Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Chris Distefano: Queens Kid

Episode Date: January 25, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with a HOT pod! Chris Distefano joins the pod to tell wild stories and talk about tipping, wedding gifts, and moving to the suburbs.  Bonus Episodes: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage T-Shirts: https://www.PodcastMerch.com Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? You're Trash.

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is are you garbage the show we sit down with your favorite comedians in front of the group classy or if they're absolute trash I'm your hostage Foley coming at you on a beautiful day down here in the basement Aunt Toody's place she's up there taking an app so let's try to keep it down she had a fucking tough night last night my co-host

is coming at you from right next to me he's the CEO of are you garbage he's my best pal in the whole world give it up for Kevin James Ryan everybody thanks everybody thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you rate review subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube those numbers are through the fucking roof thank you very much also you know help us pay the bills patreon.com slash are you garbage you can get bonus episodes of a YG you'll you get hard feelings with just me and Foley love that money and also top tier we play we do a live stream where we play a YG with you guys you ask us

questions we ask you questions it's a good fucking time get involved baby yes sir I love you buddy cool and have a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire the pride of the Chicago comedy scene we all know him as T Bone Toby McMullen everybody what up we got a great show we got a hot one coming at you hot pod coming at you because gang we got a little fucking star power in this dump today not the usual bozos you see running through here all right this gentleman is an incredibly funny incredibly successful stand-up comedian podcaster an actor you have seen him what he can't go to this

fucking rap sheet right here it's like an episode of fucking law and order special victims unit we got benders we got guy code girl code the late show with David Letterman got that fucking hippie you got in the chair these days you got the challenge you have got them comedy live guy court Don Rickles one night only Seth Meyer Steve Harvey his own comedy central half hour the nightly show at Larry Wilmore comedy knockout what's your fucking deal ultimate beast master stupid questions with Krista Stefano this week at the comedy selly tiger belly and most recently Colin Quinn and friends he's got his own

special outsize 38 waist he has a brand new podcast out called Hey Babe and of course he is one half of the history I in is he's a young good-looking kid with a fucking great jawline gotta have a nice piece on him because he's a fucking big guy yeah give it for Chrissy chaos Krista Stefano everybody buddy thank you so much that was the one of the best intros I've ever had the only thing I worry about is because this is I would think one of the first podcast we've done in Biden's America yeah and it's three white guys I don't know if it's legal or illegal Toby's trans it's okay that's why he's off camera what's his name

again Toby McMullen it's like a made-up fucking name for like I'd be like a cop in a fucking novel I'm gonna need your badge McMullen if somebody said what's your name if I was a police officer and I pulled you over and you a lot and I was like name you like Toby McMullen I'm like what's your real fucking name your name's not Toby McMullen have you given a fake name to a cop um have I given a fake name to a cop no I've never I'm not I'm the kind of guy I have especially with the police even though like I know I like look like a cop and could probably get out of things I I have a certain degree of anxiety around cops because

when I was 16 I was thrown up I had a baton suck up my ass no I was like Rambo never made a movie about me yeah I know I was thrown up against the wall like I was just walking home and I was thrown up against the wall handcuffed wow and then it was just like timing I'm thrown up against the wall handcuffed sitting down they had me sitting down on like a fire hydrant stool thing and I fit a description it wasn't me I was I was coming home from basketball practice and my mother was walking by from work with groceries and I just was like I didn't do anything mom like I'm innocent and then my mother my mother said this again

was 16 so I guess it was 2000 year 2000 my mother was like if you don't have like she I didn't know like my mom's just like a regular woman like doesn't know anything about the law like never got in trouble nothing she walked with the officer and she was like you need to tell me the charges on my son right now or I'm getting my lawyer down here immediately I've never in my mom in my life I've never my mom cursed on my life and she was like you fucking do it and you do it now tell me the charges and then they were like do we have anything on this kid they're like no we didn't find anything and then they unhooked me

and then it was just like one of those things where I was like since then I like I never get fake names to the police I've had like this thing with the cops or I'm like you know and it's interesting too because there's been times where I've I've gotten pulled over and done that thing like in Liar Liar I'm like you know I have there's weed in the back or I have unpaid parking tickets yeah fucking don't rob a bank with this yeah I was in the trunk yeah everyone's like you know cuz like the Stefano and the stories I tell about my dad it's like you know I'll rat immediately yeah I just want to point out that I was gonna ask you if

you think you're garbage but when you use the term unhooked yeah that's that's pretty it's pretty well look dude I'm from a place called like Ridgewood Queens which is just a fucking garbage place it's a beautiful place and I'm proud of it but it's one of those things where it's like you know let's just say you know a few of my a few let's just say a few of the people I grew up with were in Washington DC a lot of pipe fitters in Ridgewood yeah the FBI was had a had a presence in Ridgewood over the past couple weeks so it's just what it is and you know I'm I'm proud to be from that hood but I kind of got out I

got my mother still there so I'm out and in at the same time but yeah I come from like you know the lower not lower class but like you know working class we're like white you know where the fucking it was like a it's like a neighborhood like a very blue collar we got neighbor you know what I mean we got you we want to heal the I want to hear the whole story so start starts in the beginning you were born and raised in Ridgewood Ridgewood Bushwick area so that really I was born in an area now that's like very gentrified a lot of you know comedian peers live there now a lot of like yoga stuff and all muffin shops

and shit but like when I was growing like there's a pizzeria called Roberta's that's like a famous pizzeria in Bushwick and everybody goes it's like a hipster trendy spot and I swear to God so I'm flushing Avenue in like 1997 that's where I saw my first dead body there was a homeless guy right his body was laying there on fire so we had just missed we had just needs must be good huh and do it everybody at the coal oven everybody's parents when I was kid everybody's parents it didn't matter what fucking race religion whatever you are everybody's parents like do not pass flushing Avenue do not go past flushing

Avenue you can't do it gets bad down there and then you know the one time we do it or the first time he did it we saw a homeless guy we assumed to be homeless just on fire laying in the middle of the street and then literally at that intersection is where the Roberta's pizza places now which is like a vegan fucking trendy place where I'm like and look it's good for us it's kind of like Texas oil money where like my mother owns a bunch of idiots not gonna have a lot of money yeah my mother my mother owns the same dilapidated bullshit house that I grew up and hasn't changed anything since 1984 and it's like she

could sell it probably for millions of dollars out of some fucking idiot who like wants to live near the L train I'm like dickhead if you want to pay 10 grand first rat filled studio do it like whatever your fucking dream is I mean but I know that this neighborhood we're kind of sitting there like why do people want to live here in Ridgewood Bushwick but it's a new hot spot so you know it's good investment for us I guess same thing happened in Philly all my all my uncles lived in this town called Fishtown and then that was like the Brooklyn Philly punchline is right yeah and like they all just like cashed out

like bought like fucking houses down in like Wildwood New Jersey smart yeah I mean look like look dude you know if you want to fucking these hipsters want to come in here and you know whatever whatever they want to do dude you want to go to you know 12 to 12 people in a one bedroom fine dude it's 15 G's a month but you can walk to the L train and there's diversity which it's very important you know so here it is baby you know the the border of Brooklyn Queens is always an interesting thing and I thought I thought you were a Bay Ridge guy well Bay Ridge is where I live now where you were young is young is

used to live it's where our studio is for the history I mean so we did a lot of Bay Ridge stuff but I I went to school at St. Joseph's which was in downtown Brooklyn and a lot of those kids were from Bay Ridge so I started going and hanging out in Bay Ridge on Third Avenue since I've been like 20 years old is that a hump from from Ridgewood what did you say is that a hump yeah what the fuck is that is that silly stuff or is that garbage shit trash he's trash okay yeah yeah I mean it's probably trashy Philly if we want to get into it because that's like a hike because I know that there's you know there's Philly things

and and all that stuff but it's like when you say a hump it's like I gotta know like that's not everybody in Philly right just dirtball family no which is great I love it yeah but um it's a Bay Ridge Bay Ridge is that he literally took a fence to you saying that I love it he was like oh no what do you know what not because it's like no I'm not a fan but I'm sitting here in a nice conversation I was like what the fuck yeah but but Bay Ridge is Bay Ridge is at the last neighborhood in Brooklyn yeah it's really one of those things like where even the prices of houses are high there because that neighborhood you know so it could be

corrupted times where it's like they want to keep people out they want to keep the price high I'll tell you this in 2016 when Trump got elected I I went out where every other name I'll never forget I when he got elected you know I was in the West Village and then I went to go visit my Bobby Bushwick and it was like somberg felt like 9-11 like it genuinely cuz I was in New York on 9-11 it felt like 9-11 mm-hmm Bay Ridge was a part about this I went to a bakery I went to a bakery on 3rd Avenue they were handing out free black and white cookies because Trump won they were just giving everybody a free black and white the most

New York they're like it's a great day fucking Nino's Nino's Nino's pizzeria on 3rd Avenue a couple of Halloween's ago I was taking my daughter trick-or-treating in Bay Ridge they gave my everybody else giving candy Nino's gave put a cup of marinara sauce in my kid's goodie bag and they're like it's bats blood sweetie it's bats blood I was like holy shit yeah but they're great as you know it's like they're great people like they're loyal people sure I get it how like if you're not from New York and you have come here like let's say you know the people we know to pursue comedy and you're like woke and dope which is fine whatever

but like you come to Bay Ridge it's just like it's a different world just understand that people don't think like you you know they're not bad people but it's like they're just they will they'll give you the shirt off their back but it's like just no like you know they don't necessarily love AOC you guys don't see eye-to-eye on everything which is what I think is what's for me is like that's fine like I think there should be a Bay Ridge and there should be a Williamsburg Brooklyn polar opposites that's what the beauty of America is but sometimes I feel like well now you can't even have like a discourse you can't

have a disagreement it's like one side it has to be my way the highway which is just a huge problem no I totally agree yeah for sure yeah what's the your mom and dad they were were they married no you got a story yeah tell us the story from jump so my father okay so here's the thing my mother highly educated articulate woman graduated from Columbia University Ivy League school that shit doesn't happen at a Ridgewood work in the town worked in the tower second she worked for second tower that was hit she worked for an insurance company called I'm sorry a bank called Bank of Nova Scotia nice so

so I think that was the company at the time I yeah I'm pretty sure that was still the name of the company when she was on 9-11 but so she worked in the second tower that was hit right but where they met was and she was fine it was all good but but but where where they met was it's so ridiculous too because on this is just like fucking you know again Brooklyn Ridgewood shit my mom on 9-11 I don't know what's happening to my mom I'm hysterical crying got into a huge fight broke a chair over kids head it was like a whole fucking thing yeah yeah so that yeah so basically that in a nutshell is just I

broke a chair over kids head because I was crying because I thought my mom was dead I fucking put this kid in almost a coma I just smashed his kid head I got thrown out of the school my father had to come down and start negotiating with the principal basically threaten the principal's life told him that if he doesn't put me back into school because my father is was a career criminal when he's a neighborhood guy he's a neighborhood guy and he was like look he told the principal straight up he said look he's and I and this is how like I knew my dad was like a real guy and even gave me the chills he was like I'll

fucking he goes either you put my son back in school he said I'm gonna come over there and break both your legs because here's the thing he said he said I know you're gonna think that I wrote that long that he said I know you're gonna think that I heard that line in a movie he's like but I'm one of the guys they write the movies about he goes I'd rather go to prison hold his eyes and he said to him he's good I'd rather go back to prison and be with my friends than you throw him out and me have to listen to his mother's fucking mouth for the rest of my life did I've watched the clip but he said to me he said he said

it's an easy choice for me but what choice are you gonna make and then he told me Chrissy locked the door and then I was like oh shit so my dad's like a real dude like that and then and then my mom but by the way she's New Yorker she's from New York everybody's from New York everybody's from New York so what did they mean it was crazy it was crazy but real quick it's just my mom after 9-11 at 1 9-11 the day of I didn't know where she was when I finally get home like I thought like she was like a ghost I thought like she was dead or whatever she was there bleeding from her legs and I'm like oh my god I like

was gonna in that moment I was like gonna join the Marines like they fucking try to fuck my mom like you know like you're doing stuff like that like you know but she was like she's like I'm like what happened oh my god like is it somebody else's blood she's like no no no I fell off the bus in Brooklyn I was like how do you escape 9-11 and then you fall off the Q 55 but but my father was career criminal my mother Ivy League graduate they met at a walk-a-thon my mother was walking in the walk-a-thon raising money for whatever great cause come out it's just like a great genuinely like great TV mom person okay and my

father was doing community service on the side of the walk-a-thon so he was in like a full orange jumpsuit picking up garbage flirting with women walking through this hey blondie where you go yeah my mother says that he squeezed her she feels a squeeze and he was squeezing her butt what with the garbage pickups laughing and she was such a nice pretty funny she was such like an articulate well-to-do goody-two-shoes woman she was like you know I wanted to have a fling with a bad boy and you're the result wow so I have this interesting thing where it's like why I'm I know it's interesting but it's just

this dichotomy about me where it's like my mother's highly educated so I got you know pushed in school got all the way through graduate school got a doctorate degree in physical therapy on my mom's side and then on my father's side it's like I was taught at 12 13 years old like I know how to hotwire a car yeah you know what I mean so it's like and and then he never taught me that because he was actively I wasn't involved in any of his crimes nothing like that like they would do that like for fun and be like my dad thought that was important to know but my dad thought it was important to like know how to like shoot a gun but

it's like he doesn't have a gun license but there was guns in the house you're like Leo from the department yeah so it's like walks in both worlds baby well you're honest always makes funny always says I'm um what's what's a good will hunting he's like you're from this neighborhood but it's like you know like you're fucking have this like education wherever but that's all my mom that's all my mother is like she was like you're gonna be highly you're gonna be as educated you're what a doctor or a physical therapist there's a doctorate doctor degree in physical therapy I haven't practiced so you're doctor to

Stefano I mean technically yeah but I don't ever do that or call I did it because it's like oh so what am I gonna do fucking massage you but I do have a clinical doctor I could like teach in universities and stuff like that but I haven't practiced since 2013 2014 but with the pandemic and my license had expired with the pandemic governor Cuomo from New York just reinstated every health professional so I have a full act of license which is crazy it's like I can legally just do this again I have no idea what I'm doing I forgot everything but I could walk in and be like yeah dude I fucking got it it's

like I have no business having my license act I genuinely first of all when I stopped practicing was a pediatric physical therapist working with like mentally and physically handicapped kids so it's like to go from that to like try to like work on an adult it because when the quarantine when COVID was getting like really crazy and the quarantine was getting really nuts it was like you know fuck like I got a kid I got another kid on the way I'm like just bought a house I'm like am I gonna have to start doing physical therapy again and then I tried to like just work on my girl my new girlfriend who like

and was like let me just try it and I literally one of the first techniques I tried to do I pulled her hamstring couldn't exercise like literally the first thing like she was crying on the floor refunds I'm used to working with smaller hands that's crazy wait okay so without going into too much detail if you can or not like to describe your dad like what are we talking about here no my dad it's one of those things where it's like people like I never really witnessed him do anything I'm not gonna sit here and be like oh fuck you know my focal father is I always know like when people start saying that it's like

oh it's probably because your family is nothing that's why shit because if you actually were a part of it you'd be like I'm not necessarily proud of this I talk about comedy and I embellish details and all that but you know he was one of those guys like he just fucking is a wild guy like it but the thing is what my dad it was always like right intention wrong move nobody in my opinion like loves me more than my dad so it's like sometimes I would tell these stories and people back oh that's sad or like a therapist like no what are you talking like I my dad is like the greatest guy like he would take me to the

OTB racetrack and then he take me to aqueduct racetrack and watch the horses which you'd be like oh my god you shouldn't do that cuz we're like I'm like he's like a degenerate gambler but like hey kid bigger number one do I like had the best time it was like living like in a Bronx to like they bought me pretzels I drink Mountain Dews and it would be the whole thing like you would take me down by me take me to aqueduct racetrack for the day and then would be the same thing when we got to my corner he would be like remember what do we tell your mother where we're in I was like at the zoo tell me to tell my

really though he took me to the Bronx zoo and I like that's what you know and I thought but we were watching the horse season gang we got big news here at the are you garbage studios here with Aunt Doody's are you garbage is joining the stereo app and we could not be more excited stereo is a free live broadcast social platform that enables people to have real conversations in real time so Uncle Hank and Kippy are gonna be doing some special triple bonus shows for you on the stereo app okay and if you don't know what stereo is stereo is an application that allows podcast creators to build a more intimate

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you want to go to join honey dot com slash garbage that's join honey dot com slash garbage and start saving today let's get back to the show and then and then the OTB racetrack in my neighborhood so we're in Ridgewood when I grew up if you went to the left there was the OTB racetrack if you went to the right you would get to you if you went it was basically like a fork in the road the church was at the top of the hill so if you went to the right you get to the church if you went to the left you could get to the church but to the left the OTB racetrack when my father was taking me which my mother told me do not take

him in there told the generic gamblers and losers which he would take me there all the time he would be like you know when you go to church with your mother when I'm not here you always go to the right you never go to the left because he knew if I walk past the OTB racetrack all these people Scotty Karate Johnny the screw hey there he is yeah Johnny the screw Scotty Karate I was like they're lucky charm I would always pick like good horses they would rub my head and you know fucking Johnny the screw gave me a sip of beer when I was eight you know like so it's like awesome stuff and it's like and it's like and I

remember one time like I forgot and like I walked past the OTB racetrack at the OTB place and my fucking they were like yo Chris hey what's up whatever my mother's like do you know these guys and I was like no no my class and I was like no and I never said anything about it I said I don't know how they know me whatever my mom was like well if they know you're a little boy like what's going on then she knew you were lying well she knew but I never said anything and then my for you and it's crazy and then my mother called my father she's like we all need to have a talk about what's been going on with with our son

you mean because they were my parents were divorced they got divorced immediately they did get married um I think they got married but they were divorced I mean I'm me I pretty sure my mother told me she was pregnant with me serving divorce papers so so I think they may have got married quickly because like Catholic guilt bullshit whatever but divorced immediately but but you know my father I'll never forget like we're having a having a you know the meeting my dad I'm sitting there whatever and my dad comes up the stairs and my mom is like you know we really need to speak about your son's behavior and what's

been going on and and he's been at the racetrack and doing these things and you would think like the father would be like you know like Chris you whatever like you know I shouldn't have taken you there and my dad said to my wife goes I got nothing to say to you lady because my son's not a rat and that's a good thing that's what he said and then she was my I remember my mother like who never does this I'll never forget she went into the fridge and cracked open to Sam Adams is just drank it alone at the kitchen table I'll never forget she was like I have now aligned myself with a fucking man and I'm telling till I my

whole as I got older and like needed less and less responsibility and got my own independence or whatever it became you know less and less were a problem but for most of my life my parents didn't talk you know my once I got old enough my mom and dad were like okay we created you like we both love you independently but like I don't care what she's doing she doesn't get what I'm doing not tell her off better off yeah how often would he see you my dad never my dad's one of those guys never missed a basketball game of mine my very first show I ever did in 2010 at the fucking Maui taco my dad was in the front row

laughing at all these jokes that were fucking potentially incriminating him in I've been doing this 10 years now I didn't have at that time you know you develop a bit of a skill set where it's like I could tell a story and embellish the right details but also make it sound believable protect the innocent back then I was just naming names I just like I just want to get laughs it was just like whatever and but you never missed anything and my mother didn't either my mother both great individual parents but not until I had my daughter five years ago where they like now we're gonna come together and now it's like they actually

they actually like get along because it's like my dad's been remarried to my stepmom who's awesome for 30 years my mom has her fucking cats and shit like it's just everybody's happy you know and everybody loves my daughter like my daughter has now become like the centerpiece of the family so that's what's like beautiful about having a child I know this is fucking gay and my dad would be watching this like suck it just suck the microphone but it's like it is beautiful children where it's like she just you know my parents didn't talk at all and now it's like just this child is like fucking boom and I'm having a second child do date

July really do date July 4th the kids a patriot and if that baby comes out on July 4th there's one name and one name only Donald Donnie D I don't like it boy or girl the kids names Donald yo yeah okay correct congratulations yeah that's awesome you know it's what it is it's quarantine stuff me and my kids mom actually split up for a little me and my girl split up for a little while and then quarantine kind of brought us back together little by little and then it's just once those past the goalie it's what is she's a beautiful like sexy Puerto Rican girl and it's like it's just one that's the thing

it's like even my kids got a sweet tooth because when we first met dude it's so funny too because when I got her when I get it you don't gotta sell us on my Puerto Rican chicks dude I'm in but my dad because it's funny like I told my mom who like you know because when I first had you know my daughter Delilah she we I didn't know her mom it was the second date and her mom got pregnant we was like oh fuck so I barely even know this one we're about to have a baby whatever whatever I tell my mom she flips out and then I go to my father and stepmother and I'm like you know like like I did this I'm you know I'm looking forward to it I don't need you guys to yell at me I just need your support but like I think you were excited you I was excited I was

like I was never that in your mind she hit you up she says hey yeah I'm pregnant I'm like you know what like fucking fine I got my career going I got my education sure beautiful girl I know at the very least we'll make a hopefully you know she's such a beautiful girl I have a beautiful daughter and if things don't work out they don't work out whatever like life is too short to get caught up on that similar to your parent situation exactly I was like they make it work I can make it work and it's like you know I'm telling them that and my stepmother's just like you know like yell you know she's an older woman she's like I can't believe you would do this through the career whatever and then my dad's like all right it happens he goes let me see a picture let me see a picture

of this girl and then and then so I show it and my dad looks at my stomach he goes he goes D I would have done the same thing he goes are you kidding me Chris and then in front of his wife my stomach goes does she have a hot mom and then and then my stepmom's like yeah what what is she gonna do with you fuck it he goes he goes I'm gonna trade you in for 222 year olds because I like to see you try your fat fuck she was like that's what yes she's like I'm sure that's what her hot Spanish mom wants your fat ass with diabetes she's gonna go eat a dialysis your fat fuck and then he's like you see what I gotta deal with it's just like he's yapping broads he's fucking broads he's like we're gonna have a baby he's just like and he's like we yell in front of

the baby he's like the greatest fucking you know and and and it's funny because he was like oh man he was and he's like his logic is like wild he's like here's here's the mistake you made Chris he's like you shouldn't have told your mother he goes you shouldn't have told your mother what you should have did is he said you should have introduced it my girl's name is Jasmine he goes you shouldn't introduce her to Jasmine okay don't say nothing about the pregnancy because you introduce her to Jasmine he goes let your mother get pregnant with the idea of Jasmine being pregnant he goes you gotta he goes you gotta impregnate your mother with the idea of Jasmine being pregnant that's actually really smart he's like cuz think about it three months in

she loves this broad all of a sudden oh we have a baby not so big of a deal he goes but now you bring this girl home she's pregnant she's got a tattoo on the tit what the fuck's going on he goes he goes you're an idiot yeah but that's tough if you go if you just introduce and then your mom hates her and then you gotta be like well change your plan she's pregnant but she doesn't though she doesn't no no no that's the thing it's it's the one of those things where it's like when you have a child at least in my situation which I feel very grateful and blessed is like my child just you you overcome the differences you may have with one another for whatever because we're like we're raising a kid here so we got to get over our bullshit you know what I mean of course yeah

so so that's what's happened uh in my life in in my family with her and and you know we'll see what happens with this fucking second kid now this kid plays it fast because that was one of those things too where they were like my mother was like I thought you and jasmine broke up I was like we did and she was like so I guess you're back together now I was like kind of steady yeah you guys live together now yeah we live together now yeah we guys moved in so the kids there the whole nine kids there and and she had his has a son from a previous relationship so I'm kind of like a you know I am his stepdad as well so it's like that's cool I'm cool with his dad it's like it's one of those things where it's like you know I think sometimes with my life people I've said I don't

know how you deal with this I don't know how you do it but like because I'm in it I just am like happy I'm like oh we'll all make it work I'm just very one sure yeah some people think it's naive but I'm just like dude what the fuck like we can all like aliens are gonna worry about it and kill us this fucking you know COVID everywhere it's like just shut up like just be happy dude yeah that's how I that's how I live my life stick and move how old's the step son he's 10 he's 10 which is you know he and now it's funny because he's at that age now too where he's like you have my fucking dad and I'm like no I know right you little shit I know I'm like I'm not I'm like you know but but I kind of even view him as instead of viewing him as like a step

because I feel like sometimes when I say step son or think about that like that's the that's the kind of trouble people get into step fathers or step parents get into where you're like oh he's not he's not mine he's somebody else draws a line so I come in as view I often call him my daughter's brother so the connection is for me that's good so this is why it's like yes he's not my child but he is my daughter's brother and my daughter is my daughter so it's like right I need to make sure this kid is great and feels great because he's going to protect my daughter when I'm not there I would hope so it's like daughter's brother so that's the connection you know I come I come but you know it's also it's like not my kid so sometimes it's like

I want to fucking yell at this kid but I can't so there's there's been plenty of times where I'm like shit I want to yell in the cleanest room but I'll just go in the bathroom and jerk off you know because I can't yell he lives in me too yeah three bedroom I got a fucking three beddy baby lucky you because he does all right for himself he's got a little bit of cash you got on you right now Chris right now right now you carry cat you a cash guy right now I got 600 and cash because I sold merch at sold joles last weekend this morning what the fuck oh this week but I got 600 and cash fuck face because I sold fucking t-shirts outside the fucking heated comedy dome the noise for Pennsylvania six honey six honey yeah why are you two shots that's fucking great

dude like the kid moves some shirts hey kid can move to you why do you still have the cash on you because I that's the italian animal because I'm from richwood queen that's the thing it's like you gotta have cash on you number one number two it's like this fucking government's not gonna tax my fucking t-shirt okay your government doesn't know about it take I like Bernie that's why I said 700 because it's really 2g why you said 600 yeah I'll do it every time the camera's on me it's a different number of cash I got my fucking pocket oh man holy you got five years in your new air forces yeah yeah fucking a duffel bag full of cash I got 20 bucks I sold 30,000 worth of merch this weekend it's a big dome yeah shout out to sold Joe baby sold Joe's doing great he's doing we're out

for the first time yeah I mean it's one of those things the dome wasn't up but yeah I I I started my career doing shows with the great soul Joel and and it's one of those things where it's like everybody's playing in Joel's world now it's like dude he's like the king of the east coast he's doing he's making more money than a lot of comedy clubs and I gotta be honest you know Tim Dillon's going down there you guys went down there Louis was down there it's like go if you're look I feel like Royersford Pennsylvania's like a big party everybody goes to sold jones.com go go fantastic yeah that dome is pretty sweet the dome is we were supposed to be the first show with the dome dude and we pulled up we pulled into town at like 4pm there's one guy with a fucking screwdriver

trying to set that up literally like we were two hours before show time like this ain't gonna fucking happen so they just they just bailed on we just had the heaters but it was fucking great it was great dude it was nice and the when you guys go back if you go back in the winter and do the dome the dome now makes it like it's you feel like you're inside even though it's perfectly safe and legal it's like the laughs don't dissipate they hit off the top of the fucking dome dude what we're dealing with our lives is crazy you're like now the dome's pretty good yeah it's pretty good I'm making money in Royersford six hundred kids moving merch yeah pretty nice I bought a house in Roy'sford with the t-shirt money in Royersford bought my own dome that's what it is

Chrissy's dome right next to work and you just bought a car right then you have a sweet whip I got a sweet whip I well here's the thing I got he's Chrissy new money yeah yeah spend a little game you've had cash for a while you've been doing well for because we moved up you were like just getting hot in New York I I would tell you used to roll around the village with a couple of smoke shows too it's what it is cut that part out no I'm kidding I used to be quick listen everybody knows even my girl knows my nickname used to be Chrissy drip drop it's just what it is and some of you know it's just like I liked you know what's one of those things too about about about like yeah you know when I was single whatever hooking up with girls it's like you know people like oh

there's a lot of girls like you know like whatever it's like you know they're involved too it's like you know as much lonely sex as as people like oh that's lonely you're a sex addict what we all like fucking that's ugly people talk I know it's like people saying you're it's like dude it's like you know we would kind of you know you listen there was definitely times it's like you use sex to fucking to replace a drug or whatever but it's like the women's doing it like we're both doing it it's like it's like sometimes it's a mutual mutual sex thing where I'm like yeah I but there was a time where I was like it was getting a little out of control it's like you can't have five girls that you hooked up would show up at the comedy cell well I remember 38 years old we got to New

York after being in Philly for a few years I was 38 right and we're doing fucking shows at the lantern fucking living off dollar slice pizza go over to the fucking seller and see you and Schultz fucking right around just like all right like fucking was what MTV was fucking yeah I'd love to work for Andrew Schultz right now yeah I'm Schultz Schultz yeah I'm sorry I'm not wearing your merch shout out Tim Dillon no but you've been doing Schultz Schultz Schultz and I will say about Schultz though oh we love it we were yeah no and I'm sure a lot of people he's a big mentor and people know this about him and not but like just if you know I was someone who who's worked with Andrew when for years guy code when guy code and girl code came out which was very popular shows on it on MTV

back in 2011-12-13 Schultz the vision that Schultz Schultz is one of the examples of someone who I've known I've watched him from the beginning come up where he the vision that he had for himself he had eight years ago when we were doing MTV guy code when he didn't give a fuck when he was doing the guy code girl code and then going on the road not selling as many tickets but he didn't care he believed in the he believed in the podcast in the YouTube product before anybody saw it he knew exactly what was coming and now it's one of those things where it's like you know people think Schultz is overnight or the people just saw him on the Netflix or the attorney phone it's like no no no Schultz that's Schultz he's been murdering in New York for a decade so I was the king Schultz has

been 10 12 15 years at this so it's like one of those things where it's like for guys like me like his his peers are guys that came up with him everybody respect Schultz because you're like this guy worked for every single ounce of what he has 100 because the guy code girl code stuff it it did well for us and it made our Twitter numbers go up and Instagram numbers go up but not the ticket sales the ticket sales was all his methodical plan so it's it's it's cool to watch that's the stage of the career I'm at now we're like people who I used to do the Village Lantern with or the Maui taco or you know we used to do the Laugh Lounge I don't know if you guys but that was going on time we got here like all those guys are now like SNL and movie directors and all these people

or like humongous comedians and it's like so now I'm at the stage where it's like oh my peers are like becoming like the weight like the next chappels serious people yeah it's like so that so I'm seeing now how I was always because I was I was like when I first started I was like oh man like there's a lot of like nepotism and it's all like these friends like how do they all know each other but now would you see you just stay around like you're there yeah so it's a war of attrition it's like gotta hang out and you've known the people for a decade yeah it's like now it's like it's like you know you you know people be like I can't believe you have this guy's number or that person number it's like these are my been my friends like we used to literally do open mics like I've

I've had to there's been I had to go do a gig once in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania with Schultz and this guy Pudge Fernandez who was great and there was too many people in the car I was in the trunk for four hours just to get to a gig in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania with Schultz yeah because that was like I was the biggest one yeah well no because she's fucking skinny little bitch and I was I was 250 back there with that little meat on his boat but Schultz with this fucking keto diet yeah I want to get I want to pronounce one of his old uh headshots and put it back here on the set oh yeah yeah dude so Schultz but but that's one of those guys so all these guys that are doing great now with these podcast visions and all that it's like I'm happy to be a part of like the crew

in a way I guess but it's like but it's like you know none of this shit is overnight dude like I did I did for years bro I've done the fucking Comedy Central half hour hour the Letterman stuff the TV stuff I didn't I would go to cities and there would be I would sometimes have to give money back to the club because of how little tickets I sold sorry about that it wasn't until I started doing exactly what you guys are doing exactly on the path of what you guys are doing is amazing thank you that's when the ticket started to come and that's when it started to become like lifelong fans where it's like yeah they mentioned this or that or whatever but it's like even now like I just I'm gonna host a show on on true TV and my family's like congratulating me because I always

call myself Chrissy Pilots I've had nine pilots they've all went this is the first one that ever went so now I'm fucking Chrissy pickups Chrissy up fronts just wide away so this is the first this is the first one that ever got in the air so while I'm absolutely joyous about it and feel good about it it's like one of those things where like because my family doesn't understand the business but it's like I they called me to tell me the show got picked up and I was a little like fuck now what am I gonna do about the podcast now it's like course it's because it's like I'm losing money to do a TV show you know but but well it's also like the relationship you build with the podcast people yes you're never you could you could host a thousand TV shows for a thousand

seasons and you'll never build that never you'll never build that report never so it's like the podcast audience is like what you know it's the people you talk to it's like they're your real fans they are the ones that like through this pandemic it's like when some of my other peers who like don't have that over the who've chased the other dreams which is and fine whatever you want to do but it's like they're becoming it's getting to the point no our financial I'm sure they're starting to get in trouble where yeah where me it's like we never blink twice because the fans like no we're here dude like we'll take five dollars in my stimulus check and go put it on your patreon whatever it is like so so I like do we I mean you know we blew up through the it was

like we started this two weeks before fucking quarantine like roaches you got like what the fuck are we going to do and now the other things will come from this so that's the thing like anytime like and Schultz would say the same thing he was saying this 10 years ago I got to give him credit like anytime like these executives want to chime in and people who aren't in comedy want to it's never good but now it's like you do things there's no rule you edit yourself yeah so that's like that's why everything everything you put out is like at least it's like nobody told me not to do that so that's what I'd rather live and die with that than be in a box I mean the TV show I'm doing because the TV show even the only reason why I even said yes to doing the TV show is because

it's in Los Angeles and I'm like oh well I'll get on the LA podcast that's why I did you know I was like yeah yeah that makes sense dude well like even with this like he's like he he's very generous too Schultz-y with like just like knowledge and like every move we because we saw like what you guys have what he has like what Tim built like all these guys that built these like these universes I was like oh fuck that's what we want to do so you know I texted Schultz I'm like I'm thinking about because we were with the network I'm like I'm thinking about doing this and he's like yeah I think that's though like right oh he's like that's the fucking going dependent you got to go independent because it's like you just and also like this is one of those things where it's like

it's it's it's kind of like this little thing of ours you know where it's like no managers no agents it's nothing it's like we do it and we collect all the money it's also like even like even this week like Tim Tim has another show when he fucking it's like everybody kind of it's it is this supportive environment yeah it's like dude Schultz he's been super supportive Ari's been super supportive Giannis Giannis has made 15 posts about the fucking body it's amazing nobody nobody's yeah nobody's jealous or nobody's like you know every when you're secure in what you're doing you know what I mean yeah you know it's like it's like I don't situation I think like a lot this is just a life thing too it's like you're never in competition with anybody you really are only you learn that as you get as

you get further along in this it's just like it's like even if we're going out for the same role it's like we never really weren't competition with each other it's just like you create that shit in our head we created in our head it's like you getting a huge podcast doesn't take away from anybody else's podcast it's your own stuff we'll there's enough room for all of us it may not feel that way but it's like dude even even sometimes you know there's what is there fucking seven billion people in the world it's like even sometimes with my own podcast I'm like oh man you know we got a hundred thousand downloads like you know are we ever going to get any more fans like what yeah what do you hundred thousand downloads like fuck you your pocket there's not

even a hundred thousand people that live on my block you know what I mean it's like it's like most people have never heard of me so it's just like that but it's like we have this thing where it's like oh everybody's doing podcasts now it's saturated it's like no it's not it's like so what if there's 300 podcasts there's billions of people in the world yeah you know look at this Chrissy wisdom that's what it is like and like to Chrissy the cock yeah I love it sitting down with the youngsters they're straightening them out that's what it is dude I'm team Chrissy from here on out and the difference to me is I'll jerk everybody off of you that's the kind of service I do I make sure everybody's balls are drained we got two little peepees at the table

so you might you're better off with a bone back there he bones got a unit on you got you gotta have a you gotta have a nice one right I would say you got a big dick your big dude well what happened was is I measured it I'm I'm seven normally eight with warts that's what it is when the HPV pops up I go to get a little beefy get a little beefy if he bones got a hog on him yeah what's the word on the street really nice fat cock oh yeah and circumcised too right oh dude what I got the fucking uncut extended edition bro dude that's wild man I don't know if I could do that nah well that's I talked my wife is your piece she's from Germany and they're all on cut right and then she's like I'm like if we have a boy where I'm fucking he can't I can't

have a guy myself yeah I'm like we're doing it she's like well I don't know I'm like listen he can't be going to like to shower and in gym class with an uncut piece dude one of my closest friends was born and raised well born in Poland and came here when he was seven so he didn't get circumcised this kid got circumcised when he was 18 years old my dad's friend did the same thing he was like 50 in the garage what the fuck yeah dude my this kid he got circumcised for a girlfriend he was like oh my girlfriend said she won't you know she won't have sex with me unless I get circumcised what and I was like what and he didn't tell anybody that and then he just shows up one date up to school on crutches and I was like he's in a wheelchair I was like what's going on with you

he's like I hurt my back I was like and I was you know studying through physical therapy I was like you wouldn't be on crutches if you hurt your back he goes that's my knee and then I was like is he your back or your knee dude he was like you promise you're not gonna make a big deal out I was like yeah of course I'm your best friend he goes I got circumcised I was like let me see your fucking dick right now and this kid what it looked like bro he pulled it out in the bathroom it's making my blood run oh it looked like an ISIS beheading video like it was I can picture the scab and it's got a cigarette because he's got a little pee pee too but this thing got swollen to four or five times the size I was like how do you pee he goes bro it's a big problem he

goes I keep peeing on the wound because his dick was like all the way pushing back in he's like I keep peeing in my own wound and I'm like dude why do you gotta shoot if you got if you got a little pee pee on you why you why you trim it off the top you gotta you gotta take it you can get and how about this the girlfriend dumped him like three weeks later what the fuck is that he can see that she wouldn't fuck him because he had he was on circumcised he goes and gets the surgery that's gotta take a month you can't fuck yeah the next day with that three four weeks later I thought I'm not getting the car detailed I serious business that's serious business I think he maybe had sex with her once or twice more and then it was over what can you do I don't blame her

those things are tough looking for all my uncut brethren out there hang it hang tough and fuck Jewish it's hilarious tell her you're Jewish show but that thing oh my god it's a different sec yeah all right let's get into some questions you gotta get into some questions yeah I want to ask you I glued it to the beginning but do you think you're garbage do I think I'm garbage then and now do you think you came from garbage that's a pretty because you know there's a big dichotomy there with your mother and your father you're extremely educated yes you got some money right I guess I think that my hypothesis here is your less trash than your your mom seems like a class act and I assume you sorry I assume you had money growing up your mom had a good job

my mom had my mom had a good job I wouldn't say I had money but I I wasn't I certainly wasn't poor like I got what I wanted for Christmas but I wouldn't say I didn't go to private school I went to Catholic school which is different private school so I did that but I wouldn't say I necessarily had money but I wasn't poor I would say I am guard I would say I'm I'm garbage but with one of those scented hefty bags okay so not like a those are real not as bad as the neighbors I would say a scented nice scented hefty bag or maybe a simple human which is a more upscale garbage can you're in a stainless steel can right but I would say but for sure but but you know I would say still garbage because I mean still most events like big events in my life if I did something good

I'd be taken to the Red Lobster for celebration dude I literally have on here if you've been to the Red Lobster so that so I I don't think you can consider yourself not garbage if for my 18th birthday I went to the Red Lobster with all the places in Queens and your dad and the Italian you go to Red Lobster this is what it is Red Lobster and with my mom not my father's but my mother's side we very free we frequent in the Olive Garden a lot so what what nationalities your mom my mom is like irish irish yeah we're they say irish they don't you know they go to Olive Garden outback state cows Red Lobster yeah you know Karabi are you close are you close to your pop side of the family yes and they're all hardcore Italian pretty hardcore Italian Sunday

gravy the whole night all that stuff yeah yeah so they didn't really know about the Olive Garden stuff also the first also the first car I ever had was a Toyota Corolla so that's garbage you know and I had a reliable car ran forever I bet I had a Toyota I had a Toyota I upgraded to a Camry but I had a Toyota Camry in 2016 which is not that long ago yeah you were making you were making more than Camry I had already done the MTV stuff and all that like I had done David Letterman and I drove to David Letterman in a Toyota Corolla you drove yourself that's a queen's move right there because this is the thing they send a car don't they no it's garbage here's the thing garbage fucking stuff I felt and I gotta tip the driver right I felt because I was coming from again I just didn't know

I felt because I was coming from Staten Island my agent said well they can still send the car to wherever you go I said yeah but I'm Staten Island they gotta pay the toll over the Varizzano I'll drive in and I drove in I got the easy pass don't worry I got the easy pass I drove in and I spent 50 bucks to put in a garage none of it was needed oh yeah it probably made like 900 how about this too I go to do David Letterman show I have I thought was a good set was riding high what do I do take my car drive down to the Village Lantern bomb in front of five Swedish people the Lantern will get you man RIP to the Lantern it's gone right no I hear I heard that was all lost oh it's back I don't know that guy shift you guys you can't get the Lantern nah you won't get it

no no no no nuclear holocaust that doesn't matter dude I feel like you're the type of dude who would walk out of an opera take off your suit jacket and shoot dice in the album yeah yeah I I'm one of those guys yeah I well that brings up a question do you have a suit right now that if you had to go to a funeral tomorrow you have a suit that fits you look again I hate to I hate to bring it up again but if you go watch the David Letterman show 2013 Chris Stephan or David Letterman the suit that I'm wearing is a suit that I bought off the rack at Joseph A Bank that morning wow oversized it's the biggest suit it's oversized it literally Steve Harvey's suit my agent said to me she I was dressed right I I think I was already mic'd up she was like is that what you're wearing out there

I was like is this bad yeah Joseph A Bank I drew Joseph A Bank bought it from a strip mall in Suffolk County Long Island and then went to my dad's on Staten Island with the suit yeah we're such straight Joseph A Bank well Joseph A Bank and what's the other one men's warehouse that was high men's warehouse is all right right Joseph A Bank is like yeah you buy you buy one shirt we give you a 15 for free and a team mobile subscription no it's not no this Joseph A Bank shared a wall with a Chuck E cheese yeah I did that for my first television appearance ever in my life yeah it's all right I would say all right so I don't have a suit but but you say you that's the only suit you own I do have a suit if it's if I need to put on a suit right now I would say no because

I've put on a few pounds but you have okay so you have a designer's suits like fucking Versace or something no no I could squeeze Tim Dillon hoodie I could squeeze it to a suit yeah yeah exactly nice sweatshirt no I appreciate it yeah what about jeans don't you spend because Giannis because we were asking Giannis because I always think Giannis dresses sharp but he said it's a shoe dresser he said I buy cheap jeans it's the shoes but he said you you'll drop what's the most you ever spent on jeans on jeans no dude I'm 30 40 bucks but what because what but what I because I'm because here's the thing I change the thing I'm all about athleisure now I'm Chrissy Lululemon so I spent I spent 110

on Lululemon no problem because it feels like the future athleisure is what I'm about so the only reason he said that without trying to be funny athleisure is what I'm about I'm with it man ever since this quarantine I've been sweatpants most of the time I don't know if I'm ever going back athleisure dude I come on the only reason why I don't have my Lululemon today is because it's fucking laundry day because you know she's pregnant now so she's only does it once a week you got a washer and dryer in the washer dryer in unit in the unit big for New York that is what about a dishwasher got it all dishwasher are you in Bay Ridge now Bay Ridge now yeah damn now the big thing for New Yorkers Giannis get it are you think do you think about moving out to the burbs

to the burbs you go Long Island you go Jersey you know I put here's the thing as Giannis would say the country the country I had an offering for a house on Staten Island I pulled out last minute but now we're actively looking at homes on Long Island yeah so I'm probably gonna move to the burbs just because it's not that I'm escaping the city I think New York's dead none of that it's just you know it becomes to the point where it's like I didn't grow up with a backyard and a pool and I want my daughter and then and I'm my stepson and the new child to have all those things I didn't have I want them to have a fucking play area you know that's what I want I don't have some of the houses you're looking at they have pools yeah well yeah it's a requirement they gotta have pools

he's chris the cul-de-sacs fuck it what it is yeah yeah well yeah and I and I yeah well that's a thing in ground pool I assume you could do if you can't you you cannot go above ground no in ground pool come on in ground pool but I'm so trash I may put an above ground pool next to the in ground pool just so my kids know above ground in the front yard yeah you know where you came from dude he's got an above ground pool at his house and I swear to God I am not fucking with you they built a deck the whole backyard is a deck to make it an in-ground pool well that's a ground in ground I looked at a house in in in a town on Long Island and they said it's an in-ground pool and I took one look I said that's a fucking deck yeah you're lying piece of shit and the real

estate agent said no and I fucking went down to the to the foundation and I found the little door and I opened it up and I said look at that what's this then that's an in-ground pool he's like oh I thought it was an I thought it was an above ground not getting chris in real estate like that they are right yeah yeah I watched the travel channel yeah I've seen flipping and shipping yeah I know this bullshit all right I gotta get some it's always a great episode when we barely get to the questions um we gotta get to them well you know what you got on your SATs my SATs I got a I want to say shit you know what I don't remember I will say I don't remember the score but I did park it I did get into I think I got whatever I got into I got I must have gotten at

least a thousand because out of 1600 which isn't you know nice rock if you gotta be four digits I got into all the colleges I applied to yeah then you probably got 11 something St. Joseph's College of downtown Brooklyn where I met where I went uh SUNY Maritime which was which is a military what the fuck submarine what the fuck is that yeah Cape Cod Chrissy out there yeah yeah it was fucking SUNY Maritime which is where I was gonna the skirvies yeah the fuck yeah I was gonna go and then I actually got into Pepperdine University in Malibu because I was gonna go literally I swear to god dude I was gonna go away to school I was gonna go into college I was just gonna go to California and do it and then I genuinely I never

accept you know I never said I accepted St. Joe's because I genuinely was at that point hadn't really ever been away from home I was scared at that point in my life and still kind of I'm now but I was scared at that point to sleep alone in the dark so I didn't I'm a little afraid I didn't want to be 3000 miles away from my mother I was 18 years old with no nightlight yeah so I stayed home I dude I slept on the floor I slept with my mom to like maybe I was 10 11 years old like it was a little uncomfortable like where I remember my mom because my mom was single she had like you know boys from throughout the years where they were like you know I remember one of my one of her boyfriends like you know I can't be in a relationship with a woman who's 12 year old son still sleeping

on the floor in her bedroom and I was like what the fuck get the fuck out of that fucking beat it loser yeah me and my teddy bear ain't going anywhere take a high bullshit yeah okay all right um fights growing up as a kid I got into two really big fights one fist fight I got into I went there was this kid Glenn who was like a really strong fucking kid who was just talking so much shit about my cousin and he was sitting and he told somebody talking about somebody about something and he was and we were riding bikes and we stopped at a light and he was sitting on his bike and I said the only move I'm gonna have the only chance I'm gonna have to win to defend my cousin's honor is to punch him in the face right now knock him off his bike and maybe like a car

I'll drive by and run over his head or something and I'll win the fight and I you know kid stuff and I punched him I punched him in the side of the head nice which did no damage it hurt my knuckles he didn't even flinch well he flinched looked at me and then picked up his bike and started choking me with the with the part of his bike you know the frame of his bike started choking me until I started to cry that's one fight and then the second fight is on 9-11 where I broke the chair over the kid's head okay it's the only other time so and there was a couple of times I got into fights playing basketball because basketball was a huge part of my life played in high school college all that but those I don't really sports fights I don't really count

actual fist fights only really two what with the the injury injuries as a kid what would happen never broke a bone or that's still to this day but I've sprained my ankles both ankles like six seven times each so I have no because when you break a bone the bone will grow back like three times as strong and your actually body gets stronger after a bone break cartilage damage and ligament damage just makes your ankles weak so now when I put my feet down like my feet just fall to the side like that like I have the type of feet and Yanis has said this multiple times where my feet look broken like I look like I have two broken feet but I don't I have two sprained ankles it's got baboon feet I got baboon feet so I've never I've never broken up I've never

broken a bone and and I've never um I've never been knocked unconscious real I don't think I have either the only time I the only time I even had anesthesia was two years ago when I had to get a colonoscopy for pleasure colonoscopy that young that young but I it was a it was a false alarm I literally I was you know having a lot of anxiety at the time of my life and I thought that I was shitting like red and I thought all different colors and this and that and I would take pictures of my shit and send them to a doctor and he was like look I can't really tell if this is just like the shit flash on your iPhone yeah or like if there's something else in the toilet bowl but it doesn't look great off the pictures so like why don't we just do it and if it's no if and if I

don't see anything come back when you're 50 and that's what happened he doesn't even you didn't see anything not too bad but it was good well he found like one polyp or something like that but he said that's nothing yeah keep it moving yeah all right have you ever worn a dog tag necklace a dog tag neck they were big in the 90s no I do have on two chains now though like I have two chains on at all times that's so I did but I never I've never worn a dog tag necklace no I don't not that I can remember is there a cross on one of those chains there there is but it's in the shop they're normal but I got it broke what happened didn't I broke my daughter just you know fucks around with the jewelry and stuff so she scuffed it up there was a little scuff mark on Jesus's

knee and it can't have that yeah pristine pristine yeah go ahead kip uh have you ever had a rat tail haircut as a kid I've never had a rat tail as a kid but I have had mushroom haircuts I would nor I would go to supercuts a lot and ask for one of the numbers on the board for a long time yeah yeah that's tough lines in your head lines in my head yes I had a line in my head I had a line in my head uh uh four months ago in the pandemic I've had a line I've asked the barber to put a line ironically you're just because you know I fucking just I don't know I'm I'm Chrissy lineheads have you ever had a line in your eyebrow yeah line of no I haven't had a line in my eyebrow but I did one shave both of my eyebrows off why I look like I had cancer I don't

Anthony soprano what the fuck yeah it's just fucking somebody I forgot what it was somebody said that I had a unibrow on my eyebrows whatever and I was like 19 20 years old and I went in the bathroom and I shaved both of my eyebrows off and I remember my dad came and picked me up for basketball practice he was like what the fuck happened to your face I was like I shaved my eyebrows off he was like why I don't know that's great yeah so I shaved my eyebrows off once but I've never had a line in the eyebrow okay all right uh anyone in your family collect the state quarters the state quarters what do you mean like that like they came out probably in the 2000s it was like you know Alabama and then Hawaii no nobody collects the state quarters but I do know every

state capital that's really that's one for punishment if I would get in trouble what my mother would do is lock me in my bedroom and she had the key from the outside and I have to recite the state capitals and read the encyclopedia for fucking two hours and it literally if it if I was an hour and 55 minutes in and I stopped like thinking like there's no way she's still listening it two seconds ago by and you would hear continue she would just sit out there doing god knows what maybe crocheting or eating her own dinner just being like this that was her form of punishment because she's an academic so I know these I know these random facts because of her she'd lock you in your room that's my room and make me fucking recite the state capital

outside fucking my mom yeah yeah civil any tap out gear any tap out gear no but I do have Ed Hardy shirts you do still what do you mean still to this day really have a couple of Ed Hardy shirts with the roads but no tap out gear I actually don't know anything really about the UFC or fighting okay have you ever worn an airbrush t-shirt an airbrush t-shirt um like what's that like a tie-dye shirt like what's airbrush would be like you see like to get like the RIP shirt it's like uh how do you describe down the boardwalk down the boardwalk um yeah but like kind of like say like Chrissy D or whatever like yeah but great great yes but that's like with family stuff like oh we got all by matching

shirts I've done that stuff really I've done this and I also am the guy like I'll I will religiously still to this day if I'm performing in let's say Philly every time even though I've done it so many times I will get on a double decker bus tour and go on the tour I do that every time really in whatever city I mean I look for some type of either double decker bus tour or if it's like a shit town some type of walking tour of the city I always do that I always usually in the airport will buy some kind of magnet or shot glass from wherever I'm at yeah yeah yeah that's insane yeah while I'm on the road like actively I'll do I'll do it I'm you know I'm gonna be in Phoenix in fucking two weeks I'll get on the tour I have a kind of a

travel one have you ever gotten the free breakfast at a hotel you weren't a guest at well I wasn't a guest at multiple times especially in the beginning when I first started headlining absolutely dude yeah of course I mean I'm not fucking making $800 you know roll through the continental do that and which I didn't even know that the continental I thought that a continental breakfast meant that it was free but it doesn't mean that at all so there's been times where I went to a hotel had the continental breakfast ate at all went back up to my room then got charged I'm like why are you charging me for free shit they're like it's not free because it just because it means continental did you know that no I thought continental meant it was free no continental means

that it's from all different parts of the world like the food is just like yeah I think it's described the food not the price no it has to say free continental free continental breakfast I didn't know that I thought continental well you never gone and got like a continental car wash you know what I mean like it's not like a word you can just substitute for free now I think continental means like there's no actual main dish it's like bagels and shit like that yeah it describes the food but it doesn't it doesn't it doesn't mean it's free complimentary it's like it was goulash down there what you don't know different continents I don't know but it ain't free I know that much apparently how do you feel about fettuccine alfredo fettuccine alfredo how do I feel about it I ate

it last night swear to God that my go-to dish is fettuccine alfredo with grilled chicken or grilled shrimp if I'm trying to be healthy and a side of garlic nuts wait you ordered it out I uh yo yeah I ordered out either uh no-nose pizzeria or a nino's pizzeria and bay ridge sometimes geno's pizzeria they have great fettuccine alfredo and great potato croquettes dude it's one of the things about New York I tell everybody this but nobody ever believes me most local pizza places their actual food their Italian food is usually fucking top shelf unbelievable unbelievable yana said this too about me said you're the kind of guy your favorite cuisine is like others like off the menu pizza stuff or other side of the menu pizzeria so a lot of people go into a pizzeria they order

the pizza whatever it's like I'm looking at the menu yeah what kind of rolls they have what kind of pasta dishes 100 I'm looking at the entrees in the pizzeria unbelievable yeah place next to my apartment as fucking their shrimp francaise is fucking unbelievable amazing dude top shelf um all right I got one I got one that we've done before we did with shoulder and you I've seen you in professional sports jerseys yes you rock jerseys that's what I do yeah yeah so let the it's a hypothetical right if you were going to a wedding tomorrow and didn't have a suit the only thing you could wear okay was a professional sports jersey hockey baseball football you know whatever what would you choose and why I would choose I would most likely wear my favorite baseball player

Bernie Williams center field in New York Yankees Bernie Williams batting practice jersey because I wear the batting practice jerseys because they make me look jacked even though I'm not jacked I am what I am when I take my shirt off it's a surprise people like oh I didn't I didn't think it was gonna be that doughy I casting director said this to me once and it was like literally like life changing I was like that's the most painful and also funny thing I've heard and it's like does describe me is like you know what your problem is Chris you have leading man face best friend body he was like so you're really not castable what a fucking dick but he was right he's like so either you got it so it motivates you to me to try to create my own shit he's like because you're

really not castable it's like either fucking be the lead and get ripped or fucking let it all hang out and do the fat shit best friend yeah so that's what I do I wear Bernie Williams New York Yankees batting practice jersey would you tuck it in or would you go on top no I go on tucked and I throw in a I throw on some lulus I go I go I tell you exactly what I do I go Bernie Williams batting practice jersey lula lemon pants some type of funky red or orange socks to give it a little flair and fucking um um fry boots because it's a wedding I gotta glass it up a little bit um big tip guy big tip guy I'm the guy I over tip I tip fucking everybody oh yeah full cash I'm the guy even if I get driven somewhere or whatever if I don't have cash on me I make him stop at an ATM

and I give these guys cold hard cash because we talked about that on Yana said you were breaking his balls because he said he didn't tip it he didn't tip and what I was so bad it's it's like Chrissy yell that means it's like what are we doing like you know they're sending you a black car I mean he's like no but the tips included on my guy you gotta give this guy cash tips what are you fucking fucking queens you get that from your dad your dad a big tip guy big time I mean my dad will give you millions love cat dude my dad is that my dad was the guy he would pull he would and for no reason my dad would religiously wear pants and jackets and things that had pockets but put his wallet in a sock I'm like what's the reason to do that why is shit always coming so

every drive anywhere you went somebody would get a soggy fucking ankle sweat 20 throwing right on their lap he gets him up you know what I mean no but the thing and you know really to my dad but also you know again one of the good things about this business is sometimes you get to meet your own heroes especially doing in New York and Colin Quinn has always been especially where I'm from like huge hero of mine and now we're like close friends work together whatever and the way Colin Quinn tips is like it makes me feel like a fucking really this guy'll give somebody 200 cash nope for bringing him a pizza no problem he doesn't give a fuck sorry spit fucking give a fuck I fucking love yeah what about a wedding you go to a wedding friend close friend family right what's usually in

the envelope you're taking a date I'm taking a day of course you gotta play I gotta pay for my table two plates two plates what are you what are you dropping I'm gonna drop for close friend we're saying you go you want the yon oh you know Yanis might be too far yeah like you know maybe somebody you grew up with put it that yeah I would say Yanis Yanis gets a G close friend gets 500 cash how we roll cash I mean it's fucking sell it we're celebrating love here babe a G he gets a G cash easy and fucking and a friend gets five Hondo now what if you weren't Chrissy D what if you were Dr. Dr. Chris Dr. Chris still have cash probably I would still find a way to have cash listen if I have the means to do it I would do it if I would give as much as I

as I could what's the least you would give that you would that you would consider you're embarrassed or you wouldn't go you're coming to my wedding what are you dropping if I was coming to your wedding and I was down on my luck I'd give you 300 cash with a post that says I'm really sorry I'm embarrassed I'd get I'd yeah I'd give you 300 cash you know I ordered the chicken not the steak yeah and I didn't have the dessert yeah I only had two drinks 300 cash with a little fucking chip with a little recording from Sebastian Manus Cavill saying aren't you embarrassed wow that's fucking clay 300 cash I come to your wedding you're gonna get 300 is the minimum and I'm giving the bartender 100 to fucking hook me up all night

you start start off with that you got that's almost the first thing you do hit them heavy as you put and and I'll remember you I say look here's what it is this is what it is all night that's what I want hey four eyes whoo whoo right all night because it's like really because in the grand scheme of things I look at it as I spent 400 for a fun night out if it was gonna be make or break I can't go around with that I can't do it but 400 money is money I'm not make 400 bucks I'm like 400 I don't think is gonna make or break my life so it's like we're out of marriage celebrating love why not just have it if I went out on the town and fucking dinners drinks I might spend that anyway so you know get one and I give it to these fucking people probably just you know this poor girl's

father just spend a hundred K on this fucking wedding she's gonna divorce this guy in three years you know talk about celebrating love yeah it's never gonna work here's a hundred here's a hundo keep it moving classy man classy so so far am I moving am I going towards garbage or I'm on the fence I don't know I'm not on the fence I can't get a read on you yeah that's what it is well that's what I'm uh you're saying what are you leaning Chrissy K fucking class all the way I haven't heard one fucking thing he's gonna fucking doc all right how about this if I went to your house right now hold the batting practice jersey was a little that was a hypothetical you backed him in I know buddy he shot an exact jersey he would wear exact jersey or I either wear

that or I would wear a fucking even though he's not on the actually you know what I either wear that this might push it a little bit of garbage I knew this is gonna get you because this is true because I also feel like sometimes I look tight and jacked in this one too I might wear a fucking I might wear a cow clutter buck islander's jersey I'm an islander's fan so that pushes you towards garbage if you're an islander's guy I think Feidlberg from Barstool said he would do that because they're called sweaters he goes it's technically a sweater you're wearing a sweater to a formal event I put on a clutter buck islander's jersey so I don't but if I'm just being honest but what was the other question about my house uh we went to your house right now both of us

you invited us in we sit down we asked for water what are you giving us you got a bottle you got a Brita is it coming straight out of the tap what are you doing I got a uh a pollen spring um uh like dispenser you do I got water and I also got is it chilled or is it just regular chilled it's called cold water and I also have pollen spring it's called pollen spring origin I get Nestle Nestle pollen spring I get two weeks every two weeks they deliver you know the the gallons of water to my house with pollen spring origin which is the it's the I can't explain it to you it's I would get baptized in this fucking shit the water high-end pollen spring water so you would get water I'd also offer you pollen spring seltzer I have pollen spring seltzers pollen spring origin

water and I have a pollen spring dispenser you're not getting tap water in my house I'm not going to put a fucking Brita this gets pretty fucking classy what about the fridge is the do you have two doors on the fridge or one right now currently two right now currently one door every house I've looked at on Long Island has a two-door fridge it's it's it's it's a necessity for my girl sure yeah I imagine if I yeah this is fucking class the house I imagine is impeccably clean and the house the house is impeccably clean but I got to give that to my girl that's that's really her fridge you have everything lined up like on cribs when you open the fridge all that shit because of her because of her she has all that shit lined up you know she's Puerto Rican so

it's fucking you know she'll have a fucking full dead chicken yeah I got my chickens hanging upside down in the kids bedrooms it's we're having boy oh I don't come boy lights later yeah she cooks great really she cooks great and you know what she does which is fucking nice and it's a rare thing she can and she's doing it's done it better than anyone I've ever tasted she can mix Latin cuisine with Italian so I've had fettuccine alfredo with Latin spices in it and it's like unfucking believable wow she'll do shit like that she'll make you know she'll make like um some type of bean dish but somehow it tastes like Italian food I don't know how she does it he saw it that's some bean dish some fucking beans some rice and beans I don't think she's a fucking

beater shoes off in the house shoes off in the house wow that's again yeah you got it there's a whole shoe rack right off and again I again I got to give credit with Chris you that that's really her she won't let you you know you can't walk in because she's like you know what I mean your daughter's on the floor here with us we can have shoes in the house sure all right pretty good ever use a fork to scratch your back I've never used a fork to scratch my back but I do use a fork to eat Chinese food I don't use chopsticks I don't think that qualifies anything yeah thanks for following you know yeah I'll fork this kid's American all the way yeah fucking sushi if I'm gonna do sushi because that's the thing it's like I got my grandfather fought in world war two it's

like to the day he died he thought the Japanese was still the enemy so in an honor to him I like sushi it's fucking healthy for me it's I'm Chrissy cholesterol it helps lower my cholesterol but because I want to just prove to him and if he's looking down on me that I'm American I eat that shit with a fork I will not they give me a chopstick I say we're on country babe bring me the fork and I only get America and I only get the rolls that have American names I only get a Philadelphia roll a Boston roll a New York roll I'm not gonna get anything if it's only one of the original 13 colonies it's gotta be one of the original 13 colonies yeah they have to fucking prove that city had to prove to me that they give me the Delaware roll right now I think at two Gettysburg rolls

yes yeah they fought against fucking tyranny yeah I want to yeah the George Washington roll oh okay oh man that is good stuff let's see what else we got here you got anything big man yeah favorite cartoon when you were a kid favorite cartoon when I was a kid and favorite toy favorite okay so favorite favorite toy was probably my Titanka action figure WWF the old school wrestler loved him favorite cartoon I would say it's a toss up between Animaniacs and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles classy answers right there wow Animaniacs way ahead of its time yeah great show I mean that's it's almost like it's almost like saying your favorite basketball players Michael Jordan because I know all kids like me Ninja Turtles yeah but that's that's what I watched I would say the

most that cartoon yeah turtles were tight growing up or now do you keep your batteries in the refrigerator I don't keep my batteries in the refrigerator no and I don't think I've ever I don't think I've ever done that good I've never got my batteries in the refrigerator it's all right okay there you go do you have an Amex card do I have an Amex card yes is it black it's not black it's it's gray but it's an Amex card it's a Delta Sky Miles Amex card legit legit legit there you go I have two credit cards capital one and Amex capital one that's so there you go that was your first one that was my first one because I get the AM and I only got that one because I fucking Jennifer Garner I listened to the commercials yeah I tell you what she could get me to do anything

anything Jennifer Garner told me that and I used the points I used the capital one points because J.G. told me to do it Jennifer Garner and catch me if you can I just watch that oh amazing that oh you know what's in sleeper pick what I used to jerk off to all the time when I was a kid is uh Jamie Lee Curtis and True Lies buddy Jamie Lee Curtis in training places that one I've never seen you've never seen training places those are tits doesn't she here's some dirt picture about me she is but that day when she's dancing perfect woman in my life never seen any of the godfathers I've never seen the godfathers and I've never eaten a pork chop or had goat cheese in my whole life I don't know if that makes me garbage I don't know what's wrong with you

it makes you a wacko for sure yeah I don't know your next question but I never had a pork chop yeah yeah I don't know what fun it kind of kind of I don't know I just how do you not have a pork chop I've just I honestly might say I don't think I've ever had a pork chop either I've never porked up I remember I'm a very weird eater pork chops and applesauce sauerkraut yeah no applesauce I've had applesauce I used to eat motts applesauce out of the jar with my hands yeah I didn't get a help yeah I was waiting till the hand is this recently and my go-to uh kind of yeah well because my daughter I've eaten it yeah because applesauce makes a comeback when you have a kid because you don't forget because now it's like dipping the macaroni and cheese in the applesauce is like

that's what we do like I hope that my daughter doesn't finish her meal even if she's malnutrition I'm like I wouldn't eat that fucking applesauce yeah dude dipping a chicken nugget and fucking applesauce ain't nothing wrong I never heard macaroni and cheese and applesauce macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets and applesauce I don't play by the rules what are you talking about what it is Chrissy chaos and also saltine crackers and Arizona iced tea that was my snack growing up all the time wow yep huh that's a little trashy yeah it's classy it's not classy yeah um do you get cash back when you're making a purchase cash back when I'm making a purchase meaning like you're at the they go do you want cash back you go yeah I'll take the check when you hit the button

you want cash you're at 7 11 buying you know applesauce right and they want cash back and I give them a five no no no you pay with a card I'm sorry oh okay oh you're tipping the 7 11 no go ahead that's for you no no I've never asked I've never asked for cash back that's never done that yeah ever use the ATM just to check your balance um no but I but but just because I have it on my phone yeah so I would use the ATM to check my balance okay but have you ever stated a resort with a swim up bar yes multiple ones I mean that's something that we look forward to doing every year with my friends yeah Ocean City Maryland is that where you'd go on vacation when you were a kid secrets yeah we go what secrets well when I was a kid no when I was a kid when I was a kid

what my mother's number one we would do we would drive from New York to Florida that's what yeah that was a fucking big one we would always drive a car oh god probably a Toyota yeah Toyota oh no a Saturn my grandpa a Saturn that's bad news so we would go from those things stunk New York to Florida in a Saturn and then also my mother would take me on fucking cruises we would I would be me and my mom on a cruise once a year and always beat to some bullshit place like I remember one time she went through a breakup that she just like on a whim because this was like the late 90s she was like I remember she was like going through this breakup and it was like bad she was like in a fight on the phone or whatever and then she's like I'm fucking sick of this shit whatever and then she

like wipes off her makeup and her tears she's like Chris she's like I got great news she's like we're gonna have a good week and we're gonna go on a cruise and I'm thinking like fucking awesome this is great like we're gonna go to like Bermuda or something like that Nova Scotia Canada with my mom we could pull up to the dock I I'm all excited I could see these guys are in fucking triple goose's triple fat goose jackets it's July 5th I'm like what the fuck turn this thing around Hans let's go yeah I like to sit in a singles bar with my mother for fucking in Nova Scotia Canada while she was drinking fucking Nicola Bultress how old were you you know 10 11 holy but I did kiss my first girl on that ship so it wasn't like really yeah yeah kiss my first

chick on that you got flip flops in the north face on yeah dude seriously we packed like summer shit but she I was like why don't we go to Nova Scotia she's like that's what the travel agent said they had available it was last minute cruises are pretty trashy pretty trashy yeah pretty trash holy shit I think I only got one more here and I got we got a couple from the patreon's okay I'm sorry no please after you sir uh if you buy a six pack of beer you go home you put it in the fridge do you take it out of the case yes take it out of the case fold it up put in the recycling okay guys fucking class but I put I put them in a drawer I put them in a drawer I have like a beer drawer but I get that from my mom because we say on the

historians hide in the vegetables or move in the vegetables because my mother used to hide the beers that she wanted her Sam Adams and stuff underneath the packs of vegetables because I hated vegetables so she knows I would never go to look for the vegetables so she was like that's where I can hide the beer so I think from that I put the beers in a in a in the crisper yeah right that's where I put the okay you ever use the terms uh instead of saying thank you you ever say cheers no I'll never say cheers and it actually makes me annoyed every time somebody emails cheers or fucking texts me cheers I'm like this isn't medieval England fuck face stop with the cheers you ever call anybody mate no I'll never call anybody mate because that's the thing is when I'm like you know you call people

mate it's like I get it but like we were born in America it's like we were you know what I mean like we got free from that shit why do you think we fought this revolutionary war for so we could still be over to say cheers and mate and cheerio fuck you I know I fucking hate it too I hate mate and cheers I'm not a fan of mate and cheers have you ever said the phrase is I wear a lot of hats or a lot to unpack no for the hats because I have a size eight hat head so I I don't have a good hat it so I don't wear a lot of hats I'm actually the opposite I will I don't wear hats a lot to unpack I have a lot to unpack meaning like emotionally no you would just have you ever used these phrases like I got a lot to unpack oh or someone will be someone will be like

now that Biden you know the emotional little baggage of Biden being present is a lot to it's a lot to unpack we have a lot to work through a lot to work with I would instead of saying that we have a lot to work through I would say like um you know now you would say Joe Biden's president that's a lot to unpack I would say I don't make a recount I don't yeah yeah seriously yeah yeah I would say Joe Biden's president is going to be a long four years have you ever used the term this that or the other thing like just that the other thing this that the other thing um no but I do say yada yada yada yeah shout out to Seinfeld that's all yeah yeah give you that um all right I got a couple do you have any more than I got a couple from

the patreon no shoot the patreons all right so guys as you know when you sign up for the patreon we will ask one of your garbage questions it's the only way to do it because we got so many submissions so this is that these are actually from uh these are uh history iina fans oh great you can tell by the names when they sign up oh my god they're paints our patreon names are wild this is mike the fuzzy non-muzzy sandra dj have you ever donated to npr no I've never donated to npr and I never will I don't I don't he's got the kind of face that he could even find it on the radio yeah yeah no no not it yeah and I've never listened to my life to NPR I mean his propaganda he's fuck yeah yeah he fucks uh this is next thing you know I'm using chopsticks so the

fuck you want from the fuck oh uh this also this goes into a bigger one too uh this is Victoria make no mistake doesn't want to get sent to the back hill year do you ask for more bread uh at a restaurant just to steal and take it home with you no I've never taken the bread I've never taken the uh will you do leftovers take leftovers 100 take leftovers I have taken silverware home man that's late in the game he drops that one he was fucking it he was Chrissy green lights until that came out why are you taking silverware it's just he's queen trash because you fucking never know when you need a spoon I've taken silverware from multiple red lobsters yeah speaking to you growing up did you have milk with dinner milk with dinner um uh no never really had milk with

dinner and now I drink mostly almond milk wow so that's pretty good yeah at your house is the butter on the counter or in the refrigerator but it's in the refrigerator okay yeah okay people would say that's classy it's plant-based butter too she's a she's like a vegan my girl's like vegan and really vegetarian so it's plant-based fucking butter so you're creeping that way no I mean I just gotta eat the food she cooks but it's like I mean as soon as like I leave her I'm getting a fucking pepperoni slice there's a good place on like 30 all right on 9th have 39th and 8th is really good uptown it's called upside pizza or something like that that's good um how is the vegan butter it's for me it's like butter is butter it's like I it just it's butter so I don't taste

the difference um but you know it's just one of those things where it's like she because the thing is with her she didn't tell me like she didn't tell me she was giving me vegan dishes like yesterday she cooked the fettuccine alfredo we had the fettuccine alfredo and then she had crab cakes but the crab cakes were not real crab meat it where they were vegan crab cakes and she didn't tell me till after it was done it was like those crab cakes were awesome I was like would you go to Maryland and get those she was like no they're fucking vegan crab cakes she was like I got them from Dr. Prager so I was like damn yeah Dr. Prager's all right they make a veggie burger it's pretty fucking good yeah pretty fucking good uh this is the last one from patreon this is from Kristen

this is a home run of a question does anyone in your family still have a cd tower a cd tower does anyone of my yes my mother still has a cd tower my mother's cd tower my mother still watches things on a dvd player my mother yeah my mother still watches she watches my daughter saw a beauty in the beast for the first time when she slept by my mother's house last week and I was like where'd you get beauty in the beast did you buy it on tv she's like no I've had the dvd since you were a little kid I'm like what it holy smokes I just have one last question do you have an answering machine growing up when you were a kid answering machine still to this day the same answering machine do you call my mother's house it's the same same answering machine as I had

from when I was a kid is that is that outgoing message a song that you're that you and your mom are singing or your mom is singing is it like a jokey type thing or is it just a straight up or are you involved in the recording I'm not involved in recording it's something to the I know if I called you pick up right now so and then I if I told her please don't pick up for the show she'd be like no I should just keep picking up so it was it was some it was it's something like hi hi you've reached Lynn I haven't lived there in 15 years she goes hi you've reached Lynn christen larry's house larry's that my mother's doxened she's like you've reached Lynn christen larry's house we're not home right now but please leave a message after the beep and I'll call you

back as soon as I'm done feeding my dog nice try pretty boy almost made it out of here bro my mother still has a rotary phone too she just doesn't like to part of old school I like it wow okay naming the dog in the answering machine major trash the fact that the dog has a human name real trash and that and I got to take all the credit on that my mother said you can name the dog and I said for me mom there's only one option there's only one option it's got to be a funny human name so out of those the only three options that come to mind larry gary or harry you pick which one and she picked larry I think if you have a pet it has to be a funny human name like the funniest dog I've ever seen is I was at the

dog run with my dog larry and there was a 300 pound rottweiler named Joseph some fat chick from queens yeah oh that's great yeah I mean deal I sealed sealed the deal with the answer machine you're fucking trash I love that baby we came close I came close to class came real you really you last question yeah it happens how do more people who come on the show go class garbage is a 50 50 garbage it's all everyone's garbage doesn't matter where you came from money this that's the other thing yeah 99.9% of people are trash have you had Schultz on Schultz on Earl and you gave him garbage no no garbage I mean that kid is fucking classy he's a ballet instructor yeah you know yeah yeah

but it's like he's like new he now he's like new money trash a little bit like he's going to these fancy restaurants he doesn't know what he's doing yeah but he does it right yeah he doesn't but he does it right Tim Dillon would be an interesting one to get on here with Timmy is fucking you you don't see the class coming with that kid because you're like oh this is the kid's a fucking dirtbag from Nassau County and then you talk to me like oh no Timmy is class he knows that he knows his way around a good restaurant Timmy's class and that's one of the reasons why we can't wait to have him on is because I want to get some official rulings from him on Tim actually should yeah he would change the scope of the show because he may be able to tell you you're not asking the right question you

could write the Constitution yeah yeah honestly that's really great country yeah the Tim of rights Chrissy D man this is fucking unbelievable thank you so much for coming in you got anything you want to folks out there know um yeah you could find christiecomedy.com I got uh Phoenix Arizona coming up uh Vogel theater in New Jersey um you know uh I got a podcast Hey Babe with Sal Volcano of course historian is what you're on his pop is um you know check us out yeah that's beautiful man thank you guys time keep you what you got for him as always please make sure you rate review subscribe on iTunes full video available youtube and patreon.com help us keep the fucking lights on guys thank you so much for the support what an episode we love you guys thank you

so much and we will see you next week gang I told you I'd be back to talk about stereo app didn't I well here I am so sit back and listen stereo app users can engage with the platforms they can listen in they can seek out topics they can join conversations and issues that interest them all right there's a wide range of conversations going on on the stereo app you got comedy you got pop culture you got lifestyle you got sports it's absolutely fantastic and it's also available for iphone and android users all right it's something for everybody okay and kippy and uncle hank are going to be doing their first show January 28th at 9 p.m we're going to be on the stereo app so go to stereo.com slash r u garbage and sign up and get ready January 28th Thursday night

9 p.m on the stereo app r u garbage is going to be going live and we could not be more excited thank you