Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Bret Ernst: Italian Garbage

Episode Date: September 17, 2020

Kippy and Foley are back with HOT episode featuring hilarious comedian Bret Ernst. Bret has WILD stories from stealing cars to fights, to Italians at weddings. LIVE SHOW: https://www.punchlinephilly.com/EventDetail?tmeventid=vv17FZp3GkIExeeF&offerid=129205 Originally Aired on www.GasdigitalNetwork.com on September 15, 2020 Support our Sponsors: https:/www.sheathunderwear.com and use the code: Garbage Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Gang, quick reminder, Thursday, September 24th at 7 p.m., we're going to be doing a live show, R U Garbage at the Punchline in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Come and check us out. Yeah, guys. It's going to be a good show. We're going to do a live stand-up and a live podcast with special guest Mike Rainey from Dad Me podcast. So check it out.

Get your tickets now. Yes, sir. Hey, gang. It's your old pals, Uncle Hank and Kippy. Just want to thank you for tuning in to R U Garbage. Yeah, guys. Make sure you subscribe. That way, you get the episode as they come out and you can also go to gasdigitalnetwork.com,

use promo code AYG to get bonus content and get the episodes before they come out and HD streaming. Do it. Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of R U Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.

This is R U Garbage, the show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out if they grew up classy or if they're absolute trash. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a glorious day here, a beautiful fall day here in New York City, alive and well in the heart of the East Village, the gas digital studios were coming at you, feeling fucking fantastic. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me, gang, you know him, you love him, he's the brains behind the operation. Let me tell you something, the next time you reach him for a best pal, you go ahead and

make it a kippy. He tastes great, he's less filling and now available in an eight pack. So check that out. Give it up for Kevin James Ryan, everyone. Hey, what's up, gang? Thanks so much for tuning in. As always, we appreciate it, couple of things, couple points of business up front to get it out of the way, just announced, okay, Foley showing off his, the t-shirts are finally

going out, everybody. You're getting your merch at your Gorbagio. Tweet those pics. And your clean living shirts are being delivered. Thank you so much for all the support. We appreciate it. Also, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube. You can subscribe there as well.

Also check out people, the listeners have started Reddit and Facebook groups. We appreciate that. Go join those if you're on those. And the fucking live show, let's cut to the fucking chase. Fuck, silly. We're coming back. Fuck all that fucking bullshit. The live show, where we make our bread and butter, baby, at the punchline in Philly.

Check it out. It'll be Thursday, September 24th, 7 p.m. We're gonna do a live standup and a live podcast with Philadelphia's own Mike Rainey. Yeah. It's gonna be an outside show. They have it all set up. That's gonna fucking sell out. So get your tickets, baby.

This thing's got a motor on it, okay? And even if it doesn't, we're still saying it's sold out. It's a sellout at whatever number of tickets we sell. Fake news, baby. Fake news. But, gang, that's neither here nor there. Talk about a fucking rocket ship. We could not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest here with us today.

One of our personal fucking favorites. He is an extremely successful standup comedian and actor. He has appeared on The Late Late Show, Premium Blend, the Wild West comedy tour. Chelsea Lately, he has his own Comedy Central Presents. He's been on Lopez tonight. He's on Least, the Joe Rogan experience. This is not happening. The Church of What's Happening Now, and of course, he has his own standup special out

called Principal's Office. And as an actor, you've seen him in CSI New York, Beer League, Weeds, Legacy in the Cut, and of course, the Netflix fucking runaway hit Cobra Kai. And I got 20 that says that he could knock out LaRusso and Lawrence in one fucking shot. But the big question everybody's mind today, is he garbage? I say no way. I say this guy, Irons, is fucking underwear. Give it up for the one, the only, bread-arched everybody.

Yeah. Buddy! What's up, guys? Hey, man. I'm trying to get my camera to work. What happened? There we go. There we go.

How you doing? We're doing good. What's up, buddy? He's just one of those guys. He just makes us laugh. Dude, you got, you have just funny guy rhythm. You know what I mean? East Coast, Italian funny guy, most Italians have it from the East Coast.

You know what? Dude, I also got the East Coast Italian, don't know how to use a truncheon, too. I have a camera, I've got a better camera, it's not working, I don't know how to make it work. Oh, you look good. You sound great, right? Yeah. Yeah.

We're good. I hope you work for it. You look good, buddy. Thank you so much for doing the show. Congratulations on fucking Cobra Kai. Well, thanks, man. Appreciate it, bro. That's insane.

It was on YouTube for a couple of years and then it hit Netflix and fucking took the fuck off, right? Yeah. No. I mean, we shot it, yeah, like two years ago and while season three, which is already done, it's in the can ready to go. Nice. They just haven't seen it yet.

But yeah, no, it's a very, very pleasant surprise. I didn't expect to be this big. Dude, they just did it so well, man. Like it makes fun of itself. It has the perfect tone. It fucking has the nostalgia and it also fucking, you know, it like reinvents karate kid. It's like, was he the fucking bully? Was he not the bully?

You know, fucking Johnny Lawrence was getting fucking iced by his parents and that's why he was acting out. The whole thing's fucking great, man. I love it. Yeah. Thanks, man. I mean, you know, everybody forget to Johnny, he was a kid. They were just kids.

You say like you're his cousin coming in the court. I love it. You're right. He's a kid. You don't know. I mean, you know, the kids, the teenagers, somebody's clipping his girl. You know what I'm saying? My cousin.

It's where I come from, dude, fucking cook out on the beach trying to relax, play a little soccer. All of a sudden, this punk shows up with a fucking red hoodie going after Elizabeth shoe on me. What is Jersey attitude? I'd love to see Elizabeth shoe on the show, man. I fucking love her ventures and babysitting. That was it for me.

Good night. You know, she's, she's in that show, the boys season one. She's fucking great in it too. And I know. So do you think your garbage, you said you do, but be honest. I mean, you keep yourself well together. You know what I mean? You look sharp.

You act sharp. What makes you think that you're garbage? You know, I don't know what the criteria is. So let's go through the criteria is not saying criteria is one of the criteria, but you should not say the word criteria. Yeah. He's pointing at us with two fingers. What's the criteria?

Now, which one's the fat one? But now the only thing that I can see getting you on is your, your child of the eighties, you were an eighties kid. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. That's a tough look. There's a lot of fashion.

There's a lot of things that went down in the eighties that are tough. That's tough to overlook. But I say now no way, but we're going to find out. We're going to have a little fun. We're going to see what's up. And what is the, what is the origin story of bread arts? You're from, you're from Jersey, right? You're a Jersey guy.

Um, yeah. I'm both a more South Florida, but I was raised in Jersey. Yeah. I went back. Yikes. Wait. So tell us his story. So where'd you grow up?

Um, in Pasek, New Jersey and in Fort Lauderdale. So back, I went to High Street down here in Fort Lauderdale. I'm in Florida right now, actually. Do you live down there full time or are you just there for the, for the pandemic? No, I, I, uh, I just bought a place in Vegas. So, and then I just stayed down here to stay with my mom. So she's in, she's in the other room right now, coach. Bread keep it down in there.

That's the best thing about the pandemic. It's like all these fucking, you know, all these established comedians are broadcasting from like a closet in their fucking mom's house. It's great. I love it. Does she still hook it up? Does she hook the food up, make dinner, breakfast, the whole nine yards? Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know what it was. Mom's in breakfast. I don't know what it is, man. At the trashier yard, the better the bacon, egg and cheese is. I don't know what, but my mom puts out a fucking Michelin star bacon, egg and cheese in the morning. My mom thinks she makes these pancakes, man.

I don't know how she does it. Um, and it's, I don't know, they're just amazing. Yeah. Ah, that's too good. So brothers and sisters, what was the deal? What'd your, what'd your dad do? What'd your mom do? And what was with all the, uh, the back and forth between Florida and Jersey?

Oh, he froze up. Are you there? Yeah. You're good now. Yeah. Um, yeah. Well, it's, it's already qualifying. It's already qualifying for trash.

Well, Fort Lauderdale, I mean, we could have wrapped it right there. Yeah. The two, the two places you've spent most time is fucking Pisaic, New Jersey and Fort Lauderdale. They are two tough places to come out. Yeah. We're just doing this for ad time at this point. It's just like you go to an emotion.

But I still say no. All right. Well, um, background wise, uh, you know, single mom, uh, had a brother, I was a middle, middle child. And then my mom remarried, had a stepfather later on, and I have a step older sister here and a step older brother. Okay. And is that what you guys moved down to Florida?

Um, actually back to Jersey and then back, they, they, we went back and forth. Gotcha. It was both. It didn't, it didn't matter. Yeah. They remarried and my mother remarried in Jersey though. Okay. What kind of houses are we talking about in Jersey and Florida?

Apartments, condos, single family homes. What's the, what's the neighborhoods that you're growing up like? I grew up in mostly apartments when my mom remarried with my, uh, with my stepfather, we had a house, like a house up there and then moved down here. And then, uh, apartments mostly in my life. Yeah. Okay. I'm laughing right now.

I know I'm checking boxes. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like two fucking feds. You're not giving us anything. You're being real vague. You're like, you won't get, you know, I can't get nail you down for a timeline. That's the Italian in them, dude.

Yeah. You can't, you can't hammer hammer down answers. He's like, maybe I was there. Maybe I wasn't. What'd your mom do? A little bit of this, a little bit of that, you know? She, uh, my mom, uh, you know, she, she raised us mostly on her own. So the three of us, most of my life, you know, so, but, um, yeah, it is definitely,

definitely apartments would be, would be the answer. Did you start working at a young age? Yeah. I've been working. I mean, literally I've been working since I was like 10. Yeah. What was the first job? Uh, doing, uh, construction, grunt cleanup when I was a kid.

At 10? Yeah. 11. Yeah. I was, I was, I was, dude, I'm not joking, man. I've worked, I've worked every, every day. I've never not worked. I mean, I started when I was, I started when I was 12, but not fucking construction at

10. That's hardcore. You're like a fucking bus boy for the skilled labor. Then, uh, but my first official on the book's job was 14. I worked at a skyline. I was a, I was a skyline chili. I worked as a cook. Damn.

Chilies. Is that what you said? Highline chili. It was like a fast food. You just threw the fucking chili in the eater. You know, he's out back smoking to say, yeah, it's hard work. He's like talking to the cocktail. Chef Ernst.

Showing the waitress if you're not showing the waitress is your knives and shit. That's awesome. Oh, that's too good. All right. Well, let's get into a little fucking, are you garbage here? Brett, we're going to ask you a series of questions. Um, answer them open and honestly is to the best of your ability. Um, if it sparks anything, you know, please, uh, feel free to elaborate.

You're talking to two scumbags from Philly. So you're in good company here. All right. I know. Don't worry about it. I had chili before I came in here. So that's where we're at. Let's kick off some basics.

So you moved around a lot, but we're going to, uh, I'll center on high school. You said it was in Jersey, right? It was in Florida. Florida. Okay. All right. So you let, let, let's kind of focus around that time around Florida. Living in an apartment.

So, uh, what was the name of the street that you, that you, that you lived on down there? Yeah. Well, let's see, uh, this is tough. Uh, there's, uh, it's a court. It's like 15th court or 33rd court or something like that. That's not too, but now is this, is this a condo community? No, it's apartment complexes. It's an apartment.

Was there a swimming pool? Yes. Every, every, um, complex down here is a swimming pool. Okay. So it's got a little karate kid kind of on. Coincidentally enough, correct? South Florida, it's the complexes. Everywhere you go is, it's got a pool and, um, you know, it's, it's a lot of, there's

a lot of apartment complexes down here. Just put you like that. Got it. Like the Florida project, like that movie. I didn't see it, but, uh, I'm pretty sure. If it took place in Florida, then yeah. Oh yeah. Sorry.

I was reaching on the, on the, on the 2017 William Defoe indie there. I'm trying to get something out of him. He's ice cold on us. I'm not cold. I'm just asking. I don't know what the fuck you want me to say. All right. Yeah.

I don't know what to say. That's fine. I love it. Go ahead. All right. What was the name of the grocery store that you guys shop deck growing up? Yes. Um, well there's food town when we were Jersey, A and P.

Um, A and P is not bad. Food town is pretty tough. A and P is not bad. Yeah. A and P, uh, but food town at Publix and wind down here. Mostly, you know, Publix.

Yeah. I've never been. It was it nice. How, where's that fall? Do you feel like would you shop at a Publix today? Where do you shop now? Compare that. By the way, when I think it's hilarious, like where did you two grow up?

Fucking grocery store. We're garbage, dude. We told you. We grew up in the suburbs and feel like we're like it's suburban, suburban white trash through and through where the fuck did you do? There's still, there's still an unfinished shed in my mom's backyard that started, that started construction in like 88.

Yeah. We're not judging, which is this is the criteria in which we determine whether someone else is like, if you went to a grocery store, if you were, you shopped at a Kroger or if you were like, Oh yeah, we used to get groceries out of Sonoco. You're fucking trash.

Now I'm sure now, where do you shop now out in LA? You go to Ralph's, you trader Joe's. Yeah, Ralph's, you know, whatever's convenient. See, that's class. Yeah.

But the down here is Publix is like, if you're really uppity, you go obviously to the whole place. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But the,

down here is Publix is like, if you're really uppity, you go obviously to the whole foods. Yeah. Or there's another one now called Atari or Amari or some shit. But the average person goes to, you know,

the trash shops at Publix, but there's no other question. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Publix is all class. Hey, shut up you. Yeah. Oh, okay. Who was that?

What are you doing? That was the owner of Publix. Yeah. We got ad time with him. Yeah. I actually worked, I was a, I was a bag boy there too

when I was like 16. Yeah. Okay. I was the best. I was a bag boy at an Acme up here. And dude, the people that you work with at a supermarket when you're a kid,

you work with some like, the dudes in like the meat department and shit, those are some like, those guys can get you ketamine after your shift and shit like that. Yeah. If you're over 30 working there, there's some,

it's always got like that young, hot 19 year old girl at the bakery. Dude, we were just talking about that. Yeah. You know, it was pretty cool, man. I mean, to be honest with you,

I worked there basically through the holidays, but I also worked there to, I used to sell shit like in school, handy and stuff like that. And I was always clipping shit from the back. That's fantastic. I used to grab bags and that shit. I was always finding a way to,

To hustle and make extra money. Make a little extra scuttle, you know? Yeah. Dude, I had a buddy when we worked, we worked at the Acme. My buddy was, he was in the produce and he would sell weed out of the produce department.

He would be like, yo, believe the money under the apples, the weeds under the fucking bananas or whatever. And there'd be like dime bags and shit. No, listen, man, down here when I was in high school down here, everything was drugs, everything. I mean, everywhere you,

it was in the 80s. So it's like cocaine. You know, and it was just everywhere, everywhere. So, you know, I didn't really, I never touched anything like that in high school. You know,

but it was everywhere, man. Yeah, damn. That had to be wide open down there at that point. The coke must have been great. I still have a lot of like, like I used to sell like fake steroids to kids. What, the needles? No, you get a little vial

and you fill it with western oil. Oh my God. That's insane, dude. That's so funny. I used to always hook up with kids. You know, they don't know what the fuck they were doing. But yeah,

when I was, when I was a teenager, that's great. Western oil, that's he didn't get any bigger in his cholesterol through the roof. That's fucking vicious. That's like, dude, that's something else to have that mentality,

to see kids like wanting, wanting steroids and you're going to be like, listen, listen, jerk off, come over, meet me in the parking lot after school. Well, my friend actually, you know, really sold some shit back then. I mean, like we were teenagers, and I would refill the bottles

and then we sell them again. Lots of diabolics. Testin' on, Prima bowling, all that shit. Well, Prima bowling came in fourth one, but like, you know, he had all that going on.

And then my other friend, you know, we had a lot of, we had a little bit of operations going on when we were kids. Dude, that's fantastic. What was the, what was the whip in high school? What year did you graduate high school?

1990. So 90. So you were right there, man. So what was the, what were you driving around South Florida? What was the car? Oh, dude, I had a, oh, this was like,

no, I had a Ford Escort, but it was a little mini station wagon. Yep. But in the back, I had two MTX 15s. Oh. Hold on. It gets even better.

See, this is garbage. This is what the show is. There you go. The surface cuts. No, I had a proof-to-gap, a Clarion receiver with a pyramid keel, a Fosgate crossover. I'm driving around and, you know,

all of it was either stolen or purchased on state credit cards. Yeah. And I'm banging, you know, I'm basing music driving around at a fucking $200 state. Yeah. The cars rattling so much,

the mirrors and shit are falling off of it. The glue's coming undone. Dude. Yeah. My boy, that put it in, man. He didn't ground the wire right. So, you know, it wouldn't even start

or it would stall if you turned. You couldn't put the blinkers on and shit. It's not, I get it, dude. Everybody in high school like wanted a system for sure, but the fact that you still remember every part of the equipment that you had in your Escort

is so trashy. You're like, I had the phasers, the fucking 215s. That's another thing we were involved in. Me and my guys. I'm not joking, man. I'm not. I mean, I wish,

I don't know if it's funny or not or whatever, but... Oh, it's funny. It's funny. I love it. Yeah. We used to, you know, we used to take systems and shit and, you know, like you didn't ever,

I don't know if you know what a set of punch is. I don't think so. Oh, you guys are nowhere near real garbage. We're not boosting fucking cars. What do you mean? I thought we were bonding here. He's going to try to sell us a license plate in a minute. He's going to ask you

if you put chili on your big bike. Not fucking Grand Theft Auto. All right. So what is it? What is it? Huh? What is it? So what's the pin thing?

The center punch is, you use that to pop a window, right? But it doesn't shatter out loud. But if you don't have a center punch, you can use the top of a spark plug to pop it. You throw it at the ceramic and it'll pop the window. And, you know, you just pop, you go in, go in, get the shit, take it out, you know,

you're at night. I mean, look, you know, when you're younger, you don't realize how, you know, how fucked up that is. Stupid it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but, you know,

we also had guys that got forbid that, you know, that were waiting in case somebody came out. Yeah. Yeah. If somebody realized you're running up on their car, yeah. Right. So there was guys waiting to take that guy out if he's running out.

Not to kill him. Yeah. To slow him down at least. Yeah. To get out of there. And then, you know, we did that when we were kids and... Damn.

Did you ever get pinched doing any of this shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got, as a juvenile, I got caught a couple of times. And as an adult, I got caught a couple of times. Damn. Pretty sweet. Any serious time?

No, no, no, no, no. I mean, I, you know, I had a couple of batteries when I was like in my early 20s just for fighting and shit. But, you know, other than that, as a kid, no, I mean, you know, they let us, they let you go, really. Yeah.

I mean, you know. The aliens were wide open. Yeah. That was a different time back then. They were going to waste their time. They're not going to waste their time. And, you know, they had a juvie camp. Well, when I was in middle school in New Jersey,

I had stolen a car. I looked at the car. Okay. Was it the escort? My friend stole it. I didn't, I didn't steal it. Yeah. I just wrote shock on a laugh the whole fucking time.

That's what I love. Like you have like the comedian slash criminal. Like you're partaking in these crimes and being like, this is going to be a great fucking story. You know what I mean? That's a comedian brain. I talk about it in my special principal's office. But it's the kid that stole it was like, I mean,

now I feel like I'm working a bit, but it's, you know, my comment. I'm actually telling an actual story. Sure. He was that kid that you always knew growing up was going to go to jail. Like that one kid. Like, no, you know, like that kid.

I know that kid. I got that. I grew up with those kids. Yeah. He was always outside. You know what I mean? It's like a fucking windbag. He's just outside all the time.

Yeah. For sure. Oh man. Those kids were shifty as shit. Yeah. He went over to his house for dinner. If you did, you were like, what the fuck? He was like a grown.

He looked like a grown man. Shit. You know, he had a dick and a beard. And you're like, fuck man. Yeah. But now I'm kind of doing a bit. Sure. No, no, no.

I know it. Yeah. For sure though. How'd you get pinched in the car? Excuse me? How'd you get pinched in the car? Did they like pull you over? Well.

We. Am I freezing? A little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, we, um, we wrecked the motherfucker and the four of us took off running. And me and my buddy out the Antonio went one way and then the other kid.

I just shout it out. Big Al by the way. Shout out to big dude. That's the best name. Shout out to out the Antonio. And then went the other way and they ended up getting pinched and, you know, damn. They name names. No, they didn't roll on us, man, but, um, the, the moms figured it out.

Yeah. Yeah. The moms got you busted. My mom. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. That's a good mom though.

Yeah, it is. My mom, uh, you know, she, me, me and my younger brother were, were a handful. My older brother was, you know, he was the responsible one. Yeah. And your mom made you go down to the, to the station and turn yourself in. Um, no, it's, it's, it's not, the punishment wasn't other than the fucking massive beating. And that's it. But, you know, we had to, we had to help work it off.

Yeah. You know, they, they kept us out of the camp, but they sent my other two friends up there. Yeah. There was, that was big when we were, when we were kids, they would like, uh, kids would like garage hop. They'd like go steal beer out of your garage and shit or like whatever. And they would get these things called act weekends where it was like boot camp for the weekend, like up in the Poconos or something.

So they'd send you up there for two days and you would just like run up and down mountains carrying like fucking logs and shit. The other thing we used to remember Bradleys, did you guys have Bradleys? Yeah. The clothing store? Yeah. It was like a department. Yeah.

Absolutely. Bradley's was all right. So we used to, uh, uh, it's so, they're so stupid. Like they, they would, they would have like the flat tires on the bikes, but yet you go over two aisles. There's a fucking bike pump. Right. So we were still right.

Like, like, you know, somebody would look and kids would run around and then my little brother, me and my friends, we would jump and ride the fucker right out of the store. Just take it off. Dude, he said that. That's pretty sweet. He said they got bike pumps in the second aisle. Like they're asking them to steal the fucking bike. What do you want me to do?

They got bike pumps right there. What am I a jerk off? Come on. You got to lock these things up. Like they think that's the way to deter you from stealing it, but there's fucking bike pumps. Two hours over. You can get it done.

Yeah. No, dude, fucking home run. That's brilliant. What kind of bikes do they have good bikes at Bradley's? Are we talking like a Huffy? Nah, man. That's, that's also how, you know, like I never had, um, like, you know, I always see like kids posting about their bikes.

Like they always wanted this bike. Like we always talk about it. Like my buddy, getting back to my friend, Al, he, he used to have a bike, but I never had one. And, you know, when we would take them, you just use them and then get rid of them. And then, uh, but I would be like on the handlebars. My brother would be on the, it's like a fucking tiny circuit. Got eight kids on a one kid with the bike.

Yeah. I don't feel, I feel like kids don't do that anymore. Dude, back in the eighties and nineties, you could have six kids on a fucking, six kids on a dyno going down the block. Wait, kids don't do what? Credit card fraud? What are we talking about here? This one too.

This is great. So my buddy Al, Alan is brother Vinny. And of course Al's brother's name is Vinny. I love it. They were typical, you know, grease monkeys, you know what I mean? And, uh, we had taken a mail truck. They had a mail truck. What the fuck?

No, listen, it was in a junkyard. It was just sitting there. Oh, okay. I thought you robbed a mailman. No, no, no, no. And they, they fixed the mail truck up and we used to fucking drive around. We were like 13 fucking years old. I swear to God, man.

And you know, and the seats on the other side. You're like, it's an import. Don't worry about it. It's kids. This came over from England. Holy shit. That's fucking awesome. Fixing up a mail truck.

We used to cruise around in our motherfucker, man. And, uh, we were kids. You take it on the street? On the street? You would drive all around the park all over the fucking place. Yeah. Did anybody ever stop being asked for their mail here? Anything like that?

No, it was, it didn't have to be our USA shit on it. You know, it was like all fated and all fucked up. You know what I mean? Vinny's mail service on the side. That's so funny. I just fucking thought about that, man. That's fucking crazy. Dude, that's fucking great.

They're great. Something up in New York or New Jersey now, the brothers. They have a racing team. Oh, really? What kind of racing? Uh, I don't know. Like, I, uh, whatever, uh, cars. Cars, holy shit.

That's not too bad. Yeah. They fix cars and stuff. They've been doing that since they were kids, man. That's the kid that could make a mini bike out of a fucking lawnmower. Yeah, dude. I had my, dude, my buddy Vinny was the same thing. He knew his way around a small engine like it was nobody's business.

Little two stroke. Yeah. Moving. Oh, that's too fucking funny. All right. Let's get in a little more of your garbage here. Uh, I got one. Um, do you own any sword collections or growing up?

Did you have a samurai sword? Nah, I don't know, man. No? Okay. Um, have you ever had a pet bird? I'm sorry. I always carry a bird. Jesus Christ.

What the fuck is that? He's just flash of steel. That's like something from Lord of the Rings too. No, it's, uh, it's like, I have like a bunch of these that I used to carry around. Do you still, do you still carry a knife on you? It's like Chris Angel made this fucking. That definitely has a hot topic vibe to it. Came with a lava lamp.

Wait, are you still sticking people? What's going on? Do you like to knife people? What's the deal? Just in case. No, you just, you know, you carry it around. You know, it's funny when I got married for like 10 years, my wife really, um, helped me get over a lot of things like it, you know, cause you, you know,

I don't know where it was by you, man. And, you know, again, I don't know if I'm downplaying this or not. I don't know. And, you know, and, and I, I talk about it. You, you grow up a certain way. You think everybody else goes up that way. 100%. Yeah.

There was a lot of problems. There was always fights. There was always something happening. And it took forever for me to even go out of the house with, with fucking flip flops on. I would never even wear flip flops. You got to be ready. Yeah.

Yeah. You got to be good. Yeah. It's like things never really popped off like that all the time. You just, you're always on high alert thinking something. Well, but then the one time it does, you're there. You're ready. Yeah.

That's why if you ever see a guy with Tim's tied up, you know, he's right. He's that dude means fucking business. If anybody, if any, you see a dude on the subway with his Tim's tied to the knee fucking steer clear of him. Yeah. I wouldn't say, but I wouldn't say by any stretch of the imagination to grow up like that. You definitely grew up tougher and that sounds like a tough town and tougher

times, but there's, well, I would say this too. Like because I was raised by my single mom, like me and my little brother, we, we always, we lived in a really rough area at one point and, you know, the kid, like we, I would set up like in the house. Like if you don't, we'd have a bat here. God forbid somebody broke in, you know what I mean? Cause we were going to protect her. And like we used to have to go to the laundry mat as a kid.

I don't know. I mean, this is definitely got to qualify me for some kind of garden. My mom, that's the laundry mat. You follow, you know, I would follow her at like seven or eight with, you know, just making sure nobody's going to fuck with her. And then, and when you get, I don't know if you've ever been to a laundry mat, especially like Florida and Jersey. Oh shit.

Star Wars canteen. The champagne's not great. There's milk everywhere. I think that plays into it as well. You know, I was always as, you know, I was always worried as a kid. Gotcha. Well, I think there's a thing too when like violence is semi-normalized. Like if you grow up in a place where like you see,

you see fights and when fights are a possible outcome of, you know, of engagements or like of conflict, it's just becomes normalized. I remember I was fucking took my cousin golf in one time and like this dude hit up, like this dude, like hit up on him a couple of times. And he's like, you know, he like fucking hang sheetrock. And then all of a sudden he's like, they're like, they're toe to toe in the fairway. And he's got his club, my cousin's got his club over his shoulder. And he's like, the guy's like, what are you going to hit me with that?

And he just goes, yeah, if I have to. And I'm like, oh, he's living in another fucking world than I am. Like just like, yeah, I will hit you if I have to do it. And, you know, I think the 80s too. Like I remember one time my school teacher, there were two kids that were, that were, you know, riffing in the classroom. And then he just said, fuck it. And he, and he cleared the desk out.

And he said, you two right now go at it. And when it's over, and you know, and he let him fight right in the middle of the fucking classroom. That's fucking awesome. Oh, you'd be in fucking jail. Yeah. And Kevin and I have a theory that we talk about. And obviously, like I said, we didn't grow up anything near like that.

But we've both been fucking punched in the face before and, you know, you know, grew up around somewhat violent circumstances. And in the long run, don't you feel like that's a lot of problem with people like people that have never been punched in the face. That's where as an adult, they run their mouth and all that kind of stuff. Yeah. I actually say that if you've never been punched in the face, I don't trust you. Yeah.

It tells me, you know, it tells me that you don't have opinions, convictions. It tells me that you fucking, that some shit happened and you ran. That's what the fuck that tells me. I mean, like, and by the way, it doesn't hurt. You know, like I thought about that. Am I freezing again? No, you're okay. Yeah.

No, it's, it's, it's good to scrap it out, man. I mean, look, like, I guess it was different times. I was telling my mom this. It's like, I never really realized I would be alive to see a whole different America. Like, you know, when your grandparents would say that and then you're like, I mean, dude, everything, everything is fucking different. Yeah. And I don't know if it's for the better.

I mean, I, you know, I don't, I don't know, but I think you should always just, it's only skin. That's what you used to say as a kid. It's only skin. Knuckle it up. And then you just don't bitch about it. And, you know, yeah. No, for sure.

For, I, we like, that's how, whenever there was an issue on the street, that my dad would be like, yeah, you're going to be like, that kid took your baseball bat or what? Like, go get it or like, you know, go, go fucking, you got to go get it. Like, you're not coming back in the house without their baseball mitt or whatever. Wait till he's sleeping and then steal his dad's stereo. I don't think so. Yeah. I lost the, I lost the $20 mint, but I got a, I got a system for two grand.

Dude, actually that, I think that's a sign of the time too back then, man, you know, because all the systems, like right now, every car has a fucking phenomenal system. Sure. It's in there. Yeah. But then I'm at like stealing stereos. You know what else? Kids used to take the hood ornaments, like the Cadillacs.

Oh yeah. Yeah. They were big. And then, you know, that, that type of stuff, everybody, at least where I'm from, everybody did that. Yeah. For sure. Absolutely.

Yeah. All right. Fucking love it. All right. I want to talk about some, some traits here, some things to do with something that's been a hot button issue on the podcast over the last few weeks. I want to see what your thoughts are. And this is where I lean to him not being garbage in his mannerisms.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like you, he wrote, you, as with most Italian, they run a tight ship. Yes. You know what I mean? You're very, you have a lot of convictions about what is trash and what is not. You carry yourself like most, most Italian men carry themselves like fucking gentlemen.

You know what I mean? So that's where I think, I think you're all class. You probably came from a, you came, obviously came from a tough background. You know, the launch, the fucking bodyguard to the laundry mats, a tough look for sure. But I think you're fucking probably all class now. Today's episode is brought to you by sheath underwear. Sheath makes the softest, most comfortable boxer briefs I've ever worn. I literally have them on right now.

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use promo card garbage to save 20%. Now back to the show. How do you feel about brushing your teeth in the shower? You know, listen, it depends. And I'm not a big guy. If you want to know, this is where it's going to get really, really, really crazy. I've never had a cavity in my life. And what I do is I have a whole system where I brush my teeth.

I have a water pick. Guys got a water pick. Holy shit. I do my the listerine or whatever. And then I would do a fluoride rinse at night before I'd go to bed. See, I'm not ready. See, that's how many cars you stole. That's fucking a water.

The shower and a rush. Okay. But okay. So he's not a psycho. Well, you keep. Well, you keep the toothbrush. You don't keep the toothbrush in the shower when you leave, right? Oh, absolutely.

Yeah. There's Adam. There's savages out here doing that. A lot of people, you would be surprised. Who the fuck does that? I've got the dishes. I've got the dishes. I've got the dishes.

Yeah. For sure, dude. For sure. It's fucking great. Go ahead, kid. Um, let's see. Have you ever worn a wife beater in public? I have Florida.

Absolutely. Okay. Florida is a little, I forgot about Florida. Okay. I'd like to hear his opinion on the, on the Jersey. That's from the Jersey question. Okay. So you're, you have to, you have to wear one of the following, right?

You're going to a wedding and the only options you have are sports jerseys. Right. Like you have a baseball jersey, a hockey jersey. Obviously you would not show up to a wedding dressed in a jersey. The gentleman that you want. But what do you think the classiest of them all is? If you were gunned to your head, you're end up in a bad situation. That's all you got.

You got to wear one. What are you wearing out of all the professional sports? Okay. First off, I'm going to take this another level of my insanity. I don't wear football jer, I don't wear jerseys. I don't put another fucking man's name on it. I agree. I agree.

I don't do it either. I don't wear jerseys old enough to be my grandfather, but it's not a dude. That's either my age or younger. Are you fucking high? Wearing some 19 year olds. Yeah. Yeah. You're not wearing a mellow jersey.

But if you're going to wear one to a wedding. To look like the least of an asshole. You know what I mean? Like what's the. You don't have to go with a baseball jersey because you could put a tie under it. Like I said, button up. It's got to be. Like you're at your hall of fame induction ceremony.

I've never heard that answer. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. Have you? It comes down. So you can. That's all you got. You want to have a good time.

I fucking love it. Have you been to a wedding? Where some. No. Where's somebody? No. Where's somebody? No.

Where's somebody wore a jersey? No. Really? I'll be honest with you. Any wedding that I went to if somebody showed up in a jersey. Have you ever seen anybody wear something they shouldn't have been wearing to a wedding where you're like get a load of, you know, like a short sleeve dress shirt or something? Oh, you know what?

I will say this. When you're wearing a short sleeve dress shirt or something. Oh, you know what? I will say this. When my cousins got married, their family sighed the other side. It's always the other side where you're like, yo, where did you fucking animals come from? And this guy was stacking his beers on the table. And, you know, and on my side of the family, somebody went all the way home and said, listen,

you know, you're gonna have to take you off the tables, you know, you're embarrassing yourself to everybody here. You know, and he didn't realize it. But you could tell that guy, you know, he was stacking the beers like a fucking pyramid. Dude, only the Italians will speak for everybody. When they say you're in Paris, not only yourself, but everybody at this baseball game. There's a lot of good people around here. What are you doing?

Trying to fucking treat me like I'm a half a jerk off over here. Everybody here. It's always the other side of the family where you're like, what the fuck is wrong with you people? Yeah, it's not. It's the people marrying in. Yeah, but it's usually the guy or the girl that's marrying in is typically you're like, oh, OK, this seems like a normal person. You meet them, but then you meet their aunts and uncles and cousins and shit.

And you're like, what the fuck? Yeah, I mean, it's very rare. You might get a third or fourth cousin in an Italian-American family, but you don't see that shit. And by the way, I'm also German. I mean, I was raised by my mother's Sicilian and I was raised in a Sicilian background. So there's a lot of pride in, you know, the two things you should have pride in is in your work and your appearance. You know, how you carry yourself is what my grandfather would say that, you know, it's your characters, everything. Yeah.

Like, I feel like I get my nails done. I get buffed. I know it. I'm telling you. And my grandfathers, and they all did that too. I mean, a lot of the gangsters used to do that shit all the time. Yeah, for sure. You know, and Philly, you saw you saw the guys that had the suits on.

They always had the nails done and you looked at them and you're like, you know, that's a classy guy. Yeah, for sure. The Italians, you guys do that nice. Oh, dude, there's rules that I have when I go like, you know, like if there's women at the table, they don't reach in their fucking pocket. The stuff that I, because I was very, to believe it or not, I was very fortunate to be raised by my grandfather and my stepfather later on was an older, older Italian guy as well. Like he was 14 years older than my mom. And when I tell you this dude was just fucking suits all the time. You know, I remember one time when we were watching Casino and remember the other suits and you hear him go mean guy had suits like that.

Like the shoes back and the fuck like, you know, he was so impressed with the suit. Yeah. You're like, oh man. Speaking of dinner, how do you feel about splitting the check? What are your rules on that? With, with the lady? No, say you and another couple go out. Let's do this.

It's a double date. What do you do? I got it. This time you get it next time. For sure. Guys clamp. Yeah. Are you a cash guy?

Are you a card guy? Do you operate with both? Now I'm all card. When I was in my 20s, I just used to carry cash on me. Like I didn't understand taxes when I was in my 20s. Sure, sure, sure. And you know, the other thing is, see when you, you should know, but again, we all know because we're of this ilk. When a bunch of, when a group of Italian guys go out.

Okay. And you're waiting on that table. Whoever's waiting on that table is probably going to get at like a 200% tip. Oh yeah. I used to love that. Nice. Nice. They're going to drop the check.

One of the guys is going to pick it up and then everybody's going to throw in what they ate as a tip. Yeah. And that's usually how that works because he'll go leave and then if I had like a $40, whatever, I'll throw in fucking 30 bucks and everybody, like the kid walks with like almost 100% sometimes. Yeah. That shit was always the best back in the day. You get a couple of fucking older Italian guys. They're all getting apps.

They're sharing the apps. They got fucking drinks. There's fucking Zambuca fucking Espresso's on the table. Next thing you know, some guy shows up. They get a little fucking come out and they fucking hook you up with a nice tip. It's great. Yeah. Dude, one of my old jokes about was one of my first jokes on a half hour was about us going to my feet.

Yeah. You have the best Italian cash joke, I think. Hands down. That's, I mean. When we count the money. Oh. And then when you hit it with like 20 or whatever, whatever the total is, is fucking home run funny, dude.

But no, we fight over the time, man, you know, or the other good. This is the other thing that happens too is like you go out and you go to places. There's this Italian ritual. I don't know. Like you'll go out and you'll go to a place where you know you might get caught. Right. So when you go in there, you're, you're expecting that. But when they offer it, you tell them no.

Sure. Yeah. Right. But then when they do it, you tip now as if there was, if we had to pay the tab. So it's always been that, I don't know if it, I don't think it's like this anymore because the younger guys lost it, but it ain't, it ain't man. There was always that dance. Like, no, you don't have to comp it.

I'm here, you know, and then there's things that you do. Like you don't let them know until after you pay and then they're like, okay, you know, you're, it was always this thing that you showed with that. I can't explain it. No, I know exactly what you're talking about. But I waited tables up until a year ago. I was still waiting tables a year ago and it was at a fucking burger place and NYU. And let me tell you something.

That shit is going away quicker than anything. They're fucking arguing over all, well, I only had this and you had that. They fucking their six kids. They hand me 12 fucking credit cards. I remember exactly what you're talking about that fighting over the check thing. I think about that when I was a kid and like when I see that now, like warms my heart and it's always like somebody like our parents generation. I got it.

I got it. I got the fucking, the, you know, my uncle fucking just like, listen, don't say anything. I'm taking care of the check order, whatever you want or him and my dad fighting over it at the end of the meal or the fucking coolest move is one of them would get up, go to the bathroom, bang, bang, bang and come back. Okay, we're ready to go. That's fucking class. That doesn't exist anymore.

And when it does, it's beautiful to see. I had to do that a couple of times, but I'm going to, I'm not going to one up it, but my, my, my, my godfather, my, my uncle, you know, guy I looked up to, I, he pulled the Tony Soprano when I picked the check up one time and he, Oh yeah, they get mad at you. He fucking slapped me. What? Yeah.

He's, you know, in a, in a loving way. Sure. In like a loving. Yeah. Like what the fuck are you doing? You know, and he, the look in his face, he was really upset. And he's like, I appreciate the jet, the gesture, you know, and he was really upset about that, but we joke around about that now.

Like he smacks me in front of like, we'll go out. It's real guinea shit. I love it. We'll go out and, and, and I'll say, um, and we'll go to the home to this, right? We do this a lot and he'll stand there. Of course it's safe, but it's funny to both of us. And, and I'll say, Hey, uh, yeah, I'm going to, I want to make a reservation, you know, I'll put our name in and I'll give him my name and he'll go, what, you don't see me

standing here. You're going to put your name and then I'm sorry. And then he'll smack. Oh my God. I'm like, I'm so sorry, you know, and then we act like it's normal, but it's like a stupid anti-cosman thing. I was a waste of fucking a minute. No, no, no, no.

It's all class, baby. He holds himself to that stand. I got one. I got one. When was the last time you were at an Olive Garden? I thought that I don't know. I think when I lived in LA one time, we, uh, we went to one, me and my wife at the time, ex-wife.

Um, it was, uh, just to get the soup and the salad. Yeah. There you go. Awful. How do you feel about cash back? You get cash back when you make a purchase? Oh, with what? I get points on my card.

No, no, no. He means, he means if you go to like Ralph's or whatever and you bought, you're checking out and they go, do you want cash back and you take, you use it like an ATM? Um, I've done that before a couple of times, but you know, that's when I'm in it, when I'm, when I'm going somewhere and I'm like, shit, I want, but I need it to tip. I got to grease the guy. Come on. You know what I'm saying?

Like if I'm sure I'll have them take it out and break it up in fives. Sure. You know what I mean? Who do you tip? Where's, where's your standard on tipping? Who gets a tip? You leave something for the cleaning lady? Absolutely.

Always. Whenever I stay in a hotel, cause I don't have them touch my room at all. Cause I don't have people in there. I get seen down. I get seen lots. Class. That's class. That was quick.

The guy was clicking before I was in there. Um, so I, I don't. That freeze. Yeah. Yeah. You're good now. Okay. Um, I don't leave, um, like I don't leave towels around or anything like that, but at

the final end, I'll leave a five or 10. After I, you know, I'll put it on for her. Um, my biggest and, and my best move and I, and this is again, I suggest this to anybody. Whenever you go out, the, the, the, the guy that brings the bread and the water. This, it depends on the restaurant. A five can usually do it, but if it's a higher end, you give, give him a 10 right out the gate. Because I used to wait tables all the time.

Okay. And this is, this is two things. And in, in a nicer place, you got the front waiter and the back waiter and they pool the whole thing. That guy always ends up getting fucked. Yeah. Right. Number one, but number two, you give him that five.

You're going to see shit showing up on the table. It won't be on the bill. Yeah. It won't be on the spot with the fucking extras. So once you give him that, like if you give him a five or a 10, now you know what he's putting it in his pocket. So it's going somewhere good. And then you say to him, Hey, can you get me a diet coke?

Or Hey, can you get me something? And he's like, sure. Not, you know, fuck the, you robbed the restaurant. Fuck, you know, fuck. Yeah. Yeah. He's not, yeah. He don't give a fuck.

He'll start giving you sodas and shit and extra bread. And you know, and he, he probably, he's going to get that, you know, robbed anyways from him, from the, from the scumbag, uh, methodic front later. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know, man. I love the systems, the hierarchy in your head.

It's fucking beautiful. It's so good. When you go to, I'll tell you this works almost all the time. I don't know how, how the car washing places are by you, but I was just going to ask him about it. You get it. You get a basic wash, but you go give the fucking guy that's trying your, your car and then you tell him, Hey man, put the shit on the tires and then, and then, you know,

so, So you go right to him. Ah, it's pretty good. Nine out of 10 time. I would say 99.9%. He'll do it. He's going to put the armor on her wipe. He'll even offer to wipe it in the car.

You know what I mean? Now the way that works. So you get a basic wash for say 15 bucks, right? All in is almost 30. Yeah. Works or whatever. Right. You pay that you give him, I was going to tip him five anyways.

So for an extra five now, you've just saved yourself another almost 10 bucks. Yeah. I'm just giving it to him, but everybody eats. Everybody enjoys. Yeah. It's a family party. Family style. Everybody wins in these situations.

Do you always get the tires done without fail? Absolutely. I got one for you. Have you ever gone to one of the car wash? I got one for you. Have you ever gone to one of the car washes where you spray it down with the hose? Like you do it yourself? Yeah.

I was in Tallahassee. That's the only one I went to. What? Yeah. Yeah. I was one of those losers that went away to community college. What do you mean? To Tallahassee, the TCC and the only washing thing they had there was that thing.

Those are for like cleaning out dead bodies. Like getting blood out of your trunk. Those things. Those open up at 10 p.m. Those ones. Yeah. Those things are real shifty in the middle of the night. You're washing down the fucking escort fucking 2 a.m.

I got one for you too. Because you travel a lot. You're a fucking road dog. Will you get food when you're traveling? Will you get food in the terminal and take it on the plane and eat it? No. Fuck no. I hate it.

I know it. It's really convenient. It's just not comfortable. I'll be honest with you. I'm able to keep my weight off because I'll do intermittent fasting and the days that I'm traveling, I won't eat in the airport. I'll get a black hole. And you know, and I'll travel that whole day.

And then if I get to the hotel at night, if I have to be there to do Preston next day, I'll have my first meal like after I'm settled in at the hotel or if it's at the club, I'll get something right before I go up. That's usually what I do. I think it's a real trash move to like you're you sit down and you know, like fucking 31 F and then some guy next to you just pulls out like a fucking bear burger or something. You're like, yo, what the fuck? I got to sit next to these fried onions the whole fucking time.

That's awesome. And then fucking make that little ice cream. He's trying to make it work with tiny napkins and shit. It just can't do it. Do you take your shoes off on the plane? Um, yeah. We'll see. Yeah.

But not it's my feet. Like I'll never show my even though they're fucking beautiful. I get the toes on everything. I'll rip the stock off right now. Um, but, uh, you know, I usually wear dark socks. Does that make sense? Yeah. Everything's calculated with you.

I feel you're very calculated every move, every gesture. Everything's calculated. I have the dark feet and all that shit, you know, what about a full size pillow on the plane? You do that? No. Fuck. Dude, those people look like they're going to fucking sleep away camp.

It's like, dude, what are you doing? It's a two hour flight. Let's go. Act like a fucking adult. My pillow at home. Sleeping bag and shit. We got a fucking, uh, uh, John offered all neck roll. I don't know if you got him.

Fucking sofa. And they're sitting there trying to sleep. Oh, I see. Oh, God. Speaking of pillows, something that we've been throwing around here for, for a week or two is, uh, how many pillows do you use to sleep? How many pillow guy are you? The more pillows, the more garbage.

Oh, really? I have four like really expensive, nice down pillows that I use, but they, you know, I have a pretty, pretty big bed. So where do they go though? That's the thing. Do you use all four of them? You put one between your legs. You do your hug one.

I have never, ever kicked the pillow off the bed. So this must make me garbage. I don't, I don't fucking canoodle with it. Some of them just sit alone. You know what I mean? I also like sometimes like if one falls off the bed, I can just grab the reserve. Yeah. That's all dude in the middle of the night instead of looking just fucking.

Yeah. But yeah, I got me, I would say four pillows and then, but I would say this might, I mean, again, if you even have decorative pillows, I guess it doesn't make you garbage. But if you sleep on a decorative pillow, that's kind of sure, dude. For sure. Yeah. You got like, you got like the button going to the side of your head or whatever. You mean the one with the cover on it that comes with the, with the, with the comforter?

Yeah, the decorative one. The duvet. That's fucking trash. You got the duvets out. The duvet pillow is, is your pillow that fucking garbage? Yeah. That's all. They always got a little spit stain on it for people that use them.

Yellow stain pillow. You ever see those? They're like fucking, looks like somebody pissed on it. Dude, don't come over my house. It looks like a bag of Lay's potato chips right now. Ah, it's fucking trash. What else you got, kid? Keep hitting them.

I love this one. All right. Let's do some of the basics. These are, these are like fucking hot button issues. We, we asked, we asked these to kind of everybody to wrap it up a little bit. These are our standard ones. They're very, very divisive within the community. You're, let's do ketchup.

Where do you keep the ketchup? Do you keep it in a cabinet or do you keep it in the refrigerator? A cabinet till it's open. And then I put it in the fridge. Classic. Classic. How about a butter? Is the butter on the counter?

Is the butter in the refrigerator? Um, well, I have two butters. Is the butter I cook with, which I cook with ghee. And that stays in there. Oh, that's class. But then the one that I put on my bread, I meant, yeah, we, we, we keep it in the fridge. But then, you know, you take it out. So it's nice and soft.

You know, that's the class. That's what we're finding out as the class. That's the classy way to do it. What does your mom do growing up? Did she keep it out? Oh, you may not know. We always, she kept it in the fridge. She kept it in the fridge.

Okay. I'm surprised by that. And you know what else was a big thing when I was growing up was that country crock shit. Right. They used to think it was healthier. But that became the fucking Italian Tupperware. Oh yeah. Some good meatballs.

Yeah. After you put the meatballs and give it to the guests in, you know, how many times it does, you know, how many times I've reached to like butter a fucking bagel and it's been a fucking thing of gravy or something. I'm like, what the fuck? Oh, that's good. But yeah, no, we, that, that stands in a butter thing. Do you fuck with mayonnaise at all?

Yeah. Yeah, I do. I like it on a roast beef sub every now and then. And do you use Miracle Whip or do you use Hellman's? It's a big thing. Okay. People don't realize Miracle Whip is actually a dressing. Yes.

I'm aware. And it's fucking amazing on bologna sandwiches. I would do bologna and cheese sandwiches with the Miracle Whip. But I don't use it as a regular mayonnaise just with the bologna and cheese sandwiches. Strictly bologna and cheese. Yeah. Yeah. I'll give you that though, because that's a trash sandwich to begin with.

A bologna and cheese sandwich. You're not, you're not, you're not trying to impress anybody with a fucking, with a bologna and cheese, you know. How about chips on the sandwich? Oh, I mean, when I was fucking eight. Oh, I still do it, dude. I still do it. You want to know how garbage, how garbage my family is?

I fucking, my, my wife called my mom putting chips on her sandwich like two weeks ago. She was like, you're fucking mom put chips on her sandwich. She was like, she was devastated. When I was, I was doing a theater in Asbury Park, like maybe two years ago. And I took this kid from LA with me, right? And just what a fucking abomination this kid did. All the food with Pete Carlos. I mean, he's a Mexican kid from Sacramento.

He's one of my dearest friends. So my, my very dear friend owns I and Ellie's on Pashionk in South Philly. Okay. Yeah. We used to live right there. We used to live right off Pashionk Avenue. Yeah. And it's, you know, it's unbelievable.

So the first time I take the kid down, he's, he's with me at the punchline where you guys are. And, uh, wait, was that the punchline gig? Anyway, it doesn't matter. We're, we're there. So Vinny's like, yo, I'm over, you know, I'm going to cook for, you know, for everybody. Dude, I mean, what a fucking sprint. Right.

He's, he made the crab gravy. We had cutlets. We had fucking, uh, uh, like four or five dozen clams. Um, we, he made two tomato pies. He made the fucking, um, stromboli. Yeah. Yeah. They was fucking four of us.

Okay. Four of us. And it was just a, the kid Carlos sits down. And he doesn't like, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. And he doesn't like, I can't this and that. He, we had to make him a little bit of fucking spaghetti. Right. Like buttered noodles.

What the fuck? No, like regular spaghetti, just with a little fucking gravy. Right. And then that, that was the start of it. And I'm like, dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? You don't know how to eat. Right. So then we take them to, uh, we had a sponsors at Maruca's.

Right. The, uh, tomato pies and seaside heights. So we go there to get a pie. This fucking kid starts putting shit all over it. Like the chili, you know, he's dressing it up and you're like, bro, you got to fucking paste it the way it is in its natural environment. Sure. Yeah.

Yeah. The way the chef intended to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So then we took them to Wawa, right? Don't embarrass me there. Dude, you got to get a, a Wawa sandwich, just the Italian sandwich.

Here's the best. I mean, we're hammered. Yeah. First put fucking Fritos on it. And, and my buddy's looking at me like, where the fuck did you find this thing? I told him we got him a Taylor Ham, a few cold pork rolls. Yeah. A Taylor Ham sandwich.

Right. You know, with the fresh, uh, the fresh bread, everything. Uh huh. I said to him, if you fuck this up, you got to eat this now. The way it is, no ketchup yet. You can add it later, but, you know, and the kid was like, I don't know if I can eat it like without the fucking, I go, you know what, dude? You don't deserve it.

You don't deserve anything. Like it's an abomination that I even bought you. That's devastating, man. Go in the car. It's like Burr said, man, because he was like, dude, you know, for us like Italian, when we're ordering food, it's just, there's going to be a problem. Like there's always a problem. You know what I mean?

Like it means so much to us. And I'm not, I don't want to enhance the stereotype, but it's fucking true, man. Yeah. It's true. Like right now I want to go to Philly. So do I. So do I, man. The fucking, the crab gravy, it got me.

Dude, you got to check that place out at Ryan Elliott. It's unbelievable. Oh, but the chips, he started putting the Fritos and it's like, I don't know how these, I don't know how people eat like this. Yeah. I know. It's like a trash move for sure. It's trash.

Yeah. Eat it the way it comes. I wouldn't do that at a place like that, a place that makes, that's special for something. But I'll be honest with you. I'm not going to lie to you. You know what I mean? I consider you a friend. I'm not going to sit here and fucking deceive you.

I might have put a fucking Frito on a sandwich or two on my day. Nah, dude, if you're getting a fucking hoagie from McDonald's or from McDonald's from Wawa, you're putting chips on it as trash. I'm not going to fucking go in there and embarrass myself. But I'm just, I'm just playing devil's advocate here. I just, I just had a place in, a place in Florida that's very, very fucking phenomenal Italian deli meats and you know, you just let them make it. That's their job.

That's what they do. You know, like just eat it in its natural state. You know what it is, what it is these days is, is I think the younger generation, they're so few and far between of those places left. Yeah. You know what I mean? That there is no trust. You know, there is no, this guy's not going to make it the way I like it.

You know, they're dead. These kids are eating the fucking Starbucks and everything sandwiches and fucking Starbucks. Everything course. I don't trust it. Everything's made to order like how you want it now too. You know what I mean? Like before it would just be like, you get it. However the fuck it comes out.

Yeah. There was never any that when I was a kid. Know this, know that. Right now we're in, we're in New York, we're in the East Village. Yeah. Oh, you're in the village. I was going to say, we're in the city, you don't live in the city. Yeah.

I live uptown. Astoria. I was going to say, man, if you can get to, uh, uh, you ever go to Spamoni Gardens, Ellenbees? Yeah. It's fucking awesome. No. Good.

Yeah. It's unbelievable. Like change your life. Unbelievable. But that's what I'm saying. There's not a lot of places like that anymore where, where it's like you fucking, it's like Ben's, Ben's grandma slice and I'm fucking McDougal street. Yeah.

You just don't like, again, man, this was, I'm getting a soft topic. So I apologize. That's all right. When I took my wife, my ex-wife, I keep saying that into fucking Manhattan one time. She wanted to go to this, like a nice place for a Friday night dinner, which I get that they want to dress up. They want to go out. And you know, a lot of people don't realize like, you know, and I've been a road dog for,

I've been doing it at 23 years, but I've been on the road hard. I'd say about 17, 16 or 17 years of that. And when you're married or you're in a relationship, you know, eight Tuesdays don't equal one Saturday. So when you get those weekends, you got to make it count. And so I brought it with me. We stayed over. I was up there seeing family and friends, you know, a lot of family in Brooklyn and, you know, so we go to the first night, we go to beauty and Essex, right?

When that just opened up at my buddy call, we got the reservation. And I said, I said, this night is for you. This is for you. Okay. But tomorrow night's for me. And we went there, you know, they didn't beat you up that bad. It was nice touch. You know, it's cool when you're going through the fucking music store or whatever.

It's great. I took her to L and B's on Saturday. We had fucking squares and muscles and afterwards I was saying, now you're telling me that shit last night. Is that what you're going to tell me? You're going to fucking make that already. And of course, it's squares and muscles that's the fucking best. Such guinea shit, dude.

I love it so much. Why is it muscles? I love dude. Muscles are the trashiest shellfish, but they are the fucking best, man. I play some trash moves that you're not supposed to do, but I do. And this is real guinea. This is like getting trash 101. I put grated cheese on my white clam sauce.

But I'll do the alpha. I put cheese on everything. You said that like you make your own rules. You said it like Clint Easton, you tell me right now, I'll put Parmesan on my fucking, on my clam. I don't give a shit. Who's sitting at the owner's table? That's so funny.

But I. But when he fucking moved, I got me to Pecorino. Forget about it. Oh my God. That's so funny. Your boy's with Verzi, so I go on the road with Verzi a lot. And every, whatever city we're in, we fucking. Yeah, he does a classy.

We go, we find like some fucking, some wine bar, some who go get it, you know, first sticks, he's smoking cigars all the time. And then most people go out to like dive bars or whiskey or whatever, do we go out? He's, we find like this lounge, he orders like meat and cheese plates and everywhere he goes, he takes a bite, he goes, tell me you've never had something. You've never had something that good ever in your entire fucking life. You never had. Try this with that piece of, you never fucking, Italians always want to prove

that what they're having in that moment is the best thing in the world. You're not going to find that shit in Jersey. I don't tell you that right now. If you're a guest at anybody at the minute, if you notice before you take everybody staring at you before you take the first bite. You take it and then they're like, huh? Oh, Brent Erts, ladies and gentlemen, a hundred percent class in my book. I mean, Jesus Christ.

I don't care how many fucking how many, how many cars he's boosted, how many subwoofers he stole. Who you stabbed in Florida? One car. One car that the government needs to know about. Buddy, is there anything you want the folks out there to know before you get you out of here, you got anything coming up, anything you want to promote? I would say that I'm more garbage than anything, but we didn't really get into the other stuff.

Well, so you've redeemed yourself, but you carry yourself as a gentleman. That's where it is now. Like you're very, you have a lot of convictions, you have a lot of opinions on how things should be done. That's class. People that are like shopping in their fucking pajamas are garbage. Nah, dude. Again, and I think that goes back to the punch in the face thing.

I mean, when you're not, you know, if there is no threat of you getting dropped. Oh yeah. If you, if you haven't been, you had your ass kicked and you know, I'm not, I talk about in my act, I couldn't tell you how many, I could not, I swear on everything. If you asked me to put a number on it, I couldn't tell you how many fights have been in my life. But I will tell you this, that I've got about 19 strong losses. If you've been beat and put in a hospital and fucked up and you know, you, you learn, you know, you learn that, you know, you got to carry yourself a little cautiously.

You know, you got, you got, there's ways to do that. And I think a lot of younger dudes, especially they talk fucking reckless, you know what I mean? And there's that yelling at people and shit because nobody's getting fucking. Well, there's no consequence. We got, some guy yelled at us like a couple of weeks ago, we were outside having a beer smoking. He's like, you're not a lot of smoke over here.

And like, like made this big scene. And I'm like, he's never been punched in the face. Cause if I go back at him, we're going to, it's, we're going to end up fighting. And I'm like, I'm not fighting on this in broad daylight, but he does it in his head. Getting punched in the mouth is not, uh, not a consequence, not a possibility. We bitched up pretty quick. I'll be honest. I put that cigarette right out.

But I would have been like, you know what? You may be right, but you know, that's how you talk to people. Like there was a kid in Sacramento. I mean, I'm one of those dudes where I, you know, I would rather fight a dude that I know I'm going to lose to and like fight a kid. I know I can beat sure. There's no fun in that. Yeah.

Unless, unless he's just, you know, needs to, to be put in check. I mean, when I was younger, I'm not talking about now. Now, now I'm fucking, you know, now I'm, my shoulder hurts. I do this. But, um, there was some kid up in Sacramento when I was just up there that, you know, you could just tell this motherfucker is never, I'm at like just dismissive, just no, no type of male and it takes, it takes people back. Like I sit there going, am I, am I crazy?

What the fuck's happening here? I like how many gets it's okay. No, it's kidding. And you know, he's like one of those jerk off guys with like the mustache and the mullet look, you know, he's just, this is how he gets attention. And, you know, just very dismissive and it was me observing more and then until me and him had a little, you know, dang, and I just told them us, you know, I'm not going to fucking smack them because, you know, it's like hitting a chick.

I wouldn't do that. I'm just thinking to myself, this dude has never, ever either seen somebody get fucking hurt. Because that'll do it. If you see someone give, if you see someone give fucking tattooed, you're like, I'm done. I'm good. To this day. Okay.

The most disturbing thing I've ever seen and I didn't even see it because I was going to my car because I was just getting the fuck out of there. I came out of a Denny's and by the way, these two crews were fighting in the, these two groups were fighting in the, in the fucking parking lot. Right. So I'm getting to my car. I'm not going to stick around. You know what I mean?

I don't know if somebody's going to pull out, start shooting wear. And this dude had a bat and I see it in the quarter of my eye. Right. The kid runs and you hear that fucking, it was so fucking disturbing. If the kid with the mustache had heard that, he wouldn't have a fucking mustache. He wouldn't know how to fucking talk to people because, you know, you see shit.

Shit can go from zero to 100 really quick. Yeah. It's true. I mean, I don't know. I think that's, I mean, I don't want to sound like a bitch now, but I think it might be a good thing that things aren't like that. Sure. I understandable to an extent.

Of course. Oh my God. That's too funny. Brepper, just watch Cobra Kai and I'll be in, where am I? Oh, I'll be in Naples off the hook comedy club. October 2nd through the 5th, if you're in the area. Cool. Very nice buddy.

Congratulations on Cobra Kai again. It's fucking awesome. Kippy, what do you got for him out there? Guys, just like we said, the live show at the punchline in Philly on September 24th, 7 p.m. Get those fucking tickets. It will sell out and also rate, review, subscribe on iTunes and on YouTube as well. Yeah. And post those pictures of your teas.

If they haven't gotten there yet, just hang in there. They're going to all be there. We love you guys and we will, we'll see you next week. Peace. Peace.