Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Big & Tall Boys w/ Kippy & Foley!

Episode Date: November 18, 2024

Are You Garbage is back and the boys went shopping! We're talking DXL mannequins, Hotpot and answering your garbage questions! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live s...how! AYG & Friends: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Uncommon Goods: https://uncommongoods.com/ayg Promo Code: AYG Blue Chew: https://bluechew.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Get 50% off your 1st box by going to https://factormeals.com/Garbage50 and use code GARBAGE50 Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Gherby. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:26 It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find that to be classy. Yeah. Just a big old piece of trash. Trash. I'm your host, A.T.S. Fully coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition.
Starting point is 00:00:37 I didn't get much sleep last night. Okay. I heard that goddamn headboard in her room going all night. Okay. The white stripes were in there. I don't know who's in town with seven. The seven nation army was in there. Bringing the heat. Talk about boom boom boom boom boom.
Starting point is 00:00:53 That's neither here nor there. My coach is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call a family episode here at Anto. He's just the boys, the bozos, and the homies, and he is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. Just a couple of guys wearing our new shackets. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan. What up everybody? Thanks for tuning in.
Starting point is 00:01:13 As always, please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes. And obviously now being told I gotta say Spotify as well. Check us out there over on Spotify. Full video available on YouTube. And obviously the greatest website of all time. I mean, www.patreon.com slash RU garbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content. I did the, I crunched some numbers.
Starting point is 00:01:34 I was in the lab crunching some numbers. Sure, got the calculator out. With hard feelings and the bonus episodes, there's over 400 hours of content. That's a lot of freaking content that's just in time for the holidays too! Share it with the family! Also now Patreon they they send me emails from time to time I don't always listen you know what I mean well you can now gift I think you can gift people memberships like for a holiday
Starting point is 00:02:00 just in time for the holiday season. It's like the new McDonald's gift card back in the day they would get one of those. You would get McDonald's gift card. Back in the day, they would the best get one of those. You would get McDonald's gift cards? Sure, some people would. Really? I wouldn't get it from my parents. That's half used. There's about a McMuffin left on it.
Starting point is 00:02:13 Santa Claus would leave them. Really? And the stocking stuffer. You were getting, OK. At what age? I don't know, six, eight, when they were popping. OK. That's weird.
Starting point is 00:02:24 A six-year-old gets a gift card and goes and buys his own lunch. Sure. That's wild. Would you take the bus there? Some hard candy and a bus token. I wanted to go and hang out with the older guys, smoke cigarettes, drink coffee like we used to back in the day. Sure.
Starting point is 00:02:39 You know, you liking this? I made you, I let you, yeah, there's a, we, me, I took the big man shopping. Shack it. Took the big man shopping last week. If you don't think, I'm gonna tell you something right now. Get used to this motherfucker.
Starting point is 00:02:52 All right, it's the goddamn Brooks Brothers. You got me buying the good shit over there. I'm a Harbor Bay, oh kill man. He's pointing out fucking Flaherty T-shirt. Flaherty. Yeah, Flaherty fucking pants. Like $200. That's a lot of fabric. I'm fucked at. By the way. Just so I can rip the crotch in a couple of weeks. The mannequins at a fucking DXL look like the offensive line to the Saints.
Starting point is 00:03:19 You're the boy. It's crazy, dude. I mean, if you're referring to the Iron Curtain. It looks like they all grew up at Chernobyl. It's fucking they're all odd shaped and I mean I get it It's good that the plus-size guys have that that's who you're selling it to uh-huh fucking some skinny mini in there I want to I want the real feel I want to know what it's gonna look like portly gentlemen Everything's got stains on it in there that one came you're like there's a stain here on this one is stain on this one yeah what one's better there's a bunch of greasy fingers
Starting point is 00:03:52 flipping through fucking clothes in there that's the only store with a fucking put bring your own food policy the mannequins all holding chicken nuggets and shit hey you got to see what it looks like in real life You know what I mean speaking of eating? Okay, I wanted to run this by you. All right, okay, so it's the you know, it's the cold season It's getting chilly all that kind of stuff speaking of chilly. I Love it. I love the Texas chili. I love the way you can spin something just based on an hour It's you know, it's it's getting cold
Starting point is 00:04:25 Well me and the board when it when it gets when it gets cold outside We like to do a little far like do a little hot pot talked about hot pot before you know hot pot I'm not super familiar from being honest Lucas. I've only done it once no kidding. Yeah, somebody's birthday. Yeah Yeah, is it like a cauldron of stuff? That's what I picture. I have new Salamander it's um it's similar to Korean barbecue, but instead of the grill they have like like a broth Okay, and then you purchase like vegetables some mushrooms pumpkins really good Potatoes like how you're starting off with all the healthy stuff or a couple of Oreos
Starting point is 00:05:04 potatoes like how you're starting off with all the healthy stuff or a couple of Oreos deep fry them in there um And you could do too you get like a normal one, and you do like a spicy one, okay? Which is good for the you know good for the charm whatever you whatever whatever all that stuff I need pick your meat you do your pork your meat do your ribeye, and they're like they're like Sliced and rolled up so you take your chopsticks you dip it in there you cook it then they had the little sauce tray You know the sauces dip it in there. It's really good, but that's either here nor there Okay, now. I don't know why you told us I would do a little hot pot. Okay, and at the end of the meal Instead of like mints or whatever you drink the soup
Starting point is 00:05:47 fucking yeah, bong it Do you do that like yours finishing ramen No, you know what you do speaking of which you get a cut you get a thing of ramen noodles and throw them in there They give them to you. No, you gotta take it home. No, but they have them there They have near you order them So at the end after all the stuff has been in there and it's all mixed in and all the flavors You throw in it you throw in a thing of ramen noodles and you crush that real quick I don't know if I'm ever real good ever be in a position to go to a place where I make my own soup That's just not making your own soup to soup stare. That's I mean, it's a good time. You're buying this stuff
Starting point is 00:06:23 You're at me. If this sells you sounds a lot like making your own hooch in jail. I'm not in the clink pal. I got my goddamn freedoms I'll just go to a ramen spot Sure, you could do that or you go to this place like the hobos under the bridge That's what bums do for Thanksgiving. They get a big pot going and then they all meet I get a stew going, baby Speaking of which, you know the guy the outdoor boys big fans names Luke right? Yeah, man When that guy makes a fucking stew in the middle of the Arctic? That looks good as shit that guy needs friends. I mean I like his stuff, but you he's got a he's got his kids His bread always gets me too when he hits the honey butter bread oh
Starting point is 00:07:02 man game over When he hits the honey butter bread oh man game over What for that that looks delicious, I mean he's out there by him You got no shotgun or not have you seen when he brings his like two-year-old kid out there with him Kids are fucking hard as nails. Oh my god I put that on when I go to sleep when he gets inside the hot tent so cozy After a nice bowl of lamb soup or whatever he's got shout out Luke. They're eating gopher looks good anyway They hit you with the check to give you the check this place that we went to that's in the soup
Starting point is 00:07:36 Two sticks of gum very nice body what kind Wrigley's what I'm telling you right now What kind? Wrigley's. What? I'm telling you right now. Doublemen or the Juicy Fruit? No, Juicy Fruit would have been nice. But they got the Chinese lollipops up front. Really?
Starting point is 00:07:50 Yeah. They hit you with two sticks of Spearmen. Just two nice sticks. That's all right. See what I'm saying? That's class. That's pretty good. Forget about the mints or the fucking whatever.
Starting point is 00:08:03 Give me a stick of Chol. Sure. A stick of gum. That me a stick of chal. Sure. A stick of gum. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Wow. Why are more people doing that? Dude, everybody should be doing it.
Starting point is 00:08:12 That's what I'm saying. You go, you wash your hands, you wash your face, clean up any stains with the stain stick. You come out, you fill out your thing. You wash your face after you eat? I get it everywhere. You're blowing bubbles in there. I get it everywhere. I're blowing bubbles in there? I get it everywhere. I usually have to include the price of the t-shirt when I do hot pot or
Starting point is 00:08:30 ramen. Do you dip on that or no? This is a Brooks Brothers shirt. I wore this in there that night. You take that off? Oh, I took it off. How many days? so you bought that Friday? How many days Friday? How many days have you worn at word Friday? Saturday Sunday I think we ran to the store probably threw it on of course sure we're gonna shack it got to show off the new threat I do in here. Let them know the spring collections. So you've worn have almost every day since you've bought it give or take I wore it every day. Yeah, okay. Yeah And yeah, it looks good. Thank you bought it, give or take. I wore it every day. Yeah, okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:06 And yeah, it looks good. Thank you. You fought me on it. Sure. Kicking and screaming. You wanted to button it, by the way. I'm not a Brooks Brothers guy. I told you.
Starting point is 00:09:16 I really laughed at myself because you went into the- I'm in O'Neal's fall collection. They're not going to go in the water series. You're one of a beach guy. For sweating. Who's O'Neal? What are they doing? They've been You're a beach guy. For sweating. Who's O'Neal? What are they doing? They've been banging for a long time.
Starting point is 00:09:30 Sure. Yeah, it made me laugh to myself at one point. You walked into the green room. You walk into the dressing room and then turn back around and you're like, excuse me. And in my head I've had you asking for like, barbecue sauce or something. You have any wet ones? It was very how you would ask go like how I know you to ask a waiter for something
Starting point is 00:09:49 That's my guy over there by the way the guy with the dark hair sure kind of like the manager, okay? Yeah, we've been did you see me get shot down on the rewards program. No. He said I had nothing But my number in came back fucking zero. I know I got something cooking and I'm fucking dropping dimes in that place I go through this shit. I gotta be honest. They got some nice gear for the bigger fellas I wish there was like I Wish there was a DXL for guys who were like XL. Does that make sense? we're like I'm not competing with the smalls and the mediums something a little like You know, I don't know maybe a
Starting point is 00:10:25 BXL or something no room for you over there I know see you at H&M I mean they start at what 2 3x I think you can get there I mean you can get an XL this is a 2x this is 2x I love you from 5 I love you all the way from five. I love you to death. What's it say on the goddamn label? I don't get that you go. There's no way that is a cut to a 2x. L. It was dude at Brooks Brothers a European company I Don't think it is the good ones I Mean you even do you know in your heart of hearts? That's not a 2x
Starting point is 00:11:02 L don't make me look like the bad guy for all the nice Fucking bozos and does it not you even said you went to a 2x. There's ain't no to Get a seamstress there swapping out the tag I don't know who fucked up, but yeah And I walk I'm walking around like a tight ass over here never get a car made on a Friday or a Monday It's a nice shirt. You look sharp tonight shirt Yeah, I'm gonna take you shopping and I get to pick for you cuz you you're you're not coming in the dressing room with me Yes, I am. I'm gonna grab you by the crotch and say there's a lot of room down here She'd fucking karate chop my nuts every time
Starting point is 00:11:44 Yeah, I got in front of the broad. At an early age, I was like, Denise, you're not coming in. It got to the point where if it didn't fit good, if it didn't pass the ocular assessment on me in the green room dressing room, I wasn't going out. I was doing the fashion. I still don't do with my wife. If I'm like trying something on, she's like, oh, try this on. And I try it on and I come out.
Starting point is 00:12:04 I'm like, now we're leaving. She's like, well, let me see. I'm like, something on, she's like, oh, try this on, and I try it on, and I come out, I'm like, now we're leaving, and she's like, well, let me, so I'm like, you know. No, we're getting pizza. That's the way I was with you. You wanted me to shop, I just wanted to grab something for the shoe. I know, but you're like, I don't. That's how I operate.
Starting point is 00:12:15 That's why you don't have any clothes. You're currently wearing, how much was that shirt? 70 bucks? Over 100. That shirt was over $100? What are you, what's a Brooks Brothers? Or the Jacks? The T-shirt?
Starting point is 00:12:27 T-shirts are 30 over there. All right. If you do the three, if you get the three back, they're 20. But it's hit or miss with the, it's the different. If you get the value meal. Comes in a matchbox cart. But you're wearing, this is. The problem with the T-shirts over there,
Starting point is 00:12:42 which I've said is why I'm a true classics man. The problem with you is you're wearing, this is... The problem with the t-shirts over there, which I've said is why I'm a true classics man. The problem with you is you're wearing $100 shirt. Look great, you need it to look great. You're a performer, you're running around, you're bebopping, you're scabbing. People are paying tickets to see you. You should be dressed kind of nice. Goddamn showman.
Starting point is 00:12:57 You're a goddamn showman. You're wearing champion sweatpants with it. I bought them, these are nice sweats. They're cam, they got cam, but they're champions. This is what the kids wear now. No, you, these are nice sweats. They're cam, they got cam, but they, the champions. This is what the kids wear now. No, you're the only man ever to wear $100, I guarantee you, $100 Brooks Brothers shirt
Starting point is 00:13:12 and champion camo pants at the same time. These might've been over a hundred. This is something you would see Bradley Cooper walking around in a West Village ring. Wait, what? He's got some timepiece on his arm now. I don't know what's wrong, and he's probably playing a homeless guy in a film.
Starting point is 00:13:25 No, when he picks up to when he runs around, does his errands. He wears the same shit. Okay. It's cool to wear long sleeve shirts and sweatpants now. I agree with Foley on that, but there's- Holy shit, what? Oh man. Stop the presence.
Starting point is 00:13:38 I don't like this. There's no Parachampion sweatpants over like $45. Where? Just online. Look at DXL. Dude, there's no way those sweatpants were $100. like $45. Where? Just online. Look at DXL. Dude, there's no way those sweatpants were $100. Maybe $300. There's five Bitcoin.
Starting point is 00:13:52 Topping out at $45 again, DXL. You got bamboozles. No shit, they were $45. They're bad sweatpants. You had to sneak some. They're champion. Over $100. OK.
Starting point is 00:14:02 Whatever. Fair enough. I'm glad. You got to take it. Everything you got, you got one of enough. I'm glad you got it. Yeah, yeah, take it Everything you got is got you got one of everything. I've got stains on it I told you I'm done with your goddamn perfect your goddamn half a celebrity out here. I'm done with the Hawaiians, okay? What are you wearing to the wedding by I gotta figure out a something for a wedding wine I'm over there. Okay, like a fucking asshole
Starting point is 00:14:23 Where am I? I can't I'm a guy who wears black. I can't wear black to a Hawaiian wedding. And you'll be sweating. Jacket, no jacket. No jacket. Bomber jacket? I'm up there catching a heater. No smoking on the premises.
Starting point is 00:14:40 What? Where? No heaters. I'm not fucking, dude, you're nuts. I'll zoom in. No heaters. No heaters where? not fucking dude you're nuts I'll know heaters no heaters where the whole island okay well that damn archipelago our got your pollution over there I gotta talk to delting fresh fruit see about a refund starfish pineapple ice cream okay
Starting point is 00:14:57 moose a bee all right that's neither here nor there can we do hot pot over there oh buddy that's what I can Spicy hot soup in the fucking in Hawaii. It cools you down. Okay. It burns you so hot you start getting delusional that you're cold. I'll take you a full place over there if I can have you. Now. Fucking walking the Ho Chi Minh trail. No, no, no. I'm going right up the middle. Chicken, tendies, and some fries. Little bit of room service. Short ribs, you like a short rib? You're a short rib guy.
Starting point is 00:15:28 I like them if you- Short rib season right now. I like them if you replace them with chicken tendies. Yeah, I'll do a little short rib, little short tendies. I've had that hankering for that Irish food. It's the season. Bangers and bash.
Starting point is 00:15:43 Irish foe. I've been circling my dreams. OK, we got a goddamn family episode on our hang gang. As you know, when you sign up for the all Patreon over there, shout out to the over 13,000 homies. Goddamn army of garbage over there.
Starting point is 00:15:57 When you join, well, you get to ask your patron. You get to submit your Patreon question. We will read it on the air. And we got a hot one coming in. Hit me. This is from Jay Fine. Ten dollar homie. Never have one never have one read is it garbage use a poop bag for your lunch because you ran out of
Starting point is 00:16:10 Ziploc Dude that's bad cuz they all have a film on them. They have like an anti. It's like a baby powder They have something to go talc. Oh Dude, that's nuts. Also. What are your co- thinking? You sit down with a bag full of dog shit. Just fucking raw dog that shit. Yeah, or be like, hey, I'm gonna order out today. Also not that big. They're tiny bags.
Starting point is 00:16:33 Man, they're like a handful of fruit roll up in there. That's a tough look, dude. No, dude. However. No, people are talking about, you already got a tin foil, you don't have a grocery bag. I'd rather loose lunch meat in your pocket than that.
Starting point is 00:16:48 Man, what are people thinking? Hit a Wawa, 7-Eleven, something. Sure, get a soda. I need a bag. Yeah. Yeah. That's, I mean, that's, you shouldn't be doing that. I mean, I'm no gentleman over here,
Starting point is 00:17:00 but that's a tough look. I was in a Wawa just this morrow. Mm-hmm. I bet you were. Did you get a salad? Something like that. Uh huh. Sure. I got them bites down there.
Starting point is 00:17:12 I tell you what. You did not get cause you told me you had a sizzling. I seen them. No, I got them. Said hello. That's good for them. As I walked out with my sizzling over my arm. Can't be it's blue chew time, baby.
Starting point is 00:17:22 Boner town. Blue chew season. I forget about the holiday. It's cuffin season It's boning season. It's not gonna listen, especially around the holidays. Everybody stressed out We all need a little help. You know what I mean? Say this got a little helper, you know sure and is in his stock and hanging by the fireplace Listen, you got to show up this Christmas season You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:17:41 You got to bring the heat something you can swing from daddy Oh, you can swing from all right the candy canes ain't the only thing she's gonna be sucking on do yourself a favor Get a little blue chew for a little stride. No, I need it. I'm low I'm bad news man If you're not familiar blue chew is an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra C Alice in LaVitra, but at a fraction of the cost and it's in chewable form I know what I mean? Bluechew tablets are made in the USA. I'm talking homegrown bo-stuff.
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Starting point is 00:19:23 They got all of this good shit that you never think of. I got my wife a pretty cool necklace. Don't tell her nothing about it. Look at you. Yeah, it's easy. They were nice enough to give me a code. These uncommon good guys and gals sent it over. I jumped on there, bada bing, bada boom. I got a necklace. Belly button ring for the gu-ma too. And me. Here it is. to get 10% off your next gift go to uncommon goods.com slash a y g that's uncommon
Starting point is 00:19:48 goods.com slash a y g for 15% off don't miss out on this unlimited on this limited time offer uncommon goods. We're all out of the ordinary. Love it. Do it. There's something. There's something I love there's something so in me from going to wawa was my whole entire life that when I walk into one now, from not being at them so long, because I don't have them in New York,
Starting point is 00:20:11 you go and there's something instinctual that it takes over and they all smell the same, they all got the same flavor, it's fucking fantastic. Makes you want to load up and go back to your moms and sit on the couch. Dude, if you can still find a small one, like the the small country ones not the fucking big super wah-wah you walk Yeah, I don't need all that shit old school clean living. They're making the pretzels in the back doggy
Starting point is 00:20:37 All right, this one's from cousin Vinny $10 chicken parm foot soldier Shout out to you are you garbage if you see someone that lost a ton of weight in person? But don't address it cuz you're jealous It's not man Nothing new nothing changed for you. All right, that's got a haircut. No big deal. I got this new shirt from Brooks brother Damn, that's fucking haters shit. I respect it though. I respect it. It's because I was a you're looking for it Oh that guy that guy or gal who lost the weight. I've been on both ends of this.
Starting point is 00:21:08 Sure. And you're looking. Oh my God. I second last time I lost a little bit of weight and I went home, I didn't get it in the first two seconds. I shattered a vase at my brother's house and walked out. He got the short of glass to your neck. I'll do it.
Starting point is 00:21:24 Telling me about some relative that passed away. I'm standing right here. You're posing and shit. You're throwing it. I'm by the mantle, my arm on there. Yeah, that's fucking cold. I respect that, though. Because that's a thing you wrestle with yourself all day
Starting point is 00:21:41 ever you're looking. I doubt this person's in really good shape I doubt that they are the person who's jealous because if they are they're like I'm chillin. I don't fucky You know I can see that too though Skinny minis no shade no there go back and I had like oh you'll be fat again sure and they're right and hey Hey, buddy what goes up must come talk about the yo-yo diet All right, let's see this one's just funny this is from Fritz Uh is it garbage refer to the one year of tech school you went to after high school as your college years?
Starting point is 00:22:15 What is tech school or what's textile? Textile is yes No textile I believe there used to be a don't answer this yet lose I had a couple of boys that went to textile University Philadelphia textile University a couple older sisters. Yeah, my cousin. Who's a listener my cousin, Brian Who's a cop? Shout out to you. Thank you for your textile school. Yeah, these were always hot chicks They were always he's not a hot check bit of a Textile just means like fabric like a textile plant. Okay is like fabric. Yeah, what are they doing there? What to be like a seamstress or like no, I think no that school fashion designer
Starting point is 00:22:51 No, I think the textile and he's just more like wholesale like fabrics No, but the text look up the text no, they talk about the school look up to textile University of Philadelphia They're going you as with textiles were textiles and lighting and cheap merchandise. That's not what they're going to school for. You asked what textiles were. Yeah, textiles and fabric. Dim lighting and cheap merchandise. That's it. They're not doing that. They're learning how to be clothing designers. I don't think it. I think it just became a regular school at some point. It did. Yeah, it closed down. Yeah. It's something now. Arcadia or something like that. That was Beaver went to Arcadia. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:23:18 it did. Beaver College in Pennsylvania. Once the internet came along, they had to change the name. What were you thinking? Because everybody was typing in Beaver College and they were getting like coeds and pillow fights and stuff you know what I mean? so they had to change it to Arcadia. Muff University. Do you have anything on textile university? yeah it just seems like FIT like fashion institute technology is real sharp up here. I never understood that fashion technology
Starting point is 00:23:47 Fucking hot chicks go sure a textile degree is a credential that certifies two to four years of specialized training in the design and development Of fabric based products such as apparel and furniture. I like that. That's sharp But I don't think it was at the time Philadelphia textile I thought they were like cutting fucking It's now Philadelphia University. Okay. I thought they were like cutting tile with like wet saws and shit. That's what it sounds like. Yeah That's also what I'm a roof in her so I believe I could be wrong on this what it's Berkshire Hathaway was originally a textile company the on this what's Berkshire Hathaway was originally a textile company the Warren Buffett okay the longest time I thought was Jimmy Buffett's cousin guy used to
Starting point is 00:24:30 work not guy used to work with Pete told me that I'll leave them ever since until I said it very confidently in mixed company talk about a couple of bucks huh not too shabby Jimmy I mean sure rest in peace right wonder who has more money him or Warren but Jimmy Buffett or Warren Buffett Warren Buffett and it's things not even not even close Jimmy just became a billionaire right before he passed. I believe all that margaritas What's what's Warren Buffett's? I think it's in like the hundreds. Yeah, probably like hundreds of billions of dollars Yeah, it's net worth. It's pretty good. Then you know what he does? He eats Mickey D's every day. Sure. He could be the next Warren Buffett.
Starting point is 00:25:06 There you go. You'd be Warren Buffet. $145.9 billion US dollars. Jump change. Ummm... You don't wear Brooks Brothers. Probably don't have a nice jacket either. Sure. You really like the jacket.
Starting point is 00:25:23 It's my shirt. It's my jacket. It's my jacket. It's my jacket Everything where it open uh-huh when you walk outside keeps you keeps you warm It's the only thing as a big thick cut as a big Shack it guy as I am as you know has been wearing Shackets for a long time been making fun of me for years. I'll give you that it's been Shack it guy sure Sometimes you're walking in the city colder weather you turn the corner and oh You turn into fucking Batman We're all quick with the flaps they and then you're like cuz then the titties ain't great
Starting point is 00:25:53 You got the belly button hole break out the bat gut You got a hole and then you just feel like a fat kid again like turned into the penguin real quick Like holding it you're walking sideways that's why you always make fun of me because my other jacket my my roofing jacket or whatever it is the welding jacket yeah that can't do that thing looks like you weren't Fallujah that thing stinks dude he one of the guys that died in fury it looks like you got back from fucking desert storm in that thing. I Button that up when I walk around you yelling at me when I walked in the cellar one night But I do that because I don't want to have that happen when I when I hit the scene well unbutton at the door Whatever I turn the corner. It's fucking yeah, it's tough
Starting point is 00:26:40 My hairline starts going west coming around Hello boys And my hairline starts going west coming around hello boys Barrel Monroe blowing up on my skirt God Yeah, I was her okay. Uh this one's from 8 and $10 ombre. I never had one red You ever use a recent mugshot as a form of ID? Forgot my ID at a bar And I use my recent mugshot to prove that I'm over 21. Bartender almost bought it. I guess because it has your data bar, it's got all your stats on it.
Starting point is 00:27:09 Prove you're over 21 and how to handle yourself. Hey listen, I ain't no bubble gummer. Shit hits the fan, I'm ready to rock. That's a pretty good one. I'm ready to go back in. Uh-huh. That is a desperate thing when you don't have your license and you are clearly, you're just like, dude, there's gotta be something I can tell you or give you to prove it.
Starting point is 00:27:30 It's funny how. Like what do we do? The picture of an ID is now pretty much accepted. A lot of places don't. The seller doesn't. Really? They say they they they say no picture will be taken. No picture of your you need your physical ID. I see a lot of people doing that more and more than you since COVID. Yeah, I just think it's like I know for the people that don't need the business, like the popular bars
Starting point is 00:27:57 are going like we're not rolling the dice with you with some **** like I don't need you in here. There's a line of 50 people to get in. Right. I you right on I got options you know what I mean sure that's uh that like cigs if you're like you have I didn't like that I don't like you fucking carded me sometimes I'll go like what's your birthday I'm like I'm born in fucking 86 dude and smoking longer than you've been alive make good with the fucking cheap make it with the weeds you know six are worse cuz six cuz things are popping in bar. You know you're going to the bar What do you mean like you like you know okay? I'm going out to the bar. I should have my idea
Starting point is 00:28:32 I'm sure I'll give you sigs you could just be running into grabs always one bozo that don't have always I've never not had my fucking wallet on me What the fuck are you doing you were a passport guy for a while. No, I wasn't. No, I was. I was a Social Security Guard guy or Social Security Guard guy for a while. I didn't have a photo. I didn't have a valid photo ID for a long time.
Starting point is 00:28:57 Yeah, no, I knew there was something. I didn't have my ID. There was places you couldn't get in. I remember. Yeah, I remember for sure. And you go, I got this and I got this. Fuck,'s got a fucking. He's got a paper social security card. Yeah Mike Mike you're trying to open a fucking library. My license was Expired and cracked and it was taped together The social security card works like that now, but I've said yes the bouncer sees like this guy needs a drink
Starting point is 00:29:24 He is down on his I've said it many times on the pod that I was able to fly from LaGuardia Airport to Atlanta, Georgia and back with just a Social Security card, and I think a credit card They let me through it's the time. We got off at low you got off at LaGuardia and walked home on the highway. Yeah Good times Now I got a jacket All right, let's see this was from Xander Are you garbage if your dad buys an industrial toilet seat the kind with the gap found in public restrooms for your home bathroom? I
Starting point is 00:30:00 Kind of like that. Can I ask you probably doesn't fit? Can I ask you a question about that, please? Kind of like that. Can I ask you probably doesn't fit? Can I ask you a question about that, please? So two things one We have a bathroom in the lobby of our building which nobody uses and I use as if it is my powder I would do the same thing. I normally don't get a side of with you I fucking respect that because it's spotless all the time of a good unused public restroom There's nothing dude. I'm I like, unused public restroom. There's nothing. Dude, I like them better than mine sometimes. Because you feel like you're like, I'm staying at the Ritz-Carlton.
Starting point is 00:30:31 It feels nicer. It's tucked away. Nobody's ever there. And I mean, I've been in there for like a half an hour. Like if I get home at like 11 o'clock at night, and I got to use the bathroom, I'm not going to go up there, get my balls broke about I sit there and also to there in my bathroom at the house. I'm up against the wall
Starting point is 00:30:54 Yeah, they're tighter. Those are like dude this thing. I'm fucking I feel like the Fonz. I'm stretched out Uh-huh take some calls Plus I never run it on a toilet paper Yeah for calls. Plus, I never run out of toilet paper. Yeah, for days. I got a fucking... Got a fan going probably. I got a magazine just... Some good fucking, uh, good paper towels to wash the hand, dry the hands or whatever. It's nice. So, yeah. Dude, I had it. I was... We were in, um...
Starting point is 00:31:20 We were in DC a couple weeks ago. What was that bar I told you I went to? Like, Ye Olde Alhouse or something like that? It's that. It's it's it's it's. So something old house or something like that. I have it's back room deal bar. Yeah, it's a good very it's from like the fucking 1860. Oh, that big grill. Yeah. What year is that from?
Starting point is 00:31:39 Uh, 1856. And the bathrooms are from 1856. And I had an away game I had to do. You make a doodoo in there. Man, a crab cake got you. Oh, it was fucking blue crabs. They get up on a little. It was a crab cake.
Starting point is 00:31:54 Benny, if you gentlemen will excuse the crab cake egg, Benny. Uh huh. Whoa. What in Rome? Sure. Yeah. But it was also like, look at you looking for the gout. You in here? These sauce don't get me started, but man this bathroom Smaller than a foam and the door it had those old doors with the gat like wooden door not even like a fucking Metal door that clinks and the floor was wet and I was there was no I I mean it's right next to the White House And they weren't gonna let me in taking a dump next to mr. Peanut. Oh, dude. It was fucking bad people coming
Starting point is 00:32:31 It was one of those ones. It was bad bad loud not Wasn't the best aroma floating around sure and no like there was like the door was probably like three feet like it only just It covered your knees And I get cowboy bar you stand up. It's like not even to it only just it covered your knees and a cowboy bar you stand up It's like not even to my it just covers your midsection and man there's guys Like it's like someone's foot's right next to yours who's taking a pee like it's tight I was like nice pair of loafers. I had to let I had to sit there for a minute or two and let the Pedestrian let the foot traffic clear out. You know what I mean? I was like, I'm going to be getting
Starting point is 00:33:05 wait till the shift change. Yeah, I like the turn like a line change in hockey. Hey, you guys want to shut the fuck up and get out of here? It's bad. It was a tough one. I'm with you on that. The industrial toilet. I don't mind. I worry because my How do I put this delicately my equipment
Starting point is 00:33:36 Your wiener right my wiener. Okay, sometimes is in perfect contact with that It's like kit like like a baby's kiss and I mean like the lips are fucking they go perfectly right there and I've been in some Whatever's there if I forget to wipe it like you know cuz I'll wipe that off I Don't want my foot my no no it's so good I put a piece of paper towel over the middle sometimes napkin really like putting the fucking depth Well, it's either that are a lobster bib, you know Depending guy sometimes. Yeah, I'm I you know, I'm not catching whatever that's got. Can you is that? Yeah I would I don't know if I ever told you I was at that what's that jazz bar in?
Starting point is 00:34:17 This is I don't think I've ever told anybody No, I had a shit real bad one night We were out drinking we left. I think who I think we left. Oh, this is a Philly days. We left Raven. Hey, man What's the scene like in there? I had a shit. I think I paid five. I thought I never told you I paid a five dollar cover to get in there I'm a real cool cat and I'm jammed up. I got a Jeff Cap on backwards Just looking for a quick fix, man. I think I had to pay a cover to get in there and to do sit out to do.
Starting point is 00:34:52 And that's just as a bad bathroom, too. But I'm pretty sure a guy was jerking off in there before I went in there. Why? Because he was jerking off in there. That's pretty jerking them off. It's not kind of finish himself I was conducting a lewd sex act on himself what you think it got on the lip I don't know why I had a shit in there right it was like it was either that or shit my pants and I was pretty drunk and I was like enough to get over like the man
Starting point is 00:35:22 I'm guy was just wailing on himself in here. I think I might even open the door on him. I was like, we got an emergency out here, pal. Like you got to fucking put that thing in my mouth. I'll wrap this up real quick. I need to put that trumpet away and head on out to the lobby. Well, you're safe because it is highly unlikely that you can catch anything from the toilet seat by simply touching it with your penis tip. That's all my girlfriend told me.
Starting point is 00:35:43 Jesus. It's just scary when it hits. No, I know what you're talking about. It's how many other wieners you've kissed like that. Yeah, that's a lot. You start licking it. I also have gotten the water. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:57 Self-peday. Yeah. Yeah. Which I don't mind. Really? Depends. That ain't fucking. That ain't good.
Starting point is 00:36:06 I'm not proud of it. But yeah, that happened. This is a fucking toilet talk time with Kipi and Foley. Alright? You brought it up. Great question though. Alright, let's see here. This one's from Time is a flatbread circle.
Starting point is 00:36:22 Home run of a name. Ten dollar shareholder. Is it trashy to eat lunch at your desk in your office? I don't leave for lunch so I just shut my door, watch stuff on my phone, and then open it, eat, and then I open it back up when I'm done. No, that's I think that's the classiest of all movies. That's the guy getting shit done. Yeah, I don't I think that's probably very specific depending on your inter-office politics being from the time I've worked in an office. What are the options? You've never
Starting point is 00:36:49 eaten lunch at the office you've worked out in the break room like they do on the office. But you're not sitting around with the other people. You know, they hated me for it. They always made comments. You don't you never I would go out and catch heaters. Three or four heaters. Let's be honest, you didn't want them to see what you were doing. Well, no that was for like brought lunch Yeah, I'm not gonna like go all the way downstairs get a chicken parm, which I did I mean this place on 59th and slices Sicilian and walk back up now is there be more questions than answers
Starting point is 00:37:18 No, this place fucking this place at 59th and Park Is in the been the floor of the building I worked like on the ground floor of the building. I worked in man. They made these pre-wrap chicken parms with real mozzarella like unheated like they assembled it and then threw it in the oven man, and they knew every time I came in kippy was again. They were a little bangers.
Starting point is 00:37:38 They were probably like 8 inches. You know what I mean? Just call it a day. You picking sesame seeds out of your... Now I would walk out, boom heater, right off the rip, boom heater. Pop in there, order. By the time I'm ordering and I'm eating, 7 minutes, I'm gone. I'm out, back catching heaters.
Starting point is 00:38:01 And I would get an hour break, but I would only take a half hour, which I wasn't sure was okay with corporate policy, but I flew by my own rules. Would you cut out a half hour early? Fuck yeah, I would. Fuck yeah, I would. Well, even at 330, like the high school kids later kind of catch the bus. No, but I got football practice.
Starting point is 00:38:18 Everybody worked like till like three, four or five. I worked till six. They let me work worked till six. They let me work ten to six. So, everybody worked what? Everybody would go into like seven. They all had like lives and stuff. Sure. So, they're
Starting point is 00:38:33 like, I need to get home by three. My kids get home and I'm like, fuck that. This place. Nobody waiting for you. And this place clears out about four fifteen. So, Kippy's chilling for the last 90 minutes of the day. Sure. You know. But I think he's just sitting in your office
Starting point is 00:38:45 and you have your lunch. I think that's the respectable move. That seems pretty, but a lot of interoffice. You close it, close for business. Give me my time. But a lot of people think that's a lot of interoffice politics that could be weird of like that. Fuck them.
Starting point is 00:38:58 I agree. Fucking sitting in there next to the vending machine with fucking Dwight and the other guy. Get the fuck out of here. Will they, won't they? Who knows? Get out of here. No they knows no I agree that's a you're not intruding on anybody you can eat your own smelly food if you want You can have the fucking four day old meatballs. I respect that I'm gonna start doing that I saw Well, I'm done buying your fucking lunch Guys my doors clean puts like clean I'll be back in 15 or whatever I
Starting point is 00:39:24 Guys my doors clip was like cool. You know be back in 15 or whatever I Saw toot she do that do not disturb He was he was working on something. I guess he was he was on set filming something and he did a little quick videos I'm back in my trailer. I'm having a little fucking Venice and bolognaise in my trailer That's gotta be k puts Smells like roadkill fucking marinara sauce to cheat on sure But rather than eating with the rest of the you know the people that he's working with he takes a couple he takes an hour Sometimes you need a minute. I'm I get that yeah fucking day player or whatever I mean some fucking extra loading up their pockets with fucking cliff bars. Sure. Nice bowling ease on his honey wagon. I
Starting point is 00:40:07 Respect it. I did hey, I'm right there with boundaries Luke boundaries. Maybe I'll start doing that too This is gonna end all three of us just eating in separate rooms Do not disturb order in three separate lunches Buzzers going off no one's getting up it's not mine out of here I never did that I would I would always remove my I would find out too I wouldn't stand too close. You don't have an office what are you talking about? I know. Fucking eating hanging over the secretary's desk. They would get mad at me too. Still with that boyfriend of yours? What was her name? She better bitch. No one ever liked me. No one ever
Starting point is 00:40:44 liked me. No one ever Liked me. Well, I never went to their birthday parties and they got real upset about that Wait, would like when they like at the job? Yeah, how we're singing for Christine? I know it's a Seinfeld but you're crazy. What? Oh, I would have been in every one No store bought cakes. Oh And then you're in there. It. Somebody on the worked on the other floor and even did your mom ever bring a slice like that home for you? It was somebody's birthday. No, every once in a while, my mom would man, I worked in a hospital not eating food that was fucking
Starting point is 00:41:16 sitting in a hospital for four hours. And then a fucking 40 minute car ride home at midnight. She were working third shift. Yeah, Mr. Gagliano's PC ain't going to need it. Affeet just flam on it or something. You don't need it where he's going. I love that. I don't know. Icing was more whipped cream than icing.
Starting point is 00:41:38 You know, those cakes, store bought sheet cakes. Sure. And like the name would be in like a gel. I never liked that. Oh, you're crazy. Sure. I'm a crazy man. Couple of munchkins. Yeah. Yeah, you go. Oh, yeah. The dead man's much. And you'll do that, won't you, fatty?
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Starting point is 00:42:38 You know what I mean? Talk about clean eating here. Yeah, Factor lets you do you. You can choose from six menu preferences that help you manage calories, maximize protein intake, avoid meat, or simply just well-balanced. Yeah. Because Factor meals are chef-prepared and dietitian-approved, you're only going to love, you're not only going to love how Factor's meals taste, but also how they support your goals. They're easy-peasy. I go on the keto, low-cal type deal and I shredded that shredded chicken taco. Nah, that's good.
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Starting point is 00:43:43 Nah, she never brought that was never. That my dad was so my he was working a graveyard. I know. But my dad, everything was fucking passed over by the time she got in. I do remember some wilted Caesar salad. I got I got in trouble for eating some guys bagel out of my dad's out of my dad's my dad's cafeteria or like kitchen. My dad had an office. My dad owned a or like kitchen. My dad had an office. My dad owned a company. It was a pretty big, at the time.
Starting point is 00:44:09 Right. And I just assumed everything was his. They had a snack room. Yeah. Where the guys would put their lunch and stuff. I ate someone's bagel. How old are you? Eight.
Starting point is 00:44:20 But it was a stink. Where's my bagel? I heard it that way first. What was on it? I don't even remember. Butter? I might've just been a straight up bag. I just probably grabbed a Coke,
Starting point is 00:44:34 a can of Coke and a bagel, and went in the shop and hid behind some fucking old hot water heaters and ate it. Two by fours? Yeah. Fucking sawdust in your hair. You know that panic where you know you're about to be in trouble They'd started circle in the office who ate my bagel somebody my bagel and I'm like and they knew I they probably I probably
Starting point is 00:44:56 Poppy seeds in my teeth. They probably knew it was fucking me right away fat little little fat kid running around the office That little place is way around a carbohydrate man Yeah, guy named Wayne And then it went to my dad and my dad's like did you eat his bagel? I was like yeah Also, I'm sure my dad was like you fucking cheap. He's a fucking kid go buy your own go buy a new fucking bagel I'm out of money. I'm paying you Man he looked at you That was one of those I'm like you can't, he looked at you. Fat little. That was one of those.
Starting point is 00:45:25 I'm like, you can't contain yourself. You cannot. You just like. Because I know you had breakfast. I probably had a bagel on the way in from Wawa. At Tooford? Oh, go. It's Saturday.
Starting point is 00:45:36 Oh, tough. Tough luck, dude. Is it garbage to wait for your neighbors to leave their hotel room, then order room service to their room and take it when the staff leaves it outside? Free attendees for the boys. I think there's ones you can probably call up just randomly on the phone and say, hey, I'm staying in room 404.
Starting point is 00:45:55 You probably have to know the name and something, something. Or there's an app, like you can scan it and then do like, you gotta know their name somehow or something. Or maybe maybe you know Maybe just put fucking Franklin, and they they just take just roll it up Was it a nice place people aren't doing that people you know what I mean? They're not looking for ways to fucking cheat the room service, but this is pretty diabolical
Starting point is 00:46:16 Yeah, most of the places doing room service are pretty nice now, too Like not I feel like you're not getting a lot of bad Hotels doing room service no yeah, they're gonna double check the name true like no that's where you're not getting a lot of bad hotels doing room service. No. Yeah, you're gonna double check the name True like no, that's where you're getting jammed up. I think no In the 80s or something no hotel on the road. We've ever had went to had room service Definitely cash in points into a nice one. You gotta go downstairs and fucking meet your uber eats Yeah, and run the gauntlet or run it into somebody. Yeah, we've done that many a times We've all bumped into each other like 250 now. I'm just gonna call it the other way. I'm just gonna head up
Starting point is 00:46:50 Yeah like I Made a couple of sprints out of the fucking the snack corner in the lobby of the hotel put this on for 19 Slow count throw it throwing a lot of money Hurry up you bitch Hey fucking counting everything. It was a supermarket sweeps. Let's go That's why as a gentleman on the road. I do it if I get if I'm like hey, I'm headed up I do it I don't run it on everybody hey judge
Starting point is 00:47:18 I know you're all thinking the same thing I'll even get Luke a toki hop over there, but he's doing something a little more. I'm going a little more crazy than Lou do a grab bag of **** Haribo and a big water. I'll do a big. I can't be like some big water up there. I do a Gator. I'll do a Gatorade right away. Get the carbs in me for all or get the electrolytes in me for all the **** beers I had drank. Then I'll do a little big cold water for tonight and the morning throughout the night.
Starting point is 00:47:46 I'll probably diet coke for my snacks, or for my salty snacks that I'm gonna get. Gummy bears for the bed. I'm gonna get maybe a pack of gummies. Always. Not always. Not always. Luke's in there like, I'll do a banana.
Starting point is 00:47:59 No way. These bananas aren't right. Off my Chiva? I've seen you and Tommy get fruit from a hotel lobby and be like Tommy walk that's bullshit idiots the most I've never done that the most I do is a banana that's for fucking
Starting point is 00:48:13 Magnum ice cream bars yeah get a little sweet treat for those things are thick this is slander I always do my salty and sweet I'll eat about 3,000 calories in bed and then go night night a little bit of forensic files on the on the tube Hey, wake up think I'm in the crime scene the case pan out oh Fuck all right. Let's see um
Starting point is 00:48:38 This one's from Max. This is something. I don't think we've ever dissected ten dollar home slice Were you a pop secret or a Redenbacher family? Which is trash? I think pop secret was trash here. That was like the new age that came around later Redenbacher was the OG They were in the stovetop ones you could do you know You guys don't see if we can get years on pops pop secret and Redenbacher over Redenbacher was definitely of course banging way before I'm just asking the original was god damn it the stove pop You don't remember top jiffy pop. Do you remember that? Nah, that was that shit was gone by the time that was like a microwave fucking nuclear dude that I'd never seen a babysitter
Starting point is 00:49:16 Not burn this shit out of that and almost burn the fucking kitchen down and scare the shit out of the dog Every time that stuff was dry. I never had it, I don't know. It was like Northern California in the fucking late summer. There was no oil or nothing. Sure. We were back and forth, but I think, I think Pop Secret was a little bit lighter in cal,
Starting point is 00:49:40 like they're like fat free, they had a little more. They did start with that. And I think in the 90s, I think we were like, you know, whatever is like a more of a health conscious and then movie popcorn filtered in through the blockbusters and the West Coast videos and that the bags you will buy there. No, that was the they were Mike. They were micro. Yeah. And then it just went full on with that shit.
Starting point is 00:49:59 Triple butter, double butter. We were pops. We were more pop secret for sure. The popcorn games kind of knew Orville was a launch to the public in 1969 get the fuck out of here and then pops like he's from the 20 I know and then pop secret was from 1986. Yeah, we were a secret. Oh shit Yeah, that was like that was like the snack well that was lighter I think to begin with sure supposed. Supposed to be lighter. What? The pop secret. The pop was like the. Yeah. It's half
Starting point is 00:50:28 the calories or something. Mm hmm. But what we would do, at first, my stepdad did this. One, I didn't even know we had it in the spice drawer. It was, uh, he had cheddar cheese spice. You ever have that? I mean, we only ever had like one thing of it. They sell them at the movies now. They sell the whole little bottle of it where you sprinkle it on. You know what I'm I'm talking about looks like a little salt and pepper. I know what you're saying now Yeah, and he would I found one time we were like why he's like I'll make some popcorn He's probably watching me. We're like gonna put on you never put a finger on what the fucking what the flake
Starting point is 00:50:55 Why does he make it so good now? And he's like dumping. I was like what the hell is that? He's like right. Oh, it was like powdered cheese whiz it looked like you know what I mean like that color Just said cheddar cheese. And man, I did not turn back. Once I realized that was a fun time snack for the boy, I get home from fucking school, no one's home, pop me a bag, rip it open. Man.
Starting point is 00:51:18 Then I ran out of that. And then there was like salt and pepper, Old Bay, whatever we needed. A little bit of garlic powder something I'm to fucking take the edge off me Yeah We were fucking doing it the end you were just putting fucking nutmeg and dill on there. I was feel something that was I mean That was for me because you all we always have pop cuz like well you buy a 12 pack of popcorn that lasts like a year So like when it when the shelves would get bare for a fat little kid
Starting point is 00:51:48 And I hate everybody else's bagels I fucking that was a game chain that and I got microwave popcorn Straighten your right huge coke cold freaking Cola crunching man. I used to melt my own butter and pour it on it I once I got older did that a couple of times doing that. I'm almost like what the fuck is how young were you young? Still the womb young enough young enough to work the microwave Once I figured that out do my own things. Yeah, I remember being here at sizzle when you pour down there I remember being so young Working the microwave that I'd have to jump up on the counter because I couldn't reach it
Starting point is 00:52:26 Because it was like a hanging one above the stove and I couldn't reach the buttons And I'd have to pull like barely had the body strength. I don't know it's been five like a chimpanzee Yeah, and I could bear I remember have to like, you know Throw your leg up and I would like get my knee up on the thing and I get up on the cat We was losing fall in the sink. My mom, I got into it with my mom last time I saw her. We were talking about something of like still doing this. Get your fetish is going to break the camera.
Starting point is 00:52:53 God damn for Micah. No, when she and she even said it was one of those things of like, you know, because obviously doing the show, it's brought a lot of memory. Like we've a lot of memories of going public. Sure. Or not being around that much. Sure. So she got a little, she's like,
Starting point is 00:53:10 we were talking about kids that got picked up from the school bus. There's like a theory, I forget who it was, but it's a theory of like, if you carry your kids' school bag, if you pick your kids up from school and then immediately take their school bag, there's this thing where you're like,
Starting point is 00:53:24 you're making them pussies a little bit. OK. OK. Like let them struggle. Don't you know, like whatever. I don't know. It's just like one of those like weird and that thing at the end of the day. And I was like, I was told and she's like, I would carry your school bag. I go, when the fuck were you ever waiting for me at the bus stop? And she's the owner money and she's like
Starting point is 00:53:48 Well when I was there, maybe I would cat I like she like can she admit it that I was like I don't ever maybe when I was like kindergarten Maybe first grade some the books got out of control. I don't know if that was for you guys The books got out of control out of control. I don't know if that was for you guys. The books got out of control for my generation around like six, seventh, eighth grade, where it was fucking every day. It was this huge fucking sticking out school bag. It was like 90. It was like fucking in the Marines, like pumping a rucksack.
Starting point is 00:54:18 And man, dragging that fucking thing into the house. That's why when I got the high school fucking never had a book maybe two Yeah, they mean throw a pencil in there. How you doing? Yeah, that was uh, I didn't know that was a theory Something like that or that's big now that might be like a gare. Well, I think it goes back to that Like Rebecca Gary V Gary V. I don't I'm applying that day I don't but it's like we're pussifying our kids by letting by taking all of their struggle away from them Participation trophy it's that kind of world where it's like fucking let you got a couple of them hanging on the wall. I'm sure
Starting point is 00:54:54 Yeah, you definitely did you we would get we'd never a participation probably like a first second third, but that's standard like Oh, you're second third. Yeah, he came in came in second place whatever whatever yeah, we never had participation Nothing that's fucking his generation. Maybe at the there was a cup, but like not really people were pretty against them Yeah, not my cup of tea. I don't know whatever take it. Yeah, so it's like who the fuck cares. I don't give the kid a trophy Everyone everyone needs a win eventually From time to time I got my ass kicked out there carry this book bag for me will you make with the pop secret um all right let's see here is it cool is from CS is it garbage
Starting point is 00:55:38 if I out of myself for being a high as shit because I tried to make hard-boiled eggs and thought I could hear the chickens screaming from being boiled alive You're on like a lobster yeah, you're on Neptune if you think that you're smoking the fucking Panama red Joey Diaz's stars of death Out there, but I get it if you get that in your head, and you're fucked up Yeah, knock it off. Do you remember the first have you ever heard a lobster going down? Yeah They say it's just the air releasing from like the shells. It's not them screaming. Yeah, that's what they tell you It's also like I draw the lines at lobsters. It's like you think the fucking hamburgers I'm eating like it fucking whacked off side the head. I have fucking a pound of bacon this morning fucking Anton sugar
Starting point is 00:56:23 It's like listen, I'll I'll. But the first time you hear a lobster or crab go down, that's really when you become a fucking nap. That didn't come a man. It didn't faze you. No. Probably crab lobster. I mean, first of all, I don't know what family you're. I mean, the first time I saw a lobster cooked, I had cooked a lobster in my 30s. Really? Yeah. Every New Year's Eve, we'd have a lobster in my 30s. Really? Yeah. Every
Starting point is 00:56:45 New Year's Eve and have a little lobster or crab, something. Or crab crabs don't show. They say something. Gibby, they don't crabs don't do it. You sure positive. Huh? Um, and yeah, no, we were not a lobster family. The only time I stepped out would do lobster would be an outback you do like the surf and turf That would be the tail and then sit there and pick his teeth with the toothpick from his martini. I thought you meant the claw That was fun we did that in college they put SIGS in the crab we have like a crab bully
Starting point is 00:57:20 They put a SIG in there fucking they just immediately pulled to their face. Like, oh look, crab catching eaters. Pretty much cuter. Oh man. Alright, let's see here. We got time for one more. Um, this one's pretty neat. This is from $10. North East P.A. Bosette.
Starting point is 00:57:37 There you go. Shout out to the big man's old turf. That's right. Bugsbear. Scrape. Is it garbage to take a free calendar left by a vendor at work and give it to your kid as a Christmas gift? Ouch. That's... That'skes-Barre. Scranton. Is it garbage to take a free calendar left by a vendor at work and give it to your kid as a Christmas gift? Ouch.
Starting point is 00:57:48 That's, that's for Mrs. T. That's a- What's the vendor? Like an auto body shop? That's could be anything. It could be like office supplies. It could be fucking paint. That's what those vendors do.
Starting point is 00:57:59 We had a lot of, to me, growing up as a kid whose dad had a construction, the vendor swag was the coolest to me because They were like nobody in the office wanted it to be Cal There's just this ago as a calendar year about just anything pull knapsack t-shirt a pen in Something fucking cool. I don't know calendar, but as a Christmas gift just give it to the fucking kid. Yeah Who opens that up? Oh, I always want to know what taxes are due the fuck out of here with this spark plugs Yeah, I mean that's gotta be like that's like one of like ten gifts, right?
Starting point is 00:58:33 But still just give it to the fucking kid. I've been slow that year who knows Give it to him a week before get that in a sanding. Were you a calendar family? What? Yeah, I mean once the kids were born. Really before that? Now we have one. Patty had one for her bills. Yeah, we had one hanging. You didn't have that one hanging anywhere in the house. I didn't know what was going on.
Starting point is 00:58:56 She kept that down with all of her stuff where she would do her bills on Sundays. We had we never had calendars hanging, hanging at my mom's. Like a casino in my house. No clocks or nothing They pump in fresh air in here smoke smoking section Was always Chinese guys playing pie gal in the corner We got to wrap it up gag gag what a fun one get over and check out that patreon check out the are you garbage and friends?
Starting point is 00:59:24 We love you, and we'll see you next week

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