Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Back in the Basement! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: March 30, 2026

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come t...o a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: The Perfect Jeans: F*%k your khakis and get The Perfect Jean 15% off with the code GARBAGE15 at https://theperfectjean.nyc/GARBAGE15 Promo Code: Garbage15 Shopify: Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, gang, the back on the block tour rolls on. We're going to be in Chicago and Indiana. Get your tickets at RUGarbage.com and run up to squad. Come out and see us. Yeah, then we're doing some pop-up shows in Potsdown, Pennsylvania. And Sol Jol's baby, limited tickets. Get them before they're gone. And we're also doing the Netflix as a joke festival.
Starting point is 00:00:17 Get your tickets before they're gone. We'd love to see you on the road. Do it. La, La Land. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a group to be classy.
Starting point is 00:00:34 Yeah. To just a big old piece of trash. Trash, I'm your host, Ate's Fully coming at you on a beautiful day. As you can tell, we are back down in the basement here at Tootie's. We have major flood damage. We have a leak in the roof. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:50 And it dripped down over our brand new studio edition that Tootie put in with her hard-earned slip and fall money. Aunt Tootie is now laying in that room where she has been for several days with a neck brace on in a crooked position because the insurance adjuster hasn't showed up, but she is not moving so she knows that she's going to get some pain and suffering. Wet her beak. I also have a bad back from the from the leak and I'm very traumatized from it. My co-host is not. He's totally cool. He doesn't need anything.
Starting point is 00:01:27 Kevin Ryan is with me here in the basement. Thanks a lot, Henry. I'm just a thank you for pushing through your emotional damage and physical. Yes. Inabilities. Yes. The leak knocked out two of my teeth. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:01:42 And made my wiener small. And put several pounds on me. I've been emotional eating since then. Don, you call this a dick. Who's our insurance company here? Geico. Is that who we have? Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:01:55 You fucking idiot, really? Hey, we keep you illegal for less. We don't have Guy Co. Also, listen, what's up, everybody? Shout out to them. Shout out. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you review,
Starting point is 00:02:05 subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. Yes, we are. We're in the charts. We're in the top 100 on all podcasts, and I believe the top 50 on comedy podcast. You're trying to commit insurance. You're trying to commit insurance.
Starting point is 00:02:18 I'm not trying to commit insurance from my neck hurts. Then you shouldn't be working. You lost wages. You made me commit. No, I didn't. Oh, Tom. Counter Sue. Kippie screwed me getting lost wages.
Starting point is 00:02:30 Who's our insurance? Here? Yes. Are you genuinely asking me outside of the bid? I want the number. It's an Asian woman in North Jersey. That is true. Right out my alley.
Starting point is 00:02:42 Our name's Karen. Hey, you can't say your name? Why? We start hooking up. Then everybody's going to know. Anyway. Where am I? I'm a little disoriented.
Starting point is 00:03:01 I'm blind from the black mold. All the pain and suffering. Yeah, we got a leak, man. Yeah, we're jammed up. Yeah, so we told the homies on the page earlier today. We had a leak in the bathroom about a month ago. That roof caved in. And then we have a fucking leak in the studio.
Starting point is 00:03:21 Okay, where all my toys are, which I hope fucking all my G.I. Joe guys are cool. otherwise well then you're talking about the US government yeah it's a bit of it's a bigger issue than we thought they got to there's a lot of sanding going on a lot of steam cleaning the boys are the boys are jammed up so hopefully this is our first and final public episode
Starting point is 00:03:50 from I like it down here I think it's pretty cool Luke's on the couch sitting there like a stoner Yeah, I don't love the I don't love this We're in the middle I mean this is yeah What's cool We're hanging out
Starting point is 00:04:04 We're hanging We're being a bitch Get some pizzas or something This is when you gotta eat So you were starting to diet In crisis Yeah if you had a feed of crisis There's shit going on
Starting point is 00:04:16 I'm surprised the neighbors aren't sending Gift baskets and stuff like that Yeah this has been a very traumatic time For everybody involved It has Speaking of traumatic times I was down with my mother. Sorry to hear.
Starting point is 00:04:30 Are you suing for that? Yikes. I was down there with Patty. She's babysitting my... My dog niece. Your dog niece? My brother's dog. Okay.
Starting point is 00:04:45 Is that how you say that? No. But I just wanted to freak you out a little bit. Okay, it worked. Soeing. Pain and suffering and creep me out. Yeah, which I never. really had a big connection with this dog
Starting point is 00:04:57 but I spent a couple days with her she's pretty cool okay we did the snuggles a couple big walks all that kind of stuff it's close to Easter time right heathens out there the dumb Jesus was resurrected sure
Starting point is 00:05:16 and around that time first of all I saw a thing on the news that spending on Easter candy is up like 675% this year Whoa, would you get a raise or something? Hachimachi. I can check that Carmen Oxide in tech. Talk about a stimmy check.
Starting point is 00:05:35 Hachimachi, gang. If you can still get stock in peeps, buy now. Never, but I eat peeps. But my mom has the joint decorator for Easter. She's got the Easter stuff out. I sent you both a picture because we don't have certain technical. We don't have a screen. We have a screen because that's in the studio.
Starting point is 00:05:57 That's soaking wet. I mean, pull the fourth wall. Luke and Diesel, we're trying to fucking get all new equipment. I know. I need a new car. I need a new bike. The leak got all my shoes. Did the $100,000 in cash I have in there get all wet?
Starting point is 00:06:13 Because that gets real bad. And the vending machine don't take my bills. How the hell am I supposed to eat? Yeah, Luke. Sure. Anyway. All right. So you want me to look at the picture.
Starting point is 00:06:26 I want you to look at the picture of the bullshit. That's why. That this fucking broad has the balls to put out in an Easter candy basket. First of all. It looks like what they give out at Bellevue. It's crazy, dude. Now, I want to go on record and say, for a while, Patty has had a bowl of good and plenny's, which I in my older age have mentioned on this broadcast that I enjoy after a
Starting point is 00:06:55 savory meal. What is that a succulent? After some cutlets, Patty throws at you. Listen, we all know Patty's an ace in the kitchen. Don't get me wrong. But this shit with the black
Starting point is 00:07:10 licorice, I like the good and plenny's. You start throwing in black fucking jelly bean, black and white jelly beans? What the fuck? Like pills, dude. And you think there's one or two purple ones in there? I think that's a nexus. Like a nurse.
Starting point is 00:07:29 ratchet over here. A couple of the fucking drama mean floating around. Two of those, I wake up, I got no kidney. Underwheres all backwards. My hair's all... She's throwing key parties, dude. She's a swinger. These are all... These are sidewaysers. The ludes. The purple ones you would think would be like grape or something?
Starting point is 00:07:47 Uh-uh. It's that all-spice flavor. You know what I'm talking about? It's like... Yeah, but you put it on chicken. What are you doing? You got chicken-flavored jelly beans? It's like that clove spice shit. It's like I'm taking a bite of deodor. There's too many different sizes.
Starting point is 00:08:03 A bowl of candy should at least be colorful, whatever, but like, she got a lot. Everything looks different like a Tick-Tack or two in here. Yeah, not to mention she's got these dog treats that look just like Teddy Grams. I came this close to fucking throw an an handful of them back. You're trying to kill me down here. Uh-huh. Anyway, I just wanted to point that out.
Starting point is 00:08:21 That's bad. Pretty whack bowl of candy, but, you know. Patty, she's probably watching. Thank you for going to pick up Fran Zones. You're the best. She stopped and got it. She got a pizza. One of my favorite pizzas down there,
Starting point is 00:08:33 Franzo's pizza and Concha Hoc. She picked up a pie, sweet pie. Love it. Very good. Mm-hmm. I don't want to get into the ice cream situation. That was kind of a, that was almost a war. Why? Because this all sounds really bad for a 50-year-old man.
Starting point is 00:08:51 I said we should stop and get ice cream. She said, I have ice cream at the house. I get there. There's like three scoops. And that's not enough for a man of your stature. No, because she was getting, she was having a cone. So two scoops isn't enough for you? Two scoops.
Starting point is 00:09:06 What am I, a bowl of raisin brand? Get the fuck out of here, two scoops. You were an all-time dick. We were watching our shows together. It's a big NCIS. Uh-huh. Big show, 200 episodes, something like that. Make a lot of money on that show.
Starting point is 00:09:21 Yeah. Uh-huh. What kind of ice cream were we talking? It was chocolate, chocolate chip. Turkey Hill? Yes. I know it. Turkey Hill organic or something like that.
Starting point is 00:09:29 Wow. Probably not. I don't think the hell does organic They do for marketing purposes Sure It's good Chucle Chucal Chip Where did you want to stop me get ice cream at
Starting point is 00:09:41 Like a joint or like Okay, I'll tell you the truth Yeah, no thanks It's always It's always smoking mirrors with you So when I saw the I said to her sometime earlier that day When she had gotten back from the pizza
Starting point is 00:09:56 I don't have a license right now Because it's still suspended because I got that thing. What's it like being 14? Complaining about ice cream. I want my pizza. This candy sucks. And the ice cream at home is no good.
Starting point is 00:10:08 You get my back on a candy thing. Come on. Yeah, but this is good. I ate the black liquor's jelly beans, too. Listen, you have a leg to stand on when you're complaining about the jelly beans.
Starting point is 00:10:20 But that with the menagerie of other shortcomings you have. I know. I did a bunch of shit for her at the house. Last time I was. Anyway. Okay. I say, do you have any ice cream? She says yes.
Starting point is 00:10:34 I say, what do you have? She's like, I had that chocolate, chocolate chip. I'm, I like it. It's good. I'm like, sweet. So I'm thinking, you know, half a half a gas. When you say that, you know, there's not fucking the Angela's Ashes version in there. Fucking, we're, you know, we're cutting a bean together.
Starting point is 00:10:53 So it comes ice cream time right after ABC World News with, uh, What's his name? Wester Holt. Is it? No, it's NBC, but she does not watch. Okay. She watches ABC World News with, what's the fucking dude's name?
Starting point is 00:11:14 David Muir. Yeah, David Muir. She watches that. So that and then we- She's a sheep. Someone needs to red bill this bitch. Have her come over to Denise's out. She goes over here that Jesse Wooders.
Starting point is 00:11:31 I'll have Denise turn her out. Anyway. Yeah. So it comes time. Yeah, it's ice cream time. Dogs get their puff cup. You're 50, right? Did you just turn?
Starting point is 00:11:47 Dog gets. Happy birthday. The dogs get their pup cup. Uh-huh. With what? Whip cream. Oh, man. That little dabble do you, too.
Starting point is 00:11:59 too, I feel. You took a little whack off that, didn't you? Huh? Then you, nitrous Nate. Get a quick wah-wah with the mom, will you? Yeah, the dogs get a pup cup. So, you know, what am I fucking chuck-off? No.
Starting point is 00:12:18 No what? She had any whipped cream, but she had heavy cream, which I had used in my coffee earlier that day, which caused a major spill on my t-shirt because I guess it's been sitting in there for a little bit and the cream had formed on top which you know it's good heavy cream and I shook it and nothing happened then I squeeze it and it goes all over my shirt so she had to wash that sure I had my coffee with a little splash of heavy cream
Starting point is 00:12:49 try it out it's delicious very good now does she let you use the telephone or well that worked I can't make any long distance calls if we had a house line, which we don't. You're not paying for that. Someone calls that how you pick up. My mom's not here. Oh, is that right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:05 How old are you? 50. He said not to banter the door for strangers, but you sound like a nice guy. Man, I stink. Yeah. I mean, it ain't great. Anywho. But I will give you a living back at home with your mom.
Starting point is 00:13:23 I'm not living back at home. You fucking dick. I was down there shooting a TV show. Hey, listen. I stopped at my mom's to spend the night before, before I got a car and came back up to New York. Uh-huh. Before I'm doing very well.
Starting point is 00:13:37 I imagine, personally. I'm not living there. The fuck dick. I meant staying. You know what I meant. I stayed a night there. I'm right. That's all.
Starting point is 00:13:46 To spend time with my mother and help her out with him. Listen, for a guy not live with his mom, you're short defensive like you. She lives with me. It's kind of a cohabitation thing we got going. No, I'm not living down there. Right. No one said.
Starting point is 00:13:58 you were. You did. No, I bought it. Chicks watching this. I misspoke. Yeah, your mom. Yeah, if I can give you an earful, your next roommate meeting you guys have. How dare you?
Starting point is 00:14:11 Um, okay. I didn't finish my story about the ice cream. Uh-huh. That's when I discovered when it was ice cream time, how little ice cream was there. Okay? Sure. So I Uber eats a pint of
Starting point is 00:14:24 Ben and Jerry's. For us to share. Chuck and Brownie. Thank you. You're welcome. Which she couldn't understand that. Ted, I'm going to take a shower. I'm like, just so you know, I got some ice cream.
Starting point is 00:14:40 Yeah, what? How did you get ice cream? Sure. I said, oh my God, I Uber Eats did. It's a pint of Uber Eats set you back. That's the only thing you got? No, it was not. If I know my friend, I know my friend.
Starting point is 00:14:54 I don't like the way this is all being painted. And listen, I don't think you ordered a bag of spinach. either okay jubbs mcgillic i think there is some a candy involved no there's no candy franzones pizza oh i had a franzone's pizza i had uh yeah two pies uh-huh what else did you get from uber eats uh-huh that night which night was it i got a a man's bad now i'm down 75 pounds or so everybody knows okay i don't want everybody getting too overhyped about this or like foley's falling up part or not like that. We're on a comeback. We're doing great. Okay. There's comedy purposes.
Starting point is 00:15:34 And they're really sticking to the bit that this is. I got a French toe sizzly with turkey sausage and American cheese. I had to get something. They weren't going to deliver just one pint of ice cream. No, they weren't. It didn't meet the quota. It's not 1922. It didn't meet the quota. They said you have to spend a little more money. You have to spend exactly a French Toe Sizzley in order to get this Yes. And man, this morning. How many sandwiches you get last night? Just fucking busting my balls.
Starting point is 00:16:06 Well, I mean, I think that's a fair question to ask. No, it's not. I'm a grown man. A growing boy. Not to mention I get there. Were they happy with you? Did you do a good job? How'd Tampa go?
Starting point is 00:16:16 Eh, man, man. Just fucking needle and needle. Sounds like it's like hanging out with you. No? That thing's nuts. The French, get some eyes on the French to say. I don't need to. Hey, what are you?
Starting point is 00:16:26 The fucking school newspaper over here? Take it easy. It's got some artificial swirl in there. That's cinnamon. That's the diabetes. That's so zemping. Yeah, so, but can I tell you this? You can tell me whatever you want, bud?
Starting point is 00:16:44 And I apologize. I never had the ice cream. Okay. It's sitting in there, didn't touch it. Okay. Yep. Okay. Because I was sick from the French Toe sizzling
Starting point is 00:16:59 and the fake cinnamon swirl. Yeah, anyway, that was a situation with the Easter candy down there at my mom's. Now, I know somewhere in that house there's a bunch of good Easter candy hidden. Sure. But she has that shit out to throw me off the scent, which I respect. Yeah, she can't put that, yeah, listen, you know. I scooped it out a little bit. I couldn't find nothing.
Starting point is 00:17:24 So she might have some new hiding spots. Wow. You did almost eat a moth. You're like a grizzly bear. He's got to put it up in the attic Otherwise you'll find it Bury it in a cool wet sack In the better one
Starting point is 00:17:38 Yeah Good weekend Sounds it Sounds like a great weekend Kaby let's talk about the perfect gene Oh the perfect gene The perfect gene Now as you know I'm down a couple of pounds
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Starting point is 00:20:45 Shout out to it. Shout out to everybody that came out to Tampa. Very special weekend down there. We appreciate you guys very, very, very much. Five sold out shows. 4.95 sold out shows. No one needs to know about the back row on Thursday. night. Right. I wouldn't tell anybody that. Right.
Starting point is 00:21:00 I saw that. Heaters on Friday and Saturday. Just bangers. Hey, then. Um, we appreciate it very much. Before, I did, I did maybe the trashiest thing I've done in a long time. What's this? When? I was home. I was down. I was visiting Denise. And I, I, I, we were, you know, stressed, shooting the special, old nine-yard travel, this, that. After? This is that. Before.
Starting point is 00:21:24 Oh, okay. You were stressed before. I was stressed before. Yeah. Friday you really loosened up. What? Friday you loosened up. Thanks. You did. You were, because I think after the first show Friday, you felt really good. And that made me very happy.
Starting point is 00:21:38 Sure. And then we had a great weekend, the rest of the weekend. Great weekend rest of the weekend. Uh-huh. I, uh, I was stressed, right? You know, we got a lot going on. Sure. I was like, I want to go get a massage.
Starting point is 00:21:54 I start poking around places to go get a massage. Down there? Yeah. Ooh. I know. Nothing really. Because in New York, you're used to like the fucking, you know, I don't know if they're fucking jackshacks or what, but they're the dollar a minute joints. You know what I mean? All just like the little Asian spots. There's one like every couple of blocks. Well, they don't have them in the burbs. You know what I mean? And when you're walking by or it's in a neighborhood, it's a little more, you know, appetizing. It's weird if you pull up to a strip mall and it's like the last thing. thing in the sheet. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:22:30 There's no, it fits in the setting in New York. Next to a butcher shop. Yeah, it just doesn't, you know, next to something that just says taxes or something like that.
Starting point is 00:22:39 So I, like, I pulled up to a cop, I was like, this just looks shady. Yeah, this looks like I'm about to get a sting or something's going to happen.
Starting point is 00:22:47 You know what I mean? Yeah. Like the cops run in. Yeah. I swear to God. Meanwhile, I'm hard already. He's a parking lot.
Starting point is 00:22:56 That's where you're supposed to take care of yourself before you go to those places. I do that. I told you that. That was my, move. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:01 Get him before you go in. That way there's no chance of that guy giving me a hoard on. Go in there with a limp noodle. Empty gun. You know what I mean? Hold on. This is before you left, you weren't going to be in New York? No.
Starting point is 00:23:16 Okay. Freak. I was, whatever. I just needed to release some tension. I bet you did with a shocker. Finger of my ass. Um, I, uh, so the only one I can find that I'm like relatively okay with, uh, was in the Oxford Valley Mall.
Starting point is 00:23:43 It was, it was. And I got there before the mall. Was it one of those dudes that do it out in the mall by the kiosk? Like you're hunched over like that. Now, now real estate's, I mean, there's only like six stores in the mall left. Nice and quiet. Yeah. How I like it.
Starting point is 00:23:58 Who else is in that parking lot? I mean. Oh, there freaks like that. The guy's about to get jerked off. It's just me and a bunch of guys you look like me. A lot of guys in sunglasses and their hats pulled down low. A bunch of guys pre-gaming in the car. Poppins the Alice.
Starting point is 00:24:23 So I park and it's at the end of the mall. No shit. I think it was at the pennies. It's a cross on the penny. Oh, my God. That jerked off in there? I didn't get it. No.
Starting point is 00:24:42 Getting whacked off of the mall. Stop it. That's gross. And I'm probably going and stuffing your face with any of it. I hit some borrow. Did you? We got a thick slice. And if I'm a little sleepy.
Starting point is 00:25:00 I'm smoking. How's your day going? Hey, how beautiful day out today? Yeah. Woo! Hey, you just got fucking ripcord. Some Asian dude just pulled your injector seat. I was really hoping for something.
Starting point is 00:25:25 That's what came out. So go ahead. Obviously, we're joking, Kevin. We're joking. No, so I go and I'm talking to my wife. I can't go to a fucking, I can't go get my, I can't go get a massage in the mall. She's like, just go.
Starting point is 00:25:42 I mean while you're in the park come on. So I go in the doors Dude, this is how bad malls are. They just never came and opened up the door. Like that on that part. Yeah, that part of the door. It was like me.
Starting point is 00:25:56 Gotta go around front. It was me, a guy in all Eagles gear, like head to toe Eagles gear. I think he was an old timer, cruising. Then they, like just the mall.
Starting point is 00:26:06 Like they go and get their stay. He's cruising for guys waiting. Waiting for fucking sunshine blue massages. Um. know what it was called? It's called Serene blue
Starting point is 00:26:17 She blew My top ball Uh There's me And then they They were training Service dogs So it was like me
Starting point is 00:26:28 And like four German shepherds Where? I guess they walked them Through the mall Oh these dogs Don't smell come Huh? They're just growling
Starting point is 00:26:39 At my dick In my ass What the fuck man They're training service dogs in there? It's like Mugatee. They didn't have some dude in like
Starting point is 00:26:55 that that outfit today. They're waterboarding some guy in the fountain. They didn't have a dude in that dog bite suit, did they? Did you get a hand job? They're dunking them. Did you go to Surrey
Starting point is 00:27:12 Blue and get a hand job? No, they didn't have a guy in the suit. He's running down the Spencer's gift. God. The dog's just mall with them.
Starting point is 00:27:33 I mean, that'd be pretty sick. Hey, you want to get people back to the mall. That's what you got to do. A little foot track, a little showmanship. How are they, what were they training them? To work at the same glass. That's what they're doing them all.
Starting point is 00:27:48 They're training fucking bomb sniffers. I mean, and they were, they were combat dogs that were like, bring him, you know. What? That they were like reacclamating into the, into the civilian life or so I swear they got
Starting point is 00:28:02 You hurt locker dogs You're in there A sexy spot You mean like the dogs When they have the glasses on That jump out of the planes with the seals No I don't think that You never seen that
Starting point is 00:28:15 It's so cute They'd fuck you up though That makes me so I wouldn't I'd be so worried about the dog Dog's a liability I know they fuck people up And probably you know I'd be
Starting point is 00:28:27 I thought you're worried about jumping out of the fucking plane. I know the seals use those dogs. Yeah, no shit. That's what these were. These were like, I'd be so pissed if something happened. Like, how would you not be able to be emotional if something happened to the dog? You motherfucker, you cut my dog. Also, you just started, you did the hand motion that you're just spraying.
Starting point is 00:28:54 You are, I'll do it. Can you kill my dog or shot the dog or something? Mm-hmm. So they were coming back, huh? They were back. What did you ask somebody this? No, they had, like, the shirts on or something. Not the dogs.
Starting point is 00:29:08 You're talking about it? The trainers. That sounds like you were tripping. Serene blue. Dude, these dogs, I walked off. They were, they all popped. They were laying down. They popped up and were mugging me.
Starting point is 00:29:21 Yeah, you come all over here. He's fucking creep. They were looking at me. They were looking at me. They go, this guy parties. German Shepherds Two shepherds In like a lab
Starting point is 00:29:35 Doxin Okay Chihuahuas Cartels Um So they Yeah so then I had to go to another entrance Which was like
Starting point is 00:29:47 And I'm the guy So I got back in the car Like I can't do this That's a sign I'm out Nice Went back to another one I went in
Starting point is 00:29:54 I went in that way Where I went into the mall But in another entrance Had to get in my car Drive to another entrance parked the car walking dude just go home i know dude i know and i walked in i did a i did a i had a pee first so i did a breeze by the place just to get eyes on it real quick uh-huh it wasn't a soul
Starting point is 00:30:15 dude it wasn't a soul and said we're talking 10 we're talking 10 15 on like a tuesday morning at the oxford valley mall that's prime sting time dude that's what the dogs are there for we got Got him. Man, that's prime's thing. What are you doing here, sir? Got a bad back. I'm looking for the hot rocks. That's all.
Starting point is 00:30:38 So I went to the bathroom, used the bathroom. At the mall? At the mall. Man, you got red flags all over you. Who the fuck uses that? Dude, there was two guys going over. One guy's resume at the mall food court at 10, 15 a.m. He's like, well, you need to change this to this.
Starting point is 00:30:57 I go, buddy, you're not getting the job. Neither one of you. I don't do the other guy's employees That's some shit I would do Eating Chinese food It's a fucking plate full of noodles Playful of brown noodles What is it about the low main there
Starting point is 00:31:12 It's so goddamn good Had a food court Chinese place But I do gotta give it There was a handful of old timers Hanging out having their coffee Because the Dunkin was open One guy had a little ice cream
Starting point is 00:31:24 I was like that's fucking that's nice That's their hangout No one's bothering them He's yelled at me for having ice cream? What? He's yelled at me for having ice cream. I was yelling for breaking your mom's balls about the ice cream.
Starting point is 00:31:36 I didn't know like I yelled at you. Made fun of you. Poked fun. So I go back in and, man, it just really, I walk in and a woman walks by the back. Like, she's like all the way and it's a big joint. Space is cheap. So there's got to be like 30 rooms in there.
Starting point is 00:31:58 I'm the only guy there. and she's the only girl there. And she's in the back mopping. Like with like a big mop. I'm like, that's a lot of cum. You know what I mean? So I'm like, this isn't going to be the woman who gives me. Like, there was just one girl.
Starting point is 00:32:15 Fuck it ain't. Well, yeah. She did these coarse ass hands she had. They were like manual labor hands. So you wouldn't have got a body, a full massage. What did you strip down to? If there was a sign that said, please leave your underwear on.
Starting point is 00:32:28 Because at the end of the day, I am in the mall. Is that what the sign said? No, no. That would be awesome. Don't forget you are in the mall right now. Please keep your underwear on. It said, please keep your underwear on. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:32:44 Which made me think there was going to be no hanky-panky. I also checked the reviews. Of course. Uh-huh. But, yeah, there was a, it was very professional, did some hot rocks. Nice. You know. That's the tunes going?
Starting point is 00:32:58 Yeah. That purple rain I never meant to cause you I got diesel with that Yeah it was very professional But it did make it was It didn't feel great as a human Of going there to get a massage
Starting point is 00:33:19 It just was not the best That's not where a lot of people are getting massagers It was a you know It's cool But it is what it is She said she was awesome She was great I tipped her heavy
Starting point is 00:33:28 Nice Oh no chain again That's, honey. That's for you. Next time, underwear comes up. Yeah, cash. He'll rip that side down. Do you play ball?
Starting point is 00:33:42 Yeah. But it was very, I highly recommend it. Serene Blue in Oxford Valley Mall. So this is before. Mm-hmm. Still shut up at Tampa with a little bit of a toot on you. Sure. What that great?
Starting point is 00:33:53 And what would you have had, do you think? Huh? What? What? On me? And you were just, you were just fucking, you were happy. I was a vibes guy all weekend. No?
Starting point is 00:34:04 Oh my God. You want to break? This is more of a hard feelings, but. I thought he did a nice breakfast. See, no, now you do this. You put it on all of us. It's not on us. You asked, was I a vibes guy all weekend?
Starting point is 00:34:16 And Luke's going to give you the honest answer. You started the trip with emergency diarrhea. Started the trip with emergency diarrhea. You had to sleep it off, literally, on the plane. That's true. God damn is that bound. Get you. I ain't going to get you.
Starting point is 00:34:33 But all that's neither here nor there. We've got a gosh darn family episode on our hands. As you know, when you join the old Patreon, we'll answer your garbage question on the air. Whether we're down the basement, whether we're in the fucking addition, wherever we are, the boys will stand and deliver.
Starting point is 00:34:47 That's right, just in the nick of time, too. Vibes guy. Stacking heat on me. And we're at, pull-u-u-u-up, pull-up, all right. Let's see here. This one is a little appetizer to get started. This is from Nicholas. Do you call it a baking sheet or a cooking tray or a cookie tray?
Starting point is 00:35:09 A cookie sheet? What is it? We would say a baking sheet or cookie tray. We would call it a cookie sheet. Cookie sheet. Patty calls it a cookie sheet. Get a cookie sheet. We would say cookie tray, I think. Or maybe sheet. Definitely not baked. I think now with my wife it's baking because I don't think she would know it as a cookie sheet. It'd be pan anyway, cooking pan. Cookie sheet. Yeah, we call cookie sheet. Yeah, we call cookie sheet.
Starting point is 00:35:32 Yeah. Patty calls it a cookie sheet. But he did say he's like, it's never on the back of like a pizza doesn't say. Put on a cookie sheet. Which is a good point. Cookie whatever is trash. Is trash. Very great. Very good question.
Starting point is 00:35:49 What is it really called? A baking sheet. A baking sheet. Is it? Yeah. I believe it says on a, you know, on a baking on a large baking sheet or butter, you know, spread a little pants on a baking sheet. On a baking sheet.
Starting point is 00:36:04 Pame's not good. Mm-hmm. What is it, Luke? Baking sheet or sheet pan? Sheet pan. All right, sheet pan sounds familiar. That sounds like sheet crab soup. I don't like that.
Starting point is 00:36:14 Cookie sheet. Get a cookie sheet. Go get a sheet pan. No. Sounds like, ah, hillbilly shit. Yeah, no. I always trying to think of what it would sound like my mom saying it yelling. Get a cookie sheet.
Starting point is 00:36:26 Yeah. So that's it. Cookie sheet. Cookie sheet is a real type of baking sheet. Why? Because that's the one with the raised edges in the middle. What? Raised edges in the middle.
Starting point is 00:36:37 Some of them have the ridges on the sheet. Like the bumps? Yeah. And so that's so food slides off easier. I never had no cookie that was fucking had bumps on the bottom. No, but like there's little ridges like throughout the pan so that the cookie won't stick to the sheet when it's making. I think you're wrong, dude. Cookie sheet with the raised edges.
Starting point is 00:37:02 You mean like, like bumps? Cookie sheet with bumps. I never seen it. Oh. Let me see. That, I don't, I never seen that. Fuck out of here. That says it's Nordic.
Starting point is 00:37:14 Yeah, I never had lumps on the bottom. That's rich kid shit. Yeah. You know what that dude? Bacon sheets are something that I don't know why. I have one that I probably use like four times and then it's just been stained with like, it's, you can't get it off. You scrub it. I don't know what it is.
Starting point is 00:37:30 It's just on there. I don't know what it is either. It's like sap that just stays and then get baked in. My mom's got one that she'd probably have for 50 years. Things are brutal. Couldn't even tell what real color it is. Wild. It looks like brain splattered all over it.
Starting point is 00:37:49 That made me think my mom moved out of the house I grew up in. And she moved to her new house and I went over and it was just like, dude, some of the handheld kitchen appliances that she brought over that have to be 40, that are older than me. And I'm like, this, you brought, this made the trip. You know what I mean? Yeah, well, you know, they were expensive.
Starting point is 00:38:10 Or you bought it in 1979. Some of that stuff they did sentimental value. I know, but not. These are like certain things where you're just like, you have another one of these as well. You know what I get this. I mean, listen, you know, I'm sentimental value with salotongs, okay?
Starting point is 00:38:24 Yeah, I push back on that. Maybe not salad tongs, but I definitely, and I know I'm fucked up. There's definitely more things in the, kitchen that I would have sentimental value to than not than anywhere else in the house. Like they have these. These jokes write themselves, Gary. I mean, what am I doing?
Starting point is 00:38:45 We have these three bowls. They're three silver bowls. I understand that. I'm saying that stuff's a little different than utensils that sit in a drawer that you may or may not use once every six years. We got a ginsu knife that fucking we've had for probably. We're clearly not going to meet in the middle of this for comedy purposes. What the fuck?
Starting point is 00:39:02 dude. I understand your point of view. I was making a comedic aside to keep on moving and build on, but I understand there's also things. If you don't want to sell it on, I'll take it. Sure, no. I have a huge connection to them. This one is from go ahead, dickhead,
Starting point is 00:39:20 plunger on the floor next to the toilet question mark. Standard staple, trash. I don't think we... I think ours was in the garage. The garage. Yeah. It wasn't on the same floor as the turlet. I mean, we have a toilet on the first floor.
Starting point is 00:39:40 Yeah, but that's not the one that gets used heavy bike. The one that gets used heavy bike is the one upstairs in the shower. That's the one that's going to need plunging after Igor goes in there, deuses it up. Yeah, I don't think we weren't clogging toilets that much as a family. I don't know what you and the fucking line backers. And also, we have a thing in our front yard. I guess it's like the gas escape from the line. The vent.
Starting point is 00:40:08 Yeah, the toilet and poop has come up in that. Not that long ago. Maybe like five years ago. I think I used paper towel or something like that. And it fucked something up. And yeah, that got jammed up. Man, you're like, you're like mayhem from the Allstate commercials. You stink, dude.
Starting point is 00:40:29 Yeah. Yeah. That's, I mean, like. Tough look with the neighbors. We were, yeah, I mean, I think it lived in the garage. And I don't ever remember using it like heavy like that. Did you have a plunger that could prolapse? You know what I'm talking about?
Starting point is 00:40:46 I remember we had a real cheat. We had a, yeah, we had a, those were like new technology that came out in the 90s, I feel. I always thought ours was weird. Because it had that. You could push it. You could push it back in. You have to wash my hands afterwards. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:40:59 I mean, yeah, we had, we had a red one, the standard red one. the red circle and then we had a black one that had like a butthole to it but that was out more I think it didn't really go in I think it was supposed to I remember I remember ours being hard I was I don't know but uh yeah I feel a to now that I know a little better I'm a little more refined a toilet a plunger next to a toilet is a it's just what about the scrubby we never had that. We never had a toilet brush. No. And then... That was fancy to me.
Starting point is 00:41:38 Yeah, I didn't know you were supposed... It's supposed... Maybe I'm wrong, but... You're supposed to clean up after, if you leave some skid marks. That's what that's for? You got a spray. That's what my wife says. Yeah, but... No, I think you just... You just give it a little dabble thing. What are we? The Romans? Like, scrubbing our...
Starting point is 00:41:55 Cleaning our ass with a fucking... Like, you don't clean your ass with it. Sponged vinegar? That's what they used back then. or dipped in honey or something, something freaky. But it's more European because they got the low flow. They have the different, the toilets are different. You can't just scrub the doo-do off the toilet without a little 409 or something.
Starting point is 00:42:13 You catch it fresh. You got a fresh. Give it a flush. I mean, I think you're better off taking it rather than leaving it if you don't have 409. You know what I mean? You're better off getting what you can. I was always just like, you flush it, you flush it again. If that don't work, you pee it off the next time.
Starting point is 00:42:30 You know what I mean? You hit it with the blaster. You leave it there so the other ones know. There's a wolf in the house. But I also, this is the first time I'm living with anybody that would really break my balls about it. Sure. You know, I was sharing a bathroom with Danny before. I think they were dragging a demon back to hell.
Starting point is 00:42:51 You love poop talk. You use the same three jokes every time. You like potty. No, I don't. You do. No, I don't. It's okay. No, I don't.
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Starting point is 00:46:22 Results may vary. Seechim.com for details on applicable terms. All right, let's see here. This is from T.J. $10 homie. Shout out to you. I grew up in a row home in North Philly, but I have moved to the burbs. And my garbage for drinking beer while ripping heaters on my roof. Also, it's a rancher so I can't climb out the window. I need to break out the ladder.
Starting point is 00:46:43 That's... Whoa. I got... Listen, I have access to my roof and the burbs, and all I want to do is go out on it. How do you have access? What do you mean? outside one of the I believe they're called dormers
Starting point is 00:47:00 no not a dormer whatever I can get out this in the attic no okay the bedrooms I have like two small roofs and then the big roof oh I got so like in the second the second floor I can get out one window from each room
Starting point is 00:47:16 onto like the the garage roof essentially yeah here's my thing with it yes it's trash for sure but it's cool as shit I got to tell you, you get up on that roof and you look out over your neighborhood, talk about a different perspective. It's like you can see over everything.
Starting point is 00:47:37 The sun's going down. You're ripping a heater. You got a beer. Maybe your dog's out there with you. It's pretty fucking sick. Yeah. I always want, I'm sorry. I always thought it would be cool to have like a lookout.
Starting point is 00:47:51 Like a crow's nest? Yeah. Like, you know, up in a tree or something like that. Look out over the neighbor Pretty cool You gotta get up there though That's sick Imagine that watching a thunderstorm
Starting point is 00:48:04 Come in Come down when it starts raining Yeah I think they call them that Don't they call It's like lightning I don't I the McMansions
Starting point is 00:48:14 They always have like that little like Crows nest almost up top Where they have like a light Sometimes And you can't get up there You can just see it And I always get so mad That you can't like
Starting point is 00:48:23 Get up there And get a good bandit I don't know what you're talking The light. There's like, it's like in a lot of McMansions. They'll have like a little like up on the ceiling of like a big two story living room. They'll have like a little like post like a little like. Oh, he had that.
Starting point is 00:48:40 He had that at his house. You had that fucking, there was like a little spot. Oh, like a bay window kind of up front. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it had a rail window. Yeah, yeah, you can't get there. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:55 Always bothers the shit. Didn't you? I thought you guys got up there. Yeah, Danny would climb up there. Yeah. We'd pull a chair from the living room and he would climb up. I've only been up there once or twice. That is.
Starting point is 00:49:04 Yeah, it's too fat to get up there. Too fat and too, too fat and too little at the same time. Too scared. Oh, yeah. That's sick up there. Get your guys up there? Sure. He would do it when my, you know, he would throw stuff up there.
Starting point is 00:49:18 Then he would get up there. But our neighbors connected. Our neighbors, you could walk out there. Oh, really? Yeah. That's pretty sick. I thought you meant outside. Yeah, I thought you meant like...
Starting point is 00:49:28 What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. The place is a lighthouse. So this is a very... How are you? A very trash conversation I'm having in real life at the moment. You want to go out on the roof? Well, I do.
Starting point is 00:49:41 But every time I think about it, I think I'm going to fall. I picture myself falling and I go, I'm going to fall and I'm going to go, you fucking idiot. I knew you were going to fall. And I feel that pain like right away. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I go, like, I just know I'm going to be rolling around going, you fucking idiot. Like when Daniel Day Lewis falls in the beginning of the beginning.
Starting point is 00:50:02 Uh-huh. Yeah. That's, I'm going to have that. Oh, that hurts. I've done that before on a rock up at Lake George. We were, like, climbing a little hill. And I, I, like, spun out. And I fell back, and there was a rock sticking out like that.
Starting point is 00:50:17 And it caught me, like, right mid back. Yeah. And there was, like, two seconds where I thought, like, my back was broken. I was fucked up. I hate that. Oh, man. When I fell down those stairs, I was just like, I got to stop putting myself in those positions to get hurt like that. I really do.
Starting point is 00:50:33 And, you know, my fat ass, my fat, dumb ass on a roof. But you're second floor, you'd be all right. You're not going to get hurt. And it's only really one floor. It sounds like I'm jumping. I'd still fall and land on my back. Also, I don't want to fall off a roof. I got a shit to do.
Starting point is 00:50:53 Me at my kid looking at me. Dog licking me and shit. shit. It's going to take a lot of trips to Serene Blue to fix that. A lot of hot stone massage. So we were talking, we had to get some tree work done in the burbs. What's that mean? Plant trees or get trimmed up? Trimmed up.
Starting point is 00:51:16 What's going on? Do you mean? Neighbors bitching? No, we have a tree that's like well over 100 years old. Cut it down? No. Call a splunda? What?
Starting point is 00:51:24 Esplunda? Ashblund? Yeah. Uh, no. There's the first thing that little dirt bags find out when they're kids, how big that company is. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, bang.
Starting point is 00:51:34 I, I, we drive by, I told them Dina, you see them trucks. 7.2 country. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, tell me in Dubai. Uh-huh. It's probably one guy in Dubai with a fucking, you know, with some shears to trim in a bonsai tree. Um, no, so whatever. Then that came, but she's like, Nadine was like, you know, I want to keep with it, whatever.
Starting point is 00:51:55 There's these huge. branches that we just got there was a bad storm like a couple of weeks ago and bigger branches were falling into the yard where we're like we got to fucking it's been on the list of things to do we got to do any who we were talking about um having a tree for it for a little kipparino nice in that tree what in that tree any tree there's a couple of trees you have a civilization a civilization of possums living underneath your fucking shed groundhogs and nice guys you still in there what uh i don't know i haven't seen him in a minute.
Starting point is 00:52:27 You should be getting babies soon. You should be getting some babies soon. Okay. Pretty cool. Yeah, I don't know if they're still there. I haven't seen him in a while. So maybe he moved on to bigger and better things. Moved up to the city.
Starting point is 00:52:39 Yeah. He got his own place finally. Fucking freeloader. We got it. Okay. So is a tree house. Nice. Right?
Starting point is 00:52:49 You want a suburban kid? You want to have a tree house? Of course. But then she was like, oh, look at this. and it was like this company that will come build a tree house. And I'm like, that's sick. But then I was like, the cool dirtbag thing is to build your own, like make your own fort. Like, oh, I got a piece of wood here.
Starting point is 00:53:09 I can take this. I'm like, when parents got involved with the stuff, you know, we were, we built forts all the time. When the fun of it is doing it with the limited resources and like making do with what it is. Some weird elbow piece that. Doesn't go anywhere. Uh-huh. I'm like, oh, I can get a piece of carpet from this or something. Like, we were, you know, just making it work with the stuff you could find,
Starting point is 00:53:32 like carrying a piece of wood that you found somewhere to do something. My dad built us one in the mountaintop. It was pretty sick. Yeah, but it was terrible. But it was sick. With us. You know, I mean, we were little, but, yeah, we were up there doing all that stuff. It was awesome.
Starting point is 00:53:44 I was like, doing it yourself is the cooler thing versus. But then I'm like, I don't know. But then as a kid who had the pretty, had the really shitty version of the fucking triad. I was nine doing fucking structural work. No one ever helped me. No permit. I would just do it. But that was the fun of me and my friends would go do it with the fact that there was no parental oversight.
Starting point is 00:54:08 But they ended up sucking or whatever, or you know, you figure it out. But I would look at the kid, you know, you'd look at once you're seeing a movie and you're like, that would be so sick to have. Where is the imagination? Is it in the building? Or is it once you have something really cool, you can then fucking do really cool? shit with that. Well, how much is this fucking company? Probably expensive as shit with that redwood or whatever it is that they do. Like those rich kid swing sets that have the yellow and red and blue top.
Starting point is 00:54:37 I'm sure you had one. Yeah. Yeah. That's probably that shit. You get some dickhead coming and doing it. Yeah. We'll do it ourselves. I'll come down and help you.
Starting point is 00:54:45 Yeah, that's what I want. It'll be fun. Uh-huh. All right. Listen. You have to, you have to understand. I'm not letting you build anything above ground that my. son's going to climb in.
Starting point is 00:54:56 I was going to bring some playboys, but fine, fuck you guys. Yeah, that's cool. Give a five-year-old. No. Wait till he's like 13, 14. You think he's going to need playboys in 14 years? I don't know. He's going to just go, it's going to come.
Starting point is 00:55:13 Maybe he's into the old shit. Throwback Thursday. Play an analog, baby. What I'm curious to, I'm curious to, I don't know. I was just like, do I give him the give him, the, give him. the life I had or do I give them the cool life I didn't have? Hmm. You know what John Adams said.
Starting point is 00:55:36 Do you know or not? What the fuck was that? Sit there and stare at me. Obviously you don't. Illiterate moron as you are. John Adams said I study Warren. I have another sizzling, please. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:49 I have a same. John Adams said I study Warren politics so my children can study poetry and music. Does that make sense? Sure. That's what wooden teeth. but that's a fucks that kind of it's also dripping with chlamydia
Starting point is 00:56:04 hey where man they all had it back then fucking freaks that's where merkins came from murkett yeah that's right you know why they're called murkin huh apparently not
Starting point is 00:56:19 Merkin my dick in my dick my dick looks small Jimirking me crazy now why they called a murkin who told you this the brooded fucking sky blue jackshack whatever you were doing what are the gun
Starting point is 00:56:35 in the waiting room over there. A robot in the waiting room. We're all just waiting for the same. I got one of those tiny little beers. Oh, those tiny little beers are all right. ELBs. I was at a compromising position years ago. And a couple weeks ago from what I understood.
Starting point is 00:56:53 No. Merkin, you can fact check me on this, but it's because to cure it, they would give you a shot of mercury and it would make all your pubs fall out. So they give you a fake. They give you a fake. to pay for your pubs so people did these broads
Starting point is 00:57:09 didn't know you were dainting goods you'd been ahead of your time though if you were smooth yeah but no but you were only smooth if you got if you had to drip well I didn't shave it up that was the treatment shaming it up back then there was no mock three guy what do you have to what do you got is that true
Starting point is 00:57:31 I got two yeah so they would use mercury based treatments for syphilis and that would make all your hair go. But then there's also, they would call whores or loose women back in the day, Malkins. And so you'd use a Mirkin, kind of like, I guess. Merkin and a Malkin. Yeah. Like the Capulets in the Monagia's, huh?
Starting point is 00:57:53 Nothing. Wait a minute. Did Mercury work? Yeah, that was one of the... What? That worked? Yeah. For syphilis.
Starting point is 00:58:02 Damn. A shot of Mercury. They, the What are you looking to me for? I'm like, like, a pharmacist over here. Man, would you have to put it in a vein? That's like fucking... No, they did like a shot of it, like a pickle bag.
Starting point is 00:58:17 Oh, really? No, I don't know. That would probably burn your fucking ruin your taste buds for doing shooters. What? And the women would use the Merkins. Oh, okay. Good, because I like a nice bush.
Starting point is 00:58:31 That's crazy. See, that's what I'm talking about. What? That's crazy. let that ride how did that not catch on back then that to that you're like what the fuck
Starting point is 00:58:44 see what the hell you're doing back to the back to the patron question this one's from bugman 14 dollar 50 cent north of the border homie I thank you sir are you garbage if you fake an injury at work hoping to get sent home early but it doesn't work
Starting point is 00:59:00 so you have to spend the rest of this shift faking an injury that you don't have been there done that sucks that's great dude sucks that's really good I remember doing it with pink eye a couple of times
Starting point is 00:59:13 you like rub your eye real bed and then what it would like I got pink guy that's really good if you're working with food they fucking fuck yeah but then she was like all right daddy
Starting point is 00:59:22 I'll never forget she goes all right well you're on cart duty then I just fucking banish me to the parking lot freezing my dick all bitch yeah they were short-handed I would have came back with both I got it came back with no people
Starting point is 00:59:35 I got simple. You got a murkin on your eye. Man. I would have fucking got, I'd had somebody else do it. Do what? Be like, hey, I'd wait like two hours. Then I'd go to Luke and be like, hey, man,
Starting point is 00:59:51 you want to get the fuck out of here? Rub your eye. So it looks like we both have pink eye. No, like I just gave it to Luke. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. I mean, you're not lying to me. Of course, you'd have to feel with the questions
Starting point is 01:00:03 of why were you eating Luke's ass? No, but isn't it highly contagious? That was always the thing, right? Yes. Which is why you shouldn't put pillows between your legs, but I do. Sometimes naked. Yeah, but I don't think, I, a scientist once told me that you can't give yourself pink eye. Who the fuck do you know?
Starting point is 01:00:23 That's a scientist. He was a former comedian in Philadelphia and my roommate or your roommate at one point. Someone's roommate. You can, in fact, give yourself pink eye. the more you know. Well, I don't want to spread misinformation out there. I can't believe I haven't given myself it every day. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:46 Yeah, you are a pooping kind of guy. Gross. I don't think it's every time, though, is it? It's probably like a certain bacteria in it. Yeah. With it, you know. I'm surprised you don't spread it. You like touching.
Starting point is 01:00:59 I should touch a lot of stuff. I should be one huge pink eye. Sure. As much time as I spend here. Yeah. This is the Bugman Brigade $50. Talk to me.
Starting point is 01:01:08 $50 liar here. Love it. Never have one read. Is it garbage to judge how fancy a restaurant is based on the type of carryout container they give you? If it goes styrofoam tin container with the plastic lid, then cardboard. Okay, hold on. So it says styrofoam?
Starting point is 01:01:26 Styrfoam being the trashiest? Yes. Disagree. Trashis is the silver thing that you have to be the takeout guy and squeeze down. Beep. You're crazy. I got it. I think styrofoam is the trashiest thing, any sort of food container.
Starting point is 01:01:43 And I think that's been documented since the 90. No, you're wrong. And I'll tell you why. Why am I wrong? I don't know who it was if it was big plastic or whoever got a hold of styrofoam, but they got locked in the crosshairs and got fucked. Okay. Environmentalist did it?
Starting point is 01:01:57 Whatever. It's all bad. Styrofoam is the fucking enemy. Go to fucking Sonic. Go to Chick-fil-A. Get one of those styrofoam. Coffone cups that's clean living when you get a soda in one of those the styrofoam to go container With the with the three compartments is all right that's the the shitty thin silver one where you put that
Starting point is 01:02:19 Top and you have to you know squeeze it around that's trash I know that because I did a lot of takeout you don't want to take out too I'm never doing those so much my fingers would you know exactly You ever see a guy does it all the time fuck um I would argue that they probably And then the classiest is the plastic with the, with the, with the, with the, with the, with the, with the clear lid. Yeah. He's saying cardboard. Two. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:46 I know the cardboard you're talking about. That's very, that's fancy. It's new. Well, that is the fanciest. Yeah. I think the black with the silver or black with the clear lid. Second. That to me, that's the classiest thing I've ever.
Starting point is 01:03:02 That's Tupper. Well, here's a, yeah. He's going to say, you can't take the cardboard home. reuse it. I had a fucking bowl of cereal out of fucking one of those things not that long ago. Yeah, I wouldn't claim that's classy. I'm not saying it's classy, but it's reusable. Yeah, but
Starting point is 01:03:15 the cardboard I think is, I think the cardboard is better for the environment if I had to guess. Not that this is what we're judging it on. Thank you. But I would go, that's probably why I call you a bitch. Fucking green thumb over here. I think that tinfoil duck is probably the classiest. Yeah,
Starting point is 01:03:31 that happened twice in 88. It's so many, you got to think you Only when you get lobster thermidor or something like that. Which I don't even know what that is. Lobster. Mercator. You see percador? Mercador.
Starting point is 01:03:47 I would have, I would have. Well, what are we basing this on? What is the criteria? What's classiest? Styrofoam has to be the trashiest. I'm so, I'm with you on like, but it just is. I mean, it probably leaks into the fucking. the chemicals leak into the food somehow.
Starting point is 01:04:08 Get out of it. That all toll leaking. Stop with this. I don't think the metal is. That's true. It probably retains the heat better. You've seen that fucking... Sometimes you put something hot in styrofoam.
Starting point is 01:04:21 It fucking bubbles up and shit. Oh, you put wings in there? Yeah, you're fucked. You're eating that shit. I mean, I'm not against it, but I'm just saying. I don't want my thing melting. I've definitely done that. I've definitely eaten some styrofoam.
Starting point is 01:04:34 Dude, I remember. I would go to wings to go up and build shire's a place I later than worked. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, man, that's a tough look. What? How long were you a customer there before you got the job? Oh, years.
Starting point is 01:04:48 You didn't know that. Years, dude. No way. Did you know the dude that worked there? Yeah. You didn't know that. You liked those wings so much. I did.
Starting point is 01:05:01 You got a job. I wasn't good. I know. I love that is my first introduction to popcorn chicken good you guys high wait how long did you go there so good you'll answer an application that's pretty good that's not that chicken so good you'll answer it's so good you want to work here that's great wait how long did you go there from when to when when where did you work at a wings to go.
Starting point is 01:05:41 What? What? I told you the guy asked me if I had a jock it. Oh, that's right. He was pulling all my sack. And my Merkin's itching.
Starting point is 01:05:58 I can't readjust my murking guy. She knows what I'm talking about. I can marry Mercury over here. He got me with a hot dog. wearing basketball shorts I was wearing N1 basketball shorts and a wings to go shirt
Starting point is 01:06:17 already stained in sauce man I was all right I was killing it but I damn shirt keeps coming up I
Starting point is 01:06:28 they would serve you the they would deep fry the the chicken the popcorn chicken and let it dry and dump it right on the plate styrofoam plate
Starting point is 01:06:39 and we would eat it there and it would bubble up and I didn't know can burn it. Yeah, that shit was in you. Yeah. That's good. All right.
Starting point is 01:06:47 That's what happened on my pubs. I guess you're right. Yeah, the cardboard's the classy is the one that kind of looks like Chinese food containers. I don't think I've ever had that if I'm being honest with it. I've only ever seen it at Whole Foods at the hot bar when I go there. But that's got like a wax covering, which is also very nice. I believe Dialogue Cafe does it out in L.A. Where you guys get your burritos.
Starting point is 01:07:07 Ah, maybe. Gotcha. Fair enough. something. All right, let's see here. We got a... This one's just crazy. This is from all the toes,
Starting point is 01:07:19 10 of our pit head. Is it garbage to use the Orange Home Depot buckets as your bathroom trash can? I'd give it to you like if you have like a basement one that's like it can't be a finished bathroom. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:07:35 If you got one in the garage, something more shoppy, I totally get that. I think if you're like... I kind of like it. I don't disagree. Ironically, I like it. It's got to handle, easy to dump.
Starting point is 01:07:45 Yeah. I'm totally for it, but I think it's not trashy if it's in a place like that. It's trashy if it's in your fucking bath. Sure. Useful? Sure. Am I on board? Yes.
Starting point is 01:07:57 Yeah, I always love those things. A clean bucket like that? Sure. One of my favorites is like in any shop, like just like a big 55 gallon plastic drum or whatever that you just like everything goes in there. Sure. I don't know who empties in or where it goes, but you just fucking. cans, boxes, anything.
Starting point is 01:08:15 I used to always, like, sitting on them, too. What? Like sitting on a big bucket like that. Oh, yeah. Fucking good spot. He used to work with a guy. He kept all those tools in a bucket. He carried that thing around.
Starting point is 01:08:26 Yeah. I mean, I know, but it was too much. You put a thing in there. No, he did. Oh, he didn't? And it was just, like, hand me my fucking, you know, boxing open end, 916th, friend. I'm like, how to, that Pete, how am I supposed to find this?
Starting point is 01:08:40 Picking. It's all fucking. Like, you dumping a leg. Bigging around looking for it. And he was brutal. He was older too, so I had to carry. It was like fucking 50 pounds. Oh, man.
Starting point is 01:08:52 That's brutal. I used to like it with the little sheet or the little like organizer around it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's great. Yeah. All the shit inside too. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 01:09:01 Yeah, it was good. This one's great. This is from Trash Bandicoot. $10 homie, never have one read. Is it garbage to see how long you can go without touching the steering wheel when driving? Bonus points. If you put your turdine signal on. when you start to drift into another lane.
Starting point is 01:09:15 That was always my dad's test to see how the alignment was on the car. Oh, look at that. Look at that. It touched the wheel. They touch it a little bit and lie. I was just doing it. I had a pot hole like that. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:26 Yeah. He's big. If you took a car off for a test driver, that's what you'd do. I had a couple of cars. So you look at going to. It's like being in a helicopter. Dude, my one loom. You had to hold it.
Starting point is 01:09:37 Oh, you were in a constant state of chaos. You had a fucking. working real good. Great question. That's a great question. Home runs today. Okay. Then this is,
Starting point is 01:09:48 we got time for one more here. This one's from Roy E. Munson. You's ever had a pair of headphones where they both work only if the wires are in a specific position. For sure. Dude, that was big with chargers. Yeah, that was real big with chargers. Then you've done one day you found the slit where it was. Fuck, that's where it is.
Starting point is 01:10:09 The big, the headphones before. Apple came out with headphones I would always have to buy like $12 headfoot like skull candy or ear whatever they were you buy $12 ones at Dwayne Reed and they would always go at the jack
Starting point is 01:10:24 because you would have it in your pocket or whatever and sit on it bend it dude and I'm in that cycle right now I'm in a constant state of I get them from the deli or I just got some from the airport why I'm just gonna fuck them up I'm gonna lose them or step on them I know but get the Apple ones The wired ones?
Starting point is 01:10:43 Yeah Yeah dude they're like literally $18 What do you get them at Apple? You can get them at Apple You can get them on Amazon I have three pairs in here Because I lose them so much Or break them so much
Starting point is 01:10:53 That's good They're just better That's all I'm saying I mean doesn't have the Apple They just hold up more Okay They don't get all twisted and shit So much better
Starting point is 01:11:02 It's a superior product And it ain't that much Because they're trying to push you To the fucking AirPods They're like $2 50 a clip I've been losing them Left and fucking right And getting your brain
Starting point is 01:11:10 Yeah, but then something came out. That's my problem this summer. I'd wearing my AirPods too much. Screwed me up. Where I defragged his brain. Cleaned out all the cookies. All right, we got to wrap it up, gang. Gang, we love you to death.
Starting point is 01:11:22 Grab some merch over on are you garbage.com. We got a sale going on with the old stuff. Yeah, we're clearing out some shelf space. Plus, we got all the new designs that we dropped. And then also for Pennsylvania dirt bags, we're going to be at Soul Joel's very limited tickets remaining if there still is any. Get them. Scoop them up while the Friday.
Starting point is 01:11:40 April 17th. We're doing two shows. We'll see you there. May will be in Los Angeles, California for the Netflix as a joke festival. There's still some tickets for that show. Make sure you get it. It's a smaller theater.
Starting point is 01:11:51 Come out and see us. Chicago. Chicago. Come see us. We love you. See you next week. Peace.

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