Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Caitlin Peluffo: Gary's Girl

Episode Date: April 28, 2022

Kippy and Foley are back with old pal Caitlin Peluffo! Its a fun one. Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. See you at a live show! Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ https://www.athleticgreens.com/GARBAGE

Gang, before we hit the fun button in the episode, let's talk about the good old middle-class famous tour. Oh, wee. Talking stand-up show, play a little AYG with the crowd. It's a good time. Grab the homies, grab the bozos, grab your gal, grab your guy, come out and see us. We're coming everywhere.

Yeah, guys, we're going to be in Denver, Phoenix, Salt Lake City, Chicago. Chicago. Late show at it, first show showed out. Then we're going to be in Rosemont. Rosemont. Ew, baby. Petilos.

Then we're going to Pittsburgh, Buffalo, and Detroit in June. Get those tickets. We'll see you there. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back

to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Sure is. So a little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that after you're up to be classy. Yeah? Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day

down here at Antutti's basement. She's upstairs selling Girl Scout cookies. OK. Said she caught a troop slipping. All right. So they're secondhand, real cheap, good deals. Get them while they're in stock gang. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.

Unamused this week at my Antutti bit. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He's an international businessman. He's my fucking boss. So do me a favor. Leave me a nice Yelp review. Talk me up a little bit. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.

Hey, gang. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. And as you know, those numbers are. True to rope. Cookin'.

Cookin'. And then, goddammit, do you have your notes in front of you? Patreon.com backslash. Are You Garbage? The greatest fucking website ever invented. Patreon.com. Shout out to Sam Yam and Jack Conti. We love you guys.

Sign up. You get bonus episodes at AYG. Episodes of Hard Feelings, which is a completely different podcast, live streams. There's a whole bunch of bonus videos on there. We did the cribs at each one of our parents' houses, the whole fucking nine yards. Check it out.

Plus a lot of drama on that hard feelings. You gotta check it out. They're nail biters over there. Also, Fat Court season two is upon us. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. And I will not fail this time. And there's a lot of money on the line.

About five G odds. And I ain't got it. Speaking of not having it, how about a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire, The Magic Man. One of my best pals. He's my driving in buddy. We drive the work together.

And you were late today. That's because we were smooching in traffic. Give it up for T-Bone Mcscruffins. Toby McMullin, everybody. What's up, dudes? What up, T-Bone? We were late. I got a ride with the boss,

and I still felt like I was in trouble. Yeah. Well, you didn't ride with him with me, so you were in trouble. We were in my mom's car. Proper in my mom's car. I got to explore her up here while the latitude's getting worked on.

But that's either here or there. Exploring how to be a loser. Gang, we could not be more excited. Couldn't be more serious. We could not be more excited to have our very special guest here with us for the first time. We got a live one.

She is a very funny standup comedian and podcaster. She's a worker. She performs all over the country. You've seen her on a late show with Stephen Colbert, and she has her own amazing podcast called Good Time Gal. She's literally everybody's favorite comic. Everybody talks about her. She's a good hang.

Everybody fucking loves her. She's a great hang. We started out in the village together. We climbed out of that dump together, doing open mics down there. But the big question of everybody's mind today, is she garbage? I got to say, about two or three months ago,

I saw her take down an order of wings like a chupacabra. But we're going to go through the motions and check it out. Bones and all. Give it up for the one, the only. Taylor Palufo, everybody. Paluf. Hell, hello. Paluf.

I'm feeling good. This is good. This is a hot one, baby. You guys are great. I love this little back and forth. I might actually listen to this. I'm going to check these losers out. You had a bitch on the intro, wasn't it?

Yeah. Well, we'll put that in a post, Paluf. She loves wings and she's a hot bitch. That's my kind of girl, baby. Hey, who doesn't want that? Buddy, thank you so much for coming in. Thanks for having me. This is thrilling.

This is great. I remember we met at the village lantern. You would just start a comedy, right? Yeah, I was a baby bird. Fucking took off like a rocket, man. Everybody loves you. You're absolutely fantastic. Everybody loves you guys.

You sweet boys. Only the people that don't know me. Yeah, it's very funny. Everybody loves us, but the three of us hate each other. So it's a great dynamic. Rightly so. Give us the backstory. We'll fill us in.

OK. You're a Cali girl. I'm a Cali girl. I am. I'm from San Francisco suburbs. Really? I thought you were from Queens for some reason. I know.

I got a very, I got a very, I've been here for 13 years. OK. Really? Yeah, I've been here for a long time. Love it. Really? Before you did comedy? Before I did comedy.

Yeah. This is going to be a juicy one. A juice baby. The amount of times I've blacked out in this city is overwhelming. It's a lot. It's a problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So hit us.

You grew up in San, proper San Francisco in the city? No, suburbs. San Bruno, California. Yeah, we, you know, we have, we have the airport. OK. We got the airport. Is that where we flew into? San Bruno, probably.

Yeah, you flew, if you flew into SFO, you were in my backyard, baby. You lived by the airport, huh? Oh, yeah. I thought I could smell something. Yeah, my airport ain't great. No, no, no, no. We got an artichoke, Joe's, which isn't to see.

What the fuck is that? It's a casino. Artichoke sounds like a pizza place. No, no, not at all. That's the name of the casino, Artichoke, Joe's? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have like a one. We don't rip you off.

No, they'll get you. Artichoke, Joe's, we're going to rob you and you know it. Yeah, during COVID, they even had like the plexiglass and they did a tent outside so people could still come and gamble. Yikes. You guys ever go to eat there as a family? No, no, no, no. My mom wouldn't allow it.

You know, my dad, my dad, he doesn't care. He's just, he's along for the ride. Dad stopped caring at a certain time. They're like, I'll eat out of the trash. Just genuinely stop giving up. Yeah, that's Gary right there. Are you Gary? He could be the first contestant.

We wanted to do a spin-off show instead of Are You Gar, which is called Are You Gary? We bring three guys in and they've got to figure out which one's name's Gary by a bunch of questions. Gary's are very specific, as you would know. Yeah, very specific. They have a dog training camp in their backyard that they built from scratch.

No, but he wants to be. Oh man, that's easy. He really likes his dogs and so he built a training ground. Yeah, I'm opening up my own hospital. Really? He's got like the up and down ramps. Does he have the tube? Yeah, he's got the tube and then his dog died.

And so he replaced it with a putting green. Oh my god. Did he die on the course? No, no. That's a write-off. He died under the porch. Oh man. With dignity.

Did he use the ramps and stuff to make a mini golf course? Because that's a good time. No, I think he put a wishing well on top of one of the ramps. But then there's a putting green. Back this up a little. This guy spends a lot of time at home depot. You're in the suburbs in San Francisco.

Single family home? Sounds like you live in a fun house, if I'm guessing. Sounds like circus folk to me. Oh yeah, we're very close. But yeah, single family home. How many brothers and sisters do you have? Two sisters, older or one younger? You're the middle child.

Middle, baby. What's the separation there? Older sisters, five years older. Younger sisters, eight years younger. Oh, baby. Someone was a mistake. I'm not saying which one. Late night accident.

Wowza. A little too much fun out there at the dog track. Whatever you got going on in that backyard. That's crazy. And what does your mom and dad do? Professionally. Professionally speaking. My dad is a cabinet refinisher.

OK. And my mom is a handyman. He's a handyman. Very handy. Yes. And he's been doing that since he was 18. He's got very bendy's. Who else is doing it?

They've got real Bola. They've got a couple of uncles. High-end stuff we're talking. High-end, very high-end. OK. OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a craftsman.

He's an artisan. I would say so. Yeah, and he's the lead finisher. So I used to have to work at his cabinet making shop. So was my wife. OK. She's a whore. Toby, you might have to cut that.

That says something about you. Someone's good at the old smoochy-smoochy downtown. I don't know about that. I think you got it in him. You seem like an eater. Yeah. Smoochy-smoochy downtown. That's why I already choked Joe's, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They sell it. Smoochy-smoochy downtown. It's the side. The bad side of things. All right, here we go. Digging for oil, fatty? Huh?

You eating there? What'd your mom do? My mom was a teacher, a second grade teacher. Nice. She's just retired, though. She's all free. Very nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hacking it in, relaxing. What do your two sisters do? Older sister is a school nurse. OK. Yes, and married rich. So good job. Love that. Yeah, really happy.

Tech money? No, no, no, country money. Like, he's like a driller. Like an oil driller, not an oil driller, but he like drills for, I don't, if you, you couldn't pay me right now to tell me what he does. But this figure out what he does. But I know he has rigs and he drills.

So he's hillbilly rich. Yes, hillbilly rich. There we go. Do they live out in San Fran? They live in Sacramento, the suburbs of Sacramento, on like a farm. OK. Yes.

Yeah, they have a pool house. Whoa. Yeah, that's country money. That's country. Not billiards, like an actual swimming pool. No, they have billiards. Really? And they have a swimming pool and a tennis court.

What? I know, I know, I know. Yikes. But they, but he also like fishes and wears a lot of camo. So let's not get crazy. Sure. No teeth. I know the teeth.

All right, and get to the. Younger sister? No, I was going to ask you. How does your dad start doing? Dog training. Well, he. What kind of dog was it? It was a, oh my God, a miniature schnauzer.

He was only training his dog. Only training his dog. For what? Like MMA? What was he training? I think he just like really got into it. Depression's a hell of a thing. OK.

Hey, listen, I'm big on you got to fill the time somehow. There's a lot of stagnant slow times. When did he start doing this? He started doing it maybe like six, seven years ago. OK. And he took a class and he really got into it. He loved it. Big fan of the class.

And so he was training his dog, Ryder, sweet boy. Had he already had the dog? He had already had the dog. So he wasn't training other people's dogs. He was training just his one dog. He just wanted his dog to be the best dog it possibly could. But my dad is like a recluse. He does not like being around people.

And so he just basically built that track in his backyard so that he wouldn't have to go to the track and deal with people. Wow. Yeah. Your mom and dad still together? Yes. OK.

Yes, still in love. OK. Ish, I think. Yeah, they're doing good. Oh, yeah. That's the one thing that never stopped. They do the smoochie-smoochie-down time. I don't know.

You spent a lot of time in the backyard building racetracks for your dog. Sounds like a loveless marriage to me. You don't want to be in the house. I'm surprised they're together. I was trying to be polite. Everybody's got their hobbies. I just bought pigeons.

Keep me in the backyard for a couple of months. OK. Wow, that's wonky. That's a first. That's an AYG first. Oh, really? I mean, did you know anybody else with that growing up? No.

Yeah. No. Making an American gladiator fucking. For your miniature schnauzer? Yeah. I thought you were just going to say like golden retriever, collie, something. Your dad's shooting it with tennis balls?

Let's go, Iceman. And just to be clear, it's not a big backyard. So how big? Give me like a ballpark. I mean, maybe the size of this room? What? Are you kidding me? Yeah.

This is the size of our backyard. And there is a deck. And then down is. Wow. Rolling green. Oh, no. Yeah, how big is that? That's what the neighborhood's like.

Yeah, it's a suburbia. The houses are close together. Is it grass or concrete? Well, it's. Original. Dirt. And oh, no, grass. OK.

And then he put turf on top of the stuff. Yeah, so you currently have astroturf in your backyard? Yes, currently. What's the front yard? The front yard is. Marbles? Gravel? What are we doing?

We have a very nice lawn. It's a ball pit. We have a very nice lawn. And then my dad collects a lot of figurines. Like action figures? And are you Gary? This is. This is really shaping up.

Shout out to the big guy out there. He's got to be on RU Gary. We'll fly him out. He's got to be on RU Gary. He's amazing. What's a figurine? Figure like a, you know, like a. This is crazy.

Like, you know, like gnomes and stuff, but they make a whole bunch of stuff. So he's a wizard. But it's like he does like Disney figurines, like Mickey, Minnie, and. How many give me a number of ballpark? Well, OK, we do have two homes. I will say that.

You do? One's only for gnomes. It's underground. Girl, I mean, one of them has like 30 gnomes. The other one has like 10. Wait, why do you have two homes? Well, my dad stays. The marriage is great.

Well, my my nono RIP passed away. OK, he was he did well. And so he left us some money. And so my parents were able to buy a little country home. OK. Yeah, it's very nice. It's a tiny little two bedroom or three bedroom situation. Nice.

What do you do something like that up there? Up there where we live right near a lake. So my my rich because my rich brother-in-law has a boat. So we go on there. Yeah, up there. And that's pretty that's pretty good money when you have a boat at someone else. Is he keep it up there or he brings it?

He has I think. No, he brings it. OK. I don't know. Well, they have trailer. They have two boats. I know, I know. Whenever I go home, I just compare myself and it's really upsetting.

Yeah, it's tough. Hold on though. But they work very hard. But he he doesn't drive the boat into the lake. The boat comes on a trailer. They have two boats. They have one for like water skiing and stuff. And then they have another boat for his fishing.

And he like does on this on this lake hobbies. Yes. So they that's where they vacation or they go out there. Yeah, they go out there. They have a nice time. But the boats live out there. Yeah.

And then if the one boat lives out there, the other boat, he takes with him. So when he does competitive fishing, he takes it with him. I know it's a whole situation. Yeah. I thank God that they don't listen to podcasts because I'm really airing it out.

I definitely not listen to R.E. Garbage. No, no, no. I can guarantee you that. Although he is a little bit garbage. Yeah. But in a very nice way. So two homes. Kind of like a your back seat.

Yeah, he's a nice guy. Of course, of course. I got to make sure that's clear. Yes, of course. That's that's understood. Are they indoor gnomes or ones out like the grass? So that's what he collects.

Yes, he collects those. I ran over one once and he got he tried not to be mad, but he was like heartbroken. I need to buy another one. So he doesn't have in the house. No, my mom does the chachkies in the house. There's a lot of chachkies in the house. And then give me an example in this place.

Must be a mess. Must be upside down. What's a chachki? I mean, I know what it is, but what are you? What are her chachkies? Well, it depends on the season. OK, there is winter chachkies. There is Easter chachkies.

There are summer chachkies. There's Thanksgiving chachkies. She decorates porcelain turkeys and things like that. And then also the figurines that are like, oh, three bears for her three daughters. You know, it's like cherished teddies. You know what I mean? And that's not lingerie, people.

What's a cherished teddy? Oh, well, they're there. My mom loves bears. You said that like we come from chachki people. I'm looking at chachkies right now. These are chachkies. It's a can of cheese whiz. That is six pack of Budweiser.

They're chachki-ish. You're correct. They are chachki-ish. My mom collects. I'm going to butcher this. They're called Brier's Carolers. Ice cream? She collects ice cream.

I collect ice cream. No, they're not porcelain. They're like, they're like muppets or dolls. And they're going like that. They're singing Christmas songs. Yeah. She has those. Yeah, but that's a Christmas decoration.

Yes. These are around all the time. The cherished teddies are around all the time. Yes. And then my sister has wooden ones that are like, it's a different brand. She's in two with two? Well, not the cherished teddies,

but she collects these wooden angels. So they're like very, I don't know. We got a live one here. I mean, it's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. She's helping on the boat. It honestly makes Christmas buying very easy,

because you just get her the latest cherished teddy or whatever that angel thing is. And she's like, oh. And then my sister also loves snowmen. So you can just buy her snowmen anything and she's happy. Were you a beanie baby person growing up? Yes, I was. Absolutely.

Thank you so much. I bet your mom's still here. Wow. Waiting for that ship to come in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're still in a tub in the attic. And then my mom went through them to see if they were worth any money, and they're not.

Yeah, they are not. Should have stuck with the baseball cards, Gary. He had them. He had them. Gary, are you Gary? So they still live in the same house you grew up in? I grew up in, yeah. So we won't ask you the exact name of the residence,

but it's a big thing. Did you grow up on a street, an avenue, a boulevard, a circle? Avenue. It was a something avenue. Yeah. But it was, it is. Is there a number in front of that or a name? A name.

OK. I'll say it. It's Holly Avenue. It's not bad. And because every year for Christmas, we light up. I've talked about it on other episodes. We'll give you the number, but they have three. Just look for the gnomes in the front yard.

We might have to bleep it. But every year we do Christmas decorations because it is a Christmas street. Yes. Oh, really? The whole street does Christmas decorations. Wow, you guys all get together? Now let me ask you, do people come and tour it?

Yes, people drive slow on our street. Really? Fuck, you're one of those streets? You're one of those streets? Do you have somebody out there? Collecting a little money for the effort? No. OK.

Not as fast as we're walking around. They do that in Brooklyn. They also do that in another neighborhood in where I'm from. Really? We're not those people. Nobody's collecting. No one's collecting. It's free.

Take a look. It's free. Take a look. We're doing this for the leather game. Gary's up in the window out of the shower. I don't have a peek. Yeah, he does it. My mom loves it.

He puts it on a timer. It's a whole thing. It's pretty good. We leave it up for a while, too. Well, what's a while? February, March. March? I'm sorry.

I think the headphones are broken. It's not like you said February, March. Well, my mom likes them. She likes the icicles. So she likes to drive down the street and see them. It makes her happy. So you have icicle lights on your house into March? Sometimes.

Growing up, we would have them for a long time because we were very busy. Colored lights? Well, yes, they used to be colored lights, and now they're LED blue lights from Costco. Thank you. Shout out to Signature Kirkland. Very good stuff.

Fake Christmas tree? Real Christmas tree? Fake. Fake now. Used to be real. Growing up was real. So many allergic? No, no, my mom.

As you get older, it's tougher, yeah. My mom just got a deal at Costco. Oh, no, Kmart, sorry. Ooh, man. Kmart people, yay. Thought the Chotskies were bad. Go to Target like a respectable person. Absolutely not.

You go to a public high school, private school? Public. You go to college? I did, twice. I'm a doctor. You would think for how much I paid, but nope. Where'd you go? I went to UC San Diego for undergrad,

and then I went to Pratt Institute for graduate school. Here in Brooklyn. So now that leads us how you got out here. What'd you major in? Art. I majored in media studies in undergrad and art history. And then out here, I did, it's called New Forms. It's a, it's a.

It sounds real Chotsky. I studied, I studied gnome history. I tell you what I did. There is not a better scam on earth than art school, I gotta say. 100%. I couldn't agree with you more. Pratt's a good school, though.

It is. It is a very good school. You want to be a barista. And oh, buddy, I was. Were you? Oh my god, yeah. Kent, let's talk about athletic greens. AG1.

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Tell me. Tell you why I started taking it. Why is that? I started taking it because, and when I was in the gym, well, I started taking it as they sent me a free batch. Sure. But then I re-upped because I liked it so much. Yeah.

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Go back to the show. I was a barista. I was a brunch bartender. Oh, god. A brunch specialized in brunch. Thank you so much. Could only make polines and mimosas. Thank you, pretty much.

Oh, but I could make them fast. You should have seen me. Almost as fast as the little schnauzer. Finish the course. Craig got a bloody marriage. He was really chubby. He never did well. That's awesome, too.

I didn't think he was a pro. I mean. Your dad thought he was grooming a champion. My dad has the biggest heart of anyone in the world. He believed in that little guy. And that little guy was not having it. What was the high school mascot? Mustangs.

Oh. That's very American. The name of my high school. Yes. Cappuccino. I'm sorry? You are a barista. Cappuccino High School?

Cappuccino High School. That's, no, it's not. Yes, it is. Apparently, back in the day. I went to London Fog Elementary School, so it all worked out. London Fog. It's a deep cut. Yeah, no, but I get it.

I was there. It's a steam tea. I used to be a barista. I thought it was a raincoat you were talking about. It is as well. It is. Members of the Belvedere University? Cappuccino High School.

Yes, you know. That's what we would say. Home of the steamers. No, nothing. All right. I laughed. I was actively laughing. Toby doesn't laugh.

It doesn't count. All right. Well, he's looking at it. Cappuccino High. That sounds like something from a bad TV show. Well, the thing is, it's spelt differently, because it was the name of a ranch, a Mustang ranch that was there before.

A Mustang ranch. That's making a little bit of sense. Cappuccino Ranch. C-A-P-U-C-H-I-N-L. So only one P. So it's not the actual drink. Literally, the amount of times I've said this outside of my mouth is just insane. OK.

Yeah. Good school? Fine. Yeah, it was fine. It was like your run-of-the-mill public school, but with, I guess, more working class kids. Sure. Yes.

We had one rich girl, and she was like Queen B. Wow. But she had a BMW. Whoa. She hated her. She was nice to me, but she was mean to all my friends. Wow. Did she date the hot guy in school?

I don't think so. I didn't go to her school. I wonder what she's doing. Oh, boy. What were the grades like? I did OK. Got an art school? I got an art school, but I played soccer.

So that got me into college. Oh, really? Is that a Division I school? D2. Nice. Yes. And I got the bare minimum to get into the school. OK.

But I had, like, a 3637. But that school is, like, for brainy people, so the average was 4142, but because I played soccer, they were like, that's OK. Get on. What were the SAT scores looking like? 1,200. Whoa.

Is that good? Yeah, it's not bad. It's better than me. I'm no longer the smartest guy in the room. Oh, you better suck it. I got an 870. You did what? What was that?

Those are Nome scores. That's a real Gary score. Did Gary go to college? No. No, he went straight to work for his father. OK. R.T. Yeah, it was a family business.

Oh, so that's the, and by the way, we skipped over this. You referred to your grandfather, I believe, as? No, no. Yeah, very Italian. OK. All right, I'll give you that. Is your mother Italian as well? No.

Big problem. Yikes. What's she? She's like a European mutt. She was a little bit everything. OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Italian, English, Scottish situation.

Who did the cooking at the house? Dad. Gary. Gary. Cooks with love, that guy. Yeah, he does. He's got a big heart. Gary's got a big heart and a big wooden spoon.

Let's stir that gravy. Gary, you got a big fan club out here on the East Coast. Gary. What would Gary cook? A lot of Italian food. He makes really good meatballs with mozzarella cheese in the middle. He hand rolls them, the whole thing.

He makes really good pesto. Love a good pesto. I appreciate pesto as you get older. Yeah, egg pesto, guys. Yeah, I had a cousin come in from Montana, and he was like, why is my pasta green? And we were like, just put it in your mouth. It's very good.

Shout out to pesto. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just started eating pesto maybe a couple of years ago. It's great. It's good stuff. It's nice. Thanks for having me. What was the name of the grocery store that your mom went to?

My mom would go to either Leonardo's, just very Italian. That was right up the street. Then we also had. No, we sold spaghetti. We had an Albertsons and a Lucky's in a safe way. Classy, classy. Never heard of Lucky's, though. It became Albertsons.

OK. Yeah, and then. It was Albertsons. In the 90s, they bought up everything. Yeah, they were cooking. And then we had a, I believe it was Safeway, but then it got bought out by Molly Stones. And it's too uppity for us now.

Oh, Molly Stones is fancy. That was pretty close. Molly Stones is fancy. My little sister started working there. So then we started going because we would get the discount. We did the same thing. Yeah, it's just I was working on it. What was your first job?

My first job, I was 16, and I was working at a fitness center, like a Curves. OK. It was called Fitness Express. OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What'd you do? This is so.

Counter girl or so? I was the recruiter. And but I had to go. You're a recruiter. Oh, yeah, yeah. Recruiting people to join or people to work there. To join. So I would go to parking lots of places,

and I'd have to go to women who are 40 and overweight and be like, hi, you want to join our gym? Not that you need it, but would you? Hey, Fanny, can I talk to you for a minute? Literally, I look back at it now, and I was like, if one of those little fuckers came up to me, I'd kick him in the cunt. I just heard, I'm sorry.

You pull out a bag of Skittles. You got a couple of minutes? Yeah. Yikes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. At 16, you were recruiting? 16, 17, yeah, because I was very fit. I was like, yoked.

I look back at pictures of myself. I was like, yoked. Never heard a girl be like, yo, I was fucking yoked, dawg. I was, but I was thin, but I was like, I had abs and shit. Gotcha. But not on purpose. Yeah, not on purpose.

It wasn't like a active, I probably didn't even know I had abs. You know what I mean? Does Gary work out? No. No? He tries, he goes for a walk, and then sometimes he had these arm bands,

and oh, this is another thing. At one point, Ryder, the dog, he went blind, and so he got a scooter, and he would take Ryder on walks and he put- The course numbers went real down. Dude, he got a real lemon here. I don't understand this. And he put a sign on the scooter or the buggy,

and it said blind dog. Oh, Gary. Blind dog on board. Does Gary have a mustache? He's got just like a goatee situation, and mostly it's in the neck. I figured. Yeah, Gary's the best.

Gary's all right. Gary sounds great. Yeah. Tell you, are you Gary's got real potential? It really does. NBC, give me a- Okay, let's do some are you garbage questions. Okay.

Hold on, what was that before we, been still in the back story a little bit. What was the family vacation like growing up? Oh, well, we would go, my grandparents, they built their own cabin in the woods, in the same area that my parents bought their cabin. They built a cabin. It was like a A-frame, two bedroom cabin.

We would all sleep on the deck, and then the parents would- Outside? Yeah, we would sleep outside. And- Man, these belufas- We went in January. Oh, wacky.

But we would spend, my mom was a teacher, and my grandparents were both teachers, so we'd spend all of our summers there. Oh, that's a lot of fun. Yeah, and then all the cousins would too, and then my grandparents had a motor home, so we would travel around the U.S. We'd go to KOAs and sleep in this,

and we would call it the magic pumpkin. KOAs. I'm sorry, hang on. Now, these are your mom's parents we're talking about. These are my mom's parents, yes. So I have this correct. We sound like travelers. We like to travel.

Real gypsy shit, I mean. We like to boogie. Going from town to town, ripping people off. Yeah. So just so I have this understanding. Sure. Gary's dad owned his own company. Gary's dad owned his own company.

Craftsman. That Gary worked for. For a few years, and then he branched out and worked for another place. And did his own thing. Yeah, he needed health insurance, so he had to go. And that grandfather did very well. Yeah, grandfather did very well.

And did your mom's grandparents do well? They were both teachers, and they did well, you know. They had a house. Are they still with us? One, my grandma is. She's 96. Whoa.

Does she live in the house by the lake? She does. Yeah, during COVID she lived up there because no one could touch her. And then you guys have the house by the lake. Yeah, now we have another house by the lake. Gotcha, okay. Just a minute.

Now who had the RV? Grandma. Your mom's. My mom's grandma. Yeah, my mom's mom. And you guys would go on family vacations in their RV with your grandparents. Yes.

Your three sisters, Gary and your mom. Yes. And you would go to where? KOA's. KOA's, we went to like Wyoming. During the 1996 Olympics, we went down there to the lake. What's KOA's? It was a camping of America or something.

Yeah, campgrounds of America. Campgrounds of America. It's like a one stop shop. You could just go and they have everything set up. You're not like, you know, just driving into the woods. Did you say you drove to the Olympics? Yeah, we drove to the 1996 Olympics. In Atlanta.

In Atlanta. But we did like that. Did you get tickets? Yeah, yeah, we went to go see the women's soccer team. Okay. Cause we went, my sister was on a soccer team and so they like planned a trip so that the team could go around and play.

Now, where do you park the car? Where do you park the camper? You park it in a KOA and then you take a bus. You didn't pull the car behind you. No. You took a bus. I think so. I think, yeah, we didn't have a car.

What Gary say about all this? Gary, he conveniently had to work a lot. Yeah. I said, Gary, I don't have time for that shit. Get me? Get meatballs to make. I got gnomes to buy it, man. Well, I got a whole plate of sauce here.

What are you doing? Fucking driving to Atlanta to watch a girl's soccer team. Kick rocks. He was the coach. Really? Gary was the coach? Yeah. He was the heart of gold this Gary.

Wow. He was our soccer coach. And so he would ride down to meet us. Not at your high school. He did the JV team, but not the varsity. You're telling me Gary was the junior varsity. You're gonna stand here and tell me Gary was the JV coach? The head coach.

The cappuccino high? Are the cappuccino mustangs? Yeah, he also taught me how to do hurdles. He was the track coach. Dufftie. Varsity track coach? When does Gary have time to sleep? Yeah.

And what's that meatball recipe? Gary definitely doesn't have time to drive to fucking Atlanta. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Gary's got nine irons in the fire over here. When I were at cappuccino high. Gary, retire, take a break.

That's crazy. He was the head track and field coach? Yeah. Jesus Christ, poor man. He loved it. I was just trying to train the goddamn dog. Poor dog. He got the dog later.

We didn't have a dog at that point. Working on his own special Olympian in the backyard. I just picture him out there with a stopwatch, like, all right, you're doing pretty good, Rascal. It's over in the neighbor's yard. He's running into the wall licking himself something. No pets growing up.

We had two dogs and two cats, but they were like outdoor animals. Whoa. Let's put a quick button in that. What do you mean outdoor animals? Like the cats, we had a window open in our garage and they would come in and out and they would. Did you buy these cats?

No. No, no, no. They were someone else's cats. These are feral animals. These were your neighbor's cats. Midnight was like ASPCA and then she was pregnant. And so, I actually saw them give birth. That is what a thing.

And Gary probably delivered them, what do you mean? I mean, fucking Dr. Doolittle over here. Gary, take a break if you're out there. This guy drives the bus to school, coaches the team, probably the principal. Is there anybody else in his goddamn cappuccino town? He's doing everything. Gary's holding up the goddamn building.

Is there any other dad, something? I mean, he's doing lore. All on top of being a master craftsman. We're gonna find out that Gary was a set of twins. It's like multiplicity. Gary figured out a way to clone himself in the early seven. Shout out to Gary.

All right, so you bought the one cat or you got it from the ASPCA? ASPCA and then she was pregnant. And so, she had kittens and then we kept one kitten. Okay. And they would go outside, inside. We would feed them in our garage. And so, we had like a doggie door open.

So, they never came into the house? Yeah, they came into the house. Okay. What'd you do with the other kittens? Yeah, the kittens, we gave them away. My aunt has one baby. Okay. And then, the other one, I don't know.

I think we gave it to a friend. Okay. Were the dogs outside dogs? They were outside dogs. What does that mean? We had... It means they weren't nice. No, we were not great.

We had... You couldn't give them cuddles and scritches. Okay. It's definitely different. I mean, you're a 90s kid. Nobody had outdoor dogs. Yeah, we had outdoor dogs. Unless you were a tracker or something like that.

Well, we had a porch outside. Like it was a patio, so it was covered. Still outside. Yeah, it's still outside. This is goddamn house. It's supposed to get cold. And we had like a dog bed and a doggie houses and stuff like that.

Did they come in the house? Yeah, every once in a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And robbed a joint. And robbed a joint. They were outside. When they ran out of cigars. Hi, you guys.

You're going to Atlanta for the week, you know what I'm saying? When will that be? What's the combo to the safe again? Did Gary have a safe? No. Did Gary have any nickel? What do you mean? Gary gun guy.

Oh, no, no, no, no. My dad, I think, was in a fight once in high school. Aw. He's a very. Who the hell would hurt Gary? He'd probably beat himself up. I mean. He does that right, though.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't find one guy to kick my ass. And when he wants something done right, you got to do it yourself. Man. Any job worth doing is worth doing right. All right, this is who? Friends growing up?

Yeah, yeah, friends. No, Gary. No. Do sleepovers and all that? Yeah, we did sleepovers. No, he did not. No, yeah, we did sleepover. Were you a bad kid?

I was the bad kid. I was the horny kid. The horny kid? Yeah, the one that would always talk about sex and had crushes on boys and all that stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, did you get any trouble? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. What'd you do? Nothing bad. Like, I didn't do drugs or drink or anything. No drinking. No, but I would sneak out of the house and go see boyfriends and stuff. I know.

Doing things? Not until my senior year. OK. I was a tease, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't be given away the goods. No, no, no. Gotta keep the boys talking.

Keepin' comin' back for more. Yeah, but I made out. Gary wouldn't allow that. Gary didn't raise a whore, all right? No, he did. God damn it, Gary. This guy does it all. You try your best with these kids.

You can't, you know. He's very proud. But he says he can only see me perform once a year. Oh, yeah, you're a yes. He's fucking busy. What do you mean? Guy's up to his eyeballs. Jeez.

Honestly, not until this podcast did, I realized how much my parents were doing. Yeah, what the fuck? It's like, wild. Are they retired now or anything? My mom is retired. My dad has two years left. OK.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, two years? Until he retires. Until he's 65? Yeah. OK. Yeah, my mom. He's going to get out when he's 65.

Yeah, he's done. You do it, Gary. You enjoy yourself, buddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's going to go up to the lake and just fucking sit. Yeah, that's what he's going to be. Does he like a cocktail, Gary? He used to.

Yeah. But he is now no longer. Quit drinking. Quit drinking. Good for you. Guy, I mean. You want to save his marriage? He lives, he's lived.

You want to save his marriage? Why, drinking was getting an issue? Yeah. When is it not? I mean. Well, I think he realized that the only time that they really fought was when he was drinking. OK.

It was never anything bad. What was his drink? Beer. Really? Love beer, love whiskey. Yeah. And so he gave it up. I love you, pal.

He gave it up. Gave it up for his wife and his family. Yeah. Fucking rock solid, this guy. I tell you right now. You won the other hand, young lady. I know, what a mess. Sneaking out to kiss boys.

I know I did. Garage, you guys have a garage? We had a garage, but it was filled with too much shit. Couldn't park a car in there. No, no car in there. Was it a two car garage or one car? One car garage. OK.

Do you have a refrigerator in there? No. No garage fridge, huh? No garage fridge. I'd imagine Gary had another freezer or fridge somewhere in the house. No, we just had a really, really full fridge. One fridge man.

One fridge man. Huh? Yeah. Just what are you thinking? No, Gary. Yeah. You know Gary. He turns you upside down.

What kind of car does Gary drive? Gary. I don't know why. This is really becoming a bad Gary. Is he single by any chance? Yeah, yeah. What's your parents drive growing up? Growing up when I was little, we had a brown arrow star.

Oh. That's the worst color, worst car ever. Talk about a turd machine. Yeah, it was so bad. That thing's a log rolling down a highway. What was it, fighting the boys off on a stick, huh? Did it smell like eggs? A lot of them smell, a lot of those arrow stars

all smell like rotten eggs. I'm sure eventually. Yeah. The catalytic converter, I think, is what it was. Well, you had that and then we had a red suburban. That's nice. Yeah, we had a red, we called it the Suburbity Bourbon. A 90's suburban, the old school ones.

Yes, the old school ones. The boxy ones. Yeah. Yeah. They're great though. It was very, it was fun because it had a TV in the console. Really? Yeah, you could put tapes in, VHS.

Oh, it was VHS. So then when we were driving across the country. Like in the front or in the back? In the back for the kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we would watch Disney movies. I've never heard of a VHS, a VCR. No, they were big in the conversion vans.

Did you have to put the TV in there? We bought it that way. You bought it that way. Because a lot of those conversion vans came with an empty spot that you would just have to put a nine inch TV in with. And you could pull one in with the cassette player. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We bought it used. I don't think my parents have ever bought a new car. Really? Yeah. They actually, they just did not too long ago. They bought two new cars, but my dad bought a bright blue truck. And my mom. The color choices on these people, is it fun?

It is like your shirt. Like that's the color of the truck. What kind of truck? Ford, Chevy? What is this? Ford. They bought only by American. Really?

Because they're Patriot. Gary's a fucking Patriot. Gary's a Patriot. They're driving a Commie truck. Yeah, my mom is the one who was like, we're buying American. And he's like, OK. Where are these Chatsky's being made? Oh, who?

See? Exactly. Looks the other way. No, Louise. But Louise is, you know, she's. Louise and Gary. I know. In my head on the side of the truck, it's wrapped.

And it just says, Gary, Inc. We do it all. I'll find the time. I'll pencil you in. All right, let's do it here. All right. Let's find out. This is a wonky one.

Wonky. Yeah, no, it's a good thing. You're all over the place. Yeah, I know. We're like, we're like, we're liberal trash, I feel like. Yeah, OK. Yeah, very open-minded. But boy, not classy folk.

Were you a picky eater growing up? No. We ate what was in front of us, and you better eat it. Really? Yeah. Did you pack your lunch or buy your lunch at Cappuccino High? When I was in high school, I would usually bring my lunch. But when I was younger, Gary would pack her lunch,

and it was like, we'll see what happens. Really? Oh, yeah. I remember one time we got a tortilla with peanut butter in it, just rolled down. I don't hate it. I got to be honest with you. I would crush one of those right now.

And then it would just be like a full carrot. Yeah, just like what effort? You're the only kid in third grade eating pesto? I don't fuck. Our lunches were always just like that. Because my dad didn't always cook. My mom got too busy at work, and so she was like, you're home at 2 o'clock.

You get to take over dinner time. And so there was a learning curve where it was like a two-year period where you'd get carrot casserole and just whatever. Just mashed with 80. Yeah, exactly. The Bob Evans ones. Oh, those are all right.

When you took a lunch, did you take brown bag or did you have a? Brown bag. Yeah. Brown bag, no lunchbox. I would lose it all the time. But I always wanted one, and my mom would be like, bitch. Yeah. Brown bag and keep it moving.

Yeah, keep it moving. Do you eat your pizza crust? Yes, and I dip it in ranch. OK. I love it so much. Hidden Valley, though. Yeah, I mean, we're not animals. Get out of here.

Do you know how to use chopsticks? Yes. But I grew up in the Bay Area. True. So I know Chinese food, and I know Mexican food. OK. Yes. But does Gary like sushi?

No. No? He doesn't eat seafood at all. Wow. No, hates it. Wow. He thinks it smells. OK.

We would have like our family reunion. We would do a crab chipino, but our family was the only family that didn't eat seafood, so he would cook ribs. Your whole family doesn't eat seafood? My mom does, and then the rest of us did not. Do you not? I do now.

I moved to New York, and then I tried seafood, and I was like, this stuff is good, but I still can't. Big chipino fan. I'm a big chipino. Oh, see, I don't like cooked seafood. I don't like raw seafood. Like sushi? Yeah, like sushi.

I like tartare, stuff like that. Shrimp cocktail? Yeah, I'll do a shrimp cocktail. But cooked shrimp, it's like rubber. Same with trout and salmon. Trout. See, they're trying out and folk. That's hillbilly shit right there.

Fuck's eating it. You ever have perch? If I went to a restaurant and they had trout on the menu, I'd call the cops. OK, marrow. I was at a fancy joint. I don't care how nice the boat is. Catfish is catfish.

Yeah, trout. I'll have the goldfish, please. Grilled, if you have it. Any sunnies back there? Any sunnies. Ooh. You brush your teeth in the shower. I used to, yeah.

I mean, yeah. You stop. You stop. It depends on if I'm in a hurry. But I'll do it. I'm not above it. So you don't leave the toothbrush in there? No.

It would be like your. That's assuming I had a shower every day. Get out of here. Do you not? No. This is the first time I showered in three days. That's how much I love you guys. Holy shit.

I appreciate that. Three days is a lot. My brain is three days? Yeah. What did you do the last three days? We just got a kitten. Right. And I had to do a one-off art handling job.

And so it was a lot of travel, a lot of kitten. And I usually, my routine is I work out and then I shower. But I haven't had time to work out. So it didn't even compute my brain. That was a wrench in the mix. Yeah, of course. Of course, of course. That I hadn't showered.

But I do that all the time. Were you kicking a little bit? What do you mean? It smelled? Yeah. Oh, for sure. What's the art? You said an art job?

Art handling? Yeah. I install artworks, like in art museums and art galleries. What? Yeah. That used to be my day job. Like, give me an example. Like at the Met?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like all this stuff on the wall. There's like. You mean the art? All that shit they got. So you explain it like we don't know what a museum is? Have you been?

You know the stuff on the wall? But even like the placards and stuff, like I would be in charge of like hanging those up. And then it's also storing the art. And then sometimes if you're doing a new exhibition, you have to build a wall. So it's like construction. Did you work for a company that did this?

I worked for individual galleries and museums. Like solo yourself? Mm-hmm, I was doing that. Just you show up? Yeah. Wow. That's pretty fucking interesting. And then you have to be a part of it.

Sometimes you're a part of a team. Sometimes it's depending on how big the pieces are. And then we go to rich people's houses and install their art. That's always a kick because you've got to go into like the service elevator. You can't go in with the rich people. How'd you get in and start doing that? I went to art school and I was handy because of my dad.

So they would ask me to help them install their work. And then a guy I went to art school with ended up working at a gallery and they needed people. And so he asked if I wanted to do it. Wow. And so it literally, I've never written a resume for it, but I've worked for like maybe 10 galleries and museums. Wow.

Pretty interesting. That just really pulled you out of the fire. Being garbage? She's a female construction worker. Yeah. That's amazing. Let's not get crazy. No, that's not painting the pictures.

No, I'm wearing dickies and painting. She said service elevator. Yeah. Is there any artists of notes whose work you've hung? I mean, I've hung Dr. Seuss. I've heard of them. Hey, nerd alert. You said that so seriously.

I love it. By the way, was there? I've hung on like a Warhol before. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, who's a nerd now, Dick Hedges? Yeah. Dave Warhol?

Yeah. You know Eddie Warhol? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Place of the Cubs, right? Yeah, sometimes I get like impressed and so I'll like touch it just because I can. Oh, I love that. I love that.

I'm just like, ah, I'm touching greatness. That's pretty cool. I touched Evan Essence's Grammy. Whoa. That is the trashiest statement that has ever been said in this fucking room. I did. I touched it.

I thought it was a guy named, as you were saying, I thought it was a guy named Evan Essence. Wait, are you talking about, wake me up inside? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't wake up. Oh my god. I don't know what it is. I can't wake up.

Just wake up. How does that happen? I never, she bragged. You were talking about Andy Warhol in one breath. You guys know POD, right? You know the guy from House of Pain? We are, we are. Well, that happens because apparently,

Evan Essence is very like Christian. And I was friends with this girl whose ex-husband was in a Christian pianist, in a Christian band. And that band was House Sitting for Evan Essence in their. The whole band? The whole band. They're a part of the same room. How big is this house?

I mean. Hey, I'm going to need everybody in a room the whole time I'm gone, OK? Hey, you don't want the keyboard player too, do you? Yeah, bring them. So we had like the after party there. And they showed us around and there was a Grammy and I was like, can I touch it?

And he was like, I wouldn't. And I was like, OK. I touched it anyway. Real rule breaker. And then they prayed before. And it was just me and my friend who were drinking. So it was really embarrassing. But then they had to like pray because they

were going to listen to a song. And so we all had to hold hands. And me and my friend were like, what the fuck? Oh, yeah. It was too much. That's a lot. Too much. You saw that shit on the airplane

where they broke out into a Christian song. No. Oh, yeah. Just read this. I would have jumped out the fucking window. Jesus Christ. Yikes. I'd take a baby over that.

Give me a baby. Yeah. I don't mind a baby crying. I don't have a head phones. Unless it's like on your lap, you know? Yeah. All right. Now listen, you mentioned the cat.

You got a new kitten. I got a new kitten. However, I love all kitty cats, doggies, and animals. OK. OK. Tell Kevin what kind of cat you got. Well, we have two. OK.

We have a Devon Rex. And then we have a Sphinx. We just got a Sphinx cat. That's the one that looks like Ari Shafir. No, no. It's the one that has no hair. That is the one that looks like Ari Shafir. He is so handsome.

He's my handsome little guy. He's so small. He's so cute. I knew that was going to skee you out, dude. You want to see a picture? Come on. Not really, bud. We just want to see a little picture.

Oh, come on. Live a little. He's my little handsome guy. Look at his name is Benny. Do I show it to the camera? Stop feeding that thing after midnight, William. Yikes. He's so sweet.

He's a little babe. He just took my soul. He's got human eyes on him. And he's made of foreskin. Oh my goodness. He's so handsome. Those are the cats that look like Ari Shafir, buddy. He's adorable.

Yes. I knew that was going to skee you out. He's so sleeping. He's sleeping. I'm allergic to cats. It's like the book of Eli. No way. I imagine he was probably a couple of dollars, though.

I spent more money on cats in the past two years than I've spent on these two months. Your other cat's kind of a specialty cat, too. Yeah. She's hypoallergenic. So she has curly hair. She's the cat that has curly hair. Yeah.

She's no beauty queen here. Just see if she's going to look to her as well. What's it called? A Dex Ryan? A Devin Rex. A Devin Rex? A Rex Ryan? D-O-N-R-E-X.

D-O-N? D-E-V-O-N-R-E-X. Devin Rex. Sounds like a private eye. Yeah, I'm on the case, don't you, Eric? Yeah, one more thing. Sorry, I couldn't help myself. They're berries.

That cutie pie. It's got to put you cat. It's cute. Yeah, that's a little baby. That looks like an old man. Yeah, go to pictures. Go to pictures. What?

Why not a tabby? A Maine Coon something. It is a tabby, but it's a Devin Rex. That thing steals gold. It's pretty looking. Yeah, I spent a lot of money on that. Yeah, no, that is cute for sure. They got cute little ears.

Can we get a number? What'd you drop? On each cat or together? Let's say each cat. Each cat. The Devin Rex was 1,400. Whoa! Holy shit!

And the Sphinx was 2,100. Because it's also an elf Sphinx, so its ears are weird. But that was that way. You spent 2 Gs on a cat? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get one in the fucking park! Yeah, but it's going to make me sneeze and have my eyes water. And I think they're adorable.

I've always wanted one. And so Steve reluctantly let it happen. What do you pick up a $2,000 hairless cat? Well, hell. The fiery depths of hell. A lot of research. A lot of, like, we found, oh boy. Sorry, big man's going down.

Oh, you got a little extra, huh? You got a little booger on my hand. No sauce. Ah, it's on my pen. Oh, no! Hold that for a second. Oh, god. Got it.

We got it in New Jersey. But I did a bunch of research because I didn't want, sometimes these breeders, like, overbreed the moms and stuff. And so I made sure it was, like, an ethical breeding place. That's why it was also more expensive. Dropping 2 Gs on a cat? That's pretty cool. It's a lifelong dream.

I've wanted one since I was, like, in college. It's pretty class. I mean, they're so cute. I love, I follow a lot of them on Instagram. But now I don't have to. Because I got my own little guy. Are you going to make an Instagram account for the cat? We have one for our other cat, so we might just tag it on.

Be like, welcome, Benny. There you go. Benny and Bowie. I like it. Thank you. I like the names. Yeah. Great names.

Bowie is for the rock star. Benny is for Benny and the Jets. Very nice. Because we just want to go on and be like, Benny! Love it. Benny! Big fan. Do you have a preference of wing?

Do you like the actual wing of the drumstick? Oh, I like the wing. You like the wing? Flat. Give me a flat. Do you remove one of the bones when you eat it? Yeah. You got to get in between.

Like you take it off, it's snap it, and then. Hachimachi. My friend Ethan SP taught me how to eat wings. Okay. He talked about trash. He, I ate my wings. He saw that there was still meat on the bones. He finished my wings.

Oh, no. I don't like that. I don't like that. Holy shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was so impressed. But I do bring it up to everyone I've ever met. Bam.

That's wild. Yeah. Does Gary wear an earring? Yes. Really? He does. He does. He's got an earring.

Oh, yeah, yeah. He's got a hoop or a stud. It's a stud. It was a dolphin for a while. A dolphin? A dolphin and then a turtle, and he pierced it because my middle school team, or my sister's middle school team, went undefeated and said if you do that, then I'll pierce your earring. When he got his world's coolest dad plaid, did you help him hang it?

Yeah. He wouldn't need help. He'd do it by himself. He'd find the time. You travel a lot. Oh, yeah. You move around a lot. Do you bring food on the airplane with you?

No. I get so anxious on airplanes. I literally, I get in as late as possible, sit down, put in headphones. I don't even take snacks. Really? I just sit. Do you have a free check? Yes.

And clear. Whoa. That's how little I want to be in that airport. Sure. Wow. You just don't like to fly? No. I don't like flying, but I just don't like the process.

The process. Okay. Yeah. Take your shoes off on the airplane? No. No. You got name brand luggage? No.

I got Amazon basics. Yeah. What's the credit score like? Not great. Maybe six, something. Six, 10. Six, 20. Low sixes.

Low sixes. How do we get there? Six something is always, whenever you say it's something, it's the low end of that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you would have said it's high sixes. No. No, no. I think actually now I've moved it up to middle sixes.

Okay. I'm high sixes right now. I'm six 99. I was 745. That's great. I don't know what happened. 403. Huh?

What? That was a fat joke. I could get up to 699 if you'd like. Okay. Is that a threat? You're going to get fatter? Have to drag you around the country? Um, no, I had a credit card debt when I moved to New York.

Okay. I was not smart with my credit cards and I maxed out like four of them. Nice. What kind of cards are we talking? What do you got? Discover. Discover. Yeah.

That was the big one that fucked me up. Ew. Yeah. Discover. Then I had Bank of America, Chase and Capital One. I know. But now I got rid of all of them. Um, I took out a loan and then paid those off.

And so I'm paying off the loan. Nice. And now I just have my AMEX that I use for comedy stuff. Good for you. Yeah. AMEX, so that's good. Yeah. The Delta AMEX.

Yeah. Who'd you get the loan from? Oh. Very nice. In-house. Got to love that. Nice. Got to love that.

No interest rates. Why? No interest rates. Yeah. And actually I was going to do it through a, um, a bank, but I was about to do it when COVID hit. And my mom was like, don't do that shit. Just, we're going to pay this.

Nice. And then, uh, and then you'll pay us back. So I'm paying them back currently. It's great. Gary charging you a big or no? Uh, Gary wanted to. Mom said no. Really?

Gary's a businessman. He's a businessman. And today I don't care how big that heart is. Cash talk. Right. Yeah. Not bad. It's always got to pay for the putting green.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ha. Have you ever had a, oh sorry.

No. I was going to say, do you miss any of those payments? Um, I probably have. Are they loose? They're pretty loose, but, uh, I have to write about it. So I always feel terrible. Got you. Yeah.

I would have paid a couple and then just kind of. I mean, no, I, I try and get it. As soon as I get one big check, it's all going to Louise and Gary. There you go. But we're also talking about like, we're not talking about like 20 grand. We're talking about like nine. Four. Four.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's manageable. Nice. Yeah. Hmm. Have you ever had a voicemail where you were like, hello?

Hey, I can't hear you. No. I've never heard that. Trick voicemail? No, no, but I used to do the music. I would play my favorite song. Have an essence. Call me back tonight.

You think I won't put that on now? Call me back tonight. Um, wow. When the Palufos got to dinner, you guys ever order the same thing? Is there a place that you went to where like the lemon chicken was really good and you all got the lemon chicken? Well, I don't know about that, but we go to the same pizza place and order the same thing since I was two years old.

What do you get that though? You get the extra large number two, which is, um, it's sausage, salami and mushrooms with garlic on top. Okay. It's very good. And, uh, one time I remember in high school, my mom called and he was like, hey, congratulations. This is your 500th order. Whoa.

In second grade? Oh my God. No, no, no. I think it was, I was in high school. Oh, I think you said I was in second grade. No. Oh, sorry. You went going since second grade.

Yeah. So I was like, wow. I was like, 500 pizzas by second grade. What's that? What'd they give you? Nothing. They just told us. Hard attack.

They just shamed us. They just shamed us. I just wanted to let you know. Yeah. I just want to let you know. You spent a lot of your money here. That's awesome. Yeah.

But sometimes we get a salad. Any injuries as a child? Yeah. I broke my wrist. Okay. Um, trying to roller blade backwards. Okay. And my mom didn't want to take me to the hospital.

So she said, I had to wait three days. It was definitely broken. And then she goes, it better be broken. Yeah. I don't think parents do that anymore now. Why didn't you want to take you to the hospital? Because it's time. Dang.

We were the same way. It was like, if you couldn't make it through the night. Yeah. It was like, here, take Advil. See how you feel. If you don't make it through the night or the morning, then we'll reassess. But I'm not just taking you there. Three days with a broken wrist?

I think it was two or three. Yeah. A fucking revenant? Jesus Christ. And then I broke my finger too. And my mom just put my sister's old splint on it. I was like, here you go. Splints back in the day.

We were poor. We were poor. Teachers don't get paid anything. Sure. Splints were all right. Little tape. Oops. My goodness.

It's blowing up. It's the boss. Do you eat ice? Do I eat ice? Yeah. Chew your ice. You want it? Sometimes.

Yeah. I'm not going to do it now because of the sound. OK. It depends on how hot it is. Have you ever used the chili cheese machine at a 7-Eleven? Chili cheese? I've used the cheese. Cheese.

OK. But not the chili. You ever go to fast food? Wendy's. Really? Love of Wendy's. Yes. They have the best chicken nuggets.

The fries are pretty good. And then I get a frosty. I love a frosty. OK. I don't know if I agree with you on that chicken nugget. What's yours? McDonald's. Get the slime.

The inventor of the chicken. Slime. It's not even crispy on the outside. She's talking crazy. She's got good points. Thank you. You're nuts. Sorry.

It's OK. Growing up, you keep the batteries in the fridge. No. What does that do? For dirt bags, I think it prolongs them. No. OK. No.

I ever own a beanbag chair. No, but I did own a Papa's on. What the hell is that? Like a Papa John's? What is it? No, it's a Papa's on. They're from like Pure One Imports. It was that round chair with a cushion.

Oh, I know what you're talking about. Yeah. What's like wood? You see it? Yeah. It's like bamboo. Yes, you sit in it. It's almost like a cocoony thing.

I didn't know you were an African warlord. I am. I got one of those. Really? It's nice. It's very comfortable. It's not so much like sit in it. You don't sit in it and it's more like.

All right. A little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's lounging. Will you eat food on the subway? Yes. You will. Give me an example.

A train. Yeah. Like Ollie, when I was working my day job, I wouldn't have time. So I would get egg white bites from Starbucks and I would sit on the train and I would eat those. Those are fantastic. That's easy peasy. Very good.

Good situation. It's so quick and easy. Barely any calories. Would you ever buy food in the subway? You ever stop at the churros lady or anything like that? I've always wanted to, but I've never had the guts. Okay. Churros are good.

The churros are good. I wouldn't do the fruit when they hand out the mango. The mango looks good though. I know, but there's the hands that have been on that. It's very, it's very intimate to cut a mango. Okay. Churros. Even if they're wearing gloves.

Are they? Yeah. Well, now they are. Now they gotta. What's your tattoo on your arm? Oh, this is for my sisters. They're pine needles. Because the, my grandparents cabin where we grew up, they had two big pine trees out

the front deck that we would sleep under. And so there's my older sister, me and my younger sister. Oh, that's very sweet. Very sweet. Very tight with your family. Yeah. Yeah, we're close. How often do you talk to Gary?

Gary texts me all the time. Really? Of course he does. Right dad. He has a track my iPhone. And so I leave it on for him. And so whenever I'm on the road, he's like, what are you doing? Des Moines.

Oh, mind melding over here. Really? Look at that. That was incredible. That was something else. Gary, no, you have track. I'll have your children. Yeah.

Man, you're an open person. I would never want anybody to know where I am or what I'm doing at any moment. It makes him feel good. Like he gets, he has anxiety. And so he, he likes to know where his kids are. And so whenever he's feeling like lonely or starting to spiral, he'll just like message his kids and be like, what's going on? There you go.

And so he'll check. And I'll be either on the road or whatever. And be like, what are you doing? I have a Instagram message like of all the times he's asked me like, just be a nosy. What you doing? Just be a nosy. Just checking in. How you doing?

Yeah. He's a good dad. He's a good dad. Were you a Crystal Light family growing up? No, but my aunt was. And so I've had it. Yeah. What was the beverage in the refrigerator at the Palufos?

Coca-Cola and milk. Coca-Cola. You have milk with dinner? Milk with dinner. Nice. See? Look at that. Strong bones, baby.

Coca-Cola. She also comes from known people. So you're not, you're not in, you're not in great fucking company. No iced tea or anything like that? No. Coconut milk. That's American baby. Coconut milk.

Always Coke. Not Pepsi. No. My mom would change her order if someone said, we have Pepsi products. Is that okay? She'd be like, no. Wow. I'll take water.

Jesus. With extra lemons. Yeah. Louise means it. That's screwing around. Mm-mm. She was the tough one and my dad was the softy. You ever walk up to a drive-through?

Uh, I tried to in college, yeah, but they wouldn't serve us. I mean, have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? Yes. Have you or any member of your family claimed to have seen an unidentified flying object? Uh, I'm pretty sure that's my cousin Jimmy's. Big Jim's alley. Big Jim. Really?

Jimmy's seen some shit. Jimmy's seen some shit. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know the story? No. No, but that just sounds very big Jim. Very big Jim.

If there was somebody, it's big Jim. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would honestly, when you meet him, you'd be like, yeah, he's probably seen it and been like, no, no big deal. Yeah. Yeah, I've seen that. What's the sleeping situation at the house now? How many pillows do you have on the bed?

Now I have. Oh God. Seven. Seven. How many do you just sleep with? Two. Both under your head? One under my head.

One holding. Nice. Okay. And then one is for the sham. That looks good. Gotcha. And then one is the throw pillow. Is there a fan on you?

No. No fan. Is it TV on you go to sleep? No. Sometimes I do the calm app. Okay. All right. Yeah.

The little sleep stories. Sure. Those are nice. Okay. One of the covers of youth cuddles. Snuggles. Jesus. He's freezing.

He's got no hair. He's got no hair. He's got no hair. Is there anyone in your family you call by not their name? Like an Antoly or like an Anjojo? Uncle. Uncle Marbles. Uncle Marbles.

Well, maybe a big gym. But. What's his name? G.N. Or. No, I would say we're all very much. Okay. I can't think of.

No wonky nicknames. No wonky nicknames. Have you ever had your hair braided on a tropical vacation? I have my hair braided at camp. Yeah. Ever gone to cruise? Yes. A Disney cruise.

As a family? As a family. I was 27. It was very sad. Holy shit. For the grandkids or for the grandkids? I'll give you that. Yeah.

We went to Alaska. That's funny. They go to Alaska? Yeah. Yeah. I saw a glacier, motherfucker. All right. Belly button ring?

No, I always wanted one. I always wanted a belly button ring and a nose ring, but my mom wouldn't let me get anything pierced until I graduated from college. So I had 10 holes in my ears because that's the only thing she would let me do. So I had 10 piercings in my ears, and then I grew out of it.

Thank God. That's such a strange thing. Not until you graduate college. Yeah. Toe ring? Yes. On you now? No, no, no, no.

But I used to. Any anklets? I used to, yeah. But then I would have to take them off for soccer. Okay. Same with the toe rings. Once, ooh, that was a cut. Not good.

Do you ever wear any pins? Did I what? Pins. Where are any pins? Gary's into pins. Gary's into pins. Gary and Louise are into pins. How about that?

Yeah. They go to Disneyland and they collect them. Do they go alone? And they put them on their lanyards. Do they go alone? They go alone, yes. Achimachi. We got Disney adults gang.

Red alert, cold cops. My whole perspective with Gary has changed. He likes a good time. Of course he does. Listen, Gary, you're a hard-working guy. You deserve this, all right? Do you take as many Disneyland trips as you fucking need, pal? I'll pay for one.

If my parents told me they were going to Disneyland by themselves, I would say, who's after you? What did you do? They usually bring like kids or whatever. But yeah, they go by themselves. What do they get? My grandkids. You may have some of these great kids for the weekend. The thing is my mom loves it and my dad loves my mom.

You're really playing the hard strings with Gary. Well, he's never been with anyone else. Really? He got with my mom when he was 19, yeah. He tells you that? Yeah, he told me that. We talk. We talk.

Gary, huh? You got to play to feel a little bit, pal. No, he has no interest. You're a young man. Get out there. He has no interest. Catch like you? No interest.

I mean, we got to wrap it up here, but I mean, the whole lot of you is trash. Everybody you've ever came in contact with, it sounds like. Any surprise parties? Surprise parties? Yeah, you guys do surprise parties? My mom hates surprises. Okay. How about trick birthday candles, the ones that keep relighting?

Yeah, I think I've seen those at a family party growing up. I had 13 cousins and so we would all go to each other's birthday parties and I'm sure those have been around. Yeah, I think Peter had a few. Shout out to Pete. Shout out to Sweet Pete. Playing the instruments as a kid. Piano.

Classically. Classically, yeah. Really? I was very bad though. Can you read music? Yeah. Yeah. But I...

I think you're classy. But I was like a senior in high school still doing it and the people in my, we're like in sixth grade. Yeah. Because I never got better. Like Kramer and his karate class? Yeah. Pretty much.

Yeah. Janet Haddix, a nice piano teacher, just never let me. She was like, we'll do this one again. Next up is Mrs. Caitlyn Pellupo. Yeah. You're driving the kids on a truck. Yeah. I mean...

Buddy. Dead to rights trash all the way through. The dog park farm you got to cook in. You got a great family. Your dad sounds awesome. You're close to your family. That's amazing. You know, we love you.

You're a great kid. But my God. Yeah. No, I knew coming onto this, I was like, oh, this is trash. I am trash. I mean, known people is crazy. But for the record, Gary is all class this guy. Gary can't be touched.

Ladies and gentlemen, Caitlyn Pellupo. One of my favorites. One of our favorites. You're one of the best. You're one of the best. What do you got cooking out? What do you got? Yeah, plug away.

Social pod dates. Plug away? When is this coming out? I got real business real quick. What the fuck? Gary taught me that. I was like, I'll get it out today. Let me ask you this.

Hold on real quick. Okay. Did you have braces as a kid? Yes. Because not just how creepy. You got good teeth. Thank you. I had braces.

I had head gear the whole thing. Head gear. I knew it. Oh, yeah. My little sister, they had to break her jaw. She had four sets of teeth, like a goddamn tiger shark. Yikes. We didn't even get into Jessica.

Now she is your trash. Jesus. Right. Beautiful way. I love her very much. Oh my God. She works at Trader Joe's. She's killing it.

Anyway. So if you're in the BA area, check out Jessica at the Trader Joe's. Honestly, the date that I was going to say is I'm doing Alameda Comedy Club in California and my entire family will be there. Let's go, Gary. Listeners, go out. I need eyes on Gary. Please, yes.

You're at California. Go see Caitlyn. She's amazing. Yeah. It's the last weekend in April, April 29th and 30th. Awesome. It'll be up before then. Yeah.

Great. Yeah. Come to that one. Let's sell it out. Get mama a bonus. Yeah. Honestly, Caitlyn is one of the funniest comedians out there. Everybody loves her.

She's amazing. High energy. You fucking kill it. You're a worker. I don't know what else to say. Well, thank you. Oh my God. Yeah.

They're saying everything possible. I don't know what else to say. Oh my God. I'm speechless. She's got good teeth. I do. I got good teeth and I will masturbate to that later. Thank you so much for saying that.

Is that too much? Is that not that kind of podcast? Yeah. Yeah. We're not on a cruise. To Canada. Yeah. Which is strange.

Can I do what you got for me? Do you think Alaska is in Canada? It's near Canada. All right. It's to the left. It's to the left of Canada. Yeah. Just get a Canada bangaloo.

Yeah. Bangalooie. Okay. Start talking weird. Make a left. Gang. Thanks for tuning in. Make sure you rate, review, subscribe, Patreon.

Come see us. We're on the road. We're all over the fucking place. Oh yeah. That's where the fucking sell out. Everywhere. Phoenix. Arizona.

Salt Lake City. Denver. Buffalo. Detroit. Detroit. Pittsburgh. Adding more cities. Come see us.

Let's fucking party. Gang. We love you. We'll see you next week. Peace. Peace. Gary.