Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Brad Williams!

Episode Date: February 5, 2024

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian Brad Williams! You know Brad from Stand Up Comedy, This is Not Happening, Fun Size, We Might Be Drunk, Somethings Burning w/ Bert Kreischer and so much more! Thanks for watching the Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast! Through the Roof Tour: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Adam & Eve: https://www.adamandeve.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Butcher Box: https://www.ButcherBox.com/AYG Promo Code: AYG Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Big announcement gang, the Through the Roof tour is on sale right now. Grab the squad and come out and see the boys. Stand up comedy show, you got me, Kippy Theebone, Tommy C. Then we play a little AYG with the crowd. It's a good, good time. Yes, our biggest tour to date. We're super excited. We hope to see everybody again.

We're going to Charlotte, Nashville, Tampa, Atlanta, Providence, New Haven, Boston, New York, Rochester, Syracuse, Albany, Baltimore, Portland, I ain't done yet! Seattle, Vancouver, New Orleans, Houston, Dallas, Red Bank, New Jersey, all tickets are available at rugarbage.com, get on gang, we wanna see you out there. More cities coming soon. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?

The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Oh yeah. It's that little show we sit there with your favorite

comedians and we find that at the group to be classy. Yeah. But they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your hostage fully coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. She is over at the dentist's office. Mm-hmm. Trying to get her hands on a tank for a week. Okay. Shout out to it. Shout out to it. Look out, five dollars a cup over at Tooties. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and he's my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan everybody. What up gang. Thanks for tuning in as always.

Please make sure you're a review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube as you know those numbers are. Truder Roof. Cookin'. And obviously the greatest website of all time. www.patreon.com slash RU Garbage Gang. You go go over there you get a bajillion hours worth of bonus content Love that money and have a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinary old magic man makes us all look good Works the ones that twos the threes and the fours he crosses the T's and he dots the eyes give it up for T Bone Mcscruff and Toby Mcmallon everybody. What up boys? Hey pal. I'm stoked. We got a hilarious dude in here All-time guy. Yes sir. Watch him absolutely rip the comedy jam down here in Austin, Texas a little while back.

I'm going to set up pipes on this one. Kids got some vocals on it over there. Doing a little Eddie Vedder. We like it. Gang, the long hair ain't lying. We could be more excited to have our Incredibly. And I mean Incredibly special guest here with us today for the first time.

He is a very funny, very successful stand-up comedian and actor. And you might have seen him, but not limited to. You've got Jimmy Kimmel live, legit, deadbeat. You've got mascot, robot chicken, underdeveloped, live at Gotham, your mom's house, comedy underground, the Joe Rogan experience. This is not happening. The degenerates, laugh tracks, WTF with Mark Marin, the Adam Corolla show. He has multiple stand-up specials out, including 2015's Fun Size, 2016 Daddy Issues, and he's got a brand new special out right now streaming on Veep, entitled Starfish, and he's on tour. Give it up for the one and the only,

Brad Williams everybody, let's go! Let's go! You guys talk really fast, I'm gonna have to keep up. Okay, are you garbage? My wife is gonna be watching this just going like, yes, just say yes. He's garbage. I need the validation.

We do a lot of pre-show mess before you get here. No kidding. Oh my god, OK. I got to kick my stutter on the back burner and really figure out how to keep up with y'all. Focus. Just kid it's up a coffee. Let's go.

Buddy, thank you so much for coming in, man. We wanted to have you for a while. Yeah, well, I'm a West Coast guy coast guy yeah you guys are on the east coast but I'm doing a little east coast run doing some shows out here doing some doing some appearances there you go and honored to be stopping by here past four fake Burberry bag salesmen on the way here. They're like counterfeit goods floating around this neighborhood. Yeah, yeah. You guys, like, pick up something for the wife.

I mean, it's legit. I'm making money now, baby. Get a nice Burberry scarf. Don't look at the label. Don't look at it. It's got two Bs in it. Just trust me. It's blueberry.

Yeah, blueberry. It's two Bs. That's fine. And yeah, it's just, I'm a West Coast guy, like I said. So walking into the studio where the door is like, you got to know a guy to find the door. Sure. It doesn't look like an office door.

It looks like the portal to hell. So dumpling place. Walking through the back. Yeah, they're right upstairs. Exactly. So I'm getting the full experience. I have yet to almost be hit by a car, slam the hood, and yell out I'm walking here.

I'm hoping that'll happen. But not the hit by a car thing. It's very dangerous. 4 foot 4. I don't think they'll stop. I just think they'll assume I'm a pigeon. And then just do the thump thump, and that's the end of Brad.

Give us the backstory. Give us the origin story of Brad Williams. Where'd you grow up? Tell us the whole deal. You're a West Coast kid, right? Yeah, West Coast kid. Born and raised in Orange County, California. What?

I didn't know that. Yeah, some people think I'm garbage just based on that alone. That's rich people country, isn't it? It is. And that's the end of that. Quite the flex, all right. Yeah, you know, there are a lot of comics come up here and say like, oh, I had a troubled childhood.

We were balling. I had a troubled childhood. I like this. Not me. That's great. We rarely get these, so this is great. What's the folks do? Dad was a good lawyer.

Really? Defense attorney. Defense attorney. Defense attorney. He kept him out of jail. What kind of clients was he, was it like corporate or like, you know, private? Yeah, well like he was a public defender for a while, so that's just whoever comes in and you can't afford an actual attorney. They always make that move, don't they?

They cash it out. Then they move to the private firm. Yeah, that's what happens when you work for like, you know, you work for like the S, you know, the fucking stock exchange, just like a regulatory person. You go cash it in at JP Morgan. Yeah. Give me my money. Yeah, then you start some firm with like four last names in a row.

Uh-huh. And all those four guys are dead. Yeah, so was he a, there was Williams in it? There wasn't a Williams. But so it was not a Williams, but he did that's good for when the feds come. Yeah exactly That yeah when they raid the place or when just grab a broom exactly like you're the janitor Yeah, when they're when they're repping Harvey Weinstein, you don't want your last name Fame to turny Pete Williams from the fame blog firm

Like oh, you know famed attorney Pete Williams from the famed law firm Tom and Simpson Young's so Leonard and Williams Partner fuck yeah exactly so yeah group in Orange County Played played a lot of golf growing up Yeah Kid lot of golf hold on take a step back with your mom work? No. So your dad's killing it. Dad's killing it. He's doing well. Dad's doing well.

Where are you playing in this golf at a country club? Private. Private course. Look at this guy. Come on, he's still got the hat. What do you think? I look like the caddy. I look like a caddy or the guy that stands out

in front of your Philadelphia home holding the ring. The thing that always got run over at home alone. Got back home a couple times. I'm actual size. But yeah, dad was big on golf so I knew that in order to hang out with dad, you got to play golf. So played a lot of golf. How many times a week we talking? Dad played, here's the thing, if I had a game or a thing on Saturday He wasn't that was not there. He's hitting the link. That's his game. That's a good rich dad right there now If it's Sunday all over it. He's there. He's bringing a cheering section out of the year

He'll he'll bring snacks, you know, but but Saturday. Sorry got the standing tea time over at the club What the I gotta get drunk with the fellas. I got a scramble to get waitress and a beverage cart lady whoa How nice of a country club are we talking here? It's not where the Illuminati hangs out, but where it's the Illuminati's accountant hangs out. Okay. That's pretty good Oh, it's pretty good. All right, I got a That's not bad. They got a pool, all that shit? Yeah. All right.

They got a pool. Country Club kid. OK. Country Club kid. Country Club kid. Like I said, I'm not going to be the vanilla ice guy where I come on here and be like, he was hard growing up in these mean streets.

Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Orange County's pretty good. The mean streets of Laguna. We were doing well. What's up? Any brothers or sisters? Yes, got one sister. I'm the black sheep of the family as a comedian.

She's partner at an accounting firm. Oh, shit. Yeah, so she's doing all right. She got into Stanford, turned it down for a full academic scholarship to USC. Damn. So yeah. And then I went to USC because they felt sorry for me and they needed a diversity hire.

So I win. It's a win. Hey, I got it. The kids in. Let's go. Don't say that on the degree, baby. Let's go. Oh, well, if I had a degree, I dropped out.

Do your parents still live in the same house that you grew up in? Mom just moved out. Not to take the story a little dark, but dad passed away two years ago. Sorry to hear that. So it's okay. So when dad passed, mom didn't want to be in the house. Sure. So downgraded to a lovely small home in Huntington Beach.

Seven bedroom. Seven bedroom. Only something small I can manage. Only seven. And Huntington Beach. Huntington Beach. All right. Yeah, so a lot of angry white conservatives there.

There you go. So that's our surrounding. So what we use we like to ask people what the name of the street was that they grew up on and since no one lives there tell us. Yucca. Yucca. Yucca Lane or Avenue Avenue. Canish Boulevard. Yucca trees. Yeah. Yeah. You know what a yucca tree is. Yeah. That's how poor we are. It's not what you'd say when you see the street. OK.

What was the house like? Big house? They call it try level. It's a fancy word for three story. Yeah, there was one room as you enter the front door. You turn to your right. There's a room. It's a very lovely living room.

It's always very well decorated. My family and I called that the Christmas room, because that's the only time we'd go in there. Really? It was just on Christmas. That's where the tree was. That's where the tree was. That's where you sat.

That's a Christmas room. Yeah, Christmas room. That East Wing is deep, man. Here's the thing, though. But then my dad, like, we were doing well. But in the summer, first of all, we had to beg my dad to finally get air conditioning in the house.

Really? Beg, beg. When he finally did, you could never run that thing. That shit cost money. No shit. That shit cost money. Damn. Man, no AC.

No AC. In Orange County? In Orange County. That's crazy. No coastal breezes. So I wasn't, you know. Are you wearing the richest family on the block? The richest family. We did okay. No coastal breezes, so I wasn't, you know. You weren't the richest family on the block. We weren't the richest family.

We did okay. Financially comfortable, but inside very uncomfortable. Yeah, we did just fine as my, Fitson, as my dad always describes upper middle class. You know, like, so not middle class, not rich, upper middle class. What was your car whipping, what was your dad whipping around town?

Benzo. What did he drive? Benzo. That's a status class. As a defense attorney in Orange County, you gotta be whipping, I ain't trusting you with the case if you're rolling it to Corolla. Yeah, he had a Benz for a while. He had a Red Lexus for a while. I love that Red Lexus. Man, that screams I'll get you off if the price is right. Red Lexus. That's got

judge pay off. Lices plate, give me a call. Yeah. Yeah, thankfully he wasn't those billboard lawyers. They're crazy. They're the best now. I'm fascinated. I don't know if this is going to be a premise for me, but every town I go to has its billboard lawyer. Sure. So I'm in Los Angeles.

Our billboard lawyer is Sweet James. Sweet James. And that's all the billboards you see. Sweet James, baby. I'll get you off. Yeah, exactly. But every town has their billboard lawyer. My favorite one is, they talked about him

on John Oliver's show. He's a lawyer down in Texas. He's the Texas Hammer. We've seen that guy. You wanna be repped by the hammer. He holds a sledgehammer. He's commercial Texas Hammer. We've seen that guy. You wanna be repped by the hammer. He holds a sledgehammer. Yes, yes. He's like, I'm the Texas Hammer.

And he talks exactly like you want the Texas Hammer to talk. We see him on the highway. It's always like when you injure it in a car accident. Yeah. Dude, all Texas always has hit by a truck. Question mark. He's like, what the fuck? What the hell's going on down here?

Are you called a shovel? Are you in jail? Is there a wall that what the fuck? What the hell's going on down here? Are you called a shovel? Are you in jail? Is there a wall that goes the outside? Called a Texas Harimer. You accidentally shoot your buddy? Texas Harimer. Accidentally said quotes. So I'm glad he wasn't the billboard lawyer.

That's good. A little bit more cachet than a billboard lawyer. All right. You got in the USC. How are the grades growing up? They're pretty good. Public school, private school. Public USC. How are the grades growing up? They're pretty good public school private school public school? Okay, so good public school. Oh public school drama theater nerd. Okay, so I was in all the now don't get me wrong

I played some sports. Okay, what'd you get? What you do hockey was my main sport? Okay loved hockey I was a defenseman number 33 and I love I love doing that. So played golf, played hockey was always involved in theater. Hit me with a couple productions that you were in. Oh, what do you want? OK, you want my favorite one? Oklahoma, South Pacific. Was it in the current name Desire? I was in how to succeed in business without really trying. I was in. That sounds like an infomercial. That was it sounds like something that Texas Hammer saw. That takes his hammer. I was Something the Texas hammer How's business that really try trans translation play it's a it's a full musical

I could see the place in the break room There's a song called coffee break. Yeah, no my big solo was Company way. Yeah. No, my big solo was Company Way. Yeah. I played it the company way. Yeah, that one. I'm going to get it for copyright. Sounds like I'm making it up.

I'm not. Yeah, a little bit of that, a little bit of anything goes, a little bit of hello, Dolly. OK. Oh, yeah. I'll sing the song. Fucking song and dance, man. I'll say hello, but I'll freaking do it all. I'll do all worker fucking song and dance man over here. I'll fucking do it all

All the songs from the from those plays and musicals, but the grades were good grades were good God in the USC like I said diversity hire and Then when I went when I had one year to go that's when I discovered stand-up comedy Okay, and called the parents and was like Dropped out? Dropped out for open mics? Dropped out. Damn.

Well, not for open mics. OK. I was starting to do an open mics freshman year. OK? OK. So that's a. I then got more serious. Yeah.

So that's 2003. So I've been in the game 20 years. You're doing open mics in LA? Yes. OK. Yeah. First time ever was at the La factory and now you guys gonna love this So I'm so I'm in line you sign up for the open mic at about 1 o'clock

Not in the morning PM sure, but then the show isn't until 5 yeah And for a guy like me driving from Orange County You got to find parking get a move your car because all the signs and say 30 minute for between this hour and this hour on this day with the fucking Mercury's in retrograde. It's just hope we're trying to park there But then there's a guy in line and and he looks me goes. Hey, man. I haven't seen you around I go, oh, this is my very first time he goes. Oh, you're very first time on stage. Oh, yeah He goes well, my name is burger and then just don't worry. Just do whatever I stage. You go, yep, because, well, my name is Burger. And then just don't worry.

Just do whatever I do. You'll be fine. I've been doing this open mic for 15 years. I don't want to do that. I'm not doing what you do, Burger. Now, not to be confused with Hamburger, which is a very famous, very successful stand-up comic. But yeah, Burger.

Burger. Damn. Haven't heard from him since. Yeah. He ain't doing that well. But yeah, Burger. Burger. Damn. Haven't heard from him since. Yeah. He ain't doing that well. But yeah, started doing stand up, and then in 2003, 2005, when I had like a year left to go, I had the opportunity to go out on tour and like really make some money.

So told the parents, ah, I'll just graduate later. Was that the plan where you were really going, I'm going to go back or you were like, I'm going back. You're never, no one's going back. I'm just asking if you had the intention. I don't know what was the major Was it a film and television major? communication We did not lose a cancer cure by me dropping out. It's not like when dr. Ken goes. I'm not gonna be a doctor anymore I'm gonna be a full-time actor comedian. You're like society's all right. Yeah, yeah We lost a minor league baseball announcer.

That's a good gig if you can get it. That's not bad. Yeah. And the Tacoma Bulldogs should really use it. Yeah. I mean, they could have had me. The whole goal was to be a sports broadcaster, broadcast journalist.

Simply no bullshit, because my dad said you interviewing a basketball player would be funny. That got a good bit and sure enough years later I got to threw through a radio station out in Los Angeles called K-Rock I got to work the red carpet for one of the Laker kickoff events and I got to interview pal Gasol and Dwight Howard who No, she is. Who are? Yeah. Yeah. God damn. Ty, basically, I interviewed their dicks. They had a lot to say. How are you guys doing? Yeah, especially Dwight's.

And yeah, so yeah, drop that at school with a year to go to do stand-up comedy. OK. And 20 years later, I'm promoting a special on Veeeps. There you go. All right, so things are going great. Shout out to it. Kent, let's talk about Adam and Eve.

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Sign up today at butcherbox.com slash AYG, use the code AYG to choose for your free offer and get $20 off baby doing it. Back at that age, so like teenage, what was the first car? Oh. Your first car. First car was- Would your dad hook you up or did you have to work for it? It was new. Don't get me wrong. But it was a Toyota Tacoma.

That's a... Okay, the pickup. That's a bad truck. Yeah. Good. Dad put one of those caps on the... The cab. On the bed.

Yeah. So it could go up, but I had, you know, so you could lock the bed and you could secure things in there. Yeah. So yeah, Brett was a new car, so I did all right. That's good. Pick up truck with the cab on it. That's got a bunch of fertilizer in it.

I don't like that at all. Well, that's so your friends don't ask you to move. That was literally why you put the cab on it. So you can't put a lot of stuff on it. Couchstrap bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you can't put a lot of stuff on it. Couch snuff in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very lawyer mentality. I like that.

What was the first job? First job, all right. OK, first job was I worked, you know, the mall store hot topic? Of course. You worked at hot topics. I worked at hot topics. I walked in there because I listened to a lot of rock music.

They had all the rock t-shirts. So I dressed pretty much how I dressed now. Sure. Like just baseball. I know what I'm looking at. I can see you behind the counter on that topic. What's up, dude? So on topic, it's all like this.

You guys get your ears pierced? Yeah. It's all the gauges, the goths. You got pants that have chains on them and dyed hair. And they just looked at a little white dwarf from Orange County and was like, oh, dwarf. Yeah, that's weird enough. You can go out here.

I'll fit in. Yeah, you can work here. It's fine. So I worked with Hot Topic. And then right after that, I worked at Disneyland. And Disneyland? Doing what? I was a bodyguard for the characters. So I walk around with Mickey, Minnie, Donald, doing what? I was a bodyguard for the characters.

So I walk around with Mickey, Minnie, Donald, you know? Uh-huh. You know, make sure they're all right. Every now and then a five-year-old steps out of line, you gotta be like, what's up, bitch? Hey, don't wanna, yeah, don't wanna stone cold stun her. I talked you for a minute! It tased kids at Disneyland.

Fuck off! Whoa, hot topic in Disneyland. That child is seven years old! Fuck off! Man, we took a left turn from a defense lawyer. Yeah. Holy, yeah. Orange County, my ass.

Yeah. Well, you know, you don't give me the corner office to start. You've got to work your way up. But here's the thing, I've never really had a real job. Like, I had, you know, hot topic, which was fun. You get to sell gauges to depressed kids. And then working at Disneyland, that was fun. You get to sell gauges to depressed kids and then working at Disneyland. That's fun Hell when I would go to Disneyland living in Orange County as a dwarf everyone just assumes I work there anyway

I'll be getting paid for that That's a great great job to have when you're in high school because you get to go to the park for free You're hanging out your high school. You were doing yeah, and then well because I started staying up at 19 Sure, so those those are my were doing this. Yeah. And then, well, I started stand-up at 19. Sure. So those are my three jobs. The jobs ever, yeah. All right. Yeah.

So it was a hot topic, Disneyland, and then stand-up comic. Very briefly, had a morning radio show in San Francisco. This was like eight years ago. What was the name of it? The Kevin Klein morning show. I did not make the show. You weren't in top billing. You weren't a partner at the show. I did not make the show. You were in top billing.

You were a partner at the show. I didn't make the header. So my dad, my sister, me, that's our claim to famous. Flying under the radar. We get in the door, but we're not on the door. What were the vacations like growing up? What would you guys go? Anywhere good?

Hawaii, I think, a lot. Didn't go to Hawaii until I was an adult. Really? Yeah, but. That's but all rich But we went to we went to some good places your Lake Tahoe's your Sun Valley, Idaho's okay But then we started going on vacations to wherever the alright I got tell a story to tell a story here. So

Every summer when I was a kid I'd go to the the National Dwarf Convention And that's okay sounds like I'm alive as a kid. Yeah'd go to the National Dwarf Convention. And that sounds like I'm lying. As a kid. Yeah, as a kid. So you'd go there. I bet you cleaned up, dude. As a teenager, yes. As a teenager and as a young adult.

It worked on Hot Topic. I did, I did, alright. I can give you a discount on a motorhead shirt. Yeah, I did, alright. And in terms of the world of little people, I'm pretty fucking good looking. Okay, this is pretty handsome right here. This is pretty swan.

Hands on, right? Even before the beard. So yeah, so every summer I go to these little people conventions, which is over 1,000 wars. We get going into one hotel in a random city across the great land of ours. And so our family trip every year would be to that city. So if it was in San Antonio,

well then the Williams's are going to San Antonio and we're gonna go have a good time and see whatever there is to see in that city. How long was the convention? For a week. For a week? Yeah, yeah, so we go for about a week and they try to design these conventions like,

all right, it's for togetherness and you get to talk to people and there's a clothing exchange, there's doctors, there's sporting events, which by the way are funny as fuck Dwarf sporting events, you know, you you have eight dwarfs running track hilarious. Yeah Did you do any of the events all of them? I was cleaning up. I think I got all that. I was athletic I was like, oh my god. Now I go play basketball. They're like Williams your center. What yeah No one else had a rebound by the way

Just hold our hands out like this to catch a rebound calm the skyscraper I hear Williams is coming in here. We don't stand a chance. I was clanging and banging down the holes You know I was backing guys in But yeah, so it's they try to dress it up with all these events. But really, the whole convention's for banging. It's for going there and seeing a potential partner and be like, the whole year you're friend zoned, and then you go to the dwarf convention and you're hot.

So yeah, people would have quite a week. You gotta be fucking sick. Yeah, it was awesome. LPA. Yeah, LPA, Little People of America. There you go. Yeah, you was awesome. LPA. Yeah LPA little people of America. There you go He's got yeah, you got a dwarf brother. Yep, so He and I speak the lingo. Did you just snipe that or did you guys talk about that? No

He just looked at you went dwarf brother. Oh, that's one of the things they can do That shit no, there's so lose it that's true Oh yeah, I was like, bam, psychic link. What the fuck? You didn't know that shit? No, there's so- I lose it. Is that true? You just scared the shit out of me. Yeah, my brother texted me this morning. You having Brad on?

Yeah, he knew. Yeah. He got the newsletter. Okay, all right. It's fun. It's so strange because- I wish you the talk if you could read mine. I would have flipped the table.

I would have been out. I was so shocked. So you got to crush on your landlord, huh? I forgot you were in the room when we talked about it. Jesus Christ. So it's funny because my opening act is a great comic. He's got his own special on YouTube. His name is JB Ball.

He's a black guy and we have noticed that when we're walking around like he could see any black guy And and and there's a hey, what's up, man? How's it going? Like there's no understanding same thing with war? Yeah, we're out and about I see another dwarf in the wild. I'm like, what's up, man? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you don't yeah, but for dwarves, it's the microwave Yeah, yeah, you don't yeah, but for dwarves, it's the microwave Why not Okay, huh pretty clean so far. What was the super what was the supermarket you guys went to growing up? pavilions Billions. Yeah, is that a where do you think that would rank? Yeah, like if you're was it isn't like Erdogan or whatever

Oh, no. Aero-On's crazy. It's not Aero-On. Whole Foods? We weren't selling like, it's a step above Ralph's body. Okay. A step below Whole Foods. All right.

Meaty part of the curve? Yeah. Okay. I think that's where it is. If you're on the West Coast, it's on the same level as like a Sprouts. Okay. So it's like, it's okay.

Doing all right. It's all right. Would you pack your lunch or would you buy lunch at school? Oh, mom woke up in the morning and packed the lunch every day. What are we talking? What are we talking? Oh, horrible food. Really?

Mom couldn't cook. No shit. No shit. She didn't work. That's all she was doing. What the hell's going on? When I tell people my diet as a kid, okay, like so. Lay it on us. All right. Have you guys ever had something called?

Alright, so Philly so maybe chip chip beef on toast. Yeah, shingles shingles shingles shit Jerk oh, yeah, that's what we ate cuz mom didn't cook. She didn't want to learn that you know She made chip beef on toast. Yeah, I love her. you ever had grits yeah but yeah of course love grits no kid love grits buttered some bacon grow the Mississippi what so funny story about shit on a shingle grits and orange squirrel meat no way that's nuts mom that was her breakfast yeah but mom was born and raised in Savannah Georgia allannah george there are a lot of doubt to l a

uh... town called archaida which he was uh... in high school high school she came there as they were studying the suit and as the story goes they were studying the civil war it's her first day at school and they go out so we're studying the civil war susan you're new to the class can you Can you tell us who won the Civil War? My mom just goes to the south.

Jeez. Yeah, that's what I'm coming from. Yanks. I probably had some family members there on January 6. Sure. Sure. War is still going on, sir. Still going on.

It ain't over till it's over. It's called the Culture War. I'm glad Nick Saban's out because he's from the north. He's a damn Yankee We don't by way. I was also in that musical Nick Saban's got a musical The Nick Saban story you haven't seen Roll Time I mean give me 50 pages. I would go see it All right, that that that Miami Dolphin second act.

How old were you when you got your passport? Oh that's funny. 13. Because I had to go on a theater tour of England and Scotland. That's fun. Yeah I got to go over there. I was in a deer troop. Fullerton Children's Repertory Theatre. Not bad. Pretty classy. Went over there and did some shows for the locals. Which by the way, you ever look back on shit when you were a kid? What adult is in England and Scotland going, oh, well the kids from America are coming to do a musical.

Yeah, I don't know. That's crazy. Let's go see that. Yeah, how loose is your schedule that's your entertainment? There's no movie theater, no nothing? Nothing? I mean, it's Scotland.

I mean, it's a little ways away from where we were, but you guys got the Edinburgh Festival. Sure. You've been going on for years. Go see those performances. But now you're like, when's the children's theater? That's when's that happening? When are they bringing the children? Yeah. And then on top of that, we stayed with a few families while we were over there. So just the- I never got that. That's always so weird. Do you feel like exchange students?

Yeah. So not me and my family or me and an adult supervisor. Just me. Wait, would they have kids that were in the thing in the theater troop? They would always have kids that were about the same age but they weren't in the theater troop. So it'd be me and one other kid from the theater troop and we would go and we'd stay with the family which now that I look back on it's like. That's a fucking red flag. Yeah. That's crazy. Nothing ever happened to me but I don't know if something did happen I wouldn't be shocked. Yeah that's wild. Nothing ever happened to me, but I don't know if something did happen, I wouldn't be shocked.

Yeah, that's wild. Maybe it's a repressed memory that I can trigger by looking at something. But yeah, for the most part, it was OK. Kiko, near fishing chips. Start screaming. OK, man, every year during the World Cup, I hear the screams. Shoes off in the house growing up?

No, shoes on in the house, which is funny, because now my wife is Chinese, and definitely shoes off in the house. Shoes off in the house. Yeah, shoes off in the house now. But yeah, shoes on in the house. Were you allowed to eat in your room? Could you have snacks in your room?

No. No eating in the room. How were the snacks at the house? Were there chips and pretzels? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was stuff like that. If it could be bought and it was pre-made, it was there. Yeah. Sugar cereal, Pop Tarts, that kind of stuff. Oh, yeah. It was okay. Yeah, sugar cereals, the golden grams.

That was my favorite. Okay. I still love golden greens. What about with dinner? What were you allowed to have? Water, milk, soda, juice. Mostly milk and water. Okay. Nothing too crazy. That's pretty good. Yeah. Nice glass of milk to go with a bowl of chip eat on a hot summer day with no air conditioning. People wonder why I have an iron stomach. That's why. That's all she cooked. She didn't. What would she make for dinner? Give me a typical Mrs. Williams dinner. Typical dinner would be like a chicken breast, some steamed broccoli, which, okay, from the south, so you want to know what we put on our broccoli?

Syrup or something like that. I'm called mayonnaise. What? Like on top? What? On the side, and then you dip the broccoli in there. Steamed broccoli and mayonnaise? Steamed broccoli and mayonnaise.

God damn. That's so crazy. That's crazy. Is it? You're from the south? No. No. Is that just me? Were we just trash? Damn for that's so crazy is it you're from the south no Where we just trash Never One of your listeners, please write me

Manage your sister it's probably it that would that would be just about it. What was the preferred fruit snack in the house? Literally fruit snacks. Like fruit? No. Oh, fruit snacks. Isn't it Welch's fruit snack? Oh, we wish we had Welch's. No, we were more Gushers.

Yeah, we were a Gusher family. I never met a kid that grew up with regular Gushers. No? That's a treat, everyone. OK. They weren't there. They didn't do it for me. Oh, I love them.

There was not enough of them. That's candy. That's what you did. That's candy. That's not like a. A nice shot of high fructose corn syrup to the back of your mouth. They were great.

Who doesn't love a Gussher? What was the first of all, frozen pizza growing up and or now oh no Frozen but then we also you would go to the old-school Pizza huts that are now kind of making a nostalgic calm. You're a Pizza Hut fam Yeah, Pizza. Gentlemen. All right. What was the frozen pizza the preferred pizza at the house? Boba Lee Boba Lee? Boba Lee, yes! That's the one you kind of made yourself a little bit. Yeah, man, that's rich kid shit.

Boba Lee's a frozen pizza. I don't think it was frozen. I think it was sealed. It was like packaged. It wasn't frozen. Yes. Yeah. And it would be hanging on the end of the aisle, and it would come with this little sauce packet. So your mom cooked a little bit. She could put the pizza in here. They do both. You know, originally I think in the 90s was fucking just the dry

dough. Isn't that weird. I never thought about that till just now but like what a question. What was your frozen pizza? Short. Welcome to the show. Very important. Everyone had a brand. Yeah. I didn't realize like oh we've never gotten boba before. Never had. Really? Start calling you sir. My stepdad would buy it maybe once a year when he was fewer and for all like, I guess like the tax return came in or something. He's gotta impress you. Yeah.

Stepdad. Really throwing down. Trying to get you to call him dad and not Mark. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha dad. Can I have another slice, Daddy? Thank you, papa. What was the first concert you went to? First concert I ever went to was, uh, all right. So this is a, so I was in a band for a second. Name of that band.

Here we go. The name of the band I was in. The paint's coming off this house. Slowly. I was a hype man in the band. So I didn't play an instrument. I didn't sing. I would run around the stage and scream random lyrics.

Try to get the four people in the crowd going. No musical talent. But the band thought, I have dwarf running around screaming random lyrics. That's pretty funny. Fork did hot topic. You were in the industry. Yeah.

Got him from Disney. Yeah. Exactly. So the name of our band was Up Syndrome. Oh, Jesus. Not Down Syndrome. Sure. We're not assholes.

Holy shit. Up Syndrome. OK. Our big hit that we would close every show with was The Safe Sex Song. And then I would come out and do a little rap at some point. The White Guy of St. Lawrence County. That's a rap haven.

Yeah. Where were you doing these shows? The forum? Where would you guys usually go? There's a punk rock club on the corner of Harvard Boulevard in Lincoln called Chain Reaction. And that's where all the punk bands came from. Yeah.

Yeah. So it's like all those bands, like, so it's like Newfound Glory, Simple Plan, Yellow Card. All came out of there? Not like they all played there. All passed the round. They all told us we stunk. Yeah.

Was there any? Goldfinger, like, it was so crazy, because I just saw Yellow Card literally like two nights ago. And then my band, Up Syndrome, did a show with them in Pomona at a venue called the Glass House. So now it's like, wow, you guys did way better than we did. And they have a fiddle. It's cool to see you guys are still together.

They have a fiddle player. And they killed it. So yeah, that's like my feel good Pandora Spotify station. You throw on like newfound glory. All the punk bands that sound like they were holding their nose. All that pop punk from the. That's right. I love you.

Like all those bands. I love those bands. But they were, you guys were all coming up kind of at the same time. Yeah. You were playing. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah.

And then I was like, like well I have no musical talent So let me try comedy threw me out of the bank I think I think you could find one of our music videos online. It was called it was for a song called the Jackson five I can hear people googling that now. Toby is the Jackson five were wrong. I think I think that's available But back to the question. What was the first concert? First concert. So I went to a bunch of little punk shows like that. That's why I told that story. So there was a bunch of little punk shows like that.

I think like the Ataris was a good show. But then my first big concert was Pennywise. And that was at the Long Beach Arena. And I went to the Mosh pit. I came out missing my Nokia phone. My sidekick came out missing a shoe and came out missing my car keys and my dad had to come and drive to the arena and bring the spare key so he could drive home. Man. That's so yeah.

Where are your shoes? Yeah. One shoe. So the Pennywise Mosh pit. That was a time. Brohem tribute. Ah, that's good. That's good.

That's not bad. Posters on the wall would reflect the same musical taste, I would assume. Dude, I met this guy that was on my wall my entire childhood. It was so crazy. So last week I Went I went to a Laker game shout shout out to Jay Moore for

Getting me the tickets and I'm sitting there and the guy that sits in the row in front of us the flopper himself Vlad a diva Bloody shout out to the king. I had a poster of Vlad A And you can probably even look up the poster because the poster goes viral every now and then. Because in the poster, there's just a random arm coming out of Vlad. And you don't know whose arm it is. I don't think I know it. You can't see the body. You can't see.

So it's just a random arm. And yeah, I had a poster of Vlad on my wall. He was like 44 playing in the league. Yeah. I think he was old. Chains smoking on the bench. He was old school. He said he was like 44 playing in the league. He was chain smoking on the bench. He was old school. He said he was 21.

I played with Magic Johnson. I did it. Where was he from? Serbia. Serbia. Yugoslavia, something with an Avi idea. Man, I didn't think about that. Jay Morris must be getting hit up for tickets all the time.

Yeah, so Jay Morris now married to the owner of the like. That's crazy. Crazy. Shout out to Jay Morris. Shout out to him. Yeah, so J. Moore now married to the owner of the like crazy crazy bus. Shout out to J. Moore. Yeah, shout out to him. Yeah, so yeah, I ran into Jeannie Bus at a total wine about a month ago. And so I'm going there doing some shopping and then she's there, she has a tequila and she's doing like an appearance. I just, I'm like, ah, it's J. Bus. And she just looked at me and she's doing like an appearance. I just, I'm like, ah, it's Genie Bus. And she just looked at me and she goes,

you're friends with my husband. And I go, yes I am. And he goes, and she looks at me and she goes, yeah, I follow you on Instagram. I go, I figured whoever runs your account follows me. I didn't know that you, and she goes, that's pretty sweet. So yeah, this guy's doing all right. Yeah, that doesn't suck.

Talking Genie Bus is saying, hey, that's yeah all right lady let's let's switch it up to now childhoods fucking bulletproof yeah there's a couple of a couple of cracks in the foundation but who don't have that chippy fun toast you call it you call it ground beef or hamburger meat oh ground beef how do you feel about the rotisserie chicken a big fan of rotisserie chicken? I'm a big fan of rotisserie chicken. All right, good man. People not like rotisserie chicken?

Who are these people? I don't know. Depends how big, I guess everybody's a fan. It's to, how often are you having them? Oh, okay, okay, okay. Like weekly? Okay, so I'll say this because my mom wasn't a great cook. There was a restaurant that we would go to

like two, sometimes even three times in a week. No kidding. It was a sushi restaurant. So I was like raised on sushi. No. So I'm throwing a little garbage there. So yeah. That's what he means.

That's classy. It's dressy to go out to dinner that much. I get what you're saying, but sushi. Yeah. I mean. And very nice. Yeah. I mean. And very nice. So like, yeah, it was good.

It was a lot of fun. And now that sushi got trendy, now it's like some people are just learning about it. Amateurs. Yeah, I was having it in the crib. Exactly. Been doing sake shots since I was four. You know what sake bomb is, Brad? Oh. So you can use chopsticks, I assume.. You know what sake bomb is, Brad?

So you can use chopsticks, I assume. Fuck yeah. How early could you use chopsticks? Pretty early. Pretty early. Yeah, like before the age of 10, for sure. Wow. Jesus.

Yeah. I don't think I saw him before the age of 10. Yeah. Well, now, and now, because my wife is Chinese, I'm getting like, now I'm getting my knowledge about Chinese food, which is really great. And like the good Chinese food Sure, I don't think I've ever had it. No, but now now I'm learning about like there's I'm gonna pronounce this wrong

So I apologize But my favorite but my favorite thing is I believe is called a Shaolin bow and that's a dumpling that's filled with hot soup Soup dumpling. Yeah, Shaolin bow. Yeah, yeah soup. Yeah, you gotta get that. If you don't know about those, gotta get some soup dumplings. What am I, an asshole? You don't know soup dumplings? I don't like this coming in. Tell me I don't know soup dumplings. Yeah. Crazy. Man, I've done 400 episodes. He just got personally offended by you going.

He's like... They're gonna know soup dumplings. Like a piece of shit. I didn't know the proper terminology for it, but I know what soup dumpling plays. I called a number three in here fucking. Like a piece of shit. I didn't know the proper terminology for it, but I know what soup tumbling plays. I called a number three in my neighborhood. Comes with fried rice. OK.

Yeah. All right. Man, eclectic gentleman over here. Very eclectic. Let's say you go out to dinner now, and it's someone's birthday. Will you tell the waiter it's their birthday, so they sing happy birthday, or no?

Dude, I'll do that if it's not your birthday. I'm that guy. But to embarrass you not to get a free dessert. Gotcha. Because I think there's an important distinction. Yes, if you're doing it for the free cupcake, it's a tough look. You're an asshole. But if you're doing it because your friend hates when they come out and sing to them,

now you're fun. And if you go out to dinner with the squad now, like you and somebody else, will you guys split the check or will one of you pick it up. So the deal is is I think either I'm paying or you just throw down credit cards and you say split it. You do not go itemized. Of course. Never do that. You don't go down there and be like well your glass of wine was two dollars more expensive than my mixed beer. So no, throw down the cards. Like gentlemen, split it up.

OK. Five, down the middle. And what's the house looking like these days? You guys are in a single family home? Yeah, single family home out in Southern California. We got five bedrooms. Nice piece of property. One. got a pool no don't don't have a pool had a pool growing up though in ground yeah in ground well

defense attorney fucking West Coast dude where it is not this Baltimore Ryan sickler above ground pool shit shut up the ride guy Did you guys have a diving board? Yeah, had a diving board. Had a wasp nest under the diving board. They come standard issue, which we never got rid of. Money can't buy everything. No. Because we got rid of it one time,

and then it just came back. So we're like, well, it's part of the diving board. So there was always like this. Always. So you always swam on the shallow end, and then every now and then you go to the deep end, but you'd warn them, hey, wass nest, just so you know. Oh, man.

Yeah, so. I'd turn it with a tension. So you had to really be dedicated if you're like, I'm going to jump off the diving board. You're like, OK. Had to be quick. Yeah. You couldn't do a practice job.

It can't stand up there and think about it. No, you got to hit it and go. All right, you got the five bedroom, the shoes are off in the house. If we came over to the house right now. Yes, and you offered us a glass of water What would we be getting would be getting tap would be getting Filter so Britta you be getting from the fridge But we have water in the house, but I dragon

You are rich we have bottles and we have I Don't know if they're a sponsor some of them, but liquid death. Oh, yeah, very kind to me I really like them and so we got a bunch of those cans So I I would probably say hey you want it from the fridge or you got a glass of water We can give I would probably say, hey, do you want it from the fridge? You got to get a glass of water. We can give you one of these cans as far clean or whatever. OK. Like a can of liquid death. You got a fridge in the garage?

Yes. And that's where we keep the waters and the sodas and stuff like that? So we got a fridge in the garage, two fridges in the kitchen, the food fridge and the drink fridge. Really? Yeah. Wait, two fridges in the kitchen?

In the kitchen, yeah. Wait, hold on. The fridge in the kitchen, is it open it like that? That's the, then in the island, there's like a little, Like a wine fridge. Like a wine fridge, but just for drinks. And then, and then. For an island.

And then I got a man cave where I got a drink fridge in there. What's in there? Are you a boozer? You on the hooch? Oh yeah. Love me some whiskey. Love me some Scotch. OK okay didn't think I was a scotch guy thought I hated scotch then I met my wife she's a scotch woman and turn turns out I was just drinking really shitty scotch really cuz she introduced me to like good

scotch oh good scotch it's good not it's not a big scch guy. Oh, you're going to have some good shit. I like a Dr. Pepper. On the rocks. So that's three fridges, I'm counting. No, that's four. Four fridges. That'd be a record. My wife got me this thing that's like, do you ever go? Do you ever just go to the website, touch of modern?

It's like this weird fancy shit. She got me this. I don't know where you were going with that first. Well, anytime you say you ever go to this website. And starts with touch. Oh, so a lot of things can be happening. So there's a coffee table in there. And the coffee table is a coffee table

that's also a drink fridge. You got to be a member to get on this thing? That is also a giant Bluetooth speaker. So that's in my man cave. So that's pretty good. That's pretty trashy too, but I like it. Oh, it's fun. What's on the walls in that cave?

Oh, a lot of sports memorabilia. So my two big pieces are signed L.W. Jersey, John L.W. Jersey. I'm a huge Broncos fan. And then I got a helmet that's signed, a Broncos helmet that's signed by every Super Bowl MVP. So that's Von Miller, Charles Davis, John L.W. Then I got a poster signed plaque from Bobby Orr.

That one's a good one too. Love me some Bobby Orr. Love me some sports memorabilia. How are you? How are you acquiring these things? Are they gifts? Are you searching them out? Are you bidding on them?

I'm not bidding. I'm just going like, so like, when I'm in Vegas, they have that like sports memorabilia stores that are in the walking malls. I'll just go in and every now and then I'll see some and I'm like that. That's it. That's great.

What's the most you ever paid for one? 2000. Two's yeah, it's not crazy that and that was you know what that was when I shot my netflix special I warden this This is how cool my wife is when I got my netflix special we were shooting it in Vegas It's called the Degenerates. It's a bunch of comics are on it, so you can go watch it if you want. We were shooting it in Vegas,

and we were walking around the mall like the day before the taping, and we saw this sporting goods store, and it was the helmet that's signed by the three Super Bowl MVPs, and it's 2000 bucks, and my wife is like, get it. You got a frickin' Netflix special. Sure, get the helmet. I was like, get it, you got a frickin' Netflix special. Sure, there you go.

Get the helmet. And I was like, fuck yeah, lady. Yeah. I like you. It's a little cash down. Yeah, so that was fun. That's good. Speaking of, through any point in your career,

like maybe first big paycheck or first whatever, has there any really stupid purchase? Oh. No. You never like look back and was like, I shouldn't have fucking done that. That was, I didn't need. Are you good with money or you're reckless?

I'm pretty good with money. I'm kind of like my dad where it's like you have it, but you don't spend a lot of it. You just kind of. You have air conditioning in your house? I got air conditioning. I got the AC. Fuck yeah, I got air conditioning.

What kind of watch you got there? That's a nice timepiece. This is a, I love watching. It takes it off. That's a gentleman's move right there. Belova. Belova. Yeah. Bolova. I'm probably pronouncing that wrong. Yeah. Bolova. But you're also you're also talking to the guy that thought until like the age of 30. I thought prosciutto was

pronounced pro promoskuto. Whoa. So I'll do the promoskuto in cheese please. My cousin was real promiscuedo Nice go promiscuedo I was at a damn. I was at a damn promiscuous I was at a damn deli with a friend and I and I ordered the promiscuedo sandwich There's not even an M. He just looks at me and starts laughing at me. That's rough. He goes. That's a good bit I go we we talk about it. I was just saying that you were riffin'.

Huh, OK. So yeah, just assume I pronounce everything incorrectly. Have you ever been really into Harry Potter? No, no, no. Never Harry Potter. Collect anything growing up, anything like Beanie Babies or anything like that? No, just like baseball cards and stuff like that.

Okay. I've always dug sports memorabilia. No, didn't really collect any of those trends. You're a wrestling guy, right? Yeah. Have you ever taken a sign to a wrestling event? No. I've not taken a sign to a wrestling event.

I did. Yeah, you did? I forget what it said. It was in fifth grade. wrestling event no i've not taken a sign to a wrestling event and i did yeah you did forget what it said it was a great it was uh... uh... what was the wcw monday night show nitro it was nitro went to nitro okay okay and uh... i didn't but the one favor when i ever saw was who was who was your wrestlers in nitro give me a good i think this one is this is probably nw o years okay so was that you know the those guys uh... national yes yes was a nitro. Give me a, give me like three favors. I think this was probably the NWO years. Okay, okay. So was that, you know, those guys. Um...

Nash Hall Hogan. Yes, yes. Bad Hogan. Bad Hogan, yeah, Heel Hogan. Heel Hogan. Blackbeard Hogan. Yeah. By the way, did you see the story that came out today

that Hogan like, helped someone on the side of the road in Florida, some lady flipped her car. And like, and like Hogan maybe like, helped get her out. And he's wearing an- The elbow dropped her, like dropped her car and like and like Hogan maybe like helped get her out and he's wearing an elbow drop there like drop the car he's wearing an NWO shirt as he does it that's awesome you imagine that's a PR stunt mind you're in where's the camera brother I got you brother and be cool if Hogan did that he had regular clothes on but before he jumped into action he ripped everything off he doesn't come out to his music queue da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da And it just said Vince is a queef Do we were in fifth grade we all went to school the next morning

Did you see the fucking queef? Dude, the signs there there there's some good ones back in the day There's good ones now. There's there's there's funny people out there Oh, it's the internet's the funniest place in the world. I like it. Are you a cologne guy? Yes, I smelled it in the bathroom. Really? No. Awkward-de-jeo or something? Uh, Polo Black. Polo Black. Polo Black is my cologne.

I knew it. It's been my cologne since high school. Really? Yeah, it's just, well, you know. Where are you spritzing? Give me the method. I do spritz spritz, just a... That's it.

Two neck. Nothing on the wrist. Sometimes... Is he a French whore? Sometimes I'll... I do the wrist. Sometimes I'll do sprit a French whore? Sometimes I'll. I do the wrist. Sometimes I'll do spritz spritz and then this is trashy. I'll take my wrist and I'll just wipe the neck.

I don't know if anyone else does that. He's saving money. Yeah. Yeah, you are like your father. Yeah, exactly. Classy but trashy. That's me. OK.

Mm-hmm. Try. How you TSA pre-check? Fuck yeah. I travel every week. Yeah, are you clear too? Not clear as well? Fuck yeah. I travel every week. Yeah, are you clear too? Not clear as well. Clear stinks.

I don't know. See now. I have a precheck. I was just at LAX and literally the precheck line was longer than the check-in line. I'm like, damn it. Starting to even out a little bit. Yeah, and I don't like it.

But then I got to stay in the precheck line because I don't want to take my shoes off and everything yeah so I stayed I stayed in the pre-check flying up front when I get upgraded okay I don't buy first-class tickets but thankfully I get upgraded a lot I fly a lot so you're flying American American American American Dallas you and Foley have very different flying experiences. That's very true though because I don't like when I don't get upgraded I don't mind it. Yeah normal. Yeah coach seat. I'm fine. I throw a fit in the airport. I bet you do. God damn veteran for Christ sake. He starts yelling bomb in the terminal real quick. Clear him

out. Now. All right. Now. I don't know if this is a garbage thing. I did this one time. They said they did that thing where it's like anyone requiring a little assistance to get on the plane. I've been debating starting to do that. Or a little extra time. And this dude stood up fine. Yeah, I've seen that.

But you can't ask. What the fuck's wrong with you? They can't say anything. They need a bouncer you but you can't ask what the fuck's wrong with it can't say anything they need a bouncer line can't ask yeah I've asked what'd you say one time I was like I just looked at the guy and I was like come on man they said disabilities and this is real this this is now in my act because it's a true it's a true story. The guy kind of looks at me and insulted and he shows me his hand. His hand is missing half of a finger. Hey, I wanted to tell you.

He's a god damn hero. Thank you for your service, asshole. Damn. Half of a finger. I've been starting to thinking about doing that a little bit. You just want to get your burger quarter. I'm just getting it in there. Yeah get situated and settle. They can't say shit. They can't. They're not allowed to say anything. Not allowed to ask.

So yeah when they say disabled boarding and yeah some people get up and I'm because I don't board with disabled because I'm I have pride okay because I don't like to view myself with disabled unless I'm parking respect that yeah I got the handicapped parking platter you do yeah I'll use the fuck it gets working the system oh my god he's gonna get into night clubs excuse me excuse me well that and like get into the nightclub, Sam. Yeah! Excuse me, excuse me. Oh, well that, and like I said, the parking situation in LA, very similar to New York, where it's just like, it's crazy.

So with the handicap parking placard, your things that people don't know, you can park at a meter, don't have to pay. No shit. No shit. Look at you. You can park at a one hour parking, take as much time as you want.

No kidding. Handicap parking, that's the way of the future. Dangles. Will you bring food on the plane? Literally only one time have I ever done that. OK. I don't bring food on the plane. I don't know why.

I should, but I don't. Do you eat the meal if they serve a meal? Fuck yeah. Shoes off on the plane? Yes. Seat back? No. OK. Never. Fuck yeah shoes off on the plane Yes seat back No, okay never and this I was so mad on the flight out here It cuz a lady threw the seat back now if you throw your seat back and coach and you're sleeping All right, or if you're larger You need some room

All right I don't put it back maybe a little but like this woman threw a seat back Or if you're larger, you need some room. All right. I don't put it back, maybe a little. But like this woman threw a seat back but then didn't go to sleep and was just watching a movie the whole time. Yeah, you can't do that. Fuck off.

I agree with that. I wanted to say something so bad. I've always said the throwback is the egregiousness of it. You should do like a little easy to give a look back. Give a look back, yeah. Yeah, we're not even there. Yeah, and like a little easy. Give a look back. Give a look back. Yeah, you're not even there. Yeah. And like I had a bottle like that that

was up that like got like wet flying when she threw the seat back because it was just like whoa like in through back. You're a classless individual. If that's what you're doing, I will judge. If somebody has a booger or bad breath will you give me a heads up absolutely anybody not anybody friends okay but so what if when we first met you at moon tower yeah didn't know each other yeah but you saw that I was standing there and I had a boogie would you say hey man just oh comics yeah yeah give me a heads up yeah yeah yeah yeah comics there's a mutual respect of course gentlemen excuse me sir you have a booger? Nice to meet you. Yeah. Nice to meet you.

I'll do that 1,000%. Brad, how you doing? I'm Henry, great to meet you, man. What's your favorite flavor or Gatorade? Lemon lime. OK. Set the color. Old school.

I'm basic. What's the credit score like? Really good. Has it always been good? Always been good. Have you always been a saver? Yeah. Always been good. My dad always told me, because if you use the credit score like? Really good as it always been good. I always have you always been a saver. Yeah always been good My dad always told me because if you use the credit card, you know You you unless you have to you pet you pet paid off paid off paid off

Don't ever be like oh throwing 40 bucks this month But like if you have to you know, you have to yeah if you're trying to yeah Yeah, if you keep the plates been a little bit for sure Yeah, totally get that but if but if you got the means always just pay it off So yeah, I got a good credit and what cards are you throwing around these days? You got an amix? No, I got a I got a business card for my LLC sure, which is nice. Who's that? That's just bank America Mastercard. Okay, but then I got a Just a chase. I don't really do fancy credit cards. No American Express. No

Don't do that. Okay Bad you want an air fryer? My wife does yeah, I mean, so I guess I do I'm like my mom. I can't cook. We're shit. Okay. I found a great woman that can cook like hell and it's awesome Baking soda in the fridge. Yeah freezer to No, okay. Are you currently any any beef with a neighbor? Yes, really? We just moved into this house, so you things have been going good the past few years.

So moved into a nice house. Really happy about it. Within the first week, our neighbor, who we were told by a friend, is a heart surgeon. So we're like, oh, we got a heart surgeon next to us. Well, hell yeah, that's great. And then we get there. We're doing a little bit of work on the house.

Our neighbor called the cops on us. Jesus. Because there's an ordinance in our city where you can't have outside work being done after three o'clock or something. It's some obscure law. In the afternoon? Yeah, no one knows about it.

Three o'clock. Yeah, so it's four o'clock. Our work, we got some workers still out there. Off-rip. Dude calls the cops. Fuck that. And the cops even walk up and they're like, I mean mean, we have to tell you that you can't do this cut it out. But holy shit, like the cops are even like, dude, this is just moved in.

Yeah. Had you met, had you met the guy? No, that's how you that's the induction over a collar attacks. That guy's going to be a problem. Just a heads up. Literally, literally on the way over here. We haven't had too much issue with him But on the way over here. I have a friend of mine. He's a fellow comedian Dave Williamson Dave meet Dave love Dave great guy. Yeah, so so I'm in his neighborhood and he knows my neighbor He knows the guy. Yeah, he knows the guy so over there a barbecue him or something He literally literally just texted me on the way over here

He's like hey your neighbor just asked for your cell phone number before I give it I figure I would ask you I go Absolutely not do not give this man my cell phone number if he's got a problem fucking knock on the door and talk to me like I kind of respect that you move into the neighborhood. You're there. You're there. Whatever you haven't met the guy yet. I Could see I mean you're still a dick But I could see coming over knocking on the hey Just so you know there's an ordinance that you can't do it after three even spin it I was taking a nap. I would spin it as a game and I don't care, but the people around here Yeah, you care you can do it. It's not me

fucking cops Narciss Like they got nothing else to do and then goes crawling for your number what how long ago was this when a cops What's the fucking cops on you? Cops. Some narkish shit. Jesus. Yeah, like they got nothing else to do? Cops. And then goes crawling for your number. How long ago was this when the cops called? This was three months ago.

So he's got something else. He's got something else. He's looking for your number. Now he's going to text me. Now my wife kind of likes little trinkets on the front yard. I think it's funny. But now that she knows that, and this guy's yard is immaculate,

just this immaculate yard, I think my wife is putting extra shit on our front yard now because- Piss him off. What do you think he's, what's your number for? Say sorry or you think it's something else? No way. He's saying sorry after three months.

Nobody wants to say sorry after three months if their first move is the cops. That's crazy. That's not. So he's definitely got something else. No way. Nobody wants to save three months if their first move is the cops. That's crazy. So he's definitely got something else. Probably the flamingos on the front yard. The flamingos? Yeah, my wife loves those little plastic flamingos.

She loves them. Now I'm on the hurt shirts inside. I mean, I don't have much left. He's pretty bulletproof. He's pretty bulletproof pretty bulletproof a couple couple of cracks But you know, what do you give it a wedding? Let's say I don't know a cousin's getting married anesa nephew Now let's say you had a okay. Yeah, cuz like which stage about life sure sure yeah now Cuz they're going to a wedding there was times and it's like all right Well, I'm gonna go to the sizzler and grab the napkins and get those.

I'll do 10 minutes up front. He said I would do crowd work. My gift to you. No, but now, yeah, you go for between $150, somewhere like that. All right. Yeah, I think so. That, it's like.

It's expected a little more. To be honest. They live in next to a god never have a surgeon yet? Do you ever have that give me a strike for that? Yeah, do you ever have that thing where you go out and? and then the The waiter or the cashier recognizes you and you're like who I got a tip big now It's only happened a couple of times. Yeah, but now we're pretty done with that It's only happened a couple of times. Yeah, but now we're pretty done with that anyway. I'd like to go heavy

Now your dad was like bully, you know pay off the credit card. It's like I've never done. Yeah. I'm an absolute standard 20% bare minimum tipper. Okay absolute standard But then if you're a waiter and you're like, oh, I love your comedy Brad Williams whatever I'm like 21% Oh, I love your comedy, Brad Williams, whatever. I'm like, 21%. 21% of the day. And they ain't going over. I'm going to have to do some extra cameos this week. Find me on cameo. He's a little tight with the cash.

Yeah, a little tight with the cash. He's got to safe up for all those fucking football helmets. That is he. I got a daughter. She got to go to college. Although she's Asian and a dwarf. So we're going to get a scholarship. Let's be honest. Ever been bitten by a dog?

Yes Okay Few times Dalmatian Oh they're nasty though right? Dalmatians are nasty Dalmatian and then yeah so and I don't think it was my fault it was me just petting the dog and everything's good and then you know dog goes and yeah Dalmatian bites a dwarf. That's not even a fair fight.

Like, I can't even stand up for myself. But now, now I got it. Oh, it's the best. I got this 80 pound pit bull. Now? Yeah. And I walked that dog around the neighborhood. Everyone's like, holy shit.

There's a midget walking out pit bull. Holy shit. It's awesome. People cross the street. Oh, it's fucking great. Everyone, everyone. I don't know if I trust that either as you're walking by you owe it to yourself everyone own a pit bull it's fucking great I got a pit bull mix yeah yeah you own binoculars do

not okay do not own binoculars like pistachios although I was shout out to the fans there I was gonna show a couple weeks ago and they sat in the front row and then as a joke, they pulled out binoculars because I'm so small. I'm like, I'm like, good bit. I like that. Two pairs too. I was good. Synchronized.

Anyway, what was that? Pistachios. Yeah. Red ones. I don't think they're banging anymore. That was a 90s thing. Didn't even know what they were. I didn't even, what red pistachio

They're green for hillbillies. They die on red did come from money. Yeah, okay I only you green pistachio In the past 30 days. Have you been in a TJ max or a marshals? No, but I haven't been okay. I closed shopping for a dwarf isn't fun It's just a lot of nope Dwarf isn't fun. It's just a lot of nope. Uh-huh. D-Eat in the car. Fuck yeah. What kind of car are you driving around in? Lexus. Oh, Lexus.

Now I do. Red? No. Like that. Do you buy it new or is it leased? Oh, it's leased but only yeah. I had a blue Lexus before that just, I drove it over 100,000 miles, finally got to the end of it. I don't like to lease cars, I like to own my car, but I lease this one because I'm getting ready to adjust the house for an electric car. So I'm just gonna lease the hybrid for a little bit.

All right, you doing some work at the house, you getting an electric? Yeah, man, I got, what mayonnaise are you using at the house, are you using helmets? Bestman's best foods best okay yeah yeah I mean I mean you know he's bullet yeah yeah everybody yeah yeah that's true shock shock I thought the broccoli in the mayo that's a little You know, that's a family culture. You just happen to get you know I'm very sympathetic to the chipi-fantos. It's literally one of my favorite foods. Shout out the gem restaurant. I was at a restaurant that had it

Oh, Philly. It's on every breakfast man. I will order it. If it's there, I will order it I don't like so good I don't like classy corned beef hash No, me either get your classy corned beef. I fuck out of here little tiny cubed potatoes Yeah, get it burnt. Yeah, meet that. You're not quite sure what or where it's from or whatever Give me the trashy corned beef hash any day of the week man Yeah, yeah, some people do fancy shredded corn beef or pulled corn beef.

It never comes together well. No, no. It's weird. Yeah, so yeah, yeah, chipy fontos. I'm shocked. I mean, listen to this podcast. I was going, oh man, I'm going to be garbage for sure. No, you can't.

You grew up golfing. What are you talking about? I know, but even outside of that, maybe like, you know, we have a pretty good gauge of moving the questions as you start answering them to try to get you. But I mean, you were fucking, you're able to bob when we weaved. Hey man, and like I said,

I had no idea about the pizza. Now I feel like this is- Yeah, bobbly. I mean, what are we talking about? Now I feel like this is a new personality trait question I asked what was your frozen pizza and you gave me fucking not frozen pizza Feel like this has to be on every personality The Wonderling test put it on your dating profile getting the NASA

Yeah, what was your frozen pizza if you say if you get Boba Lee they do a credit check at the What was your frozen pizza if you say if you get Boba Lee they do a credit check at the Can only pay by check Yeah, they know clear, but I'm honored. Thank you. Thank you so much fun I'm honored to know that I am not garbage classy. Yeah classy gentleman one of a very few my friend Yeah, you're in an elite class. Yeah, who else is on this list? Dude, you know Chas Pal know? Chas Palmitieri. Chas Palmitieri. Chas Palmitieri.

Pretty good. Mr. Segora. Segora's classy. I'll take, I'll do everything. Jared Free. Jared Free. Frances Ellis. Whitney Cummings.

Whitney. Whitney. Whitney might have been trash. Well, she came from Virginia, I know. So, I think she might have been trash. I forget off the top right now. I can't remember. Yeah, but when you said Jared, I'm like,

do not say it from Subway. Do not say that, Jared. I don't want to be in any category with that fucker. How old do you think the podcast is? I don't know. Yeah, we would have had him free prosecution. I mean, old enough to date Jared. Gaggy's on tour right now in the brand new special,

Starfish is available to stream over there at Veep. Do yourself a favor. Check him out. He's one of the funniest, one of the best. Brad, anything else you want the folks out there to know? Website, social, Facebook. Yeah, just bradwilliamscommie.com has all the tour dates. So go there.

Over 70 cities coming up in this next year. Kids moving tickets. We're doing a lot, man. And we haven't even announced the overseas tour yet, which will happen soon. So if you're watching this in Australia or in the UK, get ready, I'm gonna be coming out there in 2024. And Brad Williams' comic on Instagram,

that's my most active social media. Also, yeah, we love it. It's such a fun time. Kip, what do you got for him? Tickets for Town Hall, New York City are available on rugarvors.com, get those town hall new york city town hall new york city I'm playing there in July Let's do that!

Leave a message for me on the wall Real low, real low. I got to be able to read it. Okay, town hall. And grab the are you garbage card game over at are you garbage dot com it's our second edition of 50 questions to find out if your family and your friends are trashed. We love you and we'll see you next week. Peace!