Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Beware of Dog w/ Ian Fidance!

Starting point is 00:00:00 Calling the army of garbage the Route 66 tour is upon us. The bus is gassed up and ready to go We're heading straight down Route 66 Chicago to LA grab the squad come out and see us. We're filming the whole thing It's gonna be a good good time Yeah, it starts September 12th in Chicago at the Vic theater then September 13th st. Louis September 15th, Tulsa, Oklahoma September 16th, Oklahoma City September 18th Albuquerque, New Mexico September 16th, Oklahoma City, September 18th, Albuquerque, New Mexico, September 19th, Flagstaff, Arizona. Then we're going to Las Vegas, September 20th, ending September 21st, Los Angeles, California at the Palace Theatre. Get your tickets. Are you garbage dot com?

Starting point is 00:00:35 We'll see you there. See you in a rude. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.

Starting point is 00:01:01 This is R U Garbage. Oh yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a good to be classy. Yeah, just a big old piece of trash trash trash trash. I'm your host, Paige Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition.

Starting point is 00:01:15 She's out donating plasma. Okay, third time today. Must like the OJG. Got a little liquid ID in her. You can almost see through her. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman.

Starting point is 00:01:32 And at night he is the chicken parm hero. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody. What up, everybody? Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube, then obviously the greatest website of all time. You go over there. You bought your little tablet. You go to www.patreon.com

Starting point is 00:01:47 slash RU garbage. You get all that bonus content needs gang. Yes, sir. And how about a nice shout out to our good pal back with us again today. The host of being Ian and he's got a special out with Jordan. Yes, and he's got a special out wild happy and free. Yeah, the dog almost ripped on the shreds He walked in this could be the paradigm imposing is Ian. I don't know man We get some holy water on you give it up for Ian Fidey's everybody Ian almost got here. Oh god the dogs Hans this thing I have don't like you man buddy Hans go to bed

Starting point is 00:02:23 It's all right. I Mean I get off the elevator things like a fucking I'm like a villain in diehard What do you got mutton in your pocket? little bit of cat food Breakfast on the go Food power bars well I do it I got this Energy man is it? It's magic. I know. I've had a day already.

Starting point is 00:02:47 You came in like a live wire. Oh, yeah. Whoa! Yeah! The train's jammed up. I'm running late. Well then. He says he bought us a pack of heaters.

Starting point is 00:02:57 I bought two packs of cigarettes, one for Foley, one for you. I said, too much. Give me a pack. How much are they a pack? 38 bucks for two packs. If you told me earlier. You were financially right. One for you. I said too much give me it back 38 bucks for two packs if you told me earlier No, I believe I would have bought I got cartons in my house I would have brought you some rent, but you fucking let me know last minute. Where are you? Where are you getting your cartons? and Springfield, Missouri from like six months ago

Starting point is 00:03:21 You keep them in the freezer didn't even even have a show, just went out there. Yes, dude, I got a whole fridge just for the smokes. Dude, I- You're lining up bar shows to go on fig runs? I can't. Can I do 10 minutes? You got two fridges like a Korean family? It's just all eaters?

Starting point is 00:03:41 I open it, it looks like the briefcase from the end of Pulp Fiction. My boy had that growing up. His parents, they were Korean. They had a separate fridge. It was all Korean food. It was so delicious. When his mom started cooking, look out. Delicious. Dude, I, so I get the cigarettes and then I left them on the counter and ran because I started jabbing at the guy. Because you were 40 minutes late. About that. Well, yeah, and I was jabbing at the guy. Because you were 40 minutes late. About that, well yeah, and I was jabbing at the guy.

Starting point is 00:04:07 I was like, are you kidding me? 38 bucks for two packs? And I said my class of mind. You live in New York, you know what they cost. At least they're Jesse James' rabbit people. He wore a mask, you know. Oh my God. That was his highway robbery.

Starting point is 00:04:17 Back in Springfield, Missouri, they're only $4, sir. Yeah, yeah. This town's going to eat you alive. Do you match competitor coupons? Well, I got my guy Ali up the street from me. He's got a fish sticks coupon. $24 sir Gonna eat you a lot. Do you match competitive coupons? Well, I got my guy Ali Coupon and then Ricky Valiz taxes me God Well, he texted me a screen Did you leave smokes on the counter at the deli dude? He goes he said to me screw jobs

Starting point is 00:04:41 I'm a goes. Do you know Ian finance? He goes? Yeah, why he goes you just sat down next to me, screw it, someone goes, do you know Ian Finance? He goes, yeah, why? He goes, you just sat down next to me on the train, start slamming deviled eggs and apples. Are you serious? And then began hitting on girls on Instagram. You just spit a piece of deviled egg out. Woo! Where'd you get deviled eggs from? They weren't deviled eggs.

Starting point is 00:04:57 The guy's a fucking moron. They were just starbucket eggs. So I was just eating apples and eggs on the train. You're eating a- I got up late and I'll say, I did get up late. What is wrong with you? Don't look at me like that. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Starting point is 00:05:13 You know I got banged up in that- When's the last time you saw him with his glasses off? Cause I just caught a peek of it. Show him. No. Show him, please. No, that's on the Patreon. Mypatreon.com slash B and E is on. Eyeballs come off with the glasses.

Starting point is 00:05:24 Dude, remember when we went to that wedding? Sure, you jumped in the water. When Ian gets wet, he's like one of those cats that shrinks down. They're all fur. Dude, he really shrinks down. Yeah, I was saying that, yeah. To a 90-year-old baby.

Starting point is 00:05:40 You can't tell how old he is. I come out of the water, and I look like I've been doing tax accounting for the past two seconds. Like in Benjamin Button's over here. Hello! But you got some big news you're gonna be throwing out the first pitch. Cleveland Minnesota.

Starting point is 00:05:53 Cleveland Guardians. Home for Wayward Girls. Cleveland Guardians game. Are you? Yes. First pitch. Next in two weeks. In a Cleveland Guardians game.

Starting point is 00:06:01 September 18th. I'm so excited. What did you tell them you have? He just dunk dumped his head in water and came out there oh shit hey stay 10 feet away season with progeria live this long we'll get you out there tonight buddy don't worry you're throwing out the first pitch for the Indians so are the guardians well I'm bringing my two lifelong best friends with me Fred Fred and Justin, shout out. Don't exist. We're gonna bug him.

Starting point is 00:06:25 George Glass. One's a teddy bear. He can bring as many imaginary friends as you want. They don't need to get. I'm bringing Phil Hatt. How did you lock this down? I... That's pretty cool.

Starting point is 00:06:35 A lot of bugging somebody. Yeah, yeah. If I know Ian, there was a lot of text messages. Persistence and lies. The subject in that email was, can I please? Poodie, Pood can I please? pretty pretty please That's pretty good, man. I'm excited That's a major league ball club people in the main office dig me and they they hit my people up and so

Starting point is 00:06:56 My team my guys My team so they did what do you call your agents? My guys. I call them the pooch. I don't know. Yeah. The suits, I say the suits. We don't use phrases like tame and people and stuff.

Starting point is 00:07:12 They hit up the suits. Yeah, we're not Hollywood. I said my guys. I said they hit, I did say my people. You're G.I. Joe's? Yeah. They hit up Cobra Commander. Roblox says I can't do it for less than five grand.

Starting point is 00:07:24 So you know, I got banged up in that car. I need a dozen eggs in a bag of apples Here we go the car wreck story. I got banged. I don't know the car wreck. Yeah, I got t-bone in Florida when fucking a month ago sure car flit three times. Why do you sound like you're underwater? Doing my RFK He's getting ready for RFK RFK Now I got it great what do you say J? I wish the hans is in the studio right now because we couldn't keep him in the other room because he wanted to kill Ian Yeah, I don't know. I can't see him right now. I don't like this

Starting point is 00:08:07 He's right next to me I've never seen a dog dislike a guy right away. I get off the elevator. That's energy. That's vibes you're putting out. Yeah dog, that's vibes I get it. I'm a liar What do you want me to say? I'm aware? It's not like I don't know what this is Would you ask him to split a check last week or something? I asked him to pay me back for the smokes. He wouldn't do it. Haji, go get your daddy's wallet. Can you say Venmo?

Starting point is 00:08:35 Put some little peanut butter on everybody's valuables. God damn. So yeah, I got banged up in that wreck. Dude, the car rolled three times. I blacked out. I don't know the story. I forgot to tell you. When did this happen? Dude, down in Naples, Florida, at the end of July.

Starting point is 00:08:48 Put your eyes away, will you? Yes. And stop touching me. I'm going to have three weeks to live by the end of this. I'm just happy to be here. You'd be thrown out the first pitch somewhere, though. So, I got hit at this intersection. The car rolled three times

Starting point is 00:09:05 I blacked out this guy's reaching in to grab me out the cars smoking everything everything is fucked. I'm upside down I'm strapped in by the seatbelt. I'm hanging upside down and this guy's like grab my hand grab my hand I'm like leave me alone. I gotta find my cigarettes, so I walk I walked So is your $13 a pack dude grab my hand. I gotta get my story straight buddy You want to hop in the passenger seat? Go ahead? plenty of cash Has a neck brace on Full body can come out I look like the guy in office space doctor said it ain't great

Starting point is 00:09:41 This is gonna be expensive great man. This is gonna be expensive. Is that what you settled for in the accident claim thrown out the first pitch? Do you know anybody in a minor league team? Yeah, so I been dealing with that. And I sorry when was this row a month ago at the end of July and Sure wasn't on the way He's got blood running out of his ears Tell them large march, don't you? You think you sell TVs? Stink out of a van at a supermarket

Starting point is 00:10:32 Yo, you like speakers? I got speakers and steaks. So I got banged up and I can't sleep at night I keep waking up in pain and so I couldn't sleep I woke up late, it sucks, whatever, but my doctor, he's, I'm going down next week. He shoot me in Florida. I don't know what's going on. Where's the doctor?

Starting point is 00:10:54 In Philly, outside of Philly. The nice part. Doctor gimme gimme, huh? Doctor feel good. Yum yum, yeah. Dude, he shoot me up full of God knows what so that I can throw the first bitch out and be all right of God knows what so I could throw the first bitch God knows what I've had that I know a guy. I'm gonna be like Gary

Starting point is 00:11:19 He's throw a 200 mile an hour fastball and then collapse on the mound Disappear like they're carrying him out. How'd I do? He puts his thumb in the air. You did good, kid. You got him. Now put your eyes away. I'll put your glasses back on.

Starting point is 00:11:40 You're scaring the children. You killed the girl singing the national anthem, but that's a hell of a pitch Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the mound. He has two open lawsuits going currently. Nobody touch him. Nobody go near him. Hey, guys, you want one of those dog bowls? You've got narrowing it everywhere. You've got the shimmy that drives the dogs and cleans the wine. Ian was about to put Aflac out of business. Looks expensive.

Starting point is 00:12:19 Where are my gold bars? You guys mind if I smoke on the field? When is it? When's the big when's the big date? September 18th. Okay. That's great. What city is it in?

Starting point is 00:12:33 Cleveland. Okay. Cleveland Guardians. Okay. I got I got how many other people are throwing out the ceremony for you get the you get the last one. I got the sometimes they do a couple. Oh, yeah, I don't know they just

Starting point is 00:12:45 asked what what other homeless guys do they have as being a couple other guys they scraped up at the methadone it's me and cracker Jack he's got a shopping car to Ian's going through it hey where'd you get this stuff pal those are my soda can yeah so look out for that okay that going for me this kid's bunk yeah so who else are you taking to that um cuz you're not oh you're taking your two friends yeah yeah I'm bringing them we're balling out we're getting a nice hotel room Hotel room they're all falling out. We are sharing a room. That's not falling out It's a too sweet room three forty year old man

Starting point is 00:13:41 That the Ramada in is not balling out my friend. Are these waffles free? Okay, bring them up Best believe we're getting over that continental bridge. Sure. So change of clothes. We're going out. It's going to be fun. I got that dog. Go to your bed. Here, touch me. It's okay. Are you normally good with dogs? Yes. And they're just not good with your mom has one loved me.

Starting point is 00:14:00 Yeah, because I have a sweet soul. They can tell I have a good speed. Oh, dude He's never reacted This is the final boss dog hello, I see you have read it oh lost dog. Hello, I see you have read it. Oh, God, I picked the wrong day to wear pants. What's going on with the and a jacket? I don't know why. I'm really excited for fall. Crazy people don't feel the heat. That's why I'm really

Starting point is 00:14:41 excited. I'm really excited for my fall at the baseball stadium You're out there like Leslie Neal's What are you wearing a jersey giving me a jersey tuxedo I'm asking I've never met the president What's that from? I don't know, you're just a crazy president. He goes, I get to, he just thought he got to meet the president. Is JFK gonna be here? Woo! Yeah, yeah. Huh?

Starting point is 00:15:20 Be great if you just fell asleep. I'm gonna catch, I'm gonna hit the rack. Get some shut up. You guys wrapped this up without me. The dog's barking at him again. There he goes again. I'm trying to get a jersey that says FI.D.A.N.C.E. 69. They don't want that. Just get one. You gotta wear one of their players. Huh? Is he gonna say FI.D.A.N.C. Just get one. You got to have family because I'm one of their players. Huh? Is he going to say fight? Yeah. And just remember if the Phillies don't win the World Series, it's your fault. Sure. This is a good sure if I know you're 100 percent, you're throwing out a ball for an hour.

Starting point is 00:15:56 And I'm going to yell this is for it for filling the American League. I'm going to wear a Phillies hat. You can't wear a big chief Wahoo headdress to be like I'm bringing it back a Single tear comes out you should beam someone My arms hurting I got the ball in the end of an arrow Can't do that I'm doing it yet the natives like the Indian name I've spoken to sure I have drunk at a casino You can't do that. I'm doing it. The natives like the Indian name. I've spoken to them.

Starting point is 00:16:26 Sure. I have. You were drunk at a casino once. Dude, the dog is proper growling. It sounds like thunder. It truly sounds like one of the terror dogs from Ghostbusters right now. You might be the key master, everybody.

Starting point is 00:16:43 Hello. Hey. God. Dude, it's never happened. You're looking at the key master everybody Dude it's never happened. I mean at the end of the day you gotta put one of us down It's gonna be you. I think someone knocked at the door. He's on fucking high alert today Ian came in and turned this place upside down Buddy hey, hey, it's okay Get what's talking about true classic Oh true classic feel like a true classics love a TC. I love them I got 13 of them bad boys sitting at the house Uh-huh waiting for me to lose a couple of pounds sure get in there nice make you look good gang If you want the best t-shirt you're ever gonna wear do yourself a favor get over to true classics for the big boys out there

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Starting point is 00:20:18 Well the next night I'm headlining the Motor City Comedy Festival the motor said where's that that's in Detroit the motor city September 19th gonna be fun Okay, I'm all over on the road up until 20 25. You're okay. Yeah, I'm pumped. I love the road. It's amazing I love traveling whatever gets me away from being alone in my own place Just to being alone in a room. Oh, you got your friends at the Ramada. I was other personalities friends at the Ramada. I think you're in my body. Those other personalities. I wish I could party up here.

Starting point is 00:20:46 Bring my cat. Wouldn't it be cool if I had a road cat? I'll say this. We've been bringing the cat a lot of places. It's pretty fun, bro. Yeah, it's pretty cozy. It's now. How old was he when he started bringing him around? Thirty two. Now, like if we he drives, he drives at night.

Starting point is 00:21:04 Fully. His eyes are bad. He's got to take over at the. No, like if we he drives like drives at night fully zizer bed He's got to take over it Hey you stop snoring back there running to get me a Clif Bar week Now if we're gonna if we have like a like a weekend trip or something like that And it's a pet friendly hotel will bring her because it just makes it more cold. How old is she? I don't know. She's 10, maybe. And you introduced this lifestyle to her late in life. It's her golden years. She's not a divorcee.

Starting point is 00:21:30 What do you mean late in life? She's not going back to school. Taking her to cat single bars. If you bring a kitten, go out there, beat somebody. Beat baby. We're gonna go to the museum. I'll stay here. Don't worry.

Starting point is 00:21:44 Love is dead. I wanted more laugh from the prop I should try that if I brought Samson on the road with me that would be incredible I'm sure I mean here's a question is the cat how do I put this as crazy as you he calms me down He's a word good. I thought that poor thing. We're a good balance. Uh-huh. Yeah, I did come home, honey Cat how do I put this as crazy as you he calms me down? We're good. That's poor thing. We're a good balance. Uh-huh. Yeah, I did come home any shit everywhere, but You did it to assert dominance No one does that to Ian whoa

Starting point is 00:22:23 Yeah, I made him he missed me.. So I ate it in front of him to teach him a lesson. You know what I did do? When he was a kitten, I laid on the ground and I put his food on my chest So he'd associate me with the thing he needed to live. Talk about code dependent. We're attached to that. Turn yourself into a sushi tray. You're naked. Jesus Christ, I just want to eat man. Try the tuna crunch. California roll in your nipples. I'm not gonna do a sushi tray. He might you might be hiding dude it was to the point where I was like all right I let me come like I put him on the leash and brought him over to you and that made it way worse

Starting point is 00:23:06 Oh, yeah, I legit was afraid he was gonna tear my forearm apart I thought he was gonna latch on you're gonna have to how much does that cost me? Oh? Actually, he'd be fucking suing me for ten years a year poochie poochie I got some peanut butter on me probably has bone broth rubbed all over him. I Mean you brought a half empty eggs and cheddar. Wait, but you had your eggs on the subway. Yeah, I think he thought they were deviled because they also people are seeing you and texting other people. Hey, do you know Ian Fie-dance? Is he alright? It's it's I mean, what the hell's wrong? Is everything okay? The other day I put a flower in my hair so I'd feel nice walking down the street Five different people asked for pictures.

Starting point is 00:23:47 Why don't you put Alexa Pro in your mouth? Hahahaha Try a Serac will under your tongue. How about a little lion's mane huh? Something. I didn't realize I'm taking these pictures like oh thanks I got a big fucking bouquet of flowers in my fucking hair. I'm taking these pictures like What's what's the current schedule what time you going to sleep? Well, you said you're not sleeping Well, what are you doing during the day if you don't have spots or pods?

Starting point is 00:24:13 Are you doing to relax you need a little e in time you gotta get on wind a little bit I? was Going to the gym. I was rain go with a Pentagon every day Going to the gym. I was. Training. Going to the Pentagon every day. Doing it. But the commute killed me.

Starting point is 00:24:27 I was hanging out at Gracie Mansion a lot. I like walking in a restaurant and yelling. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Dude, I was not. Do you ever see that girl, like the old lady at the town hall going around? They're talking about putting in a hardeezer or something.

Starting point is 00:24:43 And she's like, she had the library. I can't figure out my Facebook profile Facebook stole that's gonna be eating like six weeks Twitter stole my thoughts I Never said any of this I know you called me on a hot one going really well. I really am. I feel like I can sense when Ian's bubbling. I'm like, let's get Ian in here. I just feel it in the universe. A couple of full moons and Haji Haji. That Blue Moon we had a couple weeks ago. Probably on top of the Empire State Building. Alan. Werewolf.

Starting point is 00:25:20 No, things have been great. It sounds like so far everything's going pretty goddamn good. Yeah. You got the car accident. You got that going. Yeah, yeah. Got a little lawsuit pending. I talked to him the other day on the phone.

Starting point is 00:25:31 I said, what's new? Yeah, nothing. How about yours? Well, you know, I just broke out lamp and he didn't even get to it. He's like, I am going into a tunnel. I think I got COVID. I'll call you back. I'm on a plane.

Starting point is 00:25:44 I shouldn't even answer, dude, my bad. It's going down, I'll call you later. Once this come out, Milwaukee. Are we rolling yet? This weekend. Yeah, it'll be out this weekend. It's coming out Thursday. September 6th and 7th, Milwaukee Improv, come on.

Starting point is 00:26:04 Okay, and go out and see them throw the first pitch at the game. Yes. At the ballpark. Who are they playing? I think the Minnesota Twins. OK. They're in first place. So the Twins are.

Starting point is 00:26:12 No, the Indians, the Guardians. Oh, they're in the. Yeah, they're doing great. In the central. So it's going to be a packed stadium. Wait, is it the actual major league team? Yeah. I guess I just assumed it was like

Starting point is 00:26:25 the real deal. I thought it was like the Georgia Peaches or the Rockford Peaches. I'm you and Gina Davis. There's no crying in baseball, Ian. I'm putting a ball on top of a team. It's an actual my nephew's team arm. Okay, that's the truth. That's what you should wear. You should wear a Rockford Peaches uniform with a little skirt. Yeah.irt the skirt may tuck your sack back Hey boy You're going dancing with the locals at the well

Starting point is 00:27:00 No, I'm excited man, it's gonna be great that's really go they Apparently you have the option to throw in in front of the mound or on the mound. I'm going on the mound Don't throw high you gotta throw low I heard you're supposed to kind of lob it and go with it go with a go with a lob Otherwise if that fucking well Scopo's like we got a practice come to Queen you should catch I am but my shoulders fucked up. I got a torn labor. What do you want from me? Oh, don't let that insurance company see you throwing out pitches at the game.

Starting point is 00:27:27 Yeah, they're gonna use double. This is a comedy sketch, and I'm using a double. What you need to do is just, ugh. Yeah, yeah. And then fall on your face. Well, no, I'm getting shot up full of stuff, so it's gonna work out. And we're, you keep saying that.

Starting point is 00:27:41 What are you talking about? Cortisone shot. Ah, yeah. And how do you, do you know this guy? Or is he like your actual doctor? My actual doctor. Okay. Ah. And how do you know this guy? Or is he like your actual doctor? My actual doctor. Okay. What do you mean do you know this guy?

Starting point is 00:27:49 He's outside of Philly. Who goes to a doctor outside of Philly? Oh, it's my lifelong friend is my doctor and this is his dad that is a... So it's not your doctor? It's a friend of a friend. It's my mechanic. Everybody gets shots done in the garage. That's why I want to shout his brother out.

Starting point is 00:28:11 Jimmy Bonner, Esquire, my criminal defense attorney, really good guy. If you get jammed up in Chester, New Jersey, he's your guy, OK? I told him since he did a pro bono, I'd pluck him never chance. I got so He's probably like a tax attorney or something Although we got to get my daughter law

Starting point is 00:28:33 Bonner law Bonner law there we go He sits down with a and he just goes pleading sanity Yeah, get you out of here and I have we do it to get my TSASA pre check adjudicated because that did get taken with the night Well, mr. Financier, you were driving backwards down the highway. Do you have any answers? With night vision. It was opposite day. What do you want for me? I'm rubber your glue He gives me a take a touch black Touch your last they say he's guilty just goes

Starting point is 00:29:05 No, you're guilty i know you are but what am i oh my god dude you're in court in a full joker suit the face pain and everything you're wondering how i got these scars no not really dude we saw the accident report.

Starting point is 00:29:27 You seem like a bit of a freak, man. I don't want to talk to you no more. I was a drinker. It all started with my doctor up on the boulevard. Well, not my doctor. My doctor's dad. Your honor. Why so serious?

Starting point is 00:29:44 What doesn't kill you makes ya weirder. Will the defendant please rise? And here we go. Don't forget to check me out at Milwaukee and then plug in your face. EFITANTS.COM, I got a lot of stuff coming up. I'm hitting all the funny bones up. You're asking the judge, when does this come out? Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Starting point is 00:30:09 Are you shoving this a bit? Are you banking episodes? Can I podcast from jail? I'll save the good stuff for Patreon. Save it for the pod. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh my god. Oh man. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:32 Denver comedy works. Shut up. Kids moving tickets though. Councilman, it's always be closing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When's always be closing. Yeah. What are you in Denver? Uh, December. Okay. I just want to make sure I'm not there. Make sure I'm in Europe or something.

Starting point is 00:30:56 Getting out of town. It'll be December to remember. What kind of car were you in by the way? Pittsburgh Improv. Hilarities. Were you in a rental car? Yeah. What kind?

Starting point is 00:31:16 And let me tell you, thank God they said you're eligible for an upgraded premium. Do you want it? I go yeah. So I got an Audi. The thing saved my life. Audi, hit me up. Sponsor me. Your car saved my life. Okay. They had airbags. Haven't they done enough for you? They had airbags in the windshield. They gave you an Audi because they were trying to kill you. Dude, the thing saved my life. If I had a Chevy Malibu, which is what I was going to get, I would have flown out the window

Starting point is 00:31:40 and the thing would have crushed me. It's crazy. We were this close. If I would have got a motorcycle with a sidecar like I wanted, my cat could have been injured. This thing doesn't even have a silly horn. How am I supposed to drive this? I'd like to upgate to a train horn, please. Dude, when the guy hit me, I remember I heard the crunch and then I when I was wrong I went My pretzels You know what the sad thing is? I was in a part of town I

Starting point is 00:32:19 The gig was in Naples and I went all the way up to Fort Myers because I left my merch in New York And I found a print shop that printed out posters and I found the cheapest place to drive 45 minutes out of town. God forbid you don't make the money off four posters. You risk your life in a bad neighborhood. They were Pulp Fiction posters but still. To make 18 bucks. It's because I went for the cheap route. I had to drive 45 minutes out of town to save $8. He's got old concert posters.

Starting point is 00:32:47 Woo! You guys like Metallica? I've been to a concert. You're selling posters at concerts you've been to. Now, this is Operation Ivy. I love it. Is it Deftones in 97? Good God almighty.

Starting point is 00:33:02 Yeah. Jesus Christ, dude. I'm glad you're OK. I saw you somewhat recently after right when it happened Yeah, and we talked a little bit. We did yeah. Oh this guy's corner me. He's like here's what you got to do Okay, you got to milk this you got it. I mean dude. It scared me for a second the way you were hitting me I'm not limping enough. I was like what the fuck you done in your pants. I broke his knee You turned into fucking punch him in the foley law and order it was crazy It was nuts age foley Esquire was happening listen. You don't tell anyone you do this you do that

Starting point is 00:33:32 I'm like all right. I'm about to go on are you okay? Forget the stage are you okay with slicing your own Achilles tendon? That's big money put on two neck braces. It'll look better Yeah I'm like, man, if I get black braces, it'll look better. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was wild. I legit, I got cornered by Foley. It's **** nuts. I'm sorry. I was looking out for you. Dude, you, I know you like

Starting point is 00:33:56 a nice score. It's like you would stake in my earnings. I've been on the other. I've been on the other end. He does love steak. You have cheese steak in my earnings. Crab cake. I've been on the other end of that a couple of times. And people are fucking, man, they really go after you. It's crazy. It sucks, man.

Starting point is 00:34:12 It sucks. Yeah, it's nuts. No, but I got a concussion and that sucked for like three weeks. I worked the road, but during the week I didn't do any spots. I just had to like lay there and recover. Sucked. How'd you work the road with a concussion? I made it work. I didn't do any spots. I just had to like lay there and recover. Sucked. How'd you work the road with a concussion?

Starting point is 00:34:27 I made it work. Ha ha ha. Yeah, a lot of drooling. Yeah. Yeah. You gotta get done going to get done. You with the concussion, I figure that would push you over the edge.

Starting point is 00:34:38 You're up there, no flash photography. Ha ha ha ha. They're doing the intro like you're season out. Ha ha ha ha. They're doing the intro like you're season out Is that a disco ball oh is that my time you're in the green room That the lighter the car coming at me Bam! Jesus Christ. Oh, that's funny. Don't laugh, don't laugh. Woo! Blue 42! I'm ready to go in, coach. That's what I think, that's what I think of you in a two-two.

Starting point is 00:35:18 Now let's see that in instant replay. I'm just saying, it lays us out for 45 minutes. Real sports nut, huh? And one hell of a model American. I'm looking for a Ray Finkel and a clean pair of shorts. Can't just do Ace Finkel. Guess we can. Oh, ready then. Maybe that's because you're ugly.

Starting point is 00:35:51 You know, the guard do not go in. Woo. I don't smoke. It's a disgusting hat. Your gun is digging into my hip. You're never so 9-1-1 I picture a bunch of car a 15-car pile of car pile up and you're doing bits you imagine they look at the crash when it shoots me with my head out the window someone went and shook us that's none of your business, Dan.

Starting point is 00:36:26 I appreciate you keeping your nose out of my personal plan. Hey, sir, did you smash your own windshield for a bit? When the police report my words get out of the car like a glove. They bring you in the hospital. Where you from? Where you from? Where you from? Where you from? You shouldn't have made a right on red. Well, if you were me, then I'd be you and I'd use your car to make a right on red. Well, if you were me, then I'd be you, and I'd use your car to make a right on red. Who says that?

Starting point is 00:36:47 That's funny. What? In the beginning of Ace Ventura 2, when he's climbing the mountain, it's the cliffhanger scene. The guy in the helicopter goes, hey, buddy, if I were you, I'd call it a day and climb back down.

Starting point is 00:37:00 Well, if you were me, then I'd be you, and I'd use your body to get to the top of the well As a deep cut for shores in the you know When I came out of the car I did look like Kind of hot nose in those outies Bunch of porn magazine coffee hey don't tell anybody there in the car Catholic priest for some reason take my clothes off

Starting point is 00:37:35 invisible fires burning me I picture you stumbling out of the, stumbling out of the wreck and then doing the Willy Wonka front flip. Ta-da! You get nothing, sir! You lose! You get nothing! You spilled Oh God so you see any good movies We should call each other a midnight to put on this real at the same time We should call each other at midnight. Put on this real something at the same time. I'll watch it. I think about psychopaths like, OK, I'm not that.

Starting point is 00:38:29 Whoa, that was close. You have a big bed in your room or is it a single? You think I sleep in a bed? He's in one of those stretchers where you have you hang up those inverted tapes. He's getting the refrigerator closed. His cat's upside down to in a smaller one you ready for bedtime sprinkles

Starting point is 00:38:53 sleeps on a big pile of playing cards why crazy man so here I'm funny what's this now I'm sweat my shirt matter what time you do back to the dogs and they start reshooting Oz? What's going on? You look like every suspect on Forensic Files. Oh, she was a good girl!

Starting point is 00:39:34 Hey, how's the Yellow King these days, huh? Jesus Christ. You look like you've got a gas mask on. Naked. Oh, whoa, man. You're making yourself comfortable. Dude, I'm sweat through my clothing. naked Dude I'm I've sweat through my clothing feel this no That doesn't look like it was made this century

Starting point is 00:40:00 You got that at the dust pole How long you've been a prospector? You should have one bear claw scratch in the back of that He just spit all over the up this man's clearly lying ladies gentlemen you're on a mood to strike punch you're that guy that jumps on the judge he like I'm totally not gonna make a move Did you see that guy except he's got no ups he just Flips over God Do you happen to have a trampoline anyway

Starting point is 00:41:00 He's ready got I'm not gonna do anything just let me go. I swear I'll be totally cool. I'm cool. I'm cool. I'm cool. Kip, what do you know about sheath? I know my wiener and balls are in two separate pouches right now. Not touching because that's icky. Keeps them dry and smelling good. Uh huh. Gang, the best pair of underwear you're ever going to own is sheath. State of the art game changer. Pioneers in the underwear game.

Starting point is 00:41:26 Separates your nuts from your squeener. Yes. Your little guy or your big guy. Whatever you got. And listen, if you got a little guy, you put it in that pouch, props it up on your little testicles, it looks like a pretty big, looks like a medium guy. That's what I do. I put everybody in the front pouch.

Starting point is 00:41:41 Yeah, put them out on Front Street. Let them know what you're working with. A little window shopping. Sure. Sheath is the underwear of legend, is the only underwear that we wear. The only underwear that I own is because Sheath is simply the best pair of boxer briefs you'll ever put on. I've been saying that for years.

Starting point is 00:41:56 It's grown up underwear. Listen, a lot of people to listen are bigger guys and gals. Whatever, you throw these on, they got good fit. They're not those cheapo depos that are bunching up and getting in and out of your crevices. You know what I mean? The ones I get from Target, man, it's bad news. Yeah. So if you use the promo code garbage,

Starting point is 00:42:13 you'll get 20% off your order. That's sheath.com promo code garbage. And use promo code garbage for 20% off your order. Do it. Sheath underwear, the underwear of legends. Go to sheathunderwear.com. Do it. Do it. Sheets Underwear, the underwear of legends. Go to SheetsUnderwear.com. Do it. Do it. Have you ever been tased by the police? No. It's the only way you can come. I was going to say I wouldn't mind seeing that. Him running and then the legs tighten up and he falls. It's going to be me at the first pitch. A bunch of rubber balls come

Starting point is 00:42:44 out of your pocket. I'm two for one. I'm gonna streak and throw it out the same time That's pretty good in a headdress That's not gonna fly these days who my buddy got a big chief Wahoo Jersey, and he's gonna be on the field with me I'm like, I don't think they're gonna like that. No, it's it's the Guardians now you gotta wear a Guardians Jersey they're giving me a Guardians Jersey sure mm-hmm it's a straight jacket what's all these buckles I would love to find out this is all some rules like an intervention to get you I have a feeling what did the Guardians move the Trenton dude. I have the biggest fear You know the movie identity where the whole thing is eight different people's lives living inside the head of one psycho

Starting point is 00:43:32 I'm so afraid. I'm gonna go out of the field and just wake up is this thing locked or is there a chance? You're gonna get there and get bumped or something locked. Okay tonight show Might be Bad news Melanie Griffin's here Freak show he's got ice on his shoulder. Can I settle to be in a bad boy? Right yeah Anything down there with those guys. Did you see there's a minor league team? They trained a dog to be the bad boy down there with those guys. Did you see there's a minor league team

Starting point is 00:44:03 they trained a dog to be the bad boy? I did, it's adorable. Don't go near it. Don't shit on the field. He's hitting you with a bat. This guy just won't go down. The concussion made him stronger. Joke's on you, my brain's always moving around.

Starting point is 00:44:22 Jokes on you, my brain's always moving around. First one to hit his head in his brain, sidesteps it. Not today, boy. It was a close one. You got extra fluid around it. All right. Hey, everybody out there welcome back every guy's just tuning in Tulsa Oklahoma go back to your plot Motor City Speedway comedy connection I'm doing the December 31st it's gonna be Providence island Providence shout out to that. It's gonna be Providence, Providence, Providence, Providence. Shout out to that comedy connection.

Starting point is 00:45:05 Nice. It's gonna be fun. Two shows. We're doing a live podcast on the 29th. Okay. And I'm doing two shows New Year's Eve. My birthday. Gonna be fun. There you go. You guys wanna come out? Is your birthday on New Year's Eve? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:45:18 Oh my God. I'm sure I knew that. Yeah. But man, that makes you even weirder. Does it make sense? A little bit. Just makes sense. Yeah. A little bit. Just makes sense. Yeah. A holiday birthday for you makes sense. The fact that it's New Year's Eve makes sense

Starting point is 00:45:30 that there's banging of pots and pans involved. Mm hmm. Finally, the world. Here's what I've been here in the whole year. Your mom just hit you. You're Batman. You would have wouldn't smooth. We did a New Year's Eve show together back in the day. That flyer is amazing. That's Apple

Starting point is 00:45:55 Bees. Yeah. No, it was Apple Bees. Apple Bees on like, yep. Fifteenth and Samson. You mean Monroe, Tommy, Brian Finnell is a Paul Goodman. Yeah, Paul Goodman. Joy Goodman production, of course. Paul Goodman. Yes, you want it. I was so jealous. I wasn't on that show. Really? Yeah. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 00:46:11 Jealous. That was my New Year's Eve. That was my first. Bees. What more do you need? That was a big deal. I took all. Wasn't it at like six o'clock? Bro, it wasn't at midnight. Of course. It was one of the worst New Year's Eve. Who's spending a New Year's Eve at Applebee's? It was just me and the Ian's. Of course, it was one of the worst New Year's Eve ever. Who's spending a New Year's Eve at Applebee's?

Starting point is 00:46:28 It was fucking darling. Just me and the Eans. Oh yeah. Yeah, a bunch of my friends came up, the girlfriend I had at the time, I joked about her, made it weird. You know. It was fun. You look good now. That's good.

Starting point is 00:46:39 I'm sweating. Is that what you put the bandana on for? To hold his brain in place from sloshing around They took the bandage prescription man and Sweat going to court you have a half an apple Take a whole apple this guy's good admit him he knows all the tricks sit on your sit on your arm before you go in

Starting point is 00:47:17 it tries that thing with the peanut butter in his underwear. That mob boss supposedly got off crazy. Is he playing chunky peanut butter in his underwear? He's gonna track more dogs. Yeah, don't do that. Why are we all gonna get a matching tattoo? What? No. You should get your prescriptions tattooed so you don't forget them. Do I have insurance group number?

Starting point is 00:47:47 Blue Cross Blue Shield. Is that what you got, Blue Cross Blue Shield? Yeah, dog. Really? I'm surprised you don't have something tattooed on you like in case you're on con. Do not resuscitate. You got a smoke on you? Give me a heater, I'll be good. A buddy of mine is do not resuscitate you got a smoke on you give me a heater I'll be good

Starting point is 00:48:06 a buddy of mine is do not resuscitate on his chest is that legally binding yeah I think so I don't think you know it's carved in definitely with the boat man when he sees Oh, man. You gotta pay the toll. Hey, move over, Tugbook. Does anyone have a quarter? He impregnates me as a guy who sleeps with pennies on his eyes. Pay the toll into the afterlife. If I die before I wake, I pray my cat my soul to take. I would love to die and have him eat me So then we could be one that's not how that works

Starting point is 00:48:54 My last gift to him the final man happened to a neighbor of mine They had a bunch of little dogs and he Pete he died in the house and they licked his face for like weeks They go for the lips. Yeah. Oh god and the bottlethole. Here's one's nothing to do with your mustache. I jeez I'm just not attractive to this piece of the egg in there and That this guy's breast but he was alive Now not a deviled egg by the way, but it was how many hard-boiled eggs did you do? Smalls a big thing on the pod man You can't eat hard boiled eggs in public. On the train.

Starting point is 00:49:26 On the train? You don't give a shit. We're aware. I mean, you're a handful public figure at this point. I am. I mean, people are noticing you. I know. If you see something, say something.

Starting point is 00:49:37 Hey, this guy's hanging from the poles eating eggs. Yeah, I just want to tell you this. Showtime! Are you supposed to dance? I'm just popping eggs tell you this. Showtime! Are you supposed to dance? I'm just popping eggs in my mouth. How many things can I fit in my mouth? Ladies and gentlemen, Shell's still on the egg. He's flicking it so you can see.

Starting point is 00:49:57 Touch it, the shell's on. I touched my egg! I touch my egg Are you making them at home sometimes? No, I'm saying sometime you're not making the eggs at home. I dude I was in LA Stayed at Jason Elsie's shout out He got me cooking and on a diet. I came back. It's clean that dude I was eating so clean and then this fucking car wreck fucked me up man, and I'm Coming up on 10 years over the grocery store is

Starting point is 00:50:35 You know I lost a lot of motivation I'm coming up on 10 years over Congratulations, thank you. I can't take pain meds, so I'm just getting a fucking like Nyquil and the Tylenol It's not touching shit. So I'm waking up in the middle of night still in pain I got a herniated disc tore my labrum slept on my neck wrong choices labia I Had a freak boner accident, okay My ass Don't even get me started freak boner accident, okay? My asshole's blowing up.

Starting point is 00:51:05 That's other thing, don't even get me started. Don't get me started on that accident. Your honor, he hit me real hard. Last time I go to Naples. Spent a month there one night if you catch my drift. Good God. So, Aldi, if you're listening. Yeah, really, Aldi. Aldi, if you're listening, yeah,

Starting point is 00:51:27 really, Aldi, Aldi, and you fit there. Save my life. Yeah, Aldi, emfinance.com. Come to his show. I mean, Hilarities November 17th. That's going to be fun. That's a great club. That's the best. Yeah. Pittsburgh Improv that weekend. That's a great club as well. Great club.

Starting point is 00:51:45 Comedy work same. Love it. Do you normally shake this much or no? I didn't even notice. Christ, I thought the building was coming down. So we had a whole building seven vibe happening. Hold on to me for safety. What are you looking at?

Starting point is 00:52:00 On my other dates. My cat texted me. Ooh. My other dates Cat text me God I wish I could face time only plug this year Don't be play. I mean you plugged up until what do you plug up? October 3rd to 5th, Houston, Houston punchline, tickets are a little slow on that. So you don't want to really ruin my trip. Because I'm not going to sugarcoat it. You don't want me upset rolling through your city.

Starting point is 00:52:33 So if you know anybody down there with a history of drunk driving, send them in my direction. We might add a show in Toronto, but maybe take a trip to Houston instead. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I'm like, I can't own one. There's a little bit of a red tape issue on that one. I am a good shot. FBI says, nerf only not even the hard ones. It's gotta be the old school fluffy one. You don't even let me have

Starting point is 00:53:24 the football. He's only got the bow and arrow. Holy shit. I did get into it with a guy at the airport in Denver. Sure, of course you did. And I was pretty proud of this one. Hit me. He and I were going at it. And I go, yeah, you keep running. So there I am trying to storm the cockpit, all right?

Starting point is 00:53:38 I go, no, we're in line at Sky Priority Delta. And I go, no such thing. Tell me, what? Sir, you have a spirit ticket. I've been on Delta. I can smell it. I'm here for Greyhound Airlines. Flying Chinatown bus.

Starting point is 00:53:58 You're showing a Greyhound ticket to get into the Centurion Lounge. What? I'm good for, I good fun traveling my money's no good here How many places do you get thrown out of a month Just not admit it. Oh, yeah, not admitted you try to get in I've been admitted all right now you try to get it anywhere Here like a guy in a video game checking doors, okay And there goes the perfect game

Starting point is 00:54:46 Pull me out put Luke in my seat. Little activity in the bullpen. It's it for the big man. Preston Lacey comes. The guy from Jackass. Would you catch what he has. What the hell just happened? What the hell just happened? We've been financed.

Starting point is 00:55:10 We're going to take time starts ground at us. It only took him 42 minutes, but he did it. My God, he did it. Fuck. You were just saying something. No, he wasn't. I got nothing. Oh, you got to fight it. The Delta line. Yeah. Fuck you were just saying something You got a fight at the Delta line. Oh, yeah, you tell me I Don't know where the stories go, but I said with the other guy

Starting point is 00:55:40 Let me set the stage. We're in this guy stand in their mind in his own business. I Think he's thinking about me. I asked him to borrow a couple bucks I tell him I'm good for it ask him if he wants to trade seats. Hey, can you tell them I'm flying out tomorrow They got the free Wi-Fi here, what are you bitching about soaked my undershirt? I gotta get home to see my cat pal I'm in line. There's there's people in front of me. No one behind me. This is I'm sorry. This is what lounge is this you're trying to get into? I'm not getting into the lounge.

Starting point is 00:56:08 I'm getting into the I'm in line at Sky Priority Delta bag drop off. Okay. So I had to go print out my own ticket for the luggage. So I left my luggage in the luggage. I had to go print out my own luggage. So I had to print out my own luggage. So I

Starting point is 00:56:24 had to go print out my own Okay, so I had to go print out my own ticket for the luggage So I left my luggage in the line. Nobody was coming behind me, right? I had to take it out 30 seconds I already don't like that. Yeah a guy and his wife Walking in line move my luggage out of the way and step in front and I walk up and I go Oh, hey, my bag was there and he goes you're real fucking asshole aren't you off the jump I? Go hey No disrespect, but go fuck yourself. I meant hey you went to Call it misdirected go back and forth and then I go hey man you keep her in your mouth

Starting point is 00:56:59 I'm gonna tell him you have a fucking gun in your bag. What do you think of that? I? Was proud I was like that was a good I think it's a little extreme sure you keep going with a fucking kill myself so I turned around I'm gonna blow this whole place up and working and then I he goes hey you know what I do have a gun in my back what do you think of that I go let's go outside and use it I got nothing to what can I see what are you an air marshal I'm sorry thank you for your service sir Go outside and use it. I got nothing to lose. What can I see it? What are you an air marshal? I'm sorry. Thank you for your service sir

Starting point is 00:57:34 Is that a Buretti man talking about calling your blood You I told him to use it. I said go let's go outside fucking shoot me. I got nothing to lose He goes hey buddy. I'm flying middle seat back to Newark. You think I give a fuck He goes buddy. I'm flying middle seat back to Newark. You think I give a fuck Do me the favor pal. I don't even have sky priority and not even booked at the comedy works I'm trying to drum up enough business. So they finally booked me Outside handed out flyers for 48 hours. I'm a little you call me on a hot one. I thought there'd be more fuck traffic. I'd love to see you do it. Ian, let them go. You can't do that. You can't hold the police in line of banter.

Starting point is 00:58:17 It's a goddamn international... There was no one else behind him. It's a principle. They touch my luggage and off the jump, off the jump, he goes, you're a real fucking asshole. Fuck you. Don't fucking talk to me like that. I agree with that. You're not wrong. Well, you're not wrong. That's why I jumped out to fucking 10. That's why I told him to kill me. Yeah. That's why I took out my knife and said, hey pal, I got a gift for you. Easy. He does it all the time. Did I do this before? Yes, you did it.

Starting point is 00:58:46 You're a one trick pony. I gotta head injury. I'm nuts over here. He needs some new props, ball top. It's a head injury. Stop it. He's got three hats on. What the fuck, alright?

Starting point is 00:59:01 It's all good. He can finance bobblehead, mate. His brain's swishing around. Alright, it's all good in finance bobblehead night His brain swishing around He's all bandaged up with a black guy gunshot Throwing out the first bitch with a fresh head injury. He's walking the wrong way thrown He's on third base. Grenade! It's a basketball. Bounce pass.

Starting point is 00:59:36 Yeah, you can't do that. You gotta let that slide. I realized I was wrong. I tried to make him laugh. I tried to put his ear back on after I cut it out I go hey, man. I Was wrong. I your wife still a dumb bitch Your wife may or may not be a whore, I don't know I Go hey, I was wrong. Sorry wouldn't be funny if we're on the same flight and he goes I'm gonna fuck what flight you're on And I was like oh

Starting point is 01:00:03 the same flight and he goes I'm gonna fuck what flight you're on and I was like oh it's back on. Oh buddy. Oh buddy. Fool me one shame on me. What a dick. Right? Yeah that's what I'm saying. If you tried to make it right. And then but there's no one in there. The Lord shined down upon me because I went to my person. I was swiftly arrested and interrogated for hours. A succulent Chinese meal! So he's at his thing getting an argument with the guy behind the counter, which vindicates me. I walk past, I go, this guy's a real fucking dickhead, huh? And then I just went outside to smoke. Then he got on the luggage thing and just went back into the Are we gonna wrap it up? What? I'm sorry No, yeah, it's my fault. You showed up a half hour late and then pissed the dog off

Starting point is 01:00:55 What hey do you have any dates? He was dates drive left to plug plug away Guys heard about Houston right? I'll be in Naples Superior Court October 11th Still looking for representation I'm going to be honest Jimmy Bonner You have not returned my calls

Starting point is 01:01:16 What the fuck kind of attorney are you? Do you want to make some scratch? Um I got a bunch coming up I'm in Detroit Uh Houston Tulsa, Tampa, Florida, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Cleveland, Ohio, Toronto, Denver, Nashville, Zanies, eandfightance.com for tickets. Sign up to my mailing list, punchuplive.com slash Ian. I'll only show up to your house once a month. Punchup.live slash Ian Fideance, Ian with Jordan, and Wild Happy and Free on YouTube.

Starting point is 01:01:47 Check it, gang. Cousin Ian, everybody. And I gotta say, I love you guys. I love you. People come out to shows. They found me on your guys' show. You guys are such a great family. People have been checking in.

Starting point is 01:02:00 They're about to 10.32, yeah? 11.50. Yeah. Too close to home. Give me what you got for him. Guys, the Route 66 tour starts next week. Chicago to L.A. We are in eight cities in between.

Starting point is 01:02:11 We got a tour bus. We're going. It's going to be a goddamn hoot. I'll meet you in Denver. Oh, God. No, God. Never mind. Tour's canceled. All sales final. Now, are you garbage.com for all your tickets, gang? Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week.

Starting point is 01:02:23 Peace.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Beware of Dog w/ Ian Fidance!

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