a clean shop, all right, that? The missionary man.

Listen, I don't know. You're doing your snowballs on a weekend. I'm over here. Do you have a crucifix above the bed now that you're at dad? Sure. A little palm on the door. You do get the, you do understand. Man, wait until he gets older and you're yelling at him.

Hey, get in there. Wait. Scrub them elbows. I had, I hit him whatever today. Where the hell you go? Rolling all over to place. Can't you walk? I know he knows.

He knows. He's rolling around? Oh, yeah. Like barrel rolls? Yeah. I used to love that. You got a big head in your fucking. Something you go, you should be rolling straight, but it's like, he's got like a, he's got like a, you know, the tire pressure is bad or some.

Like a drift car. Like the sprint cars. He keeps going in circles, you know what I mean? His head stay. His head is the access and he walks around at. Man. Do you watch 60 minutes every night now on Sundays? I don't, but I do have to be honest with you.

I am finding a lot of solace and comfort in knowing that, like, I'm a home, more of a home body now. You know what I mean? It's nice to like... I suppose that your extravagant nightlife that you were living before. Oak room. I was just doing... Pop and bottles.

No, we just did these jokes to you. You can't fucking flip it. What did you do these jokes to me? I can't believe I'm walking around New Orleans having an ice cream cone. You really romanticized your name. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying yeah, I just

I find a lot of you know, I'm not worried about the running around his spots that having beers with my jerk old buddies. Chasing the skirts around. You got to grow up. It's just a lot of, you know, you find the joy in just being with your family. Hmm. You know what I mean?

That's key. Okay. Okay. I got that. And we're big. You know what I'm talking about, right? Your family still answer your phone calls? They're looking for tickets for that Philly show, yeah. Sure.

I did, I've mentioned a little bit, but I do want to say we did, what was it, a couple, whatever, two weeks ago, we did Preston and Steve. Yeah, man. Good time. And that was a show. I grew up in a pickup, I mean, like from my 20s when I was working for my family, you know, driving a pickup truck, I was listening to that. And I mean, I was the first time I heard about Burke Kreischer.

I was sitting at Bustleton and Street Road. and he had, I'm like, this guy He was telling the machine story I called up my boy, I say We gotta get friggin tickets That's what he was doing those daytime shows We did not get tickets We just ended up getting fucked up

At the Richborough pub But uh, yeah A couple of pros that president Steve Yeah sharp bang bang bang back and forth Uh huh And dude my mom My mom did I tell you Denise called me I heard your show on a radio

You're on a radio this morning I know I'm like Given, dude, those guys are awesome. I love that. And it's just so funny that, like, of all of the stuff we've accomplished, my friends and family came at, Pat texting me, he goes, what was it like being in the studio? I got to five, the fucking you're talking about.

I think it's cool, but still, what? The hell's this dump? My mom, she called me again yesterday. I told you I heard this show. Oh. You're looking for money or something. What did that pay for a guy? What?

Wet and her, but she wants 10%. Let me find out. She's slipping. I'll have her on the phone with you. Hang me and I've been married for 12 years. Send you off to boarding school. I'll take it at right now. I have a good idea for a Christmas present for you.

I'm going to get you a subscription to the newspaper. Uh-huh. So you can walk down to the end of the sidewalk and get it. Why would I have a subscription? I still got to go get the fucking thing? No, they throw it in the driveway. Oh, oh, in the bird. I'm going to specifically hire a paper boy to throw it in the wrong place.

God damn in the bushes. So you've got to walk down in your robe. Uh-huh. I get your robe, too. I'm not a rogue guy. I don't look good in a robe. I'm too wide. It don't look good.

It doesn't cinch well. Neglige. I'm not a 90. Something. Which, by the way, can I tell you this? I don't know where this is going. I was over at five below the other day. Okay.

A lot of good lingerie there. Yeah. I swear to God. It's also like you're making fun of my rock star lifestyle. I was over here. What the hell is a guy like you doing it. I get my vitamins. Get it doing it in five below.

Oh, I was getting vitamins. That's where they take kids once they see. That's how you start potty training kids. Hey, if you go on a potty, I'll take you to five below. I'm sorry, I can start doing it to you. I was with some people. Stop peeing on the floor. But they had these Christmas, like, pajamas for broads.

And they're like skimpy short shorts and like a little top. You like that, too, didn't you? Yeah. So I bought three pair. No 5X. Squeeze my little ass in there. Anywho, gang, this is what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies, just the way we like it,

especially around the holiday season. That's a quick down shift you just did throw on a break retard. Fucking double clutch dropped that thing. Pull the e-break? I always wanted to pull the e-break. I always wanted my brakes not to work so I could pull the e-break. I've had to do that. Yeah?

And remember when the member? Somebody cut your brakes? I pissed a lot of people off, don't you? I thought it was my stepdad for a long time. Remember my brakes went in the Montego. We went on a road trip. Remember that? That was wear and tear.

I don't know. He inspect. It sat for a long time. And then. They sound like the fucking Titanic hitting the iceberg. I mean, we've talked about it. But that was my Montego was the big, I mean, I've had dirtbag car after dirt bag car. The lumina, I had two luminas.

I wrap one around the telephone pole and then replaced it with the same exact car. My brother also. So at one point, we owned three 1995 Chevy Luminas, two white ones. in a silver one or a powder blue or something like that one i might take that one off your hands what one the one you got no you're not i might i love that thing i'll steal it neighbors hate it hot wire go for it that'd be fun i should we should steal your car i mean that wouldn't be a good prank a hundred percent right what are you gonna do huh a half asleep in your rocking chair uh-huh old man ryan in there i'm at that with a couple of fucking kea boys fucking

I'm still out there living, dog Smoking K2 Yeah Still out there living You're hanging out at the five below I wasn't hanging out there I was shopping I was asking for a job application

They need seasonal work Oh And the old seasonal work And seasonal work That's let's dude flip Shout out Flip Flip would do seasonal work For UPS

And we might as well thought He was the goddamn CEO He would show up I'm making $14. Dude, that was when we were all making eight, whatever, nine. He was making like double digit, and he was the runner. He would run from the truck to the house, truck to the house, and he would come and complain about it.

Truck to the house, truck to the house. Yeah. So the driver wouldn't have to park, get out, find it. He was like he would go in the back, find it, pull up to like one, two, three fucking Acorn Avenue. Cotton used to work in the warehouse. Warehouse work is not bad. He had his belt. Do you ever wear a belt?

Wait, the, like the lifting belt? Yeah. Nah. No? Do you ever wear a belt to the gym? No? Or do you use the straps? I know, Luke does.

I did. You wore, in high school. Does it hold up your thong underwear? What are you talking about? I got really into power lifting. Too shankly. Power lifting. He's got two shanklete.

He's double bicking it. Doing the thigh master at the same time. What are you talking about? It was taking a lot of creativity at the time. A lot of. A lot of. Three a teen. Yeah.

No, I was actually, that was the only time I got up to 180 in my entire life was junior year of high school for like six months. You're like the flash. Junior high school, you were 180. Then I got into a fourth grade, Foley was 180. Actually, high school, I was 180. Yeah, senior high school in wrestling, I was 180. 171, actually. I had to make 171.

Didn't they, didn't have me wrestle 189? Hey, behind the glory years, no one has. And actually, you didn't sky to Scott McPherson. He broke his ankle, and we had the... How was that kid's name sophomore year that broke his shoulder? And I had to start wrestling varsity. I got fucked up after the match. What do you got for me?

Nothing. You continue down your long line. Hey, we're in Q4 here. What do you got? Q4. Did you just learn that or something? You've been dropping the Q quarters. I think I said it, too.

I know it's Christmas bonus time. They knew it did. They're just talking a couple of numbers. A couple days ago about you gentlemen. He was trying to lowball everybody. He's got it. I just got you that race car. I bought Luke a little toy.

That's five below. $19. I would not blame. I would see five below doing that. Where like then they start going to, oh, this is. Do they do that now? It's still everything's five below. No.

No? No, none of them. Dollar slices ain't a dollar no more. This country is going a hell in an handbasket. I'm okay with no longer dollar slices. What times these days? I mean, dollar, the fact that they were making... The 99 cents store is not dollar anymore either.

All these tariffs. All these sheriffs. All right. All that's neither here nor that. What do you have on... Most items in the main section are five below, but now you can have five beyond with sections of $25.

It's pretty good. Don't cut the doodles. They splinter. Luke Dempsey, everybody. Hey. Oh, everyone. Of the Dempsey group. I would like a weight belt for Christmas.

Get you 40 pounds. We should bulk you up. I've been trying, man. Let's get you on steroids. I thought that was going to happen when I joined this team. I was going to gain some weight. Let's get you on steroids. I got a winstrel guy.

I would like that. You'd be like my trainer. Yeah, you jacked up. You need ice cream. That's what Christian Bale did for Batman. He had a lot of ice cream. Uh-huh. That's what they said, and he was pumping iron.

Yeah. Yeah. I had a pint last night. You did? I did. What did you have? I had that new Ben and Jerry's, like they've been doing a little bit of whip something on the top,

and then New York cheesecake chocolate. It was great. He's such a bitch. It's crazy. Why? You just don't like him. I love him. You don't like me.

You just lean to me and said, he's such a bitch. I would argue. I said in no microphone. I would have. I know. No, you whispered it like he wasn't going to hear. Like, he's got to edit this. He's got to listen to you call him a bitch like five times.

It's all foo-foo shit with him. It is never up the middle. Briars and some fucking Hershey syrup is what you need. I'm going to do grocery shopping for you. Get you straightened out. We've evolved. We've evolved as a species. Listen, you act like you're not doing, just stop with this.

You really, you really claim you're one guy when you're not that guy. I like a cold foam, sure. You're not that guy, pal. I like a cold foam. You're not that guy, okay? I am not bad. You really judge everybody. You live in a glass house that you're behind on rent.

There's a guy that lives in my building that's so scary. He would fuck me up. He's not nice. Sure. Maybe you're not nice. His wife's a nine-piece guy. You're trying to hide from the deck collector in your glass house. I can see you.

Hey, you're in there. That's a hologram dick. kid I'm doing very well I see you're reading the shutoff notice hey sit me up again keb let's talk about hollow socks hollow socks you know what stinks

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I get one to my brother. Yeah. I got a random text out of nowhere. These are the best socks I've ever had. What do you got? For a limited time, hollow socks is having a buy-to, get-to free sale. Head to hollow socks. com today to check it out.

That's hollow socks for up to 50% off your order after your purchase. They're going to ask you how you heard about them. Tell them the boys saying you support the show. Are you garbage? Do it. Yeah. Shout out to Rocket Money. You got a lot of subscriptions that you don't know about getting through yourself a favorite

go over Rocket Money and get rid of it, especially around a holiday season. You're going to a little extra scratch, right? You don't want to be sending money to who knows who. Take some stuff off the books. Take some stuff off the books in Q4 before the end of the year. That's how we do it around here, right, Kippee? Mm-hmm. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscription,

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Go to rocketmoney.com slash garbage today. That's rocketmoney.com slash garbage. Rock ofmoney.com slash garbage, do it. Yeah. Let's get into it here. Please. Speaking of jammed up, this is King Without a Castle, $10 homie and jammed up winter. What do you got?

Is it garbage to heat up a brick and use it as your cars defroster? A buddy of mine microwaves a brick and puts a rag on it on the dashboard and drove to work. What a legend. Whoa. Very, very artisanal. That's like the pizza stone. I know. Stone fired.

Yeah. That, I mean, because that holds, right? That holds. You cook a burger on that when you get to work. Can you microwave a brick, though? Doesn't it need moisture or something? There's moisture in it, and there's no metal in it. All it is is water and sand and some kind of red dye.

Hey, Flintstone, zip it. What is a brick anyway? You just told me. What do you mean? That's the king of you. Oh, Brooks just this. What's the difference between brick and concrete? I don't know.

You're Mr. Construction. Said you were driving around. your pickup truck. I don't know why we're so at this area. That pissed me off the second you said it. Oh, yeah, you drove a pickup truck. You were in the back freezing your ass off with some stray dog. You could tell, by the way, you said drive.

That really? Probably a Toyota. It was a Dodge 25 Honda jacked up. We bought it a used. and never put new tires on it. Their radios are always weird in those dodges. The dial. I love that.

Dude, you could really fine-tune the... Ah, that was great. And I'd be sitting there listening to Preston. I remember Nick DePaula was saying something so funny that I had to pull over the road and pull over to the side of the road of Marlton, New Jersey. They asked them one-to-all. This was in the lean years of stand-up comedy before, like, you know...

Late 90s? No, like mid-2000s. Okay. Um, yeah, I remember. Exactly. They asked them, what a tough, like, you know, like, what's the big gig to get now? And, you know, used to be the Tonight Show or whatever. What's the big gig now?

I don't know. Health care. Killed me. Killed me. Killed me. I don't know. Health care. Um.

Do you ever drop anything on a road? Drop materials on a road? No. Our famous last words were we put the ratchet trap on shaking. but that ain't going nowhere. And the ratchet trap. The ratchet strap. Oh, I hate those things.

Which I found out they found like a, I could never really, I never really knew how they worked, but there's like a new like a, it was like a mechanical one that's like all together and you kind of just zip zip where like I had to like string it and loop it and your fucking hands are freezing. Every year we have to do we have to do that

with the furniture in the back on the deck. We closed down the board. Patty closes down the pool. She fucking puts a tarp over all the lawn furniture and sticks it to the side. like a resort waiting for a hurricane and I got to fucking strap it to like the window you don't put it in a garage

hey get the car in there you got the pool filter plus my brother my cousin Paul and my cousin Tracy they all got shit in the garage he start charging these motherfuckers rent couches all kinds of stuff in there you know who's got to fucking organize that every time he goes oh I'm getting yelled that I got put the filter

over here this over there totally should turn it into a fucking fucking gym I get in there, start working out. You and Luke bulk up. I'm telling you. I love if that's what's stopping you from working out. 98 miles away. I told you, my mom let me turn a garage into a gym.

I'd be jacked right now. What's a brick made of? A brick is made of clay. Fired clay. Concrete block is a mixture of cement, sand, and gravel. It's all the same shit. Yeah. You should not microwave a brick.

Why? Because it absorbs moisture and will crack or explode. Yeah, that can't do. The microwave. I remember the first time I put, I forgot the, I was trying to make chocolate milk with a oval team. Volatile. And I put a glass in without water. Why?

I forgot. I don't know. Like, I just put the powder in and forgot to put the milk in a microwave. Did you brood? Man, it shattered. I was so scared. My dad was going to scream at me. I didn't know what to do.

Those early microwaves were fucking a menace. I remember the first one we had. It was the size of like that TV. It was huge. The thing was hanging off our, uh, our, uh, off our kitchen counter. Like, like three inch. Man, that thing Fuck you up

Cook a turkey in air Dude Cook your hair All right Let's see here What Cook your hair Sweep that on the rug

This was from Brian Trashy spelling B R-Y-A-N B-R-Y-O-N What the heck is it? What are you a Lord from Scotland?

I thought it was Byron, but it's Brian. Yeah, that's bad. First time a new Patreon, is it garbage or pretend like you're just looking at the merchandise before committing to a long line at a concert? Then you strike up a conversation with the guy next to you in line and what shirt they like. What do you look at?

What one do you like? Then before they step to the counter, ask them, if I Venmo or cash app you the money, will you buy my shirt so I don't have to wait in this long line? but to keep a class they always don't a couple extra bucks to grab a beverage of their choice those lines can jam me up for like an hour oh that's got scam written all over it I would never trust that would you let somebody you didn't know Venmo you I'll Venmo you I mean what do you think Venmo what do you think they're going to do what they Venmo you I don't know I mean they

Venmo you a dollar and then all of a sudden they're taking thousands of dollars out of your account you do not have hundreds 10 bucks hundreds about one 15 a checking yeah i mean like i you you're under like then they know your venmo but what does that mean i don't know venmo is not gonna let like venmo is the safeguard not that say they're not there's not flaws or whatever they can't be hacked but like trust me they're very sticklers about shit if someone has your venmo they can't just like it's not like to have your bank account information i know i kind of like the move i don't this is a victimless a victimless move to me here I can't see you warming up to that.

I'm not saying I would do it. I'm just saying I don't, if that happened in front of me, I'd go, it's one transaction. I'm here. What's, there, there's no. I guess I could see it like a dead show or the fish where it's like that community vibe. Like, hey man, get my shirt and I'll buy you an IPA, man. Like that. But that shit ain't flying at a fucking Oasis concert.

Fuck out of here, mate. Sure. Buy your own t-shirt. Uh, yeah, I don't know That's like someone walking up to you at an ATM saying, hey, can you break this 20? Didn't that happen to you? Yeah. I was in the Czech Republic.

That was a little friggin different. Hey, buddy, English, no. Big pocket! Scammers, scammers. Yeah, I mean, listen, that's a, that's fine to me. If both parties are consenting adults, I'm totally okay with it. Sure, definitely trashed those. I mean, it's a dirt bag move.

Dirtbag move, but, you know, if they say, say no, they say no, if they say yeah, I'll buy you a beer. No, but he says I'll send you the money. Uh-huh. That's like, that's completely fine to me. I can see, hey, I wonder if he goes to wait in line to get the, I'll go grab us a couple of beers. How about that? That's not bad.

That's not bad. And one thing I do like about the new, uh, I mean, it's probably cutting down on jobs and it's like, but you can just go by your, at a lot of places now. A lot of like venues and they're like, you know, stadiums and stuff like that. You can just walk up, grab your beers and like, walk, like self-pay walk out. which for like if you're just grabbing two beers there's no need to wait in line and we were at the last birds game I was just going to like a self-checkout

grabbing two beers from the fridge and there's like a guy standing there just like overseeing it making sure you don't walk out with them yeah but that's I mean like that's what it should be huh right I said waiting in line for fucking 90 minutes I thought they were gonna chip us all so we could just walk out of the store I don't mind that either

chip me up take a chip yeah our college bar started like the last year selling like just pounders for like just cash at like the front away from the bar so when the bar was too packed you could just go get pounders that's what that's great and stay in the bar yeah wow that's the move down at keenance too like big big places like that you go to like the beer tub girl you know what i mean i'm my one boy i don't you want to i mean he fell in love with the beer tub but like fell in love and then i think she ended up dating someone else or something It was like, it was a, it was a, it was a web.

But he was like, yeah, she's hitting me up. And we were like, dude, she is a, dude, we're talking a North Wilde Kenan's beer tub girl. As hot and trashy as you could get. You know what I mean? I'm talking somewhere like Abington or something nice, but trachey. Two words, kid at home. No, we were young. We were still in like college.

Kid at home. Kid at college. Yeah, I was. I remember just me, like, you know, he was overtipping her hanging out there. Yeah, I'll go, he was, I'll go get the beers. I love that phone and love in the moment, though. Like, getting, like, enthralled by, like, a bartender or something like that. Sure.

Fades very quickly. Yeah, it's just, listen, I've, I've been in a lot of, you know, regular bars with a lot of people close to me, not close to me. And, like, you know, working construction or whatever, you know, Friday, you go for happy. hour and just to see every dude operate the same with like the quasi hot bartender who's like a bitch to be a bitch you know what I mean over tipping oh you're oh you're bad as they like walk away that girl hates your fucking guts I mean I respect not you personally I mean maybe do you remember that um I remember my dad doing that and see dad's got a little swag though for what I remember you know what I'm saying sure you've met him

once sharp guy i remember you being like i knew he was a good looking older dude he only needed to see that once had the stash in the hair and the jeans he's probably closing deals as long as your fat little ass wasn't jamming up the works taking you out as a wingman yikes a couple of quarters fucking hamburger on your face got mayonnaise in your hair get away from me take your son No. Did you ever do that, those? You're an idiot.

Some of the evidence to support that. Uh-huh. Do you ever do those shows that we did for a minute? Excuse me. Out in. I forgot when Foley was the comedy kingpin. Setting up these great gigs for everybody. It was out in Ridley at that sports bar.

I want to say the guy that ran. Was it right next to the fridge? The stage was right next to the fridge. Maybe. I didn't want. The bartender's war. footlocker shirts They wore refs, you know

I don't think so Hot chicken, one of those It was that guy that The guy that taught classes at Helium The guy that taught comedy classes Trachman Yes, Brad Trackman put them together

I think Or maybe he was just a headliner On one of the shows And he was out there that time You don't remember that bar? Was it like a shotgun Like there was no showroom It was just in the bar

Yeah, you're out at the bar There was like two bars next to each other Like two like round bars No, this wasn't, I don't remember that day. Huh. Before your time, maybe. Well, that was one of those bars where it was like, they were like strippers. They were so hot and so smoky and mysterious and so Ridley and Delco.

Yeah. And they had a bunch of fucking mouth breathers just hanging in there. Uh-huh. Well, it's like tough when you see. I remember somebody, I said to my stepdad, I think it was my stepdad or my dad. I'm hanging a lot of bars, though, deal with these guys. but we were there and I go every time I'm there

this fucking guy is sitting here like the same guy across the bar your dad said this no I said this to my dad I believe it was my dad or my staff I forget one of them I got you one of the positive male

smoking and drinking role models in my life just like that guy's thinking every time I come in and I've fat kids here that's what they say that's when my stepdad goes he's saying the same fucking thing every time I'm here I see this

for these fucking these momos and that's when it hit me of like oh I'm I'm not better than any of these people. Not that I thought I was better, but like, you think you're different. Well, you're a little better. You were 12. No, but even, I mean.

No, whole life ahead of you. Doubtful. Guys, 87. He's leaving tips and quarters. There you go. Fucking drinking it through that thing in his throat. I told you we were at the pub. Biggest fear.

Me and Pat for a happy hour. And there was this guy, he, like, worked there and he had a real bad haircut. He goes, ah, I see. you got your Dallas. He said, I told you, he said to the guy across the bar

this fucking drunk and nobody he didn't like anybody goes, I see you still got your Dallas Cowboy jersey on and not even look it up because I see you still

got your little boy haircut and it fucking leveled the place, dude. Leveled the place. Me and Pat shit ourselves laughing, dude.

A little boy. That was when you were hanging and being close to the owner of the bar was cool. That was the coolest you could be they go i don't know you know fucking jimmy jimmy showed and then we were after you left jimmy showed up

closed the door bought around the car bombs after after hours yeah i'm all busy car bombs what i went to get chicken fingers being uh selected for happy uh or for uh after hours was always good that was to me and watching people get yanked out of you might as well be famous that's like you're on the list yeah you're a you know i know so and so and so and Guys were closing up. You guys were cool. Stay here. Hang out for me.

I'm there, fucking. Fire out that friar later. My buddy, who went to high school with, did well. I think in construction. And he... Driving a truck. And he... Uh-huh.

He bought a bar in Ambler. And I remember, I don't know, late 20s, early 30s. Back in town, he would, he would, you get to hang out in the office. You and a couple of the boys could go into the office and hang out back there. A.k.a. Coteown sitting on an empty keg. What are you talking about? Well, the weather outside is frightful. No, you're going to hang out. And it was always cool.

Yeah, you felt like you were famous. Yeah, my brother does that. You go anywhere with Dany. Anywhere. I don't care. He wants the VIP treatment. Not that. He goes. He gets in there, and you're, like, talking on, he's looking around. He's, he's, he's figuring out the organizational chart. Who's in charge? Do they own it?

Yeah, she's related, she's mad. That's the, and he's going, yeah, yeah. And then next time you go, that's the owner I know, probably. He, he figures it out. That's the owner I know his brother. Yeah, he really figures. It must be the honor, family organization. It's always something, though.

There's always a little, it's never just professional. What do you mean? It's, you know, their cousin works there. This one knows this one. Well, that's the owner's wife. She's the manager. That's 90. I remember learning this in college.

That's like, do you think it's all like corporation? It's like, it's 95% small businesses and family-owned business. A small business is like anything under 50 employees. So it's like not whatever X amount of, you know, crazy large percent of businesses are small businesses. Are we a family-owned business? No. Why not? until you marry my mother

we won't be a family unbusiness yeah we're not we run like a fan there's a lot of dysfunction we run like every family business I've ever been a part of we get lunch together we get lunch together

we do Christmas together we do a Christmas episode together we go out to dinner together yeah I mean we're friends are we a small business do we have 50 people working for us oh it's over 50 people is that the number

I think that's what it is if I remember correct a lot of times like when you do the insurance and stuff it's like under We just hired Mark the Shark. I hired Mark the shark and his name's not Mark. But that's a great Nicky.

500. 500. What the, what are we, Chobani? 500. Why was that? Would you have Jabani today? Yeah. For breakfast.

What are we lactate? It's just like some random ass fucking daring. I never trusted that. Nah. Dude, that was for no way. You're taking the milk out of the milk? I think. They're trying to sell it to me?

I still don't get that. It's a little more accepted. Now, yeah, with the lactate, hey, we can't do the sleepover, okay? I'm going to have my mom come pick me up. That and egg beaters. Oh, no, fucking, dude, trying to throw me a bowl of frosted flakes with lactate. You, pick me up. I'm going to have my dad-in-suburban diner.

Thank God. Where the baking's done, on premises. That and that New Horizons milk, I've told you. That's milk, though, no? You smell that cap. It stinks. I don't know what it is. Dude, I trust the generic non-bri-I mean, at home, it's, you know, Rose

That kind of stuff. But if I'm in a, if I go, if I go to Cleveland, I'm trusting the red cap, the red label, the plastic, microplastic jug. That's what I don't want. I'm not going carton. I'm not going. I want, I want like bad milk. We have not talked.

And I was that way with eggs for a long time. You like bad egg. You like the bleached white. I've stepped it up. Yeah. I've stepped it up just because. As a kid, brown eggs? Dude, what am I fucking Amish?

Get out of here. Up until three years ago. The pigeon shit on them? My, I'm like, you're sending me dirty eggs? I don't like things. This is how I operate. I don't like things not going through like a corporate oversight. Processing.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm not picking berries off the street and eating them. Fucking put them in a bag, spraying with some formaldehyde, sell them at the acne. Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. We don't talk enough about Rosenbergers, which it's a Philadelphia company, I believe, right? It was always area.

Yeah, like it was the area. They did ice tea. They did chocolate milk. Their chocolate milk was banging. They had all the schools. They would do the little banger cartons. That looked like half gallons, but they were in a little, you know, like a little carton of small cart. Yeah, individual carton of milk, which I had it was never enough for me.

Oh, sucked. See people drinking it with a straw. Like, what the fuck? Yeah, never enough. Always left you thirsty. I remember. But Rosenberger, shout out to him. Okay, what do you know about uncommon goods?

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dude a warm coke on your i feel your teeth rotten out in second grade yeah but uh spring for the ice pack patty way you're wrapping it in tin foil i didn't like the ice pack then i got to come home with stuff that was a chore to me that was that was single use i would look i would lose my do my mom would be like where's your lunch bag i go let's give me a brown bag what are we doing what's your lunch suitcase walking it with a roller which shout out to fleasy if you're on the patreon you might know fleasy our boy fleasy yeah top flight fleasie yeah he uses the roller bag we should get behind that instead of a school bag a backpack walking around everybody should roll with a roll you should be able to roll day to

day with a roller bag. What are you putting in there? What are you putting in there? What are you putting in there? How much better would your day be if you had all the comforts? It would be empty. I don't bring anything. I don't have anything.

Yeah, because you don't want to carry a bag. I would. I don't have some snacks in there. Some Rosenberger's milk? If it was socially acceptable, if we all rolled into work with a drag bag, tired of going to class to class with short shoulders and a broken spirit. Sure. T and T entertainment.

Yeah. T and T amusement. T and T amusement. Shout out to Tuckie. I'm just saying. And the whole Tucky family, especially you're in a holiday season. Yes. I would get down with that.

You had a computer and air, some snacks, power bars, pack of heaters. You know, change your underwear. Well, this guy's lost his mind. What? You're not in with that? You know what? You used to carry a bag. You used to run around the city in that mess.

That rock star messenger badmint, where did you get that? There was a version of following. I know exactly what you're talking about. It was like, it was like Army, you got, I don't know where you got it. It was, you do claim you got it at an Army Navy surplus store, which I do not think you did. I think you got it at like Bradley's. An old Navy or something. You got it at Bradley's.

And you used to claim, oh, what I can. It had red wings on it and a parachute thing. Uh-huh, and he would claim he got, you steal that. I think I used to tell people it was an Israeli paratrooper back. You did. Yes, you did. That's how nuts he is. That's how.

Chalkaida. Alabama. That's how. I got a friend. Gipmo, he sent it back. That's how nuts you are. Yeah, I used to have that, and I had my notebooks in there. And I had it in New York.

Somebody stole it from the lantern one time, and I found it a block away. That's when you know you're losing it life. When someone steals your bag and then leaves it on the street a block away, nothing was taken out of it. Leave it 20 in there for you. But it was opened. It was a dirty scarf that smelled like pure butt because I wore it every day and like some notebook with some bad jokes in there. And my pens. I was big on my pens.

I had my Micron Japanese drafting pen that when I write it or I wrote with it, I felt like such like I was ingenious. I felt like a smart Asian kid. You did. I wasn't. You did. But I wore that my pleather jacket. Yeah.

And that that short sleeve white like with like black or red dot, the small dot shirt. Oh my God, that shirt. Did very well in that shirt a couple of times. Sure. I think I'd say these. Yeah, you were... What are you getting at? Did I stink?

No. What? I mean, I mean, I don't know why you fucking snap. I'm just saying as a guy who liked the bag at one point, you did carry your stuff around. Imagine if you had a nice roller bag where it was socially acceptable to bring all your... That was hot back then, wearing those things. I'm saying, what if this was hot? That would be cool. You roll up.

You got all your stuff, your charger, your headphones, your keys. I think they would have to. think I've said this to you before, it would have to be the ones that, that, that, that, uh, have power on them. You get on it and you ride away. That should become fashionable. We should all be zipping around the airport in those things. Nah. Yeah. That thing's sick. But then you got a charge. You pull your crackers out of your bag, have a cracker. See, now you got crackers. And you sit on it and fucking right down. We should all be zipping around. We should have little, we should have those one wheel things that we're all zipping around town in.

I don't want to be on him. Why? You look cool. Uh-uh. You love that mess in your bag. I hated that thing. I hated it because, like, you thought it was, like, a conversation starter because you've made up an origin story of it, which it was not.

I got this is in the really paratrooper bag. And you're like, first of all, why is that cool? I don't know. It wasn't. Everybody go, ah, cool, man. You're in the military? No. The military stuff, you could get it.

at like Old Navy and like that mid-2000s was so corny like I had to think you're looking at the spokesman I remember I remember when I fucking when I when I fatted out of Old Navy it was a sad day

I remember that used to go to the one over like on like six out like the fashion district and he'd go this is what he would say to every day for the listener every day I worked like a straight job I worked at an office so I had a very you know I was out by 530 6 o'clock

I'd be downtown six whatever he was a little more jumping around a little more piece and things together you know what I mean you were there's a gig culture back then gig economy so you were in and out of like you do you were waiter you're waiting table like steady jobs but yeah I got fired a couple of times I'm not saying that but sometimes you'd be working in the morning afternoon whatever you were

you were a little more flex I don't know why you're taking this the wrong way that's all I'm saying is you were a little more like and I do a little shopping before my spot yeah so we meet up Because we're not going home. We live so deep out in the bear. I lived all the way uptown. You lived all, I mean, you were, you were floating around at that time. Man.

But instead of. A trash bag of clothes and a guitar. Uh-huh. Yeah. From Bushwick to Astoria, from Astoria to Bensonhurst. But instead of going back to our respect, I mean, at the point, we're probably both on couches. Going back to our respective couches. Yeah.

We would just meet up, hang out, find a Starbucks or something, post up. You introduced me to ice coffee. Thank you very much. I did? Uh-huh. I have a picture of it. I have a picture of the first day. You should tell me more things like this.

That makes me feel great. You introduced me to Brian Park, which is near and dear to my heart. Now, who's that? How do you spell that with a Y? Was he in the Israeli Air Force with me? Taiwanese jet fighter. That's something I wanted to ask you. No, I'm not in the Taiwanese arm.

Is it, how lame is it? Now, listen. Very. We all wear bomber jackets. Not anymore. Bomber jackets are kind of phased out. I just won't mind today because it fits now. I don't want to, but you bought it four years ago.

You still look good and it's a vibe. No, I'm out. No, I'm telling you. It's cool that now no one's wearing them. By the way. I'm just saying we're all not wearing bomber jackets. True Classic. They sponsor this episode.

Beep. I'm back in the True Classic. That's great. I got a whole pack of them at the house, too. Uh-huh. Fantastic. Oh, yellow. Great.

Colonel Mustard. Um, all right, I'm going today to get a new jacket. I want to get a new jacket anyway. I'm saying the bomber jacket looks good. That's a choice for you. That's cool. I got a meeting today. I want to look cool.

So I'm going to go down and you pick up a jacket. Okay. But I'm sorry. They cut you off. They go just to put a button in it. I'd meet up with them. And he'd go, make me in a fashion. I had a little shot.

Made me in a fashion district. Yeah, you would. Yeah, you would. Kipi, when you're shopping on 7th Avenue, you got to look the part. And I'm like, all right. And I remember, you're like, meet me. me at like, you know, whatever that, whatever, find out. It was a cluster of Old Navy, Broken Dakota factory, and T.J.M.X on 6th Avenue.

Sixth and, no, but 7th then. It would have been like 7th and like 24th or something like that. Something. Yeah, in the 20s. Yeah. I remember staying on the side of that old Navy, cranking a heater. I come out like a million bucks. Dude, he turned a corner and goes, let's go.

And I'm thinking we're walking into like, fucking, I don't even like John Varvado's here. I don't even know that's a real. I think we're walking in somewhere where you got like a personal shopper. And he fucking kicks in the doors to the old Navy. Tony! I was like, this guy's a mover and shaker. I remember. Really?

No. You asked me to bum his Sieg. He asked for kills on my SIG and then walked into an Old Navy. That's when they had these deals that Patty was feeding me coupons from like Labor Day and shit. $10 off this, $10 off that. Remember those Old Navy things? Gift certificates already were? except that you jammed up

because I buy a lot of shit on clearance and they didn't count for the tickets But I remember when I fatted out of Old Navy Go in there You know, I'm in an XL For a couple XLs I remember you going Nah, that's not going to swing it

Like you knew certain things Yeah That's the way I was at H&M Certain things just aren't going to work I got to get Hit 2X It's limited But you could find one

Yeah And then once that don't work Gang it's been real I'll be over at the DXL Take care, Hank Thanks boys Ahoy, matey

We're a fleece for me one day Will you fellas Every those fleeces Every trash bag in Philly War Those old Navy fleas A lot of cigarette burn on there Never big I was never a fleece guy

No I don't like the way it fell on me I look like a fucking tennis ball Yeah look like a smock Bad look for the kid Bad look I looked like a big mitten But what I was going to say is

is it garbage to wear the fighter jacket with the fighter patches on it? You got, listen, for us. Unless you're a fighter pilot. I think there's fashion, like there's guys who are, there's people who are into fashion where that does play. Like, and you're going like, this is a look I'm going. That's not our look. No.

What? We look like we're about to storm the Capitol. I got a raccoon hat on. Fucking trash can lid is a shield. Yeah, it would be a bad look. You can't. When. Running at an FBI agent,

put a folding chair strapped to your arm. You're going to lose that battle. When dudes like us try to do anything like not that. Cool. Yeah, cool. It's just we're just not cool guys. I've, I've. I've.

I'm making sure my kids. What he's thinking about it. The family show gang. I don't know if I told you. What? Somebody asking about me? Somebody said they were opposed to me. No, the good boys that Carhart reached out to me.

Get the fuck out of here. Seasons desist? That's what I said. Wait to that merch. Wait till you see that new merch drop, okay? This email ain't going to be too sweet. That's what I need is a new Carhart. Hit me up.

No, I'm Carhart. You're not, I'm the car. They say, hey, Kippey, we realize you're wearing Carhart all the time. He said, buddy, I just put it in an order. He goes, we'll send you some stuff. I need a brand. Yeah, go find one. Yeah.

Timmy D's got the polo. Navy buddy I've been trying to get you in cool shit and okay not cool shit in decent looking shit you fight me on it you don't I'd send diesel I'd take you shopping they're super dry coming back remember dudes wearing that shit when you got up here open mic or dudes always rocking super dry I went in there one time I was like what the fuck that ain't a medium and this shit is expensive sure yeah but when I was a kid I can't however I'm gonna express this I am underestimating it or I am are selling it. I wanted Tom Cruise's jacket from Top Gun so fucking bad. I thought if I had that

jacket and a motorcycle and could fly an F-14, I would be all right. I mean, that dude was killing it. You ever see that jacket? You got to be able to back it up, I would say. Well, you did make it to work the stick. I can't. You didn't make it to the Israeli Air Force, so that's pretty good. Paratrooper. I don't know what it was. It was a red something. That's a grenade bag, I think. They put your grenades in there. I've ever seen in a couple of movies when they were like...

It was a... What do you mean? No, it wasn't... No, but that's what it was used for, I think, in the military. What? It was a... No, that style of bag. It was a messenger bag.

Yeah, but in the Army, they would put grenades in shit in there. That bag was not in the Army. No, not that specific bag, that style. It was a messenger bag. I think it was a Wold War II grenade bag. It was a gun. Green Messenger bag that you bought, as you said, at Bradley's. I've seen it in movies where they were like about to get killed and then you pull a couple

of, you always have a bag of grenades that in the last minute you pull all the pins. You just got burgers in there. Fuck, wrong bag. And you go in and then you drop all the pins in front of the monster. Did I ever tell you bought a grenade? My mom? What a grenade? Yeah, there was this.

You jumped on a couple. Only in New York. Hawks eat squirrels. Um, we went to some weird, uh, not like, expo. No, like, which I mean, I did, I did make my dad take me to the gun expo one time. He was again, that and like the record one where it's like, we haven't been to that. That thing. My dad walked in, he goes, he goes, buddy, this is.

You got to get some pussy. I was young. I was probably like eight, nine. It was a lesson. He went, these things, he's like, because they were advertising it on the radio all the time. And he's like, this is when I was going. to work with them a lot or just in the car. This is like the thing downtown, like,

would they have the old records and they have posters and all that stuff? This was at the Valley Forge Convention Center. He's pretty, listen, kid. No, he's just like, it's not going to be what you think it is. I go, they said they got 10 million records in this place. Did you have a record player? Or just albums, CDs, things you couldn't get,

stickers, tour, Mert. And I was, like, getting into rock and roll. Not even, it wasn't even like specific stuff. It was just like, this is cool. I don't know. music it's cool they were fucking pressing steve were advertised i had to get there sure and he goes it's not going to be what you think it is and i remember walking in and there was like nine it was like a bunch of tables and like nine people walking it was like like a tumbleweed blew across and

he's like oh just go to friendly yeah we did one half a lap and he's like you see i told he's like this stuff he's like you can't believe everything you read type deal oh man it's very much that's how they get you you know what i mean yeah took you to a guy Gun show? I think so. I was into guns at a young age. Really? Yeah.

I told you had a holster. Took me into a real. He went and bought me a real holster. Cheese steak. But I went to this. You kept your ketchup. But I went to this. My mom took me to this, like, not a farmer's market, but like a, it was like a shat.

It was like a collection of. An auction. You're trying to sell you. Fort of five, six, five, zero. Sports induced asthma. whatever and they had a grenade with the drilled out bottom like a real grenade and he goes I'm not supposed to be selling these because you can find out how to fill them on the internet I'll take two and my mom goes well we don't have the internet and then bought me an old decommissioned hand grenade and I wanted to be like this is how this is what you see on the news and what did you do with it I just thought it was cool

I'll fucking play with it, throw it, dive over the couch, fucking cover your ears and shit. Fucking clear a room, fucking bust a bunker. What do you need me to do, dude? Your mom's trying to make dinner, you're a flashbanger. Clear! Man. You've really turned things around.

So of you. What are you talking about? I haven't. You have. What have I turned around? We really got you straightened out, didn't we, boy? Uh-huh. From Forrest Comp.

I mean, you were a dork. Now you're successful business, man. Podcast, I was eight years old. I'm not like 16 doing this. I was smoking heaters and drinking frosty bruise at that point. Many men wish death is upon me. Me and Pat cruising out with sideways hats cruising out to 50 cents. Many men cranking heaters.

You guys want to see my grenade? Show my asshole. Boom. Speaking of weird little kids, Dr. Chalupacabra, that's a pretty good name. That's great. They should make that at Taco Bell, the Chalupacabra. Haunt you in your dreams. Is that what the Chupacot?

Is it Chupacabra real? No, is the mythical beast. Mythical beast. Is it garbage if you used to flip your eyelids as a kid? I saw a meme the other day that said. Like 9 and 10 kids that flipped their eyebrows or flipped their eyelids are in prison. Sure. Yeah, there was only a certain ambidextrous person that could do it.

I don't know if that's the right word, but sure. They could do that. They could do the spit down and suck it back up, snap their arm. They had a really good bang, bang, bang. Yeah, same kid in my girlfriend. buddy mine could flip his eyelids he could do the lips where like kind of like fire marshal bill oh yeah they go up and down and it's just his teeth and he could also make himself fart yeah he could suck air in his ass that's crazy i don't have

good time in college i remember getting picked i mean again we were probably 10 12 year out of something and he showed me that at his house i was like yeah you know he can fart on demand i said i'm gonna have to get some eyes on this i'll show you like good evening. You fart. Somebody pulled the pin on this guy, okay? So, I remember getting a car and going, Dad, you're not going to believe what Matt can do. I know you're behind on the mortgage and all that stuff, but wait to hear this.

I think I got the answer to all of our problems. We get this freak down to Atlantic City. You get them at the Valley Forge Convention Center. We start selling tickets. We start running ads. People paying to see this guy. You wet your beak. Yeah, that was...

Joe Testerini, the magic farting boy. Step right up. The one time we made him do it in the pool and he sucked in water. Caught a parasite. He was dead in a week. Apparently chlorine is not good for the gallbladder. That's crazy.

Oh, God! He shit himself. Just give him diarrhea. I think a leaf cut in there? That's dangerous. Opening up your butthole in the body of water? We didn't know what we were doing. I remember he was having a party, and I...

I don't know if I was smoking... I guess I was smoking things. Is that a pack of a match? on me and I struck a match in his basement and his mom came down and fucking reined me out a band I don't know if I got kicked out but it was like who's got matches and someone narked on me real quick

were you smoking not in the house I think I just had matches I was probably smoking at the time yeah yeah we're in junior high was light matches yeah I guess I don't know I'm freaking he's farting all the time but I think I was so used to my house is real who's who's who you're rolled with my house is you can smoke in so i'm going there's no way to smell a match you know what i mean like if you struck a match in my dad's house it wouldn't he wouldn't be able to sniff it out three floors down you know what i mean

she can't dude it was like she came down the stairs fucking reigned me ill we weren't a lot of hang out together anymore i was a bad kid there was something about getting yelled at compared to him as a kid when you were fat that made you feel worse i don't know what it was but i was aware of my fatness whenever i got yelled at i was just waiting for the parent to be like you fat little bastard i don't know why it's just because i'm fat you start freaking out you broke my window hey you called my daughter all four uh that's when we were deep six in each other remember that do you know deep six

That what you call it? Deep two and a head. You finger blasted each other? Deep six and each other. That's where you make yourself pass out? That's what you call that? Then you push on their chest. We just called that the passout game.

I did it once. Not for me. Do you Google Deep Six? See if that's the thing. I know kids that would do that every day. We had a kid do it too much. Because it would be like you breathe in and out five times or whatever. And then he would be like, let me do 15 deep breaths.

And this kid's bad news now. Like, off the reservation. Addic behavior. Oh, dude. At a very, at like 16, he's like, he's institutionalized for, and now he's, he's not doing great. But I remember being like, guy, relax. I got the matches. Galaxy gas. Same similar effect.

What's Galaxy gas? Nitrous. Oh, yeah. I don't have deep six. Who are you, my mom? I think they're dealing galaxy gas. That's what the kids are calling it now. Fucking nitrous.

They don't call it Deep Six, it seems like, on the Internet, but they also call it Space Monkeys, fainting game, choking game. That's great. Space Monkey. That's really, that's way better than Deep Sick. It's going to ever play space. Sounds like a video game. Don't do that, kids out there if you're listening. Don't do that shit.

Bad news. You stay in school and eat your vegetables. Smoke your heaters. Like a gentleman. I had sex in a hot tub one time. Sweet. That's from a couple minutes ago you're talking about the farting in the pool. Uh-huh.

Okay. Plus is one everybody to know. Kind of wicked UTI. Uh-huh. Wicked. What was his name? We'll be right back. All right, let's see here.

This is from Daniel from Shal in New York. $10 Wawa, BLT Hogi with Ranch and Old Bay, never have one red. That's what you're doing? You can do Old Bay at Wawa? Fuck that. No way. Can you see if that's on the menu? Old Bay on a sandwich?

They do BLT, I guess. They do BLT. Yeah. I told you. They have that special sizzly. It's on the menu. Old Bay's on a menu. Oh, yeah, I know the spices.

Yeah, I don't. I'm not perusing the spice menu that much. Yeah, me neither. Is it garbage to take a break mid-sandwich slash meal to floss your teeth and then get back to eating? I eat a 10-inch classic, hit the placers, and then crush the second half with fresh chompers. It's trashy, but I know exactly where you're coming from. You don't feel that he gets a lot of stuff in his teeth. Probably could use some dental work.

I have a spot right here where I always get a little tendon or something to get stuck in there. You get like the white chunk of bread that's like too white. If I can't get that out, it freaks me out. I get it. I respect it. You're coming back in fresh. That's like going in halftime and having a gatorade getting your head on straight. Sure. I mean, I've honestly never really heard of it or thought about it.

It's like that could be classy if you're doing it and like putting it on the dashboard of your car. I'd have to argue not classy. But I don't know. I flush my dental floss. yeah I thought you're probably not supposed to do that sometimes I forget to I mean I'm sure it's fine but people get very upset when they see it in the toilet which I don't understand why um yeah I just like it's just not it's someone else's refuse of some kind I guess the argument would be of like just flush the fucking toilet you lazy motherfucker that's what I think they would be saying that's not me talking you Brad I like you I like you I like you hear a nice guy I'm saying this is probably someone who doesn't like you would say um should never flush dental floss yeah I don't You're not supposed to flush much. Shouldn't do a lot of stuff. What are we doing here?

Okay? We're here to make mistakes and love each other. Yeah. And get our hearts broken. Mm-hmm. And write music and laugh and sing. Watch TV. Get a hoagie.

Get a too. Forget about the rules, man. Uh-huh. Right? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Live a life. Live a life.

Flush a wipe. What cares? You jam up half of Queens. I got to open up the fight, you know. We got to open up Dittmar's Boulevard. Jam, jam everyone up. We're there anyway. Yeah, that's what guys who do that kind of stuff.

I'm not saying you're bad. I'm just saying like that's your... Oh, I'm bad. Oh, I'm bad. All right, let's see. We got time for one more. This was from Zachary. Faithful Navy Fed overdraftor here.

My man. Is it garbage? that we only had cash to buy tickets to the Pittsburgh show you just dropped. So we ran to our local Dollar General to get a Visa gift card to snag them VIP tickets up. We'll see you again in June. If you wondered why we couldn't use my card is because it was overdrafted. That. Tell you what?

Whoever you're coming with, you got two T-shirts waiting for you at this show. There you go. How about that? Just open the door to everybody hitting you up with a sob story and just causes us $10,000. in Mergers. No, that's it. All sales final. Yeah. I mean, dude, that is, it takes that kind of problem solving and resourcefulness that I've been,

listen, I have been there. You've got to be a dirt bag to know that stuff. You have to truly and just not accept your, that is part of being a true dirtbag. It's not accepting where you currently are of just going like, I don't have a credit card to buy these tickets or whatever, or to go get drunk or to buy these heaters. That ain't stopping me I'm going to find the quarters to get my siggies I'm going to do this

I'm going to do that I'm going to overdraft pull out something to keep the place I'm going to run a dollar general and get a gift card and do it online You know it's a big one on that people getting their check on I got my check but it's not going to be clear

until Monday What I never let that stick Give me the check in 5% And I'll be back in 20 minutes with your money What? Yeah Not taking no for an answer They're saying if you got a figuring it out

Uh-huh Did I remember the I went to my first job out of college I was at a roofing I was selling roofs And windows door to door and they went It was so jammed up And it was Friday and Friday morning I'm so jammed up And they hit me with a

I'm probably making 29 third I'm probably making 30 grand Well you're really jammed up or did you just want that money No I'm jammed up I always say that like I got to cash this check today But I always underspend it on him or her, you know what I mean, this or that. Sure, but my take, I remember my time at that, I mean, this is, hold on, let's do the,

I was making $500 a week was my pay. Gross? Gross. My net was like 32 or 388 something. And then I show, so now come Friday, what's 500? You're making $26,000. $26,000 a year. Plus commission, I never got one commission check.

I've never looked at a paycheck and thought that it was right. This is got to be, this is wrong. Well, I knew, but whatever. So I remember I showed up. So, dude, 388, a dirtbag. I'm 23 years old. That's a great weekend. That's a solid weekend with the boys.

That's drinking Friday night, drinking Saturday night, maybe hitting a mall, buying a fucking, a new button up at fucking, you know, something to keep, a pair of shoes or something. And then gas in the car, need gas for the week, fill up to 10. The bank heater, sizzles, the whole night. And that ain't making you that far. And I needed the money so bad. And I get there and the guy goes,

hey, we're changing banks. You're not going to get paid till Tuesday. And I went, what the fuck's that got to do with a guy named Kevin James Ryan? Ain't fucking shit. Well, you're not getting the showroom door back until then. I got to sample windows in a trunk of the Tigo. I'll sell them on the street down at the fucking Italian market.

And I wanted to be like, I said to my direct boss, I went, guy, I ain't leaving here without fucking $322. I don't know what to tell you. You can fire me if you want. I'm on E right now. Like, I can't get home. I need the cash. I came here to pick up my cash.

And he goes, ah, yeah, you can't wait till I go, hey, either you start. Who the fuck? Wait till Monday. What's, wait, what's Monday? You go hit the ATM personally, and I'll sign my check over to you, call Monday. or fucking tell big, big man in the front office out there. Go get Mr. Anderson. He's got his fucking money.

He's got his triple paying cash. I go, make go with the 388 or 322, whatever it was. Make good with the kid. That's crazy. I mean, listen, I run a fair ship for the most part. If I've ever been like, guys, you're not getting paid till I go, I got it. If you need it, I'll cover whatever it is. You don't fucking stiff a guy making fucking 26 grand a year.

Imagine if I was running. the books. They would be happening a lot. They're not on purpose, but... You're just bad with money. Yeah. And he does... You'd be coming in it with a fucking picket sign. Oh, yeah. They'd, dude, there would be... They'd be unionizing against you. Yeah. If lunch is late.

You're a little testy. You freak out. Yeah, what are you talking about? Look! Where's Lentwich? That's what you do. I don't say that. Uh-huh. Make sure to put my order in right. Look, did you get my order in as you're staring down over your glasses with...

with your scow. I don't like olives. Then next week. I really like all of us. You know what I've been into recently? All right, we got to wrap it up. Dang, we love you to death, Philadelphia. We'll see on December 13th at the Metropolitan Theater.

Not only Philadelphia. Of course, we got a lot of stuff going on. Uh-huh. Big tour this next year. Uh-huh. Where are we going? Where are we going? I'm going to tell you where we're going.

I'll tell you where we're going. I'll do it in order. All right. So we're going to go to lunch. We're going on. So, hold on, let's just even coming up. We got Charlotte, Raleigh, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania for the homecoming show every year we do. Shout out to the boys.

Then we got Rochester, Toronto. Those are almost sold out or going very quick. We got Austin, Tampa, Chicago, Bloomington, Nashville, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Ohio. Get your tickets. The boys are coming and we're hanging out. That's Bloomington, Indiana, at the Comedy Addict. Yes. Does it know there's a Bloomington, Illinois?

I believe I didn't know that. There's a... Shout out to Lora on Instagram. Grandma asked me that. Okay. Is there, you coming to Bloomington, Indiana or Bloomington, Illinois? I was like, I don't know.

Talk to Kippie. I got a language order going right. I decided to get to the comedy attic. Yes. Never been. Uh-huh. Love it. It's great.

Got the merch, too. Got the merch. Pick up a Bugman shirt. They are not moving that well. Hand to God, shocked. I thought that was going. Typically, whenever we do like a Kippies or a Foley's, they move very well. And we didn't do a Kippies this time.

They don't want that stink. man nobody wants the worst summer we sold about six of them fucking things everything else is flying off the fucking jar i love it gang we love you and we'll see you next week peace