Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Are You Jewish? w/ Ari Shaffir!

Episode Date: April 2, 2026

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Ari Shaffir! You Know Ari Shaffir from Stand Up Comedy, The Joe Rogan Experience/Protect Our Parks,, You Be Trippin, This is Not Happening, Kill Tony, 2 Bears 1 Cave, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, Flagrant and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: MUD/WTR: Start your new morning ritual & get up to 43% off your @MUDWTR with code GARBAGE at https://mudwtr.com/GARBAGE Lucy Goods: http://lucy.co/garbage Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Attention, attention, dirt bags of America. The Garbage Boys are back on the road for that back on the block tour. Yes, we have Chicago, Illinois at the Vic Theater, limited seating available. That's next week, baby. Let's go. Bloomington, Indiana, and we got Los Angeles, California. All tickets available at RUGarbage.com. We'll see you there.

Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage. Hey, yeah. So that little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that it's a group to be classy. Yeah. Because they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash.

I'm your host, Tate's fully coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tuddy's back in the new edition. Uh-huh. The leak has been fixed. Yes. Everything looks beautiful. The boy's in a fantastic job. Tudy is very excited.

She's upstairs in her room watching two for the money. Okay. Is that the Al Pacino, Massey McConaughey vehicle? Yes, that's the one. Okay. Very. She's got it on DVD, I presume. I don't think that's streaming it anyway.

streaming on Netflix. I watch it this weekend. My co-os is coming out of you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? International businessman. God damn it. He's my best pal in the whole wide world. And I love him.

Give it up for KJ, Kevin James. Ryan, everybody. What up, gang? Shout out to you. As always, please make sure you rate review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are in the middle part of the charts, baby.

That's not necessarily true. I think we're on that. What are you talking about? We're cooking over there. Slip it a little bit. It had a bit of a worse summer ever. We need a hit. That's how we call it, Nari Shafford.

And then obviously the greatest website of all time, www. www. patreon.com. Yes. You go over there, get all that bonus content. And the boys are all in the row. We're coming to Chicago and Indiana. Get those tickets next week. We'll see you there.

Absolutely. We got the big L.A. show coming up, too. Ah, the big race. Back to L.A. for the Netflix is a joke fest. Grab tickets for that. But, gang, we couldn't be more excited of our incredibly. And I mean, incredibly special guests, back with us again today. He showed up out of the bushes.

This is... It looks like he got out of a Cadillac, if I'm being honest with you. This is the richest I've ever seen this guy. He's running a couple of broads on the Upper West Side. This is crazy. I do look good. This is wild, dude. Somebody get him on Raytheon, huh?

Just in time. It's a thrift store shirt. It was a yard sale. Gang, he has a brand new... God damn it. Best in the biz. This new storytelling show, The End, is on presale right now at rheshevir.com. Make sure you sign up and you pre-sale it.

You can save money if you sign up today, gang. It's all special. Seven episodes, one hour each, six bucks each, or 30 bucks for the season. Or the pre-sell right now, just 2499. There you go. That's a lot of value. Three-fifty an episode for Shane Gillis, Nate Bargatzi, Tony Hinchcliffe, Tom Segura. These guys will be watching.

We'll be in the live stream. I'll be in the chat, everybody. Literally, everybody in comedy. You guys make sure to click on that and watch me. And you always trust the guy in a gold shirt too. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ari Shafir. Thank you, everybody. Back from the unknown.

I've got some stories for you guys. First of all. First of all, he's got to watch. He's got to watch. Which, that was your going away, President, when you retired. So many people. we're like, so you're legitimately retired? So many people.

I think like joke worlds if somebody did an Ari Shafir, somebody like honestly did a take on Ari Shavir's retired. Yeah, for real. There was like, I guess he's done. I don't understand. Could you retire right now? Could you ride off in the sunset financially?

If I went back to Guatemala, yeah. Salty shirt. Hocked out watch. I got to make my money back from the end first because otherwise I'm probably good for like six months. If I get that money back, I'll be okay. Then Guatemala's going. Okay. Well, that's good.

Is that where you would end up if you ever did decide to retire? Would you end up at a place like that? No, I'd be like Mexico City or Berlin. Berlin. That's expensive. Yeah, expensive in Berlin. Not compared to this place. I see Boka for a guy like to.

That would be bad. It'd have to be somewhere like, I mean, retire, retire, like I can't do anything anymore. What is, what is, no, let's just say, let's say, you know. No, you can do something. The industry choose you up and spits you out. It's like, you're not getting bogus. The end. It's no more.

It tanks. It's horrible. You can't get any... They find out about my fish fucking habit. And they're like, no, you're out. It's disgusting morally. Wait, that's bad? You're off to...

It's so slippery. But it feels so good. Sexual proclivities were all washed these days. And you had to post up somewhere in a town, but you could still work that town. Right? All our good friend, Tom Dustin. Yeah. Where would you like, you're like, you could post up and you'd host the weekly comedy night or so.

Yeah, brilliant. Berlin Berlin has a decent stand up but you got that tall Indian guy that does have all those shows Who I don't know there's a tall Indian guy out there Russell Peters no some local guy Cosmic comedy I would do his show no but that place If you're into imbibing the stuff I imbibed that's the spot for you freaky sex stuff Oh yeah just watching people all fucked up on some drugs somebody just handed you and you're like I'll take it side unseen Hitting you and you're just like what the are those two people fucking right now? Yeah I love it I have to laugh a little bit

Just to break the fourth wall Which I thought of this was very sweet You know, I'm trying to lay off the booze and all that stuff These days, I'm trying to, you know Get focused and, you know, lay off the booze and all that stuff And we saw each other at our show Last Thursday night Our Garbage and Friends, one of the best live shows in New York City

Yes, sir, down there at the comedy cellar, shout out to them Fat Black Ball Fun, relaxed, and relaxed, And there's always a couple of people that show up not knowing what the fuck it is. Why are they asking us questions? And we went in and we sat down at the olive tree. It was you, it was the three of us

and our good pal, Colin Chamberlain. You guys were having some beers. I was having a camomile tea. Nice, yeah. Ari had like six beers. And then as I was leaving, he's like, let me take a walk with you. And I'm like, okay, he walks around the corner

and goes, how's your sobriety going? And in my head, I'm like, aren't you the guy that left a bag of drugs here and then disappeared into South America? How were those D's? Allegedly, allegedly. Allegedly. Yeah, I just want to check up on you.

And I appreciated it, man. I love you so much. I didn't know. Okay, I came back, and there was other guys like, what were you guys talking about? I'm like, oh, sports. No, I fucking, I knew you mean. Anytime it comes.

I thought that was a setup. He goes, they sent you? I'm like, nobody sent me. I am here? They sent you. Who am I, the government? I'm big on who sent you. How'd you get here?

Who you've been talking? Who told you? Who told you that, though? There's a lot of that these days. We'll answer that, but who told you? It's mostly, did my mom put you up to this? I'm waiting to walk into intervention every corner I turn. That's a good life to lead.

So let's get to the trip a little bit. We were thinking. So the watch. Okay. So he, very sweet. Let's not forget to Martin. To Martin on our anniversary. Wherever you are.

And you got its size, because last time I saw you, when I saw you in Austin, wasn't size. Oh, I got it sized, buddy. Oh, I got it sized. And has it going with the time. Is it keeping good time? It's keeping excellent time. Guys, these episodes brought to you by No, it's not. If you're looking for a tick and talking that keeps on lock and locking, locking, looking for a citizen. You a citizen? I know I am. It's a guy who's never going to watch before. Staying on time. I'm really presented by ice. I'm not out of watching as my grandfather pulled one out of his butt after he got a Vietnam internment camp. He said, I carry this around for you. war just wants to show

on my food but then it was pretty gross yeah that's disgusting did you get that sized in New York yeah that's one of my favorite things in New York is corporate you walk in it's some guy and he goes yeah it takes two and he goes five bucks give me seven bucks

he's like that six dollars yeah it's all way and he just goes what do you got and you open up and you just give me six bucks sometimes I even do it for free I was like hoping that was on the he was like nah you've been here before you've had your shoes resold but yeah he goes like this

And he goes six bucks. I was like, shoot, I only have a five. Let me give you a credit card. He goes, give me the five. Yeah, it's such like a handshake deal. You know what you were doing. He had that dollar on my pocket. He had a number one in my pocket.

He didn't see that. Sucker. He took that guy for everything he's worth. None of the wise, sir. That's the end, everybody. 2499. If you don't think I need money, you're crazy. On presale at Arishefeard.com.

Get your pre-sale. Seven fucking episode. Dude, I was just doing the sound mix. We'll get back to this. Well, it's so good. Hold on. I do want to say it is literally the lineup of, it's crazy. How you got everybody. Arena comics. I'll tell you there were multiple people that took private jets to come do my show for $500 that I paid them.

Did they take to $500? Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah, it bothered me. I was like, come on, dude. But I'm like, we're going out of $4.99. Is that cool? No, they all took it. I made them all take it. But it's like they'll get paid later once we start making money. I'm sure those guys are chomping at the bit for it.

I tell them. Colin Terrell probably calls you every day. No, Nate was like, you don't have to pay me. I'm like, I'm going to pay you, Nate. He wants his residual check for $41. Just going up to works at the accounting department. He's going to look for a green slate. I am legitimately broke now.

I was looking at it. Are you really? No, I mean, I'm down on it. Dude, it was all my money and then I had to borrow the rest from Tom. No shit. It was all my money to make this. Really? I'm not a good businessman.

What kind of point? points this time he give you on something like that i get it all i got to pay him back no i mean you pay him alone back okay i pay him alone is this public by the way oh yeah i don't know i'm sure it is i mean don't hit up tom he's i'm his friend he's not going to give you money um now i feel bad because he got me an uber last two nights ago he's like it's 80 bucks bro it was over a hundred when you say you don't know you still have you know a nice i have enough where i'm not in danger for the next six eight months but I can't take you without watching that shirt.

If I didn't go to Latin America and I had to pay my New York rent, I'd be down to about zero. You look like the retarded Safi brother. Byron Safi. Making bad short films. It's all porn. It's just his brother's movies that turn into porn. Uncut weaners. Uncut weanors is such a great term.

Where did you get that shirt? Legitimately, a giant yard sale in the bay. Called The White Elephant Sale. Well, they just take dead people stuff. Sweet? Yeah. No, it was sweet. It was sweet.

Guys, I have stuff to tell you about this trip. Specifically you. Not too busy making fun. Are he's turning into the Annabelle doll. All right. We'll keep going to make fun of the guest. Did you have all your clothes? What did you do with all your clothes and shit like that when you went travel?

Because you only took a duffel bag, right? I put a bunch into storage that was luckily now. No, we should go buy him in auction. Not in London. Can you imagine that opening that shit up? Fuck, I got you feared. Smelling like ganja. All the acid leaked into everything.

My friend asked me, he was like, hey, me and a bunch of people are going to do mushrooms on the road. How much did I do? I'm like, where'd you get those? He goes, from you, from your yard sale, from your going away drug sale. Oh, what a fun time in New York comedy to be Aries. The elf is coming with Baguards. What are you into? I got it.

It was all right. It was all right. I still have a hit acid in my house. Oh, no. That's good. That's good for a guy getting sober. How's the surprise going on? I haven't taken it.

It hasn't kicked in yet. Uh-huh. Folks, we'll be right back. All right. All right. What a joy, too, to walk on. I guess right now that kill Tony's out. I walked in, surprised everybody.

That was crazy. I was on-plan. So before I left, Tony asked. me Tony Hinchcliff, young boy from Austin, he's almost got his driver's license, he said, can you do kill Tony? And I go, no, I'm about to disappear, and I don't want your show's

very popular, and I don't want anybody recognize him before I go. And he goes, do you do anybody else's podcast? I'm like, no, nothing big. I did make a stop on, are you garbage? I'm hurtful. And I was like, I know he's upset. You didn't even pick up on it, did you? No, I got canceled.

You let these old guys. I love you guys too much enough. You let them do their thing. So I showed up. to surprise kill Tony and I'm like who's gonna be the guess and then seeing you guys there was like the last people I saw and now the first ones I was shot wow oh what a joy I he were like it just from South America are and I was like what the fuck yeah I thought it's gonna be Adam Ray shout out to him hello yeah Tony they said he slid him a note I was like who can get in the bucket they're like nobody the bucket said I'm like to slide him a note and then he goes

he reads it and he goes this the real is this a character or what it's like really let's see oh what a fun that was great you killed me you're minute too. It was the first and only minute I've done in eight months. Thanks. I was so nervous, bro. It's been so long. I was nervous up with you guys too.

Yeah, we had them on stage at the cellar. Oh, yeah. That was fun. That was a good time. That was a real hoot. That was fun. Two mics. Three guys, two mics.

Three guys, too mics. We made it work. The seller really has it on. Three mics, two mic feeds. Right. Well, we never told him that we needed a third mic. You were kind of an unannounced guest. Yeah, fair.

It just shows up everywhere. Fair. Yeah. That's my new thing. I don't get booked. I just show up. Well, we did book you. And you said no, but I will come hang out.

Yeah, I did. Yeah. You have that cash. And what's worse than Ari Shafir on stage? R. Shafir hanging out. You have that cash. You've been gone so long.

You can just show up a place. You got a huge pop. I just came back. I did. It was so fun. Yeah. I was like, oh, yeah. Yeah, they love you, man.

I'm going to do these riffing shows because I get the insecure feed of people loving me without without having to prepare material. It's really great. I think we do it. Talk about chasing the welcome to the dark side big dog Made materials for suckers So I got shit to tell you guys Okay

Please lay on me So first of all when I left Bitcoin I brought with me very little I was on a backpack With a detachable side pouch That's back there actually It's whatever Osprey very nice

And what it sucks it blows It sucks. I was about to wreck them hard Hold on you're telling me that's all you took with you And a big backpack that attached to Okay Oh Fuck That used to be around tables

God that hurt I know that feeling You got to get through it It gets worse before it gets better Is in the worst point now Are you bleeding? No It's just a real smash

This guy's bonkers Who made wood so hard Okay Fuck whatever I was going to do Anyway So I had a couple luxury items Okay. So you got to take everything.

One pair of pants, one pair of hiking pants. Like a few t-shirts, some underwear, but you've got to like hiking shoes. They're also dark enough to wear out. So, but a couple things, I'm like, this will be nice. A couple notebooks. And I did bring with me something I got from you guys at the end. Of Are You Garbage Plains. Available at RUGarbage.com.

No, they're not. No, they're not. They're not available anymore? No, no, I think only at live shows. There's only a couple of decks left. Sweet. Sold out. Even better.

At hostels. Sonny of a bugman shirt still available, though. Really? That's crazy. I was at hostels and people were all talking. It's all just a bunch of travelers meeting up and talking. And then at some point, ripping Sigs and just drinking. And then at some point I go, hey, you don't be fun.

I got a game. Okay. And I bring it out. And bro, it unites. There is trash from France. Uh-huh. And the Netherlands and fucking Belgium and everywhere in the fucking world. That's trash.

And the Latin America ones, they know it too. They're like, but sometimes they're like, what do you mean? That's a luxury. I'm like, not to us. We're killing it, dude. This game is such a fucking unifier. It's such a unifier. That's awesome.

Everybody's laughing and joking. And they're like, oh, we have a version of that in this. It's there, yeah, yeah. Yeah, or they go, like one of them was like, if you were fully grocery shopped at a convenience store. And it was like, yeah, and somebody's like, why wouldn't you do that? Yeah, yeah. You're like, no, grocery stores double in our country.

This fucking rules. Awesome. Love to hear that. Love to hear it. Spread it around. Spread it around. Tell your friends. Tell your fellow countrymen.

You at least got to have an online version. That's crazy. Yeah. I mean, we have thought about an app, obviously. Yeah. Yeah, but then you're like app guys. And then can I tell you what you really want to do when you're making the game? Yeah, everybody wets their beak on it.

Apple wants 30%. The whole rest of the week. Everybody's like, I got a, I got a, I got a, I got a garbage question. Write it down. Let's play more. Our good pal, Luke Combs, played the game once,

and then him and his buddy started doing questions themselves. Wow. Yeah. Which I think we're working on a new deck, and the new deck's going to have, like, five to ten blank ones that you can write your own ones in for your family, like regionally, country, whatever you have. That's fun.

Have you ever worn a gold shirt? That's up to you. That's debatable. I've been called Luke Combe over. That's like, hey, thanks. Thanks a village. All right, when you were producing Led Zeppelin, how did you get to sound?

I got another story for you, too. So you gave me 300 bucks before I left. Oh, he did? Yeah, yeah, you did. Thinking I wouldn't take it, show it. And then I did take it. You're like, give it out to people who, like, deserve it. Oh, right, yeah, give it.

I said good tips. Pay it forward. So the first one was that, uh, straight to the diamond district. Uh-huh. He's on one of those videos screaming. I deserve it. I deserve it. Give me my money! You scumbag!

That guy's nuts. I love him. He gets out gold bars in fucking Midtown. Do you see there's a guy who makes his money getting the scraps in the street? Yeah, scraps of gold? Like gold, diamond, like things... Over in the diamond district. Yeah, he goes to the cracks in the sidewalk.

And he's like, it's a horrible life, but you can do it. And then, like... Makes a very good living. Legend. Allegedly. Legend. Sure. Wow. You got to think if there's that much...

fucking gold and jewels. There's people taking gold out of SIM cards, too. Wow. It was golden SIM cards. I'd give it to everybody, though. It sounds like something you tried to do recently. Sim cards, yeah. But there was this flutist at some fucking festival in, like,

South Eastern Mexico. How do you line up on these festivals? Nah, it was like a Little Miss fucking Mexico tiny city. Okay. And so. What's a flute is like a nudist? He was playing flute. Oh, playing the flute.

Yeah, and he was fucking rock flute in it, dude. Rock flute. And I was like, You get, yeah, dude, you're getting, you're getting a fucking $4. How much? $5, whatever else is giving them ones. I gave him 100 of the local of the fucking pesos. And it was like, what the fuck?

I didn't stay for his, I didn't stay for his reaction. Good. I did that a few people. Nice. You deserve it. Kevin here would want me to give it to you. Hmm. You know that?

I'm making change. Kevin's talking about mud water, baby. Mud water. Let's talk about switching up the mornings. I know everybody loves their coffee, all that stuff. But by, you know, by 12 o'clock you're right. all jittery and stuff like that. I tried mud water.

Absolutely fantastic. You get kind of a nice, cozy boost. You feel focused. You're locked in, and you don't have those jitters, man. No. I'm telling you, do yourself a favor. Give it a shot once. Put the coffee down.

Try a little mud water. Yes, it's a coffee alternative made with cacao, chai, turmeric, and functional mushroom. Turmeric. And functional mushroom mushrooms like Lions Main and Grishi. Yeah. You get a warm focus boost without the wired buzz or midday crash. It's usually tags along with a regular cup of coffee. Listen, I've been in the position where I'm chasing cups of coffee with cups of coffee.

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pour some water on it and give it a mix to top with the milk of choice and sweetener. Ready to make the switch to cleaner energy? I know I am. Head to mudwater.com to grab your starter kit today. That's M-U-D-W-T-R.com. Grab your starter kit today. Right now, our listeners get an exclusive deal. We're talking up to 43% off your entire order.

order plus free shipping and the rechargeable frothor, which is big in my household, when you use the code garbage. That's right, up to 43% off with the code garbage at M-U-D-W-T-R.com. And after you purchase, they're going to ask you how you found about them. Please support the show and tell them the boy sent you. We love you. Yeah. Kim, let's talk about Lucy Breakers.

Lucy, Lucy, Lucy in the sky. With Breakers. Okay, we're talking about Lucy Breakers, God damn it. We're talking about 100% pure nicotine, no tobacco. tobacco free. We're talking about Lucy breakers, have a little capsule in it, give you a little pinch that,

gives you a little extra flavor and a little extra what? Hydration, dickhead. That's right. Because hydration is important when you're doing your nicotine. Do yourself favor. I like the mango myself.

I'm telling it out right now. That's what I like to do with a little mango. Yeah, you can set yourself up with a subscription and have Lucy delivered right to your door. Yes, you don't go get at a gas station like a dirt ball like you do in the middle of the night. Okay. We, although they do have stores near you that you can find your stuff at,

but they do have the subscription and they're nice enough to, they lace us every month. Hook us up. With a nice package. And I got to tell you, the boys, this is something. Everybody fights over. Everybody loves the flavor out of Barry Sid. What do you got to do, da, da, da, da, then. Like a FEMA truck pulling up.

Yeah, if you got to hit him with the long sticks to get them out of there. If you show up late on Lucy Day, you're jammed up. It's the only pass to give you long-lasting flavor whenever you need to get 20% off your first order. when you buy online and use the code garbage. And if you don't want to wait, just head to lucy.com slash stores to find a Lucy near you and grab it today. And here's the fine print gang.

Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order's age. They are verified. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Back to the show. Back to the show. Then I met the coolest guy I've ever met.

I'm in San Marcos, Guatemala. It's fucking disgusting. I was in Guatemala. Hippie town. Where all the fucking yoga people are. and the tantric dances and shit like that. You were in Guatemala? No.

No, he said the grossest guy you ever seen. You said the coolest guy. Oh, sorry, I picked up gross. This black, black dude goes, you're looking for coffee? Not you. Come with me. And he starts walking me through these alleys till it's like,

you know when you're like too deep into something? No, that's, we live different lives. What are you talking about? Yoga. This guy starts leading me. It's just like hippie town San Marcos. It's just, it's awful. It's all these people doing tantric dancing.

Americans? Yeah, from all over. It's like they've just taken it. over the town. It's awful. In Mexico. This is in Guatemala. Guatemala. Hey, welcome to the show. And the Somali guy, we're in Somali Garb just says, hey, I have a coffee shop right here

and we'll walk. Nope. Nope. I thought it was around the corner. I just quit. Somali guy in Mexico. Follow me down his alleyway? It kept going and going and going. Eventually, I'm like, hey, where is it? It's right here. It's right here. I'm like, I'm getting robbed, but I'm committed to it. So then he pulls me out of it. He's got a coffee coffee shop. It's called Black Pirate

Coffee. Wow. And he was just telling me about it. That guy's real on the nose. It was the coolest dude I've ever met my life. Somali trained with Witten Marcellus. Who's that? Witten Marcellus is a great jazz music. I know you're talking about. This guy was. Yeah. And he's robbing people in this town? No, he's not

robbing anybody. He said he hates his town. It's full of pseudo-spiritual narcissists is what he said. What a great term. That's a pseudo-spiritual narcissists. Sure. And he goes, I'm here. I've kind of quit jazz because I need to like rethink what I'm doing here, but I'm trying to help these orphans get by here.

He's just talking to where I'm from, everything like that. He's so fucking cool. He had some guy, Jung Lee fucking helping him. He had this little, not a cult, but just like trying to help orphans. He's trying to do something positive for the world. Where were the orphans?

They were nearby in the town. And he goes, hey, your thing is, your coffee's eight bucks, but eight Guatemal's because don't worry about it. It's fine. And I go, no, no, here's 20. Keep the rest for the orphans. but I'm high. He got me high

and I'm fucked up. You got pirated, dude? Yeah. You got you all high and took your money. How did he know you smoked weed? Look at him. I think he was also just like, it's all,

everyone, what do I mean? Who wouldn't smoke weed? And so then I started walking away. It was too high, but I go, oh shit. I actually have money from Kevin and this is one of those moments. This dude is so fucking pure

and legitimately the coolest man I've ever met in my life. And he goes, I like to only play jazz the people better than me and no one's better than me here, so I just can't do it for a bit. And I was, like, caught up the courage,

and I walked back, and I gave him $100 U.S. dollars. What? And he lost his mind. He goes, Allah bless you, all the blessings in eternity. He just couldn't stop. No shit.

I was like, my friend Kevin Ryan said, if I see somebody worthy of it, I should give it to him. He fucking donate. Yeah, right? And he goes, this man is a blessed man, this Kevin Ryan. No, no, no, no.

He is a blessed man. Allah looks on him, no, he doesn't. All respect and love for the eternity. The goddamn Catholic for Christ's sake. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. The fucking Easter week. He could not stop.

Putting the Somali hex on me. You're going to be in a skiff boat. Oh, dude, that's going after them. It's going to say to Kevin, the SS Kevin Ryan, a picture of my head. Going after the Mersk, Louisiana. Fucking Daddy Warbuck. You turn me into a fucking war monger. Dude, he loved you.

No. He loved you. You don't mention me, Dickhead? You didn't give me the money. What do you mean? Give you every heaven, that's mine. No, that was my, I remember. All from his pocket.

That was my personal money. Beers. Well, in spirit. That's spirit, yeah. At least I can stay after no fly list. Yeah, I was like, I'm taking this money, and I'm going to give it to people. And that guy was the ultimate. That's awesome. I mean, did you ever, you never actually saw the orphans?

No. Huh. Yeah. I mean, this guy. Probably want a lot of AK rounds. Colichic. It's gone now. Black Pirate Cafe.

I looked it up to it. It's going? Yeah, he got the money, man. Shut down at the end of the air. Man. You saved that guy from knifeing you. Stormy if you're out there. Stormy, you know.

Stormy. Yeah, you've got to find Stormy. I looked him up there, like, all signs points that he shut down his business. He's looking, I don't know. In Guatemala? In San Marcos de la Laguna. Yeah, that's called On the Run. Yeah, oh, he's on the run for sure.

Dude, you got me all jammed up in this shit. Anything come up? No. He named it after his black pirate. Black pirate? That's a little on the nose. He's a Somali pirate. Who tried to like in the Somal.

He's from Somaliland. It's a free, unincorporated country. Where? Off Somalia, where they don't, they're not run by Somalia. You got got, Ari. Sure. I thought you were like a wise traveler. Dude.

That would have happened to my mother. That was some helped orphans. No. Yeah, I was some black dude from Detroit. So you guys are telling me I shouldn't give charity. That's interesting. That's interesting because that leads me to today's segment. I don't like whatever's happening.

Pull out my butt hole. We've done a lot of stuff here in this podcast. Uh-oh. You guys have called me garbage. We just had the place put back together. Which I didn't care for at all. Which I did not like. You guys have called me, we had a redemption where you called me garbage again.

And I didn't like it, but I had to learn to accept it. If you say I'm garbage. You're a crazy person. Then I guess I'm garbage. Nothing to do. And then I, uh... Nice, poor coat. Ever wear a dead man's jacket?

I know. I know. Where'd you get that? I came in. The last customer at the black, uh, black pirate coffee shop? I'm like beetle juice. And you fooled me. I decided you guys were trash.

And you go, yeah, I know. That's what we based our whole lives around. I fucked me up because I was trying to hurt you guys. I took a person. I was trying to hurt you. Yeah, I was trying to hurt you. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it.

And today we're going to play another game. The worst public defender ever. Murder? What? Gary? I thought it was a parking ticket. Gee, did you do it? I can't get involved in this.

What? the hell you killed her if you did it you gotta tell me man jeet your honor hey day what the hell recess recess sure you look at you look at I mean we were

too busy looking at you shitting on him and I turned around he's like actually put together garbage but no okay well the comments on YouTube just went south to play the game that everybody talks about are you Jewish Oh, man, this episode will be divisive.

I'm here with my guests. Holy shit. What the fuck? Ari Shafir. At Tanta Tootie's, uh, basement. Bubby Toonys? Bobby. And we're here to find out the age old question.

Are you Jewish? Okay. I have some question for you guys. Please. This is just some kind questions if I can. Do you need a pen? Yeah, I'd love one. Thank you.

Can you can you get, uh, Rabbi. Sheffier a pen. You were almost a rabbi, right? Yeah, I was almost a rabbi. Like how close? Something in a ram horn, if you haven't, Luke. You should have to do it first of all? He just stole it, man.

I would have one. I wouldn't be surprised if the one you pulled out of a chain on it from the bank. You know that thing where they just swinging away? You know that thing where they go around and they go, hey, do you want to give you a $20? You'll give it to the next person and double it. They do it to a seat guy? They do it to a seat a guy, and he's like, Side note, there's these guys that go around to jewelers with dog shits, spray painted gold, and go, can you, like, can you evaluate this for me?

Do you? Do they cut it? It's the, it looks. Fucking dog shit. It's the best thing in the world. It's right up your alley. You missed a lot, Ari. Welcome back to the.

God, you look like a rabbi. Dude, it's so weird because you can be such a dirp, you can visibly look like a dirt bag. Question for both of you. Where do you get that scarf? Have you, it's a tallest, and I got it from a yard sale. The way of Tom's River? Have you ever gotten an A in any class you've taken? Like on the report card?

Yeah, an A. Yeah, my senior year. Okay. I would probably say, yeah. I don't know, though. Interesting, because those are very Jewish tricks. Okay. Both of you.

What's the most schooling you guys went to? college degree wow two years of college oh two years of college oh two years and then drop okay yeah that dropped out two years for age you can be a Jewish

woman do you do your mom's ever try to get you to eat we're trying to get him to not eat yes oh really yes the Catholic mother and the Jewish mother are very very similar

they're all similar do they ever tell you how you're doing your life wrong, you should just change it slightly. Oh, God, all the time. Oh, my God. Up until two years ago, yeah. My mom still goes with it. Did they like you on tires? Did they say you did a good job? You should ask him to get you on Saturday Night Live.

Sure. If he can host, you can too. Have you guys ever used humors or coping mechanism? You're witnessing it right now. These are interesting questions and answers so far. It's a little lopsided. It feels like they're set up. Do we get to cross-examine? Sure, absolutely.

If you have, honestly, if you have any questions on these or any explanations, I'd love to hear them. I got nothing. Next question. We know you're Jewish. I've got the whole outfit on. Have you ever taken a bus to avoid all the goium at the airport? Wait, what?

What's goium? Gohem is non-Jew. It's you. Sounds like a fungus. Wait, taking a bus. What do you mean? I don't know, what could it mean? Like a Jewish bus?

Or just a bus? I don't know. Bus anywhere? Like in, do avoid the price? No, just the Goyim, just the non-Jews. Not Jews at the airport. Do they have Jewish buses at the airport? I know.

You ever get around seeing people at airports by getting a bus? I have. When? I was going to Boston instead of flying, I took the bus. Oh, okay. Didn't you guys do a... Oh, a tour bus. Wow.

Did, we did. But that wasn't to avoid Goyem at the airport. Did you avoid the going? We did avoid the Goyam. Okay. We like the Goyam. We did bump into some other goyum. Yeah.

My mother's a Goyim. Wait, is that a Jewish thing? Goyim. Goym is plural. No, I know. But, like, do you guys like, I had to get the airport. It's just filled with them. Is that how you say it?

No. What do you think we say? That is how we say it. It's just like they're everywhere. They're everywhere. We understand. We have to deal with you guys. We're everywhere.

What? Infested. Man. Infested this world with your goy shit. What? Trash boy shit. Trying to revel in garbage. I hope.

I hope. my cousins and uncles have tuned out for this episode. Talk about the dradle, calling a draddle a dradle. Okay, here's one. Nothing on that? You're right. I wasn't listening. That was great.

That was great. Let's do a little spinny thing here. Add that in. We are everywhere. Have you ever bought better tickets for an event that you already had free tickets, but worse seats? I believe we have done that. Damn.

We've done that recently. That's not good. No, Jewish guys aren't doing that. Jewish guys are not doing that. Yeah. when you guys would say no to that no we're big best why would I get better tickets when I already have free tickets it's free that I can scalp and not go to the show and listen on the radio they broadcast the Mets on a.m. radio why pay when you can just get it?

You look you look like an old Jewish man dude is crazy he's an old Jewish man but not normally he's a fucking he's a drugged out hippie they don't wear it like that sometimes No, they don't. If they're skiing, maybe. I love R. I can see it better. Yeah, you got me tickets.

I invited you to a Yankee game. Uh-huh. And then you're like, no, no. I was like, I got bleachers seats, it's great. And you're like, they're like 1800 bucks a price. Yeah, no. We don't like that. For a regular season game.

Oh, so that's a big zero. We had a good time, didn't we? We had a great time. See? Not very Jewish, though. Okay. Oh, no, you guys ate shellfish. What are you talking about?

We ate a lot of stuff. Yeah, I don't think we had a lot of stuff. Remember we were going to 999? I put shrimp in my pockets. By the way, was the 999 a thing before we did it? Yeah, yeah. You sure? Yes.

Yeah, I didn't make it up. Yeah, no. They're like doing it now. They have like the box and they have like a box of all and shit. We're the first one to do it in a box. No, no, no. I'm saying they have like. You can get like a box of nine beers and nine dogs.

Oh, they're ripping us off. They're ripping us off. And every stadium's doing it. What's a box of just 999? No, like like a like a, like a. Yeah. Like a snack box and it says 999. Deals, Jewish.

The best was that we were going to do it. Renazisi's big Yankee fan. He was going to do it. And then we thought, oh, maybe we'll go to the Yankees' Phillies game. In New York. In New York. And then Shane was like, hey, actually, if you go in Philadelphia and get you a box, it's all paid for. And Steve was like, well, I can't do that week.

We're like, Steve. Hey. It's all paid for. Maybe you didn't hear the it's all paid for. I've only met you a couple of times, Gary. Shout out to Steve. Of course. Okay.

These are all really good. Have you ever not bought something because it costs too much? that's I listen yeah I want to I want an escalade okay let's make it let's fair let's make it something better now when it comes to food okay how about something like a water down here but like it's four dollars no no I'm not paying four dollars no you pay for it anyway yes a hundred percent I did get I did get into a back and you don't do you don't go dude fuck that I don't have that I wish I did I wish I was like smart like that well I do know I think it's the principal kind of shit I was in this was nuts I was buying a Diet Coke

was on the Upper West at the park on like Central Park West. Very Jewish neighborhood. Yeah. Oh, wow, I might be Jewish. Jacobs Pickles. Yeah, I just going to get out of there. I do like the matzabal soup from Jacob's Pickles. You ever had a matzabal soup from Jacob's Pickles?

You might be Jewish. He's so good a way. You want to slap your old mom? Jacob's Pickles? Slap your rabbi. You know Jacob's Pickles? Oh, I will now. It's, you know, our good friend Sam Rubinoff, very Jewish.

He's, I can't miss that. He brusky. Shmoli. It's his face. favorite matzo ball soup in the city. It's very good. That's crazy. It's very good.

Now, you go to Barney Greengrass. Get out of here. Today's episode of Are You Garbage is brought to you by Jacob's Pickles. Hey, guys, what time is it? Time for Jacob's pickles. And a little matzo ball soup. And I was like the cart guy. You know what I mean?

Like the hot dog cart guy, whatever. And I was just like, hey, let me get a Diet Coke. And I forget the number, but he's like eight bucks. Too high. And I went, I live here. Yeah. And I think he was, here, give me five bucks or something. There was a concession.

Well, that's okay. Wait, so you talked them down. I didn't ask. No, no, no, no. Would you take a nice button and treat? Wow. Wow. Wow. I didn't know that.

I didn't ask for it. He, but they do that in all different kinds of the world, not just Jewish parts. Were you talking to other people? I guess doing it in New York. Hold on. If I was at a bizarre, I'm sure. Wait, when you did this, Kevin, did you turn to the other people like, do you believe this? They're charging $8 for a diet cola.

I can get that at Shul for free. Did you do that? Did you do that? Maybe. Fuck. That's better. It's not good, but it's better. I do live next to Yeshiva University.

You do? You do live up there? I went to school there for a year. That's where I kind of lost my world. You smoke a lot of wheat. We've had this conversation 47 times. Damn, I do smoke a lot of weed. You just put me in an Uber to, Ushiva University.

But there's a kosher section of my supermarket. They do not like me snooping around over there. Hey, what are you doing? What are you doing? That's like the halal section at the grocery store in Queens. They don't like me over there either. That's the good meat, though. That's the best meat.

I know. It's just been blessed or does it like brine the time? No, it's nice. It's been kept better. There's no pig asshole. And I go over there. They know I'm not Muslim and they don't like it. Oh, that's the musseys.

Give me the rabbi. Border house. Yeah. Okay, here's one. About how much are property taxes? Do you know? No. You have no idea.

No idea. I know what mine are. Okay. That's not fair. I just had to pay them, but I paid them late. Okay. I paid them late. All right.

Good explanation. Why did you pay them late? I'm just bad at bills. Very bad at bill. Do you own any rental property in Crown Heights, Brooklyn? Are you currently evicting anyone? Ari looks like one of those guys that runs across the street During the Brooklyn Marathon

That's a T-cut Those guys are the best Those guys are the best They're playing that music They're high stepping too Yeah Those guys are the best They spike their tallest bag at the end

Oh man Those guys are the best playing frog on those streets of Brooklyn. 25,000 people running a man. They've got to go to service. They've got to make a bridge for those people. They're going to service. It's a Saturday or whatever.

Saturday, I don't know. I'm not going to basketball practice. Running over people. Those guys are great. Those guys are committed. Oh, here's one. Ever defend a loved one despite the evidence that they're doing terrible things?

Oh, yeah. I've got a lot of that going on at the moment. Okay. Okay. Rabbi Bugman. Everybody now gets the Israel situation. Okay. This is great.

I'm finding out a lot about you guys. I'm probably one of those guys you defend. This is what Nate says every time. You are? Yeah, you are. You're harder and harder to defend every day. I'll keep doing it, but it's getting difficult. I don't run in the same circles as Nate, so you're easier to defend, but I have to go.

No, he's a great. great guy. He's a great guy. He's actually funny out. All right. There's a handful of you. I have to. When West Jet first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion. Inline skates were everywhere, and two out of three women rocked, the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting

since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. Do you guys think that your nose is not too big? Do I think that my nose is not too big? Yeah, I don't think my nose is. I don't think my nose is too big. Yeah, me neither. Check. Check.

One point for a heart. Oh. Wow, so these are no longer available for sale. I love you. Get them at the live show. Do we need, I can get them up. Do you want them up? There's like a hundred of the more.

No, it leads to my next question is, do you think you have a good business sense? Yes, Kevin does. I sure. I do not. Wow. Yeah. No, I will push back on that. You think I do?

You have made this into an empire. By the way, sign up for the Patreon now, everybody. Patreon.com slash are you garbage for just $5 a month. You get all the content in the world. Easy, easy does it with the plug in $10 a month you get all the. $10 in the month. You get all the old stuff. And all that.

two episodes a week. Of that smash, of that smash grab hit, hard feelings. Take that. The end. I've been. Wait, hold on again.

Did you think I have good business sense? You're crazy. I think you have the worst business sense of the two. Yeah, well, it's not binary. It's not either. I think people are saying that now.

What? It's not binary. Everybody's saying that now. Too many syllables. Listen, you talk to three people. I know, but everybody's using it. Well, it's not binary. There's another phrase that everyone can.

It keeps going black or white? Sober. No, there's something. I can't think of one. 12 steps. Coded? Everybody's using it.

Codependent. No, no. Frame mug. But go ahead. Frame mugging. Frame moxing. Who's the better business sense? What?

I'm nuts. But he knows he has a very good. You think you have a good business sense? No, I mean, not like nuts and bolts of it, but like he gets the bigger, he gets the bigger picture stuff for sure. More than he leads. if he thinks about. He just doesn't think.

He doesn't apply himself. I sound like a Jewish lady. Fuck. I sound like a Jewish mother. That's why he can't find a nice girl. What are you talking about? Really? Talking to my friend Ari.

Huh. Guys, just $10 a month right now. Patreon. com says to Are You Garbage? All the old stuff. Great hits. I've been on multiple episodes on Patreon. Oh, yeah.

Check at least one episode. Oh, maybe one. You walked in, yeah. Yeah. That I couch surfed their podcast. I already looks like they didn't pay the heat pill to send a guy. What's the point? Just bundle up.

I haven't worn one of these in a long time. Did you own that? I got the city yard sale on the bay. Really? Jesus. Like for this? Yeah. You don't have, really?

A hundred percent. You don't have like a break in cage Jewish kit. Dude, I get like a, like a, you know what I mean? Like a yarmica, a drale. First of all, it's not break. It's carefully unwrapped so you can reuse the wrapping. So you can return. Start going Bibby's way, you know what I'm saying?

He's got to get on the team quick. Hello! I do. Everything's in storage. Everything's in storage, although I did have it. But I was like, I got to, I got to get these guys where they don't want to get caught. And so I had to pay. I had a thrift store price.

Please get the end right now. I'm desperately in need of money. So I can buy full price tolluses. How much is one of them go for? Retail, I don't know. This one costs $5, along with the Yamaka. You buy it from a Jewish guy? No, it's a giant yard sale called the White Elephant Sale.

on the bay. So that was definitely some dead Jewish person. Oh, this person's dead. That was like wrapped around the body. Yeah, maybe. Then the grave robbers got him. I brought it right to that yard sale. I made a clean three. Turn it over for five. Now, when was the last time you wore something like this? Not for a bit. Like, are you going, if you go to something like your family?

I'm going to a wedding in a few weeks, nephew's wedding. And, no, I will not. I'll wear the yarmica. But not a big fat one like these fucking conservatives. No. Is that what that is? Yeah. These are loser. Jews wear this. You see a Jew wearing this? You just go like nice try, bitch. It's all the same. Yeah. Yeah, they're all the same size. No, you want a small knit one with some with some like a pin or something with the pins for sure. I can't use. Like a New York Knicks one, let them know your fun. Absolutely. You want to rep your team. You make your girlfriend can make you one if you have a girlfriend put your name in there. They're pretty that. That's the kind of Jew I was. And then you have the other with a hat with the thing. Oh, that is coming out the back. Yeah. This is pretty big. Yeah. This is for conservatives. This is for combos. Conssoves.

or... And you would be what, more liberal? No, I was Orthodox. You were, yeah. Oh, you were like... Old school. Old school, yeah. Wait, is it orthodox?

Conservative is, like, lower. Orthodox is higher. Guys, watch my special, Jew. You'll find all this out. It's on YouTube right now. Here's a good question for you guys. Have either of you ever not charged your phone after you knew it was dead

and then had a friend pay for an Uber for you? Even though that friend expressed surprise at how much that Uber costs and there was a charger across the room and yet you still did not charge it and let him charge a point. Have any of you ever doing that? I get the feeling that the interviewer has.

Or that's coming the second that we get done this podcast. Feels a little personal. Can I defend myself? Absolutely. You know the game. Are you Jewish? Always lets people defend themselves. This is not a tribunal. I think there's a

couple schools. I went up to the contrary. My phone died. It did die. You have me dead the rights on the phone died. I will say it died because we are... Oh, you did this. Yeah.

Obviously. We were in such a flow state of conversation. The beers were coming to it at a time. Do Jews do that? Jews don't do that. Your mind was blown. My mind was blown. Me and the other go, I'll do two Budwisers.

Our friend Colin said, I'll do two Miller lights. Or two Budlights, then you said, I'll do one of each. One of each. One of each. A little mix match. Yeah, I couldn't decide. One of each was great. This guy's locked in. It's such a good move to get two or once because then you only have to tip for one break.

Oh, no, no, don't put that on me. You only have to tip for one break. I took care of that girl. I asked you when I was leaving. Make she take care of her. She got 100%. No, she came three trips. Two beers, two beers, two beers.

She got tips for three different trips. She didn't get a tip for six. I looked. She complained. I already took $20. Anyway, so we were having a blast. It's like the beers are literally coming two at a time. You're out drinking.

We're drinking. But it was, we're at the front table of the soul. What the hell is that? Talking about a new cool rabbi. Hey, kids. Look who's coming around? If I beat you on a one-on-one, you've got to go to services on Saturday. What's up with this frame maxing, huh?

Frame logging. Ari Safir Jewish time traveler From the year 27 he comes back He goes back to when the things were on sale Invest in Bitcoin You miss the sale Go back to tomorrow

He always goes back to the day after Thanksgiving No matter what year he goes Day after Thanksgiving Yeah If you want candy He shows up on Labor Day If it's on candy is November 2nd He's stanked.

He looked like a robot Jewish guy. He looks crazy. I have come to not respect women. You look nuts. I'm talking about getting thrown out of an airport. Holy shit. Do you want it to rain tomorrow? Keep bringing it.

Sir saves a lot over here. The rapid rap on it. I'm sweating, dude. Hey, kids, Shabbat is coming. Turn off the lights and don't be bumming. That's so funny. That is. That's a great rap.

That's a great rap. I like how to. Guys, I get grownups can seem weird. But not me, I'm your friend. Your friend, just a cool guy, man. I'm your harvruta. You kids wear a dead guy's coast? Let's see the scar, five bucks.

Springtime's here. Uh-huh. How do you guys do with allergies? You have allergies? So bad. Hold on, let me defend myself. Okay, allergies. Allergies.

Okay, defend yourself. No, let me defend it. On the Uber. Right, right, right. Let's go back. We'll come back to allergies in a second. Yeah, on the Uber, yeah? My phone died, we're having such a good time.

It's a great time. Front of the cellar, front of the cellars open, too. So you're right out on McDouguble. You can see outside. The beers are coming. You pee. Everything's happening. There's a good time.

My phone dies. I go, oh, shit. My phone died. And he goes, I got to get a charge. I said, I'll take a yellow cab. You said, I'll get you an Uber. Yeah, you want to get you an Uber? I'll call you an Uber.

I said okay. Yeah. He then goes, it's $80. $100. But you said $80. You got me an Uber large. Yeah, X-L. X-L.

Okay. Excel. I'm not getting you a black. I'm not getting you a black. No, I mean, that's ridiculous. Why? It's a biggest rip. Well, cool rabbi.

You're not so cool now. It's the biggest rip in ride show. Right. But then no, also hold on. I said, before all this, I said, I owe you $100. You do? Because he did a spot on the show. No, no, no, no, no.

That's a guest spot. Yeah. Now he's Jewish. He's turned us against each other. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I said, I said, I owe you $100 for doing the show.

That's fair. No, it's not. That was a guest spot. And he showed up on his own. See, he's good at business. If anything, he should be paying us. For the exposure. I did get exposure that day.

There was a hundred people. He wanted to take pictures with me. I grew my brand. Yes, there you go. And that you came by price. But we did. It's $300. And we'll need it now.

Yeah, so I did call you an Uber. But I said, I owe you $100 and he said, consider it even. So there was goods and services transacted. So then we're, that's not, I don't, I didn't take money for. from you. Wait, why consider even? I would love for you. Because I owe him $100.

But then, but then he goes to Uber's $88. And he goes, he's down 180. No, because he owed me 100 and then I paid another 100. Yes. Whoa. Wait, why? Wait. No, no, no, no.

He was going to give me the 100 for the thing. Yeah, you got screwed, dummy. So then I'm out one. I think he did. He's good at business. That's not considered even. Wow. He's in to you for $180.

I'll take the $100 you are going to give me and I'll apply it to your Uber. apply it to your Uber. If he would have given you the 100, which she never did. She never did. I'm down 188. Yeah. 18847, to be honest.

Ladies and gentlemen, Kevin Ryan is Jewish. So I would love for you to be able to see when this comes out, you're arguing about, you're arguing about money. It was hilarious.

If you could put in post put some of these on him while he's doing that. The curly cues. It would be great. The payus. The payus, yeah. Oh, you know.

Oh, fuck. I grow with a lot of Jewish kids. Shout out of Ray Finkel. Stee and Bray Fickles Steve? You know Ray Fickleck? The first Jew?

Great fickles steam? You don't get corned beef like that anymore. Not a Jacob's pickles, I'll tell you that much. He's old-school. Not enough of this new age Jacobs Pickles. You call that a matzo ball soup,

huh? That's my favorite episode in a hundred years. Well, guys, You've given me a lot to think about. You told me about Jacob's Piscol's. That was crazy. H, two years of college and drop out.

Not very Jewish. College degree here. Both got A's though. Your mom tries to get both of you guys to eat, and I would say, succeeds. You both use humor as a coping mechanism. However, some people, both of you, not exactly that. You don't know what property taxes are.

I know what they are and I just don't pay them. I know what they are and I don't pay them. They're readily available. You know them. I know ballmark. But they owe two different types. I don't know enough. Not,

I wouldn't be a, you would know what they are and they would be paid. H. you paid for 1,800 bucks for tickets to a, game, we already, I'm still mad about it. We already had tickets and you're like, no, let's get better seats.

It's so antithetical to how I grew up. It's crazy. I appreciate it, though. Great game. Great game. I know this time. When you were crying behind home plate. Oh, it was love.

Oh, my God. We're right behind the SNL guys. It was nutty. There was no SNL guys. Both of, yeah, the writers were up there. Oh, that was with DeStefano. He got me with those tickets, too. But he didn't pay for him.

You paid for him. It's crazy. It's crazy. Every time I look at the Yankee, he was like, who are those rich people behind home plate? It's him. Yeah. It's not all rich people.

Some people have friends. Who are bad with money. Very bad. Allergies are kicking both you? No, I didn't say that. You did not. No. Wow.

Mine are bad. I take a clareton every day. That's why my allergies don't bother me. And I use local honey. But I mean, but you do have allergies. No, I don't get allergies. He gets on top of them. I don't get, I don't get allergy.

H did say not to pay me for the guest spot. And I stand by that. Not only did he not pay, he wanted exposure. And then you have said, I'm going to talk you. Oh, that was a tough one. H just pays for stuff. Kevin says, $8 is too much for a Coke. Yeah.

Would you accept five? No, no, no, no. I live here. You're more controlling the narrative again. I'm a local. You try to rob me? Propaganda. Okay, why don't you try control of the narrative for a bit and see how it?

Try that on. I just said, I go, well, $8. $8. We're ever going to find $7. $7. What are you nuts for a Coke? $5 for a Coke. What are you crazy?

Wow. Well, way to control the media on that one. That's the whole thing's getting cut. Guys, I've made my ruling. H. Foley? Mm-hmm. This pains me. You are not a Jew.

Who, talking about dodging a bullet. Too many, too many strikes there. Paying that much for tickets to a record, we could have snuck down that far. That's crazy, never talking anybody down at a high price, all nuts. I'm gonna talk to Yankees down?

Yeah. Hey, Steinbrenner. Not a good business sense. Kevin Ryan? You are a Jew. Hava, Nagita Hammond. I've got you this. Oh, no.

Kevin, it's holy week. An honorary Jew, Kevin. It's holy week. Are you garbage? I don't know. For the love of God. This will be going to my family group chat. This will be bad.

Try it on, buddy. You'll be eating Chinese food. Try it on, buddy. Let's see how it feels. Let's see how it feels. Oh, you got to put that on there. It's got no mysticism. I feel my head itching already.

Wow. Welcome to the. Forgive me, Father Frye since. You look good with that. Put that back on. You look great. Oh, holy shit. Wow.

Once again, are you garbage bringing people together? Yes. All races and creed. I do have to say as many times as Mr. Shafir has come in here to try to vindicate himself and lost miserably every time. I do got to say he

hasn't imposed his Judaism on us. Is that what you were going to say? Well, maybe all these times he's turned me Jewish. Yeah, maybe. You got a good business. You didn't have a good business before we knew each other? That's how they do it. You weren't talking people down before you knew me.

Man, he's good. Guys, that's another exciting episode of Are You Jewish? You know, next episode, we've got to have Mermondani on to balance us all out. Stay neutral. We're a neutral podcast here. Ari, we love you, buddy. Love you, pal. So happy to have you back.

I love you guys, too. I love you back, safe. You're my favorite people in the city. The end is on presale right now at Ari Shafir.com. Get the $5 discount. It's seven episodes for the price of just four that helped me make fucking crazy shit. Support my little dreams here. I don't have anybody paying for it.

We love it. You'd be tripping every week? Just the price of two, two and a half months on are you garbage Patreon. You can help me make something legitimately crazy. The networks took away from me and I thought to get it back. Yes. And all jokes aside is you, you've laid the groundwork for what we also create here. We always quote you when we're creating stuff

and we put a lot of stupid money into stupid stuff and we do it all based on what you have $4 yamagan. No, but honestly, and it's like for you to, you know, cash all your money and take a loan out to make the end. I respect it. Absolutely. We love you very much, Ariya. Get it at Ariashafir.com right now.

It's so funny that you're so afraid of putting that on. I was joking. My son's Jewish. What? Oh, yeah, that's right. My wife's Jewish. Have you ever married a Jewish lady? We love you.

We'll see you next week.