Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Ari Matti!

Episode Date: November 21, 2024

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian Ari Matti! You know Ari Matti from stand up comedy, Kill Tony w/ Tony Hinchcliffe, the Joe Rogan Experience, Good For You w/ Whitney Cummings, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, The William Montgomery Show, Stuff Island, The Danny Brown Show, and so much more! Thanks for watching the Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast! #comedypodcasts #podcast #podcastshow #comedians #podcasts AYG & Friends: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Aura Frames: https://auraframes.com Promo Code: garbage This Show is sponsored by BetterHelp Better Help: https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Pretty Litter: https://www.prettylitter.com/garbage Soul: https://getsoul.com with promo code GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is AreU Garbage. Oh, yeah.

It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that the group to be classy after just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, Dave Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in a new edition. She got electrocuted last night. Okay. It's a new street drug the kids are taking. I got hands on a bag.

My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan everybody. What up everybody? Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. And obviously the greatest website of all time www.patreon.com slash RU garbage gang you go over there you get all that bonus content Yes, sir and gang we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guest here with us today for the first Time he is a very funny very successful stand-up comedian performs all over the world kid came over here to scene hard hit the scene quick He's one of the stars over there in that Kill Tony universe that just keeps getting bigger

and bigger. Give it up for Mr. Ari Matty. Hey, pal. Hey, pal. Look at you. What's up, legends? Good to see you, buddy. Thanks for coming.

Look at you. You just came from the gym. Yeah. Got his sweats on. Do I? I always look like a European assassin. I know. He looks like a European assassin is what you do.

Always with the tracksuit pants. I know, yeah, right? Put the RPG what you meant. Always with the tracksuit pants. I know, yeah, right? Put the RPG down. I don't know, that's like a... Yeah, they look good though, you gotta look. They're comfortable, they're comfortable. I'm with it, that's good. Give us the backstory, because I'm intrigued here.

You were born in Estonia, right? And then, do the comedy first. When did you start doing stand-up? I started stand-up in Melbourne, Australia, because there was no real comedy scene in Estonia, but I was, like, backpacking, slash trying to be an MMA fighter. Okay. It's a good combo. I didn't know that. All right.

And then I met this crazy bitch... from the U.S. Okay. She's like Mexican blood, but the U.S. passport. One of the most powerful combinations of confidence. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know blood but the US passport. Okay, the most powerful combination sure You know, uh-huh. This is in Australia This was in Thailand. We met at the hostel. You know, what the fuck? When did you start back how old are you when you when you start when you go out on this backpacking track?

I went I went with my girlfriend to Thailand when I was like maybe 19 with my Estonian sweet angel girlfriend Okay, but then you go to Thailand and you're like, I think I need to come back alone I got you a flight home. I'm gonna stay for the week. That's one of those places, you know sure Okay, I couldn't find a hotel Getting blown by three dudes What that's a vacation baby? Angels those men are there, huh? Sure. Perfect skin.

No transitionary issues. No. The transition in Thailand from a guy to a gal, it's literally seamless. Different sunglasses. Only the organ. So you go over there on vacation with your girl, you're in Thailand, and then take it from there and then I tried comedy in Estonia because I watched Eddie in my head

See this is the plan. I was like you have seen middleweight champ. Maybe light heavy. I'll see how sure Yeah, and I'll do an HBO special on the side. Okay, just for fun cuz Eddie Murphy seems funny and I'm riffing School. Uh-huh. I'm funny funny he's just talking I'm just talking. So I started the delusion of a comic who before they start doing comedy is crazy. I had it myself. Exactly. Two, three months I'll be doing movies. Yeah but I mean I saw Dave Chappelle a little. I saw the For What It's Worth clips. Where did you see Eddie Murphy jibbers on his time I saw was I was download peer-to-peer there was a do you know lime wire and cuz I try to download Beverly Hills cop remember how you always

get the wrong you always get the wrong thing always a guy's dick and you wait to like three days to download it and you open it up yeah so I see Eddie Murphy it says Eddie Murphy I want better his cop and it says it's seven megabytes and in my head like like, oh, what a deal. I don't even think this is gonna be on. So it was an audio file of. I've done that too. You just get the audio file.

He's delirious. Okay. And I remember being like, cause you don't even know why, why is there so many people laughing? Like what's the bit? And that's always like crazy that, you know, he talks about his grandmother falling down the stairs

and there's like projects there and I'm like a white suburban kid in Eastern Europe why would I even know what he's talking about? But that's when talent exceeds the reference. You can put it in your brain. Then it was Dave Chappelle for what it's worth. He's talking about, hey, baby, you know, the crack baby. What do I know about crack baby? Sure. Yeah. But the talent is just there. So that was my first exposure. Then I remember I saw Louis CK clips, you know, I'm like this fat guy. He's also because before I only saw Dave Chappelle and Eddie Murphy and I was like, oh, you got to be black. You got to be. Yeah. Yeah. I like his Eastern European honesty. You have to be black to be funny. Sure. But then I see you have to be black to be black you got to be yeah yeah like is Eastern European honesty you have to be black to be funny sure but then I see you have to be black to be a comedian

Louis CK and he's like you know looking top of shit yeah I love you I will one of the greatest of all time one of the true Kings sure two Kings love his love the work okay so then yeah you start getting exposed to what age is this this is well the exposure starts maybe 30 how 17. How old are you now? I'm sorry. 32. Okay. And then, so the first time I did comedy,

the first three times I booked, maybe, I booked like a bar show, and I knew enough people. I got 80 people in there, did an hour and a half. Your first time? Bam. Full bomb. Also, he still has the delusion of like, I'm gonna do 90.

Dude. I'm gonna do 90 Literally I fly I got 80 people in there about 45 minutes in a bombing so bad This is a bar in Estonia. Yeah, are you what language are you doing this in? This is how I did it I went all in I did two show I booked the tour of four okay bye I go to in Estonia but it's only only has like a million people like let's go international let's think bigger take this English properly so I did two English by two Estonian the first show I was having such a panic attack on stage. How many weeks in the comedy is this? No no I didn't have a spot. This is like day one I go on stage. I respect the confidence. I did like a street show I did

everything I've ever thought. Half a delirious and Estonian? Everything. About 45 minutes in I'm having like such a I'm having a panic attack. So then I call a break. I don't About half the crowd even my best friends leave because it's embarrassing 40 people stay and then out of panic, you know what I did. I was like, let's do a quiz So I just did a quiz but no questions I was just I took a laptop on stage I was googling things and then the quiz just falls apart as they do yeah but I have three more days booked so it's slowly three more days what the fuck I mean yeah so then I did two one more in Estonia then I did two

in English I mean and the crowds went from 80 people to maybe six by the last. Now is the comedy, I mean, obviously four shows, whatever, is it getting better? Are you getting better? I can't remember. You can't remember. I just remember full panic. There's no, there was no, was there any type of comedy scene over there? At all? No, there actually was rumblings. But these guys, you know, I go to the website.

These guys couldn't do an hour dance. Exactly. Did you know? They've never even seen Eddie Murphy. I go to the website, they're like, you got to sign up and do five. I'm going to five. Five minutes. I do 90.

Doing a weekend. Five. So that's when I moved to Australia. I met the Sweet Angel. So you moved. You proper moved to Australia. No college. No.

I went to college for banking for two weeks. Got that down, Pat. That's all I needed. I had that. I had that to fall back on. You know how I left? I literally left my laptop that the school gave me, all my textbooks in the classroom.

I took a piss and I looked out of the window, turning the piss, it was a sunny day, and I saw on the way to school that day, I saw that there was from nine to 10, 50% off on baby back ribs. Sure. I just, you know what I did? Mid-pissed.

Psst. I just left school. That's like good will hunting. I went to eat baby back ribs, and actually went to eat baby back ribs and listened to a Joey Diaz album, I think. Wow. I just decided I'm never going back to school.

And that was it. And were you fighting? When did you start fighting? When did you start doing MMA? Like 15, 16. Like actually doing it? Like you're training in a gym and all that kind of stuff? I wasn't never good.

Listen, I was never good. But I competed and shit. So then, yeah, yeah. When I started coming in Melbourne, then they were like, no, no, no. The three minute, there's an opener, don't do street. Then I started coming in Melbourne, then they were like three minutes There's an opener don't do street then I started learning the rules and you move to Australia for comedy for pussy With I met a girl in Thailand and she was living in Australia Yeah, she was like you're not a fighter you're funny, and then she gave me that confidence

So you met the girl while you were on vacation with your girlfriend No, no, that's when I went back you went damn Who the fuck goes a Thailand twice Estonians move quick like I know confident and move quick I was doing a theater over there. Yeah, okay, okay, so you meet her over there, and then she's in Australia Yeah, so you want to start doing comedy you want to get out of Estonia you decide I'm gonna move to Australia Yeah, cuz there was a seed. Melbourne was great. Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, so that's where you started. Mm hmm.

All right. OK. Got into it. And what were you doing for work over in Australia? Like bar back. Pay the bills. Bar back. Bar tender, bar back thief.

It happens. Flash thief. Really? What were you stealing? Everything. Everything. Like from the bar or like from stores? Were you like one of those guys on the back of a scooter like a two-man?

No, but listen if you put an Eastern European in a bar with all that cash, they're gonna figure it out quick Yeah, something's gonna happen. I told you I went to school for banking for two weeks. Also all these bosses are hammered I'm fucking athletic. I'm doing mixed martial arts sharp at 3 a.m. I'll give you that fuck your fate drinking and make them think Oh, yeah yeah all these all right and what's the what's the Mexican girl doing over in it in Australia what's she doing for work stealing lion and fuck really oh we're fucking yeah we will go to we needed like at one point one point I had a house part apart apartment party for my birthday and we needed the speaker so you go to the Whole Foods you put them through as carrots you know self checkout.

Wait you got. We did the whole thing. Stealing speakers from Whole Foods. Yeah yeah yeah yeah everything. Okay. And she taught me how to steal she was like listen you steal from corporations. Never yeah yeah yeah. Really?

Yeah yeah. Not mom and pop shops. Never. So she was like a proper grifter like this is that. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. No shit. Yeah yeah yeah yeah she did everything she taught me about the whole walks of life you know because before that I was like a suburban kid who was like a proper grifter like this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She did everything She talked me about the whole walks of life, you know, because before that I was like a suburban kid Who was like should we she's like fuck them all

Fuck about you and your family. Yeah, as soon as security comes up. She's just crying How's your English at the time good yeah, it's good. It's always been good. I watched the chapelle show I've seen South Park. I know how to say the n-word This kid's a fast learner. I know I have power okay. What a great word What's a powerful? What is the family life leading up to you being a teenager? Yeah, go back moms. Mom, dad, brother, sisters, what's the childhood like? What's the political climate in Estonia when you're born? Is it a democracy? I was born the year the Soviet Union collapsed.

Okay. So it's like, you get, I mean, all this, the doors are open now. So it's like a crazy time because you're establishing current, I mean. Everything, it's like going to the wild, wild west. It's the wild, wild doors are open now. So it's like a crazy time because you're establishing current, I mean. Everything, it's like going to the wild, wild west. It's the wild, wild west, you know. A lot of mafia, I would assume.

Oh yeah, everything's going down. All these shady deals. And what did your parents do? Never knew my dad, but it was just my mom and my sister. And you know when people are like, you didn't have a dad, that's so sad. Dude, when you grow up with a mom and sister, you drinking Chardonnay watching. It's a nice life. Yeah That's crazy like how is every like oh you missed out on

I'm walking around exactly. I didn't need that because I would go to my friend's place and all this weird tensions Yeah, how's that? Who's this guy exactly? What'd your mom do for a living? Like I remember, oh she was a waitress. The mom was a... These Estonians are a bunch of gypsies dude. Oh dude, dude, dude. Robin stealing. What was she stealing? Everything. If you're a waitress... everything. Oh she's grifting off the top. Oh everything, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK. You go to hotels, the towels are coming with us. He's taking the TV and the art off the wall, too. Yeah, she would sometimes, I remember, went to this one hotel.

She would like, she was like, you know, mom's feeling it. Yeah, yeah. This towel's amazing. Checking the thread count. She swapped her towels with our towels thinking these Mickey Mouse towels are just gonna go into the rotation. They'll fall into the system. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A bunch of paper towels hanging over the shower.

Any extended family in your area? You grew up in a house. Yeah, nice house. Like a single family home. Yeah, I had a stepdad at one point when that retard moved in. This guy wants to watch fucking action movies and the game fuck the game we're on season five of Ali McBear Felicity Felicity's on the baby's dance I

got a bottle of Merlot fucking let's go dude exactly I'm like this this guy I'm decanting this thing older sister younger sister older sister okay that's Same dad. Same dad. As you. That's a no. No. Wow. At least I found out at my mom's funeral. Jesus Christ. But I always had my doubts. She's Asian. Yeah. I always had my doubts.

Okay. Really? Like there was a point, I remember, I'm a kid, we're watching the TV. Remember when you watched the TV together? Sure, that was a thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right?

You know, you don't go into your room and fucking watch whatever you want. Sure. You watch it as a family. Exactly exactly. I remember there was a point where like CSI was on and One of the one of the investigators Says like a sentence he it's somebody got raped somebody got murdered classic CSI I've seen the program after I'm familiar with it. Somebody cut off the pussy, saved it for later in the fridge.

Sure. You know, the classic. Sure. And the investigator says something, says like a sentence like, oh, if both parents have brown eyes, the chances of a brown-eyed kid coming out is like 99%. Say something like a sentence like that. Okay. I'm a kid I don't know shit about shit, but the tension in our right away couch

Wow cuz my sister was like having a dad have like different color eyes than I do Oh, yeah, I remember. It was just a little tension uh-huh Biology class me four or five years later learn the recess I go to my teacher after class and I go, I just wanna ask you a question. So these eyes, you know, and she says that too. And I tell her, I tell her, I put my sister and my mom and she, you know, my teacher's like, ha ha ha.

Yeah. She knows something's up. Yeah, and did your mom and obviously your mom know, but did your sister know? Of course she's older, she's like six years older. But it was always shady. But mom know, but did your sister know? Of course she's older, like six years older. But it was always shady. But you know, Eastern European families, we're not like the American one where we go up to our parents like, mom!

Gotcha. What's the story? I don't even know how to bring it up to mom. We never, you keep it hush hush. You don't talk about it. Sure. You keep it hush hush. You do your own business.

Comes out at the funeral. Exactly. The funeral, my grandma comes up with a number, goes, by the way, your dad's alive and it's a different guy, here you go. Here's the number. Get the fuck outta here. I get hammered, I go to the open,

I call him on stage. That's just another 10 minutes I got here. This guy answers, he not interested. No. What was it, hi, this is, I'm your son, Ari? Yeah, yeah, but probably he knows and he lives in Finland, I'm like son Ari. Yeah, but he probably he knows and he lives in Finland I'm like half Finnish and he I get this guy came to Estonia when the Soviet Union collapsed on a holiday from Finland bang the waitress

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Uh-huh, then it was kind of like you don't even fit what what age did this happen? The stepdad came in What color were this happen? The stepdad came in. What color were his eyes? Like 11 or 12. Also finished because my mom like Monday. OK. This guy did OK. Just go. This guy. See, as I would never say I have a bad childhood

because you can't have everything. Sure. I remember my stepdad one time telling me like, you want a hug or you want a PlayStation? I was like, get me them sticks.. I was like give me that extra controller Throwing the hug I don't go fuck if you're not around for Christmas How long did when did he dip out he died when I was like 16 17 Jesus? What did he pass away from a heart attack on his he did on his motorbike so a beautiful way to go kind of Yeah, heart attack while riding a motorcycle. So a beautiful way to go, kinda. He had a heart attack while riding a motorcycle.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Damn, but they also got divorced in the area. This is so funny, I remember when I got the PlayStation, right, and I was telling my stepdad, listen, all these secrets, they're gonna go out unless I get the PlayStation. Okay.

Wow, what'd you have on him? I had everything. I had everything, plus I'll make shit up. I'll I'll start lying. I didn't realize how evil you were. Yeah, I'll make sure I'll be like, oh, I just got real nervous Or I'm gonna tell everybody you touch Hardball dude What the fuck man? He plays hardball dude. I don't go fuck.

I don't go fuck. Welcome to the family. I gotta tell everybody you're touching me. Exactly. You wanna keep this job? I wanna get this PlayStation. You wanna keep this job. I remember we get the PlayStation and then I tell him, did you guys do this that you

mod-chip the PlayStation? You would put that chip in there. I didn't but I know. Yeah, yeah, I know. So then you can get for a dollar off the market, you can just pick up the... Because the games were so expensive. Sure.

So I was trying to explain to this, like you'll save money, I'll save money. This is a deal for both of us. Gotta get the mod chip. Let's get the mod chip. He tells us, he says this gangster sentence, he goes, if we can afford the PlayStation, we can afford the games. Damn.

Ooh. Yeah. And then you know what happened? He moved out. Now I have this unmodded PlayStation. Now fuck,'s no game big of a house with electric fucking heating sure Everybody's gotta go back to work How was like the so you're born as everything changes over how long did that process Take like was it real shitty when it was the Soviet Union and then it got like westernized?

Oh yeah, real shitty. But we got lucky because we're a part of the Baltics, it's Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania. The less you could, and this was, you could side, when the Soviet Union collapsed, you could side with two, you could go with the Russian people or you could go with the Western world, NATO and all that. And because we were so close to Finland, Sweden, Norway, all those guys came over, drink our booze, fuck our women. My mom.

My mom. I'm picking up on that. We heard you. I heard you. My mom. Dude, my mom's friend. She's a good mom, no? My friend's mom had such a funny sentence.

She was telling me stories about when they were younger and waitresses and banging all these Finnish businessmen. My friend's mom had such a funny sentence. She was telling me stories about when they were younger and Waitresses and banging all these Finnish businessmen. Mm-hmm She said like me and your mom, you know, it was a fun time You know, she was like we would serve tables and then we had the back room where we'd sit on gentlemen's laps What a polite way They're fast and loose is it is it I believe I could be wrong, is it Estonia where everybody, all the Finnish people go to get their alcohol? Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we got all those booze in Finland? It's just so expensive. It's so expensive so they take a cheap ferry over or something. Cheap ferry, like a two hour ferry. Yeah, and they all, I know a Finnish dude who was like, for our wedding we always, all the big parties you go to, like we go to Delaware. Really? They go to Estonia. What the fuck? And buy their booze. Yeah, like we go to Delaware really that they go to Estonia and buy their booze

Yeah, you guys don't what do you guys go? Yeah? We go to like I mean we were from Philadelphia So it's Delaware was the tax free place where you would go There's always a place to go there's always a place to go How were you as a student in school? What do you? I don't know threatening your teachers. I don't know no listen the conversation was banger like I Got expelled almost so many times when I sit down with the principal Little bit yeah Hey, you want to get in on this playstation? You know I literally had a principal close the door, and then we just watch karate

His son was a karate guy. That's a dude who's trying to fuck you. No, no, no. He's not not dude. I mean I need to stay in school. I'll block it. What were you getting expelled for? Fights? No, no, no. Were you a fighter? Never a bad kid. Always just uh. Mouth and like. I won't. Causing a scene. If you tell me 8 8am, you're not coming. Like I made my mama deal. I was like, mom? Cutting deals with everybody.

I know. I literally made my... They turn into the mob at like 8 over there. Because my mom had to go to Finland to work to keep this house that now my stepdad bounced on. For how long would she go there to work? Months on end. No shit. So why is this gorilla alone?

At home? Wait, this is without your stepdad? It would just be you and your sister? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How old? I'm like maybe 14, 15, 16, 17. This is when this is going down. And your sister's 21, whatever, she's still living in the house. Yeah, exactly. She's still living in the house. Alright, so that's okay.

Yeah, yeah, no, no. The house is, we're good. Yeah. It's a beautiful house, you know, and mom's So when you guys watch Home Alone, you're like, what a dream. I'm like, every day, every day, every day. And I go, fuck. What the fuck, dude? So I would cut my mom a deal. I would tell my mom, listen, I'm not going to school.

She's like, what do you mean? I'm like, this is not for me. She's like, you got to go to school. I'm like, OK, I'll cut you a deal. I'm not there at ATM. It's just not possible. I got too much shit going on here. My schedule's jam-packed, hasn't it? I got sleep. I got you a deal. I'm not there at ATM, it's just not possible. I got too much shit going on here. My schedule's jam packed, hasn't it?

I got jerking off, I just figured that out. Grant Astora San Andreas is coming out. I'm interested in a girl. And also it's too early, I don't like early stuff. She's like, okay. So I cut her a deal, I said, I'll go to school every, cause I was sometimes missing for two weeks straight. Just not going.

Yeah, it's weird. What was that day? You're just hanging at the house, dicking around. Hanging at the house. You drinking, smoking anything? No. Just chilling. Just chilling.

Just chilling. Just, it's always been like that. Hard chilling, yeah. Hard chill. Okay. So I got my mama a deal and said, okay, I'll go to school every day by 11, so. What the fuck does school say about that?

They didn't like it He's got the karate guy It's a public school and rest of the fucking it was like a high school was also like it's mandatory It's most places. Yeah, and they don't want And the teacher doesn't want to fuck your life up so you can kind of deal with the teacher I mean, I'm not causing no fuss. I'll just be here at 11 What classes were you missing all the important? Because they always put math and those upfront. Yeah, that would come for P

He's got the track pants Show up for the fun class England to English to be and then go home damn fun class. Two English, two P, and then go home. Damn, that's not a bad day. How would you get to school? Could you walk? Did you have a car? No, no, no. Two buses and a tram, dude. Because we lived in the suburbs, but I had to go to the city because I couldn't get into the nice suburban schools.

I'd show up till two o'clock. Yeah, exactly. Those schools were like, what the hell? See, that's what you've got to do if you don't like school. Go to the school where all the fucking... All the bad kids are. All the bad kids are. bad kids are and then you Normal you look great. I heard of the radar exactly. Just all you gotta do is knock at a girl pregnant You'll be looking good. What would you guys do for dinner when your mom was was gone?

Would you and your sister like make dinner were you cooking? Are you stealing? Just fucking candy city Fuck and you were big on American tell the big American television Just fucking candy city dude. Disneyland, they don't give a fuck. And you were big on American, big American television. Oh yeah yeah yeah. Were there any Estonian shows that you watched? Yeah of course there were, but then, fucking... Estonian television is still like, were so influenced by the Soviets.

Sure. So it's still like, still like polite, you know. The husband gets some honey, I'm home. How would you get the American shows online? It's only online. Only online. You got to go fucking find South Park. Wow. Damn. That's fucking wild. What was your first job growing up?

Like where you went and not stealing or boosting cars or what? Did you work when you were a kid? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Always. OK, I did construction when I was 15, 16. OK. But you know, you're the kid running. Yeah, I'm, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, always. I did construction when I was like 15, 16. But you know, you're the kid running around, I'm not the fucking guy with the... You're holding the ladder. He didn't think so.

Yeah, literally, I'm not even holding the ladder. What do you think, you were the architect on the project? He's telling the formula, listen, I'll show up at 11, that's it. That's not your deal. That's all I got, I don't do morning. Is this in the summers, or were you working during the school, never during the school year?

Not really, no. Summer, summer, summer job, you know. And I was not a good employee, as you can imagine. Then I went into bar back and bartending, because, oh, I was a bouncer at these nightclubs for a bit. How old? I was 18, that's when I started. Okay.

And whenever there would be a fight, go straight to the bathroom for a shit, put your roach on for an hour, dude, I would hear yelling and screaming out there. I'm not showing up, dude. Where the hell's Ari? I know, yeah. That's the shittiest security guard.

He's in the bathroom. Train all day, Joe Rogan, by night. Exactly. All day. Literally. What the fuck? And then I heard all these servers. I would talk all to these waiters, and they're like, how much money they're making?

All the cash, yeah. All the cash. And then and then I was like Jesus Christ I gotta get into that and then I did bartending for maybe seven or eight years in nightclubs restaurants this is all in this what city did you grow up outside Tallinn it's in Estonia like that's the main capital but I did that in Melbourne did I work for a Jamie Oliver restaurant in Melbourne for a month because I knew I'm gonna only last a month this He's just like a high fat. Walking out with cases of lobster. Get why the get-in's good. And restaurants always, they always hire,

especially in Australia or England and in America, I bet too, because I'm like a blue-eyed European. You wanna have this guy around, but I would just be like, they're like, what's your qualifications? I'm like, qualifications? I like to steal. I like to sleep in. Yeah, I know it all. I would do the shittiest

cocktails for 40 bucks a cocktail at that finest restaurant and then for a month I would just get the bag yeah yeah stealing from the register you ever get caught yeah I wasn't sure if he's doing it for a month and then getting the fuck out of there the only place I haven't it didn't steal with some of the nightclubs I worked later when I already did comedy and the but owners would be my bosses They would let me do comedy sure they were I knew the guy but if the boss is stealing You're stealing Yeah, I mean like if a boss if I show up if I show up for the

Weekly meeting and I come with the bus and you come with a Maserati. Yeah, but that's the owner of the restaurant. You're a busboy. Yes. You don't see the difference in that? No. No. Because where's my Maserati?

He doesn't need to rub that Maserati in my face. I don't need a Maserati, but she's like, pick me up. So if I'm cleaning up pu sure at 3 a.m. In the nightclub, and then you come you get no no you get four grand and I make five sixty an hour plus deep And you go off with the Maserati with the girl. I want to fuck Get robbed It's that I think it's the deal of the universe you got a target on your back With this deal with the universe uh-huh any cops ever get involved you ever get pinched Close to getting pinched no no no pinching happening all right

Okay, so then you're doing comedy over in Melbourne you're with the you're with the lady with the lady you guys are living together How long are you over there for a year then my visa expired okay? Estonia then I went over there for a year? Then my visa expired. OK, and then we go back to Estonia. Then I went to Thailand for a year and I did. I did call it in Malaysia, Cambodia. What the fuck? You in Thailand? Did I had a set in Cambodia where I'm like doing it for these expats? Twenty people in the crowd.

One of them was Ari Shafir randomly. No, yeah, that makes sense. That's how did she go with you to Thailand? The girl? That was it for her, huh? He if you're not picking up, he does Thailand solo now. He made that mistake once. Now he does Thailand by himself. And where do you live when you're over there?

What do you do? You're 19, 20 working at hostels, you know, like you get to stay for free if you do the bar, which Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah. So you're how assassins are made. Yeah. That's how you make an assassin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus. And then how do you then how do you

get here? Um first time I did the Seattle International Comedy Competition and I lived in Vancouver for a year. So you're right. Okay. All right. So then after Thailand you go to Vancouver. No I lived in Estonia became a superstar there

took over the scene. Did you really? Yeah. Yeah. No, I lived in Estonia became a superstar there took over the scene Did you really? Yeah, how big were you in Estonia? You name it? You name it baldie, but it's a small it's sure like being a collegiate athlete I understand you know you're famous in the college town. It's like a million people I mean how famous can you so you I didn't I didn't know that about I didn't know that I didn't know that you had A proper career in Estonia so you were doing like theaters there. Yeah, any venue making money Doing well you living back at your mom's house. No you live in that house look like there when you were doing well

Well, I just know I mean American standards are different you make millions of dollars. Sure. That's different. We don't, but yeah. Yeah, I saw you at the Brooklyn Comedy Club. I remember I met you guys like five years ago for the first time. And it was Brooklyn Comedy Club, two black people in the crowd, and us three. Like really entertaining, just a couple.

I did 90 minutes. Just a couple. Oh, we did long, by the way. All of us did like 25 in our notebook having a fucking panic attack. Fumbling through it. What else? And we were heading nowhere. I didn't have a passport you didn't have this it was bad I don't think you had this podcast five years ago Remember that either and it's I don't think Brooklyn Comedy Club was around five years ago

Was the name of that okay? Us three having a full-on panic Hey, kind of vaguely remember this now this is going nowhere. You know sure You're just staring out the abyss. I was probably talking to you going I can move to Estonia And I remember be the fucking funniest deal entirely I remember introduce myself to you. I go. I'm from Estonia you go sure Way like you were like oh another thing that's no way. Like you were like, Oh, another thing. That's not sad. Maybe it was like another. I apologize. He's stealing your wallet at the time. Yeah. All right. Jesus Christ. Ari, what the fuck? This guy's all over the fucking

map. Literally. So you how long are you in Estonia where you're doing good? Were you the big star? I did like three or four years, but it was going well. Yeah, we were building a scene. There were some other comedians there. We were all doing great. The scene was building. And you got a lot of tourism in the city that you're in, right? Yeah, but we're doing it in Estonian still.

It's very... I have a podcast there. Things are going great, but I just felt like... You want more? Yeah, I just wanted to do skill wise a bit better and there's nobody really to follow. Okay. And I know how British people are gonna get upset by this but there's only one place in the world where stand-up comedy is stand-up comedy. And it's the United States. USA baby. Like the free-form personality based storytelling going for the edge Like British comedy is amazing. The jokes are amazing all that. It's very thematic. It's very yeah

Yeah, it's just a different art a different style of the art form and in Estonia was similar because we were influenced by the Soviet so The only good thing about communism is they build amazing theaters, you know, cuz you have to see those for all these public speakers Yeah, Germany's the same exactly as great thing about communism is they build amazing theaters you know because you have to be in these theaters for all these public speakers yeah Germany is the same exactly as great the other way around a sound system when you're trying to control like your people what you do is you build the culture because you have to control the subconscious of your people mm-hmm so now all these remnants of these beautiful they'd be like a town of 2,000 people in Estonia the

theaters 800 seats. Yeah All those all those like Eastern bought if Germany is where they all every little village has a theater that it will fit most Of the village, that's what slavery and shit Best green rooms in the world Thousand cedar now, but there was the remnants of the theater culture. I think also in England, this is just a theory, but I think in England where comedy is amazing, of course, it's always been a thing from the theaters where the classism has developed a thing where a performer is looked for, like, the performer looks down on the crowd and they love it. Like people love sure you're a grandiose thing It's more of a presentation. They even call them like presenters. It's more of a presentation

So yeah, and the people love that people love like shit on a shit in my mouth You know like whereas I think America I this is what I think Richard Pryor Lenny Bruce It's all about fuck them fuck the system in very I'm in with the crowd. It's very common man, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's I'm speaking for us, not to you. The stage is lower, I'm in, fuck everybody, fuck this. Whereas I'm one of you guys, so I think the rebellious comedy where fuck the system and all that, I think it's more from here.

Right, gotcha. Which makes sense. Which is what I love, I love that style. And when did you land over here? Well, officially I moved here in June to Austin, Texas. Joe Rogan, the one true king. Shout out Rogan. Shout out Joe Rogan, my one true king.

Is that where you moved first? Did you move to Austin? Yes. When you came here? Yes. I visited New York a few times, you know. I've tried. I never just got in traction. I'm not a big... Stopping I've visited New York a few times, you know, I've tried, I've never just got in traction, I'm not a big... Stop being a traction in New York.

It's very tough. I mean, the competition is so much, there's just so many coming. Wait, June of this year? That's when you got here? Like moved here, yeah. Okay, when did you do Kill Tony for the first time? Fucking March?

Pre-Mothership? March. No shit. March of this year? Yeah, when I did, did yes when I did kill Tony I signed up for the open mic at the mothership and I did so well at the open mic I got on like maybe ten minutes later. I killed Tony just randomly you got on yeah, that's fun I didn't know because I think the last time we did it maybe then I was already

Oh, you had just like you were like a few weeks, and that was in March Maybe when it was us at Norman that also we're just a bear. They were like you had just killed Shit and this kid moves fuck he moves. I know it's crazy I would have been nicer to you five years ago if I knew If I knew you were a fucking Estonian fucking royalty. Yeah, holy shit move fast Damn, where are you living down there? You got a house you got an apartment? The house I got sick Cuz you're doing well yourself. I mean you're you're you're you're you're you're but see this is are you doing better now or in Estonia?

You probably had more purchasing power in Estonia. No like you you were like, he's stealing everything. What are you talking? It doesn't matter. He's going to leave with these cameras probably. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. In the Estonian. He leaves, he got no cameras, and I'm pregnant. He's probably made copies of the keys of my credit card. In the Estonian economy with the Estonian prices,

I was doing fine. I was doing fine. I think, as you know, when you start meeting people in this business who do actual business, you think you're doing well in comedy. Tim Jones had a great line, you never know how much money you don't have until you start making money. Sure, exactly.

You are not wrong. And then, but the American money is different. You make so much money. Everyone makes so much money. I love your perspective on that. And dude, when I went to New Jersey to do these gigs, I walk around New Jersey, I walk around the, what is it? See Cocos.

East Rutherford and stuff like that. Rutherford, yeah, yeah. I can't even imagine being from Estonia and doing bananas in East Rutherford, New Jersey. Beautiful. Crazy. Beautiful houses with a nice lawn and a dog out mm-hmm and you know the American dream and you know how New Yorkers are like because I've been to New York for three months stretchers have done that thing

you know how New Yorkers are like it's the best city you can get a slice of pizza 4 a.m. you can see a movie at 6 a.m. you know shit your place suck I wouldn't want to hang out there either sure at your apartment you're saying the city has to be open because your apartments suck. You know like it's so expensive in New York. Sure. And then you go to New Jersey, same thing in Austin. It's like the price of the house you can have.

You get so much more value out of it. Dude I've lived in New York and I've lived under the, I've lived in a basement apartment. Those are the worst in New York. Where it's like domestic violence above you. And you're like, what is my life and you're paying out the ass out He's got that little bit of commie I'm the fuck he charges me up when he does I like it

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The homecoming tour the Also, of course want to do a good show and I have to do it in Estonia. So it was for me it's like all in or nothing because I have to learn English. I have to compete with these Americans. I can't just take three months off to be in Estonia and lose. Lose all the ground you're making. Everyone's coming. Hey American comics just fucking slow down.

Do we all need to make it in a year It's crazy. Do we all every did every day? I hang out in the green room on the mothership some new guy walks in one million two million on the follower on tick Then they're popular on the snapchat. It's emotional exactly They every day. I meet a new guy who's like oh, yeah, I'm so and so that fuck face Oh, and I'm like I'm looking at him like get the fuck out of it Then you go oh seven million on Instagram doing Toyota Center You're going late yet still tickets to the late show bananas or whatever yeah, where do you move in when you get here?

Do you did you know anybody I knew nothing so did you get where'd you stay the first night that you landed in Austin? I took a nice Airbnb. Okay. For a month, you know? Airbnb for a month, get your head on straight, figure it out. Yeah, but dude, I was swinging for the fences. I was open-miking in London.

I was going nowhere, like internationally. It was hard. It's hard to break into this industry. It's fucking dangerous. Took you six weeks over here. What are you talking about? First of all, you've done it in two countries. I know, I know. It's real hard. It's so hard. No you six weeks over here. What are you talking about? First of all, you've done it in two countries. I know, I know.

It's real hard. It's so hard. No, you're not right. I mean, you're a very hard, you're a very funny guy and a very hard worker, obviously. Yes, but everybody's funny here. And you have to take big chances. You could go to Tiny Cup or whatever fucking gig tonight and eight people in the crowd and there's people swinging for, there's people 15 years in.

Yeah. Sure. Dude, this business is hell Yeah, this is a tough business. It's killer be killed at all. It's all at every moment You feel the gun to your head so you take you take an Airbnb? Uh-huh, and you stay there for a month Things start to really start moving and now you rent your own house or did you buy a house down there? No, I'm buying it. I'm renting. You're renting, is it an apartment, a house, you buy yourself? It's a house, I buy myself two floors.

I have a nice lawn, my friends come over, I have an extra bedroom for all the comedians. Very nice. I love when someone's over. Do you bring the boys from Estonia over? You bring some of your squad over? The squad, dude. Oh my God, I'm talking about fucking terrorizing you.

Imagine that crew rolling. Oh yeah, dude, I'm like a black man fucking terrorizing you. Imagine that crew roll. Oh yeah, dude, I'm like a black comedian. I roll seven deep. And you're gonna meet- Four guys named Igor coming in. You're gonna meet my cousin. Five dudes, three eyebrows. Yeah, you're gonna meet my friends and don't trust them. Jesus.

This is my best red legged brother to me. Don't look him in the eye. Yeah, don't trust this guy. Okay, what do you do? So, try to figure out whether he's garbage or not. I can't make a call. It's all... I'm 100%... You're not classy.

No. But let's talk about some of the day-to-day, some of the domesticated stuff. Absolutely. Do you furnish the place? Or did you rent this... did you rent this place unfurnished, right? Or furnished. I have a backpack with three pairs of pants and seven socks. That's it. That's what you roll with. That's what you roll with. What is your house look like?

You have a TV in there. You got TV. Yeah. Where do you furnish? I only do furnished. And I don't I don't even want to see, you know, when people are like, you get this apartment and then you sign up for the Internet, you know, it better be included. You want all of that lumped in. Wait, hold on a second. How long is your lease at this apartment, at this house?

I haven't opened email. This guy is an assassin. He's probably squatting right now. I know, I don't do like logging into banks. I don't do transfers. I don't do... I know I'm like... Who does that for you?

He's got ten grand up his ass right now I mean I do it sometimes you know, but you like to stay off the grid. I enjoy that Yeah, all right what but it's not like I need to be off the ground I just don't like numbers and I don't like you went to school for banking. I tried Here's the combination of the safe. I literally thought that, yeah, yeah. So you rented a furnished apartment. Yes.

That's what you're living in. Yeah, okay, you want a suggestion? You want a suggestion? You guys want a suggestion? Yeah, sure. School us on something. Let me tell you everybody. How to be a criminal.

If you have some money, see what you do when you move to some place you go on Airbnb mm-hmm okay find a nice house okay uh-huh then you go to the guy direct you go I'll pay you six months advance it kidnap his kids tell him you want the place real exactly yeah Yeah Okay Talk about learning this system exactly well that yeah, that's a great thing about the Eastern Europeans is like they don't Pull they go here. What are the rules? I'm gonna buy I'm gonna buy by 75% of the they're very much, but let's see if we can work around this for mutual Benefits are kind of the same way. Let's go out the middle and do this cash or whatever exactly

Yeah, I love a cash love a cash deal What was the one either in Estonia when you started making money or I guess here one stupid purchase where you were like I? Didn't need to fucking was it like a car a fucking motorcycle blowing the cash is there anything where you're like that was fucking I'm not a materialistic person. I like food Okay, I like traveling and Iistic person. I like food. And I like traveling and I like hotels. I'm a service guy. I've never been a nice things guy.

You know why I don't like nice things? They give me a panic attack because. Someone like you's gonna steal them. Because it's gonna get, I think it's gonna get hurt. Sure. Like if you buy a new iPhone, I just bought a new iPhone maybe two years ago like first time that's not a new But that time it was new when you bought it and I've always been a guy I go

Like my old you know about a old MacBook you go on you know Craigslist, right? There's always these fucking so that's what you're doing. You're like I need a new computer you go on Craigslist. There's always these rich suburban women who are like buying Who are like selling their husbands laptops their kids laptops. They don't know what the model is So they just put up a picture they go MacBook and you can see it's like a newer model Then you write up you go. Hey How's that 2014 20 128 gigabyte model we're doing they don't know it's actually the one terabyte 20 60. Yeah So you do tell them you're like, oh, that's not worth I've you know

That's pretty good. That's what I used to do Then bangs him and takes the laptop Then two years ago I snapped cuz I've been walking past these beautiful Apple stores I never even walked into one, you know with the white and the, all the people are like. You know? What can I do for you today? Exactly. And I snapped.

This was before I was supposed to do a, when I was doing a theater, I remember I was walking towards the theater and I walked back to the store and I fucking, because my iPhone was fucking slow, sluggish, I snapped. So when I said, give me everything. Give me the best, give me the best, give me the best give me the best give me the best So then I buy this fucking iPhone for 1500 or so. Yeah, whatever the fuck it is And now for six months every time I go to an airport you put it in the box and they handle the box

Yeah, I have a seizure I like I'll kill you if that's a brand new fucking 2020 iPhone. I got there I like dropped this iPhone like a year ago And the show was almost cancelled This guy you are wound too tight You are wound here, but I think this story's end with and then I fall off a panic attack When I take this when I take this watch off when I take this watch off put it in there box Don't make these things don't do this. Okay, if I see how much was that watch?

Don't make these things don't do this okay if I see how much was that watch it's not just like 500 There's nothing, but it's just I don't like I don't like I can't get a fucking read on this dude I can't help is crazy. I can't have expensive things around me. I like expensive things But if I would rather go to a nice hotel a nice whatever and get the experience out of it What was the last vacation or what's the next vacation, or vacation you would like to do? I always go on vacations. I might go to Mexico next week. Really?

I love like a three day. Just on a whim. You go down there by yourself? By myself at a hotel. Nice hotel. I'll get hammered by the pool. Yeah, you will. Just hanging out.

Look for chicks, hang out, or are you keeping to yourself? I look for chicks, never have the courage to talk to them. But you know what? I wanted to come up and talk to you but I'm having a panic attack right now. Exactly. When he starts drowning. You know what I like?

You know what I like when I'm by the pool with a cocktail. And then you know some rich, piece of shit husband with, looks like slob of shit. Looks like flubber. Yeah, you're describing both of us, but okay. Look at me. Looks like slob of shit. And thenubber. Yeah, you're describing both of us, but okay It's pretty good and he has one of the hottest wives Alive sure and then the wife looks at me. You got your shirt off your cut your Tan going I just took I just did like three laps like a dino craig

Come out slow uh-huh And the chick looks at me like if we only had another life. And then she goes to her Slobber shit husband and I go in the room jack off. That's all I need. Hey buddy that's not a bad vacation. That's all I need. Acknowledgement from a female. That hey you're looking pretty good.

You're looking pretty good. That's enough for me. Now are you doing a European cut bathing suit or are you doing an American bathing suit? What's the bathing suit look like? Speedo? I'm going to a Russian bathhouse today by the way. The one in the East Village? It's a great one. Yeah it's good. One of my favorites. What are you doing? You do the Euro cut? You got a good body, I mean if I had a body like that I'd be fucking, I'd be rocking a hogi crusher. I'd always have my dick out if I can. You know where it always thicc out? Pussies out, thicc out. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very liberal. Yeah. Very. Yeah. I don't get this American thing of like the whole How's your dick? You don't have my wiener.

I mean I ain't packing either. I wear a suit of armor when I go to the beach. I ain't packing either. No, always a Speedo, baby. You really? This kid's about that life, dude. I like it. Dude, a Speedo out with the outlines of the cock and the balls. Yeah, the balls, a couple Mai Tais

or whatever you got going on. I got a cocktail and a shaved stomach. You know what I'm saying? A shaved stomach. Listen, this is as European as it gets. Oh my God. All right. Do you like flying up front?

Will you spring for the first class ticket? Well, I had my first flight. Ever? What the hell the fuck did you get? For the first, for the first, for the first. First ever. And it's hard to go back now of course. Sure. It's so expensive. Sure.

But you like a nice hotel? I like a nice hotel. I'm trying to spend more money on those flights but they're really expensive. But I like a nice hotel. When you do a hotel, do you like two bed? Like two queens or do you like a king? Do you like a bed for? I love a king like two bed, like two queens or you like a king? Do you like it like a bed for? I love it. I love a king. But sometimes like the hotel here, they give you the double queen.

That's fine. That's fine. What do you have at the house? Do you have a king at the house at the? It's got to be so fucking big, big, big. So far. And it's somebody else's sheets. It's somebody else. All that stuff came with the with the house. Yeah, the sheets and everything. I'll buy a couple of new sheets and leave them there

You know, are you doing them doing the laundry at that? You do your laundry at the house? Yeah I mean I need to get them a laundry machine. I don't want to go to those Right the laundromat you don't like going to know what are you cooking at the house when you're down in Austin and you're in there You're you cooking for yourself? I make a killer breakfast. Yeah? I always do breakfast at home and then I do, you name it. What do you need? Wait, we're coming to your real...

We're staying over. We're in town. We're staying over. You're like, I'm going to make the Ari Matty classic breakfast. Let's say you're a chick. Okay. Let's say you're a... Put a speedo on it.

Let's start talking. Exactly. Yeah. You're a chick. You come over to my place. I make pasta bolognese for the night. night. I have a great pasta bolognese. Yeah Recipe stole from a Jamie Oliver restaurant Okay, nice possible make you asleep is this a first date

Is this a first date situation or would you have to know her a little bit or could this be a first date? No, no, this ain't the first now. Okay. This is the third fourth, right? Got you. You're already familiar with yes, exactly. So I make that big bowl of pasta make you a filled up That's why I like a girl that eats, you know, I hate chicks that don't eat Uh-huh. You ever been with a chick that doesn't eat you go on a date No, I haven't what the fuck are we doing? He's such a scumbag. I love a chick that eats. I love it. That's like hillbilly. I love a chick that sweats when she Grabs your plate that cleans it up. I love a chick that says are you gonna? So you make a bolognese I make a bz. We watch the movie, wake up in the morning.

We watch the movie. I give you a shit dick throughout the night. I'm nervous. Sure. It's mediocre, you know. And we're both so tired out of the pasta. That's when you're dating in your 30s. By the way, it's happened a lot.

We're having a chick over, I put pasta in her fucking mouth and then we just fall asleep. Yeah, you're both just saying. And then we just fall asleep on the couch and have a bad neck. The fucking god damn. Okay. And then in the morning, if you're a chick, it's gonna be a nice... you you're sleeping out there with you titties I'll wake up early and go you sneak out get a fresh Job, you'll pop out to the store go get something fresh fresh I'll bring you a coffee in your bed and keep you in your bed

You better not come to the first day in the fucking yeah And you're hearing Frank Sinatra playing out there and you hear this fucking mover and you hear me singing and shit And you're like, holy shit Then I make a Gordon Ramsay style X. It's where you take it put it on we know we know take it all put it off They get all put it off you put it on the cheeky best. Apparently he stole that from somebody Among chefs does a conspiracy money really a French guy there's a long chef's does it so I make you these eggs but a half an avocado that I whip up with some sour cream you whip up the

avocado with sour cream just to add some just a little so you put a sprinkle of some pepper you know keep it natural fully slipping out of the seat over here I got a chip but I got a I toast a chip on I cut in half make a nice heart for you a heart Dude this fucking guy You're in bad eyes a closer I make the tomato put some balls of Miko on the cut cherry tomatoes in half It's a buzz meat to make a nice

Yeah, make it look like care you care nice presentation. Mm-hmm. If I have the boys over you're getting two eggs Two eggs and a lot of bacon if the boys are we're gonna do eggs and a lot of bacon you better shut the fuck up But that's the secret to dating women in their 30s you You can give them shit, but if you make an amazing breakfast, you're gonna love the overall package. Sex is overrated, okay? As you get older, talk about the meals. I don't want these young chicks to wanna go to the club. I want an old, tired slut.

I want an old, tired slut. Someone who's been around the block, she knows. It wasn't to do shit. I don't get how these fucking perverts date these young chicks. They wanna do everything I want to just a tired slut at the house Somebody can carbo load with me. Did you have any pets when you were a kid?

Did you guys do pets? I had a dog. A dog. A dog that I was scared of. You know where the anxiety comes from. You know when you have a German Shepherd and they're like Jesus Christ I don't want to go home. He's a German Shepherd? Oh, yeah, and also dogs are very reflective of your energy, you know, and everybody's a psycho. My mom has that Slavic blood, she's yelling, I'm fucking yelling, my sister's crying.

This dog is fucking. The dog's smoking. This dog is on edge. Yeah, this dog is fucking naked. Everybody was scared of our dog. Sometimes, you know when kids put like sometimes neighbor kids want to fuck with the dog they put like a stick through the fence you know what mama do open up the game all these fucking kids these

kids apart at the Estonian handshake. Holy shit. I got bit by the way. The first dog I had. You see these scars? That's a dog bite? You see these scars? This is a dog going like this. Our dog.

So my stepdad, he's a psycho. Everybody you've ever mentioned has been a psycho. The first dog we got, you You know I'm like a little child And I'm like I want a dog. I'm a step that's like sure. I'll get you there You know a dog I stepped up some fucking half the woods Yeah, there's a loose dog saw wolf you gotta lose it up This thing just keeps getting bigger

And it's a wolf. And I go to pet it when it's sleeping. All over my face. Everything fucked up. How old were you? Like 14? Something like that? No, this was like, you know, seven or eight. And rips me apart. We go to the stitches, everything. Rips my face apart. This fucking wolf. And then I tell my stepdad, I'm like, you know, just, just, just, the dog, the dog. Next day, my stepdad I'm like you know just the dog the dog next day my stepdad licks me go well it's a wolf you know you gotta watch out oh do you read are you reading anything do you read books after the Kindle came

out on big after I stole a Kindle sure I started because the thing with books is you know I live in a backpack I live as if I got a I live like Liam Neeson I gotta go yeah you gotta go back I gotta go to yeah. I live as if I got a... I live like Liam Neeson. I gotta go tonight. You gotta go back. I gotta go tonight. Yeah, he's got three passports in there, a bunch of different currency. So, the books were always an issue. And I only read autobiographies. I don't like shit made up. What are you reading now? Only autobiographies.

But like, what's the last one you read? Right now I read Keith Richards. Okay. I love like autobiographies. The hookers, I love the cocaine. I love the... The hookers. The hookers. I love when it I love that when it's a lot of creepy stories to these you want to hear the rock star life these rock stars Yeah, you know how they're like the 70s was a different time very different time numbers didn't work Nobody divided by two and added seven

Nobody divided by two and added seven time you nobody divided by two and added seven that time. You got to account for inflation though, you know what I mean? Exactly. Um, hmm. And I don't like Harry Potter. I don't like- Pfft. Nothing of action in that shit. You know when people are like, oh have you read the book? Yeah. Harry Potter's like the owl is in a foggy fucking train stop talking. Get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, give me something real. Give me something real. I want to see James Brown with a lead pipe beat the shit out of his wife That's the story I want to read What was the first concert you went to musical concert when you were a kid was it an Estonian act? It was probably him he's probably he probably did a greatest hits tour Marilyn Manson. No shit I wonder you're all fucked up. My sister took me. it was cool. I would have scared the shit out of me. How old were you? Dude, before the concert. The show.

He's not listening, you don't have to whisper. Before the concert, they show a video. Uh-huh. The show like dead bodies. Damn. How old are you at the time? Dude, I'm like 11. I just got bit by a dog, this is fucked up.

And then they do mosh pits around us, and then Marilyn Manson comes on great show Yeah Right show traumatizing but great show like yeah like is this when he was? Is this when he was super popular like just when he was banging biggest the biggest I think I think like the song just Where he did what is the matrix reloaded soundtrack? Oh, yeah, I did like that song Big big big big sure I mean, this guy was huge. And then I saw Metallica. I remember. I'm a big Metallica fan.

See, you can destroy. Yeah. Love of my life. Those concerts over there are crazy. Yeah. Those guys play Easter in Europe, they let it fucking hang the fuck out. Yeah, because all those guys blew up a bit later. You know, like the bands that are...

Sure. Yeah. You always see that. The bands are like Deep Purple right now in Europe. Haha. God, I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. Yeah, because all those guys blew up a bit later. You know, like the bands that are... You always see that.

The bands are like Deep Purple right now in Europe. Coming up. Deep Purple's coming up. What are you listening to now? If you're going to go to a concert... What was the last concert you went to? Well, I like techno. I'm European.

You got to get it popping. You're doing like that. I don't like American... The green roms, I'm here, the comedians, when they put on like Mr. Kend Kendrick Lamar the last thing I want to hear is a lot of information sure that's a great way to put that rap has too much information you know a lot of thinking that's why I'm not opposed to Drake just keep it popping give me something I can bob my head to like I don't want to hear a lot of history about the black culture. You know, it's hard.

You want the energy up. Yeah, and I don't want to think. I'm vibing. Sure, you're vibing. Give me a lot of bass. I like Pink Floyd. I like Pink Floyd. Okay.

If I listen to the whole album, you know. You like Sinatra, you said? Yeah. When I'm in the more, nothing gets you going like Sinatra. And also I love the whole story. Piece of shit husband hits his wife, but then an amazing. Yeah. When I'm in the more nothing gets you going like Sinatra. And also, I love the whole story. Piece of shit husband hits his wife, but then an amazing. Yeah, taking turn boys, boys, the show. I love that like voice like James Brown was like that.

I'm a big fan. I always like the duality. I always like the duality in art. Sure. I mean, I mean, yeah, he's fucking trash for sure. Eastern European. Thank you, Val. Thank you. He's he's he's fucking trash for sure Eastern He looks animatronic when he comes out It's always like a reveal to like someone steps aside. I know Yeah, it looks like he just shit his pants. I can't wait to be that To be wheeling you out in Estonia like 2055 I'd make some money. Oh

My god, ladies and gentlemen, mr. Ari Matty, but a fucking tail. What a story Yeah, fantastic. What a comedian very funny stuff, buddy. You're a hundred percent garbage. Yeah If something happens I won't give you the full story Do you steal now like will you take something from the airport like a candy bar comics? You're not doing that little shit, are you? Sure, yes, it's a nice pen. It's a nice pen You like pens? He can stab you in the neck if he needs it. Where do you have to steal a pen from? I don't have to steal, but if I see a nice pen with the ink flowing out smoothly, you know when somebody lends you a pen and you write with it and you're like, this feels amazing?

You're keeping it. Oh, hey, I forgot. Are you a credit card guy? Are you a credit card guy? Do you have credit cards like American Express and all that kind of stuff? He's going to show me. I'm going to show you. I'm going to show you.

I'm going to show you. I'm going to show you. I'm going to show you. I'm going to show you. I'm going to show you. I'm going to show you. I'm going to show you. I'm going to show you.

I'm going to show you. I'm going to show you. I'm going to show you. I'm going to show you. I'm going to show you. keeping it are you a credit card guy are you a credit card guy do you have credit cards like American Express and all that kind of stuff he's gonna show me yeah I have a Mickey Mouse card no let me say he really does have a fucking Mickey Mouse you know what Disney car you know what my theory was when I went to top man of a guy kitty bees got a Hey, you want to look like a pedophile real quick? You know what my theory is? If I forget it somewhere. Ah, you can just say the Mickey Mouse, it's got a Mickey Mouse on it.

No, no, no, no. Let's say I leave it on the table and some guy, you know how some comedians are like, look at this card and it's planted with gold? Of course it's going to get stolen. Okay. But if you see a Mickey Mouse card And you look Ari Mickey Mouse card you're like this guy doesn't have any money. This is a 14 year old kid What am I gonna do? Let's return the card. That's my theory. Man you got the fucking angles It's that's a lot. That's a level of

Insanity that I respect Insanity that I respect Ladies and gentlemen mr. Ari Matty, thank you brother. What do you got coming up buddy? Let the folks know this week Yeah this week. I have zanies in Nashville on 29 and 30 never done zanies Nashville. It's a great club. It's fantastic We got a lot of people down there go out check it check out already is a fuck or Ari. He's a fucking killer Yes, let's celebrate the Indians now It's more of like we came together. I think was the PR spin on it, but I heard it's like the mr the guy with the sword

Columbus mr. Columbus Because when I google Columbus things come up sure Sure. That aren't great. That aren't great. Of course. Do you like an idea? Do you like American Thanksgiving? Yeah. You big? First time. I mean, I don't know. Do you like? I had my first Halloween. What did you think of that? Wow. Yeah, I can just picture him out trick or treating. Holy shit. Also, hey, Halloween, if you dress, if you do the thing, don't be like too scary some of these guys realistic zombie I can't have a conversation with you I'm scared flashback to the Marilyn Manson concert I love American women Halloween excuse to be a picked up on that quick with With the titties out, sure, you're a cat.

I love it, you're a cat. We gotta have you back. Once you get a full year of all the holidays and all that stuff. Oh, man. You're gonna like Thanksgiving. It's a nice meal. You like turkey, mashed potatoes?

That's why I love America. You guys have traditions. You sit down, you listen to your grandmother. Like, I love that shit. Yeah, you guys sit down. I can't wait for Christmas here. Because I already see the things out. Oh yeah, they get after it all. Did you do Christmas in Estonia?

Were you guys... We do Christmas, but nothing like American fucking the culture of spending money. Will you get a tree for the house down in Austin? Will you put up a Christmas tree? Maybe I should, huh? I think that would decorate the place I've always been like a little piece of shit Nah do it, it's fun You get involved, invite the girl over, do some boning

I have a wife Amazing see, this is what I need to get I need to get, I'm 32 years old, I'm always alone in my little basement and shit, always hiding from people I still do that now but I'm not just married when I do it I just, do you have kids? No. Please have kids.

Whenever I hear a comedian have a kid, I'm like, thank God somebody's out there. Sure. You guys would seem like great dads, huh? I think so. Yeah, you guys are like nice guys. You have a nice smile. That's the thing when a comedian has a kid,

you're like, you're having a kid? It's like, yeah, I'm 37 years old. Everybody else had kids at 22. I know. We just were such children Isn't it the best arrested development friends were your age and they got the kid out? But they get the kid out do my dude. I have friends who have kids that are 18 a ton son child support It's a rap rap. And now you have a guy who picks you up when you're hammered

And you just be shit-faced I love you I I have friends too. And you hang out with the kid. Did I have I have a friend who was used to be my drug dealer, sell me weed. Now his kids sold me we family business hang out with the kid on the couch, smoking weed like I used to with him with his dad. His timing is similar to his dad. And I give the maybe you're just really high, dude. And the riffs we used to have, I now give him and he's laughing like his dad laughed.

Mm hmm. Kind of makes you feel like a fucking loser. Yeah. I mean, you don't look the best in that, to be honest. But this and now you're serving him the heart shaped Tabata. And I wish I just now I wish I I wish some girl would just come out and be like remember you fucking Nutted in me when oh if you have a kid that pops up When I was like

Now he's like a person. I don't have to like the diapers sure now. It's just a dude. Who's mad at me Would you call you on stage one day? Would you move him into the house? No, you're moving straight in sure But you gotta be like don't shit your pants around me. That's my kid. Don't shit your 18 I don't ask questions like why is the sky blue? I need a fucking 16 year old guy who knows how to swing for the fences smoke weed Kid me. What do you got for him guys? We're off the road for a little while check out the a YG and friends up on the YouTube channel we're dropping those every month. They're a good freaking time and we love you. We love you already. What a fun way

Yeah, man. Thank you. Welcome back anytime. Congrats on everything. Yeah, man. You're alright. You're killing it gang We love you and we'll see you next week next week