Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Casey Balsham: Cali Trash

Episode Date: November 5, 2020

Kippy and Foley are in the new studio with guest and good pal Casey Balsham! We're tweaking the audio and some tech stuff so stick with us! Casey talks growing up in California, Chewing Tobacco, and all other sorts of trashy things! Its a classic AYG episode!  Bonus episodes: www.Patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage, the show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out if they grew up classy or if they're absolute trash. I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a glorious new day here, fucking rising from the ashes like the phoenix.

That's right gang. We're coming at you from the new studio currently called Aunt Toody's Basement working title here in the heart of Midtown Manhattan. It's like a fucking demilitarized zone out there. They're fucking boarding up the windows of the Starbucks shits about to get real. But we couldn't be happier to be here at the new studio and we're so happy to have you guys come along this journey with us. I'm your host H. Foley sitting to my immediate left that I sent my name twice.

I don't know probably. Two times the fun. First time on camera. I don't know what to do with my hands. My hands. Gang. This guy sitting right next to me put this whole fucking thing together in the mantle of a couple of days.

The only thing I had to pick up was I had to go pick up these mic things, $23 by the way. I'll be waiting on a Venmo for that. I'll pay you that right now. Who do I turn my receipts into? Yeah. Gang. He's my best pal in the whole wide fucking world and I love him and we cannot be more

than happier to be on this journey with him. Do me a favor. I will never say journey again. I promise. Give it up for Mr. Kippy Kevin James Ryan. Hey. What's up everybody? Happy to be here.

Thanks for tuning in. And yeah, guys, we're coming at you for man tooties. Tooties. Live for man tooties. Guys, thank you so much for listening. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube. You can subscribe there as well.

And also, what else? Word on the street is there's a Patreon cooking baby boy. So what you want to do is go over to patreon.com slash are you garbage sign up. There's three different levels. You can sign up. You can get audio. You can get bonus content. First of all, people, all the episodes are still free for everybody.

Does everybody understand that? All the episodes are out right now on the YouTube, on the iTunes, on whatever the fuck you listen to your podcast or watch your podcast. Everything is out there. So you can go back. You can watch Gillis. You can watch Norman. You can watch fucking Kim Cogden.

You can watch the whole squad for free. Yeah. And then however, however, each week, you take care of Patreon and shove your big face in. Each week we'll be doing bonus episodes of Are You Garbage and then solo podcast with just me and Foley that we used to do called Hard Feelings. We'll be doing live streams with the guests every month where we play Are You Garbage with you? Oh man.

You got to ask us questions. We ask you questions. It's gonna be a whole thing. Yeah. But it's gonna get done. So check that out, everybody. We appreciate the support so far. Yes.

It's gonna get done. It's gonna get fun. And also, like I said, Antutti's Basement is a working title for the studio right now. We're gonna let one of you guys name the studio. Maybe. We're gonna figure out a contest. We haven't gone over this. The big man gets a couple of Red Bulls in him.

He starts batting off at the mouth. And also, Gary, we have to introduce our incredibly special producer that just joined the team with us, representing the great city of Chicago, Illinois, our good pal, Toby McMullin is here with us. Give me a nice big round of applause for Toby for everything he does. Put this whole thing together, baby. That's right. We couldn't be more excited.

We are here. And also, he asked us to address. There is an echo currently. Yes. We know that. Amazon fucking Bezos screwed us with a shipment of soundproofing balls. It cocksucker. It was supposed to be here yesterday.

Bald-headed fuck. Hanging out on his fucking yacht that has a yacht. Get out of here. Bezos. Give me my fucking soundphone. I got a duck that has a gut. This guy's on a yacht. What a yacht.

You got a chin with a chin. Listen. That's neither here nor there, gang. Now that we got all that out of the way, we could not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest here with us for our first episode in the new studio. In the new studio. Good digs. She is a good pal of ours.

She is a very funny stand-up comedian and podcaster. You've seen her on Laugh Factory. You've seen her on the lab at Gotham. She is the former co-host of Not Another True Crime podcast on Betches. When she's moved on to Greener Pastors, now she's got a hot new podcast called Shady Shit Podcast with Kasey Bolsham on the Deer Media Network. Do me a favor, gang. The big question, but he's mine today, is she garbage?

We're going to find out. Give it up for the one, the only Kasey Bolsham, everybody. Hi, guys. Kasey B. Love that Kasey B. Thanks for having me on your test episode. Not a test. They're like, who can we have in the new studio in case it doesn't work out?

Did the headphones catch on fire? I texted her, like, there might be some percussion. Clear the afternoon. He's like, did you already vote good? Does anyone know where you are? Thank you so much for doing this. Oh, thanks for having me on. I'm excited to see you guys.

We wanted to have somebody that we were comfortable with. You know what I mean? Someone that we knew that was going to be a home run, was going to be a fun time. And top of the list, Kasey B, right there. Oh, thank you so much. He actually vetoed you twice. I had to pull a big question. When you showed up with cookies and I was like, no way.

You were going to veto me when I came here today. He was still on the fence when you were in the lobby. He's like, I don't know about this Kasey B character. You pulled a Paul Rudd on us. You showed up with cookies. I like it. Listen, I give, if I'm going to Tootie's basement, I got to provide things. And not the Tootie.

Not the Tootie. Tootie, Tootie. I don't even know what I can say. I don't think you should let anybody know. I think Tootie is the name that it should be. It's pretty good, right? Yeah, but I also love podcast promises. I used to do this on mine, too.

To be like, if you do this, we're going to buy you wine. I'm going to come blow your uncle or whatever you guys are like. We're going to do it with you. We're going to play. I never fucking did any. We're going to do it. We're doing everything. We're doing it.

We're sticking to every word. Patreon.com. That's all you got. You don't get to name this room. They're not going to play with you. Prank call it. Prank call it. Toby.

Dumper. Let me ask you this. It's going to be a hot one, baby. We've been friends for a while. We have. You think you're garbage. Listen, I think I have tendencies. Yeah.

Well, all right. Let's talk about what you did. That's what every trash bag that walks in here says. Tendencies. Heard that story before. Yeah. You know, I think if you catch me at a good moment, you know. No, you're pretty trapped.

I mean, we were eating these cookies and she took out her fake tooth. So she could eat the cookies better. I mean, I love that. Never seen. Never seen. Listen, listen, listen, though. Why isn't taking care of your teeth kind of not trashy? I'll give you that.

But to take your tooth out and put it on the recording table. But how good was the cookie? I can't eat with the tooth. I will say this as somebody who's missing a couple of teeth. Yeah. In the back. All right. When you're getting it.

Most of the YouTube comments say it's the front. You got a couple of big beaners in there, dude. Yikes. I think I did have a dead one coming. Because when I thought a dead one growing in. That's how trashy fully is. That is that your insides made a choice and we're like, get this out of me. I got my dead wisdom teeth coming in.

There's one in the back that when I floss it, I can, I can taste that juice. Oh, that just means that's like old chicken in there. But that does mean real tender piece of meat now. Yeah. Yeah. I definitely have that. I just ruined my day. I also don't like the use of definitely in that set.

It's like definitely have that. Definitely got some meat and some bacteria. If you're going to the dentist to get the tooth pulled, that's not really taking care of the tooth. That's true. That's the corner. She's got that piece. She's got like the half.

It is pretty sweet. Man. It's a pretty sweet grill. You're going to have to do that. I tell you it's sharp as fuck. They like sharpened it in there. So it's, and it makes me feel like I have like a retainer or a lisp. Like I feel like I have to like overly correct.

Like put my lip over it to like talk. I missed her head. He's going to miss you truly. You shouldn't rehearse. I'm telling you this is, there's never been a better time to be toothless than when we have to wear the masks. It's like, I couldn't have asked for a better time to look like a fucking, you know, junkie piece.

I was thinking about that today. Yeah. I was, I was waiting the line for the old COVID test today. By the way, clean as a whistle. Congrats. They did it. They did it. They did it recklessly.

Yeah. They put it in my butt. But I had my mask on and it's a good time for people. I talk to myself a lot, like a lot. And it's a great time to be wearing the mask when you talk to yourself a lot. Yeah. Nobody hears you talking shit. It's fucking, it's fucking nice.

Yeah. I didn't know that about you. What? Did I talk to myself? You're fucking insane. Oh man. Really? My girlfriend, my girlfriend catches me.

She's like psycho. Cause I'll just, I'll either be like talking out a bit or like, you know, or sometimes Hey, where are you from? What are you doing? I'm just doing a hack around work. Yeah. How long you're an account? No way.

All right. How long you two been together? Fucking loser. Is that your dad? Is that your dad? Oh, they didn't know. Your brother. Oh my God.

You guys spoke? Yeah. This is probably Zach for the listeners. Yeah. Either that or I'll be, I'll be arguing with somebody in my head. I've always had that. Oh yeah. I argue with somebody.

It's something that maybe never even had transpired, but I'll be fighting with someone in my head. And I'll be like a lot of like, yeah, pussy. What the fuck? Like shit like that. Yeah. So I'm in a mass really, really hope. Shout. Patreon.com.

Are you garbage? We got to get into it. This guy's looting tunes. This guy's bonkers. I need a zoom call with fucking with with a with a shrink. Um, all right. So you think you have garbage tendencies? What is the backstory of KCB?

I think I know. I believe the Bay Area. I grew in San Francisco. See, that's pretty crazy. I mean, I grew up in between San Francisco and South San Francisco and a little town called Daily City. Wait a minute. Back it up.

You grew up in between San Francisco and South San Francisco. Yeah. Yeah. South San Francisco, by the way, is very different than San Francisco. No, it's like, so there's like the peninsula. So it's like San Francisco. Is this Oakland? No, no, no.

Oakland's like on the other side. Is this Sacramento? Shut it. No, it's definitely not Sacramento. What the fuck? I will vouch for Sacramento being full of trash. I feel like Sacramento is where vampires are from. I don't know anything about it, but it ain't good.

It's their people. Who did I talk to? I was talking to, I think, Cannon about it. Like Sacramento is people that will fight in flip flops. Like they're like they'll throw down when they're when their toes are hanging out. So that's the record I have done that multiple times. Yeah. I always have to move in a bar and then I got kicked out.

I was out front and the place was called flip flops and my flip flops were inside. I'm like, dude, let me just go. I'm like, it's not. It's pretty ironic that my flip flops are locked in flip flops and I can't go get my flip flops. And the bouncer was not a beauty. That's actually a funny story. It's a pretty good.

Come on, man. Like all things aside, I'm out. But you know, at least get this to me. It's a good bit. I always thought the trash move was if you're going to fight in flip flops is to kick them off and then and then start fighting. Yeah. But see when you're at the point where you're fighting in flip flops.

You're not. You're not. It's like, it's like you'll take off the rings and you'll take off the earrings, but the flip flops, they're firmly they plant you firmly into. Have you have you been in physical altercations? I've been in two. I've been in three fights. Okay.

Put a pin in that. Put a pin in that. Okay. All right. Back to Southeast San Francisco, whatever. No, Daily City. So Daily City. Daily sales.

That sounds like we're fucking Batman lives or Superman or something. Daily. If you go to the town to it's it's full of Filipino. It's like a Truman show. Spin off. It's, it's if you go there, it's literally all these, the houses have all been built in the seventies. It like Robbie was freaked out because all the houses do look exactly the same.

Like you feel like you're in a fucking time warp and everybody's cut down the like everybody had palm trees in the front at one point and those are all fucking cut down. Northern California palm trees. There was a cool thing. Like when you drove up my block to go down, you did see like a view of like Mount Tam and like the water. And so like there was a pretty. Mount what?

Mount Tim of Pius. It was shaped like a mountain. Mount Tim. There was a guy named Tim and he was super famous in the Bay Area. I want this mountain. You know, the Mount Tim. No, it was a shape. I was supposed to be like a sleeping princess or whatever.

I mean, I guess that, I don't even know the whole stretch. But it did. Yeah. So that was a pretty view of just like the water, but where I grew up was kind of, I don't know, I grew up at the bottom of like this hill and it was like right by this high school. Suburban area. Yeah.

Like we were the second to last house on the corner. Like a house where like, you know, you go to the top with your big wheels and you go down to shoot yourself right into the middle of oncoming. Sure. It was great. Yeah. But it was, it was pretty typical like. Typical suburban.

Middle class. Yeah. Middle class. Yeah. That's a high income demographic region of the country. What did your parents do for a living? My mom was, my mom was the secretary of my grammar school and my dad was an electrician. And then he later worked for like the water department of San Francisco, like just union

all the time. And then he worked for city colleges. I mean, the man's still, the man's making more money now than he did when he was working. Like he's just, he keeps telling me, he's like, if I ever go like I'm in a bed, don't let them pull the plug. Cause then I'll keep the money. He's like, I have nothing in the bank, but I have shit coming in. Wow.

That guy plays it fast and loose. And I like it. Don't pull the plug. Let them checks clear that. Yeah. He's like, don't let, don't pull the plug. Don't pull the plug. And I was like, okay.

How would the family benefit from that though? If the money's coming in through his bank account, but he's, he probably gets more. Yeah. Oh, he's fucked up. Yeah. Well, I'm sure my sister's in charge, you know, she's my little sister, but I don't think anybody would put me in charge of everything, but she's also a nurse. So I feel like he's probably going to give her like, you know, they're like, don't let

the comedian, I'd probably just pull it for fun. You know, what happened? He's out of here. I thought it was the hairdryer. Yeah, truly. No, but so I just, it was, it was truly a really, um, basic growing up. Like we had, you know, my dad built a, like a little room in the, in the basement. Like he built like a whole downstairs unit, which was like fucking elite.

Do you guys remember when it was like illegal to make extra? Yeah, sure. So we had an illegal unit. Especially downstairs. Wait, hold on. A legal unit or like, like a, like a, like a basement? It was like a, he made like a whole other little kitchen and bathroom and like living room and like a bedroom downstairs.

You can't have bedrooms downstairs. Who was that for? Me, my grandpa lived there at one point. Fuck it. Um, and we had a hot tub growing up, which was also very weird because there was, you know, a stand, if you have a standalone hot tub, come back from it. No pool and no grass. Just a weird hot tub with like a gazebo.

My dad made that. My parents used to just like get drunk in with their friends. Yeah, dude. That's, that's like, that's the first step to swing it. Yeah, that sounds like. You get a couple other dirt ball couples to come over. Pop a couple of fucking nickel lobes. Oh yeah.

You got a key party on your hands right there. Yeah. I hope that didn't happen. A pop gets loose. Hold on. Right. I do know that they used to fall out of it a lot. Like, I remember, I feel like they, my mom cut her foot like numerous times on like

broken glass and I was like, maybe don't let mom go in the hot tub anymore. She clearly can't fucking control. Yeah, I don't even know. Yeah. Wait, I gotta know more about this unit that so you live in a single family home. You had a house. We had a house. Yeah.

But he, but your father built like a, like an apartment in the basement. Yeah. He just, he's still like, he just likes to fucking build. He just built himself a wood carving machine now in his retirement. Like he just likes to. Like still and stuff. That's a blue collar. He just likes to do stuff.

But was it, was it for your grandfather to move in? That's why he did it obviously. I think we had it. I think we had it before. Cause I think it was just call it like the downstairs room. Like we'd watch movies down. Yeah. It's just like another rec room.

It's another fucking. Yeah. What can you get? It's another living area. It's more space. Like they get the booze down there. Like so when his friends would come over, they would have like parties and stuff like that. Okay.

Well, she's making it sound like it's a fucking like an apartment. Like a separate apartment. Well, we did have so my grand, this is so funny. I was in my room down there, but I hated sleeping down there cause there were spiders. So I slept for about six years. I slept on a chair upstairs. Like like a giant chair. Check please.

Toby, wrap this up. Did you live down there with your grandfather? No, no, no. He, he died. And so. What kind of chair we taught? It was like a big chair. Like big alarms.

Like a lazy boy. Did it recline? No, but there was, there was like a, there was a. What? That's emotional issues. Foot part, a foot part. I just didn't like it. An ottoman, an ottoman, a foot part.

A foot part. Where was the chair located? In the living room. So. It was in the hot tub. It's like in high school. All through high school. So high school.

It's a Thursday night. Everyone's going, mom and dad are going to bed with two other couples, whatever it is. After a night in the hot tub. Yeah. How old is your sister? She's six and a half years younger than me. So she's a little kid. She's going to bed.

She's got her regular. By the way. She's cute. So everyone's going to bed and Casey goes to the living room. Yeah. And sleeps on the chair. What if the family's watching TV in the living room? I've stayed up later than everyone.

I out. I out. Awake everyone. And sometimes my mom would sleep on the couch because she snored. And so she would sleep on the couch that my dad could sleep. This is a real garbage squad. You got out there. I fucking love it.

I, but I didn't realize. I just, I didn't like to be alone. And then, and then that downstairs. I can appreciate that sleeping on the chair. Just want. Not wanting to be alone. Cause I used to sleep in my brother's room up until like an odd age, like probably like sixth, seventh grade.

I would always go in and sleep in his room in his bed with him. Yeah. I just didn't want to be alone. Yeah. So I'm, but I didn't go sleep like in my sister's room. I just like was just like, well, the couch does. Was there not enough bedrooms upstairs? Like if you're dead, one was the computer room.

So it was the computer room, the parents bedroom, my sister's bedroom and then case on the chair. I would have been like, put the computer fucking downstairs. It's not like you had internet. Well, because I begged to be moved down to the bigger room. I got like, I was like that episode of home improvement. When he wants to move down the basement and it makes weird noises

and they catch him sleeping on the couch. Yeah. That's, that was me. And then, and then after I was there and I would still stay on the chair, we had my friend who I came, Robbie was like, you never told me this, but I had a friend that I grew up with that kept like her parents were just kind of transient.

And so she was from Costa Rica and she lived with us for like three years. You never told me that you had a Costa Rican girl that like lived in your downstairs area. So we had that as well. So there's a lot of fucking things going on in my house. This girl's fucking wacko. Yikes. Who invited her?

This girl's fucking nuts. Me, grandpa, the Costa Rican. We're all fucking. Started a band. It's all Spanish. What kind of spiders? Big ones. Really?

Yeah. See, I don't fuck with that. Yeah. Like closet spiders, like the thing where you take a sweater off. They're in the corners of your closet spiders. Oh man. Yeah. That's holy trash.

Because there was a big outside by, there was a window outside of my, like where the room is. And there was a giant bush that was just full of like, Yeah. Bugs. Critters. Critters. And so they just would come into my room.

Did you have that tiny little window? It was a big window because we used to sneak out sometimes. Was it too high? Was it higher than normal? No, it was like, it was like level with like the top of the bed. So you could walk right from the bed and open and walk right out. Nice. Yeah.

So it was like semi submerged. Yeah. Yeah. I had a buddy that had one of those things and my fat ass would get stuck trying to sneak in and out throwing ice cream. Like you had to go up and go in? It was like, yeah. I mean, it was only, I mean, it was smaller than,

it was like, you know, it was like a fucking 24 inches by 12 inches. All my fucking little gymnastic friends would like fucking fly through and there's big old fat kippy trying to get his big Irish head in. Big thing of pretzels. Yeah. I'm like, dude, I'll sleep in the car. I'm not fucking, I'm not getting stuck in the window again. So you, so you snuck out and I get the vibe that you had a rebellious,

not even rebellious, but, and I don't want to say bad girl because that'd be too cliche. Yeah. But you listen to right up your alley. You lived it up a little bit in high school and college. I did. You were a partner. You moved to Hawaii for a while, which is like the epitome of

me of people in California running away from problems. Isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. I was like, no, I'll just like fuck this dude. I'm going to live on a beach for three years. I just packed a suitcase and was like, bye everybody. And I loved it.

It was the best. It was the best three years of my life. Did you go to college? I did go to college. Where did I went to Long Beach State and I technically still have a science credit to take, but I walked. I don't have a, I don't have the actual. Did you live there?

Was it, or is it a commuter? No, I lived there. You lived there. It was in Southern California and I grew up in Northern California. So you, when you, when you guys were in high school, you left the basement or the chair? I did. I left the chair.

Right. I packed up the cushions. See you around grandpa in Venezuela. Yeah. But when I came home, I still would sleep on the chair. I would sleep on the couch when I would go home. Yeah. The couch is different.

A chair. Yeah. But also like the TV was there. Like I still, like I, you know, I'd watch TV because I would, I have a, like I can sleep anywhere, but I have a bit of insomnia. Yeah. Like, but I can sleep on a plane. I can sleep on a chair.

I can sleep, I literally fall asleep doing anything, but I just have a hard time at night sometimes going to sleep. Okay. You know. And your parents were okay. So I couldn't see my parents letting me get away with that in high school. Sleep on the chair? No.

I mean, what were they going to do? Tell me that I had to sleep downstairs like a kid nap. That's what a parent would have told their child. Yes. I feel high school. I slept on the couch a lot. Yeah. I need to try to get my whack on TV time.

So say it. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So I would just watch like movies and go to sleep. And I get it. I would sneak out. It was easier to sneak out for burnies to pop out there, puff a couple of Marble

lights, flick them in the woods. Oh yeah. Yeah. Except for I did new courts. Real cute kid. You must have been. You were up in your fucking bunk bed talking on your route. What are you talking about?

I was in fucking Huff and Winston's on my back when I was nine. Marble lights. It's a fucking track. Marble burns. What'd you get in your SATs? Oh God. What is it out of? Sixteen points.

I don't even want to know. That's the answer. Oh my God. I think it was. Here's the thing. I was always a good test taker. So like I would cram the night before and then I fucking would ace a section. And then I didn't know it after that.

So I think I don't. I want to say I don't even think I busted a thousand though. I think I did nine sixties. Nice. What'd you get? 1170. Yeah. That's Casey B right now.

960. 1140. 1170. 1140. It changes every podcast. It was fucking 12 years ago. I don't live in the glory days anymore. 12 years ago.

Yeah. You were in high school 12 years ago. Yeah. I graduated in 2005. Yeah. I'm coming up on my. 15 years. This is my 20 year reunion.

You may get. It's on Zoom. I attended. Yes. I'll be going. Really? Yeah. It's on Zoom.

It's on Zoom. I know. It's on Zoom. And I think they invited us through Facebook. Yeah. Come on. This is the new age. You only go to your high school reunion if you got a little bit of cash on you and you

got something approved. So you never win. No. So what you're saying is you have to step foot on the premises. Yeah. I think I got another five years so we can make this make this work so I can show up and throw it in everybody's face. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Yeah. As you hear that. Patreon.com. I'm going to join. Fucking hammer to pick up crab cakes like a fucking gentleman. Hit on the fucking.

Hit on the fucking cheerleading coach. There you go. I went to my 10 year though. My 10 year was at like a bar in San Francisco that like obviously they could put some alumni. Everybody says the 10's fun. They say the 5's corny. So. But the 10's fun.

It's like everybody's like. Yeah. The five. You're still counting. I didn't do five. Yeah. You shouldn't be. But like the 10 was fun but it was like when Facebook first came out.

So basically just you'd meet you'd see somebody to be like oh I see you're doing this. Yeah. Yeah. And then there was nothing to fucking talk about. And then the and then our the father the president of our of our high school father sour just got wasted and puked on everyone. It was just taking shots of James and it was father. Oh I went to Catholic school.

His last name was sour. Father sour. It's weird. Great homilies. Great homilies. Jesus. Gotta tell you. Nobody gives a homily like father.

Is that they're killing it. Yeah. Yeah. You went to Catholic school. I went to a Jesuit high school. Yeah. So I had both experiences which was interesting because I was I never trusted the person to flip flop between schools like that.

Why? I had something was all these are your decision or your parents doing well we I wanted the high schools where I grew up weren't great the public schools around. So I applied for because I was in like I was in a lot of the honors classes. Okay. It's so funny like I was in honors classes in public school and then I had to go to summer school for the Catholic school because I fucking failed. So it's very interesting but summer school trade.

I had to go to summer school twice for math. I went to summer school. Yeah. It's actually awesome. It's so much easier than regular. Yeah. Got a couple eight seventies over here. I had to go to summer school my freshman year.

It was fucking fresh. Yeah. It was great. It's really not that bad. No. Everybody was cool as shit because they don't really care. No. I went to summer school.

I'm sitting here with a couple of zilchins. It's really not that big. It's all you get up in nine. It's like three hours long. It's like summer. It's worse. It's the absolute worst. It's all the cool kids.

They borderline let you smoke. Yeah. Fucking great. It really doesn't matter. You know I was I was allowed to smoke because I was out on my own fucking whip and work on the beach or doing whatever I was doing. But I actually it was actually really I was like living. So my grandma lived right next door to Gary Deli Square, which is you know the famous

like chocolate factory and everything. Yeah. So like I would take that's not European. Gary Deli Square. No. It's San Francisco. Fucking ripping me off. No.

I thought that was fucking like from Austria or something like that. No. It was like this whole like square in San Francisco where they had like all these little shops and yeah. So I worked at this little coffee shop that was right next to the chocolate the chocolate shop. I don't smell like chocolate. And I used to have to go in there and get quarters and that was my first job.

I was 16. So this is really going to make me sound like you're at the arcade. No. I was working the cash register at the coffee shop and at that time I smoked and I dipped so I would take like oh my I did for like a few months when I was a sophomore. That doesn't even if it was more attractive. What do you mean? I just liked the spit it.

I'm listening. I remember telling my dad to I was like I'm dipping and he's like why and I'm like the spitting and he's like yeah that's the best part. And then he tried to get me to do the ones that are like the packs yeah because he said that would be better. If your dad's giving you tobacco chewing advice where's my close up you are trash. Oh my gosh. Listen don't use that pussy skull shit.

Very good to get no Kodiak in my house. Did you play sports? Yeah. I played soccer. Okay. But but. Crack a Roman wrestling. They're going to say roller derby.

But I'm just saying it was it was a fun it was a very it felt like a very independent summer to like be at my grandma's and she smoked so she would let me smoke in the house and so I would like go to my job in Garrett Lee square at my coffee shop and I would like then take the bus to summer school. Yeah. Where's the freedom? To pack in lips. Wait.

In the bus to summer school. How far away from your parents was your grandma's again I'm sorry. Like 30 minutes. Like my grandma was in San Francisco and we lived our house like Daily City is like technically like 10 minutes outside. And why did your parents let you live with your grandmother that summer? Because it was closer to the summer school because I was going to summer school at my rival high school so it was like I would just take the bus down Venice and I would take

it to to school and then I'd get off and I'd work at the coffee shop and smoke cigarettes and and with. Did your grandmother smoke? What was she doing? She smoked. Yeah. She smoked the. B&H.

Yeah. Where did you sleep at her house? I slept in bed with my grandma because she only had one bedroom in this little like apartment so. You slept in. Holy. We would watch SNL. Oh yeah.

I always whenever I slept in my grandma's house because her couch was tight. Her couch wasn't big enough to sleep on it was like it was like a New York sized apartment and so I would just sleep I'd sleep in bed with my grandma. She was the best. Man. I think you might be the trashiest person I swear to God. No. Am I really?

Oh. Funny. I mean. I don't know. Why are you just like a fucking blow by mega trash bombs? That was the summer I was doing chewing tobacco. I used to sleep with my grandma. I lived with my grandmother in her apartment and slept in the bed with her.

It didn't seem weird, but she would. Hey. Oh, I didn't see. She was so nice. She used to let me wear. But she would wear silk silk pajamas. Like I gotta say I used to wear a pair of silk boxes when I was like seven. See.

They were my dad's or something and like I found them. Oh, yeah. And I would wear a pair of silk boxers and I remember going over how good would it feel? I was fucking loving it, you know, a little woody all the time. It tickles. Yeah. Look around in there. Oh, yeah.

I remember I went. We went swimming. It was like one of those things where like we all just like jumped in the pool and then like I was over a buddy's house and we had to like change or whatever and like his mom was like going to watch. It was like my best friend's house. She was like, bring down your wet clothes. I broke out a pair of wet silk boxers.

White silk? No, wet. She was all wet. What the fuck? What are the Ryan's getting into this kid? Must have a piece on. I'm over there. Scratch my belly.

Mommy's little angel. Only the softest. Get the fuck out of here, man. None of that shit would have flown in the foley. Because you couldn't afford them. That's the devil's underwear. He's wearing them silk. Get the fuck out of here.

At seven is interesting. I mean, I remember you two were fucking sure. Silk is rich. I remember wearing them as a seven-year-old being like something's wrong. They go, this isn't correct. This is not correct. Not to mention, if they were your dad, that was, you know, that was his sexy time underwear. Yeah, but it was years after he had already left the house.

So it wasn't like. There was some other boats. They were left over silk underwear. They're like, I guess these are mine now. Holy shit. Oh my God. And then you went to college the whole time, right? All right, let's get into some questions.

I want to hear more. Well, yeah, we will. Let's just get to Hawaii. Can we just get to Hawaii? Yes, yes, yes. So what'd you do? Hawaii, you just were like, I'm fucking out. You're a partying.

Yeah, who was looking for you? I'm trying to get off the ice breath. No dog lives in Hawaii. I wouldn't go to him. So he looks like he's about to fucking die. That's a deep cut. I always, I always said, I got this Holy goes to Hawaii. His girlfriend's from Hawaii.

So I always say he's going to get arrested by dog to bounty on her. I'd love to get tased by the dog. That should be a fucking. That should be an amusement park man. It is fucking dirt balls. Shoot you with paintballs and shit. And then I have like a sentimental fucking conversation with you. You got to get off the ice breath.

He's a good character. He's fucking good. He's got some questionable choice of words though. Shout out to dog to bounty hunter. All right, so. College four years. You play soccer at school? College four and a half years.

And I did not play sports in college. I was a theater major. So it was its own. It was like its own. Sure. Yeah. They put us on. I've walked the boards before.

Yes. Yeah, we were like on the far end of campus. We had our own stuff like it was. It was its own its own dumb world. And you know, it's just incestuous. And you're at school from like 8 a.m. to 1 a.m. And it's just like. So I didn't do sports.

Were you still dipping? I wasn't dipping. I was smoking because every because it's theater majors. Sure. Yeah. You have to it's dramatic. You know, it was like, you know, in college, everybody's smoking between.

I remember though I did. I did as like an experiment. I put a fake pregnant belly in my stomach and walked around campus smoking cigarettes to see if anybody would do anything. And they didn't. So that was a long branch state or wherever they went. Long Beach State. Yeah.

I just decided and I remember my act. This is how this is how I know now that like acting school like theater is bullshit because I remember this one teacher was like. What like commended me to be like, what a fun experiment you're doing. And I was like, are you serious? I threw a scarf in my shirt. Yeah.

And I was like smoking cigarettes. And I was like, maybe the education. I'm not good. Experiment. I'm not good. What are you talking about? She's like, what an interesting character choice. You know, so I went to school.

I walked after four years, but I had to come back and do an extra semester and then I still have a science class. Let's take that's neither Heather nor Heather. And then I was just I was like working at restaurant. And just kind of like living in like a beach town and 22, 23. We're talking. How old are you when you graduate? Something like that.

Cause I think I moved. I don't fucking remember any of this. And then I think I was just, yeah, I was just working at restaurants and I was like, I don't really know what I want to do. And I had kind of like dabbled in standup, but it just felt like there was a lot with that. And I wasn't sure. So at on my 25th birthday, I moved to Hawaii.

Why'd you decide Hawaii? So my best friend's husband grew up there and like, I had another friend who I was there now. They live there now. Yeah. But I was working at this video dating service and I was also bartending on the weekends. I was working seven days a week and I like, I had like an email

chain going with like three of my best friends from college and like my friend was just like, she was living in New York actually. And she was about to come back to California to go to grad school and she's like, Hey, before I do that, does anyone want to go to Hawaii for like a month? And I was like, I'll fucking go. I was working seven days a week. I wasn't still wasn't getting any money.

And then I was just, I just, I was, I was just not in a great place. And so I was like, I'll go. And so we decided we were going to go to Maui because that's where my friend's husband was from. And we got there and we had a place to stay for five days. We're like, we'll just figure it out after that. So we stayed in this place for five days and then we stayed in

the skies. Like we stayed with this random dude who like cooked us steaks and it was kind of like a borderline tree house. And then after that, we stayed in like a hostel for a couple days. And then after that, we found an apartment, but it was like, okay, it's seven, it's seven months. So we were like, okay, let's just fucking do it. So, so we signed the lease for seven months after like a week

and a half. Found a van on the side of the road for like 300 bucks. And then got jobs at a beachfront restaurant, like all within like the first like two and a half weeks we were there. So we're like, okay. Living in the van. No, we had an apartment. We, we had a studio and it was just literally like with the way

that Hawaii works, it's like, oh, so and so is moving out. So we'd just go grab a table, but we had like one little twin bed and then a mattress on a floor and like legitimately a TV where you still had like, it's had like, this was still in like 2000 and what was it? You're sleeping arrangements your whole life. Yeah. What if one of you is brought a dude home?

You know, just understood. Really? But also like you just go to the dude's house, you know, there's workarounds, but I do think I feel like she had a guy come to visit and so like she would get the twin bed and I would sleep on the floor and like vice versa. And then be like doing it in the bed where you're sleeping? I don't know.

I don't know. It's the word. These are the details that he gets caught up on. But I mean, I, You've got to read. Should they be doing it? Yeah. Tell me how they're, well, what was he wearing?

How are they doing it? I also think you were just sleeping. I know. I know. Yeah. He had silk boxers on. It was very weird. Hey, silk's the way to go, baby.

Yeah. But it was just like one big room. And so I don't actually remember, but also we were like pardoning a lot. So I'm sure that I was like passed out or doing something, you know. So, so yeah. Of course.

But we did finally move into a two bedroom. And yeah. And then I just moved, we moved to two bedroom and then I met a guy and moved in with him. And then that went horrible. And then I moved in with my friend Melanie and then I moved back. Okay.

So I bounced around two places. Seen the level off a little bit there. I like that. That's good. That's good. No dips fit and no fucking lot of cocaine, but that's about it. Oh, there's nothing to do there.

And everything closes at 12. Yeah. I didn't know there was good cocaine in Hawaii. It's not. Wow. But when it's there, it's where you're doing it. It was just kind of that thing that you just do. And so a lot of costume parties and a lot of cocaine.

So it was fun. That's one thing about KCB KCB me and KCB really bonded over our love of booze. I think a lot of nights out at Patty's with the KCB. Yes. A lot of Ciggies. A lot of shots. A lot of shitting on comedians.

A lot of shitting on people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Kevin's right. We got to get into a little RU garbage. Now, the tale that you have just told us would lend me to believe

it's a little stronger than a tendency of garbage. Yeah. I would say it's a pedigree thus far. However, however, you know, you've matured. You're a little bit older. You're married now. You guys have your own place. You're both doing very well.

Stand up. Let's see if the garbage still kind of continues. Okay. So we're going to ask you. We're going to ask you a series of questions. Just answer them openly and honestly. And then we'll see where we stand. Okay.

I guess I want to keep it now. So I want to start it off. Well, you're having dinner. Will you watch TV while you eat? Yeah. In the living room or at a table? Well, we just got a table. So we're at the table now if we're on the couch.

Yes. So how many nights a week would you say that you're eating in front of the TV? How many nights a week would you say that you're... It's more on the couch. Seven to zero. And here's something I thought of. What's your preferred... Because when we eat in front of the TV, okay, if we're planning to watch a movie that night,

there's certain things my girlfriend can't watch while she's eating. She doesn't like anything gory, anything like that. Okay. Anything with you in it? Yeah, anything with me in it. So we have a couple of standard things we'll just put on so we can start eating. What would be your standards that you put on while you eat? Shark Tank.

Shark Tank, The Voice, any kind of singing competition. That's good. Ours is Pawn Stars. Oh, that's bad. Although you know what I got into now is Below Deck. Holy... Forget about it. Two days.

Two days. It sucked up my life yesterday and today. Love it. Below Deck's great. I would love to work on that yacht. I know. I was watching Below Deck Med today before I came here. Was that with the lady, with the lady captain?

With the big veneers? No, no, no, no. This is still a man captain. Okay. But I don't know what season I'm on. The guy with the beard. Ed, right? Yeah, Captain Ed.

Yeah, I think so. Captain Ed gets laid. I'll tell you that right now. Yeah, that dude's cold as ice. I like Captain Lee though. Captain Lee seems like a badass. Wait, that's the guy on the other one. That's the guy on the other one.

Yeah. Okay. Kevin. Does your family serve buffalo chicken dip at parties? No. But we did. Wow, I would have paid that. I thought that was going to be a fucking home run.

Well, but we... Thought they invented it. No, but we do serve this thing called poop dip, which is... You said no to buffalo chicken dip, like it was beneath you. And then you tell me about poop dip. It's... I feel like you've probably had it at my house and loved it too. It's the easiest...

I can guarantee you I've never eaten anything called poop dip. You might not have known, but I've had it. I think every time you've been over at my house, I've had it. I'm guessing there's some refried beans involved. Chili, some vegetarian chili, cream cheese, and shredded cheese. It's all it is, but it is fucking magical. But as a child, I remember there'd be like potlucks for like dance class, like ballet class, and my mom would send me with fucking poop dip to go to be like...

Yeah, but they were a thing in the 90s and 80s though. People had potlucks. I feel like you grew up in the 70s. I don't know why. It just feels like that. Doesn't it? It feels like she grew up in a dumpster. Do you currently have a storage unit?

Not anymore. We have bike storage in the... In the new building? Yeah. That's great. Yeah, we got it too. But you don't have like a pot or anything like that or like a fucking storage unit. Not anymore.

That's pretty good. For the record, if you have a storage unit, good chance you're fucking... Yeah. Have you ever tried to start the wave at a sporting event? I mean, I feel like you know I have. I know. Of course. I knew it.

No, but here's the thing. But for the... Casey gets a couple of fucking sprinters in her and she gets real fucking activity based. You know I'm the commissioner of fun. Oh my god. I don't like... Man, the wave. If you've ever seen somebody really trying to get one, come on everybody like...

I think more like... Kind of like watching the birthday. I would participate heavily in a big one, but like I think I've definitely tried to do it in like other scenarios. Yeah. You know, like, you know, I wave at a ball, you know, like at like a bar watching something like that's where I thrive. Have you ever flashed or mooned anybody?

Come on. You have. Have you? How do you think she got the coat, huh? You have? Dude. I mooned somebody the last time I did anything. How does she even say last week?

No, it was like a year ago we were in Mexico. Any better case. Driving to dinner in a van and I mooned. I like just stuck my ass against like the back of the window to whoever was driving behind us. You know, KCB fucking parties, dude. Yeah. I also had a Nipple Pearson college, so everybody saw it.

Just one though, because that's all I could afford. Half a back tattoo. I don't know. I got the full back tattoo. You have a tramp stamp, don't you? Oh, yes. Yeah. Yeah, I have a tramp stamp and I have country lyrics on the top of my back.

Wait, wait. Everything is bad. Wait a minute. I know coming out of it sounds bad, but you guys know me. Oh, I think you're the best. This is. You know the best. Wait a minute.

This does not define me. What are the country lyrics? Rope the moon, John Michael Montgomery. That's not even a famous guy. Yes, it is. It's an old country. I got freezing cold. The whole fucking chorus on her back.

On a warm summer evening. Yeah. Garth Brooks, we share a birthday, so. Oh my God. You have music lyrics. Yeah, but I want to cover it up with a piece of cheese. So. I want to get a tattoo or an actual piece of cheese.

Yeah, I thought that'd be funny, but I want to cover up with something that I like. So I was like, I should get a charcuterie plate over that. But I've been saying I'm going to cover it up for at least 11 years and still there. Is that the whole lyric and what's. Rope the moon. Yeah, but the lady that was doing it was like drinking schnapps.

Like it's really bad. Like I actually drew the tattoo and then. It looks like it's drinking schnapps. She was. Yeah. It was all of it was not okay, but we did it. What's a tramp stamp? Oh, I got it from a fake tattoo.

It's like literally, it's like a barbed wire type thing. Yeah. Waves and a star. It's tribal. It's, but I remember when I got it, my dad sent me, he sent me. He paid for it. No, but he did. He sent me like at that time, you know, you have a desktop computer.

He sent me like a computer camera so I could take a picture and show it to him. He was like all for the tattoo. Now not so much. Holy shit. Casey. I know. I knew you had a couple of questionable tattoos on you.

Yeah. I didn't know. I only like, I got a lot of friends with sayings and phrases and lyrics on them and they are fucking trash. That's why I keep my hair so long. How about this one? This is a great package. You would have never known.

I have six tattoos on your neck. I have one here. I have a tramp stamp. I have a fairy by my crotch. I have a match here. I have my match. So I have a match that I got with nine other people from a summer camp I worked at.

I got my initials drunk in Vegas. I got a fairy by my vagina. I have the mustache. You're like an illustrated man. I'm like what? The illustrated man. I'm like a Raider fan. It's disgusting.

I look like I'm so bad. Oh man. That's a line right there. That's all you need. It's bad. She's got the shoulder pads with the spikes on her. Yeah. Screaming.

Yeah. Holy shit. What's your middle name? Lorraine. I thought it was my grandma's name. The one I used to sleep with. Okay. My sister's Irene.

That's my other grandma. Okay. Okay. We're going to go on this. It's been weird. Have you ever slept on a blow-up mattress? Of course. I mean not for like a long period of time but like camping.

Oh I did. I slept on a blow-up mattress when I had bed bugs for a long time. Did you? Yeah. You slept on a blow-up mattress not too long ago. In someone's kitchen for a while. Yeah. I slept on Jordan Rable's kitchen for about six months when I

first got to New York. There you go. No. It would have a slow leak in it. See I'd go chair before I'd go. Yeah. I'd go chair before I'd go blow-up mattress. Blow-up chair.

There was a minute where they were like how you're like oh blow-up mattress and you try it like it's like fucking sleeping on it. It's not the same. It's like sleeping on an inner tube. Yeah. It doesn't make sense. For a while they stuck. Now you get a good one.

Yeah. All right. I'm going anywhere and you're like oh we got a blow-up mattress unless it's either on the camping I would do it but I'm not staying in someone's house and sleeping on a fucking blow-up mattress. That's insane. Right. Insane.

You're an adult. Grow up. Sleep on the couch. Sleep on the couch or your chair or with your nana. We'll find someone to fuck. Does somebody have a grandma I can sleep with? Yeah. Speaking of sleep do you sleep with a fan directly on you?

No. Okay. No. I mean the AC at our old apartment was like next to my side of the bed but no. Okay. No. Interesting.

Interesting. This is a big thing. When you get a six pack. Right. Say you were by a six pack and you go home. Do you take the beers out of the case or container or do you put the container in? I take them out.

See that's pretty classy. I called myself the other day putting it in the bag still as well. I didn't even take it out of the bag. That's what people do when they come to, you know, when we have people over. I've done it at your house a hundred times. Yes. There's a lot of times that they put the bag in and the thing. Yeah.

They're not lasting that long. Yeah. What's the thing? If I'm buying a six here it's fucking, it's got about an hour left in it. Right. So it's like I'm not fucking setting the stage here. Do you bite your fingernails or do you clip them? Oh, I bite them.

Okay. My sister actually always tells me that I need to clip them. Like, look at this guy. He's not even even. Oh, that's a good net. I mean, that's not right though. Do you eat them? I spit them.

Okay. Where do you spit them? You know, I try to throw them away. Like if I'm somewhere where I can, I'll put them in my pocket and throw them away later. I've done that. I'm trying not to leave them because you know why? Because I find I, you know, had a roommate and Robbie and Naples were clippers and I would find them.

And I hated that. Because they shoot. That you can't control them. Yeah. They shoot everywhere. You bite and you bite. You bite there. They're in there.

They may, they're in your mouth, but you still know where they are. Okay. I can never get like a tough one that like it's got, let's got a little bit of heat on it. Wait, what about you ever, do you ever like try to get something out of your tooth and you get a fingernail stuck into your tooth? I take a fingernail. I'll do it about halfway down, pop it out and then go right around. It's like going to the hygienist.

Do a little cleaning. Oh my God. Get up a little bit. Oh yeah. Every episode he doesn't see. You knew that. He doesn't see to amaze me. It's fucking terrible.

A little hygienist. I'd say it's not exactly hygienist, but I like the commitment. You wonder why you got dead teeth. It's like a water pick. It's like that cemetery. Clean it up. New York City fingernails. Okay.

How old were you when you got your passport? Oh, I was. Maybe 19 or 20. That's older. Yeah. Yeah. I was about the same. I think I got mine in like 19.

Yeah. Fully doesn't have his. Still? It's time. USA all the way, baby. It's fucking time now. I ain't going anywhere. I'm riding it out.

When you bose those all leave, I'll be the king of comedy. You being carrot top. Take it over. There you go. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. Two? Yeah.

You know, except for if I'm on the road and I'm in a hotel, then I make myself a pillow house. Yeah. I like one like under like I sleep one behind and then I have one like on the side that I if I would still have a body pillow. Do you sleep on your side or on your back? Both. I was only, I used to sleep on my side.

I used to do the swastika. Like I used to sleep on my stomach and I used to put the pillow over my head, but I had such bad back problems when I was younger that they said you have to train yourself. You got to talk to somebody, man. That's fucked up. The pillow on top of your head. I used to put the pillow on top of my head. Put my head between the mattress and the box.

And then I just have someone jump up and down on the bed. That's how I fall asleep. No. But now I just sleep on my back and then sometimes I might say, but like hugging the pillow. Oh, yeah. Of course. Yeah. All right.

Yeah. It's not too bad. Yeah. Okay. Have you ever been in a bowling or a dart league? No. But I took bowling lessons when I was little. Little?

Why? It was like a spring break thing. No, it wasn't. What do you mean? No. Wait, spring break? I was probably like in third or fourth grade and my mom put me in a bowling class. What the fuck?

It's different. It's like, you know, I'm sure it was just somewhere for me to go. How about softball? Basketball? I did all that too, but then I guess there was also bowling for a week and a half that she was like, okay. That's not so bad. It's not so bad.

It's not like she's wearing the shirt. No, no. And I was little. I was little. No. So no, no darts, no bowling. Yeah. That's an activity.

That's an activity. No. Okay. Still. Ever work at a water park? No, but I wish I did. I still want to go to a water park. There's one in Pennsylvania.

I've had my eye on for the last three summers. Dornie. No. Six flags. I would love to go to Six Flags. Are you talking about the indoor one? Lions Mountain or something? No.

There's something. No. My family goes to that every year. It's got to be called like water something or something. Hmm. I don't know. There's a, yeah. I'm not sure.

There's an indoor one that's real. Yeah. My family, it's like beach, something, Camel Beach, Camel Beach. Yeah. There's an indoor one in the Poconos too. Yeah. That's the one, Camel Beach. Yeah.

My family goes, they get like rooms for like, like days and they do it up. I would do it. Water park, you go through with a couple. Unless there's a lazy river. Well, there's a lot of little kids. Oh, dude, sign me up for an LR. All fucking day. All day.

It doesn't get any better than a lazy river. Jumping in and out of tubes. I love it. A couple of cocktails. No. It is. I love water parks. We used to go to Raging Waters when I was a kid and it was because literally like

the parents would just park it and then I would just run around by myself. And then they had like a lip sync contest, like a stage in the water. And I always, I was too young, but like I always wanted to do it. Yeah. Let's trash. I mean, you are. Those are good days, man. Those are some of my best memories.

I think it's so. I think you're so. Come on. You appear so trash. I think this is also trash, shocking, trash wise, because you're this like nice, sweet, no tech. And then it's just like, I have this insane past, which like, I've grown up. You know what Casey?

I'm growing up. You know what Casey? He was probably great at and would have been awesome as a babysitter boost in your wallet. I worked with kids for over 10 years. I bet you. I would have loved you as a babysitter. Oh yeah. Would have been great.

Oh yeah. They put me in charge of, well, I worked at a summer camp for six years. Six years. Six summers. Yeah. What? Why did you start? When I was in high school, we had to do it for, what was it?

We had to do it for like credit. Community service. Yeah. Yeah. So because it was a Catholic school, so you had to do like some kind of something. So I started out as like a CIT and then I just kept going back and then we got the tattooed all there. I always hated that CIT.

Counselor and training. I'm a CIT. But also. Next year I'll be a CIT. I'm like, dude, hit the fucking bricks. Let's go get a sixer. I'm going to hit the wood. That's what it is.

What are you talking about? I'm fucking, yeah. I'm a labor room. You're fucking CIT. I'm fucking working the weedwacker, making the fucking, making the bed shine. I hate it. Come on. You'll be a CIT.

But also you're only like two years older than the campers. I know. That's what I'm saying. Six years. I was like 19 and I was in charge of like 12 and 13 year olds for 12 days overnight camp. 12 days. Oh, overnight camps. Yeah.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. It was a Catholic. Were you ever picked up? You ever get arrested? Yeah. When I was younger, I started a fire on an army base, but it was at a wedding and it was with my cousins.

I'm sorry. What did you say? We just started a small fire. That story, the more information she gave on that story. Have you ever been arrested? I got picked up. Okay. Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on. Okay. And then I'll tell you the details of it. Who the fuck gets married on an army base? Number one. Why? I don't know.

They were ice skaters. Was he? What the fuck does that have to do with? I don't know. We have an ice skating force? I had twin... I had twin ice skating cousins and one of them got married. Well, it's Treasure Island.

I think it was Treasure Island. Was it Treasure Island? It's like Treasure Island in San Francisco. So it's like this beautiful thing on the other side of the bridge. So you see like a view of the city, but technically it's like an army property or something like that. Was it in the army? No.

No, no, no. So it wasn't like we were in the barracks or anything like that. The missile? Yeah. Shoot her a shingle. Light a full locker on fire? No. Wait a minute.

I was in eighth grade. And you went to your cousin's wedding? Yeah. And they have matches at a wedding. So me and my cousins, we took a bunch of trash. I get it. I'm in. And we lit it on fire.

And so they come and they're like, the fire was like not big, but apparently, so our parents come down and my dad tells them, take them in, take them in. So my... So we're crying. Hold on. That's trash right there. I love it. They put us in the back.

He just told me last year. Yeah. I had him read you, right? So he's like me and Mike and Tommy, we're all laughing because those are the other dads of my cousins. They're all like, we're laughing hysterically while you guys are just like crying, thinking that you're going to jail. And like, I just told my cousin this last year.

I was like, you know, my dad fucking made them take us in. Yeah. I don't hate it. I'm going to be honest. I don't hate that. Man, I can get behind that. On paper. Yeah.

The story is much sweeter and funnier and nice, but on paper, I lit a fire on an army base at a wedding. Stuff. I lit a fire on an army base at a wedding. Yeah, we started a small trash fire. Just a small garbage fire on the beach. Just like, you know, we're kids. Yeah.

Have you ever gone tubing down a river? Yeah. Of course I have. Of course I have. Take your head out of your ass. Of course. I have a scar on my leg from the vacation. I was...

We used to do that. That's a lot of fun. Cooler, cooler beer, throw it on its own tube. Yeah. A little rope. Jump off a rock. Getting injured on vacation's garbage. You know what the most garbage thing you can do on vacation?

Get stitches. No. Get two sunburns. Do you ever see the guy on the plane coming home from Florida? Oh, yeah. And he's like, don't talk to me. Don't talk to me. I've been that guy.

Like buddy, have you ever been anywhere before? What are you doing? No. He's out all day on the Lazy River. No suntan lotion. No. In Hawaii, we used to see it all the time. Oh, they're just disgusting.

Yeah. I've been that guy for sure. I had like the blisters on my shoulders. Fucking nice. Crying in the airport terminal. Real fucking asshole. Your dad must have hated you. Fucking ruined vacations.

That's why we don't talk. I've ruined a couple vacations, man. I look back on it. I'm like, why the fuck my dad? Stick around, man. Me and my brother just making his life bust his ass. Two weeks fucking down the shore, spent on how much fucking money and we just ruined it

by fighting and just being pieces of shit. How do you feel about sharing food? Oh, I'm for it. I prefer. I want everybody to want everybody to have it. Is there a circle? Is there a limit of who you will share food with? Uh-uh.

So I take a sip of something, you take a sip of something. I don't care. What if it's milk? Well, then it's milk. Oh my God. Do you grow enough to drink milk with dinner? No, but I'm also lactose intolerant. So I don't drink straight milk, but I do drink lactate.

But I don't think I ever drink. I don't even remember what I drank at dinner. Probably iced tea. Probably water. No, my dad's a big iced tea person. Probably water. You know what? I feel like most dads are iced tea people.

They're a big fruit punch person. Fruit punch and grape juice. You just don't see. You don't see. The minute maid? Do you guys remember when it was just the little tins in the freezer and you're supposed to add water? I used to eat them.

Yeah, of course. I did that with orange juice. You remember those triangle popsicles? The minute maid triangle popsicles? Yeah. They were red orange and purple. My strange pop. The pop will squeeze them up or something.

They were like just triangle. Yeah. Where are those? I don't know. They still got to be crooked. They were the best. There was like off brands that they would have in the cafeterias. And I remember I played I played Little League for the Whit Payne Recreation Little League

Association and we had picture day and we had picture day. I don't know who paid for it, but it was fucking free hot dogs, free sodas, free soft pretzels. It's like fucking 22 dollars. What are you talking about? There was a lot of kids. It wasn't like fucking crab balls. Plus the picks and the fanatic would show up.

That's fucking clear. That's when he rolled in, but they used to have those those triangle ice pops. They're the best. You could have as many as you want. I used to get sick eating so much of them. There was those were those were those were definitely you had to have at least two sitting because you switched the flavors. There was also something that I swear to God, it was only around four for like five months.

I've never seen him after this, but they remember Flintstones push-ups push-ups. Yeah. Like they're sherbet. They were too creamy for me. Yeah. But they had not a fan. Give me the hard stuff. Right.

Right. They were very creamy, but at one point they had a fucking stepped on bullshit. I want the fucking juice. They were delicious. They were awesome. They were to put the at one point they had like a crossover. It was the sherbet push-ups and they had nerds in them nerds. I was sick home from school today and a whole box of them while watching chorus line and

I have never seen them since and I wish that they were around. Yeah. I usually does it sound delicious. Oh, that's all right. I like a good texture. I like a good crunch. I used to put nerds in my slurpee. You got to get a crunch.

Yeah. I still put sprinkles on ice cream. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I made too many batches.

I made too many batches. Kiffy's got opinions. And what do you think? What do you think is more classy? Slurpees or icies? More classy? Yeah. I see is being the one with the bear on it.

Yeah. Well, listen, you get a bigger variety with slurpee. Very true. That's why it's trashy. Yeah. But I think. And they're only in 7-Elevens. That's true.

7-Elevens. And they're broken a lot. Yeah. That's the worst. Also, the Pina Colada version is the biggest mistake they've ever made. Yeah. Pina Colada sticks. I don't think I've ever had it.

It's terrible. You gotta go to Cherry Coke. You gotta go to Cherry Coke. You do Cherry Coke. Or you do blue, red and blue. Yeah. You do all of them. They're the only three.

Also, obviously, you have to put the lid on before you squirt so you get the full cow. The full cow. What am I, an asshole? I don't know, man. I remember getting this to come off the top a little bit. Yeah. Slurp that. Yeah.

Good. I used to, remember, you thought they gave a shit if you drank a little bit while you were in? I still do. I did it at Chipotle yesterday when we were a set. I saw a guy do that in the middle of the pandemic. I was like looking around. Really?

I just down took a fucking, dude, I fucking pounded half a Coke zero. No. And topped her off. They got that Mr. Pips and fucking in Chipotle. That stuff's all right. Oh, yeah. Mr. Pips extra. Did you guys ever, did you guys ever do suicides with the soda machines?

Oh, all of them? Yeah. Yeah. That always ended up just tasting like orange soda. Wow. But I saw someone in Chipotle. You know how most people just put the soda in the water cup? I saw someone do something that was the most savage.

They had the soda in the hot sauce cups. Like they went and just took like where you just put the Tabasco and they put the soda in that. Like that is a new level. There wasn't hot sauce in it, but instead of like stealing it in the water cup, they're like, I'm just going to steal it in the fucking hot sauce cup, which I was like, I mean, that's, that's a level. I tip my hat to you, sir.

You ever check your, you ever just use the ATM to check your balance? Yes. Wow. What? You get cash back when you can make a purchase too? No. I don't like. That's where you hold your ground, huh?

Do you know what's so funny? Why would you even when I have cash? I use my debit card. There's something about like breaking a 20. If I have a $100 bill on my, in my wallet, it'll be in there for three months. I hate breaking a 20. It's so frustrating. Cause then it's gone.

Cause then it's gone. Yeah. We're using it. Once it's 5,000 ones, it's fucking spent. Do you know how to operate a forklift? No. Okay. Just checking.

I don't know how to use it. We didn't have a land. If you were to take out, right? You and your husband, you guys were to take out and comes in. Do you plate it or do you eat out of the container that it came in? Oh, I'm a big plater. Okay. Because even when I have people over, like I, I won't even have the bag of chips in

the bag. Like I like to put them in the dishes. See, that's pretty clashed. She does. She, as a host, she's phenomenal. You know what? What do you do? What she did at the Super Bowl party.

When I ordered pizzas to be delivered at halftime or something. Oh yeah. We had good timing with that. So we make the stuff and then the pizzas or the wings come out. Oh no, we had the air fryer this last year. So we made all the wings. Were you there last year? Oh, so a couple of years ago.

Yeah. Two years ago. We had like chipping and everything. And then hot sauce coming out. It was a good night. Yeah. Pretty class. Yeah.

Listen, I like, I like to host. You're climbing out of the hole here. Ever have a toe ring? Yeah. Right back in it. Okay. There we go. Right back.

I thought there was a, I mean, by a coat of hair. I actually just the other day thought about bringing it back. You know, nobody's going to say. Have you ever gotten your hair braided on vacation? Oh, you have. No, but when I worked at the summer camp, I used to have the kids braid my hair. It's a little different. Do you ever go to like sandals or hedonism or anything like that?

No. Anyone in your family ever drive a Dodge Neon? No. Okay. Have you ever driven a car where it was purpose for something else and then, you know, was sold later? Like, like, did you ever have a car that used to be like a cab? Like an ambulance or something?

Growing up, some girl had an ambulance. Are you kidding me? No, her dude, she got, she got a lot of shit. I mean, God bless her. Shout out to Tonya, but she called a lot of fucking dude. She moved in. You can still read ambulance backwards. Yeah.

She moved in. She was the new girl, which is moving into like a, you know, it's like a small elementary school. Yeah. She was the new girl. It was tough. It was sixth grade. So everybody had been together for like at least a few years.

She was the only like new girl and she lived right next to school. So everybody saw her walking into her house and there was a fucking an old ambulance in the front. Plus, every kid leaving school, sir, walking into the fucking ambulance. There are parents, ghostbusters. Yeah. And a name, a name, a name. Tonya.

What is a new weird kid? Who are you going to call? Tonya. Tonya. I want to say her name so bad. No, all of our cars were regular cars. Okay. Have you ever had a pet bird?

Yes. We didn't even ask her about pets. Jesus Christ. Here we go. Yeah, we had. How many frogs did you own? I know. We did like fucking Jumanji.

But my sister had a hamster named Janet. Oh, God. You just. Hamster. You can't name hamsters. I was a gerbil family hamster. Hamster, rodent families are trash. Well, listen, it's not like, I mean, my sister, it was, she was little.

She was weird. That's not me. That was a Jesse thing. It doesn't matter. Your family coastside. That's your genetics. But yeah, we had. I got it.

I got a hot water. All right. All right. How do you feel about the rotisserie chicken? Pretty positive. Big fan. Why? Why cook it?

You can buy it. I've been mulching. Mulching roto chicks this week. They're good. But setting them up and knocking them down. Yeah. I got something I have to tell you. When I was home.

It's just going to bother me so much. All the listeners know that. Whatever this is. No, you're just going to be. You're just going to be. You're just going to be. You're just going to be. You're just going to be.

You're just going to be. You're just going to be. You're just going to be. You're just going to be. You're just going to be. You can't think I'm garbage. Well, I went home for Halloween, which I guess just trash. You know itself, but you know how the retour family holiday?

She's got me home. I'm dressing up. We got to build the studio hanging these fucking sheets of wood by myself for these home trick or treat with the family. Like that's important. I got to get the kids. My dad, my mom bought candy. I promise the kids you claimed promises to me.

You know how the roto comes in like a plastic almost like to go thing? Yeah. Oh God. Yeah. With the handle. Patty must. Patty must.

My mom was the got one. And yeah, that's in the. That's in the Tupperware drawer now. No. It has like a thin layer of like chicken grease on. I was like, what the fuck? I was like, you got to wash this again. No, you got to throw it out.

What are you talking about? Wash it again. You get that yellow, that yellow line. Tell Patty to hit me up on Venmo or 12 bucks. Fucking Tupperware. Who the fuck wants to put muffins and shit in there? They taste like chicken. What are they doing?

Oh my God. Dude, your family stinks. You got to have chicken tubs. She sent me back with an 18 pack of eggs. She sent me back eggs with eggs and bacon. What is it? Mischief night? What are you doing?

There was four eggs missing. Oh my God. I got home. There was 14 eggs in there. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Oh my God, dude. Your mom's fucking, your mom's skimming the carton of eggs. She's like, why can't you give him,

I'm not buying this fucking guy 18 eggs. I feel like that's a very parent thing to do. If you like it, just take the rest. My mom's given me half of a food so many times. I had to put my foot down years ago. I'm not taking anything. No. Because I don't want to leave with a half of a bagel

or fucking an English muffin. Don't give me half a bag of salami. What do you want me to bring on the plane? You want four slices of cheese? No, I don't. Okay, shut up. I came back with fucking frozen chicken noodle soup and yogurt containers, fucking a pound of bacon

that was frozen. How old are you? What is it? It sounds like you're going back to college. Like you're going to your dorm room. You're a, you have a girlfriend in an apartment. What do you think? Like you're like cooking off a hot plate?

I don't know my mom loves me, man. I don't say it. Yeah. To ask her for 100 bucks to go food shopping. What are you doing? Clean living. I don't know what's up with those four missing eggs though. Real shifty.

That's clean. All right. I think I only got one or two more here. Yeah. Have you ever gone to a wax museum on a family vacation? Yeah. Oh, Jesus. Where?

England. England. No, maybe Amsterdam. I don't know. Maybe one of the, You went to Europe and went to a wax museum? Pretty sure. That's trashy.

Pretty sure. Is there an outback around here? Yeah. Where else would you go on vacation? As a kid. Yeah. So every year we have the same camping trip that is like people that grew up with my dad in San Francisco and then all their kids now that are me and now me and all their

kids, you know, people my age with their kids. And it's just this like little like camping or it's cabin camping. So it's not like, you know, No, but there's like a pool and it's cabin camping and we go, it's every year. That's a good time. On Father's Day weekend. It's the same stuff. So it's like, you know, there's, there's a card tournament, the boys golf.

There was, used to be a talent show when we were younger and there's a big barbecue one night and they do like awards for like the golf tournament. Oh, I love it. Yeah. That's clean fun right there. Yeah. It's trashy, but fun. It's a tradition.

It's a nice thing to look forward to and it's people, you know, I've known since I was born. I got, I got one last one for you. I got two. Okay. I like the questions. Chips on a sandwich. Hell yes.

Okay. You brush your teeth in the shower. No, but I like to. Never had a shower. No, but something about the mint, you know, when you just let it burn your face a little bit. It feels nice. Yeah.

My last question for you. Nope. This isn't going to, this isn't going to, this isn't going to determine either way. You're trash. Come on. We love you. But yeah, just garbage. I didn't think I was.

So I started answering questions. You're kidding. Show the listeners your teeth or your tooth real quick. I'm kidding. On the arm chair, sleeping. What? I was sleeping. Jesus.

Can you whistle with your fingers? No. And I wish I could. That's right. But a lot of times, but a lot of times at sporting events, I'll just go like this. Woo-hoo. I just make the noise. Oh, that's even.

It's tragedy that you want. I want to. I wish somebody would teach me. I, people have tried. I love that. I wish I had one of those cool talents like that. That's not a cool talent. Piano is a cool talent.

No, I can't do two different things with my hands, but this, I wish I could do this. Seems like just a fun thing to do. Come here. My dad could do it. Everybody, everybody's kids like, you know, tune to their dad. You know, your dad's. He was fucking sniping. You're free.

Because you're about to fucking back in. Wow. I love a loud whistle. I think it's golden. Yeah. I think they're cool. Holy shit. Casey Balsham.

100%. Trash. 99.9%. 9 dentists out of 10 agree garbage. 100%. But absolutely fun and fantastic. And I'll tell you what, my dream babysitter, because there'd be snacks. There'd be questionable films that we'd be watching.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. A boyfriend or two. You were the kid? Huh? You were the kid? Yeah. I don't know.

I picture your dad in my fantasy. Oh, really? Oh, no. Your mom's up getting ready. You're like, oh, Casey B, how you doing? Those are the kind of movies. I did make my sister watch People Under the Stairs when she was younger. When I was babysitting her.

Yeah. Now, be watching the Watchers or something creepy like that. Casey B would be a fantastic suburban babysitter. Thank you guys so much. Absolutely. I don't know how much of a compliment that is. I liked it. She's fun.

What do you mean? Okay, relax. You're not babysitting. I'll tell you that. You're still not coming over to my house and getting any pizza money. No, we're 14 of your eggs. She touched my head. Dang, the podcast is called Shady Shit Podcast with Casey Balsham.

It's on dear media. Please check it out. You can check it out. Where? All the places. Everywhere you get podcasts. Spotify, Apple. Yeah, all of them.

Don't leave a review, everybody. Yes. Leave a review. That is very important to podcasting. Please. It really is. It's all we have. It's all we have.

So fun. Thank you for watching. I'll see you guys in the next episode. Kip, what do you got to gang up there to know? As always, make sure you're ready to subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube. You can subscribe there as well. Those numbers are through the fucking roof. We appreciate it.

Guys, thank you so and also patreon.com. You know, we'll be releasing a lot of awesome content throughout there. You can sign up. You can support us while we go out on this fucking venture and try to figure out how this whole thing's gonna work. How are we gonna pay off Antutti at the end of the month? Yeah, guys. So just check that out if you want a bonus content.

If not, everything says the same. You'll still get your two, you know, audio, two audio and two, and the two video every week for free on YouTube. Yeah, guys, thank you so much. We appreciate it as we figure this out. 100%. We appreciate it. We love you again.

Sorry about the echo. It's just a little bit of an echo. We're working on it. It's a working progress. It'll be cleaned up by next time. We absolutely love you guys. Toby, thank you so much. T-dog.

What a great first episode. We love you guys and we will see you next week. Peace.