Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Christmas Trash w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: December 25, 2023

Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NYC TOWNHALL Live Show: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows NEW AYG Card Game: https://areyougarbage.com/products/are-you-garbage-card-game Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Liquid IV: https://www.liquid-iv.com Promo Code: Garbage Get 50% off your 1st box by going to https://factormeals.com/Garbage50 and use code GARBAGE50 Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hold on a second there, Mabozos and homies. Don't forget to pick up your tickets for town, hall in New York City, Maynights. It's the biggest show we've ever done, and we want everybody there. Mix the stand-up comedy plus you play a little AYG with the crowd. Mm-hmm. We also have our card game, The Root.

The second version of the card game is on sale right now at rUgarbage.com. It's over 50 other questions. You get to play with your friends, your family, call them trash. It's a fun game, get involved, rUgarbage.com. Welcome to another exciting edition of, Are You Gobbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash.

Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there, welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage. Oh yeah. So a little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a good to be classy. Yeah. You're just a mega piece of trash.

Trash trash trash. I'm a host, Dave Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tuddy's in a new edition. Merry Christmas everybody. Merry Fricking Christmas. If you're a new edition. Mary Christmas everybody. Mary Freaking Christmas. If you're watching this, we dropped Christmas day. We're here with the with the with the fan. Mm-hmm.

Just the bozos, the homies and the boys just the way we like it. Wishing everybody a happy and safe holiday season. My co-host is sitting across the table from me. He's the CEO of Ardui Garbage. He's an international business man. He's my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for the flat bread freak. The chicken parm hero Kevin James Ryan. What up gang? Thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you're right. If you subscribe on iTunes full

video available. You too. As you know, those numbers are sure to rip cooking. Cooking. And obviously the greatest website of all time you go over there. www.patrion.com. Yes. Are you garbage? You can sign up for, I don't know, about four bajillion hours worth of content at this point. Yes. It's all over there, baby. We got bonus vids. We got vlogs.

You get to 10 dollar, love you. Get two weekly bonus episodes, hard feelings and an eight bonus AYG check into freak out gang. And then also town hall, baby, New York City, New York, the Tri-Stain Area, surrounding area. Classing it up a little bit. Town hall on Broadway, baby, New York City, New York, the Tri-Stain Area, surrounding area. Classing it up a little bit. Pound Hall on Broadway, baby. 43rd Street, I believe.

Man, we're doing it. It's our biggest show today. Tickets are on sale at rUgarbage.com. We'd love to see it there. Scoop them up, gang, and bring the squad. And also check out the new version of the RU Garbage Card Game, which is available right now for purchase. Over there at rUgarbage.com.

You spend some of that Christmas cash. Yeah, there you go. You know, your uncle hooked you up a little bit, and then a little pocket now for purchase. Over there at ourUgarbage.com. You spend some of that Christmas cash. Yeah, there you go. You know your uncle hooked you up a little bit and then a little pocket money for you. And that was a nice quick shout out to our producer at short and airy old magic man makes us all look good. Works the ones the twos, the threes and the fours, he crosses the tees and he dots the eyes,

give it up for T-bone, mixed roughens, Toby McMillan everybody. What up boys? Hey, Pound. I love the- Wearing your Christmas best. Yes, sir. I hope everybody out there's having a nice holiday And let me tell you if you saw a jello salad or a fruitcake at your holiday get together Idris sure jello salad. I don't hate I like it. It's trash. I like an ambrosia. Love an ambrosia Really nope nope no fruitcake. I always thought was something from cartoons and I maybe saw it I like an Ambrosia. Love an Ambrosia. Really? Nope, nope.

No. No cake. I always thought was something from cartoons and I maybe saw it. What is it? It's like a loaf with the, with like cherries. It's terrible.

Dry, it's like dried candy fruits. Ew, it's probably not that bad. Yeah, it's like drywall with last year's fruit and it. Yeah. That's what everybody says. It's always been like the joke. But I bet if you make your fresh one, it's probably pretty it. That's what everybody says. It's always been like the joke. But I bet if you make your fresh one, it's probably pretty good.

You know what, you know, does it nice? Is the eye ties, the eye volumes, with those box cakes. You know what I'm talking about? I do not. God damn it, what do they do? They do those tricolor cookies too. I know you like them.

I don't like that. We didn't like any of that guinea shit. That wasn't a lot. I love them. Might as well been in fucking Sicily or something. They come in like little boxes. They're like, you know, for holidays and stuff like that. But I'll tell you what, I was dating abroad years ago

of the wilder restraining order of the Italian persuasion and she made French toast at it. I'm not your compression socks. I don't. I get that. of the Italian persuasion and she made French toast at them. Knock your compression socks right off. I get that. Delicious. Yeah. What's your huge Christmas morning?

What is your Christmas morning? Now it's gonna be a little splintered up. You're a man of the house now. Man of the house. I don't know. This is all new traditions for me You got to start making everybody come to you. Obviously we're recording this a couple days before actual Christmas So I don't know I mean I don't know what my Christmas morning looks like anymore. You don't know what you're doing this year

Uh-uh. We weren't able I mean we've been we've been working like crazy We weren't able to decorate the house. We don't have a tree. I haven't been there You don't have a tree. I haven't been there. You don't have a tree down there. The lady was in Germany and we've been in like 15 states and in 20 days. They and your neighbors probably aren't happy with you. Sure. Yeah, I know.

You gotta really start doing that up. Nobody likes that guy. I know, I'm not proud of it, but it is what it is. We haven't had a fucking... You Jewish, you throw a menorah in there. There's no excuse for Halloween. Everyone's gotta do that shit. I get it. I'm aware, but it's just it was physically impossible to get that.

You get both you get both holidays. Look at you. Yeah. A little bit of Harry. A little brisket and get drunk. Sure. Not wrong with that. I like the no decorations. Let's let's let's let's everybody know that you play by your own rule. Sure. I don't have to conform to your society. That's a childless house. Yeah, no, no nobody liked that guy. I was I honestly, I'm very upset I was very much looking forward to fucking going all out real classy nice do it do the tree have people even like You know even have maybe some friends over do the tree cook eat have fun and we just I mean December for us and obviously, it was fucking nuts. We just haven't been able to, I haven't had a chance to get there.

Got the pizza oven now. Got the pizza oven, so we dropped the ball. Hopefully next year I come out fucking guns up, blazing, but I don't know. Probably do a Christmas presents with the broad at the house, and then we go over to, we're gonna go over to my brother's house. Sure. I would throw your mom in that mix to loosen it up just to make it nice a little bit. What do you mean? Tell the piece to roll over.

Christmas morning. Yeah, but she wants to be with the kids. Yeah. It's like she don't want to watch him fucking her fucking 37 year old bald son open up a box of cigars. Yeah. Oh, dang. I'm leaning out the door catching a heater.

What is it? Per gloves nice It can be with the kids I'm over here smelling your farts Yeah, you gotta be over with the kids. She's gotta go with the kids and I get that How does she choose which house to go to? The low locality my sister's way closer to her. Ah, there you go. Yeah, yeah the rest of the kid. He's family bearin uncle boxes when her kids There you go. Yeah. The rest of KB's family, Baron Uncle Boxes, winner against the Nes. The fight night restyled too, Nuckelson.

Come on with travelers out there, the driveway. I want an encounter of ensuing them, huh? Yeah, it is what it is. It was also, we've gotten there, as we've gotten older, and obviously everybody has, you know, it's, we've, the dress has very much so, we used to dress up, you know. Christmas day. Christmas, or even Christmas evening,

we would dress up and be like a nice sweater. Maybe jeans, but usually like khakis, shoot nice shoes, like dress up, like you like, you know, we did it. Now it's like, you know, then we broke into jeans, you know, I mean, jeans and a nice shirt, whatever. And it still is that, but there's more, it's all sneaks, it's like, you know, then we broken to jeans, you know, I mean, jeans in a nice shirt, whatever. And it still is that, but there's more.

It's all sneaks. It's like one kind of nice thing. And then you're just fucking chilling. Yeah, it used to be a lot nicer. We used to do Christmas masks. Christmas midnight masks on Christmas Eve. Back in when we were in Bokesbury, go over to Holy Savior or St. Nicholas St. Mary's. Do fucking Christmas Christmas Christmas Eve

Mass. Then come home, have the fucking pajamas laid out, get up, do Christmas morning, then get all dressed up and go to my aunt's, same thing. Now we're rolling in sweatpants chilling. There's a chicken nugget tray. Everything's there. Everything's from a bunch of different stores. My cousin throws down though on Christmas day. She leaves no stone on turn.

Plus, you got football and you got basketball. It's my, I always say my cousin Kelly, it's my favorite day of the year. Going to her house, got nice spot too. I do well. I feel bad for basketball, man. They used to run the show on Christmas and then football said, one side kid, here we come.

It was actually awesome if you do get that for some reason the games are always good like four o'clock you're sitting there chilling watching like the fucking nuggets play the Lakers is fine right but now that football's like kick rocks LeBron yeah I'm trying to see the boys run down a seam they're trying to put a football game on every goddamn day I know it. It's crazy. And every goddamn country. Sunday, Monday, Thursday, not I got Saturday, Friday, it's crazy. It's all over the map. Friday night football. I saw a great video of some bar in a town of like 40 people in England die hard browns fans. They're all over there. It's going in it all things. It's great. all right, mate. So you run out.

I wonder if it's working. Is it catching? I mean, there's other selling those games out. They did a couple in Germany. They do a couple in England. I think they're doing more next year as well. You don't want those side cogs. All of a sudden they're setting off fireworks and shit like that.

Yeah, flare guns and shit. And if I can... Shit, shoot and flare guns into the huddle. Shit's bad enough at the Raiders games. We don't need that bullshit. Gotta get the UN involved Christmas morning. I'll be my brothers. Mm-hmm. He had in those little rats a bunch of presents and He doesn't I still spread does a little Irish coffee little scramble egg casserole, which is big sure

Maybe a French they might they would do that too like the frittata or whatever. Oh, I love it. No my sister-in-law does Straight scream now my sister-in-law does kind of a it's not a frittata. It's and I'm not saying this in a negative way It's kind of a trashy version of a frittata. It's like it's almost like a like a square keish with like the little bits of sausage and Cherokee thing, but it's like not a, it doesn't turn the corner for me. I mean, I need to have that fucking tray. And it, but it's never big enough. It's like, oh, we have this too. And they're like, well, what the fuck are we doing here?

The naps just not long enough. By the time we get out of there and get back to, back to Patties, shut it down for a couple of hours, we gotta get up and go to my cousins. And that's what a real, real, real goods take place. I'm gonna try to figure out. He also throws Andy's homemade Pork roll cheese sandwiches. God I love pork roll on a hamburger bun. I don't know. I mean the doesn't mean the oven dog pancake dude

Yeah, I don't know understand why it's not everywhere pork roll egg and cheese. It's nice Forget about it. It's all right. It's all right. It's all tough is Uncle Hank throwing it around this year What do you mean? I'm for the kids? Right is uncle is uncle Hank throwing it around this year. What do you mean? You're on for the kids. Uh, Rezzie's. Yeah, I gotta be honest with you.

And if I've been irresponsible with my gift giving? Yes, yes. Yeah, I'm dumb. I, yeah, yeah, I fucked up. I got a deep I fucked up. I got a deep cue for you. Would you get the lady? What I get the lady?

She's got a fucking rocks sitting on her goddamn finger. What are you talking about? She's got a risk hard to help not goddamn finger. What are you talking about? I think it's not that. Yeah, you got a risk hard to help not us frame that thing carrying around. No, we usually, we don't get each other anything. I mean, we did. And then it got to a certain point where all efforts went to the family.

Sure. So we don't, I was kind of the same way up until, you know, we were like, I would not do anything for each other. Maybe something small, whatever, just, you know, whatever. And she's like, I got hit with yesterday or two days ago. I got you something small. I don't know, like, what the fuck? Now I got a fucking go.

I got to get you a tennis bracelet or something. I don't know what the fuck to get. And I don't know what I'm gonna have time to do it because I'm fucking, she's gonna get a gift card or something. I'm a friendship bracelet, maybe. I might, I might double down. James Dopp.

Kibbie's pulling up with with Cheerio necklaces. I made it. Yes. I might double down on the financial irresponsibility and head down to South Beach for a couple of days. So I'll bring her. You'll bring her. Hey, listen, you were a good kid. You want to go watch me? Separate 40 pounds. Just don't grab. Not in season. No, I don't know, but yes. I got to get something quick. Yeah, the kids two days to get something. The kids all got banged

out pretty heavy, but they're at the point now where it's just what do you want? And they basically text you. They sang in the link. Yeah, they send you the link. There's no heart in that. I mean, they're getting older. It used to be, you know, I'd get them, you know, a bunch of those Legos and we'd sit there and we'd put the Legos together on stuff in good time, all that shit. But, you know, they're getting older

and they got, they got the fifth check at school and sure. He likes the sneakers. He likes, they like, all their cool shit. We never got, is that stuff cheaper now than it was when we were kids? No, we just weren't aware of it. No, no, no, I'm saying like, there was one or two dudes, and I mean one or two that had Jordans when they came out.

Yeah, no, that's like status quo now. Yeah, it's just kids are trendy. But they still, how much is a pair of Jordans right now? 140 bucks? Yeah, probably. So I think when we were in 1989, when they dropped or whatever, they were $100. They haven't gone up that much.

No, they would have been 40 or something. No, they were expensive. No, they were, I think that was a big thing. They were like a hundred bucks. Yeah, they were like a hundred bucks. People were getting killed for them. People were getting killed for them. It's fucked up.

64.99. That's how much they were for him. It's fucked up 6499. That's how much they were. Yep. What the fuck, Patty? You couldn't fucking get in your dumb bro. Fucking 60 bucks. Jesus Christ. But that was everything.

My and my wife is gonna run in wild cats like an asshole. My theory is like, you would never, it's just now more custom to be like, oh, I'm gonna spend $100 on shoes. I'm back then spending 64 bucks on shoes. It was crazy. Shoes were $2,999. It's like, I'm not, you know, you're not getting those, you're not getting those.

Get you the Reebok classics, the Kensington Cruisers, man. I had another rekindling of those in high school. Shout out to double there. The Kensington Cruiser, man, the fucking, that all white Reebok classic, maybe a little bit of black in the like the ones with the little the blue in the red line the ones that gave you on double there they gave them away they gave all contestants got sure they were hot in patty's defense 64 bucks 1985 or on you about 182 sixty three that's a lot of money that's a lot of money that's a lot of money that's a lot of money

I want to spend on fucking shoes even now 180 bucks on a pair of money. That's a lot of money. That's a lot of money. I just spend on fucking shoes even now. 180 bucks on a pair of shoes is crazy. Yeah, Patty's getting a irresponsible gift, I believe. What is it? Um, I modified her will. I get the little cyanide in her coffee. Left my brother to the garage, I get to house. Are you familiar with small doses of arsenic?

No, she had lost something that my dad had gotten her. And when my dad was, you sure you wanna hear this? Probably not, but you already brought. P-Mone. Got my tissues. But my dad was real sick, he didn't really know what was going on. He thought he could still go out and stuff like that. He was like, tomorrow I want you to take me over to the jeweler

and I want to get something real nice for your mom for taking such good care of me. I think that's that's, I'm deciding on that trigger tomorrow. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Talk to my guy over there. God straight me out with the with the ice sure I got patty a gift you did I did big old saws each no fucking scumbags

Christ, your mother Hey, he's about to down. I got to beat him to the punch She'd appreciate that She throw it back in his face. I was gonna say a big cake for him to pop out of it. The I got on the movie. I got the Marley. I got the married woman. Happy birthday. Damn Catholic.

This grace sold her like that. Yeah, I get I get to need the same thing every year. Has it failed. Give call gift card to the nail joint. Here you go. Hunter buck. 200 bucks. Go get your manny and your petty out the door. Gotta get him something they want to use, though. That's what, that's what, she loves it, she goes. That's what she got, she goes, she takes the kids,

the whatever, it's like, it's functional with her. We're a very functional family. My step, my step that got the same flannel every year for fucking, oh, holy shit, he was shocked every year, too. That's just what it is. You get to say, get you, you can shocked every year too. Yeah. That's just what it is. You get to say, get shit, you can use. And I was thinking about it.

Everyone in the Ryan family gets a black cup of coffee and some time to themselves. You're not wrong. There was a lot of wildness. Take turn, take turn smoking heaters in the garage. Give yourself five minutes, get your hand on straight. My brother though.

Hey, if it works. My brother though, like over like the last five years, like, you know, even when we couldn't swing it, we'd get them like something for the house, but like, I remember the one year. That's insane to me. One year we, I didn't get them like a fucking sexual. I know, yeah, just saying like brother, yeah, for me.

The one year we got them, it was, it's like a, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it was like a banana. How do I, how do I word this? You put a frozen banana in it and, and, and, and you, and you, and you freaks, and you turn it and it turns into, with that hook, that's gonna make, it turns into like a banana, cream pudding frosting. Yeah, yeah. I think I'll frost it.

I'm looking for it. Yo. Hey, the lights just popped out of this thing. This thing, I mean, this thing shotty, dude. And then we got him like an espresso machine last year. Like, nobody ever uses it. No one uses shit, dude. No one uses it.

So he'd lost a nice scarf I think a couple of years ago. And you've probably stolen it. I mean, honestly. So I'm getting him a nice scarf and getting the sister-in-law, a nice, you know, spot day, whatever. Yeah. That the joint she goes to. K, let's talk about that liquid IV baby.

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I'm on the watermelon, I love it. Man, you put that in like a hydroflask with some ice and it's screaming cold and shake it up. Woo, suck that damn hydrate, she twice is watered, does. Yeah, tastes delicious. some ice and the best screaming cold and shake it up. Woo! Suck that down. Hydrate you twice as water does. Yeah. Taste delicious. Twice as water does.

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Kip, let's talk about factor. Shout out to Factor. Yeah, let's talk about getting away from the old milk and cookies. You know what I mean? More in-job. It's the holiday season, make your life easier, make your life more nutritious with Factor. America's number one ready to eat meal kit.

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A little air fryer, I never thought about that. Just sizzle up two, three minutes of sauce, gets a little more texture to it. I love it, baby. Big fan of been using them since way before they were a sponsor to the point where you were thinking when we were both using them, like, that's where, let's reach out the factor.

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I want six this time, I want two this time, I want a hundred next week. Head to factor meals.com slash garbage 50 and use code garbage 50 to get 50% off. That's code garbage 50 at factor meals.com slash garbage 5, 5, 0 to get 50% off. Do it. Gang, bet. We failed back. We stopped when me and my brother were working together was like, I'm not, you know, it was like we were like share the pot that was like taking money from our pot. Like, I want you, what are we doing dad, stepmom, stepdad, other brothers. We always did a polyanna between the cuss. So it was like, how do I like 15 gifts a year? And it's like a broke college kid. I'm like, me and my brother and my sister all got phased out.

It's like, we're not fucking buying each other like a sweater and socks or something. What do we do? Yeah, I mean, I'm not expecting anything. And you know, me and the bird, I like that that, you know, we're putting our efforts forward in giving instead of, you know, being, you know, giving each other something. But I usually get, I don't care. Sounds like you know. I've been getting shafted for a while.

Really? Yeah. I mean, once the last time, not us, I love the gifts that I got here. Once the last time your family got you like a blow your hair back gift. I don't know. Yeah, people got me a goddamn lightsaber. Sure. We pretty fucking weird if your mom bought her 50s, 47 year old son of lightsaber.

I just like something to play with on Christmas day. An action figure, a little spaceship, just something I can, I have to play with my Star Trek Enterprise ornament that I have on the Christmas dress. That's a shame. I take it off the stand and just, ee, for a little bit. I'm gonna fucked up on Bailey's. What is it?

What is it? I gotta do a little intergalactic explorer. What are you getting the doc in Cindy? What do we get the doc, Dr. D? We, I know we got my mom an apple watch Okay, and then we got my dad now is that you two together to just jump in on that That's me and my brother together, but was that like you like came up with a plan or he was like hey or you were like hey This is what we're doing. He was like I got this stuff send me the money. Yeah exactly. Okay. Yeah. That's very me too. That's why I sniffed that out. You know what the bird hit me with yesterday?

She's like, all right, we got everybody these gifts, but it's like one nice gift. Well, the kids got a bunch of shit, but like, you know, one nice gift for the adults. She's like, we should, I want to go and shop and get them little things. My little things. What do you know you know, little things from the open, which is real sweet, but, I hear a fucking gun in the back of our head. Cash, cash, money talk to me. Brother, cash, buy me and sell me.

What are you talking about? Yeah, well then, yeah, I mean, I don't just say, I want cash. Cash is always the best. I don't want to sweat. You want cash? Why not? Who the fuck don't,

this is America, right? Give me some green bags, some teabills, something. Yeah, I gotta see. I gotta see. Hats talks. I gotta see how everything has shaken out with the kids. Because if that shit ain't fucking even in a dollar, it'll be fucking losing it on me.

So I'm gonna have a couple of bucks just in case. My whole thing, uh. Hair shot up. My whole thing with the kids. Now that I'm a little bit, you know, they. You got a bunch of them, I got two. Yeah, I got six. They've gotten older. So the boys, I just lace with sneaks from our boys. Shout out the mic down at a soup like sneakers. There you go. Lace them with, uh, with those, um, and that's what they like. That's great. But before I had no money, like we were like fucking, you know, obviously way down and out, like I don't I don't have $100 I don't have money to get fucking train tickets home let alone fucking presence would do something

they could something they would play with that night 1999 sure some sort of gun they each got like a nerd gun or some sort of ball they throw at like something where they just start running around shooting that's the fun show he And I go, my brother says, they're love to go, yeah, we don't need more shit at the house. Like this will break or they'll leave it here at grandmums and that's that and it is what it is. Like, yeah, it's good. I don't need more fucking shit at the house.

I always make sure the kids got fun, fun presents when we were jammed up. Yeah. We're jammed up for a while, weren't we kids? Man. Shout out to the bozos in our home. He's fucking love you. Yeah, that's a good feeling.

Yes, it finally, I could get very emotional about it if I let myself. No, yes, of course. No, I'm constantly fighting it back. And like in moments like this, of like a loser, not going home like a loser, especially in like the, in the moments where like, loser, especially in the moments where in New York, we say you have to tip your super and those guys and the parking attendant.

There's a lot of people you have to tip the, the, the, the, the, the, the building or whatever. It's like now I can and not have to like, Oh man, I got good at ducking for a couple of years. Throw a flashbang in the lobby. Maybe in January. Maybe in January. Maybe in January. Maybe in January. The one bedroom that we had, the diamond, I fucking, I ducked that guy into like February

when I could scrape it together. Uh-huh. Hey, by the way, this is, we forgot to give this to you. And you know they sit a Valentine's day card. Sorry for your loss. And you know they need it. Cause like I've've gotten when I would get greased up, I would do like cash jobs and shit around. You got to get greased up before Christmas.

That's when you need to make money. Yeah, you need the money. You need to be like, all right, cool. I can pay it for it. I can tip someone else. I can grab someone's over the nice appresent. I can fucking hit 50 bucks to the kid. Whatever it is, you need that cash around the 15th. Yeah, that's when shit starts hitting the fucking rubber hits the road

Yeah, most of my Christmas money was grease that I got from You know, either the restaurant that I was working at or doing something else like fucking taking what doing one day and Just doing some doing some cash jobs somewhere. That's all you it's a fucking Cycle yeah keep that shit spinning. Uh-huh. It's all you. It's a fucking cycle. Yeah. You got to keep that shit spinning. Uh-huh. Trying to hold up the goddamn economy.

Keep this thing moving. You're not wrong. Christmas day. I'm fucking dead in the water. What the fuck's that going to do for me? I'm running to a right age to try to buy presents. Yeah. Oh, if you give me cash on Christmas day, Christmas Eve, I'm jammed.

Yeah. I always find myself at the mall Like on the phone with my mom and then obviously as a dirt bag I go do you have something I can give so and so she goes I got the a rector said for Billy You can give to him I go done deal You're pulling up with Mazda hot wheels and the world's worst cap gun. Yeah, he's still got your sparrow at that motor, didn't you, fatty? I had to eat. Yeah.

Fucking $9 slice. You get the green light from Denise. Make that two, will you? Yeah. I'll give you some for a slice. Got some for a little one too. Yeah, he just needs some dope. I got him something.

Throw my name on it. And I'd always have to go be like, Zan Annie's pretzel. Man, I gotta be honest. My aunt, my godmother, we always, you know, got by your godmother something. My mom always buys it. My, my godmother's a very, uh, she did very well. She's a very like a prim and prop, like, you know, very well put together, well-dressed, uh, you know, business woman. And she would always lace me, obviously. And my mom would just buy her whatever, you know. Whatever my mom thought, like, it was always a sweater or something.

From you. From you. Yeah, it's also on like 14. I'm like, what am I gonna buy? Sure. That she's good. I don't know what the, you know what I mean? Like, what am I buying her? Be weird if you did buy it. The woman's department at boss cops. I'm trying it all.

Nice sweater. So it's got woman's department at boss cops. I'm trying it all. Nice sweater. So it's got the sequence in the shoulder pads. Every time, man, she would be like, oh my god, my aunt, this is so me. Great job picking the set up. Probably never wore it. No, but if she did,

oh, she bought nice stuff. My mom would buy my mom was like, this is so hard, this is perfect. And I'm like, I won't put them like, you're either lying to me that you believe me or you're dumb enough, you're either way, I don't trust you, you're in on it. Thank you so much.

I then she'll show you where it, and I'd see her like next year's, because this is what you got me last year. I'm like, lady, I never, I saw it the same time you did. It was wrapped up in a box when I got it. It looks good on you that. He's good. He's cheering. Yeah, I did it. Cherry juice all over your lips. That little bastard half his finger.

And what's your put your what's your social engagement down here? I am gonna be hanging with my folks. Dr. D and send. Uh-huh. Got myself a little hotel around the corner so I can skid out or whenever I please. Heart move, that's the adult move. Woo, it is a game changer. Little bit of separation between you and the fam. Around the holidays, that's maturity, that's healthy.

That's my gift to myself. You're nuts, you gotta do it. Dad, wait. Yeah, it's one awkward it. I can't do it. Wait. Yeah, it's one, it's one awkward conversation. You don't want to stay here. Why? Is it because of the dogs? No, it's not because of the two fucking uncontrollable golden retrievers that you had to

have fucking jumping around everywhere. It's not that I don't love them. But yeah, see you walking. Those things start doing rodeo moves. They start fucking. They're like fucking bouncers. It's not stupid. They do like the open the fucking head goes down,

the butt goes out. Fucking whine in and that. It's crazy. Puzz to fucking bed situations tough there. I don't know, but I yeah, yeah, that would fucking. It's what I'm telling you. Everybody does it. Everybody goes through it.

It's one conversation. I'm like, hey, it's just easier. We have our face. But then she's there by herself. I mean, I don't like that. You got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, you got, I mean, you know, you go over there and then you leave and go home. Yeah, I don't know.

Don't you go to, don't you go to like your hillbilly uncle's or something like that out in the sticks? Uh, we used to, yeah, for, uh, country ham and biscuits. Woo! Whoa. Are they, is there any spots open at that table? Buddy, talk, and they had a, and they had a, in their basement, they had a big fireplace and they'd huck the biscuits,

they cook them in the fire. Wow. You say huck? Yeah, toss them in. Huck, they call them, they're down there, huck in them. Not worth row. Yeah, is it? Yeah, chuck.

Huck, never heard of huck. Oh, you can huck, you can huck, you can chuck. Some Confederate shit right there. Yeah, I mean, it's below the Mason Dixon. I know that one. Keep an eye on this guy. Yeah, that we go to my aunt and uncle's place. They got a cousin.

We have, it was the same birthday as me. 29th, I never got in her a birthday present and I really laid it out last year and now I cannot follow it. Without getting too specific, any well-known bad apples, Boso couple, Boso cousin, Boso this, Boso that. Are you talking about my crack smoking uncle

who stole all of our inheritance? But he's not around, not like that, not like somebody. He's always around. Not like somebody, not like, not like somebody. He's always around. Not like somebody that, you know, wronged anybody, but that little fact. That sheepish. Not even like they,

buddy, you're looking at. Yeah, it's him, is it you? No, no, I'm doing good. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, family, he is like, they're like, there's Toby out there, you know, I picture them like Aces. Sure. He's up there in New York City doing God knows what. Spoken the devil's lettuce. I'm sharing one pair overalls. Whole family and pair overalls. Now shout out to 70 and Rick, cute as couple, nice, sweet as people, couldn't be nicer. We obviously had some, we had a, you know, my family is very large and extended by marriages. And, you know, it's a very, it was, you know,

for a very long time, it was a very spider web-esque mapping of the family. And someone at a party, you know, without giving it was, you know, caught. Rummaging through some personal. I'm not talking anything like that. Going through the coats.

Some personal belongings for gift cards. Woo. We got jacked up. Man. I just spent based on pure personality. Yeah, well, that's a personality for me. I'm not talking. I'm rooting through the purses.

Yeah, who invited sticky finger moik. Yeah. Uh-huh. That was the last time they who invited sticky finger moik. Yeah. That's crazy. Uh-huh. That was the last time they were invited to said Christmas party. You know, I'll say this. You mentioned on the Christmas spectacular that you were,

I might have, that you were at a swore and they threw down some turkey and gravy at you. We might have said that on three gravy turkey is crazy. What would you say crazy good? Free gravy turkey isn't saying pre gravy turkey would be gravy like it. There's already gravy on it. Oh That was the case. Yeah, it was like they had mine. They had cut it. Yeah, right? And then they laid it I mean the presentation was nice. It was laid out like, you know, like you would lay it out and then like gravy on top of it. Well, what I was going to say is it kind of got me thinking, even though I trashed it in the moment, Turkey does. It's a Thanksgiving, it's a Christmas evening. Yeah, it's a Christmasy thing.

I bird, you cook a bird. Christmas goose. I'm not, hey, I'm not everybody get their hands on goose. I didn't have a straight up thanks giving this year either I'm due for a goblet over here at the wall. That's what I'm dead patty if you listen to this you better get me a six foot Gobler put a bow on it man Something oh god the holiday season or as you call it ozimpyx greatest trial You're really gonna put that put numbers up against that. I'm not because I look

back at like even when I was just talking about it, can't go overboard with the fucking egg sprint because it just feel like shit all day and not even from the ozebs. I just don't want to feel like that anymore. I don't want to be dragging myself through the entire day fucking eating it. It's better to be to be a little bit clean. I've a nibble little bit so that you know what I mean I'm gonna try human. I'm gonna try to hold it off as long as I can. I'm gonna probably skip a lot of that stuff at my brothers stay away from the orange juice. He gets to fresh squeeze and makes the most of the stuff like that throws it in your face.

Try to hold it off. Classic fully moved. Try to hold it off as long as I can till I got my cousins and she what she's doing. Because if you're gonna slip up, that's where you want to do it. That's super bowl. She wowes you. I'll tell you how she was. After we grub on Christmas, say around three o'clock, everyone's getting a little sleepy. Me and Cindy pop on that couch and pop on a little film called die hard and have a real nice afternoon. I think you're gonna see a bag of seconds.

I just wanted to chew to an ear. Get lifted. Yo, man, it's the bad. Yo, mom, good boy, great moshits. Say you want to spark up. Nice. But whatever you're doing this holiday season, again, we hope you're happy and you're safe. And it's a privilege to be here with you.

Very much so, very much so. If you're watching this on Christmas Day. Yeah, I mean, just to reiterate, we fucking love you guys so much. Thank you for everything. You know, what you guys have helped us build over this past few years, specifically. It's changed a lot.

It has changed our lives. And, you know, Don't think we take that lately and don't think we ever take it for granted. We fucking love you. Yeah, it's amazing. We fucking love you. Yeah, it's amazing. That being said, we have some fucking,

it's got the family episode at the end of the day, Christmas theme or holiday theme family episode. So we got a bunch of Patreon questions that are all within the theme of the holiday season. The holiday season. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Let's see. All right, this one's from Bo.

One of the original 500 board members. Shout out to you, baby. Look at that. There you go. That's what we're fucking talking about, Bo. That's what we're talking about. Is it garbage to visit a mall Santa without a child? It's creepy for sure.

I want to be doing it. It's fun. If you do with your boys, when we were in that mall in San Francisco or Minneapolis, wherever we were, I, I'm completely different country. I said, we're, we're, we're, I wanted to make you in Luke. Go get your picture taken with them. Hey, my mom had the dogs taken. You know, you know, you know, be a fun bit. You guys go weird, everybody. Yeah, those two on the sand is like, I mean, I think you'd have to have, like you see the very cute pictures of like,

you know, the brothers and the couples do, or the, you know, the brother, the two brothers and the sister doing it, kind of recreating the one they had from like 20 years ago or whatever, that's fun, that's kitschy. I'm totally on that, but it's like, also, why are you,

what do you want that picture for? Just you? Yeah. Photo shopped that on your own time are you, what do you want that picture for? Just you? Yeah. Photoshopped that on your own time, you know what I mean? Never mind to me. It's just walking up going, I've been sending you letters for 39 years. So I had to do a face to face this time

to make sure I got what's coming to me. As a kid, I never liked it, I freaked out. I knew he wasn't saying a clause and I didn't want any fucking parts of that guy. I never minded that. Now, it was always hot then like it now just you just sit there staring at him Waiting in that fucking line at the mall. I hate You had shop for like three fucking hours with your mom here in pennies you're in boss gobs

You're in fucking macy strawberries isn't like I hate department stores You're fucking sitting in one and then you're like, I write, let's go get a picture. You wait in line for fucking 45 minutes to an hour. I'll have some fucking, you know, some local drunk. Have you sit on his lap? I do it at my cousins every year. And, you know, 10 years ago, it was, you know, all the kids were little and all that stuff.

It was more of a thing. But now they're older, whatever. But man, I remember my one little cousin, she wanted fucking nothing to do with me. I think it's me. It's me. She doesn't give a shit. I rolled in with the bag rigging the bus. She freak out every time. I saw I was at the mall. Trash should be here. Get the fuck are gonna rip top keep. Toots. That's how much you want to be liked to. You pull the beard off, it's me.

You blow it for everybody just so one kid likes you. Start doing groundwork. It's Hank. But this reminded me, got a text in our family group from Patty with the dogs and the Santa Claus, very tight shot. And I could have swore behind her is the one wall in our house. So my bread and I'm like, that's weird, but didn't think of it. Brother text me. He's like,

is that guy in our house? She get that done in our house. Kid's saying I come over. She's saying no. But I am the 100% positive that that is where she puts the tree. and I know the fucking walls out yeah yeah who's that fucking scumbag huh probably going you know house the hell fucking all the fucking widows I get to fuck somebody up I don't like that at all fucking gentlemen callers in my father's home discatsy I know I just now in this moment realized that the whole purpose of a mall Santa

is that the parents can hear the kids say what they want. Like that's the rub. So it's like the kids say what they want. No, they don't. That's a list. Yeah, that's a month before they school takes care of that or used to. You're right, you're Christmas list.

Oh yeah, you're right, you're Christmas. And then they pass it on to the parents? Yeah, they didn't go to the room full. You bring it home. Yeah, I think you bring it home and your And then they pass it on to the parents? Yeah, they didn't go to the North Pole. You bring it home. Yeah, I think you bring it home and your parents go, okay, we'll mail it. We always used to give it to, at Thanksgiving Day Parade,

Santa was the last guy in the Philadelphia Parade. I think probably most Thanksgiving. Yeah, it's usually how they do. It's him, he's the last one and you're, and they have like, you know, whatever, helpers with like bags and you walk up and all the kids would put their, like you hand delivered to Santa.

He used to go to the proper Philadelphia every year. No shit. I thought yeah, I was in it a couple times. Look at you. Local. So I played like a, played like a 1920s like what's his name? Harry Dickens first. First kid. The 40 meatballs in a row. Three up on. On Daeneros float. I was gonna say everyone of your throats.. I'm gonna your float throwing candy cans. You're deceit them I was on the little Renzo's float Heat in the world's biggest slice

Here he comes young Kevin Ryan a 12 pies all by himself. I just got a keg a roopie or next That's pretty I need. That's pretty sweet. Now they didn't do that. We would do it every year. And then I can't at one point. I put that also once I once the bubble was popped that I knew, you know, this whole thing's a hoax. I was like, I'm not fucking getting up at four in the morning. Go fuck your freeze my nuts off on JFK Boulevard. Suck a dick. Now, man, that's a nice touch.

We didn't do that. Boss Cops through one down in Wuxper. It was nice. But yeah, it was always Santa. Boss Cops. No, you got to go to the Macy's D-Parade. What's the Boss Cops D-Parade? It wasn't a Macy's D-Parade. That's what I'm saying. Boss Cops ran that town. They actually did a good job. Man, Boss Cops. They did a good job. They used to do the Halloween one too, where they had the witch go across. I stepped that love shopping at boss gobs and I saw like fellow the lights were flickered in there every time I was in

It was fucking down and I like it. It was this is the 80s. It was nice Ah now they were the only boss guys around me. I think it was in the Nishamani mall and it was Right it was like it was at the end of the mall nobody went to you know I mean you're walking by like empty kiosk and shit. And this isn't the 90s, though. You know what really burst the bubble of a mall department store like a macy's or a bloomies. When you go downstairs and you bump into their clearance section. Oh, yeah.

Whoa. Like a tractor next to a leather jacket. Yeah. Talk about seeing the cracks. Yeah, for sure. I've been in that man. That's so funny. I just think about it. I remember being in there a couple of years ago, with the broad trying to figure out how we were going to get great money together to get fucking presents for like my mom looking in the clearance. Like an old like Martini mixer

with a dent. Dude, I was your white as a ghost from selling your plasma Your lips are all chapter You're Powder I Think I could do it make one more donation I was big on my mom got a clearance face written on here or is that what you take off I don't understand Now that's not good. I didn't come out right you know they say you just don't a plasma What the fuck you know they say get this guy you shot orange you know they say 20% off is a 20% off of what's on there Or do you take 20% off of what's on there?

Anyway, I was good on a $14 picture frame for my mom picture frames. All right No, I wouldn't put the picture in it, but that was just a Hey, it's for the yeah, good. I put it. They knew they knew what I was doing sure I mean my fucking Yeah, jerk off of a brother was making money and man I look like a Bozo he'd come in and like floss over like a new phone. December to remember that?

Yeah, there's a fucking Hyundai out front, and I'm like, I gotta, I have to, I hear rapid up your old baseball mitt. I bought it, I knew when I bought it. I was also big on like, at least as long as it looks good on the unveiling, it doesn't have to be great. But like, oh, it's't have to be great, but like, oh, it's got some size to it or something.

I bought, I don't know if I ordered online or what. And I did, it was, you remember like, it was like a picture frame, but it was like, it was like a run of string and I had like the paper clip or the clothes pins on it. And you would like, you know, it was a kitschy or whatever. Oh, you could, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had like little clothes pins and you would like,

you know, make a little collage. Well,age well I bet I know but it came just like oh it's a All it is is a string and like four or five little clips We came in like a bag. He came in like a dime bag and I was like here you go me while she she's got a new fucking BMW for my brother up front and I was looking I'm'm like, you know what you're doing. You know. You just walking past the living room here and are going, he's trying. I do. It's so funny. My, my, my, my aunt hit my aunt, my cousin hit me with that.

She's like, I didn't see her in like, you know, a couple of months or whatever. She's like, everything looks like it's going so well. Congratulations. I'm like, oh, thank you. She's like, did you ever have thought? I go, honestly, no, no, never. No, never. She goes, man, we, oh, thanks. She's like, did you ever have thought I go honestly? No, no, no, she goes, man, we would all talk about. We would all be like, maybe she'd just give it up and say, really?

Yeah, and I was like, yeah, I had those same conversations with myself, this hurts right now, with the grins of the bar. She said, I started throwing 20s around. Oh, fuck, yeah. You're drinking glass of turkey gravy. You have to do this now. Yeah, no, dude, you were, I gotta throw 20s around. Oh fuck, he had to eat it. You're drinking glass of turkey gravy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. You have to do this now.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, no, dude, you were, you get, man, what the fuck? They were saying that was Jesus, you were a young man when you started. What? You were, I mean, I wasn't a young man fucking three years ago. Damn, also you were in your 30s.

Damn, that means my family must have been trash in me. Oh, dude, I'm pregnant. Woohoo! Fuckin' 44 in the hand up. Jammed up. It's, uh, yeah, it was very, uh, I get it. You have to have, like, I was, I mean, obviously. Not in a one-ticket skip.

I know. I don't know, I'm lookin' for a ticket. Where were you when I was walking? As the man said. Um, but that being said, we had this conversation. My family was crazy support. Very. We used to do show, we used to do 80 person shows on fair mountain.

I think that was mostly your brother and your cousin just looking to get in fights. You should want somebody to heckle you. I think do them. That's not, dude. I mean, we would do, we would do shows. The Center City Comedy Show. And what was that part?

Not even that. We would do open mics. I remember them, I remember like five of your cousins coming to an open mic at Irish times. They turned that. It was like two tiered. Like the state, the stage, the performer stood down on the ground floor and then there was like five feet up like a ball It was like a don't like there was a and like dude you had to like look up

And it was a bunch of fucking pipe fitters and fucking guys who hang sheet rock. It was ugly. Yeah, it was nice But they showed up for us. They came at you. We used to do shows for 80 people. You selling 80 tickets at what's that bar? The tavern on Urban Saloon. Urban Saloon. And we would sell 80 tickets and all 80 tickets would be friends and fat like your mom and dad and brother would come, you know, sister, all whatever. Some of us show more of a talent show.

That's all wise. I am we were like, oh, we're doing it. I'm like, I have everybody's phone number in here. Like all of these people are in my phone. We're just doing a recital. Yeah, at least. It was bad. Oh, holy name.

I'm dressed up like a tooth. Yeah, man, you know, but they would come out and droves and they still do. Yeah. They were very supportive. Town hall, Maynith Bay. No one's getting tickets to that. But it is thought that's go.

All right, this one's from Ethan. Uh, is it garbage to get hammered at your family's Christmas party and explain to your uncle for 45 minutes that he should get a squatty body? That is one of those things. You get a couple and you're like, nah, you don't know. It's a game. Shame on being that guy. You like, you have no clue about something that's new to you. The worst part, the worst thing you can do for it, pretty much anybody.

And it happens, everybody does it. Something new that you're excited about and six drinks, you will not shut the fuck up a bit. Yeah. I got the thing, you're the cleaner, you don't even wipe sometimes. I got a couple of old because you know the old guard is You know dwindling we're doing down the last couple of dads and uncles in In the in the festivities. I'm gonna have a couple and fucking pull up next to next to a couple at M and fucking Hashtag up a little bit sure. Yeah. Yeah, we just did we were all you can get them going

So easily, it's like thermal ball Yeah, if you can get your uncle to start a sentence with the real problem in this country Top four main hattens please You mentioned Tucker there fucking perked up fucking in your face Just spit in them. Yeah, wait, wait, he talked to your head and you're doing the other side playing both hits and kids looking for a fight, baby. All right, let's see. This one's from Foley Lies, rude name to say about my friend. But true. Uh, what is it? Yeah. Um, thoughts on having a Christmas tree

as a single guy who lives alone. Yeah, man. I don't know. No, yeah, that's fuck dude. You gotta why? No. That's too, I mean, you can't invite people over then. The fuck you can't, you can't, you can't be trying,

you, hold on. You can't bring a girl over to your house To try to close some it looks like you murdered the family that lived there That's too weird dude. I disagree I Strongly disagree. I think that's that shows that you know You're fucking you know you're doing you and I like that. Yeah, but you was just weird to me a Single guy set up a full Christmas tree? A full Christmas tree?

What are you supposed to not have a, you know, live your life and you know, make a home, just because you're a single dude? I mean, you also, you're so poor, you've never did it. I could never swing it. Never swing it. You're gonna pour a nice tree and stuff like that, yeah. It's a weird way to tell people you drink alone.

Cause no one's decorating that thing sober, dude. And if you are, that's even weird. That's what I'm saying. There's just a lot of times. And I think if you're... I'm not saying it's not festive sure, I'll give you that. If you're a broad and you're looking for a husband and you go Oh, this guy's got his own choice that would be

He's a family man. He's not that's the weird part. He's he's playing family man He was there's not a good Murdered until he fucking drowned everybody's own way I'm gonna go check his freezer for head. Yeah, that's in a fucking Toyota Camry at the bottom of the marsh. Look at the ornaments of these ears. Yeah. I mean, I get it. I'm saying I get it in spirit.

I'm not shitting on it. That's very, but it's a little, it's a little weird, I feel. Right? A decoration, a something for sure. A full-blown, that's gotta be the saddest Christmas morning in the world. Oh, underwear. You're open in present, you wrapped in shit. That's sad. I don't know if they're the world. Oh, underwear, you're opening, President, you wrapped in shit.

That's sad. I don't know if they're doing that. I think it's just for decoration. I'm joking, right? Okay. What the fuck? Did you write this question with the fuck? I think it's very defensive about it.

And if it's a real treat, too, that's even weirder. Because you're picking it out, they're wrapping it up. A treat for the family, huh? Something like that. You're crawling under there, watering it in shit the family. I had something like that. Yeah, you're crawling under their water and it and shit I always think about that one happy days where Fonzie wouldn't go down and have Christmas with the cutting ham He's nah, I got big stuff going on

I got to do this and they're rich. You found him upstairs eating a cold can of beans by himself and they've dead and brought him down You're what the fuck yeah, I mean, I'm not saying that. It's a goddamn comedy podcast. First of all, I'm shitting on the guy. It's a little weird. Yeah, I don't care if he does it genuinely. I was doing it for comedic effect. I think it's a little creepy. You took a crazy person.

I did. Now if he's got a mistletoe in there. Yeah, jerk it off under it. He's probably got that in a lobby of the building. I just once for Michael, your dad ever shoved the whole Christmas tree in the fireplace and calls $5,000 on spoke damage on New Year's Day. Whoa.

You can't do that. That's crazy. In smoke damage. Yeah, that's what those things go to. It's not gonna go to chimney. Yeah, you're all gonna Christmas tree. All going to Christmas tree. A whole Christmas tree.

That's those things, especially if they're dry, those things go up. Smoke. Yeah up smoke. Yeah, smoke though. Those evergreens are mostly smoke when you burn them. Yeah. Yeah, it's all water and shit in there. So it's like fucking that's like that's what causes all the fucking smoke. That's how you start a chimney fire.

Yeah, that's how you start. That's how you burn a fucking building down. What are you talking about? That's if you chop it up and do it piece by piece. That's guys over a couple hours. No, no, yeah. This is, well, this one's from Carlos, is the Garbysard Burnier Christmas tree.

We used to collect them for a New Year's Eve bonfire. That's kind of fun. That's nice. That's nice. You and the neighbors or whatever, hey, we all go, we'll pull them in the back. Everybody pull out the chairs, then we'll get hot cocoa, hot toddies, whatever you got.

That's, that's fun to me. We never did any of that. I don't know why. There's people in our neighborhood that did it, but like before they put the above ground pool in, we have like a, that was like a regular backyard, but we never like burned leaves or anything like that. You ever do any of that shit?

Now I think they, I don't think we were allowed. I think it's like a certain, you need a certain footage or acreage or whatever, that'd be a, like a burn pit or something. Okay. And I think they got rid of that. That was like early on, I need a certain footage or acreage or whatever, to be able to have like a burn pit or something. Okay. I think they got rid of that. That was like early on. I think in the 80s and shit.

I think in the 90s, they shut that down. Walking through the neighborhood on a Chris Fall day and just small burning leaves. Yeah, it is nice. The kid. No one there was a chicken all like crumb waiting for you back in the house with a batty. You know what's real fancy that some places do? I don't know if we've talked about this is like you push all the leaves out to the street And then like they'll come vacuum them up. They did that for a minute

Some some of like the small nice town still do it. Yeah, you just push them all out to the street and the big vacuum comes in My one guy landscape for bought one of those one year He had the fucking thing he put it on his truck that had sucker Dousucker man you couldn't tell us. Shit. This thing's look on the off-road. It was nuts talking about making it easy. It's like it's cool as a fucking drive in a forklift. Yeah, cleaning up leaves in the fall landscaping was brutal.

But very satisfying once it was all done. Um, why were on the thing of trees? This is from Christian ever had a family member or yourself fall into the tree. That'd be honest. Now now I don't think so definitely had a dog or two Russell like get behind it and you're like you're really got a fucking hell but never had one fall now. My dad used to get I'm not joking, a 14 foot tree and then cut the top half off. So it was like flat.

He had like, you know, it was like a high top fadie. And we were like, what the fuck? Cut it from the bottom, you'll wacko. Always to high top fadie. That getting that thing out and setting that up was, you know, borderline psychopaths yelling at it. Like, that was tense. We cut one down in our front yard one time.

But I don't even know if it was an actual Christmas tree, but it was some type of that pine or something, but it was really more of a bush, because it was fat, and there was like four of them, like as a property line, I don't know why. I can say we're David jammed up. Like in my dad, what's that today? Zzzz.

Sliced it down, so it was like tree tree nothing stump tree tree. It was weird and put that thing in there and it was huge It was so big. I saw a great video recently of a guy Filman from his car film on another car with a giant Christmas tree on it. He's going can't hide money at 14 foot sealants in that house mystery on it. He's going, can't hide money. 14 foot sealants in that house. Yeah. Big sealants are nice. Oh, you're walking to somebody's house where they have two trees. They have one like in the foyer, like, you know, and like they have no, like the way your house is, how you walk in and my house, my mom's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not big enough to put a tree in there. I guess it was a little bit bigger if you had one in there

We had two trees back into the great who's three kids Christmas tree and then a birthday tree for me. Oh, that's right No, I don't remember that. That's bad. I got in the local paper. It was very embarrassing Geez It's a sweet in what next to each other one was in the you had that kind of square footage of the house yeah Yeah, yeah, one was I mean not a great big house We had like one was in the living room by the kitchen and then we had the what's the dining room? I guess it would be where the other one What do you mean living dining was where you eat living room? Yeah, it's a more formal seat So I mean those are the two big rooms in every house, generally. Yeah. So that's one one in each. Huh. What was what would they decorate the

birthday tree with on the the top or was the little hat they gave me as a baby at the hospital. I don't remember any of this. Your brother had to not like that. No one liked it. It was so embarrassing. Uh, it's a real a real to a, to a friendless birthday. Oh, man. Now I can just imagine your mom calling people in your school. Like, you want to come over and stare at Toby's tree for a little bit? He can really use the company. He hates. Did you ever have that, your friend, the moms reach out?

Like a mom, I remember a mom called to see if I would play with her son when I was like two old for that to be like I answered the phone. You and she's like, Hey, this is Mrs. No, I got work. Yeah, she's like, Hey, this is Mrs. Smith. I was like, Oh, Hey, and she's like, is your mother home? I go for what? Because I'm playing defense on this call lady bitch

I was sleeping all day. You think I'm just gonna fucking turn the phone over to you fucking blindly sure one second. Hello Let me get her ma I was like yeah, no I was like what's this about she's a guy wanted to see if I can set up a you know a time when she knows you She was talking to me. I didn't fake, I just go, well, I was like, no, she's at work right now or something. And to the lady you're never getting through. She's like, I wasn't sure if it was like, Kevin's being mean though, you know,

I wasn't letting that, wasn't letting that, wasn't letting her then then to talk. And she's like, yeah, you know, what I hit this fat fuck with a wet willy. Yeah, she's like, it's a, you know, I want to see if you and Steve or whatever wanted to set up a time where you could come over, you know, and play with Steve. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I got final. Boss is riding me. That was you. Two old for that. I was smoking six probably.

Two old 13 12 made. Yeah, like two old for that I was smoking six probably two old 13 12 may yeah like two old for that to be happening six grade maybe seven no it had to be junior high because we didn't go to elementary school together shit so it had to be seventh grade and I was all ready into heaterville how many people is that guy getting to murder it's actually actually, I mean, we were always like kind of friend, you know, we were friendly, but I was like, I think I remember once I did that, and it was a nice time. We didn't really hit it off me in the kid though.

It was something like my mom knew his mom or something like that when over there. Yeah, we had one. I think he had some top shelf toys or something like that. The mom really threw the snack and lunch, you know, bag at us pretty hard. Sure, celebrity rolling in. Sure.

I got paid for my time. We had one kid, I went over his house and they him and his brother. They were like cool, the normal we got along and we really rift together well. It was like, just like in school and class or whatever. And I went over his house and they were really into Davey Crorockett or something

and we were playing Ali Ali oxen for something like that. You know that? Were you scream Ali Ali oxen for you? I never knew what what the guidelines of the game were after screaming all I didn't stick around to find out dude. There's two kids came down the basement with raccoon hats on it. I said dude I'm fucking going. Not doing that. I said, dude, I'm fucking going. Not doing that. All right, let's do, let's do we got time for one more here and then we got a Rizl. This one's from the mighty locker.

Is it garbage? If you know where the local Christmas tree stands, throw their unsold trees in the wood chip piles at the local parks on December 23rd, so you wait and grab one, throw in the house for free. I respect that. I respect it. You're gaming the system, you're getting a free tree two days before Christmas. And their tree prices are fucking,

they're insane anymore. Yeah, they're nuts. That's like hundreds of dollars for a fucking tree. Yeah, I like to get it up early though. I know, did you do one this year? Fuck yeah. Yeah, we didn't do one. How'd it fucking move it back and forth

and they were digging that hole in my well? Oh yeah, that's right. Uh. I like it. It makes watching TV nice and cozy. I totally agree. I just, uh, between my travel, between our travel and my life travel,

we just been fucking, we, So wait, so you don't have one in the apartment either? No. No tree. I didn't, I didn't see, there was a part a part this I didn't see my wife for three weeks three and a half weeks I would have taken I would have got heat for that. I had the my wife was gone The bird was home when we got back from Somewhere and then we got back from somewhere and then left somewhere didn't we? Yeah, I don't remember Yeah, I had to get it that night. I think we got home.

And then I start hearing, oh, I guess you're not going to be. Let's go. Get in the car. Yeah, let's go. Just get it. Boom. You decorated tomorrow. I think I was leaving again the next day. Yeah, there was no point for us because neither one of us were home for most of all of December. We've been going up until today. Up until two days ago. I've just been in my apartment with my cat eating beans. Like a true American. Gang, we love you to death.

Yeah, gang. Happy holidays, Merry Christmas. This was fun that this fell on a release day. I guess felt happy. They think this is the first time. I think we have like a Christmas Eve maybe once or twice, but a Christmas day is fucking awesome. You know, we love you.

Thank you so much for all the support. Happy, safe, healthy holidays. You know, we love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.