Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Babies at the Bar w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Episode Date: July 31, 2025Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come t...o a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: Tushy: Over 2 Million Butts Love TUSHY. Get 10% off TUSHY with the code GARBAGE at https://hellotushy.com/GARBAGE Smalls: For a limited time only, because you are an Are You Garbage listener, you can get 60% off your first Smalls order PLUS free shipping when you head to https://Smalls.com/garbage ExpressVPN: Protect your online privacy TODAY by visiting https://ExpressVPN.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Who don't love a good podcast preview?
Kevin, what's a teaser today?
You're looking at it, baby.
A teaser.
Podcast preview.
Be-hoo-wee-woo.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there and welcome back.
Everybody's favorite podcast.
This is R. You Garbage.
Hey, yeah.
It's that little show.
We sit down with your favorite comedians,
and we found that it's a good to be classy.
Yeah.
But you're just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, my host,
A Tully coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here with Tootie's in a new edition.
She's out collecting cans.
Okay.
Doing pretty well for herself.
That's pretty good.
Doing pretty well for herself.
Good for her.
My co-os is coming at you across the table.
Unamused this week.
That's four hours of my day down to drain.
No big deal.
That's all you got done.
That's all out of hard work.
Because I was watching Apocalypse Now, redo.
That's like three and a half hours long.
He thought he's aren't going to write themselves.
This is what we call a family episode, ladies and gentlemen, just the boys, the bozos, and the homies.
He is the CEO of RU Garbage.
He is a new dad.
He is a business owner.
He is a homeowner.
He is the king of the burbs.
Look at him.
Fider at a year.
Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
What up, gang.
Shout out to you.
First of all.
Thanks for tuning in.
Medium Kipi.
Me, slim little, slim in the butt.
I don't buy those are mediums.
I believe you, but I don't buy it.
This one's a large.
Okay.
Swimming.
I was about to order a Big Mac, huh?
Not doing so great, there.
Shut out.
Thanks to tune in as always.
Make sure your review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube.
Full video available over there on Spotify.
And the boys are fucking climbing a charts over there.
Watch out.
We're coming for that number 11 spot.
We're getting there.
We're coming for you, number 13.
Obviously the greatest website of all time
www. www. patreon.com
I'll show you garbage.
Also want to say over there,
the boys are at an all time high on Patreon.
Shout out to the homies.
Creeping up on that 15K
where we're going to go shoot each other
with real guns.
If everything, I'm using real bullets, for sure.
With paintball.
Yeah.
That's not how you say.
You're going to play paintball.
You don't go shoot each other with paintball.
Shoot each other with paintball guns.
Are we not going to shoot each other?
You're going to try.
We've got to recruit teams, too, by the way.
That was the big thing.
I got a couple of guys.
Couple of Rogans, dudes
Fucking doing barrel rolls
Over the top of cars and shit
Lighting me the fuck up
That's the guy
Get a hangar me
Hey, how about this?
Let's take a little walk by the corner office
Say what's up to Lukey Patuki over there
Mr. Dempsey
There he is
Hi boys
What is a casual Friday with that shirt
I've been trying to read that goddamn shirt
All day and it gives me a headache every time
Gito's something
What is it?
Some band?
In your defense, reading isn't your strong.
It's not that.
It's not bad.
I can read.
It's all the guy who says that.
Only guy who says that for sure can't read.
You and Floyd Mayweather.
Read a full page of a Harry Potter book.
I couldn't do it.
I hate that Harry Potter.
We should try that on Patreon.
Oh, God.
I probably could have do it either.
That's too much.
Also, that's Gabriel Garcia-Marquez.
I can't read his books either.
He uses the whole word.
I don't know who that is.
The whole name.
I love in the time of collar and a thousand years of solitude.
Hey, Thousand Island dressing.
Zip in.
I like the Catalina Chronicles.
You have Catalina dressing, man?
No.
You know what I want to talk about?
The shirt.
What should say?
I don't even know.
It's got...
Oh, God, you're such a hipster.
I don't know.
It's got the Yu-Gi-O characters on it.
Who the fuck is that?
This is a crazy company.
Who's Yu-Gi-O?
It's a guy went to school with.
Jamie Yu-Gi.
Listen, kid.
Don't fuck with him.
Pasha, Yu-Gi-up.
Took one of the back of the head and limelight one night, huh?
Down on Delaware, half.
Delaware.
I was in limelight and the lower he's not.
What?
Our previous guest in French, Chad Pometari, was a bouncer there, right?
That's right.
So was my boy Phil Frack.
Shout out.
My brother's boy.
Yeah.
Shout out to him.
You're really moving the fucking goalpost on that.
My best friend in the whole world.
I met him one time.
I know Phil Frack.
I can't talk about.
What's the shirt?
He doesn't know, man.
Where'd you get it?
Oh, my God.
Because I knew you, I have been changed for a kiddos.
Cheetos.
What does that mean?
I don't know.
It's very odd for you to wear that.
It's clearly Asian, man.
No one understands.
Is that what it is?
It's an amalgamation.
An amalgamation.
Stop saying big words.
Isn't that a metal?
Anyway, we wanted to stop by, say what's up to you?
Peek in a little bit.
See what's going on?
Are you cool?
Everything's good.
I have, I'm sorry.
I've been sorry to cut.
You know, that.
Can we move on from a t-shirt you don't understand?
I'm doing the corner office.
I got a job for him.
We need a fucking plant for you back there, by the way.
And some of those knockers on the table.
Now we're talking bits.
Get a set of canes, a little I can do walking on.
Your new secretary, Ramona.
A little bit of cany walking around.
Now we're sexual harassment.
I have a new business proposition that we should.
should run this up to Dempsey Group.
Okay.
I was, you know, as, as a YG is a subsidiary of, you know, the Dempsey Group and all other subsidies.
Are you going to ask his parents for money?
Yeah, they listen.
Hey, hit me up.
Let me get a little bit of cash.
I don't know if we've ever talked about this, but I was in, I don't know what it would be.
And this is more of, this is more of like a think tank.
It's more a little of a little bit.
Isn't that political a think tank?
Nah, maybe.
I know it's not Yu-Gi-I-I.
I know Jimmy Yu-Gi-O ain't in it.
The shortstop?
They, uh, I was at a mall recently, and there's a lot of, there's things you're
going well.
Free AC in this heat.
I, uh, I don't have a bar as you can ask for.
Uh, there are a lot of open mall kiosks, and I thought it would be fun.
Have an AYG one.
No, not AYG, but me and you get at a kiosk and work it for a weekend of selling, I don't know what
we would sell.
What about selling AYG cards?
Yeah, but that's a little too, like, actually fun.
That's, like, actually our business.
We should have to sell, like, cell phone cases.
Like, me and you should be, though, we should be mall kiosk guys,
trying to get free samples, spraying people with colonia.
Whatever, we've got to come out with whatever product we're trying to push.
We have to get that product, though.
See, those guys usually have connections to the Middle East.
To get those.
We got Jimmy Yugo.
You think he's not connected down at the ports?
You think we can get our hands on some cheap cell phone cases?
Yeah, Amazon.
Yeah?
What's the markup going to be on that?
I don't know.
What's the lunch break situation?
It starts now.
Put these cameras in a bag.
Will we work it together or I have to go in and do a ship by myself?
No, we work it together.
We'd be having fun, grab ass and stuff.
All right.
Maybe a girl with a big set of cans walking.
I like that.
Whatever it is.
I know what I want to sell those.
I want to sell those dogs that like flip.
Oh, that'd be awesome.
Or the frogs that swim.
Something like that.
I know a guy down the canal street that can hook us up with those.
Jimmy frogs.
You know what I'm talking about the ones that swim?
Yeah.
Patty loves those.
Uh-huh.
She used to put it in the pool every year.
That was always her thing to get a couple of those and a bunch of handbags.
A bunch of knock-off goochies.
What's you on a bus trip?
What the fuck they went ahead?
A bunch of loochies.
That's always the person gets killed in law and order.
Down here on a bus trip to get cheap knockoff bags and frog.
That was Patty's move.
It had a couple of things.
She used to run when the cops would come and the guys would fold up the carpet and take off.
Yeah, she'll be on the move.
She ends up in the back of a car with a bunch of those guys.
She's working calm.
She's on the lookout up in fucking next to Port Authority.
Like an RPG in the sunroof.
That's too far.
And when ICE is real quick.
They're not ISIS.
Not.
It ain't the good old boys, right?
They ain't the Oakridge boys, you know what I'm saying?
They're talking about the eight ices.
What?
I need the Fraternal Order of Police, I'll pay that.
You know, for jobs, they have to be on the move real quick.
I never understood why they all wear flip-flops.
Buddy, get a tennis shoe on the buses after you.
One of those guys?
You throw on a hoka?
They'll never catch you.
You'd be a fucking jersey by the time.
A guy gets out of the cross.
car those fat ass cops
maybe across the
gwb in a heartbeat
trying to outrun officer
lazowski with fucking
a busted flip-flop one
made out of newspaper
get out of here
maybe that's how they do it they like the
chase
the grounded foot on the feet
you know what I mean
sure also yeah
I need some comfort
get me an escalators
I got a
No way I would run
No I'm not even
I'm not even a runner in my dreams
I always hide whenever I'm getting chased
I always hide
Bitch
A little bus
A little pus
A little pus pus
I got a
I got something I wanted to run by you
Please
My door is always open
Is that it with the offer?
What offers?
What did you want the Dempsey group
To do with that?
Find out what we can sell
Or maybe it's
Maybe fucking, what do they say?
Sound off in the comments.
What could we, so what is a good that would be fun to try to sell, even if it's like a...
Hit up your old man, find out what we can sell, tell him to buy it, tell him to lock the location.
He's never been to a kiosk.
Me there.
These guys.
Probably owns a kiosk.
Probably who we have to cut the check to.
There you go.
Yeah, something, well, I don't know, some sort of cheap consumer products we can do a big markup on.
I like to flip a dog.
Yeah, that may have something like that
There's got to be something hot like that now
Oh, the Laboubu dolls
What?
Yeah, it's like the new hot thing
There's like, they're like collectibles
I'm the new hot thing
I don't know have you seen
But you hear about that guy that handles the Annabelle doll
They found him in a hotel
And the Annabelle doll wasn't in a hotel
I don't know what you guys are talking about
A demonic doll
Spooky
This guy that handles it
Was in a hotel with her
He fucking is a thing
I'd be a little upset too
It this fucking creepo is banging me out
I'd be a little demonic myself
I'd have a bit of an edge to me
Yeah, you got every right to be fucking pissed
Everything's out
They found a guy dead in a hotel
I don't know where the doll is
I think that's the story
Do they know where the dollars
I think they know where the dollars
I think he just had a heart attack in the room
Yeah, no shit
All that pussy
Oh, that scary pussy
I'm scared of shit out of you.
Talk about dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight.
They were the reverse minotaur or something.
I don't know what they do.
Freaky dicky.
All right.
What'd you want to ask?
Oh, God.
I, uh, as you know, I'm a bit of a dirt bag myself genetically in me.
Sure.
Right?
I can't shake it.
I am who I am.
I am.
That's why I love you.
Try to be a little bit of a better man, you know.
I got a future generation on my hands here.
I'm trying to lead by example.
You want them to be better.
You're cool.
You just want them to be better.
I am cool.
Yeah.
No, I mean, you're okay.
What do you mean?
You don't got to worry about improving your, do I look at the generations,
you don't going to worry about improving yourself.
You just got to make sure that they got their shit together.
Yeah, but they automatically naturally will theoretically.
What?
You're doing.
What?
They automatically naturally will.
Theoretically.
A lot of adjectives in there.
Sure.
They should, on their own.
just from the position that they're starting from, be okay.
Sure, sure, sure.
Yeah, but there's...
Plus, he seems like a good shit.
This goes back to like the...
What?
Now with the little Kipparino,
I question myself, what is more...
Nature versus nurture of the whole trash thing.
What is in me?
What is learned?
What is...
And I got to be honest with you...
I think it's nurture.
Sure.
I mean, you get generational dirt bags,
though.
That's something something.
start changing in there. Well, here's my thing. What age is too young to take a baby to a bar?
Because I got a number for you. I was going to bars with my grandfather, the 112th Tavern.
I believe on Kidder Street or Scot Street. I think I actually ran connection to that.
Then it became Ziggy's. My cousin, cousin opened.
Perless place. Years later.
I don't know. Me and my brother would go there when I think when I was like,
Two.
All right.
He'd just prop us up.
You'd have some beer.
Day drinking.
Not at night.
Hey, gentlemen.
Yeah.
He'd go there and have some.
He's an old man.
He's my grandfather.
Sure.
Well, I hit happy hour at the lazy bass this weekend.
Ooh, that's nice.
With my baby.
That's okay.
Not bad, right?
No.
You at the bar?
Huh?
How else am I going to get fucking beers?
No, you went there with the misses and sat down outside.
Well, my mom, my cousins.
my aunt and uncle
No, that's cool
I don't know, I was catching eyes
I was, you weren't at the bar
What? Were you at the bar?
I had to walk by though
I was at a picnic table
Next to the bar
Yeah, and the baby was parked in the stroller
In the hot sun right next to you
With green head flies all over
It's on a bay
It's just under the bridge
What a name, the lazy bass
Then he starts crying
So I just want a nice piece of fish
A piece of a piece of hayes
Daddy
That secretary getting in here?
Where's that doll at?
This is also, I mean, we're in North Wildwood, Lazy Bass, never been.
Shout out to it.
Nice joint.
Right, it's not on the island.
It's off the island.
No, but it's like, right when you're coming in, it's right on the, it's on the bay.
So it's like got to be.
On the other side.
On the other side.
Of the bridge.
Of the bridge.
Of the little bridge, not the big bridge.
Of the little bridge.
That's still Wildwood?
I think it might be considered Kate May cord.
I don't know.
What do you got?
Uh, where is it?
The lazy base.
Bayside bar and grill.
Like that.
It's why it's North Wildwood.
Yeah.
I got North Wildwood zip code.
Oh, 8-260.
How you doing?
Okay.
It's open right now.
closes at 10 p.m.
closes at 10?
What are we doing?
It's a Monday.
So what?
It's fucking the summer.
We're down ashore.
Close 10 p.m. on Saturday.
At least.
Damn.
I don't know.
Maybe there's an ordinance on them or something.
I need too many.
babies were showing up.
So here's the thing.
Caught some looks, for sure.
There was a live band playing.
So it wasn't...
Ooh.
You didn't mention that.
Their name for their live music, we were going to see my cousin, Sean.
Shout out, Sean.
He's a listener.
Is it a band?
Nah, his boys are in a band, and they were playing Happy Hour over there at the
lazy bass.
He said, yo, throw that baby in a stroller and come have a fucking beer with the crew.
I got a crew.
How's the band?
They're pretty good.
No shit.
Covers it on stuff?
Yeah, covers originals.
No kidding.
Yeah, covering some, like, you know, some more country, like the Zach Brian type stuff.
No shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was good.
A little crowd?
Yeah, good crowd, big crown.
Pack, pack bar.
No shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I'm sitting there.
I can't get in looks.
Well, the thing is that you didn't tell us that.
Yeah, I know.
You're in the middle of Oz Fest.
Fucking.
The war down the York.
Generals gathered in that mass there.
Shout out to the dark prince.
Kids just sticking up his fingers.
I feeling pretty bad.
Well, they see you walking with a baby.
They go, oh, a baby.
And then they get eyes on it.
And they go, that's a baby.
He's a little too young.
Should be an old dog in there.
I got the big fucking headphones on him.
So I'm sitting there.
I got him.
You're getting looks.
He's crying.
Luckily.
The broad with you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's me, Denise.
My wife.
And we
And the baby
We drove over
We met my cousin
His wife
Drove over
Uncle John and Aunt Patty
Yeah
Okay
Um
Drove over
You gotta drive
I can't walk
I'm gonna fucking
Walking the stroller
Over the bridge
Of course
A crab's got you
Uh
Pay that toll
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So I'm sitting there feeling pretty self-conscious at this point.
People are looking.
Really?
Yeah.
We were being judged.
And that's my first time being judged as a parent.
I think more for the loud music.
It's not good for the baby's eardrums.
We weren't in the mosh pit or anything
I know, but
Nobody else had a baby there
It's funny you bring that up
Next to us
Another baby could see how old she was
Oh, I got a bell look
Another baby
Was that baby only wearing a diaper?
No
Because when you see that
Yeah
That is, there ain't nothing trashier
And seeing a baby in just a diaper
Out in public
Uh-huh
I don't care how old the kid is
She's dragging a sippy cup or something
Yikes.
With a dump in there.
Hmm.
Tough.
Dude, it was just like the most wild wood thing.
I'm sitting there like not feeling good.
I'm just like, ah, fuck, man.
I'm getting judged for sure.
But I'm like, fuck it.
People are here.
No one's,
multiple generations of my family are like,
this is okay, it's whatever.
I'm here.
I'm having a good time.
My hair dive been in the house for fucking six to me.
Let me go get a fucking bud light.
However, the nature versus nurture conversation,
you are with multiple generations of dirt bags.
A hundred percent.
Salt to the earth people.
There's other.
There's like toddlers and stuff too.
Toddlers?
Yeah.
Huh.
I mean, North,
North Wildwood, people are going to be drinking.
You got kids.
It's like,
there's also daytime.
It's not,
it's a little more.
It's a happy hour.
It's still white out.
Okay.
What time you happy hours five o'clock, no?
Five to seven.
Is five o'clock not the daytime?
It's not lunchtime.
I'll give you that one.
You'll give me that one?
No, I'll give him that one.
Five o'clock.
In the summer?
Five o'clock.
The winner.
Man of the summer, too.
Five o'clock in the winter is the middle of the night.
I'd probably be doing keybones.
I go, oh, what's your baby's name?
How old?
Zephyr.
What?
Anthony Kedis.
My daughter, flee.
Fair enough.
She's like, oh, she's four weeks.
And I went.
What the fuck?
I don't have the youngest baby here.
I felt like father.
weeks you fucking skank yeah i felt like father of the millennium that baby still has its umbilical cord
hanging off of it and you're getting beers that's crazy yeah and i was like whoa man wildwood plays by
its own rules but i you're all still stitched up yeah fucking dirtball hey easy does it he's out there
having a good time you're relaxing you're having a kid four weeks what do you know are you a doctor all
a sudden i know to stay home you don't know nothing no i don't just judging this bro
But yeah, but it was just like immediately solo?
There's no husband there with her, right?
There was a husband.
There was a crew of them.
Listen, you got to get out of the house at some point.
You got to get out.
Of course.
Daytime beers.
All right.
I had a couple of butt lights.
I didn't drive home.
Who did?
What?
Yeah.
I was doing that math.
My wife.
She don't drink no more.
When did you hit the food trucks?
Because there's no kitchen at this restaurant.
I never said restaurant.
Wait a minute.
Hold on.
It was just a bar.
I never said a restaurant.
What the fuck?
That's crazy.
I thought there was some crab fries or something going around.
Hold on.
Stop the.
I never said restaurant.
I said bar.
Just a bar?
I said bar.
And by the way, my grandfather was doing it.
This was 1988 one.
They're waiting on their food handling permit.
They just got to get clearance.
It's all pay to play.
Really?
There was a food truck in a parking lot.
Csadilla is we're out of his world.
Shout out.
Saloon food truck.
No, this, is that what it was?
I don't know.
My wife went over and did the order, and I was ordering beers.
Hmm.
So we get there.
He's crying a little bit.
Didn't like the song choice.
I like the newer stuff.
Little Mr. Bryce side quiet him up real quick.
Got upset about the another original.
Play the hits.
So I'm outside walking, you know, just trying to get him to pass out.
It's tough with all loud music and hollering going on.
Took him to the double dude.
Chicken wiring glasses flying
Shout out the lazy bass class of the establishment
I'm outside pushing him right
He's screaming
I'm trying to get the pacifier in his mouth
And push at the same time
You gotta hit the right amount of fucking cobblestone
To get him some bumps
So you can fucking shake his little brain to sleep
And man like fucking clockwork
This pickup just like
Chevy Silverado beat up
No Hubcaps comes driving by
Some dude hanging out
the passengers I went there.
It goes,
Yeah,
are you garbage?
I was like,
well,
here,
how you got it?
It was all.
We're at the church next door.
It was,
uh,
it was,
uh,
it was my first,
like,
real dirt bag thing of like,
um,
this kid's just gonna live in my footsteps.
And I'm okay with that.
Right.
I took him up on a boardwalk.
We hit another bar.
That's okay.
How you doing?
That's seaporteur.
That's a restaurant.
That big one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
that was during a day,
too.
Did you get something to eat?
Yeah.
What'd you get?
What?
President Margarita.
It was a liquid lunch.
I didn't do a beer.
I didn't do a beer.
We just went up for lunch.
Get out of house.
Listen, he's going to be, you're going to do a nice school.
He's going to be a good school.
He's going to have a good network.
A little bit of cash.
It'll be all right.
It's going to be a pipe fitter, I think.
You think so.
Nothing wrong with that.
Good Benny's fucking in the union.
Hardworking kid.
Local 420.
Sure.
If someone vouched for him, you know what I mean?
Work for the family.
There you go.
Start up his own business.
Something, like you.
that.
There you go.
Either way,
he's going to be all right.
I wouldn't,
I wouldn't judge yourself
too harshly on that.
Four weeks, dude?
I mean,
four weeks?
I don't,
we had them beat by two weeks.
That's not,
it's not like I...
Your baby's only six weeks old?
Uh-huh.
No, it's not.
Yeah.
Six weeks?
Yeah.
I feel like I've known this kid
fucking eight months.
Six weeks.
That's it?
Uh-huh.
Oh, man.
Not the youngest baby at the bar
slash food truck.
That's bad news.
What?
I thought he was a couple months.
I mean,
what do you mean?
I don't know.
the same information I have.
We talk to each other every day.
It's so weird.
I thought he was a couple of months.
June seems so far away.
This guy in the seasons.
I freaking can't.
It just seems so far away to me.
Man.
All right.
Yeah.
It felt good to get him down to North Wilde and into the, just get the salt
way in his lungs.
Just get them into, because this is the first time I'm going like, oh, this is, this was all
of my dirtbag experiences was.
Did you throw them in the bay?
or anything like that?
Just to, you know,
you ever see that when they try to teach the kids to swim now?
Just throw them in the water.
Yeah.
It's fucked up.
The kid old gets up there, though.
Freaking, yeah.
On legs, can't kick, though.
Yeah.
All that's neither here nor there.
My shortcomings as a parent is what it is.
We got a guy starting family episode on our hands gang.
As you know, when you join the old Patreon name,
you can ask your garbage question.
And we got one, two, three hum dangers here.
Speaking of the summer, speaking of swimming,
This is from Ryan.
Love it.
$10 consultant here, never have one redden.
You's ever had to stand on your dad's back to keep him underwater long enough to patch a hole in the pool.
He would float up to the top of the water unless I stood on him.
And he would tap me when he needed to come up from air.
I'd catch a ration of shit if I didn't get him the exact second he tapped me.
Listen, the fuck you're doing.
I've been tapping you for a minute.
That's also that dad's redlining it too much.
Give yourself 10 seconds or five seconds of it, you know.
Man, that's great.
We had to do, we did that a lot.
But there was a crack.
I remember us going down and trying to do something with the car.
We were like pulling the pieces out of a crack and a pool for like, we were kids.
Who had the pool?
Your dad?
My dad had.
My dad got one.
And a house he rented.
Or a house he owned.
A house he, when he finally bought.
Really?
Yeah, things were going well.
And they, this like, aqua pool, somebody was coming around and putting them in every,
they must have had this financing thing where it was like zero.
down 10 bucks a month.
Money was cheap.
You know, the greenspan or whatever lowered or higher the interest rates.
And these people are just going door to door going, hey, we're putting a pool in the neighbors, putting a pool in the neighbors.
This is probably mid-90s.
Mm-hmm.
Clinton.
Dot com bubble.
I don't know.
Something.
Something.
Cash was fucking.
And he got to put, we had, it was the most basic.
Like we got like the fucking.
fucking the, you know, the basic package.
There was no glitz or glam on this.
And it was like...
Stick shift pool.
Yeah, it stood out.
So I was just like very...
It looked like something in the South.
You know what I mean?
Like something like...
It was just like...
Diving board?
Yeah.
No give to that, though.
Like walking the plank.
Did that have that slide?
What?
No.
No.
That slide was kind of whack.
The blue one that I'm...
light blue and they kind of just went around like that.
You caught that thing on a hot day.
It wasn't watered down.
Fucking open up your nutsack.
It's like getting drugged down the fucking interstate, dude.
Bad news.
Was that fat guy that tried it last year?
And broke the whole thing.
He goes down in the middle of it.
Let me tell you this.
All right.
Your dad going under the water to patch the thing, all that kind of stuff.
That's rich guy shit.
You know what kind of panic sets in?
or the constant worry of ripping the liner on an above ground pool all summer.
That ain't dived down and fix it.
That's, we're draining the whole fucking thing.
We got to get rid of it.
We got to fucking fill it back up, which if it's close enough to the end of the year,
that ain't getting filled back up because that water bill's going to jammy up.
Not rolling at a fall.
Rolling in a fall.
Yeah.
many a summer has been cut short by a dog's fingernail
fucking catching the fucking bottom of the pool
one of the houses my dad rented when he moved out
I was always like nuts to me renting a house I didn't know you could rent a house
like a house like a single like a home
and we're always like fucking stay always felt like stash houses
something like tony soprano would be laying on the floor in with a fucking AK 47
no furniture but this one had a pool
and we weren't allowed to open it in the summer.
I don't know if he didn't want to.
I don't think we were allowed.
Man, and this thing was Tadpole City.
Man, just sit in water for fucking months in the summer.
Algae growing.
It was fucking brutal.
Remember?
Your hot ass to sit down looking at it?
I mean, they're fishing and shit.
It was fucking, it was a good.
It was tough.
Oh, God damn.
Great question.
Mm-hmm.
All right, let's see.
This one's from Mark.
is it garbage to pay a kid at AutoZone 20 bucks to turn off all the warning lights on your dashboard minutes before trading in your car.
Holy shit.
That's pretty good.
I signed the offer from the dealership and practically ran out the door.
My dad was outside walking around the lot.
I said to him, we need to leave now.
Car needed more work than it was worth.
Your problem now, buddy.
That's a pro move.
That's pretty good.
Reset them all.
Uh-huh.
Because I don't know how the...
It's all computer.
bullshit.
Yeah.
Turn that shit off in two seconds.
But I would assume they can plug it in and actually get like that.
They're not doing that.
I think they do.
You should.
I mean, what business isn't?
They just want the car.
They probably don't care about most of that shit, too.
They know they can buy enough.
They know if they're buying a hundred Mazda's.
Ten are going to be bad.
Ten are going to be bad.
It's a numbers game.
They got to buy more of like.
I remember when I turned in my car last time.
They're not just buying three cars and hoping they make $1,000 on each car.
They're just going to buy a bunch.
When I turned my car in the last time, not most recently, but, dude, I had been ripping heaters in there.
Heavy, heavy heaters.
Like, astronaut in a diaper heaters.
Like, I would rip in heaters in this thing.
Fucking couple scratches, a couple of this, couple of things.
They didn't give a fuck.
Yeah, like, we don't worry.
Don't worry about it.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
That was when I traded in my Montego.
I think I gave it to.
Traded it in?
This guy had scrap for it.
Yeah.
I think, uh, talking about it.
Trying to think of who the hell got that.
Where the hell?
I gave it the key when I got the Kia.
A fucking car crusher got that as it's lunch.
There's no way that thing is still out there.
Fucking hikesus is in here driving around.
They're over in the fucking...
They're over in Kuwait fucking bumping my 50-cent mix CD that they found in the backseat.
The top of that ripped off like the A-Team.
Fucking gun bolted to the top.
I had it kind of sick, wouldn't it?
Uh-huh
You saw that on the news
Fucking Stinger missile
Just rips right through it
There she goes
This is pretty crazy though
The lights
The big boy lights
Like break issues or serious engine
Diagnostics won't come back on
Unless you reset the light again
So you're buying yourself time
Until they reset it
Oh wow
But the basic lights will come back on
Just by turning off the car
Turning it back on
Like the windshield
Whatever
Exactly.
Low fluid.
Would you whip a fluid?
Fuck them.
Yeah, they go out.
It's $10.
Well, with that, like, Carvana, and I know Carvana isn't a great thing, but they go, like, hey, we'll give you X for your car.
Relatively sight and seen, I think they come and give it a quick inspection of, like, okay, it does have all four tires, and there's no major body damage.
There doesn't appear to be watered at.
Like, there's probably a checklist of stuff they check, and then they adjust it, I think, by, like, like, hey, we'll give you $15,000 for it.
Then they might show up and go, ah, it's 1310 or whatever.
Okay.
But they give you that, like, that's pretty much guaranteed.
I think that's like higher finance type shit where they're going like,
we have a bunch of money.
Let's buy stuff and, you know, try to.
They don't care the real condition of it.
They're buying volume.
Yes.
Well said, bug man.
You'd run a hell of a fucking mall kiosk.
You think so?
Maybe we sell cars.
Sell cars at a hall.
That a mall kiosk?
You got to have a license to sell cars.
Do you?
Yeah.
I'm sure we can find a car lot to work for the weekend.
I want to work in the mall.
I was going to say we should do the Chamonymour.
Christmas time.
That's a bad mall anymore.
No, it's not.
We should stay here at Christmas.
Nice.
I go to that mall all the time.
Not a good mall.
You think so.
I think it's the best mall in the area.
You've never been.
The Shaminy Mall?
Yeah.
You're wrong.
Montgomeryville Mall stinks.
The Shamany Mall is bad.
Plymouth Meeting Mall stinks.
I'm not going to King of Prussia like a fucking asshole.
I don't got fucking...
You know what's not too bad.
Do your money.
Willa Grove.
Willa Grove.
Maybe that's where we were.
Yeah.
You weren't at Nishamany.
You were not at Nishamany Mall.
The Shammany is like,
dead thumbs out.
I think I was at Willow Grove.
All right, we'll go over to Willow Grove Mall.
What do you got?
Dealers do need a license, but I think that's just for the dealership.
The dealership.
If we could get, like, one of those, like, trailers,
corner lots, see how, see how we can sell cars.
That'd be pretty good.
It'd be fun.
Get lunch together and shit.
It's just us eating.
Shoot content.
If we work at Willow Grove, we could go over to the Terminal on Chinette, which I still think it's there.
So it's the Terminal on Chinette and Haprow-Horsham is still there.
My dad used to love this place.
Home fries are unbelievable.
Just saying, we go have a cup of coffee or something.
Still banging.
Still banging.
Yeah.
Shout out to it.
It's no lazy bass, but I'll take a look at it.
There's no mega death plane.
Ken, we got talking about ExpressVPN.
Express VPN.
We've got to warn them about ExpressVPN.
We're putting it out there.
Get on ExpressVPN.
You know what these other companies are doing?
They're starting to sell your information.
Everyone's selling it.
Selling your information, selling your data,
letting them know your likes, what you don't like,
what you're into, what you're not into.
That's no bueno.
When you operate with ExpressVPN,
all that's blocked.
Listen, I'm not a tech guy.
You're a ghost, baby.
You don't tune in for our tech knowledge.
Of course.
But there's people out there on the Internet trying to screw you.
ExpressVPN is trying to try.
trying to stop them from screwing you.
Not even trying.
They're doing it, baby.
It's seeding.
Listen, I've used it before.
I've been in certain territories where certain websites aren't allowed.
They want your,
yeah, they're frowned upon.
They want your name.
Not illegal.
Not illegal.
And listen, you log in or you go,
boop boop, express VPN over there.
Bada bing, bada boom.
How you doing?
You're out the door.
Two, three minutes.
No big deal.
And here's the turkey gang.
Protect your online privacy today by visiting it,
by visiting expressvpn.com slash garbage.
That's expressvpn.com slash garbage.
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I'm talking an extra four months for free.
One more time, let them know to boys send you expressvpn.
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I'm back to the show.
Back to the show.
Are you garbage if you're in the grocery store
with the SIG fully lit shopping in the produce section?
What?
I looked over and this man had a,
a full lit sig grabbing lettuce.
Gotta love it.
That's mental illness. That guy don't know where he's at or something.
You can't be catching a heater.
And it's not even like, oh, he used to be able to smoke it.
Like, they changed the rule, like, in a bar or something.
You could be like, at least.
That's funny, I'm 49. I don't ever remember that.
What?
Smoking it, no.
In the grocery store.
No.
Never.
But it had to be somewhere.
Sure.
I mean, probably in the 70s.
I'm trying to think if I ever remember my mom.
putting out a cigarette in a department store.
No, most of that stuff, you probably couldn't smoke him.
Well, yeah, find out when you could stop smoking in, like...
In New York City, it was banned in 1974.
Smoking in the department store.
In, like, grocery stores and stuff like that.
I remember the Leo Mall on Street Road you could catch a heater in, in the common space, not in the...
Excuse me.
Because we were, like, we were, like, 13 or 14.
The mall's different.
I remember smoke.
Like, you could sit in the bench at the mall and catch a heater here.
Oh, yeah, I remember that for sure.
I don't, I mean, I don't.
I don't remember the other malls doing that.
I'm going to do it when we have our kiosk.
I'm going to sell heaters.
I feel like I remember smoking in the mall as a teenager.
Maybe.
Bad kid like you.
No future.
Bad attitude.
Sure.
I could see that.
Yeah.
Unless I'm wrong.
Uh-huh.
I just can see it on the, you know, that mall floor?
Whatever that is, linoleum or whatever that is.
I can just see a cigarette butt smushed out.
I don't know why.
Why?
You're just smoking everything.
Everywhere. That was crazy.
Eaters.
Heaterville, dude.
Yeah.
Speaking of heaters, this is from Hugh Wang.
Ever seen someone eat a sig?
My uncle would do this to amuse kids at parties.
He also carried a flask of body temperature, Blackberry Brandy, laughed like Tommy Pope,
and was married at a VFW and chewed on perks like candy.
Rest in peace, Uncle Jeff.
Had that to him.
Blackberry brandy is a sign of a gig.
I had one summer of that.
All the bartenders.
Everybody did.
in Wildwood, that's their like, you go, if you're, if you work at Kenyans and you're going to the wharf,
they all, they all drink Blackberry.
It's like they're like calling card.
Like, I'll do three Blackberry for a while.
I don't know if they still do, but at the time, I was rolling around my boy Tommy, who was, you know, mover and shaker in the service industry down here.
That was all Blackberry brandy.
I don't know why.
Man, it would make me puke every fucking night.
I'd be puking.
Shout at the echo.
Shout out the flip.
I'd be yak.
They'd cool them down.
They do shots with them.
They weren't cool.
Oh, really?
Right off the rail, baby.
Room.
They would put them in the shaker.
It was called something.
There was a name for it.
Brandy.
She's a foul.
Not that I know of.
They have a chicken hill bottle that seems kind of big.
Well, this was that, like, main brand that, like, is always the mixers and shit.
Seagrams or whatever.
Jack Wins.
Jack Wins Blackberry Brandy, I think.
Oh, that might be it.
Jack ones.
Yeah.
That dirty bitch will get you.
Woo!
She's...
Some of that sour mixing me.
As a youngster.
Give me the diarrhea.
That's this...
Okay, let's see.
This one,
Finch Dickles,
brand new $13.70
Canadian milk with dinner representative
homie here.
What's up, you hozer?
Never had one read.
Is it garbage?
as the lunch you had at school every day growing up
was a peanut butter and lettuce sandwich.
Listen, you're a man of certain stuff.
Sure.
I love a peanut pie.
I would probably document
I've eaten more peanut butter sandwiches,
straight peanut butter than any man or women or child ever.
That's not even close.
It was every day for a long time.
A lot of years.
There was a minute.
Lettice?
No.
What's, I get it?
Maybe I can picture like a big, nice, but it's not going to last until school, like a real crunchy piece of iceberg.
Just for the crunch.
A little bit of texture.
I don't like it.
I'm just saying.
There was a minute.
And I mean a minute.
Uh-huh.
It might have been something that I saw on family ties or something like that.
Maybe Skippy, the kid that lived next door to the Keetons, was eating this for a while or something like that.
Or maybe a different stroke where I was fucking with peanut butter and cucumber sandwiches.
I mean, peanut butter and pickles is a pretty big thing, right?
Or is that for pregnant?
For pregnant.
But still.
Ants on a log, kind of, with the celery and the peanut butter.
Yeah, that's in the world.
It's in the world.
It is in the world a little bit.
I understand that.
But when you talk about pickles, I used to love a peanut butter and jelly with chips and pickles.
Sure.
And a glass of milk.
I don't hate on that.
Big.
I don't hate on that.
I haven't had a P.B.J.
a while.
Probably years.
couple years, maybe a year, six months.
Not a year.
Lunch.
What's last you had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
I don't like jelly.
I've been just straight peanut butter.
What's last to have peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
Always within a year.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll go through big things.
You go to your parents and you get one?
I always keep the materials on me.
Really?
What are you building a bomb?
Who calls the materials?
What are you have bread in your house?
Just like a loaf of bread?
Yeah, in the freezer.
So you got a...
Really?
That ruins a sandwich.
I know.
That fucking sucks
Wait you have to toast it
Yeah but then
That's not a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
You have a peanut butter and jelly sandwiched? No
But I'll do it I'll get it
Somewhat okay or I'll just go out and buy a new loaf
That's what I'll normally do but if you get it close enough
In this this kid stinks
If you just get the de-frost off of it
And let it sit for a little bit
It's not as good
What does we get on a crustable
The good thing about bread in your house
Just a loaf of bread?
I can't keep it
It's weird.
Well, the Dave's I always keep
Yeah, he keeps like the fancy
Seated bread
Yeah
That's so adult to me to have bread
No, that's when you have kids
You gotta have kids
I know, hey, relax
Who side are you on here?
Do you have bread?
No, I've had a kid for six weeks
And we've been at the bar most of the time
No, I don't have fucking bread
Okay, he can't eat bread
Think it'll be a wonder family?
No
The white bread's tough with the German
Yeah, your wife goes to your wife's like
She's good fucking German broat
You know what I mean?
You need fucking that good
She can get by with a sourdough
She likes
That's not bad
It's an insane look you gave me
That's not for a peanut butter and jelly
Sourdough's not bad
That's too
I listened
Do you remember the first time you had sour bread as a kid
Dude
I thought there was beer in there
I didn't know what the hell was
Yeah
Talk about a chew
My dad
Pinn is with dad
one morning I was like,
what the fuck is this shit?
You know what I used to,
I felt it's kind of funny.
And pop, take it easy with the yeast,
do you?
Yeah,
I get some vagusil on this,
man, boy.
I got a date coming up,
hitting me with this fucking
bitch you pull this flusie out of.
Holy shit.
I'll put a set of rubbers on my hand to eat this thing.
Yeah,
I didn't like that shit at all.
Now, uh-uh.
Now you learn to like it.
That and a point.
Portuguese roll. My dad was big on a Portuguese roll. You know, Portuguese?
Ooh, man, you must, I must have thought I was in the Mediterranean.
Hey, go, let me get two Portuguese rolls. I said, when we get home, I'm a ladder up some fucking skippy and put it on that bad boy.
Hey, that. Put that in my American stomach.
Chew it with my goddamn rotten American teeth and drink some goddamn Coca-Cola.
That's all right.
I don't know what makes, can you find out what makes a Portuguese roll Portuguese?
He's from Portugal.
No, I get the idea of it.
The rolls aren't from Portugal.
Sweet.
But man, whatever.
This process.
Whatever that was was fucking, I saw a Portuguese roll truck today made me think of that.
Got a little mustache on the front.
Aren't bad hair.
If no, it's full bush.
We kid.
Big with the Portuguese, there's like a surplus of egg yolk or something that's kind of doing some different ingredient thing there for the bread.
For the bread.
Lain answer?
Yeah.
What do I got?
Well, I look at a fucking Johnny fucking bread over here.
A surplus of egg.
I mean, there's a lot of egg yolk in it.
Yeah.
Surplus, that's what Google says.
Enriched with the surplus egg yolks left over from wine clarification.
Ah, that makes sense.
What the fuck?
They're using egg yolks for wines?
Buddy.
I sound like a real scumbaggot.
The heck, they're easy.
My two should have fell out when I was saying.
A fucking hillbilly.
Shut up.
What the hell do you know about bread or wine?
Nothing.
This one's from Oscar's Traskan.
187 peso homie here, never have one read.
I assume that's the Mexican peso?
Sure.
Find out what the transition to U.S. dollars to pesos is.
You think he's from Mexico?
I don't know.
Oscar?
18, about 19 pesos per dollar.
That makes sense.
So he's a $10 homie.
Shout on to him.
187.
My man, hello.
How's my friend?
Don't do coca.
Where is the coca?
Where is the parm?
How do you say sweaty Betty?
Is it garbage to ask the beer guys at the concert venue what time is last call?
I'm trying to time out my beers to have some left by the time Masters of Puppets comes on.
Shout out to Metallica.
I respect that.
I respect it too.
As it, listen.
Because that shit sneaks up on you.
What?
And we've become a very very.
Very, uh, I've become a very like, you just drink.
Yeah, we live in New York.
Last Calls 4A.
I can just drink.
If we're at the house, there's enough beers.
If we're at a party, there's, there's, we're in a green room.
There's just always beers, right?
We can, there's, we're very rarely in a place with constricted rules of when and how I can drink.
Very true.
Uh, except a place like that.
So you got to, you want to fucking, you want to buy two or three so you have them for the rest of the fucking day.
Of course.
You know what I mean?
So that I totally get.
Would you do it a Phillies game or something like that?
Hey, well, let's get two.
I got two.
We got three.
You get your two and I'll drink one.
He can have one.
They're not drinking.
You got to really, that beer mess means a lot.
Yeah.
I totally respect that.
Respect that move.
It's they cut you off earlier and earlier these days.
And then you know, you're not expecting it.
You're vibing.
You got half a load on.
And then, you know, you're bobbing your head to fucking.
It goes back to the beginning.
Everything's always closed.
Everything's closed early.
Yeah.
Closing.
I don't know.
I've been closed.
I have a closed.
Lazy bass.
10 o'clock.
Believe that.
That is lazy.
It's good.
Bugman back.
All right.
This one's from Brandon Box.
$120 per year.
I love how they're changing.
They're adapting.
That's all.
They're bragging.
I'd do 120.
No big deal.
When is the last time you washed your bath mat that's in front of your shower?
Is it garbage if you can't remember?
I don't think I've ever done that.
I just get a new one.
I go, this one's growed.
Gotta go.
And order a new one on Amazon.
What?
This ain't great.
We wash ours pretty regularly.
I don't, they're never like texture to wash to me.
I remember Denise used to wash them.
Maybe wet.
I get it wet a lot.
I can imagine.
You're displacing a lot of water.
I also do a.
move with it that I probably shouldn't tell people publicly.
Sop up pee.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Real quick and then pushing back over.
You're doing that with your feet.
You're not bending over.
You're not doing my foot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll take my foot.
I'll drag it over.
I'll fucking mop that.
We got that.
Yeah.
Push it back over.
Uh-huh.
And then eventually that'll be a shorter life spec.
She'll be like, what is a smile.
That's not, that's not a way.
I love how you're giving her an attitude.
And you're sopping up your urine.
I'm not giving her an attitude.
It's giving her a voice.
That was giving her a voice.
That wasn't a, hey, do you not have any idea why the bathroom smells?
Are you using the cloth that we get out of the shower when we're clean and put our feet on to stop up?
I usually have a little pee pop up your mountain dew pee.
I don't drink mouth.
Root beer pee?
All right.
Yeah.
Yeah, I just had a, I just got rid of one.
I don't pay attention.
That stuff that, like, I only think about when I'm standing on it and I go, I guess, this is bad.
you got to, but they have the ones that are more like towel.
That, like, Terry cloth or something.
I don't like that.
You're talking about the one.
I've said this to you before.
You talk about the one in the hotels?
No, that makes sense because they're cleaning those every day.
And who knows what you're doing to them.
Right?
I barely use them because every time I put it on the ground, it always gets fucked up.
Which I've pitched my idea to you about that, right?
The Velcro or something.
Somebody should come up with some type of adhesive.
And we can sell these at the, come up.
Some type of.
adhesive on the bottom of them have diesel when you wash it it okay okay let me try to explain this
you know like the the throwy hands the sticky hand yeah well when you watch that with when you wash that with
soap and water it gets more it gets sticky again it brings it back there should be some type of
adhesive on the bottom of those things that when you put it down it lays down nice that you should be
able to reuse i've been telling everybody this
Nobody wants to take up the idea.
Talk to your dad.
We make fucking billions of dollars.
Billions.
We get every hotel to do it.
That's everybody's biggest pet peeve about the fucking hotel.
You're the only person I've ever heard of complain about.
Those things suck.
I'm not saying.
They're not big enough and they always get bunched up.
I always have to put a regular towel down.
So it's nice and cozy when I get out of the shower in there.
It is like a...
It's not a size thing.
It's a comfort thing.
I didn't say that.
I did not say that.
It's not a comfort thing.
Okay.
Okay.
I'll do it.
I'll take it on a shark.
I think it's an operator error thing.
If I had the guess, knowing you.
Those things never fall perfect.
I don't think you're really fucking.
I've never had an issue.
I don't, I'm not saying you don't have it.
Yours always lands nice like a dormant.
Yeah, and if it doesn't, you just, I've never thought of it.
It's never been a thing where I'm going to go, gosh darn it again.
I got to lay the mattress down here to feel comfortable.
I'm going to lose the security deposit.
Ripped the curtains off the wall.
I'm an idiot.
Anyway, back to the original question.
We do wash it.
We do wash it.
But I get what you're saying.
I one time I ran in a place.
And we and my boy, we got a black one at like Bedbath and Beyond or something.
Never washed it.
Like, there's a cheapo.
Cheap.
Was it a little fuzzy on top?
That's the plastic underneath?
Like the rubber?
It had the rubber underneath it, maybe.
That's when you know you're in a lot of trouble.
Yeah, and it had kind of like the little dreadlocks.
You know what I mean?
They were a little longer.
Could have taken a little more off the top.
Yeah, shag.
Yeah, shag. And we got black and we thought it was cool.
That is what they call the perfect storm for mold.
We had a, we had a, it was black.
We had like that old 80s yellow linoleum floor in the bathroom of the apartment we were running.
And we put that down.
The Steelers bathroom?
We put that down the day we moved in, and I picked it up the day we moved out, and the die had all the water from standing on it being wet, standing on it being wet, had seeped through and stained black the linoleum.
And that's one of those you lift up.
And this is us.
I'm doing a once over.
My boy already bounced.
He was out.
I think you're going to say that the civilization that formed underneath.
No.
Had already achieved space travel, and I was quickly attacked by.
This was, this is a worse, that you can clean.
Sprayed out with a little windex, a little pledge, something.
Fucking, I'll nuke that.
They won't even know what hit him.
Father, no.
Yeah, I'll torch that.
You know, CLR and M to fucking bits and pieces.
CLR.
I don't know what that was.
chlorine, lime, and rust.
Man, anything with that lime in it.
That shit was dangerous.
That's what they're putting in the drinks.
I didn't understand that at all.
That's what they put on bodies.
What's between lime and lime?
Lie.
No, it's called lime.
I think it's lie.
Calcium lime and rust remover, CLR.
Yeah.
What's the stuff they, like, de louss you with or whatever.
When you go to jail, they throw it.
No, that's lie.
Yeah.
What are you talking?
Then the stuff they put on the bodies when you, you know, put lime on dead bodies.
Oh, maybe it's, I don't know.
See if, uh, Luke's, you know.
to rest of that's on my computer trait
how to dissolve a dead body
lime for
what kind what do you buy a bag of lime
calcium oxide
quick lime what does that do
reacts with the water and then it dries
out the surrounding environment
that don't sound pleasant
I hope I'm long gone
when they do that
talk about an ouchy
uh...
yeah
Yeah, but the ink had settled through.
And now I'm doing like a once.
That's the last thing you pick up and throw in a black contractor bag to trash.
And, man, the power was out because I stopped paying a bill.
Nice.
So to shut off.
And it was getting dark, so I'm losing.
I'm trying to clean this place with daylight.
You know what I mean?
Natural lighting.
True artist.
Which not a nice place.
There wasn't a lot of natural light.
There was no skylight coming in?
He's where a Florida ceiling windows.
And it's getting darker and darker, and I lift that up and see that.
There's all patient windows, but you're on the third floor.
Like prison windows?
And I'm doing this.
It's just like one beam of light coming in.
And I go, oh, that's, you still, like, I kind of, I didn't fully believe.
I'm like, I'd have a wipe right up, like, lying to myself, but no, like, you could tell that's.
Billy Mays for that.
Dude, I have one wipe with this, two wipe, three, dude, not even.
flinching. And I just went,
Matt's...
Just put the rug back over it.
You're going to have to take that out of security deposit, big dog.
I ain't fucking... I need this $1,100, but I ain't getting it.
See you later.
Ooh, man. When you're waiting on the security deposit,
you're jammed up.
I mean, I've...
This is the only apartment I've never waited on my security deposit.
I remember I got this apartment I'm currently in.
Right when we started doing the pot,
Like the podcast started doing okay.
Started making a couple of bucks.
Still had a day job and everything.
But like, and I was going, you know because you know the rules.
You go, they got 31 days to provide me an itemized breakdown.
I never knew that.
And I might have said this on the pod before.
I always tried to pay the last month's rent with the security deposit.
Well, you got that.
Yeah, you're technically, technically not allowed to do that.
And also, I like, I mean, I was only on, I only had one lease in New York prior to this.
And if I was going good, that means I got, I think it was like 13 or 12, 20, whatever my rent was,
I was deep in the heights.
And I was going, whatever that was, I got the, if I can get through this month and I get dad on the fifth,
who, you can't tell me shit.
Pizza, pizza.
Yeah.
Kids eating, dog.
Be like the noid.
Watch after anoid, no, no, no, no, no, no, pizza.
All right, let's see here.
This one's just follow.
This is from a $10 home he never had one read.
Is it garbage if your dad uses cameo?
Great service.
To project a video of a member of Steel Panther on the wall at his wedding.
To congratulate my new stepmom.
And he mentions how much he knows she likes the shocker.
What?
It was a surprise she didn't know about.
And in front of everyone's family, he even did the hand sign.
What are we doing?
The shocker, meaning the...
Two in the Pink.
one in the stink.
Imagine your mom knowing you like that?
Your mom's that.
We're at the wedding.
Imagine the kid knowing you.
Anybody.
I mean, you can make assumptions, but yeah, you don't want anybody knowing, you know.
I heard you really like the shocker.
Wow.
And then does the hand.
If there was any confusion as to what it was.
And Cindy gets to see it.
That's, I mean, in a world where you want to play of no,
videos from Steel Panther.
I get that it's kitschy.
Who's Steel Panther?
That like, they were like an ironic.
Gland band, yeah.
Yeah.
Were they around back in the day?
I thought they like...
I don't know.
This second marriage people step, but I don't give a fuck.
Not like nobody's grandparents are still alive for this.
2000s.
Yeah, they formed in the 2000s as like a fun.
You get dressed up.
He's like, we would get dressed up as like, we're in poison with like a headband, a wig.
And you go and they fucking, I.
I don't know if they play hits.
They play, I don't know what they do.
But, like, it's like an experience.
They rock out.
She likes a shocker, huh?
My kind of gal.
You little bird.
Hello?
Edna.
That's, uh, yeah.
Probably a hell of a wedding, though.
Probably a good time.
Bet you old man laid out for it.
Bet you should lay down for it, too.
Hey, take it easy.
Now you're being disrespectful.
No.
This is goddamn new mother.
That's nothing worse than Gary from Steel Panther.
Don't you worry about it, big eye.
It's all good.
What? Who you talking to?
The kid.
It's a girl.
I think that's the last thing.
Picture her dad, you know, wearing someone like a glove.
That's the last thing she wants, dude.
Fair enough.
You know what I mean?
Come on.
All right, yeah.
Day of the Lord.
I'm trying to make it feel better.
Some of their big hits include Fat Girl, Stripper Girl.
I know that.
Hell's on fire.
Sounds like a lovely affair.
This is just obvious.
the menu at that wedding.
That's who in Rockstar,
Mark Wahlberg, I guess, plays with them.
That's one of their claims to fame.
Steel Panther.
The original...
In the movie Rockstar.
I thought it was Timmy The Owen fan,
somebody else.
Yeah, no, that's the actual band.
Yeah, he must...
Steel Dragon is the fake one.
Wait, Steel Dragon's the real band.
Steel Dragon is what Kirk Caddy was in.
No, it was, yeah, Steel Dragon's a real band.
What?
What?
That's kids on the Fritz.
Steel Panther, I'm guessing, I don't know,
was probably the band he played,
was the, they acted as the band he played with, maybe.
Yes.
Before he made it big.
Okay.
Stand up and show!
We're probably going to get hit for copy rate infringement
because I killed that.
Stand open and lady down.
Steelers was all right.
Staying up.
Bobby Beers.
Yeah.
More like Chris Queers.
Leeds singer was great in that.
Yeah, who was it?
The gay guy.
Yeah, I can't remember his name.
He's in a bunch of shit.
Great actor.
His brother who was, I mean, but this is like the second episode in three weeks we've talked about.
Rockstar.
Hell of a film.
Hell of a film.
One hell of a model American.
Almost a perfect movie.
Okay.
I can't with you right, Neil.
We got to do this and then we can do this and then wrap up.
This is just a Hall of Fame dirtbag saying, I said it today to my wife on the New Jersey Turnpike.
Balls to the Walls.
This is for a mud butt.
Shout out my boy, mud butt.
Is it garbage dimension to people when you're driving to be careful?
It's the end of the month, so the cops are looking to fill the quota.
We feel to quote it.
I saw two people pulled over today within like three miles on the turnpike, and I went probably the end of the month.
Look down.
End of the month.
Quota.
Getting to quota.
They're just writing the tickets going right back to.
One guy saw him write a ticket, go right into the barracks.
Pull up.
Let's his lights on.
Whoop.
Probably hit it.
That's it.
Done for the month.
Done for today.
Go.
What are you going to do?
Shut it down.
Yeah.
Hit the leisure.
Got to watch.
End of the month.
I'll get you.
Quota.
I was just trying to get their quota.
Is that true?
Can we get eyes on that real quick?
Man, you're going to burn this kid out.
He's got to give us a good answer.
He's got to blow a fuse.
Steel Panther does not have a quota.
What?
I was completely wrong about that, by the way.
I thought.
I assumed you.
What the hell are you talking about?
Many police departments deny using a quota,
but there's evidence suggesting that they do,
either formally or informally.
That could be off the books.
That kind of operation.
Sure.
Undercover shadow.
What the fuck you're talking about?
Shadow ops.
Pull it over.
All right.
We got to wrap it up.
Gang, we love you to death.
Uh-huh.
We'll see you next week.
Peace.
