Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Babies at the Bar w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: July 31, 2025

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come t...o a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: Tushy: Over 2 Million Butts Love TUSHY. Get 10% off TUSHY with the code GARBAGE at https://hellotushy.com/GARBAGE Smalls: For a limited time only, because you are an Are You Garbage listener, you can get 60% off your first Smalls order PLUS free shipping when you head to https://Smalls.com/garbage ExpressVPN: Protect your online privacy TODAY by visiting https://ExpressVPN.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Who don't love a good podcast preview? Kevin, what's a teaser today? You're looking at it, baby. A teaser. Podcast preview. Be-hoo-wee-woo. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Starting point is 00:00:22 Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there and welcome back. Everybody's favorite podcast. This is R. You Garbage. Hey, yeah. It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians, and we found that it's a good to be classy.
Starting point is 00:00:37 Yeah. But you're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, my host, A Tully coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tootie's in a new edition. She's out collecting cans. Okay. Doing pretty well for herself.
Starting point is 00:00:49 That's pretty good. Doing pretty well for herself. Good for her. My co-os is coming at you across the table. Unamused this week. That's four hours of my day down to drain. No big deal. That's all you got done.
Starting point is 00:01:01 That's all out of hard work. Because I was watching Apocalypse Now, redo. That's like three and a half hours long. He thought he's aren't going to write themselves. This is what we call a family episode, ladies and gentlemen, just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is a new dad. He is a business owner.
Starting point is 00:01:20 He is a homeowner. He is the king of the burbs. Look at him. Fider at a year. Kevin James Ryan, everybody. What up, gang. Shout out to you. First of all.
Starting point is 00:01:29 Thanks for tuning in. Medium Kipi. Me, slim little, slim in the butt. I don't buy those are mediums. I believe you, but I don't buy it. This one's a large. Okay. Swimming.
Starting point is 00:01:43 I was about to order a Big Mac, huh? Not doing so great, there. Shut out. Thanks to tune in as always. Make sure your review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are fucking climbing a charts over there. Watch out.
Starting point is 00:01:55 We're coming for that number 11 spot. We're getting there. We're coming for you, number 13. Obviously the greatest website of all time www. www. patreon.com I'll show you garbage. Also want to say over there, the boys are at an all time high on Patreon.
Starting point is 00:02:10 Shout out to the homies. Creeping up on that 15K where we're going to go shoot each other with real guns. If everything, I'm using real bullets, for sure. With paintball. Yeah. That's not how you say.
Starting point is 00:02:22 You're going to play paintball. You don't go shoot each other with paintball. Shoot each other with paintball guns. Are we not going to shoot each other? You're going to try. We've got to recruit teams, too, by the way. That was the big thing. I got a couple of guys.
Starting point is 00:02:32 Couple of Rogans, dudes Fucking doing barrel rolls Over the top of cars and shit Lighting me the fuck up That's the guy Get a hangar me Hey, how about this? Let's take a little walk by the corner office
Starting point is 00:02:47 Say what's up to Lukey Patuki over there Mr. Dempsey There he is Hi boys What is a casual Friday with that shirt I've been trying to read that goddamn shirt All day and it gives me a headache every time Gito's something
Starting point is 00:02:59 What is it? Some band? In your defense, reading isn't your strong. It's not that. It's not bad. I can read. It's all the guy who says that. Only guy who says that for sure can't read.
Starting point is 00:03:13 You and Floyd Mayweather. Read a full page of a Harry Potter book. I couldn't do it. I hate that Harry Potter. We should try that on Patreon. Oh, God. I probably could have do it either. That's too much.
Starting point is 00:03:24 Also, that's Gabriel Garcia-Marquez. I can't read his books either. He uses the whole word. I don't know who that is. The whole name. I love in the time of collar and a thousand years of solitude. Hey, Thousand Island dressing. Zip in.
Starting point is 00:03:39 I like the Catalina Chronicles. You have Catalina dressing, man? No. You know what I want to talk about? The shirt. What should say? I don't even know. It's got...
Starting point is 00:03:50 Oh, God, you're such a hipster. I don't know. It's got the Yu-Gi-O characters on it. Who the fuck is that? This is a crazy company. Who's Yu-Gi-O? It's a guy went to school with. Jamie Yu-Gi.
Starting point is 00:04:01 Listen, kid. Don't fuck with him. Pasha, Yu-Gi-up. Took one of the back of the head and limelight one night, huh? Down on Delaware, half. Delaware. I was in limelight and the lower he's not. What?
Starting point is 00:04:17 Our previous guest in French, Chad Pometari, was a bouncer there, right? That's right. So was my boy Phil Frack. Shout out. My brother's boy. Yeah. Shout out to him. You're really moving the fucking goalpost on that.
Starting point is 00:04:28 My best friend in the whole world. I met him one time. I know Phil Frack. I can't talk about. What's the shirt? He doesn't know, man. Where'd you get it? Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:04:37 Because I knew you, I have been changed for a kiddos. Cheetos. What does that mean? I don't know. It's very odd for you to wear that. It's clearly Asian, man. No one understands. Is that what it is?
Starting point is 00:04:49 It's an amalgamation. An amalgamation. Stop saying big words. Isn't that a metal? Anyway, we wanted to stop by, say what's up to you? Peek in a little bit. See what's going on? Are you cool?
Starting point is 00:04:59 Everything's good. I have, I'm sorry. I've been sorry to cut. You know, that. Can we move on from a t-shirt you don't understand? I'm doing the corner office. I got a job for him. We need a fucking plant for you back there, by the way.
Starting point is 00:05:10 And some of those knockers on the table. Now we're talking bits. Get a set of canes, a little I can do walking on. Your new secretary, Ramona. A little bit of cany walking around. Now we're sexual harassment. I have a new business proposition that we should. should run this up to Dempsey Group.
Starting point is 00:05:33 Okay. I was, you know, as, as a YG is a subsidiary of, you know, the Dempsey Group and all other subsidies. Are you going to ask his parents for money? Yeah, they listen. Hey, hit me up. Let me get a little bit of cash. I don't know if we've ever talked about this, but I was in, I don't know what it would be. And this is more of, this is more of like a think tank.
Starting point is 00:05:49 It's more a little of a little bit. Isn't that political a think tank? Nah, maybe. I know it's not Yu-Gi-I-I. I know Jimmy Yu-Gi-O ain't in it. The shortstop? They, uh, I was at a mall recently, and there's a lot of, there's things you're going well.
Starting point is 00:06:09 Free AC in this heat. I, uh, I don't have a bar as you can ask for. Uh, there are a lot of open mall kiosks, and I thought it would be fun. Have an AYG one. No, not AYG, but me and you get at a kiosk and work it for a weekend of selling, I don't know what we would sell. What about selling AYG cards? Yeah, but that's a little too, like, actually fun.
Starting point is 00:06:34 That's, like, actually our business. We should have to sell, like, cell phone cases. Like, me and you should be, though, we should be mall kiosk guys, trying to get free samples, spraying people with colonia. Whatever, we've got to come out with whatever product we're trying to push. We have to get that product, though. See, those guys usually have connections to the Middle East. To get those.
Starting point is 00:06:52 We got Jimmy Yugo. You think he's not connected down at the ports? You think we can get our hands on some cheap cell phone cases? Yeah, Amazon. Yeah? What's the markup going to be on that? I don't know. What's the lunch break situation?
Starting point is 00:07:06 It starts now. Put these cameras in a bag. Will we work it together or I have to go in and do a ship by myself? No, we work it together. We'd be having fun, grab ass and stuff. All right. Maybe a girl with a big set of cans walking. I like that.
Starting point is 00:07:18 Whatever it is. I know what I want to sell those. I want to sell those dogs that like flip. Oh, that'd be awesome. Or the frogs that swim. Something like that. I know a guy down the canal street that can hook us up with those. Jimmy frogs.
Starting point is 00:07:33 You know what I'm talking about the ones that swim? Yeah. Patty loves those. Uh-huh. She used to put it in the pool every year. That was always her thing to get a couple of those and a bunch of handbags. A bunch of knock-off goochies. What's you on a bus trip?
Starting point is 00:07:45 What the fuck they went ahead? A bunch of loochies. That's always the person gets killed in law and order. Down here on a bus trip to get cheap knockoff bags and frog. That was Patty's move. It had a couple of things. She used to run when the cops would come and the guys would fold up the carpet and take off. Yeah, she'll be on the move.
Starting point is 00:08:03 She ends up in the back of a car with a bunch of those guys. She's working calm. She's on the lookout up in fucking next to Port Authority. Like an RPG in the sunroof. That's too far. And when ICE is real quick. They're not ISIS. Not.
Starting point is 00:08:25 It ain't the good old boys, right? They ain't the Oakridge boys, you know what I'm saying? They're talking about the eight ices. What? I need the Fraternal Order of Police, I'll pay that. You know, for jobs, they have to be on the move real quick. I never understood why they all wear flip-flops. Buddy, get a tennis shoe on the buses after you.
Starting point is 00:08:53 One of those guys? You throw on a hoka? They'll never catch you. You'd be a fucking jersey by the time. A guy gets out of the cross. car those fat ass cops maybe across the gwb in a heartbeat
Starting point is 00:09:08 trying to outrun officer lazowski with fucking a busted flip-flop one made out of newspaper get out of here maybe that's how they do it they like the chase the grounded foot on the feet
Starting point is 00:09:23 you know what I mean sure also yeah I need some comfort get me an escalators I got a No way I would run No I'm not even I'm not even a runner in my dreams
Starting point is 00:09:37 I always hide whenever I'm getting chased I always hide Bitch A little bus A little pus A little pus pus I got a I got something I wanted to run by you
Starting point is 00:09:48 Please My door is always open Is that it with the offer? What offers? What did you want the Dempsey group To do with that? Find out what we can sell Or maybe it's
Starting point is 00:09:58 Maybe fucking, what do they say? Sound off in the comments. What could we, so what is a good that would be fun to try to sell, even if it's like a... Hit up your old man, find out what we can sell, tell him to buy it, tell him to lock the location. He's never been to a kiosk. Me there. These guys. Probably owns a kiosk.
Starting point is 00:10:16 Probably who we have to cut the check to. There you go. Yeah, something, well, I don't know, some sort of cheap consumer products we can do a big markup on. I like to flip a dog. Yeah, that may have something like that There's got to be something hot like that now Oh, the Laboubu dolls What?
Starting point is 00:10:35 Yeah, it's like the new hot thing There's like, they're like collectibles I'm the new hot thing I don't know have you seen But you hear about that guy that handles the Annabelle doll They found him in a hotel And the Annabelle doll wasn't in a hotel I don't know what you guys are talking about
Starting point is 00:10:49 A demonic doll Spooky This guy that handles it Was in a hotel with her He fucking is a thing I'd be a little upset too It this fucking creepo is banging me out I'd be a little demonic myself
Starting point is 00:11:07 I'd have a bit of an edge to me Yeah, you got every right to be fucking pissed Everything's out They found a guy dead in a hotel I don't know where the doll is I think that's the story Do they know where the dollars I think they know where the dollars
Starting point is 00:11:26 I think he just had a heart attack in the room Yeah, no shit All that pussy Oh, that scary pussy I'm scared of shit out of you. Talk about dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight. They were the reverse minotaur or something. I don't know what they do.
Starting point is 00:11:44 Freaky dicky. All right. What'd you want to ask? Oh, God. I, uh, as you know, I'm a bit of a dirt bag myself genetically in me. Sure. Right? I can't shake it.
Starting point is 00:12:01 I am who I am. I am. That's why I love you. Try to be a little bit of a better man, you know. I got a future generation on my hands here. I'm trying to lead by example. You want them to be better. You're cool.
Starting point is 00:12:10 You just want them to be better. I am cool. Yeah. No, I mean, you're okay. What do you mean? You don't got to worry about improving your, do I look at the generations, you don't going to worry about improving yourself. You just got to make sure that they got their shit together.
Starting point is 00:12:20 Yeah, but they automatically naturally will theoretically. What? You're doing. What? They automatically naturally will. Theoretically. A lot of adjectives in there. Sure.
Starting point is 00:12:30 They should, on their own. just from the position that they're starting from, be okay. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, but there's... Plus, he seems like a good shit. This goes back to like the... What? Now with the little Kipparino,
Starting point is 00:12:45 I question myself, what is more... Nature versus nurture of the whole trash thing. What is in me? What is learned? What is... And I got to be honest with you... I think it's nurture. Sure.
Starting point is 00:12:58 I mean, you get generational dirt bags, though. That's something something. start changing in there. Well, here's my thing. What age is too young to take a baby to a bar? Because I got a number for you. I was going to bars with my grandfather, the 112th Tavern. I believe on Kidder Street or Scot Street. I think I actually ran connection to that. Then it became Ziggy's. My cousin, cousin opened. Perless place. Years later.
Starting point is 00:13:32 I don't know. Me and my brother would go there when I think when I was like, Two. All right. He'd just prop us up. You'd have some beer. Day drinking. Not at night. Hey, gentlemen.
Starting point is 00:13:41 Yeah. He'd go there and have some. He's an old man. He's my grandfather. Sure. Well, I hit happy hour at the lazy bass this weekend. Ooh, that's nice. With my baby.
Starting point is 00:13:51 That's okay. Not bad, right? No. You at the bar? Huh? How else am I going to get fucking beers? No, you went there with the misses and sat down outside. Well, my mom, my cousins.
Starting point is 00:14:04 my aunt and uncle No, that's cool I don't know, I was catching eyes I was, you weren't at the bar What? Were you at the bar? I had to walk by though I was at a picnic table Next to the bar
Starting point is 00:14:15 Yeah, and the baby was parked in the stroller In the hot sun right next to you With green head flies all over It's on a bay It's just under the bridge What a name, the lazy bass Then he starts crying So I just want a nice piece of fish
Starting point is 00:14:31 A piece of a piece of hayes Daddy That secretary getting in here? Where's that doll at? This is also, I mean, we're in North Wildwood, Lazy Bass, never been. Shout out to it. Nice joint. Right, it's not on the island.
Starting point is 00:14:48 It's off the island. No, but it's like, right when you're coming in, it's right on the, it's on the bay. So it's like got to be. On the other side. On the other side. Of the bridge. Of the bridge. Of the little bridge, not the big bridge.
Starting point is 00:14:58 Of the little bridge. That's still Wildwood? I think it might be considered Kate May cord. I don't know. What do you got? Uh, where is it? The lazy base. Bayside bar and grill.
Starting point is 00:15:10 Like that. It's why it's North Wildwood. Yeah. I got North Wildwood zip code. Oh, 8-260. How you doing? Okay. It's open right now.
Starting point is 00:15:18 closes at 10 p.m. closes at 10? What are we doing? It's a Monday. So what? It's fucking the summer. We're down ashore. Close 10 p.m. on Saturday.
Starting point is 00:15:29 At least. Damn. I don't know. Maybe there's an ordinance on them or something. I need too many. babies were showing up. So here's the thing. Caught some looks, for sure.
Starting point is 00:15:38 There was a live band playing. So it wasn't... Ooh. You didn't mention that. Their name for their live music, we were going to see my cousin, Sean. Shout out, Sean. He's a listener. Is it a band?
Starting point is 00:15:52 Nah, his boys are in a band, and they were playing Happy Hour over there at the lazy bass. He said, yo, throw that baby in a stroller and come have a fucking beer with the crew. I got a crew. How's the band? They're pretty good. No shit. Covers it on stuff?
Starting point is 00:16:05 Yeah, covers originals. No kidding. Yeah, covering some, like, you know, some more country, like the Zach Brian type stuff. No shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was good. A little crowd? Yeah, good crowd, big crown.
Starting point is 00:16:17 Pack, pack bar. No shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm sitting there. I can't get in looks. Well, the thing is that you didn't tell us that. Yeah, I know. You're in the middle of Oz Fest.
Starting point is 00:16:28 Fucking. The war down the York. Generals gathered in that mass there. Shout out to the dark prince. Kids just sticking up his fingers. I feeling pretty bad. Well, they see you walking with a baby. They go, oh, a baby.
Starting point is 00:16:43 And then they get eyes on it. And they go, that's a baby. He's a little too young. Should be an old dog in there. I got the big fucking headphones on him. So I'm sitting there. I got him. You're getting looks.
Starting point is 00:16:56 He's crying. Luckily. The broad with you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's me, Denise. My wife. And we And the baby
Starting point is 00:17:04 We drove over We met my cousin His wife Drove over Uncle John and Aunt Patty Yeah Okay Um
Starting point is 00:17:11 Drove over You gotta drive I can't walk I'm gonna fucking Walking the stroller Over the bridge Of course A crab's got you
Starting point is 00:17:18 Uh Pay that toll Can we got talking about Tushy Ooh That sweet sweet Tushy You like a clean butthole Oh no I like a dirty
Starting point is 00:17:25 Buthole That itches That's funny you mention that Guys What are you doing You wiping? What are your goddamn caveman? Bozo.
Starting point is 00:17:34 Get over to Tushy. Clean that butthole. It's K-puts over there. We're talking about fresh, clean, dancing machine. Dancing, queen. Listen, everybody's on the bidet tip. If you want the best one out there, do yourself a favor. Get a Tushy, clean butthole, feeling fresh, walking around, home run, closing with broads, making it happen.
Starting point is 00:17:57 Sure. Listen, we got a lot of bigger guys out there. I've been to the meet and greets. I've seen the shows. Listen, we're bigger guys. We're a bigger podcast. They're not wrong with it. But listen, as a bigger man myself with two pressed hams back there,
Starting point is 00:18:11 if things get wacky. Good folks to tushy, we're nice enough to send us. Especially this time of the year. That everyday luxury bidet feeling instantly transforms your bathroom habits into bottom health for life. There's a bidet for every biohacking personality type, whether you want to, or the light cloud plus automatically deodorizes. the air when you sit down and take a carry over there. Installation is simple and takes about 10 minutes to complete.
Starting point is 00:18:36 Literally, anyone can do it. The Tushie Baday gives you a two-and-one benefits, reducing irritation, preventing micro-tares and soothing water instead of scratchy, toilet paper, and damaging wet wipes. Every hello-tushy bidet comes with a 30-day hassle-free return and a 12-month warranty. Keep your swampy as body parts fresh and cool this time a year. For a limited time, our listeners get 10% off their first bidet order. when they use our code garbage, a checkout. That's 10% off your first bidet order at hellotushy.com
Starting point is 00:19:03 with the promo code garbage. Do it. Yeah. Yeah, but talking about Smalls, baby. What's Smalls? What's Smalls? Smalls cat food, of course, my good man. Gang, if you don't know,
Starting point is 00:19:12 smalls cat food is a protein-packed recipes, made preservative free ingredients you find in your fridge. How about that? Now you've seen that for dogs and stuff like that. Now we're doing it with kitty cats, and Smalls is the best one. Now I got a question real quick. Sorry to cut you off?
Starting point is 00:19:27 No. Do you have? have to go to the store and buy that or is that delivered right to your door delivered right to your door plus got phoise smolls.com slash garbage for a limited time only yes let me tell you this though what now this isn't copy what sent it over uh-huh my cat very very very very particular i heard you don't hate it about what she eats sure man like she hasn't eaten in six weeks they know what they're doing scooping it up uh huhs shut up to smalls honestly Smalls was started back in 2017 by a couple of guys, home cooking cat food and small batches for their friends.
Starting point is 00:20:03 A few short years later, they've served millions of meals to cats across the U.S. Plus Smalls works with Humane World for Animals. They donated over a million dollars worth of food to help cats through Humane World for Animals. And they even give you a chance to donate at checkout, whether it's $5 for a fleet. Take medication or $7 from vaccines. They're fighting a good fight over there. What are you waiting for? Get your cat, the food they deserve for a limited time only.
Starting point is 00:20:29 If you are, because you're an RU garbage listener, you can get 60%, holy crap, 60% off of your first smalls order, plus free shipping when you head to small.com.com slash garbage. That's 60% off when you head to small. Smalls.com slash garbage plus free shipping. Again, one more time, smalls.com slash garbage, do it. Do it. So I'm sitting there feeling pretty self-conscious at this point. People are looking. Really?
Starting point is 00:20:49 Yeah. We were being judged. And that's my first time being judged as a parent. I think more for the loud music. It's not good for the baby's eardrums. We weren't in the mosh pit or anything I know, but Nobody else had a baby there
Starting point is 00:21:04 It's funny you bring that up Next to us Another baby could see how old she was Oh, I got a bell look Another baby Was that baby only wearing a diaper? No Because when you see that
Starting point is 00:21:18 Yeah That is, there ain't nothing trashier And seeing a baby in just a diaper Out in public Uh-huh I don't care how old the kid is She's dragging a sippy cup or something Yikes.
Starting point is 00:21:28 With a dump in there. Hmm. Tough. Dude, it was just like the most wild wood thing. I'm sitting there like not feeling good. I'm just like, ah, fuck, man. I'm getting judged for sure. But I'm like, fuck it.
Starting point is 00:21:38 People are here. No one's, multiple generations of my family are like, this is okay, it's whatever. I'm here. I'm having a good time. My hair dive been in the house for fucking six to me. Let me go get a fucking bud light.
Starting point is 00:21:47 However, the nature versus nurture conversation, you are with multiple generations of dirt bags. A hundred percent. Salt to the earth people. There's other. There's like toddlers and stuff too. Toddlers? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:02 Huh. I mean, North, North Wildwood, people are going to be drinking. You got kids. It's like, there's also daytime. It's not, it's a little more.
Starting point is 00:22:09 It's a happy hour. It's still white out. Okay. What time you happy hours five o'clock, no? Five to seven. Is five o'clock not the daytime? It's not lunchtime. I'll give you that one.
Starting point is 00:22:22 You'll give me that one? No, I'll give him that one. Five o'clock. In the summer? Five o'clock. The winner. Man of the summer, too. Five o'clock in the winter is the middle of the night.
Starting point is 00:22:30 I'd probably be doing keybones. I go, oh, what's your baby's name? How old? Zephyr. What? Anthony Kedis. My daughter, flee. Fair enough.
Starting point is 00:22:47 She's like, oh, she's four weeks. And I went. What the fuck? I don't have the youngest baby here. I felt like father. weeks you fucking skank yeah i felt like father of the millennium that baby still has its umbilical cord hanging off of it and you're getting beers that's crazy yeah and i was like whoa man wildwood plays by its own rules but i you're all still stitched up yeah fucking dirtball hey easy does it he's out there
Starting point is 00:23:16 having a good time you're relaxing you're having a kid four weeks what do you know are you a doctor all a sudden i know to stay home you don't know nothing no i don't just judging this bro But yeah, but it was just like immediately solo? There's no husband there with her, right? There was a husband. There was a crew of them. Listen, you got to get out of the house at some point. You got to get out.
Starting point is 00:23:36 Of course. Daytime beers. All right. I had a couple of butt lights. I didn't drive home. Who did? What? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:45 I was doing that math. My wife. She don't drink no more. When did you hit the food trucks? Because there's no kitchen at this restaurant. I never said restaurant. Wait a minute. Hold on.
Starting point is 00:23:53 It was just a bar. I never said a restaurant. What the fuck? That's crazy. I thought there was some crab fries or something going around. Hold on. Stop the. I never said restaurant.
Starting point is 00:24:03 I said bar. Just a bar? I said bar. And by the way, my grandfather was doing it. This was 1988 one. They're waiting on their food handling permit. They just got to get clearance. It's all pay to play.
Starting point is 00:24:18 Really? There was a food truck in a parking lot. Csadilla is we're out of his world. Shout out. Saloon food truck. No, this, is that what it was? I don't know. My wife went over and did the order, and I was ordering beers.
Starting point is 00:24:32 Hmm. So we get there. He's crying a little bit. Didn't like the song choice. I like the newer stuff. Little Mr. Bryce side quiet him up real quick. Got upset about the another original. Play the hits.
Starting point is 00:24:47 So I'm outside walking, you know, just trying to get him to pass out. It's tough with all loud music and hollering going on. Took him to the double dude. Chicken wiring glasses flying Shout out the lazy bass class of the establishment I'm outside pushing him right He's screaming I'm trying to get the pacifier in his mouth
Starting point is 00:25:09 And push at the same time You gotta hit the right amount of fucking cobblestone To get him some bumps So you can fucking shake his little brain to sleep And man like fucking clockwork This pickup just like Chevy Silverado beat up No Hubcaps comes driving by
Starting point is 00:25:25 Some dude hanging out the passengers I went there. It goes, Yeah, are you garbage? I was like, well, here,
Starting point is 00:25:31 how you got it? It was all. We're at the church next door. It was, uh, it was, uh, it was my first,
Starting point is 00:25:38 like, real dirt bag thing of like, um, this kid's just gonna live in my footsteps. And I'm okay with that. Right. I took him up on a boardwalk. We hit another bar.
Starting point is 00:25:48 That's okay. How you doing? That's seaporteur. That's a restaurant. That big one. Yeah. Yeah. that was during a day,
Starting point is 00:25:55 too. Did you get something to eat? Yeah. What'd you get? What? President Margarita. It was a liquid lunch. I didn't do a beer.
Starting point is 00:26:04 I didn't do a beer. We just went up for lunch. Get out of house. Listen, he's going to be, you're going to do a nice school. He's going to be a good school. He's going to have a good network. A little bit of cash. It'll be all right.
Starting point is 00:26:12 It's going to be a pipe fitter, I think. You think so. Nothing wrong with that. Good Benny's fucking in the union. Hardworking kid. Local 420. Sure. If someone vouched for him, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:26:22 Work for the family. There you go. Start up his own business. Something, like you. that. There you go. Either way, he's going to be all right.
Starting point is 00:26:28 I wouldn't, I wouldn't judge yourself too harshly on that. Four weeks, dude? I mean, four weeks? I don't, we had them beat by two weeks.
Starting point is 00:26:35 That's not, it's not like I... Your baby's only six weeks old? Uh-huh. No, it's not. Yeah. Six weeks? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:42 I feel like I've known this kid fucking eight months. Six weeks. That's it? Uh-huh. Oh, man. Not the youngest baby at the bar slash food truck.
Starting point is 00:26:50 That's bad news. What? I thought he was a couple months. I mean, what do you mean? I don't know. the same information I have. We talk to each other every day.
Starting point is 00:26:59 It's so weird. I thought he was a couple of months. June seems so far away. This guy in the seasons. I freaking can't. It just seems so far away to me. Man. All right.
Starting point is 00:27:12 Yeah. It felt good to get him down to North Wilde and into the, just get the salt way in his lungs. Just get them into, because this is the first time I'm going like, oh, this is, this was all of my dirtbag experiences was. Did you throw them in the bay? or anything like that? Just to, you know,
Starting point is 00:27:27 you ever see that when they try to teach the kids to swim now? Just throw them in the water. Yeah. It's fucked up. The kid old gets up there, though. Freaking, yeah. On legs, can't kick, though. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:38 All that's neither here nor there. My shortcomings as a parent is what it is. We got a guy starting family episode on our hands gang. As you know, when you join the old Patreon name, you can ask your garbage question. And we got one, two, three hum dangers here. Speaking of the summer, speaking of swimming, This is from Ryan.
Starting point is 00:27:56 Love it. $10 consultant here, never have one redden. You's ever had to stand on your dad's back to keep him underwater long enough to patch a hole in the pool. He would float up to the top of the water unless I stood on him. And he would tap me when he needed to come up from air. I'd catch a ration of shit if I didn't get him the exact second he tapped me. Listen, the fuck you're doing. I've been tapping you for a minute.
Starting point is 00:28:20 That's also that dad's redlining it too much. Give yourself 10 seconds or five seconds of it, you know. Man, that's great. We had to do, we did that a lot. But there was a crack. I remember us going down and trying to do something with the car. We were like pulling the pieces out of a crack and a pool for like, we were kids. Who had the pool?
Starting point is 00:28:39 Your dad? My dad had. My dad got one. And a house he rented. Or a house he owned. A house he, when he finally bought. Really? Yeah, things were going well.
Starting point is 00:28:49 And they, this like, aqua pool, somebody was coming around and putting them in every, they must have had this financing thing where it was like zero. down 10 bucks a month. Money was cheap. You know, the greenspan or whatever lowered or higher the interest rates. And these people are just going door to door going, hey, we're putting a pool in the neighbors, putting a pool in the neighbors. This is probably mid-90s. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:29:13 Clinton. Dot com bubble. I don't know. Something. Something. Cash was fucking. And he got to put, we had, it was the most basic. Like we got like the fucking.
Starting point is 00:29:23 fucking the, you know, the basic package. There was no glitz or glam on this. And it was like... Stick shift pool. Yeah, it stood out. So I was just like very... It looked like something in the South. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:29:38 Like something like... It was just like... Diving board? Yeah. No give to that, though. Like walking the plank. Did that have that slide? What?
Starting point is 00:29:49 No. No. That slide was kind of whack. The blue one that I'm... light blue and they kind of just went around like that. You caught that thing on a hot day. It wasn't watered down. Fucking open up your nutsack.
Starting point is 00:30:01 It's like getting drugged down the fucking interstate, dude. Bad news. Was that fat guy that tried it last year? And broke the whole thing. He goes down in the middle of it. Let me tell you this. All right. Your dad going under the water to patch the thing, all that kind of stuff.
Starting point is 00:30:18 That's rich guy shit. You know what kind of panic sets in? or the constant worry of ripping the liner on an above ground pool all summer. That ain't dived down and fix it. That's, we're draining the whole fucking thing. We got to get rid of it. We got to fucking fill it back up, which if it's close enough to the end of the year, that ain't getting filled back up because that water bill's going to jammy up.
Starting point is 00:30:47 Not rolling at a fall. Rolling in a fall. Yeah. many a summer has been cut short by a dog's fingernail fucking catching the fucking bottom of the pool one of the houses my dad rented when he moved out I was always like nuts to me renting a house I didn't know you could rent a house like a house like a single like a home
Starting point is 00:31:08 and we're always like fucking stay always felt like stash houses something like tony soprano would be laying on the floor in with a fucking AK 47 no furniture but this one had a pool and we weren't allowed to open it in the summer. I don't know if he didn't want to. I don't think we were allowed. Man, and this thing was Tadpole City. Man, just sit in water for fucking months in the summer.
Starting point is 00:31:31 Algae growing. It was fucking brutal. Remember? Your hot ass to sit down looking at it? I mean, they're fishing and shit. It was fucking, it was a good. It was tough. Oh, God damn.
Starting point is 00:31:44 Great question. Mm-hmm. All right, let's see. This one's from Mark. is it garbage to pay a kid at AutoZone 20 bucks to turn off all the warning lights on your dashboard minutes before trading in your car. Holy shit. That's pretty good. I signed the offer from the dealership and practically ran out the door.
Starting point is 00:32:01 My dad was outside walking around the lot. I said to him, we need to leave now. Car needed more work than it was worth. Your problem now, buddy. That's a pro move. That's pretty good. Reset them all. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:32:14 Because I don't know how the... It's all computer. bullshit. Yeah. Turn that shit off in two seconds. But I would assume they can plug it in and actually get like that. They're not doing that. I think they do.
Starting point is 00:32:25 You should. I mean, what business isn't? They just want the car. They probably don't care about most of that shit, too. They know they can buy enough. They know if they're buying a hundred Mazda's. Ten are going to be bad. Ten are going to be bad.
Starting point is 00:32:39 It's a numbers game. They got to buy more of like. I remember when I turned in my car last time. They're not just buying three cars and hoping they make $1,000 on each car. They're just going to buy a bunch. When I turned my car in the last time, not most recently, but, dude, I had been ripping heaters in there. Heavy, heavy heaters. Like, astronaut in a diaper heaters.
Starting point is 00:32:57 Like, I would rip in heaters in this thing. Fucking couple scratches, a couple of this, couple of things. They didn't give a fuck. Yeah, like, we don't worry. Don't worry about it. Uh-huh. Yeah. That was when I traded in my Montego.
Starting point is 00:33:10 I think I gave it to. Traded it in? This guy had scrap for it. Yeah. I think, uh, talking about it. Trying to think of who the hell got that. Where the hell? I gave it the key when I got the Kia.
Starting point is 00:33:23 A fucking car crusher got that as it's lunch. There's no way that thing is still out there. Fucking hikesus is in here driving around. They're over in the fucking... They're over in Kuwait fucking bumping my 50-cent mix CD that they found in the backseat. The top of that ripped off like the A-Team. Fucking gun bolted to the top. I had it kind of sick, wouldn't it?
Starting point is 00:33:48 Uh-huh You saw that on the news Fucking Stinger missile Just rips right through it There she goes This is pretty crazy though The lights The big boy lights
Starting point is 00:34:00 Like break issues or serious engine Diagnostics won't come back on Unless you reset the light again So you're buying yourself time Until they reset it Oh wow But the basic lights will come back on Just by turning off the car
Starting point is 00:34:12 Turning it back on Like the windshield Whatever Exactly. Low fluid. Would you whip a fluid? Fuck them. Yeah, they go out.
Starting point is 00:34:18 It's $10. Well, with that, like, Carvana, and I know Carvana isn't a great thing, but they go, like, hey, we'll give you X for your car. Relatively sight and seen, I think they come and give it a quick inspection of, like, okay, it does have all four tires, and there's no major body damage. There doesn't appear to be watered at. Like, there's probably a checklist of stuff they check, and then they adjust it, I think, by, like, like, hey, we'll give you $15,000 for it. Then they might show up and go, ah, it's 1310 or whatever. Okay. But they give you that, like, that's pretty much guaranteed.
Starting point is 00:34:45 I think that's like higher finance type shit where they're going like, we have a bunch of money. Let's buy stuff and, you know, try to. They don't care the real condition of it. They're buying volume. Yes. Well said, bug man. You'd run a hell of a fucking mall kiosk.
Starting point is 00:35:01 You think so? Maybe we sell cars. Sell cars at a hall. That a mall kiosk? You got to have a license to sell cars. Do you? Yeah. I'm sure we can find a car lot to work for the weekend.
Starting point is 00:35:12 I want to work in the mall. I was going to say we should do the Chamonymour. Christmas time. That's a bad mall anymore. No, it's not. We should stay here at Christmas. Nice. I go to that mall all the time.
Starting point is 00:35:23 Not a good mall. You think so. I think it's the best mall in the area. You've never been. The Shaminy Mall? Yeah. You're wrong. Montgomeryville Mall stinks.
Starting point is 00:35:33 The Shamany Mall is bad. Plymouth Meeting Mall stinks. I'm not going to King of Prussia like a fucking asshole. I don't got fucking... You know what's not too bad. Do your money. Willa Grove. Willa Grove.
Starting point is 00:35:42 Maybe that's where we were. Yeah. You weren't at Nishamany. You were not at Nishamany Mall. The Shammany is like, dead thumbs out. I think I was at Willow Grove. All right, we'll go over to Willow Grove Mall.
Starting point is 00:35:53 What do you got? Dealers do need a license, but I think that's just for the dealership. The dealership. If we could get, like, one of those, like, trailers, corner lots, see how, see how we can sell cars. That'd be pretty good. It'd be fun. Get lunch together and shit.
Starting point is 00:36:12 It's just us eating. Shoot content. If we work at Willow Grove, we could go over to the Terminal on Chinette, which I still think it's there. So it's the Terminal on Chinette and Haprow-Horsham is still there. My dad used to love this place. Home fries are unbelievable. Just saying, we go have a cup of coffee or something. Still banging.
Starting point is 00:36:30 Still banging. Yeah. Shout out to it. It's no lazy bass, but I'll take a look at it. There's no mega death plane. Ken, we got talking about ExpressVPN. Express VPN. We've got to warn them about ExpressVPN.
Starting point is 00:36:44 We're putting it out there. Get on ExpressVPN. You know what these other companies are doing? They're starting to sell your information. Everyone's selling it. Selling your information, selling your data, letting them know your likes, what you don't like, what you're into, what you're not into.
Starting point is 00:36:57 That's no bueno. When you operate with ExpressVPN, all that's blocked. Listen, I'm not a tech guy. You're a ghost, baby. You don't tune in for our tech knowledge. Of course. But there's people out there on the Internet trying to screw you.
Starting point is 00:37:12 ExpressVPN is trying to try. trying to stop them from screwing you. Not even trying. They're doing it, baby. It's seeding. Listen, I've used it before. I've been in certain territories where certain websites aren't allowed. They want your,
Starting point is 00:37:25 yeah, they're frowned upon. They want your name. Not illegal. Not illegal. And listen, you log in or you go, boop boop, express VPN over there. Bada bing, bada boom. How you doing?
Starting point is 00:37:36 You're out the door. Two, three minutes. No big deal. And here's the turkey gang. Protect your online privacy today by visiting it, by visiting expressvpn.com slash garbage. That's expressvpn.com slash garbage. E-X-P-R-E-S-V-P-N.
Starting point is 00:37:51 dot com slash garbage. And you can get an extra four months for free. That ain't nothing to shake a stick out. I'm talking an extra four months for free. One more time, let them know to boys send you expressvpn. com slash garbage. I'm back to the show. Back to the show.
Starting point is 00:38:06 Are you garbage if you're in the grocery store with the SIG fully lit shopping in the produce section? What? I looked over and this man had a, a full lit sig grabbing lettuce. Gotta love it. That's mental illness. That guy don't know where he's at or something. You can't be catching a heater.
Starting point is 00:38:22 And it's not even like, oh, he used to be able to smoke it. Like, they changed the rule, like, in a bar or something. You could be like, at least. That's funny, I'm 49. I don't ever remember that. What? Smoking it, no. In the grocery store. No.
Starting point is 00:38:35 Never. But it had to be somewhere. Sure. I mean, probably in the 70s. I'm trying to think if I ever remember my mom. putting out a cigarette in a department store. No, most of that stuff, you probably couldn't smoke him. Well, yeah, find out when you could stop smoking in, like...
Starting point is 00:38:52 In New York City, it was banned in 1974. Smoking in the department store. In, like, grocery stores and stuff like that. I remember the Leo Mall on Street Road you could catch a heater in, in the common space, not in the... Excuse me. Because we were, like, we were, like, 13 or 14. The mall's different. I remember smoke.
Starting point is 00:39:09 Like, you could sit in the bench at the mall and catch a heater here. Oh, yeah, I remember that for sure. I don't, I mean, I don't. I don't remember the other malls doing that. I'm going to do it when we have our kiosk. I'm going to sell heaters. I feel like I remember smoking in the mall as a teenager. Maybe.
Starting point is 00:39:22 Bad kid like you. No future. Bad attitude. Sure. I could see that. Yeah. Unless I'm wrong. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:39:32 I just can see it on the, you know, that mall floor? Whatever that is, linoleum or whatever that is. I can just see a cigarette butt smushed out. I don't know why. Why? You're just smoking everything. Everywhere. That was crazy. Eaters.
Starting point is 00:39:45 Heaterville, dude. Yeah. Speaking of heaters, this is from Hugh Wang. Ever seen someone eat a sig? My uncle would do this to amuse kids at parties. He also carried a flask of body temperature, Blackberry Brandy, laughed like Tommy Pope, and was married at a VFW and chewed on perks like candy. Rest in peace, Uncle Jeff.
Starting point is 00:40:04 Had that to him. Blackberry brandy is a sign of a gig. I had one summer of that. All the bartenders. Everybody did. in Wildwood, that's their like, you go, if you're, if you work at Kenyans and you're going to the wharf, they all, they all drink Blackberry. It's like they're like calling card.
Starting point is 00:40:22 Like, I'll do three Blackberry for a while. I don't know if they still do, but at the time, I was rolling around my boy Tommy, who was, you know, mover and shaker in the service industry down here. That was all Blackberry brandy. I don't know why. Man, it would make me puke every fucking night. I'd be puking. Shout at the echo. Shout out the flip.
Starting point is 00:40:39 I'd be yak. They'd cool them down. They do shots with them. They weren't cool. Oh, really? Right off the rail, baby. Room. They would put them in the shaker.
Starting point is 00:40:49 It was called something. There was a name for it. Brandy. She's a foul. Not that I know of. They have a chicken hill bottle that seems kind of big. Well, this was that, like, main brand that, like, is always the mixers and shit. Seagrams or whatever.
Starting point is 00:41:06 Jack Wins. Jack Wins Blackberry Brandy, I think. Oh, that might be it. Jack ones. Yeah. That dirty bitch will get you. Woo! She's...
Starting point is 00:41:16 Some of that sour mixing me. As a youngster. Give me the diarrhea. That's this... Okay, let's see. This one, Finch Dickles, brand new $13.70
Starting point is 00:41:32 Canadian milk with dinner representative homie here. What's up, you hozer? Never had one read. Is it garbage? as the lunch you had at school every day growing up was a peanut butter and lettuce sandwich. Listen, you're a man of certain stuff.
Starting point is 00:41:51 Sure. I love a peanut pie. I would probably document I've eaten more peanut butter sandwiches, straight peanut butter than any man or women or child ever. That's not even close. It was every day for a long time. A lot of years.
Starting point is 00:42:07 There was a minute. Lettice? No. What's, I get it? Maybe I can picture like a big, nice, but it's not going to last until school, like a real crunchy piece of iceberg. Just for the crunch. A little bit of texture. I don't like it.
Starting point is 00:42:20 I'm just saying. There was a minute. And I mean a minute. Uh-huh. It might have been something that I saw on family ties or something like that. Maybe Skippy, the kid that lived next door to the Keetons, was eating this for a while or something like that. Or maybe a different stroke where I was fucking with peanut butter and cucumber sandwiches. I mean, peanut butter and pickles is a pretty big thing, right?
Starting point is 00:42:44 Or is that for pregnant? For pregnant. But still. Ants on a log, kind of, with the celery and the peanut butter. Yeah, that's in the world. It's in the world. It is in the world a little bit. I understand that.
Starting point is 00:42:54 But when you talk about pickles, I used to love a peanut butter and jelly with chips and pickles. Sure. And a glass of milk. I don't hate on that. Big. I don't hate on that. I haven't had a P.B.J. a while.
Starting point is 00:43:09 Probably years. couple years, maybe a year, six months. Not a year. Lunch. What's last you had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? I don't like jelly. I've been just straight peanut butter. What's last to have peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
Starting point is 00:43:22 Always within a year. Yeah. Yeah. I'll go through big things. You go to your parents and you get one? I always keep the materials on me. Really? What are you building a bomb?
Starting point is 00:43:31 Who calls the materials? What are you have bread in your house? Just like a loaf of bread? Yeah, in the freezer. So you got a... Really? That ruins a sandwich. I know.
Starting point is 00:43:39 That fucking sucks Wait you have to toast it Yeah but then That's not a peanut butter and jelly sandwich You have a peanut butter and jelly sandwiched? No But I'll do it I'll get it Somewhat okay or I'll just go out and buy a new loaf That's what I'll normally do but if you get it close enough
Starting point is 00:43:57 In this this kid stinks If you just get the de-frost off of it And let it sit for a little bit It's not as good What does we get on a crustable The good thing about bread in your house Just a loaf of bread? I can't keep it
Starting point is 00:44:09 It's weird. Well, the Dave's I always keep Yeah, he keeps like the fancy Seated bread Yeah That's so adult to me to have bread No, that's when you have kids You gotta have kids
Starting point is 00:44:20 I know, hey, relax Who side are you on here? Do you have bread? No, I've had a kid for six weeks And we've been at the bar most of the time No, I don't have fucking bread Okay, he can't eat bread Think it'll be a wonder family?
Starting point is 00:44:32 No The white bread's tough with the German Yeah, your wife goes to your wife's like She's good fucking German broat You know what I mean? You need fucking that good She can get by with a sourdough She likes
Starting point is 00:44:45 That's not bad It's an insane look you gave me That's not for a peanut butter and jelly Sourdough's not bad That's too I listened Do you remember the first time you had sour bread as a kid Dude
Starting point is 00:45:00 I thought there was beer in there I didn't know what the hell was Yeah Talk about a chew My dad Pinn is with dad one morning I was like, what the fuck is this shit?
Starting point is 00:45:13 You know what I used to, I felt it's kind of funny. And pop, take it easy with the yeast, do you? Yeah, I get some vagusil on this, man, boy. I got a date coming up,
Starting point is 00:45:23 hitting me with this fucking bitch you pull this flusie out of. Holy shit. I'll put a set of rubbers on my hand to eat this thing. Yeah, I didn't like that shit at all. Now, uh-uh. Now you learn to like it.
Starting point is 00:45:40 That and a point. Portuguese roll. My dad was big on a Portuguese roll. You know, Portuguese? Ooh, man, you must, I must have thought I was in the Mediterranean. Hey, go, let me get two Portuguese rolls. I said, when we get home, I'm a ladder up some fucking skippy and put it on that bad boy. Hey, that. Put that in my American stomach. Chew it with my goddamn rotten American teeth and drink some goddamn Coca-Cola. That's all right. I don't know what makes, can you find out what makes a Portuguese roll Portuguese?
Starting point is 00:46:10 He's from Portugal. No, I get the idea of it. The rolls aren't from Portugal. Sweet. But man, whatever. This process. Whatever that was was fucking, I saw a Portuguese roll truck today made me think of that. Got a little mustache on the front.
Starting point is 00:46:27 Aren't bad hair. If no, it's full bush. We kid. Big with the Portuguese, there's like a surplus of egg yolk or something that's kind of doing some different ingredient thing there for the bread. For the bread. Lain answer? Yeah. What do I got?
Starting point is 00:46:45 Well, I look at a fucking Johnny fucking bread over here. A surplus of egg. I mean, there's a lot of egg yolk in it. Yeah. Surplus, that's what Google says. Enriched with the surplus egg yolks left over from wine clarification. Ah, that makes sense. What the fuck?
Starting point is 00:46:59 They're using egg yolks for wines? Buddy. I sound like a real scumbaggot. The heck, they're easy. My two should have fell out when I was saying. A fucking hillbilly. Shut up. What the hell do you know about bread or wine?
Starting point is 00:47:14 Nothing. This one's from Oscar's Traskan. 187 peso homie here, never have one read. I assume that's the Mexican peso? Sure. Find out what the transition to U.S. dollars to pesos is. You think he's from Mexico? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:47:34 Oscar? 18, about 19 pesos per dollar. That makes sense. So he's a $10 homie. Shout on to him. 187. My man, hello. How's my friend?
Starting point is 00:47:45 Don't do coca. Where is the coca? Where is the parm? How do you say sweaty Betty? Is it garbage to ask the beer guys at the concert venue what time is last call? I'm trying to time out my beers to have some left by the time Masters of Puppets comes on. Shout out to Metallica. I respect that.
Starting point is 00:48:07 I respect it too. As it, listen. Because that shit sneaks up on you. What? And we've become a very very. Very, uh, I've become a very like, you just drink. Yeah, we live in New York. Last Calls 4A.
Starting point is 00:48:21 I can just drink. If we're at the house, there's enough beers. If we're at a party, there's, there's, we're in a green room. There's just always beers, right? We can, there's, we're very rarely in a place with constricted rules of when and how I can drink. Very true. Uh, except a place like that. So you got to, you want to fucking, you want to buy two or three so you have them for the rest of the fucking day.
Starting point is 00:48:42 Of course. You know what I mean? So that I totally get. Would you do it a Phillies game or something like that? Hey, well, let's get two. I got two. We got three. You get your two and I'll drink one.
Starting point is 00:48:50 He can have one. They're not drinking. You got to really, that beer mess means a lot. Yeah. I totally respect that. Respect that move. It's they cut you off earlier and earlier these days. And then you know, you're not expecting it.
Starting point is 00:49:03 You're vibing. You got half a load on. And then, you know, you're bobbing your head to fucking. It goes back to the beginning. Everything's always closed. Everything's closed early. Yeah. Closing.
Starting point is 00:49:13 I don't know. I've been closed. I have a closed. Lazy bass. 10 o'clock. Believe that. That is lazy. It's good.
Starting point is 00:49:23 Bugman back. All right. This one's from Brandon Box. $120 per year. I love how they're changing. They're adapting. That's all. They're bragging.
Starting point is 00:49:36 I'd do 120. No big deal. When is the last time you washed your bath mat that's in front of your shower? Is it garbage if you can't remember? I don't think I've ever done that. I just get a new one. I go, this one's growed. Gotta go.
Starting point is 00:49:51 And order a new one on Amazon. What? This ain't great. We wash ours pretty regularly. I don't, they're never like texture to wash to me. I remember Denise used to wash them. Maybe wet. I get it wet a lot.
Starting point is 00:50:10 I can imagine. You're displacing a lot of water. I also do a. move with it that I probably shouldn't tell people publicly. Sop up pee. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:50:21 Real quick and then pushing back over. You're doing that with your feet. You're not bending over. You're not doing my foot. Yeah. Yeah. I'll take my foot. I'll drag it over.
Starting point is 00:50:29 I'll fucking mop that. We got that. Yeah. Push it back over. Uh-huh. And then eventually that'll be a shorter life spec. She'll be like, what is a smile. That's not, that's not a way.
Starting point is 00:50:38 I love how you're giving her an attitude. And you're sopping up your urine. I'm not giving her an attitude. It's giving her a voice. That was giving her a voice. That wasn't a, hey, do you not have any idea why the bathroom smells? Are you using the cloth that we get out of the shower when we're clean and put our feet on to stop up? I usually have a little pee pop up your mountain dew pee.
Starting point is 00:50:57 I don't drink mouth. Root beer pee? All right. Yeah. Yeah, I just had a, I just got rid of one. I don't pay attention. That stuff that, like, I only think about when I'm standing on it and I go, I guess, this is bad. you got to, but they have the ones that are more like towel.
Starting point is 00:51:16 That, like, Terry cloth or something. I don't like that. You're talking about the one. I've said this to you before. You talk about the one in the hotels? No, that makes sense because they're cleaning those every day. And who knows what you're doing to them. Right?
Starting point is 00:51:28 I barely use them because every time I put it on the ground, it always gets fucked up. Which I've pitched my idea to you about that, right? The Velcro or something. Somebody should come up with some type of adhesive. And we can sell these at the, come up. Some type of. adhesive on the bottom of them have diesel when you wash it it okay okay let me try to explain this you know like the the throwy hands the sticky hand yeah well when you watch that with when you wash that with
Starting point is 00:51:55 soap and water it gets more it gets sticky again it brings it back there should be some type of adhesive on the bottom of those things that when you put it down it lays down nice that you should be able to reuse i've been telling everybody this Nobody wants to take up the idea. Talk to your dad. We make fucking billions of dollars. Billions. We get every hotel to do it.
Starting point is 00:52:22 That's everybody's biggest pet peeve about the fucking hotel. You're the only person I've ever heard of complain about. Those things suck. I'm not saying. They're not big enough and they always get bunched up. I always have to put a regular towel down. So it's nice and cozy when I get out of the shower in there. It is like a...
Starting point is 00:52:38 It's not a size thing. It's a comfort thing. I didn't say that. I did not say that. It's not a comfort thing. Okay. Okay. I'll do it.
Starting point is 00:52:47 I'll take it on a shark. I think it's an operator error thing. If I had the guess, knowing you. Those things never fall perfect. I don't think you're really fucking. I've never had an issue. I don't, I'm not saying you don't have it. Yours always lands nice like a dormant.
Starting point is 00:53:00 Yeah, and if it doesn't, you just, I've never thought of it. It's never been a thing where I'm going to go, gosh darn it again. I got to lay the mattress down here to feel comfortable. I'm going to lose the security deposit. Ripped the curtains off the wall. I'm an idiot. Anyway, back to the original question. We do wash it.
Starting point is 00:53:22 We do wash it. But I get what you're saying. I one time I ran in a place. And we and my boy, we got a black one at like Bedbath and Beyond or something. Never washed it. Like, there's a cheapo. Cheap. Was it a little fuzzy on top?
Starting point is 00:53:40 That's the plastic underneath? Like the rubber? It had the rubber underneath it, maybe. That's when you know you're in a lot of trouble. Yeah, and it had kind of like the little dreadlocks. You know what I mean? They were a little longer. Could have taken a little more off the top.
Starting point is 00:53:51 Yeah, shag. Yeah, shag. And we got black and we thought it was cool. That is what they call the perfect storm for mold. We had a, we had a, it was black. We had like that old 80s yellow linoleum floor in the bathroom of the apartment we were running. And we put that down. The Steelers bathroom? We put that down the day we moved in, and I picked it up the day we moved out, and the die had all the water from standing on it being wet, standing on it being wet, had seeped through and stained black the linoleum.
Starting point is 00:54:32 And that's one of those you lift up. And this is us. I'm doing a once over. My boy already bounced. He was out. I think you're going to say that the civilization that formed underneath. No. Had already achieved space travel, and I was quickly attacked by.
Starting point is 00:54:47 This was, this is a worse, that you can clean. Sprayed out with a little windex, a little pledge, something. Fucking, I'll nuke that. They won't even know what hit him. Father, no. Yeah, I'll torch that. You know, CLR and M to fucking bits and pieces. CLR.
Starting point is 00:55:08 I don't know what that was. chlorine, lime, and rust. Man, anything with that lime in it. That shit was dangerous. That's what they're putting in the drinks. I didn't understand that at all. That's what they put on bodies. What's between lime and lime?
Starting point is 00:55:22 Lie. No, it's called lime. I think it's lie. Calcium lime and rust remover, CLR. Yeah. What's the stuff they, like, de louss you with or whatever. When you go to jail, they throw it. No, that's lie.
Starting point is 00:55:32 Yeah. What are you talking? Then the stuff they put on the bodies when you, you know, put lime on dead bodies. Oh, maybe it's, I don't know. See if, uh, Luke's, you know. to rest of that's on my computer trait how to dissolve a dead body lime for
Starting point is 00:55:48 what kind what do you buy a bag of lime calcium oxide quick lime what does that do reacts with the water and then it dries out the surrounding environment that don't sound pleasant I hope I'm long gone when they do that
Starting point is 00:56:05 talk about an ouchy uh... yeah Yeah, but the ink had settled through. And now I'm doing like a once. That's the last thing you pick up and throw in a black contractor bag to trash. And, man, the power was out because I stopped paying a bill. Nice.
Starting point is 00:56:26 So to shut off. And it was getting dark, so I'm losing. I'm trying to clean this place with daylight. You know what I mean? Natural lighting. True artist. Which not a nice place. There wasn't a lot of natural light.
Starting point is 00:56:37 There was no skylight coming in? He's where a Florida ceiling windows. And it's getting darker and darker, and I lift that up and see that. There's all patient windows, but you're on the third floor. Like prison windows? And I'm doing this. It's just like one beam of light coming in. And I go, oh, that's, you still, like, I kind of, I didn't fully believe.
Starting point is 00:57:02 I'm like, I'd have a wipe right up, like, lying to myself, but no, like, you could tell that's. Billy Mays for that. Dude, I have one wipe with this, two wipe, three, dude, not even. flinching. And I just went, Matt's... Just put the rug back over it. You're going to have to take that out of security deposit, big dog. I ain't fucking... I need this $1,100, but I ain't getting it.
Starting point is 00:57:23 See you later. Ooh, man. When you're waiting on the security deposit, you're jammed up. I mean, I've... This is the only apartment I've never waited on my security deposit. I remember I got this apartment I'm currently in. Right when we started doing the pot, Like the podcast started doing okay.
Starting point is 00:57:44 Started making a couple of bucks. Still had a day job and everything. But like, and I was going, you know because you know the rules. You go, they got 31 days to provide me an itemized breakdown. I never knew that. And I might have said this on the pod before. I always tried to pay the last month's rent with the security deposit. Well, you got that.
Starting point is 00:58:02 Yeah, you're technically, technically not allowed to do that. And also, I like, I mean, I was only on, I only had one lease in New York prior to this. And if I was going good, that means I got, I think it was like 13 or 12, 20, whatever my rent was, I was deep in the heights. And I was going, whatever that was, I got the, if I can get through this month and I get dad on the fifth, who, you can't tell me shit. Pizza, pizza. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:31 Kids eating, dog. Be like the noid. Watch after anoid, no, no, no, no, no, no, pizza. All right, let's see here. This one's just follow. This is from a $10 home he never had one read. Is it garbage if your dad uses cameo? Great service.
Starting point is 00:58:48 To project a video of a member of Steel Panther on the wall at his wedding. To congratulate my new stepmom. And he mentions how much he knows she likes the shocker. What? It was a surprise she didn't know about. And in front of everyone's family, he even did the hand sign. What are we doing? The shocker, meaning the...
Starting point is 00:59:10 Two in the Pink. one in the stink. Imagine your mom knowing you like that? Your mom's that. We're at the wedding. Imagine the kid knowing you. Anybody. I mean, you can make assumptions, but yeah, you don't want anybody knowing, you know.
Starting point is 00:59:25 I heard you really like the shocker. Wow. And then does the hand. If there was any confusion as to what it was. And Cindy gets to see it. That's, I mean, in a world where you want to play of no, videos from Steel Panther. I get that it's kitschy.
Starting point is 00:59:43 Who's Steel Panther? That like, they were like an ironic. Gland band, yeah. Yeah. Were they around back in the day? I thought they like... I don't know. This second marriage people step, but I don't give a fuck.
Starting point is 00:59:57 Not like nobody's grandparents are still alive for this. 2000s. Yeah, they formed in the 2000s as like a fun. You get dressed up. He's like, we would get dressed up as like, we're in poison with like a headband, a wig. And you go and they fucking, I. I don't know if they play hits. They play, I don't know what they do.
Starting point is 01:00:13 But, like, it's like an experience. They rock out. She likes a shocker, huh? My kind of gal. You little bird. Hello? Edna. That's, uh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:25 Probably a hell of a wedding, though. Probably a good time. Bet you old man laid out for it. Bet you should lay down for it, too. Hey, take it easy. Now you're being disrespectful. No. This is goddamn new mother.
Starting point is 01:00:36 That's nothing worse than Gary from Steel Panther. Don't you worry about it, big eye. It's all good. What? Who you talking to? The kid. It's a girl. I think that's the last thing. Picture her dad, you know, wearing someone like a glove.
Starting point is 01:00:50 That's the last thing she wants, dude. Fair enough. You know what I mean? Come on. All right, yeah. Day of the Lord. I'm trying to make it feel better. Some of their big hits include Fat Girl, Stripper Girl.
Starting point is 01:01:02 I know that. Hell's on fire. Sounds like a lovely affair. This is just obvious. the menu at that wedding. That's who in Rockstar, Mark Wahlberg, I guess, plays with them. That's one of their claims to fame.
Starting point is 01:01:24 Steel Panther. The original... In the movie Rockstar. I thought it was Timmy The Owen fan, somebody else. Yeah, no, that's the actual band. Yeah, he must... Steel Dragon is the fake one.
Starting point is 01:01:35 Wait, Steel Dragon's the real band. Steel Dragon is what Kirk Caddy was in. No, it was, yeah, Steel Dragon's a real band. What? What? That's kids on the Fritz. Steel Panther, I'm guessing, I don't know, was probably the band he played,
Starting point is 01:01:52 was the, they acted as the band he played with, maybe. Yes. Before he made it big. Okay. Stand up and show! We're probably going to get hit for copy rate infringement because I killed that. Stand open and lady down.
Starting point is 01:02:04 Steelers was all right. Staying up. Bobby Beers. Yeah. More like Chris Queers. Leeds singer was great in that. Yeah, who was it? The gay guy.
Starting point is 01:02:13 Yeah, I can't remember his name. He's in a bunch of shit. Great actor. His brother who was, I mean, but this is like the second episode in three weeks we've talked about. Rockstar. Hell of a film. Hell of a film. One hell of a model American.
Starting point is 01:02:27 Almost a perfect movie. Okay. I can't with you right, Neil. We got to do this and then we can do this and then wrap up. This is just a Hall of Fame dirtbag saying, I said it today to my wife on the New Jersey Turnpike. Balls to the Walls. This is for a mud butt. Shout out my boy, mud butt.
Starting point is 01:02:48 Is it garbage dimension to people when you're driving to be careful? It's the end of the month, so the cops are looking to fill the quota. We feel to quote it. I saw two people pulled over today within like three miles on the turnpike, and I went probably the end of the month. Look down. End of the month. Quota. Getting to quota.
Starting point is 01:03:08 They're just writing the tickets going right back to. One guy saw him write a ticket, go right into the barracks. Pull up. Let's his lights on. Whoop. Probably hit it. That's it. Done for the month.
Starting point is 01:03:17 Done for today. Go. What are you going to do? Shut it down. Yeah. Hit the leisure. Got to watch. End of the month.
Starting point is 01:03:24 I'll get you. Quota. I was just trying to get their quota. Is that true? Can we get eyes on that real quick? Man, you're going to burn this kid out. He's got to give us a good answer. He's got to blow a fuse.
Starting point is 01:03:37 Steel Panther does not have a quota. What? I was completely wrong about that, by the way. I thought. I assumed you. What the hell are you talking about? Many police departments deny using a quota, but there's evidence suggesting that they do,
Starting point is 01:03:52 either formally or informally. That could be off the books. That kind of operation. Sure. Undercover shadow. What the fuck you're talking about? Shadow ops. Pull it over.
Starting point is 01:04:02 All right. We got to wrap it up. Gang, we love you to death. Uh-huh. We'll see you next week. Peace.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.