Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Brittany Schmitt!

Episode Date: August 22, 2022

Kippy and Foley are with Brittany Schmitt this week! It's a fun one. Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Butcher Box: https://www.ButcherBox.com/AYG MVMT: https://www.MVMT.com/Garbage Liquid IV: https://www.liquid-iv.com Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans

Hachi Machi middle-class famous tour update kippy. Uh-oh. We got a couple alerts going out straighten them out a little bit Yeah, guys, so we're coming to Seattle in Portland. Unfortunately Seattle is sold out So if you want tickets, you're gonna have to come see us in Portland and we're going to Kansas City Springfield St. Louis Nashville in the Philadelphia that show sold out already three months ahead of time We added a second show tickets are on sale right now Then we're going up to Providence, Rhode Island. That's gonna sell out in Boston. There's low ticket alert So get those tickets now. We love to see you. Do it. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or

Absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is are you garbage? Little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they're going to be classy Yeah, they're to just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host States Foley coming at you on a beautiful day We're down here at in Toddy's basement. She's very excited. Okay, just got her stimulus check Okay, it was held up in the mail for a long time. You can't tell her nothing She's the king of the castle up there. Good to know my co-host is coming at you from right next to me Slightly amused this week. I kind of hit him a little bit. Maybe it'd be plus on that buddy. No either way

He is the CEO of are you garbage? She's an international business man. He's not to be trifled with in the boardroom or the bedroom He's the Prince of Park Avenue But always king of the boardwalk, baby like a piece of funnel cake give it up for KJ. It's Kevin James Ryan Hey, gang, thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you rate you subscribe on iTunes full video valve on YouTube As you know those numbers are sure in a room cook it and then obviously my favorite website of all time I don't want to see for the rest of the group my favorite website of all time WWW.patreon.com Check it the fuck out. It's a party over there

That's what a turkey is baby and having a nice quick shout out to our producer Extraordinaire the magic man makes us all look good. You love them. We love them. Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin Toby McMullen everybody. What's up, dude? T-Bone. Good to see you pal. Oh, it's a beautiful day finally not sweating our balls off in here Nice and cool got a good vibe going his gang We couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guest here with us today for the first time She's a new pal of ours. She's a very funny stand-up comedian She tours all over and she has an amazing special out right now that you got to check out called from hoe to housewife Do me a favor give it up for Britney Schmidt, buddy

With a diet coke coming with lipstick all over That's great. I saw it. It looks like it's out of a playboy magazine It's like a grade school teacher and you can take the girl out of the Midwest But you're gonna have to pry the day coke out of my cold Ever get the lipstick on your teeth. Oh, yeah, you know That's when you find out you don't have friends when you have it on your teeth And then you just have been you know chatting it up all night and nobody fucking tell me unless I hate you No matter who you are. I'm gonna say yo, you got a booger. Yo, you have lipstick on your teeth

Yo, your breath is rocking. Yeah, it's I want people to do that to me I don't know if my breast kicking or not So when you get home when you look in the mirror after like a like a night out and you're like, fuck yeah, I had spinach three days ago How the fuck is it still in there? In your nose and then you never go to dinner with those people again. No never never. We're not friends All right, give us a scoop here a Midwest cow Midwest cow where'd you grow up mom dad? Give us the whole scoop What's the origin story here? I'm from Wisconsin small town called Big Bend, Wisconsin Okay, 1200 people

Yeah, we grew up from the 1800s. Jesus Christ. Yeah, 1200 people in the whole town. Yeah Yeah, we grew up on a 36 acre farm Horses only ice you say that but then let me tell you who was around us We had people cooking meth next door nice people beating their kids right next door to that Okay, and then across the street. This is the most fucked up one Can I get fucked up in dark right away? Yeah, what do you mean? I mean, I'm worried. I don't know what's gonna top the mess and child abuse, but yeah, let's fucking do it Liberal pussy

the woman the mom tried to kill herself and Wasn't successful and the dad walked in and saw that she was trying to do that and shot her and And the police called it suicide Down to 1198 people Hey, whatever your wife wants, you know what I mean So it sounds nice on paper, but we were surrounded by chaos. Yeah, I'll give you that. Yeah, what's when you say horse farm What is that actually in tail? What were you doing with the horse? Well horses my mom just liked to ride horses and make us clean up their shit. Did you sell them? No

Okay, how do we have it? Well, that's just an all that's just an expense. That's a line. Yeah. Yeah, the family make money What'd your mom and dad do for a living? My dad was an electrician. Okay? Mom was a real estate broker. Did they do well 36 acres? Yeah Relax, it was six dollars. No Here's the thing they did well together and then when they decided to get divorced which was when I was about five their divorce lasted Nine years Jesus. So by the end of it, they were drained Yeah, my mom got everything and then my dad got like was living in a spec house that they built together So they built a house that's how I was always real rich a spec house

Yeah, I heard about it on like the sopranos which I don't understand what that is. What is the spec house? It's a house that you build to sell. Okay. Yeah, all right So that was the plan and they they bought the farm together. Mm-hmm. And then my mom got it have a name Like the Schmidt estates or anything. No name Well, my mom was planning to do with this other piece of land. She had a mosquito down the street She was gonna make a a subdivision and she was gonna name it after my sister just to prove how much she hated It's gonna be called Heather Maria states, but then welcome to not Brittanyville Anybody but Brittany Lane my other daughter park. Yeah, wait a minute. Hold on now. Listen. I know what's Wisconsin

I understand your mom seems to be a mover. It sounds like it. Yeah, she killed herself. So she No, she she was mentally ill, okay So she was like on a good path on a little bit of a war path But she had borderline personality disorder and then killed herself three days before my wedding. I'm sorry Don't be it's fine. She'll give you a gift. What's the deal? That was the gift. Oh, man. Wow Building a subdivision. That's pretty fucking sweet. She never made it What happened is like no, so she the land was left to us to my sister and I and then we gave it back to my dad Because he lost it in the divorce. So we're like here take this back. All right. That's pretty good

My dad built a house on it. He lives there now. What about the rest of the land? Oh, here's a crazy thing about that land We have This just in when my dad got it cop showed up at his house and said that a guy that was on his deathbed Admitted to burying his wife there So they had to like search the land for her, you know long-time dead body 1200 people you fucking What's like a 90% murder rate the small towns are where it's at it is it is it is wonky out there Drinking kill people that's Wisconsin. We had keen. We had Dahmer. It's like there's nothing to do There's too much time alone. You're thinking too much. Yeah, I imagine it was beautiful though, right?

There's a beautiful scenery sounds like a fucking Fucking dead bodies all over the place. It's nice three months out of the year, and then it's snow, and it's gray Oh got pretty bad, huh? Yeah, aren't you guys known for cheese? Sure. How was the cheese cheese and homicide? I Was a lot of murder my mom was like had an eating disorder, and she won't let us she like would pack slim fat shakes in our lunch So I thought it's slim. Yeah, we're bad as a lot of the listeners know we're big slim Oh, really? Yeah, she would put a slim fast in a paper bag and then because she didn't want me to the mall liquor

What are you hanging out on the corner? She didn't want it to look like that so she would put a potato in there to make it look like a full bag Okay, it's like and you know and what would you do with the potato nothing? You're not she didn't want me to eat the carb She just didn't want the bag to look empty sweet. You hold on you're rolling in the school every day with a brown paper bag with the slim fast in there and Uncooked potato. Yes, so you would just throw the potato out. Yes Oh, you know how long it takes to cook a potato Throw it into the morning back tomorrow. Yeah, holy shit. How many kids were you're in we're in your school like in your class

I think 20 or 30. I don't remember when I was in Catholic school. It was small It was like 15, but then when I went to public school. It was more Okay, how close was your school? Was it close or was it like a half hour? No, it was like two miles away for a grade school was like a mile away And then my high school like the district had to be a bunch of different small towns. Sure. Obviously. Gotcha. Yeah, so the high school was Eight miles away. And how did you get to high school bus car bus? You took the bus same thing with elementary school bus yellow bus Yes, nice. Anybody ride horses to school? No, they took tractors really tractors. Yeah, but they leave them there while they were in school. Yeah

I'm like a car. Yeah, that's what I'm fucking talking about Does anybody still live in the house that you lived in? We had to sell it after my mom died. You sold it. What's what was the name of that street? I actually do wonder if those people know that somebody I mean as they take a look around the neighborhood. I think I assume I think you have to tell them right? That's a lot. Oh, it's not in Wisconsin. You don't have to I think it's on somebody died in there California in certain states you do. Okay What was the road that it was on or the street? Edgewood Avenue and that doesn't sound like a farm

Edgewood have that sounds pretty nice. It does sound classy avenues are a little tough though. I feel was it a ranch house No, no big house. It was pretty big. There's a big how many bedrooms. We're talking Five five bedroom house. Okay. How many bath? Three at least I think four Do you have your own bathroom? No, my sister and I shared one. That's so pretty good Well, they were they adjoining like she came in from her room and you came in from here. Oh that girl Is that the real term Jack and Jill she's in real estate this You're the first person ever committed that had that kind of almost had their own subdivision which is pretty sweet

No, my sister. Yeah, but I mean your family owns it. Yeah, so it was only you two Yeah, and what's the age difference between you two a year and nine months and do you speak to her currently? Yeah, okay You guys are close. No, okay I mean, no, we're not not close, but we were never close growing up and you know, she's she's a scientist She got her PhD in cellular and molecular immunology and pathology. Holy shit. She's trying to cure glaucoma and I'm telling dick jokes So we just have a very different path. Yeah, and is she still in Wisconsin? No, she is at Duke She works at Duke. Yeah, she was a good student Obviously

She was smoking cigs in the bathroom. She's kind of a lacrosse player. I don't know. What about you? Were you a good student? Yes, because I had to be my mom was very strict. What are we talking SATs? What'd you pull in? SATs I bombed because I didn't I wasn't I have no idea. I was low like low percent I barely showed up to the test. I was so drunk GPA was wrong You're losing back. I knew I knew you're sober now. Yeah, okay. Let's take a walk back. You're boozing. Yeah When'd you start that?

15 15 you started boozing you're boozing pretty hard in high school. Oh, yeah, like a bottle a night a bottle Like a bottle of Parrot Bay. That was my thing Parrot Bay. Yeah, did they even still make that? I don't know. It's trashy. So bad. Man, that's a top-flunked Barrot Bay. Malibu. Big Jimmy Buffett fan. How would you score a bottle every day? Well, it wasn't every day whenever I partied. My friend had a fake ID. Yeah That's who you get other kids would be getting beers and stuff like that. But you could also just walk into a liquor store and buy shit. If you were confident enough. Yeah

Yeah, of course. Yeah, they play by their own rules out there. Yeah, it's Wisconsin. Hotchie-muchie. Damn. All right. Did you go to college? Yeah, I went to Marquette That's a good school. Mm-hmm. Did you graduate? Yes. What'd you graduate with? Degree wise. Oh, communications and psychology double major. Okay, any sports? Double mage. Double mage. No, but I did find the whole basketball team. Me too. Shout out to Temple University. Are they D1? Yeah. Oh, that's good. That counts. Yeah. It's like playing D3. We've got some superstars in there for sure. So you're banging division three scrubs. Yeah, please you got some guys with some potential. I like it. Yeah, that's all right

Huh? What was a family vacation like growing up? Well, it depends. So my dad assume eventful. It was kind of like split my dad and my mom had like very different styles I would always go on fishing trips with my dad and we still do that And then my mom like tried to be fancy so she would take us to like Paris or Costa Rica or whatever But yeah, we're talking about that before that you like Paris. I love Paris now So they got divorced when you were five. So most of your life they were they were split up Fighting mostly. I mean cuz it's like the eight-year divorce. They took eight years to get divorced and your mom kept the house Yeah, and your dad moved out into like an apartment into a spec house where he was

Sleeping in the closet Interesting Did your dad remit was your dad were they either one of them dating or get remarried at any point? Yeah, they both Were dating my dad remarried to my stepmom who was the ex ex stepmom. Thank God. She was an alcoholic bridge troll She was just like big she looked like John Bunt Jovi with like big 80s hair and fucking feel like every step mom Like she looked like a dried orange peel and she we had a tan he had to get a tanning bed for her What yeah, any bed in the house in the spec house guys in the goddamn closet. She's got a tanning bed No, this is when we moved into a new house. We were renting and he he did work for trade and he got her a tanning bed, okay?

Interesting ex stepmom is a tough. I have one myself and just that Level of relationship to have do you still talk to her at all? Oh, no, did they have kids together? Oh, no now No, my dad got his tubes tied after what do you call it tubes? You got snipped how about the pet situation going up other than the horses We had a German shepherd at your mom's and my mom's okay We also had a husky that we had to put down because there was a petting. He was drinking There's a petting zoo up the street and it attacked a llama like Swung off of its jugular and killed the whole house. So we had to put that one down

What that was it the petting zoo make you do that? Yeah. Oh my god, and then we had cats also who lives near a petting zoo That's wild. I mean, we've done like 250 episodes and no one's like yeah right next door to the Crazy thing is we had a petting zoo near my mom's house and then when my dad finally got another house There's a petting zoo across the street from there, too And there was like bears and tigers. Is that a big petting zoo area? Is that a petting zoo destination petting zoo? Well, isn't that where like most of those Tiger King ask? Farms out. No, I think it's there in the Midwest. He was in the Midwest, right? Yeah, he was in Florida. I thought yeah, no. No, he was not she was in Florida. He was in like

He was up there somewhere. I don't think you're right. I believe I am so we're gonna find out a second Hit him hit me Give me a second. Oh my god That would have been perfect. Is he still alive or did he he's in jail? He's in the can he's himmed up right now Yeah, he was supposed to get three Tiger King I haven't seen the things I don't know to search the Tiger King locations. No good. Why not? Where does the Tiger King? Because it's telling me it's in the Bronx

He's eating a chopped cheese Oklahoma, okay, I don't know where that is That's not the south. That's that's the Midwest technically. Yeah, that's the Midwest. Yeah, okay. You're right I'm right. All right. Hey that loser shout out the Tiger King What was the name of the supermarket you went to growing up? Pigly wiggly. Oh pigly wiggly, huh? Did you have a local pizza place? Yeah, crossroads crossroads pizza. They throw out a decent pie No, not compared to literally anywhere else in the world

And they're gonna cheese would be good at least this might be a stretch. Did you have a Chinese spot out there? Yes, and the name of that was chop sticks It's like out of a board game ran by an Irish couple Surprisingly great. Yeah. Yeah. All right chops. This is pretty good. Yeah, I go back And I'm like, I wonder if it holds up now that I've eaten other. It's great. It's good. Yeah. Hmm. All right, that ain't bad Pigly wiggly and that was the lunch situation was slim fast. Did your mom cook at all? No, sometimes. No, she was pretty bad Like she one time she tried to make pork chops in the slow cooker

Mm-hmm, and she forgot about them and then they just turned into like hockey pucks and she still made us eat them. Oh Yeah, damn, and if it wasn't a slim pass you would sometimes do cheese sandwiches was just like American cheese bread Hmm, like craft singles or like sliced of the deli no Man those on a sandwich would you those are meant to be melted by the way? They are the craft single They're the best of eggs top shelf and eggs Would you hit the deli counter at the pigly wiggly? Would you guys get like turkey and all that kind of stuff? No, I can't stress enough that my mom had an eating disorder So what were you eating? I mean, that's what you mean. That's it slim fast sometimes like tuna casserole

Snacks cheese spaghetti Spaghetti's our champs pretzel. What's going on? No, no, no, I couldn't if you I went to a friend's house I would steal their snacks because that's how like I never had so if they had like Doritos I would steal them and then I got caught and she's like you're stealing my shit. I'm like Yeah, no kidding. I live in hell So like let's say we want to go into your mom's pantry, right? You're the whatever whatever you call it You open it up where the food is what's in there white wine? Okay? I like it Merlot white wine slim bass maybe some pretzels

That's about it bear bones. Okay. Did she smoke? No. No. Mm-hmm. You smoked. Yes, then you quit Yes, what are you just start smoking? So I started smoking when I was at Marquette. They were handing out camel crushes Yeah, they were motion. Yeah, they were the camel person was a good person. Yeah, I mean, I can't imagine that's still legal I know there's no way. Yeah, so I kept saying no, no, no, no, I don't smoke and then finally I was like Oh my god, if I just take them will you leave me the fuck alone and I put them I had like maybe three packs and I put them on my table and then I made a new friend and she came through and she was like Oh my god, you smoke I smoke and I was like, oh my god Yeah, and we started smoking together and then it was like the bitter winter and we're outside smoking

It's just like do you want to know something crazy? And I was like sure She's like I didn't start smoking until I saw that you smoked and I was like That's how the cats all joke Oh god, the camel always wins. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, then I smoked for like seven years eight years And then I quit I quit smoking cigarettes and then I started vaping in like January So I just went hypnotized and got hypnotized to stop doing that and that worked in January hypnotized No, I got hypnotized like two weeks ago when you were hypnotized Were you unaware of what's going on? No, you're you're you're aware you can hear them

Could they tell you to do stuff that you don't want to do like bang on your head or talk about Macarena or something? Yeah, I mean, I'm sure they could but they don't Now where was this facility that you I a picture? LA Above like a pizza player above with something was right next to chopsticks. No, it's in a guy's garage a converted It is well, you know, it was hardly it's like yeah, it's the same guy that Ron White went to to stop drinking It's like people okay. All right. Well, then that guy should be out not in his garage. Yeah, she got an office He doesn't give a fuck. He's got a wig on. He's got Hufflepuff pillows. Wait, you got hold on

You got hypnotized by a guy in a wig. Yes, but I I knew he worked because I got hypnotized from him like three years ago To stop biting my nails hypnotized Put you under the first I ain't come back in six months Hey, you're gonna start smoking come back to me to quit smoke. He cures one thing gives you another you don't bite your Stop You had to get hypnotized to go stop to stop biting your fingernails. Yes. How bad was it so bad? I used to like bite like the skin like all the way down here. Yeah All right

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What about the job situation when you were growing up? Did you work at all? So my mom made me tell a market for her Yeah, but I was like 10 and I was like asking people if they wanted to lower their interest rates And I had no idea what the fuck I was talking about because I was 10 They were like are you a child? What was your quota month? Yeah, I only ever made $100 because I was on commission only so some she had to go She had to close the deal. Hey, that's why it's a cut through a business woman. I like never keep cost down Here's the great part is she would make me do all this work

And then the money would go into my college fund and then on my 18th birthday She kicked me out of the house and she stole my college She got all of her money back. Where'd you go when you get kicked out of the house my dad's house just went over there Yeah, I thought I was gonna go to ASU for school because that's was the plan But then when all my money was gone, I had to ASU Arizona State. Yeah, okay, Mary Katz little great school, man It's fucking yeah, she was like a party school. Isn't that the one with like the lazy river? Yeah, I was trying to get herpes That's where like all the girls going wild were shot. Yeah down in Arizona. Oh, I know what you're talking about All right now

Something back in there. I like yeah, what was the high school mascot an Indian but we had to get rid of that. I think now it's the Bears. Okay, but the same thing happened at Marquette I don't know what it was before but it recently was the Golden Eagles when I got there before that it was something else Something Native American related probably gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. What about what was the Christmas situation? Did you celebrate Christmas Christmas? So that's the thing Christmas was lit when they had money Okay, I started getting less and less lit, you know, it was like it used to be all the shit and then slowly I'm like, oh, they're losing their money, huh? You guys did a tree. Yeah real tree fake tree real tree real tree Colored lights white light do it colored lights colored lights. What about in the yard?

Did you have a plastic Santa Claus out there? No, any reindeer? No, we had a big star like a big That's pretty close it's blown up or like no, it's my dad made it out of wood and then lit it up. That's pretty good That ain't bad. How big was the barn? Big so 12 horses a dimension. Yeah 14 or 15 stalls. Okay That ain't bad. We had to bale hay in the summer and that was brutal on earth. Yeah, how do you do that? Well, you get a tractor and then you turn the hay you cut the grass turn it into hay and then bale it and you literally have to pull it from the Trailer up into the loft the hay loft. It's yeah, you were working. Yeah, it was fucking hard. I hated it This is pretty specific Wisconsin, but did you ever go on a family trip to the Mars cheese castle?

Oh, that's funny. Not a family trip, but like we go there for cheese Just for cheese. Yeah, it's not it's right. It's literally 20 minutes away from my dad's house. It's not made of cheese It's a castle all they sell is cheese. Yeah, it's unbelievable. Yeah, it's great. It's the best Sound that yeah, well, it's kind of in the middle of nowhere I don't know where you guys would perform to get there, but because it's in Kenosha. I think Kenosha, what'd you guys do on Thanksgiving? Where would you have it really? Depended whose year it was if it was my dad's year. Oh, God, this is tricky. I don't even know My mom's family would sometimes do Thanksgiving and then if it was my dad's I think we would just do it at my dad's house

Okay, my dad had 12 brothers and sisters So his family stuff was like massive, but it was they were all local everybody was in the kind of same vicinity Yeah, nice, but you never went out to eat for Thanksgiving. Mm-hmm. Okay. How old were you when you got your passport? Younger, I guess if you were yeah, probably 10. Okay, that's classy. I Assume you weren't allowed to eat in your room as a kid It's crazy man, it's crazy was there a fence around the farm There was a fence around the house. Oh, yeah Well, I guess we had an arena at the bottom of the driveway too for the what the horses like where the horses run around

What was the fence made out of around your house? What not bad not bad not chain link Did you have butter in the house? My dad's house. What do you keep it on the counter in the fridge counter? Really? What about the ketchup was the ketchup in the fridge or outside of the the fridge, okay, could your dad cook or you get You're gonna lease solid meals when you were there Yes, well his custody during the week was it like weekly or every couple of days and they stayed relatively close to each other, right? Yeah, Tuesday Thursday every other weekend was my dad It's fun and now you're out and you're out in Cali. Mm-hmm. You're out in LA. Mm-hmm house or an apartment house

Own it. Yes, you do. Mm-hmm. Okay. Now we're starting to move in the right direction here. You got a garage Yes, you got a refrigerator in that garage Yes, you do what's in there? Honestly, non-alcoholic beers. Okay. That's pretty good. How many car garage to Can you get two cars in there? Yes? We have the 63 Thunderbird in there and then the test Couple of bucks over here. I made money before I decided to stop making money What did you make money? How did you make money? I worked in advertising for almost 10 years? Okay, and made some bank. Mm-hmm nice 401k. Yeah, really stock options

Yeah, but that just took a shit the stock market. Okay Now we're talking that were you doing this out in Los Angeles? Yeah, really you were an LA advertising agent That's pretty sweet. You're working any big campaigns that we would know Yeah, I used to work at media arts lab, which is apples count like Pretty cool. Ever heard of it Anything apples over that do you personally have credit for any cool taglines like never had it never will no anything like that No, I was I was recruiting. I wasn't writing. Okay. Mm-hmm. You were recruiting other people to come work at the yep Okay, make him drink the Kool-Aid out there. Do you have pets? They couldn't sign the NDAs

Do you have any pets out in LA now? Yeah, I have a min-pin named Biggie Smalls. What's a min-pin miniature picture? Holy That sounds pretty And here's the names Biggie Smalls though. That's not a class as the illness. How's that not min-pin sounds pretty classy Where do you shop now? For what? For groceries. What's your grocery store now? Whole Foods delivered Okay, but mostly just fruit snacks. It's mostly just all the stuff I couldn't eat as a kid just slim fast

All right, we got a little rags or riches story going here. I like this. I like this a lot. You have a pool Growing up. I didn't growing up. You had a pool Above ground on a 36 acre farm stuff. Look, you're probably used for like a week. Yeah, holy shit What about now? You got I think the pool was a nice marker for like my mom's mental illness because as She got sicker and sicker the pool just turned into like a pot Yeah, yeah, I've seen that happen above ground pools. They go they're like avocados you catch they go bad real quick Yeah, one bad season. It's a wrap. Yeah, it's like a tree coming out of the middle Fuck happen there. No pool in LA that thing. No

Hmm anyone in your family pronounced the days of the week as Monday Tuesday Wednesday. No Anybody in your family say banana. Actually, I don't know. There's a lot of people in my family. I don't know immediate family. Yeah, okay Anybody say banana. No, okay Does anyone in your family own stock in the Green Bay Packers and refer to themselves as an owner? That's hilarious. No, my body does that a thing Yeah, yeah, Phil X is a shareholder. Yeah, they just the Green Bay Packers is a publicly traded company Yes, it's the only non-profit in the league. Holy shit. You know the piece Aaron Rodgers Cheap my whole body on that. He's on the way out. Yeah, he'd be more into you guys than me But yeah, do you have any $2 bills? Yes, I do really at the house. No, it's in my purse not this one

But really as a good luck charm. Yeah. Hmm. Okay Hmm Anyone in your family have adult braces? No, okay. Oh, not true. Yeah, I might aunt did Hmm Bathroom you pee in the shower. Yes, you do. Who doesn't you brush your teeth in the shower? No Do you have an electric toothbrush or regular toothbrush? Electric body wash so bars of soap body wash body wash What are you rocking? It takes a certain kind of gal to use a bar Just get out of prison

Just hear the first 10 minutes of this. It's true. She could be using lava for all I know Something classy. I think it's just like tea tree. Oh, yeah, I don't know. Okay tea tree Hmm got a loofah in there. Yeah. Yeah, she does heated floors in the bathroom. No while one shower head Yes, straight up rain. No, okay. Is there a curtain or a door in the shower glass door? Yeah, is there a separate tub in the shower? separate tub outside of the shower Okay, all right, that's what I'm talking about

Um bedroom How many pillows do you use to sleep? Like four four behind your head. What's the positioning two behind my head and one on each side of my body To hug me like my mother never did wait a minute. Hold on. Hold on. Are you wait? Are you do you sleep on your back? That's what they do to infants so they don't roll out of bed. You sleep on your back. Yes. Oh my god That's crazy and you put two pillows next to you. Yeah, and where do your arms go like that? Fucking like fucking Dracula

You have a do I remember when my mom used to sleep like that and I was like well She's a fucking psycho and now I sleep like that. It's better help calm folks Heck around TV in your room growing up or now now both. Yes, you have a TV in no I wasn't allowed to watch TV growing up. No TV in the head was there a TV in the fat like in the living room Yes, cable was no cable. It wasn't attached to anything. Hmm. Like every once in a while I Everything's cool here Throw everybody out this then. Yeah, do you eat in your room now? Yes, you do

Okay, not often, but I'll eat pizza in bed every once in a while pizza in bed. That's pretty good That's pretty good. What's your pizza spot in LA that you get delivered? Abbot's pizza on Abbot kidney. It's so good Okay, and what's your Chinese spot out in LA? I don't really have one. Okay. That's pretty classy chin chin is kind of all right But I don't know fancy. I don't think you can say that but okay Anyone in your family ever worked at Hooters? No, anybody in your family ever been on the show cheaters? No, I've aware kiss me on Iris t-shirt. I Might have in college party in days. Have you any member of your family ever claimed to have seen a UFO? Okay, so my my sister and my dad have legitimately claimed okay, so we do this

Trip every year up north in Canada where we're out in the middle of nowhere. We basically like we hike Like five miles. We get in a canoe. We canoe so you have a good relationship with your dad Yeah, my dad's the best awesome We can we're in the middle of nowhere no running water no electricity nothing and we go fishing Mm-hmm. You literally just eat the fish you catch whatever anyway. He can do all that stuff. Yeah, he's a man's man Yeah, that's all yeah, and you can can you do that stuff? Can you got a fish? Yeah, you can yeah, that's pretty cool. Yeah, so My dad my sister and my sister's husband were fishing and they all swear on their lives It's like broad daylight. Okay that hold on. Where are they where they're exactly in the middle of it's called Mac Lake in Canada

Okay, broad daylight. Where are you? I was back on the I was back on the island. Just reading or something I thought that's a little campsite. Yeah, so they take the canoe out to they take the canoe out And they all said that this giant like light orb was on top of the lake And it was huge and then they all looked at it and we're like, do you see this do you see this and they're like Yes, what the fuck is it and then it zipped across the lake and it went up and there's no drinking There's no drugs. There's no nothing on this trip and it's three people there from a cell phone or something There's no cell phones. There's nothing you're in the middle of nowhere with no running water. No electricity. That's a legitimate fucking UFO Yeah, that's what I'm part of the first one. I've gotten I've been asking that question for like three months

Yeah, that's fucking they all came back and they were just like, oh, we just saw you And they're like no we did Do you believe them? What's your thought? I believe them. They're not crazy. Yeah, I believe they're not crazy And it's all It was big it couldn't have been like ball It was huge and they all saw it and they all like looked at each other and we're like, do you see this? Yeah, they all freaking me out. Yeah That's what I like that's an UFOs. That's what this things titled we if we went to your house

Shoes off when we walk in no shoes on. Yeah, okay, whatever you want. What kind of water if I ask for a water What do you offer in me there? sparkling water or filtered or what do you have what do you mean exactly? We have a Brita No, we have a system like a wired system through the whole house. Yeah, wait the system Not the thing you screw onto the faucet. No, no, no, like it was put in by a plumber Really? Yeah a filtration system. So you just now does that come out of the regular sink in the kitchen right next to it She's pretty classy. What's your credit score looking like 820 whoa, holy shit. What kind of credit card you got got an amix No, I have the

820 have you ever met anybody with an 820 credit score? I don't think the president has an h1. Can I wash your car? Chase sapphire reserve is the best credit card. Look at you chase sapphire Reserve they have their own line at the bank. You go you go over to the side. Don't you you're there cash I only have one former ID. Can I still cash this? I Don't but I feel like a lot of places don't take amix. That's the one problem. Or is that been resolved? I think I if they don't if somebody is not accepted card, it's gonna be amix

I haven't ran into anybody that hasn't taken it. I also had it for like my drug dealer doesn't Right now It's a little kid. What's talking about liquid IV liquid I visit Let me tell the good people out there What are the worst things you can do for your body? With the exception of looking like me is be dehydrated liquid IV get you don't get you hydrated two times faster than regular water You're lying put one stick in a 16 ounce bottle of water. It's absolutely fantastic. It hydrates you and here's the turkey What's that? It's absolutely delicious. I'm a pina colada man myself, but I wouldn't kick the green apple out of bed

I could tell you that sure fantastic. Mm-hmm. I Use it for when I'm insanely hungover and it's fantastic. That also works I took it down out of the shore We're down here. Why what whole family down there booze and bag and but a whole thing after a net of tally nunners and Sam Pizza everybody wakes up hits. Yeah, it's the liquid IV on the beach boogie board and body surfing back flips You know why cuz they got the essential vitamins They got a beat three to be five to be six to be 12 Oh, the vitamin C contains three times the electrolytes of traditional sports drink

They got you covered grab your liquid IV in bulk nationwide at Costco or you can get 15% off when you go to liquid IV Dot com use our promo code garbage support the show at checkout That's 15% off anything you order when you shop better hydration today using promo code garbage liquid IV dot com do it Yeah Anyone in your family ever represented themselves in court my mom really she till the day she died She did the divorce by herself the divorce. She did the divorce by herself She did everything she was tied up in litigation for her whole life. She loved to sue people That was her hobby. She sued people to stay alive basically after the

Bubble burst in the market went crazy for real estate That was the end of real estate for her and then she just sued people for the rest of her life And then the reason I mean The cases not really so when she killed herself It was because she was doing court to like basically give the house that she lived in over because it was like she had pushed it And pushed it and tried to sue and sue and they're like no you owe us give the house over to who the bank Yeah, okay, so she owed more on it than it was worth and so she was supposed to be in court that day And then she just decided to go like a G

You guys big on people growing up, huh? Were you big gun people growing up my dad was he could shoot mm-hmm my dad has North of 60 guns 60 guns the shit goes down. I know where I'm going. Yeah the fucking big guy's house When was the last time when you were with when was the last time you were on a boat and where was it? I Was just on a boat where was oh Miami? Okay, or boat week Yacht week, right? That's what all those rich people do. I was out there for rolling load and I just wound up on a yacht A yacht mm-hmm very nice. That's what we're talking about. Have you or anybody in your family ever had a discover card?

Do you want one? I got a $500 referral for you burning a hole in my pocket. I Don't know about what my family is up to but I haven't had one. No hmm. Can you speak any of the languages? No, you fly first-class sometimes What decides that? Where I'm going how long the flight is like if I'm going to Europe it will I'll go first But it's not now you mentioned that you said you've been to Paris seven times. Mm-hmm. Where else have you been? And is this how much was in your childhood with your mother and how much is in your was in your is in your adult life

So I only went to Paris with my mom once okay, and then the rest of it's been in my adult life. Okay, so Paris Prague Munich Poland Krakow and Poland Oh the UK obviously and it and that Um pretty well traveled you got married mm-hmm the special mm-hmm from Hoda housewife You're going through a divorce now though. Yeah, where did you guys get married in Nicaragua on a private island really? What's he doing? Yeah, he works in advertising. He's a creative director. What cash? Yeah does well. Yeah All right

Private island married how many people are at the wedding 17? Really what you pull in from the wedding or when you're that well, I think it was no gifts It was no gifts. It was just coming party. We just all partied and pop to Molly and Case pop to Molly. Yeah, it was like your grandparents and shit there. No, no, they weren't invited Hey now come over Rolling fuck our faces off Wait, that's how you got married Yeah, it was his parents and then my dad and my wicked stepmom stir and then my sister and your dad do Molly

No, did his parents do you know you were doing nobody did Molly except for me and my friends Okay, and then we somehow flagged down cocaine someone got a hold of someone like in the middle Yeah, South America must have been tough a South America wedding. Well, how did you find it on an island in the middle of Lake Nicaragua? Falling out of the trees He gave it to you at customs. Yeah Hmm. All right, that's pretty good and no gift wedding. That might be the classiest thing. I Don't know if you're already spending that much money to come every so you don't want to like also be like give us Who did you pay for anybody to get down there like your parents or his parents are like that? No, okay?

Huh? Hmm. Now if you're gonna go to a wedding friends wedding It's you and a close friend close friend. What are you giving in the envelope? 100 bucks a hundred. Well, that's pretty low. I know what private wedding. You're doing private wedding. No, yes Hundreds that's low crossing you off my Also, just don't get married. Oh god damn cars. Maybe I just give them advice like hey, don't do it I'm a little spiteful in a moment of like, you know what I don't fucking know. She forgot to mention the hundred dollar bills ripped in a half So you can split it up into divorce says love is a lie Holy shit, have you ever smoked a black in my how much money would you give?

I give 200 a head if I'm if it's me and my wife's all good 400 somebody close five Yeah, what do you mean? I don't have it like that. He gave me a target gift card I wasn't invited to the wedding now, but I did take Molly that day We got a very small just family COVID co and then COVID hit we were supposed to we did a city hall thing and then we were supposed to have a big party and then COVID hit so plus he despises me, right rightly so We have a checkered past

Let's talk about the kitchen at your place now So you said that you know growing up the slim fast your mom didn't cook you take care of the kitchen now You like having a lot of stuff in there. Yeah. Yeah What do you what do you what's the man a situation? dukes Okay, you're all right, you know that you're all right. That's basically helmets. Yeah, that's Mississippi I think they changed It's the same thing. I think you think I think it's the same. I think the same people make just like a different marketing

You should know that advertise. Yeah, no kidding. Um, not anymore. You have any cool Small kitchen appliances the juicer the juicer air fryer. What brand of juicer are we cooking? I think it's a neutral bullet Okay, kitchen aid you got any kitchen aid stuff? Yeah, the big blender thing. Yeah, that's nice. That's expensive. What's the What it what's like the fridge and the range stainless steel sub Z. What are you rocking? It's Fisher and pay Cal. Is that that sounds expensive. It's a if yeah, did you build that you guys build this house Fisher and pay kill I got that coming up and I Dukes and helmets are completely different. Okay, Dukes

Contains a combination of distilled and cider vinegar while helmets only contain distilled vinegar which can which makes dukes tangier Helmens also contains lemon juice concentrate and sugar. Dukes is the only mass produced mayonnaise that does not include sugar Dukes is better. Look at you fucking delicious. Look at you. Get a read on this goddamn bro He's got like boutique high-end ranges, but she's given a hundred bucks at a wedding. I don't know what's going on Did you always kind of cuckoo? Did you always kind of have high? I want to keep my money, you know, it's true. Did you always kind of have high-end taste growing up? I Don't even think I had the option But I mean even though you couldn't you couldn't make it happen that you always you always wanted that yeah, yeah

Gotcha, and my mom always did too. She would like drive us around to like the really nice neighborhoods and be like one day I'm gonna live here that never happened, but got you know, you're sounds like you're doing it Yeah, did you guys build this house? No, you just bought did you remodel when you moved in? It was all in there I'll be moving out Yeah, we got you in just as a great time Fucking case clothes Take your fish kill you guys are selling house or is he staying there? He's gonna keep it. He's gonna keep it Yeah, buying you out. I hope yeah

Every day the guy who sold weed yeah, man, that's a tough look why that's like he was like the high school football hero And then also that's a little different. That's stereo. That's not on That's not on brand with the high school football hero to be also moving weight out of the back of the fucking Yeah, he moved way all through college and then now he sells windows In dime bags Did you have any social accolades like that in high school prom queen anything like that? No, everyone hated me. Okay. Why I was largely I think cuz I wanted so badly to be like

Did you play any sports played volleyball played volleyball, okay You didn't play volleyball at Marquette. Did you okay? That's okay. That's okay. Hmm. What's the last time you had lasagna? Oh geez, I don't know A while ago how about me a year ago? Meatloaf recently my dad. I was just home recently in my dad had some meatloaf. That's pretty much your old man Puts on a nice meatloaf. Yeah, he puts the like he puts like ranch seasoning like just the powder in the meat Yeah, and it's fucking trashy, but I respect it. That's real trash

Ranch in lasagna It's like the powder Hidden Valley Ranch powder Doesn't belong in it. It's the pure enough. It's the pure I thought we said lasagna. No, I mean that would be insane. I thought I apologized. I was ready to flip the table Yeah, you two aren't all my fucking son. We would have actually leave if that was the case. Oh, man, that just bothered me I'm like Cancel this fucking show

Any ice cream in your freezer? Salt and straw. What's that? She names cool shit that we don't know. Salt and straw is the best. It's from Portland It just recently came to LA the cookie dough salt and straw is probably the best. Where do you have to get that at Whole Foods? No, that's salt and straw. It's it's it's almost a joke. How much it costs. I think it's like $15 Wait, hold on a second. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. The Do they sell it in the grocery store? No, you have to go to the place. Well postmates Okay, but it's in pints. Yeah, and it's like $15 a pint. Holy shack on a postmates, right?

$80 for ice cream Huh, that's wild Do you have any frozen pizzas in the freezer? Yes, what brand what are you rocking Holly power? Yeah? What's your poison? I'm a big Holly power man myself. What's your poison? I like the all-veggie That's pretty good. Pepperoni man myself That's pretty good. I honestly didn't even know they made pepperoni because I buy everything online So I haven't even right right right Holly powers. All right. Do you travel with a neck pillow? Yes? What color red?

Is it old? No But it's red. I didn't want red take your shoes off on the plane. Yes. Will you bring food on the girls can? Yes What kind of food do you bring on a plane granola bars fruit snacks? That's fine You're not like in a burger at like shake shack and taking it. No, I learned my lesson one time I was leaving Chicago and I got a Chicago dog. I would fight you at the bathroom I would say meet me at the bulkhead. We're going after it And I was eating it in the seat next to me. I think I looked at me and he was like dead in the eyes And he's like you're an animal

That's fucking nuts. I was like I'm hungry. A Chicago dog. So there I am. I got three bratwurst on me That's crazy. Holy shit Do you have a regular pepper shaker? Do you have the grinder grinder Himalayan salt or regular Himalayan? Yeah, you though. Do you use the bathtub? Do you take baths? Yes, you do you set it up nice the candles in all nine yards That's pretty classy. What are you doing bath bomb epsom salt? Shout out to the bath bomb. Are you doing a flavor that's some salt Are you doing just straight up regular straight up? Okay? All right. I like a nice flavor, but I don't think it's called flavor I Wasn't the same thing though. They weren't starting that stuff where they I don't know

I don't know. I thought it was just that was a street name for the drug I think the drug it was some sort of comp like chemical compound that they get under the guise of it's a bath salt Like sell it right? So you should go to like a very short-lived. It was like I eat that guy's face Do you guys remember salvia? Yeah, you ever smoke salvia? No. Oh my I watch the guy jump not watch it I watch the video of a guy jump out the front window the window I mean his girl take a hit off of it and he jumps out the He pulls up the side of the hat like side of the wall like he's fucking spider-man then out the way it was Did he die? No, he hopped up and came back and hit another hit

Yeah, I get back up daddy. Oh, yeah, I remember I smoked 40x salvia out of a pong once and I just sat there on my couch and it felt like a bowling ball was hitting me in the head for like I thought it was four years like the trip felt like it was four years long and then I got out and I was like How long was that and my friend was like nine seconds five minutes? Yeah, and we have plans for the rest of the night and I was like no and I just went to bed and I slept for like 16 hours I was like how is this shit legal? When did you get sober? I quit drinking right after my mom's funeral. So December 11 2017. Okay But I have dabbled with other stuff like I quit drinking and then I was like, you know

Still popping Molly and doing coke for a while and then I got to a wedding Then I got fully sober for three years, and then I relapsed on weed last year and now I'm fully sober again. So Ever been arrested. Yeah, what do you got? DUI Arizona I went to jail for 30 days. Oh County in the can. No, I went to Beverly Hills pay to stay I hate him and hold on a second. You got picked up in Arizona. Yeah, so I had to lawyer up because I was working in advertising at the time She said that like she's in the mob though I had a lawyer up call up tutty. She's all right. I'll tell you that I can't get a fucking read on her

I want to call her the biggest piece of trash you ever talked to and then she's doing pay to play white collar crimes I don't know what's I'm not a hundred sure if you're classy or garbage, but you're cool as shit Yeah, no, cuz I it was tent city in Arizona at the time and that was when I forget the name of the sheriff But he was sure Joe Sheriff Joe. Yes famous guy in the text. Yeah. Yeah, and he was having women I'm like chain gangs and shit and guys old school. I think he's dead now. I think well if he's not dead He's fired. He's not working there anymore But my lawyer was like you're gonna kill yourself if you go here So she ended up negotiating a deal where I could do the Beverly Hills pay to stay

But it's embarrassing because I did have to have my employer sign off on it I was like, I'm gonna be in jail for the next 30 days if you could just sign in Beverly Hills, though Yeah, it was like literally right off Rodeo Drive. It was ridiculous. Was it nice. It's jail But yeah, it's probably the nicest jail you could it's like the same shit that Epstein got on his first offense And you had the you had the paint guy would have paid to go there Yeah, you paid like I think it was a hundred and fifty dollars a night And then you could leave Monday through Saturday eight to eight to go to work. It's not bad It's not bad. Yeah, it's not jail. Yeah, that's a good that's better than the apartment I live in

That's crazy. It's jail the first 48 were solitary. I had to sit down and think about my life Drinking toilet Balinese. Yeah I Was leaving work early to get drunk and drive myself back to drill jail drunk You had a car in jail. I wasn't supposed to they were just idiots I was like, I'm in for a DUI and I was having them validate my parking You guys are if you guys are this stupid, I'm gonna keep breaking the law. What do you keep your butter? On the counter you do. What kind of butter you were you buying? Oh, no, just probably awesome

Just salted. Do you own any turquoise jewelry? No, okay Hmm. Who's your first concert Elton John? Okay, how old were you? 12 maybe who'd you go with my mom and my aunt? All right. That's pretty good Yeah, it wasn't I really wanted to go to like the backstreet boys or Britney Spears and my mom's like one day. He'll thank me Is she right? Yes, Elton John's pretty awesome. John's pretty sick. Well, you buy stuff at a duty-free shop. No Okay, I'm not against it when I used to drink. I used to like when I went and cigarettes. Yeah, yeah

You have any magnets on your fridge? No, there's our calendar in your kitchen. No Oh, do you have a landline? No, you have checks. You have a checkbook. Yes, you do. Yes, do you use the checks? Yes at the grocery store. No, you can't what what do you use your checks for? getting my new apartment You already got the new place yeah in LA Beverly Hills, yeah, whoo want how many bedrooms just one, okay? Imagine it's nice though pretty nice. You can see the jail from I'm just back girls. I'm back

Alrighty Have you ever done any jewelry with your name on it? Probably when I was younger back when you're yeah, you know and they used to put like your name on a greener rice There's a big on the fucking boardwalk. Yeah name on a greener rice. Yeah, I got one. All right This has been a very hot button issue. Okay lately Okay, say more than one person maybe you and your husband when you guys were together Um, you're making dinner. All right, you're both home. You're both off. You're making dinner You're gonna have some spaghetti. Is that in the realm of possibilities that you guys would maybe make spaghetti together

Do you use one box of pasta to one jar of sauce using? The making the whole pasta and using the whole jar No, that's too much. I think thank you Thank you trick about noodles. You thought she was gonna side with you on carbon take that's wild Well, the trick about pasta is you like never think it's enough and then you make it and it's way too much And then you just put it in the fridge and then have it later Sure, so you're taking the so you're taking no like half a box You're all you're half a box and then put you put the half a box of open spaghetti back in the cabinet

No, it's not that's crazy. It's not we also have like a container where you just put it in that's classy Where it's on display. We don't know how many boxes it is That's pretty what else do you have in those kind of things? So I could tell myself. It's half a box, but he's five There's no That's like breaking the matrix What else do you have in those those cylinders quinoa? No, I don't even know what that is Quinoa is good. You have quinoa. Can you flower out like that? No

Can you do coffee wait? No, I usually don't drink caffeine I'm caffeine up today, and I'm won't sleep for three days herbal tea. Yes You have a go-to brand flower child She's high-end she is It's not gold so whatever Shout out to them We take snacks into a movie theater or you buy them there

I mean, I haven't been to a movie theater and theater. Okay. What's the most expensive piece of clothing that you own? Yeah, go ahead You can tell us clothing or jewelry you tell me I have a Rolex and then I have like a $5,000 jacket Oh What's the jack was that was that mark Jacobs or something like that For people who think they're fancy Yeah, what do you got Steve Madden because she just laughed at you dropping what you thought was the coolest designer you could pull

She laughed in your face You can tell he's chopped up marshals. Oh, he's a big Marshall's guy. I used to about a hundred pounds ago The Rolex What's that? What's that kicking it? It's a watch. Yeah, probably like 15 to 17. Where'd you get that as a gift? Nice Okay, if you order a takeout right or delivery or whatever You get back to the house. Will you plate it or will you eat out of the container it comes in container? Well, depending on what it is, but usually container. Mm-hmm. We eat over the sink at your house. No

I'll eat over the trash Interesting why It's like a burrito or something you'll stand you get a whole burrito and I imagine your trash cans pretty fancy They used to do a step on it and it opens up. Yeah, so you'll stay pretty fancy The bar is real low on this show. I don't know if you picked up. Is it a trash can that has the Trash can and the recyclables in the same thing. Yeah Those are nice. And so you You'll still step must be doing well. You'll step on it open it up and stand there need a burrito and eat a whole burrito

I mean, yeah, when it starts falling apart. That's when I really you put hot sauce on the burrito. Yeah Do we watch TV when you eat what you take like you'll sit in the living room. You have TV trays Yes flat-screen TV. Yes central air conditioning. Yes These histories got a flat screen TV. She's got one of those jars for pasta that sit on the counter Of course, she does growing up. Did you have milk with dinner? Yes? Well, do you still do that? No, okay? My dad does though. He drinks milk out of the gallon So probably get good milk at Wisconsin. Yeah, gals are so close being from Wisconsin. How do you feel about the cheese curd? The best thing ever fried cheese curds. So good. What I don't know. I just get them from I don't even know where we were

Have you ever had culvers I Don't think so next time you guys are in the Bullshit bar if I remember, okay, well, then they probably weren't good ones. You need to have good ones. Did they squeak in your teeth? I don't think I would that would sell me on it being good to be honest I think that would go in the con trust a con. It's a good experience. Do they scream when you bite them? Do they still have eyes? What's the cause of the good ones? What was the last dinner you made you cooked? Are you cooking? My husband cooked a lot. Okay now. I'm eating

Yeah Yeah, so are you both in the house right now or he's no, I'm out. You're out. I'm out Yeah, the last thing I cooked I think was like Trader Joe's pasta shout out to them love Trader Joe's Do you have air freshener in your car? No Hmm So you're at your sink bathroom sinker kitchen sink either or you have the thing of hand soap You also have a thing of hand lotion. No, you have hand towels in your bathroom. Yes What kind of hand soap you doing?

ASAP All your towels match Do you put the eight do you put the hand lotion you buy into a different container and then throw out the plastic one? What are the what are the what are your towel brand Martha Stewart? What do you use? Honestly Costco? Kirkland Kirkland. They're the nicest hours. There we go. Go get one and then tell me it's crazy. They're the best Shout out the Kirkland Kirkland brand is You do you do laundry? Okay, put in the washer in the dryer

Will you leave their clothes in the dryer and get dressed in front of the dryer? Or will you take it and fold it and put them back in the in your drawer? My cleaning lady does the laundry Okay, I've heard everything I need to hear Okay, favorite flavor of ice cream Cookie dough. We talked about that. Okay cookie. Have a cookie that would be Just follow up question Well, you said that that place makes good cookie dough, it doesn't necessarily mean it was your favorite

Favorite favorite flavor of Gatorade I don't even know the flavors, but red Proof punch. Yeah, I'll allow it. I like it. Do you floss every day? Yes every day. Yes, twice a day Okay, one was later in the morning. Sorry at night or in the morning Okay, when was the last time you had lobster I don't really like lobster, but the last time I had it was in February. Okay. Do you like seafood? Yes Crab is my favorite, but I don't I'm a crab man, too. I don't know why it's expensive. Yeah I love crab over lobster. It's like a hundred and ten dollars for a crab leg now

You get one crab leg and they punch you in the throat Do you steal from the airport? No, I don't steal it. I used to steal from everywhere now No, she served a nickel this bro. I mean, I just have one more question When was the last time you had fast food in an out burger doesn't count? Last week at McDonald's you did Okay, is that your favorite Mickey D's probably and what would well Taco Bell's up there. Okay. That's respectable What do you what would you go to over there Mickey D's? It's yeah

I don't care where you worked if you knew Steve jobs You went to jail you give a hundred bucks at a wedding and you like fish filet wrap it the fuck up Yeah, you're garbage And I love it shout out to the fish very Meal that's the meal you're going for you getting the fish filet meal with extra tartar sauce That's great. I only put a gallon on it. I wonder you're a duke's man She needs the action Get you in the jugular. Wow. Thank you so much for coming Britney Schmidt hundred percent garbage buddy

Guys check out the special anything else you want to plug social media shows anything My social media is Britney Schmidt just at Britney Schmidt. Awesome. Yeah, super funny such a fantastic story. We love you Thank you so much for coming in. Thank you. What do you got for guys roll over the road? Check out those live shows the tickets are going. Yeah, come see Adam. We appreciate the sport love you We love you. We'll see you next week