Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Ari Shaffir Answers Your Questions!

Episode Date: May 10, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with old pal Ari Shaffir to answer some funny listener questions! Its a fun one! They talk gift giving, eating dog food, and everything else garbage. Thanks for listening!  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.sheathunderwear.com PROMO CODE: GARBAGE https://lucy.co PROMO CODE: GARBAGE https://kushydreams.com PROMO CODE: GARBAGE  Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley all right hit it fatty hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is are you garbage little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they grow to be classy or if there's a big old piece of trash oh yeah I'm your hostage fully coming at you on a beautiful spring day we're down here in Antutti's basement she continues to let our success go to her head sure went to

the local pizzeria yesterday to get a slice whose pictures up on you think I totally put it right next to chivalta I'm like lady pump the brakes a little bit yeah my co-host is coming at you from right next to me he is an international businessman he books the flights to hotels this guy's got the keys I have a credit card that's the only reason he could leave me an Albuquerque if you wanted to and he might Kevin James Ryan everybody hey gang what's up thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you rate review subscribe on itunes full video available on YouTube and you as you know those numbers are true to

fucking real stay cooking and then patreon's really fucking cooking I mean YouTube I mean I'm about to cancel the YouTube description just focus all on check it out you get bonus episodes of AYG get episodes of hard feelings and then every month we'll do a live stream with the top tier members you ask us questions we ask you questions it's a good fucking time we love it having a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire he's the man that makes us look good he's the magic man but you know him his t-bone but his mom and named him Thomas something something so we just call him Toby

I thought it was Tobias it's not sure if it's Tobias No Thomas I got a book of flights and I'm like what's your name again dude this kid's screwball and I've explained it to Foley like 40 times and every time he goes What's your full name Thomas Benjamin Wilkinson McMullen I'm the only person with a dog name that it's an improvement like Toby they're like that's better for sure yeah I was a big bullets fan back in the gang that's either here nor there because this is a family episode we have some company some special company here with us today again little star power in the building we

love them you know them we're gonna do some questions with you he gets to ask you answer your question it's gonna be fantastic he's the host of the skeptic tank give it up for the one the only mr. Ari Shafir thank you I am the one and only I know there is another Ari Shafir has to be another in me and murder a whole regiment I was writing down my name on a fucking on a tour and I was like oh sorry my name I crossed it off and then it's not I heard somebody go like hey who crossed my fucking name who crossed off my name Ari Shafir an orthodox Jewish Ari Shafir that I met in Myanmar but there's got to be a bunch

of them I was no made-up name as far as comedy goes you are the one and the only and even if there was 20 guys with your name you are a one there's certain people that I say the one and the only you know to be nicer to give a little John Smith yeah yeah but you're you're you're a very unique individual next I appreciate it you're back from a six-month tour of South America yeah Central America where you work scoping it out for the invasion yeah I could you know what I was thinking on the way in you you got a pretty good body yeah you know you could be massage dude coming from you that's

absolutely not a body this table is a good body coming from me but you could be massage I could be you could be when he's not he's too high all the time do you know Chuck McGaul or whatever it's called what's the problem I could never get that right why is it somebody's name what's it called Krav Maga my favorite kind of martial arts because it's just non-stop it's like hit hit hit the hamburger at you fucking stop fully get you with the come back do you know that no I don't know you're a jiu-jitsu guy though I'm a jitsu expert I 10th planet trained a white belt under the honorable Edward

Bravo but showing off 17 taps no it's been a while yeah once I got my third staff infection I don't know from the fucking dirty mats those motherfuckers I think you're doing it wrong yeah probably it's just a scrape guy gets gonorrhea from karate dude I was somebody got I herpes once it I think Henderson whatever I herpes who's Henderson but I did I was limping and Joe Rutgers playing pool and he was like why you love me I was like that fucking spider bite or something it's fucking killing me he's like spider bites make so much you limp yeah show it to me and he's like dude you have a

bad staff where would it enter in your toe and no my knee yeah those are bad you can you lose your leg on that yeah he was like how long you had I'm like that's like a month he's like dude you got to the hospital I'll go so there's no no I'm gonna drive you to the hospital that's like really bad if it's systemic but I'm fine fuck skating it what the hell's I herpes I don't know I don't know he was fucking skull fucking somebody the wrong way yeah let's get this straight for everybody out there all right now I get cold sores too you got herpes herpes is herpes yeah doesn't matter where it is sugar coated with

it's a fever blister whatever it is you got a fucking hot one I don't care whether it's on your wiener on your cooter on your lip or whatever I knew somebody that used to get it on her on her finger that's where she sounds like that's where she would get her sores when she flared up so all she would have to do is not finger somebody yeah where bad that she had it for a weird reason they took a piece of something off of her lip and put it on her finger what a piece of meat or something some kind of no so she had some kind of surgery or accident where they took something from her lip or inside of her mouth and put

it on her finger and she had it sounds like a goosebumps story I'm gonna get the fuck out of here that's not a real story yeah I took something from her mouth and it just so happened to be the part with herpes I'm telling you it was my boss her name was Rocky she sold laser this chick I don't got herpes transplant wait your boss Rocky yeah had herpes on her finger she sold laser we sold laser hair removal oh really to a lot of business on Long Island I bet oh yeah yeah the skinny bitches a bunch of hairy broads out there in Massapequa so she had oral herpes and then and then science took over and then science

yeah I'm still not buying yeah I mean you lie about a lot of stuff that I'll give you I'm not lying I'm telling you herpes on Rocky and Gino yeah we can't get rid of it but we can move it yeah his face was on the on the wall of the palm they went to the palm so much in one year that they got their faces put on there in Vegas now here the palm restaurant that'd be real trashy oh the palm restaurant I think yeah I guess to now never been no you got a little excitement coming up you got a bat mitzo yeah I do tonight so the reason I wanted to save it for the pod and I wanted to ask you yeah go for it what

are you dropping oh what do you yeah yep okay so one thing you should know is I was poor for a long time so I set the tone but you're not now you got cash you got cash but I set the tone early for being the cool uncle who doesn't do that kind of stuff that's what I did too hold on how about we're just changing that how many other nieces and nephews have been bar mitzvah mitzvah yet five ish really yeah yeah and they're nothing to shake a stick at you got it you got to come correct yeah wedding for your cat licks up yeah yeah you get sometimes it's thousand when I the first time I realized I was like oh I got a change this I was at

one of their houses on Hanukkah which is their Jewish Christmas we're not the Gestapo we know what Hanukkah is the fuck holy shit I don't know you guys know I've been to plenty of shoppers dinners plenty oh oh yeah lights off here we go yeah and all the kids just stared at me like it's almost like did I get it if you want to sense that you're here and you're in the and you didn't bring anything I didn't think I didn't consider it and that's what I was like hold on you showed up to Hanukkah empty I even considered she's like I'll come eat you guys and it just was this your

sister yeah sister and her kids and the other sister yeah he's fucking screwballs yeah it's guys he's how did you what he's playing another game do you not know what Hanukkah is I just what I just forgot about it I was living on mac and cheese for years I couldn't afford anything I get it now I get it I already gets it so what are you dropping today so now I like to give a specialist my first one I gave him a drone which was like nice that's pretty cool yeah instead of a couple hundred bucks like come on so then one of my brought to a Jets game and one I brought but I got those like agent seats where you're like

upfront we can bang on the wall okay I brought one to a Caps Rangers game okay just in front of DeStefano like real good so how do you how do you how do you tell them that I just said I'm going to take you to Ranger game and then you pass by the front entrance he goes no it's here I'm like we're going to a different place and then you go in and you start going down and you're like where are we you're behind where they see all the fucking the nicks like the marquee and he's like what is this yeah damn down and he was like one of his friends are there take a picture of me from fucking the fucking

wait you take a voice to know his voice was there I think either it was great up in the fucking nosebleeds like a bozo me and Uncle Ari down on the floor baby it was great it was great but I dropped nothing on that yeah you're getting free you're getting absolutely what this is cheap what he doesn't know won't hurt him but hold on I'll give you that though you don't do the move where you give them a card with hey I'm taking you a Rangers game in it so the next one yes I said I'm gonna take you he's a big basketball fan I said I'm gonna take you to a basketball game however I am now persona non grata NBA games so you take your

nephew you do get the shit kicked out of you I gotta test it out first I gotta go to next game on my own to see what happens hey kid you in the formula one at all never been a staple center I mean luckily the nicks hates a lake or so it's like I got a chance but I don't know yeah I gotta test it out myself first say that yeah otherwise we're going over college basketball game I might have to get flipped out yeah you can't go to just no basketball yeah I think the basketball community is done with mr. I wouldn't even walk by the four street courts I've been with you when people like outside the cellar and people would

like hey are you and you're like oh shit I don't know how this is gonna go anybody like okay thank you that's when you use your rustman ease yeah I am getting a new crop of people running after me like younger black like 1920 who didn't really grow up the Koi bright so don't really give a shit and they're just like I love it I don't give a shit yeah they play yeah they play by their own rules yeah I saw what that that same night outside the cellar some guy just gave you like a huge bag of weed remember oh yeah can you take a picture and say you love like mr. I don't walk away my friends he's like why walk away

like they're kind of squares I'll give you an ounce for a shout out I'm like I don't know what a shout out means but you had me that he's got a fucking bag of fucking right into the jets at all huh yeah so this one I'm taking on a camping trip whitewater rafting that's pretty cool hold on whitewater rafting expensive you're staying overnight and stuff like that did you win this on a game show or something like that did you I'll just I got a tent well it's cool taker it's not outward bound or something like that I'll leave her there like figure it out scared straight so that's how many days is that let's be

overnight overnight I'll pick her up we'll go camp set up camp where's it gonna be there there's so many woods up here I don't know up here yeah I don't know too many whitewater rafting spots in New York yeah I'm not gonna promise of the whitewater rafting yeah well that's what enticed me to whitewater otherwise you're just sleeping I don't know what up if we find a rainy season what are you gonna do but you know just like a campfire it's a good time just you and her yeah now are they more conservative like a shit like do they not do super cool shit all the time they're more they're less conservative than their other

orthodox Jewish friends like they will go on like trips and then people ask me like can orthodox Jews not go like to like Africa on like safari like no they just don't they just hoard their money like China yeah why spend it yeah but no so that but still it's like come on don't curse around my kids really we're just gonna curse more yeah any time you give Ari a ruling just but blatantly oh I play backgammon with one of them and I was like fuck when he hit like a double sixes and then and I was like you mom dad Ari cursed whatever and I'm like don't fucking rat on me you fucking idiot also what kids are playing

backgammon what you guys what the fuck shish fish shish fish what's that that's the way you call it in the Middle East shish fish that's fantastic I played a guy for cab fare once it was double or nothing he was like cabbie yeah it was a cabbie where where that's down in the village outside Tel Aviv and he was like we went we were talking about shish fish and he was like two players like yeah I'm good and he goes tell you what play for your cafe and it was like my buddy was like can you win like I mean it's by that it's like 90% luck but yeah I can but he definitely plays so we'll see so it was like if we lose we don't have

enough money for a hostel that night we're gonna sleep on the beach Jesus and if we win we take pocket that kept or get some beer did you win fuck yeah I like that betting it all on black yeah more of a checkers man yeah burger place so no envelope no cash no cash but we're talking about a star-studded event I would assume what do you what would you say your sister's dropping on this way too much it's not one of those masses great no I don't think so 60 probably probably 40 to 60 Jesus so it's not those matters where garden ones you ever see those what yeah it's so much MSG and then you have to then some and then if

you get if you get where the fucking Nets play like what the fuck is this mom and dad yeah that was like super sweet 16 got big when I was in like junior high and it was like you know fucking Jemaine Dupree or whoever would come to sing yeah and then get like a Lamborghini like I wanted the fucking yellow one yeah exactly they're mad they're never gonna be fine with anything they're there that's rich trash Mike yeah yeah yeah my community was at a VFW I got like 200 bucks never saw a fucking that was that was big that was that was saying I gotta I gotta I got like 900 bucks and she gave me like 50 bucks of

it and we went to like value city or clover my mom needed the money she was like well we're hemmed up I just found my bonds I had like 15 grand we were talking about these and I was like are these good like yeah they matured like 15 years ago 20 years ago so did you cash them in how much was it 15 it was a lot yeah and then they go up a little more above Jews do it right plan it for the future man I literally got one for 25 bucks and I was like I waited like fucking 19 years to cash in trying to buy cigarettes with it dude I cashed it when I went to college I'm like well this will get me took me let me be like a

weekend we had those two I never saw them I bought one for my nephew when he was a baby but it seemed like a scam it's gonna put this in my name so it seemed like a real cheapo way of like not giving them 50 bucks it's like I'm gonna invest in America and say it's still gonna be around and like it was a good investment 25 years ago now it's like yeah get in a bit or something yeah shout out the chain link that's what I'm in I don't like that I don't like that commie talk down here right now USA yeah all right gang this is a family episode some questions we're gonna be answering your questions Ari thank you

so much for sitting with us and hey just so everybody I'm pretty sure he just picked his finger now and threw it in the corner like nothing happened but I did there's definitely a fingernail yeah and there's a lid on the trash it would you think it was gonna land on the lid press the button open it up close itself as it was like saw it fly like that was why would I do that I respect move I like to take them I like to curl them up into like little oh what do they call little balls no little willies like beetle like oh roly-poly yeah little man we got a couple of Kennedy sitting down here

Jesus Christ I'm I like to pick my nails you make roly-poly I was kind of open nobody saw it and then yeah she did it for the three cameras I mean you act like you're at a music festival there's five of us looking at you dude I was doing yoga online and somebody pointed out like sometimes I get like bad hemorrhoids and I get all bloody so I go want to toilet paper wake up and put it in there and then somebody was like right at the minute mark like 1927 Ari's bloody hemorrhoid thing falls out you get him that bad like a starfish really oh yeah can we don't go get him taken off special lady you can't get him taken out I

tried they put the rubber bands in him and kill him off and then that didn't work where the fuck are you getting this done a field hospital in Syria here bite this piece of wood I'm gonna rubber band your roids let's go those little balls you put rubber bands around him cut off the circulation so then eventually like shrivel up die and and then you know you abort him I guess why don't you just get them get them lanced at Mount Sinai you're something classy for God I want to a doctor you gotta have a proctologist in the now you guys probably don't do but I went to a doctor once we're probably not we don't

do but yeah no proctology guys keep it above board everything from the way stuff what do you have in the family dentist nice or though surgeon what are we talking or just a regular dentist I think I don't really know I think both think he's like really high-end huh I like it like it yeah have him do it no that all businessmen from there on out nice yeah couple of landlords I'm sure we all property owners in there yeah I'm the black team I got nothing you're doing all right I'm doing all right you got to be making what they make there was an episode a long time ago Buck Rogers an old show and there was this

guy of course I don't know I know he was opening up a pop-up hour over here this metal thing and it wouldn't he just kind of ripped it open he's some alien he goes on my plan I'm considered a weakling among my people yeah I'm poor yeah you're doing pretty good in my book no kidding jet-stick it's I like I know you got jet-stick jet-stick it's an hemorrhoid money pretty good gang real quick want to talk to you about a new sponsor here on the show we love them you're gonna love them it's Lucy nicotine oh yeah Lucy nicotine is a company founded by Caltech scientists and former smokers looking for a better and cleaner nicotine

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one more time baby sheathunderwear.com promo code garbage now back to the show alright guys let's get into some fucking patreon questions so as you know when you join the patreon we will answer your garbage question with a guest it's a good fucking time we've got so many submissions other you know through instagram email whatever this is just the best way to do it and we have a bit of a backlog but we're fucking getting to know my nobody are these general questions for anybody or for me no these are for anybody yeah yeah so this is from Billy Batts shout out to Billy Batts we tried it we tried it one time

with list I was like hey we're having lists back what are your specific questions and it's everybody knows a lot and they just like brought up the saddest story remember about his go-kart or whatever I thought he's gonna cry I was like alright this is bad when they do that because they're like I was and they asked you a question about specifically something you've already answered it yeah because they know it they know it yeah like say that again yeah which is not really a question sure yeah yeah tell me about your sad go-kart here we late to get to the real real I don't know his story about a go-kart but I'm

happy that he was sad and good friend you are mr. shiver alright this is from Billy Batts have you ever had the fruit we're a big continental free continental breakfast love it love the continental be oh you got to do it gotta have you ever gone to a hotel that you weren't staying at though to get it that's a big road comic thing if you're staying somewhere like at the condo or somewhere that doesn't have breakfast you find a place that has breakfast walk in like you've been there in a holiday in our room 204 when you said it I was like there's no way I have no memory of doing that but I was like there's no way I haven't done

yeah you're a schemer that's what makes me think I'm not sure if I've done that I will tell you a great thing to do is you go to like in line at a really busy like in and out or five guys or what's the moment they put the egg on it shake shack shake shack everybody puts the egg on yeah any one of the rockers record no shot for a second time this week what's the way he has turkey as a Broadway show over there now whatever it was but a really fast one you know it's moving and you just you just stand near the front of the line for a while for like 10 minutes and take somebody's burger no you don't take somebody's

burger and then eventually they'll notice you standing there and they go hey where's the cheeseburger fries I've been waiting for it and they go like someone else must have taken it yeah so they go oh give me one second I'm sorry you wait it's a long what about your receipt or that little buzzer you know this might have been pre receipts like that but I feel you could do that at like a burger king or not but like something where you're waiting that's what I was thinking whipping them out whipping them out hurry up and you're like hey I still haven't gotten mine and my wife she's in the car she took the receipt what yada yada

I know what I'm doing this weekend disgraceful did take at LAX the airport all you guys steal from airports yeah and they can see belt extenders yeah some of dying now because of you and he's afraid the FAA is gonna come after him for it like federal crime god damn it is gonna get me jacked up in Chicago I'll be in the pen they have chained gang just a bunch of fat guys we're all connected with see Belgium I got two so far I got the Airbus and I got the Boeing oh you gotta get tons you are an Airbus boom Adam so they kept calling those guys names Smith John Smith Smith and just I was sitting there

waiting I couldn't afford to eat not I'm like dude it's been 15 minutes there's no way there's no way he got on his flight he had to like fuck I gotta run token delicious lukewarm to Keto's I don't mind that especially when you're poor you got a stick and move somehow yeah and he paid for whatever I couldn't do it I don't have the confidence to do it really no they're gonna know you're lying they're gonna take one look you be like this fat guy is just circling that you weren't in the burgers yeah we would have recognized you there is that risk is as you're getting it somebody going hey hey what are you doing that's my

food there is that slight risk yeah I think you be like oh fuck my bed that's you know it's whatever I don't think there's a big follow-up question you know oh sorry I thought my wife something and then you know keep it moving there's moments where you realize you're holding a product in a store and you realize no one's been looking at you for a long time and you're like oh I can get it won't it's not a chance like I can for sure get out of the store holding us yeah that's like you would know what was the last time you stole something it has I just got back to America so not this year sure but every you're still you

wouldn't do that shit in South America would you you can caught stealing a hurrito yeah yeah yeah you're fucking down square strong up I'd feel bad still like struggling people yeah the airport is fucking jacked up to begin with so steel from an airport I don't mind I don't do it cuz I'm not a fucking animal but don't steal kids don't steal disagree disagree with it is worth it you know free stuff do you want to do you want to be the guy getting caught with the Snickers oh counterpoint do you want to be the guy with the free Snickers you feel like I got the devil an angel on my shoulder here I use the word good cause

well they're not gonna lock you up I was in I was in an airport they'll take you I'll shake it down a little bit what do you think of what do you think airports are like holy holy land they don't work they don't own that place they're like fucking who cares always steal the neck pillows you just walk around you put it on your back then walk around like shopping for stuff buy some gum walk right out man how many neck pillows do you need so many like a linebacker from the 70s man great question all right next one coming in this is just funny this is from Kevin do you pronounce the L and salmon cuz if

you do salmon no I don't know your question you hear some people saying it you're just like did I hear right I think I'll hear my mom dropping it after a couple of spritzers you know she'll be like I'll take the salmon I'm like we're more of a flounder family do you flounders trash do you know flounder not really there's Jews aren't even flounder no way it's a real Philadelphia South Jersey thing that's what you went fishing for it's a bottom it it's the eyes are on the same side and we put it to you that way it starts off like a regular fish and then it just swims on the bottom so much that it's other eye

moves over to the no both eyes are on the top of it yeah it's pretty good eat good eating a flounder Friday is down there this is what you guys do every time in your party patreon just take their credits that's great yeah they have they have super funny fucking they've learned we were just talking about this as the show is developed and they've heard our questions a bunch they really come up with like fantastic yeah and they ask them they write them how we would ask them you know what I mean like there's never like pronouns or it's like you ever do this or whatever this is

another one this is from King gay ever have those super weird chapped lips as a kid was that you I could see that being you it was not no I never use chapstick it was just like there was never any point my lips are perfect that was such a tough look on a kid I was always like what the fuck are you doing it's like a real firecracker yeah what the fuck why do you only your lips look badly burned yeah you're seven what the fuck's going on who did you rescue drink a glass of water we had this kid fucking he would always it was a huge crack right here oh bottom lip every fucking winner it's like dude you get

some fucking sealant or something yeah guys that do the roads we had a guy named borough I'm gonna say his last name but he would he just eat his chapstick we'd see my class oh man probably hit with the ladies I wonder what he's doing now he was a fucking nerd in fourth grade I hope he's dead I could Jesus he would eat his chapstick what flavor was it regular I don't think I remember there was a cherry there yeah all right cherry I could I could look the other way on that I could see licking them but like come on if it's if you have some excess on your lip and you know he gets in there if you take a sip of water

so I'm trying to fill up on chapstick hey I hear it's low in carbs I can see that though I was a paste eater when I was a kid really yeah paste paste and dog food I they couldn't keep me away from him it was tough explained your great head of hair he's got a great coat on him he really does it's all that kibble yeah I was all about it oh yeah she'd keep it in the bin and I go downstairs at our house and mountaintop and fucking I'd be snacking down there on come down and get me on paste on dog food on dog food you didn't have paste at the house I was a school thing that would have been a problem yeah no that

would have been a problem and roll on deodorant for some reason I always ate of hers of my mother's I don't know why dude what that's not that's that's like no one's done that I would lick it I would lick her deodorant yeah it's fucked up what the fuck I'm telling you it was like your mom's we're gonna have to cut this you would lick your mom's use deodorant you know it's more you can see like at a child like oh this is what you're gonna become like yeah this he's eating everything around the house so obvious like whoa what you're expecting to look like you guys don't know that wait till you learn how

to cook or got a car to go to McDonald's isn't food and then some yeah you're eating objects so you're eating household products with a little bit of secret oh man try it out just found our H stands for Herbert Sherbert all right this is from will buxom we've taught we touch on this you have a car now yeah car last over cuz of COVID I was like what are you rolling in what can you tell us what kind of Toyota Toyota new by new release lease nice all about the lease I just lease my first car ever as you get a new car you don't put that much into it you to pay like a grand or two more over the three years than you

would have and then get out dude I felt like I got a fucking key afford to I don't even know what it is I got a key I bought it via email I was like hey I'm coming in yeah I'm like I don't want to fucking tie never test drove it nothing like just come in I'll sign the papers give me the fucking keys I said done deal and I literally felt like a fucking millionaire car brand new car never had a brand new car you gotta lease yeah it's the best only three three years don't go longer anything happens to what I did get right in yeah my first new car I did that we're gonna pay for oil changes or they do it now you gotta pay for the

first year what they do uh-huh he's a tough negotiator I love how we had instantly acted like you knew and you were so wrong but you weren't like I think you have to you were like no no no yeah this is the way it is I'm Henry Foley pleasure to meet you do all the work there so they have records of it right you don't have to do it at that dealer like any Toyota place yeah but that how they'll have the records of like hey look I've been doing this I've been doing that so it keeps up it keeps the reason oh yeah you also can just not do a oil change you still give it back yeah I might bang out a little bit though

they'd like to bang out if you don't get another lease right yeah they want yeah they want incentivize you get another lease yeah they want you to get another lease by the way these two guys are on my patreon this same week plug it right yeah yeah yeah oh well yeah we'll put it in the notes and we'll even we could do a bumper same day same day dual episodes cross energy maybe you listen this one over the skeptic tank and listen to us on our response correct yeah well Ari's podcast is more of an SVU type thing this is a little more mainstream this is regular law and order shout out the briscoe

you heard about whatever Waterston what's his name the old Sam waters just died really yeah he was a lot of a lot of criminals behind bars not Sam yeah he played by his own rules McCoy we're talking about boy yeah yeah the big funeral form from the fucking some either the my PD or the something is like because he was a character on their thing they're doing a big thing for him that's like Rocky having a statue that doesn't make any sense he played a fictional he's probably a fucking jerk off in real life it's a big show I doubt he was not what are you knocking on what I don't know Sam Waterston's not gonna

die I just remember it was sad when Jerry Orbach died oh yeah I mean come on dirty dancing he donated his eyes to science great abortion giver yeah that's what he was right no I think it was a regular doc that's why he's upset he doesn't really generally like to an abortions but I'll do him miscarry that ruin in the fucking summer you know I didn't go home after that he already bought the tickets everyone's staying I just from will how long is too long to keep a doughnut or the spare tire on your car I thought he was gonna say keep a doughnut in your fridge yeah all food questions I don't know sir the answer

vegetables everything goes to him they take care of themselves that's a good thing about veggies you play defense for a couple weeks all sudden there's no more veggies yeah right they're right I gotta get rid of this doughnuts don't go bad nope yeah they don't they get harder but you can still eat them oh yeah sweetness is still there taste and fucking dog point stop at a hard doughnut stale doughnuts just turn into eclairs it's basically all the fact they turn French pastry yeah honestly I prefer a little bit of a chew a little bit of a bite I want to fight me back I don't want some doughnuts you're just gonna lay

down I want to go the distance with it I say you got 24 hours of the doughnut car you it's like the point is you go right to a fuck either a Mexican or a real place and you get a real tire or like the next day so tops if it happened early in the morning and like I'm busy I can't get just go straight and get a fucking tire if you're busy then it's like the next day you might not have that kind of cash that was always my problem I never had the cash new tires two bills that's why you go to the Mexicans I would do you know 40 bucks LA they just they take shit off the at the junkyard you are gonna take a flight

from New York to Los Angeles get a tire whatever the version of that is here you can get there's places I've gotten I've gotten my tire fixed at a guy just on the corner like there was no shop you just pull up and you double park and he runs out with like a jack and it's a year and that's why you're in Dominican actually I've been through those neighbor the in between neighborhoods of where the whites go and then like you drive through and you see people like it's like a pattern building a part building and then just a homemade sign says tires and stuff yeah just like written it's like a girl they have like a

garage or they built like a hut yeah yeah you can do it for sure I know you're going to the dealer for a tire you're a fucking jerk I don't go to the dealer I go to I go to a tire place I don't sell cars there but I can't just put any tire on my car I get nervous that's gonna pop I get some old so you would drive a fucking donut longer because you're afraid of fucking real tires gonna like to have a quality tire on my vehicle he's got a big issue with his time he's always the pressures always go and he's always going I'm at a 32 I need a 34 I think it's the extra cargo I know I know exactly how much tire pressure is in

my car at all times because I have a little a little heads up display to tell me Rita wow yeah gotta care about something yes I got put W's on the board somehow big man it's mobile baby that my cardio vascular exercise things that matter to me all right growing up I'm now with you I don't know because the religious upbringing this is from Chris Rowe were you a pop tartar toaster strudel family neither neither really was there a kosher actually I wonder if either or those were kosher but we just didn't know we were not a sweet family no sugar no twizzlers which were kosher we couldn't have them you

would like you would you didn't prefer them or you weren't allowed to have we weren't allowed we wouldn't have if they were kosher we wouldn't have my mom would never have bought them because you have a little bit of chariots was as deep as she went for sugar really honey that's yours are kosher here the only pop tarts that are kosher are the ones that don't have frosting oh well I know the grandcracker what are we doing here hit the bricks with balsamic glaze on it can I get to get the toaster strudel with the vinegar at least mushrooms on it mind is that barata cheese shout out to barata I'm a big barata barata barata if

you're there we'd love to get to the podcast tag us call us um what was the snack situation was it honey that cheers was as far as snacks I don't mean because you have a sweet we go to the butlers house the butlers would have it the butlers would have the butlers family okay yeah the neighbors and they would have they'd always had twizzlers it always had those fucking pretzel peanut pretzel oh they have nibs that's two types of twizzlers oh they nibs are great a lot of people don't know that I'm not people don't even know what a fucking nib is not a big fan love them love there's actually the smoothness is great I want a whole smooth twizzler that

seems generic to me which they kind of have that with the pool and pizza what a lot of people don't realize is that there's no actual or twizzlers product that's the same the twizzlers that are in the regular pack are a certain kind of licorice the ones that are in the little mini tube anger that you get at Halloween they're a little bit different and the nibs are different and then the pull apart forget about it pull up it could I suggest something oh yeah those are like the thin ones could I suggest something that I know you guys will be into so I get it the environment we're all gonna die in 2040 whatever they're saying right now look where's the straws that's exactly oh I did that all growing up dude I'm saying businesses do it

instead of those fucking straws that evaporate that are like a towel they suck you gotta fucking suck it down you got three minutes for it's worthless yeah if I don't cut cut boom and you could eat it at the end I like it strawberry daiquiri with a with a sourced with a sourced come on you can do different things I want nothing in return just have it out yeah but your straw expenses are going to go through the roof yeah but you raise it by 50 cents a drink no you buy redbines in bulk you can get them at a pretty decent price we're talking bare bottom prices I do it anyway at the movies so what's the difference man there was nothing like there was nothing like some fountain soda some fountain coke through a fucking twizzler good god and then

you have it at the end the teeth were gone by the end of the movie but still you bypass compost completely there's nothing there's no waste that's a fantastic idea thank you I like it I don't hate it who owns a business do you have any listeners or fucking watchers that own businesses please I think probably we could yeah probably you got a real employee heavy listener yeah where we're definitely unemployed slash employee who has a podcast with winners as listeners probably Jared freed maybe Jared freed not even Schultz he has a lot of them but there's not they're not winners either I think just maybe by your shoulder you know who you know wait listen to Jared freed's podcast is Chloe from Chloe from by Chloe I bet you she'd be she'd be up for that idea yeah I got

if you got some kind of organic uh licorice organic twizzler yeah she might be in it bars maybe you will own bars yeah I will figure it out well I mean yeah we know borrowers who's Chloe Chloe Chloe the girl that was in the village the the vegan thing was on the corner they're fantastic if you walk out of the cellar to the right so it bleaker in mcdougal it's just those little like gift gift bag things no she'd say no it was like a whole restaurant like a restaurant like a bakery restaurant sandwiches and stuff I hate it really hate it I was packing them in a couple summers yeah she was fucking killing it and then they closed it yeah she opened up the store next store to it too they were expanding from Chloe from Chloe to Chloe by Chloe to Chloe

all right next one this is from Rick this is a two parter have you ever slept in your car part two have you ever been woken up by a cop for sleeping in your car you've had a sleep in your car for sure for a thousand percent it's not in my car at like gigs or like catching a nap yeah catching out I had to fly back to LA to like edit this not happening and then like I went straight to an editing bay or that was Chloe Woods right it was worth it yeah let's check it I love that guy funny dude he was a great host that was the most arty joke ever but yeah then I was like I gotta get a hotel and everything was like taken or expensive and I was like fuck and then like I went to one and it was like no

am I staying here like a motel type thing went just went to a neighborhood and pulled my car back and just like let's go why don't you just do hooky from school hooky dude I haven't heard the term hooky and so what are you will you increase you got a paper dude you can't be there you can't be there I am playing hooky yeah you still were playing hooky yeah I would go racing at thunder road yeah the best is you're sleeping in a car and you're like you kind of started up to like get a little heat going and then you gotta cut it yeah and then when you got a pee it's like I'd have to go somewhere or just crack the door lean over sure tap tap tap I pee by my car male privilege yeah it's not bad uh last night when you were last time you were leaving here

I was like midnight or whatever and I was waiting for my uber my uber driver got out he dropped someone right across the street and I was like oh shit that's random I'm walk so then he pulls up like I don't know 20 yards and I'm like oh whatever I'll just walk to him I guess and he gets out of the car walks over to the passenger side opens the door and just starts peeing as I'm like fucking five feet from he used the passenger side to block it but like dude piss on the outside of your car piss away he's pissing in towards the car and I was like hey man for Kevin and he's like oh I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm like dude take your time I get it when I was the piece you get a peek yeah pretty good pretty good unit on them yeah there you go you're about an uber driver said

do you mind if I go to the bathroom do you mind if I pull over go to the bathroom and get gas I've never had that no I have and it's always like why is the meter right yeah that's fucked up yeah I've had cabs do that I gotta get can I pull over and get gas yeah but like turn it off yeah yeah hit pause or something or I'll give you a flat rate yeah go in and guard me something dude I had one guy in Philly literally go I gotta stop here and pick up my buddy and we he picked up his buddy who was like four blocks out of the way from wherever and then his body was just in the front seat with him oh well I was just in the back like dude what in the fuck is going on here yeah I'd never get into a cabin or somebody else in the front seat that's a fucking tough

that's yeah uh-huh you're kidding up at me yeah you're getting kidding you're about to be trafficked I didn't I mean yeah whatever I didn't care I didn't have a lot going on at the time it was somebody was working at Macy's in Center City for like eight bucks an hour um I've never been well I've slept in the car never been woken up you sleep in the car we almost slept in the car the other day together we almost took naps together yeah in his Jeep it's not I used to be able to do it all the time like I drove for a while and I would just I would go I would get like a $20 breakfast at Burger King put on stern and I'd be out for like seven hours for some reason I can't really do it now I can't get comfortable really you gotta be tired for sure yeah you gotta

it's gotta be like this is the let like this is my only and he's obviously not talking about your driving you're in the passenger seat and you doze off like parked your car because there's movement yeah it's like you're a baby there's you're getting rock there's nothing better than when you were a little kid and you were in the back seat and like your dad or your uncle was driving and the AC was on was back there yeah you get the sun and the AC combo fucking out yeah when you park you kind of wake up and they're like they carry in I used to always pretend like I was still asleep so they're to carry me I'm not getting up walking yeah like an asshole yeah ruin my buzz I didn't see you pretending like you're asleep but you don't know how to pretend to you like

you're such a ham you're overreacting one time I fell asleep Brian Redban Rogan's old producer gave me some weed that he was like that's not that strong and it was like stronger than normal and just fell asleep at a red light what yeah on the way home put on the put on the get or put on the break I guess what the fuck I just like honk or like and but like where am I kind of thing you look you didn't hit the gas I am lucky geez because me and Ruben often I got lucky a lot a lot of drunk driving never never never turned up you were driving off we were driving on one night in that same situation there was a guy fucking passed out in a red light so we had to like fucking try to wake him up we called the

cops and stuff like that he was gonna kill himself or somebody when he woke up he was gonna fucking dart right in the traffic yeah it's love when you see a drunk driver you're like just get out of his way but yeah it's the right it's the right thing you got it you can't do you can't be driving me and Rogan saw a guy trying to put his key into his back door for like three or four minutes oh and then realized he was just like that I mean we're like that guy are you fucking kidding me he kept doing and then he was like and then he went to the front went right through a red light we're like let's hold back wait a couple of minutes right through the rest we really breeze past $20 Burger King breakfast by the way well I mean dude he already admitted

to eating paste and dog food what am I going to call him out on actual food at this point would you say you ate a 20 you ate 20 he would go spend $20 at Burger King oh on breakfast good catch to buy this was in like this was in like the early 2000s too yeah the most you could spend with six yeah no come on don't paint me out to be the bad guy here supporting local businesses wait wait fully I have a question have you ever yes Toby have you ever at a drive through ordered two drinks to make it look like your meal for you was for two people yes yes I have wow yes I have I used to do that too I would be real clever with the with the words that I would use in my bigger days I would say like I all I'd be like I need a bacon egg and cheese and also like

I remember like it was for someone I'm like oh yeah I also need like I forgot about my wife that's great I love fatties try to like try to reason with people so no no you don't think I'm fat it's not because I eat too much it's just yeah I would I would say and she's gonna have all right or no she doesn't want to drink um the biggest move is when I when I feel like I order too much delivery if nobody else is home act like you go into the bedroom yeah yeah here babe here thanks man bye yeah I mean on the Patreon one time we went over our last seamless orders the three of us and it was like yours was like devastating it was like a half a cheesecake for breakfast two sandwiches it was a lot another half of lunch and then seven more sounds like

it sounds like a meal preppling if I ever heard one let's keep a fresh cheesecake around here oh man you should do a fucking weight loss uh commercial but just look like you and then just be like do you want to look your best and just like just tell them you're real what you're eating a regular day Chinese for breakfast the pounds will fly off I used to be 900 pounds all right this one's from Bryce while we're on the cars and we've touched on this way early on in the show have you ever used the windshield washing squeegee to clean more than your car a thousand percent yeah that's a trash move yeah it's a trash it's a poor move the way you guys fucking try to explain away your dollar pizza habits as oh I was poor instead of saying it's disgusting but I had no

choice you're like no it's good there there is an emotional connection I had it over the weekend I think you're being too hoity-toity I'm surprised too a dollar a dollar slice some dollar slices are okay some the best they can do is okay fresh hey I'm okay with okay number one pizza city in the world I think yeah but I think I think Percy's isn't that great in New York I'll go down there and I'll take a slice and I'll put it on the ground and I'll step on it and it's now two dollars I got to talk to Percy they they had to increase it but there you go so now you can have it but that's not a dollar slice anymore there's a lot of slice if it's two dollars it's double what a dollar slices you're talking about a different thing this guy's bonkers all right take it easy I just raised

the prices what was the question hey whatever you say big guy but there's a lot there's more bad pizza in New York there this is the number one bad pizza city there's better it's like comics like yeah there's a lot of great comics you know and there's also a lot of shitty comics me and Kurt Metzger used to like shit on each other which is the worst comedy scene in New York or LA back when we were both reversed and uh and he would like throw out some shitty LA comic then I throw out some shitty New York comic and we're all like I don't respect none of us respect that one yeah he's not we're not he's not on our team yeah wait what was the question uh using this oh yeah yeah I would always car wash full car wash yeah what the whole car whole car I got thrown out a couple times

and you won't need a dollar slice come on this guy's everywhere yeah this guy's all nuts I can't get a read on this guy I do it to clean off the gas if a little gas spills that's the gentleman move I I don't even put that shit on my windows I have to this was like maybe this was right before I got my new car and I shout out you know rest in peace to the Montego uh it was I parked under a tree for like two weeks and it was just fucking bird shit pollen like fucking branches twigs dude and I like I was at the gas station for 15 minutes scrubbing my car I was really hoping a listener didn't see me what about wow really about this life what about the poor slob that has to use it after you I mean the water's dirty I mean I don't care about the next

shit all over their window well here cleaning bird shit off their window it's not like they're pulling up with a brand new car yeah they're not changing their babies diaper with it yeah it's like what the fuck it's going on the outside of their car yeah it's like oh same boat I was in before I guess that's the worst case scenario yeah I'm really just smearing bird shit on my car that's a tough look yeah it's not great there's a lot that as you guys get in fans it's like there's a lot like it sucks because you can't do certain things anymore in case someone sees you it's not just some slob doing it it's like oh I know those guys yeah it's funny you mentioned that I believe I got caught picking my nose picking my nose is the one yeah driving down 2nd Avenue

unless it was just some random person but this woman was hanging under the back of a jeep and I was driving had the windows down you know what I mean the radio's on um and they pulled her next to me I could have swore she was yelling foley but she had her phone out and she was no humanly I was driving and I'm pretty sure I had just done a fucking done a flick nice that's my private time in the car it's right clean house don't touch nothing in there eat $20 breakfast um all right we got a couple from Facebook as well have you ever had to throw this is from Eric have you ever had to throw a pan away because you cook something and never cleaned it this seems right up your fucking alley yeah

for sure I have yeah recently no no it's been a while but I was in LA I would leave stuff in there for so long at that site I would I would get you ever get to the point where you're just sick as full of dirty dishes and like you need a dish to eat something so you wash one use it right back in the dirt yeah yeah 20 other I can't do it yeah at some point it's just so caked in there that you're like yeah the bottom of that it's you're like in college every every time I moved out of college I just trashed all I would just put the stuff that was in the because it was just in the sink forever I put it into a fucking beer like a 20 like a case of beer like an empty case of beer and we're just fucking right out the window yeah you know it's

a classic move is being like we it's we have dishes because we have too many dishes so you throw out everything but like four of everything and then it's just four things in the yeah that is just four dirty things you that's really all you need especially if it's just you or you and in your significant other yeah that it really is all you need and the rest it really is just like it'll force us to wash it over two meals yeah I got a dishwasher now so I'm fucking the living pretty large you got one fancy I have had one before I didn't have my last place but it like God it makes it so much easier having one of New York is fucking just the mini one is all you need yeah I have one it's yeah it's like like the size of a trash compactor it's clean living yeah it's

not too shabby um all right this one's from Jordan ever get a payday loan which I cannot for you foresee you getting a payday loan I don't know what that is a payday loan is you would if you needed money that would give you money like you know say it's Monday you apply for a payday loan you can get it by Tuesday but then you have another business from like a from a loan but not from your job not from your job not like hey can I get it you get it till your payday like so you're kind of signing over your check to them at like an insane rate at insane rate sometimes it's like 72% like it's like a banana wow you don't pay by Friday they really fuck I've never got one of those but that is a new business that I will be going into the going I'm never going to learn

how to fucking be smart welcome to Ari's payday loans Ari's loans never pay off that's right best interest rates in town won't be probably among the worst but there was one on like it was like ran by like like on an Indian reservation because they have like they can play by their own rules a little bit and it was like you know soaring eagle payday loans or whatever and at the bottom in like the super fine print it was like 80 we got you it was like 88% rate or something like if not paid back in the first couple of days because they know you're not going to pay it back if you need money to get to Friday when Friday comes you're not going to be in a better financial situation correct you know anything else is coming in exactly yeah I was never really privy to that

I have gone to my boss and said hey can I get my money now yeah a little bit up front and also I've tried to I've tried the uh is a JG Wentworth the lender my money and I need a lending tree oh that's what they still hit me JG Wentworth was different that was if you which is also bad money if you like had a slip and fall and they were like oh we'll give you $10,000 a year for the next 10 years so that that's worth $100,000 in 10 you know after the total of 10 years JG Wentworth would go we'll give you 60 now and then sign over to all the payments that collectors do so if you want somebody a hundred bucks and eventually like we're putting you in the collections they buy it someone else bought that debt for like give me I'll take that hundred for 70 yeah and I I have a 70%

chance greater or less that getting that from him and they're like hey man we're gonna ruin your credit so they probably might get a hundred but also your deadbeat so it might not and then eventually they sell it off to sell it off so at some point if you've been in collections long enough you say hey will you take $25 yeah and they're like yeah we bought this debt for three yeah so it's all win for us dude I I mean I don't know you I'm very well versed in this uh this world uh my credit yeah my credit will uh we'll we'll reflect that but I owed Macy's 800 bucks for I'm talking seven years you work there dude how do you owe them money I told you because in order to get the employee discount you had to put it on a credit card you had to put it on a Macy's charge card like credit

card you must have been fly that year yeah I was just by dude instead of doing like instead of like washing clothes I would just buy underwear and socks and shit on the fuck I didn't know how cry was fucking I want you still had Macy's what yeah I don't steal man I don't steal I come I have some sort of no no I didn't ask you if you stole I said why didn't you steal yeah I don't know I still don't steal I never really stole I still don't run a clean shop because I'm an honest man um wait I have a question for Gary yeah if someone venmo's you do you pay the money for the instant transfer or you just hit the keep it all wait the two to three days for to transfer yeah I don't even know what that is all right so you can so someone sends you a hundred bucks

yeah you have a hundred bucks in your venmo balance you can transfer it immediately to your debit card but they charge you like they went there they they charge you a couple of oh yeah I've never done that I so I just have a balance I'm not I'm not hand-of-mouth so I don't have to like I knew that I'm not hand-of-mouth either but I for sure get it out of venmo's fucking grimy balls right into my bank account really yeah I'd be interested to know what you had in your venmo like $58,000 just sitting are you joking no no you're lying I just looked yesterday I had to transfer marissa some money at $58,000 you do I don't know what I got that that's so much worse that's crazy now he doesn't have can I come work for you no are you hiring I don't know I don't

have anything in there I probably like a couple hundreds that's it just like moving around you have an amix card yeah you do yeah for a damn look at this guy we don't do limits you have to have a limit you don't have a black card no it's not about to we aren't choosing are like a different thing it's not the limits it's like there's no there's no specific jewish american express card there is and there's a jewish tsa line does we have a ton of shit you guys don't even know about I'm converting it's just a deli you gotta walk through cad the back of cats yeah it's like the side side thing of pinks where you gotta go there you go that pinks what's that hot dog place okie dog no no those are both LA the one in the east village yeah pretty young thing or

pretty hot yeah you pick up the phone and someone's like hello you're like I come in and then the back of that wall yeah I try do you ever try that I went in there once yeah I tried it and do the number was not working like they're like hey hit pound six nine or whatever and I was like trying to show my buddy I'm like yeah this place is pretty cool and I could not get it I was like yeah this place fucking sucks dude wait hang on you have to have a credit card limit uh yeah yeah I'm sure I do but he's saying but he's he also operates in a world where you need your limit higher me too I just applied for yeah yeah I gotta get my guess our limits guess our limits what do you think we're worth I'm paying like a green grocer every fucking month and they still won't fucking

buy five thousand seven thousand five thousand dude five hundred two hundred you think I'd be here for like five grand in credit legitimately every once in a while just get an email or a text from my credit card saying your limits been raised I gotta be I gotta buy four I got an email from them saying hey we got our eye on you yeah well I got I say well yeah what's going on I never carry a balance I just like it just pays I do it at the end of the month too they still won't fucking bump me up and my credits at seven twenty I don't know what's going on here's a fun one because now you guys are headlining on on together yeah it's going out there what's the next states uh June 18th it'll be in Atlantic City it's probably sold out maybe there might be a couple of tickets left

second show when Chicago sold the fuck out great we got Indiana coming up uh Indian yeah Indy coming up in uh June June 23rd okay every once in a while a club owner will hit you with this like hey do you want some of that cash now sometimes it's just happened to me and I didn't know what to do I panic I thought hold on for a second I thought you just did that to shift the conversation away from finances I was talking about finances yeah it's part of I was going to be impressed that was a good deflection he's also a good plug or two yeah he's good man's a broadcast forget about my network tell you guys have some dates coming up that's what I thought you did I was like oh this guy's good but they'll hit you so sometimes you go they're like oh fuck I don't

have an ATM I need to tip the bartender like hey can I get a hundred right now and then just take it out of my thing um but they'll hit you with you want some of that and cash which is like I was always like no just the whole check or deposit the whole check and then it hit me like oh you're not going to report the part do you think that's the case it is the case so and when they say that go well how much can you give me in cash if it's all of it if you feel comfortable getting home with all of it do it all and they'll they'll write down a small ours is really only 300 bucks anyway they got that on them reporting it I have some of that in cocaine please yeah for sure what do you tip the staff like the green room staff well you know so if they tip if they waited on me the whole

weekend yeah five dollars and then uh and a signed head shot yeah I give my album I'll go like a hundred usually that's pretty good that's because I was a waiter at like a hundred and I worked at club for the weekend he is he is good with that kind of stuff I mean he fucking you let you wet everybody's beak around you went our beak from the other day which I was fucking blown away by and thank you very much I was very honest and paid him by the way I was leaving he left me the money because this I would have found that eventually I would have hunted you down like he would have never have ever mentioned it I just like the I would have had a little bit of cash I wouldn't know it could have been put a button with that extra hundo and he's not running anywhere

oh I go yeah and then the bartenders if you're gonna be there all week and you want them excited you're gonna come back and also like you do nightly or at the end because sometimes I switch it up on you so I'll be like hey well now I feel like an asshole yeah so nightly I'll go like 20 or 40 especially if like I'm bringing the head the emcee and the whatever then I'm like I'll I'll take care of it yeah like 40 a night nightly cost me more yeah then into the way yeah at the end of the week um yeah it's just like those are the employees of the club you got to pay them yeah and then you go cheap on other people yeah he's good with that kind of stuff man he's a good guy man solid good but mitzvah gifts I gotta tell you I mean camp is a little weak camp is a little

weak it's a fucking great experience let me ask you with that it's no it's no it's no court side at the next game it's gonna do blow bullies in if you could only do cash yeah what would you be giving her this weekend uh geez I don't know um I have no idea 500 that's pretty that's not bad I'm saying that might be too high actually it's a 12 year old I don't know what do they need my I don't know but but Bob mitzvah you guys make like fucking 50 gotta go big man I know but I remember getting a grand from like my richest richest aunt uh and it was like Jesus do you remember what you made total for your bar mitzvah I think like 15 grand 15 grand he's never gonna get over that number by the way 15 grand you handed me 15 grand at 12 yeah dog food as far as he I can see

kibbles for everybody my friend let me get a ride the petco will you couple of milk bones bring the deodorant oh my god 15 grand 15 grand I got 200 bucks I never fucking saw it you didn't deserve that fair enough to try what you get to it what for what communion communion yeah what's the difference between communion and bar mitzvah when you take on the religion bar mitzvah you become a man you become an adult I was a man back then I was making moves I bet you were I bet you would fuck the lot back there it was a good looking kid that that Herbert Foley don't tell that your new name by the way Herbert shut up to her be her be her be I like it her be in t-bone all right let's do a couple more and then we gotta fucking wrap up here this has

been a fucking heater um this is also from Facebook this is from Cheyenne D this is nuts to me do you use a new towel every time you shower what that's crazy that's nuts that's not that's not a trash thing I don't even do that in a hotel what are you talking no obviously don't let him in yeah it's a towel though no that's nuts the question should have been phrased the other way how long do you yeah have you ever gone you know weeks yeah yeah yes yeah if I'm at my mom's house I'd fucking fresh one every time really I'll use all these two one for my face one for my body you kid me keep her working she does them fresh too I don't know what she puts in there but at home forget it my girlfriend goes my wife one or two like one or two showers what I have one

shower I have noticed sometimes a week a towel will actually have a musk or snow oh yeah it's a moldy wet and then it's like time you gotta go yeah but I feel like for me it's like I always forget to throw that in like you know I always forget a lot and then I just wrap it again then I'm gonna go separate then I'm in the shower I'm like ah fuck I meant to do this yes and then you're gonna use it right there yeah fucking jammed up because oh like okay so regular people with regular lives don't understand this what comics do it's like we don't really have a second towel or a towel like yeah having it where you're like uh I'll just go get a new one yeah I have what my wife has like four I have one now but up until I moved on my girlfriend yeah have you ever dried

off with not a towel oh yeah I was a big t-shirt guy for a long oh for short t-shirts dirty t-shirts paper towel paper towel my college roommate used to do that my boy flip it's insane air dry fucking wow handful of paper towels to dry himself air dries a good one in really hot weather places I use a hairdryer hair dryer I use wow I have to do it because I have to make sure that I uh dry the gooch there's a little inside baseball um but I have to make sure that I get everything dry down in this situation so later on it doesn't start swamping up on me wow I gotta make sure everything's bone dry and a little powder take care what you care about right and that's his actually before we move on can I do a quick suggestion please guys uh fucking trash nation

whatever you guys are I don't even call your fans that's pretty good actually we don't have a name for them listen I used to have the most downloads of any fucking episode and I've been eclipsed so I'm gonna fucking cheat the system I want you to go to that fucking other episodes I had and click the fuck out of it and get me above that goddamn guiney de stephano and that fucking trash soda get me above them again do whatever you can fucking click click click refresh refresh get me above them I need to be back at first yeah he's nuts he I caught him commenting on a video the other day we uploaded he goes Ari Shafir's was better commented by Ari fucking Shafir if you haven't seen if you haven't seen Ari's episode it's absolutely fantastic we filmed it in gas it looks

beautiful it's absolutely fun and fantastic gotta check it out yeah it looks okay it's no t-bone producer no t-bone like what do you mean I set up this whole great all right this was in this is definitely in both of your times wheel houses uh did you this is from mike on the patreon did you ever order the 12 cds for a penny from like cd baby or cd now if you want to talk about theft yeah let's do this then you got me you got me dead the right because you wouldn't even pay the penny I wouldn't dude I they fucking at 13 still don't understand at 13 I was like these guys are fucking suckers I signed up my mom my dad I that was listen here's the thing that was when cds became big and they were reissuing everything on cd that

was all Billy Joel's greatest hits hot rocks all the fucking great classic rocks all that stuff coming back out and jams for sure fucking cleaned house you have to it was it was either 12 for a penny or 10 for the price of one with nothing more to pay ever 12 for the penny you still owed them a bunch but how are they gonna come get you it didn't make any sense I still don't get I'm pretty good business minded person I went to college and I still don't understand they get your address they rerun them so it's like you don't they're not paying full price of the artist and stuff they're just like whatever but like they don't they once they have your address mark they're like we're not to that anymore after you get a few a few what was the what was like 40 cd what was

your hope when you were there they were they were baking off some honest fuck it's fucking dude they went out of business right I think so I would assume so I worked at the university of Maryland turps I was uh what that I don't know it was I forget what it's called it's called Columbia house bmg those are the two yes so I worked at we logged in packages university mail we would give out phone numbers north hill service desk we give out phone numbers if people lock their keys out they come show id and we'd log packages they're too big for the little buck so like you'd call them up like hey you've got a package waiting for you so it hit us we're the ones logging the packages in oh so we just started ordering music one hit fucking get their album get their whole catalog

it doesn't matter anything you get just fucking get it get it get it get it get it get it which were early days of internet too so you could like shop for everything wasn't the early ones you just have to stick out lick a fucking stamp and put it on there yeah 12 anything we ordered two rooms that don't exist the bathroom had a room number the fucking janitor closet had a room number we just make up names and a rundle uh mrs fields whatever and then you get a package to a room that doesn't exist and all our friends would be like hey you know like who's mrs fields like oh that was mine yeah rack up see that's my kind of great I can get behind that I don't go for the nickel and I'm shit that's white collar shit yeah I like it all the time they found out they called the

fucking r.a. was in charge of us and they called one by one all of us in your office were in trouble and they just said Columbia house yeah they called our boss like sometimes you there's been 9 000 orders to this building I mean it was for like seven months straight every couple days we'd have a new box and so like what is there 19 000 apartment building apartments in this building exactly and so they were like we know who else did it we need you to tell us to come clean about everything and I was like no I'm not gonna I'm not gonna report come clean yeah my friends yeah get the fuck out of here and they go yeah deny deny deny they said you can't keep your job we already know you did it you can't keep your job unless you tell us who else did it and I was like

fuck no but I was like no I can't I can't and they go okay you're fired and then they fired me and then everybody else brought it on everybody else oh really already went down with the ship I like it good man good man mr interfered yeah this guy's fucking solid he's rock solid he's trashy but sure sure rock solid guy yeah he's rock solid all right let's wrap it up that was a fucking heater baby fantastic episode Ari thank you so much is everything you want to focus out there to know that you have coming up etc yeah I got a youtube channel now youtube.com slash Ari Shafir come check out these guys this week it's today same day this drops go over right now on youtube.com slash Ari Shafir the are you guys we discuss what actually makes someone garbage uh was a fun

app had a couple of pops we shot it here two days we shot it a couple of pops yeah I just got back it was my first shot spent one from back here in America here we go we love it so it's great I got a patreon also patreon Ari Shafir and uh yeah thanks for having me guys thank you guys I love fucking trash nation and he's really pushing he's gonna send us a fucking cease and assist order from one of his fucking cousins he's gonna be like listen trash nation is uh taking off it's pretty popular yeah I said it was on video proof we'd like to take you camping white water and discuss this proposition uh what do you got kiff $500 limit that's nuts I got to I got 200 and I tried to I tried to get it where can you buy I can't I do I can't even put my cell phone bill on it

it's fucking insane uh guys please make sure you rate you subscribe on itunes full video available on youtube uh and then patreon.com also the live shows the link will be in here let's go I think we I think we just got a text right in the second show in Atlantic City so fucking get tickets for that uh Chicago sold out indies coming up we got to move tickets there we also have Cleveland Boston uh Rhode Island fucking all over Providence so fucking get some fucking tickets we have fun of the live shows they're we just posted a clip they're fucking we close them out together to like 20 minutes it's so fucking fun that's all it's like just shitting on the crap because people want to be shit on and people ask questions ahead of time they put they yeah we have each

show has its own email so they email them in and then we kind of feel them ahead of time you know and do you say hey so-and-so yes well where's where's frank at and then frank oh you're here with uh shit on frank a little bit frank to be honest fuck frank frank what the fuck are you doing get your shit together i love you frank but and then he gets asked this question so then I say is this yeah and then like I mean sometimes I'll read it or they can yell it like whatever it's just like a it's a conversation starter it's a great time so much it's fun stuff gang we love you so much we'll see you next week peace peace