Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Cops Under the Influence! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Episode Date: September 22, 2025Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come t...o a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: Better Help: Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/GARBAGE Factor: Eat smart at https://FactorMeals.com/garbage50off and use code garbage50off to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year. Pretty Litter: Right now save 20% on your FIRST order and get a free cat toy at https://PrettyLitter.com/garbage. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Calling Seattle, Portland, San Fran, Braia, California.
The boys are coming west, baby.
We're taking the Oregon Trail out to the left coast, and we're coming to see you.
Grab the squad and come on out.
Yeah, if you're a dirtbag, we need you there, baby.
All tickets available at are you garbage.com.
See you there.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage,
the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there,
and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is R.U. Garbage.
Oh, yeah.
So our little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians
and we find that to get to be classy.
Yeah.
Or if they're just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here with Tootie's in the new edition.
She's going to be starting physical therapy tomorrow.
Okay.
Got her back blowing.
out last night my cause is coming at you from across the table that deserved a lot more
what the fuck dude you are you are a killer right there i left i'm surprised last comic
standing's not called me but not i'll be in a writer's room he is the CEO of are you garbage
he is international businessman let me tell you right now despite what just happened my best pal
in the whole lot you can't put that on me i'd want to have in the fox first guy you're dude you're
all over the road today first guy
one I have in the foxhole.
Last guy I'd want to leave the foxhole.
He didn't show up late to the foxhole for being on.
He left.
He left me a couple of heaters.
My good pal.
Kevin, James Ryan.
Hey, what up, gang.
Shout out to you.
As always, thanks for tuning in.
Please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Also, full video available over there on Spotify.
And I got to be honest, I had a new guy Luke.
Look up the tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.
Pull up the numbers over there coming in across the wire.
And check in a minute.
The ticker tape.
Those numbers are free.
freaking nice
big numbers over there
Spotify is hot on the kids like you shout out to it baby
and then obviously the greatest website of all time
www. www. patreon.com so I'm sorry garbage
you go over there you get all that bonus content
gang I'm talking up to two
episodes a week in addition to the
two that we do on YouTube
plus you get all the episodes from the last four or five
years I've taught
a couple of a jillion hours worth of content over there
very good stuff and gang we're here for what we call
a family episode just the boys
the bozos and the homies just to what we like
Like, and before we get to start, we always need to do a little something.
I like to walk the office a little bit, grab a little water into water cooler,
cruise by the old corner office.
That's a quick cruise by.
Yeah.
When Mr. Lucie resides over there, just walk by, knock on the door.
Hey, hey, hey, don't kid, good to see you, good weekend, all that kind of stuff.
You know what I mean?
Do you have the numbers for me?
What numbers?
Oh, is that how it is?
Is that how it is?
Man, I'll put you back in the fucking mail room.
You're kidding me?
I don't care who your dad's golf buddies are.
I'm telling you that right now.
I'm a little brat.
Have you bringing me my sandwiches?
I think I'm going to take orders from a guy half my age.
I'll do it.
Think I'm going to take orders from a guy half my age?
It doesn't way more money than me, huh?
Keep them checks coming.
I'll do it.
I mean, you like your sandwich.
Good to see you, pal.
Good to see you, too.
Very nice.
How are they doing?
I was just trying to get his vacation approved, if we're being honest with you.
Trying to get an advance on his salary and get a vacation approved.
That's what he's doing.
Hey, what's up, Mr. Dempsey?
How are you doing?
How do kids are you going down the shortest weekend?
I got a bachelor party in Charleston.
next week. What do you want for me? He's a good friend of mine.
Brought me a coffee and some Zins.
Yeah. I brought you a log
as you kids called the other day.
Company dime. Yeah, I figured I'm paying
for that. I'm paying half of that.
But that keeps him happy. And you want
him happy. He can buy his own
fucking, he can buy his own thing. He's well
compensated. Well compensated. Don't
forget that. You got all those goddamn computer screens
in front of you. You're going to use... Datsy Group does
well. Dempsey Group does
well. Your trash is our trust
fund. Your trash is our trust fund.
The Dempsey group.
I wanted to bring this up to both of you.
Not that you didn't know this, all right?
But I really, okay, they say that you age, like, I don't know.
I can't remember what it is, but it's like you notice a difference in your age and like
when you're 20, like when you're 20, something, some age like that or some breaking down
like that.
Okay.
There's actual times where you see the transition.
Uh-huh.
And I think I've crossed over into one a little bit.
Okay.
You know what I mean?
despite my um overweight appearance okay different than that i've noticed that like my eyes are changing a
little bit you know what i mean they're starting to get a little bit older okay right and like my
skin is starting to get a little bit older and the thing that i wanted to to to break out to you
is uh the hair situation yours yes not not not not here this is i mean come on we'll take
we also take this at a fucking bank they'll give me a loan on this thing i don't know okay
Really?
I think it's a little straggly.
Listen, I'm,
this might come off as me being a hater,
being that I ain't got great hair.
It's not that.
I've always been a champion of your positive assets.
I've also been a critic of your negative assets.
Very critical.
Which are very, very overwhelming.
Yes.
I don't want you to judge me on my wins.
I want you to judge me my losses.
Because I have so many.
Judge me on my flaws because I'm mostly flaws.
Yeah.
No, I, listen, it's been better.
It's a good head.
a hair you're you're getting a little gray got a little streaky get a little long get a little gross
getting a little you know that's all i'm saying i could use like a good perm blow out i've been really
thinking about getting blow your back out would you guys like that if i got a perm i'm not really i mean i don't
know sure what i need i mean i don't really care what you do with your hair it's just not that great
anymore what i need at the right time which i think will be around the end of this year to go
to find some nice joint downtown you know nice salon and go go get a go get a real get a wash
a shampoo.
I don't understand why you don't just go do that tomorrow.
Why don't you do that tomorrow afternoon or Thursday or whatever?
Because I would like to earn that.
I would like to be in a little bit better physical shape until I do that.
Can I give you something?
It might make you feel a little better.
You walk up and make you put you in a better mood.
Make you make me even more better steps.
First part of feeling goods look good.
I don't want to be the fat guy walking around with the hairdo.
But you'd rather be a fat guy walking around with a hair do than a fact guy walking around with all bad gear and stuff.
It's not that.
Not the hair.
It's the other places.
with the hair.
Am I?
Okay.
The ear hair.
Oh.
Dude.
Do you have that yet?
Little.
I mean, just like a one or two, not, not an, a non-issue.
Dude.
But I find it more and more.
Sucks.
Yeah.
I just don't, why is that a thing?
It's protection, right?
Is it?
Yeah, I mean, I think hair is mostly protection.
So what?
I'm getting older, so it thinks that I need more hair?
It's like vines growing around an old house.
Yeah, I've protecting that old brick and stuff.
like that you know what I mean
expose them hardwood floors
it's kind of funny
you bring that up because I had it hit
me the other day I caught a glimpse
of my hog
and I got to tell you it's
an old man hog
I don't know if it's the baby
or just stress lack
of sleep or now that I have a baby
there's like some like I'm now
I now view my hog
differently old man's penis it's an older
I used to have a young
I used to have a fucking tight sack, a spry, spry a little zinger.
A little, you know, a little zinger on you, a little, you know, a little zinger on you, a little, you know, a little pep in his step.
I, dude, this is like a one-eyed fucking, got a bit of a cough.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm up, I'm up.
Nothing, but it was just like one or two extra wrinkle.
I'm like, what the hell is you?
I caught him like, that ain't good.
That's, you know, he's just beat up, weathered man.
Sitting in his chair in the dark watching the news.
the TV dinner
Yeah
That's, you know
Waiting on his son to call
Or something like that
Sleeping in the recliner
Yeah
Just rest of my eyes
I'm just rest of my eyes
Yeah
I had that too
It was definitely like a
Who man
Getting there baby
Getting older baby
It's really time
It's really now the time
To start
I don't know
But
What?
What?
Excuse me?
Shut
It's scary to think about
Boy, getting older, you're 50, dude
That's crazy
I'm 49, dickhead
All right
You've lived the life of a
150 year old
You're like fathered, you're like a wizard
Fucking guy over here
Cut you up and count the rings
Like a vampire
I've been alive before the age of men
I'd love that
What?
To be one of those guys
A vampire?
Yes
Why?
Just sleep all the time
Sleep during the day
Suck dudes
Dudes
You do sleep during the day
And at night
You're sleeping a lot
But I like the idea of being
Omnipotent
Does the right word?
Somewhat
Being a rat
Knowing or all present
Well like if you're
I wouldn't be able to do it now
But if like I became a vampire tomorrow
Okay
Hold on let me get there
Okay
Yeah all right
I'm with it
It took me a second
If I became a vampire tonight
watch my last sunrise
probably down in New Orleans
that's where they get me
that's just from interview
with the vampire
watch my last sunrise
to go through all that shit
get up on my vampire
in like 400 years
just think all the cash I'd have
I'd know everything
I'd speak every language
you do nothing
You think I would still stink?
Yeah I would still stink
See this is
This is your problem
This is your problem
you're now living in such a fantasy role where you're like if I was a vampire
I'd be and I had 400 years to get my act together first of all you gotta be magic
you need 400 years and then you go imagine how much cash I'd have zilch you'd blow you'd have
you'd have 400 years to blow it that's what you would do you would blow it
but I could just steal it you'd be fatter you can't get out it during a day
you can't eat I count I think I eat regular shit you'd figure it out
Do vampires eat regular food?
You would stay the exact same as when you changed.
Oh, I can't lose weight?
Unless you, no.
The hell can a vampire can't fly?
You're only like six inches off to ground.
Uh, I, listen, uh, you'd be pale as shit and you need color because when you get pale, it's bad.
You don't want to be a vampire.
My skin don't look good.
The face don't look good now.
I need a little collar look good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So you, listen.
I don't think that's, I don't think, I don't think there's a right career move for you right now.
All right.
Let's run up by our suits.
Maybe a gargoyle.
Yeah, something like that.
Freeze me in the, in the, turn me in the stone for about a thousand years.
And then what?
I don't know, go get something neat.
Imagine that stretch it.
All right.
Let's quit screwing around.
Yeah, we got a gosh darn family episode on our hands, gang.
As you know, we may or may not be vampires at the.
the moment as you when you join the old
Patreon we'll answer your garbage question
on the air
um and let's friggin'
get into it um
all right this one's uh this one's
from Jacob long time $10
absolute class but love and
observe trash
this is my first time question
okay
but then okay this one
is it garbage to have decoy
nice things visible in hopes
that if you get robbed they won't search for the
good stuff.
My dad has a decoy $20
mini safe that's very visible
in his room and fake jewelry box
on his dresser to distract from
his real money stash hidden in a box
full of old t-shirt. I'm not hearing this guy's fucking
shit out in his
closet so if someone breaks in
they'll steal the decoy and his cash
is safe. I refer to the buy him a real
safe that bolts into the wall, but he said
that's too obvious. I got
that is, I never
liked them. Not that I have that many
valuable things except them jeans
cool guy jeans which
I think was right down the middle
that was like a 50 50
split split
you look good in them
trying to get that vacation approved
I do
I always thought that if you see a safe it's like
well then I'll just if somebody
breaking in your house and you know
I don't think a safe
is not gonna keep looking
you're gonna keep looking
Just because you don't grab the first jewelry box on top of the thing
And the fake little safe there
I think you're looking then gets I think you go I've gotten something good
I'll give a quick toss
But you're not looking you're already you gotta think that time's on
I've never fucking broken it I've never fucking be a clock calling out clock's running
Yeah so you're not like you know you're going all right I got something that looks pretty good
I got people are on drugs though uh yeah I mean
I would I they're not spay
Unless they're like, you know, it's like an art heist or something, they're fucking in and out of there.
They're not like wandering around.
Yeah, you might get the guy who's all in fucking goofballs who makes a sandwich or whatever.
But also to for just that reason, for your entire life, every day you have a fake jewelry box just sitting on your thing just in case the one time you get robbed.
That's crazy. I respect that.
Yeah.
And the chances you get robbed are zilch.
Like, I mean, how many people actually get a fucking B&E?
Yeah.
You know, 0.01% or something?
That sounds like an awesome
That's crazy
Sounds like a fun hang
That's a good time
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah we never
We never
I always was big into hiding spots
As a kid
Hide my fucking
Cigs, my lighters
Before I was a lot of have lighters
Bubblecum
Uh
Weed stuff like that
I always had really good ones
Remember Red Dog the beer
Yeah
That merch was big
On Wildwood boardwalk
They were giving out stuff down
I'm like
That was the big
thing if you can get a big red dog.
Yeah?
And I fucking gutted the middle of it.
Oh.
I kept my seat so you hid that.
What?
The stuff that animal.
I didn't want to hit my buddies to see what I was snuggling with.
I mean, it's just a little bad-ass dog.
I'm sure I've asked you.
You never had a, like, a teddy bear.
No, not really.
Not that, I mean, I'm sure as a kid, like.
Hug the carton of heaters.
We had those little wrestling guys, but that was.
like that was like more to like wrestle with oh not remember the wrestling like stuffed animals
that's what i'm talking about oh really they were like yeah i had the ultimate well i think we had
me danny had the ultimate warrior and i had sting maybe i believe it's probably a ploy for my dad
to try to you know enjoy his house more i'm like here's the coolest toy at the moment
fucking bam take that uh so we had those but like i mean i had a blanket that i remember that was about
it sleeping bag marlborough miles
no uh i remember that
but like that was like my thing i had like a blankie as
a kid you know what i mean i had bunny and george
the fuck is bunny and george
my stuffed animals
what are they
it was the little bunny and then a guy named curious george
oh curious george why do you say that you're for what are you his friend
i called him bunny and george wait wasn't curious george
the monkey yeah so but you was a guy or a monkey
did you have the guy from curious george you had the guy in the yellow you had andy
you had andy or whatever his name
name was he didn't have a name whatever it was just a man in the yellow hat probably
it was shady shit it was the man in the yellow man lived with a monkey that's weird that and i
never got the guy from fucking uh from garfield either oh that dude's deal got a job or something
will you fucking hanging out with this cat go get some pussy he tried to yeah the cat never liked
anybody scared a broads away i think he was a he was a uh the music writer the guy john yes from
Garfield.
John bum knuckles?
Turnbuckle.
Arbuckle.
Turnbuckle.
That was my take you back to my ultimate warrior days.
I think he was a composer or something like that.
Or a piano teacher or something.
That shit missed me.
Talking cat with the lasagna.
Did you like Heathcliff?
That was a little before my time.
Like, you know, like.
That was like.
Heathcliff was already a little personality.
Yeah.
I didn't mess with any of that, really.
I remember.
I remember.
but it wasn't like my
it wasn't my cup
go to you yeah
bunny and George
so you had a bunny
that you just called bunny
a random bunny
yeah and then you had George
Curious George
Curious George and they were
so you called them Bunny and George
that was my guys
goddamn adorable
Bunny and George
it sounds like a 70s duo
yeah
that's not bad
way too late
really yeah
what's too late
a couple weeks ago
like
like 11 like it was like
you're hiding it from your friends
1112
I never guys
I mean like it's part of the big
joke is that like my childhood was like very stunted but like dude that's what 11 year old like
you know 11 that's not too late man for stuff for stuffies yeah it is yeah what did you do
what you shit in the uh and i hit my shit in the fucking red i fucking gutted him but you had to keep
the integrity because if he if he looked empty that you'd be jammed up but i forget some sort
of i built some inner structure to maintain the outward form so he didn't look
compromised. I kept my, probably heaters and probably a little dine bag or some couple
bag of shiggots I would get. Right? Yeah, keep them in there. Smoked a little doobie. Yeah,
not that. I mean, I wasn't a big reefer head. Uh, but I panic. I freak out. I'm a little
high strung. But, uh, yeah, we keep it in there. And then like that was, because that was like,
that branding was so cool at the time. That wasn't a stuffed animal. That was beer merchandise.
Right. That was. I wasn't. I wasn't.
and stuffy and George.
That was like, this guy's fucking, let's walk.
This guy's got a bar.
Yeah.
He's drunk drunk.
Yeah.
Exactly.
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So, yeah, that was, that was, that was one of my go-to hiding spots.
I always lost, I was very big on that all.
You ain't going to find this shit.
Wouldn't be able to find anything on me.
Straight.
Just a pocket.
That's it.
Just a shirt pocket.
Wouldn't even know this shirt.
I wouldn't even know to look.
You don't even know the shirt had pocket.
But that, I would go back.
That is the place every, it's everybody, I've done it.
You think the shirt pocket hanging in the,
It's got to be in the bottom of the dirty hamper or something like that.
You ain't getting me.
If it's in the closet, that's getting found.
You know what I also do?
I have a jacket.
No one knows where it is.
But I have a jacket.
Still at the store.
I have a jacket that I never wear that I've taken one of the pockets.
And I slit the pocket open.
And I put stuff in there and then move it around into the jacket.
Move it around into the jacket.
I'm sorry.
When you rip open a pocket, it goes into the jacket.
jacket into the inside of the jacket and just moving around to the back of the jacket that's it
you wouldn't even know you'd check the pockets oh you cut the inside of a jacket yes huh okay
you like that nah seems like a lot come by see what you find nothing the last thing i want to do
is to start rooting around your apartment we should do that no we shouldn't that would be great no
see if you can find my hiding spot life i could find yours straight to your underwear drawer
Nothing here
I'm like
There's a big safe
You walk right by it
Where are your drawers at, Kip
Yeah
Okay
I respect that craziness
A good hidey
A dirtbag loves a
I think classy people
To have a safe deposit box
Something something
Their stuff's insured
Hey I don't care
You know whatever
I want to get one of those
What?
Safe deposit box
Yeah me too
Yeah just to have one
I take the key right
Yeah yeah
the key no you have the key and they don't look what's in there they can't
wouldn't people be hiding drugs and shit like that in there think that I mean I'm assuming
uh I doubt drugs because if you're I think it's like money I think people would have I think
it's like money and documents but like I jewels I don't think drugs makes sense I mean if you're
selling drugs you're not like in the business of holding them right so you're not like I
I'll let me go, and it's not that big.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, you can get a bigger one, but like...
Put a beer in there?
I mean, you can put a beer in if you want,
but, like, I mean, if you're going to put drugs in there,
what are you going to then go get them in two days?
Like, that's fucking, it's just a waste of...
Knock it out of the bag at 11 o'clock at night.
Yeah, it's fucking wasted.
Ew!
Can I use this ATM to take out my drugs or my safe deposit box?
I just got to get my comb that I left in there.
I need my birth certificate because I'm traveling.
I need my birth certificate three in the morning.
I'm going to Columbia.
But.
Great question.
Yeah, that's great.
This is from Tommy.
Yo, is it garbage to rip a siggy, shin deep at the water at the beach?
Yeah.
If you're...
Sigs at the beach are becoming taboo.
Yes.
They are.
Sigs, obviously, anywhere in public becoming taboo.
But Sigs at the beach are becoming more and more taboo.
Maybe even prohibited.
Not permitted.
But that's got to be done.
at your chairs.
Yes.
Given you're not like on top of somebody.
That's just me.
I'm a polite.
I tend to be a polite smoker.
I don't want to hinder other people.
I'm not going to be sitting there chain smoking Sigs if there's a, you know,
Sigs at the beach ain't great anyway.
It's not.
I don't know why.
It's sandy.
It's the salt.
It's the salt air.
Wet.
It doesn't bode well.
But a heater in the ocean, you just feel wrong.
I don't.
Then what do you do?
You flicking it in?
I think I remember my dad flicking them in the water.
What?
This is the fucking 90s.
That's so fucked up.
I mean, I've done more fucked up.
Yeah, what the fuck?
Also, aren't they dumping like fucking truckloads of trash in the fucking out in the ocean?
What's a little heater going to do for my dad?
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Fucking needles washing up on a fucking Wildwood's beach.
Remember that?
Were there ever actually any needles that washed up on the beach?
I think so, yeah.
I think that was big in New York specifically.
Like back in the day?
When there was like, they were just dumping to dump.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
It's taken right out of luck.
Needles watching up on the beach.
Uh-huh.
In 2024, needles were and other medical waste were.
I remember this.
Report of washing ashore in Maryland, Delaware, and Virginia.
Medical waste.
Yeah.
So that means that that medical facility, whatever one it was, took it out and dumped it in the ocean.
Yeah.
There was also the syringe tide from 1987 to 88 in Jersey.
That's what I think.
That's the stereotype we remember.
I mean, that's crazy
That a professional
That's so fucked up
That those companies
Well, the medical company
Like the doctor's office isn't
Winging it off to peer
They're fucking it's
You know
They hire a company to take it away
Oh yeah
We'll store it for you
Or get rid of it for you
And they're just dumping it on the ocean
I mean I think that's relatively
Some of that's
Legal or looked up
I mean
Do you ever see like to like the Indonesia and stuff
They just back it up and dump it
I mean
There's that floating island of trash or whatever
I know
Try if they can't get that
It's like the biggest Texas or something like that
I mean how are you going to get if it's the biggest Texas
What can have what fucking boat you're going to take to pick that on
Sure they have a boat that has like nets on it or something
That can scoop that up
And do what with it?
Dump it back in the other ocean
Take it from the Pacific to the Atlantic
I don't know
There's also the thing that like 99% of the stuff you recycle
Ends up in a I don't understand the difference between a land
Are landfills good or bad?
I think generally bad, just, but let me find out.
What else do you do with it?
I think that's the problem,
is that we never figured out what to do with it,
the best way to.
No what?
This is ironic that we're talking about this on RU Garbage,
but there's no proper way to dispose of trash.
You bury it?
Melt it down?
I think that's bad.
Why?
Burning all the trash,
all the plastic and chemis and stuff like that?
That ain't good.
Yeah.
Landfills.
are a mixed bag they're necessary but flawed method of waste management what's the best form of
waste management reduce reuse and recycle how you doing also new addition to toty's here
how do you feel about these what sound great so far it sounds better you're not banging a table
i mean you're still going to figure out ways to do it yeah uh i think it's good it dampens the
sound a little bit it's good very nice i didn't know he's getting leathered too
I thought this was a kippy call
oh yeah yeah
I got it for the hard feelings to do
too getting a set of black ones
blend in because we're banging we're banging like
orangut tangs up here
take a little getting used to
sure I feel like you should have like a felt pen
or something right here
some type of green
okay I don't know why
a felt pen I don't know
like this is like a writing desk now
but it's classy
it is clay it's a clay I mean
I ain't ever had no
friggin' leather place mats?
Very, very classy.
They're plastic.
Feel leather.
The best form of waste management is reduce, reuse, recycle.
Hey.
That's off my website.
Everybody in comedy dark.
Okay.
All right, let's see here.
This one's for a Mochella, $10 hair, homie, never have one read.
Is it garbage key produce bags for future use other than produce?
Those bags stink.
They are too thin.
To do anything.
Just talking about recycling, no.
I don't think you should use those bags at all.
I don't like not using those bags.
There's got to be...
I feel like a pilgrim.
I need my stuff in plastic bags.
I like feeling like a pilgrim.
And also, when you leave your shit in there,
the bird leaves them in all those bags
and then puts them in the fridge and like this moisture builds up inside of it.
No, you got to take them out of the bag.
You got to take them out.
The bag to me is just the vessel...
to get it home to get it in the cart from the cart to the belt from the belt into the bag from the bag into wherever it's going that's how i operate with those thin bags you put them in and it gets real like terrarium type that's what i'm saying yeah all of a sudden there's bugs in here i remember one time i remember eating peanut butter sandwiches out of like you know we were going fucking did a beach or whatever pulling them out of there and like they just didn't hold they're too thin sandwiches fell off
part yeah i've used them to like pick up dog shit and stuff like that and that they're too thin for
yeah when you're jammed oh holy shit you're like that's all you got feel that heat it's also there's a
they got to be colored bags you can if you can see it boogga boga hug feel it a heat in your
finger oh man disgusting fucking dog sitting there looking at you yeah they do in my neighborhood
i think i don't know if they're doing a lot of neighborhoods i was like a new york thing or just like more
local thing they have like the leave a bag type thing around yeah yeah it's nice plastic bags
because you can't really now but there's no one's giving plastic bags out anymore
which man if there's anything more useful sure it's horrible for the you know ends up in the
seal's asshole and the fucking float an ocean and shit like that but the utility of a plastic bag in
your house there's there's nothing better those like thin bags you get
at the grocery store now they're like kind of cloth but disposable they charge a 15 cents or
whatever they're not waterproof they're not airproof like de yours it's just you need that black
or white plastic bag the thank you for being a customer loyal bag anything anything could be clippers
in there dog you're stepping dog shit you got it's something dirty clothes wet clothes fucking
to anything. It was fantastic.
Yeah. I like it.
Dude, I went somewhere yesterday.
Talk about reduced for users. I go, this is last week.
I went to, like, the pharmacy. It was like an independent pharmacy in New York.
And she's like, oh, do you want a bag? And I was like, oh, yeah, that'd be great.
I forget what I was buying, but I guess enough to whatever.
And she gave me, she charged me, 25 cents, like whatever, whatever they charge in New York.
I think it's, you know, 25 cents.
I'm like, yeah, she charged me and then gave me a bag from Target that she's like,
I brought this in from home.
What?
And I was like, it took me a minute because I was, like, getting my stuff.
And I went, do you just sell me something?
I don't care, but if I'm paying the, just give me your target bag.
But it just felt weird that I'm like, your stuff was in here and then I'm putting my.
Yeah.
It was weird.
Didn't feel right.
I wouldn't have done that.
Wait, you're charging me for a bag you brought from home.
It all happened very quick, and I was very tired.
And I needed a bag.
But I walked out being like, fucking Roger stole a quarter from me.
Well, it's weird.
She didn't, because it went into the till.
She just lost a bag.
Yeah.
What a dummy.
Me?
She gave up.
Yeah, I mean, I'm not coming out as fucking Einstein in it.
She gave up her bag for the company.
Yeah.
Yeah, she took her own 25% back, yeah.
Anyway, it didn't feel right, and I felt a graemey.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
A different store giving you a Target bag.
Target bags stink.
I got to push back on that.
Really?
They're a little too small for, like, the utility, but the handles are nice.
I think the reusable bags, the good ones that you pay at a dollar for at the grocery store are.
They're like, they're like plastic kind of.
Yeah.
Those are great.
Great.
They fold well.
They hide well.
Well, they have, but now I don't take them back.
I'm very anti-take-a-bag with me.
That's crazy.
I mean, throwing them out.
That's fucking, we're trying to reduce reuse and recycle here, okay, big guy?
You just throw them out.
Yeah.
Like, right away?
Yeah, right away.
That's crazy.
I mean, like, listen, I'll push back if you put them in a place and you go, I got a bunch of these.
We would have a million of them.
We get them every time.
Huh.
Two every time, I would say, when we go to the grocery store.
Because you usually use two.
Two bags.
You remember your mom going to the grocery, she's trying to be in, like, eight bags?
I've never done that.
Yeah, I just buying, I mean, just buying for a household of fucking people.
Oh, yeah.
There's all eight bags.
Yeah, I remember, like, me and my brother, multiple trips in.
Ugh.
Why did that suck so bad?
That's what I do now.
Why are you such a fucking scumbag?
I do it now.
Multiple trips in from a Tom Big Target guy now.
Big Dad.
I'm dad, got the dad jeans, Target, man.
I have multiple trips.
I just think it's going to be a point where you're asking, you're asking him.
I hate it.
It sucks.
It's your groceries.
It's a lot of his shit.
When you were a kid, you had all that energy to do everything.
As soon as they said, take your shoes off the stairs and bring them upstairs or, you know, your mother's going to be here in a minute.
Get ready.
You got to go get the stuff out of the car.
fog it'd be like a sunday right after breakfast i'm in the middle of fucking three stooges
belly full of eggs toast not much is changed with your resistance to doing stuff if that
bothered you that much as a kid and i just said it bothered you now you turn it on me i do rat
ha ha ha ha you fucking doofes you now sure but it doesn't bother me now that much when i'm in the
car i'm just saying other things your resistance towards things i'm saying yes but when i'm in the car
and i you know i i get back from the store i'm just taking that in with me i'm okay with that and
it's usually one or two bags not that big a deal yeah that's fine it's those tote bags they're real
nice you're heavy i'm sorry you know what sucks though now is i don't mind you can get all
the bags i'll load up every bag clinch it in my b-hole get them in the face and
fingers it's the fucking case of water he got to go back and then there's like two things
of fucking diet cake or whatever and it's that's like the the added trips just to be able to
bring one like like fucking you know what the killer you got to watch the door so the dog
don't get out the killer one back in the day was go get the dog food now oh like a big bag
oh I'm like a 400 pound bag of scribble they used to make that stuff that was like feed that was
like see you fucking have to throw that
big bag on your shoulder? I remember being too
young, too little. Like, I didn't
have enough mass to carry that.
Remember kibbles and bits,
which I don't know if they still make any more, but they had
they had like moist ones in there.
They were like, it was. Yeah, moist
and meaty. Yeah, something like that.
And there was, they were almost like marshmallows.
I remember tasting one of those things.
Yeah. Stuff we used to feed patches. I think it was called
moist and meaty and they were in these little bags and
you would do like two in the morning.
And man,
that one of them would get like kicked under the rug like you know what i mean you'd find it
a fucking couple months later something the smell on that it would make me gag and he starts like
saliva and stuff i don't get that how our sense of smell as species can be so different like
how can a lion go nose deep in it like a dead buffalo's ass and just start grubbing how doesn't that
doesn't that
doesn't the decomposition of
that turns them on
that smell
I mean that's what that's appetizing them
that's what they eat
that you'd probably cook them
a nice fillet
and they go what the hell you
don't you ruin this
good piece
and I had a perfect tea bone here
and then you went and fucking
you did a salt rub on it
the serengette for about two weeks
get some maggots on it
yeah I'll come back
that's the juicy stuff
yeah I just I don't understand that
like how can our sense of smell
be so different and that not like if you're if you're looking like you mean i gave you a comedy answer
with the with the with the with with the with with the with the with the with the with the
scientific answer i don't know if you're your first time watching a program i ain't the guy to
give it to you kibby i'm going to tell you about pretty litter why don't you tell me everything
about pretty litter because i don't touch this stuff because i got a dog but you got a cat i love the
stuff let me tell you this i'm in the uh room where the cat does his business
handles his business meetings her her thank you sorry yeah uh and i'm in the
there, and it's probably been a couple of days since I've dealt, you know, dealt with this chore
that I'm supposed to do. I'm picking up on what you're putting down. And I'm like, I don't smell
anything. It smells great in here. You know why? Pretty little. I don't. It's the best. It's
lightweight. If there's something going on with the cat in her urinary tract, it can give you an indication
that it might be time to get her over to the vet so they can make a medical determination of anything
going on with the cat, which is fantastic.
It's a tiny little early warning system.
Like, hey, take care of the kitty.
I mean, what other brand of kitty litter does that?
She loves it.
It's fantastic.
I don't have to carry you a 50-pound bag up to steps.
The litter comes right to your door.
It's fantastic.
Unbelievable.
Like the big man said, pretty litter's crystals are safe for cats and people alike.
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retailer or go to explore volvo.com because for a while when we were like really hurting not hurting
but like when when when I noticed that the groceries really went hard in the non generic yes
we used to get my dog this dog food that smell was a can that we never that was more 80s
shit it smelled so fucking bad that I remember I got like a drop of it on a on a on a shirt like a
flannel shirt my mom washed it and washed it and I would be able to go and still smell it
like a little like a little cigarette drop up so fuck I don't know what the fuck it was
putrid brutal there's there can't be how does a dog like that that's what I'm saying
they don't know they know they know's a dog's a real hoity if I if I throw a dog a donut
he's gonna eat that that smells good and edible dome but so and if he likes the smell of a donut
like I do.
How can he also...
If this dog's anything like me.
How can they also like the smell of, you know, gross shit like that?
Yeah, I don't know.
It's crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know.
I've never really thought about it that way, but they're also eat kind of, and they're
garbage that they're not, there's nothing gross to them.
It's either appetizing or not appetizing.
The scientific answer is unique gut biomes
What's this guy?
You were asking
Monkey and George over here
Mr. Wizard got up
I didn't ask you
What does that mean?
That's got nothing to your sense of smell
Gut biomes
The intestines of scavengers
contain specialized bacteria
that are resistant to toxins
And help them eating decaying flesh
That's not sense of smell
That's not what makes it appetizing
Does it?
Or maybe appetizing you've got nothing to do with it.
I think this might be a folly ploy to start eating raw animals that he's, you know.
Guys, what the hell's the difference between me and a lion on a Serengetting?
There was a raccoon on the Southern State Parkway a couple days ago.
It looked pretty good.
Legs up in the air.
Yeah.
All right.
Let's see here.
This one's from Willis.
Is it garbage to put bring chairs on a wedding invitation?
My sister's getting married next week and she put bring chairs into cooler of be.
years on the invitation so two ways it's super cash party in the backyard whatever whatever
like barbecue style kind of more of hang totally okay with that if you got me in a
fucking suit if I'm expected to wear a suit and fucking bring furniture I ain't going to
the fucking wedding yeah I do remember people having parties where it was not
like it was a cookout but like bring your lawn chair
I don't I yeah I don't I've never
I've never attended something like that
bring your own lawn chair yeah bring your own lawn chair
just like hang out in the backyard
yeah because people don't have that many
yeah I don't know what that setup would look like though
if it is it just a chill but then like what are you just getting
one big circle I don't know the execution of that
I can see that you ever sat in a big circle like that
yeah the family used to do that a lot
and at the softball games they would do it a lot
so crazy they just hung out so much
when I was a kid like
that's what parents did they just hung the fuck out
they would all get together and drink
that be yeah
people are doing that
yeah I know I know yeah
I just don't see it
sure
uh my uncle
my uncle Mike was telling me
and we were talking
he's got uh he's got a place down the shore
and in their, they call it the courtyard.
So they have like the house.
He bought like an old house.
And behind it there's like two, one bedroom little, you know, units.
And they have like a little patio, a little concrete patio.
And a little bit, you know, on the side of that, that's in the back.
And then on the side of the house, it was like a patch of grass that they put above ground pool in.
And my cousin Mikey, who helped build the addition here, built a bar, like a tiki bar.
And they was a fucking po.
They'd watched, they had a TV on the tiki bar.
they'd watch the Phil's games in the summer in the pool
fucking reaching over, grabbing beers, drinks in a teakie bar.
Great, great North Wild Woodhang.
Nothing's better than an above-ground pool, tiki bar, Phil's going.
Sure.
Having beers.
But then, I think that this is, you know, between,
they had to get a new above-ground pool.
And order to do that, they had to remove the old one
and then, like, put sand down or whatever, something.
So they had sand.
and then the pool was delayed
to getting put in so for like three weeks
it was just sand
and we had beach chairs in there
so you'd go over
you're in flip flop to beach
and I remember he's like dude I think about that
because I was looking at him like
we were all sitting there he's like everybody's like
fucking going but you know
and he's going I said to him
and I remember he's like
I went why are you putting a pool in
we're fucking
chilling right like we're chilling at the beach and we're not on the beat you got all the good
stuff of the beach tutsies are in the sand i'm putting heaters out scooping them brushing them over
you know what i mean i'm like we're vibing right in a big ashtray yeah what the hell and he's like
dude i think about how great those those three weeks of that summer where like everybody would
just go over there's 15 20 chairs all in a big circle just hanging and not a care in the world
Tolly nuts as far as the eye can see
They don't sell to go, right?
No
During the pandemic they were
I didn't have one tolling nut all summer
Get a big picture of that
To the house as a party
I wonder if they'd ever do that
You had a big party on the shore
I'm sure maybe they would
You know
I remember some of the tailgates
I'd see them they'd be selling them
They'd like a backpack cooler
They'd be selling them for like you know
Whatever.
With the number one would
Yeah like the guys
Yeah yeah yeah
I remember when the Phillies
I guess it was like 2008 or whatever
they were, I saw them at the tell
they, you know.
Cully nutter.
They were fucking slang and tea nuts.
Make sense.
All right, this one's from Ashley.
Is it garbage you have to wear two different shoes to court?
I mean, you're losing that fucking cake.
Why would you have to?
What set of circumstances do you have?
I can see maybe you mess up
and you have two, you know,
you make the mistake,
you're colorblind,
but having to.
they're forced to because you don't find you you don't have the other ones
I can't do it it's too I mean but the chances of you can't find the left
like that's I can't understand dirt bowl sure
yeah just wear the sneakers yeah like do you have to have one complete set
you'll look better in a set of fucking flip-lops a set of crocs then but you wouldn't
notice it how often do you notice a man's shoes Andy Dufrein
155.
Right?
How often do you notice a man's shoes?
I think a judge does take that into account.
That's why everybody, you get dressed up in your court club.
But you might never see the feet if you walk down into the left and you're behind the table.
You throw a smoke bomb at the judge.
The judge, I'm not a judge.
I don't.
Sure.
A judge has to make snap decisions.
I'm saying I think, I think it's well documented that judges analyze that stuff.
Okay.
That's all I'm saying.
All right.
That's why they say, but you dress up.
You come in a, you know.
No one said it.
You got two different shoes on?
No worries.
This case is a slam dunk.
Maybe he was going for an insanity plea.
I don't know.
Sure.
Got him on his hands.
The internet's saying it's pretty important to wear a good shoes.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I mean, why is this even up for fuck?
What are we doing here?
How are we even trying to spin this argument?
You have to, for sure.
All right.
No judge.
No lawyer's going to go.
Yeah, fucking.
I see one with the, with the, fucking.
Reebok in the high eel.
Yeah, great.
It don't matter.
This thing's open and shut.
I have this thrown out.
Cop was drunk.
Did you see that drunk cop in Massachusetts?
No, what happened to him?
I don't know.
What do you mean?
What happened to him?
He should he pull the...
I think he pulled someone over drunk.
This cop is on fucking Pluto.
Uniform cop?
Yeah.
All fucked up.
Uh-huh.
Alcoholic.
Sure.
I don't know why he made it fucking sad.
What the fuck trying to have got fucking fun with that?
Oh, yeah, man.
It's a disease that it's a crippling.
Did he get in trouble?
Yeah, he got in fucking trouble.
He shows up.
He's fucking, you know, he looks like you on a Tuesday night.
Pulled somebody over?
I don't have the whole story, but yeah, he was, ah, he was an arresting officer at a some
sort of incident.
What do you say when you're that guy?
This guy's fucking drunk.
He's like, look at this boy.
He's like, get your boy.
And the other two guys are going, easy does it.
What would you do in that situation?
What?
I go, let me to fuck go.
You go your way.
I'll go my way.
someone take your keys i'm if i come back here and go your your cop cars here my shot be like listen
my ship's done at midnight if i let me ask this would he be able to tell if somebody else was drunk
okay let's say do you have it it's i think it was in lull mass or it was in massachusetts
lynn mass yeah what do yeah he's on administrative leave but was what was the get see if you
can get the facts of he pulled someone over he was dude this guy is looking at you like he's
on ketamine like this guy is zooted
Like how your first reaction was, oh, you know, things happen.
Well, let me ask you this.
Okay, so let's say you're driving drunk, okay, and a cop pulls you over.
All right, I can get there.
All right, and a cop comes up to the window.
Right in a window.
And throws out of the window.
You drink it right, and he's fucked up.
Can a drunk person tell when another person is drunk?
I don't know if I really can.
Yeah.
I mean, I have, this is my, this is my.
You understand what I'm saying?
Yes, and this is how I know another person's drunk.
Because I know I'm drunk, right?
Yeah.
And if I go, this guy, me and this guy are vibing right now, he's also fucked up.
Because no one's sober, because I know how much I had to drink, right?
It's called 15 beers, a couple shots, you know what I mean?
Hey, man atting.
I know I'm drunk.
So if me and this dude are speaking the same language.
What's your problem?
Yeah.
I did.
You want a heater?
I'd take you a heater.
Just think of what you'd be able to
I'd go
If I got if I listen
You know
Not that I
I don't drink and drive
I don't condone it
But if I was
You were drunk
You got pulled over
And a cop was fucked
Me and him are going
I'm going
This cop is fucking
Making sense to me
I'd go
You had at least eight beers officer
You know
All right so let's say this
You get pulled over
You're completely sober
And this guy comes up to the window
I'd call 9-1-1-1.
You'd call 9-1-1-1.
And be like, this, come get your boy.
This guy is fucking three sheets.
Yeah.
What do you got?
I mean, I'll drop a picture of the guy.
He's leaning on the back of the car.
Let me pull it up so far I can see it.
Yeah.
Oh, man, this poor guy.
Oh, is he high?
They're saying he's high.
Yeah.
Highest fucking on job.
Can I come and deal with shit?
No, no, I got it told you.
Coming off a double.
You got a bad back.
They're trying to cover him.
You got a bad back.
Okay
Bad back
That's what every
That's what every dude on drugs says
Uh yeah
I'm serving post
Yeah let's watch this
We gotta watch this
Send me text me
Or you what a what link are you watching
Yeah let me see if I
His boys are great
Man
I mean
Those body cams
You're gonna tiptoe around
Listen I don't condone
What is that
What is that?
What do they call that
The thin blue line or whatever
Of course
Um
Let me say
I mean like I've been this fucked up
Call your sergeant
I want your sergeant here
I have my rights to call a sergeant here
We're gonna call your sergeant right now
He's not even moving
The guy's the
The guy who's getting arrested
Is saying that
Is going
Go back, let me see one more time
I can't I don't I mean I don't I don't have that capacity
It's on Instagram
What a fucking dick, shut up guy
Look at him
Look at him
Oh
Look at him
So
High as fuck
Highest fucking on job
And I come and deal with shit
I don't know
I told you
Coming off a double
And you got out of a bad bad
They don't want to get
Listen
They're trying to
They're trying to protect their boy
I don't
I mean that face right there
Is a guy who is fucked up
He worked a double
And he's got a bad back
His wife's leaving him
From now on
I worked a double
If I'm hung over, I work the double.
I got a bad bag.
You know I got that slipped this.
What a prick that guy.
Who?
Fucking bitching.
Listen, if you're, listen, I'm not here to cast dispersion.
You just say, hey, you're arresting me for something.
Whatever.
I'm out of here.
I don't care if I got.
It didn't look like that was happening, though.
Oh, see, that you got to play ball.
I don't have all the fact.
I don't know.
You got to let him go.
You say, listen, just get the fuck out.
out of here.
It didn't look like that was happening
because if that, one of those two cops
would be like, dude, hey buddy.
All right.
They were like, you're still
trying to get the collar?
What are you fucking nuts?
You got to get fucking rusty out of there.
At this point, it's all document.
This ain't the 80s.
All he's, the guy who's getting arrested,
he's got him.
I think of his cell phone out.
If he wasn't in cuffs.
I don't put him in cuffs.
Take you.
Hey, listen, we can do this the hard way
or the easy way.
Take you down town.
Hit you with the phone book.
If this was the 80s
That guy just sort of got fucking clunked over the head
And been like shut up
Yeah
Dragged the outskirts of town
You know
Left out of the jurisdiction
Yeah that's jammed up
Do they say
Did they say what it was
Or what it is or anything like that?
They really are not commenting on it
Yeah I get that
My union delegate said
I'm not allowed to talk about it
Probably kombucha or something
Got them
Three local news things are like
Just respect the family's privacy
and blah, blah, like...
Nice.
Wait, they got the news playing ball?
Yeah.
There you go.
None of them are posting the video.
No shit.
Yeah.
Man, I had to find it on Reddit.
That's small town shit.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, my, like, the YouTube linked,
I was, mine was looking at an Instagram.
Yeah.
Get your sergeant down here.
Shut the fuck up.
I don't know.
You're taking it.
I listen.
You're trying to make a bigger case,
but you got to let him go.
Even if he's got a body in the trunk.
You got to let him go.
Do they say, do they have the details?
Of the series of events.
Was that guy making the arrest?
Because if that guy's making the arrest, I got to go.
Buddy, you had the balls to pull me over?
Jam my night up?
I was going to get some pussy.
All of a sudden, you got me fucking...
You're pulling me over, dude?
Because he...
So the cop was responding to a call of service.
He showed up.
Yeah.
He's not a...
There's a fucking problem here.
I believe it.
He's got the gun.
So that guy showed up
Zooten.
My man,
Bots and Pam.
Based on evidence collected to date,
including a review of body cam footage
and consultation with medical professionals,
it appears the officer experience
a medical-related episode.
A medical-related...
Yeah, you could have a medical-related episode.
That's...
Yeah, he's fucking...
Abusing pharmaceutical painkillers.
maybe but wait that's what the that's what the article says that's what boston 25 is saying
damn they they didn't they mean business that's fucking hometown right there dog that's
love to hear it that's trying to rip somebody's life apart you're fucked up on a
yeah that's fucked up I mean listen
that's bad
you always have those one
I don't do just sleep that one off
like
listen I don't know
I've never gotten
I've never had a job like that
where I could get fucked up
I guess there's a good amount
of downtime at night
right
there's probably not
small town
there's not that many calls
so you're like
they might even have a thing
where it's like
hey
hey Tuesday you get fucked up
Wednesday I get fucked up
we cover each other
that's what I would do
you know what you mean
your own call
you go get fucked up
you know I got I got this
you know
then you could fuck up
yeah you like you know
maybe that's what happened he was supposed
he was he was supposed to be he was he was supposed to be
you were Wednesday I thought it was Tuesday
I told you I told we switched
I thought you were covering for in 2008
2009 2010 that I don't
Phil Lelofy Pennsylvania working in restaurants
man
yeah it's different you're not a fucking
you're a fucking bus boy
some nodders going on
but
uh
To show, I just, like, to have someone, just go, yo, dude, I'd, like, tell your boy, I'm fucked up, I can't make it.
Send Jenkins instead.
Hey, Gallagher, you got to cover this one.
I'm fucked up.
I'll, you know, I'll buy you dinner tomorrow or something like that.
Showing up to a call.
That's bad.
That rules.
That ain't good.
You are jammed the frig up, dude.
Fucking Tommy two guns comes in.
Everybody down.
He's got the gun from Buckhunter in his hand.
There's a cat in a tree.
Everybody in the deck.
Haynes where I can see you
I'll take care of this son of a bitch
He goes and gets the A-R
Ha-haxed the fucking cat out
Yeah
Alright let's see this one's from Patrick Barton
You ever have grandparents retire near the beach
And then you guys start using seashells as as as as trays
Oh yeah
That was big
I never thought that weird
Down the shore
There was like the big seashell
You know like the stereotypical cartoon
Seashel.
Oh, are they clams?
Yeah, it's a big clam.
Yeah, it is a big clam, right?
You never find oyster shells on the beach, really?
It's always clams.
Yeah, I don't know.
Hmm.
Do oysters, like, are oysters, like, caught or, like, more farmed?
I don't know.
There's wild oysters, I assume.
Yeah, I assume, but they, like, you know.
That, all that animals eat, because that's how those seashells, that's how those sea shells
Uh-huh
Wash up on the beach
Animals crack them open
I don't think that's right
What animals?
Like fish and shit
I'm not saying you're wrong
Never thought about this
How does a fish with no arms
Crack open a shell
That's tough for a human dog?
Or otters or whatever
How many otters do you see in Wildwood, New Jersey?
They're out there
No they're not
You would assume where they at?
Seals and shit
There's no seals in Wildwood, New Jersey
There's seals in the Atlantic Ocean
I'm not, listen, that's a big stretch, Atlantic Ocean.
Well, it's not just right there.
Well, how?
Wait a minute.
So how do those?
Listen, this is a, I'm not saying my logic is right.
How does seashells become seashells?
Listen, I worked a double last night and I got a bad back, all right?
How does sea shells become sea shells?
I believe the clam probably opens or grows or some.
I'm assuming it's something in the clams life cycle.
A clan doesn't jump from shell to show.
I'm not saying they don't.
I'm not saying they don't.
saying something in the clam's life cycle.
I don't think there's...
I would have seen an otter.
How does the clam make that shell?
It's crazy.
There'd be an otter fucking under the boardwalk
catching heaters or something.
I assume they're just like...
Dudes would be catching otters in North Wildwood if there was otters.
Sure.
I just assumed that those seashells that wash up on the beach are thousands of years old.
That got cracked over years ago.
We just have very different perspectives of that.
No, you think they're new?
I don't know. New. I didn't think thousands of years old.
Luke?
A couple, a year, two years.
I wouldn't think thousands, but their big predators are blue crabs, birds also.
Otters are in there, sea otters.
I know I'm for sure agreeing with otters, crack them open.
Where does seashells come from?
How does a clam?
This feels like a stupid cuckle.
You never seen an otter crack open an oyster?
No, no, no, no.
buddy i'm all on board with that i'm saying that that for sure happens but how how are they washing up
in wildwood that i start using them in the water when they're done okay so where's the nearest otter
i'm just okay i get that there's blue crabs in the ocean right you give me that you give me that
yeah i'm just trying to understand the logic a blue crab goes in rips open the fucking clam
eats it breaks the shell the rest of the uh nature eats out the rest of the crap in the shell
And then it washes up on the shore.
And your fat ass picks it up.
Puts a butt out of it.
With that ration between your legs.
Oysters build their own shells.
Not oysters, dog.
Okay.
Seashells.
How does seashells get made?
Okay.
Where does seashells come from?
It's up with the oysters.
Yes, oysters make their own shell.
Which is nuts.
How the fuck does that thing make its own shell?
Marine animals called mollas such as clams, oysters, and snails,
which secrete minerals and cow.
calcium carbonate from their specialized mantle tissue to form their hard protective exoskeletons.
When the miles dies, the soft body decomposes leaving the empty shells.
Yeah, so they die.
When the mullahs die.
Yeah, so like I think I was right, the natural life cycle of these things don't live for fucking, you know.
They die.
It could be five years, ten years, a thousand years.
They die and they open up and then they wash.
For an honor.
I mean, there'd have to be a bajillion otters cracking shells open all day long for that, for that many shells.
Like a vet eating pistachios at a bar.
Just like fucking, like you're at the Texas Roadhouse dropping his shells.
That's, yeah, no, wait.
I'm sorry, Lukie.
That's like my boy told you about the oysters.
How long do they live for?
25 to 30 years.
Get the fuck out of here.
What?
Not on my plate.
10.15 seconds.
All right, we got to wrap it up, though.
What a fun one, gang.
We can't thank you enough for joining us.
Make sure you get your tickets to the back on the block tour,
which starts very, very soon.
Be out on the left coast.
Can have a good, good time.
Come and see us.
Seattle, Portland, San Fran.
LA, get the tickeys.
Love you.
We'll see you next week.
Peace.