Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Carly Aquilino Answers Your Questions!

Episode Date: March 15, 2021

Kippy and Foley are joined by comic, podcast host, and old pal: Carly Aquilino. Its a hot one! They talk trashy clothes, posters, and the proper way to eat a bagel and so much more.  PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage​ https://Stereo.com/kevinryan​ https://Stamps.com​ Live Shows: Raleigh: https://www-goodnightscomedy-com.seatengine.com/shows/139435 Chicago: https://zanieschicago.laughstub.com/event.cfm?cart&id=545002 Indy: https://indianapolis-heliumcomedy-com.seatengine.com/shows/139434 Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hey gang, we got a monster announced before we get to the show. Uncle Hank and Kippy are making a list. We're checking it twice. We're going to be coming a year down, so you better be nice. We're hitting the road, baby. RU Garbage is going on the road, doing it live. Coming at you. We're going to be in Raleigh Good Nights,

Nashville Zenies, Indianapolis Helium, and Cleveland Hilarities. Get your tickets. They should be available now on the club's website. Can't wait to see. It's going to be some stand-up. It's going to be some live AYG. We're going to be taking questions from the audience. You get to ask us questions.

We're going to be asking you questions. It's going to be a hoot, baby. Limited capacity, socially distant, so get your tickets ASAP. It's going to be very fun. Come and see us. Peace. Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are

classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is RU Garbage. It's a show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they grow up classy. Or there's the big old piece of trash.

Oh, yeah. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. Whoo! Beautiful day. Suns out, buns out, baby. Down here, Aunt Toody's basement, 70 degrees where we're at. It's nice, but not for me because I went right from COVID to fucking chafing season real quick.

And the gold bond ain't cutting it. Yeah. And I got bad news for you about Toody. St. Patty's Day is coming up. She's throwing a party here. We got to get some of this stuff out. All right. Five bucks a cup.

Anybody wants to come and don't steal any of the equipment. My co-host is coming next to me. Those get longer and longer and less and less of a joke, I think, every week. He hates the Toody updates. But you kids love them. So we're going to keep doing it. Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

Hey, gang. Happy to be here. Thanks for tuning in, as always. Please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube. And you already know what? Those numbers? They true to fucking roof, baby.

Thank you, guys. And then also patreon.com. Babe, by the time you hear this, we're fucking cooking. patreon.com. That's how you garbage. You get bonus episodes at AYG. Mm-hmm. You get episodes of Hard Feeling,

which is the fucking money maker, baby. Which is just me and Foley hanging out, chopping it up. Kind of me calling him fat. You calling me bald. It's the new Zendaya. Everybody wants a piece of it. It's a good time. And then also every month with our top tier patrons,

we do a live stream where you ask us questions. We ask you questions. We play AYG with you guys. It's a good time. Get involved, baby. Thank you so much. And gang, how about a nice round of applause for our producer extraordinaire.

The guy that makes it all happen. We've got a new lens right now. Little inside baseball. So we're looking a little sharp. Give it up for T-Bone, Toby McMullen. Yeah. T-Bone. Went fucking empty my bank account on a lens.

Foley took a look and went, I don't see the difference. I can't tell. Yeah. Foley's always good to reassure you after a big purchase. Ah, I don't get it. I don't get it. Currently no invoices are being taken.

But I will tell you what, boys. Beautiful day outside. Shun signing. We got the vaccine. I'm kissing babies. I'm looking flag. Bulls, I don't give a fuck. Let's go.

It's not too shabby. We're excited. And we could not be more excited. That were incredibly special guests. Back with us today. This is a family episode. We're doing a Patreon questions. We got a little company.

We got a little star power. We love her. You love her. Give it up for our good friend, Carly Aquilino. Thank you. Thank you guys for having me. Happy to be here. Thanks so much for coming.

Very excited. I can't get the Burger King thing out of my head right now. It's like 80s Burger King. You look like you worked at a summer camp or something. I didn't realize till I saw my reflection in the doors of the subway. I'm literally wearing the Burger King uniform. That is a top walk.

If it was the 80s, you could be in that commercial. Oh my god. And you're in the commercial when they walk in and I'm standing there. What do you want? She turns and looks at the camera. I don't know. This isn't going to be the last time I wear this outfit for sure.

No, he was saying before. You look cool all the time. We said this on your episode and we're not kissing your ass. It's just a fact. We love you and this is just the truth of it. And I think one of the good elements that you bring to the show is your cool eye, your cool classiness to decipher the garbage.

You're classy. I like that. Let's not forget. With a little bit of trash written on it. You are long-island garbaggio. You ruin through. All right. Reset.

You send us. You sent us a video of you being like, these are the tomato jars I reuse. I see that. You save everything. Oh shit. I forgot about that. Did I tell you about the one that's a little ceramic one?

It's a little French custard yogurt. OK. It's in Whole Foods as it. It's like a little pot. It's fantastic. Oh, I know which one you were talking about, the one where John Stamos is on the commercial, I think. OK.

It's a French yogurt. Yes, that's exactly right. And it's in like a little clay pot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's fancy. No. I want that. No, it's not.

That is not fancy. It's a pot. It's literal trash. No, it's a pot. It's a clay pot. It's so classy. The main one that you had that everybody has, my mom has thousands of them, is the Stonyfield yogurt.

Yeah. I don't think I've ever had Stonyfield yogurt. But you got the clay pot. I've been a painter for 20 years. I don't know who eats the fucking yogurt. And then all of a sudden, the meatballs are there. I know. It's so crazy.

Like, I had sent you guys a video of me. Like, I had just cleaned out my dishwasher. And in my head, I was like, this is so garbage. But you got a dishwasher. Because it was all. See, it keeps going back and forth. She's classy. She's trashy.

Can't get a read on this, bro. I'm a mix. I'm a mix. So it was like, yeah, old jelly jars and apple juice containers. You have money. This is what I have. You make money. You're successful.

I feel like it's better for the environment to keep them. No? Yes. No, you recycle them. And they're glass. So glass is nice. Glass is nice. There's nothing wrong.

Do you melt the label off? Like, if it's a Martinelli's apple juice, will you melt that off? I'll peel it off. I'll peel it off. I don't have any equipment to keep my old jars. You know, there was a blowtorch and a welder's hat. I don't know how to explain this to you, Fatty.

But now you can't peel it off. I mean, I mean, nice because you could put a little succulent or something in that. Wow. Wow. Oh, OK. I know what you're saying. OK.

You know what I'm going for? For you. Grape juice. That would be. It's bananas. It's insane to me. I have mason jars. No, it's an old school thing.

I bought mason jars. Yeah, but it's kind of like having mason jars. Yeah. It is. For fucking trash people. A mason jar's a nickel. A dime. It's not like a fucking clear mason jar is $150.

Oh, no. It gets me all riled up. I go, oh, I can't wait to keep this jar. I buy stuff just to keep the jars. And I use all of them. I do use all of them for leftovers. Yeah, he doesn't have this. Or for ingredients.

I cook every day. I cook everything. So a little ingredients. Oh, you got something left over. You put in a little jar. You got all the jars in the fridge. No. I'm agreeing with you.

He doesn't go for that sentimental stuff. You drink soda out of them. That's what you use them for. You drink out of old pasta jars. Shut up. You're not fucking emerald over here putting like chickpeas in them. You're drinking juice out of it.

This is where I ferment my almonds. Hey, get the fuck out of here. Just Gatorade. No, yes. I drink out of classic old tomato jars. But what you're saying is more of an elevated thing. And there's a sentimental nostalgia to it. Again, it's the same thing.

He doesn't get that. I got it. But it's the same thing. You guys are doing it. But it is garbage. It is garbage. Oh, no, 100%. I told you guys it was garbage.

I made a whole video going. Yeah, she's not fighting that. You're also one of the comics that will just send us stuff. Quite regularly. We have an ongoing thing, which is like, what about these? I'm like, oh, guys, I have a great idea. I'm like your producer. I love it.

The best one you ever sent me was Shaq. What he put in Shaq shoes. Shaq shoes. Shaq had his own shoes. If you had Shaq shoes, you're garbage. I remember those kids. Oh, man. If you were rocking Shaq shoes, it was a tough look.

They were nice. They were nice sneakers. They weren't ugly. They looked good. But you knew that they were Shaq shoes. They were a whole different vibe. They were only available at Marshalls and TJ Maxx. Right.

Or I think that he had a deal with Kohl's or something like that, like Sears maybe. They weren't at the Foot Lockers and stuff, where you get normal shoes. No, no, no. They were always like an impulse buy. Normal shoes. That's a car wash.

It's next to the Snickers. I just saw some. He ended up making. He ended up selling like he sold like $50 million. Yeah, he said he did them like that because he wanted all the kids to be able to have them. Everybody to be able to get them, which is really nice. And that seems very Shaq to me.

Shaq seems like such a nice guy. He seems like the best celebrity ever. There's he was like partying at the raves and stuff. He was at like, you know, EDM concerts and stuff. I remember like, I guess MTV or somebody had a tour of his house and it was like his bed was a giant heart. Yeah. Do you remember that?

I was like, that's hot. I remember in that, I think it's his ex-wife now, but it was they showed his wife and she was like six six, but looked like she was like tall, but looked like a child. Yeah, yeah. I saw him walking down the street once. It was very cool. Where in New York?

Over here. Yeah. Somewhere over here. Many years ago. I know exactly. You see him from a mile away. It's like, that's Shaq. It's not New York.

You've seen him. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. Is that Keith or Sutherland or Shaq? I can't, we'll get a little closer with the thing. I think it's Keith or Sutherland. Right.

There's no question there. Are you saying Keith or Sutherland? Kiefer. What is it, Kiefer? It's Kiefer. I think you said Kiefer a couple of times. I let it slid once or twice, but you doubled down on it. What are you, a fucking dark?

You got to die me out here. We're broadcasting. I don't know, you claim to be a man of the stage, a man of film, a movie buff. And you're saying Keith or Sutherland. Fellow, that's me. Hey, Kiefer, good to meet you, man. On that Shaq tip real quick before we get to the questions.

Fucking Regis over here. On that Shaq tip, let me sort of go back. I love when you turn broadcaster. It's great. I wanted to get back to it. I'm this because I've been shopping for sneakers. I'm real close to going sketchers. Oh, I like sketchers.

Yeah? Yeah, I like sketchers. Wait, hold on, wait, wait. She's the coolest person you know. That's all I fucking needed to hear. Well, this goes back to her, storing, you know, fair trade walnuts in a sauce jar to you drinking milk out of it.

She looks different. You're doing, you got the same products, but you're doing different shit with that. It depends on the sketchers. It depends on the style of sketchers. Gotcha. But sometimes having the thing that nobody else has and wearing the thing that nobody else wears

is what makes it cool. Because if you're wearing the same stuff that everybody else wears, it's kind of like. You're wearing them relatively ironic. I'm wearing them for bunting comfort. Like I'm saying, I'm almost there. I'm a couple of years away from therapeutic shoes, I think. Yeah, you look like you should have a helmet on most times.

Oh, man. I got to see the style of it. I'll see if I approach. Velcro right across, right across. I love a Velcro. How convenient. No, come on. No, we can't.

Kevin's like, we can't. Don't encourage him. Yes, don't encourage him. He's already going into the dark side. I understand what Kevin's saying. And because what he said before is true, too. You're the only person I've ever seen pull off a Dale Earnhardt shirt and look cool.

Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. Only person. I mean, if he did it, it would look like you'd be like at Teledegger or something. Right, right, like a true NASCAR fan. You're doing like, oh, there's just a cool person. Yeah. Mustard on me.

I got some kid on a leash. Get over here, you sitting in the infield. All right, gang. This is a family episode. You guys are amazing. Carly, thank you for coming in. Thank you. I'm so excited.

Let's get to the questions. We have your Patreon questions. Yeah, guys. So as you know, when you sign up for Patreon, we will ask your garbage question on air with a guest or with just me and Foley. It's a good time. Some of the questions are fucking home runs, by the way. And we just get so many requests that this is the way to do it.

So when you join Patreon, we'll ask your question and we will get to all of them. We have a little bit of a backlog just because so many fucking, the fish are jumping on the boat. You know what I mean? Do we? There's a lot. I think it's just an ongoing thing. Yeah, I don't know why you get stuck on this for some reason.

It's paying us in a positive light. You're doing great. Yeah, we're doing great and the Patreon's successful. That's why it's tough to get to all the questions so quick. I feel like my parents are getting a divorce right now. I wish we could divorce. He always thinks I'm coming at him, but I really love him. I know. Of course you do.

You got it. I know. Yeah, no, I know you do. You're just a lot sometimes. He was being so nice and you were being so mean. Wait, just now? Oh, you deal with him fucking right out of the day. You know, I really love him. You get to leave.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course you, but you're just a lot. Let's take our jars and sketches and get out of here. I don't know. I just watched Foley pull the e-brake on the highway and I got to agree with Kippy on this one. See, wow, okay. What? It's very tough to broadcast with him sometimes

because he's nuts. So like all of a sudden you're like, oh, we're having fun and then he's like, no, you're like, oh, shit, I don't know what happened. For the record, I realized I shouldn't have said it the second that I said it. Yes, see, he gets it. He's like a dog. He's got to train him, you know?

I know. Negative reinforcement. When you leave, I hit him with a newspaper. Woo, Kippy's seeking out. All right, two on the board. Got the shack shoes. Let's go. He's got to get me out from under the table first, though. I'm hissing at him. He pees every time the doorbell rings.

No, I love you, big guy. Wow, you said that on tape. That's a lot. There you go. For comment, for comedy purposes, in case it ever comes back to bite me in the ass. That's what you get canceled for? All right, this is a goofy one.

We're having a good time. She's a fun hang. You're a great hang. Great hang. You're always so fun. You're always just fun, right? You're fun, Lee. You're the only person I've ever been at the bar with,

and you were like, quick, let's everybody, let's do Shark Tank pictures. So then you just got to get up, and you were all fucking bombed up, and we'll just improvise. Like, hey, Sharks, and she's like, what's your revenue? She really gets into it. Do you have a patent? Is it pending?

Is that, you know? Right, and then everybody, that was playing Shark Tank when you're drunk at a bar is so much fun. It was one of the fun members. I love springing it on people because everybody has an invention that they think that they're like,

this is my brilliant idea. If I had the means, I would be a billionaire because this is my invention. So it's fun to spring that on people when you're out at a bar and have them, okay, do your pitch. I'm gonna be Barbara Corcoran. She's always Barbara.

I love Barbara. She's the lady with short hair or long hair? Oh yeah, like short hair. She does the commercials now for the HR software. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably got a piece of it too. Oh yeah, of course she's got it. A couple of bucks. She's not doing that for free.

Yeah, no. She's got a short house. She's got a commission. Oh yeah. What's your Shark Tank? So, I can't tell anybody. Yeah, otherwise, you know, she could maybe get hers off the ground. I have thousands.

I'm like, it's a back scratcher, and, you know. I got one, my investment's a little low right now, so I'll tell it on air cases and any financiers out there. Okay. Tissues and toilet paper for men. Thicker. For bigger guys.

Thicker, okay. There's like 19 brands. Tissues too. Every time I, you know, the little pack of tissues. I think they've sponsored the show at some point. You know the little pack of tissues. We've explained to them that these exist. They're called man wipes, dude wipes.

No, they're called mishoos. I just- Mishoo. That's what they're called. They're called mishoos. Is that what you've come up with? Mishoo's? Mishoo's. Yeah.

I just picture you blowing your nose and blowing your nose. Dude, it's the worst. Just blowing your nose. He's in black and white on the infomercial. Hey, our tissue is not thick enough for you. Do you need a beach towel because you're huge in an animal?

I fall off the balcony. He's wrapped up in an extension cord for some reason. You blow someone off the balcony. When you blow your nose. Oh, that's so good. I feel like you can't make thicker toilet paper though because that's bad for the- You know, that's bad for the pipes.

That's why she's Barbara. Yeah, because when you can't do that, that's bad for you. You're gonna have to dig up your yard in a year. Aaron Brockovich over here, take it easy. We're still in the ventral phases. I'm thinking of something. I'm still doing some research and development. She's already filing suits.

Hey, hang on a second. Oh, crap. Every time I use a regular tissue, the worst ones are the ones in the little pack that my girlfriend always had. Yeah, why even? Do you ever try to use one of those as a napkin? Remember those as a napkin?

You're in the car, you're like, oh, I got barbecue sauce and they're like, oh, here's this. It's like, buddy, hold on. It balls up, it balls up. They were always in somebody's book bag at the bottom. That was last resort shit. Yeah, those tissues are like old.

They're never now. I don't think they sell them anymore. They're just still left over from the 90s. And I always hated that smell. Whenever somebody smells like that, I'm always making- Smells like what? Like tissue.

You don't think tissue has a smell? What, are you guys crazy? You're joking. What do you mean? You've never smelled somebody that smells like tissues? What? She's legit. Shut up.

What do you think? Toby. I can't breathe. What do you mean? Dude, that's gotta be top five dumbest shit you've ever seen. No, it's not too. That's next to Keith or Sullivan or Sullivan. That's next to Keith or Sullivan or Sullivan.

Keith or Sullivan. I have to do a movie with Keith or Sullivan. Carly, what do you talk- Smells like tissues. What do you mean? I've thought you, of all people, would know that smell. Why would I know that smell? What do you say it does?

The way a fresh pack of tissues smells. Dude, no wonder you think tissues need improvement. You think they smell. No, they kind of smell good, but they smell like tissues. Like, you know, like a new book when you open a new book? I think you're using books to blow your nose. Come on. Oh, God.

You never heard that? Oh, she smells like tissues. Like, somebody smells like an old lady. They smell like tissues. No, I've never heard that. Estee Lauders. Mothballs, yes, OK. Not tissues?

Not tissues? Oh, my God, I haven't laughed that hard in so long. I can't believe you guys don't know what I'm talking about. I literally have no idea what you're talking about. Like, not even being like, ah, maybe I can get there. I literally have no clue. You're saying that tissues don't have a, you've never smelled tissues, that like tissuey smell.

Not been ever been like, oh, I recognize it on a human at some point. Oh, yeah. She said, he said I hate when people smell like tissues. I can't believe, I don't know what's going on. This is an outrage. I'm crying. Maybe you just got a really, maybe you got a good nose.

Maybe you got a good nose and you're smelling stuff that I'm not smelling. The smell of tissues, I think, is a common thing around the world. Right in. Call in. You heard it here first, folks. I can't.

Anywho. Tissues, I'm like, do I have some boogers now? Because I was just a start laughing. OK. Gang, I don't know about you, but I have better things to do with my day than stand in the post office. Oh, yeah.

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Stamps.com, never go to the post office again. Boy, are we having a hoot of a time over there on the old stereo app. Oh, yeah. Uncle Hank and Kippie are together every week. Sometimes it's Thursday, sometimes it's Friday, sometimes it's Saturdays. The way you could know that is if you follow us

on the stereo app, you can see when we have our upcoming event. Yeah, guys, it's a lot of fun. We do it every week. It's like kind of the after party, after the show, Q&A. You get to ask your garbage questions live on the stream. Right there. Your voice goes up live to the listeners, baby.

Hot and fresh, ready to go. Me and a big man are there every week. We're having a good time. Use the link in the description of this episode. It's www.stario.com slash Kevin Ryan or slash H Foley. Either one works. We get to wet our beaks a little bit. And you guys get to have a fun way

to interact with us in the show. It's a good time. Get involved. Now back to the show. When I use those, they stink. And I think that we could have thicker ones, more quilted, more like a paper towel for bigger guys. OK.

OK. Patented. Call Barbara. Call Barbara. Worker. I need $8 million. I'm asking for $10 million for 3% of my company. Right.

Contingent upon. You've got to use the word contingent. Yes. Contingent upon me getting a patent. And some of that chili the other guy was trying to sell you. Right. All right. Let's do this here.

I'm sorry. All right. This is, again, Patreon questions. This one's just, this one threw me through a loop. I don't know if there's right or wrong or garbage or not. This is from Claire. Do you call it a knife and fork or fork and knife? Fork and knife.

Oh, I don't think so. I think it's knife and fork. What do you think, Foley? I think it's a knife and a fork. Fork and knife sounds like Neanderthal. Forks and knives, yeah. I disagree with that. But I always assume that anything I did as a kid

or my parents did would be the garbage. Sure. And I can remember, I think a fork and a knife is the classy way to say it. Because when I think of a knife and a fork, I always remember my mother saying it, not in a nice way. It was always, use a knife and a fork like a human being. Yeah.

You know what I mean? It was trashy. Interesting. See, I would never, in a million years, think of this as something to decipher. Because I don't think I've ever even thought about it. It's an interesting one. Well, if somebody says cutlery, then you

know they got a little bit of a weak fall. Or silverware. If somebody says silverware, I'm like, all right. I didn't know I was a poignant pal. Can I get some silverware? Right. I mean, come on. I would never call it that.

Was there, whether it was trashy or whether it was good, was there a set of silverware in either of your homes as kids that was like for company? No. Not for company. But if we were eating in the dining room and people were coming over, like the prop in the West Wing of the house, there was sterling silver.

But it rarely got broken out. Yeah, no. We had the knives and the forks and the spoons that had the wooden handle. I mean, that was. Oh, that's tough. Yeah, that was. I mean, that's pretty.

I know the plastic. I don't think I know what it is. The plastic, and then they have like the knives. It was the knives that had the wooden one. Yeah, we saw that some of it. And then the plastic, they were like beige, and they had little silver dots in them. Yeah, that was like.

Anytime I went over to someone's house, they gave me one of those. It was a bad look. It was those things never held serial in the morning. You know the plates are going to be like plastic, and they're like melted. Melted in the dishwasher? Yeah, yeah.

We had nice steak knives, like small ones for like for a shirt. We still have them. We bought them at Cutco, and like that thing still, it's like 50 years old. She still breaks like the box. It's in the cardboard box. Like the, it's all tattered and ripped and stuff. And she kept it.

Like it's a Christmas tree. She's like, keep the box. We got to put it back in. For sure, for sure. We still have a ginsu knife, and it still would say it's still regularly used in our house. Don't want the little fork at the top. You know what I'm talking about?

Oh, wow, okay. Cut through a nail? Or a shoe or whatever, yeah. Cut through a nail. They sell it on TV, right? I think Foley's parents were big TV people. I don't know if I, I don't know if I appreciate the way you asked me that question.

You were like, they sell it on TV, right? Because I remember the infomercial. I love buying stuff. Guys, when I'm watching- Do you buy online? Oh, when I- Or on TV? All the, any time I can.

Like I love like- You're a QVC person? No, but if I'm watching like Shark Tank, I'll watch. I'll watch like, and if somebody has whatever invention, and I'll look them up and I'll buy their stuff. Like I have a lot of things from Shark Tank. Wow. What's the best one?

Oh, my bad. My best one is called, it's not a snuggie, it's a comfy. You have one? How luxurious is it? What's a comfy? Oh my God, it's so comfortable. It's a blanket that's a sweatshirt.

Oh, I've seen it. I've seen it. It's huge. It comes in like one size. It's like down to the floor on me. And it's literally like a shearling kind of, I don't know what to call it. It's definitely not every cloth.

It's like the lining of an Ugg boot. Right. The lining of an Ugg boot on the inside and the outside is just like velvety and it has a hood and a pocket. I mean, it's so, oh my God, it's so warm and comfy. That's the best Shark Tank invention. And I think they probably made like a billion dollars because it's so good.

They sell it at like the pharmacy too. That's awesome. You know it's bad if you're buying clothes at the pharmacy. Oh yeah, I love that. If you're buying clothing or bedding at the pharmacy. Oh, they got a couple of as seen on TV things over there at CVS and they're the toy aisle.

You know what else is really bad from a pharmacy? Cologne or perfume. Oh, 100%. That is a tough look. Right, and they lock it up. Yeah, it's locked. I'm like, who's stealing the proof? You gotta ask.

You gotta ask. Can I get the perfume? Can you come unlock the cabinet? Oh God, yeah. Trying to get my hands on some English leather here. Let's go. They always lock that up in the electronics. It's like, dude, no one's stealing the CD player, all right?

Or like, no one's stealing the six pack of VHS's. Let's go. I was in a Walgreens yesterday that had the deodorant locked up. That's a nice part of town, I guess. Right, and they lock up the dish pods, too. Isn't that crazy? The dish pods and the deodorant.

Yeah, like the tide pods, the laundry pods, too. Jesus. I don't know why. Maybe because they maybe cost a lot of money, people steal them. I don't know. Maybe that's something you can easily get in and just take a handful off and walk out.

That makes you feel real. Good idea. I'll do that. It makes you feel real trashy when you have to call the guy over and he's unlocking it like a fucking safety deposit box. I had to do that for a charger at Rite Aid or something over the weekend in Philly

because I forgot a charger. And he's like, what one do you need? I'm like, oh my God, this is a fuck. He's like, I asked the girl, I'm like, can you open this for me? She goes, yeah. Well, I can't, but I can get somebody. I'm like, oh my God, great.

She's like, just wait over there. Standing there like a fucking schmuck until security comes over. Right, and they're miserable because they have to do that for people all day. They're like, oh, another person needs this. Just let it all, I mean, just honestly get a better security system.

Like at the front door, it's not that hard. Like get a better alarm. You know what else really sucks? So if you need something behind the counter that you're not sure what it is. And like, so you got to wait in line to be like, you don't have anything to buy it. Like, well, can I see that?

And you're like, this one, that. God, pharmacy is a little stressful because there's always a line of people. If you're in the city, there's always a line of people. Self checkout. Big self checkout. Yeah, I don't, it's a lot of pressure. I'd rather somebody else do it.

What are you auditioning to work there? Yes. That's how you feel. I'm like, I feel like I always end up having to ring the bell and then somebody's coming over and I feel like an idiot. I always feel like an idiot. And I'm like, I'm getting one thing. I'm getting toilet paper.

And it's like a ordeal now, you know? I get it. You like it. I love it. Well, I was a cashier for a long time. Oh, so you're like. Don't relive in the glory days. You know what you're doing.

You're like, I got a. Bananas, 411, rados, 488. Yeah, you give yourself a discount. Oh yeah, I not swipe some things, you know. Oh yeah, you got it. At that point, I'm working for you. Yes, exactly. Like I'm going to take some bananas

if I'm checking myself out. For sure. You do? You're stealing from the grocery store? So what? It's a big cook of armor. Yeah, they base like 1% of the fucking shortage every month. They know what, listen, I know.

When you go in the office and look at the books, see what's available. My wife pushes it a little too far. She's got sticky fingers out. See, that's why that guy's circle and like the fucking warden around there. Cause a bozo's like you. I'm always feeling like I'm stealing.

Don't have me do your job and I won't steal from you. Yeah, exactly. Get more cash here. The technology. That's why you love it so much. No, I do feel like, I feel like I'm the pro coming in. Like, hey, God, don't worry about me. I know what I'm doing.

I got it. You've got experience. And especially when I go somewhere and they don't do it in New York really, cause there's typically a bag or whatever, but like in like a suburban store or whatever you go, like you could like bag your own stuff. Oh, and you like flip the stuff on.

I'm like so, like, but like if you're at a cashier and she's doing it and they slide it down to you, it's like, I paint my masterpiece. It's like, get out of my way. Give me the broccoli. Give me this in like, I, yeah. And they always go, ooh, do you want to work here? And I get off on it so much.

I'm like, oh, do you have enough? No, I'm busy. Yeah, I'm busy. I got a podcast, you know, the thing, but I used to work. I used to do it. Pull out your bag or union card. I show up in my apron.

Act me, Philadelphia, 99. Shout out to Newtown, Pennsylvania, dawg. Are you, are you Kevin Ryan? Yes, ma'am, I am. The legend. I've only heard about you. I'm outside gathering carts. They ride, they ride you out on carts,

like a little parade. I'm on the Rascal. Produce guys. That was always big. As somebody left the Rascal outside, you got to drive it back in. Oh yeah. That was big for me.

Oh yeah. That's exciting. It's like driving a car before you can. You know what I mean? I forgot about the grocery store Rascal. Do they still have those around? I hope so. I'm going to need one in a couple of weeks.

I'm always going to get a Rascal and some fucking Velcro shoes. My head hurts from laughing. Okay. Let's get serious. This is, this, because this is an Italian thing as well, but my mom just did it, or growing up,

did your furniture have slip covers on it? No. No. But that's a big Italian, that's a big Italian grandma thing. What's a slip cover? Like a plastic. A plastic or cloth as well. Just a cover.

Sure. A furniture cover. Did they interject here on something that was on Patreon? That's what I brought it up. Oh, okay. So just for the listeners that's not on the old Patreon-y, Kevin's mom has a shore house. She just got new car, she just got new couches.

Couches. Okay. It's down the shore. Okay. Right, of course. It's a beach house. Okay, so picture like a quilt, but kind of like, you know, cut out.

It's cut out for the arms and the back, like so it's like not like. Oh nice, okay. It's like, you know, people are doing those tortillas now where they're slicing it and they're bending it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something like that. But that on the, okay.

Nice seashells. All that kind of. Nice, okay. Cause she doesn't want to ruin the couch. Yes. But here's the thing. He's saying that it's garbage and tacky. I think it's tacky, but I get that there's always,

there's like, at any given point, there's like seven kids that are coming from the beach. There you go. I said right there. Of course, I get it. It's more possible. Conversation over right there. If it wasn't down the beach, yes, it would be garbage.

Did she make an effort to make it not look garbage with the seashells and the nice blue? It looks, it looks all right. It looks all right. But it's just, yeah, I don't know. Because let me tell you something. But I'm saying outside of a, outside of a vacation home. Of course, of course.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. If you haven't made your house, it's a tough one. Of course. But I will say there's something like, when you get new furniture, you're like, oh my God, this has to last me so long. I have to like take as best care of this as I possibly can, you know?

So maybe she's just like preparing cause she knows it's going to get destroyed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she'll be thankful that she had the cover when she sees how destroyed the cover gets. Exactly. I know I go down there. I'm down there for the weekend.

And those little, those little rug rats are running around. I sit in the couch and it's got sand on it. All clanks go to something to say. Right, right, right. Cause yeah, you know what? She's smart for doing that. You pick it up and just throw it in the washing machine. I know, but when you're laying on the couch,

it's like falling off. It's just like, what are we doing here? I want to fucking relax. How about getting some work done, huh? What do you do? What do you do? I go down there, I go down there to relax. All right.

You tell me your mom sure has laid on the couch at two o'clock in a way. It's a family show. Stop saying my mother's. I take the trash out when I'm here. I did my chores. Get off my back. Come to your room, start playing music real loud.

Oh, good stuff. Yeah, I never had, I never had covers. No. I never had covers, no. I think my grand, I also think it's an age thing. Like cause now my mom's like a grand mom, she does it on the furniture. And like I remember going to my grand mom's house,

she had it. Yeah, yeah. I think that must be what it is. We had my couch, tell me if you guys had this too. My couch and my parents' house growing up. Matched the curtains and the kitchen chairs and like the comforter, like it matched everything. Everything ran through, yeah.

It was like, mom, why would you commit like this? That's hard time. Like you can't ever change your couch again. And they never did. For like 20 years, they had the same one. 25 years probably. That's crazy. This, that is, that is.

My mom did that at one time in the 90s. There was a lot of like. Tapestry was popping for a long time. There was a lot of like peach and green in like the early 90s. Yeah, yeah. There was nothing better when that one or two times in your life as a kid where they redid something.

Where it was the new couch or the new carpet. Oh God, I remember when my parents got a new carpet and it was like, you couldn't walk on it. It was like, don't step on the carpet. Oh yeah, keep the paper up, hold up appearances for a little while. We would end up ruining everything. It didn't matter.

Of course, that's a thing when you have kids, everything gets ruined. The dog's gonna shit over there or something. Spills, everything spills. But it's nice. I think it is psychotic though. I know people, and it drives me crazy when people don't take the plastic off of electronics.

Do you, that person that leaves the cover on the, you do that? No, no, no. I don't do that. No, I don't like that. That's the best feeling ever. Taking that right off a new phone. And you just look at it for those three seconds

before you destroy it. You're just like, oh, this is so clean. That's garbage. I love that. That's the best feeling. It's pristine. It's never gonna be that good. And you just kind of look at it like it's a diamond.

Yeah, it's like perfect. I can't believe you know that, not the tissue smell. It blows my mind. I can't believe that there's a tissue smell. I hope that I'm wrong. I hope somebody's like, I know a tissue smell. Like I want a description of the notes of a tissue. Like that's what I want.

I couldn't pick it out of a lineup. Little bit of vanilla. Yeah. That's so funny. My buddy growing up and still in both houses, he lived in a house until we were like, it was, I don't know, 12. And they had built in couches.

Do you ever see those? Are so into the living room? But like, Like a sunken living room? Not sunken. Oh, I like a sunken. Oh, sunken. I have a sunken living room.

It's two steps. It's two steps. That's enough. It's a lot. It's a lot for New York. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's cool. But they were built like,

into the ground and the floor. Like a diner? Like a couch. Like a church peal? Kind of like a diner booth. My buddy had a diner booth in his kitchen growing up. It was pretty sweet. Oh, that's cool.

Was it like done the right way? Or did they steal it from a diner that was going on? No. Or was it like, hey, we're gonna recreate if you're gonna do it, you gotta do it. You gotta do it.

The girl guy did live there for a little while. I don't know. So did he. No, they did it nice. It was red. It was fucking tight. That's pretty good.

It's a good place to have, when we had a party, it was a good place to hold a court. Oh, a little pizza party. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounds fun. Nothing wrong with it. But I can't imagine having a built-in couch.

Oh, they're just there. That's so great. Did he like, bought the house with it? I think they had them built and designed in there. Wow. But it was cool because it was like,

it was a big couch. So it was, it was maybe 20 feet long, like along the whole wall. So like when we were in like high school, we get all fucked up and you would just like sleep on it. They could be like,

I get that. It was cool. It was always that one family that did that shit. It was just a little different. The cookie stuff. It's the only place I've ever seen it ever in my life. Shout out to Pat, who is for sure listening.

All right, let's see. Let's see. Do you use any of your, this is from Frank. Do you use any of your family's login credentials for streaming services instead of paying for your own? Next question. Who wrote that, my mom?

What the fuck? From Henry's mother. I don't know how I get away with it, but man, I got the whole package. Any app, I download it and I use their login from their Comcast and Philly. I have Spectrum cable and I'm in New York. I know.

I'll be watching the Sixers tonight, chilling. Wow. I'll be here in Philly tomorrow morning if you want. I'll be watching Action News. That's amazing. I think I'm all right. Thanks.

Appreciate that. I got to make one. Everybody does that. I have my own accounts now. My parents use my accounts. That's it. My parents use my accounts and I actually use my friend's HBO Go.

There you go. That's a good one to like, I was always like, oh, I don't know. And then I was watching something and she's like, just use my HBO Go account. And I use that a lot. A lot. Because I have a projector.

I just log in on my laptop and it goes right on my wall because I have like a big empty wall. That's your TV? No, I have a TV too. I have a TV in my living room, but in my bedroom, I have a projector.

Is the projector like call? Like it's in place or do you have to set it up every time? No, it's in place. Because I have one we have to set up every time and it's a real pain in the ass. It's like on, I have a fireplace and the mantle.

I have the projector on there all the time. Has the pictures look like a drive-in movie? It's beautiful. Really? It's like a drive-in movie. They're crisp. It's a really nice projector. It's a good one.

And I love to like just go on like HBO and boom, plug it in. And then it's like a movie. There you go. It's very cool. It's fun. That's not bad. It's a nice little night out, you know?

Yeah, but that's the one that I use, I think the most. And that's the one I take for my friend. HBO Max is pretty sweet. Oh, yeah. Not too shabby. HBO Max is nice. I don't understand the difference.

It's just, it's just the next upgrade of whatever HBO on demand was. Everything's there. Yeah, HBO. They're buying movies. They're kind of deals. Yeah, from my friend, HBO Max. But they have like the Sopranos.

You can re-watch the Sopranos anytime you want. Yeah, but can you do that on regular HBO? No. Yeah, that doesn't exist anymore. You have to pay for it. It's Warner Brothers. Her episode. Though it's all the one.

Oh, you want to hear something really, really embarrassing. It does have Turner Classic movies. You're right. Yeah. Something really embarrassing about this. I, and it's all coming back to me, I sat in on a market research thing to make like $150 for this streaming service.

Now that I remember, do you remember what I did? It's four HBO Max. It was, they were like, well, what if we could combine these, these, and these? Would that be something you were interested in? Like a focus group. Oh my God. A focus group.

I've always wanted to be in a focus group. I needed the money. I would love to be in a focus group. No, I would do it for free. Yeah. I'm so excited. Well, they gave you like a $150 gift card, which I thought it was cash.

I thought it was, I needed the cash. I can't pay my fucking rent with a gift card. You fucking asshole. Well, it depends on where it's from. I was in the fine print. It was like an American Express or something. Oh, that's pretty nice. I know, but I needed the cash.

I ain't there for my health card. Oh yeah, you're not there for fun. Like I would go for fun. Yeah. Ooh, yeah. Try it. It's fun. It's a good time.

You feel really important in there. Oh yeah, that's why I wanted to do it. Don't like, would you like this? I'm sitting back. Like, I don't know if I would pay for this. Like you're a scientist. I get the jury. Yeah, exactly.

When you go to court, you're surrounded by the mirrors, and they're all, you know they're back there watching you. Wow. Yeah, it's a power trip. You're like, I'll have another free water, please. That makes it, you know, Elon Musk walks in. Kevin, thank you for your help. I was in a bad spot.

This was not too long ago, by the way. How many have you done? What's the coolest one you've done? It was all, I think that might have been the only one I've done, and it was for that. And now I remember there was four HBO, like a new HBO streaming service paired with movies. Wow.

Yeah, well there you go. That's what it is. I think I passed on it in the focus group. Well, you passed on it in real life too. I know, apparently. I like the fact that we all steal those from each other. We share those with each other. It has like an eighties feel to it.

Yeah, yeah. And then it's cool. I don't know how we get away with it though. Yeah, I don't care. How do they make money? How does Netflix have all this money to have million dollar budgets on these shows? Well, a lot of it.

They got monthly cash coming in. Yeah, but they got cash coming in, but everybody can share their account with four people. And I mean, these Netflix shows are big money. You could tell watching them, I'm like this show costs like $10 million. Sure, well I'm pretty sure they're running on a deficit as well.

They're definitely running on a deficit, right? They can just get rounds of funding. They're like, oh, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause I'm always like, there's no way they make that much money. Not yet, I would assume. Right?

But I don't know. I don't know why they can't put money. That monthly cash flows a lot. I think there's like a hundred million users in the US or something or globally. That's pretty good. That's $900 million a month. I'd take it.

It's like 20 grand a year. I took $150 to talk about a streaming service I couldn't afford. I'll take the 900. That's funny. I'll take people 150 bucks to talk about billion dollar deals. Right, right, right.

Like why do you, it was so funny. I literally thought I was a king. Kevin, what do you think? My ginger ale's flat. Thanks, buddy. Also, it's even more embarrassing. I have a degree in marketing. They were like, don't tell anybody that

because like then you disqualify cause you know the game. So then I felt even cooler. I'm like, I'm not even supposed to be here. You're like a private investor. I'm like a double agent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm playing both sides against the middle.

Ray, oh my God. Ran out to the mall and bought a suit real quick. I rented it. Came back. Every product is assigned by people who are written on there. Oh, dude, for sure. That's all the feedback.

Dude, and also HBO Max has 3.7 million. 3.7 million subscribers. That's pretty good. What's that a month? That's a, that's a... Like 10 bucks. 10 G. I thought it was 14.

I thought it was more than Netflix. It's probably like 14.99. It's gotta be 14. Like, and I will say it's worth it. I think it's worth it. 14.99. 14.99. I know I was in the meeting.

Yeah. You even priced it. I set the price. I said nothing over 15 bucks. I ain't doing it. You turn it to Jay Larson real quick. Buddy, we are... I said, don't go over 10.

I told him, don't go over 10. You're mad about it when you read about it? Try to get back into the focus group. Yeah. Oh, man. Oh, I wonder if they even do those anymore. COVID. Probably not.

There's like online ones you can do, but they're like for a nickel. Right. It's always bad when it's like, it's like, it's like fucking, it's the 27th of the month. And I'm like, how can you make 500 bucks today? I'm Googling that.

Right. You Googling how do I make 500 bucks today? Yeah, man. I've been in some tight spots. Okay. Well, just now we're starting to make a little bit of cash. And I gotta split it with you two bozos. You're reading Soldier of Fortune doing a hit.

How do I make two grand today? I got a flight Ecuador. All right. Moving on. My personal finances aren't a topic of discussion. Have you ever sold blood for money? I've thought about it. Yeah.

But it's only like 25 bucks. I'm like, I can get 25 bucks or 50. I can get my hands on, I'm playing bigger. I'm looking at if they're bigger deals, HBO kind of stuff. You know what I mean? I thought blood you donate. Yeah, they'll pay you for like,

it's like 20 bucks. The plasma is where the money's at or bone marrow. Yeah, yeah. You can get a cup of hundo for bone marrow. I hear Blu-ray is pretty popular too. Plasma. Oh my God. That's so funny.

I have a friend that she found out she's a sperm donor baby and she has like nine brothers and sisters that she found. Holy shit. They didn't have any form moves without that. And we, this is so interesting. Her biological father is the season one winner of Survivor. Richard? No way.

Yeah. Shout out to Rich. You should have her on your podcast. She's very cool. That's bananas. Yeah, pretty crazy, right? He was like needed the money. I was like donating so much sperm and like.

Wow. Man, that's not bad. You find that's a nice little jackpot. Plus he was a nudist too. He was always naked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Always something going on. Shout out to Richard.

Pretty cool. I forget his last name, but I remember him. Yeah, yeah. He was the first one. You always remember the first one. At least he's not a bozo. You know what I mean? That'd be cool.

I think he was though. You find that your dad's Derek Jeter or something like that? Ooh, that would be cool. That I would like. Be looking for a little. Yeah, I could have sex with my dad or something. No. All right, let's see.

This is from Sean Mack. Have you ever framed a poster? That's really? Well, this brings up, I think, the old, you know, is it trashier to not frame it? True. Right? If you just stick four thumbtacks in it, like an animal.

Hold on, what are we talking about? We talking about high school? Ever. Ever. I think it's an open-ended thing. Yeah. Well, I think now, if you did it as an adult now, it wouldn't just be a poster.

It would be like a print, right? If you're going to a poster shop. Right. Getting a fucking metallic or regular poster. Are we talking like Spenser Gips, poster vibes? Because getting something framing cheap, I'll pay you that. Exactly. Yeah, they get you.

That's a hundo right there. Yeah, and there are some pretty cool posters. I guess. I mean, I'm not hating on it. Yeah. I mean, I did it. I found a print of, I mean, it's a poster. It's a poster.

It's a poster. A print is a poster. That's why I said yes. And I did that. Yeah. And I found this really cool, like, old vintage frame. And I, like, put it in there. But it was like a print of something

that was in the Monica's apartment in Friends. And that was my favorite. What was it? The, like, French poster that was behind her TV. Or, like, whatever, it was art that was behind her TV. Yeah, I can't pull it. Big Friends guy, though. Oh, love it.

Love it. We have a vote. She had the coolest apartment, of course. We have a vote print. That's why the guys wanted it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got a vote print that we think we're pretty cool to have. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's just a poster. Yeah. It's just one of those things. It's real. Remember the posters, the poster, the shitty frames that were plastic, where you had to stick to the side? They never were. They always fucking came back.

The bottom always fell off. Wacky colors, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking up my Nirvana poster. What's up? We have, which we also did on the Patreon. My wife found a fit. It's like the most insane thing that's in our apartment.

It's a fish chart of like. Oh, cool. No, it's bananas. A fish chart of this? Wait, it's not cool, you're saying? It's cool in the sense that it's obscure. I could see it like something you would do. It's like all the different fishes with their names.

With their Greek name. Like a small mouth. Yeah, yeah, I have that of butterflies. I'll see, there you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen that fish hit at a seafood joint. That's pretty classy, I think. Not in your New York City one-room apartment.

It's not like a fucking marine theme we got going on. Hey, Baldi, let me get the sea bass, huh? Somebody in our building was getting rid of it. Oh, okay, so you don't have any attachment to it. If you don't like it, you could chuck it. I've been wanting to chuck it, but it's the first thing you see when you walk it. What kind of fish?

Oh my God. It's all North American freshwater fish, I think. You could be like, oh my God, I bumped into it and the frame broke. Yeah, that's pretty good. So I threw it out. Sorry, I burned it, I apologize. Someone stolt, we've been robbed.

They just took the fish. They just took the fish poster, oh, this is a shame. Have you done something like that if you sabotaged anything you didn't want in the house? There was, well, I was dating this guy, I lived with this guy and he would wear the same hoodie every single day and I made it disappear. Really?

Yeah. That's a lane with fucking the perp hose. It was annoying and he had like four of the same one and he wore it every single day. And my friends were like, does he wear it every day? Because every time they saw him, he was wearing the same hoodie. I want to know exactly what you did to make this appear. I donated it.

That's it, just one day grabbed it? Yeah, because I would do the laundry. So I was like, there you got to go. See, again, the back and forth is crazy. Like, to do that is psycho. It's garbage to do it, but then you don't throw it out. You donate, that's class class. You got to donate, you can't just throw out clothes.

You throw out clothes. I do it with the intention to donate it, but I just throw it out. It's just like in your trunk for like a year or something. Yeah, and then I just go, what am I doing? I just throw it out. My wife donates it. Or you put it outside, somebody will take it.

You put it, I've done that before, like you just put a bag of clothes outside. Somebody takes it in three seconds. I always am leaving stuff outside my apartment, like little things that I don't want anywhere. I'm hanging outside Carly's apartment. Really? Pick up some butterfly posters.

So funny, because my neighbor always takes the stuff. Really? Yeah, the guy that lives next door to me, yeah. I'm like a lot happy that somebody has it. The next summer I'm wearing that shirt. Yeah. Like you're working at Burger King? Still waiting for money to get ordered.

It's like the Boots at Burger King. That's what it is, like those old Boots at Burger King. Yeah, it's the orange, it's like the orange and yellow. That's where it is. Just on, I mean, now, yep, yep, yep. You look like the president of the Burger King kids. I, yeah. I'm in charge of who comes into the like the playpen

or whatever it was. Only two at a time on a swing. Those filthy things that we sent our parents to be like, yeah, go. Do you remember the ones, oh my God, yeah. That were proper outside. They had. Burger King, did they ever have playstations?

They had outdoor, they had outdoor. They had the outdoor ones. Yeah. And there would be a burger. You would get in, there was like a burger or like a cage and you would like climb into the burger and you'd be like, it was like a bond and a bond with like whatever.

And you'd be in the middle. I remember it was stainless steel. And I remember being. Oh my God. 10,000 degrees in August. Oh yeah. And dude, it was like burning. I remember like, ah, ah, ah.

And I'm like, this shit is bananas. My mom's just like eating her fucking chicken tender or a whopper or whatever. Oh my God. That's so funny. Favorite chicken tenders from any fast food place was the old school Burger King chicken tender. Of course.

Wow, I strongly disagree. I was never a Burger King girl. I was always a McDonald's girl. Oh yeah. Special treat. Everyone's in a while. Everyone's in a while, yeah. Aren't you sponsored by McDonald's

now that I think about it? Yeah, sometimes. Yeah. I was never a Burger King gal. That's why I choose McDonald's. Sometimes not. Shamrock shakes available from six to 10. I grew up like eating,

like as a special treat, you get McDonald's. But my, I don't think we very, very rarely went to it. But that's not why I said that, but that's really funny. Imagine I get an email cease and desist. You talk too much about Burger King. Oh, I love it. Lose the Hawaiian shirt. Donated.

All right, let's see here. This one is from Jason. This is just animalistic. Do you use the same utensil between jars of peanut butter, jelly, butter, honey, et cetera, whatever you use it? Yeah, no. Brent, I'll use seven knives or four. The thought of it's making me,

it's really freaking me out. It's terrible. That, and then also too, which I was thinking this weekend, crumbs in the butter is a tough look after toast. Crumbs in the butter. You go over to someone else's house, I'm like, I gotta eat your crumbs?

My crumbs, I don't mind. If I gotta eat your dad's crumbs, this is funny. Right, if you've got a company, you gotta scoop out your crumbs. New butter, you gotta do the butter. You gotta at least cut a slice out first as a buffer. But you shouldn't be, I mean, there's no way, the thought of like having the mix of some,

the peanut butter inside the jelly jar, or that mustard inside the mayo. Oh my God, no. I think I know where the big man falls on this one. I see his face that I can tell. What do you guys wanna hear? The truth. I want the truth, yeah, nothing but the truth.

I can't get away with it anymore, but I would be just a back and forth guy with the same thing. Just can't get away with it anymore. And recently, more recently than I'd like to admit, I had a similar situation with some cream cheese where there was some crumbs in there, and I loved it.

It was like old pieces of tortilla chip. Oh, you put it on, you spread it. Wait, tortilla chips in your cream cheese. I don't know what was going on. What? It was a little piece of a blue corn tortilla chip was in the cream cheese. Okay.

You don't use cream cheese and salsa? No, I use sour cream and salsa. That's the money. I just go straight to you. Ooh, sour cream and salsa mixed together is like the best. I just go straight salsa, I guess I don't know. You can also heat up a little.

I like salsas regular too. You can heat up a little brick or cream cheese in the microwave and then pour salsa on top and it's nice. Interesting. Okay, that seems like something that would be in a cookbook in like the 90s. Like fun party snacks, you know? Taco dip.

Yeah, yeah, taco dip or something. This implies that you were using just the chips right out of the cream cheese container. Yes, I believe it does. Solid. You just spit on me. Jesus Christ. I'm gonna try it because I love cream cheese.

I love cream cheese. I love, yeah. I forget it. It's so good. Big fan. Cream cheese and bagel and a nice joint and they have the nice, the flavor of cream cheese. Oh, you gotta get with a fresh bagel and cream cheese?

Who toasts a fresh bagel? I never go toast. You can't. That was in the news or on something that there's a big debate about that. Never toast. Never toast. No, never toast.

Unless it's like a couple, unless it's like a day or two old, then you could toast it, put some butter on it, but never toast a fresh bagel. Yeah, but I go somewhere and they say toast it, it's always no. That's trash. I'll tell you why, kids. That's crazy.

It's crazy. Never toast, never toast. A New York bagel, fresh from that day. No, it's crazy not to toast a bagel. I knew, I knew. This is Chicago. I knew. This is what Chicago does to you guys.

No, no, no, you're not, no. It's your, you're 100% right now. You guys are in the minority of America. Before this turns into a war, just let me explain it. Of America, maybe, but of New York, no. Monpatic can toast whatever they want to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't care.

I don't care what you're putting in there. These assholes are eating lenders, okay? These are fresh New York bagels, okay? With the water. If it's fresh, yeah. If it's fresh, you wouldn't toast it. That's how good they are. That's the fresh, you want the fresh.

But I know what you're saying, but that's only when, like Carly said, to a degree. If you're going into a new, if we brought you into a bagel shop in New York, what are you gonna get? You're gonna miss me now. And then get to you, and can any of the plain toast you with cream cheese?

Uh-uh. No. Cause then it's gonna slide right out, first of all. Oh, never hot on cream cheese. Then you're tasting the toast, not the bagel. You're tasting, you might as well be toasting white bread. Sometimes hot cream cheese can go real wrong, real quick. It gets liquidy.

Slides right out. Yeah. It's like a terminator too. The perfect. Just grab it under the car. It's got nice hands. It's coming after you. Yeah, T-bone, get out of here with that pool.

The perfect bagel is like a little, it's fluffy inside, and just like the perfect consistency outside. Why did you toast that? Yeah. For as fat as I am. I don't mind a scoop, little scoop. I love a scoop.

I don't mind a scoop. There's no room for stuff in there. Not a scoop guy? Not a scoop guy. No, that's bananas. Oh no, that scoop is good. I always get a scoop almost. What about you?

I don't do a lot of call to action on this shit. I don't ask for a lot from the listeners of the view. Fuck and prove these idiots wrong. You're gonna be wrong, T-bone. If you don't, there's no... Buddy, at home, all right? At whatever, you know, Amway or fuckin' Safeway that you're getting your bagels from.

Yeah. If you're buying a six pack of bagels, toast that fuckin' bagel. Sure, yeah. If it's Thomas' mini bagels. If you go order a bacon, egg, and cheese, or a sausage, egg, and cheese, if you're a fuckin' gentleman,

or the combo. In New York, if it was made that day in New York at the bagel place, you don't toast them. Yeah, I feel like people, like around the country, they get their bagels from Dunkin' Donuts. Yeah, you toast the Dunkin' Donuts. And then with that, you toast. You toast the Dunkin' Donuts bagel.

Some of them are big. Dunkin' stinks. Stinks, they're not a sponsor, are they? They stink. I like their hash browns. That could be a Dunkin' shirt, too. Yeah, it could be. That's true, oh my God.

Time to make the donuts. I'm multifaceted. That's who Carly is. Time to make the donuts. Method, Acti, a method. Dunkin' in New York stinks. They're all dirty, they're all, you go in, no one knows what's, it's chaos.

Oh, I love, I like Dunkin'. I like their hash browns. Oh, baby, so good. They should sell those by the dozen, not the six piece. Right, exactly, you never get just one, you gotta get two. Oh, they're like Bitcoins, those six pieces. Yeah.

They're fuckin' poppin' those, good night. You just like spark something in my brain that I'm gonna be saying on the show for a moment. Oh, God, what? McDonald's, we're talkin' about it? Yeah. Okay, 10 piece nugget, five bucks. Three piece, one dollar.

You get three of those, or it's a four piece, one dollar. You get three of those, three bucks, 12 nuggets, three dollars. Two more nuggets, you save two bucks. It's unbelievable. Did Toby just break? What? What? McDonald's just hacked his head.

What? What? Geez, push the dollar menu. The Manchurian candidate over there. Interesting. You just activated the, what? You did so much math. I know, that's a lot of math.

I didn't do it. Give me a number six and call it a fuckin' day, that's what I did. Or the stripped selects. Shout out to McDonald's. You're just mad about the bagels. I'm so upset about it. You're very wrong on that, by the way.

Yeah, you're so wrong on that. Was that a question? What, the bagel? I don't know how we got there. You've just been ranting about bagels. No, we were talkin' about crumbs in the cream cheese. Ooh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Crumbs in the butter. I like it. This is perfect segue, this is from Anthony Gonzalez. Shout out to Antony. Antony? Is it garbage to lick the plastic McDonald's sauce holder to get every drop? Jesus Christ.

Christ, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Use your fuckin' fries, lookin' goddamn gentlemen. Right, that's what, right. That's what fries are for. That's what fries are for. That's what fries are for. I go through like four sweet and sour sauces on one thing, fries.

I scoop, to me, it's just, I wanna get all the sauce. Like, I don't eat and care. To me, it's just a vehicle that eats the sauce. Yes, yes, it's just getting from point A to point B and the size, the fries are that vehicle. That is the premier sauce. What, the sweet and sour? I'm a barbecue guy.

Barbecue, three at the middle. Nothing tastes like McDonald's sweet and sour sauce. Barbecue isn't even like my top two, my top three. A top two, I mean, that's, you didn't say top 100. There's only three. There's only like five, yeah. It's not even my top one. Well, I used to rock as a kid.

I don't think they do it anymore, but they used to give you, they'd give you fucking McNuggets with straight honey. Oh yeah, they still do it. They still do it. I've done it. Yeah. They give you a packet.

You guys talking about McNuggets? I gotta deal for it. Listen, if you blink three times at a guy, he might hook you up. I used to love getting jacked up on that McDonald's honey. That's what I like about it. Hell yeah, hell yeah. Very nice, very lovely conversation.

I love it. Let's see what else. This, did your dad or folks complain about the, did your parents ever go out of the way or will you to get cheaper gas? Like would you like, you were like, oh, the place down the, you know, next down over has five cent cheaper gas.

Yeah. Would your parents do that? My parents, I think would do that because there was like on Long Island, I feel like there is gas stations like right across the street from each other. So you're kind of in the middle of an intersection, like I'm the king at that point.

Like you don't know which one you're going to, you read them all. So yeah, but I don't think they would go at like to another town. But they would, they had their eye on it. But they had their options because all the gas stations were kind of competitive. That is Long Island's very,

there's four on every intersection. A lot of gas stations. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's going on out there? I don't know. So you get a lot of, there's a lot of fucking exxons and luke oils and shit. So what's going on out there?

Something's going on out. Well, I've only been there a handful of times. They like their, they like their fossil fuels out there. Big natural gas island. My mother now, this is a, this is a 45 year mission that's ongoing. She can tell you right now, you call her on the phone right now.

She'll tell you to the, to the one 10th of a cent, the price of gas within a 20 mile radius. Good for her. Well, wow has what fucking this one has, what luke oil is doing, you know, two miles away. And they'll be, they'll be your rotation. Well, if you pay cash at the luke oil, you get 10% off or whatever that.

Oh yeah. Yeah. That's bananas to, I'm so just, I don't want to be inconvenient. So even if it's like, this is a dollar more, I'm like, whatever, what's it, what's it $13? No, those old schools, it's a thing. Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah. I think that's a parents thing to do. That's a parents thing to do. We're driving 20 minutes away to get gas. Right. When two minutes away is it's, you know, 10 cents. We're raced in $5 and gas to get to the other town. Yeah.

Do you have a car now? Do you drive a car? No, I don't even have a driver's license. Oh my God. No. It's crazy. Have you ever driven? I drove when I was a teenager, a few, for a couple months.

How do you not have a license? You just never renewed it? I inspired it, I never renewed it. But I have to renew it. What do you have a state ID? I have to renew it soon. Yeah. What do you have a state ID?

But they give you two years. Two years after the expiration? Yeah. What? They give you two years to renew it. Otherwise, you have to take your road test again. But since I don't drive, I just never want to do it. So you have to take your test?

No, you've got to go do it now. So you don't have to take it. No, I've got to go do it. Yeah, yeah. Could you pass the test now? Probably not, because you're not thinking about it. Probably not, yeah. I mean, I haven't driven since I was like 17, 18 years old.

Yeah. Jesus Christ. So what do you travel? Passport? Yeah, passport. Or do you have a state ID? If you were going to go out to the bar. No, I don't have a state ID.

If you were going to get caught at the bar. Your passport? Yeah. International bar hopper. B-U-I, that's all that means. That's literally, you see a guy at the bar like, oh my God, it's my passport. I got friends that roll with their passport.

And it ain't because they're traveling. Yeah. Okay? Yeah. My good man, is this Philadelphia by any chance? Yeah. It's got to be. So scary though, like going out without,

with your passport, because the risk of losing it. And then just like, oh my God. I've had to do it before when my license expired, because I have a Pennsylvania license. So it's expired and I've been up here and I'm like, I can't get down for a couple of weeks. So I roll with my passport. And it's like, you feel, you're never comfortable.

You feel like you have like drugs on you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, constantly checking. Like, oh shit, is it still in there? Yeah. It's better than a state ID, man. State IDs are tough. State IDs are tough.

Oh, I got it, yeah. Embarrassing. Embarrassing, yeah. Anytime I do travel, like travel internationally with a passport, I'm like paranoid. Yeah. I'll sit in my seat and like, I'll sit in my plane and my seat on the plane, I'll go, okay, it's here.

I know it's here. It's in the top pouch of the bag. And then an hour later, I'm like, let me just double check to make sure. Oh, 100%. I'm like panicked. I know. Panicked.

Having a passport on you is so stressful. Yeah. It's so stressful. How old were you when you got your passport? This is a new question. Because you were a very early episode for the listener. If you haven't gone back and listened.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Assumer, you were. Assumer, yeah. Even a very early Zoom. You were very early. Yeah, this was, it was probably like a year ago. Yeah. Almost to the day.

Yeah, maybe. You were probably one of our first eight episodes. Wow. Yeah. So this is a big one now is how old were you when you got your passport? I got a passport when I was 16. Pretty good.

Pretty good. But I was going on a cruise. Ooh. Family cruise? No, with like kind of like high school friends. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. High school girls cruise? Yeah.

Geez. I know, it's grimy. That's what they do. I mean, what else are you going to do in high school? What are you going to do? I mean, where are you going to go? Not go on a cruise. Yeah, just like go to Florida.

Should have gone to Florida. Yeah, but on a boat, you can't get in trouble. You're like on a boat. I got in trouble. I got arrested. On the boat? By who? Carnival?

By the police? Police, yeah. I got arrested for fighting. I would have been like, buddy, get out of my fucking room. Were you in the brig? They like put you, they have like place to lock you. And then they interview you. And I was lucky that I was 16.

So I wasn't able to like actually get in real, real trouble. But I didn't even do anything. I was just like around when there was a fight. And then I got blamed even though I didn't fight anybody. For girls fighting or guys fighting? I just don't understand rolling up to like a crime scene or like a fight and being like, get her. Well, you know what I mean?

Like lock her up. She clearly don't know what I mean. Well, I was like, these guys were bothering us. I told them to go away. They got mad and like got in my face. And then another guy got involved and like defended me. And they fought. And I got in trouble.

And they got in trouble too. She's a real provocateur this one. I really didn't do nothing. What is this cruise? Is this a Teenagers cruise? This is like a carnival cruise line. But was it all teenagers? No.

These guys were grown adults. Yeah, it was gross. How were kids allowed to go on a cruise when there was no parents? I didn't have my parents. There was always one or two kooky parents. There's like one mom that like is the legal guardian of everybody. She's probably fucking signed me over to the city.

She's probably had four pinos deep. Right, she was in the casino. What mom's going to sign up for that that's not going to let her hair down? I could use the vacation. And then she got so bad. That's what Puddy would do. I felt so bad because it was like imagine having to deal

with that. And they didn't let me off the boat the next day. Where? Like when we got to Lake? No, when we got to I'm seeing. Kokomo or whatever. Thomas or Sam Martin or something. Florida, we got to Florida.

I was one of the sea South Carolina. I was one to go to Myrtle Beach. That's where I went when I was in the high school. Stop that Myrtle Beach. Myrtle Beach. Wait, on a cruise? No, not on a cruise. Myrtle Beach was so cool.

It's so trash. I went in high school then again in college. Oh my god, that's the specificity of Myrtle Beach. Put it back for the muscles. There was like a makeshift Mardi Gras of like everybody driving down. You like hugging beads out. I remember it was one of the funniest jokes

out to my boy Ryan Jones. He was swirling the beads. He goes, I'm running a deal. Two titties, one bead. And I was like, that is the funniest thing I've ever. He goes a two for one deal. Two titties, one bead. Oh my god, that's so funny.

That's garbage, man. We didn't see any boobs the whole time. But as like a 17-year-old hoping to see some boobs in public. I mean, that's like pretty much takes up your whole day. That was it. We were planning for the night. I was like writing lines to try to get it.

I spent like five grand on beads. I was just like, what the fuck? All right, let's do one or two more. Then we got to wrap it up. That was pre-Amazon. You couldn't get the deal. Yeah, no. I had to like go into a store and buy beads like a fucking F.

Yeah. Little pervert. What are you doing with these, huh? Going down to Myrtle Beach, aren't you? Guys, I can't stop. A little dirtbag. I'm riding with you. All right, this one.

10,000 beads, please. There's a couple. This is a two-parter based on laundry. Jeez. Right? Two different people. Do I need a calculator for this? What's your laundry process now?

Do you have in-unit washer dryer? Do you send it out? There's a washer and dryer in the basement of my build. I live in a brownstone. There's a washer and dryer in the basement. I don't go down there. No. Too sketchy.

I still get scared. I'm not going down there. No, no, no. There's two. To me, that's not my space, and I don't know what's down there. It's never going to be light enough for me to go down there. It's always dark, right? Basements always have one light bulb in the whole damn basement.

Swinging, yeah. Yeah, it's like dim, what? I don't do it. No, thank you. I agree, but it's also very New York because you drop it off or have it pitch up. I drop it off. Yeah, that's what you do.

I drop it off to get $1 or $2. Yeah, I drop off. Wow, I'm surprised you don't do it yourself. I know. I used to when I lived in my last apartment, but this apartment, I'm like, because my last apartment, you had each floor had a laundry room, which was perfect. Nobody was ever in there.

Yeah, those are like college. Those are nice. People can hear you scream if you get jammed up. You're not in a basement. What are you getting stuck in there? No, I'm just saying it's somebody can get you in a basement if you're next to the incinerator or whatever. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or next to the furniture. Or next to the super's workshop. That's a bad thing. The Candyman shows up to grab you. But if you're on the first floor, if you're all, there's apartments next to you, you'll be all right. Yeah, you'll be OK. No one's getting you on the fourth floor.

That was nice. That was nice. But since I moved, no, I just go and drop off. Really? Because I don't want to go back and forth to the laundry mat. And you're cool with what fabric, like what detergent they use and all that stuff? Yeah, go crazy.

They don't shrink anything? No. Really? Most of my clothes are vintage. I feel like they're already shrunk. If they were going to shrink, they would have shrunk. Gotcha. Yeah, it's true.

I'm surprised you don't have a unit in your place and that you don't do it. A lot of don't do that, though, because they flood, and then it ruins everybody's, anybody but hundreds. Sure. I have my first apartment that I moved into in New York, because my buddy owned it, and he was grandfathered and had a washer and dryer.

So I was like, oh, this is great. And then I moved to a place where I had to take it myself. This is animalistic. Right, I know. I had a place in Park Slope that had a washer and dryer years ago, and I was like, this is the best. If you don't live in New York, you have no idea. Instead of throwing clothes in a hamper,

I would throw it in the washing machine. And then every day, you do a little load, because they're cute. They're like a ball of pasta. They're tiny. How cute is that? Do you have a dishwasher? Oh, you do have a dishwasher?

Yeah, I have a dishwasher. Not to brag, but I do. Oh, you have one? I just got one in my new apartment. How nice is it? Oh, it's a fucking game changer. Game changer. Game changer, yep.

I look at the dishes like, five minutes, I'll be done this. You rinse it, you throw it in. That's what I like to smell. You just turn into your mother. I've never met your mother, but you turn into your mother. You throw it in, you throw it in. Go ahead, don't even scrape the plate. Put it in there.

Bones and everything. This one's from Homer. This is based on the laundry. This is from Homer Rodriguez. Have you ever taken your clothes to the laundry mat in something other than a laundry bag? Have you ever been in a bag? No, always a laundry bag.

Always a laundry bag. Always a big, you know, when I use the TJ mat, you know, when you go to TJ max, you get those 99 cent like reusable big bags. I have one in my bag right now. That's my like thing, because they carry so much. So much stuff. Yeah, and I bring one at, you know, one,

however often I go to the laundry mat. We show up with an IKEA, if we're doing the comforter, we're coming in the same bag. IKEA bags are huge. Those are huge. We got a couple of those floating around here. Yeah. Those are great.

Those things are big. They carry so much. Yeah, they're awesome. I've had to do it one time in a trash bag because I was like jammed. I don't know what happened to my bag. I think the laundry detergent spilled all over my bag or something.

So I was like, so I put it in a trash bag. Yeah. I was just like, hey, if you sell one, I'll buy one off of you. But like, I wasn't going to walk here just with all of my clothes in my hands. I had to put it in something. Yeah.

Let me ask you this. Wait, I think I understood what you said. You had laundry detergent spilled in your laundry bag. I had to get rid of my laundry bag for some reason. I think I recall that was the reason. Well, if you guys do do it yourselves, don't you wash the bag that you carry it over there into? Not every time, no.

Really? No. That always goes right in. The bag goes in with the stuff. What? No. Are you crazy with that? I mean, that's really nice that you do that.

That's not trashy. That's actually very, very nice. What's the bag made out of? They're typically not like a. No, they're like nice laundry bags. Yeah. You buy one from the place. With the drawstring.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but it's like windbreaker material. No. You're supposed to wash that. Some can be, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're supposed to wash that. Why the fuck would you put the bag in a dirty clothes in it?

Put clean clothes in it. I mean, there's not poop and mud on my clothes. And plus, by the way, when they give it back to you that I'm saying this, when they give it to her, looking at me like, I'm going to. No, I agree. I think that that's great that you do that. I can't believe you don't do that.

When they give it back to you, it's in a plastic bag. Right. Seal. Inside. Yeah. So I'm saying. But the bag's still dirty. I don't know.

I mean, you're very fancy. I can't front. You know that I'm not. I can't believe you guys don't do that. I don't know. I've never even crossed my mind. I use my TJ Maxx bag. If I use a laundry, laundry bag,

I would wash it every so I wouldn't wash it every time. I wouldn't even think to wash it every time. I mean, that's like truly like very much you have your shit together vibes. Well, I do it just because I don't want to. What are we going to do with the bag? Well, I'm waiting for the laundry to change over. Standing around like an asshole.

Yeah. I leave it on top of the washer or whatever. Right. Yeah, you leave it on top. Not in my neighborhood. OK, I don't know. Whatever. Yeah, not in my neighborhood.

Not in a story. That's what I get here. Right, nicest part of Queens. This will launch you back heist per year in a story. All right, let's wrap it up, guys. We've got to wrap it up. We've got to wrap it up. Gang, we love you.

Carly, we love you. Such a fun one. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. What do you got cooking? You got anything coming up? Anything you want the folks to know out there? Secret Keepers Club is my podcast.

And you can follow me at Carly Equilino on Instagram, Twitter, and fashiongirl42069 on TikTok. Oh, you went viral for something. Yeah, I went viral for a. Was it the king or something? No, it was the four seasons total. Landscaping. That's what it was.

I can't believe I didn't just know that off the top of my head. Yeah, four seasons total landscape video. There you have it, folks. That's my legacy. I was doing Santa for 10 years. I did one video of my neighbor called me. He's like, hey, I saw you. I'm like, oh my god.

I saw you on TMZ. Yeah, I was like, oh my goodness. But that was funny. That's too funny. Kippy, what do you got? Guys, as always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube, and then patreon.com for bonus content.

I'm at Kemmerang Common on all social media. Let's get those fucking numbers up. You know what I mean? Guys, thank you so much. We appreciate the support. Y'all are the best. Yeah, thank you, gang. We love you.

T-Bone, we love you. We'll see you guys next week. Peace. Oh, what a bummer. Beautiful. I don't think I can legally let you guys hit pause unless we talk about the stereo app one more time. Yeah.

Want to remind everybody, fantastic app. Doesn't matter whether you have an iPhone or an Android. Who cares? I don't care. You can download it, and you can sign up for free. Yeah, guys, use the link in the description. If you're watching this, if you're listening to it, our promo link is in the description.

It's either www.stereo.com slash Kevin Ryan or slash H Foley. Sign up, get involved. We're doing weekly shows. Answering your questions. I'm having a couple of beers every time we do it. I am having fun. I look forward to it every week. We'll see you there.

Peace.