Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: We Might Be Garbage w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril

Episode Date: July 11, 2024

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedians and podcast hosts Sam Morril & Mark Normand! You know Mark & Sam from We Might be Drunk Podcast, Joe Rogan Experience, Kill Tony Podcast, Protect our Parks, Tuesdays with Stories, stand up comedy & more! Thanks for watching the Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast! AYG Live Show Tickets: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Rocket Money: https://www.rocketmoney.com/garbage Get 50% off your 1st box by going to https://factormeals.com/Garbage50 and use code GARBAGE50 Sheath: https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hold on a second there, Kipy. We got a big show in Red Bank, New Jersey, August 17th at the Count Basie Theater. One of the biggest shows we've ever done. So grab the squad and come see the boys. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage. Oh, yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's

a good to be classy. Yeah. Just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, Hakes Foley coming at you on a beautiful day We're out back here with tooties and a new addition. She's walking around No bra for the rest of the summer good for her. I'm gonna get some goddamn work done Put those things away my co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of are you garbage? He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan everybody What up gang? Thanks for tuning in as always please make please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.

Full video available on YouTube. As you know, those numbers are true to Riff. Cooking, baby. And obviously the greatest website of all time. www.patreon.com. Slash are you garbage? You go over there. You get all your bonus content needs.

How about a nice shout out to our producer Extraordinaire. The old magic man makes us all look good. Works the ones, the twos, the threes, and the fours. He crosses the T's and he dots the I's. Give it up for T-Bone McScruffins. Toby McMullen, everybody. What up, boys? Hey, pal. I'm stoked. We got it. We got it. We have the Intercontinental Tag Team Champions in here, bro. Boys in the studio. Couple old school party animals. Couple of gunslingers, too. Yeah, and

Norman's ready for a little two-on-two basketball. Gang, the long hair ain't lying. We couldn't be more excited to have not one but two of our incredibly special guests back with us again today. You know them from the absolutely fantastic We Might Be Drunk podcast. You got Mr. Mark Norman. Yay!

And with a brand new special out on Amazon Prime right now that you gotta check out called You've Changed. Give it up for Mr. Sam Morell, everybody. There he is. Manity hours. Your bachelor party, baby. Let's get the hookers in here. Specials as adults. It feels like your birthday as a kid.

As an adult, you don't give a shit about your birthday. Your aunt sends you five bucks. Congratulations on the new specially. Here you go. But congrats, buddy. It's fucking awesome. It's so weird cuz I got a shitty couch from Amazon Complaining a customer service sure on Amazon while promoting the special on you know who I am Why are you buying a couch from Amazon? That's crazy

It was for like I have a little outdoor space, so I want to get a little outdoor couch go okay And I still fucked up CB to or I fucked up. That's all you need Amazon. It's outdoor You're fine. You got a new spot. You're stacking the place with Amazon furniture. You're not doing less wayfair I'm full on sex trafficking, baby. These two are tight with the coin. I'm getting a couple kids in that dresser. No, you're getting nice stuff, because I bet the wife is in charge of that. Yeah, well, she's not great.

She's a half a time, and she doesn't like to pick me, so she doesn't know much about choices. She went wayfair on that one. I hope she picked that jersey, that New Orleans jersey's pissing me off right now. Dude, Morrell walked in, he's from New Orleans! You're wearing a New Orleans jersey? I I know but he's adopted the Knicks. Yes to a bunch of games this year He's a flip-flopper this guy. Well, this was free Brunson that's true. I'll wear that one tomorrow. We're potting tomorrow I'll wear that one. But yeah, I got the same body as Caitlin Clark

and the same Adam's Apple Sam we did want to ask you guys And the same Adam's apple. Sam! We did want to ask you guys, and the Amazon thing kind of jars it a little bit, but when you guys were coming up, what was the, I know the lifestyle, but getting around the city was all subways. Yeah. When would you take a taxi? At what point? Spots.

Spots. To go pick up, I gotta go pick up this spot pay. I gotta get there No, I mean like weekends were for taxis like weekdays you didn't take taxis because the spot so also No, no for because the weekend pay at the club got your sure so the weekday you're getting what 20 25 bucks a spot Yeah, what are you gonna spend 15 of that in the cab get into the spot kill your profit margin? Yeah Yeah, what are you gonna spend 15 of that in the cab get into the spot kill your profit margin? Yeah So the weekends paid more so you're like I'll take a sure okay You two are or more on the frugaler side you're smart with your money. You're way better than a half course I've always said Mark wanted to be a Jew I ever one time getting to a cab

This is 10 15 years ago a soda and we got in the cab, and he was like, I need the receipt. Which you never do. And the guy went like, dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee, that old school printer. And he printed out this little receipt with a couple notches on it. And he's like, taxes. Sure.

I was like, whoa. My family growing up, we were big on getting them at the toll booth. Wow. Yeah, 70 cents or whatever. My dad would be like, let me get a receipt. You're gonna claim that. Cause you write it off.

Yeah. You write it all off. The base receipts got hot for a while in the early 2000s. Yeah. I think for people's expense reports. God. My dad had a pile of them in his glove compartment. Being an accountant back then must have been hell.

He just got handed a box of shit. It's crazy. It's brutal, yeah. You know. But it really is. Thank God for PDFs, man. It's gonna change our lives. I don't track, I mean, I don't track any of it.

I just like... I mean, we have a credit card that all the business stuff goes on. I go, you guys figure this out. I'm not. I gotta hit up reason. Your QuickBooks are a mess. I mean, I didn't even know I had QuickBooks. What are you talking about? Quicken. Remember that? Yeah, I think that's the...

Wait, Quicken... Quicken was Texas, I think. I think it's all the same. Now don't they have a stadium, Quicken Loan Stadium? Maybe. I was Turbo Tax for a hot man. Oh yeah. For a couple years.

Yeah, I did that for a couple years. Before that it was- H&R Block? H&R Block's with a rapid refund. Whoa! Yeah, it was one of those dirt bags. I got rapid refunds. That's my money and I need it now, Daddy-o, let's go.

Who said I got rapid refunds? It's called J.G. Wentworth. Did you guys ever do that? I assume at a certain point in the city, you were waiting on the tax return, right? Oh, huge. That was big. And then sometimes you owed. That was like low blow. Yeah, that was waiting tables. That was brutal.

Totally. I'm still a cash man. I'm all cash. Really? Really? I like cash. It's under the table. It's fun. He doesn't trust the bankers Settling he was my wall my mattresses is lopsided You've been robbed though, that's true also by the way you keep your set you're setting yourself up to get robbed My new place is full of cash, because I don't trust banks.

I can't imagine you like paying an ATM fee either. Ooh. No, never. You're going right to your branch. Well, they hit you twice on those fees. Oh, okay. They do. Mazel tov.

It's like I'm talking to the two old guys from The Muppets. What? Deleted scenes from Fiddler on the Roof here. This is... That's too much tuna. That's all right. So what was... Because we were talking now that our tides have changed a little bit.

Our we've gotten fancier with eating and ordering food. We've gotten lazier. We've gotten lazy and fatter, I should say. You guys seemed... You guys, to us, always kind of did it the right way You were smart with everything You know you broke everything down. What would it take for you guys to go out to dinner? Oh, we went to a steak No, not now. I'm saying then oh then it was rare. I only spent money on women back then

Still still frugaled it you know get the one-legged lady or the Still, still frugaled it. You get the one legged lady or the guy. You have somebody who's wheezing or anything. What's the cheapest ethnicity you have here? This is my favorite scene in Thief. Remember, you ever see the thief where James Khan is trying to adopt a kid and they find out he has a criminal record? And he's like, well, take a black or an Asian one.

And he's being serious. He thinks that's like helping. They're like, whoa, no, he's been in prison. that's like helping like well no No Or what was the daily dice say you went out to do did you have a day job at the time or no? I was like at that point at the end. I was just doing like part-time shit gotcha, but No, you're doing like dollar slices a lot like yeah, are you doing? It was my moon was big dollar dumpling you get four for a buck. That's still good, that's still banging. Yeah, that holds up.

But no, at night you don't go to dinner because you were working. Of course. I mean, Mark was like my model for, the guys that were working insane amounts were Mike Lawrence and Mark. Oh yeah. Mike Lawrence was like self-hating

on a level I'd never seen. Crazy. He'd do like nine open mics and I'm pointing at him like, you're killing yourself. Sure, yeah. This is like, your posture's changed, you look miserable. He fainted at one, no joke. He didn't eat.

It was too much. I think I played that room. Yeah. But no, so at that point, it was as many spots as you can do in a night, and if you had a girl, I remember Allie Wong was like, don't get a girlfriend. Wow. I was like, what do you mean? She's like, because you're funny, and if you had a girl I remember Ali Wong was like don't get a don't get a girlfriend Wow, I was like what do you mean?

She's like cuz you're funny and if you get a girlfriend you're gonna like want to stay home and watch Netflix and sweatpants She was right like cuz the dinner is a sign of stability to a woman and I was like I'll breakfast and lunch a shit idea I can't I can't go to dinner with you. You want a wrapper of smoothie, I'm all yours. I'm eating a diner at 2.30am if you want. At that point, anything pops up, you take it. Yes. Oh, of course.

Anything pops up, you do like, oh shit, I gotta leave town today. And they're like, what? I mean, we still kinda do that. It's like, oh, we had plans to go here. I'm like, well, we're not doing that anymore. Oh man, I remember being in movies. Mark and I would like keep our phones on in movies cuz I'd be like Esti might text Oh, I'm like a dropout spot. So it'd be in like the middle of Django and change. I'm like, it's good an 805

Yeah that in there my phone on my wedding Make the late show The honeymoon's canceled got a weekend at helium. Let me get out of here. Hey, dove can't make it. Can you be here in an hour? Doing my vows. So what's up with Uber? Because to us looking up when we were in the village, you guys I mean that was was the heyday of the running around doing spots and you guys were at the which I don't think post pandemic

doesn't really happen as the clubs hours and the hangs aren't as good. No, man. So it's like you're like, you used to be like, oh, I have a full, if you had like a three hour gap between spots, try to pick something up. But now it's just like you're sitting by yourself at a bar.

But there's always somewhere to go. And there was always like a show you could pop into maybe somewhere. Bar shows were so big then. Yeah. And they might still be, I'm a little out of that No Cabin there's no cabin anymore like a whole cool spot where everybody goes every yeah Wednesday night

You had the Irish eggs in yeah Irish egg that one he had one at O'Hanlon. Yes Mark always had a show and I always had a show he still runs like four shows There are clubs now like back in the day we all had a bar fat in a poke Lantern a lot. I mean we were running. Yes. Yeah, we were the lantern. Yeah, I barked for them for the lantern Yeah, that's a low not even a club Yeah, I remember years at the underground lounge I was like, where's that at? 107 to 109th and West End, but it was like I like West End, you know what I liked about it I liked barking places where no one would see me sure I was like I can I can fail in the shadows

Right cuz you I didn't want good comics to see me when I was bad I think I think a lot of comics now who are young they want to be around everything and it's like No, you want to you want to come out of nowhere and everyone's like who the fuck's this guy? That's why we stayed down there. That's how I felt. Yeah, so we only stayed there Like but hang at the cellar if there was like enough people like yeah Sure, you were never that you never wanted to be the guy of being like because I remember somebody was like I don't want people To see me now I'm gonna watch him I don't want people to see me now. I know. Where was I? I was like, I'm gonna watch. I'm like, don't fucking watch.

And the whole thing got done. Oh dude. Hard guy to miss. Fuck that guy. But I'm working on it. Oh, it's the worst one, when a really good, oh my God, I got off stage the other day and I just see Louis CKs in the crowd.

And I'm like, if you were here, and then you had like, now I would have done the new shit, but why the fuck were you here? I know. But he's such a pro, he gets it. Anonymity is key. It's like you said, get good in the shadows. I feel like these young queefs are like,

oh, I got a half a laugh, put it on TikTok. But I think that that's the old, I think that's what it is now. I know, but- I think we're still looking at it from like the- You could be missing out on millions of dollars. That one TikTok could blow up. I guess, but then what's's it's short money then what

You gotta have a good hour together You know like I get you want that a dopamine hit now and you want to go viral now, but you want to be good, too So I come out to see you right. I mean, but I also get the you know, I get the impulse You know to get it. I want it. I want it up there But yeah, I took me like 10 years to put out my first album I was like it's got to be perfect but then I remember I was talking to Joe Zimmerman who's a really funny comic and he's like what are you holding it on? What are you holding on to this material for? Like let it the fuck out. I was like right alright. Yeah you hear

that Leno? Let it out of the bag. He's got new stuff every night. No no when you would take a girl out on a date you wouldn't do dinner if it was a first date. No, you're a drinks guy. I had a move. This was my move. Dinner is horrible for a first date. I think I've done that once in my life. Eye contact, small talk, just face to face. Sweating the bill. Sweating and avoiding eye contact. Brutal. Then you're like don't get the fish. Market price. What did crustacean clues at today? Shout out the goal. But yeah, you took a girl to a, we get a drink, then I go, ooh, I got a spot you should come with.

You put her in the audience. There you go. You go up, you try to kill her, you do your best shit. Then you get free drinks there, you get her one there. You know, maybe another one. You watch David Teller, whoever. You go, I know this guy. You say hello.

Then you go up for one more, and was it it was it was a seal sure I don't know that's a pretty good night if somebody likes or is even kind of impressed by comedy Yes, going in you're shaking the hands. It's like you're good fellas Well, yeah, you walk up you kill you get the fuck out of there And then think about every other every other Tom dick and anal they go and take a girl out And it's just like dinner drinks Maybe a movie chit-chat walk to the park This is like comedy club the waitress are high-fiving you you get the check at the end of the night of the cash

You can't beat that until she's like I'm more of a jazz girl I didn't date blacks Dinner is such a ballsy move for a first date because you just if they suck you've just extended the night Yeah, you get catfish now you're having appetizers. You're like fuck Add another 20 minutes to this right totally I eat like an animal too. There's no way. I'm not blowing it at that dinner As the guy nobody wants to say this but you got to be shucking and jiving you're on Nobody wants to say this but you got to be shucking and jiving you're on a little bit Like impress me no, you got to carry the conversation. I remember one time talking to this just try just throwing everything and she wanted She was just like, oh, that's cool

I was like deep out in Brooklyn to spend it, you know most of my money on a round of drinks and yeah That's what it is. You're just bombing. Yes. You're like, I know what I'm saying is good It's a corporate gig. That's what you are worked on the tonight show Nobody's going to the movies. I'm my first date setlist. This always works This is you honey. This ain't me. All right, this is tried and true material and just like this like a bad show you get the check Jack Stakes hit him with the, get him out of there. What were some of the old school haunts that you would go get drinks, like if you were meeting up for drinks afterwards, if it was like U2 or whoever, where were like some dive

bars or just hanging at the clubs? Cabin was a big, that was like where a lot of comics would hang, that was the classic show Sean Padden's great show Cabin. We would drink, I mean a lot of comics would hang that was the classic show Sean Padden's great show cabin We were drink. I mean a lot of those village spots. We got drunk at like blue and gold holiday Yeah, where else do we go? I've been off the wagon a few times just because the proximity is right there There's a spot across the cellar called 181 Yeah, you go down the stairs. That's a pretty good spot But it really isn't that time gone by and that's why you know

We love talking to you guys about it because you to us you were in the you were in the thick of it You guys were doing it. Yeah, it was a good time. You were you were zipping around the city. You're having drinks Are you doing this you're doing the fucking diner hangs? Yeah, that's kind of no I don't think it's fading away I mean, there's I mean, I think a lot of less comics are drinking but that's probably you know good for them Sure, a lot of less people are drinking everybody's like a lot of times just my somebody hey you want to get a beer I know just ends up me texting Donnelly, and I'm like man. I've had this beer a thousand times Well props to you guys because we were in Austin

I don't know two weeks ago, and you guys like I got a flight at 7 and we stayed out That's a little fucking you guys did it to for it was it was a it was a late one I left everything in that hotel room my belt my contacts Yeah, it was it was a it was a late one. I left everything in that hotel room my belt My contacts I left so much dignity Couple of stained sheets brutal Dragging that roller bag out of there. It's 430 in the morning Kit let's talk about sheath underwear shout out to og she been with us from jump Street Why the comics walking around around sheath underwear?

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Yeah, we were in town. So it was just like this fucking everybody's hanging everybody smoking drinking It was like the shots were gonna that was like an old-school fucking hang that you know That's few and far between now for us. It was one of those lose your voice hangs We're like fuck that smoke everywhere. There's drinks and shots coming. What's the shots come in? It's over. Yeah, it's all fucking shots Yeah, we're too old for shots man. No, they're are we we should I mean look I'm more of a sipper But look if it's a special occasion, I'll do a shot But once the first shot goes down you're like that ain't gonna be the first Yeah, maybe not shots, but I think neat liquor is the shot

The answer moving forward what neat liquor like like, you know, like having like a bodega cat on the rocks or you're just neat Yeah, man, I would have what a plug over here I'm about to sell the other night And it was a it was a late I want to say late Sunday or Monday night at we're at the table now I had a beer and me like I was like I'll have a beer to car rolled up. Who's a known bag and booze And he's a Traeger and it was oh my god about it. He's a man who's a known booze bag and Liza Trager.

Oh my gosh. Forget about it. She hit me with a line. Was this Moe's Tavern? Two flaming Moes. Once I saw that, I got off stage and they were already sitting there. I was like, oh, I'm not getting out of here. No, forget about it.

And Liza hit us with a line that was good. She's like, I'm not drinking. I'll just do a shot of Jack. And I was like, that's it. It sounded good. Like she wasn't drinking doesn't make But it was I know what I was like, I'll do one too. There you go mixers No beers with the calories and all that stuff just a you know, a glass of glass of vodka a glass of tequila Yeah, yeah just working on anybody By stocking it or something this guy's pushing neat liquor. No, I. We get it. You're off the soda.

I love I love a neat like especially in the winter. You get like a fucking peaty scotch. Just neat. I love that. I love like any whiskey. Neat is and shit. If I'm if it's a summer, I don't want I want ice vodka. And I use whiskey on ice, you know. Do you have the line that we talk about a lot, coming out of a bar drunk in the winter in New York City,

and feeling that cold air? That's from you, Sammy. Yeah, well you don't get that everywhere. Miami, you don't get that fucking cold wind in your face, and there's something romantic about it. Oh, 100%. And you gotta live. I mean, it's that Jim Jeffries quote,

"'No great story ever started with, so I had a salad. You are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never told a story that started like that. Yeah, he goes, people that don't drink, isn't that the Jim's line? People that don't drink, all their stories end the same way. And then I got home. Yeah, come on.

It's no fun. We wanted to do, what is your, we want to do a thing on diners real quick. What is your, uh, both of your, what is your favorite diner? As a lot of them are closing. Wow. A lot of them, that was used to for a comedian, that was a New York institution. You had your, it's like your fucking, there were, you know, your, your ports in a storm. It was like, Oh, I'll go here. I got three hours to kill. I can write, I can get one cup of coffee or whatever the fuck it is. I got three and one's a wild card. Hit me. One, I think the most classic-y kind of diner left is Westway on Ninth Avenue and 45th. Yes. That's the Seinfeld, Larry David diner, famous, yada yada.

We have a great pick of us in that one. Great pick. Salacustoc, yeah, it's great. I love La Boniere, which sounds a little sna snazzy but it ain't. What's that? It's cash only. It sounds very snazzy. Try the escargot omelette. I know I think I know what you're talking about. I just saw this on Instagram. What is it? It can't get more greasy spoon than La Boniere. How do you spell it? B-O-N-B-O-N-I-E-R-E I think. La Boniere. I don't know what that means in French. There's a new one that just opened up across

from Penn Station called American Diner. Oh, I went there. What? It's outrageously priced. You thought so? It's a fake diner. It's wanting to be that. It used to be a pizza place or something like that. I thought it was awesome. A little pricey, huh? Well, I mean, I walked out of there

with like a stack of pancakes, a coffee, and I think I got like a fries and it was like 80 bucks or something sure what okay well this is this this is a this is perfect this is why we wanted them so we have all right what is your go-to if you two went to sit down and write for an hour what are both of you getting oh obviously obviously starting with coffees yeah and and then depends the time of day but like omelet my omelet go-to's are I love a chicken souvlaki Wow I love what or Middle Eastern Greek diners sure no you're not wrong it just wasn't expected I love a tuna melt okay something so fucking

classic about a tuna melt especially in in the winter, soup is always good too, but like, hard not to get- Norman loves a bowl of soup. Hard not to get an omelet. I love a good omelet with hash browns. I like a Western at Denver. Yeah. Nice. Great, great, I'm a meatloaf man, through and through.

Really? Extra gravy. Okay, fair enough. Not for me. All right, so we have... I wanna walk out of there limping. Yeah. Dude, meatloaf and soup is a wild diner.

Well, it all comes, I think we were talking about this, when you go into a diner and you get an entree, which comes with soup, usually soup, salad, and the basket of bread. A vegetable and sometimes mashed potatoes. Dude, they treat you like you're a Kennedy. Yeah. It's just, you are all, the other person who's getting fries in a Dude, they treat you like you're a Kennedy. Yeah. You are the other person who getting fries in a burger.

Yeah, yeah, don't get the vaccine. Dude, you hit that entree. They bring out the bread and everything and the butter on the table. Treat you like a goddamn gentleman. It's real nice. So what we wanted to do is we wanted to try to guess the amount of a diner order. Toby has a diner order which is run it down Well depends on the diner too, so this is Washington

Diner is a good guy. Yeah, yeah, it's Scott and grimy and a little grown many in those diners Yeah, that was I mean that was I I want to throw in there office not in five years Not a traditional diner, but oh yeah, but you Veselka is great Not a traditional diner, but oh yeah, but you Veselka's great Yeah, it's just a great spot. Yeah, and I mean that fucking wine now is a little annoying. It's crazy, but it's uh, I'm happy They're doing well. Yeah, oh great soups. They're good soup gonna get another get a borscht there They do a cucumber soup in the summer then come on Very refreshing Odessa clothes, but that was a great That was a great late night spot.

You get a pastrami melt at five in the morning. You're like, ooh, that's going to soak up some of the... Oh, you're going to be having miscarriage. Will you guys share anything? If you guys go out to a diner, will you get like a fries for the table or mozzarella sticks? Waffle for the table or pancake for the table, depending on the mood.

I like, pancake for the table is good, I think. Wait, off rip or like with the entrees? With the entrees. Just bring it all. yeah I saw if you're getting a burger so to cut yeah really it's a nice little pancakes only if I'm getting eggs hmm not an animal you know it's like breakfast or it's lunch I don't like me I'm the I don't like mixing breakfast with we went we were we rolled into like an old divorce I know well mark with the the great for I don't know this guy looks great, but he eats like Wallace Shawn. What the hell? Dine it with an old fucking I like Gandolfini's last meal

Like a meatloaf, you know, it's an underrated pull at the diner to the open-faced turkey You get a little mustard or gravy? I get mustard. I get gravy on it and put a little mustard on the side. Anything with gravy, though, I'm sold. You put gravy on a man's ass and I'll eat it. That's what I remember when I first was introduced to what they call on the East Coast disco fries.

Oh, forget about it. I didn't know you could do that. It ruins the cheese fries, man. It makes them soggy. I want that crisp. Oh, interesting. It's got a good point. Cheese fries with the cheese whiz is one thing,

but that's mozzarella cheese. That's all good. That you're just eating with a fork. I like that the fries get soggy. I do too. I hate crispy. One of the best places I saw late night diner, like eight of us walked in.

We'd get the big corner booth. And before we even sat down, they went, can you drop a plate of fries for the table and they were down you know By the time you're looking at the menu fucking big order of fries come so you can fucking yeah And also i love remembering you can order beers at a diner yes forget about a lot and you're like i'll do a beer Great get a liquor drink at a diner that's crazy they go They go heavy on the poor. Oh, yeah, that's not a bartender back there Yeah, you're in that you're in a fucking diner open a groany, please like fuck is wrong with this guy I see doing to us to two ingredients max sure all right, so what is the order T-bone? We're gonna we're gonna try to

We did this on patreon we're gonna try to guess the total amount of the check. Yes All right, this order was assembled by new guy Luke. Here we go. All right, watch square diner You got a two egg platter with bacon two egg platter. All right, you got a cheese omelet Okay, a cheeseburger deluxe. Ah deluxe is a bitch. I get you can of soda coffee French fries for the table Cottage cheese Jesus cottage cheese who's eating here for that's only foley Foley like the California delight. Oh, yeah, I decided jello and some fresh

Don't you love the diners are like doing this the healthy option? Yeah, it's like it's like fucking the chicken salads like drenching mayo Yeah, this is your light side I love it, but I'm like this don't pretend this shit's healthy now They put the kind of cheese and like iceberg lettuce, too. It's brutal It's always so it's called like light bites or something like something like it's like half a chicken farm That's an all-time H Foley get everybody off his scent move the melon with the kind of cheese He really orchestrates a healthy order somehow and then a tuna salad sandwich, huh?

It's a big order. That's a big order. Hey, you got a lot of people Norman yeah, you a tuna guy you like tuna. I love tuna Sam likes to tune them out Oh, I don't fuck tuna melts is people say you can't have cheese on seafood. No, it's so good I hear it's still it's delightful a nice tuna melt with fries and the ketchup. Oh, yeah Okay, so we got a an egg dish. We got an omelet We got a cheeseburger deluxe soda coffee French fries cottage cheese chicken noodle soup and a tuna salad sandwich three people I'm going 150 tuna salad sandwich

Three people I'm going 150 Norman might snipe that is like no, what's a bowl of soup going for you think six easy It used to be like a bowl my 999 it might be eight it might be eight now Is this with price of some tip No, this is just out the door. So with tax. With tax. Yeah, I'll go 120. I'll go 80. I'll go...

91. I gotta break this down a little bit. So this is three people eating, right? Sounds like just you. Or you and a small child. Don't touch that omelet all right 75 85 55 you were what'd you say 80 I think 80 and Norman damn near sniped the soup at 695 look at at that crazy dude of a selca soups like ten bucks. It's different though the selcas upscale It says it's a diner, but that's like an upscale diner Yeah, what at that diner on what is it West third or whatever or West fourth?

Yes, there's a homeless guy pooping in that diner 24 easily. That's way different than Veselka. Yes. Yes Yes, Luke also included every single soup of the day, which is insane Let's hear it. All right When somebody's fucking with a Yankee bean and a split You know like a Yankee beaners What are you chicken noodle chicken noodle mat Pea? No, I love a Split Pea with a little bit of bacon in it. What are you, chicken noodle? Chicken noodle, matzo, beef barley, I love. I'll do a bisque. Hitler would have hated you.

I know you're not really a Jew, but he would have heard you talking and been like, he's close enough. Let's take him for good measure, you know what I mean? Circumcised. You don't like the Split Pea with the little piece of ham in there?

A bite's enough. I don't need a full bowl of a green snot what's your favorite soup by the way I love that thank you thank you a fan made those oh nice Mark what's your favorite soup well probably seafood gumbo but I'm biased sure that's great it's a great call though and it's not an everyday soup you got that's a great I love a borscht mm-hmm sure hard to beat a borscht because you can go cold with it you can go hot with it It's like my wife But you get that you get one with the heavy meat holy shit. Oh yeah, the seller borscht is killer. It's great

Yeah, it's all right. I always say the food. There's I love the food the commonest fantastic. It's crazy good Alright alright now if you two did go out who's who's picking up that check will you go back and forth? We just yeah, I go back and forth, but I think a split is a nice move. Yeah Cuz otherwise there's weird resentment. Do you split like hey my bowl of soup was six dollars No, I know 20 and 20 out the door right down the mid. You've done that before you've itemized the split though I would have to assume I try not to I don't want to split hairs I want to just get in get out Let's say it's you and like seven other comics for like one of those like, you know

The guys are going out to lunch kind of thing. Yeah, then what are you doing? Then then it's every man after when the check. Yeah Every now and then I'll pick up the whole thing and just feel like I went to family a family vacation with the wife's family I was picking up checks like Bill Gates out there And you feel cool because I would do the bathroom move where you go to the bathroom. Anybody in that fam overstep order a little too much or whatever. Yeah, if they know the big dogs paying the brother, my wife's brother's wife

was a real coups. I mean, she's coming in there with the champagne and they are that overapping let's get all the apps Oh my god who get aggressive with the bottles of wine yeah No one I go out with it We've ever we'll do it if we go out together and we go to a steakhouse and it's like after a show or something and Someone's like it's once in a blue moon where I was gonna get a red wine I was gonna get a red it's like all right. Let's get the bottle, but I'm not operating with people of that ilk well my girlfriend. I'm just shitting on my girlfriend She's like I'll get another bottle a bottle

Yeah, come on. We don't need a bottle you do save money on it though If you're gonna have a couple of glasses plus you get that you're gonna crack a fresh cracked bottle You're not getting the shit that's been sitting out at the end of the bar for the last couple will yeah I know they're fucking you on cocktails, but something about wine at restaurants. I just know how much they're fucked Oh, they're yeah, yes, yes 15 16 17 dollars for a glass four ounce pour wine It's why you get the bottle Sammy interesting. I guess I just a more of a cocktail guy when I go yeah, okay I want if I'm going to like a steakhouse I want to I want a dirty martini or a manh something. If you're doing that, what's your lady doing?

Sometimes she'll go martini too, but occasionally... Ooh, it's a classy lady. My wife's off to Sausageville, she'll do like mocktails, which are still like in New York, they're like 18 bucks. What a rip! Just get a fucking Jameson, right? I know! You're fucking killing me here. Just fall back, just go back to the lady.

I've had a realization, we went out to dinner recently, I always do three, I'll get three Manhattans, and I'm like pretty sauced up after that. Sure. And every night ends with me being like, what is your problem? I'm like, oh, that's the booze talking, I gotta stop it too. I gotta think.

I'm like, you're not understanding what I'm saying. It infuriates me how long it takes my girl to drink a drink. No, that's good. You're saving dough You want you want to be in it together you want you want I'm getting muddy I want to get you know, I need a teammate It's I one time I saw Seinfeld having coffee on his show and the other guy got tea and he got annoyed and I got it Yeah, I really get that cuz without I don't give you get a different drink But you want him to kind of go drink you're indulging with just so you're kind of getting equally fucked. That was him and Larry David's going. Yes, what's in my cup?

It's hot and I'm drinking it And he said if I eat a piece of cake and you have an apple it's different. Yeah, that's it That's a great great analogy analogy, but like Mark and I feel like even right now. I'm a little annoyed I finished my beer way before mark. I come on. Do you want another one now? I should it's midday But also if you go if I go out to eat and I buy everything we're eating everything Everything is getting eaten off that table. Oh god. Don't you hate that? What is that? How do you enforce that? I will eat it. Yeah, if it comes down to it, okay, I call you But I'm with you the wastefulness

The restaurants 45 minutes away. I'll be there in 15. I understand there's a mozzarella stick. That is a hilarious character to just walk into a restaurant. Is this the man with the party? Yeah, he's here now. He's our cleaner. Let me call the wolf to clean this thing up. Michael Clayton, but for food. He's not the wolf, he's the raccoon. I'm the diners fixer.

Mark and I joke about this you guys I'm sure relate to this you know when you're on the road and you're picking up a tab and you get people at the table with you it's like they know you're paying right so then they start throwing shit I'm like you're eat. In your head, no one's gonna eat this. It's waste. Well, we, I mean, we travel and we travel, there's four or five of us out on the road, typically. Yeah, we're like a youth basketball team. Yeah, we travel.

And like, when we do, in the very few cases where, you're in a town on a Saturday night or whatever, and the show's over, there was one show or whatever, and you're like, oh, we can get a late reservation at a nice place sure The crew is specific. Yeah, I mean they they don't even try to hide it. Yeah, I'm told you that they're like I'm getting the fucking this I'm getting that I'm new guy Luke and Tommy C Tom Cassidy. God love him He likes a nice seafood bisque When we're in a nice spot new guy Luke broke as a rich kid and he's like, I'm getting I'm not even

I'm not even hiding this where this is what we're getting. He'll pick the place. New guy, Luke. Whoa. We don't even know what the hell we're walking into. Yeah, it's good. It's got the four dollar signs. And I'm like, it's good for you. Not for fucking not for the bottom line. That's Gary Vitor.

Every time he's like, he's like, you better. You better take me out of fancy, bitch. That's the text I get. I like I guess I'm taking about fancy yeah Damn, so you won't take leftovers. You'll make sure it's all finished there I guess I'll do a leftover, but I try to you know if you order it you're eating it Or I'll be in because you know I runs a tough house good It's good for morale people order these eight appetizers, and then they order an entree I'm like you're already full. You know you're full, but they're like well

I gotta get an entree. That's what we're all doing. It's a waste What was the last time you ate so you finished somebody else's entree? Jeez yesterday. I mean pretty common my wife will teach the wife Yeah, sure, but yeah friend, and I just want to eat it I don't want to you know if you if you leave food on the table. I'm gonna eat it sure it's a rarity, but sure Yeah, that's why I went I left overs. I won't I'm like if I like it. I don't want to, you know, if you leave food on the table, I'm going to eat it. Sure. It's a rarity, but sure. Yeah. That's why I'm anti leftovers. I'm like, if I like it, I'm eating the whole thing. Sure. And if I didn't like it, I'm like, I'm not taking it home.

It would be nuts for me to not finish it. Even if I didn't like it, I'll still consume. Kit, we gotta talk about Factor. Oh, shout out to Factor. America's number one ready to eat meal kit. We're talking about Factor, baby. It's a summertime. You don't want to cook. You want to eat meal kit. We're talking about factor, baby. It's a summertime You don't want to cook you want to keep it tight Factor delivered right to the house fresh never frozen throwing the microwave two minutes or you could do in the skillet like kippy likes

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His are he was for a long time. He was ordering breakfast in which I Breakfast I know it's good to get out you gotta go out get some vitamin D on you theoretically But it's also good stay with me here If it's obesity if it's a Wednesday the the bird had to go into the office or she's not there. You got nothing to do in the morning. Order from the diner. You know, you get the omelet, you get the pancakes and you put on Sopranos and you're asleep at 10 minutes.

He also does the ultimate fat guy move of pretending there's more people in the apartment when the delivery guy comes up. Kids, get in here. They send you four sets of silverware. You're like, nah, it's just me. That's something that they've really clamped down on. You gotta ask for that shit now in the city to get forks and knives and all that stuff.

Are there any restaurants you're calling to get takeout or is it all Uber Eats if you are doing takeout? Or is there any still like old school spot where you're gonna pick it like, I'll pick up the phone and call fucking Tony's. I only call, I don't all Uber Eats? If you are doing takeout. Or is there any still like old school spot where you're gonna pick it up, like I'll pick up the phone and call fucking Tony's. I only call, I don't do Uber Eats. Really? I don't like him.

You are old school. I don't like Uber Eats, it's the breakfast thing that's real dangerous. You're sitting in bed, I think you gotta get up, get out. But he's got a lot of bad presidents, I mean that. Like dude, that's like the best president. Come on. Talking about neat liquor and pancakes. I agree with you. Like dude, that's like the best president. Come on

Neat liquor and pancakes But yeah, it's also that sneaks up and that's like a tool that's like a hundred and twelve dollar order all the server eats Yeah, charges are bananas. Yeah, but it's fucking it's awful. Yeah, it's crazy I kill you and especially like sometimes you'll uber eats like a jug of ice cream, and I'm like I Don't know I do it. Yeah, it's got to be a big order I if I'm gonna wear what would you be doing that where you're together my girlfriend does that shit? She's like I want ice cream, and I'm like all right I'm like it's 95 degrees out enjoy getting fucking a soup ice cream Yeah, like it's not gonna get there in good. It never gets her in good shape sure sure well. It's like

mail order bride no But like big J will be a fully loaded he'll mail order. What do you call it? We were right who over it's like Starbucks, and I'm like wow that just feels no judgment all the time We do that here really order for like on the way into the studio. We'll take an order. What's everybody want so? Our podcast producer Matt does that too. Oh he does. Yeah, we're paying for that The hell we are! You're finishing that coffee! Norm is calling up Starbucks. I need a large bike. All right That's you're still calling. That's crazy. I like the call. I respect it. But you're not ordering in a lot You're not really no have you seen the viral video of the black guy who calls two Chinese restaurants and lets them talk and yell at each other?

Yeah, to me that's the height of humor. That was I mean we found in college we would say I love you I mean it's like a you know It's an old kind of print like at the end you'd be like I want this this this alright I love you, and they I mean every time I love you, too And man we'd be high and drunk just on the floor laughing. Do they love you a long time? Speaking of Chinese Sammy you're a New York kid. Yeah, what's your go-to? Well, it's weird the spots. I love we love the place that closed down No, no, whoa hop still one thing, but it's not 24 hours anymore. I close it like 9 p.m.

What does Something crazy. We had this problem when I was just home for the fourth with my mom. I got the hankering for a little Chinese and in the suburbs back in the day, there was a lot of sit down nice Chinese restaurants. Like in a strip mall. Where you go and they'd be not, you know, they have it all decorated, the big table. They hit you with the tea and they do the fried noodles with

the duck sauce and the hot mustard and you'd have the appetizer It was awesome Can't we wanted to go to there's none left. They know the ones that they have like that now It's like so overpriced. Yeah. Yeah, it's like a restaurant rather than like a quick. I like that though But what's your go-to Chinese order if you're oh if I'm ordering a chicken with garlic sauce dumpling good one sure Uh I like yeah, I love like if you have soup dumplings my dick's fucking hard Yeah, I love them. You can't find this like a regular Chinese spot

I feel like it's got to be a little bit of a Elevated or more specific about them. Yeah. Mmm. Yeah, I love I mean general so is if it's a foreigner group. I can't resist. I know it's like fucking candy It's candy, but it's so so good that brown sweet goodness I know kibbies out on this but where you guys that on the on the spicy mustard from a spot Oh, I get it when I'm sick it cleans out your style man New York, June Dry bet and a hot and sour soup, too.

Oh, I love hot and sour. Got to have the Canada dry. I'm sick over here. The ginger. It's your COVID. What are you talking about? Yeah, the soups are important, too, from the. I mean, are you a hot and sour guy? Love hot and sour. I like egg drop.

I'm going all out. Go wanton. Yeah, I love it. It's great. I take the wontons out, put them on a plate, hit them with a little duck sauce and hot mustard, eat them like that. Oh, interesting. How about those places all throw some fucking leachies at the end? That's fucking- Ooh, that's nice. That's nice.

Mark, you're the only guy I know that I can see running full speed down the sidewalk, eating soup, and I wouldn't be weirded out by it. He's gotta get to that 805, baby. They should make that. Portable soups. They do. The bone bra stuff now Don't lean into stereotypes here, but you seem a little under the weather I'm always I always get something but I always power through sure. I don't cancel shit. Sure You're also I mean like obviously you've had back problems I remember I bumped into you somewhere. We were at Moon Tower, so I saw you out front of the hotel I'm a yeah, you're a laid-up and smoking. It's like three years ago

Maybe in Austin and you're like yeah my god you had like a pillow you had like all gear to like help your back I just did my said I might open for someone else like ask you to open you're like I think I'm just gonna go lay down. In 20 years, Sam's gonna be that guy at the end of Breaking Bad with the bell. Ding! What? He can't move.

Can't get a decent bullet base in this thing. Oh, I've been bombing. But yeah, no, I feel actually way better. The back stuff is all, I mean, once last time you heard me complain about my back. It's been pretty good. It's pretty good, the neck is good, the back is good. That's good. What cured it the acupuncture? soup

Around the back it's working out just going to the gym. Yeah, you gotta say you gotta stretch and stay on top of it Yeah, yeah, you gotta stay in shape Your kids out there he's still in the ozm I started back up on it I mighta when we saw each other in Austin, I think I just started it back up. How much you down? I was down 70 and then I went off of it. We went to Ireland immediately, which was I mean, I listen, I can eat and drama fat piece of shit by no means, you know, cast and dispersion.

I eat and drink. He was eating and drinking me on it like like I like I was a toddler. It was crazy. When I tell you my superpowers came back. Yeah, he was ordering so many entrees. We were calling him Entree the Giant. Wow. That's great. To bangers, fish and chips, the meatballs, the meatloaf, whatever.

The incredible bulk. Yeah, it came back hard. And it's like, you know, I'm a very, very emotional eater. Like, I'll just eat past when I'm full. Like, it doesn't even register. I'm just eating. Yeah. And this stuff, like, it really has my number. It really, like, messes with, like, my food. No, the Ozempix. Oh, yeah.

Like, it has his number. Yeah. It really works. Foley. It really works on me and like changes the way like I think you know what I mean? Yeah, so I started back on it then it's now. It's really starting to kick in Okay, so you're back on it back on it. Yeah, you're not craving Now it makes you sick. Yeah, I'm sick makes you like not want it. Yeah, but it gets in there It's horrible really takes it I'd tell you zone I can describe it takes away my superpower of eating and drinking Like I tried to have a couple of drinks this weekend at at at my mom's fourth of July

I Miller Miller light was going down like a bag of nails. Wow Interesting yeah, not so funny that you're fighting it. Yeah fighting it hard Timbers modern medicine Big man's gonna win especially this time. I'm like really like you know analyzing it and like seeing how it works It's crazy damn well Ireland everything is fried everything is Guinness everything's heavy. It's like button and shit He was doing this crazy thing whereas he wasn't drinking Guinness He was ordering everything else, but Guinness. I'm not a big Guinness guy. It was just wild.

I mean, like, let me get the Maretti or whatever. Oh, literally. We're literally at a bar that claims to pour the best Guinness in the world. And he's like, I'll do eyeball. You're like, what the fuck? Guinness is so good, dude. I love it. I liked it over there, but I'm more of a Pilsner IPA lager kind of guy.

You're more of a nine margaritas in a hotel lobby guy. You're bringing a bullshit. We watched them. Where were we? Seattle or where the fuck were we? We were in Rochester, Rochester. We had the hotel. We stayed in Rochester and up having this like very swanky rooftop bar. We were like, it was like, you know, like, oh, the bar is open to whatever. This was the last time I drank with that.

This is this is when I decided that I have to go back on okay. I was like a mixologist, and I mean fully made him paint his master These one of these one of these one of these he had he must have not even joking him I said about 14 drinks. Yeah, they were all different Wow Well done. How's these hangovers treating you that brutal? He's a bitch in the morning He's sleeping in the front seat of a fucking minivan The hangovers are really that bad. It's the sugar is what gets you the margaritas you wake up in the morning And you're like shaking yeah, yeah snickers bars. That's why I go soda or me or ice The sugar is a problem yet 14 drinks. Yeah, the alcohol is also a problem

I do this shit too, though. I was with a friend the other day and I was like fuck I had a chicken sandwich at lunch I feel like my stomach's killing me and he's like I watch you have nine vodka's last That's like we were I think the second last time that we were on we might be drunk I was telling you the how I like to have bloody Marys on a plane and one of you were like that's a lot of sodium Yeah, fuck you talking about? It is a lot of tomato juice. It's a lot of tomato juice. It was me. Oh, yeah.

I love it. On a flight, too. It's fucking epic. Decadent. It's like you don't get it. A tomato juice in the air. Yeah. A Bloody Mary on a flight hits different. Definitely. Yeah, it's alright I'm a tomato juice like remember when they said v8 was like healthy. I drink a gallon of that every day Really? I love v8 no. It's all so I guess it's all yeah

I never thought I mean I haven't thought about it you thought you had you had that a half a grapefruit and a cup Of coffee you were like Jacqueline. Yeah Yeah, the heater You were like Jacqueline. Yeah Yeah Your wife and sitting traffic for 20 minutes screaming. That'd be good for you. Yeah, just have the cornflakes buddy All right, hit us with another one yeah, yeah, let's get into some some garbage questions guys You know when you join the patreon we answer your garbage question on the air Patriots boys crack at at it We got the goddamn we might be drunk boys in the building and Sam Morel with a brand new special out of Nizan prime right now

You changed your radio host brother. It's like somebody might have just tuned in since We're here with Mark Norman and Sam Morrill Sam. You're sick, right? Which by the way the two of you both terrorists on local local AM TV. Oh, yeah I just saw you hit a guy with and he was like, all right Oh, Joe forced it morning Joe. Yeah, that was a weird one. Joe Scarborough teed me. Oh, yeah You're on MSNBC. He teed me up for that one. And then I told it and he was like, okay This is your interview you guided me to that that's what they do you got a leader tied up behind you That's what they do. It's funny

They they like set you up for the joke and then they're like because some of them I just go and I'm like I'm just gonna derail this but that one I was like alright Let me try this let me see if I can behave mm-hmm you know I did have Al Sharpton across me I'm like let me try not to fuck with him too much. This is this could get weird. Yeah, but I still did yeah and then Yeah, they say same with Ari Melber. They set you up for the the like jokes and then they're just looking you like so why is that funny? But they like it's this weird thing where they like don't want to let you shine right It's the weird thing with a they're not allowed to laugh really. Yeah, that's that's a big part

Especially it's something that you know not PC or whatever Which is why it seems like the worst job in the world. Oh, that's a funny thing. I have to pretend not to laugh What are you in prison that is definitely not the worst job in the world? That's true, but maybe for me that would be I could not do that gig. Yeah, you couldn't do that I couldn't either I mean I think that's why we go on and fuck around because it's like it's like a dishonest way It's too static. It's like too sterile. Yeah, and then we get to just say something That's just like normal and they're just like, oh my god And it shows I get so many comments from like European people who are just like oh my god

American TV is so fake, you know, yeah Oh, yeah, I guess it is you know worst job of the world magic I imagine guys in a cobalt mine being like, can you imagine being on the today show? Imagine sitting in your apartment doing bits on TV. I mean, Star Jones seems brutal. Oh, look at that. Lenny died. I died right next to you. Lenny, do you hear what I said? It's like an eye ball. Morel? Fucking eyeballs are popping out of his head.

Hey, the bird just dropped dead. Alright, what do you got, Kim? Alright, let's see, this one, great name, this is from Chode, Chode Jorts. Is it garbage to show up to your high school reunion in the same car you had when you graduated? Uhhhh, hell no! That's, yeah. That means you know how to fix a car. But if I'm assuming it wasn't a nice car.

You think soup's expensive? What are you talking about? It's been a lot of soup in that truck. How many years of reunion are we talking? Even if it's five, you got to think it was probably a... No high schooler has a car that's... Five I'll give you. But you got to think that car was probably...

Did they do five year reunions? They do? I never went to any. Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty- year. Yeah, yeah, I never went to an 510 I have my in 2025 yeah, who goes to these my mom just went to I think her 50th. It's your mom and Kevin Spacey Wait does he did he know I'm just saying he's looking for high school But it would be like 30. Oh yeah good point the math didn't work out on that joke didn't work But we got what he was going sure I got I. He just walks in looks around walks right out. Yeah That's high school

I've never gone have you any no no and would you no desire? Yeah, I'm not opposed to it, but I just like it's now I'm opposed Yeah, I don't know what I would talk to like everybody everybody from high school that I still want to see, I see. You know, or like, I don't know who I would want to be like, oh you're still fucking doing that or... Yeah, you're catching up with the people you don't really want to catch up with. Exactly, and you're stuck with them. You think you could go in and flex, flash a little cash, but there's probably dudes that are killing it. You know what I mean?

Of course. Like peck guys and all that kind of stuff. I don't think they're going now No, I don't know did you ever see roaming Michelle's high school reunion? Cool guy did come back. I did stand up at my 10 year high school reunion. Oh the worst What's thinking that horrible dude, I was like a gig was like, I'll get a good story out of it. Not a good story.

Not worth it at all. How long have you been doing stand up? Seven years at that point. You should have known better not to take that gig. Are you kidding me? That's crazy. Was it paid? I went back to do.

Like Baby of the Flight. All right. I went back to do like a. Free scoop. They wanted me to do like an interview. Sure. So they did for the school. But that was fine. At your high school? Yeah, but the people that showed up wanted. It do like an interview. Sure. So they did for the school, but that was fine. At your high school?

Yeah, but the people that showed up like wanted, it was like after school. So it was like people that wanted to see me. Right. So they were like, they were good. I was getting laughs and stuff. Wow, there you go. This is a thing we did recently.

Are you guys on the notable alumni for your high school? From your high, from Wikipedia? Good question. Do you think? We were not. Really? There was another comedian that beat me out. Pull it up. Who's your comedian? It was like a YouTube comedy personality. It was a girl, some hot girl. We were not there is another comedian that beat me out

Is like a YouTube comedy personality was a girl some hot girl Oh Dilla Sal High School in New Orleans Dilla Sal Catholic boy Catholic private most likely to buy soup. Yeah, I got funniest. Oh, there you go Yeah, that's good pretty good. All right notable alumni come on one time I don't stand a chance if you don't have this At least a priest favorite Wow, who else is on that list anybody any notable? People of note Else it seems like a lot of guys who rode the bench in the NFL

we had marquise hill he played for the tigers yeah carl hankton, chris horton you beat me up not, pity one of them fucked my girlfriend i think more than one of them did probably

thats about it no one else really no one else really banging what about Sammy Browning Notable alumni check it. I hold on. This is a nice is a good private. Yeah. Yeah, it was probably Yeah, there's gonna be a stack on there. Yeah, Howard Dean went there. Well, that's a big one nice, but I think that I don't know All right. Let's see what we got here notable alumni Come on, baby. This one might be tough. This is a yes. This is an accredited institution. Yes. New York City. To De La Soul High School.

Yeah. PM Dawn. Elementary. They iced you, Sam. Damn. Who's on there though? John D. Rockefeller, Jr. Never heard of him. I got fucked. Hey, goddamn Nepo baby.

Some rapper? This guy went out on his own and did it. That guy's a fucking pussy, dude. Yeah. What are you gonna do? All his bags were light. Wait a minute, John D. Rockefeller, that's not the main one, right? It's one of them.

Is that the original? No, it's probably his like... He'd buy and sell you. Sure. Wow. Turn my lights out. That's awesome. You know what the high school Yeah, Andrew lack chairman of NBC and MSNBC. That's probably where having bad interviews over there He's like fuck this guy went to school with a mess with him set him up, and then don't laugh I'm sure we asked you when you were on the first time did you do good at that school? Do your grades good at the end at the end by 11th and 12th grade?

I got good grades nice, but yeah up until then now I was fucking around. I was getting high. I was the worst No, yeah, it's alright. I always wish I went to a good school. You got suspended ever Now all the time. All right, yeah, my junior junior my junior in high school I was I got a lot of trouble just like fighting you like dear you lady I think I'm a hot dog back that Linda you're jerking me around every goddamn day. I come here. You don't know me. We have a deal man. We have a deal. I Got no I got no fight my junior and I got suspended for like two weeks That's when they were like they became concerned, right? You know what I mean people that cut the uncles were coming over

Oh boy Yeah, I never never really any trouble my brother was very bad so like I've he blew it like my older So I was like, oh, I just don't have to I learned from him of like how not to get in trouble Sure, I was like if I just towed the line nobody oh, I was I was always in trouble I was literally from like kindergarten. I was able to do armpit fart. So it was Oh, I was like I was I was working on my Let me see if I still got it. Come on, baby Whoa do armpit farts so it was like I was like I was I was working on my let me see if I still got it come on baby whoa you just made it on the

notables take that Joe Scarborough I couldn't I couldn't stop oh man I remember a teacher is like a hilarious guy was a big southern guy like one of those amazing bodies where he was He was like kind of fit here, but then he had the biggest And he had some body kind of like old Burt a little bit a little Whatever five years ago, but look like ambassador John Bolton He had like the big glasses and the fucking and the mustache yeah, and I remember who's always like Sam You need to stop behaving. I'd be like I promise I'll start now you know and right as I say that I just like sit in the chair Lift my legs up and fart and he'd be like get out

But it would kill it always kill But then by the end you start playing to the teachers to you know you're like all right this fucking up everything I got a You gotta know your crowd a little bit I was always jealous of the kid in the pool that could go like never do that Oh, yeah, like really squirt the water love that Burke can do that. How about this guy? You can't whistle I did I can't whistle I can't wink I can't wink one. I am really jammed up I could teach you how to whistle. Give me one hour and a bowl of soup I'll get you there. Buy your pants off, sir.

We had a buddy who could throw up on demand. Whoa. And like, it was, I mean, finding that out in like seventh or eighth grade was fucking the... You know, every aspiring actress in LA were like, wow, that's impressive. Yeah, we would just be like, go over there and throw up. And I'm like, he'd be talking to somebody and just you not on them but like yeah You know a restaurant bill too. We did do that at a pizza place not proud of it, but you know

We know you know anything that I paid a check You guys ever do the fake birthday or fake now, that's if I won't I don't even like doing it if it is their birthday Yeah, the place in New Orleans that gives you the free. I know that place you're talking about. Oh Henry's right? Oh, yeah, give you the free birthday meal. That's right. Oh needle I'll give you but for like just the proof of ID Usually not really. Yeah, how many birthdays have you had there so many really so many? Yeah, it's worth it Sure, we're there in Philly. There's raised happy birthday bar dive bar South Philly Where it's like they you know if it's it's you go there for your birthday

They open it like fucking 7 a.m. Or whatever and I think you drink you get some drinks for free on your breath So everybody goes at some point sure, but if it's not like People go and they'll be like oh, it's fucking magic Johnson's birthday today or whatever so they're like constantly celebrating Like oh, it's fucking magic Johnson's birthday today or whatever so they're like constantly celebrating This might be a trash move did you guys do the the clipped dollar bill on the shirt No, I didn't know what that is what this might be a southern thing yeah, buddy in Ohio did that okay? Yeah, it was your birthday You got a paper or a bobby pin whatever you call safety pin and you put a dollar on your shirt Which many was your birthday and then other people go to your birthday and they give me a dollar by the end of the day

You got a stack of ones Never do that. I don't hate it. Well, they got the bar at that like at school. That's cool. Okay Huh? Pull that up. Is that a thing? He showed Norman Norman to walk on stage with the seller with a pin on yeah, maybe it's regional We do it. Oh, you do it. You should do the weddings where you would give a dollar to dance with the bride Whoa, that's a 20 Come up to my room Wait a dollar to dance with a bride. Yeah, there's a corner cheap

That's like a dollar dance So the bride would be in the center and then you know your mom would give you a good go dance with her And you palm it you palm her hand and slip her to dollar. I think this is called a strip club. Yeah It started in West Africa whoa which it makes sense that it then got to New Orleans because a lot of that influence there Yes slavery. Yeah Well, I regret bringing this up All right, well we did it yeah, we got there I Saw a guy doing crowd work once and he goes he goes

He was got any birthdays in the house and so goes yeah me and he goes happy birthday. That's all you had Something killer up his sleeve. Come on Matt Reif, you're gonna bring something to the table. Alright, we gotta wrap it up. Oh shit, sorry. What a fun one, the podcast, We Might Be Drunk, the boys are all over the road, Sammy's got a brand new special out. You've changed over there on Amazon Prime, you have to check that out. Normie, what else you got for them? Plug away, this will be out this week. Hit us at PunchUpLive.com and yeah, all over the road. Buy tickets, get a bottle of Bodega

Cat, check out our pod. We might be drunk. At the Comedy Cellar right now, all over New York, Georgia, Florida, Texas, Kentucky, Texas, California. You go to the Comedy Cellar now, this is their old fashioned Bodega Cat. I saw it there last week. Yeah, moving like hotcakes. It's really moving. It's moving so keep fucking, and you can get a bottle on bodegacatwhiskey.com. We're almost sold out. Woo! So got a new batch coming soon.

We're working, and it's gonna be an even better batch. It's aged three years instead of two, so. Hell yeah. Let's fucking go. All right, you heard it here first, folks. And we're on the road like crazy. Yes. I got a Euro tour coming up.

Two of the best, absolute best. Jersey, Baltimore, fucking, you know, I'm doing all tour the best absolute best Jersey Baltimore fucking you know We I'm doing all over Europe so check it out. Oh, yeah. Yeah mark. No McCombie calm Punch up dot live slash Sam or L or Sam or L calm oh yeah, boys. Thank you so much kibble What do you got for him count Basie theater red bank, New Jersey get your tickets for that and then? Yes, we so fucking so good 17th August 17th and then route 60 sit the route 66 store We're starting in Chicago and in LA we got a bus. We're shooting the whole thing get the tickets to them shows, baby Gang we love you boys. We love you, and we'll see you next week. Nice