Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Colum Tyrrell: International Garbage

Episode Date: August 17, 2020

Kippy and Foley are back with another great episode featuring comedian and podcaster Colum Tyrrell. Colum was born and raised in Ireland and shares hilariously wild stories about gambling, drinking, and growing up. You know Colum from The Wizard of Pod & Big Dogs Podcast. Support our Sponsors: https:/www.sheathunderwear.com and use the code: Garbage Buy a T-SHIRT: https://podcastmerch.com/collections/presale Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Forman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hey gang, it's your old pals, Uncle Hank and Kippy. Just wanna thank you for tuning in to R U Garbage. Yeah guys, make sure you subscribe. That way you get the episode as they come out and you can also go to gasdigitalnetwork.com, use promo code AYG to get bonus content and get the episodes before they come out and HD streaming. Do it.

Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of R U Garbage. The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Yes, sir. Looks like it's five o'clock somewhere in here.

Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is R U Garbage. The show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out if they grew up classy or if they're a huge piece of shit. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a glorious, absolutely beautiful day here in the East Village.

Gas Digital Studios in the big studio, feeling pretty fucking good with my tie-dye shirt on. I'm all summered up. No socks, no underwear, it's all hanging out, baby. That's how we did it in the 60s. My co-host coming at you right next to me already dipping into the fucking blood lights brought by our extraordinary guests.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Kevin James Ryan. Hey gang, thanks for listening. Happy to be here. If you're new to the show, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Also full video available on YouTube because you can subscribe there as well. Even if you don't watch it, just fucking subscribe.

Let's fucking juice those numbers a bit. You know what I mean? Keep them going. Yes, sir. And speaking of juicing it, speaking of moving forward, we're about to sit down with our first international guest. We're intercontinental. We're fucking going global.

And we cannot be more excited. You guys all asked for him. You all wanted him. We fucking got him. We're here. We're fucking doing it. All right, he is the host of The Wizard of Pod, big dog podcast, and you should check out his YouTube page.

Big question everybody's mind today though. Is he garbage? It looks like he just got done helping his buddy move. Yeah, and he did roll in with fucking 16 ounce but like semi-warm. Two Lucy's coming in. Ladies and gentlemen, the Irish sensation, give it up for Colm Terrell, everybody.

Yeah. Thanks, thanks guys. Appreciate it. He seems a little sketchy, a little sketched out. I'm a little sketched out. You dipping it in a little nosebears last night? Now what's going on? You guys on edge a little bit.

Waiting for some fucking serotonin to start pumping again. I'm in short supply. Buddy, thank you so much for doing the show, man. We're happy to have you here. Can you hear on the headphones? Oh yeah, it's good. Is it working? Yeah, it's good.

We're good, buddy. We're locked in. He's a little nervous, he's coming across a little nervous. Oh, is that it? Listen, you're garbage. Okay. We know that. Do you think you're garbage?

I would imagine so, yeah. It's got two different sneaks on. It's the boat left, boat left. One's a cleat. Yeah, exactly. So I don't know, yeah, who knows how this is gonna go. It depends. I think I'm not the worst,

but maybe it's just a different country. First international guest. Yeah, I'm excited about this. Two reasons, one, you're Irish, okay? Go another name. Number two is that the, you're growing up is gonna be similar, but different. Like, you know, where you ate,

what you had for lunch, all that stuff. I wanna hear all that stuff. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, of course, yeah. Where in Ireland are you from? From Dublin. Oh, proper?

Yeah, from Dublin City. Nice. Look at you, taking easy. You went there on a cruise one time. He went, you had a cruise to Ireland? No. What? Is that even fit in a landlocked?

Bus tour. I don't know. Yeah, it went down the Liffey. It's an island. You're wearing winter jackets on the fucking. No, I spent a couple of weeks there in college. Nice. You just plowed, plowed through the Irish ladies?

No. Did you? No, a couple of dudes. Fucking dirtbag. Yeah, no, my buddies were living there for a couple of months and I just went over and we just got like fucking blackout drunk every night. Yeah, yeah.

It was a great time. Yeah, it's awesome. It's pretty funny, the one thing about Dublin that we noticed on like come Monday morning on the buses and shit, everybody's like got black eyes or like a fat lip because they all got fucked up and started fighting each other

because they're animals. Yeah, yeah, I guess we are. You don't realize until you move away, you know? Cause Dublin's like a fucking party town. Is it? Yeah. It's seven nights a week, everyone's out. But I didn't, I never realized that wasn't

just however you place was. Sure, sure. I'm sure you were little kids like you were going to the fucking pub, fucking singing Danny Boy, all fucking tuned up on Guinness. Yeah, once we hit 16 though, that was it. 16?

16, yeah. If you're a guy. Shut the fuck up. 18 is the drinking age, 16 is the whole like, yeah. We know you're young, but go on. I know you're a brother. I know you're a brother, get in. 16.

Love that. That's fucking insane. Yeah, dude, 16. Drinking at a bar at 16. Skilling points, yeah. Germany does 16 beer, everything else is 18. That's fucking garbage. You know that's real garbage.

That's like somebody's uncle came up with that. Yes, exactly. That's drunk uncle logic. All right, you could do light beer at 15. Cocktails at 22. So when did you come here? I came here in 2014, the end of 2014. For what?

For comedy or just? Yeah, comedy, just a new fucking adventure I guess. I finished college and I decided I'd go to England and I had the chance to go to America. So I said, fuck it, let's just see what happens. There you go. Supposed to go for a year, never left. Mommy.

Here we are. I'm playing a fist and a loose with the INS. Dodged Homeland Security left and right, haven't caught me yet. Keep it moving. I'm good, I put on a Mets jersey and I just say. I say all the immigrants went that way and they go, thank you.

Call ICE on a couple of neighbors. Stay on their good side. Keep everybody on their toes. Second generation fucking Mexicans. So what was it like growing up? Now, I assume there's suburban areas around Dublin. Is that where you grew up or did you grow up in the city? Yeah, pretty much the suburbs, but it's small.

It's not a fire distance. It's like 10 minute drive, 45 minute walk into the city. And you have brothers and sisters? Yeah, one older sister, one older brother. So that's the way it was, yeah. So there's a gap, my sister is 12 years older. That's real trash. That's a fucking trash thing.

Wait, how old's your brother? But he's four years older than me. So you were in accident? No, no, no, no, the sister was there. She's 12 years older. Older, yeah, so they probably got knocked up when they were like 18, you know, young. Yeah, that was classy.

I wish they held till 18. They're getting tuned up in the bar at 13, so what the fuck? What do you think's going to happen? Yeah, exactly. How old are your parents, 40? That's funny. How old are your parents? 60s, 60s now, I guess, yeah.

So my mom was pretty young, yeah, I'm not gonna lie. Damn. Yeah, that's what we do. Yeah, I don't know for sure, for sure. Was that her, was that like her first boyfriend, right? So she says, yeah. I hope so. I hope she wasn't just some fucking whore.

My, you dirty whore. What did your parents do growing up, for a living when you were growing up? My mom works in retail, retail manager, like a classy store. What store? You wouldn't know, it's a small Irish place called Pamela Scott, so it was like, sounds very nice. I thought you were gonna say Harrod's.

Harrod's is a big European, right? Harrod's? Harrod's is that London store, yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy who died with Princess Di, he owned Harrod's. Oh, he did, did he? Yeah. The driver? No, that guy's still pretty good.

He's like, fell on tough times. No, the guy she was banging, the guy that was in the back seat with her. Oh, yeah, I didn't know that, no. Yeah. Fuck. I thought Harrod's was a popular European shopping. Well, you're taking deep Princess Di cuts.

I can't get on board with that. I was like four when she died. What's it called, Pamela Simpson? What was the name of it? Scott, Pamela Scott. Pamela Scott. Yeah, so my mother worked there. It was one of these bougie spots.

Dude, the mutter and the brother, that's killing me. The mutter, brother. Fuck it. Dude, I thought the Philly accent was bad. I know, I think it's great. That's like classy talk. My mutter, my brother. I can't do it.

It could be brother. And what's your dad do? That was a plumber. Oh, yeah. But a cash in that. Kinda, yeah. When he worked, yeah, he's often. And he was a soccer scout.

Really? For children, yeah. So he'd look at kids. And then he'd go to the soccer game. And he'd show up in their bathroom a couple hours. Who did he scout for? Everton and Chelsea. Damn.

Like adult soccer teams? No, he'd find the kids. It's like the formal league. He'd be looking at like, yeah, like, damn. Is it Peewee soccer you call it here? Is that it? Kid soccer? Yeah.

Yeah, so he'd be finding like 10-year-olds that look fucking good. And then he'd send them over. And then usually Chelsea would be like, we've got like French people. We don't need Irish fucking. We don't need you dirty mutts coming around here. You don't even have boots. What are you doing here?

Get a pair of boots. We got enough problems over here, all right? That's pretty good, though. Did he ever find anybody that became big? No, never, no. He sucked at it, apparently. No, yeah. Yeah, I just think Irish sucks.

One guy was a hockey player. He's got one leg. What the fuck are you sending him over here? All right, so that's pretty interesting. Yeah, interesting. Yeah, so he's. Now, when you say, what's this about when he did plum? What's that all about?

I don't know. He's very selective. He's the laziest man I've ever met in my life, my dad. Yeah, my dad is there. He never taught me how to be a plumber. Because I think he just self-taught himself, too. No qualifications. Dropped out of school when he was 12.

What? And I think he just called himself a plumber one day, and just like, I'm pretty sure. Like, he's very bad at plumbing. My dad is one of the worst. Like, I would help him, and I'd be like, you don't really know what you're doing here, do you? And he's like rapping things, duct tape, and shoving it in.

Got a screwdriver up his head. And he just like, he's just a lazy guy. Just like, if he got a job and it worked Monday, Tuesday, it just takes the rest of the week off. Yeah, because that's the way that goes sometimes, the independent contractor. They either do really well, or it's like, why isn't this guy making more money?

Yeah, exactly. That was it. He would never work. Now, was it a single-family home that you grew up in? No, that's a get it. Yeah. Huh? No, he's saying no.

A single-family home? Was it like an apartment or like an apartment? Oh, that's awesome. Nah, they're still fucking. Well, I didn't say that, but I said they're living under the same roof. Sure, sure. Yeah, was it a house by itself or was it connected?

It's connected. Yeah, they're like stripped. They're like almost like row homes over there. Well, not in my estate. There is them over there. Mine is like just two homes side by side, and then you've got the gap. And there's like two homes.

Like duplexes kind of. Gotcha. We call them semi-detached houses. That's what we call them. That sounds bad, but I know a semi-detached house sounds bad. The real estate agent's got to butter that up a little bit. That's a little bit jargon. Isn't it cozy?

It's not small. That's all it's good. Semi-detached sounds like a medical term. You're going to have to redo the house. It's semi-detached. Holy shit. All right. OK, so we got a little picture going there.

Are you closer to your brothers and sisters? We're closer to my brother. Yeah, my sister is a bit. She was already gone, right? She's not too old. Yeah, yes. But I'm like sort of got anywhere old. Did she live in the house as an adult?

No, she was straight out of college at 17. Really? So what's that? I was five. Yeah. So I was five, and then she left. Gone. She's gone.

Then she moved country. To where? The Virgin Islands. Yeah, she was like, I don't know, sailing yachts or something? For people. Really? Like Below Deck. Exactly like Below Deck.

Really? Yeah. Big fucking fan. She was Below Deck in it, yeah. Dude, Below Deck is a solid program. Hot chicks. Not bad. Couple of hot dudes.

Some of those first mates are fucking tight. The Bosun? The Bosun's always nice. Yeah, for sure. Really? She was doing that. All right. That's pretty quick.

Yeah. What's your brother do? Yeah, it's classy. I mean, you're around rich people. Yeah. That's classy. OK, yeah, well, all right. So it's not trashy.

Shells. It's pretty good. Just fresh-greased orgies. Being beside them. Yeah. Well, it's better than being a plumber who wants to do it. Yeah, you watch Downton Abbey, and I'm even the guy that goes downstairs,

and I'm like, that's a classy guy. There you go, yeah. Yeah, my brother lives in Australia. He's a builder, like a carpenter by trade, but he's just in destruction. Gotcha. Everybody flew the coop over there, huh? Just get the fuck out of there, yeah.

Just something about that country that we, it's like, you love it, and then you're like, get out of here. Really? Yeah. It's like, look, aren't your family, isn't your family Irish or something? Yeah, they're Irish. They came over.

200 years ago, though. Oh, OK, fuck off, then. Yeah, it's like, dude, I don't even know who was over there. My great-great-grandfather came over, and he fought in the Spanish-American War. Oh, you brought it up before in conversation, where you're like, oh, yeah, you know, my family came over here.

I thought you meant like your fucking granddad or something. No. I thought you knew his name. Irish people are like that, too. I said something to another Irish comic, and they kind of like shunned me. Like, I'm not really Irish. You're, they don't know.

Which I get, I didn't shun you. You just said, you made a seam as if you're like, hey, he tries to be Irish. He still has the fucking plane ticket. Ah, it was me and Gabby McGlough, and we came over. Still got jet lag from that trip. They were on a steamship. That's a big thing with like, Irish-Americans,

Italian-Americans. First of all, that doesn't really exist anywhere else. You wouldn't say it, like, if you moved to Germany, you wouldn't be like, oh, I'm Irish-German. You know what I mean? Like, we're the only country that adopt, especially the Irish and Italians, they love saying. They don't just let it shake, right?

You never hear like, American, French, really. No, no, no. It's Irish and Italian. It's fucking dirtball fucking. Yeah, you're 1-8 Irish, and it's like, and everything else is fucking. Dude, I have cousins and family members that have the Irish flag on them and stuff,

and it's like, they've never even been to Ireland. Oh, of course, yeah. They've got the Boondocks Saints fucking poem on the ribs. Yeah, I'm Irish. Yes, but all of them. Have I been? No, I don't even know where it is. Some corn, beef, and cabbage in the collider ring.

That's all I'm talking about. Yeah, exactly, now we're talking. Which I do both. Yeah, and I feel, I'm even one of those people that, like, when they say, where are you from, I always say outside of Philadelphia, because I never want to be that jerk off that's like, oh, yeah, I'm from Philly, but I didn't really

grow up in the city. And I have that stigma with being Irish, too, because when I'm around real Irish people, I always feel like a fucking jerk off. You should. Yeah, for sure. Some Irish people hate it, because a lot of Americans call themselves Irish, and it was like, oh, they're not

really Irish, but I kind of don't give a fuck what you claim. Which we're not. What? Irish. No, I mean, I'm Irish by American culture. Like, I'm Irish-American. We're fucking. You're drinking fucking Bud Light.

Yeah, we're like Irish-Americans are trashy people. For the most part. All right, yeah, OK. When people from Ireland aren't necessarily always trashy. No, no, no. We're the trashy version. I'm saying America, yeah. So my kids will be trash, but I might not.

Your kids will be trash. Yeah, you'll be the fucking old, my dad came over from Ireland. You'll be that. Hell yeah. Yeah. Plumbing two days a week. I don't know, lazy fuck, yeah, your kid's going to be on a podcast in the fucking 20 years.

Lazy fucking guy. All right, let's get into some fucking are you garbage questions here? Like I said, this is going to be fun because I want to hear about all the different places over there. It's going to be a little bit different than growing up in America. So a couple of the standard questions is what was the name of the street that you grew up on?

Yeah, the street was Alam Mount. Alam Mount. Alam Mount. I don't know what it is. It sounds pretty classy to me. Yeah, I have to. And you said a state. What does that mean, a state?

I know what the word a state means, but you said it's a state like a neighborhood? Yeah, that would just like another word for like almost like a couple of blocks, I think. OK. You know? Because to us, a state is like a mansion or something. No, no, no, no, no.

It's like a gate and everything. There's not even mansions like an arrow from my house. That should be a question. Where's the closest mansion to Ireland? I couldn't even drive you to point at rich people. There's no semi-detached mansions on the estate. You've got to pay motorway tolls to get to a fucking mansion from where I am.

But I grew up in a cul-de-sac, actually. Ooh. I know. All right. Fucking cul-de-sac money. That's cul-de-sac money. That's fucking top-of-the-line. One way out of one way out.

That's pure class. That is, dude. You can't get fucking. You don't have to ever check your six. No, you're living in a cul-de-sac, too. Grew up in a cul-de-sac, yeah. Oh, nice. Not too shabby.

Always envious of the cul-de-sac. Love the cul-de-sac. Yeah. All right. And what was the name of the street again? Element Court, actually. Element Court. His story is fucking all right.

I think it sounds, it does sound the last time. It sounds like procedures in Element Court. Everything European, everything from Ireland or England is going to sound classy to us. It's the place. Yeah, it's the type of place an American could get duped into buying. I'm not a retire in Ireland.

And then they show up and a bunch of teenagers steal their wheels from their car. They said it was a cul-de-sac. I thought this was the court. It's more of a dead end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No use, can't leave. Oh, that's pretty good.

We did have, originally though, there used to be like two walkways at the end of the cul-de-sac that you could walk through. And then someone just, I think they just built gates to stop people from walking through. They privatized it all. I kind of like that. I like it, too.

Private to privatization? A public walkway going by the house? Get the fuck out of here. Keep the riff-raff out. Yeah, no shit. I wouldn't like that at all. Fucking peeking in while I'm playing with my G.I. Joe's. Keep it fucking moving.

It was good when I was a kid, though, because it was like a bit of excitement on the street. See things, but then as soon as you get old, you're like, yeah, get this fucking. Yeah, no shit. What are you walking to? Yeah, you're walking out your window. What's your name?

You're walking out your window and see people walking? Some old lady has to get to the bus now. She has to walk an extra 15 minutes and stuff. And I'm like, yeah, you fucking, yo, bag. This is the court. Oh, that's pretty good. OK, all right, getting a picture, getting a picture. Yeah, we're getting a picture here.

We're getting a picture. Kippy, you got one? Let's see. Let's do a standard growing up when you, what was the name of the supermarket you guys went to? It'd be Tesco. Tesco's good over there. That's middle of the line.

Tesco's nice. Tesco, huh? Tesco's all right. And then later years, it was like the German invasion. Aldi. Aldi and Mildi came in and took over. You mean Aldi? Aldi, yeah.

Really? Yeah. Aldi's a German company? Oh, yeah. It's one of those hogging, hogging type of countries. Yeah, may not be German. No, it's 100% German. Like an Ikea.

No, Ikea's Swedish. Whatever, German. Exactly, that's what I mean. Yeah, it's like, yeah, it's one of those places. Like a bed, bath, and beyond. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Either way, can I get meatballs there? That's what I want to know.

I didn't know Aldi's was a German company. Oh, yeah. Does Aldi and Lidl. All right, you're going to have to rethink that. Lidl, Lidl? We say Aldi and Lidl. Yeah. If that, I don't know.

Who knows? I don't know either. That could be, I don't know. I'm not even close. Wait, then what's Aldi and Lidl? What do you mean? Lidl is another German supermarket. Apparently what happened was it was a family.

They both owned Aldi, and then they had a feud between the brothers. So he just split, and then he's like, I'm fucking taking it. So then it was like this rivalry of like, who can sell like the most knockoff versions of a KitKat? That's pretty good. You can sell cheap shit to other countries. Yeah, it's like, it's all weird German versions

of the stuff you love. So you show up, and it's just like 55 klitklats for a dollar. OK, you're the kid who shows up to fucking school. We had a klitklat. Look at that poor guy. These guys eat German cookies in the Catholic area. What the fuck? Exactly.

What was the name of the most popular local restaurant? Oh my god. I always thought that was a determination of trash. Now it's going to be a little bit different. It's going to be like P.J. McWellingham. Yeah, it's going to be something like that. It's going to be like some sort of fucking shit Chinese restaurant or something.

Really? Really? Yeah, we're not really eating out culture. Yeah, no. I don't even know, man. I can barely count. Did you guys eat out, or ever, or no? Fucking rarely.

Really? What's a restaurant we went to? We would go sometimes on a special occasion, we'd have to drive and then go to some place called the Seahorse Inn or something like that. That's real old country shit. Getting in the car to go to the Seahorse Inn. It was always a special occasion,

and you'd order the same fucking thing every time. My dad's like, these are the best mussels in the, I was like, have you ever eaten mussels anywhere else? These are the only mussels I want. What the fuck's up with dads at mussels, man? Jesus Christ. When a dad hones in on a seafood dish, they stay there. Yeah, so every time there was an anniversary or something,

we'd probably go to this place. I think it was called the Seahorse Inn. The Seahorse Inn, that's pretty trashy, man. That's great. We'd have to drive for like 45 minutes somewhere nice. That's fucking. And you'd all put on your nice shoes. Yeah, you guys all have ill-fitting shirts on and shit.

Yeah, like in America, people would just eat now every night. Everywhere you turn, there's a fucking restaurant. In Ireland, for me, anyway, it was only a special occasion. Really? Even ordering Chinese food was a sort of a... That was like a to-do. That was like, oh, shit. Growing up, especially when everyone was poor in the 90s.

Because Ireland was really poor up until like 1998. And then suddenly, we just became rich somehow. So... I'm not asking any fucking questions. Just keep the checks coming. The whole country was pretty corrupt. Make sure they bring the fortune cookies. It was like, you know, I'm guessing it's a lot like when...

We've all gotten our $1,200 stimulus checks. Rather than doing it in sensible way because it's the first time I put it last time you'll ever get it. People were just like buying BMWs and just like suddenly... We were like going to Spain. Yeah, it was like... People didn't know what they were doing. Just going skiing, they didn't know how to ski.

Ireland went mate. For about 12, 15 years, Ireland was like just coke and partying. What was it, something popped? It was... Your manufacturing or something like that went up? Our tech, we did some sort of a no tax on tax. We got like Dell and a bunch of stuff. And then a lot of American companies came in

because we did zero tax. Europe was like, you got to have a certain amount of tax and we're like, no, fuck off. So then we got everyone in. We need that coke money. Yeah, but even the money, yeah. And then we put all the country savings went into fucking property.

Okay. And then that all burst in 2008. But for a while, it was fucking great. It was fucking great. Chinese food and blow everywhere. People just having two cars for no reason and just... But everyone was still poor, kind of, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They still have the poor mentality. That's just weird shit, like building columns, you know? At the house. And the house, even though your house is like one story. Have like a line or something, like a stone lying out for us. Yeah, yeah, exactly like that. The columns, that's real fucking garbage. Well, that goes to show how garbage you are

because it's like people get money. That's a big trait in garbage. People, they get money and it's like, I call it like they have Ricky Bobby it. They're like, oh yeah, I'll put columns in front of my semi detached house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

It's like, no, dude, invest for your retirement. No, there's no such thing as that. Irish people don't know money. It's a real bad trait. There's no such thing as an Irish guy who really knows money. It's actually, it's against the culture, kind of, to be good with money. Really?

It's like real... That explains a lot about me. Yeah, me too. Yeah, they get bullied. If you like don't spend money or you won't buy people a drink or whatever, they all call you a cheap cunt. And they're like, oh wait,

and they all say you're from Cavern. This is like the Seahorse Inn, I hope. No, no, no, we're going big tonight. Yeah. How is the Chinese food over there? Wait, hold on, so Cavern's the county that gets shit on from the cheese? Cavern is known as the cheap country, yeah.

Oh really? Cheap county, Cavern. So if anyone is anyway cheap, you're like, oh you're for fucking Cavern, you're fucking what? Or we could do the more anti-semitic version. But anyway, you know what I mean. But, so you get bullied into it,

whereas it's more, it shouldn't really be like that. You should be. But yeah, we're not, we're just like teenagers who want to fucking scratch off, going fucking crazy. No, no, no, that's the fucking way to beat it. I love it, dude. That's how I am.

That's 100% how I am. I'm still like, who's thinking about tomorrow when you got today, you know what I mean? I do think that that's a big thing. I think that's a very good trait to have, and a lot of garbage people have it. Of like the, you buy beers, I'll get this round. It's like a camaraderie of like,

hey, I got you, I'll get this one, I'll get the next one, this or that or whatever. Some people, like you walk up to a bar, and they fucking alligator armed it. And it's like, dude, I just bought the last three rounds. Like, fuck it, you know. Yeah, or the Venmo, they get you shot and they Venmo you the fucker.

Yeah, you get me half that shot because you. Yeah, dude, that shit pisses me off. I'm a big, I hear this, but then I am keeping score. I'm not doing it, if you don't reciprocate at all, I'm like, yo, what the fuck are we doing here? Yeah, yeah. Get that wallet out. I think that's like that thing that you say to like,

not, you're doing it genuinely, but like, yeah, my parents were that same way too. It's like where you wanna, you wanna be the one. It's like now when you see like, like young people go out to dinner, they're Venmoing each other, they're doing this. Yeah, they're splitting the checks. But like when I was a kid.

They're splitting the checks and shit like that about 10 ways. When they would be like, when we would go out to dinner with like my uncle's family or like cousins or something, the dads would literally be fighting over the check. Oh yeah. No, no, no, I got it. And one would sneak and pay,

and then the other one would get mad. You know what I mean? Yeah, for sure. It's a fucking like a status thing. Yeah, but then they go home and go, yeah, no heating for next time. Yeah. Oh dude, for sure.

I'm sorry. But it'd be like the fucking muscles. That's the last meal you have for a while. He didn't have a Coke. Yeah. Yeah. You better save them shells. Yeah.

Now back to my original question. How is the Chinese food? It's great. I love it. It is not Chinese food though. It's just a version of what we call Chinese. It's like Irish curry sauce, which is like real thick. Love a good curry sauce.

Yeah, you would have eaten it. And they're like big, big thick fucking fries. So the chips, and then there's rice, and then you mix it up. It's big. And then they have like, Fries? Fries.

Yeah, best fries you've ever had. The Chinese in Ireland. They make some good French fries. Troubling up thinking about big fucking big fry from a Chinese doing wherever. Our fast food is nuts. And we have a lot of like chippers, right? And it's dominated by Italians for some reason.

What's chippers? Like a fish and chip place. Yeah, of course. So you'll have your burgers, your fish and chips, fried chicken. It's like the best fried chicken you'll have in your life. I'm not joking. Really?

The best fried chicken you'll have in your life. It's in Ireland. You go to Ireland and make an Italian man make it for you. And then that's it. I don't know why. That's just the way it is. I'm in. Sign me the fuck up.

Yeah, see, this is the stuff I want to know. I like this. Like is there anything different in your McDonald's than there is here? You know what's so... What? The international relations here. You're asking about McDonald's.

This is important question. And I'll be honest, I've answered this on a podcast a few too many times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a regular... You fucking hack, you bad hack. You're asking them this, ah, slow down.

He's salivating. Do you have movies over there? What's going on? Have you guys ever heard of it? Are you guys driving the wrong side of the road, I understand. Nah, he's gonna bring up the burger king menu next. And then...

You have burger king? We have... Really? The exact same burger king. Wendy's? No, no Wendy's. Wendy's is not... Subways are everywhere.

Subways are everywhere. Subways are all over the place. Long John Silver. Never even heard of it. Arby's? No, we don't. Harbys? No.

Rogers. Dude, you're naming like bottom of the barrel US fucking festival. You gotta even get them in New York. Yeah, dude, they're not either. Some of them aren't even on the East Coast. You're like, have you made it to Dublin? Yeah, yeah.

5,000 miles away? You're like in and out burger. What else have we got here? What about Chick-fil-A? I ain't going if I can't get it. Chick-fil-A. New Jersey ricks or whatever that fucking place is. The dismissiveness of New Jersey ricks are perfect.

I'm fucking trashy. Yeah, no, we know. But back to the McDonald's question. As far as I can remember, it's pretty similar about a couple of sauces. Now, I've answered this question recently and I got a couple of people on Twitter going, it's totally fucking different, you fuck.

And I was like, I don't know. It's slightly different, but it's more or less... It's in the same wheelhouse. Yeah, this is the usual shit. They're called something different. The McChicken sandwich is called something different here. You got a sandwich McChicken or something. Some shit like that, yeah.

Who would do the cooking? So if you didn't eat out, you were eating at home. Mom do the cooking, dad do the cooking? No, I would. You would, what? I would have to cook, yeah, usually. You're kidding. No, no.

Cook for yourself or cook for the whole family? For the family, yeah, yeah. We had a strict sort of... Because I was off school, so then they were working. If they were working. This is the summertime. No, that night, he would get home at three. Because they wouldn't be home till six,

but I'd be home from high school at four or something. So then I'd have to... Get dinner ready. Get dinner ready, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty classy, though. Is it? Yeah, dude, you're cooking for the family or providing, you're pulling your way?

I guess, yeah. What would you make? My mom would normally tell me what I was making. And if it was something so difficult, she'd have it prepared. But I was like, I don't know, just some sort of frozen chicken cutlets and some sort of vegetables.

I'd have to mash potatoes. I had to make my own dinner when I was a kid. I would have fucking lost it. Oh, yeah? Oh. Yeah, some carrots, broccoli, that type of shit. That's pretty good. Some fish or whatever.

And then you would all sit around a table and eat together or would you eat in the family room or a proper sit-down? We would try sit-down together. Normally, whoever comes in at whatever time, they just eat as soon as they come in. Just rotating, kind of. Otherwise, it was too...

You wouldn't be waiting around, you know? The kitchen table was in the kitchen. Yeah. And that's where we ate, yeah. Yeah. Oh, but we actually got that. We had a wall knocked down one time when we got that fucking good Celtic Tiger money,

they called it. What's Celtic Tiger money? The Celtic Tiger was the explosion in the economy for the 90s. I love that. They called it a Celtic Tiger. Celtic Tiger. Hey, even that's trashy.

I know, yeah. We all just got tattoos. Knock out a wall and get some skis. We're going to Spain, baby. Get that tiger cash. Yeah, we knocked down a wall. Yeah. So we had a little tiny kitchen,

we knocked down the wall and then we just had a table in between. That we still have to this day, like 20 years later, it doesn't work. Yeah. That's fun. I like that rotating the eating a little bit. Like I get what you're saying.

Cause I was, this might be a real fat kid thing, but whenever, if my dad came home late and we had dinner without him, when he came home and had his dinner, it looked so much better than what I had. Does that make sense? It just looked better cause he was like, you know, he'd do the salt and the pepper

and he'd make it all nice. I think you're, you're just always hungry, isn't it? Yeah. You just wanted a second. When someone else is eating, you're just like, damn, that looks good. Damn, I want that. While you're eating,

you're looking at someone else's plate with the same thing going, you split a sandwich and go, your side looks. You're like, man, where'd you get that? Holy, she been holding out on me? What the fuck? Where'd you get that at Jersey Ricks? Where'd you get that?

I love how like you have these deep seated memories of watching your dad, like, ah man, that fucking meat loaf he had that Tuesday in 1984, looks so good. You're telling me that like, when you would sit there, when you would watch your like, a parent prepare their plate, it didn't look better than yours.

Like my dad would put like the pepper on it. I wasn't looking at his plate, I was fucking playing video games or finger in the dog or something. Yeah. I remember my dad coming home and if he didn't have dinner with this, he would like make his own dinner.

He would make like a tuna sandwich, but it would just look so fucking good the way. All right, the sandwich, I can agree with you. If he just constructed, from start to finish his own sandwich, but if he just like, heat it up. Whatever the fuck you ate. Just saying like the way he added salt

was impressive to you. Look at him. Every time you add salt, it's like on the floor and shit. Little fat, little foley mouth breathing. On the food. Yeah, do the pepper next. Yeah, go get that A1 sauce. Go get it.

Open it slow. They have to put you in another room. Keep it quiet. I'm in the laundry room like the dog. Yeah, and they can do much noise. He's scratching at the door. I can take a dump in there just because I'm pissed off. Is that gravy?

I know it's gravy. He's acting out. He's fully, holy shit in the recliner again. That's fucking too funny. Oh, man. Okay. All right. Do you have the total one left?

Do you ever have the TV on when you guys were eating dinner or TV off? No, but maybe once or twice, if we were lucky. My dad could convince my mother. To put something on. If it was like Champions League soccer type thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's very respectable.

Oh, we'd be allowed in another room. For, like, if there was a lot. But that was few and far between. Very, yeah. No, my mom hated the idea. That's pretty classy. Hated. Sounds like she runs a tight ship.

She's got you cooking dinner, no TV. Yeah, yeah. I think we're just, it was funny because we're working, we're really poor working class, but I kind of grew up not like that because it was the same mentality, but we had relatively nice things.

Two tree cars, maybe. But all the cars were falling apart. Yeah, yeah, of course. You know, it's like, you think it's classy, but when you look back. Yeah, you're like, what the fuck? Yeah, well, there's also like a garbage thing to be like, we need two or three shitty cars rather than one new one

that will last for the next 20 years without any, you know. I think a garbage thing of like, I need multiple shitty cars. Was there any time where one of those cars didn't run and it sat in the driveway? Yes. Till very, till very, very recently. I'm not joking.

Get that tiger cash out. You know what happened? Here we go. The car failed like with some sort of road safety test and my dad would drove it for years, even though it was like a legal, legal. It's got driving fucking hard. And he kept getting tickets and stuff.

So then he just left it in the driveway, refusing to, and people tried to buy it off him. And he'd be like, no, that's worth like $2,000. No, dude, that is such a garbage thing. So many of you are like, hey man, I'll give you 600 bucks and take that out. At least for $3,000, at least, at least for $3,000. It's like, dude, there's not even a steering wheel on it.

Yeah, it's just gathering dust. Dust review mirrors are still good. And then one time, this is my dad, my dad was joking. There's an airbag in there, not selling it for $600. One time my dad was joking with me and I believed this for months. And I go, what are you doing with the fucking car

in the garden? And he's like, oh, you know what I did? I got some chickens. And I'm fucking, we're keeping chickens in the car now. We're using it as a chicken coop. And I go, are you fucking serious? He's like, yeah, I got eggs every morning. My family's like nuts like that.

For like six months, I was like, that's so fun. I was telling everyone, I was like, my dad's fucking lost his mind. He's keeping chickens. I rang him one day. He's like, ah, he's just fucking with you. No, we sold the car. But he's like, yeah, but I wouldn't put a buy in me. He's like half retired, it kind of.

Was there a tarp over the car? No. That's real. What, are you nuts? No. That's real trashy. You gotta at least keep on appearances and act like it works, you know what I mean?

How do you guys feel about just the car tarp in general, like when somebody puts the fitted sheet over their car? I would say that's classy, man. But it's typically a nice, I mean, I'm not doing it to my 2005 Mercury Montego. Nah, that's a nice, how much is that? That must be about $200. That's a couple of hundo.

Yeah. Nah, you leave it to the elements and say, fuck it, this car. It's ride or die. You can't stay in a little fucking rain safe snow. That ain't my car. Exactly. I need a fucking everyday beater.

Yeah. We're not pampering. Couple of flat tires. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Have you or any member of your family ever been involved in a physical altercation at a wedding? No, I don't think so.

I really don't know. I don't think so. You really set the bar low for the Irishman, huh? I know you fucking haven't. I know there's been a couple of brawls at the fucking... At a wedding? I don't know, if I've ever seen... Not at a wedding, family parties for sure.

Oh, I've seen a couple of fights at weddings. That got serious. Wow. Yeah, real trash. That's Philly. That's Philly's finest. Yeah, you know it's something that we do. That's like the Jews when they stand on the fucking glass

or whatever. Oh yeah, you have to do it. In Philly, they take out a baseball bat and crack it over someone else's head. Yes, it's not a wedding unless you fucking... Yes, yes, stab someone. You punch your cousin in the head. Well, you know it's something that's a tradition.

Yeah, you break a bottle of yingling into someone's neck. Yeah, you break a bottle of yingling into someone's neck. Bottle of yinger, ain't too shabby. Dude, you give me a six pack of yingis. Kippy's in a good mood. We have this tradition at weddings. I don't know if it's from upstate Pennsylvania, if it's a Irish American thing or whatever it is,

but they do this thing like late in the wedding. So everybody's fucked up, okay? And they put the bride in the middle of the dance floor and then all the men get in a circle around her and the groom has to... He's a doughnut. They give her one final send though. I grease her up a bit, if you know what I mean, huh?

Put all the kids to bed and get a good old fashioned circle jerk on his new bra. Nah, it's called the Philly Wedding. There's like 20 guys in it. Take her for a test drive, see what's up. No, the groom has to push his way in. Like, you know, like has to like run in and they keep pushing him out of the circle.

That's so funny. That's like deer hunter shit. And they'll do a fight like three times. That sounds like a deer hunter wedding, dude. That's fucking real garbage. It just brings that kid back to like high school, getting bullied by all his older brothers and stuff like, oh, you little bitch.

I'm not a fuck your wife. If you can't get in the circle, I'm gonna fuck your fat wife, you loser. I always thought that was trashy, man. Dude, it's so trashy. Yeah, what else is trashy too? The garter belt, taking the garter belt. Oh, do you guys do that?

No, no way. Dude, the garter belt at a wedding is fucking, it's always like the brother like eating her out or something. I never, they get under the fucking dress. It's so fucking weird, dude. No, there's no sexuality in an Irish. Oh, there's no sexuality in Ireland. No, no, you keep that.

You keep that degeneration going down. You keep that in the altar, but in the confession, dude. The other thing that we would do that I thought was pretty trashy is everybody would take a turn dancing with the bride. It sounds like everybody's just trying to fuck at this wedding. Yeah.

And you would give her a one. Yeah, you give her a, you slip. The first guy slips one finger in, the second guy, and then you keep going. Man, it's slipper a one. You'd have a dollar bill folded up in your hand. When you dance with her, you would give her the one dollar bill. One dollar bill.

And you stick it in her tongue. Yeah. Give her a little shake and go, yo, have a good one, baby. Cutie. Dollar titty sandwiches at the Foley weddings. Nice. You gotta test the good.

A dollar. Yeah, give cheap fucks a dollar. You'd give a present. You know, you got one cousin standing there with four quarters waiting for fucking, waiting to get her on that. You got to open five and go, can you get change? You guys think Venmo?

I'm all fucking up. One of those coins, you got in the MTA. That's great. That's funny. No. Did you guys do cash bars at weddings or was it open bar at wedding? You have a, normally you will have a start open,

but it's limited. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You couldn't, you really couldn't. Yeah. You guys are fucking, you guys are animals. Once it hits like five grand, they... Yeah, so you'll put down five grand and say once it gets to that, then everyone's paying.

Yeah. And it's normally they have a, it's normally scheduled, you know, change of like location from like the sort of nice, some sort of shit DJ type. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure. When that balance shifts in the night. Oh, it's a tough spot.

Those last couple of drinks are always like fucking triple McKellen Red Bull. Something always tough. Some tough shit that you think is classy, but it's not. Oh yeah, no, not at all. Yeah, you're like mixing Mountain Dew with something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Use the promo code GARBAGE, G-A-R-B-A-G-E for 20% off now back to the show. Yep. Keep it going. So trashy, my sister's wedding, my brother was all tuned up and it was like a very huge, big, like extravagant wedding that was over, you know,

where he was like going to the hotel or whatever. And he's like, oh, let me get some more drinks. And they're like, Sarah, we're closed. And my brother's like, fuck, drunk out of his mind. He's like, let me get no more drinks. You know, we fucking get all these people. Let me get some fucking drinks. So he's going to listen.

You're throwing that around. Oh yeah. All these people. We've been drinking for like fucking 15 hours at this point. And he goes, and the guy goes, listen, I'll get you and your dad, like whatever you guys want to drink. Cause like, you know, we have one last drink.

What do you want? My brother goes, I want 15 margaritas. And he goes, what? That's what I want. And I'm like, oh man, talk about a real scumbag. Jesus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The lady was just like, really?

My dad's like, just give him two. Like just give him what he wants to walk away. You know, doesn't know what's going on. There you go, just make him mojitos. You know, don't we muddle that shit, muddle it. But an Irish wedding. Don't skip on the sugar cane either. You know, an Irish wedding doesn't end

because our hotel laws, like the bars don't close in hotels in Ireland, it's 24 hours. Because if you're, it's like some sort of loophole that like technically. It's not a bar or something. It's like private property or something. There are some sort of like you're a res, you're technically living there or some shit.

So I gotcha, yeah, it makes sense. So you can go, if you wanted to drink all night in Ireland, you could just rent the room and then drink at their bar all night. So an Irish wedding is like, It just never ends. Seven, eight, they always have breakfast at six, seven o'clock in the morning.

And you go straight to breakfast. Yeah, they'll have some sort of thing like that. Maybe you have a boss back to the hotel if you have a sort of a different thing. I'd sort of, you know. Damn. That's pretty fun to work for. But you couldn't.

It would literally fucking bankrupt you if you tried to do an open bar in Ireland. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It would really ruin your life. Cash bars at a wedding though, that's a fucking tough look. That's a bad look. Yeah. It's a tough look.

I'd rather not have the crab cake and have the fucking open bar. Yeah, let's just have some fucking sandwich. You know what's real classy when you're not allowed to tip. Like when you're really not allowed to tip. They won't even take it. Yeah, that's when you know you're a real fucking, real swing joint.

I don't know if I've ever been to one of those. I've been to some classy weddings. Never one that doesn't take cage. What do you got, Kip? Did you ever carry or collect pocket knives? No. What about Chinese stars? No, I don't know.

Numb chucks? No. Baby gun? I used to have some baby guns. Yeah. Baby guns were all right. Wait, were they all rifles or was it a handgun? No, they were just like those little fucking pellets

that you'd fucking put in like a handgun, stuff, stuff. And you'd shoot them around. Is it? Yeah, a handgun, BB gun, it's gotta be a rifle. I had a couple of handgun BBs. Oh, that's garbage. Cause what happened is they're illegal in Ireland, but you'd buy them in Spain,

and then you'd bring them back. Turn into an international arms dealer. This is crazy. To shoot a bunny rabbit. Turn into the fucking Lord of War. Holy shit, smuggle and shit from Spain. That's pretty good. That's classy though.

I mean. It's not Delaware. Yeah. Spain's nice. Did, fuck, I just have one. Sorry, where'd it go? Psh, psh, psh. I got one.

What kind of pets did you have growing up? Oh shit, we had a lot of pets. All right. But they were a little trash. But they were all shit, right? They're all like small shit pets. Like what? So we had a lot of birds in cages.

Birds are bad. Birds are, they suck. Thank you. Appreciate it. Yeah, birds, we had a lot of canaries, a lot of budgies, things that would make a lot of noise in the morning. What's a budgie?

It's like, I guess it's just a small bird or something. You're talking multiple birds in the house? I think the most we ever had was two at one time. But like. That's too too many. Yeah, but they would always be making noise. And you'd have to like, you'd wake up your big Sunday morning at seven o'clock,

you'd have to go down and put like a blanket over his head to tell him to shut the fuck up. So that was like the later years. We had a bunch of birds. We had hamsters. Hamsters are trash. Hamsters, I don't know what happened with the hamsters, but they died a bloody death.

Why? What do you mean? The BB gun? I think we forgot about them, or we went on vacation or something and just forgot about the hamsters. Something along those lines. I can't really remember.

But I do know they two of them were like dead when we found them. You can see their ribs. They were like, they had eaten each other and died. They were called Beavis and Buh-Head. And they had eaten each other. Is that a classy name? No one's hanging out with Prince Harry

naming their hamsters fucking Beavis and Buh-Head. That is fucking trash. You managed to make an animal trash. Yeah, that's how we had two couple of hamsters. And then we had a bunch of fish. We had loads of goldfish. Fish are all right. Fish are okay.

For ever goldfish. Hamsters, that's a bad look. Leaving the hamsters to starve to death. Fucking, why are you guys around? Where were you on that vacation that the hamsters, that you let the hamsters die? Some like bed and breakfast type of east coast of Ireland thing.

Okay. That sounds like, probably like 1994. We used to, every two years we'd go on vacation. We'd save up for two years. We'd drive for like four hours to like some sort of quaint village. Better, yeah. Bed and breakfast.

We'd stay there for like six days maybe. Even six days. What's the amusement park situation over there? Kind of shit. So we don't have to wear that. I can't imagine. Yeah, we used to have this big place and the guy was a pedophile.

Pito, yeah. Pito. It was called Clara Lara, I think it was. On the fingers. Nobody saw it coming. Clara Lara, that was good. Come on down to handsy mikes everybody. No, it's Clara Lara.

It's Gaelic for, come in here for a minute. It's Gaelic for don't tell your parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have a sweetie. Good boy, Delaney. Irish for this never happened. Yeah. Well, listen, we do some things right

and pedophilia is like. You guys are doing A-okay. We have like bars and pedos. Oh, man. Yeah, oh, and then we had some turtles too, terrapins. Yeah, turtles are pretty trashy. We went through about four terrapins. Four turtles?

Yeah. That's trash. We just kept killing all these little animals. I don't know what. Yeah, you were running a fucking tight ship. I was thinking that it was gonna be class. No, do you know what is the end of this? My man never let us get like that big dog.

She never let us get a dog or a cat. So she's just like, shit animals. And then shit animals, you kind of don't love them, right? You don't really love it. You can't really get affectionate with it. He doesn't even know its own fucking name. You go, we'll just put it out

but it's fucking misery, yeah. That was some Irish shit right there. You don't really love it. Nah, yeah. That's some real repressed fucking. I never loved you. I used to. I told her I never loved me.

You son of a bitch. Yeah, looking over at Dead Hamster. You never loved me. I have my goldfishers in the garden. Go, get out of here. I never loved you. This is harder for me than it is for you. You think you can do better?

Go ahead, get out. Don't look back. Go with your friends. Holy shit, that's fucking trashy. Leaving the hamster. How do you forget about a hamster? I don't know if he forgot about us. We forgot about him.

I was so young but I just know we found them both like eating each other alive or something. They had fought to death or something. Either that or they had just died and then decomposed enough to look like they were in a fight. I'm not really sure. Yeah, well also in the 90s,

you were, pets were way more independent in the 90s. For sure. You could just leave a fucking dog for a month and come back. There's no leash. I grew up, there was no such thing as a fucking dog leash growing up. It wasn't until like 2000.

It wasn't. We turned into real fucking, real pussies. Yeah, yeah. With these dogs. Dog bolts. Independent. Dude, your dog, you had an independent dog either got hit by a car,

you buried him in the backyard and you kept it fucking moving. Shut up the patches and rusty. It's like pet cemetery in the backyard. You need the pets though. It helps you like you learn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you learn that like everything's gonna die?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The world is not in the pain. It's a glimpse of death. It's a good, yeah, it gets you early. Yeah, a violent end. A starvation fucking battle to the death. Well, I just remind you of the famine. That's how it was.

Don't get too big for your britches over there. You're gonna die pretty soon. Do you currently have any skin tags? What are they like, like dirty frackle type things? Yeah, yeah. I think so. No, you would, it's like three, it's like, you know, I don't, you probably don't.

I don't know. I can show you one. Yeah, do, no, do it, come on. Don't be, do it. Don't be a little bitch. Take that fucking Hawaiian shirt off. Your tie-dye Hawaiian shirt. Are you really?

I don't want to see it. Don't do it. I don't want to see it, you can do it. I'm showing you what a skin tag is. It's right there, see it? Oh yeah. Do you have those? Maybe.

I've got like a lot of freckles and shit, and I've never gone. That's not a freckle. That's a freckle. That's a freckle who did a fucking cycle of steroids. That's it. And that was awesome. That's all juiced up.

Skin tags are garbage, man. I respect you. I've never been to a doctor to say like, yo, is this benign? Is this, yeah. But what's going on here? I take them off myself with nail clippers. You do?

I've done that with warts, yeah. All EMD. I've done that with warts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've picked that with warts. What else have we self-surgeryed on? I remember one time I had to take a splinter out of my foot, dude.

It was like the civil fucking war, dude. I was biting on a piece of wood. I had a bottle of J-mo going. Oh, yeah. There was a bloodbath. Right in the letter to your fiance. My head was wrapped up. Dear Gertrude.

Holy shit. All right, no skin tags. Hamsters are killing you. Have you ever been on a cruise? Never, no. OK. No cruises. But cruises are like fucking Ladi Die went on from.

Cruises are like a real thing. They're so much more expensive than a real land holiday. Wow, really? They're very expensive. Because you're trash here. I think the pandemic has, the debate on a cruise is over. I don't know if you've been dabbling in this new trash phenomenon of just day trading.

Have you guys been risking it all on like? I have. I saw you have been. This guy's putting it all on fucking black. It's taking the world. I'm day trading. I'm Robin Hood. I'm going reckless, dude.

And people are asking me, like, why did you pick them? I go, just I like the name. Yeah, great. I love it. Yeah, there's a lot of. Are you winning? Are you winning? Are you earning anything?

I was doing great yesterday. And then the Russians fucked me today. Why? What the Russians did? The Russians came out and said they cured fucking COVID. Oh, that's right. So then Putin came out and said he's got a fucking vaccine. It's only fantastic.

He just said that the fucking. So I have like a pharmaceutical stuck. They also said that they're on the way to cure and the type of thing. So then they're stuck. So they plummeted. Because, yeah. Yeah, and now, now.

God damn, Russians do it again. Did they? That's, he's fucking full of shit. No, he's full of shit. He said his daughter took it already. He's full of shit. There's no fucking way a fucking leader of Russia is just testing out shit on his daughter.

On his daughter, yeah. She just comes in. Russia, dude, Russia can do it. You can test it on all of the population before it got to his daughter. Yeah, no, I checked it on my daughter. I promise. We're all good.

Do you, did you gamble at any point? Are you a gambler? I used to be a big horses guy. Oh, that's real trash. I respect the ponies, don't they? I used to, you know what I used to do is, the problem was, we used to, we'd go, because we had, bookies are legal.

That was another, that was one of my follow-up questions. I spent a lot of nights in those fucking back TVs. No, they're like proper casinos kind of. You walk in, there's like fucking 50 screens, and then there's like, you've got all the sports all over the world. You can bet on anitin, you write it out on your little ticket.

Little ticket. It's always attached to a bar. So every bar or pub in Ireland has a bookies beside it. So you can spend the whole day Sunday going in every hour, just fucking doing it. Betting and drinking. Who's collecting that money? Is it mob or is it legit?

No, it's legit. This is legit, yeah. The only thing would be that the mobsters would go in there and they'd bet on every horse, so that they'd have a winning ticket, and then they could legalize their money. Even though they'd lose a lot of their bets, they'd be able to go.

Oh, look, I won $100,000 here or whatever. Even though they lost $200,000 across the spread or whatever. But what happened to me, we used to do the soccer bets, and then one time I just went in, I bet money on a horse. Only like two Euro, and I was like 15, and I came in and I got like 60 fucking Euro. Oh, that's such a good number. And everyone in the bookies was like,

who's this little fucking fruit fucking came in here? And I thought it was the greatest thing in my life. He's an old man with beard and smoking. And then I just had to get into the horses, and then we used to skip school all the time. So I'd go into school for the first- Skips trash, by the way. High school, yeah.

I'd go into for the first- Skipping fucking skipping school to go to the track. That's fucking trash. That's fucking trash. Yeah, so we'd go into the morning, and then I'd talk to one of the teachers, knew his way around the horses. So I'd go-

Go his way around the horses. This guy is garbaggio. Yeah, we took a fucking left. What's that second butt light started sinking in? You dropped the act. Yeah. Yeah, the accent came back. It's got a Jeff Cap on it.

Little Newsy. You fucking cunts. It's got a 32 pointed at us under the table. Holy shit. You didn't even go to that- Hot school. So you go, no, so in Ireland, you'd have to go to each different class

for a different subject. I don't know if it over here. Yeah, same thing. Okay, same thing. So you'd go to the first class, and then when that would end, you'd go find that teacher, and I'd talk to him about who he liked for the day,

and then I would just jump over a wall out of the school, or just run out of the building, go over to the bookies, and then just sit there all day, just in my uniform, just play some bets. Just play some bets. Yeah, yeah. Holy shit.

Talking to all these old guys, you'd run back maybe for an important class that you couldn't skip, and then run back out again. Holy shit. It's like fucking Goof Belly shit. Fucking peachy blighters over here. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, yeah, I'd have to blow up a lot of cars, and then just show them to the internet. What's the matter, when you ain't got no ponies left, you blow to joy. Yeah. Holy shit. Yeah, we had the bookies.

So then I just stopped one time. I thought it was becoming a problem, actually. So I just stopped. I dabbled for a long time, too. No, I'm back on the fucking. Back on the Robin Hood app. I'm back in the Robin Hood for day trading, yeah. It seems a little classier.

But yeah, but I know what I'm doing. I know what I'm doing with people. He doesn't know what he's doing. He just blamed it on the Russians. He doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. Nah, all these other idiots don't know what they're doing. I fucking... I can't think the Russians came up

with a vaccine for anything. All right? We used to do, I don't know if I ever told a story in here, we used to bet, it was right when, like online bet, like our bookie that we used in high school, set up a fucking,

set up a, oh, look at this, fucking Johnny on the spot. Thank you, brother. Thank you, Brian. This is great. Colin needs to come more often. Bring him beers. Fuck you, yeah.

When's the coke coming out? Hey, man. I'll tell you the real story. So our bookie had a website where you could go and play Spets, but it was just like his website. It wasn't like a big thing. It was just like Mark's home.

Just a square space. It was real fun. Mark's a legal betting. Totally legal. Nothing to see here. Keep it moving.com. So we would go and bet on, we found, my buddy found out that there was a minute lag

between when the results posted from the horse race and when the actual race finished or when it was posted on his website. So some of the races were under a minute. So we could bet, we could, the race would have already finished. Nice. And then we could place the bet after the fucking race.

So we did that a bunch. And then finally, on this guy. On the one guy, but we, so like we did it once on a small bet and we realized, oh, fuck, this works. So then we used to start betting. Some losers, same thing the mob does. You see, you can't just be like,

hey, I put 10,000 on this fucking horse. So we just kept like, fuck, oh, 20 here, 20 there, but like always the big one would fucking win. Nice. And then we finally caught on. Joe Pesci? That's so funny, dude.

He goes, no more fucking horse betting. We're like, all right, all right. It's like, it's like Ocean's 11 style. Hey, gotta get lucky sometimes. Oh, you know what I mean? I'm gonna hack the mainframe. We realized we got a 60 seconds. It's fucking.

The guy's on the phone, gonna be five seconds. Guys, you gotta give it to me. What is it? All right, a couple of personal questions here. I think this is pretty trashy though. I do it. Do you spit ice back into your glass? Wow, that is a garbage movement.

I love it. Sucking on the ice and spitting it back in the glass. T-Rash! I have done it. I don't do it regularly, you know? I don't intentionally go, I'm gonna suck on some ice and spit it back in,

but for some reason, some ice ends up in my mouth. Stop it. If it's bagged ice, if it's the cylinder ones, ooh, that's clean living right there. I'll pay you that. Bagged ice is good? Yeah, bagged ice is good. Oh, yeah.

Do you have, this is a question. Do you have ice in your freezer currently? Yeah. Ice trays? Yeah, silicone, bitch. Ooh. I've got a lot. Oh, that's pretty good.

So that they don't break. And we got different sizes. Big ones. You got big ones for like the whiskey or whatever? Exactly, yeah. Like the real? Yeah, well, I've been a bar, I've been a bartender.

The big guy's coming back! I've been a bartender now for like a few years since I worked here, since I moved here. So then I make a lot of cocktails and things like that. So I tried to make the best cocktails I can. So I got the big ones, and then I got spherical ones too. Ooh.

Circle. I got the big squares. The circle is something else. The big squares are great as well, even for a fucking iced coffee or some shit, cause they don't melt, you have them for ages, yeah. Yeah. All right, that's a fucking...

But you know, the real good ice, now that's only whatever ice. The best ice is you gotta make these giant blocks and then you cut them in half so then they're completely see-true. Because when the ice freezes, half of it's cloudy, the top of it's clear. That's how you cut it, and then you use that.

Cloudy stuff are shaking, and then the clear one is to make your cocktails fucking, oof. Wow. Yeah. All right, this guy's making a run. He's like, fucking, here comes sunshine. In the fourth corner, baby, let's go!

I got a sawbuck on Don Dio. Do I? Do I? Collie Boy making a run. Fucking heating up. Well, when it comes to booze, yeah, I like... That could just be a trashy mentality. It's just a boozy thing.

Yeah, I've learned that people forgive drinking if you sort of bring it up a bit. Yeah, yeah, for sure, if there's a little pizzazz to it, people are like, oh, this is way around ice cubes. It's really just a fucking booze bag. He's a mixologist, they're a good company. Exactly, I know these are shit right now, but normally I've been drinking a lot of fucking fancy pants.

IPAs? IPA, crap beer. A couple of big IPAs. What do you drink them? What do I drink? Yeah, IPAs, double IPAs, I'll drive all over the place, I'll go get these, and I'm part of this app where you check them in, the untapped app.

Yeah, but it's like... Tap, right? Yeah, but before, I was just skullin' fucking... Yeah, shotgun and fucking... James, yeah, exactly, Miller. Actually, Miller Highlife, a lot of time, actually. Oh, yeah. Shot the Highlife.

I think Highlife is a fucking... Awesome, man. A couple of those, ice cold, fucking beer. Really? Fucking is a solid fucking beer, yeah. That reminds me, the funniest thing, I went to, the one day I was like, oh, I'm gonna do a tourist thing when I was in Dublin,

I was like, oh, I'm gonna go to the fucking Guinness factory. Yeah, nice. So we get up to that, what do they call it, the gravity bar or the fucking 360 thing? So there's like a 360... It's a 360 view, and I get up there, and I'm like, you redeem your ticket for a beer. And I lost my ticket somewhere along the fucking walk,

so I'm like, I'll just get two, like I'll just hang up there and have two fucking Guinness. Like, yeah, you can't buy beers here, you can only redeem your ticket for one. I'm like... Oh my God. I just walked through your fucking two hours of how this bullshit's brewed,

just give me a fucking... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I won't want that, but I should be able to buy one anywhere, it's here. Yeah, yeah. And they're like, no, we don't sell them. So I had to go outside, and I ended up in like this second oldest pub in Dublin,

like right next to it. I know, yeah, the brazen head? I might have been, I forgot the name of it. Solid, yeah. So I'm in there, and it's just like all these old timers, and the one guy, they're just like, they're all breaking each other's balls, it's during the day, and it's just me.

And the one guy ordered a Budweiser, and they all started calling, I'm like, they all started shitting on him, like, oh, fancy, bitch, drink it is import. I was like, ah, this is fucking great. I'm like, meanwhile, that's a fucking piece of shit beer. Budweiser's a fucking inexpensive beer. Yeah, it's an expensive beer,

it's like an extra dollar or whatever, because it's too crazy. I know, right? Yeah, so we get... It was on the nexus of the universe over there. I'm drinking that in high school. We drink cheap German shit, Polish shit, things like that. Really?

That's where you get the cheap stuff. Do you have a Lowenbrow over there? Never even heard of it. Carlsbob, what, Carlsbob? Carlsberg? No, Carlsberg's okay. Yeah, Carlsberg's okay. That's why we were drinking a lot of that.

But it's still Budweiser's expensive, so I grew up thinking Budweiser was like... Fancy high stuff. You just don't even know. Yeah. You just go by the prices. I hope so. And just assume.

And do it one day you... You get here and it's fucking cheap-ish shit, yeah. Yeah, for sure. All right, we're in the home stretch here. All right. Little bit of a rebound. All right. A lot of it's smoking mirrors.

Yeah, I'm still leaning trash. I don't get what kind of ice trades you got. You're fucking going to the track in high school. That's not... And then going back to school, then back to the OTB. That's like all-time trash, dude. And who's this fucking teacher? Yeah, like Lucky Boy, you're the fourth.

Mr. Costello, his name was. Mr. Costello. I wonder if I can find him on Facebook. What he's doing? There's no way he's still a teacher. He's just one of those guys. It's not after this comes out. He'd be fucking drunk and wearing flip flops or something.

That's good. And you're like, what the fuck is wrong with you, dude? He's playing it fast and loose. Yeah. Do you currently own a drone? No. Okay. Not bad.

All right. How do you feel about imitation crab meat? We wouldn't even know if I was eating it. Good answer. Would not even know. Wait, what do you mean? Well, you mean like crab meat like in a tuna can? Is that the way it goes?

No, they sell fake crab meat. Like on a California roll. I don't know. I've never had it. Yeah. That's a stumper. I don't know if it's garbage, you're not garbage. I know, that's not good.

No, that's fucking class. No, but I- Imitation crab meat's shitty. But I'm saying I could probably order crab meat. No, no. And you could give me imitation and I'd be like, oh, is this kind of what crab meat is? I've only ever had it a handful of times in my life, maybe.

Yeah, all right. Interest. I think I only just had crab meat for the first time like two months ago at like some sort of a cookout bullshit thing. It's pretty trashy. Is it? Get this guy out of here.

Snow crab legs. Snow crab's a little different. Snow crab's different. That's a fucking delicacy. It's kind of like lobster roll, is it? Yeah. Yes. But it's fake.

What is it? It's ground up fish flavored to taste like crab. It's the fucking most insane food product in the world. It's actually fish, but they call it crab meat. And he eats it like it's fucking- Is it good? Going out of style. No, try it.

I'll get back to you then. I've never had it. It's like $1.99 at your supermarket. Just ask what I hold the dirt ball. Trashy, yo. Hey, where do the scumbags chop? Yo, did we see a bunch of fat guys in Traxxas around here?

They have the kids this weekend. Where's the crab meat and whiffle ball bats? What's the story? I got one more here, dude. Anybody in your family have tattoos? If so, what are they? I'm the only one. Oh, what do you got there?

This isn't going to be good. It's not good. It's the way his facial expression. It's not good. No, it's not good. No. Just one? It's one of the hamsters.

I got two. What parts of your body? Because I don't currently see them. One's on my chest, and the other one's just on the top of my leg. OK. Yeah. What are they?

One of my chest says, Carpe Diem. Oh, my god. That's it. Cut it. Print it. Garbage. Is it in that shitty blue ink? It's in a, it's green for Ireland, represent.

And then it's in some weird Latin, it's in some New Times Roman style thing. Do you want to see it? I'll just show it. It sucks. I got it when I was like 18, and I was like, yeah, this is it. This will let them all know I'm cool. So here it is, here, look.

Oh, that's fine. You see it? Oh, man. Dude, that looks like it's from fucking Microsoft Word. Looks like it's off a menu. Oh, my god, yeah, it's bad. That's no good, dude. Yeah, I got to get rid of that.

Wow, that's tough. Yeah, but I got it. In fairness, the only you've saved, most people don't. You're saving grace. I know, I know. But in Ireland, most people don't know what it means. So it's kind of like, what is that? So you got a little mysterious story to it.

It's just like a foreign word, and then I can explain, you know. Seems like you're well-read or something. It doesn't actually mean. Kind of, and then it's not until I remember fucking sleeping with American girls, and then I take off my top, and they just start laughing in my face. This is the most cliche. Yeah, because I saw Dead Poets Society, fuck.

I'll captain my captains. It's the other one I have. You got roses or red on your back. What's the one on your leg? I was just a little stick man, I got. Just random, yeah, just. Just a random dumb stick man I got, I was on it. That's more respectable.

I got it in Chinatown when I was on Acid. Ah, there you go, at least there's a story to it. Now we're classin' it up, what the fuck, Jesus Christ. Oh, I ended up high. Got it in Chinatown. I mean, you had me, all right, let me weigh in here. I thought you were fucking class. The childhood seemed class, your family seems pretty fucking,

you know, you seem like you come from good stock. Especially your mom. Your mom seems like she runs a tight good ship. Yeah. And then kind of when you start to make a decision to yourself, you kind of start to unravel it a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Once I got the freedom to fuck things up, you're right.

I need to go to school to go to the fucking OTB then going back to school to get tips then going back to the OTB. Yeah, when you say it like that, yeah. Did you graduate with good grades? Yeah, I did all right, yeah. For that school? Yeah, I did pretty good.

You guys have SATs over there or no? No, I guess you study for, just an exam. You gotta at least go to Canada or something. You gotta travel. You gotta SATs? First you ask them what the fucking McDonald's meant. You just like, I don't know if they have US standardized tests. What are you, Yankees Mets?

What is it? So what's double? Is that Yankees or is that all the G-Train? How do you get there, you fucking idiot? Oh, man. International garbage. International. 100%.

Yeah, I figure. But the best kind. The best. Nice. Fucking. Brings beers? What's better than fucking that? Who shows up empty handed?

Everybody has to show up fucking empty handed. Who shows up empty handed? This guy comes fucking GIFs and he's like the three wise men. Put lights, all right? Not the best, but what a buddy. I'm watching my gallery. Put lights, erasing form and cocaine. Yeah, it's an appetizer.

Still GIFs. Nice. Oh my god. Buddy, thank you so much. I appreciate it. Thanks for having me. What do you want the folks out there to know? You got anything coming up?

Direct them. Right now, no, fuck all. Just go over to my YouTube channel. I call them Theral. Please just subscribe to it. I'm trying to build it up. You know what I mean? And so that's it.

I'm trying to just create a place where I can fucking be hardcore. Hard real ass. Real ass. Real ass. It's the only real ass. He's the last real ass podcast, everybody. That's it, yeah.

I love it. Kip, what do you got? Just as always, I am at Kevin Ryan Comedy on all social media. Please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Also, full video available on YouTube. And also shirts are available this week. For this week only. Garbaggio shirts and clean living shirts.

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We appreciate you guys. We love you guys. Call them. This was fucking. Yeah, man. Such a good time. This was awesome. Thank you, buddy.

Thank you so much. We loved having you. And we love all you guys out there. And we will see you next week. Peace.