Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Akaash Singh Answers Your Questions!

Episode Date: June 14, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with old pal Akaash Singh! The boys talk kissing your dad, wearing sandals, & investments. It's a fun one. Thanks for the support. Love youse guys.  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://MintMobile.com/Garbage https://HelloFresh.com/Garbage12 Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Gang real quick before we get this episode started summer is going into full swing and so is the are you garbage? Keep it moving 2021 tour. Oh, yeah We're gonna be coming to a town near you for a little bit of stand-up and we're gonna be answering your garbage questions Kippy tell them what they need to know. Yeah guys on June 22 will be in Chicago still a few tickets left for that June 23rd will be an indie helium get tickets for that and then Betty We're all over the place July 14th Columbus funny bone July 15th Cleveland Hilarities August 11th Rhode Island comedy connection August 12th left Boston. Those tickets are cooking. That's gonna sell out get those tickets Then August 25th, we're at New Brunswick stress factory and then August 26th

We're at Magooby's joke house in Timonium, Maryland right outside of Baltimore. I like it gang get some ticks come out and see It's gonna be a fantastic fun time. I mix the stand-up comedy in the AYG game Come out and hang with Uncle Hank and your Aunt Kippy the way Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley Hey

Everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is our you garbage Sure is a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they're good to be classy Or they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your hostates falling coming at you while you're doing the intro I think we find out if you're gonna He gets a couple words. He starts wheezing No, uh, that sounded smooth and clean. Okay. We're coming at you from down here at Aunt Tooty's basement didn't even miss a beat I saw a gentleman leaving this morning early Around seven and I saw another one leaving an hour later. Yeah, this is when she makes it. So it's a hot girl summer for her

I don't know what she's up to up there, but the white claws are working My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the ceo of are you garbage? He's the head bozo around here to show him a little respect. Give it up for kevin james ryan everybody Hey gang, thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you rate you subscribe on itunes full video available on youtube And as you know, those numbers are true to roof true to roof. They're cooking baby patreon.com those numbers are fucking The elam must build a rocket ship those things are fucking okay, and it's reusable. Yeah closing in on uh, yeah We're doing we're doing quite well just past 1500 patrons. Yeah, let's go. Let's go And then live shows coming up get tickets to the fucking live shows you bozos couple of ticks left for ac

Couple of ticks left for indy a lot of ticks left for indy if you're the indy if you're the indianapolis area It's a curtain back a little bit. Yeah, I got a couple shows. There's way too many Startling number you're just like it. Does anyone in the city know I exist period Yeah, somebody hijack a somebody hijack a school bus and take it over to the comedy club Will you they're gonna have to sell 40 tickets a day to sell this thing out at this point It's fucking a month away How about a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire the magic man He makes us all look good. Give it up for t-bone mcmuffin

Toby mcmullen What's up, dudes? How are you brother had a nice steak last night took the kid out cajun ribeye about the size of abhonda Dude, the thing was outrageous big Spending some of that patreon money. We went to smith and walinsky cajun ribeye and a pink floyd t-shirt Yeah, I can dirt bag. We'll talk about it gang. We could not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest Back with us here today. It's a family episode. We've got a little company in the house. I cast royalty podcast royalty Not the usual bozos. You see drifting in and out of this hallway Yeah, this is a fine upstanding gentleman. He's got a couple of bucks on them too

I want to hear all about it. Just got back from fucking the winter in miami. How old are you? 37 37 When turned in miami, yeah The place you were staying was nice as shit too. If my whole family saved up They couldn't send one of us to miami for the fucking winner because they got to feed you I'll be taking heat on this one. He's got your I don't like this. He was clipping you before you even started I don't know why I love fully the most somebody cut the tape. I'll tell you I think it's tough love

Gang this gentleman is going to be avoiding on contact with me. Uh this september at the moon tower comedy festival I'm your accountability partner, bro. Give it up for mr. Akasig ladies gentlemen. Yeah, my man Thanks for coming back. Hey, thank you man. I'm gonna be honest. I'm trying to finagle my way on your live show in austin I'm trying to sneak on. Oh, yeah, we could do that pull out a contract right now Trying to sneak in there get a little guest set, you know, I mean a little five minutes of garbage time I like it. I like it. I want to know all right Success pods well documenting you guys are fucking killing it. You're unbelievable the move to miami. I loved

Yeah, I was it first, but I loved it. I didn't want to come back. Dude. You guys went you all listen I'm a poor kid from the wrong side of the tracks. We know this You guys moved your entire shop From brooklyn to fucking miami. You set a whole studio up. He's all got places Yeah, shochi's got the pool boxing training. You're all hanging out. You're going to nice dinners. Oh, yeah, I mean He's going to nice dinners. You guys were all there. You're all there. You're sharing desserts and stuff like that Real fucking class. It's a family dog. It's a family thing. Really nice man. You guys are up on a high rise That was your place. You had the high rise. I had the high rise. That was your place

You had the cocaine cowboys version of miami Dude, that's sick. I stayed further out. Everybody else want to stay in miami and I was like, no, I just want a nice place I lived in such a shithole when I was in New York Wait, I don't give a fuck. I'm outside of disney a couple of weeks Two miles down from clear water. What the fuck? Orlando's crazy. It's tampa. It's tampa only. It's so expensive. What are you doing? Uh, but yeah, I lived in such a shithole my first like five or six years of comedy I lived in an apartment that you guys would have all been like, this is fucking crazy. It's not like cat pissed. Where were you?

I was off the uh, mantra stop on like actually not far from the studio. Okay. Montrose a tough look Yeah, it's not dangerous, but it was just like owned by these clear probably illegal immigrant Asian people That instead of like wall paint, they had bathroom tile all over the kitchen All over the whole like kill room dude. All apartment is shower tile. Dude. It was nuts That's crazy and it was a one bedroom that they turned into a three bedroom railroad So there's no living room. It's just kitchen my room middle room third room and then the middle room The guy had to walk through my room was an alcoholic compulsive liar. Never had his rent would just stumble you lived with foley Not to mention he was real handsy too. Foley is charming. This guy had zero charm about give you that foley imagine

Uncharming foley. Yeah, I am a dirtbag, but I am pretty charming. I mean look at you so likable I leave a smile on your face on the way out the door for a while Yeah, well, that's the charm is worn out on me. I've had a decade of it He's got three sayings that he does he tries to get you to laugh. They got your nose I get him every once in a while. Your chemistry with foley is a gift and a curse. It is. I said, yeah, he's my comedy wife Yeah, Jesus. She's a big fat whore Well, that's gonna cost you a weekend with the girls Tell you that right now

He got me I can send you and the other animals to texas roadhouse for the night My husband's paying so you splurged on a place is what you're trying to say. We're doing that now that we got a couple of bucks I go I've suffered for so Baby that i'm spending the money. So I made it a point because I almost went broke in 2018 I remember we've had this conversation. I was on my last Like he was gone. I don't know what the fuck i'm going to do

I was talking to you on a corner and you're like, I don't know what the fuck i'm going to do I blacked out. I don't even remember talking to you. I blocked that part out of my memory. Yeah, awful. So since then 2019 we lived in socaucas, new jersey 2020 socaucas, new jersey Not a bad place, but it's fucking socaucas. Yeah, it's cheap And then we started making money and I was just like, let me save at least one year where it's like If I get no work for a year. This is a shaltz thing. I'm comfortable. Yeah, I can live comfortably So we got that we're not doing that by the way We're still month to month over here. Hey, buddy do it and it'll be worth it just because then when you splurge it's like, bro

I'm so who cares. It doesn't matter. I'm splurging. So we're still in the honeymoon phase of it though. And we're still shocked. Yeah It's all very weird. It's all gonna be strange like when you and I'm not even trying to be fake humble when you guys say like podcasts or royals I'm like, yeah, they're talking about hinder. I'm just here. No Yeah, daddy here with dad. But this is there's a we you know, too. There's we've had this conversation too Uh, there's very few people that podcast partners that have really good chemistry. You and Andrew are that you guys I think we we have some of it. Uh, the history has had it's like this thing. It's like this They give and go you're welcome for that by the way I'm not too shabby shout out the pan. I was 40 000 on patreon that had to get reallocated

Our doors are always open on patreon.com. Akash took out the hyenas with the flagrant flu, dude No, that's what I did That was the start of them. Yeah, no, that was it. No, that was the nail on the coffin. That was that's I know this I saw it. I saw it. I missed the show. I missed those two together. Yeah, they were great Yeah, but you got you andrew have that. That's why you guys are so successful. Thank you. But uh, I don't even remember we're talking about Oh, I'm talking about cash. That's what's playing. So the miami move We were just I was telling my girl like, yo, she hates the city But I was like, I think I just lose on so many small debates

I don't even fight. Also your girl is so pretty to the point. It's like how the fuck did you get her? She wins every argument. It's yeah, exactly. Yeah, everyone in the whole squad's attractive. Yeah You guys you guys rolled down to miami with like everybody was a 10. Yeah, hold on a second That's what I want to ask you even just that the the Living the dream of of just that like was there ever was your girl ever not gonna come was it like hey Because I mean she's got a life up here. She's got a life up in and theoretically you're going for work So you're at the point now where you can say hey, whatever you're doing Fuck it. We're moving to miami. Yeah, but I here's what's crazy on some like universe type shit for years since like 2017

She's always said I want to live in miami And we visit a couple times and she's like no, I want to live here So when we were deciding between miami and austin, we had literally just signed A lease or like verbally agreed to a place and given a deposit for a place in new york I was telling her like I know you hate the city But we need to lean into my career right now because I think good things could happen if we fucking lean in Duce as many spots as possible, etc. Etc. So she's like fine. We agree to a place in new york nice place crazy crazy nice

And then the night we after we verbally agree and send the deposit Schultz is like, yo, I think we need to go we need to leave new york It sucks right now and I'm freaking out like what the fuck is going on I we just fucking put money into this place what's going on and Then uh, when we talked about new york or miami or austin my girl was like, yo, if it's miami You don't even have to ask me. I'm there if it's austin. I'll enjoy the new place. You guys enjoy austin Sure, and I want okay. She would have stayed. Yeah, I wanted austin because my parents are right there and I didn't know they're texas kid But we missed that fucking epic ice storm not being there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but yeah as soon as we went to miami

She was in she was like, let's go my family's here and all my friends are here But like I want to experience this and she loved it Was she working does she have a she would work remote? Thanks to covet. She was working remote. So it didn't matter. So now you're working remote looking at a beach. Damn You know, that's fucking awesome. The team is killing it. You were all down here together You're like I said, you were going out. You have cocktail parties. You're doing. Yeah. It was a good life, man It was a break fucking clean living even if you're working. It feels like a vacation Miami's got a great like way of that. I think I'm on vacation all the time new york if you're on vacation

You feel like you're working. I'm going to the store. It feels exhausting I don't know. I started wearing shorts exclusively. So I feel like I'm a vacation buddy the train with jeans I forgot about that fucking nightmare. That's a job in and of itself The subway with jeans I did not want to come back dog I bet andrew I think for his so much of his comedy is fighting back against a society around him So much of my comedy is fighting back against the girlfriend around me. That's there wherever I go For him, it's like nah, I need the kind of new york, um angst and anger that I can kind of fight against

Miami everybody. It's a vacation city. Everybody's sure everybody's chilling. Everybody's got a couple of cocktails in home. Yeah So I think that was a major impetus for him being like, you know, if I want to be the goat stand up We can't I can't be here and I want to be the goat stand up as well But my inspiration like it tends to be at home for now So but when he was like, oh, we need to go back. I think that's why and so I'm not fighting it And plus what leverage do I have but I'm not fighting it I tell everybody life is a leverage game and if you don't think I understand that in my own life You out of your fucking mind

I was thinking milwaukee to be honest with you. What do you think? Andrew got more relationship in my My engagement than I do like if you got more leverage He got to let me when we get married drew you tell me We got to check the dates on Chelsea Robin can't tell batman not to sell Wayne Manor. Yeah, I'm saying, right exactly exactly So what'd you do with the apartment that you put the deposit down? Did you just forget about the deposit fucked it off had to eat it? Yeah, but I mean everybody else Deposits over here. I know. Yeah. Yeah, but what am I gonna do? Am I gonna eat the podcast? I can't

only can Get a little bit of that steak sauce from last night. I can eat about anything No, but that's good to have that flexibility to be able to do that. Fuck it. I'm going on Miami Yeah, so we moved all of our shit out of our lease was already up in our old place We moved all of our shit out one weekend. She her mom was coming in from India She was back and forth So like I had to fly back and forth for a few weeks and then we moved out one weekend And then put it all in storage and then just moved back like a week ago. Where you at in the city?

On like in like west end area Oh West ends I was just west end is class. You guys got a new place now. You're all set okay new place So from your fucking high rise of Miami to a new place. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I couldn't take her back to secaucus Yeah, you can't go you can't go Miami to secaucus. Yeah, that's not you gotta at least go up her west side I hear Montrose this night this night Yeah, you guys familiar with the jay train. What the fuck you want to go to forest hills move I hear jackson heights and would you get one bedroom two bedroom two you got to do it

Got a little office and then you know if our family visits they have a place to stay et cetera all that But like I got my desk that I'm getting all the furniture and I'm gonna have my space And then we're gonna try to make that work Fucking clean living. I love it. I'm ready. We're trying yo no more garbage time Yeah, I just we're trying we're yeah, we're trying. I just took him on his first limo ride by the way Oh, I saw that's it's fun. I thought that'd be more people on it He was like do we have to stop and pick up more people? I'm like, dude Was it hard for you to not do cocaine?

I look over he's got a mirror He pulled it off the wall He was literally like They're mics and cameras back here. Are they checking out? Can we do weird stuff? Yeah, he's like are they spying on us? I'm like, it's why I got it off a rushing guy in midtown It doesn't make sense to you that a limousine company would have a camera in there in case kids are doing something bad in the back Do you think rich people haven't evolved since 1998? You think they're taking limos now? Yeah, rich people are nobody taking a helicopter

Kids going to prom in limo dude, that's all it is Well, that's what I'm saying Don't you think they'd be watching you because I wouldn't want to be doing rippers back there and have the ego in the front keeping an eye on me It was yeah, it was a scene buddy. Yeah, that's what I'm sorry. They're trying to bring down you. It's going after they're trying to bring you Yeah, I was like, it's not abscam. Your guy doesn't even speak fucking English He was a little chatty by the way. Yeah Oh, man. Anyway, buddy. Thank you for coming and sitting with us. Thank you for being here Thank you for for for going over that with me because I love it fucking thank you

Fascinated by the whole winter finally live a vicariously for you guys. I know we would go out. I feel like I feel like you and Schultz a little bit We were sharing a couple of things you got it. Yalla on your way. This is a fucking great stone crabs that steakhouse with the chimichurri sauce Whatever you had dim lighting Dude, he could see an instagram story From fucking three years ago and remember what the sides were on the meal I'm not even fucking around with you. Not even now. They ate there a couple of times It was Tuesday the 9th. They went back on the 22nd. Pierre was their waiter

Yeah, if dude if it has to do with food it is fucking programmed into his head. It's listen. It's not that it's just the elegance of it It's it's the the doing things right working hard With your with your with your best friends making great stuff And then doing and then doing things nice. That's all it is and nothing to do with the truffle lobster mac and cheese And I resent any comments saying otherwise No, that's the idea, but it does get tricky and one thing I've always said That I'm like very big on is the friendship has to come before the podcast Even if this is all of my income the friendship has to come first if it cost me my friendship

I have to say I'm walking and I'm not saying it's going to be super easy to do because as Numbers rise and as money rises stakes arise sure you start looking at the stakes differently even everybody not those kind of stakes Yeah Talking about porterhouse Yeah, you are though That's like not gonna be a crazy thing to use go to a fancy steakhouse and and live it up like it's like all right cool I can do that now But the emotional investment that comes with that gets higher because it's like oh shit now

We have a lot more to lose. Yes, even though you started with nothing. You're like, I can't go back there So for me, I've set a thing in my mind that is the friendship has to come first and I know Andrew has done that too He's always been super loyal to me So that's one thing we have that gives me hope that we can do this for a long time Because a lot of this shit falls apart when it gets too successful and then everything gets too You're you're so invested in this the the insecurities and paranoia start playing in and so like if Andrew like We see another podcast where it's like, oh this guy wants to do this thing and the other person feels away Like Andrew got a netflix special bet you do that that's only going to help our numbers

You want to make it Andrew Schultz's all boats rise and I because you explain to me more people will find it And this is the fact that when you search Andrew Schultz before on itunes Our podcast wouldn't come up because it was called flagrant 2 Andrew Schultz is flagrant 2 you search Andrew Schultz and you're a fan of it that shit pops up and our numbers went up So every time I've swallowed my ego we've won. It's great So and as I as my profile raises there will be times where he'll have to swallow his ego god willing You know, I mean like that's the idea and the friendship starts to come first And it's it's just going to be a thing that you guys are going to deal with

I'm telling you because you're on that road and it's not like a bad. Oh, fuck you guys I'm saying you're because you're good. This is going to become a thing Thank you the friendship has to come first. Yeah, because yeah without the car. I'm thinking kevin ryan presents. Are you garbage? I'm an SEO guy I was gonna say I need to borrow a couple of dollars off No, uh, we also are In the fans we we do it behind uh on the patreon. We really kind of fucking it's you know Because there's no one there. It's just me and him kind of venting and shit. Um

There too They're like but even you you're already starting you're like we're very mean to each other We have a very dysfunctional relationship when we have for a decade Yeah, like we yell and scream at each other and it's like that just comes from the fucked up families we came from So, love you mom. Are you talking to your dad yet? No, who? We're having a good time Kevin starts crying We're just sitting here. So what'd you eat my?

So we're just used to screaming at each other and then we Is in it right now. I don't even think about that guy Man Oh, that's good Why me now? No, you guys have a very mean like Yeah, we air it out, but he said it friendship first can't go anywhere You heard in your first you think this show's ever gonna stop. I'm like, well the Beatles broke up

Yeah, I think the garbage podcast might come to an end at some point. Yeah never gang Let's talk about our good friends at hello fresh kippy any you feel about them over there Love those guys and gals run a top-notch operation I gotta tell you it's clean living over there at hello fresh with hello fresh you get fresh pre-measured ingredients and mouthwatering Seasonal recipes delivered right to your doors. Get the trips to the grocery store and count on hello fresh to make home cooking easy Fun and affordable. And that's why why it's america's number one meal Numero Moodo gang hits you with a couple of special things about hello fresh. Let me tell you this

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Got to be a catch. Yeah, they're sneaking something by us fine print something Couldn't be further from the truth. Here's the deal. There is no catch They create their savings by going around the middleman and giving these savings right on to you. Yeah guys. They sent us Uh, they sent us a mint mobile plan to use. It's fantastic. Actually, my wife has been using it for years She got on to it early because she was coming over uh from europe for Times that we needed to get her a plan without getting you know the the two three four five year contract Sometimes you got to give up your first born to be with some of these companies. You know what I mean? So we got this for and she's just kept it. It's that easy. It's simple. It's the same service you get

How funny is that before we were advertising with it for years? She's been using it mint mobile I they came across that they were like, hey, do you want to mint mobile? I go. I love his that That's destiny shout out to mint mobile. They sent it to you. It's easy peasy So if you're looking for extra savings, they offer premium wireless for just 15 bucks a month Use your own phone and you get your mint mobile plan the same phone number the whole nine yards all your contacts stay the same And if you're not 100 satisfied Mint mobile has you covered with their seven day money back guarantee Switch to mint mobile get premium wireless service starting at just 15 bucks a month to get your new wireless plan for just 15

Bones a month get it shipped right to you for free go to mintmobile.com Slash garbage one more time big man. That's mint mobile dot com slash garbage now back to the show All right, speaking of family. This is a pretty good one. Uh guys, so as you know when you join the patreon We will answer your garbage question on the air. It's the best way to do it. Uh, we just get so many submissions. Um, Bob it a bebop we have are you backlogged. We have a backlog that we're Let's get through it a little bit. I mean, let's clear out the inbox. Uh, well, I mean they're they're joining I like yeah, all right. This one's from alexis has to do with family. Does your family kiss each other on the mouth? No There's some families that do that. I have a couple of people in my family to do that. Are they garbage or is that evolved?

No, that's garbage. I feel like it's a little garbage. It's creepy. Wait, who kisses who on the mouth? You kiss your dad on the mouth if you look a fucking real one, Kevin who Next time you see me in a while while parking like just make out with them Like the end of pretty women. I'm telling you all your problems go away. If I just walked up and you say, hey, I'm tired of this Shit, you're my father and you grab his cheeks and you plant one on the fucking mouth. What's he gonna do? Now he's gonna be like Yeah, really cool. They like what guys must really want to move on. Oh, yeah, he must have put the pass behind him

Who kisses on the mouth? Um There's an uncle What I'm not to me anymore as a kid. I thought I was guaranteed you were gonna say my mom kisses the grandkids who are a little I think I used to kiss my mom in the mouth at like five and then I remember yeah I just gotta stop something. Yeah, something like that an uncle. Yeah Uh, great guy. I had a buddy. I had a buddy who's like we would like he had like that He was his house was like the party house

Because his dad was a single dad and he'd be like, all right. I'm going to bed We'd all be like drinking or whatever in high school. He'd be like, come here and give me a kiss You have to like walk over and kiss his dad on the lips before with the bed. We were like, this is when you were boozing Yeah, like this is freaking the fuck She's kissing your son with beer breath Come on. Yeah, that's a drunk move though kiss on the lips. That's it by accident. Yeah Well any kiss on the lips for my sister-in-law My sister-in-law doesn't even she she leans in with like her head when I go in to give her a kiss on the cheek

Yeah, I mean dude, I couldn't imagine you coming into plant one on somebody dude that beard those teeth No way. I never do. I always just touch cheeks. I'm not kissing anybody on the cheek. That's weird Do you guys fucking weird about that? Yeah, it's on the cheek, bro. Hey patreon.com Do you kiss your family members like your mom mom gets a kiss on the lips? I mean a kiss on the cheek Oh, okay. Yeah, my mom and dad gets mooches all the time My little like cousin sister gets a kiss on the top of her head. Yeah, you go top of the head with the kids She's like 29 30, but like I'm like, yeah, I kiss on the cheek feels weird for sister

Sure kiss top of the head top of the head if I'm tall enough to do that. I'm not always Um, but yeah, there's like a hierarchy of it. There's an appropriate way to do it For yeah, if you're a dude in my family, you get fucked out plant one right? I give my mom and dad kiss I snuggle with my dad and give him kisses on his head joking around I'll go with but no lips snuggles I'd rather kiss my dad than snuggle. I mean like give him a big hug and stuff like that I get a hug, but what is it and stuff like that? Like, you know, like I get over here doing that kind of thing the not gay way

It's like when you hug a guy with your pet twice in the back back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Do not be gay. You gotta you gotta have no pants on it. You still pat on the back Like be aggressive with a guy when you hug Keep your rubbing noodles All code for I'm not gay What about you t-bone you're smoking? I mean he comes from a loveless family. I feel that's not true No, I feel like you come from the most love out of all of us. Yeah, but it's just remote

A loveless family. What does remote mean? That's by via the phone. Yeah That's super close. Yeah. Oh, you're see them that much. You're a Chicago guy, right? Uh, I was out there for like 11 years. Yeah. Okay. Do you say I love you after the phone call? Of course T-bone or uh, I cost everybody everybody. Yeah, I say it to everybody. I mean it And as I get older, I'm like, yo, you don't know what could happen. Tell me the fuck you love them. Yeah Yeah, that's true. I'll never forget one time. I did give like I was going to sleep. I was like 11 I gave my dad a kiss on the cheek and then our neighbor was there drinking with my dad And I went to give him a hug and I just like instinctively kissed

And was it still haunts me to this day it made the vibe so weird Uh, that's tough, dude. Hey jack, what's with the little one, huh? Come over to watch a ball game and have a couple of beers It's fucking trying to make out with me. It's like a kid's round in second base This kid's putting the full court press on me. Doesn't he see the ring? What's the deal? Oh, dude this morning I had a horrible time. I had that age old thing. I got coffee and I was walking on the street and I saw my friend Kiss the deli guy Get over here Pedro No, I saw my wife's friend who lives in our building and like we just started hanging

I just started hanging out with her and like we were only like a kind of a hugging basis We were I saw her on saturday and we hugged high and by yeah So I saw this morning walking the kid and I'm like, oh, hey, how you doing and I went for it and she didn't Dude, I was like arms out. Wow Turned to get the kid what a hunt dude. I was just standing on the corner like this. I was like, okay All right, just stretch. It was a tough look buddy. That's on her I know but I'm the guy still in the corner doing this. It's a new Scandinavian yoga. I'm trying Anyway, check it out. Good class

Dork I know ouch talking about power. Do you guys say I love you to each other? I do we have we have everybody on our pilot says I love you. I say I love you to every person I'm usually the first to leave so I say I love you to everybody in the way out. Yeah They say I love you back. I usually tell him I love him on the phone. I usually don't get it I Got a lot of bottle up in there. Yeah, buddy. Come on. It's like a three-leader. Oh, so when we went on How are you gonna love you and not his own father? He's got to deal with that every time he every time he says he that's just in the back of his mind

I can't say to this guy. I like to better. We were calling him fat. What are we doing? Am I a father figure to you? I have more money than you. I'm more successful than what are you now? You sound like a father figure for real. That's exactly what he wants to say to his dad right now I Toby got it And I got friends and they love me And they tell me they love me and some of them even kiss me on the mouth Can you see that? Who's kissing you on the mouth dad? Are there grown men who smooch you?

Dad Oh, dude, I'm sweating. Oh Funny, no, you are not a father figure. Well, very paternal of him. He's gonna have a heart attack soon You are my dad. That's father. Yeah That's old man. I am leaving you my watch and my will you keep asking him to watch his health. He keeps not doing it Yeah, you are I tell you to quit smoking. You're not doing it. He's very paternal in these ways You didn't get me if you didn't get me a christmas present. That was just like my dad Just like my dad you forgot my birthday. I wasn't at your wedding

You both weren't at my wedding Fuck that thing is we were actually having a drink together. Yeah, he's a ghee too. Just sit at the bar. He's a good kid. I love him Uh kippy Well, if you ever want to have a catcher I'm calling you to play sports. That's what i'm doing Have a catch Show you how to throw a curveball Maybe make out with your mom

I'm sweating All right, this one hold on. Can I say this door? What a great question That was from alexander. Oh, all right, buddy. Shout out to alexander. All right This one's from jordan ever worn jeans with sandals. No, but i'm indian so I should I saved I pulled this for you. I'm garbage for not I don't like flip flops and I feel like a bit of a sellout because of that Yeah, you're you're abandoning your roots because I'm not like I don't know nearly enough about india So anything that makes me feel like I'm not I should be doing this as an indian

I'm like I get really insecure about it. Like if you asked me to eat indian food and I'm like No, like what I feel like what am I doing? I should want to eat indian food every time somebody asks No, that's not right. That's not indian. It's not real house indian food. Yeah, but in my mind I'm like, oh, why am I jesus christ when I'm trying to eat fucking benign? What am I? Because you wouldn't want to eat anything all the time if you're Italian. You don't always want fucking spaghetti Jesus christ, they never shut up about that. I got some mommy now Now chicken parm they're never saying no to chicken parm either. Yeah, either do I though big chicken parm guy

I don't get it chicken parm. Do you have that a lot? Do you have like your your? Yeah, he hates I get him. I got him all the time. Any what is it? Yeah, yeah, I don't get what's going on They don't like chicken parm. I don't get it. I'm sorry the what I just don't get it The chicken parm is on sandwich? Have a fried chicken sandwich. It is with meat with with cheese and sauce No, this is not truly fried It's like breaded and kind of fried and then it's like kind of dry but not really in the sauce and covered It's a mediocre sandwich. I'm that's I

Wow hot take maybe that's why I don't like it The italian short Yeah, you're fucking italian cucks. I can't believe you gave him that as a hot take. Yeah, that's Yeah, you know, actually if I felt it in my loins, I felt it. Um chicken parms fantastic sandwich But I will say this I do prefer the entree over the sandwich That makes sense. No, why can't why take a kind of dry food and then put it in between two drier foods Man, you're making good points

But you're really frustrated because I love chicken parm you can't beat the entree though because it comes with a side of pasta Yeah, that pasta. We stinks though. I'm there for the meat the cheese and the sauce I don't need the fucking noodles. They were an afterthought fried chicken. I do from time to time Um, does your Do you're does like your dad? Do you have your do you have brothers? Yeah, my are they all sandals? Are you my dad is a sandals guy if you're from india you are a sandals guy and that's just what I'm not even saying as a joke. It's just what it is I don't and then my brother's not because again he grew up here

But if you're from india, you are sandals through and through is your brother dressed like you like No, no hip hop urban No, he was more white and I was more because there's no way to act indian We were growing up like indians are kind of forming an identity now. Yeah before it's like really putting on the hard press There's a lot of cool indian. We're trying to really rush out there. But still it's like people used to be like, oh, why don't you act indian? I'd be like, what do you want me to do? Better or worse if somebody says you're acting black you kind of know what that means. Sure If somebody says you're acting white, you know what that means. So if somebody says you're acting indian, it's just like

Flip flops. Yeah, I got flip flops. I'm I'm pre-med like that's it Flip flops and a decent gpa. Yeah Yeah, exactly. So I did my best to do that and then I couldn't so here I am I'm trying to not be too black and not be too white. It's working for you, buddy. Thanks, buddy. You're a cool guy You're a cool, confident guy. Thank you. I could say this. I would like to be full-time flip flops You got bad toes though. I gotta take care of them. You just saw I I was in between petties at the time when you saw them But my feet are actually good They do need a good scrubbing to get all that dead skin off the bottom. That doesn't sound good

You can't say I got to get all that dead skin off after you say they look good I know it's not But not everybody in flip flops has good feet How strong does your nail tech have to be to lift your fucking ham hop? Do you ever see when they move a whale? They got that harness bob ballard's there Yeah, that should Deep I don't who the what who the fucking bob baler. That was the deep conservationist cut right there

I think is that from seaspiracy? Yeah, he's some Bob baler. Yes That's good I did know that. Yeah, we'll change it to jacuzzi You gotta get us there. You you jump straight into it with that Oh, shit This one's not a this is just a joke. This is for michael ever put $10 on patreon with only $20 in your bank account That is our fan base right there. That's a fucking fan. That's I love that we get people that they go

Hey, listen, if it's my account today, it's gonna overdraw. So I'm going to pause and then join Who's that michael? Yeah, michael. Let me tell you something if I'm in your city I you get a free ticket to my show. Oh look at that. Yeah, not ours by the way, especially in indy Not not ours in indy. Well, I'm gonna tell you this at Kansas City. They're probably gonna have to give away free tickets Anyway, so if you live there, I might go to you. I like it. You're moving tickets though Yeah, but I opened for you and filly filly was a good turnout five sold out shows or something. It was really fun Um, phoenix. I didn't sell any tickets up to the day. I was freaking out and then a bunch of walk-ups came Which is cool

I'm hoping the same thing happened in Kansas City because they sent me the numbers and I'm just like what the fuck has happened This is gonna be I'm doing shows for chairs and I'm flying people out now because I'm trying to By the way, he he up. He rolls with a crew when he goes out And you're you're real generous with those venmos Oh, yeah, he was like, oh here get yourself a room for the weekend venmo me to money right away Yeah, I want to take withdrawal before you fucking hold it back. And that's another thing I mean the hotel was closed and it always took such good care of me. I'm like, I can't be stingy with the people around here Sure, of course that guy over pays me for short. So like if you're coming

I don't want you to have to come out of pocket for anything. Yeah, I'm getting a room. It's like, bro I can't have he sent me the link. He's like here get the room and then the link in the venmo at the same time classy move It's well documented. There's no disputing it. The kid's all fucking class. He's doing it right. He does it nice Yeah, but it's uh, I'm trying to make content out of like having my features on the road And then we all come up on stage at the same time and try to do like if we can make that extra content great Then it kind of kind of pays for itself in that way. Sure. Sure, but yeah, you got to sell tickets for that to work So Holy shit better idea instead of flying we rent a van

We move the show to hobo can you get plenty of content out of that? I got a great place in seacock. It's probably still available Uh, because we're we do the same thing. So we so it's me and foley and we we bring out t-bone and then uh, me and him close out the shows together taking Questions from the audience You know live questions from the audience, but we're noticing like all right. I'm like, oh, so it's three plane tickets Yeah, and it's like we fly to columbus and then from columbus to cleveland back to new york So it's like you're looking. I'm like, oh, we're fucking two grand in plane tickets already Yeah, before we even get hotels to hotels add up meals add up

Fucking ubers add up. Oh, yeah. Yeah everything adds up you triple all your expenses and you get paid the same Why we have t-shirts that are only available on the tour at the live shows I'm like this guy regardless though That's always kind of been the way that I operate the guy. What are we talking about the 10 and the 20? Yeah, hey, you guys just went off on a tangent about rich guy shit Flying people out merch and stuff like that. I'm talking about losing money. Yeah. Yeah I've always been like that if I have 20 bucks in there somebody we know Yeah, oh dude last night in the limo somebody we were filming and someone called and he's like

I think it was like the it was a doctor's office or something. It was it was it was those sirens at hawaiian airline Trying to bring me up on the rocks and he's going but when are you processing the charge? She's going I had to make a move real quick. She's going she's going tonight. He's like but like not like now or like At 8 p.m. How many minutes from when this phone just connects dude. He goes. Okay. Bye. He hangs up He's in his bank fucking train moving money around You got a check and you got a savings you're on that kevin hart. That's right. I gotta zip it over zip it back and forth I have two checkings. Oh, shit both empty That's an out of sign of wealth

Bro, I got 40 credit cards That's exactly all fucking tilt it out. What is your this is a big one. What's your credit limit? This isn't from again. This is what we ask a lot. What's your credit limit? I don't remember You ballpark it 30 ish thousand what? Well, your credit you're on one card. Can I be honest with you? That was my credit 10 years ago 30 grand. I don't know what it is now. Holy I can't even look at you in the eye anymore by an airplane. I was broke with the 30 grand credit limit And I was about to be like this is our money for

Guess ours. Yeah 12 to 15 1000. Yeah, okay. What's just remember? I didn't have the beard when I got the credit card Okay, so you probably All right, you were younger Maybe this is this is this is within the last year. I got things are better in the last We both got credit cards within the past year. Things are better in the last year So i'm against toby's too toby is with about 5000 probably

Uh, I don't have a credit card grow up I have an amix. He does. He has an amix card. That's a credit card That's the fancy of all the credit but it's linked to his brother's account or something like that What do they tell you that's not a credit card at amix for? You're about to get fucked in the ass on interest Be late and then see if it's not a credit card It's technically a charge card. Hey bob, I told this long hair on the phone that he needed his back Dumbass believe me. Yeah, the hippie bought it. All right, so I'm gonna guess you would be 5000 You're about 15 hours if I had to guess 12 to 15

Foley 20 dollars Uh You are the gentleman from texas is way off. Oh, yeah, you are way way off. What do you have five? 100 thousand no I'm You're you're never gonna look at me. Mine's more than his his is more than mine. You're the professional one. I know That's why I thought you had your shit together. I know what we talked about buying real estate. Do you remember that? Sure

Buying entire neighborhoods. You buying real estate. We talked about you. I didn't have money at the time. You had 30k on you You two are spitball no one's got a thing to make a move. All right, go ahead talk to the agent Wait, you go ahead and talk to the agent. Well, I thought you were buying We wanted to buy land in Detroit because that's what we could afford back when it was like houses for a dollar I want though. You two are sitting here. I didn't want to I have 250 is what is credit. No, it's my credit limit is $200 Are you out of your view? Who is it? So hold off on the Don't break ground on the subdivision Oh

Put the shovel away put the gold shovel away put the ribbon away I don't want you getting upside down with a couple of bulldozers I just isn't a reason to they said no I can buy you I can buy you and sell you kippy I Dude, we are tanking our pets heads are falling What the fuck yo 500 That's how the fuck did you have 30 grand in credit 10 years ago? You just don't be late. That's all you got to do White people are on time with everything

When did you get your first credit card college and so okay no credit before that you live at your parents You go to college Who gets you the credit card your parents or you apply yourself for a credit card? I think my dad might have applied. Okay to help you build your credit. No, my dad I couldn't apply for no, no, no, but I mean like he was like you need a credit card and I never had that Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, so when did you get started? May? I had well then I had a macy's credit card when I worked at macy's now really jammed me up I was a couple of years of bad bad

I was really a job and lose money at the job this guy's backwards in bed sheets I'm upside down on a pair of trousers Oh my god A couple of duvet covers like it's like the whole ship. Jesus christ, man Macy, I gotta see if we if the corporate company can get a credit card addiction like a gentleman Holy shit. All right. So you were you were jammed up at macy's Yeah, how old were you when you cleared that debt? Not college loans

Macy's credit card. Well college loans got me too when those things kicked in they they really beat me up Wait, so when you don't pay those back they ruin that ruins your credit too everything That's massive. My parents were going broke when I was graduating college, but they were like we're going to pay off your college Yeah, that's like uh probably an immigrant thing in general, but specifically with indians education is so important They paid off most of it. I paid off at the end because I was like y'all clearly can't do this right now Um, and I had a little I had a job and I was just saving like I didn't spend shit. I didn't holler at girls I didn't drink. So I was like, I'll take care of the rest. It wasn't much, but um, that helped a lot So to your credit and to ding my own shit like I didn't have to do that massive college loan. Yeah

500 is embarrassing. It's 200 Fuckin pathetic. I know and I asked them to raise it. They won't budge. They won't move I think they know we know each other. Do you know what your credit score is offhand? 730 something Not bad. Not bad, but that's gotta be that to get to 30k Well, I I had a great credit score, but then I had a couple hospital bills that when I was going broke I was like I after insurance are charging me 4,000 And I was like i'm not doing that on principle. Fuck you and then it dinged my score way less than you think

So worth it to say four thousand dollars So worth it like so worth it guys. I I can't explain to you how much you don't really like it I've also heard if you pay back like a dollar a month, they won't put it on your credit for hospitals That might be true. I don't know. Just pay them the fucking barest minimum You can pay and won't ding your credit, but I was so goddamn lazy And I was like, yeah, whatever fine. And then I my credit score my credit score will be touching 800 I think it wasn't for that. I think I think pretty good

Not too shabby. I was 535 for a while. Do you have an american express card? I do you do what color is it? Not black Platinum That's great. You know, it's cool though. This is actually a little triumph. He looked at me like it was purple. Yeah No, I I I couldn't get the rest of the world for a while because yeah, well my parents had a We had a bunch of gnc's when I was a kid like the vitamin stores ironically. I was very fat at the time

but We lost all of them and then we were like my they didn't want to work for somebody else My dad won't open a restaurant his whole credit was fucked. So I was like look open a corporation. I'll be the head of the corporation Fine, uh, don't worry about it. How old are you at this? I was in college So they opened a restaurant in my name. It's a corporation in my name. So it's not gonna fuck my credit completely It hurts it a bit But also there was an amix that my dad was like, look, I can't afford to pay this back It's in your name and it was like 30k or whatever and then we just never paid back

I forgot about it like six years later I tried to get a delta sky miles card that partnered with them. Oh, they got me too I forgot about them. I couldn't you delta 29% or some shit. Yeah, buddy. Do you not know how credit cards work? I know how they work. I just don't have the money to pay them Then don't spend the fucking card. I don't anymore and they figured capital one figured that out too Only give them 200 bucks because that's all he pays us. Okay. Good. It'll build up But here's the thing after so I tried to get a card like six seven years later

And I was like, bro, how are you rejecting me for this fucking card? And they're like, well, you actually owe us, um, you know, like $30,000 to miss card or whatever And all my indignation went so polite. I was like, all right. Well, you know, hey, you guys got to do what you guys got to do You guys at the end of the day you're trying to run a business here. I get that Hey, right is right. Thanks for your time. We'll talk to you later. Bye But then I applied again at the end of this year the beginning of this year and I was I got it And I was like, oh, fuck. I made it like not only can I get an amix now? I got the amix platinum Uh, I say it to say hopefully this, you know, hopeful for you guys, but also most of this shit lasts 10 years

What about the 30? Yeah 10 years a lot of mine's gonna be clear soon A lot of it's seven seven eight years and a lot of mine is going to be fucking forgotten about Yeah, I thought it was 10, but it might be seven eight Wait, so the 30 doesn't gone bro. It's gone. I don't know. I'm nothing no more Damn hurt my credit a little bit. No, I'm good. I'm good. I'm a restaurant doing. Oh, it's gone Tanked What kind of was it Indian food? No, it was like healthier fast food. I don't know why we didn't just do Indian food

Matter of fact, like what the fuck are we thinking? Yeah, I don't know We were thinking trying to do and it was also like you had your own restaurant college We had to start like a little we don't do like a franchise I was like an established name but not really because we couldn't get an established name So we went one that we thought was up and coming. Yeah fucking A lot of good lessons in going broke both times I've been going broke in my life. It's been very sobering It takes away the $30,000 credit limit away a little bit. Yeah. Oh, yeah for sure. We find out you're you're you're You're in the hold of capital one

Yeah, well, I technically yeah, they gave me 30. I owe them 32 though That's why they gave me that's why just give us our money back one last question. What's what's your mile situation right now? Solid Solid, I think hundreds of thousands. Yeah, really. Yeah Yeah, well, you're buying the tickets for the team too tickets for the team and then you get the right mile card You get the fucking three points for a dollar you spend on dining or whatever I know I cashed out one of my cards But uh, I think the other ones are like 600. I love this adult stuff. I got 9 000 Hawaiian Airlines miles. I feel like a king I don't know where I'm gonna go. Maybe around the world

Buddy, I love miles dude. I'm such a fucking dweeb for miles. I love that. I don't know what it is, but I just want to get into that miles lounge All right, it's not as nice as you think You get the fucking the club access and really you just get a charger. That's all you get. Yeah I've been in the one for when I had the delta card. Yeah, there's some snacks. Yeah, we go club or whatever Yeah, but the snacks are trash the animal club. I've heard is the nicest but the united club united sucks in general The reason I stay with them is because so few people like to fly them. I have a better chance of getting upgraded Delta everybody's flying. So you don't know who's gonna get upgraded

I was looking for a cold soda and a couple of goldfish Oh You need that and a seatbelt extender I got two already. He steals them Do you ever want to play if you're on an odd plane get me one? I collected a seatbelt extender from an airbus and from a Boeing. Why? So I don't have to ask when I get on the plane like a fatty Because they fucking broadcast it. Okay. There's no secrecy on that. I thought it was like when hunters put a buck's head up on the wall

That's This was the cleveland This one is fat conquest Thank you, buddy. My bad Oh, yeah, shit. I didn't see that was on me some what did you say? around on the development Buddy, you are masterful with some of these words the way you say this shit. It's great, dude. I love it. Thank you Fuck oh, all right. We're having fun. Jesus Christ. Let it the dead air. That's my bed. No, it's totally market

It's market, buddy Come on. Why you gotta tip him off? They're giving me more work I Yeah, what do you mean? We don't edit it putty. It's a real deal right here. It's the real feel Just don't want to fuck up the computer. This is the only one I got. Thanks to my wife now with your credit Yeah, this is you have to wait eight months to get one of these. I know Um, all right, this is from Sean new patron first question ever grab a refill on your popcorn on your way out of the movies I didn't think of it, but it sounds fantastic. Are you allowed to do that? This is the guy that won't take home leftovers

I still think about that and it still pisses me off. I know I still there was something else I posted about it probably multiple times that you have there was something else I posted I forget what the fuck it was on instagram and you texted me like dude. I'm really upset Fuck I forget what it was. It wasn't it wasn't left over. She'll you grew up rich? No, it was asking for no ice You asked for no ice. I love asking What kind of water did I take when I came in here? Can I ask you hold the one? What did I prefer? You preferred room temperature. That's an indian thing guys. I yeah, it's yeah It's a very american thing for the the the cold water and what's that?

Yeah, what's what's the reasoning behind this? I think hot water is actually supposed to be the best for you and I remember I've heard that as well You work with an asian guy at a restaurant that always drank hot water in the kitchen And he always swore that it hydrates your body quicker because when you drink the cold water It kind of like shuts down your system for a second or shocks your system I believe that I also think I just drink more if I I can just like this is probably the second bottle I've had today crushing if you're trying to drink a lot of water. It's just much easier to drink if it's not cold Cold you get the brain freeze is going all slow. I love it when it's cold though

Everything about you don't love ice air condition. I do love listen. I do love water So long as it's So long as there's cool As long as it has a sugary treat in there Water with a little high-fructose corn syrup No, I do love water. I do but it's got to be ice cold. Do you say water water water? Yeah, you'll say water. Yeah, my girl's from Philly. So I'm familiar with that. Yeah, she's from not too far We like yeah, you look like some northeast boys. Yeah. Yeah, I look yeah

Yeah, it's uh, she you have to brag girl like grow up like 10 minutes away from her She yeah, she moved to she grew up in northeast then bucks county. Yeah for most of her childhood in the same same Same exact story anybody in the northeast that makes a couple of bucks you move like five minutes outside philly That's what we did you moved to like ben Salem and shit. You're like, oh, she was in ben sale Yeah, you have a I live like two towns over you get like my my dad had a good run and like from like 88 to fucking 90 And they're like, that's it. We're out of here. And then I don't know real dad or the one you love the real dad Okay Yeah, I'm not sure if there's one I love but the real dad

No, I'm kidding. I love everybody continuing to pull on the heart string. Jesus christ But I don't make this kid cry by the end of this thing. No, I'm dead inside He's talking about the dad that lived here the one that abandoned you Oh Foley's loving this because the whole first 10 minutes of the pod He was just sitting there like how do I turn him on kippy? Because that's the way opera I feel bad because I don't want to make fun of totally too much for being fat Because when we first that's our bread and butter off pod we first sat down

He's like am I in the frame and I was like what kind of fucking question is that you don't know the answer And then it just you're in the frame for the pot for the studio next door, too Uh All right, let's see here People look through the fucking empire state you find out that you see foley He's just fucking Hang on a second. Dad, what's going on? All right, that didn't work with the headphones

That will cut out. That was also just mean a little bit I can't make fun of your dad because he watches by the way. Love you, buddy That whore mama you were We're back. Let's go. You had me on the fucking ropes. Let's go start slamming my head on the table You spill again, what's going on? I just I didn't get to it before Um, all right. Let's move on. Let's see here. Um, this cook and we also said we're we're starting to get A level of family a level of trash that we you know Weren't really prepped for when the show started, of course

This one is does anyone this is from josh. Does anyone in your family have a tongue ring? Oh, he's a 52 year old uncle has. Oh my god. Oh, which is he shouldn't be allowed at the family parties that guy That's weird. Who do you think he voted for? I don't think he's allowed to vote. It doesn't play with it because that was always the weird thing People would play with it and be like sticking out of their mouth. What the fuck is this? Yeah, for sure. He hangs out at the Hooters. Yeah. He's a me too. We're for sure. No. Yeah, that's we have no p We're not uh, we've always been pretty good with that the foliage piercings tattoos, etc, etc Always always down the line. Not not too shabby. I can't foresee you. No, right? Yeah, you ever hear pierced. No

You didn't I'm surprised I could see in high school I always felt so like try hard and that was one thing I never wanted to be was try hard And I'm not saying I'm the most secure guy at all But like I never wanted to I never wanted to be obvious. I'm trying hard. I guess probably what it is Well, when you're yeah, you're two two years older than me I think and when I guess we were in high school and starting college those diamond studs were Oh, yeah, yeah, they were like the Everybody had those. Yeah, they were all fake though. I mean most of them. Yeah. Yeah, yeah

Who cares? It was like when fabulous had the ones that were like this fucking big. Yeah Did you have yours pierced? No, I don't think I was really allowed. Yeah, I can't see you doing it either tattoo No, yeah, no, no, we were a bunch of little pussies I had one ear pierced. Yeah, and I was walking through a mall and I saw this Just such a gross fat kid walking with one ear pierced And I was like, is that what I fucking look like and then instead of taking it out I went to Claire's got the other one pierced like an even bigger That's not good

To what the fuck yeah, Jesus have a buddy do it you guys had the gayer right you pierced a gayer in the straight Ear what my dick? If your left ear was pierced your strength that was a big 90s thing. Yeah, that was like the 80s and 90s If your right ear was pierced you were gay. Yeah. Oh, yeah, like that was like an old school Like 70s like under the table signaling thing. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know it was real I just thought it was one of those things that we used to believe in the 90s I think there was a lot of shit in the 90s that you were like, oh, yeah Jerry Pentecholi with the gerbil

That was I mean every local here. Yeah All right, this one's from Preston. Uh, never had a question read. Does your family only air conditioned certain parts of the house? Which as my parents get older they live in a pretty big house. It's like It's a smart move. There's rooms that they like cover the vents and stuff like that Yeah, they're getting a little dicey with it and they keep it hot as shit and cold hot as shit in the summer and cold as shit in the winter They sit there and fucking ski jackets watching tv. We have like they're on the fucking ski lift We have different temperature settings in our free rooms And the one that nobody stays in i'm like, why the fuck would this ever be on? Yeah

Close the door close the door turn it off. Yeah, keep the shit cold everywhere else But why are we wasting money here whole house? Keep it cranking How many ac units you got right right now one and it does it does the job. How many btu's is it? I don't know. Oh, you know 1200 thousand million after that btu count. Yeah, I think it's gotta be the low ones are like five That's like 150 thousand, buddy. Yeah, you gotta you gotta go like over nine to foot when I was a kid My parents were the king of that though. We had one you could do CGI for the coke polar bear for sure Hahaha, he's just got a bunch of those green sensors on him

We would all sleep in the living room on real hot days Which I only remember the air conditioner coming out or getting put on at a certain time in the summer And it wasn't fucking may or june. It was easily july. Yeah, and then they would put uh blankets up over the The the like the entranceways out of the living room. We'd all sleep in there What are they building a fort? They're fucking adults. That's crazy. Yeah, we had central air when we moved to the Our new house. We got central air. You are pure garbage dogs. 100 we got central and we have central Central air now. Yeah Get it from our neighbors

It's tapping to their line now. We have central air now, but when I was a kid now Now pure garbage. How old are you? 45 Right Is getting late for you We hit a buzzer beater though. That's what bobby kelly said He goes right at the fucking nick of time you guys again. Yeah, we're cooking. I just told you my air condition is running all the time No, I'm saying I'm living out there. I'm just saying, you know, I mean health. Let's let's focus on that 45. I'm focused

Yeah, okay. See that's because it's hot in here. I'm sweating everybody else is sweating too I'm actually quite comfortable drinking my warm water Can I get a can of soup or something over here? Uh, all right, let's see. Uh, this was some side show bub. Do you or did you curse in front of your grandparents or parents? I used to think it was really funny to curse in front of my grandparents because I didn't think they knew what it meant In english. Yeah. Yeah, and I think they did now. Looking back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but they wouldn't say anything. Yeah I thought it was so funny. A little 11 year old, gosh, you fucking slut Fucking bitches and I don't cause in front of my parents is out of respect, but they know I cause us all the time

I just don't do it at them. I'm real. I don't cause around kids like I'm very as those are important things to me I I was home at my mom's house not too long ago And she was it was like two weeks ago. She and I was fighting over I was fighting with somebody on the phone And I think it was like the ads or something and we were getting screwed as well was happening I was I was losing it right and I'm on the phone It wasn't the ads or something else and I'm on the phone and uh I'm like, what the fuck is the fucking problem And my mom sitting there with my like two year old niece. She's like, we're gonna go play downstairs

Yo, the northeast they don't do that as much and I think it's more I think most of like the politeness of the south and the rudeness of the northeast is just population density Yeah, there's too many people to be polite in new york They don't have fucking time in the south if i'm walking by a person and say hi That's the only person i'm gonna see for a hundred feet. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Hey, how are you? I'm doing well You'd be a crazy person. You said hi to everybody in new york. How you doing? How are you? Literally look crazy. So I think even cussing around kids like in the south. I don't see it I don't see that many kids on a day today. So it's easy. So it's easy to edit

Hey, we're at Chick-fil-A or whatever the fuck there's some kids there just watch it in the northeast It's just constant people all around. I can't I'm on the train in new york There's always kids. There's kids 24 hours a day. I can't I can't wash my mouth Yeah, but you curse a lot on stage your parents come to your shows. They're not allowed to watch my shows Really? I mean they might still watch but like I've let them come to one show and I made sure I didn't cuss at that show Really? Yeah, I can't handle it. That's crazy. I can't handle it. And bombing in front of your parents. Oh my god, I could never live that down Dude, I've done it a couple of times because they don't get not too long ago It's rough because they don't get that it's it's gonna happen. Oh, you're no matter how long how good you are occupational hazard

It's you're going to bomb. Yeah, it is a fucking certainty Occasional bombs and even if a person knows that going in if that's the show they watch you where you bomb they're like this guy Yeah, even if they know he's probably his next one to be fine. They're like, no, but he does he saw but they watched you bomb Yeah, you meet in front of your mom a few more so than any comic I've ever met Because usually it was if we were doing shows in Philly before people started coming to the shows But you know three or four years ago a lot of it was populated with kevin's family They would all come out because we would go back and do a one Like me you cotton and like whoever would do like one show a year in philly

And we get like all friends and family to come out and stuff like that and those shows we all did well on but there were some other ones that like We were working like they're like this fucking side room at a thing and then like my mom would put it on facebook Why would your cousins would call? Oh my god, I've been getting heckled by like my third My my mom's third cousin and shit my aunt and uncle came to fucking kiss kiss bang bang or whatever it was that place in ac Oh my god Oh, I remember that you ate it I think there's no way to not your next to stripper poles. Yeah, you're on like a nine foot stage

Yeah, I think I had a sport coat on too. I think I was wearing a sport coat that night. You ate I remember that was a tough one. Yeah bombing up day with the cordless mic Ugh 50 foot ceilings. I remember there's this ridiculously attractive waitress at that show And not that I would ever not be faithful to my girl, but like Like there was no if I was trying to cheat. I'd be like there's no way she respects Me doing this show. Oh, no Yeah, we respect the comic that you see on this stage. No next to two go-go dancer poles Yes

Or the stage is also the stage is just an extension of the bar as well So they're like they're working behind you at the bar. No chance like get the fuck out of here It was actually nice to not even have that in my brain of a possibility. It's out. It's gone. Yeah Dude, we did we did one in ac we did like four in a week in an ac each one was worse than the fucking next and Um, there was like 13 people or something Dude, we're just taking it on the fucking chin and he was he was nice enough He was like, dude, I'll because when we go ahead like we would flip-flop Yeah, and he's like he was nice enough to be like I'll close these shows out because you've been getting the raw end of the deal

Yeah, and I remember I'm bombing this guy comes in remember the guy came in just walked into the club sat in the front row Pulls his phone. It's just like mayhem and I'm Ready to I'm at my wit's end and I'm like then I see I didn't realize my uncle was in the crowd Like at like minute I had to do 35 minutes at minute 33. I see my uncle just like rubbing his And I'm like, oh I'm like guys I lost my time. I think I cried in the broom closet after the show He gave kevin 20 dollars and said don't come to thanks

All your dad I did that show while I was going broke and nothing fit my mood better than that show Like that was I was like this is where I belong right now. This is it I'm so happy. We don't have to do those anymore for the time being I love it. And maybe he keeps trying to get me back and I'm just like no that show gave me covid I did I went back to ac at a different venue with him. I got covid and then gave it to everyone We cancelled because of you got covid that we were supposed to be the weekend after you You're welcome. We cancelled but we're doing it the next weekend june 18th. Yeah, june 18th Lannix city. Fantastic. Socially distant

I think can't wait. It's gonna be a hot one. Um Jesus christ, that's so funny. I forgot about that. Yeah, you got home and you're like, ah kosh has it He got in the lannix city and you called we're like, this is getting too hairy. Yeah, we're not doing it It's getting dicey out there. You're out Um, all right, let's do a couple of more here. This one's from ryan coats. This just says have you ever played doctor? No, no, I should have maybe I had to be a different when you were a kid. No, I What talking about when you were a kid, right? I think like sexually he's saying as yeah, yeah, absolutely Kidding me

Uh, I got yeah, I got talked to my assistant. Shall we I got call playing with a girl a couple weeks ago But it was one of those things we're like, I didn't know what was I was young Should we were both young and everybody was like, ah, look at this and it was just like getty made fun of them I'm like, I don't know what you're making fun of me for. Yeah, but I don't like it I know you and I don't think I don't think you're a licensed physician We're at any place to make that call. Uh, yeah, absolutely man fucking doctor all that stuff truth or dare Fucking seven minutes in heaven or whatever it's called. I never did any of that shit. Really? Yeah Yeah, you grew up in a real like 80s movie. Yeah, he is john q america. He really is

Yeah, you live that life dog pedophiles and pizza parties Spin the bottle you played that hell. Yeah That was like something we would only see on tv Yeah, it would be like if somebody would ever like let's play spin the bottle the truth of the day We'd be like get the fuck out. That was a very 80s verse 90s You grew up in like a white trash version of full house Sure, I'd say that. Yeah. Yeah A couple uncle joey slender

I know. Yeah, dude fucking spin the bottle Like anytime there was like a party and like, you know, seventh eighth grade seventh eighth grade ninth grade party And then after that it was just they were fucking like ragers. They were parties. Yeah parents were at home But yeah parents went to sleep or whatever we would sneak out We would like seven of us would stay at my one buddies and we'd sneak out to the girl's house Where her parents were away and like seven girls were staying Spin the bottle truth or dare. That's literally out of like an 80s movie. I bet that kid got pussy That kid right there kid did. All right. It was a good kid. How's this guy doing? That's so good

That kid's real disappointed Oh, man, he would be right. Oh man That if he knew what I grew up to be yeah, he'd be giving you a wedgie and oh doll he'd be stuffing me in a locker You can't This week on storage Oh Have you ever had a storage unit you've had a storage. Yeah, I have yeah, well, we're in miami, so we had all In new york or in hobo or

In sea caucus sea caucus. Let me ask you this. Did you get movers to move in? But they don't unpack and that's where you're really fucked in the ass because we moved on such short notice We didn't have the time to do the like we don't need this. Let's throw it out You brought everything and so we're as we're moving in we're throwing out tons of shit It was a whole nightmare furniture that we're like that belonged in jersey. It does not belong here Yeah, all of our furniture. You got an elevator. Are you an elevator building or walk out? Yeah. Yeah elevator. Nice 31 Men's wear holy shit, I love it

Spending a little bit of that cage. I don't even know those buildings went up that high over there Toby get him a fresh hot water. Will you? Clancy damn. All right. I got 30 k 31st nice view Uh decent view. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like the view. Well, wait. Do you look south north? South and then a little bit west Is there a helicopter? Is there a helicopter? You can see the river. Yeah, I can see the river Is there a helicopter pad on the top of your building?

Not at all But I will say one thing that I really liked is I could see the empire state building and that was like I fucking came here and I was broke here and now I I'm looking I beat this bitch Oh, I love it. I just fucking hurt me up. I beat this bitch Like I like I legit got emotional when I saw it because I kept saying wherever I live I want that and my girl didn't fight me on it But I think it was like kind of odd to her Just like that's just why you like you care so much about this and then when I got up there and I looked out the window

I was like I fucking slept on a mattress on the floor with mice running by my face all night I did that whole shit that everybody did and now I'm looking at you like I fucking got I got that's what they say that's fantastic That's the building the most that people acquire like a personal weird relationship with yeah where they speak to it in a first person I don't speak to it necessarily in the first person, but like what you said there you are Yeah, I guess I was thinking like I beat new york like not the building and I'm like new york I fucking got you like I came I did it. I made it here. Yeah, damn. Yeah And ripped off mx in the process

In a couple of hospitals Take that 4k and shove it up your ass pussy. Yeah, you have to cast back. I don't give a shit Um, all right, let's do two or three more. This one is from brad ever try to make a blooming onion at home Which is a fucking garbage Also sounds so fire though If you figure if you crack the code it can make them at all You're probably pretty good king. Yeah, I've told you this Before you're not going to believe me

Never had one I've only had a couple of time. We where's that it's an outback right? It's onion rings with a sure. Yeah, yeah And you like pull it right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's great. It's a fun time We should do that on the road. I've always wanted. Oh, yeah patreon content buddy. There you go. Foley has another heart attack That's so funny because I want to do all these like food things, but I'm like, I'm trying to get him to lose weight at the same time Yeah, so it's like a dance of like, hey, you can go to an old game buffet. You have a cheat day like a cheat half day maybe 45 years of it. Yeah. Yeah, I know but I'm saying you you're straight for six and a half days And then one meal you go fucking hammer. Okay, and then that's six and a half days of clean eating

All right, not just clean living clean eating. That's like giving an alcoholic a shot of Jamison. Yeah You gotta go cold turkey. Yeah, but he's not gonna go cold turkey is a thing. So I'm thinking yeah, he does like hot turkey He has an open-faced turkey Shout out shout out to them the open-faced turkey sandwich, but I've got to be away. We got to get this fucking We're working on we're doing a weight loss challenge on the patreon. It's not going so well too Haven't gained one pound in seven months. Yeah, but that's not enough you gained six a week ago From way into way in last week, you were six pounds heavier, but still as I said, he's the same way right now Four months ago, which is a kind of a win, but that's not enough buddy

Kind of a win. I think it's good. I'll tell you what I'll take it. Yeah No, I think the problem is we're viewing that as a win. Yeah. No, that should be not a win I'm gonna celebrate you for that, but I'm also gonna say you gotta fucking lose weight bro millions of dollars on the line Thank you Now But I'm telling you dawg you guys are the hot ones andrew said it well You guys are hot ones for trick think how much fucking money that guy's making He doesn't know what to do with it

YouTube ad revenues out the fucking through the moon any podcast read you you're gonna get paid on you got your patreon is cracking It's millions of dollars. I'm not saying that exaggerate. I think you'll have that potential But it all rests on your fucking weight on your fat ass back I'm on it. I'm on it. This guy's a professional dog. His credit gonna get cleaned up Toby on it you Hilarious, but you got to get your weight in order and I'm saying that because I love you I'm telling I love you too. If I didn't give a fuck about you. I would be like, yeah, you know, whatever But I'm telling you you guys got too much potential to fucking not lose weight. That's not gonna it's not

I promise you think about This is so rare I lay in bed and I go cool. I got a career. Ah, fuck. It's all based on It's all based on keeping this fat piece of shit alive. You're so fucking funny That's funny and it's so rare to have two funny people with chemistry and y'all got decades of friendship Oh, you got a fucking you got to do it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it I said this to you off pod so it was more like hard. Yeah, I remember my exact words were it's about everything you ever wanted Is about to come true. I know but you have to be able to enjoy it. I know otherwise if you the everlasting gob stop

And we love it and we love you guys Can I pee before we do the real podcast? No, this is the pod. Oh, this isn't all patreon. Oh, no, this isn't patreon Oh, we do patreon questions on the real show and I do a bathroom break either way Yeah, we're we're wrapping it up. We'll wrap it up right now. Let's do one more This is from uncle cracker ever washes suit in the washing machine, which I mean, what are we doing? That's I love that. Yo, I thought about it. That's garbage through and through just can't dry it Yeah, I assume if you watch it on like a low tumble, I've done it. I've done that a gentle

Yeah, you shouldn't be doing that get it fucking dry-cleaned. It's nine bucks. I tell you what those steamers, man You don't have to wash clothes anymore hit it with the fucking steamer. You're in and out of the door steamer little Febreze Fucking keep it moving No, no, let's try. All right. Let's wrap it up Gang, thank you so much for tuning in with Akash. You got anything coming up. You want the folks to know about hit them? Yeah, I'm doing shows uh, Kansas City. Please buy tickets to that if you're listening. Please for fuck's sake buy tickets to that Uh, I'm in San Diego july 2nd and 3rd. You know what? Can I just read this? Yeah. Yeah, please. Please do I'm gonna announce a couple shows. I have let's do it. Oh

Getting the a yg exclusive This weekend. I'm at I don't know if this is gonna be out, but I'm at bananas and hasbrook heights, new jersey You don't need to come to that 17th june 17th through 19th, Kansas City comedy club of kc july 1st through 3rd San Diego at american comedy club july 22nd through 24th. I'm at mugubi's joke house in baltimore September 23rd to 25th. I'm in austin with you guys. Yeah, moon tower Shout out to moon tower sneak on to your pod whether you like it or not

DC I haven't announced this yet october 8th and 9th. I'm at the comedy loft Toronto I got a lot of fans in toronto because a lot of indians uh, october 15th at the grand gerard theater and then theater Oh, yeah, buddy. That's my first theater. So we got to sell it. I love it and then uh, november 11 through 13th I'm at helium in indianapolis. So hopefully there we go, baby Yeah, look at it guys go see him live. He's a fucking monster killer insane. Yeah insane. How funny he is Um guys make sure you rate review subscribe on itunes youtube that whole thing live show and patreon.com The tickets to the live show will be in the description of the episode go get a ticket

Oh, real quick start interrupt my ticket my website is akashzing.com and also flagrant 2 podcast. Oh, yeah, of course. Come on, of course Um gang, we love you very much. Akash. We love you toby. We love you kippy. I love you, buddy I love you too dad and we love you guys Beautiful