Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Ari Shaffir v. Garbage

Episode Date: September 25, 2023

Kippy & Foley have the tables turned on them this week with Mr. Ari Shaffir esquire. Thanks for watching Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast! NEW TOUR DATES: https://areyougarbage.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ This Show is sponsored by BetterHelp Better Help: https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Manscaped: https://www.manscaped.com Promo Code: Garbage Support the show by downloading the Door Dash App and using the code AYG. or Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

gang we're about to kick off the second leg of that state trashy tour. Oh yeah. Coming into the home stretch and I'll be left out in the cold. Make sure you get your tickets. Stand up comedy. Plus you play the lay wide you to crowd. Great way to introduce to people to the show. So grab the squad. Come out and see the boys. Yeah, guys, we're going to be in Pittsburgh Buffalo, Toronto. We're doing just out of the third show in Toronto. Get tickets for that because they're moving. We got Pontiac, Michigan, Chicago, Illinois, four show being out of there. Get those tickets. Minneapolis, Madison, Milwaukee, Sacramento, Sacramento, San Francisco, San Jose,

then we're, we're, we're ended it. And Philly, baby, what a bang. We had a second show with the film more. That's more than halfway. So now get those tickets. Let's party. Go birds. Welcome to another exciting edition of,

Are You Gabbitch? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage. So that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find out the growth to be classy. growth to be as the big old piece of trash.

Trash trash trash. I'm your host, Tate's probably coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tuddy's in the new edition. She is upstairs watching a little dog to bounty hunter. Okay. Just relax. You know, doing her thing.

My coach is coming at you from right next to me. He's the flat bread freak giving up her Kevin jayne dry all the abridged I know hey, what's up everybody? Thanks for tuning in I am nervous over here. Can't see Shout out that make sure you ring you subscribe and I tune full video available new to imagine those numbers are Shruder cooking then obviously the greatest website of all time W W the patreon.com size or you your garbage can you sign up over there you get a bajillion hours worth of bonus content I'm talking heavy bike. It's a good time gang check it out and happen a nice quick shout out to our producer Extraordinary old magic man makes us all look good works the ones the twos the threes and the fours

He crosses the tees and the lowercase jays give it up for T-bone Mcscruffins Toby McMollan everybody what up dudes what up? Kid the other man we got the myster of mayhem in here dude What is he doing? I don't he's making sure that I bomb on my intro. I'll tell you that much Gang we could be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guests back with us again today He is the jazz legend. Look at more homeless than usual. And he's on tour right now. The wrong side of history tour.

Give it up for Mr. Ari Shafir. Hey, Ari, how are you, pal? Yeah, guys, thanks for asking. Okay. I don't know what's happening. You guys, over the years, have talked a lot of bull crap about a lot of people. Why are you half Muslim, half Asian? Well, you look like you just crawl out of a subway tunnel.

You look like prison went real sideways. I can't go get that, but you've judged a lot of people over the years and I feel like no one's ever stuck it to you. Okay. What it likes to do is ask you guys today. That's property of R.E. Shephear as guyer. And there's one thing written on it.

I'd like to, I'd like to ask you guys some questions today if you don't mind because of some things, I think me and the fans will all be here. Can I borrow a dollar? Can I get this fucking button working Yeah, that'll pull it together That's the whole thing That'll save the big my autism is gonna fucking not let me move on it's like this button

And what kind of outfit would you say that is? Why are you shaking? What's going on? How much coffee did you have today? We need in a few days I was trying to fit into this outfit. I shot for my closet. There you go. Looks beautiful. Well guys, a long standing western tradition is that of judgment.

Okay. Today. I just had to do a show. You guys, I just have a question for you guys. Okay. All right, I had one or two. Give her a move to barf bag from a plane. Taking it with me. Yeah. Taking it off the plane, ever in your lives. Yeah or two it. Give her a, you removed a barf bag from a plane. We're taking it with me.

Yeah, taking it off the plane ever in your lives. Yeah, I have. I don't think so. Just for fun, just to have. Just have a pen after all this. The pen is the hitch in the stuff. All right. Oh.

Stolen from what bank? You have removed the bar back from the plane. I have. Interesting to what end? I don't know. I just took it just to have it. Just for fun. Keep his toys in there.

Yeah. Have you ever taken one? Is that a crime? Oh, that's the question today. Okay. I love, I've said this every episode. I love and hate you so much. It's fantastic. And I love and hate you so much. It's fantastic

And I love and hate you guys Have you ever smoked cigarettes within six feet of an occupied stroller? Yes, yeah, yeah, we're trash. Yeah, where do you keep where do you think I keep the birdies? This is interesting. Hey, what's it ever seen affect and affect with an E or an A? You know that? Uh, yes. An affect is the outcome affect is the verb. You are affected by something that causes an effect. I can I'm so nervous about this bag. By the way, I'll be on Ken Sidney, in Adapollos, St. Louis, in Louisville. Special guest, Steve Renazise,

in Ryan O'Neill. Reading fortunes. Bring your own crystal ball, though. Which I keep. Do you keep food in your car? I don't keep it in there, but there is keep food in your car. I don't keep it in there, but there is currently food in my car that I left there today. There might be like a bag of pretzels

or some chips or something in the console. Definitely some cough drops and gum. That counts. I'm gonna count. Maybe a pizza. Definitely pretzels. Maybe a pizza. But.

Okay. Have you seen every fast and furious? None Wow, that none none. We asked that question That's one of our first one of the original questions of our you garbage was how many of you seen in the theater Because that yeah, everybody's you catch one or two, you know what I mean flying through on USA or TBS or something never I think I've seen Three I think the first three I think I've seen three. I think the first three. I think at the Tokyo drift, I, you know, that's when I got into it. That's when you got into who gets into it.

Yeah. And the shirt. Yeah. I love Asian car culture. I love Asian car culture. Okay. Okay, that's a no. Wow, it's surprising.

Okay, I'll be in Tempion, Tucson in December. I was in the hotel. I was in the hotel. Selling turquoise jewelry. I don't know. Have you ever bought a new on a December. I was told I was sugar.com selling turquoise jewelry. Have you ever bought a knockoff item of any kind? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

For a while, when I was waiting tables on the upper east side in the early 2000s, a guy would come around once a week with fake Rolexes and fake watches. Would always buy one. Interesting. Yeah. How much are there? Like 40 bucks. I've definitely bought not real slash good jewelry, you know, but it wasn't a pure knockoff.

It was just like a $20 chain from them all. And every time, and I mean, every time my mother comes up to New York, she buys bags and stuff off the guys on the street. Really? With the carpet house. Yeah. Like the record show that Kevin said, uh, said button.

Ha ha ha. By the way, I've been on that. Listen, I got bad vocab, Ari. I'll be in a land on 420 Nashville and Charlotte. Come up right up to that. When you're wearing a suit, do you wear an undershirt? Oh, this is very big. Uh, yeah, not a fact, I think.

No, no, you go with less layers. Yeah, it makes it worse. Uh, I will, and it's even trashier, which we've talked about before. I will take a crew neck regular white t-shirt, Yeah. Cut the sleeves off. you can't see them because you can see the sleeve through the white shirt when you take your jacket.

Yeah, that's true. But if you cut it here, it falls, are you, come on. It's the seam. Yeah, it falls in the seam. So you got the protection of the undergarnet. I will, if it's a crew neck, I will also cut the neck around here so you can't see the crew neck.

So I can do an unbutton it. The crew neck is a problem too. So I cut the crew neck. And it's this is typically, where do you cut it like all straight down? I'll cut it to like here, like I just like a deeper you. You don't like a V because the V,

the V you can see. The V you can see so you do like a you, which is here so you can undo the first button and it looks like there's nothing there. You don't get seen. Plus you can rip it off when you're closing after the wedding. Yeah.

I like that t-shirt so you can not sweat into your suit. Sure. Yeah. Are you a jacket honor jacket off kind of guy to wedding? I'm a jacket on. Yeah, me too. Y'all leave it on because you always want the possibility of turn it up and wavering that suit.

Ah, show man. I was not expecting that. A show man. You want it? If they get you there, you want to be able to go there. Got you. I agree with that. If the energy level gets there, you don't want to be left open. You don't want to be able to go there. I agree with that is the energy level gets there You don't want to be left open. You don't want to be running back to find your jacket

Coincidentally the first time I saw somebody do that was my buddy Brad Kramer at a bar mitzvah Whoa, yeah, dude. It was suits and he pulled that move and I was like god damn this kids all right. Yeah juice turned it up They really do yeah, and also you guys have been to Jewish events, right? Of course. Jewish weddings. Bar mitzvah. Bum mitzvah. The dancing underrated. It's easy for everyone to join in. Yeah. Come on in. You just joined a circle. The boys at the banks. I want to a great open up a TD bank one time. Those guys were getting down 8% checking. What? You can't spell Santander without an H. Yeah, what does that mean? I'm saying, I don't know. I figured he broke.

Yeah. Those are interesting, okay. It's back in the character. Why didn't you win the suit for this? Why, what you ordered a suit last, what is this? What's the attire? This is where judgment started, was in the farest. But what is the hat have to do with anything? anything so close as I could come to tying the outfit together

We'll go back to the drunken boy. I'm not a Chinese hat So I got this Have some Guatemalan I brought it and I try to make it work. I'm now realizing it From the east side of Guatemala. There is is from the east, that is true. That is true. Okay. It's so funny. We were like, what are we going to do with our today?

And I was like, I will just hang and then show us shit. Fucking curve balls. You have your, have you ever drink drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk Drinking fireball. Yes. I mean, Ari, There you go. You have, you are nuts if you think I'm drinking anything that came out of your bag specifically. Oh, yeah. I would, normally I would. It's sealed.

I know. Who knows what you're up to? Yeah, you probably got a ceiling machine. You got a apartment in yours. Ha ha ha that's a good idea to get a ceiling machine. I used to get I wouldn't put anything past you. That's how you do a Yankee Stadium. We're like the steals crack, but like they figured that out and they're just like they just solder it.

You know that idea? Who says these fill waters and just solder it shut. Oh, when they're bringing booze. Yeah, yeah, they just get the agents and like we'll give you five cents each or seven cents each for those bottles instead of five. Yeah, you got the little solder on it. Yeah, fill them up.

Oh, I'm strong. Oh man, he broke out four fucking. We could reserve. Okay, where did you get those? Closet. Okay. I had them left over from Halloween where we were all on his Batman and Batman had a working

Oh the belt utility belt fit in perfectly airplane. That's a lot of fire where that got turned up. Do we had like 15 Batman? I saw it was a huge. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, erosa. It was great. Only problem with the Batman suit. Um, Can't pay no P hole. Yeah, no P is it it was a onesie suit was a onesie suit, but when has Batman P? He can hold he has the P when he's at work. Yeah, you can hold it yourself. Yeah Yeah, he's better than us or just goes in the suit. He's also not drinking nips of Woodford He's on the job Knocking down ponies in the back mobile Which I guess Woodford reserve Which I guess what for reserve?

I mean, is what for reserve class? It is. That's good. To be in a little bottle is it classic? Or what it's class? What is the classiest of the airplane bottles? I would this is a great goose. Great goose. Great.

Because I think that's glass. I think the gray goose is glass to be honest with. Typically, I feel you get shmiering off on the plane, though. It's not 99 bananas. I know that I shut out doing it. Everyone of my aunts gets loose on that and forth of July. Have you ever been cut off on a plane? Yes.

What? That was a fake question. No, yeah. Wow. Not cut off. We drank them out of vodka. Wow. Yeah. So they were like, hey, listen. We drank them out of vodka. Wow. So they were like, hey, listen, it was a two hour flight.

It was me, my brother, my cousin. We're heavy booze bags. And they started, they started giving up, because we were asking for so many, I forget where you're drinking. Vodka tonics maybe are screwdrivers. And we were asking for so many that they were given three of a, three little guy, three of these at a time to each

of us. So they were doing nine a clip. And I think they probably had like 30 or something. So we did like three or four rounds. And they were like, we're out of vodka and we're landing in 10 minutes. And you're in altitude. The tolerance goes up right or down. I don't know.

Mine's pretty, my pretty static. My mind goes, my tons goes up up there. Up up. I can just keep drinking. Nice. You don't stand. You're not staying there. There's no different like there's not in and out. You're not smoking a sig there's no Not sick to say that sends you over the top sure. Yeah stepping outside me like oh, I am fucked up the change of it the change of Environment really I'm really not a shit chick and having like look at you weird and like no that's happening on a plane No, I got put on the bench before we took off because I asked for a second bloody Mary before we took all

Yes for a second double. He's a big bloody Mary guy on a plane. It's well documented He's the one that we flew to Orlando. We did like 20 or like 18 bloody Mary really between the airport bar and the plane Wow, I saw you guys at the airport one time you were about to go for Bert. Yeah, you were just now you're so big bird open for you Love you Bert go on the cruise everybody we were at the we were yeah We were having breakfast at the palm and you walked by with a stolen bag almonds. Oh, that's true He also I forget this all up. He sits down. He's like airport breakfast. Oh new money like Like I'm sitting there in a Rolls Royce or something. He was dressed exactly like that.

What's the restaurant at the airport? You're just getting a sandwich to go. You can't sit down in the restaurant. I'll sit down in the breakfast and cup of coffee. Get your head on straight. You're there, we have the time. I wanna relax. I never have the time.

I don't get there in time. Really? Yeah, you've got to sit there like an hour early. We have to check luggage. There's five of us that travel. We have to check luggage. Yeah,'t get there in time. Really? Yeah, you know, we're there like an hour early. Wow. We have to check luggage. There's five of us that travel. We have to check luggage. Yeah, tobes was there also.

Yeah, tobey, Tommy, new guy Luke flies with us now. So there's five of us. We have to give time in case everybody gets there. We have to check all the gear. Gotta feed the boys. Gotta feed the boys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you dick around too.

Sure. I think it was. Play a little grab ass. I could get cut off of the airplane. Have you ever masturbated on a plane? I have really? Yes, I had a buddy in jail Shout out to you and He would do this thing of they would the so they would be in the cell and they would do like the last call They'd be like all right like final inspection or whatever

Yeah, and then like walk the the last call. They'd be like, all right, like, final inspection or whatever. Yeah. And then like, walk the plank or the yard, no, the tower. Plank of cells. The cells, like the hallway where all the cells are, you know what I mean? What are we talking about? Oh, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right. I thought we were talking about planes again, yeah. The guard would walk down and do like a one last visual inspection.

And the game in jail was to try to masturb maybe for the guard got to your to yourself. Could he stop you? I don't know. That was just like that. You had nothing else to do. So you were like, this is a time thing. Fun game. Fun game. And like it'd be like, Hey, I'm in cell nine. I was able to get it done or whatever. You think it was an understanding and prison when you hear like. Yeah, dude. There's one in this office right now. If I hear that, you could use the next door. New guy Luke is fucking going for it. Whaling on himself. It's great. I'll be taking a plane to Denver, Colorado,

I'm doing February and March two weeks of the comedy works. You're plugging 2024 dates. Breaking the record for straight shows of the comrades February and. Get that. Is there currently a two liter soda in either of your fridges? No, no. That's just cause my there would be, but that's just the life. That's just what the wife the wife is like, yeah, she's like, that's just like, yeah, a very is there one in yours?

I haven't. Why would you ever buy a two liter or so? I don't know. What are you buying? cans Yeah, well I think New York is very like individual you like hey, this is I'm having lunch I'm gonna grab a bottle of whatever yeah No one understands New York and the size the amount of space we have yeah, although I'll tell you this man I haven't fucking used a two-liter. Yeah, when would you yeah, I go back to my there's why did we yeah

When the fuck if you got a lot of kids in the house You want to keep going I guess it'd be something like that man It's also way cheaper to like it's instead of buying three 12 packs I would open a two liter of soda and probably fucking ten years. I would make sure I miss it I would make sure my mom would buy him for gravity-bong purposes gravity balls Gb's dude. I had a gravity-b ball in central Washington state. You have a club out there Chokers maybe something like that and these guys like want to smoke weed was like sure went to their car

I grabbed a bomb imagine this is a two-liter. They cut the bottom off. Okay had Duck tape both both sides taped it this way taped it that way stuck to himself and stuck it all the way in and So then it was like that watch so they lit the fucking bonge at the top, pulled the whole thing out. Yeah, that's how we did them. Oh yeah, I think we started with water and you go like that. Yeah, you pulled out of water. Yeah, here we go.

They just created a vacuum. Yeah, you can do in your car. Just created a vacuum, you pull the tape out, that's the vacuum. And then you put the thing in your mouth and they just fucking shh. It's just all the smoke. Your eyes come out of the house.

Oh yeah, dude. Gravity Bunk's fuck you up. Gravity Bongs fuck you up That's usually the last drug you do gravity bomb. Yeah, did I cut a bad gravity bomb stop smoking weed that was dabs for me Fuck dabs dude. They were so popular. I took a hit at a fucking Christmas party one time man I don't go fuck Christmas party where you at? Fucking the foley party International waters baby This episode is brought to you by better help gang anxiety can paralyze you

Which I didn't know you fear unlocked okay? I can't move my leg No, you fear unlocked. Okay, I can't move my leg. No, it's brutal. I have it. It sucks. Yep. A lot of people have it. Best way to handle it. Talk it out a little bit. Mm-hmm. Better help get help. Better help online therapy is an amazing tool. All you need to do is take a quick quiz, get matched up with a license therapist, and you will be on your way. Yeah, you can talk to your therapist via video chat by the phone or even just message however and whenever you want therapy is totally up to you. I said a once, I said a two-tree million times,

talk therapy is a fantastic tool for a specific moment in your life, if forever, whatever, if it's for a month, if it's for a week, a break up of this and that, just something to get it out. You gotta get that bad juju out of you. If you don't tell, if you don't gel with your first therapist, you can easily switch it any time for no additional charges. I've always been a big fan of just get the pool.

And if you don't like them, switch up, but you're already in the pool. Get a break from your thoughts with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash garbage today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H-E-L-P dot com slash garbage, better help, helpe.com slash garbage, betterhelp.com slash garbage, do it gang. Kim, what's up with that man scape, baby? Shout out to the man,

Skizae, Bakefan, and not only take care of the balls, they take care of the face too, because they got a new product over there. They're always innovating. They keep moving. They got the handyman gang.

If you're going for the clean shaven look, but hate the mess in the hassle of a wet shave, man scape has something for you. It's the handyman, baby. Manscapes new electronic shaver and lets you shave up to three days of growth. No water, no shaving cream required. Nope.

And if you're short on time, the five minute quick charge feature is a life saver and the rechargeable battery lasts 60 minutes of runtime. Equipment of the Manscapes skin-safe technology to help reduce nicks and cuts. Listen, it's for your face. If you want to clean shave, I say try your balls too. You want to you want to clean shave down air?

Do the bottle, too. Well, just fucking me, whatever, whatever you prefer. Feel good. Be careful when you're doing it. Just saying. Sometimes you need a ball legal from time to time if you're swinging. Get somebody on look out.

If you're on the go guy, never leave the handy man at home. Perfect for travel. It's both compact and airplane friendly. There you go. shave on a plane sure be a dirt peg Have you? Get 20% off and free shipping with code garbage at manskate.com that's 20% off and free shipping at manskate.com Code garbage do we gang hit the refresh button with the handyman back to the show? Yeah, it is the most I'd say one with big J and Christine once they were talked, they were saying how I was living in LA,

they're saying New York weed was just as good as LA weed. That's just wrong. Sure. And I was like, I'll give you a mid high level weed, not even the highest level. Super blue dream was called. We smoked out of a gravity-bonged, the scunk magazine gave us,

and we're all just shivering in the air. Yeah, I'll turn the lights off. Yeah. Yeah. Not a good feeling. Not a good feeling, but you really get your money's worth on the weed. Sure. All the big, there's no way. It gets everything burns. Yeah, I'll turn the lights off. Yeah, yeah, not a good feeling. I don't know if you're really getting your money's worth on the on the weed It's your all of it. There's no way things burns. Yeah. Oh Yeah pulls right through

Yeah, you were a big bon guy where you like you got into like the three footers and the two footers college That's a college thing. Yeah, but I think tell me from wrong I think it's now classy again to bring it back as an adult. You get a nice bomb. You got a nice piece. But it's gotta be clean. You got to clean it obviously. And it can't be too big. Like my, my bodies were doing,

what's the famous one out of a roar or something? A roar. Stand over there and light it. And it was like a four footer and you know, it was like $5,000 or something insane. I'm saying you're now, if you're entertaining, your wife's. A one foot bomb, a one foot glass bomb, clean on on the table a bag of wheat I'll give you two feet

really light it up clean it every time gotta be clean it's classy again yeah we had a 12 got 12 foot one and 12 someone else has to light it second we are from one floor to the other at the fraternity house someone else would light it out there when it lighted downstairs and maybe at the top of the steps. Pulling it. Good time. Were you a beer bomb guy? No, I just did one at the cowboy giant game. Love a beer bomb.

We passed with funnels. We passed some guys, they're like, oh, I should fear and they were doing funnels and I was like, I saw a run and he's using a brush. I'm like, I'll be right back he goes. I gotta go see a man about that. I gotta go hang out with these teenagers. Yeah, not he bows Fregged it. Fregged the tank over here. I'll see you in five. I gotta protect my rep Yeah, it goes down so fast. Where does he's like let me feel like not out there this ain't about that

This is this is with the love of the game baby. Yeah, yeah, exactly It was great though. They go down so fast. It's so good. They're so cool If you get it the right temp Teemo was always a shotgun guy, but not too cold to wear like it hurts a man You can fucking crush them. Yeah, we used to have we used to make them we'd go to home Depot in like high school And buy a funnel you could buy it you could buy like two three foot of tubing or five ten feet Get that wire thing that you screw and then we put a Clamp on yeah like a like a valve You go by like a plastic PVC valve. To keep it closed.

Yeah, to keep it closed. So you don't have to fend it. Oh, that was a problem. You fill it up and you're like, oh shit, you're not ready. You got to like seal it. Yeah, no, no, no. I thought you meant like the little things,

like the metal things that you screw and I thought you could. Well, you would have that. You would have that around the funnel, obviously. And then, but no, you would just get, you can put like a PVC valve, like a little like butterfly valve or whatever. Turn it, closed, fill it up, let it let it seal. Maybe a little nose grease in there.

We made a potato gun. A potato gun, what do you mean? To eat. Shackas fries. Shackas potatoes right down your gus all you don't have to fry them. Why waste time frying when you can just have the starch? They were mashed. Yeah, you never saw a potato gun, it looks like a bazooka.

Sure, the big PVC. Yeah, he's hairspray. That's real making it like making a murder type stuff. Wow. By speaking of her, does he have to be with me in Minneapolis? Madison, Chicago and Iowa City. Go CR again. Remember tickets on sale right? Are you on the road? I am on the road. Let's see what we got here for you guys. Let's see what we got here for you guys. Let's see what we got here. I love them. Have you ever taken a shit on a plane? Yeah, no.

Wow, I'm shocked. Don't say I don't fit. He doesn't fit. It's a physical thing. Yeah, that'd be bad news. Wow, interesting. Yeah, it would be bad news. But you've needed to.

I have needed to yeah I needed to on the flight that we just that I just took to back from Greece and then I got stuck in the customs line I thought I was gonna ship my pants. Shakinaki. Yeah What? I did it on one of our trips and a guy who was sitting by the bathroom complaint Really nice. Well, I mean why say by said by the back that's the thing too. It's like, I'll be in the front. It'll be great.

It won't be that great. I can't shut on a plane. I've done it. I've only done it flying to Europe when it's like you have to. I sound like I'm going to fucking buffalo. I can hold it for another eight minutes. Did you have, was it diarrhea or was it? It wasn't great.

Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Great It wasn't a high-pricing not diarrhea. I mean I'm never you know I'm always if I'm close to to diarrhea a lot of time. I'm never not What's the line of diarrhea? It's not there. What percentage of loose does it have to be? I'm not the guy to talk to about this Yeah, what percentage of a loose does it have to be? I'm not the guy that talked to about this. I think one of the liquid phase. But I mean, like obviously when it's like, that's diarrhea.

Yeah. And when it's like a, boom, boom, that's not diarrhea. There's a way that's inside. It's gotta be a log for 10, not, for in my, a lot of times I'm half in half. Yeah, half in half. Jesus, really?

Well, then the knot starts to plug. I'll have the plug. The yesterday's food is fine. Yesterday's food really? A little soup and salad. Jesus. What are you a sick cat? That's crazy.

I do get it. So the plug is yesterday's meal. Yes, fully done. And then the burrito bowls on the, you had rice for lunch, you had burrito for dinner. Yeah, that's wild. I am what I am. You're a meal in a shit.

Meal in a shit. Shit per meal, shit per meal. Now. No, okay. Now, once a day usually. Wow. Yeah, once a day in the morning. Yeah, I'm usually a one-second gentleman.

I'm, yeah. No, you're like nine times a day. I'm a lot of both You're nine times a day. I can pee and poop a lot. Pee a lot, too. You ever think that's cancer. Yeah, I'm gone. I'm leaning diabetes But that's it It's something irregular It's not great. It's not great. It's something keeping me from going to the doctor The good news is not cancer the bad news is you can't have flowers or teas anymore. No more miconikes for you, right?

Life, miconites. Have you ever, by the way, be in Detroit, London, Toronto, Grand Rapids, Sudbury, and Ottawa, and April, wrong side of history, Toronto, and Selina, or you should be at the top. Have you ever destroyed, 10 London?

Detroit, London, Ontario. Who's doing your rap? Oh, London, here's gonna suck. I'm like, who's doing your rally, dude? Detroit London on terror. Who's doing your route? Oh, a lot of terror. I'm like, who's doing your routing, dude? Somebody look at you. We got the magical mystery chore bus. Okay. Have you ever

I'll be in Seattle in Virginia Beach? You ever snuck a cigarette indoors at a public place? Yeah, I just did that at the UFC fight in Boston at the garden at the TD guard at the Boston garden of the TD bank garden. Where, how, what? Uh, well, I have good eyes for this. I, you know, I know a smoker when I see one. I know, uh, I know the flaws in the, in the security.

And I saw a guy with the new port in his ear. And I was like, you're not just rolling around with a the new port in your ear, you're on a mission. Yeah. So he walked into a stairwell, and then I called it, as I walked by that stairwell, I called a whiff of some fucking heaters. So I go down there, I start smoking, and then I hear like chatter.

So like we go further down, like two more flights of stairs, and there's like a full blown smoking mount. Heaters in a stadium stairwell has a distinct smell. And that's a loud. That's a loud. It really does. It should be a loud. You're not bothering anybody.

You're not bothering anybody. Hey, you're down here. We're down here. We're gonna smoke, sigs. We're gonna go. People are smoking blood. There should be. And it doesn't affect anyone's day.

No. It's only if you're a rules monger. Slash, white woman. There should be a heater spot. There should be a heater spot. Yeah. and the fact there's not is like what were these ones just not smoke if you're just a two-packed a guy you're like it's every what how many minutes is that you and you with a

stadium and people if you're the stadium and people are drinking let them have a heater they'll drink more yeah I don't think that's their concern that you don't drink enough yeah that's the legality but there should be a place to go at least in in-out well they don't give you an in-out earn enough. I think that's certain as the legality, but there should be a place to go, at least an in and out. If they don't give you an in and out, most of them, I think no one really has them anymore. Like, you know, a lot of the ball parks or football stadiums, they'll have the long ramp

like this, right? That like zigzags back and forth. Yeah. Yeah. You're talking about you were at the Cowboy Stadium. They have that, like the long ramp down it. You smoke while you walk. No, you just go to the middle point of one of those ramps.

So you can see both sides. You see both sides, you have a look out, you're hanging over the side, and usually you'll see a guy walking like, ah, none of that, you go, all right, take one last bullet, like, that's that. That's how I deal with, uh, Look the other way, no one did a vent stamp,

doesn't give a fuck. By the way, who's gonna say something to you? Yeah, fuck you try. You can try a hard-huntered tiktok, just accept to, yeah. That's how I vent staff doesn't give a fuck. By the way, who's gonna say something to you? Yeah. You try hard on. I'm not gonna take this. Try it. Yeah. That's how I deal with pissing on the walk home after the cellar later, right?

You walk and pee? Uh, or I'll stop, but you go half a long block. It's not short blocks. You can't go to the busy like avenues. You don't have it. You can't be peeing on third half. But streets, you go, I'm most of the way. Nobody's there.

I don't see anybody coming here. In a car. I'm moving between the cars. Hey,. I don't see anybody coming here in a car between the cars Yeah, that's where you do it in between the cars. That never occurred to you. You're peeing on the wall That you see between the cars. Yeah, you go between the cars that way you disappear from the straight line of sight Do you not even on the sidewalk if anybody sees you? You're just a guy checking his oil. Yeah Hey, I rethink some shit, huh? I write that down. What the hell kind of attorney are you, by the way? Let me see some credential.

Man, could you imagine being hemmed up for something and this guy walked into court to represent you? Dressed just like this. I've got a light. You want a fireball? I think we're going to lose this one. It's a good note. It's a good note. It's a good note.

It'll take that. I can't believe you haven't thought of that. No, I just pee like either like in a flower bed or that's just vegetable. You're a guy who thinks of so many things well, like so in depth and then so many blind spots. It's so crazy to me. And also too, you know, there's an apartment below. You just sneak down there. You just sneak down to the down step. Yeah, You just sneak down there. Stick down to the downstairs.

Yeah, I wouldn't do that. That's the end of their front porch. Not their front porch. It's like it goes down and then it goes into the back of the building. Oh, through the tunnel. Yeah, a little tunnel down there. There's a place to go.

There's a place to go. If you ever try to fuck public in Manhattan, there's like, I always, but you can't, it's hard to find. They're hard to find. Underrated, no. There's like, I always, but you can't, it's hard to find. They're hard to find. Underrated, the bathroom at Union Hall, Individual Stoles. Oh yeah?

Yeah. Okay. Taking care of some business in here? It wants. Lucky you. Drop the load. Drop the load. By the way, second show added in Boston.

Berlin St. Syracuse, Albany Fox Woods in February. Okay. Here, oh yeah. Yeah, that's acus, Albany, Fox Woods, and February. Okay. Here, as you guys have questioned. Go ahead, buddy. This is fun. You don't have to do anything. Is your credit card ever been rejected?

Yes, recently. What? Yeah. This morning. What? At Starbucks. My American Express. Why?

It's not your one American? Oh. Say the pleasure of allegiance. Starbucks my American Express why how I want American uh uh say the pledge of allegiance I say it if you mean it my cards on automatic payment yeah I didn't have enough funds and I was saving this for our feelings I didn't have enough funds to cover the

automatic payment in my check in account so it got rejected I got alerted of the rejection. I put the money. It's not about it. No, I switched the money in. It took the money out. It never reflected on American Express's side.

So it's been getting declined all week. So I have a call ahead of me. You have your credit card. Your American Express card on auto pay. Yes. You pay the same amount every month. No, I just pay the balance. And oh, they can do that?

Yeah, you just pay whatever you're saving balances. No kidding. But that jammed you up when you don't look at it and you don't have enough money in there. Huh, oh, when you don't have money in the credit, in the checking account, you don't have enough money. So this morning you got denied and you have to do that.

Ah, it's got, cause then it didn't want to- Well, you got to make an excuse to like, I don't know what's happening. I always did know. I did know. I did know. I went to Newcastle, Newcastle. Where you getting food too? That'd be embarrassing.

I was. Couple of egg bites. He's now, I wish you were. He's called, bro. I'll just take the coffee. But the worst part was he didn't automatically. You could put the cake pops back. Try that, try running it again.

It didn't automatically let me use a new card. It had to like, he had to like clear it out on his end and he was at his back turn making my coffee So then he turned around and be like here you go. I was like now you got a fucking reboot that so you got to rerun that sale I'm a gentleman. Wow. Do you have do you think run at that point? No, no, it was like a box. Yeah, I got a box Yeah, you do yes. I. I did. I did. I don't, but I did. Claire, you're running this operation. Where about you?

Keepin' you fat, all right? Uh, yeah, for a hotel, my debit card. Shot down. No. But it was, they said it was a fraud thing. But they never alerted me. You know, I still get an asshole. You do look at an asshole.

Oh, yeah. They didn't, they ran a fight. They did it when they're like, sorry. if you're with a chick, with a friend, you can't just be like, uh, I don't know, it's a credit card, but it's not I was just we've got we've we've we've figured this out when it's people who have money, like who really have money, they don't worry, they don't bat an eye and they say, oh, here's another one or oh, that's weird. They don't take they don't take per poor, who they don't have an eye and they say, oh, here's another one. Oh, that's weird. They don't take it that they don't take part Who they don't feel happy to give an excuse what we do they just go oh my banker fucked up. Oh, right

Here's another car with a million dollars. I'm sure you go. I have money Yeah, the rich go blame the Jews the poor go. Oh, I I'm somebody. Yeah I just put $10,000 on that account. Yeah I'm a goddamn millionaire Followed question. Do you have a backup credit card just in case this should happens? Yeah, I mean I use my debit card today Yeah, don't use debit use all credit you all credit cards Why much as I can because it's good I saw an Instagram video where it's yeah Their money don't put every every banking institution above like $50 will refund the money. Okay.

Yeah, they will. It is fun when they just throw it right back. Do you ever get tempted when they're like, hey, you've been fraud. You've been fraud, right? We're the like, sure. I just got it. And then they go, hey, which of these? What was the last choice?

Do you ever get tempted to go? Let me give one more. No, that wasn't me either. Yeah. No, they wasn't me either. Nah, they'll catch you for that shit, won't they? Nope. But you can, nope. Nope.

You've done it? Unofficially. Unofficially, I got my lawyer here. Sorry, what can I say? This is okay, hold on. It's his patient, Dr. Client Privilege. No, this is real, but he's heard this in the past. I knew a guy.

Yeah. For comedy purposes, had gone to a nightclub. Is it 70s? Got a couple of bottles. This man, this man in general, no, a specific man. He needed to deny this anyway. Just Studio 54, what are we talking about here? I heard it charge more to his credit card

than he could truly afford. You were doing bottles of one point? Let me, this guy. Who was there? We're not talking about anyone, strike it. It was a bottle of beer, by the way. But what? I went belly up.

Right. Right. You're talking to American Express. I didn't buy that Corona either. And then they were like, I lost, the person lost their card the later that night or the next day, I was like, they called the, he, she or they called the replace it.

And they were like, well, what was the last charge? And like, I lost it like noon yesterday. Three months ago. That was me, it's a boroughs. I love when they hit you with like, do you know what this is? I don't know what the fuck that is. It's a company's parent company. I just had to do it the other day.

They're like, what was the last charge? I'm like, I don't think about this. The deli for eight bucks, I don't know. I don't know what you get. And how late was it tonight? I'm like, shut up, dude. Shut the fuck up. I never seen which is over there.

Yeah, by the way, I've been San Francisco, the palace of fine arts in January. Plenty of museum. So it did a vertigo. How do you, how's your family ever given or received as a gift, a fruit cake? No. 100%.

I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. I don't know why. I always wanted to try one. I've never had one. I don't get it. It looks good. It's terrible.

I don't get it. It's terrible. How can it be terrible? It's garbage. It's garbage. It's candied fruit. It's garbage meat of the cake and then just a couple of treats in there. Huh.

The fruit is all you want to eat. If you can pick all those out. Why don't they just make a better base of the cake and then just a couple of treats in there. Huh. The fruit is all you wanna eat. If you can pick all those out. Why don't they just make a better base of the cake? They should. Ask Vaneroes why they don't make the fucking driest cookie in America. What were you doing with the fruit cake?

That's a Christmas thing. I was on my Goyce Friends house, Rob in the place. That's what it's like. They were all a church. Yeah, they were all a church and I was picking out fruit. Here's a question for you guys. Do you have one question on every page?

He jumps around. I can't understand it. There was stuff crossed off before he got here. This is a rough draft. I feel like you baited a beta tested this in a couple of guys who are watching the Square Park or something like that. You're just talking to a homeless guy. Okay, but it's like about DoorDash.

Shout out to DoorDash, my former employer. Gang, it's the fall. Things you're getting hacked, you got the kids in school. Sometimes the pain in the ass to get over to the grocery store. With DoorDash, you can have groceries delivered right to your door Anything you want easy peasy and you skip the temper tantrums I got a deal when I take this one to shop right guys or big door dash fam over here

Like I said, I used to deliver for door dash shout out to you Also every time we go to a city boom we land throw a door dash order in they ship everything right to the house We meet it there and look at us. We're making Aggies, we're making bacon, it's a good time. You've trusted door dash to bring you nachos when you're a drunk at 2 a.m., now they're happy to help to stock the pantry, pantry like a true friend. They've seen you through good times and bad. Yes they have.

So sit back, relax, let door dash bring you that head of lettuce you need for dinner. Here's the turkey gang. Get 50% off your first order. Up to a $20 value when you use the code garbage at a YG. Check out I know what I'm doing this weekend. Limited time offer terms apply that's 50% off up to $20 no minimums up total and a zero delivery fees on your first order, baby. When you download the door dash app in the app store and enter the code garbage or aYG. Don't forget that's code garbage or aYG.

They're doing both for you. For 50% off your first order with DoorDash, do it gang. Yeah. Have you ever tasted your own semen? Yeah. Oh, nice. No. Ooh.

Just to try it. So, yes, for me. No, dude. Wow, it's really never just been like that. I'm surprised in both of you. It's not Ben and Jerry's, man. I'm not trying to get a taste. Yeah, I tried it. You're not thinking about it, dude. Wow, it's really never just. I'm surprised in both you. It's not Ben and Jerry's, man. I'm not trying to get a taste. Yeah, I tried it.

You're not thinking about it, though. Yeah. Like an old cop. You've never wondered as a kid. Like an old cop show, when they cast a drug. Yeah, I don't feel my ass. Oh, that's good. That's a pure thought.

Yeah, you're going to wait for a long time. I'm looking at my dick. How many of you now as adults have done cocaine? Yeah, okay. Have you ever tried doing this to see what it does? I'd bet back in the day. Look at my dick. How many of you now as adults have done cocaine? Yeah. Okay. Have you ever tried doing this to see what it does? Back in the day. Do you think that it's in there?

No, it doesn't do anything. Yeah, it's a weird test. I never understood that. It's a weird test. Yeah. Also, you would get high, wouldn't you? What do you mean? Do you have to snort it?

I don't think it's a test. I think that is to, like, numbs your mouth, no? Yeah, it's like, they get, like, I don't know why people never did that. Yeah, it's a weird cop thing. I, I, it copped that. Itbs your mouth, no? Yeah, it's like to get like, I don't know why people never did that. Yeah, it's a weird cop thing. I, I, the cop thing. It makes your mouth cop. So I'll be like, no, they don't do that.

People that are doing it do that, cops touch it on their tongue. Yeah, I always thought, and I don't even, I've never even done cocaine, but I thought, I swear, and that wasn't me with that credit card, John, either. Uh, I always, Mr. Bottle service over here. It was the, the least, it was was like stuff that you could in snort,

like the little residue on the thing. Yeah, it was just like, all right, well, like, let's not let that go to waste. Oh, there's that too. There's that too in the movies. For when you catch like a heater or something. What's a heater? Sigeret. Oh, and cap.

What do you want, Nork? Do you ever hear the story about- He doesn't think he's a 70s undercover cop. All right, hands up everybody. Detective Ari Shaffa. Wait, do you ever hear the thing about Parliament lights with cocaine? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you think it's real? No. It is, it's how you know who does coke at the party. No, but I smoked a very long time. No, it's not, yeah, exactly. It's just a recessed filter. Recessed filter, which I love that. Oh, man.

You can really slob it. Of all the brain loyalty ones, parliaments are the most different. I thought it was gross because people would bite on it. Bite on it. Yeah. But a p-funk is what they're known in the streets.

A p-funk, everybody go, I'll do a p-funk, like if you have them. They love it. If you, it doesn't, it can be mental, non-mental, everybody go, I'll do a part, it's like a fun, it's like a fun it's like a party it's a jello shooter of smokeables yeah I'll give you that always gave me a headache really well that's a good question what was the last time you did a jello shot

oh let me tell you a fun story so we were all the subway ride over the last year opening game what's among universe Montana okay and we're like some guy was like my friend works in like K-ring she was like, I'll have a friend, he'll catch you on a tailgate. I'm like, we should bring some. We made 200 Jello shooters. There you go. That's great. We full tradesworth. And we walked around the Montana, all over Missoula. And just you should see the people who definitely love Jello shots. First the people don't care. It was just a full list. It's like, whoa. Yeah. And then we make them do something. We're say the whales say the whales and they're like what what like Jello shots say the whales and like

We got thrown out of an official tailgate because like dude. We're selling alcohol here like you can't sell Like we're not selling we give him out because you gotta get the fuck out of here man People love Jello shots. They do. It's a fun thing. It's more interactive. It doesn't fuck you up. It doesn't fuck you up. It's like, you know, you're not going to do in a fucking shot of wood for a reserve.

You're like, ah, like you're like, ah, that was enjoyable. Don't mind if I get it. There he goes. I got a great teacher. Crazy thing is you got surgery after this. Can I move for a new attorney please? Yeah, that's a good question. Do you smell like my stepdad, dude? You're going to try to kiss me later.

Have you guys, do you have any pairs of underwear? You know I'm going with this? Holds it. That is true. You've had this question before, have you? Yeah. Yeah. I just recently got a whole new couple packs.

Shout out to good fellows at Target. Great. Got them on right now. And they changed their style so that they can go, they're like for bigger guys. A little dumpier in the butt. Yeah, a little dumpier in the butt. I like that. What do you mean, make balls bigger?

They're more like old tidy whiteies. That kind of come up your back a little bit. Interesting. Which I love. They're bigger in the seat. Yeah. It's almost like we're in a depends. They fucked up with that.

Oh, look at the models. We're not models. Yeah, I don't want that fucking Euro bikini shit. Yeah, I need some coverage. I got a pair of sheets. Give me the wide shot, you know what I mean? I got a pair of sheets that I mean, look though he went through a meat grinder,

but they're so comfortable. And they're not even a sponsor this episode. Yeah, the thing is with sheets is what? Shirts, they're the best underwear around. Yeah, I don't have a podcast right now, so I don't have a sponsor. So you can tell this is true. The camouflage sheets. That's the ones I'm talking about.

Or the best of hiding dumps. The best dumps. It dumps jump stains. Of course. Oh, okay. Unless it's snow camo. Dump stains. The red, the blue, blacks are quite good actually, but the camouflage, it just blends in.

Do you have that a lot? Do you have skid marks a lot? He's got a bad key spot. Not a lot, but often, and when I have diarrhea, I will pick out the, the camo sheath to wear in case. Jesus. Use your best. Just leak it out of you.

Leaking is a good word. He's a great word. Leaking is actually a great word. It's a great word. Leaking isn't a great word. It's a great word. Right thing is a good word. Let's leaking right now is take us to my parks casino gigs October 21st and outside Philadelphia. Go to that.

That's where I'm from. It's my hometown parks right next to parks. When they open that up baby, I was in there like somewhere. Oh yeah, we used to go to it was a racetrack before. We used to go bet the ponies. Oh my god. I like all. You just sound like toady. Pretty good. I can get it in like two

Sours. Yeah, yeah Wait, do you have underwear holes underwear? Yeah, the camas I have the red cam not red. It's like orange camo sheets Nope, and I mean I was I was wearing on me yesterday they have so many holes, but they are so fucking comfortable. Yeah, their box are briefs box of research of the ones they they get it in between the legs. It looks like fucking like piranhas got Adam. It's fucking bad. There's like little holes everywhere. Bad news. Not sheets. I'm talking about the no now. How did it take any underwear? I don't care for sheath or fucking Obama Where it doesn't matter you're getting holes in them Obama's making underwear. He is now time to talk to point four million dollar deal for underwear And he gave up pretty quickly after that. Um, that's true. I don't think sure is buddy. It sure is It's dressed like a geisha. What do you believe in it for?

Was the last time you went to a museum? There's, um, enough said. I saw ancient ruins a week ago. Where's that? Where's a? You're holding your sheet on. Was it closed down pizza hut? Where'd you see? Agree. Yeah. Acro theory.

I went there. Yeah. you say, uh, Greece? Yeah. Acro-Terry. I went there. Yeah. You went to Acro-Terry? Maybe. Where's that? Where's Acro-Terry? Santorini. No, I wouldn't go to Santorini. Didn't you go to a place there?

I didn't go to Santorini. Did you feel in a place there? Didn't I? What? The hot like clumpy bar? No, it's Mika-nos. Mika-nos, yeah. No, no Mika-nos. Do you go to Athens and go all the way over there? Yeah. That you went to ruinsumpy. No, it's me canose me canose. Yeah, no, no me canose. You got Athens and go all the way on there. Yeah, you went to ruins there.

No, oh, yeah, I did it. What am I talking about? What are the cropples in the Parthenon? Yeah, yeah, something else. Something else. Really is. You can see how they were all on psychedelics when they're thinking about that shit. You think? I think so. They're like, you hit this tree. It created a fucking Zeus came out and fucking Neptune out the I don't know Whatever the story is think you're on like a Think that's a Disney movie you walked all the way up there. I walked all the way up there, Ari I walked all the way up there fucking petrified had to get metta-back down

Because it was it's all marble it's slippery sh** slippery on the way down is even worse danger It didn't in prescription crux. Yeah, but not a lot of traction. Oh, wow. Yeah, but I walked all the way up and all the way all the way down sketchies Yeah, it's fun up there, huh? No, it's awesome Life changing very cool People use that word let me see follow question that please. What way did it change your life? Yeah, you're right I love when people use that word. Let me ask you a follow-up question of that. Please. And what way did it change your life? Yeah, you're right.

You never go back to Greece. Yeah. Yeah, there's that. And there's another word that they saw as a Nick Cody's on poster for Edinburgh once. It was like, I forget what the word is, but it's like, ah, fuck, I forgot, I should know it. It was life changing in the fact that I never thought

I would see something like that. It's awesome. I never thought that I would be in a position where I could go and do that. Yeah. And I'm very grateful though, huh? Very. On all the way across the world, seeing a fucking wild. Ruins of a...

Wild. I love that. Get society. I thought it was cool as shit. It's like a outlaw. Yeah. It was fucking like an anarchist and shit. There was, yeah, there was some literature on the walls.

Yeah, big, big, uh, what's it called? What are those people called? There's an artist. Marxis? Yeah, but um, they have them here, but they're not. Cami's skull! That's what it's called. Sort of, comies.

I don't know. Fatima, what is it? Antifa. Antifa. Ah, but it's like a different crew there. Okay. They're doing something there. They're not just like fat guys messing with old people.

Okay. Have you ever picked up a penny as an adult? Yes, I do it every time I walk by opinion on heads I have to pick it up. I have to have to why because it's good luck and I feel like if I don't Something battle happened to me Yeah, that's an onion and if it's on I have to I have to pick it up And I have to look at the date and put it on my pocket away from my other change and if it's on head if it's on tails I don't walk over it. I walk around and I have to blink 18 times and never call my mother again What is what you do to fuck no, no, what are the things you got like that superstition that you just like you just got to do it

Knock on wood and I come wood and I come wood what about salt? salt oh yeah, fuck shoulder. Oh yeah left always left now I have my own things, but if you still salt you got to throw it over your left shoulder. What are your things? I'm not gonna do it at this point. Yes. Told you about the diarrhea thing On the roofs when you actually drop a load inside a woman to go Okay, that's what I do and they go, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, I had one question one question, you know what I'm not a full legal pad or they're one question have you ever brought Store bought food to a party and claimed it as your own That's that's nice. No somebody got caught doing that though. Oh, I can't quite remember it

They said they made them and then like my aunt or something came over It's like and whispered on my. I love that. And I was like, how does she know? You can tell. You can tell. If you had them before, this is a thing. But the person did go to great lengths because she, it turned out after she left, they tried

to figure out how she, what she did. She got regular cookies, they think from a store and then baked them a little more. Baked them slightly off. Yeah, like that. They had a little and then baked them a little more. Baked them, so they just slightly off. Yeah, like they're a little burnt on them. Devious. Yeah. To go to that length. Yeah.

To cover up. It's cool man, it's just a part. I also just say, hey, I bought them and then my thing just spruce them up is this and then a little bit easier. If you're going to a party and you're like, I made a macaroni salad. Oh cool. And if you're like, hey, I brought angements. Oh cool. Yeah. You don't have to be like, wow, it's like, I made a macaroni salad. Oh cool, and you feel like, hey, I brought angements.

I'm like, oh cool. Yeah, you don't have to be like, wow, it's like, and I tell you what, most grocery stores, their little bakery section are great. Their cookies and all that stuff are fucking fantastic. Can I tell you a hidden secret

you guys can all do at home? Please. Or your car, or you're gonna do this into this. Go to a bakery, you can get whatever you want, written on a cake, whenever you want. whatever you want written on a cake whenever you want Sure, yeah, so what do you 11? Yeah, I don't think that's a state so I don't think that's a secret dude

You got a cake you got hi. I'm going the only on it. He's not into that. I just is a 33rd birthday and I'm like I'm going over there I'm like H and then you open up your cake. Oh thanks. It goes shut up age Sure, what a fucking treat. I got one for Rogan for his 40th or 15th birthday party. We got a cake at Mrs. Fields, one of those big cookies. You love those. Brought it to him on stage. Oh, I hope I did not stage.

He was like Jesus Christ. Right, now we're demonetized. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do you keep that? Just cost me 30 bucks, Ari. You know what, it didn't cost me? Kansas City, in an opposite Louisville, with special guest Steve Renadese and Ryan O'Neal

in November, you can take it to ryeschafu.com. I have more questions for you guys. How many questions you usually come up with for guests? What? How many questions you usually guys come up with for guests? Usually probably about the same amount, but we have less costume changes. It's so hot in this fucking this fucking thing i mean that's crazy

i can't tell you i bought this in edenburg at a uh... but that's got one yeah thrift store i would you could give me a million yeses and uh... right at the time we were walking around this me dulce sloan i forget a couple of people and we're talking about cultural appropriation it was like i don't know it's like well it's all about respect whatever it's like she's like why did you. It was like, I don't know. It's like, well, it's all about respect, whatever. She's like, why'd you buy this?

I'm like, look, cool. I don't know. And right then, we passed, because Edinburgh, and everyone's out having a good time. We passed a bunch of Chinese people. And they saw it. And they were like this. And she goes, and she looked at them.

We all of them. And they go, oh, no! I guess. It was like respect. Respect. There you go. It's a nice one. Yeah.

Dice taught me this about smoking cigarettes in an indoor place. Oh I saw him he's gonna do it over him. We're in a mall in Los Angeles And he took out a cigarette and started smoking like what the fuck are you doing dude? It's fine security arc comes over pretty fast He goes hey, hey, hey, it's yeah, what are you doing? No? Not it's indoors because oh my bed damn started started puts it out get your couple drags though Get your couple drags get your fix just keep it moving no mess. No must Huh, I remember when you could smoke at balls. Do you really? Yeah, I think so remember my parents rip in a heater

I remember you get the plum with meeting long the Leo mall I could remember you can still smoke it because I remember the scene them on the floor like that step down like on that Yes, I'll get so gross still smoke it because I remember the scene on the floor like that step don't like on that yes on that aisle so gross I don't as a guy who likes to heater I don't like smoking inside I love smoking inside an inside cigarette seems like you're doing something wrong now Are he's literally trapped inside a bit right now? Oh my god. I'm trapped in a bit Right it out come on commit to the bit. Oh my god. I'm so hot. Okay. You're right. You're right. They're right Well, we got two hours left serves you're right. Oh, okay

You're not on your needed hat you dope. You fucking Don't burn anything already know are you can't are you can't smoke that Jesus Christ Do you know is this your friend do your lights at light matches to burn off shit smell 100% I think it's gross is shit It's the best no pun intended. You think it's gross. I hate that combination that sulfur smell and I I hate that combination that sulfur smell and 100% wrong. He's a hundred. It's so good when you walk into a bathroom and it smells like that But it's better than what it would have been use fucking air freshener No, that's fake. That's like air fresher's both together matches this around scientific It takes it out of the room diffusion or osmosis. You think I'm listening to either one of you

You're getting shot down to the Starbucks and he's dressed like nine people. It's a new car. It's a new car. It's, it's, it takes a, Damn it, you got a good boy. I got a bad company. You two are incredible.

You don't want to be aligned with me. I'll tell you that for anybody. You don't want to be aligned with me. You stink. Oh, I love this episode. This is by the way. Guys are so fucking high in mighty and you're dumb fucking judging horse.

How does it feel now? How does it feel now? Well, guys, it's actually quite refreshing. Let me, let me go over all this. Let me see where we are. Let me see where we're standing. By the way, Ken sitting in Napa St. Louis Louisville, Lincoln Des Moines Milwaukee,

Pasadena, Brayas and Ago. So I can go all out, I'll tap it to son, whatever. Okay. Cleveland. Wrong side of history, Tori. Wrong side of history, throw on sent out, or you should be right out comp.

Have you ever removed a barfack from a plane? You both said yes. I said no. Okay. You're not saying, say, okay. So yes and I know. You know what's a fun thing to do with barfags on planes if I'm on them if I'm chewing gum

Yeah, I'll put it in the barf bag and then I'll just seal it close Just I've done that just in case someone gets jammed up later on Me an interesting T-note Manage a centino notable red-headed in bread have said that we want to put on the inside of it I suggest everyone do this With your own social media, whatever, or email, they don't clean the insides. They don't clean the insides of the pouches.

Sure. They didn't say the straights. Leave, just go, hey, they didn't wash this on a posted note. Take posted notes with you on your carry on bag. This, they didn't clean this at Ari's Shaffir. Put it on there, put it up. Without context, if somebody who doesn't know who you are, just join this podcast at this

moment, you are a crazy person. Hey, do you know what Confucius says? Okay, let's move on. You said, have you ever smoked within six feet of a child in a stroller? Both of you said yes. Yes. That's true. Wow. We're garbage. Wow. Have you ever drunk a fireball? Both of you said yes. Yes.

Everybody. What's the difference between effect and effect? Both of you did know the difference. Yeah, we know. We did know the difference. And he used concur. He used concur. Yes.

I didn't know the difference, but that just concur. And he used concur. Yes. I didn't know the difference. But that just sounded really good. What the fuck was that? You guys just get your first wireless phone? The cops are here to get you. I assume it's the insaneest thing I've ever heard. You know, they're going to come in with a big net. That's some trash in the world.

So you both did know. And as I'm doing this right now, I realize that you'd be more upset if you guys were classy than trashy. So you both did know so you're trying to you're trying to spin us to be classy. That's a question here by the way this will be the fourth time our elusive. That's a question here. Did you a family ever receive as a gift a fruitcake and one of you did say no okay interesting have you seen every fasten furious? Both of you said no., okay interesting. Have you seen every fast and furious?

Both of you said no. I said yes. Oh every fast and furious Do you keep food in your Doesn't feed in your narrative? Do you wear under shirt when you're a suit one of you said no? Is your that's a fat guy thing though? You can't hold that against me. Oh, that's a question! That wasn't a question! Is there a two liter of soda in your fridge? No, both of you said no.

But you didn't ask if there was a three liter. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Have you ever, uh, have you ever credit cards or rejected? You both said yes. Uh-huh. You ever snuck a cigarette? Do I get bonus points for being rejected today? Yeah, you do get bonus points for being rejected. I got 100 bonus points. There you go. There's points for that. I'm the one the most successful I've ever been. And I'm still defaulting on my credit card, man. Yeah.

What was the last time yours got declined? Oh, God. I don't know what's going on out there. I people made the credit cards. Your people did make the credit cards. Yeah. Well, okay, do this real quick. I hear sirens. I hear banging.

I think somebody's coming to get him. Well, that's it. I was at the time. He's trying to come up with the without a shirt on. One, four. the last time was that to the gentleman with the money shirt on one four four

four four four four four four four four four four four all right will you be interesting stats here would you would you come up with you guys uh unfortunately uh-huh

I believe that's for you yep yep somebody fault on the loan get a man We're both very classy. Ah, thank you. These two guys are frauds. And they're both classy and I want it. No, they need to classy individuals have no idea they're talking about. They're actually talking British accent. We're not on the end.

And they have. We know them when they're off air. They have an automated machine to give you tea Automated machine. It's a carry So concludes this episode of all you garbage in which we found out the hosts of this show Kevin and H not as full name Whatever his real name may be. Fraud, I tell you.

You got us called Ari Shafir. Ari Shafir, everybody. Let's go. To shame you're not on tour. I am on tour, actually. The wrong side of history, George. Hold on, you know what's crazy? What's that?

The sunglasses tie that they really pulled it together. You want to have so much more credibility. You look great. Yeah. This is time that they really pulled it together. You would have had so much more credibility You look you look great. Yeah, that really ties the whole thing together whole time Let's smoke a heater you look like you look like ZZ bottom Every girl's crazy about a weird dress man Gang a wrong side of history tour mr. Ari Shafir do yourself a favor go see him He's one of the absolute best and we love him Ari. Thank you so much. You guys. What do you got for him? Oh, no, what do you oh please thanks for having me of course? Thanks for coming by yeah

I'd like to promote if I could pretty sure we lost our security deposit Guys Shakira's old albums are really good I don't know anything guys Shakira's old albums are really good Guys we are all over the road obviously shows are selling out to get you Put in your home your your lost and found close on I bought this of a man who's now dead. Yeah, you killed him, probably. It does look like you just got bed bugs.

You look like bed bugs. I guess bed bugs where I can wear a lot of stuff was in fact. This is all I had left. This is the only thing the bugs didn't take. He looks like a shit was in storage. I just bought a storage. He looks like he invented bed bugs. So hot.

So hot. Guys, aren't you on the road as well? We are. Are you guys out of history, tourist, are you, uh, H and Kevin? Where are you guys gonna be? We're all over the place. We're at a third show in Toronto.

I believe get tickets for that. We're suits for these classy individuals in Toronto, where are you guys in Toronto? The, um, what's it called? The regal? No, the royal, the royal theater. The royal theater. that we're suits for these classy individuals a Toronto where you guys in Toronto uh... the uh... uh... what's it called the regal no the royal the royal theater royal theater we're doing we're doing three there and then we added a second show at the film or in filly that's more than halfway sold out that will sell out get those fucking tickets

we're all over the obo below Pittsburgh Toronto uh... yet just get your fucking tickets and we love seeing everybody on the road will see out there. We'll see you next week, gang. Peace! Don't miss out on the milk with dinner. Come on. No.