Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Chain Restaurants Edition w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: March 13, 2025

Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon about Chain Restaurants! It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: Helix Sleep: Go to https://helixsleep.com/garbage for 20% Off Sitewide Shopify: Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/garbage Aura Frames: Exclusive $20-off Carver Mat at https://AuraFrames.com. Use code GARBAGE at checkout to save Truewerk: Check out the full lineup and get 15 percent off your first order at https://TRUEWERK.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gann, we want to thank everybody for all the love and support on the Route 66 special. It is out now. If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and check it out. Gann, the Back on the Block Tour starts this week. Tickets still available for Pontiac Michigan, March 8th, March 11th, Milwaukee Improv, and then March 14th, Minneapolis, Minnesota at the Fillmore Get Your Tickets on uGarbage.com. We'll see you there. Welcome to another exciting edition of R U Garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast this is is R.U. Garbage. Oh, yeah. That little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's good to be classy.

Yeah. They're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, H.Fully, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition. Beautiful spring day. Tootie's got the screen windows put in. OK. A lot of holes in those things. If you know what I mean. Couple of crack couple of crack pipes some fucking bowls whatever she's doing with them It's like a tic-tac-toe board in there

Weevils got at him or something and who's got it? My co's is coming at you from across the table. He is a CEO of are you garbage? He is an international businessman. He's my best pal in the whole wide world. Let me tell you this right now, when you're reaching for a best pal, do yourself a favor. You're making a kippy. Give it up for Kevin James Ryan, everybody. What up, everybody? Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure your rate review subscribe. Rate review subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available on Spotify. Go over there, leave your little comments. We're climbing the

charts. Climbing the charts are on Spotify. I don't want to tag. I know kids are a cookie. Tell that Mel Robbins to step aside. The boys are in town. Uh, then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. RU Garbage. You go over there, you get all your bonus content, gang.

And of course, the Route 66 Tour. Go check out the Speche, baby. You'll love it. If you've ever wondered if you're part of the army of garbage, go watch that. And if that don't punch you right in the dick, I don't know what does. You ain't my kind of guy. You'll laugh.

You'll cry. I think there's no smell of vision. I'm a forward with let me tell you this. What let me take you back. It's a Friday night. Say you're in about eighth grade. I'm listening. You spent the afternoon in class. Probably got a little swamp ass. You get home. I'm listening. Probably

had some cigarettes. Eighth. Right? Probably smoking some heaters. Wait, in school? Waiting for the, I don't know what you do. Now, we. Under the bleachers out by the woods. Now, that was, heaters were still weekend. That was a weekend warrior when it came to heaters at that age. Maybe you looked at your nudie mags or whatever. Now we have Denise gets home from work. Uh huh. Nothing's in the fridge.

Sure. That sounds about right. You got three hungry kids. What does she say? Load up the bravado. We're going out to Applebee's. Shout out to Applebee's. Shout out to Applebee's on Street Road down the street road in like Noles Ave or something

like Feast. I'm talking Feasterville not down there with the dirt bags at the opposite end. Wash your hands, clean the boogers out of your nose. No. So this was it. Start your lime wire download before you leave. This was it. This was it

for us. We were an Applebee's family. So at this point, eighth grade, seventh, eighth grade, whatever, my brother and sister were kind of gone. My sister's in college at that point. My brother's going to a school in Philadelphia. So he was just kind of loosey goo. He's living with my aunt, not living with my aunt, living with the rich kids.

Is that what he was doing? He went to Episcopal, right? He went to Penn Charter. Very good school. Very good school. A couple of strings had to be pulled to get him in there. I think he had to repeat two or three years. He did. He had a date.

He was 21-year-old in 10th grade. He doubled up on 10th graders. He's ahead of his time. I didn't know that. What? Wow, that he was... Man, you are trash. What? Wow, that he was you were man. You are trash What you were do he was down there staying with an aunt?

Well, my aunt lived in Jersey, but her kids also went there, right? I don't know how they all got in there good lord, but So they all stayed together. That's a premium Philadelphia school district Academy Academy. Yeah, that a friend school I don't think so. No understood. It's a Quaker school. Yeah. A lot of Quakers are friends. Yikes. They just creep me out. Start brainwashing you. When we went there, I knew that place was on it. Wherever we went, like, you know, Abington Friends or whatever it was, I'm not going to that locker room. I ain't taking my underwear off around

here. You're gonna get me. Goddamn, the nut'll get me. But at that point, I'm by myself. It's me, my mom. My mom comes home from work, probably. Was there ever a situation? It's a rainy spring night. We're in, at this point, we're probably in the Sebring. It had a little bit of a leak in that, I gotta be honest with you.

Sebring Convertible. Sebring Convertible. Her midlife crisis car. She let my brother, she let my brother, yeah, my stepdad's in the picture, but she let my brother negotiate that deal when he was about 13 years old, not even joking. Hey, we're driving by. He goes, let's go look at that. He went in and he's like, listen, we'll do like five, we'll do five, roll this over. He's out there kicking the tires, pen charter uniform on. Beating the kid up on price. My stepdad worked down around the street road,

that's where his shop was. So we would go, oh, Joe's wrapping up at the shop, it's Friday night, they're each looking for some cocktails, I'm looking for some chicken tendies. Sure. Where does that happen? Eat and go to the neighborhood? Shout out the Applebee now if you weren't in the picture Uh-huh say you drowned in a pool. He's at the bar at Applebee's not

Yeah, but they got you third wheeling it uh-huh coming up the works Yeah, I mean that was a lot of birthdays there a lot of times just me and my mom or me my mom my stepdad just there just Just there. I was a first time at signature No, that was absolute and tonics doubles big glass. Holy shit. What that's what do you mean? What? What me? Also, that was an absolute and tonic man. Also, too. What? Which I respect the absolute absolute hit hard.

Everybody loved absolute. The merch alone you were fucking all over. And then absolute citron. Oh my God. Then it all fell apart with Pinnacle and fucking what was the one the cotton candy one was that Pinnacle? Yeah, that Pinnacle had all the different olives. Shut up three olives. What was the one, the cotton candy one? Was that Pinnacle? I think it was Pinnacle. Yeah, Pinnacle had all the different. Three olives?

Shut up, three olives. I remember we had a bottle of absolute pepper. When the coke's all gone. When you're out of salt, hit the pepper. I remember taking a nip at that one time. I must have been about 12 years. Woo! Man, felt like a bang bang. I was doing a line of coke and gunpowder What is that what they do in a little war a

Bang bang is a Somalis are throwing over here. You know hopped up. Shut up the Coney Joseph Coney Child warriors all hopped up on bang bangs I was. I got those child warriors all hopped up on bang bangs. The pair of sweats in an AK. Look out. Uh-huh. But that was a lot of my time.

We were there, and then they would go out. I've said this before. They would go out on their anniversary or birthdays. They would go to Outback, and the kids couldn't go. Sure. Which we were never really, other than a few times with the family, my parents looked at those places as more expensive for some reason, which I didn't get. They never, I think maybe

when they, when the rib deal was going on at Chili's or whatever, maybe they took advantage of that, but either my dad didn't trust them. He liked the Denny's. We do a Denny's. We do a Ponderosa. Do a ground round. The first, you know, incarnation of of the casual dining chain spot but I do have to say this when you're going to an Applebee's on a Friday night as a family and there's two separate cars. Buddy, that's bad. Yeah, he's out there in the word. Then you leave going to the because somebody that has a kid walking out of that place going to the parking lot.

I thought about I don't see you guys at home and he goes and gets in his car and you get in the car with your mom or vice versa. Yeah, I never thought about it. I wasn't happening at the Dempsey household. Like four times. Yeah, your parents were getting divorced. Yeah, so that

the first time I had barbecue chicken done right, I blew my fucking hair back. Also, I remember the first we were a big Pizza Hut family too. Shout out to Pizza Hut, the sit down. I'd go there with my mom. That was the first time listen, the sit down. I'd go there with my mom. I was the first time, listen, we were

trash. The people going there were trash. I'm not being rude, but you know, you plant potatoes, you're going to get potatoes. You're hanging out at a pizza. You're not hanging out with the Kennedys. You know what I mean? I remember the first time ever seen in public that cell phones had just come out. and it was the first time ever, this girl was just this woman, grown woman, said the booth next to us was just going through all of her ringtones. I'd be like watching a YouTube video today.

No headphones, just bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop eh eh eh, ding dong. I remember being like, this is fucking crazy. That was the first time that might ever happen. That was important back then. Someone played his cell phone, that might have been like the impetus. Yeah. In a pizza hut. That was the first time that might ever happen. That was a plate of cell phone That might have been late the impetus. Yeah in a Pizza Hut

That was important back then that defined you as a person what your ringtone was then of course You know the the little clips of the song and all that stuff shout out to it for 99 smoke on the water I had was the first one I download it cost me about 999 That was your song it was still the buttons still the buttons. Like it wasn't the noise. It was just smoke on the water played via. Now would your mom order for you? No. Would you be a big boy? I'd be a big boy. I always got the chicken tenders. Speak up! Say thank you. We would do the chicken tenders.

I'd do the chicken tenders. That my stepdad would get some sort of steak. Always a steak. And then afterwards he'd be digging in his teeth with a, with a, he'd be digging in his teeth with a toothpick that I think came in the martini or whatever That's good eating right there. He's got the little sword. Yeah, it was with the sword Sucking back dude like like like a Dyson trying to get those tender bits

As an older man, I really appreciate that man. Really appreciate that. Doing a little bigging. Yeah. So that was, that was, I mean, we were, you know, Fridays, of course, Applebee's for sure, but that was my mom's go-to. That was like celebrations. That was the first place I ever had ice cream on a hot brownie and I

told everybody the duality of temperatures Blew my fucking hair back. They call it all a mode. Is that what that means? I love mood. I was that Badass kid now is my birthday and man I remember dipping in like it this the spoon melt on the ice cream alone, and I remember be like I'll give it a shot the melted ice It I Thought only they did it I was like you guys got to get down to Applebee's and feast

I'm gonna say it on the news. Yeah, I didn't know that was like at restaurants because we were in a dessert family I was just it was my birthday or something. I got it. That's why they're great They just took the extra step you get a brownie and ice cream at home your mom unless they're coming out of the oven She's not gonna take the brownie and put it in a bowl pop it on the microwave for a couple of you know for 20 seconds I get it warm and then throw a dollop of chef Ramsay maybe any fucking Denise was not doing that man That's all right. I was whoo-wee I was I mean like I Didn't also didn't find out chain restaurants and obviously when we say trashy obviously they're amazed

I love them we go to them on the road. I was out of cheese I was at a cheesecake factory, which I wouldn't lump into that. But people do. Cheesecake factory, you said? I just I had a gentleman. I had it yesterday in North Jersey. You did? I did. Whoa. I had to convince my wife. She's been there, but she had forgot. I don't know how you forget the factory. And I was like, Yeah, it's great. They got a lot of good things. Meanwhile, I knew I was getting that chicken parm

sandwich. You heard that work whistle. Let's go punch in at the factory. Got my R dad on. 1820 calories out the door. Dude, the iced tea is 1800. Dude, you get unsweetened iced tea that's 4000 calories. So, they gotta get rid of all that shit. Putting that in our faces.

Trying to have a good time. I would lump that in. I didn't find out Applebee's was not considered high class. Well here's the thing, I'm sorry to cut you off. My boy Flip, his parents were a little more culture. A little more, I would call them

artsy douchebags. I remember his dad liked jazz. I was like what the fuck? What is he? Back in time? What do you mean? dad like jazz. I was like what the fuck? Lizzy was he back in time. What do you mean like jazz? What are the lyrics kick in? It's got no hook on it, dude Does he not know any stones? Yeah, thanks jazz to a kid might has been a stun gun But he was like we gonna he just said it in passing one time. Yeah, it's like fucking Applebee's or whatever I was like whoa, you know it like that. It was I heard it in pan that it was wasn't married

It wasn't considered good. No, well at the for a minute they I mean not for a minute for a while They were I mean that was you know, what I mean, that was it That was the nicest places we would go or just chain restaurants You know a Fridays out there or wherever. Or we would do like, Philly at that point had a couple, in Northeast Philly there was a couple independent ones. There were like bars, but their version of like a TGI Friday. I know the guy that kind of started that stuff in Philly.

For a long time in Philly it was either, you know, like a diner or it was a really nice, like you know, like a, like a five star restaurant. What's the, what's the French joint that was down there? You remember that French place? La Bozo. Something like that. La Beque Finn. La Beque Finn. It was like, it was like that.

I always thought they just serve, uh, like sharks and stuff there. Like I thought it was like high end seafood. They had Finn in the name. That's all that, buddy. They didn't have, they were, they were serving fish got me walrus Yeah, I was like now deep. Yeah, and then you know the the smaller Casual dining places started popping up, but that wouldn't happen if it wasn't for the big change They were the trailblazers goddamn Fridays chilies ponderosa. Uh-huh me a break

Yeah, we we have all one of all one of my favorite meals ever was with you at Altena, Pennsylvania or whatever. Altena, cold day in Altena. The very weekend where are you garbage started? Yeah. On that ride home. I was making money for drinking milk with dinner. But we had to cross like five lanes of highway to get to a fucking empty, empty Friday in Oasis. And it was empty.

In the middle of a desert. And we, I remember putting, I go, you wanna do a, I had to do a sampler. And man, sampler to start. Hey man, talk about, LeBec Finn who? Down at the TGI. I remember the nap I took after that. I eat sugar coma.

Sure. CP time. Jack Daniels barbecue sauce. Woo! sugar coma. Sure. Seep eat time. Jack Daniel's barbecue salsa. Woo! All right, but let's get into it. So obviously we're talking chain restaurants, casual diner. I'm talking your, everything from your cheat cheese to your Applebee's to your Friday's.

Cheat cheese, fried ice cream. Ponderosa Grill, whatever that was for you because some of them are regional, obviously. Yeah. And in some of the smaller, more rural areas, these are like the restaurants. You got to drive 30, 40 minutes to get to the Applebee's, and they're throwing out the best food. Catch a weight, too.

Catch a weight. Catch a weight. I remember you used to get the pager. Get the pager. Get the pager. Jesus Christ. We were big. My dad would pull up, someone run in and put our name in.

And that was, you always felt like you were like a forward operating, like Marine team. You'd like roll out of the car and still be moving. Let me get five for smoking under Dan. You know where the Foley's didn't do well? Everywhere? Waiting for your table in the vestibule, going into the restaurant where the benches were.

Two kids fighting. Talk about, get over here, move, get over here. There was always a good family across from you where they were like holding their kids back from you. Like, oh no, don't look at these. Me and with dude Danny had me in a headlock, I'm crying. Chasing a gumball on the floor. Yeah, bad news.

Asking for change. At any moment, dinner could be ruined until we got to the table and even at the table. All it took was one knocked over Shirley Temple and it was gonna be a bad night. Sure. I don't know if my dad ever had a peaceful, enjoyable meal until I was in college. Then we like, he liked going out to dinner was we get on a Ralph's down in Philly, get on the muscles, all that shit muscles all that shit ruin a shirt But up until that it was just yeah. Yeah, chaos could break out at any moment. I know Helix helix helix, baby. Oh, can't be let's talk about helix mattresses. I know you got one I got one gang do yourself a favor get over to helix take the quiz find out how you sleep get a little information

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Get in with Shopify, Shopify.com slash garbage. Do it. Do it. All right, let's see. Let's get into it. This one's from Big Tony. This is more of a story. One time six buddies and I went to Applebee's

for the dollar drinks. Back in 2018, we got there at 9 p.m. and found out after we were seated, the promotion was from 10 till two. Is it garbage to sit there for an hour and not order anything well just do the water till 10 thank you very much that I respect I mean we at that point just gave it to him what are you doing should come off at 11 it's probably not in the system I'm not gonna make it till

1030 anyway I'll be carrying me out of here I remember one time on the road with a comic that I didn't know he's like let's stop at Applebee's I said alright We were like, you know, whatever is down there like you're here for dollar readers And I said I wasn't but I'll fucking this guy's driving. I had to he had three Those things are quiet assassins. Oh, yeah, you get up to go to the bathroom cross You're in the girls room with your dress over your head Crying This one too, I don't know about you but for us I saw as a kid we went to these a plate like, you know

Went to these chain restaurants a lot and then as an older kid high school when you had a little bit of freedom We all had like a date, not a day job, we all had job, like, you know, some sort of after school or weekend job. So we would make like 150 bucks a week or whatever like that. So you had a little bit of K, a little bit of spending K.

And we started going back to Applebee's in high school as like seniors a little bit. And that was our, to have like a waiter. Yeah, is and high school for a for a high school dirt bag is like, you know, meanwhile, as a kid, we went to school with. Yeah, I looked I looked back we Denny's was our place for that in high school and college and I look back thinking man, that poor

fucking server. Fucking sucked. Yeah, couple of fuckers. I've had that wait and take couple of rats just in their fucking in there too long. No one can do the math up to sugar caddy. No one can do the math for 20%. Yeah. Getting ripped off. Uh huh. I know it's not. And we would go and then I think even a little bit afterwards, like somebody start or maybe we're like with an older kid, a kid who's a little bit older ID so like one kid would be getting a he had a fake ID so he'd be ordering a beer meanwhile I hadn't hit puberty yet I'm like dude this is crazy that there's 22 year olds hanging out with this fucking

kid who's 14 you know what I mean but that was a big cross-strait line that was like another big thing so this is this is from ace the homie we used to go to Applebee's for weeknight karaoke in high school. They were doing stuff I mean, that's crazy. We'd order like one appetizer each and watch my friend it Watch my friend sing Enrique Iglesias' hero. He put on a hell of a show for the whole place I mean in a more small town That is the entertainment that's what i'm saying. That's where you're going. High school. That's that's nerd shit right there.

I don't know. Go to get in the garage. It's a hero, baby. You can't do that every night. People's parents are home. You got to go look. I got to go get some trim at the Apple. Man, karaoke and an Applebee's. You did comedy at an Applebee's. I did on New Year's Eve.

I was so jealous I wasn't on that show. Really? Is you Tommy Pope, me and Fy Dance, Chris Cotton. Yeah. I said you really you get a big gig like this. You don't like get me wet his beak. Yeah, I remember that. That flyer is still floating around. Oh, I know. I have it hanging on my wall with a big X. Laces out. Yeah, they really they really started expanding those and

trying to do more. They try to be like neighborhood bars but it's funny when that all collapsed and like you'd be in there eating with your family and you go to the where's the bathroom while it's upstairs and you get upstairs to like a

banquet hall and you're like what the **** is this tables are all flipped over, there's mop buckets everywhere. That shit got shut down real quick. Uh-huh. All right this one's from another generation of garbage. When I was 17 my mom and I went to Red Robin Great Burgers. A girl I went to school with said one of the other servers thought I was cute. The girl gave me her number the next day like the girl he went to school with gave the co-worker's number to him the next day at school. When I went to hang out with her,

she turned out to be 35 and had her own apartment. She wasn't bad looking and had a great body. She was 35 at working at Red Robin. That night I received my first BJ. Red Robin will always have a special place in my heart even 32 years later I miss her and think of her often. What a gal. Also so many- Let alone the unlimited basket of fries. So many things have broken down in that night. The kid's there with his mom. A 35 year old woman sees a high school kid there with his mom because that

kid's got it going on. Tells another eight, seven, 18, 18 year old girl, hey, give him my number. They hang out. Catches a honey. Catches a fucking. A blowy as Yanni Pappas would say. How wild is that? Whoa. That's what it goes back to the supermarket. These places in

suburban or rural areas are the like, a lot of people's like first what at first jobs, first crushes, first date, like are these are like, you know, the hubs of certain things. That guy will never be able to drive by a Red Robin. Without thinking of catching a, dude, imagine being 18, hopefully he's 18, catching a homie.

35 with her own apartment. Dude, a 35 year old red Robin waitress. That is a specific kind of bro. This is, it's gotta be in the 90s too. 32 years later, what's 32 years from now? It's gotta be, this is like 95? Dude, well that's.

Talk about playing it fast and loose. Woo! That girl is all right. I'm talking teardrop butt. Pew! Whip! I wonder what she was driving. the transmission. Man, a girl that drove stick back then. What are you in the army? Got a got a heater hanging out of the side of her mouth. Don't be a pussy. My husband won't be home for another hour. I don't know, ladies. A car seat in the back. There's definitely some takeout back there too. The waitress taking her dinner home from work. Oh, man. Alright, this

one's from Thick Bones Jones. Five dollar modello, never had one red. Family rarely went out to eat since there was five of us. One night we went to Chili's. Everything was going great. The cokes were flowing, the chips and salsa was banging. I got the chicken crispers, how you doing? And asked for extra ranch. They brought out a gravy boat of ranch.

I proceeded to eat the whole boat and then puked everything up in the parking lot. That thought I used to puke most times going out to eat. Puked all over the table, the red lobster when I was seven. Why the fuck they giving lobster to a kid? My mom took me to a Walmart to get a shirt. My dad finished the meal. That, I mean, come on dude, that's fucking crazy. My mom took me to a Walmart to get a shirt, my dad finished the meal. Dad!

I mean, come on dude, that's fucking crazy. You would be surprised at the amount of submissions where kids threw up at chain restaurants. I was never a puker. I wasn't a puker. I mean, I was. Like an over-eat puker? No, I was a drinking puker for sure. But I mean, one out of every four was,

and then I threw up in the parking lot, then I threw up on the table, then I threw up, it was crazy. Yeah, they get all excited, they start wolfing down that marinara sauce. Next thing you know, they're yakking. Oh, hot dog. Yeah. Yeah, that's it, dude.

I mean, so many, there's just, so many people have so many memories of just That was it like we didn't go out then we went out I remember the fan the first the one of the only times that as a family and like when we'd go out to eat as A family would be my family my cousin's family the other cousins everybody go out We'd have like a table of 15 and I remember going a red lobster for the first time. I thought that was like the White House I still don't think I've ever been to a red lobster and I remember when we got it being like this fucking Stinks really oh yeah really that dudes loves lobsters at the house better than this be all dry and shit

I we had a family reunion at a Friday's. This just hit me. I wouldn't say reunion, but part of my dad's family, one of the brothers moved out to Hawaii or California or something. I had never seen him. I'm about eight. I don't know him. Somebody moving from your family to Hawaii. Man, the rumors going around.

Or maybe the kid or maybe he married a lady from Hawaii and they were living in California. Either way, did I meet this guy? Was this guy at the park show? This family? Is that a possibility? I don't know. As I talked to a family at the park show, you think that are around your age that live out there?

No, no, they shouldn't have been there. No, I didn't know that guy you were talking. Oh, really? Yeah, I forgot about that. I never seen that guy in my life. He was like a friend of a friend of a brother's friend. Fucking went in on a timeshare with this guy. Yeah, I remember you go, yeah, we go down to Connolly. Oh, hey, man, I get the look. I'm like, dude, I'll see you later.

I don't fucking know this guy. I got to work a room good people What uh So I've met them I met my cousins for the first time and they were part Hawaiian because the mom was Hawaiian And I do detail eight little eight-year-old Kevin. I'm at a TGI Fridays, and they're going neat these kids are your cousins I said year. I ain't never met these fucking kids in my life. I remember they got on trade. They got like adult entrees and I was ordering the chicken. That Friday, you know, they were like, I'll do like the the sea bass or whatever.

And I was like, jeez, what planet are you? We weren't allowed to order entrees like that. You get a hamburger. That's a hamburger and and fries nothing that came with a supers Alan I could pay that I remember when it was like you're not allowed to do the platter the chicken finger platter sometimes you'd have to do the appetizer chicken finger basket which didn't come with fries typically and sometimes the platter deluxe yeah I used to know my dude you could show me a menu from 50 feet away I could tell you where to where the chicken tenders were falling on it Yeah, if it was a kid's menu if it was like there was a platter portion went like fourth in the appetite Yeah, I'll do the chicken tent sometimes I sometimes I would just be you know coloring and look up

I wouldn't even look at the menu. Yeah, I went to Applebee's. I didn't need to look at the menu You still got the you know, why I'm here bring out bring out the moneymaker give me the usual start heating up that brownie to couple extra toothpicks for my stepdad here all right this one's from Jackie treehorn great name one of my dad's best friends got robbed by two ladies of the night he met at a TGI Friday Fridays bar on a work trip He took them up to his hotel room. They tied him up at knife point and she tried to take his wallet Chokes on them. He was hammered and left his wallet at the bar

He proudly told this story to my dad in front of me at a different TGI Fridays a few months later dad in front of me at a different TGI Fridays a few months later. Never return to the scene of the crime. Man, if you're working the TGI Fridays. Again, this is, dude, I remember doing a show in like upstate Pennsylvania at a Ramada and that bar was like. The bar. That was the bar and I was sitting there waiting to go on and bam. And there was like people hanging out

and a couple of night crawlers. Ladies. Yeah, and I'm like, she ain't. You know. You on the show too? How long you been doing comedy? I'm three years in. I'm the host.

I got moved down from feature. Man, that's a tale right that's I mean It's just so that's listen. You're an older guy. You know middle-aged guy You're on a business trip It's not like you're in you're in downtown Philadelphia Midtown Manhattan look who you're talking to you're going to you're going to a TGI Freedies or You're going to a TGI free these or get fucked getting worked over dude jokes on them being so fucked up You left you left your wallet at the bar. He's just tied up laughing They got to still got to see your titties

Man alright, let's see here This is from Abbeville I was a server at Applebee's in Westchester, Pennsylvania when the Eagles won in 2018. The main host of the place was a diehard Eagles fan, called out for the parade and never came back, go birds. That's the best they had guys like. He probably died. Like I ran over by a horse or something.

Ah. Ah. Ah. It was always great when somebody made it out. Yeah, he's not coming back. Yeah, that's a great, that's how you quit those jobs. When you're off a day, you're not supposed to be off. Those jobs, a retail job, a shitty office job,

a chain restaurant, a shitty restaurant, you're getting that cycle of like, I work these days and these nights and these days. And the second you crack that And you have like a three-day weekend you go What the fuck am I going back to this get a little bit of sunshine in your face you touch a little grass I was big on uh getting my last paycheck I'm gonna go in get my paycheck and either not gonna show up for brunch the next day or tell them. Hey, by the way i'm done

i'm out Go birds. They're losing Applebee socks. I was talking about this before, but waiting has hit that call the movie waiting. Oh, hit that culture perfectly nail on the head out of the fucking park. It's like, you know, everyone, if you grew up with a relatively dirtbag background, not even that, you know, every single person of in that movie. All right, this one's from Brandonio.

I worked at an outback steakhouse for seven plus years throughout high school and college. One time I was high on Molly and reversed my car into the building by the takeout room. Destroyed the back of my car. To this day, there's still an indent in the building and pieces of my tail light embedded in there. I mean, I love how you're like, ah, pretty good gig, I'm on Molly all shift. That's pretty, that's great. I mean, Luke, can you find out what,

who's got the best gold? I'll go to their web. Go to every not every go to the give me out back. Give me Applebee's. I got the top five. What five what? So we're starting out. We got Buffalo Wild Wings. They do about four billion chilies, four billion Applebee's, Texas Roadhouse. All of them are in four billion dollars a year in revenue. Fuck. Well, what's the first one, Buffalo Wild Wings?

Buffalo Wild Wings is the lowest. Get out of here, I don't count that shit. Why? Yeah, that's not, that's not, that's not eating good in the neighborhood, that's not family. I might have to push, I see what you're saying. I've never been to one.

What? You've never been to one? No. And they weren't, they came online when you were, like, they opened up in like 2014. they weren't they came online when you were like they've they opened up in like 2014. Like I was already broke. Like I couldn't go to a Buffalo Wild Wings. You know what I mean? Yeah, I was. Yeah. I take that back. I would have loved that's like a that's like a chickies and Pete's got out there. I

think I've ever been with actual chickie and Pete's just at the stadiums. Crab fries, right? They don't count. So what do you want me to find? Fine, go to their home pages and find out who's got what specials are currently, you know what I mean? Yeah. It should be like

in the banner, like, hey, we got two for two things. Oh, yeah. Give me an out. Give me an outback. Give me an Apple Bees. I can't believe four billion. Four billion. Go just go to the top five on that list you had

That's a lot of cash a lot of tendies four billion dollars there do uh-huh chilies four billion Damn somebody's still eating there. I a lot. Yeah a lot of fucking people. They dipped and came back right I think they did too. Yeah, I mean they got the fucking Remember they were in it. They were all in the toilet for all and they asked and when they started doing the curbside shit That was insane to me. Yeah, I remember I used to go to the one in Newtown is like how am I gonna get fucking free refills? Huh? I'm I got a fucking drive back I was here yesterday. Oh top. They go over the top with the packaging too Yeah, it's nuts. It's like space-age shit They go over the top with the packaging too. Yeah.

It's nuts. It's like space-age shit. It's just to me that food is such being there. Like I want, I can get tenders from anywhere. I got tender guy. My thing is like that's part of the experience. You go there, you sit, you you break balls you have a dollarita Someone gets too fucked up. Whatever whatever that is smoking. Yeah, that's part of it the

Getting the foods mediocre. I mean if I'm getting to you know foods fine at best You know are you a booth family always always a booth? I'd that like the table Today I'm trying to think did they have smoking always always a booth. Uh I like the table. Today, I'm trying to think did they have smoking? Yeah, for sure. When I was a kid, for sure. Yeah. So with the one on tree road, you

go in and to the left was the smoking. So, I got the bar because now that I'm thinking, I've never been on the right side of the. Yeah, the bar area was smoking. Ripping heaters at the bar. Yeah, but I think even that there was like an elevated platform on the left of the bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was like the high tops and shit. No, no, no, no, no.

Mine, you would walk in, it was like the Thunderdome a little bit. You'd walk in and the bar was right in front of you. And then everything else was like two or three steps up around that. I think those players, the first time I saw the bar that went all the way around. Like the octagon bar. Whoo! Two men enter, one man leaves. K stop out or frames shout out or a frames again and a home run or a frames What are you thinking about getting your mom for Mother's Day this year? I know it's a little getting her third or a frame that she can put in the powder room if she needs it because that's the best Damn product out there listen if your mom if your wife if your aunt if your mother-in-law

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That's 15% off at truework, T-R-U-E-W-E-R-K.com slash garbage. Speaking of the bar, this one I've never thought of, and this is fantastic, this is from Roy Munson. Is it garbage or use your Red Robin gift card at the bar? Gift card money spends the same, baby. So in my head, head yeah in my head if someone went here's a $50 gift card to Chili's I'd have to go sit down eat

dinner in my I never thought I could just go to the bar and get 50 bucks worth of booze with me and the boys can you do that that's what he's saying huh it's like money I thought they'd trip you up on shit like that. No, it's got to be at a table and I mean, I got even if it's a table hooker took my wallet I mean even if it's at a table you go hey drop the chips and salsa and keep the fucking Mickel Oaks flowing you know and if you caught that when they were doing one of those dollar drink specials you'd be fucking Fucking ossified. I have to pull you out of there Plus the Molly uh-huh be fucking, fucking ossified. They have to pull you out of there.

Plus the Molly. Uh-huh. Uh. Ha ha ha ha ha. Um, this one's from Reggie. This is a deep cup, deep, deep cut on a couple of things. Hey gang, never had one read. Is it garbage if you sold enough magazine subscriptions

during the magazine drive in seventh grade that the school got a limo to take you and a bunch of other kids to TGI Fridays for lunch one day couldn't tell me shit on that day fucking Glen Gary Glen Ross That's crazy that that was always a myth if you sold whatever you'd get at limo ride the Pizza Hut or whatever I've never heard that my life. I you know I was always a myth to me. What selling what magazines? Yes, it would be like a drive of some sort candy around Easter I've never heard that in my life. You know, that was always a myth to me. Wait, selling what? Magazines? Yeah, so it would be like a drive of some sort. We did candy around Easter.

Okay, same thing. If you sold enough candy, the theory would always be like, oh, this school three towns away sends you the top guy in a limo. I ain't never seen it, but this kid fucking did it. Hitting the fucking pavement. This kid's like, blank check over here. That's crazy. That's awesome, man.

Anything on a school day. Forget it. It was, you know. That's where I went to ChiChi's for fucking Spanish class. Loaded up the bus, went over there. Uh-huh. It was fantastic. We went to Marita's Cantina.

I remember we always used to... Whenever I was sick, I'd always make my mom stop and get Burger King, which like seems counterproductive now that I'm an adult. I'd leave the doctor's office and go get Burger King. When you were sick, you were like getting a physical. I forget I'd be going home and we would get Burger King. I'd eat it in the car ride home. Then she'd go back to work and I'd be trying to my feet on that I'd be at the crib snoozing probably or tugging my little roots ski What do you got Lucas the deals are all like two-fer blank deals now except Texas Roadhouse they have the

Texas Roadhouse Fantastic. Yeah, they got the Monday margarita Texas T-Bone Tuesday Wow, what's the Monday margarita? What's that banging at this discount of margarita? Let me tell you something those things are strong as shit. You can't eat. It's all sugar They're delayed a pomegranate one when we went out It three of those and I didn't know who I was Talk about singing show tunes. Good night.

Okay. And then you got, I mean Applebee's has Double the Deal, Double the Fun, Meal for Two. They're just making shit up at this point. Hey, give us 20 bucks, we'll give you a shit ton of food. Double the Food, Double the Deal, Double the Fun. Hey, what do you got? It seems very used car salesman salesman. Yeah, there's just a guy out front doing this He's three for one. What's three for one three for one apps? So you get an app and entree and a drink Oh, what for one for the price of one? I think it's about $22 something like that. That's not bad That's not bad. Plus it's somebody's birthday

They all have the birthday deal. That's big. It's free. Yeah, you get you get half You get a free app or something. They all they'll a little different some people are gonna get a free something Every Veterans Day my parents would go to lunch at either Applebee's or TGI Fridays whichever one did that Your mom's dressed like sergeant slaughter? That's why they'd go like for lunch couldn't imagine what that place looked like If you order online at Olive Garden you do a six dollar take-home entree. Yeah, they like they got the apps in the online shit. Fuck that. When I was doing DoorDash, I remember delivering a guy Applebee's in a rough

apartment, like real rough. And it was like so much. What are you celebrating? Looking out the window, he's laying low for sure. This guy is in a rough strip of apartments. And I remember there was like so much Applebee's like over $100 worth of Applebee's and this isn't like Bumblefuck Jersey. Yeah, that's hiding out. And I'm being like, Why are you staying

here? And if you got 120 bucks to spend at Applebee, yeah, click to join up, go get a room at the Hilton or something. You got the cash, you know what I mean? That's such a terrific logic. I remember having to call him, he's like, nah, keep going. And I was like, whoooo. Take it, Jack. Take the keys with you.

Make sure I left them on T-Go running. Oh, god. This one's pretty good. This is from Arals Lou. I've I've been going to Applebee's at least once a month for 12 years with two friends. Great tradition. Love that. We have only ever paid for half half priced apps. Never had an entree. I respect that.

Yeah. That's like a, that's a good hang with the boys. Of course. We're gonna go, we're each gonna have two or three drinks, maybe every third month, someone you get fuckin', you're like, you know what, my wife's out of town getting fuckin' shit housed. Crippled.

Yeah, and just keep the half-priced app. This goes back to my, I don't need an entree Post me up at a high top two of my boys Give me flip pat and Just let them know You don't listen. It's well documented. You don't like a high top. I can't get a goddamn table. I Like dollar margaritas you're off restaurants. I'm off restaurant Uh, I would have you but you're off restaurants fair enough. I'd make an exception for a Friday's and phrase appetizer So I got us in this trouble to be getting it

And just post up for like three or four and just you know get nice snowy day Step out for a heater come I'm off the heaters, but step out for a heater That's where you step out for a heater when you're in there during step out for a oh, yeah Where the apps get there feel the cold? That's a bar. That's like that's what's so unique about those the middle of those establishments is a bar There's hookers you're hitting on people like but then there's like a kid celebrating his birthday five feet away You know they got the touch tunes like kid with no future I turned out pretty good

This guy this leaves right in this socks with sandals is it garbage to take your small children to Applebee's at night at 9 p.m. I Was definitely in an Applebee's on a school night man pass when I for sure should have been That's crazy, But that's, I mean, what's the, I've been seeing more and more young kid, like couples with like a baby. We saw that when we were at that diner. Where? At the 24, the diner 24.

That's what, yeah, last week. Yeah, they were like, they were getting like chopped. They were having like a date. I guess you know you're working That's the only time you could see your wife. You got the kid. I was one it they weren't working They were didn't they none of them was in a uniform like if one was in scrubs I got you just got off their shift or whatever. Yeah, I'll get a second shift. I'll give you the benefit a baby They had a baby There's one o'clock in the morning on a fucking Wednesday. Maybe you don't know maybe she just woke up

She made a baby just got off work. Who knows? Yeah, I've just been seeing more and more of that like goddamn I remember being we were in Vegas for skankfest walking down that Fremont and like it'd be like two o'clock in the morning And there's like a five-year-old with like a yard in his hand Walking down with next to his shoulder like, what are we doing? I respect it. Sure. Yeah.

Uh, all right. The little kids, sorry, the little kids in those situations. Yeah, my dad was always a good judge of, all right, it's time to get out of here. With the kids. Yeah. Yeah. I wish I could say the same. You're coming in as we're leaving. Where are you going? I got a stack of quarters. I just got out of here. Dirtbag. Yeah, man. Hanging at the bar. Those joints was was all right. I mean, we would. I remember bumping into like my brother's teacher or something. I think my dad was hitting on her. It was it was It's 1130 at night Kevin. I remember them being like they're talking too much like my dad don't like people

For him to be talking that much. What was she doing in there? I can probably throwing it out Dying one on I thought I really thought she was a lesbian, but I I still I remember going there talking way too Yeah, what are you doing here? What's going on? Their teacher conference Yeah, there's a lot of times where it was just like I remember one time we were at a Friday's or somewhere. It was fall, we were in Northeast Philly. We were down on the boulevard somewhere. My dad and my brother, we were in the smoking,

I remember this vividly, my dad and my brother got into an argument that my dad couldn't run home from where we were Because my dad used to be like a pretty good runner. He's all drinking I'll be 20 bucks. You can't do 60 push-ups right now or they were arguing. Oh, am I you know? I'm sure my dad had a Lot of cocktails and enough in them say no more And he's gonna fucking run home right now, and I was like dude. I going to have cocktails and enough in them. Say no more. And he's

going, I'll fucking run home right now. And I was like, dude, I must have been. You're going to leave us here? I remember being like, what are we just going to drive real slow? Far's Gump had just come out. So I remember being like, are we

just going to drive real slow next to you the whole time? It was raining too. And I think he said, if it wasn't raining, I'd fucking do it. I'm like, I'm like, one dude, you're fucking, you're at your 50th Marlboro red of the day You got at least eight or nine Michelob's in you and some fucking fettuccine Alfredo But this is after dinner. You'll be hurling at a quarter mile. Uh-huh, and it was like it had to be about

15 miles. Oh, no, it was like not in the neighborhood. It was It was it was Like right now if you were like, hey, you got to get in the car and drive I'd be like I will just go tomorrow like it was that far it was a 30 minute drive maybe Jesus, that's bad getting a bar argument with an eight-year-old getting thrown out oh man

that's all right Woo! Getting thrown out. Oh man. That's alright. The very of the this is, this is from Desiree, is it garbage to have been at a Chili's for dinner and you and your dad have to break up a father son fight at the table next to you after the son smacked the shit out of the dad? That's where you get smacked in there. Oh, out of smack I've ever heard. He goes, they were like they were 30 and 60. I let my dad control the

son and I took the old guy to calm down. That's a relationship. That's like if I went and met, if I reached out to them, they were trying to rekindle. That's where you go. If I reached out to my dad now, I was like, yo, what are you doing? Let's go to

Applebee's. Meet the Applebee's. And we're sitting there. And I'm eating at a cheesecake factory. No. That's ruining my chicken bar. Splitting tuna nachos. Uh, that's what then after, yeah, you know, probably when the entrees get dropped, you realize things are still the same. You got a couple in you. You got a one or two in you.

He didn't change. You're still complaining about this. And which mom felt that way. Would you say yeah fucking what fucking crack? Do you mention slapping a six-year-old dude at a Chili's? But here's the thing those kind of places that's where people step in you go to you're at a nice fancy restaurant Oh, those people aren't gonna get involved when you're the neighborhood, people are gonna stay. That's not right. Don't be hitting him. Put you in a sleeper hole real quick. You ever see the one where the guys with his wife and his kid and he starts like screaming at her? Dude, there's like a mob. Dudes are looking to be the hero. They're all fighting each other to get there. Yeah, yeah. It's great. That makes sense. That's where you find John quinones who?

Maybe see news. What would you do? I just saw it. Hey, it's actually me John Quinones or whatever buddy No one knows who you are get the fuck out of here He steps in he steps out like he's Wayne Newton like everybody's gonna be falling all nobody knows who the fuck you are You're John Taffer. Yeahaffer yes a bar rescue kick rocks Fuck you go find me chef Ramsey. So I care about I just saw I just saw him do that in a ball like somebody was saying something a bar. He's like hey, oh easy pal You're on I'm John Quinones. Yeah, buddy. No, thank you Shit

All right, this one's for max. $10 long term investor in college. My homies and I would frequent the Tiger Perkins in Orlando purely based off the fact that's the exact location Tiger Woods slept with a Perkins server. That's great. Hold on. So it's a Perkins, not it, not Tiger Perkins. No, they called it Tiger Perkins. Yeah, you want to go to Tiger Perkins. Yeah, I would do that. If that was the time when you're like, yes, at a Denny's hostess, didn't he? Yeah, no, it might have been Perkins.

Perkins was the famous one. Perkins was where she dropped the tampon on the parking lot. That's how they found out. What? So there was like a journalist following Tiger Woods and she dropped a tampon out the window Tiger Woods did his thing and then a journalist took it picked it up found it and like kept it for evidence They were one him The Perkins closing deals all that money you're saving Perkins is alright. We were never a Perkins. closing deals. Oh, that money you're saving. Uh Perkins is

alright. We were never a Perkins fam. Hit a couple in our day. I'm sure you did. Nothing wrong with it. Uh huh. Little percadoodles. Whoo. Uh. Who the hands family? Shout out to Hula Hands. Uh yeah, I I recently did my red rob, my

first red Robbins. Uh. It's Red Robin. I don't think it's Red Robins. Really? Whatever. Scumbag. Right? It's Red Robin. Did you ever do Cheeburger Cheeburger?

That's why I didn't get eyes on that. I thought that was a chain. That's a place in Chicago. Cheeburger. That's from the John Belushi sketch. Cheeburger Cheeburger. I know know but they pull one chi burger chi burger They opened up when I was into it was ever that you know you like miss something Everybody at school was talking about oh, we're at chi burger chi burger. I'm like dude. It sounds like you're talking a different fucking language

What happened a chi burger chi burger Founded in 1986 okay What happened to Cheeburger Cheeburger? Founded in 1986. Okay. Oh, there's only two US locations anymore. Sanibel Island, Florida, and Richmond International Airport. Jesus Christ.

That's all over the map. They proudly serve Pepsi products. I respect that. But there was one in Oxford Valley that like, I mean this place, it came in like fucking, like the Beatles, dude. Everybody was talking Cheeburger, Chee, you gotta go to Cheeburger, Cheeburger.

That was P.F. Chang's at the Plymouth Meeting Mall when they started putting them in the parking lot. Same for us. Let's go. Everybody. Might as well be in Studio 54. Well, I do respect the more heightened versions of like we said the Applebee's and Friday's, you know, stormed the beaches. So these Cheesecake Factories, the P.F. Chang's, the Bonefish

Grill, the Season's 52's, like Harry's. There's a Harry's. There's a Houston's or something too. Well, I just went to, we're buying a bunch of baby stuff. So we're at all these friggin malls I went to two different malls and I got to tell you pull in and it's just Rosa night like Nice casual corporate restaurants you go. This is a fucking I can get down with this Let's go look at some strollers which ain't cheap by the way go get a table go get a table get a nice fucking baseball State should be a couple of potstick. I Love it. I have potstickers are on everybody's If the ain't you fucking get with the time, you know what I mean daddy. Oh, oh

God, that's alright Alright, this one's from kippies Jaris skippy $10 homie here say you're out of chili. Okay, this is how he opens up Say you're out of chilies and the table next to you leaves And there is a half pitcher of beer still on the table. How garbage is to refill your glass? From that pitcher very Very garbage for sure and I'm not a guy to do I don't like other people's stuff I would be remiss if I would say there wasn't a time

when I was at as a college kid. Yeah, sure. Yeah, the Richboro Pub or something. If you're with your family, your uncle gets up. Also, what kind of fucking animals are leaving half pitchers of beer? That's two beers. How many people at that table? Yeah, you gotta fucking who's and also they might throw you out for something like that today. You can't be doing that. Can't go around drinking floaters at a restaurant. I don't know. It's gotta be illegal. You gotta check your ID. No, a floater is

unknown. That is some guy's beer. That's different than a floater. It's a family floater. Also, what would you get a phone call that the dog got hit by a car? You got a bounce like that. You're having it. You ordered a picture. You finished the picture That's all I'm freaking picture of Bud Light sitting there in me nuts Yeah, that would be yeah, I don't know I don't know in what world I Would just say do it

it depends Depends on your age. You know your way you're with your family. You can't do that. It depends. Depends on your age and who you're with. You're with your family, you can't do that. You're with your wife and your kids. You can't do that. You're with the boys? Eating half-price apps? Think about it. If you're with your family and you're doing that, you're definitely leaving in separate cars. That's a dad in a separate car. I'll meet yous at home.

For sure. Alright, we got time for one more here. This is from Nick. A little sentimental. I met my first wife. I fucked up. I met my first wife at a Chili's in my hometown as a waitress. Got married two months later when she met my parents after the wedding. We found out we were step cousins. Wait, hold on. Take that back. That is some. That is some. First of all, that is some chilies air shit

I would never happen at Applebee's or DJ. I heard again. We not the Cheesecake Factory I met my first wife at a Chili's in my hometown as a waitress, okay? So I want to know where this was we got married two months later two months man Two months to a Chili's waitress Throw it all away. Yeah, let's go. Hey's go. Dude, that's one where you're like, I'll get you out of here. You're gonna stop. You know what I mean? There's delusions of grandeur there. For sure. Met my first wife at a Chili's at my hometown as a waitress. Got married two months later. When she met my parents after the wedding, we found out we were step cousins.

Met my parents? After the wedding, we found out we were step cousins. Met my parents? After the wedding. That's nuts. Which means... They eloped. Yeah. Her courthouse. But they didn't like...

The parents didn't meet her before they got married. Man, that's a chili's romance right there. I'm like... It's also, how else did you think that was? That is like the most chili shit ever. That's your sister! Step cousin. So what if a step cousin would be...

Step cousin would be... Yeah, I have step cousins. Yeah. Who are attractive. That's not blood related. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing right with it. I mean...

You can't do that. Sure. Hey. Not ha... Double the food, double the fun. Double the pleasure, baby. Double the cousins. Alright, we gotta wrap it up, gang.

What a fun one. Gang, we love you to death. Please, if you haven't, check out the Route 66 towards on the YouTube page. We love you. See you next week. Peace.