Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Christmas Spectacular w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: December 22, 2022

Are You Garbage is back with a Kippy and Foley for the Christmas Spectacular! We're opening presents, getting in the holiday spirit and of course answering your garbage questions from Patreon. Love youse guys. Buy the New Years Day Livestream w/ Are You Garbage and Special Guests https://www.moment.co/ayg NYC! Get Tickets to the Gramercy Show, Access Code: GARBAGE https://www.livenation.com/event/k7vGF99hSu4jM/are-you-garbage-podcast Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ This Show is sponsored by BetterHelp Better Help: https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Rocket Money: https://www.rocketmoney.com/garbage Butcher Box: https://www.ButcherBox.com/AYG Promo Code: AYG Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans

Stop the show gang. We got an important announcement. The boys are doing a live stream new year's day. Come hang out with the squad down here with Toadies. We're going to have some special guests. Might be an appearance from Patty and Denise. You don't know what's going to happen. It's going to be a good time. Get a hair and a dog in you. Kickoff 2023 right. And that ain't it you bozos. We got a third show at the Gramercy Theater. Shout out to the Army of Garbage baby. We're on sale now our third show. It's going to be February 3rd. That's a Friday night. Get your tickets now. New York City Army of Garbage. Let's go. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals

or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage. Jingle, jingle, jingle. It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out that you're to be classy. Yeah. After just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. It's the Christmas spectacular. Uh-huh. We're down here at Antutti's basement. She's upstairs. Passed out under the Christmas tree. Okay. Nothing says the holidays like a middle-aged woman knocked out on store brand eggnog laying under the tree. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. Looks like he's going to be working at a piano

bar later tonight. Sing us a song big headed man. He's the CEO of Are You Garbage. He's an international businessman. He's my Santa Claus. He's the gift that keeps on giving whole year along. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan. Hey, what's up gang? Thanks for tuning in. This jacket is a little snug. Left over from last year. Remind me, I put the pounds on there. Santa ain't the only one bulking up. You know what I mean? It's cuffing season. Thanks everybody for tuning in. As always, just make sure you subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube as you know those numbers are through the chimney some would say. And then obviously the greatest goddamn website of all time, www.patreon.com. You sign up, you get bonus episodes, you get episodes of

AYG, you get fucking vlog content, you get all the bonus videos we've done. It's a whole lot of shit. And also, I want to mention the third show over there at the goddamn Gramercy Theater. Get tickets for that baby. That's going to fucking go. That's going to sell out as well. Three sold out shows. Let's fucking do it gang. Yeah, I love it. Don't forget about that live stream. Live stream baby. January 1st. A little bit of hair of the dog. The hangover show. Live from Tooties. We're coming at you at moment.co slash AYG. Sign up, get tickets baby. What a fun thing's going on this holiday season. We're doing it. We doing a lot of stuff around here. And have a nice quick shout out to our producer, Extraordinaire. The Magic Man makes us all look

good. Works to ones and twos. Crosses the T's, dots the I's. Makes her Santa Claus gets home safe every Christmas Eve. Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin. Toby McMullen. What's up dudes? What's up T-Bone? I threw my back out. I'm dying. Man. I hope you didn't throw your back out buying us soundbars again. Probably carrying that big hog around with y'all at the time. Get a reduction will you? Jesus Christ. There's no shame in it. Your stripping days are over. You threw your back out. Oh yeah. Man. Welcome to it baby. Oh God. It's awful. And you can't even take nothing good to ease the pain. No. Will you take Advil or Tylenol or anything like that? I was thinking about that. I never do. Really? No. I don't know why. I never take pills.

Never take pills. Never go to the doctor. Nothing's wrong with me at all. Sure. In the same way. Deny it. Deny it. Deny it. I love pills and go to the doctor. And I'm the only healthiest one at all he is. Geng, welcome to the Christmas Spectacular. Uh-huh. We're here. Extravaganza. If you will. Extravaganza. Patent pending. Yes. Holiday Extravaganza. We want to be very inclusive to everybody. Whatever you're doing, whether you're going to heaven or hell, whatever you're doing. Fucking start throwing holy water at somebody. God. But gang, we're here. We can't thank you enough for an amazing year. It's been a fun year. Kippy. Been a great year. Thank you to fucking everybody. Thank you to the team, the squad,

the Army of Bozos. We fucking love you. Could it be more grateful? Good time. What is on the docket for Christmas for a young fellow like you this year? Well, as you know, I'm very multicultural. Uh-huh. I celebrated Hanukkah the other day. The first day of Hanukkah. Really? Yeah. Had the menorah. We FaceTime fucking FaceTime the in-laws because the birds Jewish. Yeah, you know that. Yeah. I would have loved to watch you do that prayer. Like a guy at a concert doesn't know all the lyrics. Oh, I just checked. I was yelling at the dog most of the time. I was waiting for someone to come pick my chair up. Let's just a wedding. Let's go.

Yeah, it was a good time. Yeah. I was at my mom's for our family Christmas party, like the big extended family Christmas party. Right. And we had to do the first day of Hanukkah was in the morning. So we did about 10 o'clock and Denise was there. Good Catholic lady. Now, just to pull the curtain back a little bit, we were down there interviewing the birds last week. The birds are going to be on the live stream. If you haven't seen the pics, if you haven't heard the hubbub, we interviewed Denise and Patty for the live stream. And I got to witness you pitch this Hanukkah celebration to Denise in real time. Sure. Yeah. Uh-huh. She took a belt off of a bottle of heaven, Williams. I don't know what that tells you. She's our blesser. So yeah,

I know. There was a couple more crucifix laying around a house that morning. Let me tell you, I didn't know. I didn't know how she was going to act. I don't ask for a trade now, buddy. But she loved it. She stayed in. She sat in on the thing because she knows my in-laws from the wedding and everything. Uh-huh. And they email back. The moms do. They communicate back and forth. So she sat in and she loved it. She's a big religious lady, you know? So she's like, oh, you guys are celebrating. It's it. I'm in. And if yous don't mind, I'd like to end in the Lord's prayer. Bless us, O Lord, for these I give. La, la, la, la, la. It's like a goddamn holy war in there. It's like the Cold War. The Russians and the Americans are trying to turn each other.

I know. It was a good time. It was, it was great. It was a very joyous celebration. Any gifts? Any Hanukkah gifts? No, uh, no. From who? I don't know. No. Hey, crazy nights. I don't know. You get presents. No, they just do their, uh, they just do the first night as like a big dinner or whatever and then like that. Dreadle? Did I? Yeah. No. Little chocolates, the little coin chocolates. Gelt. I love those things. It sounds like a fish. First time, first, first time I saw that. It felt a fish. And they told me there was chocolate in there. I didn't believe them.

And man, when I open that thing up, sure as shit. If there's chocolate in a three mile radius, you're going to sniff her out. I don't care how many stones Jesus turned. These guys are giving away chocolate, baby. But beside me up for the squad, let's go. Yeah. Eyes out here chewing on silver dollars. I think they're all chocolate. Yeah. Buddy, that's a washer. The fuck? That's a 20. What are you doing? That's how they get you. Trying to throw me off. Ah, that's good stuff. It was good stuff. And then, uh, Christmas Eve,

I got planned at my sister's house. That party has moved to my sister's house. Nice. From, from Denise's to my sister's. She's going to cook. And that's a good time over there. It's trashy. We've gotten into those TikTok games. TikTok games. The kids like playing the TikTok games. It's like, uh, the first time, so they have like a big counter, similarly like my mom's kitchen, like the big, like island counter. The island, yeah. And you take- Always a sign of a rich kid, ladies and gentlemen, in the 80s and 90s. Sure. When they had, when they had the island.

It's when bad, that's, that's, that's, that's back when Orion's had a couple of bucks rolling around. I used to look under those, look at those islands and be like, man. Yeah. Must be nice. Sure. And then your family breaks up, but it's not that nice. Who gets the island? I wouldn't give it anything for one Christmas. All right? Two Christmases and everything gets cracked up to beat. How about one loving family? How about that? It's pretty good.

What would I say? Oh, so they do, uh, the one year we played, I think both years we played it, you tape like dollar bills down, like a bolt, like, it's kind of like bowling and you're rolling, we, I mean, we were rolling like a beer can and trying to get the stop on the money to win a couple of bucks. Yeah. That. And then we did another one where it was like, you saran wrap a bunch of toys and presents and like a big ball and it's like a dice game. It's like seven, 11 doubles a little bit. And you got to fucking- Yeah, me and my family were doing a case race. Beer pong champion. Playing beer pong with martinis. Yeah. Getting all fucked up. Everybody wins. You're throwing olives.

Holy shit. The birds family does that kind of stuff. I didn't know it came from TikTok. That's where it got big. Yeah. They do something with the cotton balls and everybody's around. They got, they're fun. I like that. It's a good time and you realize how it's them, me and my brother get real competitive. We, you know, it's like, sure, start, start ruining it. Yeah, exactly. The reason why you didn't do it growing up. Oh, of course. Yeah. The reason we weren't allowed to do it because we had ruined so many Christmases or whatever. Yeah. We never did anything like that. Like as a family like that, like games as a family. Yeah. Guys are watching football drinking. Same. Yeah. We never did that. Now it's a, but now it's like, you know,

family versus family, you know what I mean? Sure. Sure. I was always, I got Hans bite my nephew. Get him. Get him. She fits. We won again. And T-Bone, what are your plans? I'm going down to North Carolina. Visit with a fan. You don't say you pack your overalls. What are you doing? You get them dry clean yet? Yee-haw. Hillbillies. I think I'm finally going to have the gumption to hit on my cousin. There you go. What's his name? Alignment for the county. I'm not quick today. I'm playing hurt. I know. Jesus Christ. We got new guy Luke sitting next to him in case he drops out. Ready to pick up the microphone and bomb. Start talking into the headphones.

Kids a little gun giant camera. Good stuff. Yeah. What are you doing? I'm heading down. You're heading down there to blue. I'm heading down not to somber the mood, but first year without the big man this year. Heading down there Christmas Eve morning. Scream at my mom a little bit. Straighten that dumb bitch out. Man, I saw it. You guys are something else. That's where I get her from. I know. That's like the fucking, that's like the, you know, that's the fountain of youth of crazy right there. That's where it all comes from. Yeah. Because what she said, she said something. We said we had something good coming up and well, I can't remember what it was. The first thing was, are you going to get in trouble for that?

Oh yeah. Can you get sued for that? I mean, it's all doom and gloom with those old broads. We were, so you guys, you guys were setting up for the interview for the live stream available January 1st. You can buy your tickets now. And I was out back having a Bernie with her and a Bernie hot. Sure. And the Bernie hot and the Bernie hot. Try the buffet. And she, I know she's, you know, the old broads, they like to doom and gloom, you know what I mean? People passing away. Of course. Sickness, a plague, a gout, whatever. So I started giving her some. She was eating it up. Oh yeah. Yeah. Where are they? Who's the doctor? What hospital they in? How did they not? Oh, they wanted out. How didn't they catch it until then? It's all that. She was,

she was eating it up. Loves that shit. I was like, crazy. It's the first time I've ever seen someone bum a sick off someone's mom. She had more blights. I go, Hey, Kyve, another one. She can charge me a dollar. If you ever want to see my mom light up, man, when she sees that life alert or that life helicopter coming in to scoop somebody up, they're probably going to Hanuman. Jesus Christ. She likes a nice Coast Guard chopper coming in to save a family out there. There's water skiing. But no, so we're heading down there. We'll stay down there. We do my cousins Christmas Eve. That's a real nice party. Sure. Real good time. A bunch of little, you know, picking

of things and this and that. Plus you got the birds that night. Yeah. Whoo. Big showdown down here. Dallas, Texas. So we'll all be watching the birds over there. And then I think we are going to reignite a Foley family Christmas tradition. Headlocks. What are we talking here? Going to the ER trip to the ER. Cushions. We're going to do Midnight Mass. Wow. Patty wants to do Midnight Mass. Midnight Mass used to be. Probably when she gets off work. I'll be there at 12.05. Midnight Mass. We did a one. I'm off the mass. I'm off the mass. Sure. I'm off it. I've been off it for about eight years now. I go weddings and funerals. That's it.

That or, you know, christen and your kid or something. It's the only way to get me in a church. Or a hell of a bake sale. We'll do it too. I gotta be honest with you. Shout out to those bump cakes. God damn, dude. I remember having a lemon square for the first time. Fucking blew my doors off. Jesus Christ. Never looked back. It's been all green lights since then. Homemade baked goods really are something. I tell you. Good time. You also have a knack for talking to anybody about any type of food. A dish, a food group. Sure. And in greed, anything. Sure. You and my mom the other day talked about pineapple stuffing for about 14 minutes. Shout out to it. Which is pretty much just pineapple and white bread. And you guys were able to talk for 15 minutes

about it. Yeah. Use the camera. You put it in at 3.50. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's a good time, man. It was fun. We were also talking about honey baked ham. How big they hit in the 90s. Sure. Every, she's like, there's one right down the street there. We used to go older. Honey baked ham over to your new town pencil. Woo. A little coat on the outside. Crispy and delicious. Now, we used to do back in the day, this is before we moved down to Bluebell when we were up in Wilkesbury, which seemed like the 50s, to be honest with you. When I look back on it, it was the early, it was the beginning of the 80s. But it might as well, I'd like it was in black and white. Sure. It was old school. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'd go to my small town,

small town. We go to my Aunt Mary, Catherine's on Christmas Eve. It would just be like her and my and my uncle and my uncle read and they'd have like presents for me and Andy. He'd have like the little train set up under the Christmas tree. Go in there and be real dark and like just like, you know, lit like, you know, just a tree lit up. It was beautiful. It was fantastic. We'd do that. Then we'd go back to the house, fight a little bit, do whatever. And then we would get all gussied up, get in the shower, do all that shit, get my tubby, get some suit that she picked out or whatever the fuck. And we'd head over to St. Mary's and do midnight mass. Yeah. And then come back and it'd be a fresh pair of pajamas waiting for me. For me to pee in in the

middle of the night. They could put on my jam jams and get on my plastic sheets. It'd be a fresh pair of fresh new pair of pajamas waiting there. Always fucking shout out to Patty waiting for us on our bed. But I found out years later, she did it for, for a little bit of a selfish reason. She wanted to make sure that we look somewhat presentable that morning for picture. Sure, that makes sense. Because we weren't allowed to come down. You crossed that threshold. Dude, my dad would have like claymores set up when you hit the bottom of that staircase. You had to wait because they had to take pictures of you when you came down. It was a good time. You're looking sharp now in your Christmas shirt. Thanks, pal. I can't wait to see it in February. He was just wearing

that. That's not even, that's not even a Christmas shirt. That's all the, it's the only thing that fits and that was clean. He's got a job interview after this. This will come out in early 2023, I'll tell you that. It's the holiday season, dickhead. Don't late March. It's really the holidays until Valentine's Day. No, no, no. I just got my tree. That was 100 bucks. I'm leaving that fucker up for fucking St. Patty's Day. I'll tell you that. Yeah. I don't even think we're doing a tree. I might make this little guy. I was running around. Hey, you're Jewish. What do you mean doing a tree? Hey, let's go. Can you do that thing where you kick the legs out? Put the Russian dancing out. Man, dude, I went to a, I told, I went to a Jewish wedding. Man, ain't I had to do it right?

God damn, that place was jumping. It's fucking fantastic. But no, we'll do that. We'll do Christmas Day with my brothers. Give the two little brats their gifts. Sounds like you're in the fucking Christmas spirit. Get a couple of pork roll egg and cheeses thrown at me on the hamburger rolls. That's how my brother does it. And then head over to my cousin Kelly's for Christmas Day with the whole family, which, and I've told them this before in private, it's my favorite four hours of the year. They got a sweet place. The basketball games are on. Everyone's running around. It's all catered and nice and chilling out and hanging out a couple of cocktails, big comfy couch, couple of big dogs. Man, good times. We do that Christmas Day. We go to my aunt,

Kate, shout out to my aunt, Kate. Classy, classy broad. I know Kate, don't I? I don't know. I think I met her. Redheaded broad. We went over to her place when we were down at the big guys. No, I was saying Patty. Yeah, Patty's all right. I was saying Patty and Uncle John. Okay. No, she's real classy. A couple of bucks. I know you're talking about. She's got a real nice place and you go and it feels like you're having Christmas on like in like a rich movie. You know what I mean? Like it feels like Kevin McAllister, like the furniture's real nice. Everybody's dressed up because we feel, you know what I mean? Everybody's no one's wearing jeans. Make a reservation. Everybody puts a pair of docker, new pair of dockers. Everybody's got the new sweater on. It

still has the crease. You catch a cousin with a tag on it. It says extra large on like the arm or whatever. Going to the relatives house and had a little bit of cash was always the best. Yes, a good time you're going. You just feel nice. I feel like you're going to buy it. How do schools over here? Is water included or what are we doing here? And then we all drink Manhattan. Me and my uncles probably about five, six years ago started drinking Manhattan's. They were and I never touched this stuff. But then I had with two Trey and M. You like them now. I'll tell you that. Man in a nice fancy glass, martini glass. All right. You feel like a million bucks. You feel like a real rich guy. Take down Manhattan's like you're Dutch. You know what I mean? History folks. Look it up.

Kevin's talking about rocket money, baby. Who don't love money? Who don't love rockets? Rocket money. Who don't love saving money? Who don't love save money? You know, a lot of people don't know. What's that? Big conspiracy on the American public and worldwide for that matter. Of course. A lot of people are signing up for subscriptions. They don't even know about. They forget about it. Forget about it. A lot of people think it's about 80 bucks a month. It's more like two, two million. Two million. So do yourself a favor. Get over to rocket money and make sure that the subscriptions you signed up to, you want to be signed up to and the ones you don't cut them loose. Yeah, you might even find out you're being double charged. It's easy peasy. The app shows you

all your subscriptions in one place and cancels whatever ones you don't want. They cancel subscription. It's easy peasy. Just hit the cancel and rocket money takes care of the rest. They got the muscle. They got your back. They sent a couple of goons over knocking on knocking on someone's door. Hey, take my boy off the list. You don't want to Hulu no more. Guys, get rid of, get rid of useless subscriptions with rocket money now. Go to rocketmoney.com slash garbage. Seriously, it could save you hundreds a year and who don't need a couple hundred clams walking around pocket money with rocket money.com slash garbage a day pat and pat it on that. That's pretty good. You're on necessary subscriptions right now and put a little

pocket money with rocket money.com slash garbage a day doing. Yeah. Kip, let's put your box, baby. Put your box best in the biz. Put your box. The best in the biz holiday season makes me think back to when I was a young little fat kid. We break out the seafood for New Year's New Year's Day. Yeah. Be nice. Have some nice delicious steaks on the table for the holiday season. You know where to get good top quality meat? Your grocery store? No. What are you an idiot butcher box? Grass fed, grass finished, wild caught, free range. The whole nine yards gang, do yourself a favor, get over to butcher box and sign the fuck up. Yeah, go just what you want delivered right to your doorstep, free shipping for the continental US. No surprise fees. You can choose from a

variety of box plans from curating it to customize, change the plan whenever you want. I let them do it. I like when it shows up. They know what they're doing. They know what people like. They take care of you. Takes the guesswork out of it. They got recipe, inspiration, guides, tips, hacks and some are even personalized so you can cook up mouth, watering, mails, exclusive member deals so you can stay big on your favorite cuts. This holiday season has made better and tastier with butcher box for a limited time. They're offering our listeners ground beef for life. That's crazy. Plus you get 10% off your first order. How they paying the rent over there to give it away on those ground beef? It's crazy. Sign up today at butcherbox.com

slash AYG. Use code AYG to get 10% off your first box and ground beef for the life of your membership. That's butcherbox.com slash AYG. Use code AYG to claim this deal today. Do it. But let's get into the fucking turkey here. Yeah. Let's fucking do it. Do some prezzies. Do some prezzies. If the stakes have never been higher. If you haven't tuned in last year, it was an absolute debacle. Quick rundown. Toby got us, Toby got me and Foley soundbars for a TV. Sucked. Foley hooked his up, his didn't work. I gave mine to my cousin to put it as sure. I don't know how, but somehow mine made the move. Man. It's in the new, it's in the new apartment. You believe that shit? Oh man. Yeah. Not for long. Trash days tomorrow.

That thing's going. I'd give the super. That thing's going back to the jungle. The number of fist bumps and quiet soundbars, a great gift that I've gotten before live shows, dude. Yeah. From other nerds, I presume. A bunch of virgins out there. Get me laid. What are you doing? And then I got Toby concert tickets that I already had tickets for and then we weren't even in town for the show. Uh, you got them. What'd you do? Does he those a Game Boy? Yeah, I guess we just didn't resell them. I gave him to the homies. Oh, there you go. I was going to say, we'll take our cut. Did you wet your beak and then you got him a Game Boy. I got this prick, a fucking Nintendo switch that he already had and lied for eight months and then finally came out

and was like, Hey man, I had one the whole time. I brought it home, played it once, haven't even know where it is. You bought me a base that's behind me. I have. I don't think I've ever actually touched the thing. No, I don't think I've ever picked it up. Not once. There's an amp over there. If you want it slot in the DMs, I'll give you a real good price. I think this year is going to be a little bit different. I think so too. Uh, and then what did I got? Oh, we gave T bone. We gave T bone a G hot. G hot cash money. Yeah. That ain't happening. Yeah. No, no, no, you're well compensated enough. I just got up to phone with my account. I'm going to ask for a couple bucks back.

I pronounce Santa Claus. Sam Yam. Shout out to Sam Yamajaka. The real elves. That's what I call them. Should we do. Let's do looky patuki first. All right. Looky patuki's over here. Looky slide in bud. Hop in the middle seat there. Jump in here, big guy. Oh God. New guy looking here in a public episode. Look at that. Ladies and gentlemen. A little eye candy for the ladies. Hold the applause. There he is. New guy Luke. Look at a chemo. Good. We'll get some color. Will you at this kid? Align. Will you from Philly and fucking scurvy over here. Thank you. Man, this guy's perfect. All right. We're not the sharpest tool man. I thought he's I'll tell you

that much. So for you for everybody knows new guy Luke. This is new guy Luke hired this year. We love you to death buddy. Out on a road together. He's the mastermind behind the vlogs and the the bonus content editing and all that stuff. That's correct. All right. Nice kid. Good kid. Young kid lives down in a lower east side. Tripping the lights. Fantastic. Off to Connecticut after this. Spend time with the fan. Yeah. Shout out to the fans. So we got a couple of gifts here. Number one. T-shirt. Middle class famous. I look good on you. I got you an extra medium by the way. Thank God. He stole. And then what else here. He was selling them at the Boston show. He probably

we got you not one but two Kama Kodo knives. Kami Kodo. He already cut himself on by the way. One of them has fully blood on it. Not even fucking around. Hey don't touch that during a full moon. Where's the medical waste basket. Then we got here aura. Whoa. Look at that picture frame at that. Whoa. That'll go at their great presence to give I hear. What else you got over there. Bottle of water. Room temperature just how you like it. Unopened. That's nice. This totally wasn't last minute. Look. And then we got you the last pack of the AYG playing cards that you can play with the family. And then I got one more thing here. A Rhode Island comedy connection school bag. There you go. That's Oakley by the way. And I think there's a mug in there. Yeah. There's

something in there. Shout out to the comedy connection baby. And also a thousand dollars. Let's go. Looky getting bricked up with a G hot on his way back to Connecticut. That's totally not proper money either. Don't try to spend that anywhere. It's Martha Washington. That's right. Looky you'll be riding the style in the northeast corridor on your way back to Connecticut. Yeah. This could not have come at a better time. You just got a raise. His kid. Jesus. I'm spending less than right. Obviously this stuff was a joke. Can't take it with you. We're going to need that for contractual purposes.

This shirt's coming back with me though. It's a small need armored vehicle. Look thank you for everything buddy. We appreciate you guys. Don't forget your water. That's for you at your parting gift card. You can keep I think. Maybe not. The post office jammed us up and lost like a hundred orders. But they're coming folks. Don't be silly. You probably got them already. Buddy. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas and happy new year. Happy holidays. Great job this year. Okay. Oh and he's got his shoes on and he got it suplex down in Philly. Shout out to Mikey from Suplex. Shout out to Suplex and Philly. Now I'm not going to Connecticut. Oh you lying little thief. You're moving in. Oh you brought presents. I got some presents. Whoa. Thank you to Mr.

and Mrs. Dempsey. And that MX gold card you guys got. That the big dog has up there. Shout out to Kippy. Just got the raise. That's where the thousand dollars coming in. All right. Let's go. Let's see. Whoa. This was very unexpected because we just invited you like two hours ago. I know. Unless it's stuff you found in your apartment. When were you going to give this to me? You got my neutral bullet. Look at this. All right. Whoa. This is pretty good. Heavy bike coming in. Lukey. For Kippy first every single entertainment mogul needs a fresh pair of these. Okay. Better be assless traps. Just saying. Oh a broken cardboard box. Just what I wanted Luke. This is all baseball trophies in there. Oh shit. Oh.

Whoa. Look at you. Guys put your sunglasses on. These things are ice. Is there a bag of fentanyl in there too to go with it? I always wanted fake air forces. This is great. Shout out to Canal Street. Thank you very much. Luke. Thank you man. That's awesome. Coach you have a handker for some soup dumplings down there. Now fully. Yes. Your gift has not come yet. I love that. Just like your girlfriend. First gift I ordered November 30th. Okay. You got a head in there. Speaking of the month. I really did. I really did. I tried to. Okay. Here's a placement holder present hat. Is it one of yours? Yeah. It's got a sweat stain in it. Now you're cool. Fat guy fully. Exactly. Very nice. We're going to put you. It's going to be a new hat in a hopefully a week

or two. Okay. But no worries. Okay. You got him a hat. I got him a hat. Is it this brand? It is that brand. Who is it? Stevenson Ranch. Okay. Sweet. Shout out to Mike. Because you're the size of a cow. Fully loves ranch. More of a hidden valley man to me. I don't know. But it's very sweet. Of course. I love you guys. Thank you buddy. And then T-Bone. I got you this. T-Bone come over and open it up. Here you go T-Bone. Or T-Bone's back hurts. Oh yeah. Is it a muscle or a laxer by any chance? Might need it. All right. All right. It's hot sauce. Stay spicy. Also you did not wrap any of the gifts. I got invited last minute. It's like a hot ones fucking hot sauce man. I think one's missing though. That looks like

for four. No that's great. Okay. Nice. Awesome. New Guy Luke coming in correct. Wow. Clap it up for New Guy Luke. Thank you brother. Found some stuff in his apartment. A half a bottle of Franks. You give Franks. You give Franks. I don't know what I'm going to do with your remote control. Thank you. With bad hay batteries sold separately. Take them out. Buddy it's very sweet. Thank you buddy. Thank you guys for everything. Change my life. Of course. Love you guys. Thank you buddy. Love you pal. Love you man. Thank you. All right. Change my life. How you tell me that on the road the other day. I was like change your life. He's like

yeah lateral move. The funniest thing Luke has ever said is when he looked at you and you were wearing shorts it's freezing cold. He goes do you feel cold like normal people? Yeah that was all right man. I think about that every once in a while. Just start giggling. Shout out to New Guy Luke everybody. Shout out to NGL. Can I give you guys your shit? Sure. Sure. And then we'll do T-Bone and then me and the big man. Wait no. You give us your do you give us our presents. We'll throw them out and then we'll keep moving. Do you want my cousin's dresser? Would you just send it right there? Man this thing's going to stink. Paddy's a medium.

All right. Sorry. Who's that for? A bow or something. What are we doing? I mean dude the fact that you didn't even okay. The big one's mine. All right. Okay. Here you go. All right. Get that thing out of here. This one's hissing. I don't know what's going on. Okay wait. It's blocking all of the shots. All right. All right. So these gifts are for- Somebody got into the cocoa earlier. They're both for both of you. They're both for both of us. So we're sharing them. Yes. But I feel like these might be like cameras or something he wants for the studio and just saying he bought them for us. A new gaming

chair? Does it matter what you open his open furnace? Just what you wanted. A sweater with my cat on it. Okay. Love doing that. All right. I kept it traditional. Straight Amazon. No wrapping. Condoms. Oh walkie talkie. There you go. Nice. With earpieces so that we can do, we can be like CIA guys. There. That's very sweet. That's very nice. Yeah. We've been talking about it forever. We have. We've been talking about it forever. We always want to walkie talkies on the road to where you at. Meet me in a lobby. Red team. Go. I love it. That's great. All right. Kippy's over there. Open it up to present.

Breaking out his keys. Like to see it. Okay. A lot of stuff in there. Yikes. There's a dead cat in there. I want to be upset. All right. You down there? What the fuck? Was it an engagement ring? What is it? You should carry pots. Hey, there we go. All right. That's pretty good. Not bad. Some top quality cookware for the fellas. How are we going to share that? There's one for you, one for Kippy and one for Luke. Nice. Oh, that's sweet. Very nice. That's great. That's great. That's beautiful. Very good. Very nice. There we go. All right. Look at that. So that you guys can slam dunk in the

kitchen. That's pretty good. That goes in the recyclables, by the way. Just so you know, Kip. What did you say? I said that goes in the recyclables. That's going right in the Facebook group. OBO real quick. As is. Tebow, that was beautiful. Thank you very much. That's great. It's so nice of you. My wife will be thrilled. Yeah. They're top quality. I'm telling you. All right. Tebow, why don't you come over here and sit down and we'll do, we'll do yours. All right. I forgot to get Tebow in something. You did? Jesus. My mom's going to be pissed. Jesus, you're like walkie talkie. We also got you pots and pans. Would you hand me that, the red one, please, buddy? So there's a card and then there's something in there. Open those. Open what's

in there first. Okay. You guys got me? I don't have my cans. Yeah. We got you. So card first? No, no, no. Open the thing first. All right. Get on the mic a little more just so I know that it's all right. We got here. Oh, an Islander's hat. Yeah. A team I've never seen a game for. Now open the card. Oh, shit. And read it out loud. Okay. And then get out. And get in the kitchen when I eat you. Hope you like the hat because you're going to need it when you and one of your dirtbag buddies are sitting center, right at the Islanders. Oh, shit. Fuck yeah. I think take on the number one team in the NHL, the Dallas stars. I had the bird write this out. So the writing looked nice.

Oh, that's so funny. Yeah. Toby, thank you for you in wishing you a Christmas filled with joy. We love you too. Thank you so much. Of course. That's so sick. Center ice, baby VIP seats. No, all the soft drinks and food you can handle. Center ice your eight rows back off the ice out there in Belmont or whatever it's called, wherever the, wherever the UBS arena is. They're playing, they're playing a star seven 30 game January 10th, which isn't that far away. Great. You got anything? Yes, actually, what I've seasoned tickets to the Islanders. I meant to tell you guys. And we'll take, we'll get you an Uber out there and back. Thank you guys so much. Thank you. You and a friend. I got two tickets. I'll send him. You can put him in your wallet.

Well, yeah, dudes. Yeah. Oh, thank you boys. Of course. Yeah. Enjoy it. Merry Christmas, guys. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. We love you. This one seems to be better than last year. This is doing all right. This is all right. Okay. This is doing all right. Do you want to go first? You want me to go first? You go first. I give to you. Yes. You give to me. Uh-oh. Wrapped by me, by the way. Toby hit me. Dude, I noticed that earlier. It gets crazy. Wrapped by me bought the wrapping paper this morning. Did you have to watch a YouTube tutorial on wrapping Now I'm pretty good. It's like the whole process is messy, but I can get you pretty decently. A lot of tape in places there shouldn't be tape, but I can get you decent looking.

That's a decent looking finished product. Mine would look nothing like that. All right. Here we go. I'm opening it up. Chimachi. What is this? Portal prestige. They got card too. Uh-huh. Oh, it's taped on the side. Okay. What about prestige? Prestige, authentic item, confirm, some of the most quality control. Okay. Can't tell what it is. What the fuck is this? Still no kit. What the fuck? This is fine leather. Very fine leather, very expensive fine leather.

What is this? Whoa. I didn't feel them because I wasn't exactly sure of your brand. That's fucking nice. But it's got the cutter. It's got the lighter. It's got the little holder there imported from the UK. Dude, it's fucking beautiful. Very fine and crafted leather. And on top of that, I also, that's like a, you know, a holder. You like put it down. I didn't want to make it public, but yeah, I got in the cigars a little bit by accident. So now you don't look like a bozo. When you go to Club Macanuto up there on the upper east side, dinner for two. Get out of here. Dude, all of these gifts are like price is right price. I got two sets of kamikodo knives. Yeah, I got reservations and everything's all taken care of

you and whoever at Club Macanuto on the upper east side. I talked to Mr. Paul Verzi says nice is one of the nicest ones in the city. This is beautiful. This is beautiful. Thank you very much. Yeah, you can't smell it. That's it. It's all right. I might strip this thing. It was a little from making pair of shoes out of it. Also too, I wanted, so it's a very upscale place. Okay. No sneakers. It's a cigar bar, but they serve food. Yeah. It's a very good restaurant. Okay. Well, club, social club, whatever. Nice. And you have to wear dress shoes and a collared shirt. Okay. Which I also bought you, but they didn't show up in time. Apparently it takes longer to make a 5x button up than I expected. Dude, that's so beautiful. Yeah.

Yeah. So that's, that's hopefully you'll enjoy that. What's the card? This is actually from my wife. What? Yes. All right. Very nice. A couple of nudes. I didn't want to say it. Oh, erasing photographs. It just says payments are due on the first. He is still on me. Four Gs. You fat bastard. This is beautiful. Too foley from Nadine. Don't make me come looking for you next time. I swear to God, I won't. I'm looking at that box and spray acid in my face. Teach me a lesson. Buddy, that is so sweet. Thank you, pal. Thank you. Hopefully you enjoy it. Also, I wouldn't mind checking out the Club Macaroon.

By the way, I'm going to hockey with you. Yeah, me too. You're not going. I'll talk to you. The dinner or drink menu at that Club Macaroon is all right. Yo, you heard what Kippy got foley for Christmas? He's going to Club Macaroni. He's going to the Macaroni Grill VIP section. That is dude. That is so sweet. I love that because I even said when we were at home, just real quick, I had a cigar at Cassidy's wedding. I hated it. Verbally, outwardly, you hated the idea of it. You complained the whole time. Hated it. You complained the whole next day.

Hated it. Yeah. Hate the cigars, the whole nine yards, the whole thing. And then the next day, it just kind of got in my head a little bit, where I didn't really hate it as much as I thought. Sure. Which is everything with you. We were supposed to go to the Phillies game, the World Series. The night it got rained down on Halloween, we ended up at another place. Sure. Chicken sandwich. Fair enough. Public chicken sandwich. And I had one there. I had a mac and noodle there, and it was fucking awesome.

I loved it. Just sitting there, relaxed, and I was all fucked up on shrooms. But still, it was fantastic. So much of Topless Broad's running around. And then when I went home a few weeks later, I was like, you know what? I'm going to fucking, I found a cigar shop. I went and got a couple of mac and noodles. I had one on my mom's deck, and I liked it. And I've had a couple of my moms that I wanted, that I wanted to smoke. And I even said, I wonder if they're going to get, if they're going to get bad. Or I got this beautiful case to keep them in. I love it.

Thanks, buddy. I love you. Thank you, brother. Also, you're going to Club Mac and Noodle with a friend. We'll go together. Me and Verzi. Paulie! Get the car clean, baby. We're going for a ride. New guy. Look, would you hand me that? So, Kippy, this is from me for you. Okay. All right. Just undo that. And yeah, look inside. Well, that's what I do. Just open it up and take a look and then say thanks. These would be fed immediately. It's a little bow. Yeah, just give that a pull. I got it. That's it. No, you're going to tighten it.

All right. You're not making it shut up. You're not making it any better. It smells kind of weird. I'm just being honest. It's got a bit of a stench. Would you get me cheese or something? That's good rope for it there. You piece of shit. That's fresh gouda you got. Ah, good stuff. All right. Oh my God. A nice fedora. There you go. And there's one more. There's one more thing in there. There better be tickets to Cuba. There's one more thing in there. Okay. All right. Maybe it is tickets to Cuba. And there's one more thing in the bottom there.

Open that up. Okay. Because you're going to need that hat because Kippy. This is making me real nervous, dude. I feel like Vin Diesel. Did you look so ridiculous? I feel ridiculous. Well, you're going to need it. Oh, I don't want to open this, man. Open it up. What's it say? Pack your bags. You're going to the Bahamas. Yeah. I got you a cruise, baby. That's right, Kipperino. I am sitting in the poor house. You and your number one European gal are going to be cruising through the Caribbean. What? What? You're already going. You bought the cruise line.

Guy with a hat like this, of course I'm going to cruise line. Or at least a set of bongos. Oh, man. Thank you very much. You said you wanted to go on a cruise. Sure. Well, you're going. Oh, yeah. And I didn't peg you in on a date. That right there. That was going to be my excuse not to go. You got to be kidding me. I'm kidding. Thank you very much. I didn't peg you down on a date. What you have there will cover any three day cruise from here to Delaware. Any three day cruise, room, balcony, ocean view, whole nine yards or equal or lesser value.

Thank you very much. They do. They do a three day cruise out of the bottom. You can go anywhere you want or apply that however you want it. But they do a three day cruise out of Miami to the Bahamas. There's one in October. Okay. Okay. October. October. Okay. You got to space these out a little bit. Hang your reservations next week. What do you mean October? October 2028. You can go away for three days. Oh, thanks, man. I appreciate that. Been working my goddamn bull sack off. He's got the package on layaways. I'm going to show them like, there you are finally. I know you said you guys might get

away. So I didn't want to peg you into that. I appreciate that. Is the gift receipt in here? Let's go. You got to be kidding me. That's a thousand dollar gift certificate. I could probably get 250 for it. There you go. No, thank you very much. I appreciate that. Is that something you think you'll use? Who are the sponsors this week? We'll be right back after these commercial break. Gang, this episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Let's say remember this. What's that? Life doesn't come with an owner's manual. It does not. A lot of people are a lot of screwballs out there.

It's not all sunshine and rainbows. Now, if you knew what I was thinking right now, you'd run for the hills. He just said he was in the depths of hell, ladies and gentlemen. I swear to God. Gang, if you got something going on, you want to talk to somebody about it, do yourself a favor, get over to BetterHelp, reach out to them by locking in with a certified therapist that can help you work through whatever you're working through. Yeah, guys. I've been a big proponent of talk therapy. It's fantastic. It's like the release valve a little bit. Just let someone esteem out of your brain. Let someone to fucking... You were there talking shit about me. Is that what you're doing?

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slash garbage at BetterHelpHELP.com slash garbage. Not back to that goddamn show. Back to the show. Yeah, probably, yeah. Of course. Very nice. That's great. I had a feeling it was something when I saw the hat. Yeah, I just gave you the hat. That's great. Take the cigars back. Fucking handmade quality shit we're talking about. Now, do we want to do any, what's it called, white elephant or anything? Do you want to switch it up? Oh, fuck that. I got that five hundo on the Islanders. What's that do? Because I promised my girl we'd go on a cruise.

Look, give me your hat. I'll trade you straight up. That's great. Thank you very much. I appreciate it. Thank you. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, everybody. To all you guys. Thank you very much. Merry Christmas to the fucking army and garbage. Shut up to the proposals and the homies. We fucking love you. Thank you for fucking everything. We do have, typically, AYG fashion. You know what I mean? I posted over there on a Patreon. Hit us up with your Christmas themed stories, questions, bop-a-dee-bop, the whole nine yard. We're also doing a hard feelings after this.

We are doing a hard feeling. So if you really want to find out what we thought of the present, you should tune in this weekend. All right, let's get into that. Also, just to put a button, that was way better than last year, I believe. I believe everybody is relatively happy with it. 100%. At least we're saying that. Are you? Yeah. Are you? Yes. I don't know. What do you guys think? You think he's happy? He doesn't know how to express joy. Sure.

True. It's not on a cruise. Luke? Luke, raise your right hand if you think he's happy. He raised his left. He went right. You said you wanted to go on a cruise. Yeah, I said thank you. You're taking this personally. I said thank you very much. I'm going to go on the cruise. With me? What? It's just me and you. It's for you and the bird, too, by the way.

Yeah, I saw. I think you just got one ticket. I saw it printed out on your home computer. Thanks for that. You ran out of ink halfway through the picture, by the way. They didn't have any retail establishments in the city. They got a little carnival, got a little brick and mortar. Thank you. Plus, it goes to hedonism, too.

Hey, pick me up on the way back, will you, carnival? I'm going to hang out here for two tree days and I'm ripping in the tearing. All right. All right. But very good. Merry Christmas, everybody. Yes. I hope everybody has a nice time with their families. Of course.

A couple of nine yards. Of course. But let's get into a couple of questions here. This is the ones from Ian Finance. Or Fine Ass. Shout out to Ian Finance. I love it. Is it garbage if your Christmas stockings growing up used to be your mother's panty hose?

I mean, we could see everything that was in there. That's a tough look. Yeah, you could. That's what paid for the presents, all right? Yeah, that's a tough look. That's a pair of fishnets. Were you big stocking people? Huge stock.

The stocking always had the really typically a hint towards a really good gift. You find a pack of batteries in your stock and there was something waiting for you. You know, you got some fucking fresh tech gear coming in. Also, too, because they would always be like, due to stockings, typical run of the scenario was presents, then stockings for us. Sometimes. Oh wait, presents, then stockings? Yeah.

Now, we did stockings first, presents, the fake out of that's everything, and then the big gift pulled out from behind the couch. That was similar. Yeah. Then a fight. Depending on what the psych out, fake gift, whatever was outside, whatever, there was typically a hint in the thing. You don't have any of the batteries or whatever accessory type thing.

Some bullets. What? Some bullets. But yeah, I mean, that's also part of the fun. Was your stuff individually wrapped in there? Where? In the stocking? We would have that sometimes.

A little bit. Yeah, yeah. If it was like a box or whatever, it would be individually wrapped. Truth be told, Patty hooked it up. She did a pretty good job. Also, that's where the scratchers went. Oh, we're a big scratcher family. Still to this day.

My stepdad will come in Christmas day and break us off like 40 bucks each or something like that. There you go. But then always the thing of you got to split it with me. Sure. Which? Gentlemen's rules. Sure. The thing about the best thing about the stocking was the

anticipate was like, you can't see. If you could see everything in there, you're just like, oh, well, there's a fucking sack of batteries hanging. And don't those pantyhose, aren't they connected? Aren't pantyhose connected to the other to the other flag? No, you can get individual stockings. Really? Like they wear like the ski masks, like the, you know, when you're robbing a bank or something.

No, the ones I wore always had the second leg. Yeah, what were you getting into? The birds still wear those. Stocking still a thing? Yeah, yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's trash.

Cold weather and a dress throwin' us stockings. All right. Uh-huh. Good to know. You were talking about Christmas fights. You know what was an all-time Christmas gift when we hit the scene in the late 90s? Sock em' boppers. You guys ever get those?

No, but we, my buddy did and we used to hit each other to the where like the, it had the seam around it. And if you hit someone, dude, the seam would leave a welt on your face. Wait, what's sock em' boppers? They were blow up fucking boxing gloves. Oh, really? But like just big, like fucking, they were like this big. And you put your hand in there and you just fucking rock each other.

Really? Get a Christmas Day Fight Club going with all your cousins. We had the thing that was like heavy on the bottom and you would hit it and it would come back. A punching bag. Yeah. They were. That was a good time. Oh, I used to fuck that thing up.

Uh-huh. I'm making out with it. Those were good. But yeah, the Rockin' Sock Em' Robots. Was that or no? Yes, that's a game. In the little. Sock em' boppers.

Sock em' boppers. Rock em' sock em' robots. Rock em' sock em', that was 70s shit. Still, they were still banging when I was a kid. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, the commercial, the headwood pop-up. That's all you wanted. Anything like that, we weren't allowed to take over to the bigger party because it was like,

you're not, you're just going to turn the basement into a fight club. You're going to break it or you're going to. Sure. But you want to show off the new gear to everybody. Something. You know what I mean? Yeah. Hey, look at what I got.

You know, you sound like a loser. Like, hey, I got that, I got, I got the new N64 at home. Like, yeah, whatever you did. Sure you did. Kick rocks. I got, yeah, I got a pony too. I was always allowed to bring a GI Joe or something with me, I think. Always.

For a car ride there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. New fresh pair of jeans, probably a new sweater. Everything fresh. Yeah, socks on these. Some shit that didn't fit and it's the shit out of me. Mm-hmm. Fucking brutal.

Could have been more, more GI Jews. How about the, how about that? I mean, yeah, we need, we need to replenish the troops. We need funding over here, will you? Yeah. God damn proxy war on our hands. Um, all right. This one's from Ross Reed.

You get a scratch off. This is what we were just talking about. You get a scratch off ticket as a gift and you hit for 100K. Do you break the person off who gave you the ticket with a little bit of cash or tell them to kick, kick rocks? That's life in the big city. Never gonna make it in show business, kid. I would split it.

Split? Yeah, it'd split. Christmas? Who's giving it to my cousin or my mom? Splitting it's, no, there's- If it was my mom, the whole thing would be in her name. Of course. Yeah.

And you kill her. Woo-hoo. Um, splitting it's crazy. Save on the inheritance tax. I know, right? Splitting it's crazy. Think? I think.

What's gentleman's rule? If, it should be stated ahead of time. I want 10%. That's what a real true dirtbag does. Sure. You get out ahead of it. Hey, verbal agreement, you know, legally binding. I want 10% of that.

T-Bone? I think, I think if you hit for 20, if you hit for 100, I think 20 is fair. No, you gotta throw them a little cash. Something. I, but I, it's coming into holidays. We're in a holiday season. Get out in front of that people. You don't want to fucking hit for, you know, 40K and then someone come into what

they're beak, heavy handed. I mean, I don't think you should say this, but 20% would be the gentleman's move. Sure. I wouldn't give you 20%. So if you went 100K, you give them, you throw 20. That's what a 20 is all right. 20 grand.

50. That's all after taxes and stuff like that. You're not giving 20 off the jump. Figure if you do 100Gs, you're walking out of there with what, 60, 65? Probably. So then you give 20, so you got 40? It's pretty good for scratching. That ain't bad.

I don't know. I want it all. Who said you had to pay taxes anyway? Get you next year. Hop me down in the Bahamas if anybody needs me. How about the hedonism? I can't be my perfect to have family. I feel like Vin Diesel.

All right. Let's see. This was from Justin. Is it garbage to save? I mean, we've heard saving fucking wrapping paper, but this is, is it garbage to save all the tissue paper from present so your mom can iron it and reuse it next year? Holy shit.

That's got to be a fire hazard. Yeah, that's the same. Ironing. That's like 13 cents. I know. I use that liberally. When you're stuffing? Oh, I stuff.

I'm always, I'm always the guy showed to my moms, we're going over my sisters or my aunts or wherever and I'm like, I didn't do any wrapping. I go, I'll talk to these. So you got bags? She goes, yeah. But I never have bags that fit my gift right. I always got like a huge bag for like a little piece of whatever. And I got to put a hundred.

You can't, I got like a couch pillow in there. I'm trying to fucking fill that thing. I dropped that off at Patty's workshop. What do you mean? Wrap this up. Let's go. Get that shit wrapped up. But when those bags started coming around and started getting popular.

She's still wrapping your presents? She'll do a couple this year, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She'll wrap a couple. Okay. One or two for the kids.

What was the last time you wrapped? You wrapped a present, do you think? Ever. I tried it. Are you ever going to start? No. No. Why would I, why would I need to start wrapping presents when you're working in the North Pole?

I don't know. One of the birds will do that. They do it better. You give the job to the person who does it the best. All right. Laundry. No. Cooking the cutlets.

No. I'm the fat piece of shit. Also, by the way, this just in. We got the recipe for the chicken cutlets. It's going to be on the live stream and strap the fuck in, will you? I mean, there's one or two, three, four steps in there where mine, me and Toby made eye contact. Like what the fuck. The sweaters so good.

Make sure you have Mountain Dew on hand, ladies and gentlemen. It's a good crystal meth, all right? Yeah, some of the tape, the hedgehog. Keep coming back a little bit. Yeah, that's, I mean, my stepdad would save the wrapping paper from time to time. I've said before though, we just throw it right. We used to, if we have the fire going at my moms, we just fucking launch it right in there. That's fun.

Just fucking torch. But then, you know, the living room gets filled with black smoke a little bit too much, you know what I mean? What he throws in a piece of an army guy or something. Show up to your cousin's looking like a bunch of coal miners. Faces all black. Oh, helmets on. Yeah, that's a, that's a wonky one.

This one's from Matt. $10 long time shareholder. Is it garbage and not have celebrated Christmas until you were nine? I had a Matt's first Christmas order at nine years old. Holy shit. I mean, I get religion. Oh, like I assume just fucking dirtbaggery. Yikes.

He ain't gonna remember it anyway. Yeah, but at nine's a little different. I mean, I, yeah, three, maybe four. I mean, I don't remember Christmases from three or four. I do. Also, but if you're looking back and you're like, it's not crazy if you're like, oh, the first Christmas I remember I was six. You know what I mean?

Yeah. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, I got you. Which I get, but it's like, god damn, what do you tell the kid? Nine. Well, you should send him something. Hey, you want to go to the Bahamas? See if we need a couple of walkie talkies.

And what a Luke's all that. Yeah. All right. Let's see here. This is from Ariana M. My garbage family Christmas tradition is that my mom would make us think Santa's reindeer puked on our front step. The puke was oatmeal she would make in the middle of the night and dump it outside.

Then wake us up in the morning to show us the reindeer puke. She would only do this every other year because apparently it's too weird if we had a puke front step every year. That's a good time right there. That's all right. That's one I've never heard of. I've heard of the reindeer poop. It was like, it's like raisins or something.

Chocolate or something like that. Chocolate, raisin, something like that. The big thing now is the fucking Santa's boot steps through like the powdered sugar or whatever to make it look like snow. Oh, that's pretty good. That's not bad. I've seen that online. Listen, as much as I love Christmas and I love Santa Claus,

like I said, when we do the midnight mass and we would get home, that would start a six-hour wheel of anxiety and panic that it took me until I was like 12 or 13 to shake. I was petrified of this guy coming into my house. Even at 12? I don't know why. I would lay there in bed with my eyes open all night just staring at my door, just waiting to see like this huge man just peek in, just waiting for him.

I don't know why. For some reason, I thought he would be, he would hurt me at night, but- Well, there's no stories of that. Leave me presents in the morning. Is that why you gain all the weight? Why, so I can fight him? So be a fair fight. So that was a 400-pound 12-year-old.

Hey, here's the rule. We split six cookies. No chocolate. Gentlemen's rules. Yeah. Petrified. The Easter Bunny, forget about it. You can still see a bad Easter Bunny.

Nowadays, like the mask or the helmet on it. Get the fuck out of here. Where it's like they look evil. They got bloodshot eyes and big fuck sharp teeth. You're like, buddy, try a cup of tea. And I never knew if the Easter Bunny was like self-aware if he could like talk or if he was just like a wild animal, just a rabbit. Self-aware?

I mean, that's what you're worried about, but you're worried about the Easter Bunny self-aware? I didn't know if he knew right from wrong. I swear to God. Yeah, like a dog's going to be a dog. A dog's going to bite you at some point. Yeah. Dude, fucking, look, I can see the hall light.

Just waiting to see somebody peeking. And one or two years, I think my dad like threw on the hat and the hair. And I like, you know, just to like make sure that we were asleep. Man, that was a long one. Jesus Christ. Like fucking sitting in a fox all night, just waiting for a bullet. Somebody get this guy in a hat event. Jesus Christ.

But then in the morning, it was great. Until next year. I wouldn't have liked a reindeer puke. Yeah. Foxy feeds them. It's also like, I mean, clearly, you're sick. Get someone else. You know what I mean?

Get one of them. Get the 13th reindeer. Step in for the game. What's the health plan up there? Let's go. All right. This one, let's do two more here. And then we got a skedaddle.

This one's from Sean. First time, $10 bozo. We all know it's trash to ski in jeans. How do we feel about snowboarding in sweatpants? Sweatpants hold snow in a certain way where you just look at it and you go, that guy's poor. Right away, you look at it, you're like, buddy, go, honey, you're behind on some sort of payment.

I get it. As a kid, I used to love wearing sweatpants inside out because they felt really good. Uh-huh. And I went out into the snow. Those in the snow, they come out like a Yeti. I'm just like a llama. I know.

Into me. Holy shit. That really sticks to you. Oh, man, just bowls up on you. I would do it sometimes. And drags them down, too. Oh, Yeti, get real heavy, dude. You're retaining water weight.

I remember one time, it was like it snowed for a long time. And you know, the longer the snow days go, the less gear you have. Because that's wet. That's worn out. Sure. So I went out in sweatpants. We built a little snowboard jump on this little hill in our neighborhood. And we had these toy snowboards that were plastic.

And we were riding them. I remember those. I was in fucking sweatpants. And I mean, right, I knew leaving the house. I'm like, I was lying to myself. It's like when you leave the house and the socks already falling around the heel. And you're like, you're like, no, no, no. It'll be all right.

I hate that. Dude, I made it like two runs. My little dinger was spucking inside. My nuts were turning into little acorns. It was bad. I went right to my legs. I couldn't feel my legs for like two weeks. All jammed up.

Did you ever do the plastic bags tied around the shoes? Of course. Of course. With rubber bands. We would know. So we would do plastic bags in the, all around the sock, that in the shoe. So your actual feet wouldn't get wet. Plastic bags and sledding on a cardboard box.

The H. Foley story. Never went anywhere. You had bigger problems than Santa Claus coming to get you. Fucking sitting worried about an imaginary guy in the Easter Bunny. Meanwhile. Sledding in a frying pan. I know what the Faesha Keri frying pan that is. God damn right.

Is that Santa Claus? No, it's the repo man. That's why you were afraid. They were telling you you had the fucking bulk collectors. We're Santa Claus. I didn't know Santa Claus took our entertainment center. Must need to go back to the North Pole to get fixing. This one's from Aider Titzoff.

Facing what you give for Christmas on what your holiday bonus from work was. That's all I was. Yeah. Up until last year it was whatever I got. I knew I was going to get fucking broken off with those AMX gift cards for my boss. Most restaurant jobs I got like a hundred or 200 bucks I think. Yeah, that was, that paycheck before Christmas. Is.

Is Christmas. Is Christmas. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, I think that goes for every buck. Of course, dude. I remember being like, all right. I think that went for my dad.

I could spend like 30, he like each per, six people I had to buy for or whatever. Each one is like, try to keep around 30. Sure. If I splurge a little on him or her, mom always got, mom always got, what, like, I beg out here. You know, I made you this or whatever. You know what I mean?

She always got the short end of this thing. She wrapped it 34 doing macaroni art. It says your name. Says Denise. Says Dennis. You spell it wrong. All right. We got to wrap it up, gang.

Well, hang on though. Okay. We got to do the, uh... Oh, right. I apologize. Poise. Zen night before Christmas. A little, uh, a little are you garbage tradition here?

We did it last year. Mm-hmm. Toadies were in addition of Toad's Night Before Christmas. Sure. Again, shout out to all the homies, all the bozos. Love you, baby. For a great year. We love you to death.

Looking forward to a great 2023. Thank you to you guys, obviously, as well. So let's see here. Got it in the phone. And if you're looking for a present, check out Tickets for the Gramercy Theatre, February 3rd. Don't want to miss it. Thought you meant the Islanders.

I thought you meant the Bahamas. Oh, I can't wait for those hard feelings. Find out what the real T is. All right. Here we go. Uh-huh. Toad's Night Before Toaddy. As read by H. Wold.

Okay. Toad's Night Before Christmas and all through Toaddy's place. The joint was jumping. The music was pumping. You could hear it from space. Toaddy's crew were getting together to spread a little Christmas cheer. But we knew there'd be trouble later

when they ran out of beer. Me and the fellows were chilling up in our room, just minding our biz. T-Bone was working on the computer. Kippy, three-man's hat and his deep. Luke was taking a whiz. I just hooked up my CPAP and was ready to snooze when I felt hot breath on my cheek,

which reeked of heaters and booze. And Toaddy's face was an inch from my head. She said that fat piece of shit is up on my roof with those reindeer and sled. I said, what's with the insults? He got beef with old St. Nick. She said he ghosted me last Christmas after I sucked on his.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! I said, why the hell are you telling me this? She said, because I want you four idiots to help me steal his sleigh and really put his panties in a twist. Now I knew stealing Santa's whip would damn us all to hell. But when we got there, oh boy,

what a story we'd tell. Kippy and T-Bone came up with the plan. We'll steal his keys and lock him in the can. As the clock struck midnight, we made for the roof. But first rubbed our balls on the cookies, just as a goof. Toaddy took a round of the shoulder

as Santa went for his gun. Yeah, things elevated quickly. I thought we were done. But by some miracle of God, we made it to the sleigh all safe and all sound. Kippy slammed on the gas to get us off the ground.

And as we climbed through the sky, we heard the old man shout, I'll get you punks if it's the last thing I do. The geezer cried out. But we were long gone, out for a little Christmas cruise. Probably stopped by Sev, grabbed Bernie's a lighter,

Cheez-Its and booze. What a perfect way to end an amazing year in this holiday season. Stealing Santa Claus's ride for no goddamn reason. Toaddy was smiling from ear to ear. She whispered to me fully, I think this is going to be our year.

And I heard her exclaim as we drove out of sight. Sign up for the live stream. It's New Year's Day night. And shout out to all the homies and all the bozos for making everything all right. And a merry Christmas to all.

And to all a good night.