Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Ali Macofsky: Cali Kid

Episode Date: February 28, 2022

Kippy and Foley are back with Ali Macofsky, this one is BONKOS. Thanks for listening. Love youse guys.  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage�...� https://www.LadderLife.com/GARBAGE https://www.athleticgreens.com/GARBAGE https://www.CoinBase.com/GARBAGE Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Stop the presses gang got a special announcement the middle-class famous tour is in full effect Get your tickies me the bald one the long hair. We're coming to a city near you Bring the squad out. It's a great way to introduce people to the show. You get to see some stand-up You get to play a little a yg with me in the gui-parino. It's a good time. Hit me up Guys are gonna be in Atlanta Tampa Orlando Pittsburgh Buffalo Detroit Denver Phoenix Salt Lake City Chicago Rose man guys. It's a great time Can't wait to see out there. Get your tickies now. Yeah Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
Starting point is 00:00:44 Absolute trash now. Here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is our you garbage It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that at the group to be classy Yeah, or if they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your hostage Foley coming at you on a beautiful day We're down here at Antoni's basement. She's upstairs having a nice heart-healthy lunch Okay of a bowl of oatmeal and a gin and tonic nice my co-host is coming at you from right next to me unamused this week He is the CEO of are you garbage? He's my best pal in the whole wide world, and I love him, and I don't care who knows it Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan. Ah, thanks. I love you, too, buddy
Starting point is 00:01:29 Thanks for tuning in as always just make sure you rate view subscribe on itunes full video available new tube And as you know those numbers are true to rule cooking baby, and obviously I'm contractually obligated to mention The greatest website of all time patreon.com slash are you garbage? You can sign up you get bonus episodes of a yg hard feelings live streams a whole nine yards do it Is that Sam Yam and Jack haughty's operation? That is that's their outfit. They're good kids They're good kids and have a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire the magic man makes us all look good We love them you love them give it up for T-Bone McScroffins. It's Toby McMullen everybody. What's up, dude? Hey T-Bone just see but you guys realize you're a redhead
Starting point is 00:02:07 debatable it got strawberry blonde some might say T-Bone kid Toby cam coming soon by the way Chatterin in the streets. They want to see a big man couple more ad sales get the Toby cam That's patreon.com folks, but gang we could not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest here with us today for the first Time she was a very funny very successful stand-up comedian and podcaster. She was a regular and kill Tony She's appeared on the Joe Rogan experience She tours all over the country, and she is the host of the resting bitch podcast But the big question about his mind today is she garbage? I just see a barbed wire tattoo That long hair ain't gonna hide that red neck girl. I'll tell you that right now give it up rally mccoskey everybody
Starting point is 00:02:56 Thanks for coming great last name too. You think so mccoskey. It's either strong 1950s LA private eye Okay, or out of here mccoskey. Yeah. Yeah mccoskey or a post-modern artist So mccoskey, it's her new work. It's a mccoskey. Oh, that's a new mccoskey. I heard it's good stuff Why don't you don't like your last name growing up? No, I I don't believe in marriage, but I do believe in changing my last name for any reason But it's so not my boyfriend who I'm dating. I don't want to brag, but yeah, I locked one in His last name is so similar to mine that I'm like, I'm gonna have to dump you at some point. What is it?
Starting point is 00:03:37 Can you tell us it's McDonald? Oh, that's a step down from a cough. Totally. I don't know. I like a McDonald Because of the obvious hey new splash got that new land air and I picked you as more of a Wendy's I dabble I dabble and went it's hard to find a good Wendy's where they do it right. That's true They're really they're not all created equally now. They're not I had a Popeyes last night that felt like they they got angry while making my Sandwich and just crumpled it and then we're like here you go. It made me upset. Yeah, it's the worst There's a couple of places that do it right. You find a nice nice Wendy's out in the burbs. They treat you right Yeah, yeah, where it's the livings a little slower ones in the inner city are off to come by. Yeah, it's not good little champagne something nice
Starting point is 00:04:24 What is the origin story of Allie mckofsky the origin story at Gropin Long Beach, California? Okay, both of my parents are longshoremen. So they were they work at the ports of Long Beach Wow Yeah, you're joking. No, I'm 100 your mother's a long show mother got my dad into being a longshoreman My dad was like a traveling salesman aka a cheater. Let's wrap this up What exactly is a longshoreman picture with all I know it's guys that Rocky used to shake down for money Yeah, have you seen the wire? Yes, I guess I've never seen it, but I guess it's like that but without like all the drugs Yeah, so a longshoreman someone who works at the ports and like when those like big fucking carriers come in and stuff
Starting point is 00:05:09 I mean it used to be like you had to like unload it all I mean your mom does not like a chest tattoo of like an anchor and like a cigar My dad literally smokes cigars on the job and whenever I tell people that a lot of people have this idea of me I think it might be the way I talk or kind of 100% you just blew me away Yeah, I know I have like a very apathetic Attitude and so people think that I like can't come from money or something 100% totally thought I thought your dad's a lawyer your mom's a professor at Vassar or something like that No, and they're just like very blue-collar
Starting point is 00:05:43 It's tough when you have a mom whose mom's a longshoreman Longshorewoman Long Beach arm wrestling champ Podcast over Yeah, so they're both longshoremen Still active still active really still out there sure. Yeah union union gotta be those are only you yeah Yeah, so I like it's good benefits though great benefits. That's why they don't that's they never leave no I growing up I felt like I was rich because I got to go to the doctor. I got to have like
Starting point is 00:06:21 Like surgeries just for fun or of course We had I had union benefits to growing up and I remember our copay was like five bucks and other people's was like 50 And I remember looking at him in the girl I'm like, what do your parents do for a living got a shell out 50 bucks for a net for an inhaler So they ain't working the docks. I can tell you that I know I just lost my parents health insurance, and I feel like it's rock bottom I feel like I'm strong. I'm like, what do I do? I want to marry a longshoreman I'm like mom dad like hook me up with one of your disgusting friends. Do you have brothers and sisters? I have two older sisters two older sisters
Starting point is 00:06:54 Yeah And I think why people also think that I like come from you know, maybe an affluent family is because my sisters are the most basic Beautiful women they just yeah, you know, they look like they have stocks and Starbucks like they just what do they do rodeo? What are they? What are they? Both my oldest sister? She was working at Hulu for a while, and she just stopped doing that. Okay, yeah But she was in like, you know, she was like a liaison between the talent and the company So solid job. She's always like tried to work in entertainment, but now she married a dude who's wealthy. So she's that's it. That's it She said yeah, and then my other sister she works for like an online like pop sugar
Starting point is 00:07:32 I think like one of those online websites, okay, so she does like brand deals for them Did your parents go to college? No, didn't go to college. I think Long Beach. I think like Sushi burritos and surfboards and stuff like that. No Mm-hmm Long Beach is like a big little city. It's like it's got a lot of diversity. There's a lot of You're near the water You're not directly at Long Beach is very big so parts of it are right on the water we grew up I was like maybe 15 minutes away from the water and what did you grow up in a regular house apartment? So when my parents were together
Starting point is 00:08:11 We lived in a really cute home like a nice little three-bedroom house right by Long Beach State University Okay, and then when they got divorced my dad lived in a really sketchy apartment Yeah, they only my dad did the same thing. They always go to a sketchy part. Oh, yeah My dad is such a perverted creep I don't I don't want to share this story, but I feel like this is a good story to share lay it on us First of all his name is Larry so like we're starting at you know zero Larry the longshoreman Larry the longshoreman Larry the longshoreman. Yeah, and he was We lived in this giant apartment building and there was you know a bunch of apartments near us
Starting point is 00:08:49 And my dad had binoculars in the building and he would try and find women in the other Yeah, I was like seven years old Totally my dad's like classic like old-school perv type dude really yeah, and you lived with him and I lived with him Yeah, so full-time or split the time split but primarily with my dad really yeah, why is that because my mom is an alcoholic? Yeah My parents met. Oh, this is a good story. My parents met at a 12-step convention in Palm Desert It was like a narcotics anonymous or cocaine anonymous convention They should be
Starting point is 00:09:31 That's where they met that's where their love story begins. Oh, they were partiers Yeah, I mean my mom I think was just like straight-up alcoholic She wasn't into like drugs or anything, but my dad was a partier My dad does come from a somewhat wealthy or family. Okay, like my grandparents They grew up in like Brooklyn like living in the projects and then made their money I think in like a liquor store business or maybe like a wicker furniture business in Brooklyn Completely separate things and they rhyme Shopper
Starting point is 00:10:08 Racketeering I can't remember which one I think they did both I think they started with one and then ended with the other or whatever But that's they made their money rags to riches and then it's so annoying because one of my dad's siblings is like they have a house In Malibu They're doing well. Yeah, so growing up. I'm like dad. What the fuck happened to you like this was our this could have been us Yeah, why do you start longshoremen? You know, yeah needed money pennies. Yeah, it is solid living. They still work together Sometimes they get like the same job. So it'll be at the same port or whatever. But yeah, they still both
Starting point is 00:10:45 Do they get along they do they get along they've gone through you know their phases of like hating each other or whatever But now they get along damn and where was your mom while you were living with your dad? She was also in Long Beach, so she moved to an apartment. There was by the beach and but you had a house Always had a home. Yeah, no, but you're an actual Yeah, and then apartments and then eventually my mom My mom now lives in a house in San Pedro and my dad lives in a house in Long Beach. Did they remarry at all? No, no Any chance of a rekindling between my parents not not and not not no no Not even for a second man. Oh man. Yeah, that's a lot to unpack
Starting point is 00:11:29 Yeah, that's that's pretty shocking to be honest with you. Um, did you go to college? I went for about a semester This kid's a chameleon, I'll tell you that right now couldn't do it couldn't do it Well when I was younger, I was like I was a radio Personality where I'm sorry. I so I say am radio for the love of God I would be so I grew up my dad listened to Tom like is growing up. So that was like a big Okay influx in my life. You know like the shock jock. I am radio, okay But I like randomly called in two one to two point seven case FM Ryan, C Crest is the radio DJ on that What year we talking? This was 2003 to about 2006?
Starting point is 00:12:11 So I called it. I'm okay in 2003 in what grade third grade third grade grade great Local radio station for a set of sticks tickets dad put down the binoculars for a minute wait Shit, and I ended up just getting a job making prank phone calls as a third grader as a third grader That's what is that legal? It wasn't it for it wasn't at first. It was illegal. It was child labor, and then they realized they had to pay me So then I started getting paid, but that's why I went to college my parents. Was it good money? It was good money I mean anything The one who makes the prank phone calls are you getting were you actually getting the money?
Starting point is 00:12:55 No, it was being put into an account that I couldn't touch until I was like 16 Okay, was it all there when you turn 16? No, my dad did use it for patio furniture Yeah, he he really needed furniture. He needed a good lounge to smoke his cigars and to do But they put that's that's the one of the most insane statements I've heard in 200 episodes of the show patio furniture Give me a ballpark number of what was in that account. It was a good amount. I mean, I have none of it left I might have like $2,000 left 20 grand 30 grand 40 grand 50 grand. I think I had like a hundred thousand I was working every single week for three years on the radio What are you going to school? Yeah, cuz I would pre-record them
Starting point is 00:13:42 I would leave school early on like a Tuesday or Wednesday. I would pre-record four episodes Did kids know that you were doing this as your teachers know? Oh, yeah Did you get any of the money then? No Any cool presents or anything like hey, you can get the new bike or the whatever No, no cool presents, but I would get to go to like all the events with kiss FM. So that was cool I got to go to like the concerts. I got to introduce like Gwen Stefani on stage at one of the you know concerts that they Had as a third grader. Yeah, I was think I would have heard about this National
Starting point is 00:14:14 Yeah, a hundred G. Yeah, but then they let me touch it when I was 16. So I'm like going to Coachella I'm buying all these ugly outfits. I buy a used car I was you know modest about it, but I bought like a 2016 Jeep Grand Cherokee as soon as I turn 16. All right Yeah, I mean all all my money or no, no, no, I wasn't 2016, but What's it? What's a ticket to Coachella run? It's it's about I mean, but then I'm it was like what I don't know maybe 400 bucks Okay, but then I'm just buying a bunch of shit. I don't need
Starting point is 00:14:50 100 g-hots that's all right. So half of the money was in a college account. So I maybe had like 50 grand Actually to myself But it's like mom dad if your child is calling into a radio station in third grade, she's not going to college Yeah, what are we doing? Yeah, so I wasn't allowed to like spend that if I did spend that for my own personal stuff I was like taxed on it. Okay. I got you Yeah, so if I pull that money out, I'm still gonna be taxed on it. That's all I have left Jesus, and then why did you stop doing that? I'm doing what the radio? Yeah, so my name on the radio station was Lil Ally and I think I just grew out of it
Starting point is 00:15:29 I wasn't too little anymore. Welcome back. It's a little alley. I'll be Dropped Adolescent Ally doesn't have the same They threw me out of the talkies. Oh that is wild man. What the fuck? Shit, did you meet C Crest? Yeah a few times. He wasn't in the studio when I went in. Yeah, but yeah I mean, I definitely had a good like if you said to see Crest today. Hey, I'm Lil Annie. Would he go holy shit? He would remember. Yeah, I mean it. Yeah. Yeah, that was a significant. You see Lil Annie? This guy's drinking too much Ovalpine over here. I got too much. Yeah, I got orphans on the brain
Starting point is 00:16:14 Wait, what do you mean? He would know. Of course he would know you. Yeah. Yeah I mean, it was like it was very it was very popular when it was on like locally It was very popular because we started making prank phone calls and we would make the prank phone calls in California and then we had to start doing them outside of California because so many people would be like is this that little girl from the radio He wouldn't recognize me, but like sure if I mentioned that. Yeah, holy shit. Yeah So you only made it through a semester of college only made it through a semester Did we say what college? It was this really terrible. I didn't get I went to Cal State San Marcos
Starting point is 00:16:50 It's in North County, San Diego. It's literally for like the most You know Sounds like an FX show It was so bad. It was like people were like bread. They're like, yeah, I got in with a point two five GPA It wasn't a good time. There's that there's more than like one or two words in the name of your school It's a bad nobody. Yeah, Harvard. Yeah The school is just the city that the school California State San Marco on Third Street come see me. Yeah, we're D1 hacky sack
Starting point is 00:17:25 It's so bad. Yeah. Yeah, I left and I want I knew I had done like one open mic before going to college And I was like, this is what I wanted to do the whole time Everyone's like, what do you majoring in and I'm like, I'm actually gonna be a stand-up comedian Damn, and they were like, that's a fake job. Hmm. Have you seen my work on kiss FM? Yeah, I got a hundred cheese says different What was the high school mascot? My high school mascot was the griffins It's okay. Yeah, what was the name of the high school Los Alamedo's high school. That's pretty good
Starting point is 00:17:57 Pretty good home of the griffins home of the griffins, California. I get it right a griffin. Yeah. Yeah What was a griffin in a or it's a bird in a lion. Yeah, right? Yeah, what was high school like high school? Yeah, we had a really good sports program. We had a really good like Theater and arts program. Did you play any sports? I did dance all four years Okay, and I did swim for one year and I was really bad at swim So they put me if there's swim meets if you ever find yourself at a swim meet There's always one lane off to the side. That's a fake lane. It's like a participation lane Really? And so they would put me in this fake lane to compete because I wasn't good at anything
Starting point is 00:18:39 But then they realized I was like kind of a ringer for one of the laughs And so then I finally got my shot. I imagine you're the kid that's swim that's swimming like sideways You're in the other person's lane They're dropping those little like torpedoes and I'm just finding them at the bottom you're picking up rings And I just want to note. I don't know if I already picked up on this instead of saying swimming She said swim. We had a good swim. Yeah, that's bad. It's my swim team Not a good swim. What is dancing tail dance that you know, you do well, we would have a show I think once or twice a year through the school. Yeah, and so we would
Starting point is 00:19:18 Learn the different types of like jazz hip-hop ballet You learn like the basics of all of them and then you put on you learn a routine and then they put on like, you know Friday night or whatever. Yeah in the auditorium. Yeah, what was the grade situation? I was like a solid C average Solid I like it. I like it. I gotta be honest. I was too. Yeah. What was the SAT score? I have no idea. I if it cost a lot of money. I might not have even taken them like I'm not sure I don't think they're free. Okay, then I took it Dude, you are nothing when I was
Starting point is 00:19:55 What were your thoughts about me before doing like I said, yeah, I guess your sisters kind of yeah, you know what I mean Just like basic just like I don't know like, you know as two guys in the East Coast like, you know A girl who grew up in California is that stereotype? Yeah, yeah, surfing something not longshoremen fucking heritage. I'll tell you that. Yeah, your mom's a longshoreman. That's insane Wow, she's got thick fingers All right, let's get into some are you garbage cues here Where are you at now? You're living in LA still live in LA. I'm an apartment roommates house
Starting point is 00:20:37 Apartment one bedroom. I used to be in like a four-bedroom house And it was it was like $800 a month for rent. It was a steal. Okay, but then it got too much COVID happened all my roommates run different pages. So I was like, you know, I'm gonna be a big girl I'm gonna move out. I'm gonna get work on my own place So I've been living there. It's not a nice area. No. No. No, it's Um, I didn't realize the street I live on is a main street and so the bus goes on my street And so with that comes yeah, that's a tough look if you're if you're in a residential place and there's a bus Yeah, a lot of bus folk just walking around
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Starting point is 00:22:04 Yeah, they do cost less than three dollars a day, you know Everybody's taking some sort of multi-vitamin and it's important to choose high-quality ingredients That you know, it's gonna work with your body a g1's got you covered it takes out all those questions This one that one this one that one a g1. Listen, I know I'm not one to be talking about fitness But I'm working on it. I'm telling you this stuff works. It's fantastic. It tastes good. You feel good when you drink it It doesn't it doesn't it's not like drinking like way protein sure hurry that crap. It's fucking fantastic I love it right now. It's time to reclaim your health and arm your immune system a convenient daily nutrition Especially heading into cold and flu seasons just one scoop and a cup of water every day
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Starting point is 00:23:14 I gotta be a luncheon or something like that You don't want to be getting buried in a refrigerator box out back by the pool Which is where I was heading before we found ladder. Yes term life insurance You know make sure you take care of your family. Make sure you have things covered No times we're living in no doctors No needles no paperwork when you apply for three million or less in coverage Three mil you just need a few minutes and a phone laptop to apply ladder smart algorithms work in real time So you find out if you're instantly approved if you want to talk to a person like I always say you can got you
Starting point is 00:23:46 But they don't work on commissions. Nope the license agent. They'll help you not upsell you Yeah, they're not trying to they're not trying to give you the hard sell on the undercoat No hidden fees cancelled anytime get a full refund when you change your mind in the first 30 days So go to ladder life comm slash garbage today to see if you're instantly approved That's ladder lad der life comm slash garbage ladder life comm slash garbage do it. Yeah A lot of like police on my street and I'm in one of the front units So I just get to stare out the window and like so you are you in the first floor? Uh, yeah Yeah, you're in the first floor
Starting point is 00:24:20 That's bars on the windows. No Sounds like Let's pull it up on Zillow. It should be a gun turret up there. Holy shit first floor. Yeah, let's get Yeah, what's the whip like these days? What are you driving around? I drive a uh, 20 2018 kia sportage. I got the basic one. I'm a kia man myself. I'm okay. I love the kia It's all right. I get shit, but it's all right. I'm a huge fan. They're also the only people that give me a car That's how bad my credit. Well, are you listening or do you own? Um, I'm financing. Okay to buy you're buying Yeah, I'm buying it. Cool. Yeah, what are those payments like a month? You know what? I did the lowest payments over the longest period of time
Starting point is 00:25:02 Um, because I wanted to overdo the payments and have the lowest like interest on it. Sure, right? I don't know how money works. I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah So I did like the longest plan. It's like a four-year plan. My payments are supposed to be like 120 a month a month or something, but I pay I think the limit the most I can pay is like 500 So I try and do that whenever I can that's pretty smart. Yeah I just always go for the longest time That I have to pay it back. Well, I was worried. I'm like if I have a bad year I don't know what this everything could fall apart. So I'm like, I don't know what's gonna happen
Starting point is 00:25:36 I'd rather have the lowest in case I'm not doing too well Sure, sure and if I can then I'll then I'll try and pay it off as quickly as possible. Yeah, that makes sense What's uh, what's the credit score looking like? I just checked. I think it's uh, I think it's in Uh, I just well, I just got a credit card for the first time. This is big on this show Okay, first credit card ever first credit card. All right credit limit. Uh, I don't What do they start you out? I think it's like maybe 2000 respectable capital one Chase
Starting point is 00:26:06 Chase bank. That's all right. Not bad. Not bad. I want to raise the limit on it though. I'm just too lazy to call Yeah, it's you got to keep paying it. Yeah, it's tough right away. I just went through this a couple months ago It's tough right away because you have to know I've established it. Okay. You've established. Yeah. I've had it for a few months I've been good. I've been a good girl. I've been paying it. I've got confused about the Current balance or the statement that still throws me through a loop from time to time Especially on the corporate card that amex doesn't play with the what's available. What's it's real it gets real air Yeah, so I just try and like whichever one's the most money. I'm like, that's probably what they want from me Yeah, you pay it all off at the end of the month. Yeah, but there's a statement about if you
Starting point is 00:26:45 Yes, but it's like the billing period would be through the first through the First and then by the time that bill comes out, you might have spent more so you currently owe More than what's on the billing cycle if that makes sense. I don't like to sound that Yeah, I have no idea but I think I think I'm I was telling people you pay it off at the end of the you pay the whole thing off Yeah, I pay it all off or I do it like when I spend if I just check my bank account and I see that there's something in there I'm like take it take my money Um, but I think it's in like the low 700s because I'm still working Very good. I'm 720
Starting point is 00:27:20 Yeah, not too shabby. I'm a six six eighty I just got knocked down a couple of points though because we just I just got another credit card Got my I got my delta card. Do you get knocked down if you get another credit card? It gets back up again when you uh I was thinking that When you when they check your credit you lose points. I think that's a myth. No, I'm telling you If they run a hard a hard check if they want to look at her That's a myth. No, it's a hard check if they run a hard credit check But a soft one like on my on my banking app. It has like your credit journey
Starting point is 00:27:53 Yeah, that doesn't matter. No, but like if you go somewhere and say like say you wanted to get another car I'm like I want a car. They'll pull a hard credit check on you and that Not sure like 15 points or something like 10 points or something who's coming up with these rules. It's so fake and pretend Fucking ripping us off. It's bullshit. What would your vacation as a kid? Um, we didn't do too many You don't say Wherever the cargo ship was heading me my dad knocked over a bank one time But like my dad, we would do like road trips with my sister's to vegas. Oh my god. Okay. This is a good story as kids I think I think I get road trips to vegas as kids. I mean, I told you about my dad. What do you think we're doing in vegas?
Starting point is 00:28:35 A lot of windows a lot of a lot of windows to look in No balconies just empty windows. Um My dad took me and my sister's on a trip to vegas and he was like my body got me a great deal at this hotel It's right by the strip. How old are you? I was pretty young. I was oh I was uh, maybe six. I have a weird timeline. I think I was six six year old in vegas because your body got you a good deal And he's selling it to the kids. It's right near the strip Yeah, and we're my sisters are seven and five years older than me. So six seven eight nine 10 11 12 13 Okay 11 and 13. Yeah, that seems about right. Maybe I was a little bit older still
Starting point is 00:29:16 But yeah, so it's not like you were 22 or something So we go to vegas and the hotel we stayed at is this place called the new orleans If you're staying at a hotel that's a different place than vegas. It's bad. It was so bad My sister couldn't get a room at detroit. You know what I mean even at that young age My sisters are like dad. Where have you taken us? It was so they have some more wear with all of like this is not great Yeah, and me. I'm like, oh, they have one dollar hot dogs. This is the best And uh, and so we stayed at this place we go to the strip we go to the m&m store all that we go to the mgm There's this little like, uh, you know how the mgm is really big
Starting point is 00:29:53 There's weird there's like a car and there's a line to just sit in this car and so I'm like this is weird We all go online my sisters come with me inside the car and they're like ali pretend you're on girls gone wild I shouldn't know what that is at the age of you know, six or seven But I'm like, okay, so I lift up my top in this car, you know, because it's just us in the car I don't think anything of it. I'm just like girls gone wild anything for a laugh And we get out of the car and I realize there's the the reason people are waiting in line It's because there's cameras in the car to take pictures. Yeah, just like, you know, whatever it is like a roller coaster Yeah, so we get out and I'm mortified. I realized that everyone has just seen my flat six-year-old chess
Starting point is 00:30:32 Yeah, so it was a fun trip. What was your dad? Laugh, crap's table I gotta go see about a couple things you three look at the car. All right. He's at the keynote table with his nose wide open Was he gambling while you were there? No, I don't think I remember moulin rouge It just came out so whatever year that was is however old I was we went to go see moulin rouge and I the movie or the play The movie the movie went to a movie in Vegas. Yeah, yeah And I started crying. I hated the movie. I walked out. Um, but yeah, those were like side of a movie at six Me to these
Starting point is 00:31:09 But yeah, I gotta get back to the radio station Those were our family Those were our family trips and then you know, maybe in like fifth grade my mom took us to hawaii That's all right. That was a good trip. She was she did end up I think drinking on that trip Or maybe it was another hawaii trip Um, so it kind of dampens a lot of life delta again. Why was she she was not she was trying to get sober Yeah, I think I think she had I think she had relapsed or started drinking before the trips when we got to hawaii We were all just like pretending
Starting point is 00:31:39 We're like, this is fun. Thanks for the trip. Been on those trips Been there Yeah Uh, you were talking about a hernia before any any injuries as a kid No injuries at a hernia surgery. I had a bunion surgery in seventh grade just for funsies preventative I guess seven year old gets a bunion. No, this isn't seventh grade. Oh seven. So I was maybe 12 12. I apologize Wait, that's that's what they correct your big toe. Yeah, they break it or something. Yeah, they break it They put a screw in it
Starting point is 00:32:14 12. Yeah, and then I had to get another surgery to get the screw out It was terrible. This is nuts. I know And then did I have any other surgeries? I mean, I got a tonsillectomy. I had a colonoscopy When when in ninth grade for life just a bond with my dad There is good benes. I mean she did say that I used to there was there was no reason No, I mean, I was having some pretty bad bm's. Okay. Yeah, and I was always having like stomach problems But I think it was just anxiety. You know, sure 60 year old man Yeah
Starting point is 00:32:50 I think that was about it though What's up with the tattoo you got a how many tattoos do you have because I can see about six I've spotted I have some bad small ones kind of there's a dollar sign on your palm. Yeah, I did this one myself Did you do that yourself? Yeah, they just sell gun kits on amazon. So my friend had one. This was maybe last year What? Oh, yeah Yeah, so I did that all my tattoos are really unoriginal really trashy. I just what's this one here barbed wire I got a heart and a flower. So I did this comedy gig. My friend was like come do this show with me
Starting point is 00:33:27 It's a private event. It's for this super rich dude We're taking one of those like, you know Musician tour buses to Utah And so we get there and it's so bizarre the whole thing from start to end is like I feel like I'm in some weird modern sci-fi movie where like we're gonna get murdered and whatever But they were doing tattoos in one of the tour buses. So I got one But the dude whose uh show it was was this guy tony shea the zappos founder I just I just got a pair of zappos. Wait, hold on. That's the guy that died or killed himself
Starting point is 00:33:58 Like a few weeks after we were there at his house. Okay What happened to him? Hold on. What did he do? It wasn't good. It wasn't good. Yeah He went home to somewhere on the east coast for Thanksgiving and then uh died in a fire Oh, he did die in a fire. He did die in a fire. Holy shit. Yeah, the place where he was staying burnt down Oh, that sucks. Yeah. Yikes. Yikes. So crazy And I was with him like a few weeks before Which is really not that weird but it's trashy that you're making that connection And it was 27 days later. You said it like Wednesday Adams
Starting point is 00:34:38 I was with him Well, no, it makes more sense like if like seeing the situation and so what happened at the gig Wait, hold on. There's more to this. He was like a he was super big partier. Yeah, I mean there was definitely drugs involved Yes, something was being smoked. It was very dark or cooked. Yeah, that's why the house caught on fire Yeah, like seeing the way that he was living with all this money everyone around him was just like signing off any idea He had you could just tell that it like what was happening was not certain amount of money and you just have all these people around you Yeah depend on you. It's gotta be. Yeah, it's gotta go to your head for sure. Yeah looking forward to it Going full crazy
Starting point is 00:35:17 I like it. Yeah, so I I just get like all these stupid last-minute idea tattoos and I can never come up with something Original or meaningful. So I always just like look up celebrity tattoos and just pick and choose what I want Which is really embarrassing. What's the total number? Do you know? Um, I think like 12 But they're very like stupid. Sorry. What celebrities have you sold? Okay, so my finger tattoo the eye and the like equality sign is Miley Cyrus Respectable. Did you do that yourself? Uh, no, this was my first tattoo. I got when I was in college for a moment Yeah, it was like Friday the 13th. So they do like $13 tattoos. Okay, so I got these as a package deal And then I got 26 bucks not too shabby
Starting point is 00:35:59 Yeah, and then I went to israel on birthright right after college and I was going to join the israeli army um What? Yeah, because I had no structure in my life and I thought israel was really beautiful Your parents are jewish. My dad is jewish Jewish longshoremen. Yeah, man. They're out there. You don't get that a lot. No, no, especially in california Yeah, he's a unicorn on the on the docks Man, so your dad's your mom's not jewish. My mom's not jewish
Starting point is 00:36:28 So I went to israel on birthright. I ended up staying for like a month and I was like I want to just like live here for two years join the army and then when I'm done I'll do comedy because I'll be 21 I'll be allowed to I didn't realize that you could like do comedy and coffee shops I was like I have to be 21 or else it won't work And then when I got home, my mom was like crying and she was like literally Drop out of college do comedy live with me. Don't join the israeli army. She didn't want you to join the israeli army Yeah, so who'd you stay with when you were over there? How does that work? Um always fascinated in israel
Starting point is 00:37:00 Yeah, well first I stayed with a soldier who I apparently made out with in a blackout at a club And then he offered his place to me for a week after the birthright trip So I stayed with him at his parents house. Did you not have a place set up to stay when you were there? Because it was a last-minute decision. So I was on the birthright trip for like 10 days. How old are you at this point? I'm like 18 you're 18. How long is the birthright trip 10 days supposed to be 10 days So they give you 10 days to come over. Yeah And you before the trip they're like, do you want to extend it in advance? And all you have to pay for is like everything like we pay for the flight home regardless of when it is
Starting point is 00:37:35 Who does they do they do they pay for everything for the 10 days for the 10 days they pay for everything So if you extend the trip, they just book your flight home for you. They put you up in a hotel or whatever Yeah, you're not staying in like nice places, but like they pay for it all and food and everything Food you give breakfast and dinner, but if you want like anything else, you pay for it. It's not a bad deal It's not a bad deal. Israel. That's pretty sweet. Yeah, so island they doing that Yeah, I don't think it's Israel. Isn't it Jewish people? It's like Jewish people around the world that I think fund it Yeah, because they they it's not it's not done by Israel specifically. I don't okay I think it's done by Jewish people all over the world. Gotcha. So everybody's home experience
Starting point is 00:38:14 To go back Because the whole point is to like indoctrinate you into doing what I did joining the Israeli army finding Israeli And it worked. I mean I wanted to stay so by the end of the trip I was like, I don't want to go home yet That was my first time living like actually away from home and being like an independent person Did you go and stay with the kids to the guy's parents? Did you do that? So so he texted me He's like great meeting you last night. I have no idea who's texting me
Starting point is 00:38:45 He was like if you're staying like you can stay with me. His parents are out of town So the first thing you do when you got there was get hammered. Oh, yeah, it's the first opportunity Yeah, yeah, I got blacked out. I have so many This place is great. I forget everything. Oh, yeah Can't hear about this queen base. That's where I do all my crypto Purchases you do you're in where the god I was a customer before a guy an advertiser I'm starting to dabble in this a little bit all these bozos are making cash off this cryptocurrency You know what I'm doing it coinbase. Yeah simple easy
Starting point is 00:39:20 Maybe you learn about it. Mm-hmm selling buying cryptocurrency is easy with coinbase. Yeah, I'm getting involved I'm getting in the market They offer a trusted easy to use platform to buy sell and spend cryptocurrency The uh, they support most popular digital currencies on a market and make uh make it make them accessible to everybody They offer portfolio management and protection learning resources a mobile app that I got got the app. I got the app Hit me. Oh, let it ride. Let's go Whether you're looking to divert divert to diversify get started or just searching for a better way to access the Access to crypto market start today with coinbase for a limited time
Starting point is 00:39:57 Uh, our for a limited time new users can get $10 in free bitcoin when you sign up today at coinbase.com I'm already rich get yourself a cup. Holy wait your beak on this bitcoin. What are we doing? Let's go sign up Uh, uh, sign up at coinbase.com slash garbage for your 10 free dollars at bitcoin This offer is limited time only so be sure to sign up today. That's coinbase.com slash garbage now back to the show Yeah, it was a nightmare looking back on it. I'm like that was so dark Did you have to go to services or anything like that? Do you have to go to temple or nothing? No Playing edward 40 hands like i'm gonna get the fucking army, dude This place rocks this place is sick, dude
Starting point is 00:40:38 This is nothing like la Just doing the same shit there that I was doing here. They gave me a machine gun the second I landed This place is cool. There's so much hummus. I have to stay forever the hummus that probably rocks. It does rock. It's so good I can imagine but yeah, so I stayed with him and then once his parents got home He put me up in a hostel like a true gentleman So I stayed at this hostel and I was there and then I stayed with a With one of the soldiers because they have like a few soldiers who join your trip Just for funsies they get to enjoy the trip
Starting point is 00:41:10 And so I stayed with her and her family ended up being her parents are like these Israeli big personalities like one of them's like the ellen de generis of israel and the dad is like a is like a Politician or something, but after I left Every time I've after I left there were like of a Accusations that the dad was like some sort of like perv or like sexual misconduct and I'm like he didn't make one move on me The fuck black blue bull Yeah, let's go. So then I came home and didn't join the army but started doing comedy how close were you to joining the army? I was very close. I was like filing out all the paperwork
Starting point is 00:41:49 Paperwork, that's that's close. That's just close. That's not like an idea. You're kicking around I told my dad. I told my grandma the Jewish side of my family. It was like, yes Do it. Yeah, good for you. Yeah. Yeah, and then as soon as I told my mom She was like crying smoking a cigarette just like drop out of school kind of cigarettes as your mom spoke Um, she used to smoke marlboro reds, but she's done to the cheaper. Uh, what are they called? Like what? USA's or something something cheap something Smoking reds all malls. Paul malls. Yeah. What a Paul mall girl long shore. She's still smoking. Yeah Who likes to sell?
Starting point is 00:42:25 Active smoker also for our next patreon goal. We should join the israeli army. I'm just saying Just fucking saying Can we Make some calls. Allie's got some connects over there. She was a tank I like it. All right. Broncos man. This one is a fucking it's twist and turns on everything I gotta say um Before we get into the question really get into the questions
Starting point is 00:42:51 Is there anything else you think we need to know or we should know? No I can't nothing I can think of because to me all of this stuff is like very normal You know what? I mean, it's your story. Of course. I was an ices for a couple of weeks. I don't know They have good craft services so the hummus better than israel. Let me tell you I don't know what they did with that tahini, but boy Kill the homeless guy in Helsinki Oh
Starting point is 00:43:26 Can you whistle with your fingers? No But you wish you could I wish I could this kid's garbage Oh, you know what I can't do either I can't I can't spit. I'm not a good like hokalugi spit Okay, I feel like that's a good sign of being garbage doing a good spit one Can you glee? Do you know what that is? I'm not on command Okay, but it'll surprise me out of nowhere, you know when you least expect we all know what glee king is It's a trashy that she knows it and said not on command
Starting point is 00:43:59 Um, my friend's mom who I didn't realize until I was older was like clearly Addicted to heroin. She had a license plate thing that said I'm in a vetter place like eddie vetter Yeah, big pearl jam head. So she She she was able to glee on command and I really looked up to her. She was like a second mom to me Oh my god this Good lord, uh, have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? I don't know. I got one in my apartment Any relatives killed in a mudslide or a stampede? No
Starting point is 00:44:33 Any beekeepers in the family? um No, oh, I just found out Uh, my grandma mentioned something to one of my sisters that I might have a second family From my dad being in israel staying at a kaboots. So I might have like a really old brother that I don't know about in israel That's something we might want to know. What's a what's a kaboots a kaboots is like a it's almost like a commune It's like a place where you live for free, but you help out with I thought it was a sauna this whole time I'm not gonna lie a kaboots. Maybe they have sauna. No, I think I think you're right. It sounds like a commune
Starting point is 00:45:05 um Okay, when was that? I just found out about this a few weeks ago and every time I've asked my dad. He's just kind of like haha, I don't know Oh, okay, so I haven't really explored. I'm like also like what am I gonna do with this information? Go back to israel join the army. Maybe Maybe um, hmm. Have you ever had Thanksgiving dinner at a restaurant? One time we did Thanksgiving on a cruise my grandma took the whole family on a cruise Thanksgiving
Starting point is 00:45:34 Yeah, we went to mexico from california Yeah, from like long beach to mexico In 2008 man, I hooked up with a guy named tanner He had a really raspy voice because we were at the kids club because on cruises they have like kids nightclubs What there's this guy tanner. Hold on. I didn't know that. Oh, yeah on a cruise That makes sense like a dance club. Yeah, like uh, you know, yeah Because like, you know, your parents are out doing whatever or whatever the kids go to fucking kids bar So there was a guy tanner and my dad he wasn't married to this woman
Starting point is 00:46:08 But I had a step sister and a stepmom. Hold on a second. Who did tanner or your dad? No, no, no My dad so he he was with this woman and her daughter was my age and I actually set them up because they lived in the same Um, like town homes as us and I was selling cookie dough door to door in elementary school You get cookie dough. You sell it. I ended up stealing all the money. I forgot to pick up the cookie dough So I had to go back and apologize to everyone for taking their money and We just asked you if there's anything you wanted to add It's all coming back You got a baked good Ponzi scheme going in the townhouse community. Fuck. Yeah, I think my dad pocketed all the money
Starting point is 00:46:44 How old are you at this point? This was fifth grade. So 2005. So you're in fifth grade. This is when you went on the cruise Uh, that was 2008 or no, no, no. Yeah, it's 2008. It's has an eighth grade on cruise So 2005 you guys are living in a townhouse. Yeah, you set your dad up with this Woman as you referred to her as so I became friends with her daughter because I sold her daughter cookie dough And my best friend the one whose mom was a big eddie vetter fan They were in hawaii and heroin addict. Yeah, okay They were in hawaii. So my friend was gone from the town homes. I had no one to hang out with no crew I meet the cookie dough, you know, I meet the girl selling cookie dough. She's my age
Starting point is 00:47:22 And so we became friends and her mom was single and my dad was single and I was like, well, this seems like it makes sense. You guys should get together So then they ended up moving in with us and we became step sisters And no marriage no marriage. They were engaged, but they never got married And so we all went on a cruise 2008 and me and her we went to the kids club And we both found guys that we like so we brought them back to our room Eighth grade and we all started making out with each other. Yeah Okay, it's wild one
Starting point is 00:47:53 Jesus, what was the cookie dough thing? Was it through school? Yeah through the school. You like raise money. Yeah Get it to your head. You raise money for the school for like, you know, the program. Yeah, okay We would do it and we had like those like magazines. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Not cookie dough. That's weird. I know Do you know how to tie a lot of knots? No, do you have any weird talents? I uh, when I was young Okay, we got something I got something on the line here. I was younger. I was able to queef on command. All right. Here we go But I didn't know what it was at the time and so my sisters at family gatherings would be like Ali
Starting point is 00:48:31 Do that thing you do laying on your back Huh, I mean between that and the girls go wild. These two girls got your fucking number Yeah, holy are you double join it? What you double join it. Oh, yeah, my arms. I like they're double joined it You know, they don't stop where they're supposed to My knees are locked I'm not sure if she's from this planet. I know. I don't know what's going on. I've never really been on my all my heels this much Hmm Never swam in a river
Starting point is 00:49:01 Yeah, yeah, I went to Kern river with the neighbors Um in long beach a big group of people goes to Kern river. So my neighbors Were a bad domestic abuse I had to call the cops on them a few times who did Uh, I you did I called the cops on my neighbors. Not when you were a kid, but when I was a kid You call you picked up the phone. Yeah I'm a big Karen if I see someone who seems like they're drunk driving. I call the cops on them Really? Yeah, my mom my mom has gotten three DUIs. It's dangerous. I don't fuck with it at all No, I totally I totally agree. You know what I mean
Starting point is 00:49:37 You're laying mom's business I just picture you in the back seat like yet his brawls all over the road Fucking get her. Hurry up. She's not listening to me. Tancy Aaron is a kid in the back Um, so yeah, they took me to Kern river. So we'd go like tubing and all of that. This is before you you're at at the mountain Yeah, this is before I read at them. I should have got the invite afterward So you're you're not bringing that narc on the fucking you're a kid A lot of hanging out with the neighbors a one time child protective services came to my dad's house And I still to this day don't know if maybe my mom called them just to spite him or if someone
Starting point is 00:50:14 Maybe like felt like some vibe was off I still Just another thing I can't explain it wait So these neighbors they had they had kids your age Um, they had a daughter who was a little bit younger than me But we got along and they had an older son who was like really into fucking like shaving wood into knives Dude, where did you grow up? And they took you to our vacation with them. Yeah, it was like two hours or three. Yeah without my dad
Starting point is 00:50:47 I was kind of like a latchkey kid. I my dad trusted everyone sent me away Did he know these people pretty well? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was like safe And then at some point there was a domestic situation in the house Yeah, I remember just being at home and hearing them like screaming and it freaked me out. So I was like parents Yeah, it sounded bad and you called the cops. So I called the cops Did they ever come over and say somebody called the cops on us? No no man
Starting point is 00:51:15 god damn This feels good I feel really bad Do you not gonna go home and cry? Um Um You would let yourself into the house when you get off from school. Yeah. Yeah, how would you get to school when you were a kid? um, so This ain't gonna be good. No, I'm trying to think so so I would get a wire car
Starting point is 00:51:43 I would walk to school at one point I lived close enough to school where I could walk one time I I think I almost got kidnapped There was a huge van that came Me and my friend were walking home and this big van came and they're like, do you guys need to ride home? And we're like no and they're like Our kids are in the back. You can come with us. And I was like, no, thanks Wow Um, so I would walk and then sometimes my step mom before she was my step mom would give me rides
Starting point is 00:52:08 And then when I was living with my mom in high school at one point I would take the bus to school like the city bus the city bus to school not the yellow cheese bus No city bus to school is a tough look not in not where I grew up. That was normal. Yeah, okay. Yeah Hmm When you came in here, you said I'm interested to see if I'm garbage Those words came out of your mouth. I didn't know where I'd land But now that I like the forest gump of garbage you bitch. She's like, I was I was almost in the army I've been kidnapped you've been just like around all of these things that have happened
Starting point is 00:52:42 There's just photos of you in the background with Guy Fieri. Yeah Ali I gotta ask you this What what is in your tooth right now? I have a tooth gem I knew that's what it was and I was so nervous to say anything Yeah, I have a little tooth gem. Who does that? I'm a guy named sal at classic code tattoos. Yeah, sal Sal or sal? Let me see. Can I see it? So it's a tiny little gem. They dig a little hole in your tooth. No, they just glue it Yeah, just some alomars
Starting point is 00:53:14 Do a little glue and some blue light But I had two I had this one and then I had a gold dollar sign down below And that one did fall off about two weeks after I got it. I was working at a wings place. I was a wing slinger A wing slinger. Yeah, I was the queen of wings and And I was I was eating a giant carrot and it fell fell off. How long have you had them? About five years. Whoa. That's been on there for five years. Yeah, I think so Can I ask you how old how old of a person are you? She could be 80. I have no idea I'm 26. You're 26 years old. Yeah
Starting point is 00:53:49 Oh my god Look at the thousand lives I feel like I'm talking to the ice man over here She's like, yeah, I've killed I want to hit you right now All of this seems like she has like a calmness to her. I know so Unsettling and calming and warm at the same time. It's a lot. It's not a real diamond. I would assume right? No, no, no, no, no That'd be ridiculous. It's like 40 dollars That'd be ridiculous. Do you get the cheap 13 dollar 10? I know it was like a two-for-one deal
Starting point is 00:54:25 It was St. Patty's day. You're always with the deals. Oh my god. I love a deal Um Have you ever dated a guy who sold lead? I've never really like dated many people seriously Um, I don't think so. I don't think I've maybe I've hooked up with someone who did but okay But I've never dated any any professional skateboarders. Um Uh No anybody in a band
Starting point is 00:54:56 Uh, no, I went on a date with a guy in a band. Okay. What instrument successful band? Uh, fairly not not Fairly successful. I've talked about it on my podcast. It's this dude, uh, Sam, he's in this band called white reaper and we've heard a white reaper. Yeah, they're great. Yeah So we went on two dates. He plays I think the bass Cool, cool, dude Cool, we didn't cast or anything didn't click but a great guy great great musician. Okay. Okay. Hmm Um, do you enjoy any of the following smells?
Starting point is 00:55:31 asphalt fresh asphalt gasoline Horses magic marker all of it All of it. Yeah, she does all of it. I just went to a rodeo And it was you strike me as a smeller. Are you a smeller? I'm a smeller. Yeah. Yeah, I say I pick my butt and I smell it You know, I'm a smeller. Yeah in there. Mm-hmm. Yeah I Was literally not prepared for this episode. I was gonna answer she ever owned a chia pet. I pick my butt
Starting point is 00:56:03 I pick my butt and I smell it You guys not do that 100 we've talked about it recently. I've done it so much that I don't need to know I don't need to do it anymore. I know what's there. Yeah, I mean, I'm not there's no uncharted territory It's not that I'm doing it to smell it. It's just like if my butt's itchy. I'm gonna itch it But it kind of it comes. Yeah, it comes up at some point. It's like a pavlovian reaction You won't go right over. You're like, let me just make sure it's still there. Yeah, you know, of course Um Have you ever crashed someone else's car?
Starting point is 00:56:33 Someone no, I've I've I've crashed my car twice what so oh this is okay. So when I um So when I I sold my jeep grand Cherokee because I was driving up to la from long beach every night to do open mics And the gas was terrible, you know, it's like 60 dollars every week at the time to fill it up And so I bought um, I bought I forget what the car was but I bought it brand new in cash with my radio money four days later Four days later radio, which is an insane statement. Yeah, I know four days later I crash it trying to get dick at a hostel where these two australian guys were staying I make this illegal u-turn I get t-boned by a woman named elmo and uh
Starting point is 00:57:19 Elmo her name was like something elmo or elmo something. It was a really weird name And so I crashed my car. I total it because it's a brand new car They gave me all the money that it was worth which was everything So I so I got the same car But this time in the color white because I was like if it's a white car everyone will see it No one will crash into me 28 days after I get this brand new car I crash it in a blackout on the freeway And so then it's totaled again in a drunk blackout or an energy blackout. No in a drunk
Starting point is 00:57:50 What happened to you calling the cops on duis and stuff someone should have called on me That's their fault. I wish alley was around. Yeah Yeah, which my brain wouldn't sleep. I call the cops on myself. Hold on back up to the australian guys real quick Did you like you made it seem like they were on the side of the road and you like Well, I found a great parking spot right in front of the hostel Okay, so I was like, oh, I got to take that spot right away. Where did you meet these guys at the comedy store? You were performing. I think I was probably hanging out. Maybe I was performing And these are just two australian guys two australian guys. Which one were you going to hook up with either?
Starting point is 00:58:24 Flip a flip a coin, you know, okay. I think they also had cocaine. So I was like, they're just cool guys At a hostel. Yeah on holiday Yeah, yeah, they were saying that the banana bungalow. So I make this legal you that's a perfect name for two guys from australia slinging dick The banana bungalow also not the first time I've been to that hostel to hook up I hooked up with a with a white rapper from Atlanta at this hostel We got a name on him. I don't remember his name. It was like ghost or something like that. Yeah She likes the transience I
Starting point is 00:59:01 Could date a guy could date the basis from white white reaper, but I'm going to go with ghost from Atlanta At the house who's staying at the banana boat. Yeah, man. I've never I've never been in a hostel as That's what you'd expect Why wouldn't you take them back to your place? Um Good question. I don't know I don't know. Were you living in long beach at the time? Were you in LA? I think at this point I'd moved to LA
Starting point is 00:59:27 Or Oh, that's probably why I was living at home. Yeah, I was still living at home. It was too far I'm sure your dad would have want to watch We got his binoculars. Were you boozing that night? Oh No, no, I was sober. Okay, but dick hungry, you know dick drunk. Sure Um, yeah, so then I crashed my car again 28 days later in a blackout ended up getting away with it Never got. Okay. Yeah Yeah, never until now until now. Yeah
Starting point is 00:59:53 And then with the money so they gave me the money back once again. So I had maybe like $15,000 And this was I was running low on funds at this point already. Uh-huh. So I spent so the $15,000 I ended up going to London I was gonna move there Because I was like 19 I wanted to do comedy and I was like, I'm gonna go to london Because I can drink there legally wait all this is going on Like the Australian guys you're 18 19 at this point. Yeah Yeah, and then I go to london and I didn't realize I don't know how like she's told Literally 70 years of stories if you were making all this stuff up
Starting point is 01:00:36 That would be unbelievable. No, this is all real. I was I was gonna go to london I was gonna live there and my friend told me like about three weeks before the trip like you have to have a green card Like a visa. Yeah, and I was like, no, I'll get one when I'm out there I'll find a job at a bar or a coffee shop. She's like, that's not how it works I ended up being like a three-week trip london, paris, berlin And I was like blacked out for the whole time and I spent all of my money. Did you go by yourself? I went by myself. Yeah Yeah, pretty pretty solid. Yeah
Starting point is 01:01:07 Going around europe by yourself started work when she was eight. What do you expect? You don't want to bring a friend with you or anything? Um, no No, I wanted to like reinvent myself And then when I came back from this trip, I ended up getting sober Sober now. Yeah, so I've been sober for like six years now. Oh, congratulations. No, I don't smoke weed anything. No Totally straight. Totally straight l. A sober. I've heard that term before. Yeah. No, I can't do l. A sober. Okay Good, that's awesome. It's awesome I mean based on these stories it was
Starting point is 01:01:38 Yeah, no, I'm you know for sure I'm I want to call social services on your parents now retroactively So you guys really screwed the pooch on this broad. Yeah Oh god, I don't I mean I you know What about now? What about now? What's going on now? Um I mean got your own place. I got my own place. I've I'm in a good relationship
Starting point is 01:02:02 I've been with my boyfriend for like a year and some change. Um, my parents are great. I love them. I'm working Um, yeah, I feel like it's kind of a 180. That's great. Yeah Wild Yeah, I mean, I'm good. I don't need to ask. I have all the information I need for sure Do you think your parents were involved with stealing the amazon packages from those trains? No, or else I would have like, you know, I would have called the cops on them I'm a narc. I'm a narc. Snakes. No one's safe No, my god, ladies and gentlemen
Starting point is 01:02:39 Ali The cops wow everybody the multifaceted I feel we barely scratched the surface too Do you think there's anything else? No, I think I think that I think that does cover it She's so calm when she delivers these stories very serial killer. Yeah, very you think so 100% and your eyes lit up when I called you a serial killer. Which makes me think it even more I just like that. I you know appear one way and then You know the more you dig the more you find out
Starting point is 01:03:17 Even the way you did dig was a little creepy Oh When you dig you have to use your back. It's really important You don't want to make too shallow of a hole Especially if the ground's hard you got to really get in there You don't want anybody finding the body and the climate, you know The mud could be either like really dense or Good lord
Starting point is 01:03:42 What a wild one. What do you think? What I mean, she turned it around the past couple of months. I'll give her that all glass in my book as far as I'm concerned I mean her mom is a longshoreman. That's insane. That's unbelievable. That's so cool Yeah, there's a lot of people in my family who are longshoremen. Wait, what do you mean more? Yeah, nana A lot of people on my mom's side of the family because that my mom I was born in san pedro My mom's family grew up in san pedro and that's where the port is so a lot of people there are longshoremen
Starting point is 01:04:18 Oh, man. Yeah 100% I think also a lot of the times when I present the stories I feel like the back story of it all makes it a little bit more like Balance but when I say it it comes off very like insane. Sure. Yeah, but to me I'm like there's there's like reasons it makes sense in your head, but we're only hearing this one. Yeah, totally, you know Yeah, yeah for sure I don't know about that I think anyway, it's license ladies and gentlemen once again, allie mckowski, uh, buddy. What do you have coming up?
Starting point is 01:04:50 Do you want the folks out there to know? If you want to see me on the road, you can go to allie mckowski.com slash shows my podcast is called resting bitch and Uh, that's all you need to know highly recommend super funny. This was unbelievable kippy. What do you got for him? Uh, check us out. We're on the road all over the place adding more dates soon. Let's go those tickies I'm a middle-class famous tour baby at camera and comedy on all social media and patreon.com gang We love you. We'll see you next week. Peace

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