Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Brain Six: Philly Garbage

Episode Date: August 31, 2020

AYG is back with comedian, podcaster and old pal Brian Six (aka Beezer) for a VERY trashy episode. Brian talks about his garbage family reunions, the racetrack, and growing up in philly. You know Brian Six from Ya F#cked it Podcast, The Bonfire, and stand up comedy. Support our Sponsors: https:/www.sheathunderwear.com and use the code: Garbage Sign up for Gas Digital: www.GasdigitalNetwork.com - Promo code: AYG Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hey gang, it's your old pals, Uncle Hank and Kippy. Just wanna thank you for tuning in to R U Garbage. Yeah guys, make sure you subscribe. That way you get the episode as they come out and you can also go to gasdigitalnetwork.com, use promo code AYG to get bonus content and get the episodes before they come out and HD streaming. Do it.

Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of R U Garbage. The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Oh no, we got a hot one. Hey everybody out there and welcome back

to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is a little show we call R U Garbage to show where we sit down with your favorite comedians in front of the group classy or if they're a complete piece of shit which I'm leaning towards today. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day here in the East Village

gas digital fucking studios in the big studio. Let me tell you, as I said on the last episode, don't let the fucking rumors fool you. New York City is alive and well baby and we're taking the fucking city back starting right fucking now. My co-host, just a small town kid that made good here in the big Apple.

All right. He's a young kid, married guy, good looking kid. All right. Got some nice eyebrows, nice t-shirt. Let me tell you something folks. Next time you're reaching for a best pal, you fucking make it a kippy because this kid stays in the fridge for a long time.

No expiration date on this guy. Give it up for Mr. Kevin James Ryan. Thank you very much H Belushi. Jesus Christ, dude, you are unraveling but I'm happy to be here. Thanks for everybody for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes, get those fucking numbers up.

Yeah. End of the quarter, let's go. You got fucking bonuses coming down. Got the boss breathing down my fucking neck. And then also full video available on YouTube. You can subscribe there as well. And also special, special, very special announcement. Yes.

We're doing a fan listener contest. Yup. We're looking for the best garage fridge. As you know, garage fridges are big in our hearts, in our world, in our mind over here at RU Garbage. So please, you can send up to a 30 second video to rugarbage at gmail.com. We'll take the best, we'll go over them on air.

We'll take the best five after what, a couple of weeks we'll let it run. I don't know, just fucking get them in. How about that? Okay. You know what, you need three weeks to send to take a fucking 30 second video in your garage and jerk off.

And then we'll take the best five, we'll show them on the air and then we'll decide who is the winner. Yeah, and the winner gets, you know, they get a clean livin' and a Garbaggio t-shirt. That's right. Any size you want, up to three X, which I gotta talk to the boys about that.

I got a couple of the big boys online hittin' me up saying, yo, Foley, where's the fuckin' four and five there? No, some dude has for a six X. I said buddy. Big man, I like it. Yeah, what the fuck, okay, extra? You can't be makin' requests at six X,

you take what you get. Nah, we're tryin' to be comfortable here, Delanari. I like to fuckin' stretch it out a little bit. Whatever, so guys, get those submissions into rugarbage at gmail.com, we'll go over them. You'll also see it on social media and stuff like that. The rugarbage garage fridge contest is fuckin' now open. Get those fuckin' videos in.

And we love you guys and we appreciate everybody who bought a t-shirt and we could not be more excited to have our old pal, our very incredibly special guest here with us today. A family show. A family fuckin' show. We've been squads since Jump Street. The kid used to fuckin' throw up Uncle Hank

at Roosevelt's down there and fuckin' Philly. He was one of the only guys outside of our crew that was fuckin' nice to me, all right? I don't know if he knew, because I could procure certain items, maybe late at night, all right? I knew a couple of guys in the Badlands, if you know what I mean.

Take a ride with Hank down to Felton Street. Gang, he is the host of the amazing podcast. You fucked it, you know him, you love him. Very funny standup comedian, all the way from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Give it up for Mr. Brian, six, everybody. Hey, how are you guys? What's up, buddy?

Thanks for coming in. Thanks for having me, round two. Round two. Try this again. For the listener, all right, we did, when we were independent operators, Uncle Hank and fuckin' Before we went corporate.

We were out on our own. Couple of guys out on the range. We had a Patreon, I don't know if you know. Yeah, before we started with the suits and fuckin' we started our Patreon and we wanted to have Brian on as one of our guests. And I guess, you know, all the fuckin' city specials and fuckin' paps through ribbons in his head,

but then like a few weeks ago, he was like, yo, where's my episode? People are hitting me up. I was getting tagged in a bunch of shit on Twitter. People were like, where's Six's episode? People were lookin', people were lookin'. They were lookin' for the kid. So we thought it was only fitting

to bring the big guy back and share the garbage with the world, okay? Because you, sir, are in fact pure, unadulterated garbage. Are you an uncle, by the way? Not yet. No, because you got fuckin' not married, Philly uncle.

That's the outfit right there. Come on. That T-shirt. You got guy trying to get it together. Still livin' at moms for a couple of weeks. You got outlaws on your shirt. Let me point that out. I saw a video, Six and the Boys,

Shane Gillis, fuckin' O'Connor, McCusker, whoever it was. You guys go to this fuckin' low level race track. They don't even look like cars. That's my problem with the amateur race circuit. I think NASCAR, fuckin' Ford versus Ferrari, those were like boxes. Yeah, they're Sprint cars.

That's how they're designed. That's Sprint cars. Dudes that make them in the garage. Racing. Look at this merch. Yeah. This could double as a bond company, by the way. That's what it was, I was like, is this graphics?

Any company that uses the crazy clown or whatever, that's fuckin' real shit. That's all just clip-art and shit? Yeah, yeah. But I grew up going to the races. My stepdad was a, he- Up there? Now, we're going Flemington.

Okay. Used to be a dirt track, and then they got their act together, paved it up. You know what I mean? They got a little bit of asphalt, but it was always awesome. And they used to do, they had like the demolition derby.

Oh, okay. I was a kid, but I would do it to go back to that now. A demolition derby? Dude, I see those posts of you guys hanging out at the fuckin' racetrack, and I, with fuckin' old Bud lights and shit, I am so jealous.

Yeah. So jealous. Yeah, people watching alone is... Is there medical professionals there, in case they're there? Yeah, I mean, the second time we were there, a guy got killed. You went to another guy?

A guy got killed? Yeah, a car flipped over and stomped him. Jesus. He had retired three days prior to that. He was a teacher up there, and it was my, actually the first time we tried to go, guy died, we couldn't even go in.

So the second time we went, the car flipped. I'm gonna catch it off the track. All the track. We flipped off the track, and this guy's just sittin' there, like retirement's car, oh shit. Oh, fuck.

Aw, man, it sucks. Wait a minute, wait, an audience member got killed? Yeah. What? Yeah, he flipped, the car flipped over. I mean, you gotta remember, these cars, the way they are, the sprint cars, they have to control the little flaps on the top,

so when they only sprint on the straightaways, and they obviously drift on the turn, but when they start to slow down the drift, look out, because if you don't hit it right, it's like, you keep drippin'. You catch a fuckin' air stream on one of them wings, and you're fuckin' ghosted. Yeah, it's like a doom buggy,

with like a paper airplane on top. It killed a teacher, and they're back up operating? Oh, that happens like every other week, people die there. Yeah, dude, it's still a Pennsylvania life, it's cheap. I think one of the tournament is called, blood in the mud. Hey, dude, that is fuckin' pure track.

Yeah, it's great. Holy shit. Robin's racing, daddy. So we know, listen, come on. Come on. We go back a long time. Come on, come on. Way before you guys sold out to the evil, right?

Shot the gas digger, Lewis J. Gomez. Promo code, AYG. Yeah, we're garbage, all right? We're Philly comedian garbage. But refresh my memory, what the origin story of Brian Six's is. And start with the name, because I thought you had told us,

isn't that, that's an Ellis Island thing. Yeah, it was changed when it was my grand-grand-father. Well, it wasn't before Brian Five, come on. Folks, we're doing comedy here. Hi, oh, got your nose. Promo code, AYG. No, it was, from the stories I've heard, there's a million different stories,

but it was apparently shortened at Ellis Island was my great-grand-father. Oh, no, I don't really know. You know what the last name was? It was some Italian. Like Siclione. Yeah, definitely. It's funny, because there's always,

you know your trash. It's like cystic fibrosis. You know your trash, because my mom does that too. She'll try to hype up the Foley origin story. No, it's just Durbach, your grandfather, he worked with Muhammad Ali, and they came over in 1812.

What was he, a cut man? What are you talking about? Spraying him with a hose to work with him. He was at work. Yeah, he was involved in boxing and this and that, and then like, I wouldn't remember going to a family reunion, there was like a picture of like this old guy, and it's like, he fought in the war of 1812.

It's like, then you get some fucking cousin banged up at a wedding, tell you a real story. Yeah, that's your mom after a couple of fucking shard and ace trying to church up your fucking derelict family. Yeah, we don't even, we're not even good enough for that. They weren't royalty, then you landed in a fucking split level in Bluebell, okay?

And you were fucking dirtbags to begin with. Edison took it all. No, nothing on the Tesla joke, all right. So Philly family was Philly born in the, yeah. Your dad, you're a huge family, right? Yeah, very big family. My dad had seven sisters, my grandmother came from a family of 17.

17? Yeah, she's 16. Who, your grandmother? 16 siblings. What? My dad has something, it's like 60-something first cousins. My grandmother's youngest brother

is like three years older than my dad. That's always. That's where he got his first fake ID. My uncle had. Holy shit, what the fuck did your great-grandfather do? Not wear condoms, didn't pull out, baby. He was fucking dude, played a basketball. Well, what the fuck do you do for work

for 16 kids, was it Will Smith? It was back in the day, dude. You could have been like a baker and you know, you made enough money. Yeah, they all lived together. They all had a giant house with 37 people living in there. So it's like everybody put in a buck.

There's right in dinner for two weeks, I guess, I don't know. Man, that's fucking, that's a Philly garbage fairy tale right there. Yeah, they had a buff-ground pool. That was a world. That's living though. Yeah, but it was. You got 16 kids in a buff-ground pool?

Not with 37 people in it. Everyone's pissing in there at once. It's just a horse trough. It took the babies in. Doing the dishes in there too. That's while they're swimming. Someone's washing jeans. It's like, Rita, give me the salad plate.

Washing jeans. Ooh, that's fucking trash. Is it trash, is putting clothes out on the line trash? I don't know why, no. No, I mean, if you don't have a dryer, that's how you got to do it, you know? My mom does this sometimes. Okay, when she washes it, I'd love to see that line,

I close, look at the top of an airport. Fucking turtleneckers. Looks like an old carnival, fucking flap, flapping around. Fucking fucking coming into the back yard. Oh, Jesus Christ. Fucking Pirates of the Caribbean, Davey Jones' ship coming in.

Calling the Homeowners Association on you. Flying the black pearl. That's her underwear. No, what my mom does is, we don't have a clothesline anymore, so we have like an awning over our back door. Trash. Trash.

Wait, wait, wait. And she puts them on hangers and hangs them up there. Yeah, that sucks. Dude, that's trash. I mean, if you have a clothesline, you know, whatever, that's fine, that's whatever. Fresh linen. But dude, if you got a set of hangers for outside,

a whole different set. Like a hot tin awning, it's burning in the summer. What the fuck? Yeah. What's she, like blouses and shit? Well, a lot of, see, okay, here's the thing. Now, with my girth lately, I can't really use the dryer. I can't use the dryer.

Lately. I can't use the dryer for my shirts because it shrinks, they shrink up. So she hangs them up there. I think you're just growing each wash. Dude. God damn tide pods. Do you ever notice everything but him?

They show the dryer shrinking, it's never the cheesesteaks. Well, be that as it may. All right, I was, I wanted to know what you gentlemen thought about that, is hanging clothes up outside garbage. I don't think so. We did it for a while, we had a dryer. In the summertime, my mom would do it.

Yeah. I remember that, because it would save her money on a white shirt. With the sheets, it's nice, get that fresh. Oh yeah, I liked it. Yeah, nice little crisps to it. Yeah. Now how many brothers and sisters do you have?

I only have an older brother and a younger sister. We're like the weird ones of the family because everybody else had like minimum four or five kids. Yeah. What do they do, your brother and sister? My brother runs a marble company for a bunch of Greeks. Yeah, the Greeks got their hand in some marble. Horrible.

Yeah. Horrendous business, don't ever. Wouldn't even promote him on this. They fucked up, he just got new kitchen counters. They fucked the cut up on that this past weekend. He goes, I assign this job to you and you fucked this up. He still fucked it up. Yeah.

Now my sister works for like a cancer research company in Center City. Okay. Yeah. That's nice. What were you gonna do? We don't really ask comics that much. I have my own, I actually own my own company

with my buddy. Sheetrock. No, online marketing. Online marketing company. Yeah. What? Yeah, yeah, for like the last three years. For the last three years?

Yeah. You got, you own your own company. Yeah, we got an LLC and me and him did it. We were doing it before him. We had an LLC too. Yeah, I remember. Like LLC is a big deal. There was never any money in that bank account either.

I remember at the debit card, the chain or something. I was like, there it is. For the list, they're fully and our other buddy, Chris Cotton, rest in peace, used to run a comedy Ponzi scheme. And I was at the bottom of it. I was supposed to be able to get 50 bucks. You got your fucking steak knives, quit bitching.

I was supposed to be able to get 50 bucks at the end of every week. Go check the bank account of his negative three hundo. Talk to Mnuchin, all right? I don't know what to tell you. Well, what do you think, what would you have done if you didn't become a comic? I was in finance.

I worked for J.P. Morgan for like four or five years. Holy shit, what a dress like that? Pretty much, yeah. You have a very distinct, Philly cigarette voice. Absolutely. And mine comes out even when I talk, like I get thicker when I talk to you. There's not much you can do or like,

you have to be really good at what you do. I wouldn't get past that voice. Yeah, I faked it till I made it. I don't know why I even got hired there. I actually went in for a job interview. Fixed the water heater? Am I fucking there with a full on jump suit? I was like, where's the clog?

Fills are on at three, hurry up. You guys hiring? Yeah, so, they hired me as like an analyst, like basically like a pencil pusher. Like very low level. You went to college? Yeah, but not for anything with, I could barely fucking balance a checkbook at that point.

So I went in just being like, all right, let's see if this works. Called me back, they're like, yeah, you're in. I was like, I don't have much faith in this company, but here we go. This is going to be the fucking fall guy. They were saying, they were sending him up to be the fucking passy.

My office just had a phone on the ground. I was like, this looks familiar. First thing that he went through was open up a bank account in Cameroon. Yeah, there's your new partner, Bernie Madoff, get over here. Which side note, I was on the phone with them the day the FBI raided them, Madoff.

I had a buddy over there that we worked with, yeah. I called him and I was like, so what's going on? He's like, not much. They come and take the phone while you're talking. He had to hang up. I just popped a 25 year old Scotch at a client. I'd given him at like eight in the morning because you were in the building,

you weren't allowed to leave. And he was like, I got to hang up. I was like, I know that sucks, dude. All right, later. Jesus Christ. Wow. Yeah, and then in 08 when the housing market crashed, I hung on for like another year

and then they were chopping 20,000 people a day. And that was it. And then basically I kind of floated along and then I got into online marketing, which was easy as shit. And then I figured, me and my buddy Chris were good at it. He's a non-comic guy. He loves to work.

He's got a family and he does all this shit. I sit back and I'm like, all right. That's really excellent. You're right. It's coming in. Yeah, not much, man. When I had to talk about not working, yeah, it comes out.

Yeah. And I got a lot of you. And then you started doing comedy somewhere around what? 08? Yeah, like 2009. It was like, I guess a year and a half before Laugh House closed. So I guess it was like, I go nine, something like that.

Yeah. And then met you guys and yeah, that's been it. That's pretty, JP Morgan. I didn't know you had that side of you. Yeah, I actually just won a settlement with them. I was talking about this on that. This is trashy. You're suing people?

I didn't. I slipped. I have my 401K. I have my 401K still with them. Even if you know. This guy's got a 401K. Yeah. I mean, my buddy, my buddy who still works there handles it.

And apparently there was some misuse of funds with the JP Morgan 401Ks. And I fell into that category. And apparently I won a settlement. So September 22nd, I'm getting some cash. It might be like 40 bucks. Whatever. Wait, you're beat, Daddy.

I know. That's a couple of fucking sixers right there. Yeah, they do know it. But you can't take it out of the 401K. That's the problem. No, this will be settlement money. This wouldn't go in the dollar. It's so cage.

Go buy some scratchers with it. It's not going to be 40. You know what it is. It'll be probably around what was in there. I would assume. I don't know, though. I have no idea. They settled at around 9 million.

20, 30, 40? I mean, it might be a few grand, but that's about it. They're calling you Mr. Six. Hit me up on the 23rd, right? Yeah. Interested in some new RU garbage t-shirts. We're looking for Angel Investor, by the way. We're trying to go global.

And where did you go to college? Penn State. Main campus? Yeah. Straight through? Did we ask you this? No, I didn't finish. What are you, nothing.

You didn't graduate? How'd you get to have a JP Morgan without? I lied on my resume. What do you think, honesty? Like, all of a sudden, you've got to be honest all the time? I didn't think I was even going to get the fucking jobs. I was like, yeah, graduate it. He's in there like Ben Affleck and Goodwill Hunting, retainer.

I'm like, you're all suspect. Who's got cash on them? Well, after medical school. I got no gas in the car. After medical school, I decided I wanted to find it. That's funny. I didn't even think you went to college, even attempted. Yeah, attempted.

Or ever had a job. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I was a corporate man. I would have pegged you for like fucking CHI Institute, baby. No, no, no. I mean, I did my share of manual labor going on. Because all my uncles and cousins are all

roofers and contractors. So it's like, yeah, if I got in trouble in school, I was on a fucking roof. Yeah, I was digging ditches. Yeah, it sucked. You remember the kids in high school that I don't know if because I'm older, but like there was a certain point in high school where you could go like they let black people in.

Finally, you knew you weren't going to college. It was going to be something invocational. And there was a separate school. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Tech school. Yes. And they would those kids could like they would like stop on McDonald's for lunch and shit. They could smoke cigs.

It was like in as a regular high school kid. Tech school was like lawless. Yeah. They were like adults. Yeah. And then you see the the the class of people that are going there. It's like, never mind. Yeah, it's all like they're drinking, but they're already legally allowed to. Yeah. It's nuts.

I was like, they were driving to school in seventh grade. You're like, what the fuck is Jimmy doing? They're taking tests on like contracting. It's like, what is this? So say some ladies breaking your balls about the job. Say you can't get a permit through City Hall. Who's do you talk to? Yeah, here's the bars you drink at before seven.

Eight. Shit. All right. J.P. Morgan. All right. Well, let's let's let's let's get into this with a little bit because this is one we've been talking about. What did you get on your SATs? 1140. That's what I got.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, I lucked out on that. No, he got 1240. No, he got. I'm sorry, 1440. You got like 1440. Yeah. Well, it's changed now. It's not 16.

We said, we said I never. Well, back then the top score was 1600. You were probably 1600 too. That was perfect because it's not. It's changed now. Mine was 1600. I got an 870. 870 and still got into college, a good school.

King can barely tie his own fucking shoes. 870 is tough. But I only took it once. All right, yeah. How many times is this? And it was the night after a really big game of what? Beer pong? It's a rough one.

And we were playing King's Cup, I tell you. It was 99 Buster Rhyme and I was in the zone. Oh, you didn't do like PSATs. That was like the pre-Pashmere. What are you talking about? No, I didn't. They tried to send me. You're dumb.

Yeah, they know it. They said he's got to take them legally. They know it. They tried to send me to like some Sylvan, like some tutor. That Sylvan stuff was bad. Yeah, man, did you feel like there was something wrong with you when you walked in there? There is.

You're at Sylvan Learning Center. Yeah, it was like weird books everywhere and like other weird books. Yeah, they're just hardbacks. Was it dictionary fully? What's this? If it ain't highlights, I ain't reading it. So wait, you're telling me there's no pictures in these books? But yeah, they tried to send me to some tutor before I took it

and I went like a couple of times. You're even starting to talk like them too. Is that me, some tutor? Yeah, hey, was that tutor? Was she fucking hot? She had a nice fucking rack on her knee. And then I took it once on a Saturday in the cafeteria. We don't need the fucking nine-hour description

of you bombing the SATs. You act like all of a sudden he's going to be like, and then I got a 1600. He's like, so I wake up. I can't find my lucky shirt. I had to go, you stink. You're dumb. Move on.

1140. That's pretty good. Yeah, and I sucked at taking tests. I didn't know this about you at all. I thought you were just like fucking. Philly trash. Yeah, I thought you were Philly trash. I didn't know you were.

I love it. I love it. I love when people start realizing that. I'm not just, you know. I'm going to look at you completely different. You have to, but yeah. If you really came in and told you that you dropped out of high school in ninth grade and started working,

got somebody pregnant or something like that. Yeah, no, none of that. None of it. Close. None of it. And where'd you grow up? You grew up outside of the city, right? Well, I lived in South Philly.

I was like seven, eight. And then my dad moved us down to media in Delco. Gotcha. Yeah, which when it was, all right, now it's super fucking nice. Yeah. Got big guys. Got bougie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of money rolled into that Delco area. See, it's funny because I just realized there's a whole season of intervention that's about Kensington. Oh, yeah. And Upper Darby. And it's funny because there's a whole season,

heroin hub. And that's, you know, check it out again. And it's, you know, it's nothing we haven't seen, but it's like it's showing them all coming down to Upper Darby. And my brother's sitting there just pulling his hair out because he's got a house down there. He's trying to remodel and he's just seeing it.

Yeah. There's another thousand. There's another thousand. No, I went to theater school right next to media in Rose Valley. Oh, yeah, all right. And that's real fucking, that's real. That's real, real wealthy rich people. Yeah, it's weird.

Media in Upper Providence in that area used to be, I'm not 100% sure now, but it used to be like, OK, it was all working middle class. But then there was spots out in the area that were fucking nice, dude. Yeah, but we didn't live there. Did you grow up in a single family home? Yes.

Yeah, we had to roll home and then we moved to a three-bedroom, one and a half bath. That's not bad. It was nice. You and your brother share a bedroom? Oh, yeah. Yeah. So when?

College? Yeah, yeah, when he left. Well, two single beds with a bunk bed? Two singles. Two singles. Side by side? Yeah, the little table in between. Yeah, me and my brother did that for a while.

Yeah, it's rough. But all through high school, that's tough. What was the worst thing? Well, the good thing was I was a freshman when he was a senior, and he was never home, so it was like a half a year. And then he was out, and he went to West Virginia. Nice, all right.

I said, I'd make the squeaky, squeaky situation a little time. Just do wet work, hit the shower. I know, I thought it was classy. I'd put the two singles together when he left. I did not last. So I was like, yes. So trashy. Oh, yeah.

That is a fucking poor man. That's a poor man's king size bed. Get a queen fitted sheet. I was shy. Trying to put pillows in the cracks so it's not fucking terrible? Yeah, it was my first time I had my own rooms. I was like, yeah, I'm going to fucking spruce this up.

And yeah. Man, that's trash. Anybody in your family ever have a water bed? Yeah, my cousin. My cousin Frank did. Not your parents, though. No. Did you ever know anybody's parents who had them?

Yeah, a Greek kid. Yeah, those parents were fucking. Yeah, it was. I mean, you walked into the room. There's a shag carpet, like fucking three feet high. Shag carpet in a fucking hot tub, a fucking water bed? Yeah, and I had the poles on the four corners, like the canopy.

You get strapped up on those things. Those things are so trashy. Yeah, the canopy. Get the fuck out of here, that shit. That is a garbage. All right, let's play a little argue garbage. Let's fucking ask some questions here. Let's get into it.

Very, very interesting. I don't know if you revealed all this stuff. We didn't get into that last time. No, we went right in. Dude, honestly, my perspective view has completely changed. I thought you were like full blown dirtbag. Yeah. You're a normal guy who's a little rough around the edges.

I got an image to maintain, but, you know. I think I put on the dirt truck. He was wearing a three-piece suit and walked in here. I give it an Armani suit. It's like Charlie Chaplin takes off the makeup. Oh, very good. I'm trying to think of where to start here with this. What about now?

What it would, you know, you rent, right? Yeah. You live by yourself? No, two roommates. Two roommates, OK. Yeah, you're more garbage now than probably you're up. Oh, absolutely. No 401K in that.

No. No, I'm open to settlement. It's a little bigger than that. Are you on the lease? Yeah. Are you the leaseholder or? Two of us are. All the dudes is on, just in there.

Yeah. You're the guy not on the lease. I've been the guy not on the lease. I've just become the guy on the lease. What's your situation like at South Philly House? It's like a comics house. People are in and out, you know, like Shane and McCusker and O'Connor O'Ball live there at one point

and they filter out and a couple more come in. Yeah. You know how it is. That was like for the listener. Foley used to live in my basement next to the washing machine. It was a stand up, not a bad unit. Put that thing on. That was my calm app.

Fuck, you go night and I throw the fucking. I lived there for three months upstairs. I was in the skypin. What, really? Yeah. That's clean living. For the listener, we used to, there was a comic house in Philly. And it was in South Philly.

And it was me and my two buddies originally got the house and then Foley moved in and then another comic moved in. And the third floor was like the master suite, the whole third floor. Jacuzzi tub. Dude, Jacuzzi tub, your own marble bathroom, hardwood floors. Walking closet.

Walk, dude. That thing was fucking nice. Yeah, it was nice. I forgot about that walking closet in the hallway. It's bigger than the other room. I was in a bad way back then, too. I was like a 35-year-old man. I was fucking living with some other comic.

And the whole place smelled like cat piss. My parents were freaking out. What was it for Aunt Kippy? Uncle Hank would have been on the fucking streets. Also, too. That wasn't that bad of a neighbor. Like the other side of Broad can get dicey, though. Yeah, because you're on point, what are you?

You're on the left side. You're coming down Broad. You're on the left side, yeah. So the right side can get a little dicey. But Foley, she moves in. He's like, finally, he's tall. Foley, he thinks he's like the fucking star, fucking linebacker. Still a heist horse.

And he's like, listen, now that the big dogs here, you don't have to fucking worry about it. Don't lock the doors. Don't let anything, any problem comes. I got it. Dude, within like three days of him being in the house, our one roommate gets the shit kicked out of him. What, at the house?

On the front step, on the side, in the back, the two dudes just rolled off. Oh, just walked up and jumped? Foley snoozed on the couch through the whole fucking thing. You were upstairs? You're in the basement, baby, because I know that house layup. I'm a heavy sleeper, buddy. He got his fucking ass kicked, screaming for help.

This is pre-sleep apnea. I didn't even do the back eye lookup. Foley's out there in fucking dreamland. That's crazy, because that's like a dead end right there. They followed him down the dead end. And once you're in that dead end, you're done. That's like a Michael Jackson movie. You can't get out of there.

One way in, one way out, patio. All right. All right, yes, here we go. Let's play a little fucking. It's always fun when you got a pal. You know, it's like you just get into it. You ever play on an intramural softball team? No, but I did play intramural deck hockey team

that we are currently banned from for life. Wait, hold on. What's deck hockey? Trash. That's what it is. It's added like a nice roller blade rink, but you don't wear roller blades. A nice one.

Not a trashy roller blade rink. Not like that shit behind. You know, Rickles used to be. You know what I mean? This is behind. This is family fun spot. Very nice place. There's still roller blade fucking places?

Oh, dude, they get nuts on it. But it's like the rubber mat. And back then it was like, we didn't all wear roller. We didn't roller blades. So we were like, they just called deck hockey. So. You play on your shoes. Yeah, you just don't wear a blade.

Street hockey. Yeah, you got to wear gloves and a mask. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. They're changing lines. They just sharing fucking roller blades. We're just wearing construction helmets. One guy's got to catch his mask on. Yeah.

Wait, no roller blades? That's street hockey. You're called street hockey. That's funny. What? Yeah, I mean, I played hockey all growing up. So it was like, I get it, yeah, street hockey. Yeah.

Man, that's funny. They just called it deck hockey. I don't know. And what did you get banned for? We started a bench clear with a bunch of construction workers. And my buddy, Will, had a broken arm that he covered up. He wasn't even supposed to be playing under his glove and just teed off on a guy.

And then long story short, my buddy, Nicky's dad, he's climbing down the fence. He's going after a guy. And then a girlfriend. Not a doctor, I assume. No, he wasn't looking to see if everybody was all right. And they called the state cops on us. The state?

The troop is? Yeah, state cops. What are you, Rhode Island? Yeah. And then it was funny because my one buddy who was supposed to be there and I didn't show it, he showed up the next week to be like, see what was going on. He's like, yeah, your guys' pictures

are behind the thing. You're fucked. I was like, really? He's like, yeah. It's like they did a bank job. Oh, yeah. Look out for these. Look out for these who will look at the state.

The fucking guy's bowl fell out of his pocket when he went down for the face off to start the game. His bowl? His metal bowl falls out. And we're like, what the fuck? Take it he's an Olympic athlete to deal with. You know, we had a few in us. It was like a whole other bowl.

We were like senior year high school. And yeah, it was like a no-joke ball. Like my buddy brought the bus. This guy's nose wide open. And then we were like, these guys can fuck us up, dude. So we just started swinging. Dude, construction workers. Dude, they're in there.

Construction workers' strength is something else. You're a high school kid. What are you planning against men for? Why would you plan fucking men? These are dirty, dirty people. Why weren't you playing them like a high school sport? I mean, I was still playing high school organized sports, but this was just for us to have fun on whenever.

And this is just us to fight neighbors. Yeah, we had to beat up older kids. We had to play the juvenile school, too, which was sick, because they couldn't hit us. They bussed them in. And which one? Glenn Mills? Yeah, Glenn Mills actually just did a documentary about that.

Shout out to Glenn Mills. We used to play those guys. This sounds like the fucking trashy worlds. Dude, those dudes. The longest yard with Adam Sandler. You guys are playing the inmates. Dude, they were like UNLV 94. Dude, they came in big.

I was like, this guy's fucking 34. What is he? Two experiences with that. When I was a kid, I played CYO basketball. And one of the schools was the Home for Bad Boys, which was called. Sounds hot. It was a ditty group.

The hell of a break dance. It was called St. Gabe's. And it was like a fucking prison. And you went out there, and you were coming out there and like a fucking, you know, you're going out in a minivan with some, some, you know, somebody's dad, you're petrified. Because as you pull into the fucking campus,

you look across the highway and that's where the graveyard is, where they bury the kids. You know the last team? Oh, yeah. Yeah. White boy cemetery. Nobody gets out. Fucking frightening.

And then for some reason, Glenn Mills has a lacrosse team. Yeah. And they were terrible lacrosse. But they would, dudes would come in with like neck rolls. Oh, they're huge. They just wanted to hit you. That'll scare the shit out of you. And a little crock.

Like he was like a guy dressed like a. Dude, a neck roll on some football field will scare the shit out of you. Like this is two hand, right? We're the two hand. Those guys came in, probably had like four lines of offense. We barely had two. Yeah.

We didn't know the fuck was showing up. You know what I mean? So like these guys were coming in our bus, and they would only let us play them because we are the closest in age to them, which I think they were lying because there were a couple dudes. I was like, this guy works at the Boat Dagon. I'm like, what are you doing here, dude?

I was always when you pull up to see the other team. I remember doing it in roller hockey. And I don't know, did you ever bring Athens? There was like a big, there was a big rink there. Used to hold big tournaments. But I remember pulling up. It was under 16 was the rule. Like, you know what I mean?

So we're like 14. Dude, this one dude, one of the teammates on the other team drove half the team there. And like he pulls up with like the lanyard and the keys. I'm like, this guy, this is a man. My nuts hadn't even dropped yet. I got a little peach fuzz. You thought I'd get my fucking ass kicked.

My parents would have let me done something like that. If you're doing anything that's not school sanctioned, travel team, township team, or as you get older, if you're playing in one of the softball leagues or fucking basketball, that's garbage. That's all garbage. Well, as a kid, a lot of teams, a lot of schools don't have hockey teams or like.

We did, yeah, but they stunk. And our two friends that were really good, they played for like the Quakers and the Colonials and shit. It was all like, that's all club sports. And that's all we had to do was get them the ball. They were firing fucking a hundred mile per hour shots from the other side and we'd be half in the bag. Hockey attracts a garbage, garbage people.

Especially with no skates fucking right there. And dude, it's tough, man. Like when you have limited players, like I said, Glenn Mills, they had fucking, they had line changes. We're on the side fucking hoffing. And this is 16 to 17. Oh yeah, we're smoking. Well, there's a couple of, that was one of the games

we only brought one water bottle. We used to bring like two water bottles with like whiskey, one with whiskey, one with like rum and Coke. And then like four water bottles. And we forgot any water. And we were just pounding whiskey. I was like, I just need liquid. This will work.

And I'm out there. It's just a nice, oh yeah. So you know, the best part was they couldn't hit us. They physically could not contact us. So we had to just hand them into the wall. One dude did walk by my buddy though, after he hacked him in the leg. And he was like, wait, am I coaching?

Look, and he's like, I'm so sorry, dude. I was like, yo, dude. I'm so sorry, dude. Fuck the brakes. Yeah, dude, my bad, dude. I know, I was like, sorry, man. Are you a, have you ever cooked out in public? Have you ever used like a public grill at a park?

Come on, baby. Grossie family reunion. Every summer in the Cape May public zoo. In the zoo? In the zoo. Dude, that zoo is fucking trash. Come on. That is the trashiest zoo I've ever.

Well, you gotta give donations to get in. Come on. Dude, they got a lie in the smokes. Come on. It's just me and an outfit on my gambler. Yeah, but my brake jerk off. Yeah, everybody look at the fucking lion. Hey, kid, keep it moving.

You've never seen a grown man in a lion costume before. Go look at the penguins. It's a dirty bird. It's a seagull spray paint. That's a fucking real trash. I haven't been in a while, but there's a picture of me. Wait, stop, stop, stop. What, a fucking zoo?

What? Yeah, it's my dad's side because the family's so big. My grandmother's side. It's family's too big. Half of them live there? Yeah. And I think we've worn out a welcome. We've worn out a welcome at a few VFWs.

An old Irish woman flipping eggs. And we would have been VFW or fire house, you know how it goes. But I honestly, I think the family's too big. So they always do in the summer at the Cape May Zoo in there. It's great. What would you do? You'd walk around the zoo. No, just get drunk and fight the gorillas.

Yeah, just get drunk and then wait for a fight to break out. You're always a fight. So you wouldn't, you'd pay to get into the zoo. The zoo has donations. It's donation. It's free to go to Cape May Zoo. You just have to put a donation. But the zoo has a designated picnic area.

Yeah, it's a big picnic area with gorillas on it. Would you reserve that? Or just show up and see what happens? A couple of times we just, we just went in and took our ground. We just went to a family reunion. Yeah. We just went like Columbus style. They just came in and fucking.

And you wouldn't utilize the facilities at the zoo. You would just go there to have a cookout. Just the grill and the lawn part. And then so if I had called you on a date, hey, where are you at? Oh, I'm at the zoo having a hamburger with my family. Yeah, wow. It's the Zorro world. Dude, what kind of garbage goes to a zoo and doesn't go to the zoo?

Who eats at a zoo? Guys are tailgating the zoo. Yeah, dude, it's great. Get made shirts up every year. They're great. We might have talked about this. We do ours on North Wild Woods Beach. Which one?

That's at least decent. We go on like 14th, 15th, like 14th Street. And we just get like 10 tents. We sent a group of cousins down there super early to claim fucking steak in the back. And then it's just like fucking, we got a bunch of hot dogs going, a bunch of fucking buffalo chicken. They let you grill down there?

What? They let you grill the pizza? Nah, we bring them. We bring them. I was going to say, all right. It's just the way he says that. They let you grill down there? That's, that's good.

He got excited. Yeah, he's grilling a piece down there. What street? Yeah, we live closer to 14th Street than the fucking zoo. I'll tell you that. I assume these grills were not, they were not smokers, Traeger. No, you know, it's like the park ones. They just have like the pole up.

It's just a very basic. They're burning old shoes. It's just a trash can. We cut in half. Fucking Hooverville. That's fucking hard. God. Spoo.

What is this? Sea biscuit? This is your fucking... My horse is a little tender today. One uncle's going after the chickens and shit. Anybody want duck? Hey, Aunt Dilley, try to skunk. It's freaking...

Fuck that. Yeah, we were trying to cook the fucking zoo animals. Dude, we went, there's a picture of us at that zoo in the 90s where we all, it's me, my cousins, my brother. We all look like Joe Dirt. Even the girls. I'll get it and I'll post it. We all look like fucking Joe Dirt.

You have to to get in there, dude. Dude, we're all sitting there in a fucking that line. It's the saddest fucking lion. And he's walking back and forth. And I don't know what defense situation was, but he peed all over all of us. A high fucking heavy stream. Oh, that's scars.

He's like 90. He don't know. Yeah, we woke him up and he won't do that. Every animal there is sad as fuck. That's fucking terrible. Not because it's bad conditions. It's fine. It's just they can't.

I don't think they can afford to get, you know, the good stuff. They're eating your leftover fucking hot dogs. They're feeding them fucking premium sausage. That's good. Now, you don't get that. You don't get that. It's just good stuff. I don't know if that's a national brand,

but I'll tell you what, you get a couple of those premium sweet Italian hot dogs all day long. The hot dogs are fucking great. They'll burn you on the way out, but they ain't too shabby. Yeah, it's worth. Man, I saw a picture of my family recently. We did a family reunion at the Cape Meizu fucking tough 1140 Penn State.

Dude, you should see. Yeah, they did. They do a family picture too. It's hilarious. They're just screaming at each other. But in the 80s, in the 80s, there was a bunch of like public events that like they wanted everybody to be involved in like, you know, live aid, but they had this one called hands across.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where we, you know, same same thing. I always say we took like four cars. We drove standing on the bypass like a jerk. We did it at our elementary school. I think it was like we did it during school just in a big circle. Yeah, we're doing it, I guess. Yeah, we did.

And there's a photo of us that you. I look like I was fucking scalping tickets fucking out of fucking. I got two. Who's buying just short? My nuts hanging out of my fucking short shorts. Oh, hi. Hi socks are bad. The striped blue and red.

Hi socks. Fucking Dan. That's garbage. Yep. Man, good times. That is something. Do you guys still do the family reunion every summer? Can we come and film it?

Absolutely. I'm coming. That's bonus. That's good food, dude. You'd be in fucking heaven, my friend. You ever have giraffe foley? Come on. It's good stuff.

Aunt Rita puts a foot in it. I'll tell you what I'd love to know what's what's what's the what's the what's the big hit at like your family functions as far as what like an aunt or an uncle will make like like a food that you're looking forward to aunt Shelley's fucking because we've been playing. We've been talking about we've been talking about and that people have been sending the recipes for the Argyr garbage cookbook. A couple of real pushing this cookbook like he's fucking emerald.

It's not that that's good food though. I would never categorize. I mean, it's a trashy event. Right. Hands down, trashy as shit. The food though, forget about it. It's classy. Oh my god.

What are we talking? Talk to me. So it's always like my aunt Teresa's lasagna is always good. Wait a minute. Come on, dude. Come on, aunt. I don't care how good she is. She's good lasagna at a zoo.

You can know you got to go quick. At a public park in a zoo. It's sweating by the time the foil comes off, but it's good. Do you guys set up like sternos and shit? Oh, yeah. Oh my god. Come on. Just have the wedding there with a sterno.

Almost positive. My cousin almost did get married there. Almost. I'm almost positive. He couldn't afford the deposit. No, she opted for the firehouse because that opened up. Weekend opened up. That's nuts.

Oh my god. Holy. All right. So your aunt's lasagna. Yeah, the lasagna and meatballs. My aunt Jackie's meatballs are really good. And the fact that you're going full Italian is blowing my mind. My dad's whole side is that's all.

Yeah, yeah. Full on. Do you have any aunts or uncles where you don't call them by their real name? Oh, yeah. Like an aunt baby or something. That's my mom's side. We got Tutti, Mamie, Tutti, Mamie.

Tutti has some good fellas. Tutti. I'm going to go get the baby, the baby. And two times over here. I think it was my dad's side. That's Joey Bay. My mom's side, who's the Irish. That's where we changed the names.

And it's Aunt Mamie, Tutti. What else? Jojo. Aunt Jojo? Yeah, Aunt Jojo. Oh my god. Yeah, yeah. What's her real first name?

Tutti is Matilda. All right. Mamie is Mary. OK. And Jojo is Franklin Catherine. I don't know where they got that one. Oh my god. But the weirdest thing, I didn't test my mom.

I like, fuck, I should have wrote down. Their middle names are absurd. It's just straight Gaelic. And if you've ever heard Gaelic or spoke, it sounds like a Russian throwing up. It's an ugly, just fucking language. Or Irish, whatever the fuck you want to call it. But it's horrible.

And that's their middle names are very, very Catholic. Gaelic. Dude, it's so funny. And the Gaelic freaks me out like, what the fuck was Ireland before the prison? Before the Great Catholic's role in it. Yeah. That's funny.

I got an aunt Soopy. Soopy? And an aunt Quinney. Yeah. You both owe you money. Soopy and Quinney. Oh, that's fucking adorable. Are any of them not married?

All of them. Like, oh man. Or one's widowed. And the other one's, Toad. Toadie never got married, dude. Toadie can't keep a man. No, no, she never won a one. She had a husband.

Toadie, Toadie wanted. Toadie wanted, Jojo. You guys are scrolling through Tinder. You come across Toadie. She definitely smoking a noop in her profile pic. No, no, they smoke Winchester's. Oh, Winchester's? Yeah, yeah, and they haven't been to Perse.

They're from Ireland. So it's like, these are my great aunts. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there was eight of those. There was eight sisters and three brothers, my grandma. They have the little Perse, the little. Oh, yeah, that's on my dad's side, too. Come on, that comes standard.

If you want to have a barbecue at a Cape May Zoo, you better have them Sigs in a fucking pack. Who's got my winnies? My Aunt Jerry's got her name on hers. Oh, my God. Thone in. I used to love those. Oh, yeah.

Those in the stand-up ashtrays, I remember, like, even my grandparents' house, and they would have a stand-up ashtray. That was just, it just smelled like, ugh. This is one that we've been talking about recently. When you would go out to dinner with your family or whatever, would you get smoking or none? Depends on what side of family it was.

If it was my dad's, it was always smoking. My mom's, they weren't big smokers, or they'd just go outside. Did either of your parents smoke? No, which is crazy, because both their parents were heavy smokers. But the Irish don't like cigarettes while they eat, whereas my dad's side can literally chew

with one in their fucking mouth. You know what I mean? They don't give a shit. Yeah, that's pretty weird, man. As fat as I am, I can't smoke. I hate it. It's disgusting. Here, I got this.

My friends will do this, which is, I think is garbage. We'll all go out to eat. You know, there'll be like five or six of us. And they'll, like, get the appetizer, and then they'll leave to go smoke a cig. Like, they'll leave the table completely. Before dinner? Before, like, in the middle,

like, before the entree comes. No. They'll, like, they'll go smoke two cigs during dinner. I think there's drugs involved at that point. No. I mean, sometimes there is for sure, but I'm just saying they'll do it. I'm gonna go smoke a cig.

And they just leave the table. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, I'll just get up and leave the fucking restaurant. Yeah, he's big on that. He doesn't, like, when I do that, like, sometimes we'll go into a coffee place, like, you know, running around, you know, waiting to do spots or something like that.

We'll go into a coffee place, we'll sit, we'll write or whatever. If, like, halfway through, I want to go out and have a smoke, he doesn't want to come back in. He thinks that's garbage. You're straight, I think that's classy. This is, you're just stretching it out a little bit. You're just getting coffee and waiting to do it.

Well, it's like different. We're done eating or drinking whatever we are. Like, our exchange is over. That's what I mean. We bought a coffee and a pastry. We've consumed it. We're now leaving. He wants to go back in and, like, sit down again.

Nah, it's, I mean, it depends on how long you're gonna wait for. I'm leaving my stuff there. Yeah, I don't know. That one's tough because it's not a full meal, so it's kind of just a casual thing. You said you're waiting in between spots. It's like, eh, whatever. After appetizers thing, that's fucking weird.

Trash, trash. I have to eat everything then. Yeah, well, after dinner, smoking, not better. What about going out for a smoke while you're waiting for the espresso and a dessert after you have the meal? No. You're there, you're, if you look around, no one else is doing that.

Yeah, there are people. Nobody goes outside to the restaurant as a fucking smoke. Are you sitting at a bar to eat or are you sitting in a, I'm at a table. I'm sitting at a nice table on a nice meal. There's people like waiting to get the table to burn and turn. You got to fucking waitress. You're outside fucking smoking.

They don't take that into account. That's trash. I don't know. I think it's pretty classic, honestly. While you're waiting for your tiramisu, we're talking about. Yeah, go out and fucking smoke at all. An already half-smoked fucking Marlboro red that you put out in your pack before you went in.

Oh, I hate that, but yeah, how gross is it when you're sitting down and somebody does go out and smokes and comes back in that fucking cigarette? Oh, yeah. And she's like, ugh. Yeah, that's the worst. You got lobster mac and cheese hanging out of your mouth. Um, you're eating nice, dude.

Tiramisu, lobster mac. How much fucking the balls man pain you over here? Jesus Christ. That's promo code AYG everybody. Yes, sir. You were a dollar slice when I knew you. Have you ever owned a Zippo? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I never, all right, here's the thing though. I never bought one. It was always either given to me, like where I took it from my brother or some share of one of my cousins. Yeah, one, one in RK. That was huge.

Yeah, get it. Zippo? Wildwood Boywalk? How many tickets is that? A lot. That's like 20,000. Ed's FunCade, cut out. It's like 80 bucks.

He spent 900 bucks. And then he smoked the time. And then he owned another fuel. He's like, hell of a ski ball player this kid. I got a red Zippo from fucking Ed's FunCade in the 90s. I thought I was, I thought I was. Were you smoking? I don't think at the time, no.

You did the knee light though. You were like, pfft. Oh, baby. Oh, the knee light. The snap doing the snap on it. Did you open it, snap? Cause I didn't know you could do that. So I would go like this and then snap it.

Like an asshole. I didn't know dudes could be like. I forgot about the fucking Zippo and the jeans. My buddy would do that all the time with a Zippo that had no fucking fuel. And I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, pfft. Skids hanging out, Zippo.

Zippos are pretty classy. I gotta be honest with you. That, they were always classy. But then, yeah. They got real trashy in the 90s. But before that, they were classy. Yeah, they were like prestigious. It was like, you were a gentleman smoking.

Like, here's my lighter. It's not this disposable thing. But like, dude, if you're like outside a bar and someone pulls out like a Grateful Dead Zippo or something, it's like hit the bricks with that. And you know what's always creepy too? Cause they always want to be the one to light it. They don't hand you the lighter.

Yeah. They want to do the whole thing. I got you. Yeah. My buddy Kevin was like that. He had one of the gold ones. It's like a grill in front of your face. When you spun the top.

You remember those ones? Yeah. It was like a gold one though. And he was the trashiest kid I knew. We'd be at like Love Park skateboard. And he'd be like, pfft. I'll get it for you. I'm like, why do you have that fucking lighter?

Yeah, what are you doing? 24-catering was like, pfft. And then he just puts it in a soft pouch. Let me tell you, I was going to say that. I knew the first time I saw a butane lighter, you'd say what you want about me, my family. I'm garbage. I'm disgusting.

The second I saw my first butane lighter, I said to myself, that's fucking garbage right there. Those things are fucking, they are dangerous. I had not one, but two. Shout out to Wildwood's Boardwalk in the 90s. Two butane gun lighters. Ooh, yeah. Like, pfft.

Yeah, yeah. What, the wind resistant? Yeah, the wind resistant fucking, I was toasting burnies, dude. Who wants them? I was smoking a tornado. Yeah. Did you have the case?

No case, but I had two fucking metal guns. They were like, did you pull them out? Oh, dude, I was like, who needs one? I thought I was so cool at parties. Pfft. Riding a bumper car down the boardwalk. Yeah, she ain't there. Holding up the fucking frozen yogurt

kippy holiday over here. Pass the, pass the, draw on the west. I say, and also I'll say this too, any novelty lighter of any kind is fucking direct. Yeah, that's what we're, I mean, yeah. Yeah. I think they're gun lighters. You start smoking, you get older more,

and figure out that either you get it stolen or you fucking lose it. It's like who gives a shit? Yeah. I gave up on having a nice lighter. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Man, that's some fucking, man. I tell you what, we got some.

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That's sheethunderwear.com. Use promo code Garbage. Now back to the show. Real garbage. Have you ever had a padded or wooden toilet seat? Padded. Padded when we first moved in the new place. And it was great having a bigger dad,

because first sit down in the summer, he's like, this thing's gone. Because he's sliding off. He's sticking to it. This fucking thing sucks. I remember, yeah, he fucking hated it. Those were like medicinal. They should have those in Haas.

You would sit down, it's like, the air would creep out of it. Speaking of Toaddy, Aunt Toaddy had a penny one. She had the pennies. Oh my god, that was great. I don't even know what that is. The pennies encased in the toilet seat? You've never seen that? Yeah, they're damn good.

She was a big slot player. She wanted it. She wanted a Harris. Those things are such fucking trash. Imagine being so trashy, play the slots at Harris, win a toilet seat at the fucking casino, take it home, and install it in your house. She was so proud of it.

That was self-installed too. That was not a general contract. Oh my god. If I know anything about Toaddy, she knows her way around the toilet seat, okay? She knows what she's doing. Those are trashy. And we were talking about this the other day.

The money bouquets are such, there was like 100 stuck somewhere, and the rest were all ones. We never did that shit. That is fucking trash. We had a hologram on the top of our toilet seat. This was not that long ago. That was when me, Gilles, and McCusker all went together.

That was an eagle that turned into a wolf. So when you open it, it was a wolf. Or when you look at it, it was a wolf, but when you open it, it would turn into an eagle flying. What the fuck is that? Okay. It was pretty sweet. We left it there for the next one.

Don't touch anything when you leave it. It's fucking the trashiest thing I've ever heard of. Yeah, it was brutal. Did you ever know anybody or any of your family ever have the beads in the doorway? Yeah, my older cousin had them. Like the hangie beads? Yeah, but when they came together,

it was like a Jamaican flag with a weed line. Oh, God. That's like Spencer's GIFs for it in the whole time. Oh, yeah, yeah. Skeeve me those. And I remember for a while, people's dads, my dad never fuck with it, but they had the beaded car seats.

Oh, we had that in the citation. Oh, yeah, yeah. Dude, those things were fucking trash. Yeah, they didn't do, they just heated up too. I don't know what the fuck. I remember getting in a buddy's car and his dad had that. I'm like, what's he a, what's he a swinger? What's going on with this thing?

Who has this? My dad did it in a yellow Chevy citation. He used to have hatchbacks. The yellow car is tough. You got a yellow car. That's got house paint on it. If you had the car where you got made fun of for getting dropped off, the citation had to be.

You're showing up in a fucking Xanax. She's pulling up in a Perk 10. I was just going to say a couple of school buses on my hands. No, so it was never that one that got dropped off. It was always the AroStar. We had the mini bay. Oh, dude, those things always smelled like eggs.

You couldn't help it. They always smelled like fucking eggs. They had bad catalytic converters or something. Yeah, yeah, we had that. But that was always the drop-off car. My dad loved the fucking citation. What color was the van? Black with a brown and red racing stripe down the side.

Thin, no, not, you know, not trying to make an overstatement. Yeah, 94 all paid up. Oh, dude. Holy shit. All right, we got to get out of here in a couple of minutes. Kippy, what else you got here? I mean, we got them pretty dead to rights, but I mean, I'll do this for shits and giggles.

Have you ever used a can of Coke to get a discount admission to Six Flags? For 37 people. You guys are all you guys have got a fucking case of Coke in the parking lot? No, I never did. I remember that, those promotions, but I never, I remember thinking to myself, like,

I got to fucking save these. And I never did. Have you ever traded a tray of lasagna to get into an amusement park? Like to get into a zoo. No, you had to grease the guy at the gate with a little man of gut. I did trade weed for good monopoly pieces

when they were doing that whole thing at McDonald's because my buddy worked the drive-thru. And I was like, can you give a little sneak? If you got a Kinect at McDonald's trash. Yeah, I'd get free bars. I'd throw them a dime. Holy shit. You know what I always thought was Trassy?

You talking about a, do you guys ever do beer can chicken? Beer, what do you mean? Oh yeah, where they put the beer can in the chicken or whatever. What? Yeah. Is that where you cook it in the hood of your car

or whatever? What do you think the main dish is over at the Cape May Zoo, baby? Wait, you put a beer in a chicken? My mom thought that was the thing. Have you ever heard of this beer can chicken? Like it was the fanciest thing. She's using a pounder, like a fucking degenerate.

She shot gun him on before she shot him. It was like 40. Take a chicken and I guess you fill it up. You leave half the beer filled and you stuff the chicken on top of it and then you stand it up on the grill. Sounds like your mom's Saturday night. Oh.

And you cook it in there and apparently the beer soaks into the meat. Yeah, it doesn't do shit. Yeah, that's trash. That was big down the shore barbecue. So I remember we tried that. That's crazy trash. Yeah, that was bad.

Yeah, have you ever worn a no fear t-shirt? No, actually, I fucking hate it. No fear. Good. All right. He's making a he's making a rally here in the night. Sea salt's coming around. Get your rally caps on, boys.

Just because these have been these have been hot bus button issues going around the RU garbage community lately. We'll ask you, do you brush your teeth in the shower? I used to. I don't know anymore. I used to though. In high school, I did. What made you stay with me?

He got us fucking together. Yeah, I was like, I don't want to do this. I used to also drink beer in the shower a lot. Come on, we're gentlemen, you know? You ever do mixed drink in the shower? That's tough, dude. If you're doing like a rum and I did do that a couple of times. I'm fucking captain and ginger.

I remember like catching myself like, what the fuck am I doing? That's tough. Yeah, in the shower. Yeah, I put it down next to like the three in one shampoo conditioner and well, the thing about the beers, it's tough for water to get in there. Yeah, if you got an open fucking. Yeah.

Oh, I was like, fuck it. Tonics and charcuterie plate. Go there with like snifters. Do you bite your nails or clip your nails? Do you pick your teeth with your nails? Yes. With the cut, with the bit now, you'll then dig. Yeah, man, those not like long.

Those answers came off like you were expecting the questions. I kind of was. I assume that was going to be one. Man, that is a tough one. Pick your nose. Nah, no, not really. I mean, if I have to, if I have to do a little cleaning. Scratch your nuts, you smell it.

No, no smell, neither. So yes, he sniffs his I smell mine. Other way around, whatever. What do you feel about the filet of fish sandwich? I hate it. Really? OK, he's fucking. I hate the fish.

I hate it. I stick to the classics that all fucking take out all fast food. The McRib was disgusting. There was a lobster. You eat at a zoo. The wild wood fucking. Yeah, but it's good. They're not getting the food there.

They're bringing it at the McDonald's. When you come over the Rio Grande Bridge in the Wildwood, they used to have that old school like doop one. They have a they used to have a lobster roll sandwich. My buddy ate it and then we went out of my dad's boat to go fish. And he made it maybe three minutes up the harbor. It was like he just was pissed shit and puking off the back. And I was he's like, I don't know what it could be.

He's jammed the fucking lobster roll from McDonald's at seven in the morning down your throat. That's some fucking crackhead just made. Yeah. Where was this? Was this in Philly? No, no, it was in Wildwood. It was down the shore. They've never off. I've never seen it anywhere. That was just something that the chef made that.

Yeah, that was like a shamrock shake. You know what I mean? It comes around. It's like Haley's kind of white trash. Haley's comment. All right. If you're at McDonald's and you order, you know, you get a drink, you get a soft drink. Will you ever order a soda with no ice? No, I used to do that.

I was big, no ice. Why? I don't know, because I was just like, oh, you get more. I don't know. Oh, my. We never really had soda growing up. See, that is fun. That's the that's inherent trash right there. Yeah. We think you're getting an extra mouthful of coke. By the gentlemen thing is either get the water cup.

That's what I used to do. That's a trash, dude. A water cup. I used to do that move. Spend the $1.59 like a fucking gentleman. Nope, I refused. That was me. Yep. Yeah, dude, now. I was, but now, yeah, I have to go ice.

I have to. Yeah, you got to go. Oh, yeah, come on. What the fuck? Who's drinking that warm syrup? Get out of here. Can you ask him before we get out of here? I want to know his his go to appetizers. Can you ask him that? I love this. So we did this. Me and Folia are a big big casual dining establishment.

We like popping into a bar, getting a couple of beers, couple of apps, you know what I mean? Not this big, not like a whole whole to do, but, you know, we're talking bar apps. I'm talking the fine establishment known as T.G. Oh, all right. Yeah, right. This is the app menu at TGI Fridays. Pick your top two. Go ahead.

You got your mozzarella sticks. You got your spinach and artichoke dip, chips and salsa, warm pretzels, pan seared pot stickers, green bean fries. Get the fuck out of my face. Friday's signature whisky glazed sesame chicken strips. Panko murdered. Friday's signature whisky glazed sampler. Wait, I didn't hear that. No sampler, no sampler.

Take the sample because that's that's the cheap. You're going for the sampler. Of course. Yeah, of course. That's why I took it all. I forgot that better come in a bowl. I can eat, too. Ground round, you said. Remember, ground round. Buddy, let me tell you something.

Every time I smell hamburger, it takes me back to fucking the ground round. Oh, loved it. Loaded potato skins or Friday's signature whisky glazed sliders, which are USDA Choice Beef burgers, whisky glazed, roasted onions, white cheddar and spicy spicy mayo made with the basketball chipotle pepper sauce. Nice. Served with seasoned fries.

Yeah, I would stick with the whisky covered. Both of them, the signatures. Guys, I'm not a big. I you know what? I hate his stuffed potato, the potatoes things. What? Yeah, what? I've never loved the fucking. The guy who eats at the zoo.

Does it come in here? No, I do not. I mean, I can eat them. Don't get me wrong. I can eat them. Oh, can you eat my option? If I have to. What about the twice baked potato that used to be able to get the twice baked? I would probably do that.

Baked potato. It's just I'm talking about the ones with the fucking frozen cheese over with the bacon bits. I'm not going to sign me up all day long. Do you love a big potato head over? Oh, yeah, I feel like my Microsoft's my mic off there. Be right here. You buddy, I think it might be you hear me. I sound good. Yeah, you're good.

I guess my head is going. I'd go whisky glazed on the meat and whisky glaze on the chicken. Not the pot stickers. Not I like pot stickers though. Now, I mean, I like modsticks. But if you know, if there's other options, I'm going. What's embarrassing on there is the chips and salsa and the chips and salsa at a Friday's.

First of all, fuck yourself. If you're paying for chips and salsa, you're a fucking moron. Yeah, go to a Mexican joint. Get him on a cuff. Why did I never pay for chips and salsa? I've been watching a lot of Donnie Brasco recently. Holy shit, those are the fucking. I got him.

Yeah, I'm just walking. Who did who won the war? Like what war? Like, yeah, that's the most confusing scene I've ever seen in my life. What are we talking about? Donnie Brasco when he's like, take your boots off. He's like, hey, who won the war? Hey, who won the war?

I just stopped. Anybody who knew anything about the war, they did, motherfucker. Dude, Sonny says it best he goes. He stands up tight and says, yeah, listen, my friends are going to take your shoes off. It's just like the most dismissive. Like, why don't you go get the fucking table? Yeah.

All right. Brian six. Yes. I mean, 100. Yeah, yeah. He've rallied in the beginning. Now we. The fucking Penn State fucking 1140.

And so it also has an 1140. Hey, Goodwill Hunting took a fucking decent test too. He was still fucking fucking Boston trash. Yeah, you saw his house. Yeah, oh, man. Yeah, and often it catches your trash, baby. You're 100% garbage. We fucking love you.

What do you want the gang out there to know? Oh, I don't know. Listen to the Wi-Fi podcast news. People have been DMing me about the cartoon. Chris O'Connor is making. Yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you. Yeah, yeah, it's going great. Actually, he's recording up the last couple of things

right now, so it should be out within the next, I'd say, two or three weeks. Cool. I don't even know what the fucking name of it is. But if you check my social media, which is just App Brian six, I'll definitely have links and updates to it. Yes, so pump for that. Yeah, everybody support Brian, buddy.

Like I said, everybody wanted John, man. Yeah, they already know you. Yeah, they got their fill. Yeah, they got their fill. They got six. Yeah, the fucking zoo. I did try and come out classy. But yeah, I knew that zoo was lurking.

I was like, so you said outdoor bars. Dude, Aunt Tutty took me. We find that. Tell you what, you tell me one about me and Kippy. We'll sniff out some fucking trash. Oh, yeah, I know. I mean, I'm leaning into it, man. I'm getting headshots tomorrow.

I think I'm wearing this. Yeah, yeah, I'm not shaming. What's the difference about wearing it the past three weeks? Why change now? I'm going in. I'm going I'm going for for like computer programmer hacker works at NASA, those kind of things. I can't play one of those guys.

I'm going for fucking Margaritaville. Cheeburger, Cheeburger. What do you got, Kippy? At Kevin Ryan comedy on all social media, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Get those fucking numbers up. Keep us in the top two, honey. Also full video available on YouTube.

You can subscribe there as well. And guys, please submit your garage, your garbage garage fridge to send an email to rugarbage at gmail.com. And we'll take the top five, 10, depending on, you know, we'll take the top finalists and we'll review them on the show and you'll get some some free merch out of it. 30 second video. Just show us what you got.

Show us what you got in there. We're not even sure whether we're going to go for like, you know, if it's the stack this one or for the trashiest one. Show us what you got. Let's just see what you got on a whim. Can I can I contribute to that? Of course. I got a short one down.

Buddy, lay it on. I will bury some. I might let's I'll do let's do our parents as well. To see how they stack up. Of course, we'll do our parents as well. I'm not giving my parents a free t-shirt. I'll tell you that they got it up now. Well, you said you don't have the four X's in there.

Sorry, mom. Guys, listen, we love you. And speaking of t-shirts, we do appreciate everybody who bought bought a t-shirt. We love you guys. We love doing all the fan stuff. This is going to be great. I can't wait to see how the garage fridge plays out.

You're rambling. Wrap it up. All right, whatever. I'm excited. I like this. OK, all right. We got the kid here having a good time. Gang, we love you.

We'll see you next week. Thanks. Yep.