Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: March 24, 2025

Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode talking about Corporate Takeovers, Trashy Life Hacks and young work stories. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Buy the NEW AYG Card Game: https://areyougarbage.com Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: Soul: Head to https://GetSoul.com and use code GARBAGE for 30% off your order. This Show is sponsored by BetterHelp Better Help: https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gang, we got a brand new big merch alert. The 2025 edition of the RU Garbage Card Game is now available at RUgarbage.com. It's 50 brand new questions to find out whether your friends or family are trash. Yes, we also have Aunt Tootie's Party Packs available, which comes with an Aunt Tootie ashtray, shot glasses, beer koozies, Aunt Tootie coasters, and match books all available at RUgarbage.com. Limited supplies, get on while they're there, they're gonna go hot. See ya.

Oh baby. Welcome to another exciting edition of RUgarbage. The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage.

Hey. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that it's a girl to be classy. You. Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.

We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition. She just got a brand new wok. Okay. We're gonna have stir-fry tonight. Well, wok and roll. Yeah, very excited. Okay. She's loving it. She seasoned it up. She said it's gonna be delicious. Okay, great. My co's is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. gonna waggots He is the CEO of are you garbage?

He is an international business man, and he's my best pal in the whole wide world give it up for KJ Kevin James Orion. What's up everybody? Thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you review subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube now full video available on Spotify and also also the 2025 RU Garbage card game is on sale right now. Yeah. Go over to RUgarbage.com and get them while supplies last. It's a limited run and they're gonna be moving some units. They go quicker than everybody's bitching.

They were where the cards at. I know, I know. We're killing me so many. We're trying, we're trying. Listen, I don't own a manufacturing company in China, alright? It's not easy to make these things. One day! We will.

One day if I put my mind to it I'll be making shirts or something. Cards are a good time. You're playing with the gang, playing a little drinking game out of them. Oh, legally not allowed to say drinking game. Is that true? It's just a game you can enjoy a beverage with. That's all I'm saying. Find out who the trashiest person in your family and your friend group is. Which

we've heard from. I mean, put them to the test. I think now this is the third version we've done. The third edition. Third edition of it. And we first started, we were packing them our way. I was literally making, we were making them and packing them ourselves. Bitny Pose we were using, weren't we? What? We were using, we were using... No, Stamps.com. Stamps.com.

We're a Stamps.com family. And now we're working with somebody that does them for us, but this is the third one. Get them while supplies last. Go quick, gang. Love you. And also they'll lead to a lot of fights I've heard at family parties. Very nice. Just like, you start playing, listen, you're a fan of the show you think it's funny you buy a deck you go to you know

Your nana's 90th grin your 90th your nana's 90th birthday party and start calling her a dirtbag. She don't like it All right, I've heard she ain't a fan of it. That's how we got Luke comes on the show Yes, playing the playing the card game sure Um, I wanted to ask you this I had a little situation yesterday that reminded me of something very very trashy okay I was I was at a business I made a purchase okay a very old-school business some old-school people behind the counter I believe it was a mother and a daughter that worked okay can I ask you what kind of place this was and why you're being so vague about it wasn't

I wasn't being vague I weren't being descriptive It's not really it was a bakery. Okay. It's not important to the story Alright, I was picking up a bird. We were we were picking up a birthday cake for somebody the bird works with okay I get a little thing. I were soda bread, too. It's fucking we made though March, okay Anywho the total came to 2025. And the woman behind the counter goes, ooh, 2025. That's an easy number. And then I go, I you gotta play that number tonight. And the daughter goes, I just about to say this. That's a dirtbag thing that dude, we've been doing that. I gotta play that number tonight. I gotta

play that number tonight. No matter what it is. Yeah, get down to the lotto play that that and that's a daily number right there 34 34 you gotta play that we were a 31 34 family for a very long time Why my stepdad's race car numbers wait would that ever come up? Oh, no, but that's why when I play roulette I play 31 and 34 not her. Oh, he's a he's at the big he's at the big Flemington Raceway in the sky He's at the big he's at the big Flemington Raceway in the sky There's this helmet right there guys guys goddamn guys a goddamn amateur local race car driver. Hopefully is on a heater up there He's smoking a heat if I know him he's got a heater cranked Winston soft pack. Hey that

Any Ford Ranger anytime a number that like somehow had a rhythm to it or made sense. Uh-huh. I'm going to play that tonight. Sure. That was big. And I used to sell those lottery tickets at the Acme and man, they would come in and that's a whole language and it took me a while to learn the 34, 34, 30. They'd come in and they talked to you like you've been doing it, but I just started. Uh-huh. Hey, let me get 34, 39 box and straight daily pick number.

And you're like, fucking. And I would print up tickets and you can't undo those tickets back in the time sure you can now but back in the day I had to buy the tickets at the end of the someone had to buy the tickets at the end of the day That was my brother's move back back in the day not to go for the big jackpot go for the little one But the daily number they used to read it like three times They hit you at nine at lunchtime and at dinnertime. The four. What's it called? Pick four. Pick four. Yeah. I

mean, it's probably pick four. Big pick four guys. Big pick. Cuz those jackpots were like nine grand, ten grand. Five grand. That's not crazy. Yeah. Yeah, they do two a day. One at noon, one at seven. Mm hmm. Love that. It's just like, it's

so funny when you think about it. It's just like old bookie **** You know what I mean? It's like, they're just running numbers and pumping dope. That's all the that's all the PA lottery Grandmother's neighborhood No shit. It's crazy. I always wanted to be one of the guys doing that what I'd love to know if we if anybody out There has ever done that let us know what have you ever been the guy drawing the numbers on your local? Do that yeah, they still do that Sorry, they get some that. I'm sorry.

They get some broad or whoever. Uh huh. Somebody from some school. I never understood how they just got one ball up there. That blew my, I would watch that. Like that was NASA technology. Big technology. Uh huh. How you could fix that.

Uh huh. How you could know. I don't think you can. I mean, maybe you can. I called to film that in the studio three days ahead of time. When I was like nine years old, I got two of them. We were all sitting there together watching it. And I got like six and seven or something like that.

It's like you're like you're actually like talking. You're like, oh, 14 for a second. My mom was on was on her feet. She was about to take me right down to Barnum and Bailey. Throw holy water at you. The fat one's possessed. Take me to an ATM, start guessing pin numbers. All right. That's neither here nor there gang. As I said, we're here for a family episode. As you know, when you sign up

for the old Patreon there, you can have your question read on the air by Kevin Ryan himself. Whoa! Former lottery winner. You just won a new car. You've never won right the lottery Yeah, I played scratchers when we were on a road out there in the Midwest I believe in with I saw them over there in the corner. You didn't fucking say nothing by the way What do you mean? You didn't tell anybody well? I was I wasn't gonna scratch him in a car a brand new car That's how you get all the fucking dust all I did him in a I did it in the I did him in my whatever room Before we left Wisconsin my hotel room before we left Wisconsin Just so we all just so we all agree

Okay, if you win anything on the road, we all split it. I think that's the gentleman's move What yeah Everybody anybody in the van. I don't agree with that Okay, I think if one of the openers or Lukey or or Ryan Dees wins, I don't have I'm not taking their money. Luke's maybe fucking Dempsey Group. All right, if we win, we'll share it with everybody. You can share with everybody. I'll share it with everybody. I'm taking my money. But that goes for the losses too. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. What

am I doing? I'm the but listen, if we were all playing. You only six bucks. Hold on. If we were all playing, that'd be one thing, but I'm the only one if we were all playing six bucks hold on if we were all playing that'd be one Thing but I'm the only one that ponied up 50 bucks for ten five ten dollar tickets Nobody else is fucks of what they I'm just I risk everything and everybody gets the reward no. Thank you. That's communism All right, this is America. We practice capitalism put your money on the table you want to enter the game You want to buy $50 worth of scratchers? I'll we can commute we can do that But I ain't the only one buying scratchers to split my fucking prize with my personal money by the way

I tried to do it on a company card, but I got fucking nicks That's content. We're shooting content should do it on the company card that way we could write it off or something I listen I tried that's when I realized I didn't have my company card, which I still cannot find, by the way. Great. I thought it was in here. Whoever has it, I hope you're having a good time. No, I froze it this morning. This morning? That was like two weeks ago. How about a busy couple of weeks?

What do you want? My wife's pregnant. What do you want from me? Congratulations. Thank you. Alright. Let's get screwing around. Let's friggin' get into it here.

Okay, this is from Anthony. Our $10 homie here never had one ride. Kid cancer. All right, all right. Let's let's let's friggin get into it here Okay, this is from Anthony our $10 homie here never had one ride kid can't spell what? What me what's our thoughts on paying the restaurant bill in all cash? We know about tipping in cash is classy, but what about paying the entirety of the bill in cash? I recently went out to eat with my family for my mom's birthday, and I paid a $350 tab in all 20s and 10s. Felt like the waiter was looking at me like I sold drugs. Left a $50 tip, though. How you doing? Give me that $350 bill, $50 tip. I think that's under 20%. Yeah. Antony, what are you doing? That might have been it might have been a $300

bill, but that's still low. I think those numbers give them the benefit of the doubt $300 times point two zero. That's under because $20 would be 60. 20% would be $60. Is that right? Yeah. Whoa. How'd you do that that fast? I can't I can say spot lottery numbers too. It's just $20. What's 20% of a hundred? I don't know what's 20% No, let's walk through it. What's 20% of 120? Okay, how many hundreds are in 300? Three so what's three times 20 60 there you go. He did it The long way to go to find out it is a cheap son of a bitch

Hey, don't don't fucking anything. I think you're a great guy and I'm happy you never had one ride. The tip notwithstanding, and plus we don't know all the details, so we don't want to trash you. But a little too late for that now. You're dragging us good names. The server shouldn't have gave you a fucking a funny face. That that's what they want. If listen, every single restaurant in the in the world,

if they could get by doing cash only they would Every server every restaurant owner cash only they would they would love that Because the best restaurants don't take reservations and are cash only I'd push back on that now not at all all. Not at all. Those old school joints. I'm saying, I'm listening. When you can do just cash. Hold on, hold on. Hold on.

All right, you're moving the goalpost, which I allow you to do, but you said the best restaurants in the world or the country or wherever. Don't take reservations or cash. I'd have to push back on you. You mean like as far as like Michelin and all that kind of stuff? Just the best restaurants. The restaurants we go to that we really enjoy that we think are the best that take reservation or they definitely take they definitely take credit card a lot of old school dude I haven't paid cash in a fucking restaurant billing cash in fucking 10 years because they can't

get away with it okay a lot of old school places old school is different than the best that are good that are really good. They do that because they can get away. They don't need to do credit card. I completely agree with you. Because people will still show up. I completely agree with you. All right, thank you.

So, ain't me, fuck that guy. No, I listen, I do get what- The 10s and 20s though. 10s, this is what it's saying. You're just arguing a different point. 10s and 20s is a tough look. 10s are bad. The 20s are okay.

10s are somehow more crackhead than a five. Because a five means you had money before and had debris. You can get a 10 out of an ATM. That's a tough one. That's crazy. But I used to have to find ATMs that did 10s. Shout out to 17th and Diamond in North Philly. I would go take out $10 and spend $5.50 on a chicken

cheesesteak, salt and pepper on the fries poppy. Ha ha ha ha! And a large diet Pepsi. That's where my love affair for diet Pepsi started. $4.50 in your pocket. Yeah, pack of heaters. Maybe I get you halfway to a pack. If I had another dollar left over from before, that's half.

That's a pack of heaters, probably $'s probably 550 back in the day. Yeah, trying to find. It's funny because the nicer banks when you go to an ATM at like the bank. Yeah. How do you want this? All right. That's math. I can't do quick. Well, they figures it out for you. Yeah, it'll just give it to you. I know. But like it's like, do you want I didn't take out a guy. I just had to pay someone off the books. Luke? No, I just, somebody, what are you talking,

what are you in my business for? Was it me? I'm doing a comedy bit here. Let's go. And I had to take out a couple hunch. Mm-hmm. And that was like, I, cause I don't like walking around with hundreds, cause you can't use them for nothing.

Mm-hmm. My cash is tips to people. Mm-hmm. A five here, there, 20 here, are you done, are you done, are you done? My cash is tips to people mm-hmm a five here there 20 here. He done. He done. He done Fucking Henry hold this Chicken parmesan keep them coming But I knew I was paying somebody $200 I wanted to give them hundreds That's a gentleman's bill hundreds hundreds sure tens are tens are grime time

But isn't it funny that? That's a pretty good thing It's crime time Isn't it funny new shirts coming soon grime time? How they used to look down on people that would go to ATMs like me the good eight have to go to the ATM Try to get $10 out of it try to find an ATM with tens now the nice banks They're I know but I don't think they're you're not just taking out 15 bucks Sure, you're taking out a couple hundred because now I think it's more appointment before you used to have to have cash

Now you're going your people are going to going. Oh shit. I need I don't have any cash. I need 70 bucks to give to my roommate. So they're letting you get that 70 bucks. Right. Before you're going, I just need cash. I'll go break it, but whatever. Now it's going, come here, get cash,

because we'll give you exactly what you're looking for, because nobody just needs 80 bucks. You need 75. What'd you just have in your mouth there? I don't know. Piece of hair? I wanted something. Freak show.

What do you mean, I got a piece of hair in my mouth I trim my pubes earlier that sucked my dick oh wet my uncle that wet my whistle guys all over me today softening like you're like Brian Scalabrini soft in the read What you know on the saxophone sure? All your music like a microphone, okay? Anthony great question yeah, I listen I like painting cat I do agree that it's if you want to come like it listen pay what that is America. That's legal tender paying fucking pennies That's a dickhead move, but that's your legal right is an American uh I would tens is a tough look as you know that's why he wrote in if you

can level I a hundred you know whatever if you can I like that move you say stop at a bank and say he can yeah but then it's like fucking give him the tens fuck that guy he's getting the cash that guy I was getting 12% tip fuck him I always get funny looks if I ever if I have to do that if I go to because Navy Federal it's hard to find a bar Hard to find a branch, but if I go to another Bank take out money and then go inside be like hey I had to do that for a wedding not that long ago because the ATM only gave 20s I wasn't gonna give 20s and I went in I was like hey, can gonna give 20s. I wasn't gonna give 20s. I wasn't gonna give 20s. I wasn't gonna give 20s. I went in, I was like, hey, can

I went in, I was like, hey, can I went in, I was like, hey, can you change this for hundreds? you change this for hundreds? you change this for hundreds? Mm hmm. What they say. Mm hmm. What they say. Mm hmm. What they say. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No him a little grenade. He's like, thanks. I'll put it in the box. Keep that for you. For you. For you. But as a former server, I can tell you this, there ain't nothing better when somebody hands you a thing full of cash and says, do you need change? No. Boom. Out the door. Doing alright, Ann.

Yeah. You're a good kid. Yeah, you're a good kid. Kip, what's talking about Soul? Ooh, shout out to Soul, gang. Gang, do you need a little help falling asleep out there? I know I do! Sure, we all do. How does bad sleep affect you? That's a big question. It affects you the next day.

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30% off dad. Yeah. Gang, this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Yes. As a lot of you know out there uncle Hank has started a Mental health journey. Mm-hmm. Okay feeling better feeling good Got some tools to work on some things that I need to work on and I'm telling you right now That journey wouldn't have begun if I didn't start with better help Yeah better help can actually change your life whether you got something big going on something small going on

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Visit betterhelp.com slash garbage to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash garbage. Do it. Now back to the show. Back to the show. All right, this one's from Tombo. What's up, $10 homie, long time bozo.

Ever been on a school bus on the highway? And I don't mean for a field trip I mean sitting in commuter traffic on the interstate to get to third grade Man I didn't really think about that the bus never really went on the highway You were like going and that was a big day your time if you're going on a field trip on fucking Tuesday You were talking about that on the Friday before being like, we're going online. I would probably go down Woodhaven and get on 95. Sports were different.

We used to take it all the time. But man, back in grade school, yeah, it was always a different bus too. I feel like they put you in a little bit better bus if you were going down to the city or getting on the highway. Ours was the same. Ours, well, we at least have a bunch of a dirt bag. I was, I was, I was in charge of logistics back then.

I knew that if you were going over two hours, you got a star bus. Because they had a bathroom on them. Otherwise, you'd have to, all these kids be pissing their pants. A bunch of eight year olds have to tie their. What's a star bus? That's the brand star. S-T-A-R-R.

You'd be on like a Chinatown bus? Yeah, with a bathroom. Really? Yeah S-T-A-R-R. You'd be on like a Chinatown bus? Yeah, with a bathroom. Really? Yeah, if you were going more than two hours. Dude, think about it, you got... Why would you be going more than two hours on a school day? We went to Lancaster, we went to Harrisburg, went out there and got some pies.

Watch those idiot Amish people walk around, take pictures of them. I don't know if I've ever been on a bus like that. Really? Yeah, we gotta pay, they cost you too. They were like 50 bucks a head. Maybe our sixth grade camping trip, we took one of those. Uh huh.

I feel like we drove up with the teachers in cars. That doesn't sound right. Yikes. That sounds like a molestation. I don't remember a lot of it either. Were you a safety back in school? Yeah, sixth grade. In grade school? You were. You were on the job, huh? You had to. All sixth graders in school. Yeah, great school. You were you were you were on the job, huh? I had all six graders did it yeah, I didn't qualify maybe not everybody I had flat feet I remember

and a fat ass Boy's got a dump truck on him. I didn't pass the psych profile You're in there gonna fuck you got a gun to your head. You're like listen doc you ain't never seen shit like this Listen buddy I served two tours out by the buses. I've seen some shit. I took my badge away. I Remember as a fat kid I never nobody listening. I know I did I Chase me those kids were always dick so we, I don't know what you guys had,

but we had the, it was like a, I'd never seen anything, only the safety badge. It was an orange thing that went like that, and then it went around. And then it wrapped, it clipped and wrapped. Did you ever see that? Imagine like a- Yours didn't.

You wore yours like a gangster wears a tie, hanging down his face. I was, I've never expressed this to another soul I was so nervous that it was not going to fit starting in fourth grade So for two whole years, I every thousand may I'd be looking at that was like my summer bot Like I was trying to get my my beach body was I was like by sixth grade I'm gonna lose the weight and be able to fit you need a seatbelt extender for your safety strap

But for whatever reason I the fucking fat kid gods look down upon thee and They were they had a big box of them, and they were good. I think I had tried one Oh, I got my hands on one. Yeah, what do an army Navy store? I probably tried my brother brothers on or something and mine for whatever they were just going through randomly out of a box and the one I got was slightly different and bigger uh-huh and man little different shade of orange it was a little lighter a little lighter are not that deep or not that deep drop again over talking on and Man, it clicked. Oh how you couldn't tell me shit and I had a great post

I was down outside the size outside so the bus has come up officer eyebrows over here I really thought I was on the job. I was talking. Hey, no, I'm Baker tonight. He was our adopt a cop Would you put your plate in your bulletproof vest or no, but I would be cool and I would take the cool kids didn't have it around here Uh-huh the cool kids had it around the waist sure and then let like the hoop dragged down like a chain I like a chain wall you do ankle gun or right here. I did I did a perco style I did sold off around the back fucking spin it around. What's what'd you say punk get on the bus? I'm chewing gum. I just say I don't want any fucking trouble today um It's in the trees Johnny. I had a great post dude because you got out of class a little early like a couple minutes

It was probably two and a half. I had to get down to my post Cashing your pension had to relieve the cop who was on duty I'm sitting in an old like Monte Carlo like a steak I got a cup of coffee on the dash. You got a new guy with you. Are we going to the office? You're in the office, baby. I Didn't know you smash mouth starts playing. I didn't know you get wet. I dipped your chicken fingers in sherm. How's your Spanish? Better learn that shit. Motherfuckers be out here plotting on you.

Kidding. Ah shit. But I was right next to the buses. So when my bus pulled up, 73 Purple or whatever it was, I would be the first guy on the bus backseat, it up wait Why shouldn't you you were supposed to let everybody on make sure your bus comes and I'm all duty Gotta get my I gotta get my cool guys You didn't finish the job and let everybody get on the bus and then you get on like a good leader would

And then you say to the bus driver. Let's go. Well, I was 10. I was talking about a good leader I was fucking 10 years. I should have helped I helped out a little kids get on a bus Hey, get on there. I probably going through their lunches your sister Sister asking about me. Tell I got a good job good post 20 years good Benny's I can't be out we can go mood the focus I can't be out we can go mootaboka or something I remember praying Praying that that fucking band would fit for years. I was so nervous I imagine like future kippy coming in and like it's like a 30 year old kippy handing you the belt John Connor

You're good kid 30 year old Kippy handing you the belt. John Connor. You're good kid. You gotta eat all the tater tots in the cafeteria. I was always nervous about the pennies when it was penny day. And we didn't really mess with the pennies. We got lucky. Oh, yeah. You look like if you I mean, you look like ten pounds of shit

in a five pound bag wearing a penny tough because it would pull up. It rides up. Yeah. Oh, no good. I always smelled like dog dick yikes Hey, buddy, I Can't be going I can't be going down to the squad room smelling like a bum's nutsack I know that you pull those things out of the box. Oh, and it's just that you keep this in your asshole stick

But yeah big bus buss safe, loved it. Couldn't tell me shit, that was the coolest thing to me. Being a buss safe. Having a job, I just wanted a job. Go to work with my dad. Every time I went down, I was on a shutdown. Working at a hotel, I ever tell you that? I was about 10 years old.

He took, I'm maybe younger. I got a new pair of jeans, it was around Christmas time, I got a new pair of jeans. I never told you this? I got a new pair of carpenter jeans was around Christmas time. I got a new pair of jeans. I never told you this. I got a new pair of carpenter jeans. I thought I was I thought I was in the union and. Me and his boy, Jerry got a Hello Kitty pen. Me and his boy, brand new work boots,

and they had to do a shutdown at that. It replaced a a T or something, replace a fitting. So you mean shut down, shut down the water, shut down the water of a hotel. OK, overnight. Yeah. Is it active? Yeah, but you gotta do that overnight. Active crime scene? You gotta do that overnight. Uh huh. Drove downtown, coolest thing, got a coffee, hit the wah-wah like 8 p.m. got a coffee. French vanilla. At 10? What? At p.m.? No, you were 10 years old? Yeah, dude a french vanilla is from the machine at the Wawa There's my dad called it go get your foo-foo drink

Kick him a kid ten-year-old coffee at eight o'clock. I know you're missing the point I was going down to work. I was going down to work with fucking pipe fitters small hands you can climb through the pipes Tie a rope around me send me like, to clear like a rat. Clearing tunnels like Vietnam. I see you on the other side. Save my chicken fingers for me. I'll be back in about an hour. I just hear a loud bang two seconds after you go in there. Also, I like, I like it like that was just hot chocolate to us.

That's coffee. I'm not listening to how the 90s were a while time. Those machines are 1996. I'm going to work. I'm going to work a shutdown. I pay time and if. Did he pay it? They probably gave me like 40 bucks.

Why were you? What would you have nothing to do with you what you couldn't leave you? No, I think he picked me up at my mom's. I just wanted I wanted to work That was cool. What are you talking about? Was it a school night? Yeah, I don't think maybe probably dragging ass probably tomorrow It probably was maybe I had off or something or I don't know I got dressed I remember he picked me up, I remember he picked me up, it was dark and cold as shit. Typical cop, you're moonlighting, then you're dead ass the next day on your shift.

That's right. Doing a little nip, taking a little nip to keep it going. Bad lieutenant. I remember he told us we weren't allowed to have lunch because you're not worth shit when you come back. Yeah, no, I don't know I went down It was me him and his and this dude Jerry that worked for him And we had to take out a huge fuck

It was like a water man I think got a huge 90 or put in a new fucking a new valve or something and I remember I Remember my boots were too clean or brand new Tim's or something brand. They weren't Tim's brand new fucking Boots were too clean or brand new Tim's or something brand. They weren't Tim's brand new fucking Boots, you know, oh gosh Ten-year-old you're probably not wrong and I was trying to make them dirty Just so I fit in with the other fucking the other construction workers I was there like scruffing them up with like a file or whatever. You know what I mean? Be like, yeah, you know It's just what it's just working at the city hall and they fucking, you know, work's never done there.

I'm down there at the new Comcast building, yeah. I'm actually 26, I've been smoking a long time. How you guys doing? Yeah, I remember just being in the basement of this fucking hotel downtown. For, you know, until 7 a.m. or whatever well that sounds safe that's where I learned my work as a child and I remember they gave either my dad or the guy Jerry a parking ticket sons of bitches and that's when I

heard that's that was like guy down here trying to earn a fucking living hey you gotta tell me Jerry You guys know I'm on the job it was like life I was that's I think that's when shit started going south or right that your life ain't hard enough They gotta go you fucking park and take it down here earning an honest living trying to pay child support Got alimony at the fucking a pay taxes try wrangling these animals at the bus stop chair My supervisor don't get it. You know, I keep telling him. He's threatening to take my badge away. I got my safety. Two weeks, no pay.

Yeah, I just wanted a job. So being a safety was like... Finally, my dad was proud of me. I started working. I started working at, I guess I was 12. And he would pay me because I was working at, I guess I was 12. And he would pay me because I was working. I made $5 in tips a night, Thursday night, Santo Palato. He'd break me off for like a 10 or a 20, like, hey, you're working, you're a good kid, hey, go. This is after you were done being a safety.

This is the year after safety, yeah. I got a taste of the good life, you know what I mean? Sure. Retired. Got your gold watch you got out. You know the important thing about being a safety? Get home alive every night. Sure. It's all that matters. That was probably prime slim fast and pretzel kippy too. I was going home going on a tear. Denise wasn't home. She's working second or third shift.

Put your gun up in the cabinet so the kids don't get it Sit down Screaming at my brother and sister must be nice just to go to fucking school not at the work Trying to watch TRL the new slug a cutty Stark watch the new Marshall Mathers fucking video. Oh Golly gee Willikers. Okay, kid. This one, this is from Wraith Leota. Is it garbs or rip a heater while you're praying? You are not praying to me. I could be wrong. You ain't going. That's not an our father. That's uh for the love of god. Please

hope my breath doesn't smell like booze. That's what that is. Yeah. That's for the love of god. I hope my warrants are cleared up or whatever. I think the two of the two of them go hand in hand. What? If you're praying, you're smoking. Sure.

You know what I mean? Mm hmm. I respect it. Uh alright, this one's from Kippy's Holy Socks which I never addressed publicly on the patreon when we were in Austin Apparently I had a hole in my sock and I had my feet up on the coffee table. I got ridiculed I've never brought this up to you. Yeah, you do have holes in your socks more often than we've talked to either Hans He gets the socks they rolled up. I just pick them up, I don't look, I throw them out. And then when I'm looking, I don't fucking, I mean I'm sure I, listen, if I'm putting my socks on

and I'm already dressed and I see like a hole in my sock, that's still going on. Especially if I got one on already. That's going on. I don't know what to tell you. Is it garbage to move back in with your dad at age 40 when he just remarried his new wife who is 38? She cannot love that.

So you gotta figure, let's say the dad's 20 years older. So the dad's, you know. Give me 65. I'll give you 65. Dad's 65, broad's 38. Congratulations. Uh-huh. Shout out to your dad. 65. Dad 65, broads 38. Congratulations. Shout out to your dad. I would assume maybe that the dad has some money,

but then why doesn't the kid have like, if the dad had money, I'd go, buddy, you're not moving in me speaking personally. I'll get you an apartment. I'll get you on your feet. You know what I mean? Or if there's enough money that there's somebody who's gold digging righty eight's not really gold digging though that's like hey I just fucking like you sure you know it's not like she's 21 and he's fucking 65 she's two years my dad's new wife is two years younger than me and I'm living there listen you know how I feel about that.

So, family's family. You don't have, you shouldn't have any, listen to me, the kid might be jammed up. Just, you know, restarting. It's not like he's gonna be there forever. You don't know that though. She don't know that either. Guy's a fuck up, back at 40.

Well, she's mom now. Sure. So at 40. Well, she's mom now. Sure. So. Ooh. Yeah, I mean, one, that's garbage. That's a tough look, dude. I would, you know, hopefully you got a basement

with a second entrance or something. There you go. You can fucking gain a little bit of space. I don't know your relationship with your dad. I don't know your relationship with her, but she cannot be thrilled about take the summer see what happens I'd be my be my thing take the summer get your feet under you save a couple of bucks Plus find out if she's cool with it if she is

Ride that out sure yeah, maybe she's like I got a I got a homie my age here This guy's fucking snoozing at 530 p.m. Eating prunes all day. I got you know What hey, I'm not saying anything. I'm just Tell your videos start Alright, let's see this is from Jess be $10 homie is it garbage that I had my pregnancy announcement at dollar beer night because my whole Family would have been is already there, and it's just easier Your whole family's getting together for dollar beer night. That's a good family. That's got that is a Knock around good. There's some beefs uncle Dan don't like uncle Steve

Steve jr. They don't talk what that something there you're hanging out a dollar beer night That's a fucking bumpy family, but they fucking they they're thick as thieves, they're in it together. I respect that. Yeah. Hey, we'll fucking put this all aside, I'll go, we're just not hanging out. Why are you assuming there's an argument? What? Because they're at Dollar Beer Night together?

Yeah. I mean, a family that drinks together does not come out unscathed. Nobody's getting drunk at dollar beer. I mean if you're consistently at dollar beer night. There's a problem. Do I gotta smell it out for you? Yeah, I guess so.

I mean I drink with everybody in my family a lot. And there's tension. There's tensions. You know what I mean? Not at all times but things happen. Listen, I know I might not see you at Thanksgiving because you don't talk. I wanted to tell you, it's here. Teresa's pregnant.

Salute. You're assuming they're Italian. Hey, just taking shots. Now, Uncle Dan, pick up the tab. I would assume they're Irish or Polish. The Polish like a cocktail. They do. But yeah, that's good.

That's all right. I mean I Respect it. I respect the family dynamics. That's all I know and I appreciate that I've learned to appreciate it in my elder in my elder life Where's this dollar beer night shot man? Nothing's fucking better than dollar beers. I it's like that's draft Yeah, yeah Like I mean I bet when I was in, a lot of college bars were doing it. Dollar beers. That's different, yeah. Dollar Bud Light bottles, the one place used to do it.

That's pretty good bottles. Yeah, and we'd go up, because there'd be like 10 of us, it'd be packed, and we'd be in like a back corner of the table, and somebody would be like, I'm going to get beers. And at this point, you're like, you're doing, you're double, everybody's just fucking, you got, getting fucked up.

Because you got two hours to get these in. You know what I mean? They go back to fucking 450 afterwards. And I listen, I ain't got it. I told you I only have a 10 on me. It's been 550 on the chicken farm. So they would give us cases. They'd keep a case for I think. So you'd go like, hey, and they go, yeah, it's twenty four dollars.

Once you order 24 beer, because by the time you take everybody's order, one guy is going up. It's impossible to get to the front because it's packed you're going I need 18 beers or whatever so we just get a case and they would just hand you a you'd walk back like a whole click the kid would still be on open instead of him picking up 20 beers a cold yeah wow instead of him going like here you go here you go here you open in 20 beers you go fucking just take it that's what I know I trust you guys you're in back. That's that's how's the coolest

I've ever felt my life shot at the I think it was called the not the draft. It was the pub web It was called that's a spot that plays ball They just opened and we got we got we went in kind of early probably closed soon after sure I don't know if there's still you see if you're still open pub web temples campus probably on Cecil be more Cecil be more Cecil be more that's how they used to say it on the subway to bees no one B Cecil B more You know no no no is pub web to bees yeah, pub web still banging. Yeah What kind of specials they banging out there? We should go down everybody

I probably get a hero's welcome when I come back menu highlight their wings That's the name of the wings their way their wings Any they banging any any promo any beer promo and who's DJing tonight? They do they used to do comedy started doing comedy there I heard up there was like an upstairs, but there wasn't when I saw we went in it was like their first night open the guys Again, we just opened it was empty. So we got you know Familiarize yourself. That night with the bartend,

I remember playing 7-Eleven doubles on the bar. There was like three people in there. That's what you gotta do, you gotta get your foot in the door. Yeah, so we can, hey, then it got hot. Then they started the dollar beer night. But I'm fucking, I'm old hat. Goddamn legacy. I've been here for three days.

What do you got, Luke? Anything fun coming up? It seems like they clashed up the joint. I don't know go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant.

I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant.

I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go to the restaurant. I'm going to go for the lunch. Taco Tuesday, $5 taco basket. I like the sound of that. That ain't bad. Love a bar taco.

Yeah, I love all bar food. And you get a drink with purchase. Oh, look at that. Look at that. Four cheese steaks, four beers. Let's go run it back, Daddy-o. Dollar cheese steak, mate. All right, this one's from K Kippy Pulled DeGully.

Uh, $20 sucker here, never had one red. Is it garbage if you and your buddy are politely asked not to come back to the Boy Scouts because our dads brought a cooler of beer and a TV to watch the World Series on an overnight trip? This is about 1995, had rabbit ears going in the woods. That's fucked up! I mean, I- listen. The beers I get no I'm fine with all of it. I get why you weren't allowed back. That's not what the Boy Scouts is

I don't think making the kids responsible for that the fuck was supposed to those dad not to drink is a kid The dad's not coming back sure I get it, but the gear you're punishing the kids. I was I gotta be honest with you Dad's drinking in the woods bringing the TV out any guy listens to the show now. They made the right call Yeah, I mean, I'm assuming he Apple don't fall too far from the tree You know what I mean? Also, who knows buddy? You might have dodged a couple of bullets. Yeah, no kidding Might be involved in a clay section lawsuit Can't miss the World Series. Yeah, I mean, you know, I don't know why but I feel like this is in Chicago for some reason Yeah, it's the fucking cubbies or you know something for sure some diehard

Legacy team where you like it's a bunch of bunch of young kids. They probably wanted to watch it, too I know but they're supposed to be learning how to start a fire and do that shit start a fire get the hot dogs go Throw the goddamn game on. I'm on your fucking side here. Listen, I'm on your side. But they got to do like the basket. We got to do all kinds. They got to earn their badges out there.

Ain't hand out recreational learning. It's educational. Got money in the game. I never got the Boy Scouts ever. Meaning my mom was like, no way. I like pitched in at one point. She's like, oh, you get a pocket knife and a whatever You know she was like nah, I didn't get it Not for me. I liked all that stuff. I think I used to read boys life or something like that or whatever that magazine was

God whatever that magazine was or my cousin had it or something like that. He might have been a playgirl Mike honcho Pull my butt apart mustache. Oh, yes, there. This one's just cute. This is from Uncle Soppy. Is it garbage that our seven year old talks garbage speak? She always calls her little brother bonkos or screwballs. Also asked for a scream and me when she wants a cold sprite.

Listen, you got a good kid on your hands there. That's all I got a friggin scream and me. All right. Let's see. This one's from Cody. Ten dollar afternoon farmer. I forgot about it. Farmer, I ever made a day out of going to the airport to watch the Plains land. She says I get that, though, a little bit. That was a very big kid.

Yeah, that was a very big thing in like 80s movies Go lay on the hood of the car at the end of the runway. That would be cool And no fucking Facebook or nothing. Yeah, I mean you got a fill the time somehow make out also, too I think the access was a lot more unfeathered back then than it is now Yeah, you can't fucking get anywhere near it. Yeah, rightlyly so. Hey. Hey, I don't mind that. I don't forget. I don't hate that. That's just the same as driving around

and looking at houses. There was, sure, I think it's arguably cooler, especially if you got a kid, say you like trains or whatever. Say you got a kid who likes planes. What? I do like trains. I said you like too.

I didn't even include the present tense I do like trade I know I'd be weird if you just like went to the fucking subway just started staring at them I like subway. I like real trains Go tell go tell subway conducted it. I ain't a real fucking train Union Pacific Canadian Pacific the Santa Fe. I like those Okay, all right. I'm sorry. Guy? Cargo haulers, coal trucks. Okay. That's what we used to have.

Canadian Pacific was great. That's a nice passenger set. Sure. Lying out. Either way, I mean you're talking toys. What if a kid likes playing? Also, if you go to a small airport, watch the Cessnas all day long. That's probably pretty cool.

Yeah, I get it. You get a little more...there was one by my dad's, there was an airport by my house my dad rented when they first got divorced, that was like next to the road. I mean it was like, it was like a landing strip. Little crop duster. And they had the telephone poles with the, remember the balls on them?

Like the big red ball, the big yellow ball? It looked like a beach ball on the telephone pole. that was like they'd come in fucking that let them know that there was wires there And I really see plans land and take off from like What see I mean me to Luke? No fucking fence no nothing pretty sick Yeah, I was sick as shit every time we drove by I was like Have my fucking head out the window looking all about it. I used to drive by the Philadelphia Naval Yard.

Look at all the ships. I love that. Sure. Just sitting there. Mm hmm. There was the arm. I mean, there was the armory on. I mean, we just talked about. Yeah, that was the best. The armory on the boulevard, the fucking tank, some. They had some fucking big humvees those big like water And just everything shit you saw in desert storm just like all along the side intrepid slice in New York

He come to the city go check out the intrepid. It's pretty sweet I thought we went to go to a boxing match one time at the armory. I what's mad young There was like an amateur boxing man who you and Jerry You guys became fast friends. No, it was me my dad. It was like, you know, it was like a boxing match Yeah, what was he fucking dug the head? That's crazy From snack Easy Gary to nose Dude unboxing. It's a great pull your dad's taking you to an unlicensed boxing match?

I mean, I don't think it was sanctioned. I mean, I don't think Dana White was there or nothing. But yeah, it was like an amateur box. See if they had, you know, like an amateur boxing match. Roy Joe Jr. fought there in 2013. Oh. There you go. But we couldn't get in. The tickets were bunkers, so we had bad tickets.

We couldn't get in. It was pouringers. So we have been tickets He couldn't get it and it was pouring rain private night tonight chips Come on I got my kid here. Just let us the fuck in but it was like it was my dad me my brother another guy My brother like my brother, you know, I mean, it's like a group of kids and dads and kids I realized as a divorced kid you You spent a lot of time with your dad and one of his boys. Yeah, but they weren't my dad's boys. They were my brother's friends' dads.

But you did spend a lot of time with people like Jerry. With the boys? Yeah. I mean, yeah, we would sit at the office and drink beers before everybody left. It was great. Jerry's picking you up from school. There was Sam Gray.

They're all at your games watching you. God, Kevin! Little fat ass out there. In the head with a soccer ball. Uh, yeah, it was Sam Gray. I mean, it was all just dudes. Jerry, Jimmy and Jerry, they were connected at the hip. Surprise, Jerry surprise Jerry surprise Jimmy wasn't on the job with us Jerry and Jimmy were And I would love to say all their last names because they're all just such

Philly dirtbag names, but I don't you know I haven't talked to these guys in fucking 30 You look there's a casalowski in there somewhere It's a lot of that kind of it's a lot of the names you would go Jimmy McDonough, Jerry Kazalowski Jimmy and Jerry. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah, they were inseparable Jimmy and Jerry. That's all right. But yeah, all right. But we didn't get in so then we went forgot we didn't get into the we didn't get into the fights. So we went to Not Georgines. Georgines is where the comedy works is Giro's down there. It's closed now. I've mentioned heroes before it was like an independent Fridays. Oh

Friggin right sir my dad This is a dance senior the heavy and senior episode it's a family show And senior episode it's a family show All right, this one's from Ethan never have one read is it garbage if I owed the toll way $2,500 Shit, I switch vehicles pretty often so they haven't been able to deny my registration yet at the tax office That's fucking crazy. Holy fuck. I mean that's the you mean he means going through tolls Yeah, he's right a lot of times. It's the penalties and interest to get you on that 2500 I vote more I vote that she's the show is happening. Yeah when this show was happening

I vote that because during covert they waived it and I didn't have easy pass They waived it as a wave tolls they Yeah, because not everything was easy pass and then Not I would have to pay cash because I didn't have easy pass waves So you weren't allowed to write right wait waived it meaning at a later date or just no just no toll Okay, and I kind of had you oh I kind of let that roll for a year and a half or whatever you Then they started. They started sending in registration suspension notices and I started crying. I cried like a baby back bitch.

I need my car. Yeah. Well, that was when you were. You'd get like a fucking. Registration cancellation, looking down, staring down the barrel like a twenty two hundred dollar charge, and I was making I don't know 1200 bucks a month had to cover rent think my wife made that good girl Getting her pregnancy lease I could do Don't worry, I'll knock you up. Real class act you are.

Alright, this one's from Mallory. $10 investor, never have one read. Is it classy or trashy after you were born, your grandmother rented the town prom limo to bring you and your parents home from the hospital? That's a good time. I don't think you can put a car seat in a limo, can you? Yeah. I guess in the back.

All the way in the front. No. In the back? Yeah, yeah, I guess that makes sense. I don't think there's seat belts in the front. I think there's- Listen. It's trash.

All right, you got me. Stop, they weren't using fucking seat belts and they probably weren't using a goddamn car seat. The mom was holding that kid. Like breastfeeding. Yeah. Which were you breastfed or bottle fed? I'm not a goddamn car seat. The mom was holding that kid. I'm breastfeeding. Yeah. Um which are you breastfed or bottle

fed? I don't know. I'd have to ask Patty. I don't know what I was either. What was that? I don't know what they were doing in the 70s and 80s. I want to say probably breastfed. I'm going to find out. No. I'll call her later. Uh yeah. I was just curious. I would say say breastfed Yeah, I think I was a combo you can cuz you can do both. No, you can't yeah you can I don't think so

I don't know why you're looking I thought you can't do both because then the kid don't want one or the other That's what I thought I heard. I don't know nothing about I'm sure you can I might not be advised at all times But I'm sure you can do it. Yes, it's possible and often recommended to combine both. Okay. Why aren't we taking our lactation methods advice from Henry Foley? Oh, you can't do that! It's all in a movie one time. Throwing it out there.

Maybe that's why you're well balanced, because you got both. I probably only got, I was thinking about where my deep-seated seated instinctual love of milk comes from like when I drink milk. I have a reaction that's the grossest thing I've ever seen. It gets in your beard. I have I have a chemical reaction in my brain that I

don't get with any other beverage. I get that with current life. So maybe that's it could be, you know, I don't know. God damn it. All right. This one's from Bree Nutter Butter and Jelly. This is this. Listen, I've seen a lot of dirt bag moves.

I try to help out my friends when I can. Letters of recommendation. I'll flub of W2 or whatever to get someone an apartment or whatever. Of course. That's how I operate. I've been a reference on many, many, many job applications. And listen, I think if you're a dirtbag and you have dirtbag friends, you need to fucking unite and help each other when you can to fight against demand.

Yo, by the way, just so you know, I put your name down as a reference. If anybody calls you, manage a restaurant called Skippy's. And I worked there between here and there and I was a good employee No problem. It's got to be I didn't I haven't done the job reference in quite a long time, but that's got to be hard to do Now now everything's just Google you can't be like I yeah, you can't make up a place And also the number they could just call the number like in hey, I worked at fucking Garbanzos on second Street and if that is if that doesn't exist, they can find that out immediately. If it does exist, they can just Google it and have the real number to garbanzos.

Not a 312 number, something like that. One eight hundred one eight hundred. I'm lying to you. It sucks. All right. But here it is. Write this down. This is great. Corporate life hack to help your homies. OK. I've been pretty successful in my career.

So for my old team members people used to work with or his boys or anybody, you know, hourly people, whatever. Gotcha. His extended crew. Once a year or so, I use my position to write them offer letters with promises of more money. They take that to their current boss, different companies, whatever, and ask, hold on,

they take that to their current boss and ask if their company can match the offer. Should the company not be able to match, my homies just tell them after a few days, I decided to stay with you out of loyalty, which usually results in some sort of pay increase. Pfft. Whoa. Mind fucking blown. First of all, solid fucking dude.

Dude, that's solid. You're a dirt bag of the year. That is fucking amazing. Talking, letting the boys wet their beaks and it don't cost him fucking unbelievable. Hey, listen, I'm making $50,000 a year. I just got an offer for 60 I love you. I want it. I love working here. I love the cult love the whatever Just want to give you guys the option to match it

I'm not sure what I'm doing, but I just want to let you know This is that that might be the most bulletproof dirtbag move I've ever heard in my life. Okay, listen. That made me so happy, dude. That is the sickest move. Like you said, hey, I decided, listen, it's, it might be a good opportunity. I love what I do here. I'm gonna stay. I appreciate you considering it. I'm gonna, I'm gonna go back to the office. I'll be back at the desk. Or they bang out. Boom. Here you go. Sixty. You know what? We can't get to 60. we can do 57.5. Perfect.

You know what? Ha, dude, that's so sick. Here's the other side of it. You're talking about being able to check it. Let's say they call. Yeah, this is so and so. That's on Garbazzo's letterhead. It's his name.

It's technically a real offer. Yeah. It's not like they're just making that up. Fuck, that's awesome. So good, dude. I mean, like proper. Who is this guy? Uh, this is, I think it's a woman.

I mean, Bree, Bree, Nutter, Butter and Jelly is the name. I'm gonna have to get Bree in here. That's pretty good. That's, I mean. That's genius level. Everybody should, if you could do that, if you own a garage, if you can do it at any, what is? That's paying it forward. Yeah, cause you kinda go in with your tail

between your legs a little. Not to between, but like, hey listen, I don't, I'm not, this isn't, I'm not demanding this. I'm just saying, hey, I have an offer letter. I was out golfing with so and so he liked me. I got this offer. Were you looking for another job? You're not happy here? No, not at all.

I was I was I remember that golf tour that I went to with the O'Briens from, you know, and Jerry and Jim. Somehow that led to, you know, do you know this guy? Yeah, we used would you have to tell him you work together? Yeah, you know, did you? Also,, you can say oh my old boss just random. Oh bingo. You don't need a backstory Yeah, my old boss or a guy as you know I used to work there. I used to work at garbanzos They're trying to poach me back. I Just giving you the heads up. I love it here

You know I'd like to give you the offer to match it or get close because I love what I do I'm not sure what I'm doing but like I just want to you know unless you suck at your job and they go get the fuck out of here hmm you know I that's that's pretty goddamn good man it's very rare that I'm your brain's working over time just got approached Andrew Schultz just hit me up. Expect my uh... I would love to see you try. Mr. Ryan D. H. U. O. Ryan D. Enterprises. Shout out to Bree. That's amazing. What a fucking way. We gotta wrap it up. What a way to end it. Take that and fucking rip off corporate America if you can. That's a goddamn home run. Gang, we love ya. We'll see ya next week. Peace!