Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - ARI SHAFFIR Retires!

Episode Date: July 21, 2025

Are You Garbage is back with Ari Shaffir for his retirement party! You Know Ari Shaffir from Stand Up Comedy, Protect Our Parks, the Joe Rogan Experience, You Be Trippin, This is Not Happening, Kill Tony, 2 Bears 1 Cave, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, The Tucker Carlson Show and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Better Help: Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/GARBAGE Pestie: For 10% off your order, go to https://pestie.com/ayg Square: Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at https://square.com/go/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Wait, hold on, before you sip, I have a toast. There are good ships. There. Let me take this on the top. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.

This is R U GERBAGE. It's that little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they have to be classy. Yeah. They're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, Dave Trolley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition. She's out in the living room watching a little QVC.

Okay. With a side of DMT. Okay. So who knows what's going to be showing up at the house. My new co-host is coming at you from right next to me. Hobo Jones, everybody. That's my boy, Cracker Jack. How often do you see star skiing?

When you're selling slaves, you got to look for two things. Fucking honey bear over here. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman. He's my best pal in the whole wide world and I'd love him to give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody. What up, everybody? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify.

I got a book climbing the charts over there, baby. And then the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash RU Garbage. You get over there, baby. And then the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash RU Garbage. You get over there. You get 2 billion hours of bonus content. Yes, sir. And we're trying to keep up good faces here, but we got a

very special guest here. His final final final performance here. Yeah. It's true. On RU Garbage. You're retiring, I hear. Yeah, I'm retiring. That's right. The Ari Schaefer farewell tour. Farewell tour has come to an end and I had to drop into the garbage boys to say goodbye one last time at Favorite Pod.

He's heading off to the, what's it called, the Seed Locker in Antarctica? They're putting me up there? Looks like you've already been there a couple of years. They're like, we thawed one out. It's not our best. And he's really Jewish. Mr. Ari Schaffir, everybody, the legend. Look at him.

Thank you, boys. At this point, you're currently somewhere in the world. Yes. Yeah, I'll be out of gone, enjoying the world. Where in the world is Carmen Epstein? Yes. What if I could just go straight to Epstein Island and just stay there?

What'd you see? I'm like, all sorts of stuff. I don't want to talk about it. You're going to be traveling around. You're going to do your thing, and you're coming back. Take a little sabbatical. I'm just going to travel around and see the world, learn some Mandarin.

And you're starting your new life. Yeah, and then I go to London. Damascus. London, Damascus. Yeah. Open up a Syrian comedy club. Oh, yeah. That would be a great one.

That would be. Citizen, there's a lot of jokes you can't do here tonight. Almost all. Syrian Comedy Club, head for a roll. Yeah, you guys got to go visit me in London. You guys got real topical real quick. Nobody's coming to London. What do you mean? It's right there.

Nah. You are. You have been inviting a lot of people to a place you're not currently at. Yes. That is true. That is true. That's like when I get my new house I'll probably have a spare bedroom for the first time in my life. You're welcome to come stay in it Also, you think I'm gonna fly across the fucking Atlantic Ocean to live with you you're fucking nuts come have a Coors light You're gonna be in some tenement in Liverpool that'd be great

You got over there. I'm not the guy you're gonna be in some tenement in Liverpool. That'd be great Look you should be chasing Robin Williams around house You with an old-school Billy Glee looking at cop from the fucking 1950 I love this so much. It's insane I don't I mean you are constantly the guy who works. There's a bodega where they sell Cigarettes right now the seller just up towards I know yeah they're great they are so nice good guy good guy you open it they take if you open you go you got a trash can goes out there just yeah i got it yeah most people like get out of my store yeah they're so nice when i had the half and half cut he was like can i take a picture and send this back to poonjub he's a big chill tony fan that guy is he huge? Huge Kill Tony fan. Wow. Man, that Tony's got reach. I was in there watching on a black and white

TV. Also, it's nuts he didn't recognize Ari with a half a beard. I love Kill Tony. What the hell is wrong with your face? And then I got this and he goes, I love it. It's obviously not as good as a half and half, but this is awesome. Well, the half and half was for the AYG show. That's right. It was. and then I just kept it. Yeah, we recorded in here You had normal face the next day you showed up like that. That's right. That's right I was a Sam's birthday party in your spirit of Halloween suit Norma's like what's that for I'm like are you girls? I'm doing that. I didn't shape my head I'm like yeah, but you have jokes

You got material. Yeah. You're a real guy. This guy's working. Since it is your retirement. OK. What do you got? Is it not your retirement?

It's real. I'm retired. You're retired. That's right. You're never going to step foot on stage again. I'm done. That's what I've heard. Are you ever going to come back to New York?

This city can suck it. I'm going to burn it down on my way out. I'm going to light a match, walk away, let the explosion happen behind me as they just very coolly walk away. Are there any Jewish people in London? What are you gonna do for like, you know, soups and delicacies and all that kind of stuff?

See if we can find a good Jewish restaurant or a good Jewish deli. You think Jews got here after they got to the UK? I think Jews got here after. Before, I mean, they started in the UK? I think Jews got here before I mean they're they start in the UK. I Figured they would have went around. Yeah, and then got there later. There's plenty of Jews there There's plenty of matzo ball soup bagel scene. Are they like? Panzers that's not that's the name of the tank. That's good

That's a dude. That's a setup. We're mowing down the prices Ari I love you. Don't go to Panzer. It's a trap. Welcome to Himmler's. What can I get you? The Blitzkrieg Cafe? That seems a little.

Can I sit in the shower room, please? I'm going to try the final solution if that's cool. Jesus Christ. I got a hummus bar. That's not bad. That's a good glue trap for you guys. Do you guys remember? Do you remember that place mouths that used to be in the city? You know, I'm talking about this city Yeah, there was a mouse in Venice. That was like my favorite Chinese. What? No, no, no, it's not Chinese

It's it's a falafel joint. Sounds it. I think it's Belgium. You know, I'm talking about it was in like orange There was like the sign where was in the city It was over by NYU leading up was like the sign. Where was in the city? It was over by NYU leading up to Broadway where that big fire was. You know where the McDonald's is on Broadway downtown? They get in where NYU is. I love how your landmarks are. Right next to the Burger King.

You know, McDonald's is across from the Taco Brothers. Three paces, three paces from the Wendy's. Is that the Empire State Building? The what? That's what I'm talking about. That's very... Oh, Mao's. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The fuck? It's exactly the way I said it.

Mao's. You said Mao's. M-A-O. I didn't say Mao's like it was Vietnamese. Mao! Yeah. M-A-O. Yeah, was that right near Union Square?

Yeah. Maybe that's something. They probably have that over there in London. They probably do. Three and a half stars. Come on, guys. Get behind Mao's. Those place are great. Actually in London. They probably do. Three and a half stars. Come on, guys. Get behind Mao's.

Those plays are great. Actually pretty good. Close down. Anyway, we digress. Since you are retiring, giving up, some would say. Quitting. Ask to leave, let go. Sure.

Downsized. Yeah, what are you actually running from? The law. You pissed somebody off, a barber. I've done a lot of drugs. I overdosed some homeless people yesterday. I gave him some unknown drugs and one of them started convulsing and I was like, you did show up with a bag of drugs that I mean, like

I listen, I've seen a lot of drugs before that was it's so fun to be in Santa Claus with drugs. I know. Did you already give the blow away? You didn't have that in stock. I don't take that. You don't stay on the shelf. I do it if I'm in the mood and the guy seems to I'm not taking that back with me. I don't take that you don't stay on the shelves I do it if I'm in the mood and the guy seems to us or they I'm not taking that back with me I don't need that pressure, but you're not taking that back to the house with you It doesn't sit in a lot of people's house true. There's almost there's no such thing as leftover. Sure supplying demand, baby But yeah all the mushroom the way you didn't that's quick to see

That's crazy. That was crazy. I was just peddling bad salts in a lot You see people light up a different drugs. Do you tell what they're into it's like okay animals Oh, we don't be fun if we leave we find that he dosed out everybody I can record it brought to you by to CB Power of ass to these out there all Fuck out. He's just Foaming well we did get you a little present Listen we want to say this we love you. We appreciate you. You're hiring. Yes, you're retiring

Everything you've done for us all the times you've been on the show my citizenship Let's give up my citizenship let a Mexican in sure I'm not using this do a little trade-offoff you got me a retirement. I assume a watch yeah It's not a joke real retirement Bunch of to see oh my god. I've never got a classy left the price tag on the price. That's three digits, bro Yeah, that's a watch so it's engraved Classy left the price tag on the price. That's three digits, bro. Yeah So it's engraved no yeah got it engraved for you. It's a citizen you didn't get that To Martin It was a used watch we got in Chinatown I would know to Martin

It was a used watch we got Johnny down Do to you to Martin anniversary That's all the time we have for today for this nice little pillow's fucking hilarious. Oh my god. Try it on I will see how much was it let him know 425 was it diesel 60 bucks I told you $125 what that's not any engraved you deserve it. It's not engraving with 70 more plus we greased them on to get same-day service You'll get the Get same-day service you'll get the Have a few more things this this turned into a very expensive

Watch this expensive and nice. This is gonna get me robbed in Thailand for sure Let me show you down this alley real quick. What are you doing? It's on this thing And you have some fucking skinny ass wrists Jesus Bagels yeah, but a little fucking create the dude That's insane Normal it's not only you're right. I mean come on. You're no one to judge here. I Tried it on already. It's so nice with a snap guys. That's crazy. Yes

You're like am I maybe a couple pounds less than me. That's it. I did wow that's crazy That's a that is a I'm your height too. I'm tall you're taller than me. I'm taller than you Wow, how about loses it on you? It would the same as you. I was a regular guy wrist here. Regular guy wrist. Oh, I'm sorry. My power wrist intimidate you. This guy's a fucking man. God, what a fuck. My power. I can't feel that slapping shit.

That's the fattest guy denial ever. Powerful, my fucking, my... Power wrist. This is a great term. Anyway, we're gonna miss your power. Get the links taken out. Don't wear it and fucking you know downtown, Saigon Or wherever you're gonna say this for a nice occasion. I'm really going out. We are yeah No, I figured you know what nice occasions you're gonna have your fucking dharma bummin it I'm gonna ship near all comes in

New shipment a dog comes in for the barbecue first in line Somebody I'm somebody you know what if you getmed up somewhere, that'll probably get you out of a pinch. Keep that in your asshole. Then come back and like didn't end up needing it. So I gotta give it back to him. And also, we reached out to you know, your friends, a lot of your friends to see if they would do you know,, a farewell video, since you're taking off. Nobody got back to us.

One of your close friends did. We got one of your close friends, I mean, I think you've known him for a very long time, Mario Cantone. Ari, it's Mario Cantone. What? Ari, it's Mario Cantor. Listen, I know that you were laid off, but this shit happens first of all. Secondly, you're going to be fine because everyone goes through this rough shit and you will bounce back. I promise you, I know you're bummed out. Look, I didn't work for years, then all of a sudden, and just like that, I'm back because and then when that ends are probably be you know doing nothing. So this is life Unfortunately, just you know, we pause it for a second

He's doing great there's another minute and ten seconds left What are you talking about? We told him that you were striking out, that you were washed up, and it was over. Sorry, I'm fired. It's so great. It's so great. This fucking caused me forfeit.

This guy was a star. This was more than a watch. What, really? Hey, listen to this. Mario K. Tone. I got to, I put the offer. This ain't one of your drinking buddies. God damn, Hollywood.

This ain't fucking Sam Town or Mark Norman. Sammy, we love you. This is fucking Norman this is fucking Hollywood royalty bozos you fucking hang out with a little more from area go away do something see a Broadway show come to New York starts reading the news Stop at his place came here came here is one of the saddest things I've ever seen Sincerity what do you mean?

He loves you I'm here though All right, all right, all right, you tried to get Bobcatcat but he was out of the country we also I'm out to someone very big very big is a very big get will change the trajectory of the 70 year career man what so we'll see if in the next 40 minutes or so I get an email James Biden James by the guy was in charge James by I don't know how to follow this stuff they like off to get at me I just realized nothing will make political bill matter if you just say somebody's first name completely wrong yeah Bob Clinton was or every he put the banks in what's gonna happen when you get over there fucking there's no drugs you just fucking detox and sweating it out well

let me tell about the world, buddy There's drugs. Yeah, oh, yeah Some fucking you're gonna find that he's in some hot mud, huh? Somebody's not gonna give him some like a tree frog or something this guy's gonna be zooted in a couple of hours I know what you fucked up on branches Lick this frog and shut up Would you do that if you were like really trying to get fucked up? If everyone's doing it. Who's everyone? If somebody brings out a frog. Me and the medicine woman. I'm like no way but if it's like you pass it you pass it and like wants them like yeah how

do you do it? Okay. Are you gonna make friends over there? I'll try. I'll try other travelers. Are you gonna make friends over there? I'll try. I'll try, other travelers. Are you doing some weird version of Protect Our Parks over there? I protect our forests, protect our Amazons. Yeah. Yeah. Right. He's got his own squad over there. Right, forests.

Yeah, my own squad full of people with grass skirts. The version of mark was like a good one always with the quick ones always with the quick ones took took Welcome back to Ari and took that brought to you by mouse He's doing the fucking simple jack He's doing the fucking simple Jack Huh well nobody got you gift like that huh no, no, no, no, no back yeah You've given us a lot and we love you we appreciate you. It's just a prop by the way Studios expensive that's a real brand. That's a nice watch

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You don't want to be dealing with that stuff especially going into the fall then he start going in the house next thing You know you pull out a bowl of corn flakes and you got roaches in there and I ain't talking about the good roach I got the bad ones So do yourself a favor get over to Pepsi it's time to protect your home from bugs with Pesty go to Pesty.com Slash a YG for an extra 10% off your order an extra 10% off your order that's Pesty P E S T I E dot com slash a YG for an extra 10% tell them the boys sent you we love you back to the show what I was gonna say this might be a little too sentimental spell that I got to say my dental mental my hand had that

Throwing up for a week Pizza bagel yesterday, I really did her wrong You better forget about that for a long time. Yeah, no fucking pizza. No hot dogs I just got my first pizza bagel in New York. I was like, you know where Tompkins Square Pagels I'm like fuck it Pizza bagel hey you fuck that all up you're gonna be eating fucking pigs ears and whatever for the next fucking six months your salads Yeah, I did fuck that up. I'm gonna miss the shit. I got your pole. Wherever you're going. No. What about a nice sandwich? Huh sandwich one sandwich? Yeah fucking botanies, but me

No, a little I don't like the bologna or whatever that is I'm going to get a sandwich. Yeah. They got bonemies. Bonemies. What are the original sandwiches? No. The little ones? No. Yeah, it's a little, it's a little I don't like the bologna or whatever that is. Get it with a little bologna. There's nothing else in the sandwich and it's just fresh vegetables. Yeah, it's fresh. The pate is nice. I always get the extra order of pate as I can just eat it on there. Double up the pate. Big pate guy. Yeah. Goddamn gentlemen. Yeah, I don't know

what I'm going to eat out there. I'm I gotta get some more bugs in me. Definitely. Only friend that's ever said that. I gotta get more bugs in me. What I was gonna say is that you should keep that watch set at New York Times so you always know where your home is. That's a great idea. That's what I always do whenever I travel. Really? I always keep it on New York Times so I know. You don't wanna redo it?

No, just so I know. You're a watch guy? You're not a watch guy Not a watch guy. You're a watch guy. I'm a big watch guy. This is crazy I've never had a watch keep it on New York time so you know where your friends are Some of them and why you do it, huh? That's why you do it Yeah, also been at you first of all you've been out of the time zone You've been like three different time zones sure stop acting like you're fucking James Bond And you know trying to remember all your dead soldier friends. Shut up.

You've been to like Minneapolis and Hawaii. Emilio Earhart. Emilio Earhart. Yeah, I think they found her, by the way. What do you mean they found her? How's she doing? Not bad. Okay. She got 20 minutes together. She's doing pretty well.

I got bad news. Alright, sit down. The news is they found her. It's worse from there. It says they found her. They think they found her plane. Really? Yeah. Man remains have not been found.

Man, AI just called you a straight liar right away. Hey, that the fuck? He doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. First sentence, no. He's on fucking Yahoo. He doesn't know. Some guy says he thinks he found the plane. They're pretty sure it's the plane.

Where was it? The ocean? No. What? He was at the mall. Yeah, it was in the ocean over a forest. I don't know I didn't follow the fire she went down somewhere then Pacific and they found it just below yeah, I did it washed it away the Sand yeah, and you could see it and then it all came back. They haven't gone over there, but they think that's what they found You can take the York out and find it everyone Quint fucking They haven't gone over there, but they think that's where they found it. Wow. You can take the Orca out and find it if you want. Who's the Orca?

It's a Quint for fucking Jaws, isn't it? Oh yeah. I was lost also. That is Deep Cut's Corner by Kevin Wright. Man. That is the Deep Cut's Corner. I love when you use a reference of a movie just because you saw it last week. I did it.

Everyone knows that. You clearly look like the guy from Fucking Jaws. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, oh, you think you got the shark that's not the one look at you invented worth his originals I Wish you invented a better joke come on What really hey? What does he got a balloon? What the fuck? Yeah? You ain't going nowhere. She put a couple barrels Yeah, that was a lot of fun. There's like $20 a balloon. No, we got

to throw that in his face. He's Jewish. He deserves it. I only appreciate it. He likes it. He likes it. He's slipping out of his chair over there. If you really want to press it, it's $20. It should have been $22. Sure. Yeah, we talked about,

oh, you like to, you like to talk in a bit. In total, including beers. We went to the balloon saloon. You're on for the beer also. Including the price tag on. Including beers, Try about a G hot on you. It's more than that. Think so.

Oh, yeah. The big one we're waiting for was nine. That's paid for. Yeah. Well, if he misses his deadline, here it is. Is it? No, I'm just saying here it is. Listen, well, I'll have it within 24 hours.

So hit it. Hey, Ari, surprise. This is Wayne Newton. I want you to know that Kevin let me know that you're retiring from a job that you've been in many many years and they're all going to miss you. So I promised I would sing a part of this so, Donkashane, Ari Donkashane, thank you for all the joy and all that you're about to do in the future. So many years of service, thank you.

And we wish you nothing but well in your new life and thank you. Come out and see us in Las Vegas and we can finish that song. And that was your great friend. A little racist if you ask me. He's lost his step. Sure. We can finish that song And that was your great friend Little racist if yes, he's lost his step That had to be a pretty penny Yeah, I'll tell you you're gonna tell him don't ruin the surprise when the surprise he's going he's never gonna fuck I'll see you in a year

You're malaria by this time next we can't spell malaria without you get all your shots Yeah, it's so fun fireball and all that all of it. I was complaining about it to the cells like fuck Sorry, I got vaccinated today people started booing and I was like what oh idiots Yellow fever thought this guy looked a lot. Yeah you idiots. I got fucking I got shots for yellow fever yellow fever That's a thing. Oh, yeah, I've had it for many years, but apparently She's a good girl Now are you worried you're gonna lose your I mean you're retiring it doesn't retire I mean you're retiring it doesn't retire Bullshit you showing up in Austin in a couple of weeks. I'm sending you a bill. Yeah, I'll take that watch I say on stage

Mario Cantone's gonna have a few more words Sorry you got fired. Um, is that something you're you know, cause I, I, I took a couple weeks so I get rusty. You get rusty. You know what I mean? No, he's not like that. He's not that good to begin with. I'm not. He's the best. I'm guessing. Listen, like you said, hey,

relax, have fun with him. I'm having fun with him. You just said he's the best, he's not. You could say good. I'm no Canton. You said he's the best he's not You could say good Let me have my final wish My final wish is for Kevin to finally say I'm decent at comedy his hair's falling out All right, let's get to the big surprise Aaron judge everybody Done oh my god, dude. I tell you what that was gonna happen Why cuz you know when we all met him we thought we were had the little bit of touch of the yeah Ryan dressed up. Oh fuck, we should have done that. Oh my god. Dude, did I tell you what was going to happen?

What? Because you know when we all met and we thought we had a little bit of a touch of D. Yeah. Yeah. But I was going to a game. I got batting practice privileges through my buddy. And I was like, OK. The night before, rumors were that him and Fried were coming to the cellar.

OK. On the show I was on. And I already had it all planned. He's going to see me in a show. I'm going to ask for a home run. I'm going to show I was on and I already had it all planned. He's going to see me in a show. I'm going to ask for a home run. I'm going to say I am a sick kid. I

have HIV and I would like you to hit me a home run tomorrow. You're a sick kid. Make a big joke about it and then the next day, see him in batting practice. Oh, you're that guy from last night. Best friends. Done. **** free. Didn't come in

because of Palestine or some **** and then it's all went away. Never happened. Jared I was like, I'm gonna call Alistair some **** and then it just all went away. Never happened. Jared Fried? Jared Fried? No, Max. The baseball player? Yeah. Oh, you mentioned free. No, you mentioned free. I

thought you were like, boys, like, you're like, he didn't come in. I got you. I'm I'm on I'm on. It's high life tastes funny by the way. Yeah, it's skunked. Doesn't it? It is, right? I like the skunk taste Something how your core's light good Fucking eye me up Your whippets or whatever you got out there let's do with it who's got the nitrous

I don't know you didn't fucking bring any whippets. I left the tank outside. Did you have any whippets at the house? No, I don't have I didn't I didn't I don't carry those canisters I will do it me and DeRosa were doing one of the fucking stoop one time and Rowland showed up He just walked past us we were doing this and who showed up who Mike Rowland Mike Rowland. Yeah, and he goes are you We're like yeah, he was like like older statesman He was like I'm really stupid a seller I blocked down like the next block towards the park Alright, he did one and walked on I'm the stupidest seller I blocked down like the next block towards the park and I was like all right He did one and walked on

It was great We got a balloon and some whippets your life is like a grateful dead parking lot What did you get them would you get the whippets from same guy the guy who loved the half-and-half? Go yeah, they sell them they sell them Oh really most bo-deggies you can get fucking you can get whip. It's at like ready whip or Galaxy gas one with a little the little tube the one that goes in this filter things. Oh, yeah No shit. They got the whole gear there. You think they're making their money off fucking lighters and shit Yeah, what do you think the rent on McDougal Street is you fucking idiot? That's a front, bro

That guy's moving fucking. He's either trafficking humans or he's selling weapons. I call him the orthodontist. He's pulling people out. I thought it was my pack of juicy fruit I bought every three weeks when I got a spot at the seller. No thank you card necessary this year, Paco.

Yeah, they sell poppers. Jesus Christ. They sell poppers. You think they're only selling poppers? Anything. Let's do poppers. Let's get the owner of the cellar to do poppers with us. What? Why? I don't know. It'll be fun. Weird. Yeah. Let's get all the bookers. It's Deucey's kicking it.

I'm gonna miss you guys for sure. We're gonna miss you too, pal. Yeah. But we're excited for you. Thank you. New journey. I don't think you're gonna make London What do you mean? You're gonna be there for a year and be like, let's get the hell out of here I thought you might not gonna die before I get there. No, I would never I I might but yeah Yeah, who knows? Jesse if shit starts popping off in the world, you know fucking run right back to the wing of the drag

I want to be in the heart of the dragon. Sure. I want to be the London the British Empire. They'll take over everything what proven bro get rolled. What are you talking about proven? You're out there in the fucking front porch. I don't go to Iceland escape at all. Yeah, no one's bothering Iceland That's not a bad point I got on a plane from southern Iceland in northern Iceland and and I was like where do I get my ticket like what's your name? Like our Arish appear they go here you go, and I'm like you didn't ask for my ID What if I'm somebody else and then they didn't check your bag to get on I was again I'll check and they're like for what who's gonna bug us

Yeah, it's great. Anyway, it's like flying scranton to reading Buddy do us the favor. I don't even know what Iceland is is that near Greenland Yeah, right here, but Greenland's icy and Iceland's green. Isn't that right? That's what they say, but it's both pretty icy. Looks not in his head. Thanks for that minimal effort. Appreciate it. What are you guys going to do without me? What are you guys going to do in my absence?

I don't know. I gotta be honest with you. When I had the baby, we were texting back and forth. You gave me a very nice call call which not a lot of comics Will do the call to check in I think you were the only call Wow big moment in your life What do they do occasional? Yeah, a lot of a lot of a lot of texts a lot of DMS and stuff like that. I called straight to voicemail You were looking for money You were looking for money. That was a one ring.

Hey, congratulations. Listen. Congratulations. I'm a little jammed, though. Yeah, I did the call. You got a big moment like that. You did the call. You want to talk it out.

It's not a text. How you doing? Good, thanks. It's not that. Well, that's a lot of hey, congrats. Hey, congrats. Hey, congrats. You know.

It's almost rude to say hey, congrats. You're forcing someone to write back. Thanks so much. I heard he was calling because he wanted to buy him. Yeah, sell me the boy. I just want to know how much you could get on the open market and decide later. Just check that. Yeah.

What could you get for an Irish kid? Oh, Irish American kid. Well, federal chops are cute. Well, fair and half German. Oh, price just went up. Oregon's alone is worth a lot. Oregon's alone. If you want to strip it for parts, that's still a great.

My wife's going gonna love this conversation Don't do that, but if you would want to These don't Google on my fucking computers how much a baby goes for these are he comes and he starts doing give everybody drugs Human trafficking what's a goddamn show to upkeep what you take a little weed little dope get a lot for your kidney, but I got a goddamn show to upkeep. What'd you take? A little weed, a little dope? Get a lot for a kidney, but... Ooh, can't spill kid. Can I smell my kidney? Your kitty is worth negative.

You think so? Yes. It's a big one, though. Oh, that's a good point. Cut it up. Yeah. Oh, yeah. If you cut a kidney in that, doesn't another one grow or something like that? Is that a chameleon?

Salamander. Yeah, what the... Yeah, what are you asking? He just asked me like I'm fucking, you know, something. These can I grab a beer? Thanks, pal. Go Bud Light, go yingling for the boys. I don't know what's I don't know what's good back there, to be honest.

I feel all good. I don't know. That's high life. It's weird. We had we had refrigerator problems for a long time. We thought we had to get a new one because it was getting very hot. And the beers were like they were like 95 degrees. And how do you spring for? They're all fresh. the you're giving me? What do you I have a toast. Okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. I wrote it myself. Better not be my best man speech. I figured you'd figure a way to shoehorn that in. This guy did the same with material.

He wrote one good speech 15 years ago. You just keep fucking shoving it down people's throats. Now, that's alright. There are good ships. There are good ships. There are good ships. There are good ships. There are good ships. Let me take this on the top.

There are good ships. There are good ships. There are good ships. There are good ships that sail at sea. But the best ships are friendships. And may they always be. To Ari. Did you really write that? That's great.

That's great. I'm going to miss you, bud. Yeah. Where'd you download that from? That download? Who are you? What are you, Pop-Pop? Where'd you download that from?

Is that MapQuest? You download that on my phone? Ha ha ha ha. You've never heard that? That's like a class of crying? I thought it started with like meaningful one. I was reading it off the fucking thing. Shit was like, oh, the friendship thing.

I thought he delivered. My two friends were going to study abroad. We were in college. He tried to deliver it to you. And he stood up. We were in college He stood up he's a guy of his speech it was like the first time we ever went out to dinner You're cuz they were going away There are wood chips, and I heard it. I was like as the most beautiful And my buddy took it who was traveling to put it in his wallet and has kept it for like 15 years so I

Mean for to be a dirt bag who's never really heard a poet like you know They have your but your 21 year old buddy. He hit you with that Rhyme I was like, I'm not gonna get with that. I was crying in my chicken. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard in my life. I was like, it's meaningful. We got more songs from the Calamari. Hey, guys, also live. Laugh. Love. Love.

I think we gotta bring toast back. In general. Toast would be nice. Almost every first drink, you're gonna be like, hold on, hold on, hold on, let me say something, and then just think of something to toast. That's a. The bartender, the fuckin' something in life. Toast and grace. A good grace is alright. And I'm not talking about the Blessing Father

or the uh. Friar of Sin. That's not it, you fuckin' twisted freak. What's grace? If I die before I wake. That's right. That's right. Don't, don't, don't, don't.

That's James Hetfield right there. It's great. It's a toast for food. No, it's a toast for food is great. Yeah, you thank Jesus. Hold on, hold on. Bless us, oh Lord. For these gifts we're about to receive from thy back to the Christ.

I don't want to... I'll fucking already go off in spurs. Start throwing garlic and holy water at him No, but it not that listen nothing against that obviously, of course, that's a beautiful one Nice and nice sharp a nice sharp grace a nice sharp toast an original grace an original Of course, you gotta go original. original We eat this I just want to say that Toadie for making us a great meal. Yeah always there with the great meals That's pretty good the one time the one time I really did toast was like very funny

It was like kind of a drinking game a little bit, but every round You had you did a toast did a toast we had to toast it like so I would go all right. Here's the fucking Titties or whatever do something a little more than you go, here's the titties and you know what? You gotta keep adding. But it would be like, you know, whatever. Something not titties, something meaningful. Something a little, I mean, you tell me titties are meaningful.

Guy with tits, I'd think you said that. Tony Hinchgolf, underrated toast guy. He does a good toast. Hit you with a good one? He'll stop a bar. Really? He'll be like, hold on, hold on, everybody, I want to say something. I'm not gonna do that. Tony Hinchcliffe, underrated toast guy. He does a good toast. Hit you with a good one. Stop a bar. Really? Hold on. Hold on, everybody. I wanna say

something. Cuz he does have the wrestler. Yeah, exactly how he does his intros. This man is leaving today. Wow. Or we had a new special. One of my special came out. He was in Austin. He toasts every single place. He was on Netflix, one of the

premier places to put a special for comedians, and this man has done it. Not only he just goes in. He can give he can he has that rhythm. Roastmaster, Toastmaster. Yeah, damn, that's pretty good. Bring Toast back. Bring Toast back. Yeah, Toast show. Let's do Toast show. Huh? Too bad you're out. You just missed out on a windfall. Get your greedy hands out of that. Get me my points. Now what do your managers and agents say? They can't be thrilled with you. Because I fired them both. Did you? Not necessary and they go but we're not even making

commission while you're gone because you're not working and I was like rehired. Welcome back. Did not do the math on that. I didn't really think that went out of- They're not stoked. In the Jew industries, lack of money is not heralded. Show them to watch them. Oh yeah, they got 42 bucks on that. It's sink daddy. This is the opposite of what they want you to do. Oh, so much.

You're like, really? Things are going well? Now's when you're just going to quit? Yeah. Does your manager even say, like, could you tweet every three days or something? Are you going to- could you maybe do a couple of every three days or something like are you gonna couldn't meet? Could you maybe do a couple of shows in Bangkok? I'm sure they'll hit me with that. Hey, we got a Cambodia gig Would you do that?

Even after like three months is that something like, you know what? I mean just go dick around for a half hour or like jump on like a local if they are you gonna read local show I'm gonna read for sure. No, here's the problem when you're gone for that long If you bomb and you gotta sit on a bomb for three months. What are you talking about? You know that it's not like that. I saw Ari Matty perform at a place in Cambodia. I met him before anybody.

Really? He was in Cambodia. It was an indoor outdoor place. Man, that kid gets around. Yeah, and it was so bad. They're like, do you wanna go up? I'm like, no, this won't work. I'll do that in New York sometimes. I'll be like, you're next. I'm like, I'm going home.

Yeah, exactly. Bring me up. I got COVID. My mental state ain't great. I can't have this lingering. My wife just left me. Gang let's talk about Square. As you know, we are a Square family here at RU Garbage and I'm talking about being lame talking about using the best platform to Move some merch. All right, you see with me and kippy are out at the out of the shows We're doing the meet-and-greet. We got Ryan diesel there with the With the with the merch moving some merch. That's what we're using. We're using square gang. Do yourself a favor We know a lot of you out there got side hustles

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20% off your future. You will thank you. Do it for you. Do it for your family. And about two to three weeks, you get a full detailed online report with actionable insights. You can use one more time. True diagnostic.com code garbage. Do it. Wait a minute. Yeah. Were they all Cambodian people that didn't speak English? Ari Matty's Cambodian. No he was there He was there. He got a gig. This is like, you know 10, 2017 I guess it was yeah

They were hey I remember him telling us when he did the show that he did move he did travel around and do he was in Australia He was on Australia for a while. What's your in Australia? That's pretty much you're right there. You're right. That's Asian That's what I'll go all the Australians and go over to Asia. I mean I do one time It was a lady. Well, they had an open mic for any talent where Guatemala on Lake Otis Come on, and they had like what like Otis come on, whatever I've had that But they go do any talent juggle do whatever you get a shot of vodka And so I want some people play guitar some but whatever thing and I was just I was a nobody there

I mean, this is like nobody nobody knew me and I was like, I go up and then like okay, what's your time? I'm just gonna tell a story You're doing Reggie from the nutty professor You really own it your back what's the deal girls today anyway? Alright, so you go up play a dance in a 14 minute long worked out stage story. It took like three minutes for them to realize. A story. That I was. You were good at it. Because they're like, okay, okay. And then like, and like stopping the chuckling and trying to stop themselves. They don't even know it's comedy. It's not supposed to be. And it was like, and then just crushing by the end. And then like 10 people later, like, hey, hey, what's

your name again? I'm like, are you like, do you have any more stories? I was like, yeah, I do. Nah, that's it. I got the, I got two free more stories? I was like, yeah, I do. Nah, that's it. I got the I got two free shots. They told, they probably told toast about that. Yeah. Remember that guy who told the story? 14 minutes for what? He could have

stopped. He's gotten two shots in the middle. Then he farted and walked out of town. Good job. No stand up at all. Just take a sabbatical. What are you going to read? I'm going to trade. I should have plenty answers for this. Yeah, I'm going to do? Just take us about what are you going to read? I'm going to trade. I should have a lot of answers for this. Yeah, I'm going to

trade at different hostels. You finish your book. You're you're going to stay at hostels. You have money. What the **** is wrong with you, man? It's so funny when something comes out of your mouth and as it's out of your mouth and you see the

reaction. You got a $450 watch on. **** staying at a hostel. For your 60, you can't do that. You creep. You meet people at hostels. They're more fun. And that's where people hook up right next to each other, right? Yeah, all the Germans love fucking on the bunk bed ahead of you. Right on top of you, you eat some rocking.

Come on, Germans, go to the shower. You can't peek up there and see what's going on? Oh, hello. Meet Gates. Hello. Two in one bed? that's not that's abnormal God yeah, no hostels are not great, but also are great. You're gonna stay in hostels. I'm getting excited now I'm getting excited now seeing you're just discontent

What's the budget for the trip for the trip before you go before you move? like 1500 a month $1,500 a month yeah, maybe they don't maybe I Maybe I'll go $2,000 if I have a scuba diving trip or something. What the hell is even that? How much is low clock? How much is the plate of low clock where you're from? What the fuck is low clock? I don't touch this stuff. Bring it up.

I use the club. You would love low clock. It's a bed of fucking fries or rice with cubed beef. Why do you say that? I don't better fucking fries or rice with cubed beef. All right. Yeah Yeah, that's fine don't call it cubed beef just call it beef Yeah How do you spell it okay new word Question you're gonna put it up there. We see it take a look at this that's a word. LAK. Yeah. How do you spell that's a fair question. Are you going to put

it up there? Will you see it? Take a look at this. Yeah, make the picture extra small. That's the Cambodian. Luke Clark. Oh, yeah. Everybody throws an egg on it. That's not bad. Looks great. Yeah, it's really good. The tomatoes in that

lettuce. You got yourself a meal. Can't eat the lettuce. Don't be a fool. You'll get food poisoning. Is that true? Yeah. Don't touch that lettuce. Don't be a fool. You'll get food poisoning. Is that true? Yeah. Don't touch that lettuce. Don't touch that lettuce. It's on top of the meat. Uh. Now, how much? I got a question. You might not want

to know publicly. You're somewhere in the world. How much cash do you take? This great. Can you go to an ATM? Some places. Like, you gotta have a, I mean, you know, you gotta have a couple grand on you to move around. No, I'll have like 500 in cash. Yeah, you got credit cards.

Just in case I can't get to an ATM. But yeah, you get to any major city, even minor cities. Sometimes they're out of money in the ATMs, and you're going to like fuck. But the new world. I'd have cash. Five grand. Jesus.

I almost barfed on that. Did barf a touch, but it was mostly water. I'll be honest with you. Did barf a touch. It was mostly just beer. And it wasn't actual vomit in there. You're going to be a hit at the hospitals Fucking puking up look

What's your talent I throw up in my mouth It's the food I had There's wood shit I Got ATM they got they got saying they don't but I'm just saying if I get jammed up Yeah, a fucking couple of c-notes will get you out of a pinch Yeah, yeah, what are you ready to 200 bucks on you just like this will do fresh bills They won't say crumpled so fresh bills at all times inside a book or something to like just in case money Kidnap money. Yeah, sure. I don't leave fucking

That was your gift straight cash Tell you what I'll do something crazy with this and let you know about it. Yeah In a $4,000 Go fund a turf war Fucking arms dealer could have funded a young school But I just a Jewish warlord with a funky beard how much bills you can get this all the time on you That's so much money. You should be flashing that should be for that's mine for

420 that's mine wow one two three four you're ready for 20. Oh, that's a sign Smoke that shit you're gonna give it to him now. We were shooting something yesterday. I needed cage. That's right It's funny. I can see you reaching your pocket once Paying for those goddamn margaritas all the company credit card you fuck this fat sack is shit Really likes throwing the company credit card around and claiming it's his money. Hey, who you talking about? That's not mine. That's fucking wood chip over here.

That sack of shit, what? That sack, alright. The mystery might never be solved. He sounds like a cool dude, whoever he is. Hey, you got this guy's number? Split some low clock. What should I do here? I'm gonna have something on here. Yeah, alright, that's $300. I'll do some adventure with this. I'll let you know what it is.

Do something dangerous. You want me to do something dangerous? Do something dangerous? No, don't do something. No, I do, but the way you said that, you lit up and made me scared. You mean something dangerous like a high-yield savings account? In this market? What are you, crazy? IRAs just already spelled backwards. It's going right into the SMP, dog. You kidding me?

Don't worry, I'll play it safe. I will. I'll do something with this. I'll let you know what it is. What do you have in mind? I don't know. Maybe some trek that you got to get a guide for or maybe scuba somewhere. No, I want it as a tip. Not a tip, but spread that not I know you'll ruin the local economy somewhere with Get a nice meal or you say that I mean that's a fucking month Of meals, but about like a scuba diver trip or something you're saying spread it around uses a tip money That's gonna make me a target for cannibals

Yes, it will damn. He's the one with now. That's a target for cannibals you there's nothing on the boat I guess look at me like that No, but like I'm thinking like yes spread those strip club stop go to strip yourself late something like that That I could do that with I get 300 bucks. I could do that down. They could do that fucking Hell's Kitchen I got three or four chicks at once with that There you that

He goes send me a picture. Okay, just your hog without them No, but like you know don't give it to like a business, okay, give it to like individuals doing something doing something Yeah, how about this that are providing service not all like one but like a driver? like, give it to like, individuals doing something. Doing something. Yeah. How about this? They're providing service. Not all like one, but like, Rickshaw driver.

There you go. Guys like that. I was gonna say this. Or like a street guy who's got whatever, like, just say it's like five bucks. Yeah. Go like, Here's a hundred. Oh yeah.

Just go crazy. I was gonna go, here's twenty, but yeah. Ready? Go into a town, okay, where there's a mom. Find the biggest guy. Hit him. I know that town, where there's a mom. Or go to a town where there's a mom selling peddling

wares and she has a little kid with her be like how much for all this and the kid give it a whole 300 walk away change their lives. She's not gonna say 300 Come on the words give it to him. So you want me to do that over go crazy on somebody who does a good service Yeah, then you nail her start dating Yeah, then you nail her start dating Put him to work another money's working for you Back and then some I'm sending them over to the month Works for you come up important new work. It's all coming the subway for you pick him up a port Newark. It's all coming the subway for you

Slice pineapple at the traffic Gotta be honest with you. They move merch they do and they're getting crazy like they're moving further and further I was in traffic at the GWB like yeah They're out there on the fucking turnpike, but like deep down the turnpike Yeah, like not an exit in sight and they there. I'm like where the hell are you even keeping this shit it's good the mangoes unbelievable I don't know what they really is that mango sometimes you walk by one you're like actually yes and like you know that like lady whatever you say yeah I'm doing it we spread that around the local vendors okay you know what they do start a call from the mic they keep it in a brown paper bag for a couple of days money

I could earn it in futures that way. Is it a while take and I'll try it? If it might make me more, if it might turn into two? Start growing roots. No, the mangoes, they keep them in the, mangoes and avocados, you keep them in a brown pit bag for a couple days, they get nice and ripe. That's what the boys at Bear Burger told me

that worked in the kitchen. Bananas. And they neuter avocados. Bear Burger boys. Yeah. Now, was there anything, you have your satchel of drugs you've been peddling all over the city can take those with one thought about taking some acid but I'm like imagine we'll just find there if I got

to find any you know why not get into trafficking before you leave yes and I just came across a little bit 300 bucks I give it to you you put it away so I give something to somebody else I don't want to get my in trouble and he was like Mike Roland said that I don't... Because I'm not really in the mood right now to do acid. I'm like, don't do it now. Put it away for when you're in the right headspace. It's not a Zambuca.

And again, I don't want to say who it is, but then Mike Roland said, yeah, that's a good idea. I will do that. I'll put it away. Sure. Has there been anything, you've gotten rid of a lot of your worldly belongings? You've done a lot you've given up, you know, you've gotten rid of a lot of your worldly belongings You've all done a big purge. Yeah, has there been anything you've had? You know a piece of technology something where someone's like you're like piece of technology. Are you working for the Chinese? I don't know this fucking guy element 115

What you do with your anti gravity? Rope adope you got your way Keep my eyes on you. Can't get in can't get out Did you because I know in your in your past you've been really good to younger comics you pedal a lot of your you know I didn't have this year. I didn't have a young comics grab whatever you want who gets your jokes Can I start doing you around town? Don't you hate when you get us your mother Morgan filter fish, and you're like I'm already full. I don't know fully was you or that docks old school

Foley Hey I got a late spot in the past they've come over though I kind of before because you said before I knew you you have like you know come get my recliner get everything It was so far again everything was go. Come get everything. It was so fun. Like, and everything must go so. Young board comics get just like grab. It was so fun. I didn't quite do it this year. I saved stuff for people.

I had a liquor party. You guys were both invited, didn't show up. Where it's like, come get a bottle on your way out. I don't know why you had to fucking drag my man through the mud like that. Sure, you've never been nice to me. I was jammed up. You've never once been nice to me.

You had a party for me. I did have a party for you, that's right. Which was very nice. Did you go? Yeah, what kind of anti social? Yeah, I was like wait. This is your last chance before you ever get I'm oh yeah Yeah, what a shit like you got to get it. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go out uh-huh we had Bart We grilled a little girl. I mean listen

Mr.. Schaffer is that the mushrooms of the onions that you made the 48 day mushrooms Yeah, 40 24 hour 40 a mushroom what is that right there oh they had to burn it all right pre cancers yeah you forget that the fuck's that man say we get that look that yeah I did and so he fucking burned it with one of those general war burn free and ever and I'm talking about end up in a fucking urgent care and fucking me and Mars don't mess get tested let's burn that off and I was like okay you got that general war burner remember those no remember those nobody

Not one of those floozies you hang around like this freeze stuff, and they fucking And it fucking burns, and then your general works apart. I've heard your general war just pops off and scabs up They did it with my nose It's not just for general It's not just for general for I guess not in Ari's life It's not just a scuffer. I was like is that a general wards thing? The guy was like no there's no uses. I'm like but mostly that is a gammal Yeah, free they freeze it You got a general ward on your nose dude. Yeah, wow I bet you're going down in chicks that way

Like that He's hunting and pecking like he's typing fucking nosing dudes. But I mean, you did a great job. Let me see, what did I give away that people really, really liked? No, I was getting back to complimenting you on your hosting duties. Oh yeah, okay. Got there, full spread up on the roof, got a nice roof deck.

For the boys. For the boys, I'm talking like a bunch of liquor, good amount just beer. There's just good amount of everything. How was the ice? Good ice game was good ice game was good shout out associated Supermarkets always good on the ice shot that mouth By associated markets everybody if you want some overpriced good market good store good New York good New York grocery store associated It's key food to me, but yeah. What is key food? Key food is...

No, they're trash. ...discount prices. But yeah, it was a good time. He had a great... and then he was doing the thing where like you cooked every 90 minutes to two hours. Every time someone new would come, he would just start. He wouldn't go, what do you want? Because then they go, I don't know. Yeah, everybody's so afraid. Don't you hate when everybody does that?

I'm good for now. He didn't ask. He just fired up the fucking food. We got a lot. Shish kebabs, burgers, sausage is going. Then he drops, because everybody's like, we're sitting there drinking for six, eight hours. I'm fucking... And he made the perfect amount every time. Not not all of it would go there'd be like a sausage one burger You asked one guy do you want a burger such that no I'm good if you put ten sausage or burgers out They're all grabbing they're going and it was great. It was great. It was just like the rhythm of it was fan fucking test It's good guy. That's right. That's a here. Then we all went inside and watch something Yes, is it a game maybe all? We all went inside and watched.

It was the basketball. It was the Knicks game. The Knicks were playing. Playoffs. Playoffs. Oh, that was also great. I've never had anybody over to watch sports. Yeah.

Look at that. Shout out JustinTV for, I'm sorry, firstrowsports.eu for the free hookup on the legal streams there. You've been stealing cable the whole time? Yeah, I've never had cable. Are you serious? Oh, yeah. I used big J's

I'm not joking big J's Netflix account up until last year He logged in once in my place, and I saw very you canceled yours immediately I've had two specials on Netflix that I did not pay for on my own I've been trying to fuck with his algorithm, too I've been trying to **** with his algorithm too. I've been trying to get like girly **** on there. So every time I go on there, I was like, how am I four episodes ahead of this show? I just find whenever he's watching, I just skip ahead. It's all caught up on Emily in Paris. He's like, wait, what? This makes no sense. I'm like, ah, what? Skipped episodes.

Sorry. Shout out Big J. Sorry. All jokes aside, truly one of the best guys in comedy. Big J. You. I was like, Big J is great. Shout out to the Big Dawgs. Love them. No, we're gonna miss you. Obviously, you were one of the first big guests

outside of our immediate reach when we were still a very, very small show. We were niche. When you were like, you'll do the show, and we were like, it was crazy. And then it was, you were like the l do the show and we were like I it was crazy and then it was that way you were like You were like the linchpin Genuinely to level us up to get to the next level cuz like oh we had Ari and then the whoever

I think I people at shitty shitty comedy shows. Yeah, you know we had a Everybody's had more like I'll do everything If you get list you go alright, I'm listening. I'm listening. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I did your show I believe in you guys from the start. I'm like, oh, this is actually pretty fun I would tell everybody about it you did and I know it's very you know, very much appreciative. Yeah, you guys rule That's fact one time we went to I just taken The boy over here to a Yankee game was like a pretty you want to go. Yeah. Yeah, I got tickets You know, yeah, I'll get tickets. I'm like no I got a guy. I got some bleacher seats will be great

This was such a this I remember he was next door he goes Ari Shaffir's Yes, can we if I want to go to the Yankees game? What do I say? We're like go I don't know what the hell is gonna talk to you about for fucking two hours It's all shellfish throw it in you two hours. This is the old rules This is three and a half so then before the shot clock shot clock. So then he goes, I'll get the tickets. You bought tickets. I bought tickets. And you spent like an insane amount.

It was crazy. An insane amount of money. For a regular season game of a team I didn't care about. It was five grand. No, it wasn't. No, it was up there. It wasn't five grand.

Three maybe. It was at that. We sat. We're in the legends. We're in the legends suite. Three rows behind the SNL people. King crab legs, the whole nine yards. Oh my God, that's right.

It was crazy. I was like, buddy, I just wanted to get a couple beers and sit and watch baseball. Not with Uncle Hank. It was a day game and a weekday. The point is to come, we'll just keep boxing. What are those crabs called, the ones they sell down at Joe's in Miami?

Stone. Stone crabs. Stone crabs. Fucking long as the eye can see. Yeah. Shrimp, whatever. Oh, it took something to go. I could see yeah, Ram whatever Meanwhile you were in credit card dead at the time, but I brought a big pocket. You're like no you've helped me so much Let me help you. I'm like this is not just give me the money

Give me two grand nice goddamn game didn't we was a blast it was a blast it was a blast that was a lot of fun Good times. Yeah, that was a good time, and I like what you like yeah, you guys have you've helped me Trying to shag you over here. I got a first-class ticket to Australia once a UFC Rogan gets a companion ticket Joe Rogan That's crazy. The linchpin of comedy here, they're keeping it real. The only thing in New York, keeping it real all the time. Um. Oh, we're rolling.

And uh, and uh. What's he gonna do, have you on less? And um. Speaking of keeping it real, you ever go into a store? These bitches be tripping. Yeah, but I got a first-class competitive but it's to Australia's

$25,000 25 grand it was part of it over there going to the roof the fuck with the spiders and shit Dana white comes up crazy Dana white comes up to me he just comes running over you know what your ticket cost I was like yeah Dana you should have given me half I would have flown coach I could desperately

use 12 grand sure Sure. Good story, Ari. I had to bring it to a halt. Edit in laughter in that. And edit out the other stuff. But we got to wrap it up, gang. Alright, we're going to miss you, pal. We love you. I'm going to miss you guys, too. Cheers. Cheers. One more cheers, brother. Mr. Ari Schaefer. Love yous. To Ari Schaefer, gang. Guys, we love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.