Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Andy Fiori: Playing StreetBall

Episode Date: March 22, 2020

Comedian Andy Fiori is our guest this week. Andy talks about growing up going to Action Park, his homemade basketball net, and doing drugs at concerts.  You may know Andy Fiori from his Sirius XM show Raw Report as well as his appearances on The Bonfire.  Have Garbage Questions:  [e-mail] Subscribe. Rate. Review.

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is are you garbage I am your host H Foley sitting to my immediate left is my good pal my co-host the fucking brains behind the operation gang who we kid and I can't even get my own pants on in the morning Kevin James Ryan everybody hey happy to be here that's more of a waste issue if you ask me it's not the mental capacity it's more of the

the amount of fabric I gotta start wearing underwear again because my right nuts starting to hurt a little bit all right moving on happy to be here everybody no foley's garbage listen I gotta start wearing underwear again I'm having not issues there was no doubt Matt real quick everybody thank you so much for listening the numbers are going up every week we appreciate it real quick like subscribe rate review on iTunes on Spotify wherever you listen we're available on all platforms matter what kind of phone you got no matter what you listen to us on Google there we are there subscribe to the YouTube page we

appreciate everybody pushing it please keep sharing the fucking podcast keep pushing it and yeah we really appreciate you guys and we're excited about our guests that we have today with the big dog bit of a mystery this guy he's a mystery wrapped in an enigma yeah I don't know much in a fish concert that's that's what I have on the back burner my deep inside of this jam this guy likes a little space I can remember week on the raw report on serious exam performs all over the country ladies and gentlemen our good pal mr. Andy Fiori thanks for having me guys I'm very excited because what I you only show you you won't I

only know what you show me as far as the kind of guy you are huh and I also know you your pop is a stand-up guy from what you say yeah yeah he's a veteran veteran World War 2 veteran a World War 2 that he's 96 years old wow yeah yeah what's that make you 72 yeah 81 but then he does say you know they sometimes I see like the what are they called the Henleys on him and stuff like that he's got a little frisbee golf vibe yeah I mean where where are you from are you from Jersey Maristown New Jersey folks that's the show thanks for tuning in not Norris town yeah yeah yeah I know Pennsylvania people go on ours now go

Morris like Morris at I'm from right next to Norris town yeah so this is Northwest Jersey yeah straight west of the city like if you just drive right out of the home tunnel you'll hit my town in about 45 minutes okay is it like suburban town what are we looking at it's a cool little town actually it's like got a nice downtown scene and then it's just surrounded by suburbs yeah it's just yeah it's white people and upper middle class all right up couple of bucks a couple of bucks if you try to keep it that way I don't want any tan Hawaiians or whatever you are by the way Foley's got a South Beach glow

on it was down here fucking South Beach mixing it up would you put butter on before you left the house it was nice man I gotta tell you South Beach is South Beach is garbage but it's a really really good garbage well anywhere's garbage when you don't have a lot of money like if you like you're going on you're going on a shoestring budget you're doing some garbage shit garbage shit whatever town you go to we hit a lot of the local spots yeah a lot of dollar tacos I mean like that's true though we used to go to Aspen like once a year with my buddies and we'd you know we'd ski but it

would be because my one buddy works for the X games oh there you go 14 of us yeah yeah yeah people like oh ask me I go let me stop now I'm sleeping in a bathtub jack you all to our Mountain Dew co-experts everywhere you go gotta give out some samples the slopes are ours required to hang ten every five minutes have you ever owned a t-shirt gun let's start there oh good stuff let's get into a real quick some garbage things that are going on right now as everybody knows everybody's running scared of the coronavirus if you got the virus you go over the COVID-19 how many bands in 20

years I'm gonna try yeah black COVID my grandfather died again really pushing you've worked on that bit on the way over I was thinking about the way over I want to ask you guys have you ever been involved listen I get it when there's like you know when there's like a crisis and they say you run to the store and do this and do that I don't feel like in my family's garbage we never really got into that because there was always food in the house yeah and like because my mom just went to the grocery store today she's like it's a scene down here you gotta see it they're like animals it's like that is a very garbage thing I

think yeah I think do we have for going in like you know elbow dropping people rolls of toilet paper yeah you know I don't I don't get it my girl just did it she called me from the she's like what else do we need I'm like I don't we're in New York if like we're not gonna not be able to get something you know what I mean seamless is still running exactly seamless is wide open open I live in Washington you go up in the eyes they they they even never even heard of the coronavirus absolutely one on the corners got it Queens come on forget about it it's like I don't and then she might go my girls like well

what are you gonna do I'm like we can go to I'm like we have a car I'll drive until we if we're that part of them I'll drive until we find a fucking Roy Rogers right a fucking warm or something I'm gonna find food somewhere lady yeah find a fucking Bob's big burger or something like that what if we're at a gas though when you're on the highway with your girl you know no weapons no gas shortage she's wearing something skimpy there's some looters around fully thought about this before maybe this is a fat guy he's kind of tangy what can you watch just got back from South Beach maybe he takes a run

at your girl maybe you got a maybe you got a border with him to get some pop darts I'll say this I'm glad I didn't go to high school in fucking South Beach Miami because the girls are gorgeous the dudes are fucking 20s I would have not gotten laid 30 holy shit these guys pretty all wearing banana hammocks big pieces sticking out I'm wearing fucking basketball shorts on the beach I'll take a lot of bisexual people come from hotter cities because both sexes are so sexy that's a good theory yeah yeah I don't know something to run with hot lights out you know you're from Morristown you know I was laughing about

the other day and you see what you think about this alright something else garbage you had me dying Kevin when you said when you were talking about strip clubs yeah where the strippers stripped heavy metal oh yeah that's hell yeah cuz you're not a hip-hop guy you're a rocker you know what I mean no I give like I'm shaking their ass to a little man center that's real trash you got a kid if you're fucking dancing a rat that's what I'm saying 80s hair metal nothing better than poison crew well that's a little that's a that's got a little more you know yeah flair to it but like sometimes everything you know

cut my life in two pieces it's like Georgine put the girls away will ya kippy likes a little old school he likes a little genuine so I grew up playing like traveling ice hockey and we would go on tournaments and it would just be the dads oh that's all that's where the real color shine and yeah it was great so one night we're about this like 14 15 years old we're old enough to like hang on her oh we don't want to be around our dads dad's go hey just you guys can go out stay within the hotel area be back by 10 p.m. sure the dads are going out to dinner you guys do whatever you want don't get into fucking

trouble kids don't do that these days and that shit was the fucking best yeah it was the best so we had this Asian kid Denny Kim and a five foot one come we're just milling around in the lobby in the arcade room we called him kamikaze I also love it to Denny Kim there's no way is for his original person that was his Morristown name bastardization yeah he comes darting into the lobby he goes guys follow me right now we're just like all right we get to club super sex Montreal I don't know if I mentioned no you didn't oh yeah Montreal getting after it at that point I see the clubs aplenty and now mind you we're 14 and we

looked 14 sure sure sure Danny Kim walks up the stairs you know super sex up these stairs and greets the bouncer with a head nod like he's been a regular there cruise into the strip club no carding at all we follow suit we follow suit and now we're just in totally nude up there so now we're drinking moulson imports and exports triple X and stuff what yeah that's all dude it was the greatest night of my life I'm sitting there with a 14-year-old hard on yeah entire time some you can hang you some you can hang on me my buddy Sean come on he goes yo I got a girl comes over it gives puts a stool down gives us

like a private dance not a lap dance just like a private dance in front of three of us to Joan Jets I love rock and roll yeah and every time I hear that I think of that fucking story and then hilariously chubby that was the best like maybe 15 years later I'm still friends with Sean my buddy one of my best friends from growing up he came over my parents house for Christmas and he likes to get me in trouble so he goes hey mr. Fiori you know we went to a one-night Montreal my dad goes yeah we were crossed out another I figured you were to go in and see them and I would have been like oh he's got a fucking

faithful a muff no they were at Wanda's which is another lips on them yeah Wanda's is another famous Montreal strip club that's pretty fun you really you see true colors because one of the questions before I think with I forget what guest it was was have you ever been to a strip club with a family member which is always fucking dicey no I've been with my brother that's always weird too yeah you see that side of them you're that guy whatever good I know that much but one time in Philly cuz Philly you know where you know you've had time in Philly and Philly sure Philly's a very garbage blue collar in knucklehead these are

dirty dirty people yeah yeah and first strip club I ever went to a show and tell down on Delaware Ave Columbus Boulevard which is BYOB so it's lawless lawless BYOB were some of us were 18 others were you know I don't know 17 we're in high school and it's BYOB we get down there like we're like have like a 12 pack or something we're bringing people are wrong kegs in just fucking getting after it and there was a they they play a festival there was a it was a dildo show on stage right like two girls just you know like an expo latest model conference yeah the northeastern dildo the 9000 guaranteed to chip it to show

you something in a new push button mini it's called the gippy so we so we get there and a girl you know they bring a girl some so they bring up the volunteer a volunteer off stage pull this girl up off stage it's gonna get the hottest thing I've ever heard it's crazy it's gonna get grass not a plant this is no this is not gonna have to be a family member of yours my my friend oh my god holy shit no so they pull a girl so a girl gets pulled out of pulled out of fucking out of the crowd civilian street closed the whole night oh my god and the stripper proceeds the poor hot fudge into her

hoo-ha come on and the girl eats it out the audience member eight that just starts eating the fuck was the girl naked and the civilian no I was out in the gift shop I can talk it on my roots key you know what I mean and then I do well everybody's minds blown absolutely what in the fun this is you know this is just pure Philly the guy goes that's my girlfriend like some fucking roofer or something you know it's fucking trash her trash trash went back next weekend to strip clubs to trash in general I would have to say there's class you want to go get a steak I thought it was like a steak you've eaten on a strip

club yeah what am I fucking I'm not an animal you know I mean I got a menu I gotta take a peek about you know I had an old boss take me out to us for the oyster Rockefeller a little chewy chef recommend Jerry oh you're a big Seinfeld fan which is a huge Seinfeld and you said the ice hockey thing so now because I saw he's kind of a rich kid sport not kind of it is yeah I played yeah it's for fucking Canada fucking yeah but it's like the ice times expensive the equipment's expensive like a G to get in yeah you got the pants the skates it's expensive as fuck I won't lie yeah

especially when you're a kid with as young as I started you're constantly every every year yeah expensive equipment yeah I was lucky that way yeah yeah so soon we've got a couple of bucks on yeah but I mean my parents do yeah so do my parents but we were fucking we're fine we're teetering buddy we are through and through trash I'm trying to figure them out I said do you like fish is that a thing I do I love fish I love the band Talapea or what are we talking about Talapea is garbage remember everybody thought Talapea was oh my god the Talapea then we find out it's getting raised in a fucking sewer in Michigan

fucking farm raising Cheerios yeah I do love the band and it's funny I don't like the food Dave Matthews no so are you like are you like a lot before we get into it but we got to paint a little bit of background are you like a lot guy you go and hang out the lot not so much anymore but I did I've been like even like dollar grilled cheeses and that kind of stuff yeah that's kind of doing it for a long time since I was like 16 so it's been you know 25 years almost I'm a big early in studio fish album guy okay love sample in a jar sure and I'm Billy Breeze is one of my favorite albums yeah yeah it's a great

album but yeah it's always you know they're a very live concert band sure it's super fun it's a great energy and it's like you're on drugs yeah you're all hopped up on goofballs downers sideways there's the whole night I just kind of lose now I've done it all I've gone through it all I've done acid and coke and fucking mushrooms but now I just got a big fiori good old alcohol gets me by now I don't like getting too fucking whacked anymore yeah I just like a nice concert drunk that's the way I'd seem to enjoy it the most now coke in a concert is the kiss of death I mean you never yeah that was never that was

always usually maybe more so after the concert you go all right now we got to perk up a little bit go more drinking more years ago yeah but I've done a couple of bumps at a at a concert back in the day and it was not yeah can go either way not fun either get that boost you need or you can go fuck yeah now my heart's gonna jump through my chest yeah and you got to go into the fucking porta potty and fucking if you've ever done bumps in a porta potty you're a fucking piece of trash damn it I had a buddy shout out to a gentleman will excuse me that buddy had he had sex in a port at the white house

she's got those big fancy hat on I'm in July touch the sides that's right it's too funny all right let's get in a fucking little are you garbage as we know our guest today is mr. Andy fury you can hear him every week like I said on the raw report was all over the country but the big question everybody's mind is are you garbage and we're gonna find that out right now feeling I am and I want to I want to tip toe in the water here a little bit and just find out a little bit more background about the hometown Okeydoke what was the name of the grocery store that your family went to growing up A&P that's a gas station

that's connected to Sonoco and A&P and A&P and Acme back me back me's middle of the road I'll tell you that you got a good ACME deli counter with somebody back there that cares that knows what they're doing we'll talk about a set of potato salad there was three depending on where you were coming from if my mom was picking a bus from school it was the A&P which was kind of on the ACME's level it's what is that it's like a sociated amalgamate yes something like that nothing special yeah ACME was ACME and then there was a Kings which is high-class what's Kings I don't know Kings is a fancier one all right step up

all right huh wider lanes you know nice cards little performance grip on the cards was there a turkey hill in your hometown no I think that's we had we had yeah I think that might be Pennsylvania we had quick checks you give me quick checks I my only revise you send a money order at a quick check I need to send my mom 40 I need to say she's an AC I need to send a 40 I still have a quick check is that a chain quick check is pretty similar okay you get sandwiches and stuff it's exactly like a while it's just the jersey version of wow that's not too shabby because Jersey is wow in certain parts central yeah why'd you get

central north it's it's quick check all right I'll give you rank it would you rank it above okay give me Wawa sheets turkey hill and check boy you are so Pennsylvania I went to college in Pennsylvania that I know sheets and the other one and I would say wow slash quick check 1 1 a okay and then I never I don't even know if I went into a sheets but I'm aware of it I've been walking cooler where you can get your beverages do they also put mozzarella stick harm that might have a quick check beat cuz they don't sell booze they don't sell you know either does I don't think quick Wawa does either yeah you're not allowed

there's the same store Pennsylvania yeah turkey hill I don't really know I had a roommate from Wilkes-Barre fuck nobody knows how to say yeah Wilkes-Barre people say Barry yeah whatever they were big turkey hills yeah real garbage big turkey hill yeah yeah we used to walk the turkey he was born in a third right in the cooler section I'm gonna die in a turkey also if you grew up I feel bad if you grew up somewhere in your your convenience store was a 7-eleven that is tough yeah we have a 7-eleven fucking stink no if you go to the Sev oh that's yeah it's not the same as like a while cuz we cuz we did have a 7-eleven but

you also had a Wawa we did have a Wawa you go to the Wawa but I'm saying people that aren't like their convenience store is a Sev that stinks well I have to Slurpees weren't as a kid we would walk to 7 because there was a 7-eleven at the edge of our neighborhood so we would walk there in the summer grab a Slurpee pack of nerds some fucking pack of new ports can't eat taffy yeah we smoked a couple of newbies back there yeah and they used to have an arcade they used to have a couple of them used to have a couple of arcade machines arcade games in there quit bragging huh real nice yes we had a 7-eleven we had a

blimpy that we had the arcade blimpy yeah the net name stinks everything about a blimpy is yeah no boy lunch meat always looks slimy as hell it always smelled yeah anytime it's like separated by like sheets of like wax paper or something it's always with slice like six months ago yeah yeah that's fucking trash all right kippy you got a couple for him I don't know what kind of soap did you have using up when you ivory bar bar oh stuff I do like a nice bar though a lot of dry skin in the theory yeah a lot of dry fucking as I moved out of our spring man I still use it as day wait every driveway had a driveway

basketball net in the driveway basketball net depends on which house that we moved when I was 14 the first house move down or up driveway and that had it flattened out and my dad built a backboard out of shitty wood fucking Larry bird over here but you know we shoot three-point is all night but you know you ever have the headlights on in a car you know homemade backboard wouldn't give so you'd hit a lab you go it would just fall flat you wouldn't get the bounce like the regulation dude a homemade basketball no net on the rim I assume there was chain that's real homemade I got what are you in sing sing

fucking chain that's real I got it I got it I was scared to play kids in that fucking chain on the rim that was cheap dude I got a chain of my still my mom's house today you want to go run ball it's like the fucking it's like Rucker Park in there yeah yeah there's a bunch of brothers fucking dumb kid in my mom's driveway she knows that my name now she's throwing a move breaks out of tray with Tyrone it's like N1 in there boys let me know some is off look good girl I still have the chain yes well then we moved across town and my they my parents like built a house in a development here we had a

weed then we had a normal back what do you call it hoop with a normal back normal and but I think that one was chain too but it's still nicer that one was like concreted in this was gold that was one of those ones you could move you go down to eight foot and I've done contest dude if you had a body that you could lower down when you were like 12 or something 13 I could even put that up to nine because I was like six three by like sophomore junior high school and at nine foot I could fucking look like a badass and if you were like driving by you couldn't see that footage you'd be like yeah the or is the windmill yeah

it's fucking blue chip 360 that's so funny dude so much fun love I played a street hockey I just I had a net a hockey net I just played hockey my whole life yeah hours in my driveway on rollerblades or on foot just shooting tennis balls into a net you know what was good to begin with but then became trashy the portable basketball I was just gonna say we should those things those things only last one winner with sand oh that's gone too long coming down I had a buddy in college we get his last rights read to him because he came down on the back of a head on a rock no way hung on one of those ones that just was

too top-heavy came down on he did he make it you made it yeah he's still like mildly brain damaged like funny parties though should have seen the dunk it was brilliant yeah those things did an age well did a deep round he just had just boom all right let's quit sucking on the tip here let's get let's get into this now I find out about this kid what do you got kippy um but but but but when was the last time you were at a dollar store been a few years okay I would say within five years what were you buying Christmas gifts

pieces for who for my dollar I don't know why I don't know why but I knew you were gonna fucking say that I say I go he goes Christmas gifts I go for kids he goes yeah let's go with that looks like mr. Fiori got a fucking bank I tell I was buying like extras for my fan like stocking stuffers for my sisters okay okay you know what I was just trying to fuse batteries what are you doing we're not good like we are irish italian catholic very irish stuffed up like don't communicate well we don't give gifts well yeah I was getting a bad gift given

impersonal gifts it's gift cards and it's like what do you want just tell me yeah and then I'll give you that yeah what I've been buying my step that the same flannel for the last 22 years he gets the same color same size same everything there's a great does he ever wear it yeah every day and he goes oh I got this one and we all get them flannels or Wawa gift cards and he goes oh great great great and he wears it until like there's losing it it's funny man trash uh have you ever had your blood pressure taken at a mall or a pharmacy pharmacy yes

because at CVS is my shout out to and high blood pressure runs in my family so they're like when you go have them check it up and reevaluate all right that's that's precautionary measures but still not in the mall that's still trashy um all right does anyone in your family own a pinball machine that I know of all right that's either that's so trashy that some people think it's classy that's how yeah I was gonna say that would be a cool basement

that's a cool but that's if the whole basement's if it's if it's just like if it's in the living room or something you know what I mean like that's a little tough but if it's like an arcade bar basement right right no no I know some people that just like you know just shove them in the fucking dining room that's the thing about having an old dad he hated any sort of like he was at first against television so we had one that's old school like old school he would you know radio took to work with him too he would call it the idiot he would call it the idiot box you know and then so any gaming system took like

pleading to get and so finally like once the nintendo came out in like 88 I've just begged them to get it for me for Christmas and they're relented and then but that was the only sort of entertainment at my entertainment I mean never had like premium channels or anything like that just think he was service age in world war two that's like fucking yeah space technology yeah he was uh 45 he was 20 yeah that'd be like trying to convince my daddy to get a sex robot or something like no everybody's doing it dad get the fuck out of here yeah you're working on that though

what he was talking to your dad about trying to get him my dad was my age in 1963 so yeah wow he was 40 and 63 imagine trying to explain Atari to him what the fuck is this yeah pansy I wonder why China's killing us that's funny um to follow up on that a little bit on the trashier side I always thought this was a very garbage thing for you to be able to have and they never had to write components with it did you ever have or any member of your family ever have a bumper pool in your basement 100% yeah my god I got it for Christmas

for me mini pool I got mini pool for Christmas I have a picture of me and my grandfather playing it bumper yeah yeah wow what the fuck is bumper I don't know my buddy my buddy had one and we fucking loved it this wasn't bumper pool this he was trash this was a mini pool this was a mini pool table oh god I had like small cues small like small balls yeah yeah bob I just I just watched that one when he he grabs the little wand and sinks the first one he goes oh now we're cooking there's not the uh the line that he hits is so great it's the uh place to be

what are we calling it we're calling it the uh the uh a billions he he goes three you know where it's going holy shit mini pool that's yeah we eventually moved to a bigger house and got a real regulation pool table all right it seems like your dad came across a couple of bucks or something it worked until his 80s what kind of work was he in mechanical engineer oh that's white collar well yeah but he also still got his hands there yes and he did yeah because you know like those big rock quarries you see on the side of highways his firm like designed rock crusher parts so like they just so he was yeah but he would sit

down with like those big blueprints and schematics and like do geometry but then he'd go to the plants he'd have a hard yeah you know he'd walk around all the mafia front those white collar guys love walking around with those hard hats mixed it up with the union guy they got one in the back of the truck or something pull out of he had his own to pull it out of a corolla it's like come on yeah yeah not above hitting the fucking the sandwich truck that would pull up the roach coach I used to go every now and then you'd go to work with dad and he brought me to a quarry one time and he was like all right you got

to wait in the office we can't have you coming on these machines and this is late 80s around the time when it was still acceptable for men to have nudie calendars and I had a sweatshirt on with a big hood right there and I in the most confident I ever get off I took them calendar off the wall I stuck it in my switcher and I I left I took it home the guy didn't notice wow never heard never got caught until my friend ben murphy who I was so excited to show it to he goes all right I'm gonna keep this I go fuck you it's fine you goes I keep it or I tell whoa yo murphy went what the fuck pussy yeah

that's fighting right there you didn't fight him I didn't want to get in trouble yeah he already got fucking deer got hot merchandise you can't be going down you get the double way he's an accessory after the fact yeah I would put the fucking system on trial because I got caught with a fucking playboy calendar of my dad I hid it in the garage a couple of weeks ago hit it in the garage it was like 92 I mean these girls were smoking huge pert rag yeah I remember the weird thing about it was is that my dad caught me with it I can't remember how I came across it but it was fresh it was new

wasn't like fucking from seventy-four I was gonna say I still had to shine on it I had the el McPherson 94 cover do you remember the do you remember the playboy college edition oh the best yeah that's how Jenny got caught Jenny oh yeah girls are the big photos in her college girls girls are the big power conference baby girls those liberal schools um do my my uh my stepdad had like a garage growing up to him and his buddies were like tinker on cars and whatever the fuck they had and well he took me there one time and it was just like had like

the big mac you know the big mac uh what are they called the truck tool no the tool chest okay the big red tool chest or whatever yeah flipped open titties dude I walked by and there was like three cutouts of these broads with cannons and dude my eyes caught at my little pecker went to ding and I would just like make up excuses to walk by my god I think I left my keys over here just like look just to get more times walking back and forth after this little fucking newspaper cutout you know what's crazy is I've been thinking about that and when

you were telling the stories about this trip clubs and all that stuff you I'll never I'm 44 I will never have that feeling again like I'll never be that turned on as I was when I was a teenager like the hormones will never be flowing through me yeah probably not ever again probably not probably not yeah fucking sucks yeah I don't know switch the dudes you know get the fucking change no I thought you were going with more age testosterone level what do you mean to start juicing no no it's no it's starting to go down

yeah I know that's what I yeah I'm saying switch the guys maybe it'll spark something you know what I mean find true love I don't change the menu up a little bit switch what do you mean all right listen um I got one for you shoot do you have any fatty cysts or like pomas or have you had any removed what's a little I'm not sure I know even what those are fatty I have never had a I don't know but he's got a lot of them I have skin tags oh

I trash you're like Don Vito from Viva LaBeum that's his fat guy thing I think no that's not a fat guy I don't know a lot of fat guys do have them well if there is definitely a positive correlation do you self-remove because I sell for once and it hurt it hurt too much I never did it again I do it all the time it's it's great they go right away what's your he eats them I had two on my eyelid that I that I snipped with a uh a toenail clipper that's yeah you are fucking trash like garbage fucking landfill dumpster the one your eyeball too what

if you fucking yeah what if you yeah I mean you do it carefully you got cheeto dust in that thing I think I get a little fucking dicey I'd rather have rather have an infection than fucking a rice crispy hanging off my fucking eyeball you could see them my one head shot that I got I was like oh that's gotta go but if they're like I like all the problem all the overwhelming medical issues you have and you're worried about skin tags in your head shot well if they're under my arm I just twist them until they rip off all right dude come on I really yeah my blood's running cold so no fatty cyst okay skin tags your garbage all right fair enough kippy I think I know where

this is going have any male members of your family uncles cousins ever had a ponytail I think you might have you got a long you got a couple of locks over I have but no one in my family has I come from a family of a pretty straight straight man yeah yeah because they're older so that was kind of queer you know what I mean of course yeah you know what's kind of tough is seeing a dude in his fifties with a poem with a pt with a ponytail walking around it's like balding my dad has never had my dad's had a military kind of like high and you know I went through a pretty hippie-ish stage during the that's a little that's mid to late 90s so yeah that's an outlier I feel the hippie stage is an outlier my hair's always been on like I was

wearing on the longer side so yes I have had a one-time okay all right all right have you have you ever worn patruly yes oh god you disgust me Jesus in 1998 and maybe again in 99 dude we were at I was at a funeral recently and some lady was wearing somebody's new somebody's new girlfriend there's an older couple like I think the the wife passed away or something like that the new like you know 65 year old yeah woman was wearing patruly that sounds right I'm fucking eating over here lady what the fuck you're in a funeral yeah well afterwards at the luncheon I'm not a mess all you know how to bring burgers I'm not gonna go to the luncheon what am I a fucking dirt bag you got a Snickers bar in the in the wake you're hungry why wait you gotta go

to the luncheon that's the best part of satisfied yeah that's the best part of the funeral a funeral too a funeral is good too if you go to the luncheon and it's an open bar and you don't really know the person that well and you're just there getting fucking tuned up at like two on a Wednesday forget about bloody Mary's yeah that's good I had like I had like an extended family member ago I was just at the ball again do two more down and I'm fucking lining up fireball job like I miss them so much you know yeah fucking plots that's awesome speaking of have you ever been drunk at a TGI Fridays maybe not a TGI Fridays but something of that ilk like an apple benign yeah we had a benign is round round 100% the burger smell from ground round was all right I don't

care who you are they should make a candle that smells like that put that in the fucking lineup goop I don't even know what a ground round is but it's the same thing as all those restaurants it's the same fucking American casual dining or so the great thing about the ground round when we were kids you could under 12 you could pay what you weigh they'd have a scale fully year out fully that to pay 98 but 98 bucks for a fucking burger my dad's writing a check there's not enough room now ground round we'll see don't cash out for two days I gotta move some things around great I was it was still open after I graduated from college and we would go there and they would actually play

music some nights and some of my buddies would play and I would get drunk in the ground round it was this it was like a TGI Fridays chain kind of yeah there was always parsley and like a slice of orange on the plate with whatever you got their burgers orange shrimp it is garbage hula hands is very similar to all those big hula hands or your garbage yeah that would make sense to my dad mushroom Kevin my dad smoking section at a hula hands couple of mycolobus forget about it dude that was clean living on a Friday night dude I'll go to napplebees on the road right now oh on the road dude absolutely I'll stand by we went to a fucking we went to a TGI Friday's in central Pennsylvania that we might do that I don't know if there was a new chef in town feeling

good if it was mr friday himself like a Michelin star this place these things are coming out everything was crispy clean fucking dude we did three apps we did the sampler oh and let me tell you something I don't know what you guys are putting in that jack daniel sauce but keep it coming because that shit is delicious hang it check Daniels yeah it makes sense all right what do you got fat so yeah let's see what we got here a couple of things real quick uh have you ever transported a mattress on the roof of your car obviously who had come on I haven't that well we we had access to pickup truck college was it a hatchback it was an explorer for an explorer hand me down you got a hand me down for explorers yeah no not a hand me down I bought it used

I I saved up enough my dad goes I'll match whatever you can save I got a 97 Ford Explorer that's old school that's not fucking that one of my questions was making deals was that your first car no my first car was a 1980 Volvo DL whoo cost a grand a grand jihad get about it I just class a lot of money I know I didn't talk in 96 dollars 96 1996 that's a couple of bucks nowadays I had a 1995 Chevy Lumina shout out to the Chevy Lumina nice dude this Volvo was a fucking tank oh dude yeah they were they were they were there was like kind of like a hot mom car back in the 90s oh yeah yeah especially the wagons they were all right yeah your mom drove your mom drove a fucking big rig what are you talking about she drove a truck sorry not all our moms could be uh hanging with

the starting five for the sixers keeping the guys in the neighborhood off the streets if you know what I mean in the sheets you got me to it um dude I had a 95 Chevy Lumina and I crashed it one day uh while cutting school and uh right I hit a telephone pole with it why not on purpose you fucking idiot I fucking you guys need your friends go around hitting telephone poles no so I crashed it hit a telephone pole and then it was a thousand bucks so my step dad at the time just went and bought the same exact car hilarious bought me the same exact I'm like this because it was like a fucking old man's car the paint was chipping I was like you know a big big hog so I'm like oh I'm gonna get a new car this would be cool it bought me the same exact car and then every time the new

one would break down we had the old one for parts oh and my brother had the same car too we went through a period my friends were like what the fuck are you guys doing with Chevy luminous there was like three in a driveway at all oh man one for dude so then like lights would go like and it was just like we had two sitting that you could just like a hawk for part we were fucking dude I think about this a lot like what you don't tell your parents obviously we've all done it to ours but it was funny because I had this experience with my mom because after my Volvo died uh we moved and my mom's parents would stay with us during the summer and my grandfather drove this like old Ford tourist sedan we had a four but then they would move down after the summer when it got

they went south for the winter they would leave the tourists there and that was I would just drive that as with my car and my junior year was like the winter and I was coming down this big curve and I was totally sober whatever I just locked up and went and hit a tree nothing like crazy sure but my mom just goes all right here's what we're gonna do we're just gonna fix it we're not gonna tell poppy at all and I'm just like oh yeah you're just like you're just not telling your parents like shit I don't tell you exactly that's pretty good my grandfather died without ever knowing that information shout out to pappy yeah and that beat up four tourists that's great here's the one hippy grandfather his hippy grandkid riding around in his new tourist that tourist could move man

yeah my mom had a tourist too oh and then she did you talk about real garbage she was like 40 something maybe the 90s tourists is that that was that was the robocop car yeah that's what it was exactly gooby this was champagne with a tan interior mine was white my was police issue white got a real gum shoe over here dude I would get behind people sometimes at night and people would slow down I would do that out of my way I would do that with my Chevy Lumina the big body was white yeah yeah and we would just get enough with the luminous we would we would get wrong stock in the company we would we would get it your trash he would take a shower wait holy shit get this

fucking pure Ellen some fucking what was your first car my first car was a rollerblades still got them roller skates I'm old doing the backwards and the big nub on the front brake the front stopper Chevy Spectrum hatchback they don't even make that anymore now Chevy I've never zipped around dude I've never even heard of a Chevy Spectrum honestly yeah no that was a good one it's real what color was it hefty bag black it was black yeah it was autistic strobe it yeah Spectrum you know it's you know it's really trashy too when people they would like get like I would rather have if they sometimes people get in an accident like in high school or whatever with their cars

they wouldn't have that you know it's the money you get a fix but then they would paint it with they would like paint it with house paint or whatever spray paint yeah it's like that looks to get into that it looks like my fucking basement what are you doing some red crylon on that dude remember Mako have you ever just a couple of things number one have you ever worn a sweatshirt that just said lifeguard no those red ones that you get that this is lifeguard younger sister has she was a lifeguard but I never did but I don't know what that's garbage I don't because you were one down the shore because you're fucking upper middle class trash no I didn't I didn't wear one but lifeguards had it together they had a good job they had a couple of bucks they usually had

tight bodies the guys if you weren't a lifeguard I'm saying oh yeah obviously you can wear one if you're a lifeguard all right they're not all fantastic but I'm gonna follow that's a no for me that's a no for me have you any of your family ever been involved in a holiday parade or a parade of any kind oh yeah there you go I had a winner I know you're probably a fucking third generation mummer this fucking guy little league parades the lynch mobs or whatever you were called now you would let our town would have a little league parade that's like a little slice of americana right yeah put all the teams and you carried the I think the banner in the front it was a part of a it might have been a part of July 4th yeah but the little league teams would carry you

and it was that night we knew when the fireworks started going fucking Norman Rockwell what was the name of your first high school girlfriend I believe she has a real hometown name Steve Mitchell Carolyn I don't want to say her last yeah no don't don't don't yeah obviously that didn't no it was Ed we're still friends absolutely friends it was great it didn't find show it lost my virginity to her uh oh no that all sounds like it was all denied no it was fine it was great how are we talking about uh she was the virginity girlfriend I would say maybe oh what was her fucking name uh there was I never had like a girlfriend I had like girls that I would hook up with for like three weeks that's good and then you but you were I wouldn't

be like that's my girlfriend I wasn't one of those guys in high school who got had like a relationship that's my biggest regret I was I was that guy yeah I was like in a serious Bruce Springsteen fucking relationship all through high school real real americana it was a fucking nightmare I don't I'm gonna get us out of this town yeah I don't fucking a lot of tears and crying freshman year I don't think I looked at a girl sophomore Meg uh what a high school name Meg she was friends with all the guys yeah she she's not behind me in chemistry and then uh Pam Pam my senior prom date and then Carolyn yeah the guys lost the v-card too what was your first job and when my first job was a caddy who that is garbage yeah if you know those caddies white kids and ex-cons yeah yeah

yeah I started caddy when I was like 13 that's what I did it was like yeah I worked at a golf club so yeah it was great it was great because your golf was sucked the golfers the ours was a really rich jewish golf country club the golfers most of them were all fucking dicks every once in a while if somebody was really cool yeah like gree she was like a hundred yeah but hanging out at the fucking pro shop when there'd be tournaments and all those drinks would be all scattered around the course going out on the carts and fucking picking people up when it rained and all that kind of stuff that shit was fucking what card game did you play we used to just fucking ski behind them uh we'd fucking play spades that's how I learned to play spades ex-cons ex-cons holy

wow this one dude Leon I partnered up with me one day he goes you better show me something and I fucking like I cut it something real early he went my man I've never felt cooler in my entire life white collar criminal is that what you're doing now he got arrested on my driveway for bringing down the house uh I worked at one too and I was I was uh there was no caddies but we were like card attendants so like you would pull up and I would like take your clubs out put them in be like I'll cut you know it was like all that kind of I was the laziest caddy too because it was just show up whenever you want to show up and I was it was obviously an early early risers game sure every and I didn't have my car yet so my mom would be like do you want to wake me want

me to wake you up I'll take you should wake me up every morning like six I'm not going shut the door yeah you know if there's there's anything more to you know a better display of class it's the the working the working the 16-year-old kids who are working to carry the bags of like you know the rich doctors in the town yeah you know what I mean meanwhile their kids are like fucking you know they're not caddy and I'll pay that much fucking home with cool authorities and fucking shit like that yeah slipping slides and all that have when was the last time you're at a water park uh it's a good one I would say maybe 2012 what the fuck that's eight years ago that's too soon that is too soon I went out to town at the lazy river what the fuck is that I went with my girlfriend at the time

and her mom and like her mom's boyfriend and they were kind of trashy is it an indoor mom's got a boyfriend there's a single mom and like she raised my girlfriend Amy at the time and uh what water park was an indoor I think it was Dornie ah okay Dornie's really dude what is it yeah I look back water park it was great though man it was come on good you're trash dude fucking killing on killing his water pier ocean city new Jersey what is fun about standing in line for 40 minutes on on stairs going down shotgun falls shotgun falls baby man I don't fucking you're living there that suicide to just go straight down yeah shotgun falls dude I grew up next to the most classic I grew up near action park holy shit I was in the documentary dude my

brother almost got killed at action everybody who didn't what was the alpine alpine slide baby what the fuck was that all about a concrete slide where you just basically have a go-kart with a handbrake in the middle that just yeah you regulated but basically just created sparks on the concrete didn't break at all if you're not from the tri-state area you don't I mean it's a national thing there's been movies documentaries there's another there's a feature coming out oh yeah I got cut out of I got the email the other day they're like it's called action park right just google the first one is good it's the world no the world's most dangerous amusement park the park is actually just google action park it was like you were you're like what it's fucking crazy

putting action park documentary and you'll come right up yeah it was so that's the thing that I've been in that went the most viral for me it just like overnight I had people coming I like other comments being like dude I saw this I saw that and they told me and they were like is that your friend it was in an insane place yeah and we went that would be the most garbage thing we went to wow action park yeah it was a water park and then in the winter it would be like a I was going to say ski resort but there's nothing resort yeah yeah yeah it's not a resort it'd be like a small mountain in a hill with some snow on it dude they actually and people doing quailudes in the in the lodge I remember my brother coming back from that yeah like people came back from it like

Vietnam exactly yeah like he had like burns on his legs you know that stuff it was drama was crazy um we had a fuck what was I gonna say oh we I went to I was a camp counselor of one year trash and it was like for like the kids that were like 12 or 13 that was like after like the day camp type stuff you know they were like you know pre-teens or whatever I was like 19 hung over every fucking day but we went to a water park and this one kid's like he tried he didn't bring his bathing suit like that was like the field trip he went and he's like I'm just gonna go into my jeans I'm like dude there I cannot I am fucking trash but I cannot let you go in a wave pool and you're in your fucking in your dungarees it ain't happening pal did you make cut-offs for him that's the

real dude yeah if you're wearing me sniff them real if you're wearing jeans or jean shorts to a water park and or jeans on a skein on a mountain you are fucking trash there was one summer I wore the same pair of jeans in the same t-shirt the entire summer and I don't think I 19 yeah I don't think I trust me we all got shoes on I don't think I had shoes on that whole summer that's the best I love missed kid summers yeah we go down to Jersey short stone like I'm like I'll just like leave my shoes in the car I'm like it's accepted yeah it's totally acceptable right yeah have you ever yelled the phrase baba buoy in public anywhere absolutely we had a kid in high school and I graduated high school in 98 there was a kid his name was dan to trolley oh that's a great

word that that is a hot trolley oh the poor the poor I mean this was stern was still on terrestrial and on you know driving to high school this poor bastard had the fucking overbite and just looked like gary delabate and we'd sit there in mr. pooch really is his mama we went through all of our food anytime we go mr. trolley oh you hear and one day we broke mr. pooch he goes all right enough with the food five five oh I've had it up to here just loses it this poor have you ever had this president kid if it was today then he would have killed himself oh yeah more bad he ever had the teacher shot at the trolley oh it was a spitting image of I get oh god I'm a movie funny it was so funny have you ever got to teach your laughing that's when you really yeah somebody

still has a teacher starts laughing at the kid oh my god garbage does anyone in your family wear camouflage on a regular basis no all right no you never get honest some of that jurors some of those jerseys can be picks you know what I mean they have like the boots with like the the true camouflage technology on them and stuff what are your thoughts on prime rib do you think it's garbage or you think it's classy I well I don't think it's either I love it I have some in my pocket right I don't think it's classy I don't think it's trash I think it's trash I don't know I'm not prime ribs garbage yeah that's that's the that's the that's the genuine the genuine leather of the meat that's the that's the shitty meat that that poor people think is is good meat dude I did

I did like and I would know because that was like a big deal you got prime rib on Easter I did a fundraiser show for a firehouse like a month or two ago and the guy on the phone who had found me he goes you like prime rib like some of the best you call me a commie buddy because we're gonna meet you I'm an American ain't I I get up there we get there oh it brought this kid Phil Valentine with me it's the Phil prime rib I've ever had in my fucking life it was delicious I went through it in 40 seconds a lot of you on and they are it's true they're all proud of it too he came he goes you like that huh I went fuck yeah I'll give you something to take home that's fucking great I fucking love it I'm doing a thing uh for some PBA association and upstate

they love to feed you professional bowlers yeah he's like uh that you can either get urban crushed chicken or sirloin that's what you know sirloin well when I don't say steak I say sirloin if they're trying to if they're not if they're trying to lead you with the cut yeah don't worry we got some tops sirloin oh yeah sirloin what baloney yeah it's choice but it's what a flavor is yeah that's real fucking trash dude it's got like the oh that is no bueno I fucking love it prime rib what a great episode so much fun thank you so much thank you enough thank you what did we determine a little bit I mean you went to Villanova that's a crazy true you're hung out there with the main line kids down there get fucking fast and loose yeah they're always getting boozed up

but still but still there's a city line avenue there's a lot of money out there you figure you might be easy he's rubbing elbows with some classy people yeah it's true now he went the other way this guy got about yeah very fun episode Andy what's up what do you got coming up here buddy April gonna be in Vegas at the Comedy Cellar for a week April 13th through the 19th then I got Denver coming up New Orleans coming up if the world is still a thing yeah for still alive a bunch of dates and Andy Fiori.com for all my dates and that's Andy Fiori on social Twitter Instagram awesome and then yeah the raw report is every Thursday on Sirius X Emerald 99 and I believe another guest of yours my buddy Sean Donnelly we do defend your movie yes together

awesome yeah guys thank you so much for listening again rate review subscribe on whatever platform you listen to iTunes Spotify we're available on Spotify Google play all that shit Kevin Ryan comedy.com I have dates in PA Connecticut and New Jersey coming up in again in March and April if we are still alive and shows are still happening also Kevin Ryan comedy on Instagram Twitter and Facebook very nice at H. Foley on Ice on Twitter please give me a follow at Foley Grams on Instagram and just to repeat what Kevin said please rate review share subscribe to the podcast please help us build this thing we love doing this for you guys so much fun and you guys have been very awesome with it just one quick thing if it still happens March 17th tickets go on sale for a movie that I'm

in called the outside story that's going to be at the Tribeca Film Festival this April it's going to be the world premiere if you guys are in New York City please buy tickets and come see the movie very proud of it it's going to be a fantastic thing it stars Sinequa Martin Green from The Walking Dead and it starts Brian stars Brian Tyree Henry from Atlanta so please check that out and that's it we appreciate you guys once again Andy thank you thank you guys so much thank you love you see you