Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Cheap Billionaires! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: May 18, 2026

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Mars Men: For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, AND 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men at https://Mengotomars.com Warby Parker: Our listeners can buy one prescription pair and get 20% off additional pairs at https://warbyparker.com/GARBAGE — and using our link helps support the show. Promo Code: Garbage BetterHelp: Sign up and get 10% off at https://betterhelp.com/garbage. Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gang, here's a couple of fun ones talking about Portland, Maine, Pittsburgh, PA, Cleveland, Ohio. The boys are coming for a little AYG live. Grab the squad, bring the hometown gang out. See the boys. Yeah, it's some stand-up. Plus, we play A-Y-G with the crowd. You get a chance to ask us your garbage question live. We shit on you.

It's a good time. Tickets at RUGarbage.com. We'll see you there. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU. Garbage. Oh, yeah. It's our little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians.

And we find that if they grew up to be classy. Yeah. They're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash. Yes, that's right. I'm your host, A J Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootty's in a new edition. She's over at Walgreens.

Uh-huh. Stealing me some Corraceed. Because the bug man has got a little bug himself. It's funny, I laugh. I can't laugh more than that. That's crazy. I was, I know what I'm such a dirtball. I didn't care about the laugh.

I want to say, well, I hope you feel better. I'm sorry. Where's the sympathy for the devil around here? I hope you feel better. My co-s is coming out from across the table. This is what we call a family episode. Uh-huh. Family cares for one another.

Can you tell him trying to move merch? Look, hit me. He's new, are you garbage contacts? Are you garbage grills? Oh, yeah, I'm just hanging out with my favorite hat, my favorite mug. Just chilling. Stink. You look like Ron Howard.

I'm making a bad movie. That me? I feel that, dude, that's how I feel. I feel. Got my dad hat. My Bernie's dad. That's what the kids are calling. He's dad.

That's my son. He's gay. Hey, put my kid in. Your kid sucks. I'm yelling at the coach. Ah, yeah, of course the coach's son gets in. A man who needs no introduction. After all that.

Kevin, moving merch right. Guys, check out the official store. Get him with a promo. Code Kit. First of all, thanks for tuning in. That was by accident. Truly was by accident. However.

I got it. Check out my new limited edition. No, obviously by accident, I've been using the mug as of recent. Now I feel I have to defend myself. I've been using the mug as of recent because we're out of the coffee. The place. I don't like those are a little too small for me to ones you got. I like the other white ones.

How many Chevy luminous do you need, Kevin? I'm getting rid of the one. I currently have. You miss out of it? So it's $5,000 OBO. Really? Really? That's a good car.

It runs well. You have the balls to put $5 grand on that thing? What do you mean? That's crazy. $1,200. It was more than that. $1,200. Okay.

I've been sitting there for $2,000. Why is that all you got? I get not a penny more. Do you like all you garbage, many chances? Cool. First of all, thanks for tuning. As always, please make sure you're right, please make sure you're ready to subscribe on iTunes.

Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. The boys are climbing the frigging charts. And obviously the greatest website of all time. We were. We were on iTunes as well. I looked. That Andrew Santino episode was like top 14 episodes.

Really? Comedy interview podcast posted by two fat idiots. The market's down right now. And then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.p.patriott.com. I show you garbage. You go over to get all that bonus content. And you can watch the full-late paintball video.

Whoa. Two operated. The arena of death. Uh-huh. And the big man will shock you, nimble, stealth. Pizza. You guys eating pizza mid-intro. Crazy.

What do you mean? I was hungry, and that's a part of the stick. Uh-huh. Let me tell you something. A stick. They really committed to the bit, huh? Committed to the bite. I was really disappointed in that pizza.

As shitty pizza at an arcade, bummed out. Sure. They really let me down. You got to get some. I forgot. I don't think we talked about it. What? You kept count.

Hey, guys, I don't know if we ever talked about it. She came over to me and you're like, hey, I just talking to the snack bar guy. He says we got to make it on the move on this pizza if we want to get one. Oh, yeah, he said the next 10 minutes. Everybody's like, nah, I think we're all right, man. We're about, we're about to run and sweat and play warm. Hey, he was over for two more hours. Guy bamboozled me.

Something like you would do with the merch. You went back over and started talking to him. And we're like, you're like, I don't know. It's like, it's just like his fat dumb kid. He's like, I don't know, man. He's like, are you going to buy. pizza or not. If you come back over, he said he could knock

two bucks off the price for the pepperout. Yeah, you were fucking over there. Dude, we kept looking over with the kid and the kid's like, I don't know, sir, do you want the pizza or not? I don't know what else. Give you a hot dog. I don't know what else. He's throwing a box of goobers for me.

Sweetness. You fucking stick. I'm not going to sign that. But my word is my bond. How about a handshake? Blood, brother, you cut yourself. You spitting your hand. Hand like to hand that.

mate going anywhere. Sir, we don't take that. Well, my friend over there, he has all the money. He's going to have to pay. Can be? Pay the man. You take an expired American Expressman chance? Oh, boy.

You got your tokens out. What a fun day that was. Paintball. That was very fun. Really? Hey, you go over there and check it out. Anyway, that works for the active military, CIA, FBI. If you're looking for a guy through the door, give me a call.

Okay? And I can forward you someone's number. Because it was in the Navy. Woo, good times. Yes. One thing we were talking about, I think you were complaining on air about it, but also recently off air, was your, I think disdain for Warren Buffett and his modest spending on McDonald's breakfast, right? that was that's a and I'm rightfully hey look at you no to each their own that's all you oh you don't you think it's fuck him yeah okay you should be buying sauces egg and over everybody all the kids in the school bus

I don't disagree if the market's up I get a sausage egg and cheese and after market's down I got a sausage and cheese yeah fuck you guy I'm thanking over it's just get the sausage scraped it off and give it to me okay I'll have his cheese I'll take his egg please well can you pull up his actual order It's famous. It's that thing. It was that interview. You know, it's from a long, they taught that in business school. Like, that's how you do it.

He started out selling, like, bottle caps. He was a hustler. I don't know. I don't know if that's his origin story. He was selling gum or something. I'm sure he sold a lot of things. He used to intern. He was a kid.

Dude, I remember, I'm so stupid. I thought I knew one thing about him. And I was at a, I was at a wedding. And I was trying to impress this. Cheeseburger and Paragon. Like a loser. I'm a parrothead. And there's this real, there's this real big finance guy, rich guy.

I was talking to him. You're going to say a hot chick. No. That's what I'm talking about. Your Warren Buffett history knowledge will really. And he's like, yeah, I'm a big Warren Buffett fan. He's like an idol of mine. I'm like, you know, then I like threw out a fact.

And he's like, that's not true. You know he gets two big Macs every time the Hong Kong market tag? Just like myself. They don't have the shame. I like that filet a fish myself. I'm talking to the bus boy. Do you remember what the fact was? It was something about how he started Berkshire Hath.

I forgot about it. I was like drunk and I thought I was killing it. And this kid just went and then he went, because you know when you're at a wedding, you don't really know a lot of people? I guess you probably haven't been in a wedding. I told you. It was at a wedding. Oh, I thought you were in class.

No. I was at a wedding and I was like trying to bond with the guy. You shut your mouth at a wedding. What do you want a heater? That's what I was doing. Yeah, but I thought I was really feeling myself. And man, I struck. A rich British guy.

Hello! I stink. Yeah, you thought you really had him in your short-sleeved button down in the tie. Looking like joint fruit, bears, beats, a bad star go back. You got a dollar for the bar dinner? You got any quid on you? Hey, let me borrow five quid, me. You know Elton, John?

Yeah, what's his order, though? All right. If the market's up a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit. That's all right. Dad, listen. Hey, talk about with an eye on my hog. Shout out to the S&P 500. Holy shit.

If the market's down, sausage egg and cheese. What's the difference? If the market's way down, two sausage patties, which he combines and washes down with a Coke. He also does the exact change. This guy's awesome, actually. No, I think he's shopping like a homeless guy. He makes a sandwich other two napkins and some bacon. Throw in some creamer.

for me. He's getting all the free shit. He's got to, the market's done a little bit. He's got a bunch of prep stuff in the back. Save yourselves. I got to tell you. That's why coming around a little bit on them? Yeah. What? Bacon, egg and cheese?

I want one right now. I can tell. They don't make them like that anymore. No. I respect all that. Yes. That's, so that's what, so this is, there was a few other people

that I found that, still they do similar stuff to that. The hell is Luke even. What was that? We left the remote on the table. Leave that in. Don't cut that and show your mistakes either. That stays in there.

I thought that was one of those kids that put their phone up to somebody else. It's one of the beeps and they run away. Wait, what? Huh? Like, I just stole all your phone. Those dads lose it. Come here.

You know what I'm talking about? Prank shows. The prank videos, the kid runs up to somebody's phone. It makes a beep sound effect and they think that They just transported all their apple cage. You'd lose it. My foot in. Yeah, you do.

Chasing the kids on the street. Your hat blows off. My head. Don't tell anybody about it. Cover my dick. Why? They pants to me or something. I just think, before you get into that.

Thanks. Thanks for shoving that in there. Yeah. I thought this is when I thought it was Sausersers egg and cheese. Sausage McNuffin. That's a bag of an order. Also, I was going to,

you know, defend the guy a little bit. He was doing some interview with him and, who's the other old geezer? Charles. He died. Chuck. Charlie, something. Unger. Right? Charlie Munger. Yeah. Munger? Yeah. There you go. Fucking Jim Kramer over here.

Tell. Mad money. But you want to buy, or you go out to, they were out to, they must have, they were having lunch every day at the same place. Something like that. He gets it. And, He just made me hungry for it. Warren Buffett had a hamburger with a little salt. Guy likes a burger and ketchup.

Real simple. That's it. You ever just have a hamburger, not a cheeseburger? I don't think so. It's wild. I mean, I don't think it's that crazy. It's crazy. I can wrap my head around.

There's a lot going on. There really is. You get the beef flavor. Next time you're in Burger King, grab yourself a Whopper Jr. Without cheese. Take that to the van. And get me one. Get it without the cheese, but get the cheese.

Mail it to the care of H. Foley. Sure. Another, the guy, Charlie Ergin, head of Dish Network. Gee God. I don't know. He got to be flopping. But at the time, you look up his net worth. This is rich people doing dirtbag shit effectively.

Rich you're doing cheap. Yeah. Should be given that. But that's like, local baseball. That is the habit. you made it what do you got 18.7 bill whatever got that on me he's a few more hats we got a boo I got that inventory sitting muskin bury that guy you got rockets and shit uh-huh brown you're 18 billion uh oh yeah that's why he must be

broke because he packs a lunch of a sandwich and gatorade daily that's cool that's cool right that's not these guys are why you say something he's fucking breaking this guy's balls And a sandwich bag of pretzels. Uh-huh. Nice. Bringing it, yeah, it brings a simple sandwich and Gatorade. He makes it. He also shares hotel rooms on business trips with his employees.

That's hanged on. That's bug man business. Oh, no, there's one bed. And my stepmom's here. What? Got my hand stuck in the dishwasher. Oh, fuck. That's great.

Dude, I wouldn't want to work for you. He was also a professional blackjack and postage. poker player. I mean, these are just dirtbags who got rich, essentially. I was telling somebody the other day, something you told me, pass it off as my own. Respect. That if, like, drug dealers in the inner city that, like, ran big things, they also have the same brain as a guy who, like, runs chase. Yeah, of course.

Well, you would have to. I mean, in order to do it, in order, yeah, you'd have. I'm not talking about the low-level guys. Uh-huh. The brains behind you, stringer bells. Sure. Stringabell could have done really well with corporate American. He was trying to move over. Was he?

Yeah. Huh. That's from the wire. That line. He could have done real well in corporate America. I said that. You weren't in the wire? I wasn't in the wire.

I watched a little bit. Okay. The Stringerbell stuff. Uh-huh. But I don't remember that line. Stopped after season two. I did? A lot of people do.

Uh-huh. Was that when McDonty goes back to me in a flat foot? Yeah. When they're, yeah. Yeah. The docks. I love him. Whatever that guy's name is?

It's great. Dominic something? No. You're an idiot. The British guy. Hello! He was in a rock star. That's the guy I was talking to with the wedding.

Kenny. Was it? Dominic West. Good job. Yeah. Good looking kid. I feel a fever. I feel the fever coming on.

Mm-hmm. Chills. Ooh, is brutal. I'm all by myself. Talk to me. Another guy, Asmin Premji. Uh-huh. Known to monitor as employees' toilet paper uses.

Fuck that. That's like, yeah. You can be a dirtbag. You're comparing that to a Gatorade and a fucking ham and cheese with one cupcake? Come on. That's American. I do think, yeah. I do think, like, take the Gatorade and the fucking the sandwich.

That is like, because I guess you can have anything. And he probably did at some point and just go like, ah, just get me back to my fucking give me a screaming cold yellow Gatorade and a turkey and cheese. Every once in a while. You're going to reset you, like reset the palate. Every once in a while, that'll happen to me. Well, I'll be like in situations like, what I want, what I want to be doing?

And then I'll have like something so simple. Like, man, this is where it's at. Remember I had pitched that idea that all sandwiches should be a little thinner? A couple weeks ago? Yeah. We're doing too much meat in the sandwiches. Listen, I am a very odd meat to cheese to bread ratio guy. They all need to line up for me.

When did that happen? I think it was like the delis and stuff like that. Instagram. No. The bigger the sandwich, the better to seem. Get the fuck out. Yeah, you know, I blame Baines Deli. Remember Baines Deli in Philly?

They really thought they were hot shots. It was like this high-end sandwich place in the food courts at the malls in Philly. It'd be next to Sabaros. It was like, high-d-d-dollary guy. Too big, cheesy slits. Those were thick boys. Oh, man. I loved it.

I loved it. And they had a- Man, how old is your boys? He's 12. He can only have one. If they didn't give you a receipt at mine, it said, if we don't offer you, if we don't give you a receipt,

you get a free meal. I used to sit there every time and hope those fucking motherfuckers never gave me a receipt. Can't you make sense of these. I would do two slices on that. They try to be hanging. And they never did what they never did. They never united the plates.

You know if you get two slices somewhere? Yeah. To put the. They don't overlap the plates. They never did that. No. They want you to be a jerk off and drop it. Yeah.

Yeah. You're laughing at your fat ass band that order to pick it up. Mouth breathing. Looking for my dad at the Oxar Valley Mall. Fucking probably trying to hide for me. The shade. Belly full of thick pizza crust. Fall full of a table front of girls.

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pairs at warby parker.com slash garbage that's 20% off additional prescription pairs when you go to warby w-rb-y parker dot com slash garbage do it do it um all right that's neither here nor there we got a gosh darn family episode we'll talk a little badness hey yeah we're getting done um uh all right as you know when you're doing the old patreon uh we will answer you we will ask your garbage question on the air and we got a couple hum bingies here gang this one's very good never thought of it this is from Nick hey gang ten dollar diamond dollar

uh have you ever had to change into a suit in a parking lot you're jammed the fuck up I have parking garage in center city I was changing to work to go to work at Macy's never in shape guy either no no why

it's it's never just like a dude no with like a six-pack just like chick spraying a hose ooh yeah it's always like me hiding behind my mom's car

and everybody sees your belly your tits sucks it stinks why what is it about a dirtbag person doing dirtbag shit that like why aren't

what is it that success no successful person's really doing that and if they do if they do it's not like shameful it's up bringing but like what Why are we all making the same decisions that we got to be changing into a suit? Probably to go to court or like you're not going to a wedding.

You know, why? Something else. Something in the water. Yeah, I don't get that. Yeah. Just planning. Planning. Planning.

Time thing. The guy who has the six pack has planned out his meals to have that six pack. He's planning out his day. He's like, I got to be in a suit by this time. Maybe he had parents that taught him that. The parents did it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just yelled at him.

Hey, Patty. Got that. I've been throwing some smoke our way. You don't say? I think a lot of people would get in the smoke. Oh, bet. Yeah.

They don't call it on there as much these days, to be honest with you. Why would they? You just say you were yelling at your mom. No. Smoke here. I talk to her. I mean, I'm nice to it.

But I'm going to hear from a local Philadelphia area anymore. There's no show down there. That's what it is. Uh-huh. Oh, so they can't get them. Oh, they'll be on the phone. December. I'll be on the phone in December.

They should be on the phone come fucking July for the Atlantic City show. Yeah, they will. June, they'll be... I didn't see. How do I get a ticket? You don't know? Huh? Hey, put your...

Hey, put your pinchers away, bug man. Everybody's icing me on my Mother's Day text? Nothing. It sounded like six. I get one response. Huh? I go back there and rip that R-frames in half. I see what you say then. I got stacks of them. Oh, God.

Anywho Changing in a car Changing outside of a car Yeah, in that parking lot Yeah, that's tough I was always I guess that is like you're doing too much Like

You never have the right stuff You never yeah You never dude I was changing it on my dad's suit The button didn't work I just had to had to cinch the belt real tight Were you a big fan of putting the hangar In the back seat? I mean

Feeling like a real Operator My dad would do that. Oh, my God. I'd suck if you were in the backseat, too. And it felt like you were in the car wash the whole time. Fuck that.

Man. Woo! Extra starts. Just fucking slice your neck. I remember, I remember my dad would get, you dry clean. But, like, he would just dry clean. You get my dungary, you get a dungarey dry clean from time to time. And I guess, I mean, he just wore t-shirts and sweatshirts every day.

I don't know what the fuck. But he was always getting stuff pressed. He's out, OCD. Get stuff. We go down, we go over there to Earl's cleaner. Pressed. And he would just hang, like, two or three things, he would hang it up, and then we would take it in. But I remember the first time I saw a guy, he had, like, a broomstick across his back seat, like, into, like, the...

Who's the suit seat? And he had a bunch of clothes. Who was it? Earthquake? I know you fucking went. I remember being like, what the hell is that guy? How many shirts is this fucking guy? My dad's like, he's got to be some sort of...

Delivery. Salesman or something. Like, there are he needs... Come on to the car. and take a look Clint? No, I don't know what. He's carrying that in?

No, I think he just needed that many clean shirt. Like he probably got his month. He had to wear one every single day. And I think he would just go. Oh, just went and picked it up. Picked all 30 up at a time. Where was the bar going across? The back seat.

Like from like, holder to holder. Because there was too many to get on the handles. So he had his own fucking wardrobe in there. Those dry clean hangers were brutal. You could use them for anything. The metal ones. We love our.

customers. Yes. Dealing with that shit, getting that plastic off? Weird. Yeah. Dry clean is really, who can see any dry clean anymore? I think a lot of people aren't, you don't have to get dressed up anymore. Like, even like corporate jobs, you don't.

That's a problem. That's fine. All right, Luke has no shoes on right now. I don't believe anything you have on, dry cleaned or clean at the moment. I'm currently not wearing underwear or socks. Okay. Yeah. They're new sneakers, though.

At a certain point, I just start wearing this. Well, there's a certain point, and I've done this, the second you put your unsocked feet. It's over. You've lit the fuse of those shoes being over. The first time's great. You go, I'm a bad boy. I'm running a red.

Feels great. Yeah. Can't be too hot. Otherwise, it gets mushy. It's like you're in the beginning of the ocean. You know what I mean? But the second, third, fourth, fifth time, they just become, they get too wet. Take the holy community, your bat mitzvah.

That's when you cross over to that. Shoe takes on a different light. Yeah. It's a different kind of shoe. That does not come. You can never get it back. You're not getting that smell back. You know what I never, I would do sometimes, but I should do more, is change the insol.

Get a little more life out of the shoe. No, don't do that. Why? Listen, for a long time, I would wear the, you know, the boots I got, the cool boots that I got? No. You know what I'm talking about? Cool boots? The cool boots?

So when we were somewhere, I bought a pair. It's a great story. I somewhere and I did something. Morto 11. Chinese food. I bought a new pair of hoax. Let me take a sip for my toty mug. I bought a new pair of hocus.

I bought a new toty mug. I'm done with you. I bought a new pair of hocusoles. All right? And I took the hocus soles and put them in the boot. Didn't work. Didn't work out. That's not how that works, man.

There's no cushion in there. Where? And the boot. Yeah, boots are known to not have, you want to walk on a horse feet. How do you know what that feels like? Cliff clopping around. Somebody's got to reshoot the bug man. Get one of those infected hubs.

Oh, yeah, I would love to do that. I'd clean out all your pus. You would? I had to put you in one of the straps, though. If I was, so you don't kick me. If I was, if I had one of those things that cows get with the gas, Would you want to be the one jamming the thing? I mean, I wouldn't have not hurt them?

I wouldn't I? You'd do it, though, wouldn't you? Yeah. Walk away. It just save you. It removes the... Just brain you. Ah, damn it.

I'd never do that. I'd save you, obviously. Really? Uh-huh. I think I have a couple times. Cut your losses. I'm starting to think that. Hey, Hank, let's take a walk.

down by the creek. That's how they got Lenny. I never doing that. Mice and men. Gary Sinise and... Have bugs and men. I wanted to touch the lady's hair. You're going to pet diesel to death.

Isn't that what he did? He killed the girl or the woman. That was more than the puppy that he killed. Yeah. Sure. I think that was a minor charge. They were like four men. They went in town to town, right?

They weren't like... Yeah, it was during the Depression. Uh-huh. So was this. John Steinbeck. He also did the grapes of rats. Nothing. That was a great joke.

You said that was during the Depression. I said, so was this. I.e. Your depression. There's your rude comment. It's too sad to laugh. I need some chicken soup or something at the house. Yeah.

Bug me? I just give fever coming on. Sure. This is great. And I need... Taglobelo can't Tina. Yeah. Get the hot sauce.

Diablo sauce. Woo! Hey. Hey, son, those canteened dishes. Mm-hmm. You throw a tablecloth over that, one of those seats? You didn't matter a Mexican restaurant. Take that to the bank.

There would go. Take that to the banko. All right, let's see. This was from Ascension. First time, long time. Never have one red. Is it garbage if a clown taught you and your brothers how to throw a curveball when you were kids? Only a dirtbag would have this story.

Growing up, a clown lived across the street from us briefly. He played minor league ball in his 20s before he took up being a clown. That guy always had a heater hanging in his mouth. Make up, no makeup. My brothers and I were on the clown. My brothers and I were always playing outside, playing baseball or throwing the ball to each other. Upon telling our mother, her face became incredibly serious. And she told us, under no circumstances, are we to go into his house?

This was on the northwest side of Chicago, and she grew up during the John Wayne Gacy era. Shout out to Bubbles the clown. I mean, that's some reason I picture wearing the thing in the house. Like, he just has it on all the time. Of course, I just picture him like shaking up a drink. You know what I mean? He's like a, he's like an 80 swingers. He's getting any pussy?

He's a bachelor. You know what I mean? He's got one of those conversation pits. He's like hanging out. But a nasty slider. Man, that's what I'm talking about. That's it, dude. That's something else.

So funny. And that was at a time. I don't know if that's happening. I mean, we grew up with giggles the clown. It was my boy, not my boy. Kid I grew up with his mom was the town clown. You went a lot of places you shouldn't when we were kids. Yeah, you just did.

Like, I don't think there's clowns walking around like, and I don't know why. I guess it's no longer like a perk in the mirror, huh? And what, see, my awesome. some Bernie's. Do you cover that budget for the new film you got going on there? I should have something better. Blame the fever. Fever jacking me up.

Yeah, I don't know. I can't foresee any of the kids I know in my live, live life. We don't really know what's going on out there. True, but I can't picture. They're very professional kids. Yeah, I just don't know which one of my nephews are going to come in and be like, hey, Bubbles just taught me how to throw a perfect spiral. Like, that's never going to happen.

You know Your brother cocked the shotgun I'm gonna Exactly I think we just There was like I There's a schedule now

But there's I think there was like An overcorrection of like How lawless Yeah The 60s 70s and 80s were Yeah no 90s You know I don't think not as much as that

But like Not the 80s And like San Bernardino Whatever fucking Yeah Yeah anything else dude The 80s in the The West Coast in the 80s

If it wasn't L.A. No way No way. No way No way Go and get got, dude I mean it's just like It was the quiet town of El Paso town

Whatever fuck that Gugamonga Yeah dude Anywhere a little bit north L.A A little bit south L.A Sarciman's north San Fran That was serial killer Hunting Ground

Which not a coincidence They say Uh huh Bubbles the clown Bubbles the clown Yeah I was just like That kid net

Like the vans was big Free candy I think as we learned All their tricks You know what I mean My cousin had a little situation They were walking home somewhere And like a guy tried to call them over

And they bolt it These kids know like fucking Jiu-Ditsu and shit like that They all got cell phones Fucking pepper spray Glock 9s Fucking peck 9s What's the deal

Throwing 9s throwing knives. Anybody that I know starting, like, the kids now, like my older cousins, like Brady and Michael, and Aden, they and Ryan,

they, I think they kind of did their thing, but like kids now, it's a schedule, man. Sure. Like, I don't know where there's like... I mean, dirtbag kids are, for sure. I mean, you're like, you know...

Cracking one out in your room. I like, give me a little fucking space over here. He's got this. He's got squaback. She's got to do this. Go, hey. So how many the cake gets a job? You know what I'm saying?

That's funny. My nephew, you know, was like, I got to get a job. He wants to find a job down the shore for the summer or whatever like that. That's another thing, too. It was impossible to get in one of those places, bouncing at like the Avalon or something like that. I mean, he's not that age. But he's looking for like a busboy job or something. I'm talking to tough it up a little bit.

Bouncing at the Avalon. You're a fucking linebacker for the for Penn State Altoona. What are you talking about? That's who gets that job. Yeah, no shit. I have a kid in my family. It's the fudgy wudgy guy. Yeah.

That's crazy. I wanted to do that so bad. Ugy wudgy. They push a cart with wheels up and down a beach. Usually go to Korean War vets. Yeah, well, one, I know Wildwood plays ball that it's like firemen or the hot dog. I've gone over this. Firemen, I think, are the hot dog guy.

You have to be a fireman. to be a hot dog vendor and then I thought it was not Prisoners Award it was veteran it was all POW No it was uh I thought you had to be a veteran to be uh slam the lid with all having flashbacks no I thought you had to be a veteran to to be the fudgy wudgy man yeah there was one I mean we grew up with when he retired he got like his last fucking labor day he was walking because they have like a they have a territory, like 17th Street to fucking 6th Street or whatever. You want to talk about it? He got a standing ovation Monday, dude.

Banana na na na na na fruit bar. They're pretty good. Yeah, I mean, they're all good. They got fucking, slowly turning to the old men that complain. There's a fucking iced coffee guy on the beach, and he's got a longer line than the fudgy-wudgy guy. He's goddamn kids.

We were in L.A. We got a computer class. We were in L.A. the other day, whatever, last week, and the day we left, I walked to the Starbucks to get coffee in the morning. Me and Ian went by that every morning. It was all the kids from the school. Dude, I was in line with fucking 50, 12-year-olds. Imagine that.

Getting a cup of joke. What are you saying crazy for? I mean, dude, coffee culture is completely changed the last like 15 years. I drink it. I look it in my toty mug. So do I. You, where'd you go in the morning? Catered breakfast?

I was just hanging. Really? Yeah. But what was the cool, like, summer? You're the cutoff, I would say. What? You're the cutoff, I would say that. Yeah.

What was, like, the cool summer job for you guys? I imagine you guys didn't have it. I respect. What would you, like, lifeguard? Yeah. No. The coolest one I had, I thought was cool, was at the golf course. That was like.

Were they threw the tennis balls at you? Oh, why would they throw a tennis ball that? They called you fat and made you eat pizza. That's pretty cool. I was one of the guys. You were the guy in the cart. I mean, I did a lot of things, but I was in the, yeah. You were.

I wasn't closing the ass. I did a lot of things. I was a club court attendant. But to me, that was like what? That was like caddy shack a little bit. You know what I mean? It was like you're outside. I had to be there crazy early some days, which was like a responsibility.

So you're like, oh, I'm not just working at a grocery store. Like I'm like doing science. A lot of fuck. Every day you learn tipping culture, cash cash. Yeah, yeah. You fucking, there's like a little, there's a little economy in there that you learn how it, it wasn't just like, uh, my friends are like, I'm a camp counselor. We learn how to play ball. Yeah, you learn how to, you fucking learn how to be a dirt bag.

That was my first scam. Yeah. I stole the tokens from the fucking. Bumma SIG? Yeah. So I'm popping back. That's how you learned like, you got five on you? You also learn how I can like.

Put you in with adults. For sure, but then like, yeah, my, my, my, some of my coworkers were grown men. You know what I mean? Like, that was their, that was their career. Sure. Like summer help. But you learn how to pop back. I'm a sneak off and catch a sick.

You don't know how to like work this system within the system. Make a couple extra bucks here and there. Be a third pole. Yeah. Some of my formative years. Uh-huh. Yeah. My two buddies worked at a camp all summer.

Cushy. Me and my buddy Kramer were fucking pumping gas at the fucking Hess Station on Germantown Pike. Yeah. Whoa. Had to wear a uniform and everything. That I would say was one of my favorite jobs. Just because I had the outfit, the uniform wore a bandana, felt cool with a buddy. Yeah.

Oh, man. They started a break of summer. Eventually. Yeah. We're working together, if you know what I mean. When they figure it out halfway through the summer, ruins everything. Sucks. We were at the field club.

That we were all snack bar managers. And then they figured out we were all buddies. And they just started out. Probably got a lot of cows on your finger from those, huh? Shut it down. They cut myself in a Frito's bag, sir. And then the car wash. The car wash that was, that was the best.

Brand new car wash in Paoli. There was no, like, dirt. Everything was clean because you were standing out there when it came to the car. You may, you're wap it down. Mm-hmm. You know? Nice. You get that wax on your shoes.

You can kill yourself coming down on the driveway. Mm-hmm. But that was a good one. But never lifeguard or, damn. Arcade would be cool. All right. Let's see here. This is from Gunner.

We were just talking. I think we were just talking. This is from $10 homie. What's more trashy? canned or frozen vegetables? I got to go canned. For sure. Can't anything.

I think they're both fantastic in the unique way. I do feel like frozen vegetables lack all nutrients. No, I think it's the opposite. I feel, I know, I'm just saying like they're like tasteless. They're like too lot. They're like, I feel like everything gets zapped out of them. You don't go green giant? What are you getting?

Bany's? No. Go bird's eye. Yeah. I just feel like, yeah, see what's better. Oh, frozen vegetables, as soon as you. because they freeze them as soon as they pluck them from the ground, so all the nutrients are saved in them.

Okay. Yeah. Didn't tell you that at a film school, did they? Huh? By the way, the lady in the water sucked. Actually, I loved it. It was a Ron Harrodder. Never saw that, Paul Giumani?

Never saw a lady in the water? I don't like broad movies. I don't like chick flicks. What's a chick flick? I'm joking. Them they're Shamelon. Oh, actually, it wasn't Ron Howard. It was his daughter was in it.

Well, she would know. She's your daughter. Ladies and gentlemen. And we're happy for it. I love her. I wish you will. Yeah, I don't know. I just think canned caught such a bad rap.

But it was like the metal or whatever. No, just like, yeah, can. It was like very cheap. It was like last forever. I'm not saying I'm just saying like publicly it had some bad PR of like you're eating canned. Anything in a can be came. That's cold war shit. Yeah, that's 19 fucking 50.

Canned is the same though as the frozen vegetables as they just add. It's more processed. but they're harvested at their nutritional peak. They cook them in like that salty water, that liquid. They used to love that. Do they cooked them in that? Yeah, they're cooked. Yeah.

Hmm. You don't like canned green beans? What about wax beans? I love canned green beans. Do you? The green giant and that's what we grew up with. Good man. Put a little butter on there, a little salt pepper.

We'd just roll dog them. Stupid scooping out with a tablespoon. A cereal bowl. Yeah. I don't know. I do. I will. Both can, but I don't know.

The difference is wild. The first time I had a fresh green bean. The fuck is it. Oh, yeah. Neon zone. It's tough as shit. Yeah, what the fuck? Why isn't this mushy?

Why isn't this baby food yet? Yeah. You know, it doesn't get enough of those snap peas. I like a snap pea. Sure. I like all kind of peas. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

I haven't fucked with peas in a long time. Thank you, Kevin. Here to help. I got the weekend planned out. That was one of my. big struggle foods I would always buy the huge bag of frozen peas that was like what that was like my vegetable I kept stock oh you get a little rice and some ketchup I mean dude something dude the one time I remember being fucking so broke in my in my uh when I was staying I was

sleeping on the couch my boys I was simplicity when I first moved to New York it was it was it was uh I would do peas and hot sauce a whole a whole bowl of them you couldn't throw some minute rice in there dude I had nine nothing what was your dumps like I was like a fucking I was like a fit homeless person. I don't think you're allowed to do that. That's like drinking a gallon of milk. That can kill you. You would knock them out one at a time.

What do you mean? Not one at a time. No, a bag. You cooked a whole bag? No, not the whole bag. But I would have a big bag and I'd be like, well, I need as much volume in me as I need to, you know, you got to plug me up here. So I would just do, I would eat a whole, I'd fill it with water and I throw it in the microwave and just let that cook until it gets hot. In the summer, was you having frozen?

Cool, I'll blow on myself. Very refreshing. Yeah, that was like, that was just like what I had overdrafted my account. You used to pull some dishes out of tightness straight that I like. I know I can't ask him for some. But man, that looks good. What a houseful of losers we were. Kippie's rice, fried onions, or dried onions and barbecue sauce.

Woo, that's a zip to it. Yeah. I do a nice piece of chicken. Chop it up in the pan. small piece of chicken small yeah small they chop it up a lot of breadcrumbs in there that's a real in a bowl i'd get like a box of panet i'd cook the i think i'd cook the pasta in the microwave as well i'm starving stop and killing me and whatever i eat goes right through me i ate that fucking power bar went through me i don't think it moves that quick it does it does not it started something

that's impossible i'll tell you it wouldn't be a good move rigatoni bolognese and i've got my head at right now mm-hmm that sounds delicious sure but simplicity. Yeah. Like Charlie Unger. Stu Unger. No, it's Stu Unger. Stu Unger.

I was a Stu Unger guy. Stu Unger was, uh, was that from Barney Miller? No. Nightcourt? Stu Unger. Don't say something stupid. What do you mean? What do you mean?

What do you mean? Don't say like Drew Carrey, I'll slap this shit out of you. I can make me sick. You said another one the other day. Wild. What? It was on the same thing of Becker. It was something.

I don't know what you mean. Rubbing it on my face of this. What? It was a weird show that you watched. Yeah. Okay. Who's Stu Unger? Professional poker player.

Mm-hmm. Thank you. Next. Not to be confused with Charlie Munger. Munger. Guy probably had a hog on him. You, Munger! Closing ass.

You just got mongered. He's putting his pants back on. He's buckling up his... Tell your own man to watch the market tomorrow. He just got Munger. He's got Munger. And you just got mungered. We're in.

We're out. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Kip, you know, May is Mental Health Awareness Month? I did not know that. Thank you for informing me. We are aware of our mental health. Yes, very much. We have taken steps to do our mental health, work on our mental health.

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Chime card on time payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Results may vary. See chime.com for details and applicable terms. Man, but simplicity. Why you keep coming back? I don't know. What are we on an a.m. I don't know. Peas and rice.

It really sound good right now. Probably be good for them. You know, when dog's sick, they give him ground beef and rice. I was always jealous of that. I think it's chicken. I don't think they give them ground beef. That's what's wrong with the dog. Dude, no species get sick.

Taretsa sauce. No species of anything gets sick and someone go, you know, you need a little hamburger in you. I swear to God, my mom goes of hamburgers and not hamburgers. Smash burgers, extra onions. She gives them ground beef and rice. Okay, I think it's usually boiled, like, it's usually like fried or boiled chicken. There's no flavor it. I think that's the whole point there, guy.

Get out of here. You got to put a little artig on that. A little old base off. The whole base seasoning. They like it, crab fry. Dogs, assholes on that. I'm sure, probably. I would assume ground beef does work for a dog.

Fuck. I don't want to have this. This is going to. Safe and nutritious in moderation. What? For dogs. Let's see if they're sick. It's got to be.

If they're like, if they have like ulcer colitis or whatever. Ma'am, your dog has cancer. What do you think, doctor? Waterburger. Ground beef is excellent for sick dogs. Yeah, there you go. Get you some ground beef, dog. Makes sense.

Me? Would you? Or put you down. Patty would put a little, what's this stuff? Broth in it. Ooh, look good. Look good. And for the dogs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, for me. Nice. I'm going to go back to, I think simple. Start cooking again. Here you go. I like that for you. Okay.

This is a great name. Hit me. Jehovah thickness. Is it garbage to always order pan-a-pasta while I'm out to eat so I can pick it up with my fork by stabbing them through the holes? I got to be honest with you. Love it. Yeah, I always do something. When it comes to pasta, I'm out on spaghetti.

I'm done with it. I'm so done with it. What's a good deal? dish with spaghetti. You get making it at home, it's still. Rigotone or penny, that's it. You want to do a fusili? I give you a fusili.

I like a bow tie. Or some of that weird eye tie shit that they use, you know, for folly or like crap. Yeah, anything with a little dimension to it. Yeah. Give me a little nook of cranny. There's a new one right now that's banging. My wife's like, it's got to be blah, blah, blah. Tortolini?

Tortolini. What am I, what is he a whore? Cascatelli? Cascatelli. Fuck him. Got a lot of ridges. Yeah. Guy gives me a lot of money.

It holds the sauce. How do you spell that? C-A-S-C-A-T-E-L-I. Capitelli was the big one a few years ago. Jimmy Capitelli? Yeah, this thing. The thing that looks like a tongue when it's like like this. It's almost like a nokey, yeah.

Yeah. I don't need that. Like a whale vagina. The dog's dick. Yeah, you don't get it. You start getting the Italian stuff. This is new. Family's looking at you weird.

They just, a modern pasta shape meaning little waterfalls in Italian designed by Dan Pashman. This guy's designing this. Holy shit. Find out what year that happened. I think it's like brand new. There's no way I wouldn't allow them. That would have to be called the Pashman. I bet your Rigotony was Rigotony.

Right? Jimmy Rigotone? Whoever. I'd feel you'd know another rigatoni then, no? I know rigatones. This was invented in 2021. I told you. That's crazy.

Who's this dickhead? Dan Pashman. Who's that? He's not even Italian. It's an American food. podcaster. No shit. The hell are we.

Take it all back. Welcome, brother. A couple of boxes, aren't they? A good idea. And it took off? Yeah, I mean, clearly. This guy.

You're moving coffee mugs. This guy's creating pasta. You're shitting your pants right now. What are you doing? Fucking breaking my stuff. I'm going back to the lab. You did you just, I told you the worst meal I ever had was a bowl of peas.

You went, sounds pretty good. I'm going home and getting to work. Create a new pasta. Pashman wanted to create a shape that was easy to pick up with a fork, held thick sauce as well, and provided a satisfying bite. And it took off in the industry. Good man. Can you buy, but you can buy boxes of it, right?

See if you can buy a box. Like, who's making it? Does he have to license that to like Borilla, Berea? Baria. He has his own brand. You can't own a shape. Yeah, you can you? Yeah.

Who owns Rigotone? You probably get, it probably goes for a little while, then you can make a generic. You get a patent on it? A patent's like 27 years or 25 years or something like that. But he stumped about this one. I mean, there's only one brand. Let me make sure it's got to be his. Yeah, it's his brand.

No, no shit. Spoglini. Spoglini. Do you see this like Theresey and your little fancy restaurants? I'm sure it'll be there soon. Okay. Oh, there's a nut. They've ripped, it looks like they've ripped it off.

Uh-oh. We're not throwing shit anybody. Ronzoni. You know Ronzoni. With the high school with his daughter. The Crestes. DeGio, do you see that? Ronzoni family.

It looks like the same. Just make them all dinosaurs. What are we doing? That's crazy. Yeah, that's a rip. That's a fucking... But they don't have the little ridge down the middle, which I do think... Not down the middle. I'm saying they can't have it. They got a macaroni elbow and put some ridges on the back. Yeah. That's the same shit with fucking McDonald's.

They don't have a sesame seed bun. Same thing. It's a little big mac. With a big Mick. Which I respect. Me too. I respect the rip-off. I always want to eat at McDowell's. Mm-hmm. Get the peas? No. Louis Anderson making you a shake.

All right. Let's see here. This is from Nocturnal emissions. Longtime listener, accidental new money subscriber. Whoa. I'm not sure if he accidentally signed up or he accidentally has new money. Mm-hmm. Hope the latter.

Is it, yeah, is it garbage to put your used toilet paper in the trash can instead of flushing it down the toilet? Growing up, we had. a weak water pressure on the flush, so it would clog if you flush the TP instead of fixing the problem. My parents just told everybody to wipe and toss it in the can instead of flushing it. I thought this was normal until my first sleepover.

Oh my God. Oh, my God! Now, do you think, I wish there was a follow-up. Is it someone slept over his house or he slept over someone's house, took a duke and just dumped it in the trash can? I would fucking... You would be banned from a Ryan.

The old man came in with his heaters in newspaper. A cup of Joe. Ready to fucking snap one off. Oh, shit. That's crazy. Are Europeans do that? They got no water. The Europe?

Where in Europe? I know South America, like Central and South America do. Yeah. They wouldn't take a dump. They come here. States. That's wild work. But it's got to be like villages.

Like cities, like fucking Madrid is. doing that. That's wild. Yeah, fine. Give me a locale and who does that. I've been to a couple of parts of Europe. I never fucking, if I did, I've met. I had when I was in San Turini.

That makes sense. That's a fucking ancient civilization. I was in Brazil. I was in Colombia. Way down among Brazilians. And I didn't know we were supposed to be doing that. And I was throwing out the window.

No, I was thrott flush in it. And then someone's like, well, who's flushing the toy? I probably fucked up the whole island. A couple choppers from Cartagena come in. Whoa, oh, seor. What do you got? Common in parts of Greece, Turkey, Egypt, Eastern Europe, Southeast Asia, and parts of South America. All right, that's not Europe.

That's Eastern Europe and fucking Turkey. Which, by the way, they got bigger fucking issues going on. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Western Europe, no one's doing that and fucking, you're not going to a pub and fucking throwing your shitty toilet paper out. Yeah. You see a look at my face? Yeah.

Let's just take it over. This is vicious. I'm a little scared. Okay. Don't throw out that toilet paper. Flush that shit. I'm going to lose the fucking security deposit here. I got their mares in there.

Jesus Christ. He's got to like this. This kid's fat as to jam me up. All right. Let's see here. Yeah, that, first of all, that sucks. That's so embarrassing. I'm so happy.

I grew up with like minding. dirt bags and also my family was so big. We had plumbing. We had plumbing. But like nothing like that would have been able to sustain. What do you mean? Oh, they would have been really cool out of the business? Well, no, I'm saying if I was, if my family was shitting in.

They might have had to. And then throwing it. I know, but then if I went to my fucking Aunt Karen's house, my cousin Liam would be like, the fuck are you doing? All that shit would have been correct. We lived the very integrated life. Maybe it was after that. Integrated lives.

It would have been corrected. Here's the question. The question, did the mom or dad Paul and the kid out embarrass him? Or go, hey, your buddy, Timmy over there? I don't know how I would handle that. Take the trash out first. Did I ever tell you I had a kid?

I think my neighbor, there was shit all over our pout, like all over the bathroom down the stand. Like all over. It was like it got all over his... It looked intentional. Sometimes people get in those situations. They don't know what to do and they get embarrassed and they run.

I stay. I stay. I stay and I clean up my kill. Winston Wolf. I locked the door. I look under the sink. I find what I need cleaning products. You know what I mean?

Bed sheets, whatever I need to do and get it done. I get that. Some people get embarrassed. I mean, he was a kid. Yeah. But it was like, it was everywhere.

And I remember, and I remember he went to the bathroom and he came out and was like, I'm going to go. And I was like, all right, later, man. He's my neighbor. I was like, all right, later. And then my mom came down and was like, what did you do? And I was like, what? I was like, that was Ryan.

You had a whole boxer on Zoni. And, yeah, and then we found it at the neighbor's houses. Well, might have been a behavioral issue with a kid. Like his parents were freaks. Vito's kid taking a shit in the shower. Yeah. Expect them move. Mark your territory, like a beagle.

Yeah. Yeah, I was, that always, I remember my mom going, you never. do that. I don't ever do that. I mean... What are you, Dahmer? No shit. I'm watching. I mean, we've... It's not like out of the... She didn't just wake me up in the middle of the night and go, don't have a shit. It's up.

Some kid just did it. And she's like, fucking alert. If you're a child, alert an adult. Have them call me. Something. Oh, yeah, peek at the door. I have said I remember... Mrs. Olson, I ruined your bathroom. Can you call my mom? I remember she shamed me. She's like, I was pooping in my friends house.

Your mom? Yeah. His mom. No, my mom. Came over? No, what? I don't know. Go ahead.

This isn't fucking. Is he shitting? Only guy who tries to guess the ending of the story. Go ahead. At the beginning of the story. I remember I somehow told my mom I was pooping at my friend Matt's house. She's like, interesting kid. That boy right there's going to be a rocket scientist.

So, Mom, taking a dump over any. But did you? And I don't, I just. What did she say? She's like, you're pooping at their house? What? And I was like, yeah, why would I not? Oh, that wouldn't even have a thing.

What? You were as a kid, you would poop at someone else's house, right? Everywhere. I was just scared, but. Of what? I just, I could only poop at home. I loved it. A nicer house than ours, a nicer bathroom, shut the door, smell the, you know, whatever they had to go on.

Pick up a golf magazine or something. They had magazine. Dump it out. That's like getting a haircut. I didn't have shame at someone's house. I'd shame at school. You don't want to have to. poop at school. High school? Any school.

What college? Why are those the only two schools in your head? No, elementary. You got to, dude, if you get caught pooping in fourth grade. I would say like six, seventh grade. Fourth grade just, you're making do-dos. I don't even know about it. Know about what? Like that it was a thing. Like that people would make fun of it. It wasn't until puberty.

Oh, no. There was, there was. Really? You got caught pooping and... Yeah. Dude, I remember there was two urinals and then two stalls. That's too close. He needed 50 yards. Well, that's what I'm saying.

No one ever went into the... Like, you didn't even pee in there. Like, even if the other two were... You didn't want to get caught walking out of there and then be like, ah! Everybody just go running out of the bathroom. Turn the lights off. Get your wet piece of paper touted head?

Yeah, fuck that. Vaping saved a lot in high school. Because, like, that got really big, and then it was cool to be in the bathrooms vaping. There you go. Yeah, like, so you just like. Blueberry mint, dude. Exactly. Damn, yeah, no, we didn't have that.

We also didn't have the fighting in the bed. We were a very anti-bathroom school. Fought the bathroom. Never fought in the bathroom. That was settled. Oh, yeah, was it? What do you, maximum security? That's where it was settled.

You got a beat. You got a beef. You shoot the fade, okay? What's the fade? Run the fade with you. What? I thought it was a three point. I thought it was a...

I've never heard a three-point shot referred to as the fade. I feel like you can hear Marv Albert saying that. I don't, I mean... Probably the most cowardly shot, too. Why? The three-point shot. Cowardly shot. Yeah, because you're out.

Get in there and bang it out. Get the fuck out of talent. You're a pussy. It's raining from the outside. I go tell Steph Curry that. You go hard in the pain. He's the notoriously biggest bitch. Yeah.

All right. Well, whatever. We got to wrap it up. Gang, we love you to death. Hopefully. I'm still here in a couple of days. I don't know how this cold's going to settle in.

Go find me. We'll be getting shut up. Sure. We love you and we'll see you next week. Peace!