Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Back in the Basement! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Episode Date: March 30, 2026Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come t...o a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: The Perfect Jeans: F*%k your khakis and get The Perfect Jean 15% off with the code GARBAGE15 at https://theperfectjean.nyc/GARBAGE15 Promo Code: Garbage15 Shopify: Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Hey, gang, the back on the block tour rolls on.
We're going to be in Chicago and Indiana.
Get your tickets at RUGarbage.com and run up to squad.
Come out and see us.
Yeah, then we're doing some pop-up shows in Potsdown, Pennsylvania.
And Sol Jol's baby, limited tickets.
Get them before they're gone.
And we're also doing the Netflix as a joke festival.
Get your tickets before they're gone.
We'd love to see you on the road.
Do it. La, La Land.
Hey, everybody out there.
And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is RU Garbage.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians
and we find that it's a group to be classy.
Yeah.
To just a big old piece of trash.
Trash,
I'm your host, Ate's Fully coming at you on a beautiful day.
As you can tell, we are back down in the basement here at Tootie's.
We have major flood damage.
We have a leak in the roof.
Yeah.
And it dripped down over our brand new studio edition
that Tootie put in with her hard-earned slip and fall money.
Aunt Tootie is now laying in that room where she has been for several days with a neck brace on in a crooked position because the insurance adjuster hasn't showed up, but she is not moving so she knows that she's going to get some pain and suffering.
Wet her beak.
I also have a bad back from the from the leak and I'm very traumatized from it.
My co-host is not.
He's totally cool.
He doesn't need anything.
Kevin Ryan is with me here in the basement.
Thanks a lot, Henry.
I'm just a thank you for pushing through your emotional damage and physical.
Yes.
Inabilities.
Yes.
The leak knocked out two of my teeth.
Uh-huh.
And made my wiener small.
And put several pounds on me.
I've been emotional eating since then.
Don, you call this a dick.
Who's our insurance company here?
Geico.
Is that who we have?
Uh-huh.
You fucking idiot, really?
Hey, we keep you illegal for less.
We don't have Guy Co.
Also, listen, what's up, everybody?
Shout out to them.
Shout out.
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you review,
subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube.
Full video available over there on Spotify.
Yes, we are.
We're in the charts.
We're in the top 100 on all podcasts,
and I believe the top 50 on comedy podcast.
You're trying to commit insurance.
You're trying to commit insurance.
I'm not trying to commit insurance from my neck hurts.
Then you shouldn't be working.
You lost wages.
You made me commit.
No, I didn't.
Oh, Tom.
Counter Sue.
Kippie screwed me getting lost wages.
Who's our insurance?
Here?
Yes.
Are you genuinely asking me outside of the bid?
I want the number.
It's an Asian woman in North Jersey.
That is true.
Right out my alley.
Our name's Karen.
Hey, you can't say your name?
Why?
We start hooking up.
Then everybody's going to know.
Anyway.
Where am I?
I'm a little disoriented.
I'm blind from the black mold.
All the pain and suffering.
Yeah, we got a leak, man.
Yeah, we're jammed up.
Yeah, so we told the homies on the page earlier today.
We had a leak in the bathroom about a month ago.
That roof caved in.
And then we have a fucking leak in the studio.
Okay, where all my toys are, which I hope fucking all my G.I. Joe guys are cool.
otherwise
well then you're talking about the US government
yeah it's a bit of it's a bigger issue than we
thought they got to there's a lot of sanding going on
a lot of steam cleaning
the boys are the boys are jammed up so hopefully
this is our first and final public episode
from
I like it down here
I think it's pretty cool Luke's on the couch
sitting there like a stoner
Yeah, I don't love the I don't love this
We're in the middle I mean this is yeah
What's cool
We're hanging out
We're hanging
We're being a bitch
Get some pizzas or something
This is when you gotta eat
So you were starting to diet
In crisis
Yeah if you had a feed of crisis
There's shit going on
I'm surprised the neighbors aren't sending
Gift baskets and stuff like that
Yeah this has been a very traumatic time
For everybody involved
It has
Speaking of traumatic times
I was down with my mother.
Sorry to hear.
Are you suing for that?
Yikes.
I was down there with Patty.
She's babysitting my...
My dog niece.
Your dog niece?
My brother's dog.
Okay.
Is that how you say that?
No.
But I just wanted to freak you out a little bit.
Okay, it worked.
Soeing.
Pain and suffering and creep me out.
Yeah, which I never.
really had a big connection with this dog
but I spent a couple days with her
she's pretty cool okay we did the
snuggles a couple big walks all that kind of stuff
it's
close to Easter time
right
heathens out there the dumb
Jesus was resurrected sure
and around that time
first of all I saw a thing on the news
that spending on Easter candy is up like
675% this year
Whoa, would you get a raise or something?
Hachimachi.
I can check that Carmen Oxide in tech.
Talk about a stimmy check.
Hachimachi, gang.
If you can still get stock in peeps, buy now.
Never, but I eat peeps.
But my mom has the joint decorator for Easter.
She's got the Easter stuff out.
I sent you both a picture because we don't have certain technical.
We don't have a screen.
We have a screen because that's in the studio.
That's soaking wet.
I mean, pull the fourth wall.
Luke and Diesel, we're trying to fucking get all new equipment.
I know.
I need a new car.
I need a new bike.
The leak got all my shoes.
Did the $100,000 in cash I have in there get all wet?
Because that gets real bad.
And the vending machine don't take my bills.
How the hell am I supposed to eat?
Yeah, Luke.
Sure.
Anyway.
All right.
So you want me to look at the picture.
I want you to look at the picture of the bullshit.
That's why.
That this fucking broad has the balls to put out in an Easter candy basket.
First of all.
It looks like what they give out at Bellevue.
It's crazy, dude.
Now, I want to go on record and say, for a while, Patty has had a bowl of good and
plenny's, which I in my older age have mentioned on this broadcast that I enjoy after a
savory meal.
What is that
a succulent?
After some cutlets,
Patty throws at you.
Listen, we all know Patty's an ace in the kitchen.
Don't get me wrong.
But this shit with the black
licorice, I like the good
and plenny's. You start throwing in
black fucking jelly bean,
black and white jelly beans? What the fuck?
Like pills, dude. And you think
there's one or two purple ones in there?
I think that's a nexus.
Like a nurse.
ratchet over here. A couple of the fucking
drama mean floating around. Two of those, I wake up,
I got no kidney. Underwheres all backwards.
My hair's all... She's throwing key parties,
dude. She's a swinger. These are all...
These are sidewaysers.
The ludes.
The purple ones you would think would be like grape or something?
Uh-uh. It's that all-spice
flavor. You know what I'm talking about?
It's like...
Yeah, but you put it on chicken. What are you doing?
You got chicken-flavored jelly beans?
It's like that clove spice shit.
It's like I'm taking a bite of deodor.
There's too many different sizes.
A bowl of candy should at least be colorful, whatever, but like,
she got a lot.
Everything looks different like a Tick-Tack or two in here.
Yeah, not to mention she's got these dog treats that look just like Teddy Grams.
I came this close to fucking throw an an handful of them back.
You're trying to kill me down here.
Uh-huh.
Anyway, I just wanted to point that out.
That's bad.
Pretty whack bowl of candy, but, you know.
Patty, she's probably watching.
Thank you for going to pick up Fran Zones.
You're the best.
She stopped and got it.
She got a pizza.
One of my favorite pizzas down there,
Franzo's pizza and Concha Hoc.
She picked up a pie, sweet pie.
Love it. Very good.
Mm-hmm.
I don't want to get into the ice cream situation.
That was kind of a, that was almost a war.
Why?
Because this all sounds really bad for a 50-year-old man.
I said we should stop and get ice cream.
She said, I have ice cream at the house.
I get there.
There's like three scoops.
And that's not enough for a man of your stature.
No, because she was getting, she was having a cone.
So two scoops isn't enough for you?
Two scoops.
What am I, a bowl of raisin brand?
Get the fuck out of here, two scoops.
You were an all-time dick.
We were watching our shows together.
It's a big NCIS.
Uh-huh.
Big show, 200 episodes, something like that.
Make a lot of money on that show.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
What kind of ice cream were we talking?
It was chocolate, chocolate chip.
Turkey Hill?
Yes.
I know it.
Turkey Hill organic or something like that.
Wow.
Probably not.
I don't think the hell does organic
They do for marketing purposes
Sure
It's good
Chucle Chucal Chip
Where did you want to stop me get ice cream at
Like a joint or like
Okay, I'll tell you the truth
Yeah, no thanks
It's always
It's always smoking mirrors with you
So when I saw the
I said to her sometime earlier that day
When she had gotten back from the pizza
I don't have a license right now
Because it's still suspended
because I got that thing.
What's it like being 14?
Complaining about ice cream.
I want my pizza.
This candy sucks.
And the ice cream at home is no good.
You get my back on a candy thing.
Come on.
Yeah,
but this is good.
I ate the black liquor's jelly beans, too.
Listen,
you have a leg to stand on
when you're complaining about the jelly beans.
But that with the menagerie of other shortcomings you have.
I know.
I did a bunch of shit for her at the house.
Last time I was.
Anyway.
Okay.
I say, do you have any ice cream?
She says yes.
I say, what do you have?
She's like, I had that chocolate, chocolate chip.
I'm, I like it.
It's good.
I'm like, sweet.
So I'm thinking, you know, half a half a gas.
When you say that, you know, there's not fucking the Angela's Ashes version in there.
Fucking, we're, you know, we're cutting a bean together.
So it comes ice cream time right after ABC World News with, uh,
What's his name?
Wester Holt.
Is it?
No, it's NBC, but she does not watch.
Okay.
She watches ABC World News with,
what's the fucking dude's name?
David Muir.
Yeah, David Muir.
She watches that.
So that and then we-
She's a sheep.
Someone needs to red bill this bitch.
Have her come over to Denise's out.
She goes over here that Jesse Wooders.
I'll have Denise turn her out.
Anyway.
Yeah.
So it comes time.
Yeah, it's ice cream time.
Dogs get their puff cup.
You're 50, right?
Did you just turn?
Dog gets.
Happy birthday.
The dogs get their pup cup.
Uh-huh.
With what?
Whip cream.
Oh, man.
That little dabble do you, too.
too, I feel.
You took a little whack off that, didn't you?
Huh?
Then you, nitrous Nate.
Get a quick wah-wah with the mom, will you?
Yeah, the dogs get a pup cup.
So, you know, what am I fucking chuck-off?
No.
No what?
She had any whipped cream, but she had heavy cream,
which I had used in my coffee earlier that day,
which caused a major spill
on my t-shirt because I guess it's been sitting in there for a little bit
and the cream had formed on top which you know it's good heavy cream
and I shook it and nothing happened then I squeeze it and it goes all over my shirt
so she had to wash that sure I had my coffee with a little splash of heavy cream
try it out it's delicious very good now does she let you use the telephone
or well that worked I can't make any long distance calls if we had a house
line, which we don't.
You're not paying for that.
Someone calls that how you pick up.
My mom's not here.
Oh, is that right?
Yeah.
How old are you?
50.
He said not to banter the door for strangers, but you sound like a nice guy.
Man, I stink.
Yeah.
I mean, it ain't great.
Anywho.
But I will give you a living back at home with your mom.
I'm not living back at home.
You fucking dick.
I was down there shooting a TV show.
Hey, listen.
I stopped at my mom's to spend the night before,
before I got a car and came back up to New York.
Uh-huh.
Before I'm doing very well.
I imagine, personally.
I'm not living there.
The fuck dick.
I meant staying.
You know what I meant.
I stayed a night there.
I'm right.
That's all.
To spend time with my mother and help her out with him.
Listen, for a guy not live with his mom,
you're short defensive like you.
She lives with me.
It's kind of a cohabitation thing we got going.
No, I'm not living down there.
Right.
No one said.
you were. You did.
No, I bought it.
Chicks watching this. I misspoke.
Yeah, your mom.
Yeah, if I can
give you an earful, your next
roommate meeting you guys have.
How dare you?
Um,
okay.
I didn't finish my story about the ice cream.
Uh-huh. That's when I discovered
when it was ice cream time, how little
ice cream was there. Okay?
Sure. So I Uber
eats a pint of
Ben and Jerry's.
For us to share.
Chuck and Brownie.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Which she couldn't understand that.
Ted, I'm going to take a shower.
I'm like, just so you know, I got some ice cream.
Yeah, what?
How did you get ice cream?
Sure.
I said, oh my God, I Uber Eats did.
It's a pint of Uber Eats set you back.
That's the only thing you got?
No, it was not.
If I know my friend, I know my friend.
I don't like the way this is all being painted.
And listen, I don't think you ordered a bag of spinach.
either okay jubbs mcgillic i think there is some a candy involved no there's no candy
franzones pizza oh i had a franzone's pizza i had uh yeah two pies uh-huh what else did you get
from uber eats uh-huh that night which night was it i got a
a man's bad now i'm down 75 pounds or so everybody knows okay i don't want everybody getting too
overhyped about this or like foley's falling up
part or not like that. We're on a comeback. We're doing great. Okay. There's comedy purposes.
And they're really sticking to the bit that this is. I got a French toe sizzly with turkey
sausage and American cheese. I had to get something. They weren't going to deliver just one pint of
ice cream. No, they weren't. It didn't meet the quota. It's not 1922. It didn't meet the quota. They said you
have to spend a little more money. You have to spend exactly a French Toe Sizzley in order to get this
Yes.
And man, this morning.
How many sandwiches you get last night?
Just fucking busting my balls.
Well, I mean, I think that's a fair question to ask.
No, it's not.
I'm a grown man.
A growing boy.
Not to mention I get there.
Were they happy with you?
Did you do a good job?
How'd Tampa go?
Eh, man, man.
Just fucking needle and needle.
Sounds like it's like hanging out with you.
No?
That thing's nuts.
The French, get some eyes on the French to say.
I don't need to.
Hey, what are you?
The fucking school newspaper over here?
Take it easy.
It's got some artificial swirl in there.
That's cinnamon.
That's the diabetes.
That's so zemping.
Yeah, so, but can I tell you this?
You can tell me whatever you want, bud?
And I apologize.
I never had the ice cream.
Okay.
It's sitting in there, didn't touch it.
Okay.
Yep.
Okay.
Because I was sick from the French Toe sizzling
and the fake cinnamon swirl.
Yeah, anyway, that was a situation with the Easter candy down there at my mom's.
Now, I know somewhere in that house there's a bunch of good Easter candy hidden.
Sure.
But she has that shit out to throw me off the scent, which I respect.
Yeah, she can't put that, yeah, listen, you know.
I scooped it out a little bit.
I couldn't find nothing.
So she might have some new hiding spots.
Wow.
You did almost eat a moth.
You're like a grizzly bear.
He's got to put it up in the attic
Otherwise you'll find it
Bury it in a cool wet sack
In the better one
Yeah
Good weekend
Sounds it
Sounds like a great weekend
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Before we left for Tampa.
Shout out to it.
Shout out to everybody that came out to Tampa.
Very special weekend down there.
We appreciate you guys very, very, very much.
Five sold out shows.
4.95 sold out shows.
No one needs to know about the back row on Thursday.
night. Right. I wouldn't tell anybody that. Right.
I saw that. Heaters on Friday and Saturday.
Just bangers.
Hey, then. Um, we appreciate it very much.
Before, I did, I did maybe the trashiest thing I've done in a long time.
What's this? When?
I was home. I was down. I was visiting Denise. And I, I, I, we were, you know, stressed,
shooting the special, old nine-yard travel, this, that.
After? This is that. Before.
Oh, okay. You were stressed before.
I was stressed before. Yeah.
Friday you really loosened up.
What? Friday you loosened up.
Thanks.
You did.
You were, because I think after the first show Friday, you felt really good.
And that made me very happy.
Sure.
And then we had a great weekend, the rest of the weekend.
Great weekend rest of the weekend.
Uh-huh.
I, uh, I was stressed, right?
You know, we got a lot going on.
Sure.
I was like, I want to go get a massage.
I start poking around places to go get a massage.
Down there?
Yeah.
Ooh.
I know. Nothing really. Because in New York, you're used to like the fucking, you know, I don't know if they're fucking jackshacks or what, but they're the dollar a minute joints. You know what I mean? All just like the little Asian spots. There's one like every couple of blocks.
Well, they don't have them in the burbs. You know what I mean? And when you're walking by or it's in a neighborhood, it's a little more, you know, appetizing. It's weird if you pull up to a strip mall and it's like the last thing.
thing in the sheet.
You know what I mean?
There's no,
it fits in the setting in New York.
Next to a butcher shop.
Yeah,
it just doesn't,
you know,
next to something that just says taxes
or something like that.
So I,
like,
I pulled up to a cop,
I was like,
this just looks shady.
Yeah,
this looks like I'm about to get
a sting or something's going to happen.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like the cops run in.
Yeah.
I swear to God.
Meanwhile,
I'm hard already.
He's a parking lot.
That's where you're supposed
to take care of yourself
before you go to those places.
I do that.
I told you that.
That was my,
move.
Yeah.
Get him before you go in.
That way there's no chance of that guy giving me a hoard on.
Go in there with a limp noodle.
Empty gun.
You know what I mean?
Hold on.
This is before you left, you weren't going to be in New York?
No.
Okay.
Freak.
I was, whatever.
I just needed to release some tension.
I bet you did with a shocker.
Finger of my ass.
Um, I, uh, so the only one I can find that I'm like relatively okay with,
uh, was in the Oxford Valley Mall.
It was, it was.
And I got there before the mall.
Was it one of those dudes that do it out in the mall by the kiosk?
Like you're hunched over like that.
Now, now real estate's, I mean, there's only like six stores in the mall left.
Nice and quiet.
Yeah.
How I like it.
Who else is in that parking lot?
I mean.
Oh, there freaks like that.
The guy's about to get jerked off.
It's just me and a bunch of guys you look like me.
A lot of guys in sunglasses and their hats pulled down low.
A bunch of guys pre-gaming in the car.
Poppins the Alice.
So I park and it's at the end of the mall.
No shit.
I think it was at the pennies.
It's a cross on the penny.
Oh, my God.
That jerked off in there?
I didn't get it.
No.
Getting whacked off of the mall.
Stop it.
That's gross.
And I'm probably going and stuffing your face with any of it.
I hit some borrow.
Did you?
We got a thick slice.
And if I'm a little sleepy.
I'm smoking.
How's your day going?
Hey, how beautiful day out today?
Yeah.
Woo!
Hey, you just got fucking ripcord.
Some Asian dude just pulled your injector seat.
I was really hoping for something.
That's what came out.
So go ahead.
Obviously, we're joking, Kevin.
We're joking.
No, so I go and I'm talking to my wife.
I can't go to a fucking, I can't go get my,
I can't go get a massage in the mall.
She's like, just go.
I mean while you're in the park
come on.
So I go in the doors
Dude, this is how bad malls are.
They just never came and opened up the door.
Like that on that part.
Yeah, that part of the door.
It was like me.
Gotta go around front.
It was me, a guy
in all Eagles gear,
like head to toe Eagles gear.
I think he was an old timer,
cruising.
Then they,
like just the mall.
Like they go and get their stay.
He's cruising for guys waiting.
Waiting for fucking sunshine blue
massages.
Um.
know what it was called?
It's called
Serene blue
She blew
My top ball
Uh
There's me
And then they
They were training
Service dogs
So it was like me
And like four German shepherds
Where?
I guess they walked them
Through the mall
Oh these dogs
Don't smell come
Huh?
They're just growling
At my dick
In my ass
What the fuck man
They're training
service dogs in there?
It's like
Mugatee.
They didn't have some dude in like
that that outfit today.
They're waterboarding some guy in the
fountain.
They didn't have a dude
in that dog bite suit, did they?
Did you get a hand job?
They're dunking them.
Did you go to Surrey
Blue and get a hand job?
No, they didn't
have a guy in the suit.
He's running
down the Spencer's gift.
God.
The dog's just
mall with them.
I mean, that'd be pretty sick.
Hey, you want to get people back to the mall.
That's what you got to do.
A little foot track, a little showmanship.
How are they,
what were they training them?
To work at the same glass.
That's what they're doing them all.
They're training fucking bomb sniffers.
I mean, and they were,
they were combat dogs that were like,
bring him, you know.
What?
That they were like reacclamating into the,
into the civilian life or so
I swear they got
You hurt locker dogs
You're in there
A sexy spot
You mean like the dogs
When they have the glasses on
That jump out of the planes with the seals
No I don't think that
You never seen that
It's so cute
They'd fuck you up though
That makes me so I wouldn't
I'd be so worried about the dog
Dog's a liability
I know they fuck people up
And probably you know
I'd be
I thought you're worried about jumping out of the fucking plane.
I know the seals use those dogs.
Yeah, no shit.
That's what these were.
These were like, I'd be so pissed if something happened.
Like, how would you not be able to be emotional if something happened to the dog?
You motherfucker, you cut my dog.
Also, you just started, you did the hand motion that you're just spraying.
You are, I'll do it.
Can you kill my dog or shot the dog or something?
Mm-hmm.
So they were coming back, huh?
They were back.
What did you ask somebody this?
No, they had, like, the shirts on or something.
Not the dogs.
You're talking about it?
The trainers.
That sounds like you were tripping.
Serene blue.
Dude, these dogs, I walked off.
They were, they all popped.
They were laying down.
They popped up and were mugging me.
Yeah, you come all over here.
He's fucking creep.
They were looking at me.
They were looking at me.
They go, this guy parties.
German Shepherds
Two shepherds
In like a lab
Doxin
Okay
Chihuahuas
Cartels
Um
So they
Yeah so then I had to go to another entrance
Which was like
And I'm the guy
So I got back in the car
Like I can't do this
That's a sign
I'm out
Nice
Went back to another one
I went in
I went in that way
Where
I went into the mall
But in another entrance
Had to get in my car
Drive to another
entrance parked the car walking dude just go home i know dude i know and i walked in i did a i did a i had a
pee first so i did a breeze by the place just to get eyes on it real quick uh-huh it wasn't a soul
dude it wasn't a soul and said we're talking 10 we're talking 10 15 on like a tuesday morning
at the oxford valley mall that's prime sting time dude that's what the dogs are there for we got
Got him.
Man, that's prime's thing.
What are you doing here, sir?
Got a bad back.
I'm looking for the hot rocks.
That's all.
So I went to the bathroom, used the bathroom.
At the mall?
At the mall.
Man, you got red flags all over you.
Who the fuck uses that?
Dude, there was two guys going over.
One guy's resume at the mall food court at 10, 15 a.m.
He's like, well, you need to change this to this.
I go, buddy, you're not getting the job.
Neither one of you.
I don't do the other guy's employees
That's some shit I would do
Eating Chinese food
It's a fucking plate full of noodles
Playful of brown noodles
What is it about the low main there
It's so goddamn good
Had a food court
Chinese place
But I do gotta give it
There was a handful of old timers
Hanging out having their coffee
Because the Dunkin was open
One guy had a little ice cream
I was like that's fucking that's nice
That's their hangout
No one's bothering them
He's yelled at me for having
ice cream?
What?
He's yelled at me for having ice cream.
I was yelling for breaking your mom's balls about the ice cream.
I didn't know like I yelled at you.
Made fun of you.
Poked fun.
So I go back in and, man, it just really,
I walk in and a woman walks by the back.
Like, she's like all the way and it's a big joint.
Space is cheap.
So there's got to be like 30 rooms in there.
I'm the only guy there.
and she's the only girl there.
And she's in the back mopping.
Like with like a big mop.
I'm like, that's a lot of cum.
You know what I mean?
So I'm like, this isn't going to be the woman who gives me.
Like, there was just one girl.
Fuck it ain't.
Well, yeah.
She did these coarse ass hands she had.
They were like manual labor hands.
So you wouldn't have got a body, a full massage.
What did you strip down to?
If there was a sign that said,
please leave your underwear on.
Because at the end of the day, I am in the mall.
Is that what the sign said?
No, no.
That would be awesome.
Don't forget you are in the mall right now.
Please keep your underwear on.
It said, please keep your underwear on.
Mm-hmm.
Which made me think there was going to be no hanky-panky.
I also checked the reviews.
Of course.
Uh-huh.
But, yeah, there was a, it was very professional, did some hot rocks.
Nice.
You know.
That's the tunes going?
Yeah.
That purple rain
I never meant to cause you
I got diesel with that
Yeah it was very professional
But it did make it was
It didn't feel great as a human
Of going there to get a massage
It just was not the best
That's not where a lot of people are getting massagers
It was a you know
It's cool
But it is what it is
She said she was awesome
She was great
I tipped her heavy
Nice
Oh no chain again
That's, honey.
That's for you.
Next time, underwear comes up.
Yeah, cash.
He'll rip that side down.
Do you play ball?
Yeah.
But it was very, I highly recommend it.
Serene Blue in Oxford Valley Mall.
So this is before.
Mm-hmm.
Still shut up at Tampa with a little bit of a toot on you.
Sure.
What that great?
And what would you have had, do you think?
Huh?
What?
What?
On me?
And you were just, you were just fucking, you were happy.
I was a vibes guy all weekend.
No?
Oh my God.
You want to break?
This is more of a hard feelings, but.
I thought he did a nice breakfast.
See, no, now you do this.
You put it on all of us.
It's not on us.
You asked, was I a vibes guy all weekend?
And Luke's going to give you the honest answer.
You started the trip with emergency diarrhea.
Started the trip with emergency diarrhea.
You had to sleep it off, literally, on the plane.
That's true.
God damn is that bound.
Get you.
I ain't going to get you.
But all that's neither here nor there.
We've got a gosh darn family episode on our hands.
As you know, when you join the old Patreon,
we'll answer your garbage question on the air.
Whether we're down the basement,
whether we're in the fucking addition,
wherever we are,
the boys will stand and deliver.
That's right, just in the nick of time, too.
Vibes guy.
Stacking heat on me.
And we're at, pull-u-u-u-up, pull-up,
all right.
Let's see here.
This one is a little appetizer
to get started. This is from Nicholas. Do you call it a baking sheet or a cooking tray or a cookie tray?
A cookie sheet?
What is it?
We would say a baking sheet or cookie tray.
We would call it a cookie sheet.
Cookie sheet. Patty calls it a cookie sheet. Get a cookie sheet.
We would say cookie tray, I think. Or maybe sheet. Definitely not baked. I think now with my wife
it's baking because I don't think she would know it as a cookie sheet.
It'd be pan anyway, cooking pan. Cookie sheet. Yeah, we call cookie sheet. Yeah, we call cookie sheet.
Yeah. Patty calls it a cookie sheet.
But he did say he's like, it's never on the back of like a pizza doesn't say.
Put on a cookie sheet.
Which is a good point.
Cookie whatever is trash.
Is trash.
Very great.
Very good question.
What is it really called?
A baking sheet.
A baking sheet.
Is it?
Yeah.
I believe it says on a, you know, on a baking on a large baking sheet or butter, you know,
spread a little pants on a baking sheet.
On a baking sheet.
Pame's not good.
Mm-hmm.
What is it, Luke?
Baking sheet or sheet pan?
Sheet pan.
All right, sheet pan sounds familiar.
That sounds like sheet crab soup.
I don't like that.
Cookie sheet.
Get a cookie sheet.
Go get a sheet pan.
No.
Sounds like, ah, hillbilly shit.
Yeah, no.
I always trying to think of what it would sound like my mom saying it yelling.
Get a cookie sheet.
Yeah.
So that's it.
Cookie sheet.
Cookie sheet is a real type of baking sheet.
Why?
Because that's the one with the raised edges in the middle.
What?
Raised edges in the middle.
Some of them have the ridges on the sheet.
Like the bumps?
Yeah.
And so that's so food slides off easier.
I never had no cookie that was fucking had bumps on the bottom.
No, but like there's little ridges like throughout the pan so that the cookie won't stick to the sheet when it's making.
I think you're wrong, dude.
Cookie sheet with the raised edges.
You mean like, like bumps?
Cookie sheet with bumps.
I never seen it.
Oh.
Let me see.
That, I don't, I never seen that.
Fuck out of here.
That says it's Nordic.
Yeah, I never had lumps on the bottom.
That's rich kid shit.
Yeah.
You know what that dude?
Bacon sheets are something that I don't know why.
I have one that I probably use like four times and then it's just been stained with like, it's, you can't get it off.
You scrub it.
I don't know what it is.
It's just on there.
I don't know what it is either.
It's like sap that just stays and then get baked in.
My mom's got one that she'd probably have for 50 years.
Things are brutal.
Couldn't even tell what real color it is.
Wild.
It looks like brain splattered all over it.
That made me think my mom moved out of the house I grew up in.
And she moved to her new house and I went over and it was just like, dude,
some of the handheld kitchen appliances that she brought over that have to be 40, that are
older than me.
And I'm like, this, you brought,
this made the trip.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, well, you know, they were expensive.
Or you bought it in 1979.
Some of that stuff they did sentimental value.
I know, but not.
These are like certain things where you're just like,
you have another one of these as well.
You know what I get this.
I mean, listen, you know,
I'm sentimental value with salotongs, okay?
Yeah, I push back on that.
Maybe not salad tongs, but I definitely,
and I know I'm fucked up.
There's definitely more things in the,
kitchen that I would have sentimental value to than not than anywhere else in the house.
Like they have these.
These jokes write themselves, Gary.
I mean, what am I doing?
We have these three bowls.
They're three silver bowls.
I understand that.
I'm saying that stuff's a little different than utensils that sit in a drawer that you may or
may not use once every six years.
We got a ginsu knife that fucking we've had for probably.
We're clearly not going to meet in the middle of this for comedy purposes.
What the fuck?
dude.
I understand your point of view.
I was making a comedic aside to keep on moving and build on,
but I understand there's also things.
If you don't want to sell it on, I'll take it.
Sure, no.
I have a huge connection to them.
This one is from go ahead, dickhead,
plunger on the floor next to the toilet question mark.
Standard staple, trash.
I don't think we...
I think ours was in the garage.
The garage.
Yeah.
It wasn't on the same floor as the turlet.
I mean, we have a toilet on the first floor.
Yeah, but that's not the one that gets used heavy bike.
The one that gets used heavy bike is the one upstairs in the shower.
That's the one that's going to need plunging after Igor goes in there, deuses it up.
Yeah, I don't think we weren't clogging toilets that much as a family.
I don't know what you and the fucking line backers.
And also, we have a thing in our front yard.
I guess it's like the gas escape from the line.
The vent.
Yeah, the toilet and poop has come up in that.
Not that long ago.
Maybe like five years ago.
I think I used paper towel or something like that.
And it fucked something up.
And yeah, that got jammed up.
Man, you're like, you're like mayhem from the Allstate commercials.
You stink, dude.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's, I mean, like.
Tough look with the neighbors.
We were, yeah, I mean, I think it lived in the garage.
And I don't ever remember using it like heavy like that.
Did you have a plunger that could prolapse?
You know what I'm talking about?
I remember we had a real cheat.
We had a, yeah, we had a, those were like new technology that came out in the 90s, I feel.
I always thought ours was weird.
Because it had that.
You could push it.
You could push it back in.
You have to wash my hands afterwards.
Uh-huh.
I mean, yeah, we had, we had a red one, the standard red one.
the red circle and then we had a black one that had like a butthole to it but that was out more
I think it didn't really go in I think it was supposed to I remember I remember ours being hard
I was I don't know but uh yeah I feel a to now that I know a little better I'm a little more
refined a toilet a plunger next to a toilet is a it's just what about the scrubby we never had
that. We never had a toilet brush.
No. And then...
That was fancy to me.
Yeah, I didn't know you were supposed...
It's supposed... Maybe I'm wrong, but...
You're supposed to clean up after, if you leave some skid marks.
That's what that's for?
You got a spray. That's what my wife says.
Yeah, but...
No, I think you just... You just give it a little dabble thing.
What are we? The Romans? Like, scrubbing our...
Cleaning our ass with a fucking...
Like, you don't clean your ass with it.
Sponged vinegar?
That's what they used back then.
or dipped in honey or something, something freaky.
But it's more European because they got the low flow.
They have the different, the toilets are different.
You can't just scrub the doo-do off the toilet without a little 409 or something.
You catch it fresh.
You got a fresh.
Give it a flush.
I mean, I think you're better off taking it rather than leaving it if you don't have 409.
You know what I mean?
You're better off getting what you can.
I was always just like, you flush it, you flush it again.
If that don't work, you pee it off the next time.
You know what I mean?
You hit it with the blaster.
You leave it there so the other ones know.
There's a wolf in the house.
But I also, this is the first time I'm living with anybody that would really break my balls about it.
Sure.
You know, I was sharing a bathroom with Danny before.
I think they were dragging a demon back to hell.
You love poop talk.
You use the same three jokes every time.
You like potty.
No, I don't.
You do.
No, I don't.
It's okay.
No, I don't.
You brought it up.
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All right, let's see here.
This is from T.J. $10 homie.
Shout out to you.
I grew up in a row home in North Philly, but I have moved to the burbs.
And my garbage for drinking beer while ripping heaters on my roof.
Also, it's a rancher so I can't climb out the window.
I need to break out the ladder.
That's...
Whoa.
I got...
Listen, I have access to my roof and the burbs, and all I want to do is go out on it.
How do you have access?
What do you mean?
outside one of the
I believe they're called dormers
no not a dormer whatever I can get out
this in the attic no
okay
the bedrooms I have like two
small roofs and then the big roof
oh I got so like in the second
the second floor
I can get out one window from each room
onto like the
the garage roof essentially
yeah here's my thing with it yes it's trash
for sure
but
it's cool as shit
I got to tell you, you get up on that roof and you look out over your neighborhood, talk about a different perspective.
It's like you can see over everything.
The sun's going down.
You're ripping a heater.
You got a beer.
Maybe your dog's out there with you.
It's pretty fucking sick.
Yeah.
I always want, I'm sorry.
I always thought it would be cool to have like a lookout.
Like a crow's nest?
Yeah.
Like, you know, up in a tree or something like that.
Look out over the neighbor
Pretty cool
You gotta get up there though
That's sick
Imagine that watching a thunderstorm
Come in
Come down when it starts raining
Yeah
I think they call them that
Don't they call
It's like lightning
I don't
I the McMansions
They always have like that little like
Crows nest almost up top
Where they have like a light
Sometimes
And you can't get up there
You can just see it
And I always get so mad
That you can't like
Get up there
And get a good bandit
I don't know what you're talking
The light.
There's like, it's like in a lot of McMansions.
They'll have like a little like up on the ceiling of like a big two story living room.
They'll have like a little like post like a little like.
Oh, he had that.
He had that at his house.
You had that fucking, there was like a little spot.
Oh, like a bay window kind of up front.
No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it had a rail window.
Yeah, yeah, you can't get there.
Yeah.
Always bothers the shit.
Didn't you?
I thought you guys got up there.
Yeah, Danny would climb up there.
Yeah.
We'd pull a chair from the living room and he would climb up.
I've only been up there once or twice.
That is.
Yeah, it's too fat to get up there.
Too fat and too, too fat and too little at the same time.
Too scared.
Oh, yeah.
That's sick up there.
Get your guys up there?
Sure.
He would do it when my, you know, he would throw stuff up there.
Then he would get up there.
But our neighbors connected.
Our neighbors, you could walk out there.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
That's pretty sick.
I thought you meant outside.
Yeah, I thought you meant like...
What the fuck are you talking about?
Yeah.
The place is a lighthouse.
So this is a very...
How are you?
A very trash conversation I'm having in real life at the moment.
You want to go out on the roof?
Well, I do.
But every time I think about it, I think I'm going to fall.
I picture myself falling and I go, I'm going to fall and I'm going to go, you fucking idiot.
I knew you were going to fall.
And I feel that pain like right away.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
And I go, like, I just know I'm going to be rolling around going, you fucking idiot.
Like when Daniel Day Lewis falls in the beginning of the beginning.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
That's, I'm going to have that.
Oh, that hurts.
I've done that before on a rock up at Lake George.
We were, like, climbing a little hill.
And I, I, like, spun out.
And I fell back, and there was a rock sticking out like that.
And it caught me, like, right mid back.
Yeah.
And there was, like, two seconds where I thought, like, my back was broken.
I was fucked up.
I hate that.
Oh, man.
When I fell down those stairs, I was just like, I got to stop putting myself in those positions to get hurt like that.
I really do.
And, you know, my fat ass, my fat, dumb ass on a roof.
But you're second floor, you'd be all right.
You're not going to get hurt.
And it's only really one floor.
It sounds like I'm jumping.
I'd still fall and land on my back.
Also, I don't want to fall off a roof.
I got a shit to do.
Me at my kid looking at me.
Dog licking me and shit.
shit. It's going to take a lot of trips to Serene Blue to fix that.
A lot of hot stone massage.
So we were talking, we had to get some tree work done in the burbs.
What's that mean?
Plant trees or get trimmed up?
Trimmed up.
What's going on?
Do you mean?
Neighbors bitching?
No, we have a tree that's like well over 100 years old.
Cut it down?
No.
Call a splunda?
What?
Esplunda?
Ashblund?
Yeah.
Uh, no.
There's the first thing that little dirt bags find out when they're kids, how big that company is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, bang.
I, I, we drive by, I told them Dina, you see them trucks.
7.2 country.
Yeah, whatever.
Yeah, tell me in Dubai.
Uh-huh.
It's probably one guy in Dubai with a fucking, you know, with some shears to trim in a bonsai tree.
Um, no, so whatever.
Then that came, but she's like, Nadine was like, you know, I want to keep with it, whatever.
There's these huge.
branches that we just got there was a bad storm like a couple of weeks ago and bigger branches
were falling into the yard where we're like we got to fucking it's been on the list of things to do
we got to do any who we were talking about um having a tree for it for a little kipparino nice
in that tree what in that tree any tree there's a couple of trees you have a civilization a
civilization of possums living underneath your fucking shed groundhogs and nice guys you still in there
what uh i don't know i haven't
seen him in a minute.
You should be getting babies soon.
You should be getting some babies soon.
Okay.
Pretty cool.
Yeah, I don't know if they're still there.
I haven't seen him in a while.
So maybe he moved on to bigger and better things.
Moved up to the city.
Yeah.
He got his own place finally.
Fucking freeloader.
We got it.
Okay.
So is a tree house.
Nice.
Right?
You want a suburban kid?
You want to have a tree house?
Of course.
But then she was like, oh, look at this.
and it was like this company that will come build a tree house.
And I'm like, that's sick.
But then I was like, the cool dirtbag thing is to build your own, like make your own fort.
Like, oh, I got a piece of wood here.
I can take this.
I'm like, when parents got involved with the stuff, you know, we were, we built forts all the time.
When the fun of it is doing it with the limited resources and like making do with what it is.
Some weird elbow piece that.
Doesn't go anywhere.
Uh-huh.
I'm like, oh, I can get a piece of carpet from this or something.
Like, we were, you know, just making it work with the stuff you could find,
like carrying a piece of wood that you found somewhere to do something.
My dad built us one in the mountaintop.
It was pretty sick.
Yeah, but it was terrible.
But it was sick.
With us.
You know, I mean, we were little, but, yeah, we were up there doing all that stuff.
It was awesome.
I was like, doing it yourself is the cooler thing versus.
But then I'm like, I don't know.
But then as a kid who had the pretty, had the really shitty version of the fucking triad.
I was nine doing fucking structural work.
No one ever helped me.
No permit.
I would just do it.
But that was the fun of me and my friends would go do it with the fact that there was no parental oversight.
But they ended up sucking or whatever, or you know, you figure it out.
But I would look at the kid, you know, you'd look at once you're seeing a movie and you're like, that would be so sick to have.
Where is the imagination?
Is it in the building?
Or is it once you have something really cool, you can then fucking do really cool?
shit with that. Well, how much is this fucking company?
Probably expensive as shit with that redwood or whatever it is that they do.
Like those rich kid swing sets that have the yellow and red and blue top.
I'm sure you had one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's probably that shit.
You get some dickhead coming and doing it.
Yeah.
We'll do it ourselves.
I'll come down and help you.
Yeah, that's what I want.
It'll be fun.
Uh-huh.
All right.
Listen.
You have to, you have to understand.
I'm not letting you build anything above ground that my.
son's going to climb in.
I was going to bring some playboys, but fine, fuck you guys.
Yeah, that's cool.
Give a five-year-old.
No.
Wait till he's like 13, 14.
You think he's going to need playboys in 14 years?
I don't know.
He's going to just go, it's going to come.
Maybe he's into the old shit.
Throwback Thursday.
Play an analog, baby.
What I'm curious to, I'm curious to, I don't know.
I was just like, do I give him the give him, the, give him.
the life I had or do I give them the cool life I didn't have?
Hmm.
You know what John Adams said.
Do you know or not?
What the fuck was that?
Sit there and stare at me.
Obviously you don't.
Illiterate moron as you are.
John Adams said I study Warren.
I have another sizzling, please.
Yeah.
I have a same.
John Adams said I study Warren politics so my children can study poetry and music.
Does that make sense?
Sure.
That's what wooden teeth.
but that's a fucks that kind of
it's also dripping with
chlamydia
hey
where man they all had it back then
fucking freaks
that's where merkins came from
murkett yeah that's right
you know why they're called murkin
huh
apparently not
Merkin my dick in my dick
my dick looks small
Jimirking me crazy
now why they called a murkin
who told you this
the brooded fucking sky blue
jackshack whatever you were doing
what are the gun
in the waiting room over there.
A robot in the waiting room.
We're all just waiting for the same.
I got one of those tiny little beers.
Oh, those tiny little beers are all right.
ELBs.
I was at a compromising position years ago.
And a couple weeks ago from what I understood.
No.
Merkin, you can fact check me on this,
but it's because to cure it,
they would give you a shot of mercury
and it would make all your pubs fall out.
So they give you a fake.
They give you a fake.
to pay for your pubs so people did these broads
didn't know you were dainting goods
you'd been ahead of your time though if you were smooth
yeah but no but you were only smooth if you got
if you had to drip well I didn't shave it up
that was the treatment
shaming it up back then
there was no mock three guy
what do you have to what do you got is that true
I got two yeah so they would use
mercury based treatments for syphilis
and that would make all your hair go.
But then there's also, they would call whores or loose women back in the day, Malkins.
And so you'd use a Mirkin, kind of like, I guess.
Merkin and a Malkin.
Yeah.
Like the Capulets in the Monagia's, huh?
Nothing.
Wait a minute.
Did Mercury work?
Yeah, that was one of the...
What?
That worked?
Yeah.
For syphilis.
Damn.
A shot of Mercury.
They, the
What are you looking to me for?
I'm like, like, a pharmacist over here.
Man, would you have to put it in a vein?
That's like fucking...
No, they did like a shot of it, like a pickle bag.
Oh, really?
No, I don't know.
That would probably burn your fucking ruin your taste buds
for doing shooters.
What?
And the women would use the Merkins.
Oh, okay.
Good, because I like a nice bush.
That's crazy.
See, that's what I'm talking about.
What?
That's crazy.
let that ride
how did that not catch on back then
that to that
you're like what the fuck
see what the hell you're doing
back to the
back to the patron question
this one's from
bugman 14 dollar 50 cent north of the border
homie I thank you sir
are you garbage if you fake an injury
at work hoping to get sent home early but it doesn't work
so you have to spend the rest of this shift
faking an injury that you don't have been there
done that sucks
that's great
dude sucks
that's really good
I remember doing it with pink eye
a couple of times
you like rub your eye real bed
and then what it would like
I got pink guy
that's really good
if you're working with food
they fucking
fuck yeah but then she was like
all right daddy
I'll never forget she goes
all right well you're on cart duty then
I just fucking banish me to the parking lot
freezing my dick all bitch
yeah
they were short-handed
I would have came back with both
I got it came back with no people
I got simple.
You got a murkin on your eye.
Man.
I would have fucking got,
I'd had somebody else do it.
Do what?
Be like, hey, I'd wait like two hours.
Then I'd go to Luke and be like, hey, man,
you want to get the fuck out of here?
Rub your eye.
So it looks like we both have pink eye.
No, like I just gave it to Luke.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah.
I mean, you're not lying to me.
Of course, you'd have to feel with the questions
of why were you eating Luke's ass?
No, but isn't it highly contagious?
That was always the thing, right?
Yes.
Which is why you shouldn't put pillows between your legs, but I do.
Sometimes naked.
Yeah, but I don't think, I, a scientist once told me that you can't give yourself pink eye.
Who the fuck do you know?
That's a scientist.
He was a former comedian in Philadelphia and my roommate or your roommate at one point.
Someone's roommate.
You can, in fact, give yourself pink eye.
the more you know.
Well, I don't want to spread misinformation out there.
I can't believe I haven't given myself it every day.
Yeah.
Yeah, you are a pooping kind of guy.
Gross.
I don't think it's every time, though, is it?
It's probably like a certain bacteria in it.
Yeah.
With it, you know.
I'm surprised you don't spread it.
You like touching.
I should touch a lot of stuff.
I should be one huge pink eye.
Sure.
As much time as I spend here.
Yeah.
This is the Bugman Brigade
$50.
Talk to me.
$50 liar here.
Love it.
Never have one read.
Is it garbage to judge how fancy a restaurant is based on the type of carryout
container they give you?
If it goes styrofoam tin container with the plastic lid, then cardboard.
Okay, hold on.
So it says styrofoam?
Styrfoam being the trashiest?
Yes.
Disagree.
Trashis is the silver thing that you have to be the takeout guy and squeeze down.
Beep.
You're crazy.
I got it.
I think styrofoam is the trashiest thing, any sort of food container.
And I think that's been documented since the 90.
No, you're wrong.
And I'll tell you why.
Why am I wrong?
I don't know who it was if it was big plastic or whoever got a hold of styrofoam,
but they got locked in the crosshairs and got fucked.
Okay.
Environmentalist did it?
Whatever.
It's all bad.
Styrofoam is the fucking enemy.
Go to fucking Sonic.
Go to Chick-fil-A.
Get one of those styrofoam.
Coffone cups that's clean living when you get a soda in one of those the styrofoam to go container
With the with the three compartments is all right that's the the shitty thin silver one where you put that
Top and you have to you know squeeze it around that's trash I know that because I did a lot of takeout you don't want to take out too
I'm never doing those so much my fingers would you know exactly
You ever see a guy does it all the time fuck um I would argue that they probably
And then the classiest is the plastic with the, with the, with the, with the, with the, with the, with the clear lid.
Yeah.
He's saying cardboard.
Two.
Yeah.
I know the cardboard you're talking about.
That's very, that's fancy.
It's new.
Well, that is the fanciest.
Yeah.
I think the black with the silver or black with the clear lid.
Second.
That to me, that's the classiest thing I've ever.
That's Tupper.
Well, here's a, yeah.
He's going to say, you can't take the cardboard home.
reuse it. I had a fucking bowl
of cereal out of fucking one of those things
not that long ago. Yeah, I wouldn't claim that's
classy. I'm not saying it's classy, but it's
reusable. Yeah, but
the cardboard I think is, I think
the cardboard is better for the environment if I
had to guess. Not that this is what we're
judging it on. Thank you. But I would go, that's
probably why I call you a bitch.
Fucking green thumb over here. I think
that tinfoil duck is probably
the classiest. Yeah,
that happened twice
in 88. It's so many, you got to think you
Only when you get lobster thermidor or something like that.
Which I don't even know what that is.
Lobster.
Mercator.
You see percador?
Mercador.
I would have, I would have.
Well, what are we basing this on?
What is the criteria?
What's classiest?
Styrofoam has to be the trashiest.
I'm so, I'm with you on like, but it just is.
I mean, it probably leaks into the fucking.
the chemicals leak into the food somehow.
Get out of it.
That all toll leaking.
Stop with this.
I don't think the metal is.
That's true.
It probably retains the heat better.
You've seen that fucking...
Sometimes you put something hot in styrofoam.
It fucking bubbles up and shit.
Oh, you put wings in there?
Yeah, you're fucked.
You're eating that shit.
I mean, I'm not against it, but I'm just saying.
I don't want my thing melting.
I've definitely done that.
I've definitely eaten some styrofoam.
Dude, I remember.
I would go to wings to go up and build shire's a place I later than worked.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Oh, man, that's a tough look.
What?
How long were you a customer there before you got the job?
Oh, years.
You didn't know that.
Years, dude.
No way.
Did you know the dude that worked there?
Yeah.
You didn't know that.
You liked those wings so much.
I did.
You got a job.
I wasn't good.
I know.
I love that is my first introduction to popcorn chicken good
you guys high wait how long did you go there so good you'll answer an application
that's pretty good that's not that chicken so good you'll answer it's so good you want to work
here that's great wait how long did you go there from when to when when where did you work at a
wings to go.
What?
What?
I told you the guy
asked me if I had a jock it.
Oh,
that's right.
He was pulling all my sack.
And my Merkin's itching.
I can't readjust my murking guy.
She knows what I'm talking about.
I can marry Mercury over here.
He got me with a hot dog.
wearing basketball shorts
I was wearing N1
basketball shorts
and a wings to go shirt
already stained in sauce
man
I was all right
I was killing it
but
I
damn shirt keeps coming up
I
they would serve you
the
they would deep fry the
the chicken
the popcorn chicken
and let it dry
and dump it right on the plate
styrofoam plate
and we would eat it there
and it would bubble up
and I didn't know
can burn it.
Yeah, that shit was in you.
Yeah.
That's good.
All right.
That's what happened on my pubs.
I guess you're right.
Yeah, the cardboard's the classy is the one that kind of looks like Chinese food containers.
I don't think I've ever had that if I'm being honest with it.
I've only ever seen it at Whole Foods at the hot bar when I go there.
But that's got like a wax covering, which is also very nice.
I believe Dialogue Cafe does it out in L.A.
Where you guys get your burritos.
Ah, maybe.
Gotcha.
Fair enough.
something.
All right, let's see here.
We got a...
This one's just crazy.
This is from all the toes,
10 of our pit head.
Is it garbage to use
the Orange Home Depot buckets
as your bathroom trash can?
I'd give it to you like
if you have like a basement one
that's like it can't be a finished bathroom.
You know what I mean?
If you got one in the garage,
something more shoppy,
I totally get that.
I think if you're like...
I kind of like it.
I don't disagree.
Ironically, I like it.
It's got to handle, easy to dump.
Yeah.
I'm totally for it, but I think it's not trashy if it's in a place like that.
It's trashy if it's in your fucking bath.
Sure.
Useful?
Sure.
Am I on board?
Yes.
Yeah, I always love those things.
A clean bucket like that?
Sure.
One of my favorites is like in any shop, like just like a big 55 gallon plastic drum or whatever
that you just like everything goes in there.
Sure.
I don't know who empties in or where it goes, but you just fucking.
cans, boxes, anything.
I used to always, like, sitting on them, too.
What?
Like sitting on a big bucket like that.
Oh, yeah.
Fucking good spot.
He used to work with a guy.
He kept all those tools in a bucket.
He carried that thing around.
Yeah.
I mean, I know, but it was too much.
You put a thing in there.
No, he did.
Oh, he didn't?
And it was just, like, hand me my fucking, you know,
boxing open end, 916th, friend.
I'm like, how to, that Pete, how am I supposed to find this?
Picking.
It's all fucking.
Like, you dumping a leg.
Bigging around looking for it.
And he was brutal.
He was older too, so I had to carry.
It was like fucking 50 pounds.
Oh, man.
That's brutal.
I used to like it with the little sheet or the little like organizer around it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, that's great.
Yeah.
All the shit inside too.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, it was good.
This one's great.
This is from Trash Bandicoot.
$10 homie, never have one read.
Is it garbage to see how long you can go without touching the steering wheel when driving?
Bonus points.
If you put your turdine signal on.
when you start to drift into another lane.
That was always my dad's test to see how the alignment was on the car.
Oh, look at that.
Look at that.
It touched the wheel.
They touch it a little bit and lie.
I was just doing it.
I had a pot hole like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's big.
If you took a car off for a test driver, that's what you'd do.
I had a couple of cars.
So you look at going to.
It's like being in a helicopter.
Dude, my one loom.
You had to hold it.
Oh, you were in a constant state of chaos.
You had a fucking.
working real good.
Great question.
That's a great question.
Home runs today.
Okay.
Then this is,
we got time for one more here.
This one's from Roy E. Munson.
You's ever had a pair of headphones where they both work only if the wires are in a specific position.
For sure.
Dude, that was big with chargers.
Yeah, that was real big with chargers.
Then you've done one day you found the slit where it was.
Fuck, that's where it is.
The big, the headphones before.
Apple came out with headphones
I would always have to buy
like $12 headfoot like skull candy
or ear whatever they were you buy $12
ones at Dwayne Reed
and
they would always go at the jack
because you would have it in your pocket or whatever
and sit on it bend it dude and I'm in that cycle
right now I'm in a constant state of
I get them from the deli or I just got some from the airport
why I'm just gonna fuck them up
I'm gonna lose them or step on them
I know but get the Apple ones
The wired ones?
Yeah
Yeah dude they're like literally $18
What do you get them at Apple?
You can get them at Apple
You can get them on Amazon
I have three pairs in here
Because I lose them so much
Or break them so much
That's good
They're just better
That's all I'm saying
I mean doesn't have the Apple
They just hold up more
Okay
They don't get all twisted and shit
So much better
It's a superior product
And it ain't that much
Because they're trying to push you
To the fucking AirPods
They're like $2 50 a clip
I've been losing them
Left and fucking right
And getting your brain
Yeah, but then something came out.
That's my problem this summer.
I'd wearing my AirPods too much.
Screwed me up.
Where I defragged his brain.
Cleaned out all the cookies.
All right, we got to wrap it up, gang.
Gang, we love you to death.
Grab some merch over on are you garbage.com.
We got a sale going on with the old stuff.
Yeah, we're clearing out some shelf space.
Plus, we got all the new designs that we dropped.
And then also for Pennsylvania dirt bags,
we're going to be at Soul Joel's very limited tickets remaining if there still is any.
Get them.
Scoop them up while the Friday.
April 17th.
We're doing two shows.
We'll see you there.
May will be in Los Angeles, California
for the Netflix as a joke festival.
There's still some tickets for that show.
Make sure you get it.
It's a smaller theater.
Come out and see us.
Chicago.
Chicago.
Come see us.
We love you.
See you next week.
Peace.
