Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Counterfeit Burger King w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: January 1, 2023

Are You Garbage is back with a Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Buy the New Years Day Livestream w/ Are You Garbage and Special Guests https://www.moment.co/ayg NYC! Get Tickets to the Gramercy Show, Access Code: GARBAGE https://www.livenation.com/event/k7vGF99hSu4jM/are-you-garbage-podcast Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Adam & Eve: https://www.adamandeve.com/ Promo Code: Garbage This Show is sponsored by BetterHelp Better Help: https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE True Classic: https://www.trueclassictees.com Promo Code: Garbage Rocket Money: https://www.rocketmoney.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans

Happy New Year gang! We are kicking the year off right to in the live stream tomorrow evening, New Year's Day. Come hang out with the boys. Yeah, we got a lot planned. We got interviews with Patty. We got interviews with Denise. We're giving away a goddamn cruise, ladies and gentlemen. If you joined this stream, we're going to be giving away a cruise to someone in the stream. It's going to be a good time. We've got signature cocktails. We've got guests coming by. Go to moment.co slash ayg. The link's in the description. Sign up today. Save a couple bucks. Let's do it. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin

Ryan and H Foley. Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Oh, yeah. It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians that we find that have to be classy. Yeah. They're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, H Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at Aunt Tootie's basement. She's upstairs getting ready for the New Year's Eve festivities. Okay. Okay. She just picked up a bunch of those funny glasses that say the year on them, 2019, but still she got them on a deal. All right, dickhead. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. What the fuck? She's just kind of weak and he comes at me like this.

That's like you saw that one coming, huh? Yeah, anybody did. Here's the CEO of Are You Garbage. She is an international businessman and he's my best pal in the whole world, unfortunately. Give it up for KJ. It's Kevin J. Ryan, everybody. Come on. Chris and his kid. What's up, everybody? Thanks for a cruise, I charge. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube, as you know those numbers are. Tritter up. Fucking. And obviously, you want to talk about really cooking, hachi-machi-patreon.com slash Are You Garbage, sign up, join that fucking contingent of the Army of Garbage, baby. It's a good time over there. I'll tell you that. It's a good time.

We got a lot of vlog stuff. We got fucking, you get weekly episodes of hard feelings, weekly episodes of AYG. It's a good fucking time. And then also, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention this is coming out on the eve. It is. Of the big live stream. You're getting this a day early. Early release. Early release. You're getting this on Saturday, the day before the live stream. You've got to make room on the shelves for the live stream. Everything must go, daddy-o. We are doing our live stream live from Toadies. It's going to be at moment.co slash AYG. New Year's Day. Sign up today. If you're the day you're hearing this and you save a couple of bucks. Yeah. You save two tree bucks. Sign up. We got guests coming.

We got Patty and Denise interviews. Cocktails. We got cocktails. We could do it with answering some questions from the chat, from the Patreon, a whole nine yards. Get fucking involved. And we're giving away a cruise. Oh, I forgot about that. I'm like, I know there's something else. And Foley's like, cocktails. I'm like, yeah, that's what it was. We're giving away a goddamn cruise because everybody loves them. Everybody wants a cruise. Now you got yourself a fucking cruise. So when you join the live stream, it's got to be live. You got to join live. Terms and conditions apply. You join live. Yeah, people were asking if I watch it later in the week. Can I still win? What are you talking about? Yeah. Also, Toadies got a fucking time machine.

We go back in time and pull your name out. They buried in shrimp tails by then. What do you mean? So, yeah, we're giving away something. We got to figure that out. We haven't really talked about it. Only that we're giving away a cruise for two. I assume it'll be the same package you gave me. Not the exact pack. Of course. I told you, I did a lot of research on it. And what I did... October is the best time to go. Well, the monetary value that I put in the gift card will cover a three day cruise from Miami to the Bahamas. Now, if you're on the left coast or... Well, there's different ports all over the place. But... Different ports of call. What we could do is just do a $1,000 gift card to any cruise line...

The cruise line of your choice. Cruise line of your choice. There it is. We're figuring it out in real time. And you join... If you join the live... But we're not just sending a grant because you'll use it on drugs. We want you to go on the cruise. Yeah, we want you to go on the cruise and get $1,000. It's non-transferable. Don't sell on this thing for 50 cents on the dollar. Hey, what are you doing? What are you doing? Yeah, it's a gift. That I'd respect. Yeah. Maybe throw a couple of... A couple of fucking points my way. You want to get your neighbors out of their house for three days so you can root through their underwear, George? Uh-huh. There you go. Sniffing some panties. Let's do it. And boxers.

That's how I do. Yeah, good stuff. Yeah, so check it out. It'll be a good time. We've got a lot fucking planned. We put a lot of effort and money into this thing to make it cool and make it exciting and make it a fun time. So we're doing it. It's gonna be fun. Yeah. And tickets are still on sale for the February 3rd show of the Gramercy Theater. Uh-huh. But they're starting to move a little bit. It's more than halfway gone. Yeah. So get those there. That's gonna go. That's gonna go. Don't sit around on that. If you're in the city, come see us. We love you. Thank you for everything. What a great year. You guys are fantastic. And how about a nice quick shout out to our producer, extraordinaire, the Magic Man. Makes us all look good. Works the ones and twos. Crosses the T's

and dots the I's. Give it up for T-Mode McScroffins. Toby McMullen, everybody. Hey, what's up, dudes? What up, T-Bone? And there's something else I keep forgetting. What's your middle name again? Benjamin. Benjamin. Is it really? What? Was it being honest? Yes. Wait, you're fucking with me. Loser. Benjamin. Correct. Benjamin. And this is how dumb I am. I often have to look at my ID to remember how to spell it correctly. I think you're lying because you wouldn't just tell me because they asked you all the time and you won't tell me. No, I've told you before. Thomas. Really, Benjamin? It sure is. Thomas Benjamin McMullen. That's correct. What? And it's his birthday, everybody. It was my birthday yesterday. Damn. Swing it a miss. Happy birthday. Thank you very

much. The bozos and homies who hit me up. They did not. Some people did. That's how I saw a comment on YouTube. It's Toby's birthday and I said, I knew that. So I pulled out the old phone and sent a text. Hey, happy birthday to my best pal. The 29th of December. Talk about fucking coming in the hard way. That stinks. Between a rock and a bad holiday. I was giving a birthday cake on Christmas. Talk about a tough look, man. Splitting your cake with Jesus. That ain't no good. Turned your piece into crumbs. That sucks. That great. Did you do it this year? They gave you the birthday cake? Sure, because I got a cousin who also has the same birthday. We had a little shared cake. It was very sweet. Oh, what? Did I know that? I told you before we started recording.

Oh, you did. Okay. Wow. You share one, man. Now, normally would you be out to lunch and dinner? Normally, would you be together on your birthday and you have to share a birthday cake with them? No, no, no, no. They live in North Carolina. He hasn't spent a birthday with his family in a hundred years. I'm saying when he was a kid, whatever. No, no, I would that they. So at least you kind of got that spotlight growing up. Sure. You just shared it with Jesus. Yeah. My parents had a birthday tree and a Christmas tree. Very embarrassing. Oh my God. Got me in the local newspaper. He's Backwoods Hillbillies. What are they doing? The mayor was a possum. I got you five meetings, five minutes with the mayor.

No, I'm kidding, mom. The birthday tree was great. Since everybody was home and around their families, I got two things to propose for you. What's that, pal? Is it trash if you keep clean pots and pans like you're not cooking with them? You're not cooking. They're not dirty. If you leave them on the stove, if that's where they live, is that trash? If they live there, that's bad. You think so, huh? What do you say, Hillbilly? They shouldn't be out. Yeah. Unless they're hanging in a nice kind of ordeal. On the stove. They live on the stove. I do. I did it this morning. I washed my two little pans after I made my brekkie, and I put them right back on the stove because they were still a

little wet or what I was just kind of like, I'll deal with that later. Yeah, you figure if you put them in there, mushrooms will grow on them or something like that. I don't know. I mean, really? That's what you worry about? Mushrooms growing on your pots and pans between breakfast and lunch? That's why he quit. Kind of like moss growing on my skillet. That was the first thing. Yeah, that is true. They should be away, especially if company's over. It'd be one thing if it's there, or whatever, you'll get to it. But that's not, you can't keep them on there like it's a showroom? First of all, it's not a showroom. No. Also, what showroom do you go where you're like, oh, what would it look like if the pans were on this stove? Ikea does that, don't they?

I don't think so. No, I love those Ikea showrooms. Which makes me think of what like a different life I would have. Yeah, but there's always a family in the next room, fucking, you know. Dad's got the mom in a headlock. That's just some stock boy who missed breakfast. Keep it moving, fatty. Go check out the linens. Do you have a male relative that always misses a little tiny spot when they're shaving? Oh, yeah. Not always, but that was the first I did notice that on a couple of uncles. My dad, for a while, had a little baby mini Hitler right here, that little tiny one that he always missed. Brutal. There's a certain age you get where you missed the neck and you get like four long hairs and you're like, you didn't

really, after you shave, you got to get up, I get up real close. So I got the tri-fold mirror. I check it from every angle. You give it this, you give it that. Really? Because I'm getting to that. I'm kind of in that now. What? That I got a lot of shit going on. I got, I have, I have, I have. That's an understatement, but sure. I got the ear hair. I have the long, I have a long hair on my ear that just goes and goes and goes and I forget about it. I mean, okay. You forget about it. And then all of a sudden you're like, oh shit. And then you pull it out. I got that. I'm starting to get the, the, the facial hair that's going up towards my eye. I got that. I'm like, I'm shaving my cheek like a fucking, like a skunk ape. It's brutal. And in my, in my ear, forget about it.

You got to take care of it as you get older. I know. I got to go back to the girls and get my eyebrows hooked up too. And I'm in serious need of a, of a petty, but it's not the toes. It's the feet. And they know it when I come in. I give them a 20 before they, I tip them before they start. That's what alcoholics do. That's how they tip the bartender before you start drinking. Hey buddy, I'm going to need it quick and I'm going to need it fast. All right. Cold and fast. Let's go. No, man. I let them know because there's a lot of exfoliating going on the bottom of them feet and they break out the cheese grater and they fucking shave it all off. So I got to go back and get all gussied up. I had to say one thing. I forgot about it this morning. I was going

to tweet it. I was making my eggies. I typically like a little bit of cheese in my eggies. You know what I mean? A little bit of shredded cheese. Have you got a slice of them? Whatever. Remember that? I don't know about you. That wasn't, that wasn't a birthright for me when I was a kid. No, I just started doing it recently. Man. I feel like a goddamn aristocrat. I think I was like 10 or 11 when she started putting little pieces of Velveeta in there. I didn't do it. I didn't do it, but my only option and I contemplated it. Parmesan? The shake parmesan. That's okay. That's okay. I don't think it is. Shake parmesan? Let me tell you something about that shake. Well, first of all, you call it, it's grated parmesan, you animal. It's not. It's not

any of that. What are you using? The craft and the green bottle? But you get the nice. You get lactatella. You get lactatella. No. That's like damn much. The bird don't allow it. First of all, she'll buy the fresh. She typically buys the fresh parmesan and shreds it. That's okay. That's okay. We have that thing now too. It's a cheese grater, but it looks like a shovel. And then it just has the little dots in it. I think that's for fruit. Is it? Maybe, I guess everything. But yeah, yeah, yeah. The little like handle one. It looks like you do your toes. You do your heels with. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I think that's right. Yeah, you fucking over anything. Yeah. But I didn't do it, but I was like, just because it would ruin them and I was out of eggs. It wouldn't ruin them.

I don't know. It wouldn't have been great. It's not true. It's also like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's a parmesan cheese. Pecorino Romano. Jesus Christ, it's a family show here. Take your pecorino and do whatever you want with it on your own time. Ray Romano's Italian cousin, huh? I have some breakfast news from down south. Okay. Cindy's got a squirrel to start a year. Is it flying? The flying squirrel. That's an Easter. You kidding me? Cindy's got your back fully. On what? She cooks the whole pack of bacon. Where did he go? No. Yeah, that's the problem. The problem. I didn't say that I ate it. I clearly said, go to the table. I know I've watched it. You've admitted that it gets eaten throughout

the day. I guarantee you, his mom is not eating a pack of bacon today. I bet the old man goes in there and picks. He does. Yeah. Listen, the argument was, you're not a guy who can have just made bacon laying around and have the restraint to eat it. Sure. But she said, but you do it in the oven like a gentleman is what she said. Okay. All right. I don't know. I'll give her that. Um, I'll give her that. So I didn't do that. I didn't do the cheese, but it was one of those moments of like, this feels like it's like one step above dog food or something. Why? That's not, you know, it's not. First of all, it's, dude, it's just cheese that's just open and fine forever. Whatever. What's in that? Nothing. It's aged. Dry aged. What are you talking

of dry? It's aged cheese. Cheese. All cheese is aged. Yeah. They age it a little longer. You don't know what you're talking about. Cheese monger over here. Do you not put your cheese in the fridge? I do. I do. But that just sits out on the shelf forever. Sure. That could sit out on the shelf for years. That's an expiration date. It's, first of all, they didn't put it on the shelf. They put it in the tube and that hangs off the shelf. The two little like dispenser. Oh yeah. I'd like to know what brand that is because I don't think it would have been that bad if you, okay, there's two ways you could have done that. It was more of like a, I don't want, I don't, you could have sprinkled that in while you were cooking it. Or at the end, when you're done and you put it on your plate,

you can hit it with a little bit of that. I know. I'm aware. And you know, it's not a bad combination. This might be an unpopular opinions. Might be decisive. Decisive. Parmig, undecided. Ah, divisive. Divisive. We bug you back in. The Parmesan cheese and a little bit of ketchup goes together pretty well. I don't know. All right. You put that Parmesan cheese on anything. I love it. I sprinkled it on my salad. I'll give you. Yeah. I don't know. It just, it just felt like such a cheap substitute to like, I was looking for some nice shredded, you know, something. Red crumbs would have been a cheap substitute. And then to put fucking, you know, salt dosed all my eggies in the morning when I'm trying to sit there like a gentleman.

That just didn't feel right. Blue cheese would have been a bad thing. Oh man. Dude, some crumble. Blue cheese will turn an egg around though. You're chopping up a, I used to do Feta a lot. Feta is great. Oh man. When I first found out about Feta, it was probably four years, four years ago. It was the first time I had a line item in my monthly expenditure. I was buying fresh Feta. It's great. Like I was putting it in everything. Yeah. Didn't come across that until I was probably about 25. Yeah. Feta is fucking fantastic. But blue cheese and eggs. I'm joking. I do like crumble blue cheese. Of course it's not an eggs though. What's the difference? I don't know about that. It's not bad on a burger.

The shelf life of Kraft Parmesan grated cheese, 10 to 12 months in the refrigerator. In the refrigerator. What is it on the shelf though, before you open it? Some of that stuff sits there for like a decade. I don't know. That ain't good. I don't know. What other cheese lasts that long too? That don't make any sense. The roaches will eat that. That don't make no sense. No other cheese you get last a year. Well, we were kids. You know, Irish, Irish household, she bought one of those every two years. I went through it. That on some butter noodles. We didn't really fuck with it. Well, we were heavy on it. Yeah, it would get, it would get, it would turn into a boulder before you have to really give it the

You'd really have to tap the 57s on that thing. I'll loosen that up a little bit. Give that thing a couple of drinks. Another thing too, obviously Christmas just passed and then some somber news, my stepfather passed away. So we're down there at the house, you know, the whole thing. And it was a day or two after, after Christmas. And so I was down there and I left yesterday. I came back up to New York yesterday and I was getting ready to leave the house. And you know, it's like Christmas just happened. So there's like boxes and gifts and the trees and everything's up. So I got my stepdad a $50 gift certificate to Wawa. That's what he likes. That's what it was.

He wouldn't want me to have this in his life. So I'm getting ready to leave and that gift card's just sitting there. Can you spend the Dead Man's Wawa gift card is what I want to know. A $50 gift card. That's what you got him. That's all he wants. He's a very unique man. My sister bought him the same flannel every year. My brother bought him something else, a button-up maybe that he would wear and then I would get him a $50 gift card. I think last year I was probably a $20 gift card, we're being honest, but I made a couple of bucks this year so I sprung for the $50. He deserved it. He was a great man. What is it? Crazed. My mom goes, take it, take it. It just did it. That's hers now.

It felt like I was robbing his grave. He's going to need it to pay the boat man. Two exon cards over his eyes. That's terrible. Wawa, we're a Wawa family. Yeah, dude. That's now your mom's. You can't take that. She told me I didn't steal it. She told me. She's in mourning. What the fuck? Poor women's in shock. Jesus Christ. So if anybody's out there, I'm trying to get, there's no Wawa's around here. I'm willing to borrow these with it for a cash value. Get an extra large bag of flips going like, you can't take it with you. Listen, you got to spend, you know, you got to. Did you say a bag of flips? Yeah.

Some chocolate river pretzels? Oh yeah. Oh, shout out to them. Those things are all right. Yeah. I remember when they hit the scene. I did too. My buddy packed him in the rundown. He goes, they keep the salt on them. That's what makes it so good. That stuff's all right. That and a fruit tope and good night. Yeah, you're a dirtbag. Yeah, man. I didn't spend it yet and I did go to Wawa to get said sizzly. Did you? Do my Nextle? I got a sizzly tooth. I had ice teeth. I don't know how to make that large cup of coffee. God damn, no. Sizzlies are all right. Oh, I had another thing while I was at said Wawa, not using the gift card pain with my

own, my own box. Uh-huh. Kevin, it's like about that rocket money, baby. That rocket money. We saving you money on your subscriptions because you've got a bunch of subscriptions that you don't realize you have. Sure. You think you're spending 20, 50, 80 bucks a month when you're getting jacked up about $2,300. Yeah. So they do. They go through. They cancel all the subscriptions. You're not using. Push them a button. Easy peasy. Double, it's fantastic. You can even find out if you've been double charged for subscriptions. What's happened out there? Those big corporations trying to wet their beak once they're 20. Double dipping on you. Oh, we didn't know, blah, blah, blah.

To cancel subscriptions, you just press cancel. Rocket money takes care to rest. Easy peasy, baby. I did it. I found out I was paying for some bogus fucking streaming site. Were you? Yeah. Something I signed up for a free trial, and then they were just taking out like 14 bucks a month every time. Sons of bitches. So you get rid of useless subscriptions with Rocket Money now. Go to rocketmoney.com.com slash garbage. Seriously, it could save you hundreds of dollars per year. That's rocketmoney.com slash garbage. Cancel your unnecessary subscriptions right now at rocketmoney.com.com slash garbage. Do it. Kevin, let's talk about True Classics. Oh, baby, love that True Classics. Let's talk about the most comfortable,

best-fitting t-shirt out there. Best in the biz. And big boys, here's the scoop. Everyone's been giving me shit saying, I'm a 5x. I squeeze into their 3x, and it feels really good. I wear it as my undershirt to keep me warm in the winter. And let me tell you, when I lose the weight, I'll be a True Classics man through and through. Pipes feel good. That does. Belly doesn't show. It's all I wear, baby. Comfy cozy. I've been a True Classics man way before they even started advertising on a podcast. That's how much I love it. And you got to cycle new ones in. You've worn the hell out of your shirts. Get them in. I order a couple, like every two months, I get a pack. Come in and keep it fresh. You look good. They feel good. Your first step to

feeling good is looking good, baby. Stop being a dirtbag. What do you do with your life? You can get 25% off at trueclassics.com slash garbage, free shipping included on purchases over $100 at 25% off at trueclassics.com slash garbage. Santa won't be the only one slaying this time of year, thanks to True Classics. I put one on and my wife wants to have sex with me. It's great. 25% off at trueclassics.com, such garbage do it. I saw maybe one of the toughest looks that I've seen because I was there. I've done something very similar. I've done it. But the guy in front of me, buying a couple, two treat things, probably was like 35 bucks. I think he had like a pack of smokes. He had a couple of sandwiches, whatever.

It looked like he was getting stuff for like the office or whatever. Sure. I mean, a group of people, a family, whatever. They cater now too, by the way. Wow, what does? I'm getting divorced and I'm getting married again just to have them do that. So his card gets declined. Guy in front of you. Guy in front of me. Not judging. I've been there. Been there a lot. It's the back. I don't know. Their computers were down. Something, that's what you say. He goes, no, it doesn't go through. So now you're thinking, boy, do I jump in? It's the holidays. Do I help them out? Really? Just so happen to have a $15 gift card on me. No, I'm just sitting there waiting. I'm like,

whatever. It's just awkward because it's like, it's taking a while. He goes, I don't know. Let me try again. I'm like, buddy, save yourself. Don't do it again. We know it ain't going through. You do the same card twice. Then you go to the lie. Let me try another card. Oh, fuck, I don't have it on me. Then you throw coffee in their face. And make a move for the safe. You douse them in orange drink. Run for the door. That stuff's sticky. Be getting that out of their hair for weeks. And you duck down because they got the tape measure on them.

They're looking for some dickhead who's 5'3". I'm 5'8". They have no idea. No. So he typically, that's a shame that is usually a shameful process for the person in it. Right? You're like, oh, I'm sorry. Here's the thing. That's a shameful process for the dirtbag who doesn't have money. That's why we have always had shame in it because we were always lying, knowing full well that it was probably going to get declined. Or it was a 50-50 shot. People who have backup credit cards and all that kind of stuff, they just, they know that it's an electronic issue. So I wasn't getting electronic

issue vibes from this guy. This guy was hemmed up? It seemed hemmed up. You straighten them out? No. Very christian, everybody. This is the season. Hey, buddy, I got a haunted gift card, if you didn't know. Oh, man. But, so what he did was, he goes, oh, this is bullshit. Pulls out the banking app on his phone. And he goes, look, I got money. And I'm like, that's a bad, that's a guy who knows he's wrong. First of all, I think that was a screenshot.

Yeah, screenshot. Someone else. You googled Jay's banking app picture. No, you had money in July of 2021. So that's an old statement. Oh, this poor bastard. So what'd you do? He then started moving some suit at one point. He's on his phone and just not even worried about the line or, oh, hold on, take him. Let me, you know, I got to transfer. He's on the phone? Who's he talking to? Nobody's talking to the person. What person? The cashier. Oh, he's showing them like the banking app. He's like, what the fuck, sir? I don't care. Gotcha. And not at one point does he go, oh, I'm sorry, here, take him, whatever, you know.

I mean, now my sizzle is getting cold. I've got breakfast to eat. I'm going to put this back in the heat lamp. Hey, buddy, it looks like he's going to be a while. I'm going to get this back under the light. Okay. Dude, at one point, he's got Venmo open. He's got, he's just looking for like couch change at this point to make this person. Hey, finally made it, but it took about two minutes. Okay. I'm just sitting. That's too long. I feel, I feel you step aside. Hey, I'm sorry. I tell you what. Hold on. Just give me a second. If you got me behind you and you step aside, I'm taking care of that for you.

If it's reasonable. I'm not dropping two Gs in a while. Three cartons of fucking pole molds, this guy. Not buying burnies for the boys. Yeah. You're not getting a pallet lunch. Because that shows a little humility. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I got a question for you, fellas. Hold on one second. Speaking of Wawa, shout out to Chris at the flower town. Wawa kid, kid works there. Okay. So I'm there here a day with my cousin. Yeah. Back here with that sizzly. You didn't pay for that.

Said he loves to show him and his brother. So shout out to him. Great to meet you, buddy. Also, another dirtbag move performed by Kevin James Ryan. I would first of all want to give a shout out to Mike at Suplex sneakers down here in South. Of course. Hit them up for shoes for the boys, the kids, my nephews. Which is crazy. The kids love shoes now. To get shoes as a kid, you were like, give me a toy, give me a gun, give me something, you know?

Yeah. My nephews the same way. They like to shoot. So I go, yo, he goes, I go, I need these in a four, one out of these in an eight or whatever. Hits me up because y'all send them to the crib. No problem. Cool. But I go, what do I, he goes, nothing. Just a shout out to him. But now I'm giving free. I'm giving shit I got for free as a gift. Man. Talk about a slime ball. That and the $50 gift card I made out pretty good this year, dude. I'm up, baby. I'm up, baby. Hey. Yeah. It felt real. So I had to tell the, I had to tell my brother and my son,

I told him, my God, and I, I'll get them something else, but I just can't, I can't walk around like I paid for these, man. If it comes out in the future, I'm really fucked. I think I could have, I could have handled that. What do you mean? I would have, I would have been okay with that. With what? Letting. Letting them think that I paid for them. Oh, for sure. But big shout outs, obviously. Yeah. Just didn't feel right. I was like, let me give you something.

So I don't feel like a fucking whore. You kids like, wow, wow. What are your thoughts on a shorty? I got a, I got a wow, wow style question for you fellas. Fire away, T-Bone. Have you ever left a penny? Take a penny, leave a penny. Always. Yeah. Leave pennies.

Uh, yeah. I was always real nervous with the give a penny, leave a penny. Cause my math was never that. I always felt like my math was all, my dad used to do that and would fuck cashiers up. That started in the 90s, right? I believe it did. They didn't do that shit in the 80s. My real dad would do like the, uh, hey, it's five, your total's five, 37. And he would give a- Leave a penny, take a dollar. No, he, he would hand them like 13, 12 and be like, you know, after-

Wait, send it again? They would be like, hey, your total's five, 57. Okay. And then he would not want all the ones in the chain. So he would be like, he would give them like $11. And I'm making this up as I don't know the math, but like 72 cents. He'd be like, just give me 10, 50 back. Oh man.

You know what I mean? And they got, it's like a 13 year old cashier and he's already like entered. So he's not got to do the math. And the rest of the walla line is jammed up. To a strange theory. And then like he like, you know, here yell me two bucks. It was like, he might have been conning them. Well, some method with an abacus.

That is, that usually is a red flag. What? To, you know, just from me working, you know, behind a register. That's a red, somebody comes in, obviously that wasn't doing that, but when somebody comes in and starts doing it, you know, the three cotton, give me this, this back and bup, bup, bup, this 20. You know, you're getting awesome. No, it was always, it was always a move because it was like, I don't want the seven

pennies and the, you know, it was like, just give me or like, and like the ones or whatever. Sure. Just give me a five back. I'll give you an extra dollar and instead of giving me four, give me a full five back. Sure. That and whenever, whenever somebody tries to pay something really small with a large bill, you know, you know, it's a fake bill. I had one fake bill one time.

I got back from a golf course or like a driving range. I broke a hundred. I think they gave me a 20. Yeah. And it looked wonky and I took it somewhere and they were like, no, I'm like, really? And I took it to a, I went to a Burger King to be honest with you. I got shut down from a Burger King with it.

Did you know it was fake? I didn't. It looked wonky and she's like, sir, we can't take this. This is not the king's currency. This must be from a far away land. This is an outrage. The king is expecting me. You realize that you realize you're holding me up.

You knew Marcus earliest. Now I'll take my burger buddies. The Burger King original chicken sandwich, the long one. Yeah. They turned that into a poem probably around 2001. I was all or the Italian or something. Bro, my brother, we dude, they were so fucking good. Yeah.

The chicken pond, the long one. Then they start getting in that bullshit, trying to compete with Popeyes and whatever. Hey, you don't need all that rock and roll shit. You fucking keep it old school, baby. Still rock and roll to me, baby. You got the long dinger. You got the hog.

He had chopped up chicken meat. But what the fuck? A chicken patty's great. Man, they're pulling. That was really. I know. If there's been a porn made, I've had it. All right.

That was really something else. I had one yesterday. Hold on. What? What were you saying? Oh, yes. All right. So you're trying to pass fake money in Burger King.

I'm not trying. I had suspected it and it was. But you still tried to use it. To whet your whistle. I didn't print it out or anything. It was given to me as change. So you're pushing it off on them. I'm going to be out 20 bucks.

That's a big corporation. They account for that every year. It's a write off. They probably threw that kid in the moat with the alligators at the end of his shift. Off with his head. That's bad. Fake bills in my kingdom.

That's bad debt. No. That kid had to pay for that at the end of his shift. No. No. Well, that little fucking pimple thing. So you can stuff your fat face with a bacon double cheeseburger. You piece of shit.

That little twerp didn't take it and embarrassed me in front of my friends. You know how embarrassing that was? I had to watch my franny to chicken porn, but not me. Also, what a wild day. Went to a driving range and then Burger King. Talk about a couple of studs. When you shake the bucket of balls

and 8,000, 14,000 calories at lunch. Especially if you fit through the door with all that pussy hanging off you, huh? They're probably pulling at you. We walked in and these guys have fake money for sure. I pulled up in the aluminum too. You walked in smelling like chicken fries. These guys stink.

Ah, man. So I went, I had to go to like two or three places and I finally got, I finally got a deli to take it. Poor bastards should have had the marker. You know what I mean? Oh, what a scumbag. What do you mean? I'm not a scumbag.

I was all hopped up on chicken porn. I didn't know what to do. I was chasing the drive. I was chasing the chicken. Look, if you're going to take a yellow 20, that's on you. Ah, man. When was Big Bird the president? You don't remember that impeachment hearing?

You kidding me? Now, I remember I worked when I was working downtown. This chick came in trying to get like a coffee with 100. And I was like, get the fuck you. It's like, take one look at that thing, hit it with the pen. It was like, nah, this is no good. Yeah, I never cared. I never cared enough.

A small business. I worked for a small business. Small business is a little different, obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a jam of my boss. Still, you can have someone pass that off, you know? You pass that off somewhere else. But we got to get into some fucking questions, baby.

This is a goddamn family. Yep. I do remember, hold on. Sorry that I started a war with the right aid in Astoria. Because we, this is going back. This is, I don't know, four years ago. They got rid of the king-sized Snickers and I wouldn't stand for it.

They split them up into two. What are we doing? I had money in Western Union to me. You want to talk about low. I remember, I didn't know what that was. And then when I was working at Acme. I thought a couple of cowboys were going to show up. I know.

Well, in Western, it sounds like, you know. It was, I think. It was at one point. Back in the day. At one point, yeah, back in the day. That's how you communicated. You get a Western Union telegram. But you had, like, cold money or somebody?

It didn't make any sense. Yeah. Everybody's IDs were always expired. If you're getting money, Western Union, there's no way you have a valid driver's license. I've done it. I've, I've, I've had to do it. It's expired.

It's in someone else's. You got to put it in someone else's name. I've had to do it. Oh, yeah, dude. I'm putting it in my girl's name and she doesn't have her license. Yeah. Man, we're talking about a trail of dirt baggery.

But you get it from the, you get it from the register there. Yeah. And they, they, they gave us a fake hundred in it. And we went back to try to fight it. We went back multiple times to try and fight it because I needed that. Sure. Fucking wild.

They never did. We still go there too. Like idiots. Hey, yeah. They're right. He's got their hooks in here. What are you going to do? Yeah, what are you going to do?

What are you going to do? That's how they got you. Ten of a gate. But it is a family episode. So we'll answer your questions from the Patreon. When you sign up for the Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on the air. It's just the best way to do it.

We got a lot of submissions from other ways, Instagram, DMs, emails, all nine yards, but Patreon gets the first crack at it. And while we're doing a little plug-in, check out that live stream. If you buy today, if you buy before the first, you'll save a, save a couple of bucks. You know what I mean?

So do that. Wet your whistle. Wet your beak, you know. All right, let's see. This one is... Speaking of which, I had a little sip of Yuhu yesterday. Uh-huh. Oh yeah, we're doing drinks.

Can't wait to get that on my, get that. Man, that drink was, we had that. That drink was fucking awesome, the milk with dinner. We did. Kahlua. Shout out to Broken Comedy Club. Shout out to Broken Comedy Club head over there. He said he concocted it.

Yeah. It's Yuhu, Kahlua, and Vodka. Pretty good. On the rocks, I think we got it. Yeah, it was delicious. Great spot over there, too, to check out a show. It's a good turn. All right, this one's from Luke, $10 shareholder.

First time question. Is it garbage if your sister and your aunt get into a fist fight at your grandma's wake right in front of the open coffin until the point that the funeral home workers had to split them up and kick the whole family out? Let me know. Thanks. No.

What's the next one? Sister and who? Sister and aunt. Sister and aunt. That's a tough one. Cousins or brother and sister, I'll allow. Yeah. Just because that's like a sister and an aunt.

When are like, how long have you had been beefing? You know what I mean? Yeah. You're fighting an aunt. That's a tough look. Fighting a niece. That's a tough look. Yeah.

Although, I did want to strangle my nephew a couple of days ago, but I love him. He's a good kid. Yeah, that's tough. But, hey, it's an emotionally charged event. You know what I mean? The passing of a loved one. Yeah, I can see how your front of the coffin.

Probably boozing a little bit. Sure. Not at the viewing. You're not boozing at the viewing. What? There's no open bar at the viewing. Yeah, you could take some nips. You got something cooking.

No. What are you talking about? You do the luncheon. That's when you tie it on. No, I've definitely drank pre-funerals and viewings. Really? Yeah. Wow.

I'm mourning, people. Yeah, you gotta get after it a little bit. All black in a solo cup. Yeah. Shaves on backwards. All right, let's see here. This one's from Mr. Neptune, 2022. OK.

$10 invested here. Never had a question to ask. Is it garbage to always have a pot of coffee going? Also, what are your thoughts on reheating cold coffee that's been sitting in the pot for an unknown amount of time? The day? I'm assuming the day. Yeah, the day.

Always having a cup of coffee. That's like, that's like firemanship. That's like, you know what I mean? That's like, if you're not, if your job doesn't require it, it's pretty trashy. But I'll tell you this, you know, it's a pretty good cup of coffee, wherever you get your muffler or your fucking oil change or whatever.

In a Styrofoam cup with a little non-dairy cream. And if they have a little table that looks like if you touch it, it's going to, everything's going to fall over and chatter. It's usually not. It's usually like an end table from a living room too. It's never like for that purpose. It's always repurpose. Powder non-dairy creamer, white sugar,

and one of those old Mr. Coffee coffee pots. No lid. No, dude. It's not the air, the man. The spores get to it. Dude, you put that there with one of them straws where you're chewing a piece of gum. Start talking shop real quick.

Yeah, I got a nudie calendar hanging on the wall. Get it done right. That's a cup of coffee right there. That's all right. I don't mind that shit. Gang, the show is sponsored by BetterHelp. This time of year. When you really go nuts, you need someone to talk to.

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Back to the show. Yeah. I don't think the pot of coffee on all day, I kind of think that's classy to be honest with you. No. No. I don't know. No, a cappuccino machine is classic.

Yeah. Do you want an espresso? I got the espresso machine or whatever. Get out of here with that bullshit. A nice pot of coffee on all day and on a cold day when you're working. That's pretty good. You're just sitting at your house watching TV

and you got coffee going and you're not expecting company. That's like psychopath shit. That's just stay up and watch the neighbors. That's real weird. Patty keeps it going until about noon. You get a hot cup of coffee over at the foley until about one o'clock in the afternoon you want. Denise moved to the fucking curing, which I respect

because when I'm there. I don't like them. I don't love them. It's not my favorite cup of coffee, but it's instant. It's right away. I know, but it's right away. By the bing, by the boom, I got a cup of coffee.

I'm not doing it every day when I'm there. Want a cup of coffee? You got coffee in fucking 90 seconds. Ain't nothing better than that. But that thing is empty every time I go over. I'm the guy who fucking fills the water. Oh, sure. What are you doing here?

Yeah. Get this thing hardwired piped in. My Aunt Mary, Catherine and Uncle Red used to have a paster's choice, which was freeze dried. The crystals? Instant. No, that's Folgers. This was instant coffee.

I never, we never fucked with that. Dude, it would do that with a bunch of sugar and some cream. It's so good. There's probably 7,000 milligrams of caffeine in that shit, though. It's fucking cool. Talk about nitro. Dude, it's a rocket fuel.

I remember having that when I was a kid that gave me a little bit of that. What was the cup of coffee brand you had cooking at the crib? What patty get? And I assume it was the big, wasn't the metal container? Or should you do the bag, the fresh ground bag at the supermarket? It was in the freezer, I know that.

Whoa. Yeah, it was always in the freezer. Along with the jewelry. Cut that. Do you remember when the freeze dried things came out the bricks? Yeah. Yeah, it was that. He didn't keep it in there once it was open.

Yeah, she did. She kept it in there and folded it down. Oh, freezer burnt coffee, dude. That's a wild combo. Chock full of nuts was big over at the house. I never knew what that was and I saw it. It seemed so sexual to me. Chock full of nuts.

That's cock full of nuts is right there. That was too, I thought that was like a bit. I thought that was coffee that Spencer's gift sold or something. Hey, keep your gang bang juice out of my house. You're a rod of greeting cards. You fucking perverts. This looks like coffee and they would have in a movie. Chock full of nuts.

Yeah, like where it just says they're drinking beer and it just says beer on the side. I think that's a big brand. It was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, it was, well, she always had to have two. She had to have decaf for the old man because at a certain point

he couldn't do caffeine anymore when he was young. He started having panic attacks and stuff like that. Not panic attacks, but he was having like anxiety attacks of the caffeine because my dad. Sounds familiar. He would roll that. That's why I lay off the, I lay off the coffee a little bit. He would roll down for work and he would pour a cup of coffee.

He would do maybe three quarters of a cup of coffee, then finish the rest of it with cold water and just boom. But do that twice and then fucking out the door. And they come home and fucking five o'clock, breathing into a paper bag. Talk about redlining. She's a fucking Christ, dude. So she had an out shift, will you?

She had that. Throw it into second. Relax. It took kids a look out there. So he had to get a switch to decaf, which I believe was Folgers. It was Folgers and the green thing. That's always how I do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stay away from that. I mean, give me a shit. Give me a real shit. Give me a blue. Why would you rock with? Mom was typically Folgers or that eight o'clock. I think the eight o'clock was the red bag.

You would get the beans and then at the super fresh, they would grind the beans. What? What? You did that? I didn't. I'm just saying. Your mom did that?

Your mom was doing fresh beans, getting them fresh grounded. My mom did that once. She thought it was a scam. I know they did it. They ground it for free and I loved it. I loved the smell. Oh, dude.

I would go over and play with it again. All the dust. The place that I worked downtown, we used to, we fresh ground the coffee. And that was one of the things of side work you would do. You get out of the basement with fucking, I can't remember the beans. Dude, it smelled.

It made you want coffee so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when I had bad anxiety, because I had that $30,000 espresso machine behind me. And I would just fucking crush double espresso's cappuccinos and all that shit all day. Yeah.

Walk out of there thinking the cops are looking for me. Yeah. She did, so she would do that. You would do that Maxwell house, maybe? You were doing the fucking grinding the beans at the grocery store. But this bra would forget the grind them and just bring the beans back.

So like she'd throw a couple in your mouth and crush them. You had to go back to be like, you know, just go, you run in and ask them to, you know, the whole thing we're bringing outside goods in. Hey, man, I got beans. Can you grind them for me? It was a tough look. I've never been like, I'm not going in there.

I'm not asking the guy. This is your mistake. Oh, what a piece of shit. Yeah, that we stayed away from that. That was fancy shit, getting the beans ground there. Yeah. Because the supermarket stepped it up a little bit. It was, but it was free.

It was free ground. It doesn't matter. It's something. They get you somehow. Yeah, I get it. I get it. Because that's when they started doing the, the artisanal coffee beans that were in like the little shoots.

You'd put them into your little coffee bag. We didn't do that. Crazy. We had just the pre-sealed bags. Yeah? Yeah. It was like, you would buy it ground. It would just be in the beans,

and then they would open it and dump it in. Oh, man. It's like an old Chevy turn. Fresh cup of coffee right there. Not bad. That's a good cue. All right. This one's from Samantha.

Also $10 homie here. Is it garbage to use a family member's address for a child to attend a school that's not in town because the actual town the child lives in has shitty schools? It's how state champions are won. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, that's, although it is a little, it's wonky. It's trashy, of course. But you're doing the best for the kid, typically.

Of course. But wait, I had a buddy that was that kid. I had two buddies that were that kid, actually. And the one was using it to go here. The other one was using to go there. They were using each other's address to go to the school they weren't going to. Sure. Which is always like where the mail gets sent and stuff.

It's like real, it's a real weird thing. They pop you for that too. Yeah. Tax dollars at work. Sure. Yeah. But we had a pretty good school disher. So people would do it all the time and like, you know,

they're getting, you know, taking the fucking city bus up or something. Bad luck. Yeah, that's fucking, I like that. That's how fucking, that's how state champs are fucking born right there. Bringing the kids in. All right. This one's from Ryan McElroy.

Is it garbage to try to disguise your high dollar purchases? Example, making a purchase in a jeweler store but putting it in a bag from Foot Locker or breaking up the box your flat screen came in so the neighborhood doesn't know you got a new TV at Christmas. Always do that. You never, you never put the box out. That's a rest in peace.

That's a criss-cotton. 100%. Joke. You cut it up. You cut the box up a little bit and put it out a few days at a time. So no one knows you got fresh fucking gear. Yeah, absolutely. Like Shawshank when he's getting rid of the dirt.

Yeah. Just get, you gotta, you gotta fucking Panasonic box falling out of your leg. Yeah. You never just slap a fucking 72 inch fucking Samsung box out front. No. You might as well put a bullseye on the house. Yeah.

I don't know. I never, we never really fucking thought of that. I think of that shit now that I'm, I mean, maybe my parents are doing, I don't remember. We also, my dad just got rid of the trash. He just took all the trash to the office. He was real weird about trash. That and we'd go find dumpsters to put stuff in.

Nice. I get caught every morning behind a bag. I got caught like, stop making me do it. I fucking hated it. We'd go to this bank off street road. Just like the house trash, like coffee grounds, eggs. He didn't like it at the crib. What do you mean?

Crazy guy. He just was like, I don't know. You didn't have the trash cans outside? We would, but he would take it with him. You'd get caught little fat kid getting out of the car. Yes. I got caught a bunch. I'd have to take like, I remember the one time,

I mean, at this point I was driving. It's probably like 17. I was driving like a work truck. Oh, he would make you do it. Okay. Where I go with him and he'd go hop out and I'd have to pop the trunk and fuckers. I felt like you're doing a bank job, dude.

Also, who knows if something went down, he went to fucking peeled out and left me there too. I mean, it's every man for himself when the fuzz comes. He runs up and grabs you by the shirt. I got the little fucker. Officer, citizens arrest. Caught this kid throwing my trash away. Man.

Yeah. What would the bank manager say? No, it wasn't the manager. It was like, I think the cops, all tree road, the cops would all be like, you know, there's no dumping in here. And we were like, I don't know, the guy, you know, no wobbling glaze, pal.

Let's go. They beat it flat foot. Hey, gum shoe, kick rocks. Why don't you go crack another case? All right, this case is closed. Oh, man, that's a tough one. You're getting busted by the cops for dumping. I got caught by, I was getting rid of furniture or something.

Not furniture, but like, no, it was trash. It was like contractor bags. And I was throwing them in a dumpster, off bustled to like down, like somewhere, like in Northeast somewhere. And I got caught. The guy goes, yo, no dumping in here. I was like, all right, my bad.

I had to like pull it out and put it back in. Sure. It came and was like, any of that yours? Some of it was like, ah, some of it. Did you ever have this? If somebody, a family, a family friend, if anybody was getting something done at the house and there was a dumpster,

yeah, that would be open season. They, we would alert each other. Hey, just so you know, we have the dumpster in the driveway. If you're trying to get rid of anything, bring it over. Oh, when they come for miles, to be like, feel the dreams. A bunch of dirtbags coming out, coming out of the corner. That's what I'm telling you.

I got an old bike. Just a bunch of brown Christmas trees. Old bike, sewing machines, washing, washer dryers, all that shit. Dude, we had a dumpster in our driveway. I'm not even at my dad's house. I'm not even fucking around for two years. They're good to have.

Two years. What was he doing? Working at a house? I never really started though. So it was just like trash and stuff. First thing you do is get the dumpster. Yeah, drop the dumpster and it dropped. I said, one point the dumpster comes in,

we got to come get this. Like, it's just, you haven't, you know, it's not just like. Hey, fool yet. Yeah, that was bad. I used to work for a landscaping guy, this old Irish guy, and he would, we'd go into a yard. I swear to God. Go into a backyard, cut down some trees, do this, do that.

And if they were up against any type of wooded area. Just over the side. Over the side. Yeah, that I respect. I got caught a couple of times. He put me in a couple of bad situations doing that. Cause we're in like a pretty nice neighborhood. And I just got me, just throw it over.

I'm like, there's people, there's people like barbecue. Yeah, they're pulling shit. Yeah, lady came up and started screaming at me. These guys, you're dumping. Oh my God, no, we're going to get it. We just do it to put it over. Just, it's a joke. I'm playing a prank on them.

You shut up, we'll take care of it. You don't watch MTV, do you? All right, let's see. This one's from Tenelo. Shout out to the Tenelo's up there. Is it? In Baston. Went in a restaurant and the waiter asks you a question

and your mouth is full. Do you answer the question or do you wait till you're done chewing? That's a pretty refined question. I got to give you that. Tenelo's a real dirt bag. I'll always give you. It's great. I guess they know as you're a waiter,

I guess you would, you're assumed that if people are sitting there, I would ambush people all the time and they would look at me. Give me your wallet. Are you going to finish that? Because those are the steps to service. You want to check back after the first two minutes to make sure everything's good. I'd catch everybody mid-bite.

But it should also just be a yes or no question so you can give a nod of like, is everything okay? And you go, you know what I mean? Like, I'll do that. Like, oh, yeah, of course. If I got a mouthful of fucking, you know, perjudo or whatever, I'd give them the AOK or a thumbs up. I'll be like, yeah, it's a good one.

Yeah. But you can't be like, hey, what'd you do today? You know what I mean? It's got to be a yes or no question. The hand over the mouth while you're talking is no good either. That's no good, but it's polite. It's you're, you're in a bad spot. You know what I mean?

It's not like you're telling a story of like, so the other day I was walking down the street, you're answering a question because, but. I ate over a kid's house once when I was younger and the family didn't talk while they were eating. Well, most of the mom and the dad, and they would kind of like reprimand you, not reprimand you, but like when the food hit the table and they were eating,

I like, I was like chit-chatting with the old man. I'm like, hey, catch that Billy's game. And the mom was like, we, we, we, we were framed from, from talking while, while, while we were eating. It's better for digestion. I was like, wow. I'll take my dinner back in America. Take a, take a good look around his place.

He ain't going to be seeing my fans in here anymore. I like to chit-chat. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Crazy. Were you a TV on? Oh yeah. At the, at the table was on the TV was on in the other room

or like, or I guess. TV on. Hey, you're set up now. The kitchen table TV would be on in the living room. Uh, kinda. During the week, yeah, action news would be on. So Patty could see what Jim Gardner was yapping about. Uh-huh.

What he was wearing. Yeah, what he was doing. They'd want to know what's going on. What's going on with Felly? But I remember being a little kid in our house in mountaintop and we had a little TV. Muffin top. Muffin top PA.

I remember sitting at the kitchen table, we had a little TV watching Mash Y-8 and I was like, oh, this is clean living. My friend had the little like nine at nine inch or whatever in the kitchen, the TV. Like it was like mounted under the thing. I thought that was like, we were in like a NASA fucking control center.

TV in the kitchen is about as cozy as it gets. Um, we would have it on because like where, you know, where we interviewed Denise. Sure. That table and you could see into the living. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. We would have it on and sometimes when she was like fed up, she was like, turn it off.

Like go turn the TV off. But if there was, you know, we was on a good chunk, unless it was like a everybody sit down and we're, you know. Yeah, eating and watching TV. That's fucking as good as it gets. I don't hate it, baby. No, it's all right. I don't hate it.

All right. All right, let's see. This one's just funny. This is from Nick. Is it garbage sitting in the backseat of your own car? You're pretty jammed up if you're in the backseat. You're fucked. You're drunk.

Yeah. You're in the backseat. You're drunk. Which I have been and it's strange. But that could be a rich guy thing. I don't think that's what Nick meant. Nick was, Nick gets blackout drunk and then gets in the back of his Corolla.

He's not, he's not getting driven in his Phantom. Okay. Nice try, nice save, but come on. Yeah. If you're in the back of a Nissan going, wow, leg room back here. Yeah. This is bigger than I thought.

You're drunk. Yeah. You just puked on yourself. You're asking to stop at Wendy's. Come on. That's good. All right. Let's see here.

This is from Ryman Hoffer. $20 shareholder. Hello. Shout out to it. Is it garbage to make change in the church collection basket? Had to break a 20. Listen, I'm not a man of the Lord anymore.

I don't know. Is there a thing to like, if you do drop the, you do, I don't know, what do you give in 10 maybe? It's, listen, it's fucking trash to do that. It's not even that. It's a matter of, hey, hey, get back here. We're going with that 20 pal. It's a matter of timing.

That they, they're fucking moving. So for, for the non-Catholics out there, when he did. I'll see you in hell. We'll be in the back of my key. Let's go. You double worshipers out there. When right before, right before they, they do communion, which, which is like a little cracker.

Yeah, they, they hit you up for a little scratch. You know what I mean? You got bills to pay. So they, they got, they got these old cases to cover. Hey, moving fees ain't cheap. Yeah. So they have these old father, Romeli had to get sent to eight different states last month.

They have these old schoolers come around, usually a nice blue blazer and a pair of fucking gray, gray cat gray chinos, as they called them. Tons of cologne, old, old guys in a church, they come around a fucking, you know, little something for the effort. Yeah. But it's a, they got to keep it moving.

Take a percent of that there. Did they get 10% if they upsell you know what I mean? But I have seen them wacking it up in the back of the church. That was fun. They put in a bag, putting like a, you know, like a potato sack. Dude, they were like, they were like casino guys. That's when you started putting it all together. You're like, oh fuck, they're in the back.

They're, it's sitting in the church, the church that we grew up going to was attached to a school, obviously. So they're sitting in like one of those little seats, like for like a first grader at like a, like a little, you know, communal desk, fucking just wacking up fucking 20s, like casino. But they got to keep it moving.

They don't got to make change. They don't got time to be dealing with that shit. I know. My thing is, yes, it's a tough lock, but I do get it. If you're like, I give 10 or whatever, then I would, I would just put the 20 in and then just not give the next week. Sure.

You're like, I got you a, it's a wish wash or whatever. Or here's a dub. I'm good for the month. If you're doing fibers. Sure. But that's just me. They don't put the scrucy in that much anymore either. They do it real quick.

Dude, you're not. In the 80s, they would stop right in front of you like, let's go. Dude, we were somewhere. They'd hit you with it. Put the bag. Hey, put your finger out of your ass. Let's go.

Uh, they were somewhere and they, they were somewhere at my chair, like the church we grew up going to, but I was older. I think they were doing like an addition or something and they were putting like a new gym on or something. They ran it back. They did two collections.

I remember my dad going, he's mother fuck like right away. He's like, these greedy bastards run the balls to run it back. And that one was quick, man. Nobody was reaching for their one. Dude, they would just get to that. Nope. Okay.

Nope. All right. Nope. The people were fucking, before he even got there, people will give him the fucking wave off. Like keep it moving back. Fucking gyms leaking.

Yeah. Fucking. You cheek bastards. That's good. Um, all right. Let's do one more. And then we got a rapper up here. Oh, buddy.

Uh, this one's from Robert Redford's penis. Don't know what that's his government name. New $10 homie here. Never had a question. Red, are you garbage if you had to sleep in a tent inside of your grandfather's house because it was so dirty? That's fucking nuts.

Wild. That's like hoarder shit. That's what I picture. Like cat, dead cats or cat. Dude, hoarders fucking makes my skin girl. I can smell those. I remember I was going door to door selling whatever the fuck.

There's always a dead cat squished between some newspaper somewhere. Uh-huh. And I remember I this, they owe this family opened up the house, like the door. They were like hoarders. Like, you know, that's like also like

tends to be somewhat of a craze. Was that around back in the day? Or is that a newer thing? I was, oh yeah. I think it's always been around. I think it just recently had a name to it. Huh. Okay.

Or like became more of a understood thing. Okay. But this family, man, you opened it up and it was like Lord of Ceiling. The family. Yeah, it was kid. Newspapers, fucking. Those sleepovers there.

Probably a couple of kids got lost. Like fucking Everest. They're frozen behind the shoeboxes. The old Anderson boy. What into 303? It never was heard of again. Yikes. But he was like,

he was wanted to just talk to me or like maybe he thought he could get something for free or wanted the papers or something. Wait, so I was going door to door selling like windows roofing and siding. Oh, okay. And I got to him and he's like, oh, he was like dismayed his month

to like talk to me. Probably a waft came out of that door. I was like dry even talking to him. And I'm like, dude, first of all, there's no way. Just got out of Chili's. You got a Southwest chicken salad and you're pretty to get. Got a bad sweater vest on too.

I'm sitting there like a bozo. Had a jacket with a lift ticket on it. Looking like a fucking asshole. And this guy was just jerking me around. I wouldn't be like, I think I walked away finally, buddy. Listen, you ain't got that. You ain't got the disposable income

or the care to put in new. Or the room. He just went the windows just to having them just piling the trash. Oh man. Yeah. Did you hit get that a lot? What?

Just people. I was mostly get off my fucking yard. Sure. But did you get a few sad people who just wanted somebody to talk to for a little while? Well, the lie was you would go, we're doing some work in the neighborhood. We're doing the work at one of the neighbors now.

And it drug you and eat your fat ass. I know. I'll always step back a little bit. There was tactics to canvassing. What do you mean step back from the store? Yeah. So no, it's a sales tactic. So you're not threatening them.

You're not like right up on the door like, hey, what are you doing in there? It also lets them open the door. Because if you're there, they won't open the door. Nothing's scarier than somebody knocking on your screen door, by the way. Shit rattles the whole house. I know.

You want to get the folies in an uproar, fucking banging on the screen door. I sucked, man. Pop up like prairie dogs. I had to be selling to people who would get so mad and you'd see them in there and you're like, I know you're fucking. I can see in there, Walter.

Let's go. Get out of here. So I can rip you off. Yeah, get out of here. And I'll charge you $50,000 for a roof. Yeah, that's good stuff. But we got to wrap her up, gang. Gang, we love you.

See you at the live stream. See you at the live stream. By the day, save two, three bucks. You know what I mean? Start the year off right with the boys. Let's do it. We love you, gang. We'll see you next week.

Peace.