Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Bad Taxidermy w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: March 10, 2022

Kippy & Foley are back with a fun one! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage  https://www.MintMobile.com/GARBAGE https://www.ButcherBox.com/AYG https://www.BoxOfAwesome.com Promo Code: GARBAGE https://www.BlueChew.com Promo Code: GARBAGE Subscribe on iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/are-you-garbage-comedy-podcast/id1499140700 Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

California? California? California? California? The middle class famous tour is coming to the left coast. Yeah guys, April 3rd we're gonna be in San Francisco, April 4th we're gonna be in Los Angeles, April 6th we're gonna be in La Jolla, get your tickets now it's a little bit of stand up, it's a little bit of AYJ it's a whole lot of fun do it. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage. The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is Are You Garbage here. It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they're going to be classy. Yeah

or if they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm listening. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day we're down here at Anthony's basement caught her coming out of the shower a couple of minutes ago. Yeah. Not too shabby. Tight little body on that one. TLB on Tutty. Yeah. My co-host is coming at you from across the table it's a family episode we're circling the wagons once again here with the gang, the squad, the homies, the bozos. Back from the road. Back from the road. Florida, Atlanta. That was it. That was it when we came back. Two cities and two cities in Florida though. Hey we're not journey what the fuck you want from us. Okay give it up for our good pal Kevin James Ryan. Hey thank you. Literally forgot your name. Oh man the big

man's all I want today that shaved the beard I think all your funny bone went away. Man looks like you got bitter beer face all the time now. Where's the beef? Yeah it looks like it looks like your bottom fucking bottom heavier face is going. I feel like the mom from Goonies. Shut up the fucking mouth. Guys what's up thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you rate, you subscribe on iTunes, follow the video available on YouTube and as you know those numbers are Trin Roof, Tabon and obviously patreon.com the greatest website of all time. I mean what do you have to say about that? I think we just cracked three zillion hours of

content over there on Patreon. It was two trillion and then the numbers came across three zillion. Wow. Yeah sign up you get bonus episodes of AYG episodes of hard feelings which by the way is the pod. That's the real money. Steamy over there AYG after dark. Yeah hard feelings are a good time and then the live streams obviously thank you so much guys. Absolutely we love yous. Love yous. Mean it. Love yous got LA coming up. La la land. Let's sell it out. Let's sell out Los Angeles, La Jolla and San Fran what do you say you don't got a lot of time so get those tickets. I don't know about San Fran it holds about 500 but listen everybody's been climbing come out we've been posting dates for the past year come out to LA gotta come out to the west coast don't

fucking embarrass me when I go out there for the first time. Got the suits coming. We gotta come correct there's gonna be some industry there hanging out we gotta sell the tickets get your friends people in Florida and Atlanta were coming up to us yo I was gonna buy one ticket but I got I got the crew together I stumbled the trash squad came out. Everybody has a good time it's a fun time. It's a fun time. First of all shout out to everybody in Atlanta and Florida. Thank you. Fucking love that salt of the earth people out there. Good times out there. Tell you what that Florida ain't looking too bad. Dude I'm telling I can move to Florida right now. That's Steve DeSantis or whatever his name is. Starts making a lot of sense when you're down

there for a couple hours I'll tell you that right now. That sunshine is all I need. How about a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire the magic man who that makes us all look good. Got his own cam coming soon. Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin Toby McMullin. What up dude. What up a little color on you. Yeah. Hell yeah dude you look like I'm in Hollywood Tans real quick. I'm up it back there. You look like the penguin. What are you talking about. Fucking big mouth Billy Bass over there. There's a tie which I just saw at my house last night. I want to say I want to say this about that about the beard. Number one I apologize if you're eating during this broadcast. I never realized you had so many nooks and crannies on your face. Yikes. It's like a

Thomas another set of teeth below the chin. Man you got a big blue. That's a lot of jowls. Jowls like a sperm whale. I know. Like a fucking bulldog in a cartoon. It's like it's just thick neck on this one. I feel like I should be shaking down Tom the cat right now. Looks like you should have a tire in your mouth. I'm napping over here. See. You should have a tire in your mouth winging it back and forth like a pit bull. You should be in a DMX music video right now. Spike chain on being held back. Some hot chicken to bikini. I started to trim it because it was getting real. It was it was bad down here and I was fucking biting the sides and pulling them out and I really started to do that. Yeah. Oh dude it's I try not to do it and I would just find myself.

I'd be trying to talk to you. I'd be trying to talk to you about banking or something. I look over your chewing on your facial hair. This is my CFO over here. Trying to have a board meeting. He's eating himself. The worst thing you had your mask and it would you take your mask off and half of it would be going up and the other half of it going down. I apologize again for my disgusting this but I tried to trim it to get under control. I tried to trim it to get under control and you know just one thing led to another. I've been there with my pubes. Oh you should see them. I taped all that stuff down there. Little guys in there like a sniper. Yeah. You never see him coming. He's got a gillus suit on. He'll be dead before you hear this shot. Holy cow. Yeah. But

back from the road we're here for a family episode. We love you guys who can't thank you enough. I have two questions for you because I was down here in Miami. I'm here to answer these questions you've mentioned. Right. I was down here in Miami in a place I shouldn't have been in. All right. It was real nice. A gym. It's at the gym this morning. Tough guy. I'll take you out there right now. Do some sumo squats on you. I bet you I could bench press you. I know what we're doing on Patreon after that. Grab that little wiener. Get some chocolate. Get some chalk on my hands. You little brunette. A hotel we should. I shouldn't have been. I shouldn't stay that just for attractive. You shouldn't be at a motel six. I know. In Tuscaloosa.

Let alone a nice one in Miami. The Plymouth Hotel in Miami. Fucking beautiful. The pool hanging out. Nice people. Well to do people. Fucking attractive. Everybody's minding their own business relaxing. Having a good time. I wanted to ask you something about that. But first I wanted to ask you what did you have a pizza cutter in your house growing up. Oh no. Really. Yeah. We cut it all with fucking the ginsu. I always thought that was real fucking nice. That's real classy. And now it's like you're doing Elio's and pennies. Now it's like what. Because that's how they demo the knives and cut pennies in half. It took me a minute but I got there. I thought you meant I was cutting the Elio's with a penny. Too fast for you. Who wrote

that. Saul. What the fuck. Whatever. Jigsaw. That's what I was thinking. What is the name from the movie. I was thinking the Saul movies. Oh man. You two are vacation brained. I'll tell you that right now. I don't know what to do. The beard's got me all fucking. The beard's got me all twisted. I don't feel like I'm broke. Can't someone a new guy. I didn't realize how bad my skin was too. And I don't look good. I don't look. I tried to get some color in my hand. Looks like it has udders on it. Or at least it should. That thing's hanging like a pregnant belly on a dog. Like an extra in the Mandalorian. I think I see a Paul in there. I know. It's fucking me up too. I made me realize. What'd your girl say. Not happy. No. No man. Not

even a little bit. Campy. It's like I'm tinting the windows. That's a bad look dude. I realized how yellow my teeth are now. It's just the whole thing's bad. I got my collagen water with me though. Oh that'll help. Yeah. I want to get pretty for LA. Well this isn't the way. You should have covered your eyes somehow too. I want to get pretty for LA. So I exposed every nook and cranny on my face. I told you I didn't mean to do this on purpose. It just happened. I got a touchy roll stuck in my beard. I got gum stuck in there. Found my keys though. God damn silly buddy. Oh I love a good silly. You should just let it grow out until then and you'll be all right. Yeah I will. I will. Got this patchy and my fucking razor

stinks. Whatever. Doesn't matter. That's why you should use manscape. Maybe not this way. But there are good people over there. They're typically good people. So what were you saying? I was saying the question. The question. Oh the pizza cutter. Thank you. No. Now we have one. A nice one. Really. That's close. My mom does. A nice one. Like a stainless steel bit. Well I feel like back and I've mentioned this before I think or this is just my take on like then that shit was like 28 bucks or I felt like now they're like a nickel. Right. I felt like that stuff those kind of consumer products were more expensive back then because less people use them. Yeah but now it's like every kitchen has a fucking pizza cutter.

Yeah back in the 90s I was a holy foe would you steal that from fucking Aldo's or something. Yeah we never even had an ice cream scooper. It was always a fucking tablespoon. We did have one for a little while with the click. What. Yeah we got it through my everybody's tried to sell Cutco. That's rich guys. That's rich guys shit right there. Well that's like oh that's like a Sunday bar. I know a cousin or whatever would fucking be selling Cutco and I'll be like all right I'll take the pitch and you know spend a hundred bucks with them. Yeah I'll throw throw to get a bone or something. I wasn't working with Patty. Yeah. She only bought skin so soft. That's the other thing she purchased. Oh the SSS that spray. Yeah. That smell was like a fucking mosquito

magnet. It was it didn't keep it away. No it was supposed to. Who's going to be able to avoid that sweet smell. Not them sticky. We'll get a little piece of me. What I wanted to ask you was do you think it's trashy to get to the hotel real early knowing that the room's not going to you guys got there at about nine fifteen a.m. at early you got out there before the people even checked out you were hanging out in the lobby with your bag. That's what I'm saying man. Two earlys yeah. Because you check they hold the bags and then you use the amenities at the hotel but it's like people can you know I'm out in the pool like a pair of cargo pants. Got your luggage at the pool. Hey I'm going to go with the high dive. Watch my bag. Sitting in the Shays lounge with a neck pillow

fresh from the port. Yeah. Yeah it's a tough look because I got this vibe when I was like yeah should we be doing this. We should we should have went out to eat or something. You don't want to bur- say you feel like a burden and you're weird and you're not really there. I don't know just really hit me this time. I'm trashy of a movement. You feel like you got to jump like I feel like I'd have to justify myself to the other guys like I'm still waiting to check it. You know I don't you just you feel you don't feel like you belong. No you don't feel like you feel like you're visiting and I feel like they know it. Yeah they do but maybe we just think that because we're fucking I don't know where their bags do don't deserve anything. They were looking at me like I was ahead

of maintenance the whole weekend. You know what's a real confidence booster though leaving that Orlando airport in the morning seeing all those Disney folks on the way out. Oh yeah. Yeah I was feeling good about myself. Why what do you mean. Oh dude just just slobs everywhere. Yeah a lot of Disney adults hanging out Mickey ears doing shots at the airport bar at 7am. Tough look guys get it together all right. What the fuck are we doing. Your adults get a kid go. We look forward to going just the three of us in a few months. No children for content purposes. Yeah. No that's that's the top. Yeah you got to you got to try to play it but I get you were hemmed up. Yeah we're hemmed up. I did this. I was at home visiting a family yesterday down there.

Did you. Yeah. You'll shoot down there for a day. I got a guy like to have a nice sleep. I don't like drive making that drive. I don't know why that tickled my funny bones so much. You'll shoot down there for a day. Well you go down there for lunch and drive back. We did. We were down there for maybe two and a half hours and then you zip right back. Yeah we had the dog. We took the dog down. I thought the dog couldn't go anywhere. Well he's not allowed. Yeah. They say he's not allowed but he's not allowed around other dogs. So there's been no dogs in my mom's house in fucking 15 years. I'm like rusty sense still laying around. So we took them down there let them run through the yard and stuff like that. But

on the way home we've been going through paper towels like it's fucking crazy with this dog pissing and shitting everywhere. You dumping the car. Now he might have peed. Yeah. But we had him in a bag. Hand him in a bag. No we have him in like an overnight bag. A dog's in a ginardies bag in the back. Having him in like an overnight bag. He was like, because we can't walk in the city. Carry on. We don't have all these shots. Yeah. So we got to travel a little carrying bag. Whatever. I'm saying, dude, we're going through like three rolls of toilet paper. Toilet paper. I mean paper towels a day. This thing between like what I use cooking, you know,

wiping, whatever. This thing's pissing and shitting all over the place. I want to weigh out on my mom's. There was like two 36 count fucking things of paper towels. Top of the first somewhere in the garage. In the garage. Dude, it's just like a wall. I was like a throne of paper towels, bounding to good stuff. The big double roll. Yeah. Yeah. I walked with about five or six of them. Really? Yeah. And I was like, I was like, oh shit, we'll grab them for the car. Then I'm like, grab one for the car. And I'm like, maybe one for the half, maybe two for the half. And then my brother walked out. I'm like, ah, no, just checking this stuff out. Dude, I got caught stealing from my parents. As a 35 year old man, however the fuck old I am.

Caught stealing paper towels from my parents. I was a puffer. That and a pair of jumper cables. Case of water. Fucking dirt bag. It's crazy though, because it's flush down there. They got everything. They're like preppers. I know. These boomers are like preppers. I know. Fucking paper towels in the rafters down at my mom's. Everything you need. And I think it's the space because for me to buy a fucking 36 roll of fucking paper towel, I'd have to get a new apartment. There's no way to keep that. Logically, really.

You know what I mean? My mother has an endless supply of like tote bags, insulated and uninsulated and an endless supply of Tupperware and glassware. Yeah. Because every time I leave there, I got a fucking, you know, I got like five bags filled with, you'll take these and just put it in the freezer and here's some soup base and here's this and here's that. We'll bring it back. We'll bring it back. Fucking not in the throwing that shit out. I don't know where the fuck she gets it from. She probably steals it. She's got sticky fingers at one and you know it. We were talking over in the car and on the Patriot or in Florida.

Where does she steal it from? I don't know. Somewhere. Who knows? She's a crafty broad. She's combing the beaches in the summer. Fucking dumps and diving. I don't fucking know. Hiding under an umbrella. Just moves every couple of feet. She's in a bush. No, she gets them from legitimate purchases. That's another thing. Now in New York, you have to purchase a bag or bring a bag. I like it. I just want to say. You like what? I don't give a fuck about the dollar or whatever it is for the bag. I'll give you 15 bucks. The bag? To not look like a schmuck, carry my belongings out of the store. Because if you're walking with

like a fucking watermelon, a bag of couscous, a fucking thing of turkey burgers. That's the thing I don't like. You look like a fucking jerk. Do you need a bag or do you juggle? I know. Yeah. That's the thing that pisses me off. Hey, don't be a chainsaw when I say so. Fuck out of here, man. Walk out of there. Do a bag's 50 cents a dog. Walk out of there like a fucking gentleman with some dignity. I get the good ones. The ones with like the drawings that people walk into the store on.

I'll buy everybody bags. I don't care. And the other ones ain't that bad either. I don't know what the fuck they're made out of, but just the ones they're supposed to just give you. They're all right too. They're like almost cloth. I don't think they give, they're not supposed, they, I get whacked for them 45 cents. Oh, you do? Oh, my deli are on the corner. They fucking just give them to you. Oh, the delis play by their own rules. But here's the thing. Supermarket. I love that. I love buying the tote. It's so much easier to carry. I got 10,000 of them. Yeah. Right. Just throw them out, whatever.

Whatever we're supposed to be doing with them, we're not. I know. It's backfiring and you gave us better bags. Yeah. That's the only fucking thing I can say. Well, I don't think they're plastic. That's the thing. What the fuck are they? Who am I? Elon Musk? I don't fucking know. The thing that bothers me is, like you said, is the asking. Did you want a bag? What am I a fucking jerk off? Assume, listen cashiers, assume I want a bag and no receipt from here on out. Mark my fucking terrorist, mark my words. I don't need a fucking receipt ever, ever. Dude, I was just at the

fucking cash register two to yesterday. If I want a receipt, that means I think you robbed me. Yeah. And I'm scrolling that thing. By the way, I bought three things. You know what I mean? It's not like they were like, Hey, it's 18 grand. I'm like, Hey, you know. Well, some people bring their own bag. Sure. Losers, as I call them. They usually have a yoga mat sticking out of their back. I know. They typically smell. They probably haven't showered that day, too. That's what I'm saying. I don't know what he's talking about. They're hippies is what I'm saying. These are fucking wacky tree huggers. You know, I get it.

My wife likes to do don't buy a bag. Yeah, we she brings them. No, she won't even show like fucking start loading our pockets. Like I'm like, I'm a fucking clown. Pulling out a fucking rubber chicken and never ending handkerchief. This broads. I'm like, I'm not walking with a six pack of water in my pocket. Get by a fucking bag. It's great. We fight. We get in hardcore. Gargoyle pants with pork chops sticking out. Nah, dude. So we get in like, I go, just get a bag. Just get a bag. Sure. We don't need a bag. I'm like, yeah, we might not need one, but I want a fucking bag. Get me a bag. Yeah, those things are great. Bag off. Shout out to reusable bags. Brought to you. AYG is brought to you this week by reusable bags.

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Now, what do you say we get into a little question here? Yeah, let's do it. Guys, so as you know, when you sign up for the old goddamn Patreon over there, we will answer your garbage question on air. It's just the best way to do it. Patreon gets first crank, ate it. This one, this is more of a comment. This is from Stacey's dad. Anyone notice that the AYG gang's rise in popularity, popularity oddly resembles the Blues Brothers. Kippy gets a new ride. They talk about a gig where they drank more beer than money they made. They get a gang together. The burnies in the sunglasses fully has likely ordered two whole chickens and a Coke. That's a deep cut. They've likely, likely have used a song and dance

to get out of a jam, likely will end in an epic car chase through Chicago with them doing gigs in prison. Oh, that'd be awesome. Me and you. Oh, we'll be killing it. Plus the money I pick up on the side selling that ass. I know. Plus all the loose season. I'd be, oh, I'd be the Bernie King in that place. Who needs to? That's fucking great. Thank you so much. I was fun. I wanted to get that out of the guy. I'm surprised you got all that. Did you get all that? I mean, first of all, it wasn't fucking geometry. Yeah, I could put it together, you know, because I figure you would have missed the original Blues Brothers. I did miss the original, but like I picked it up over the years and chunks and whatever. Like I've never like put it on and sat down and watched it. You ever seen

it? Bozo. Orange whip, orange whip, orange whip, three orange whips. Mr. John Candy. Ray Charles seems the best when they start doing that twisted. This car's got cop shocks, cop lighter, cop engine. Mr. Dan Ackroyd. Oh yeah. Hung out with him one night. You were in the same room as him. What happened? I want to know exactly the situation. He was at the Raven lounge one time. That's the story. No. Before the R show. I had a threesome. I had a threesome with him and Steve Martin. And who was on the phone? The mighty duck man himself, Emilio Estevez. Now he stood next to me for about three seconds. Yeah. But I did ask him about a UFO. He asked you for a beer.

I did ask him about UFOs because it was around, he had just done a documentary or something where he said that he saw a UFO at his house in upstate New York or wherever it was. Yeah. What'd he say? He said, oh yeah, that sucker did like a 4G dive or something like that. Something real Dan Ackroyd. Yeah. Then he walked away from me. Yeah, it sounds like hanging out to me. That sounds like me and my buddies always say three words to each other and then walk away from each other. We haven't talked in a minute. Busy. What do you mean? Did he think you would recognize you if he saw you again? No. Not without the beard. Are you crazy?

You didn't have a beard back then. You were clean shaven in those days. You're really poking holes in my tail, huh? Sounds gonna be, huh? Do a little hard feelings here on the air from everybody? All right. This one's from Shane. First time long time ever laid down in smoke. Man, I remember watching my stepdad. My dad pulled this move every Saturday exclusively. In the 1980s after cutting the lawn. I remember my stepdad. My mom used to let him smoke in the house when she didn't smoke in the 90s. That's insane, right? It didn't smell as bad as it does now.

Maybe. I just think because everything back then, every play, every restaurant, every bar, everywhere you went smelled like smoke. So like you were desensitized to it. It was really something. Like if somebody- You crank them in the house. If somebody is- So do my dad. We rip bernies, right? We agree. We rip bernies. Somebody fucking lit up a cigarette while I was inside. I'd fucking lose it. What the fuck is that? Yeah. It's insane. But back then, dude, I remember my dad used to smoke in people's houses who didn't smoke.

I was just like, understood. He would like hang out by the door. Like he would at least go to like the deck door and be like, yeah. Now, looking back, I'm like, that's crazy. Everything must have stunk back then. Everything did. Everybody after sex, like bernies laying in bed. You ever pulled that move? You ever roll over and lit a cigarette? Smoking bed after fornication.

Chicken sandwich. No. No, never really. I used to smoke in my bed at Temple. We would smoke in the apartment. I'm sure that was real attractive. Was there a- Couple of heaters. I know you probably smoked at the Titan Street house laying in bed. Not little porker. No, I never smoked in that room. I don't think we smoked in that house, did we? I can't remember. I thought we did.

You probably did. Fucking huffing cleaning products in the basement. Hey, after lights out, all beds are off. You know what I mean? Was there a ceiling fan for you to look up at and remember the war? No. There was- Yeah, I feel like you have to go through some shit to be able to do that. Yeah, but the ceiling fan with the lay down sink is key, I feel. 100%.

I remember my stepdad was laying on the couch with my mom's on his back and he was smoking. He was trying not to ash because I guess that means he had to get up or whatever and ash the sink. Was he rocking a thick pinky? What? Was he rocking a pinky? What's a pinky? You don't know what a pinky is? No.

Toby? I assume it's like a grandma's ash? Yeah, a long ash. We love those pinkies. But it became a game of me and my brother were sitting next to him on the couch and were like, see how long you can go? And he was just laying straight back like a vampire fucking chief in this thing. And dude, he got like all the way, we were like, go, go! I was like looking back and that hit me today.

I'm like, we were fucking dirtbags. Dude. Cheering on a guy smoking a sink. That's the trashiest shit I ever heard. It's fucking dirtbag Jenga. Yes, that's ex-dude. Making a game of lung cancer. We were like, go, go, go, you can do it.

I'll do two, Paul. Put one in your butthole. Yeah. Man. Real shit, real trashy. He ever fall asleep with them in his hand? I don't, I mean, no, he wasn't into pills at that time. That's like, I mean, that's only narcotics.

No one falls asleep while smoking. You put this thing. Yeah, grandmas will do that. They'll fall asleep now. I mean, yeah. Okay. If you're 90, sure. An oxygen is getting cut off your head.

But other than that, you put the Bernie down. Pills. Like Elvis fall asleep with sunglasses on. Got burn holes in your pants and shit. So many kids would show up. That's how I would have used to hang out with. Show up with fucking burn holes all over their clothes. The yellow on the fingers as a kid.

That's real, that's real coal miner's daughter shit right there. That's like this boy's life. Do you know any fucking 12 or 13 year olds that had those burn hands? Oh man, his dad hit him for sure. Yeah, it's a tough look. All right, let's see here. This is from Clark. Do you know all the steps to the electric slide?

That's just funny. I missed, it was, I was too young, I think, when it was like really cooking. It would have been more. What the fucking 70s? No, the electric slide was the 90s, 80s, 90s. I don't think so. Not definitely not the 90s.

Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was. 90s? Yes, for sure. I was probably like seven to the point where I'm like, I gotta lay off the pills. I gotta lay off the peyote. As a seven year old fat kid, you're not like,

let me learn this communal dance and dance with everybody. You know what I mean? I hung out near the fucking buffet table at the end where the rolls were. That was like, those were like the first things where, we know like I'll like hate something just for no reason. Like the world. Yeah, that was like where that started.

Because I felt self-conscious about myself. Of course. I never learned that or limbo when it was time for limbo. I disappeared like Batman. I know. I remember doing it a couple of times. But just obviously I didn't have, I was top heavy. You know what I mean?

I would go back too quick. Teacher stop shit. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, whenever that shit, whenever that got broken out at the seventh and eighth grade dances, I would just go sit in the bathroom, but don't think I was taking a deuce. Because that's better.

You'd rather be the fat kid shitting than fucking the kid who couldn't do the limbo. Followed you to the limbo. No, I got diarrhea. Where you guys going after me. It was taco Tuesday. Yeah, I never learned any of that shit. The Macarena.

That was, I mean, that was big. I'm jealous. That was big. I'm jealous of it. What am I going to do? But I'll sit there at the table at a wedding like an asshole. You don't dance at a wedding.

Because I can't let myself go. You don't get up and dance at a wedding. Not really. I'll dance with the bride, take her for a spin. You know what I mean? You're doing that thing where you got her on each side. Put her under your legs and shit. You're doing a sock hop and stuff.

Turning to Christopher walking real quick. You're doing dirty dancing with the fucking, with the bride. It's my wedding night. All right. What was that called? One more number. What was that called? La matcha?

What was that called? Dirty dancing. No, that dance. It's a Spanish word. It's something like that. Marenga. Karma sutra. No.

No. That's a bit of Jerry's flavor. Isn't it? Karma sutra. No, that's when you take the horny goat weed. Toby, you know what I'm talking about? The seductive dance. The dirty mambo?

No, no, no, no. There was a movie made about it. Dirty dancing. Calypso. No, Calypso. What? Colombo? It's an emperor, isn't it?

Dirty dancing. No, there's a name for it. There's a Spanish name for it. For that kind of dance. Not the Marenga. Lemon meringue. Key lime pie. Where are we going?

Give me a scoop to ice cream. God damn it. People are probably screaming at the TV right now. The cha-cha. The cha-cha slide. Not the cha-cha. It came out in the 90s. The Foxtrot.

No, the cha-cha. And Charlson. The Bugle Boy. Company B. No, no, it's called like, uh, fuck. I got, I'm looking right now. What dance does Johnny teach baby? No, no, I'm not talking about in dirty dancing.

I'm not, but it is dirty. It's like, you literally said the dance from dirty dancing. Did I? Yeah. I just meant dirty. It's like dirty dancing. Sexual. Sexual, yes.

Why, I wish Catholic roots wouldn't let me say the word. That's where that came from. Dirty dancing. What? They would go out and do dirty dancing. Like fucking, you know, bumping and grinding. Yeah. That's where it came.

We'd go out and do the dirty dancing. All backed up. Yeah. Just twerking, twerking in the fifties. Machata. Not the machata. Butchata. Not La Bamba.

The La Bada. Is a lot of me. No. La Bamba? No. All right. That's enough of this. It's called something.

Some kind of, it's Spanish word for dirty dancing. It's La something. La tortuga. That's what you look like right now. Turtle. Turtle coming out of his shell. The green shirt and no beard. That one?

No. I know the Bamba. Richie Valens. Dying the same plane crash as Buddy Holly. Didn't he? Anyway, what was the question? I don't know. Do you ever go dirty dancing?

No. What was the question? I forget. I don't even know how we got there. What are you doing over there? What are you looking at? Don't you have them in a list? Porn hub.

Marengae? It's not Marengae. You already did Marengae. Listen, he wouldn't know if you said it. People, I guarantee people are screaming. It was real popular. Samba? No.

Mambo. No. Number five? Number six. Shout out to Lou Bega. That's the name of the dance. Yeah. Lou what, when Lou Bega hit?

It was like a big band guy. He had like an old hat. Yeah. He wore like a zoot suit, right? Yeah, a little zoot suit. He was German. Really? He came to find out.

Yeah, and he's not even, I think, yeah, he plays like Dominican or something, but he's, it's not even. Shaggy does that bullshit too. I don't get how he gets away with that. That was another one. When that dropped, it wasn't me dropped. That was a monster.

That was at the top, but the charts were like a deck. If you weren't singing that in traffic, I don't know who you are. That thing gets cranked. Yeah, for sure. All right, let's see here. This is from Jeremy, first time, long time. Ever wear your shoes as slippers.

I feel like where you step on the heel, I guess. I feel like that could be a you thing. There's certain pairs of sneakers. They got to be real, real beat up. Yeah, to do it. Yeah. Yeah, they got to be real. Then you wear it in public like that?

You'll go to the store with your heels hanging out? I mean, I would if I could pull it off, but I can't pull it off as far as my walking technique. I just walk out of them. I'll just step out of them. Yeah. I can barely use flip flops. I always slide out of them.

Really? I can't use slides. I come to like the wheels going off. Tighten the lug nuts on them. Yeah. I thought that was cool back in the day. What? When people would do that.

They'd break in like a pair of Stan, Stan Steeves. That's crazy. What's that guy's name? Stan Lee. No, Stan Smith. Stan Smith. Yeah.

A pair of those all broken in. That's crazy. My wife does it sometimes with hers. Sometimes she'll do it with my shoes because they're bigger so she can like. Does she flatten it? She will. What?

I would freak the fuck out. My whole life is trying to keep that plastic thing from digging into my heel. Yeah. Because I already do it bad because I never untie my shoes. I just fucking wiggle them in there. I've seen you at airport security.

Oh yeah. She does it. I should. It drives me fucking crazy. I would freak out. I would freak out. Drives me nuts. What are you doing?

There's $100 shoes in my shoes. It's an old pair of sneakers, yeah. Yeah, if I don't wear them anymore. Sure. For me to stop wearing a pair of shoes, they're on the back end. Those things are done. They smell.

There's a hole in them. Like there's no way you can just casually wear an old pair of my shoes. They're, it's a. Oh yeah. My, they're gross. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wear them to the point where I smell them

and I go, these are, I can smell them sitting here recording. I go, these got to go. That's what I did. I pulled that move in Syracuse or wherever we were at Hartford. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I walked in with them and threw them out

because they stunk. Tommy was trying to eat his quesadilla at the Maggie McFly's. Yeah. And he was getting all barfed up. Because he could smell my feet. He said, to my feet. I said, what do you keep them in your asshole?

All right. This room, Timbo Slice. Is it garbage to stand up for a t-shirt toss as an adult? I don't know, man. What? Yes, dude. What, a game?

If you're trying to get it for a kid, sure. If you're out with you and your wife and they're, they got the t-shirt can and you're going for it. If you're going over here, over here. It's a bad luck. Depends how. Listen, I would never be one of those guys

that would like die for a ball or something like that. I would never make a hard fit the meatball cannon. Right here, baby. Shoot me in the back of the head. Lay me up, dude. See if you can get it in my mouth from right field. I would never do anything like that just because you don't want to be the guy falling

or this or that. But I don't know, man. That t-shirt guy, he stands up with that fucking gun. You get fucking pumped up. You just want to grab it. If it came in my general direction, I would go for it. But then, I think it would have to be really, it would have to just be like,

you'd be, you'd have to get out of the way. It's the only way I would go for it. You can't be reaching down over somebody. No, I would never do that. Well, I was saying otherwise, it's got to come right to your fucking grill. Yeah. If it was in my zone, I'm not going to let the team down.

I'm going to fucking try to make the play. But I think the rule- Listen, we're down 15 at half, but that fact guy just got that t-shirt. If he can do it, we can do it. Can't fit in the shirt, but still, he got it. The unwritten rule as an adult male, with any of that stuff, a baseball, a fucking pair of sneakers,

anything that a fucking player gives you or gets, that's got to go right to a little kid. Oh, yeah. That's got to, unless your girl wants the t-shirt or whatever. But yeah, if you're a fucking guy and you're taking a ball home, that's, you know, that's crazy. Yeah. Yeah, you got to give it to a kid.

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We thank Blue Chew for sponsoring this podcast. Now back to the show. Yeah. This one's from Greg Sullivan. Haven't had one read yet. Is it garbage to let a company fly you out and your spouse for an interview and use it as a vacation knowingly you're not going to take the job?

Damn, that's in a fucking good position. That's a fucking chest not checkers move. Yeah, holy shit. There. Who's doing that? I don't know. I've never been in an interview where I didn't desperately need the job. I've never been including this one.

I've never been in a position where someone's like, do you want to get up? We'll pay $100 bucks free to fly out of here, ever. And what company fucking brings the bird with you too? I guess they get you like a companion. You know what I mean? Like we'll fly, you know. I guess that's like-

That's white collar shit. Yeah, they're not flying out people for pet poise. Hey, how are you with spark plugs? Bring the family for a week. Because I remember the dirt ball dream with a lot of people I worked at in corporate restaurants was, yeah, I'm trying to get that promotion. I'm trying to get them to transfer me to Hawaii.

They put you out of Hawaii. Or it was like Fort Lauderdale or something like that. There's always like the holy grail of chain restaurants. Yeah. But you can land that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I might be able to get the sous chef down there in Fort Lauderdale, maybe be a manager.

My boy pulled an all-time move. He got flown down to a conference in Miami where they paid for the hotel in the rental car. He flew his wife down. They took the company rental car, drove to Key West. He didn't step one foot in the conference, flew back. They called him into the meeting and they said, hey, buddy, great job down there at the conference.

Loving it. Take that, you fucking corporate bigwigs. I don't know what you did down there, but you sure saw me in depression on the old man. I can tell you that. That's like when Wilhelm does the project already. Wow. That's a fucking baller move right there.

That's fucking crazy. That could have went south, though. It could have went a shit up. Yeah, it doesn't matter. He's down there with his feet and his tootsies in the sand, a corona. He's got the bird with him. So what do you think about these new I-95 reports?

I got was told him at the conference. That's great. He's got sunburn on one side of his face. The one time I went on an interview and I got it, it was for like Flavie or something. It was like a. It was like a. Flavia.

Let me find out what it was. Flavia. Yeah. What are you pushing some off brand sweetener? No, it was a coffee machine. It was a coffee machine. It's like equal, but it kills you twice as fast. Flavia.

It was a coffee machine. That sounds like something Rockefeller records would be into. It's just a bottle of Flavia. Dr. Dre's new sweetener substitute. I think my aunt's getting class action lawsuits checked from that shit. From Flavia.

So, no. Have you been exposed to Flavia? Have you ever loved one? Developed in Massachusetts, Leoma, due to exposure to Flavia. You may be entitled to one lump sum. It was like a subsidiary of M&M's. It was, I found it in the paper in college.

And I. What were you going to do there? Sell. Sell. Be a chocolate tier? Sell coffee machines. Oh. Flavia was a coffee machine.

Oh, I'm thinking of Lava. And that's good stuff though. Lava. Yeah, Lava. That's all right. I don't know where that came from. Lava's the soap from the 80s. Yeah, that's that's that's that's pretty good too.

That had rocks in it. Yeah, the sands. All right. You're both such dirtbags. It's Lava. Whatever. Those machines are. Hey, George Clooney, zip it.

Yeah. Hey, why don't you take a stop over at Lake who gives a shit. Go give your buddies each a million bucks. And I was like, I was like, oh man, this is, I got the job. And I remember I wore a red tie because they were like red shows powers. It was like something that I read in business school or something.

So I wore a red tie. We're a red suit. Dress like fucking Steve Harvey. This guy walks in dressed like the devil. I'll take your Flavia. And I was the kind of job interviews I would get was you found it in the paper was like an open call and I showed up. He's like, listen, you seem like a good guy.

I'll hire him. I call. Thank you, Mr. Businessman. He's like, give me a check for 219 bucks today. You got to buy the machine to be able to sell it. I'm like, I was like, hey, jokes on you. I don't have a checkbook. But this said, what's this gentleman's name again?

Do you know? It is, but I was Greg because let me tell you something. That's got to be a good white. You got a good job. He know he players. If there's suitors after you to try to get. Yeah, he does something serious. He makes a lot of coin.

Like I said, I've never gone on an interview where I didn't fucking desperately need the job and would have done anything. They'd be like, we'll give you a half a minimum wage. I'd be like, I'm in. And nobody was flying me anywhere. No, no, no, no, no, no. That's nuts. Uh-oh.

That's like finance, sales. Yeah. Probably insurance type stuff. Plumber. I don't know. Something. Can I bring my own wrenches? That's high tech shit.

That's great. Yeah. That's I don't know. That's got to be the norm. I mean, that's a ball or move. But I would assume dudes like that are doing that all the time. I'll just just like going out there and hearing what they have to say. That's me.

Yeah. You're taking calls. You know what I mean? Like you're just peeping. You're seeing you're kicking the tires out there on jobs. Any podcast want to fly me out to the interview? You can have them. Yeah.

That's great. That's a fucking chess move. I love that. Yeah. That's fucking balder. Any time you pull the fucking wool over those fucking corporations eyes, I'm in. I mean, they say bring that. That's probably they know that.

They know. They know he's bringing the lady. Bring the lady. Stay for the weekend. They think they're whining and dining. They're whining and dining. Probably get a couple Lakers tickets, whatever they need. Mm-hmm.

It's fucking nice. Yeah. That's a fucking. Yeah. That's a KJ move right there. That's pretty sweet. I respect that. All right.

This one's from Fantina. Never have one ready. Ever forget all the bathroom towels are in the washer. End up washing your hands and having to pat them dry on the shower curtain. Never the shower curtain. Did it today. The shower curtain. Yeah.

The one on the outside. Not the plastic one. Yeah. Well, this goddamn dog's fucking got everything. Everything's dirty. It's a mess. It's in the whatever. Fucking wash my hands today.

Looking around. Fucking shower curtain was right there. Hmm. Pat them dry real nice. Pretty good. Pretty good. It's clean. Yeah.

It's all right. I'll give it to you. Yeah. I go for the washcloth. I'm not supposed to touch or the. She has this like wrap that wraps up her hair. That's almost like a sham. Wow.

I'm at you. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not supposed to touch. I know. There's a couple things that I'm not allowed to touch. Oh, yeah, of course. Dude, I'll like wipe my face on a robe or whatever.

Just fucking barbecue sauce shit. Oh, yeah. I don't give a fuck. She's like, what's this? I'm like, oh, no. That reminds me. I had a question for you guys. Where does your bath towel currently?

Is it on the towel rack? No. It's hanging over the door going into the office. Hanging over a closet door. Mm-hmm. Sideways. Not like fold it up. It's like thrown over the corner.

Yeah. To air out. Yeah. You got to get you got to give the surface area time to dry out. Otherwise, it stinks. Then you stink. Hey, where do you put yours?

You have one? Yeah. He's like, over the shirt. Like that was a possibility that you were going to say no. Over the showers. Trash. That's where mine is. I get that.

You do it over the shower. Like unfold it out over the shower? Nope. Unfold it. Like, you know, like just throw it over once. To dry it out, maybe. Really? Yeah.

It depends. We should do it. We put the bath mat up there. Let that dry out. What? Yeah. You put the bath mat up there when it gets wet, when you get done in the shower,

or while you're cleaning the floor. Maybe. Yeah. Well, I imagine the Red Cross has to put sandbags down when you get in the shower. Big man. Big man's bathing. There's one of those daisy chains

and people all just handing bags to each other through your apartment. The community really pulls together when I happen to shower. I will say that. Better pay your flood insurance here. He's taking a bath tomorrow. I thought I was going to bitch about shower curtains because I do have that problem.

It fucking gets everywhere. And the thing attacks me in the shower, too. What's the thing attacks you? The shower curtain. Because I'm so, I'm cloth, I'm ecstatic or something, but you guys. All wrapped up like you're fighting a squid. Oh, brutal.

That's like Ursula's got you. Like in 20,000 leagues under the tub. Yeah, that's tough. I got a bad situation now because I got a lot of shower pressure, a lot of water pressure coming out of that thing. But when it turns too much, it lifts up the shower curtain, if that makes sense.

You got like a breeze. A breeze goes under there because it's thick. And then it attacks you. Yeah, it's on your legs and shit. And you fucking, I got to find the perfect velocity coming out. I want a fucking, a glass one, even like a plastic one. A door. Yeah.

You're a doorman? I would love that. Yeah. Or like the way the hotels have the one that goes out a little bit. It's real nice. Yeah. Gives you a little bit of fucking wiggle room in there.

Dude, by the way. Do your business. By the way, we stayed at a Holiday Inn Express in Tampa. I, my fucking hotel, my bathroom was disgusting. It looked like to be four picture and like an infomercial where they're like, for like CLR or something. Where like they used to think there was fucking,

there was lime buildup, there was fucking calcium. It was like a cave in that fucking thing. Still lag tights in your shower. Tough, tough, tough, tough. This one's just funny. This was from low T79. We've talked about above ground pools. Have you ever had an above ground pool collapse?

That is a tough look. Growing up, we had a kid, it was my friend's neighbor and they didn't have any water in it and the trees had already grown, like grown through. So it was just like the shell. What? His name was Mark. He was really into wrestling.

A little too old, by the way, to be into wrestling. High school wrestling? No. Oh, WWE. I'm from the top ropes wrestling. Wait a minute. Let me picture this. A lot of girls lurking around there.

So you have an above ground pool with no water in it. Trees grew out in it. I think they probably didn't open it for a season or two due to financial hardship. And then roots or something and then you lose it for a year. You look in a pool and you see fucking grass and shit growing. It's bad. No, I'm talking like.

Proper trees? Proper, like, yeah, like a tree, bushes and shit. They do it now. People that buy the semi, you're supposed to dispose of it. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? The ones that have the PVC piping. Sure.

There's always some fat lady cutting those open. Oh, and she gets taken out. She gets taken out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The kids come flying out in their little floaties. Those are not seasonal, but I think two tree seasons. You get two blow-ups on them and then that's a wrap. Those I've seen, but I think somebody in our neighborhood

when I was younger in the first neighborhood we lived in, theirs collapsed. That was like the big news and then the pool collapsed. Like everybody was worried about like flooding in their basement and shit like that. Yeah, flooded in the basement. Tough luck. You got some pump down there?

We do. But I mean, we get God every like maybe five or six years. It'll flood. Yeah. That's a real good smell. You ever seen a kid fall through a trampoline? That's a good time. I've fallen off a couple of times.

Dude, the construction on those things in the 80s was fucking downright child abuse. Dude, again, we were never able to just do anything the way everybody was doing it. We always knew a guy or had a thing or something. And my stepdad, everybody's getting trampolines. Early 90s, mid 90s, that's when they're booming. We didn't have a-

You had three mattresses on top of each other? We had six old-timey firefighters all the way. Yar, Kevin wants to bounce. We didn't have the circle trampoline. We had a square trampoline. It was like a gymnast trampoline where my stepdad's like, I know a guy who's got one. And then that thing showed up.

It was huge and green. And the spring- Remember the springs on like the circle ones were like this long and there was like 500 of them around the thing? So you couldn't fall through it? Yeah, we just had like- Ours were like this long and there was like six on each side. And dude, I mean-

That's for like earth-moving equipment. Dude, it was like- Yeah, they looked like they were like shocks. Dude, I mean, kids were getting fucked up on this thing. Hardcore. Called a de-eliminator. Oh, man. Fucking cracking heads open.

And then they'd be like, all right, take it easy next. I'm gonna surprise my mom didn't shut it down. Fucking like taffer and shut it down. Dude, those things were deadly. Man, we- Dope pads, no nothing. And then like- Remember like they would have like the blue ring of the pad

or we didn't have anything. Fucking kids where you'd fall through- Because your legs could go through the springs. You'd get fucking gooched real quick. Those springs fucking seal up on your little eight-year-old nutsack. Dude, you pinched the inside skin in your fucking thigh. Yeah. It was always fun to go under them too.

Oh, yeah. Or in the rain? The rain was a good time. Yeah. I remember my neighbor fell really hard on the monkey bars. Like in the middle. And I don't know how old she could have been. Maybe 11 or 12.

And it like caused her to have her period. What? Yeah. Her mom like told us that. Poor! I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding, obviously.

Never talked to her again after that. No, but I remember that. Dude, that shit like I'm talking- That shit happened. Yeah, like the trauma. I'm talking one of those half-sphere monkey bars. Those thing. They were deadly.

Those things were nuts. Caught up in one of those. Uh-huh. Fucking nightmare. I remember we had this big stainless steel slide at my elementary school. About 400 degrees in the summer. Man, would be cooking.

And they'd make you go down and kids would be crying and fucking- Oh my god. So short order cook, make it eggs. Yeah. How do you want them? Over easy? Come down to your sliding to an omelet. Man, torching your legs.

I can feel it now. Puckers up your butthole. They've really come a long way with all that stuff. Because the playground now, there's like chopped up foams. So you can't fall. Tires and stuff. Yeah, it's fucking really, really nice. That was another thing.

We had tires. Did you have tires on your playground? What do you mean? Just tires? Like huge semi-truck tires that would be like four feet tall. And they would bury like half of them. So you could like kind of, you would go in inside. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%.

Or like jump from one to the other. Yeah, but there was also like chopped up. Like wood chips. They started doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty trashy having one of those. The big construction tire. That and having the little bulldozer that could move around and-

That was at a time though. What are you talking about? I was moving some earth back in the day. Me too. Me too, your CDL to get in that thing. That was the foreman. Hey, listen, I need this over there by the end of lunch break. Go.

Go. One kid playing two guys stealing around holding clipboards. He got vest on. What are you doing? Not paying you to stay in there, Jerkel. That's pretty funny. God damn union shop. All right, let's see.

This is from Trevor. Again, we've talked about satellite dishes. Do you or anyone in your family have a satellite dish on their house that's not being used? I don't think we've ever talked about that. My dad's never trusted that. Any, what is it? Direct TV?

No, get out of here. There were a couple of psychos in the 80s that actually had like the huge- The big one in the backyard. Yeah. And I always thought they were aliens because I never trusted those fucking. Who were you talking to?

It was always a weird house. How many channels do you need? They never had kids. They were like in their 40s. They didn't have kids. They had like a couple dogs. They would pour like a concrete pad in the back and then put like a mega fucking six-foot diameter-

There's one in my neighborhood right now. It's crazy in the fucking backyard. I don't know, some fucking astronaut or something. I don't fucking know. It's exactly what I'm talking about. Some dude, some like family with no kids. Nine, I don't know. What were they for?

Toby, do you have any idea what they were for? Channels? I think that was just the technology at the time. But what were you getting? Yeah. Like the 90s, what were you getting on it? HBO. There's no way you need a structural thing

built in your backyard to get HBO. I had HBO. Now listen, this isn't TV. This is HBO. So we're going to have to put an addition on the hat. I don't think HBO- You're going to have to take a second mortgage to fund this. HBO wasn't broadcasting over satellite.

It was a cable. You wouldn't be able to pick it up. I got to be honest. I don't know the difference. We were not an HBO family either. So my dad was- You were a cable family? Yeah.

That was being run through cable. Not a fucking asshole. That wasn't satellite. HBO didn't have a satellite in the fucking 90s. I don't know. I don't know anything. I'm not even sure what satellites do. It's a real suspect.

What they do is they cut out when it's rainy. I don't fucking ruin a Saturday afternoon. You look like a direct TV household. We had it at one point. Yeah. Figures. Yeah, dude. It would get cloudy out and the shit would cut out.

It was infuriating. I never got- That's true. What is the benefit to it? I do remember they'd be like, we have seven million channels or whatever. It's in places where the cable's not laid. That's what I think initially it was for.

Laying the cable was a pain in the ass. Just fucking throw a satellite up there. Remember when they changed everything over to fiber optics and they tore up everybody's yards and stuff to lay that cable? Oh, yeah. I remember all my dirtbag friends were trying to get jobs and get job laying in fiber optics.

I'll be set. Me and my brother did that. Rewire and half borrow horse from high school for a summer. We only lasted a couple of weeks because we weren't union and we didn't know what we were doing. We were in the cafeteria. No, they put me and him up in the fucking drop ceilings because we were small enough and light enough

and we'd crawl around in there and fucking pull the thing. I remember that summer coughing up fucking fiberglass like weeks after fucking we did the job. Switching new ports, huh? Bought my first car with that money. I remember one time when we found out what a spec is when you're working construction on my dad. I'm like, I think that's a spec is,

yeah, you're good. I'm like, that's when you're at the height of the fucking class action wall suits. Oh, yeah. And I remember being like, I don't know about this. Me while I'm sitting there smoking and fucking cranking burnies. Asbestos cigarette.

All right, this is from Zach. Where I live, it isn't uncommon to have two to three different type of dead animals decorating the living room walls. Is that garbage have any sort of taxidermy in the living room? I grew up around some hunters. Hunters? I think the living room might be a bit of a tough look. A den, a basement, a garage, something.

I get that a living room. I feel like a living, if not everybody's a hunter. Say you're a hunting family. Mom hunts, dad hunts, little kids. Mom hunts? Mom hunts. I get that, but like, I don't know. That seems like tough to have like a fucking.

The problem is the taxidermy usually isn't the most artistic. It's not that great. No. Like the bear's head looks a little weird. You know what I mean? The one deer's eyeball is going one way. Sure, sure. Fucking moose-worn sunglasses.

It's no good. And it's really off-putting when it's in your face. Like it doesn't look like in the movies. Like it looks like the bear's head's like small. You're like, oh, it's like a dog. Yeah. No good. I've seen them done nice.

They can be done nice. My step that time was really big into it. The bears, the fucking whatever. They had like a bear rug and like all this shit. His dad was really into the birds, like quails and stuff. No. Sitting on a fake branch. Yeah, all that stuff.

And he redid the hole. I just saw it scared the shit out of me over the summer. I don't know. I never told you that. Scared the fucking bejesus out of me. I went into his house for the first time, dude. And it was like that scene in Ace Ventura when all the animals are fucking looking at you.

He had hundreds of birds on the wall. It petrified me. It was an old house, too, from like the early 1900s. You could feel like a cold come through the living room. I was like, yo, start the car. We're fucking out of here, dude. Dead birds in a draft. I'm out.

Yeah. You can feel the ghost creeping in on you. The fucking evil spirits will get you. Yeah. No, man. It's not good to have that many dead things in the house. Yikes. All right.

This is from Spencer. You ever stick your feet out the window of a car or been in a car with someone doing it? I feel the ladies do that a lot. Guys can't really get away with. Big move. Your lady does it? No, no.

My lady doesn't do it. But that's a big move with the ladies. Yeah. Yeah. My wife puts them on the dashboard. I'm like, yo, it's so fucking nice. What are we doing? Meanwhile, if I rear end somebody,

your fucking knees are halfway out your asshole. Yeah, it's no good. Yeah. No, no good. Driving with your knee, anything dumb like that. I'll do it. I mean, I'll do a knee. You'll do a knee?

Not like I'm not celebrating. I feel like that was a hot chick move. If I kind of smoke a bowl, you know what I mean? Trying to rip the song, as T-bone would say. You got to have a foot. You know what I mean? I thought that was coverage. I always thought that was a hot chick move.

What? Drive with your knee. Those are all sexy in high school. Wait till you see me do it. I'll really get you chubbed up. You're a varicose vein thigh. You mean big milky white thighs? We were talking about that.

Why aren't we talking about varicose veins this weekend? That's probably you and your doctor. I don't know, but I got them. I get a bruise on my shin. It's there for a lifetime. You're like a bad peach. I got Mac and all peach, this one over here. My shins are like half off bananas.

Let's do a couple more here. This is from David. Never had a question. Is it garbage to purposely blow a red light? We're talking 2, 3 a.m. Thoughts on that? Because you're a very cautious driver. I am.

I would never blow a red light straight. I'll make it right on red when I'm at night looking for parking. How about going straight? Will you stop, poke around, 2, 3 in the morning, knowing around? You're kind of in like a parking lot, not really. When will you blow a red light? If I get scared.

He buys you a drink. He's got coke on him. If I get sometimes at a red light like that, where there's no one around in the middle of the night, like down in the burbs, when you're out there, no street lights and shit, I get scared. You think the boogeyman's. I think the boogeyman.

Yeah, I'm just. Dude, what is it about the suburbs where, you know the boogeyman can't live in the city. The man in the woods. You get out to the burbs. They're everywhere. Apparition comes out of the woods. It's right next to your window.

Yeah. One of those rabbits with antlers. That was a thing in the 90s, wasn't it? Jackals or something? Wasn't that on America's Funniest Videos? Am I crazy? I feel like the America's Funniest Videos was a rabbit with antlers.

Ooh, that's not funny at all. I don't like that. Yeah, rabbit with antlers. I would lose it. Sounds real true detective stuff. This guy, the Jackalope. What's it doing? Is it a real thing?

It's a Frankenstein rabbit. Is this stuff named? I don't know if it's real or not. It's a mythical animal of North American folklore or my dreams. Yeah, Jackrabbit with antelope horns. This is behind Wawas. Only comes out for fourth meal. The Jackalrabbit.

Yeah, the Jackalope. I'll do it then. However, most of those intersections in small tams, you can, if you pull up and then pull back a little bit, you can trick the sensor. I look, I pull up and look at the sensor. Always. I always do.

Little back tripping. I'm out of there. Yeah. We just did it at leaving the hotel, 430 Tampa. Remember? It was T-Bone. I'm like, can I make a right on this red here? T-Bone goes, four o'clock in the morning in Tampa again.

Fucking laid wheels out of there, daddio. I had to return a car and a flight to catch. That might be the coolest thing you ever said. I like your style, you know, man. He set it off into me a beer, too. Turning to Sam Elliott real quick. He lit my sig... He lit a sig and then handed it to me.

That's a power move, too. When someone's like, let me get a sig and you hand them that one. Do you ever like light a sig? I'd do it with my girl. Really? When she... You wouldn't take, would you take that from Toby? No, we were living in a bit.

Oh, okay. Thought it really happened. No. No smoking in a rental car? 430 in Tampa. It sounds like anything goes. Very true. But that was a move, too.

Yeah. When you're like, I'd be like, letting it stay with my wife. You'd be like, oh, can I have one? Back when we were dating. You know, just give her that one. Boom. Sexy. Yeah.

It's a real fucking James Dean or Jimmy Dean. Steve Martin had the best one of those. I can't remember what movie it was in. He had an unfiltered cigarette. He lights the one end. He was last sig. Lights the front end, flips it around, lights the other end,

and then breaks it in half and hands it to her. Fire. Steve Martin did this? Yeah. Maybe three amigos? Or Roxanne? Could have been Roxanne. I think it was something where it's plaid.

Oh, dead men don't wear plaid. All right, let's do this and we got to get out of here. This is from Scott. Is a garbage take a spray of Cologne from the men's bathroom attendant? Yeah. Yeah, that's tough. What are the chances that they got the same stuff

you're wearing, too? I assume like, if you're wearing, you can't be in the middle of a date, right, or out to dinner. Yeah, go in. Go in smelling, you know, all that chorale. Go in smelling like eternity. Come out smelling like jacar.

Yeah, that's weird. What are you doing in there? I know. Listen, I know that somebody's job. Maybe a Lucy every now and then at the night clubs or whatever. A Lucy. They'll have six. They'll have new ports.

Oh, really? A pack of new ports and a pack of marble lights. So if you're like, you know. Poop six? Yeah, you know. No, it's not for using in there. It's for going on and having a Bernie. But they've been there real pooped up.

Yeah, but after you do a ripper in the store. Pooping at night clubs like that. I mean, I understand. I get what you're saying. Listen. Am I in that night club? Then there's poop with those six. I've been in a position where you've been hemmed up

and can use a little nightcap if no one's got Bernie. You go, oh, shit. Johnny downstairs got Bernie. I thought you've been taking a dump in a club. I've done that for sure. At Davios? Well, it was like Red Sky or something. It was Brown Sky after I got done with it.

You shouldn't be using those guys. I mean, after COVID, some guys have been smelling poop. They're probably, yeah. I mean, you feel bad at somebody's job. But no, they're taking anything from those guys. Maybe a piece of gum. He's got a winter green lifesaver. I'm not going to throw it out of there.

Individually wrapped lifesaver. I mean, it's not like you're grabbing a bowl of M&Ms or something. Like these are fucking. Copping some Dumpelman girl. These are hypoallergenic seal. He's going to the bathroom. There's Chex Mix in there. Making a meatball sandwich.

Where did Cheezer? Oh, man. Bathroom attended Chex Mix. That's a tough look. All right. Listen, bozos. Let's wrap it up. We're getting the fuck out of here.

But remember what I said. Los Angeles, California, La Jolla, California, and San Francisco, California. Let's move some fucking Kikis, baby. And then that same month, what? Detroit, Buffalo, and Pittsburgh? Yeah. Some of them.

And those are already cooked. Just get your tickets. Come out to live shows. They're a great time. Some stand-ups, some AYG. It's a whole lot of fun. A lot of fun. Don't get too drunk.

See you next week. Peace.