Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Betting the Ponies w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: February 1, 2024

Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Through the Roof Tour: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Promo Code: Garbage Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Liquid IV: https://www.liquid-iv.com Promo Code: Garbage Pretty Litter: https://www.prettylitter.com/garbage Blue Chew: https://bluechew.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Big announcement gang, the Through the Roof tour is on sale right now. Grab the squad and come out and see the boys. Stand up comedy show, you got me, Kippy Theebone, Tommy C. Then we play a little AYG with the crowd. It's a good, good time. Yes, our biggest tour to date. We're super excited. We hope to see everybody again.

We're going to Charlotte, Nashville, Tampa, Atlanta, Providence, New Haven, Boston, New York, Rochester, Syracuse, Albany, Baltimore, Portland, I ain't done yet! Seattle, Vancouver, New Orleans, Houston, Dallas, Red Bank, New Jersey, all tickets are available at rugarbage.com, Get On Gang, we want to see you out there. More cities coming soon. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash.

Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Oh yeah! It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they're good to be classy. Yeah.

Or just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash, trash. I'm your host H-Rollie, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. She's out clubbing. Oh boy. Yeah, hitting the rave early in the morning. Shaking that tail feather.

My co-host is coming at you from across the tables when we call family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies. He's the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman who enjoys international delights coffee creamer. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan. What up gang? Thanks.

Not a sponsor. Not this week yet. Thanks for tuning in gang. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, as you know those numbers are. Truderif! Cookin'!

And obviously the greatest website of all time, you pull out your little computer, your phone, you go over there, you download the app, www.patreon.com, slash RU Garbage Gang, over 13,000 Strongs over there. The army of garbage is strong, baby. Check it the frick out gang. And how about a nice quick shout out to our producer?

Extraordinary old magic man makes us all look good works the ones that twos the threes and the fours crosses the T's And he that's the eyes give it up for T bone McStuffins. Don't make mulling everybody. What up boys? What up T barns? What's up kiddo? Now that I'm stoked to be hanging with you guys fighting off the winter blues Sure That's a fight. I'm every day. Oh, buddy. The numbers on call of duty have never been higher. It's all caught up to me. The dry skin, the congestion, the humidity in the apartment, everything.

Yeah. Brutal. It's tough out there. Dude, it comes on quick. But you know what? I do have a little bit of good news. What's that? The 2024 AYG Tour is announced, baby.

Woo, true to roof, baby. But through the roof tour, baby. T-Bone, what's the name of the tour? True to roof. Oh, baby. God damn, we're coming. This is our biggest tour yet. Excited.

We're coming to a lot of cities, and this is just the first leg. I'll give you a quick rundown here. Hit them. We got Charlotte, North Carolina, Nashville, Tennessee, Tampa, Florida, Atlanta, Georgia, Providence, Rhode Island, New Haven, Connecticut, Boston, Massachusetts, That's a Wilbur!

New York City, New York, and Town Hall. That one's already been on sale. Those things are moving. We got Rochester, New York, Syracuse, New York, Albany, New York, Baltimore, Maryland, Portland, Oregon, Seattle, Washington, Vancouver, New, going to Canada, New Orleans, Houston, Dallas, and Red Bank, New Jersey. Get those tickets at rugarbage.com. They ain't going to be around long, baby. Scoop them up gang. They're going to go quick. Excited for that town hall to Wilbur. Baby, we're doing some pretty big venues. It's fucking awesome.

Shout out to the Army at Garbage for making it all possible, baby. We love you. We can't wait to see you out there again. I can't wait to go to New Orleans, dude. Getting a parade, man? I just end up in one. You got like the kid, the staff going, hey, though. I'm flashing my heaters.

I'm stomping the yard. We're doing it all, baby. Bunch of beads. Letting the girls out? Speaking of fighting off the winter blues, I have been procrastinating a lot, a lot but I kicked it in the high gear I found the energy cleaned out the closet. Oh I did that not too long ago as well which I have multiple generations of fat and skinny clothes in there that I have

emotional attachments to that I just threw it all out. I kept a few things. Good. Kept a tie from my dad, a leather jacket. I kept a suit that kind of fits just in case. Mm-hmm. Is this the blue suit? That's the blue? No, not that thing.

That's got to fit. No, I lost the pants. The blue checkered suit. They disintegrated under high stress. Then I wore in the Gilean Keeve sketch and the Gold Brothers. The one you got for Casey and Robbie's wedding. Yeah, I lost them I lost them pants. Okay. Yeah, no that's fit. Do you lose those? Crazy night. That's a lot of fabric floating around somewhere

That'll jam his sewer up somebody's sailing the high seas with that thing Archie Marchie. Okay got rid of that I just have one What's his name? Mark Jacobs Kenneth Cole Michael Kors. Yeah, they're all people. I don't know what you want for me I got one. I got a suit there in my closet the jacket fits pretty nice We just need to get altered a little bit, but now that suit don't fit no more really no You're big you're pretty big one night when you got that. Oh, yeah big boy. Oh, that's that doesn't fit anymore It's too big too big

Oh yeah, big boy. Oh, that doesn't fit anymore. It's too big. It's too big. So I got rid of the jacket. Well, that's the first time in five years that clothes were too big for you. That's great. I have a bunch of them, but really what it was

is that all my 5X stuff, everything has a stain on it. And I'm just done with the stain. A stain? Multiple. And I'm just done with the stain. So I just got rid of it. I'm going to go to DX it. I'm going to go to DXL. I'm going to get a couple of teas. I'm going to rock the, uh, the polo hoodie that

you got me for a little while. I'm still things, till things, uh, you know, straighten up and then redo the wardrobe in the, in the spring and the summer, maybe get a stylist. I don't know. Love that. See what'll happen for you, big man. Yeah. It's great. Toad start doing a little H&M or something. Oh, I barely get an H&M.

What, a Hammond Macaroni? Ooh, sounds delicious. That's close gone pre-stained. However, I was going through stuff and the only thing that I was really, really hard pressed to throw out is this pair of pants that I've had for, I think, 15 years. Okay. Do I know this pair of pants? Buddy, I have worn these to everything. We got a...

Are they... T-Bone's got to pick them up. Are they somewhat significant that I would know or they're just like a regular pair of jeans? They're olive green dress pants that have a... What? That have, um, uh, what's it called? Expanders. Elastic in the thing. OK.

They're not elastic, but they. They're not not elastic. They're not not elastic. OK. They're elastic under cover. They don't look like elastic. They don't look like sweatpants. They look like regular dress pants.

And these things, they had some type of magical powers. Are these the joggers? No, they're not the joggers. I don't think I know what you're talking about. Dude, I wore them to every wedding, every funeral. It was the one thing that I had that I could throw on. They made me look skinnier. I was able to wear them under the belly, over the belly.

I swear to God, they shrunk and expanded the way that the- With the weather? The way that the glove in Infinity Wars did. It's like the sisterhood of the traveling fat ass. It was crazy. They always fucking came through for me. It had a huge meatball stain, had an oil stain on it that would just disappear and come back.

I had a car. Dude, it was like the storm on Saturn. It would just come and go. Man, they do. And I was looking at them and I'm like, man, these things have been with me like every everything Every single thing that I ever had to go to they were there for you. I wore them. Wow. Yeah, pull them up I don't think I remember. I don't think I know not that yet

That's my blue jacket though. There you go the title of the email was jack at first Jacket first! Folly's own production. It's bad news. Let's go back to that jacket though. Real quick. Alright, you want the jacket? Alright. Not too shabby there. I remember that jacket. Man, you're sucking in the... No. Your shoulders are...

That's not how you... I've been working out! That's not saying you look great, but that's not how you stand. My glutes. Nobody just casually tries on clothes somebody rolls up on you Your hands you got a fist clenched Talk about not relax you for sure messed your hair up a little bit paparazzi was in my bedroom How many of those were taken before that one? That's one and done baby. I'm a one-take kid. What are you talking about?

That's getting director. I'm a one take kid. What are you talking about? Ask any director I ever worked with. I'm in and out. You'll have to find them at their day job. Ask about the specials. Get a signature cocktail. Any director I've ever worked with. That jacket right there I purchased at Kmart. I remember yep And I rocked that for a while that thing that came out of that of Astor place Yes, it was a place thing and that place was out of business, but still open at the same time You do a came on a man hat and you'd go in there I was I was keeping the lights on that that place was rough man I remember going there after work like once a a week, just trying to find something to wear

to like an open mic or like some guest spot we had or going to hang out. But that jacket, that jacket fits again. It's crazy. That's awesome. Yeah. That's great. It looks good.

Theoretically it fits. I would put an undershirt on if I were you. It's the look. It's just between you and me. Man, look at that belly button. Holy moly. Ah ha, Jimmachi. But yeah, okay. That guy's got the winter blues belly button. Holy moley. I had too much. Yeah, okay

So I got the winter blues to that thing Your belly button looks like the Millennium Falcons about to fly out of it and chased by a giant worm Crazy to fly on asteroids that looks good though. You look great. It looks all right in your figure back, man So the pants go to the pants. I don't know how like they look big somehow that picture just got bigger Yeah, those pants man at those pants. I could wear them with anything And they would look good because I used to be a fatter piece of shit. Hey, dude It's the first product made to make you fatter. Just like these pants. You don't remember them? I don't remember. Well, I wasn't a lot of funerals

and weddings with you. Any job interview. Dude, I literally, they were my go to. Is that a pair of Oak Hills that I'm reading right? Yes, they are. What do you see that? You see the label? I know. I know it's said an Oak Hill trousers when I shout out the Oak Hill. Man. Talk about a hill I'll die on. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha an oversized white button down on those things and tuck it in with a cheap tie and a winter coat. Man. I was never big. I never had a lot of. Cheedy bank never stood a chance.

Give the kid an account. All those shitty job interviews we would go on to try to get jobs to keep you staying in New York to pay your bills so you could do comedy. I was always a pair of khakis. I had a pair of shoes. They were more like like low top chucks, but they were all black so I could get, remember them? I could get by with those as dress shoes. Paired well with a trumped up resume. Yes, slide on resume. You were in

chucks? No, they were all, I think. Who are you on the Hoosiers basketball team? I did. I did look like- Crittlein real low. No, I looked like a high school best. Hey, Shorch I think you on the Hoosiers basketball team. I did. I did look like a real low. No, I look like I look like I look like a high school short ski going to make the game. I look like a high school basketball coach from the 40s. Yeah, I would wear passionate about the midrange jumper. The banks open, boys. It's there for a reason.

Use the glass today. We'll be working on the skyhook. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Of course. Those are my tried and true rider. Those things have had my back for the last 15 years. Are they too big now? Are you back into those?

Where did those fall? I didn't even try them on. It was just, I didn't, I just, I'm done. Listen, it took me a few minutes with that one, with them, where I was like, man, thank you. Thank you for getting me here. Gotta see with them outside. Let's go catch a heater, reminisce.

About all the lies we told. Then I had the vet put him to sleep. Man, yeah, right down the trash you. There's some homeless guy walking around on a big set of Oak Hills right now. Living large. Oh, maybe he'll get a job. He'll get a job, yeah.

I can turn it all around with a set of Oak Hills. I feel bad because I didn't do that. I didn't fold everything and take him to whatever. Listen, I- Who wants my stained shirts though? Five X? Yeah, no, there's a lot of that stuff now that like, there's like a big thing in like the,

not fashion world, like clothing world, where like they now, they used to make it for the season. Now it's like, they've made, there's a lot of clothes that just get thrown away and or donated. Oh, okay. Like very quickly.

I donate a bunch of stuff, but it's also like who wants a four year old H&M t-shirt? It's like that. That thing's got like two days left on it. You know what I mean? Yeah. If anything, you should be apologizing for not recycling it with batteries and stuff. What the fuck happened to hazmatine? That should be in a goddamn museum. Man, I'd like to run a blacklight on it on those bad boys. Oh, good boy.

See that from space. Woo! It's a thousand generations of Foley's in those. Oh my, glowing like the Aurora Borealis, those things. A lot of peace. Is that a pair of Northern Lights I see? A lot of peace stains. Those elastic, she used to give me a burn right here.

Start a forest fire with those things. Yikes. That's great though, yes. I salute you, my friend. Thank you for everything. That's very good. Every. Yeah, I salute you my friend. Thank you for everything. That's very good a lot every dirtbag Myself included and probably most of the listeners Have I still have those clothes. They're just a little

Nicer and not as worn now like I still like I don't have nice clothes I have a suit or two I can wear to a wedding usually fitted and out of it But like I have a pair I get them all the time I just re-upped I get a pair of fucking khakis from the gap You know 3999 make sure they fit I buy them a little big cuz I've been fluctuating You know what I mean? I just I have like one or two button-ups or like a black V-neck sweater that I can wear to an event a funeral or something and I don't look like an asshole I still operate like that. Yeah, sweater that I can wear to an event, a funeral, something, and I don't look like an asshole. I still operate like that. I got two things I can wear.

I'm going, I don't know what it's called. They're like court clothes. Yeah, exactly. Those are my court clothes right there. Yeah, of course. I still roll with a court outfit. But I wanna go from here on out. I don't wanna go back to that.

Like I remember what I wore to my dad's funeral and I looked like I was like an usher at church Sure, it's just that whatever that style of you know 90s dad pants dress pants are I don't want to do it I like to I like to the tapered leg style jean style a little style yeah, yeah, but man look at you. That's great, man Yeah, it's a new foley a new day day. 2024, new you, who it is. It's been about a half an hour looking for a bag of yick yack in that pocket.

I shit you. You got them upside. See. See what we got. I wore these two or bachelor party ones. I did, man. Maybe get some nummies out. I remember wearing those in dress shoes with no sock.

Like, it would literally, I'd be able to taper them to the season. Oh no I know I am very aware of those on with the pair I do I wore those to a wedding in Hawaii I wore them to a funeral in upstate New York job interviews dude you name it right from the office to happy hour baby sure as they said and Yeah, that's great. Love them. Yeah, but let's talk about liquid IV. Liquid IV-izzle baby.

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Get yourself some liquid IV. If you got that, whether it's the Columbian flu or you feel just sicky. A little hair to dog. Dude, do yourself a favor, man. When I had a fever last year, I always say it, that powered me through. Yeah. Love it.

My go-to hangoverover cure as I get home I used to had to get water liquid IV at night wake up Let it let it do to fighting for you while you're snoozing while you're off in dreamland You're getting hydrated has no artificial sweeteners So you only get that you don't get that gross aftertaste It's just one little you mixed a little package into a 16 ounce of water shake it up Bada Bing Bada boom you're out the door Weekends are for going wild have a game plan for Monday with liquid IV grab your liquid IV hydration multiplier sugar-free and bulk nationwide There you go at Costco or get 20% off your first order when you go to liquid IV comm and use the code garbage at checkout

That's 20% off your first order when you shop superior hydration today using promo code garbage at liquidiv.com do it. Do it. Kip, this is pretty litter. Pretty litter. Now I'm not just a spokesman, I'm also a client. A player president. Big pretty litter family over there at the house. I know.

They just shipped a bunch more here right now. Woo wee! I've been buying it like an idiot. Uh huh. Like these rubes out there. Get the free stuff straight from the plug. You know what I mean? I'm telling you right now man My girl is real careful about what she uses with the cat and she loves pretty litter

Because no odor no odor no odor you couldn't even tell right in front of you. She could be dropping a deuce right there Smells like roses. Ew, your girl. How dare you. But I'll tell you this, you know the best part about it? What's that? If there's something going on with the cat, it changes color. Sure, it shows the crystals change color to indicate early signs of potential illness in the cat.

Yeah, and that's given us a heads up and we took the cat to the vet and she's like, yeah, she has a little urinary thing going on. Switched her food, switched her water. Take care of it. Yeah, UTIs kidney issues and more. You can count on pretty litter to keep your house smelling fresh and clean. And so can you, baby.

Go to prettylitter.com slash garbage to save 20% on your first order. That's prettylitter.com slash garbage to save 20% on your first order. Prettylitter.com slash garbage. Terms and conditions your first order. Prettylitter.com slash garbage terms and conditions apply. See you to site for details. Do it. I had something I want to talk about.

I went to a very fancy dinner last week. Is that right? Oh, I know the spot. You went to the continental. Oh, is that it? Is that what it is? That's it. So it's what is Delmonico's?

Delmonico's. Delmonico's State Council. Look at you. A friend ofico's? Delmonico's. Delmonico's Statecast. Look at you. It's from like the 1800s. A friend of mine's a server there. Nice. So he came in. It's owned by Serbs apparently. So he's Serbian.

So he was like, yo, come through. He's like, I can't do much on the bill, but I'll be able to, you know. I kidnapped somebody for you. My appetizer is just someone's thumb. Here you go, Mr. Kippy. Jesus Christ! Who ordered the international phone cards?

I'll take two passports for me and the lady, please. Your clean blood will be ready in a minute. One thing, very fancy joint get dressed up. No, I left here. I went from here Straight there had jeans on a dirty pair of air maxes. I let you know like that like t-shirt I snuck in the side door. I didn't know was that true. I didn't know yeah Well, there's like a bar that connects it I walked into the bar and then from the bar into the Into the main restaurant sure I didn't know so I kind of slid it slid in the back a little bit miss the coat check

Love a coat check so this is what so we got a mean me and the lady got the the porter house for two nice Like you do when you go to a steakhouse you get the two cuts of meat I found that out now any friction between she likes it this way, you like it that way, you're both medium people. Well as you know when we go out, I'll do, you guys are- Is that a ruin relationship? You're a medium rare gentleman. Medium rare, medium rare plus.

I'll do medium rare when I'm with the team, but if I'm doing, if I'm ordering my own steak, I'd get a medium. Well done. I would typically, if I'm out by myself, I would do, I do a medium, but when we're with the team, I do a medium rare, because I defer, I don't try to make, you know, no fuss, no muss. And also when you do the porterhouse for two,

some parts come a little medium. Sure. You know, on the outskirts. And that's where I tend to live in those situations. But we had some steak left over, obviously. It's just me and her. There's a lot of, you know, it's a big porterhouse. Lot of beef. Lot of beef, lot of meat left over.

And plus we like taking a bone home for Hansie Ponsie. What'd you do with the sides? Finished them, if that's what you're asking. They didn't stay, those hash browns didn't stay to change. Hash browns, cream spinach, traditional route. Yeah, but it's a very elevated, it's like more fine dining. So it's like a little,

You get a little fast and loose with the potatoes sometimes. What do you mean? Augh grotine, man. I'll do anything. Kid likes an augh grotine. Who don't? That's the best. Dude, if I go to a place and they got a nice tater,

I'm, hey, what tater are you known for? I like them as a kid, but they never really delivered the augh grotine. The scallop potato, sliced or whatever. Hey, what are you what tater you known for I like them as a kid, but they never really delivered the auger a teen Wow, I'm a scallop potato sliced or whatever real nice and a nice creamy cheese sauce We had one not too long ago. That was pretty good. I got a scoop of them somewhere. Yeah walking that back pretty quick I hate them actually had them last weekend for breakfast. They were delicious get my pants My lucky pants let them them go, baby. But this was a very classy move that I have never seen.

So obviously, you know, it's what's been well-documented early on in the show, too, that I'm not a left-over guy. I don't like taking leftovers. Sure. Right? What was the app situation? Can I ask? Sure you can. App situation was we did a barata.

We did... What'd the barata come with? A little bejout? No, it's very...it came with like a peach, something. Oh, that's nice. I didn't love it. That was the only thing I didn't love. I love a grilled peach.

Summertime on the grill, it's nice. Crab cake and Caesar salad. Whoa. Yeah. Heavy on the abs. Cocktail? Yeah, three Manhattan. Woo. I'm a bit. I'm a cocktail. Yeah, three Manhattan Maybe four I was drunk you like to Dutch down there

So, uh, but I'd like to get it like to get your take on this move They come over right and there's like Multiple bus boys wait like they're what you like take a sip they fill a weight or back waiter. They're all that they're killing it Sure in the game There's a nice table nice table. They're coming over there and who top for top for top really? Yeah, huh? For me she had a run So they go I could we box this up like yeah, we'll just take the you know We're just gonna take the the demo one more follow-up question

You said you missed the coach egg Well, you're sitting there with your coat hanging on the back of your chair like a loser We're just gonna take the video. One more follow-up question. You said you missed the coat check. Were you sitting there with your coat hanging on the back of your chair, like a loser? I had it on. I don't want anybody rooting through my pockets. I got hard candy in there. There might be blow lying around in there.

Yeah, no, it was on the back of the chair. At that point, I did look, I was the only one with it on the back of the chair. The waiter's friend, you gotta take that and drop that off. You guys straighten out the coach at girl They work hard though. Uh-huh love breaking off the coach at girl sure well here This well, this is this is very in the world. So we asked for they go, okay We'll wrap this up just to meet we go Yeah, just just just the stake in the bone if you don't mind sure thing

They come over and just drop a coach egg ticket on the table number 15 I go what's this all about they go? Oh, we keep it over either like heated or refrigerated By the front door for you and they go so you don't look like an asshole What a fucking big bag sitting on your table while you're trying to enjoy your dessert or your after-dinner cocktail You already have your parka hanging. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha at a Dunkin' Donut or a donut spot by my health. But, classiest move I've seen in a very long time. Yeah. And he goes, yeah, we just started implementing this, it's just the guy.

You greased a person you picked a ticket up from? Yes. Nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You just walk over, you go, here's my ticket. And they turn around, they like walk behind this little thing. Here you go, it's all bagged up. You're out the, it's fucking fantastic. Now I have to. I don't forget it. I have to forget it. I have to ask some recent or some

Not in that long ago Transgressions in this situation sure it was a friend that got you in friend that that that that was serving you that was a very Specific thing but sure he wasn't that my friend wasn't serving up. Okay continue What anything off the check? Yes, really? Precisely what you had asked. Or what you had said. Drinks and dessert. Drinks and dessert.

Both off? Both off. Wow. I think he knocked out. That's a lot of liquor. I think I had three Manhattan's. She had two mocktails. Like those like, dude, they...

That's a cool 120 right there. Dude, they ain't just mocktails. They whack you over there for 18 bucks. Got damn pineapple juice. It's like, babe, get a fucking whiskey on a rocks or something. Fucking save me a couple of... Give him free drinks here. Give me a... Save me a couple of bucks.

Mocktails. So, he wiped four drinks off, I think. Wow. Yeah. Okay. So he charged us for one and one, I think we each had three. Okay. Uh, and dessert was waved, too. Nice. What was dessert?

Yeah. Some sort of chocolate, something with a little bit of ice cream. Yeah, just a little bit. You doing espresso like a gentleman? No. Okay. I didn't know what I heard. They were free.

I didn't know it was open bar. I never met an open bar. I couldn't be. Hey, here's a happy couple, everybody. Yeah. But, uh, Clancy Joint's an happy couple, everybody. Yeah. Yeah. But Clancy Joint took care of him, obviously. I'm gonna need a number, unfortunately.

I think, well, we talked about this. Okay, this is more in the weeds here. We talked about this, because to me there's a thing, if you over, he's a friend of ours, right? So if you overtip, it's like. And he didn't wait on you. He did wait on us. Oh, he did, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's a little too tacky if you're like, he's a friend of ours, right? So if you overtip it's like- And he didn't wait on you. He did wait on us.

Oh, he did, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's a little too tacky if you're like, he was fooling around at all, like, it's weird. Give it back to me when I see you in the building. It just made me look cool when a friend of his brawlin'. I forget the actual number, but the percentage was about 37% tip.

Okay. And the ride home. What do you mean? Like he hopped in our Uber on the way home. Oh, okay. That's what he gave you right. I thought he checked this place out. That's service right there.

That's door to door. Help Kimmy move a couch. Great guy. Yeah. Okay. He got knocked off early and he's like, yeah, I'm heading home. We're like, so, you know.

Not bad, Kim. Hop in a car. Not bad. Go care of him. I don't want to, I feel like weird of like, oh, here's a lot of money what are you doing sure it's got to be in a certain he knows you ain't got it I'm need if it at me no just a table for in a hoodie a very hefty I might have had a hood and I think I just t-shirt on a very hefty a very hefty tip fair oh no monocles a monocle a C down

there in a financial district I think yeah I don't know I don't know I don't venture off down there but classy operation got continental John Wick short very classy can be paid with one giant gold coin yeah to-9 on him. Fucking running and shooting at the same time. Tomahawk boat in your mouth. He killed a guy with a D-Bone. Good shit. Not bad.

But all that, neither here nor there, folks. Sure. We got a gosh-darn family episode on our hand. We got business to get to at 2.4. And we also got live show tickets on sale right now The true the roof tour look at us boys shows are gonna sell out a lot of theaters in there a lot of theaters Which is very yeah, I'm back to spots. We haven't been to in a while Syracuse Albany yeah back to Rhode Island in the Wilbur. We're doing the Wilbur fucking Wilbur dude. That's crazy Boston

Let's go. We're doing a couple of real big venues throughout the country, which is really fucking cool. Yeah, we love you guys Shout out to the army for all the fucking support. It's been faintheast Mm-hmm all that being said is a gosh darn family episode when you join a patreon We will read your question on the air Patrons get the first crack at it. This one's from Jesse B. Shout out to ya, girl. Never have one read, Is a garbage to hold the legs for your mom during a keg stand.

Jeez. I mean, come on. That's... What where... I don't think I've ever been anywhere with my mom where a keg stand was happening. That's something a graduation party... Or parents weekend at a college.

Parents weekend at a college parents weekend at a college and I've got to experience that me either that was I feel like that was big college stuff that was big you know that looks like Penn State shit well we had it I went to temple we had my mom grew up fucking 15 minutes from it he's like I'm not from your lives my mom's like fucking I'm not hanging out in North Billy for the weekend I've been there done that worked my hands off to get out of here I Mean there was always those parents back in the day that in by the imbibed a little too much at a graduation party

You know somebody would end up doing a keg stand or something like that Someone's dad tearing an ACL playing deep beer die or something like that. There was always yeah There was a yeah, though There was always like he got a little too mad. Someone made, one of the kids made a comment, he got a little butthurt, like that shit happens. So yes, that's 100% garbage. You think?

Yes, and I would be curious to find out what the event was. Could have been a funeral or something like that. I mean, I think if your mom's lining up to do a keg stand. She's probably breaking the frat's record, dude. Yeah, that's tough, dude. That's tough. We were never big keg stand people. Business B, tap the keg.

Never had to deal with that and would have not appreciated it. What? Having to deal with my mom. We're like, oh, dude, Foley's mom's awesome. I'll kill you. I'd grab her by the hair and take her out front for a talking How you doing here's my friend help me clean yourself up sick

The only real time I ever did keg stands I'm sure we did them at like a tailgate like but like they were never big we were never real big keg people never did one Um, my buddy got one Shout out to Tommy. Tommy got one at his house on like a random, he was like, yo, I got a keg. And that was always fun. That dude, it was like so, spare of the moment.

Everybody was just sitting at their house, we're driving around looking for something to do. We're probably 19 or something like that. The keg just next to the couch. He's like, I got a keg, he had a pool, I got a keg, come over'm having people in the backyard nothing big So there was only like 20 people love nothing big love nothing big. I'm a big fan and nothing big Tight circle sure hanging out chilling nothing big for me anymore is like four guys. Yeah, nothing big

It's Pat flip deli Jeff. Nothing big. That's it. That's all eggs Yeah,, late night. And the rule, I mean, that ended up, you know, ultimately killing me. The rule was, in order to fill your cup up, you had to do a keg stand that beat your last number of seconds. Yeah, see, all that thumb shit.

Just let's get messed up. And it's I was 19 so you're trying to you know I was in it I started off my first one was like 22 seconds so I had to keep doing that just to get a beer every time. You said it was a small circle I had to get you up there. And a pulley system. He had two kegs and a bobcat. Crazy. You're bowl cut hanging I have a bull cut at 19. I'm fucking asshole. Bull cut at 19.

Yikes. But man, that got me. That was like one of those. That was the first time I had access to a keg. Full drink. Like that was when you just drink until it's gone. Like you don't really know all of your limits. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. That was the first time I had access to a keg. Full drink, like that was when you just drink until it's gone, like you don't really know all of your limits. Man, and they found me like four doors down. Vinnie with the skinny found me sleeping in some kid's, some guy's front yard. I don't know where I was going.

I figured I was walking home and I probably stopped to take a pee or a heater. I'll tell you what, passing out in a random front yard in the suburbs in the summertime back in the day Not a care in the world. I would have slept there that grass smelled great. Oh just cut Man, I was I'll never I drive by the house every now and then man. I had no idea I was out there fucking with sleep apnea fucking solid wooden his front yard Hey, Ruth, I think we burst the pipe out front. Is there a sewer main break? Nah, Kippy's leaping.

We got a cag in one of my apartments in Chicago and I woke up in my downstairs neighbor's couch, uh, fully nude with a towel around me. Oh, nice. And he had friends in from out of town who had never been to Chicago before and they were like, we were to talk in the next town, just woke up, ran out of there and they were like, we just thought the city was crazy. You came in, you took a shower, we were like, we were talking the next day. I just woke up, ran out of there, and they were like, we just thought the city was crazy. You came in, you took a shower, and we were like, man, it's different up here. To a shower?

I took a shower and passed out on their couch. Bunch of country bonkins. We did not know each other that well. I thought we were not old floss. Not friends afterwards. Yeah, they were like, this is crazy. I was like, yeah, it's mostly a crime. Yikes.

Oh, God. All right, let's see here. Speaking of, this is crazy. I was like, yeah, it's mostly a crime. Yikes. Oh god All right, let's see here speaking of this is from Dave. Oh This one's I know this one. I have never thought of use pronounced drunk with the J as in drunk drunk he's drunk is where is there a j Drunk like Yeah, I'm drunk JDR you Drunk, would it be drunk? Drunk. Yeah, he's drunk.

He's drunk. Drunk. Man, I was drunk. Yeah. It's a little southern, I feel. Man, I was drunk. He's drunk. Yeah.

But I feel like the DR and the J, it's right there. Sounds the same. Drunk? I don't think I'm saying it differently, but they drunk and drunk. The good news is, either way, you're hammered. I'm't think I'm saying it differently, but they drunk and drunk the good news is either way hammered Having a good time wake up in the neighbor's front yard Oh, that's a good one George. You're wrong man. I feel like that. Yeah. He was so drunk drunk your drunk

Yeah drunk. Oh, man. Yes. I am Thanks for noticing Good thing. I didn't waste all my money on nothing. If you'll excuse me, those hot pockets are calling my name. Shout out to a hot pocket. I haven't had one in a long time. I love them motherfuckers. All right, this one's from Tommy Beans.

First time long time, never have one read. You ever celebrate a family member's birthday at an OTB? It was Uncle Dave's surprise 50th and he liked playing the ponies, R-I-B, Uncle Dave. Man. I don't think I've ever been inside an OTB. I have. Philly.

I- Is that right? Or maybe New York. It had to be no OTBs to me, which I learned on- What happened to them? They all went away because of the internet, right? I guess. The only OTB, I mean- They used to be a good time. They started boozing there? I guess. The only, I mean.

They used to be a good time. They started booze in there if I remember. I don't think so. No. OTBs? Can you get a look on that? Do OTBs sell booze? Well, that's off track betting.

Off track betting. Off track betting. For horse races. It's definitely in New York City. I could have sworn they had a bar in there. I'm sure. I have no idea. But none, although I used to watch a lot of Law and Order

and they always got the perp out of an OTB. Hey, where's Jimmy at? He didn't show him to work and when he's not here. He's usually down at the OTB Sure, he never did it, but he was always he knew what was going on was getting the wrong place at the wrong time thing He'd give chase. Yeah, they'd have to chase him at the back door sure something I got many stable or get his hands on them. Yeah. Those forearms of his. Jack them up. Man. But we grew up next to Philadelphia. There are OTBs that serve booze. Serve booze, yeah. Right?

Are they still banging and still around? Uh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. You think they would have grown with the times, right? I think that you can probably put them online. Like all the racetracks probably have an online thing. You know, you can look at the atmosphere and stuff like that. Still do it online or I don't have a couple of slots or something, do a brunch.

Nothing. Something to bring people in. Nothing. Off track brunch. That's not bad. See, there you go. I'd go. Dude, if I could catch heaters having omelet

and like bet some, we gotta go bet on the ponies. It's so fun. It's such a good time. I've never been, I'm so down. Dude, when they're racing live. Go to the track. It's a a good time. I've never been. I'm so down. Dude, when they're racing live, it's a blast. You're hooting, hollering, screaming. Go to Philly Park. Philly Park. On Saturdays and Sundays, you used to be BYOB, rolling with a cooler. We'd fucking post-op. Let's go watch the fucking. We're going for the day.

They start at noon. They run till five. You're just there fucking. I'm not trying to watch the races. I want to see Jockeys get pelted with Coors lights Lucy now that I'm drunk Now that I think of it I've been to Philadelphia Park with my entire family Oh, yeah, we used to go and I for sure had some money on the action my mom put in a bet for me Yeah, we so my I remember eating there, too. I think we had brunch there. Oh, yeah, look at the Catillion Room

That's the name of the restaurant. Yes. Yes. Is that the can tell you? Yeah, do we my aunt Mary? My mom she had the itch for the ponies. Yeah, so we used to go I used to go as a kid with my X-step mom's dad Jimmy he liked the ponies. He was a gambling man, so he would take us quite the pedigree He was a gambling man, so he would take us quite the pedigree It's a temporary grandfather My now x step mother's dad, okay, so he would be my step grandfather who I have two of them I had we just called him Jimmy Did you call him Jimmy?

You didn't call him pop-Pop or anything like that. No, no. Maybe Mr. His Last Name, no. Oh my. I don't know what I called him. Jimbo! You know what's real trash? Is the Mr. and then the first name.

Like Mr. Jack. Yeah, that's bad. Dude, we switched, for some reason, we switched elementary schools when I was a little kid in Wilkesbury. He got ran out of town. He's talking about? For some reason, he had a lead in the middle of the night.

It's not about some missing milk money. Your mum was fixing bets on the raise. And we went to another Catholic school. We were at St. Nicholas, St. Mary's in Wilkes-Berry. And then we went somewhere else. And they did that because my teacher was like Miss Susie. Yeah, that always freaked me out. Teachers would do that. No, I didn't like that. Especially for younger kids they would.

I don't like it. Miss Susie, Mr. Bill. Just give me- No, Mr. Bill, that don't work. Yeah, give me a last name. Yeah, but if you're like seven and you can't pronounce Krozitzki or whatever, it's fucking just call me Miss Jamie. You know what I mean? Let's make it fucking easy. How about just Jamie? Why are we standing on ceremony here, huh?

We're all friends. You're hitting on her? Hey, how about I lose that? So it's Miss Icy. I'm gonna just call you Jamie. Later, I'm not gonna stop calling you. But yeah, so we would go as kids. That was my first foray into the track.

And like I would bet he'd be like, hey, give me, you know, what's the name or what number do you like, that kind of thing. Yeah, real scientific. That's when I first learned the trifecta, the win place and show. I went on that at a young age. Yeah, an old downhill from there, huh?

You ain't lying. You talking about getting all hooks in you. Then when we started at 18, you were allowed to go there and bet when you were 18. But this was 2002 or three, three, four, whatever, they weren't carding you if you looked at. So we would go at like 16, 17, 18 and gamble and bet the whore.

We were just looking for action, you know what I mean? So we would go there as kids and then we would you know Once you but then you couldn't drink when you were there. So you had to go sober 250 on here comes sunshine Yeah, that was the first horse. I know now here comes sunshine some no I know the sign for I know the first let me get a sawbuck and here comes sunshine now the first Captain Nemo captain Nemo in the third in the fifth fifth goddamn His mother was mother spotter was a mother. His father was a mother. He loves to slop.

Shelter's Rain was the first horse I ever won on. Me and my boy Paul went and bet five bucks on Shelter's Rain to win and he hit at like 20 to one. Whoa. We were caked up. He couldn't tell me yet. Let's go. All right, let's do the ponies in the spring.

It's a great time. Head down there. I've lost every bet since. They always seem so far away. Or like so far away from this parking lot. Oh, well, it's sprawling properly. Yeah, dude. I remember as a little kid being like, where are we going?

Mm-hmm. We added here. This ain't the mall. Yeah, dude, just posted up with big coolers just fucking. Cut off jeans, shorts, a tank top, just crushing it. Letting it ride. Yeah, I'm with it. Kippy, this is Blu-chu.

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All right, let's see here. This is from John Carver, Kiffby's left eye. Shout out to it, $10 homie, never had one read. Is it garbage to remarry your, Your wait hold on. I'm sorry. Is it garbage to remarry with your first wedding ring both of us plan on doing it So this is so second marriage for both of them and they're using the tainted metal from the first Wow Those are tainted jewels. Huh, roll with that. That's bad luck. That's bad luck. Or is it maybe like two negatives make a positive? Maybe. Let's give it one more shot.

Huh. I don't know. I. You can't reuse engagement rings, right? I don't know what these people are doing. You could maybe reuse the stone. Do you give that back? I think it's protocol.

I think the thing is the legal thing is. Like if you get legal. Yeah, I think if the wedding. Whoa think the thing is the legal thing is like if you get legal Yeah, I think if the whoa whoa whoa buddy He's talking about legal here If it's not given to on like if you don't put if you can look this up T-bone if you don't look at if you don't propose on like Christmas or their birthday because then it's viewed as a birthday print like it's viewed as a gift rather than like That's always what I heard from dirtbag family members. That's why I always propose on January.

That's what I heard from my ex-stepmom's grandfather. That's what he told Jimmy. Mr. Jimmy, ask her on a Tuesday. I think there's more legal binding if it's given on some sort of special day. I could be completely wrong. That's just always- And you wouldn't want it back would you I feel was I had a hit it was like ten grand or something. Yeah, you fucking want it back. Yeah, the fuck she gonna do it

She's out there truck fucking scabots running around with my fucking diamonds So the engagement ring is ruled in most courts as a conditional gift. Yes conditional upon marriage Correct. Yes, so then no more marriage, no more gift, you get it back. Whoa! Unless it's on a birthday or Christmas, you know that was a Christmas present. Okay. There you go. See? Shout out to Jimmy Boy. I could see taking the two rings, the two wedding rings and having them melt it down and making two other rings out of them. I'm gonna start giving all of my gifts on condition. Like, on what?

Like here's your lightsaber, but I get to play with it. That's pretty good. And if I don't, the suits are calling. I was like, that was a shot at me. You think? Yeah, I don't think you should do that. Yeah, it's bad luck. But that's just me. It's that to me, I'm like a weird OCD bad mojo guy.

That just doesn't seem, start fresh. Not even that it's bad mojo, just start fresh. Those aren't even that expensive, right? The wedding rings? I don't think so. A couple hundred bucks or whatever? Mine was 11.99. 11.99.

Got it on Amazon. Did you really? Yeah. Wow. Uh huh, okay. My wife said she still had it and I was kind of shocked and she's like, well why would I get rid of that? 11.99. Got it on Amazon. Did you really? Yeah. Wow. Uh-huh. My wife said she still had it and I was kind of shocked and she's like, well, why would I get rid of that? I'm like, yeah, that's a good point.

I don't even think I fucking throw that out one day. Gonna pass that on to one of my kids. 11.90, any better, hold on to this. Got this on prime day. The day of the wedding that arrived. All right, this one's from Gunner M, $10 homie. Is it garbage if you already have more saved for retirement than your parents? Oh, God, that's a tough look.

I don't, oh, I don't either. But I could see how that would happen. Like I'm friends with people where that would happen. Right, where like- Friends of people that have done, that have been doing well for a while, just knocking it away. It's also based upon their parents not doing great.

Sure. Let's say, not shitting on it, but like let's say their parent was more of a blue collar, like mechanic or something, and they got a job as an accountant, and were like, they were raised with no money. So like the second they get it, they're like, I'm counting every penny, I'm pinching every penny,

and like I now have more. They're just better with money because they grew up without it. Well, my parents were tight with money, but they didn't have any real savings, I don't think. It was all spinning plates with Patty. It was all credit this, credit that. Same with us.

Yeah, there's no real nest egg. Yeah, I don't know, It's uh, we never learned. I mean, my dad owned a business that would do well sometimes than not great a lot other times and it was, I never heard of a 401 a retirement. There was never any sure money for the future. It was like coming and going. Yeah, it was like, you know You make ten bucks you spend the word pension before pension and social security I don't even think we had pensions because they own their own company So I don't think they paid into their pension. I own construction like you know, I don't really understand what that is

I'm not sure either. I Think I gotta wait till you're 65 to get it and fuck that either I think we're gonna wait till you're 65 to get it and fuck that pay it right a pension is like you guy I do have one I got one with like two grand in it from when I worked at the law firm you do they sent me monthly statements no kidding I want to take it out sitting on two G-hots let's take it out and we'll try to double it take it to the track yeah that's pretty good right there you go pay the same for the future Pay the penalties for getting it out. I mean, I was only there for two, three years.

Put 80 bucks down. And they were always like, hey, if you can put in 1,000, but I'm like 1,000, I need that's my money, I need it now. Let me talk about 65-year-old Kevin, that's his problem. Yeah, dude. Fucking 30-year-old Kevin's jammed up over here. Crazy. Give me the cash.

I hated that shit. I always hated the allowances. What do they call it? You can claim like zero or one? I always got jammed up on that claim zero You get more back or if you claim one you get and I'm like give me they're like will you get more back at the end of The year I always got screwed on that and I never knew which one to put and nobody when I was filling it out could ever tell me Yeah, well, you know, Well, it's up to you. Yeah, it's up to you. What do you put here?

The greatest tax person I've ever known in my life worked the carry out station at Geno's East Pizzeria. This lady knew every trick in the book. She would do everybody's taxes at the restaurant, get everybody back 15 grand. That's funny. She's like, hey, honey, you got nine kids now, just so you know. Man, there was nothing like back in the. That's funny. Like, hey, honey, you got nine kids now, just so you know.

Man, there was nothing like back in the day getting that refund. Woo! I used to plan vacations, or when I would go CNA Dean, I would go, OK, I know I'm getting my check mid-February, so I'd planned something for like the 20s. We had a little bit of walking around money. Man, there was times I'd fly over there with like 200 bucks

in my pocket for like a week For two weeks and have to just be like, you know, what do we say? We do hot dogs again today does fucking lying And he's shipping handling fees are brutal spinning plates I was such a loser. I mean Kevin's been robbed at the airport It's unbelievable you didn't happen to see a suitcase full of money they lost my luggage again they lost all my gold bars the last time I fly with tons of Louis Vuitton luggage Man, that's tough. It's got a pillowcase. Bozo. Well, good for you saving up. That's good to hear.

Yeah, it's good for that dude. Yeah. But I do think in those- It's kind of funny to throw it in your parents' face though. You gotta be kind of cold hearted, especially if they're gonna need cash and you got cash. If they're like, oh, we can't, like. What, the parents?

If the parents ever need cash and he's got, do you think he tells them? If you had a bunch of money, not a bunch, but like, hey, I'm sitting like, and I think people like that are very strategic of like, this is for retirement, we don't touch this type of stuff. Well, the key to all of that is you don't, mom is the word. Yeah, I couldn't not tell.

To your family? Yeah. But now I couldn't not tell your family. Yeah. No, I'd have to tell them because in case something happened, throw it in their face. Yeah. I do that when I take a long flight. I tell Patty, Hey, if anything goes down, there's 200 bucks in my checking. Don't pay my loans back. That's what I always say.

Say you haven't talked to me in 20 years. You disowned me years ago. I don't want that. Did I ever tell you one of the places I rented for Temple? Fucking, I rented a place from Temple, from this guy at Temple University, and rented a house from him. And then, I don't know, call it six months later,

I start getting phone calls from like Something something alone and something and it ended up being an attorney. I'm like, what is this? He kept leaving me messages, you know, please give me a call back. I finally Go back like what is this? I don't know anybody money at your biggest mistake here the landlord put me down as Like a point of contact or something to get a hold of if he skirts out on this I'm like dude if he owes me 1200 bucks do if you come across him let me know he still owes me the security deposit you find them keeping there I'll be down at 20 minutes um I owed something on a credit card or something like that years ago. This is probably 2000, 2001.

And I didn't have the, you know, the means. No, well, definitely not the means. But you don't have to answer. And once you answer, and you give them any type of power, they got you. If you just, I didn't realize, I don't even know if it was the way they did it back then, but if you just never answered, if you just, I didn't realize, I don't even know if it was the way they did it back then, but if you just never answered, if you just never answered,

they would eventually sell that debt to some other company for a little bit less and a little bit less and a little bit less and a little bit less. From my 20s to 30, for a decade I did that. Man, I had this guy. He must have been an ex detective or something. This guy would leave messages that would be like so convincing like,

yeah, you missed a court date. You know, they're gonna come in, they're gonna whatever. And it rattled my brother because I was staying in his apartment. I mean, buddy, they got Dog the Bounty Hunter coming. You gotta get off the ice, Brad. And I finally picked up and it was just boom. And he had me.

Yeah, you're dead to right. They start triangulating the cell tower and stuff, you boom and he had me. Yeah, you're dead to right. They start triangulating the cell tower and stuff. Yeah, dude. You're fucked. Got me. He made it sound like the FBI was going to come and get me. It was like 400 bucks. Yeah.

And got it. Did I ever tell you the sheriff keeps going to my mom's house? Because I'm still technically... Wait, what? The sheriff keeps going to your mom's house? Every year since I moved to New York looking for me, I never told you that. What?

He shows up. What do you owe? It's so like for the township. It ain't for a Christmas calendar. I know that. No, there's like this. The sheriff? Were you involved in a shootout at the OK Corral?

He's his deputy. I'm a horse thief, Ebone. Rob the okay corral. It's his deputy. I'm a horse thief, Eibon. Rob the stagecoach. Knocked over a Wells Fargo stagecoach. That was our chaka. Uh, yeah, my mom. Oh, while Bill Ryan. My mom gets so mad.

Yeah, dude. Ma'am, well, Kippy gave me the slippy, so I'm down to town. Miss, I'm sorry to intrude. I know he ain't. I feel like he stands back from the porch a little bit. He ain't seen the boy, have ya? And they looked me up. I'd never told you.

You're running out the back window in a pair of long johns. Like high tailing away from the outouts. He shoots me in the ass. Ow! You got me! I got him! I got him! My mom died!

Well, I had to shoot that Ryan boy in his iron quarters. I run off into the woods. He's real calm. He ain't gonna make it far. He hit you with a blunder buster, wherever those things are going. Those cums. The pirate's gonna get you. You're gonna get him.

You're gonna get him. You're gonna get him. You're gonna get him. You're gonna get him. You're gonna get him. You're gonna get him. You're gonna get him. You're gonna get him. You're gonna get him. You're real calm. He ain't gonna make it far. He hit you with a blunderbuster, wherever those things are called. Those calls.

A pirate gun? Yeah, a blunderbuster. What? Hey, he'd be pulling grape shot out of his ass for a couple of weeks. He had some real cocky, real calm after he shoots me in the butt. A blunderb yeah I just hit him with buckshot that's all wasn't a slug still no I can't have do you run in this operation what you got local heat looking for it's alright it's some some po-dunk sheriff. Don't say that. That's who gets me. That's who brings it all down

So I'm a po-dunk, huh? Your fat friend squealed on you. It's like casino. Sorry keep me the head me dead to rats! You would narc on me you rat. Are you kidding me? You fucking rat. They had me surrounded! You put a plate of beans and some cornbread in front of me. I'm singing They got me an irons You gotta be kidding me, dude The sheriff's looking for you. The sheriff shows up once a year And like a squad car

That is you know, he's got like a Clydesdale. He says I don't think it's a thoroughbred but it's a nice deed. It's about it's about three hours by the way the bird flies. Couple of Apache scouts like checking tracks in the front yard. He's he's got a Marlite. He's been here. Smells fresh. So I owe some weird local tax because they

think I'm a resident there still. And I have to fill out a form that I never, I think this year it's been, the past couple of months it's been recently taken care of I had it like e-sign something man from back east straightened it out for me Good gentlemen goes by the name of Foley Yes, so he would show up every year knocking all my dog. I was the first man imagine the first call Oh my god, daddy would have given me up in my door. I'm the first man. Imagine the first call. Oh my god daddy

He would have given me up in two seconds. He's like the cops are here like for fucking what ain't no such thing as debtors prison Toots Tell him to kick rock Yeah, that first call I remember getting man. I was I was way behind on my student loans. They were calling her Man, I was way behind on my student loans. They were calling her. Lou. Yeah, right. Yeah, I said it was taxes.

I owed taxes, so she started flipping out. You're not paying your taxes. It's like, I think it's like 400 bucks a year or something. You have to pay to be a resident or it's like the county or the township or something. I don't know. It's something like hyper local.

And after like the third year, she's like, he lives in New York, right? And she's like yeah, he's like yeah, I looked them up online He's a comedian. What yeah? This guy's tracking us so they're like you know around it you just You just have to make You just I had to get my Winchester so my way out of here. Oh, man pumping it Yeah, no just summer you have to cauterize wounds with hot iron Pokers out of the fire bite in a piece of wood Yeah, no just some and like they were like okay

It was kind of like I will let it slide because we realized like he's like I would file in New York Like my taxes in New York. I'm like I'm filing as a resident of New York like you guys figured that I'm doing my part Like I'm I've done running from the law Fucking escaping the hang man Down from the gallows baby Three ten to the heights, huh? Shout out to three ten from you. Oh man, I knew nothing about that movie.

I put that on everybody. A decade ago or whatever, like it would probably been out for a year or two. Man, that is a film. Man. Love Robert De Niro. It would probably have been out for a year or two. Man, that is a film. Man. Love Robert De Niro. Ha ha ha ha. Who's good in that is uh, Ben Foster.

Oh. The best. What an actor. Yeah. Man. He doesn't do much anymore, does he? I wouldn't say that. I think that's like he actively kind of stepped back

a little bit. I don't know. Okay. Talented man. Okay, why you getting the one? In case I end up working with him. Sure. Yeah, so it just settled itself very, very recently.

Good for you. I'm pretty sure my mom did it. It was just like, yeah, here. She sent me something. I had a loser. Like in. Signed your death certificate. Probably did.

You got hit by a train. Bozo. My mom. Dude, the first call. Because when you said that, it got me thinking about anytime that I had to like, ask my parents like to be a, like the idea of being a guarantor on an apartment for me. I guarantee we don't gotta. Yeah.

I guarantee you don't get approved. I think we all got shot down one time. Remember, you were gonna guarantee my Karen apartment. Really? Yeah, do you remember that? When was this? The very early days of this podcast. No kidding.

So it would have been September of 2020. Whoa. Or the summer of 2020. It was after things started opening back up. I had an opportunity to get into this rents, the apartment I 2020, it was after the thing started opening back up. I had an opportunity to get into this rent, the apartment I'm in, this rent. I had that Stimmy Chex at the my camp. He had the Stimmy Chex.

It felt like a tycoon. You were rich for a minute, not rich, but with how little money we, you had more money than me. I had like 800 bucks or something like that. Significantly, but like you were buying me heaters. And people were like, I got it. You were picking me, remember you were picking me up at work. Thatificantly, you were buying me heaters. Yeah. And people are like, I got it. You were picking me,

however you were picking me up at work. That's when I was looking around at a railroad. Some. Looking to buy land in central Jersey. They say they're gonna put a highway in. It's a long place. Steel. Yeah, you were in,

my mom wouldn't do it. Nah. My mom wouldn't cosign. You. My mom wouldn't cosign. You get burned by the sheriff. What do you mean? She never did any, she just, I, she cosigned all my student loans and I jammed her up real bad.

Sure. So she was done cosin', like, they were still open. Like, I was still 90, 120 days late on them things. She was like, I'm not fucking cosign for you to get into a part of it. Yeah, because what I was gonna say is if presenting, you wonder why I instantly go to the worst possible scenario. They would be like, if you don't pay, they'll

take the house and the dog and we'll get split up and this and it's like, hi, Jesus Christ, I'll get a roommate. I know. What the fuck. And did I have some flop house in South Philly? No, what the fuck? And did I have some flop house in South Philly? That house smelled so bad. Yeah. But. It smelled like gackpeas. So you were gonna sign and you gave me all of your,

you gave me your last three like bank statements. You remember any of this? My last three customer copies from Bear Burger. Your your last like but you didn't have paychecks You weren't getting paychecks or something at the time so but like your credit you had enough in the bank You know you probably like 1200 bucks or whatever. Yeah, like at the moment. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean like you're like Something just hit I can shop presenting very well. Yeah, or well enough screenshot that uh-huh. Yes, and I Think he ultimately he didn't end up running a guy just the guy in an email turned you down He was just like what you're you were missing will something of like yeah, that's not gonna work

So my brother a lot of times with that kind of stuff They don't run the credit check or they're just like a he's it seems like an R8 guy. You know what I mean? Yeah. They ran my brothers. So my brother had a coastline. Man, that was a shit call calling in. I've done that before. Well, in New York it sucks because I think they want it to be like, if you don't make 60 times the rent a year, that's what the number is. You to have a co-signer if you don't make 60 times the rent a year at the time I was not Give you a weekend. Yeah, so I had to have a co-signer to get the fucking bill I'm my brother having to come from work in the middle of the day

To some broker's office and with with a check and sign this and dude I remember just The pressure that he was using with the pen to sign his name. I knew that we got outside I was gonna get fucking you five fucking swear to fucking God Better not I got I got one stern one that went south quick. Yeah, I Saddie I got one stern one from my brother. I think via text was And that was enough. It was like I just sent him everything he needs Don't fuck this up. It was just like that like no not the big brother also no capital You know what I mean? It was just like lower case D. Don't fuck this up. Definitely had a heater in his mouth

I sent it and I have it., I'm still paying all time auto auto pay Oh, it's for the place you're in now. Yeah, oh, I had to man. I Was making 600 bucks a month when I got to play that was all I Fudged all those no I was long and international, but you know, I got I got ties to Saudi Arabia I was fucking telling them anything they I own an oil ties a Saudi Arabia. Why deliver hello food a lot? I eat warm up Some futures and podcasting and boy did I Had some call options on a podcast

All right, let's see. let's do one or two more and then we gotta wrap her up there, gang. This one's from Robert. $10 homie never had one. Red is a garbage, have a sectional couch growing up but it didn't fit in the living room connected so you had it in two separate pieces. That's a tough look.

We had that. Like half here and half here. Yeah, we had that recently. My mom bought something that didn't fit so she just broke it up and just kept it. Instead of like returning it. Sure. She didn't think she could return it.

It's a tough look. Two couches with one arm rest. Yeah. Yeah, that's what you see though. One just goes nowhere. You see those, you see the raw edge of the couch that shouldn't be customer facing. Bad news.

That's not great. No. Ah, that's be customer facing. Bad news. That's not great. No. That's a tough look. Tough look. We never had a, yeah, no, we had this couch. I mean, it was like, it screamed. I guess there was a couple of bucks around 91 or something before the divorce.

Did you always have a sectional growing up? Uh. Because that was, we might as well had a boat. Well, the first time we got that. I think we all slept on it for like a week. Like it was like a staycation. The first time we got a sectional. What defines a sectional?

What do you mean? It's got an L. It's connected, an L. Instead of a couch in a love seat. It's two sections or multiple sections. Yeah, it's connected like that. Okay, I know. That's slide together. I got you. I always just viewed it as multiple sections. Yeah, it's connected like that. That's slide together.

I gotcha. I always just viewed it as multiple, I guess, rather than two, because the one we had growing up was two. It was, I think it was two, three pieces. And then there's the one with... I mean, if you got a banger like that, yeah, that's also a sectional too. If you got a square... No, it was three this way. A squad on there watching movies.

It was three this way, three this way. It was three this way three this way Yeah, big L. Yeah, sectional. Yeah I guess I never pegged that as a kid that corner spot get in there all cozy the best thing was the 13 pulled out into a fucking pullout bed. That's so you'd have that and then you have like the couch one now Oh, man, you get under that pull out bed playing army guys and shit like that Good night do barrel rolls over a little wwe I was always a big fan of the poor man's sectional where it's just a regular couch with the one extendo Where it's got the long of the Shays lounge. Yeah, that's alright. That's nice. They got like a bad Tetris piece

Just ice tea stains on it. That's always so Tetris piece. I just re- Ice tea stains on it. That's always so dirty. I've recently gotten confidence saying that word. Shae's Lounge. Just like the past couple of months because we've been looking at furniture. Sure. I can't, if you would have been like, what is this?

I'd be like, that's a big Ottoman. Like I would have never, I would have never. That's a coffee table with a cushion on it. Yeah, I would have never been like, oh, that's a big Ottoman. Like I would have never, I would have never. That's a coffee table with a cushion on it. Yeah, I would have never been like, oh, that's a Shae's lounge. That's not something I heard a lot and or comfortable in the French pronunciation. Shause lounge or something.

That's a Shae's lounge. Bonjour. Hello. Okay, this one's from Joseph. Is it garbage that get ran over by your great-an in your grandma's driveway and then be referred to as speed bump by the entire family for the next 20 years?

Sidebar, aunt thought was absolute garbage. She would take her dentures out to blow heaters and drink her coffee. There you go. Man. We've talked about, anytime you get hit by a car by a family member, it's not a great situation. It just means like there's a lot of kids running around.

There's not a lot of supervision. But I don't know who didn't. I wasn't hit by a car. Somebody got hit. There was always this, like I got burned by a cigarette by one of my aunts by accident. Yeah, I mean, hit by a car I think is different than like.

You said kids running around, you know, you play in the front yard in a baby pool. Someone's gonna get Oh, yeah Somebody's getting hurt you won't get this work Yeah, I don't I never had we never I don't think anybody ever got hit might I would say the story I was I had left the house I Think I was in my Montego or maybe my Luma. I think it was my Montego. I had left the house and then like,

I forgot my cell phone or something, so I circled back and pulled back into the driveway and my stepdad was backing out and I'm pulling up and I'm like, oh, he's gonna stop. And then he didn't. And he hit your car. And he just, I'm like honking and I'm like, this fucking guy's like, I'm like, oh, he's doing a bit, you know what I mean?

And then I go, he's not doing a bit. And him and my mom were probably like bickering or something. So he's just like loosely checking the mirrors. And the last time he checked, I wasn't there. So I'm trying, I know I gotta get it out of drive into reverse and I'm like starting to, I'm trying to back up and he's gunning it down and he smashes me and they're so can they hop out like I get yelled

I'm like you fucking hit me. They're going we thought you left. I'm like I fucking did I came back They're like we didn't know ago you look in the fucking mirrors. No you stay no No, what do you mean you pack your saddlebags you get out of here What a pain in the ass you must have been Who doesn't check them you're just roll dog in the driveway and there's a little hook in it Try to live his life finds love later in life Sheriff showing up rotten fat ass to deal with Jim and I'm up They were probably on their way to happy hour or to have dinner somewhere or oh

Man you say hey forget my shite kick Calling you pork chop. What are you talking about? You probably were Probably just met you and you wouldn't stop calling me So what happened? He smashed into my car and I got and then I got out I'm like what the fuck are you doing? You fall that on the ground? They both yelled at me and I would have been like this is fucking This is some twisted shit you guys got going on over here

Ah man they both teamed up on you That's why I think they were mad at each other I think they were bickering And then it wasn't hard but I just think the jolt like that scares like you know a fender bender You just annoyed the pop in his head. What the hell? Turns around and see sure big-ass get No insurance to cover that and a car he hit me in a car he probably paid if it was a loo He paid for it. He just smashed his car fucking gotta fix this

Fucking fat bald idiot already. You stink man. Friends probably waiting for him at the show knees or whatever they were having. Hey put the pretzel down and put it reverse. Yeah dude. We thought you left. Aw I get it weird. I thought you left. I fucking came back. Why the fuck you breaking my stuff? People don't you never forgot something? I had to turn around. I thought you left. Oh my gosh. I would have lost it on you too. God damn it. Oh yeah that's a fat bastard. That's what it was.

Because they're like what could he possibly do? Possibly. What the fuck are you doing here? You just left. Yeah. I was. Because they never had to like, what could he possibly, what the fuck are you doing here? You just let, yeah. I know what, you never heard of forgetting. I remember, I remember, dude, it was, you stink, dude. It was one of those things where they're both,

we're in the driveway, the cars are still touching. They're yelling at me, all car doors are open and I'm going, I was trying to go, I forgot something and doors are open and I'm going, I was trying to go, I forgot something and they're yelling and I'm going, there's no way. I forgot to ask you for money before I left. Probably what it was. I forgot to go through your purse before I left.

Any chance you're holding 20? Oh man. We gotta wrap it up. As Kippy said in the beginning of the show, the Through the Roof tour is on sale right now. Do yourself a favor, grab some tickets, come out and see us. Yeah, this is our biggest tour we've done to date. If you've been to the shows before the last three tours,

you know it's a good time. Stand up comedy, me and Foley each do stand up and then we close out playing AYG with you guys. It's a good time. We wanna see you out there. We're looking forward to it. We'll see you there. Yeah.