Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Cristina Mariani!

Episode Date: February 5, 2026

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian Cristina Mariani! You know Cristina Mariani from stand up comedy, Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino, Kill Tony, Tiger Belly, Take Your Shoes Off, Harland Highway Podcast, First Date with Lauren Compton, Trash Tuesday, FatFish Podcast, Jim Norton Can't Save You and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Blue Chew: https://bluechew.com Promo Code: GarbageQuince: Go to https://quince.com/GARBAGE for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage. Oh, yeah. It's our little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it to get up to be classy. Yeah. Or they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, Ateutley, coming at you on a beautiful day.

We're out back here with Tootie's in a new edition. She's having a little bowl of cocoa pebbles. Okay. Light morning. All right. My co-st is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world.

and regardless of them not laughing, I still love them. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan. Hey, what's up, gang, shout out to you. As always, make sure you rate view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. The boys are climbing to frigging charts. Then obviously the greatest website of all time,

www.w.com. You go over there, you join over to 15,000 members on Patreon gang. Yes, sir, and gang, we couldn't be more excited to have her incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guests, here with us today for the first time. She's one of the big stars down there in Austin, Texas. Very funny, very successful stand-up comedian. She's on tour right now.

Give it up for the one and the only, Christina Mariani, everybody. Thanks. Cool as a cucumber, this one. You were about to clap for yourself. Yeah, no, I was like, oh, my God, so many compliments. Thank you. Thanks for coming in. We appreciate it.

Here's the crazy thing. I know this little bit. I know you were born in Italy. No, I wasn't born in Italy, actually. I was born here. Then that moved to Italy right after. She's lying. No, no.

Wait, say that again? You were... So I was born here, but then we moved to Italy. Right. Yeah, my parents, they got the American citizenship. My mom, she was born in Italy. You know, my dad was in America. Right.

And so they know how hard it is to hold... Getting a citizen thing. Here's my point. I also love how you... You've never opened with such a strong guess of a fact on somebody. Hey, you were born in Italy? No, I wasn't. Okay.

Thanks to... Wild swing. But this is why. Christina's a certain way, but if you would have been raised in Italy, you would have been a completely different person. I was raised in Italy. Okay. So tell us the whole story. Where are you from?

That's okay. So where, you were born here? Are you sure you don't want to try to guess? No. You were born in Cleveland. I thought I had that right. Go ahead. I was born in Lodi, California.

Stockton is where. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And then moved to Corfino, Italy and then moved back to Stockton, California. Where is Corfino, Italy? It's in Tuscany. Oh.

Ah, Tuscano. That's all we know. Ah, Tuscana. Yeah, I told you. Two idiots. Wait a minute. Okay. How long were you over there?

Five, six years. All right. So you didn't grow up in Italy. Well, I still was there until I was 11. I'm talking if you, if you went over there. Just you're wrong. You're going to yell at her and tell her where she was. Hey, maybe if you ask me these questions, we could have been on the same page.

I know. What the fuck? Stop guessing. My point, if you were Italian, if you stayed there and grew up there and were an Italian person, you would be so completely different than who you are now. How do you know? I don't know. Who you've been talking to?

Because Italian ladies are, they're a certain way. They're like that. They spend a lot of time with Italian ladies. They smoke cigarettes. They yell at you. They yell at tourists and stuff like that. Are you trying to say, are you trying to say I wouldn't be awkward if I was? That's exactly what I'm trying to say.

I'm going to gay. You ever seen an Italian lady that's like that? I think if you grew up in Indole, you'd be exactly the same. Loud obnoxious. A lot of meat would probably be less meatballs for some reason. Okay. All right. I mean, that's a first.

I don't know if we've ever had anybody America, Europe, back to America. So what was the reasoning behind that? I don't know. It was my dad. I mean, I was a baby, as you can imagine. Is your dad Italian as well? Yes. Like Italian, Italian, Italian.

Born in Italy. No, he's born in America. He's born in Stockton. Okay. Yeah, and my mom in Italy. And then, but same hometown, kind of. So he would go visit, and that's where he met my mom. Wait, really?

Whoa, that's like the godfather. And he brought her back. That's his favorite movie, too. Yeah. And then he brought her back. It's so hot in here, by the way. Yeah, it's really hot. But I'm also, but I'm also anxious.

That's what makes it worse. Turn that fan on it. Okay. What did your father do for a living growing up? Uh, auto body. Like, he had his own auto body business, and then now he teaches at a community college. He teaches like auto body work. Wow.

Yeah. That's very, like, sitcomy. That's really good. Pretty Italian. That's very true. Do you have brothers and sisters? Yes, I have a sister and two brothers. Ooh, that's nice, Luke.

Thank you. Are they older or younger? Where do you fall? Younger. They're all younger. Yeah, I'm the oldest. I know. They say usually the stand-up comedians are the youngest kid.

Yeah. Right? Nope. Take that people out there. That's true with both of us. Yeah, we're the youngest. As far as I know. Well, did you guys get beat?

What? Well, we are in it. We get hit? I mean, like, did your older siblings get hit? They did. Oh, okay. You got hit. Yeah, I got hit by everybody.

Yeah. I still hit on my brother. I got hip on my parents. Yeah, I got hip on my brother. I got hip by my parents. Ants and uncles smack me around a little bit. That looks cool. Yeah.

That is nice. He sounds like a real cool guy there. I had a pretty big mouth when I was a kid. And I was a bigger kid, so they think they can take it. But emotionally, it still hurts, Christina. Yeah, no, I bet. By the way, Christina not spelled with an H. Yeah.

Trashy. I mean, it's, that seems racist. Against the values. Or Mexicans, too. They spell it the same way. Oh, Mexicans do it. Yeah. No, they don't.

They got an H in there. No, they don't. Hey, what just? What are you doing? Man, you know a lot. You know, he knows so many things. I'm tanking.

Well, dude, stop trying to guess. You're not a facts guy. You've never been. If the thing with her in Italy would have been right, we would have been on a whole different plane right now. I'm about to put you on a plane somewhere else. Okay. All right.

You get back. All right. you know, all right, you get back to Stockton. Lodai? Stockton. No, no, no. They're two different places. Okay.

So you were. I should have just said Stockton. No, it's okay. Because literally I just was born in the hospital in Lodai and then went back to Stockton right after. What's nicer? Stockton or Lodai. Lodai is way nicer.

Okay. Or Tuscany. Or Tuscany? Fuck, that's a hard one. Tuscany was five to five to ten. That's when you were there. Yeah. Or 11.

Yeah. 11. Then you moved back and you were raised out. there in California. Were you ingratiated in the community? Did you have Italian friends and stuff? And do you speak Italian? I speak Italian.

Yes. I had Italian friends. Yes. Is there an Italian community? She's responding like she was, we're in Congress. Uh, yes. There's an Italian community, yep, because that's what happens when there's people. I'm sure.

I wasn't. All right. That's just coming after me? What the fuck? I was on your son. I'm not. No, no. We're all, we're fine.

Everything's fine. I knew this is the way he was going to go. Suck smack and Luke. around. Okay. Do your younger siblings speak Italian as well? Yeah, but not as well as I speak Italian because I did all. No, they were shunned.

So your dad had the auto body shot. Their hands were tied. Your dad had the auto body shop. What was he doing when he was in Tuscanee? Was he doing the same thing? No, he had his own, he had a bar. A bar? Yeah, like a bar like in Italy, you know, so it was like a cafe.

It serves like apparel sprits and shit. They drink their espresso standing up at the bar. Yeah, they do. Now we're all in the same page. There we go. He's right. So it comes back here. Your dad opens up an auto body shop.

What does your mom do? She's a mom at home. All right. Does he work primarily on Italian cars? I think he didn't discriminate. He's not racist like you. Was there a lot of European cars? Yeah, I think, I don't know.

I didn't see. I didn't ask these questions. That's how they get you. But I feel like they were... It was probably just a normal body show. I think it was just any car that came in, you know? Hondas. Toyota, he didn't...

Can you imagine? He's like, we don't serve your kind here. No Toyota's. Also, there's not that many Italian cars. Yeah, there are. You got Fiat. You got Mazzarotti. Now, you know what I'm talking about?

The foreign auto body shots. I got you. We've talked about them before. That we're turning against each other. This girl comes in. There's the whole place on its head. No, you guys should keep fighting. I'm okay.

She gets up, please. Just me and you and I got you in a headlock. All right. Hey, she's just, hey, listen, we got to unite here. All right, let's go. No more fucking. Let's get a game plan here. All right.

Let's start in America once you've returned. 10, 11 years old, however old. Back from the old country. You go to public. You really wanted to squeeze old country in there. I'm sorry, that was something I attacked it. Did you go to public or private school? Private school.

Very nice Okay Private Catholic school or private private school No private Catholic school Okay so you went to Catholic school Yes All right okay Were you a very religious family

Or did you do it because the schools were a little bit better Really religious family And also probably that I'm not sure Yeah the schools But mostly religious You guys go to church every Sunday Go to church

Yeah I think What the fuck was that? What the fuck was that? I think someone fell That was like thunder That was real crazy That was right when we were talking about church too Wait, you mean you don't know what happened

I see what you're putting down there Italians You guys went to church every Sunday We're talking Catholic, right? Disgratiazza Did you play any sports growing up? Nothing. No, no sports.

What did you do? What did you say? You went to school, you came home and then just... No, I played the accordion. I played piano. I know, yeah. I played the accordion. I have that on here. Yeah, yeah, no. Accordian, piano reading. I was nerdy. I wasn't athletic.

Okay. How did you get the accordion? Was there one laying around the house? Did you see people... Actually, there was just one laying around the house. And I played piano first, and then I picked it up, and then I started, you know, dabbling. And then... Who's accordion, was it? I don't know. Just... That's very Italian. Yeah, that is pretty Italian

To just have an accordion. You're the real deal. Did you have a little monkey in the house too? It was me. With the accordion? It was a little monkey with the accordion. There's always a little monkey with the accordion. It's how to make the money.

I thought they had the clackers. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Symbols. That thing always scared me. That little stuffed animal that went like that. I ain't fuck with that thing. They have a scary movie.

Yeah. Yes. Huh. Okay. What did a, aside from going back to Italy, What did a family vacation look like for you guys? Does he do any weekend? Sounds like your dad was doing pretty well.

I don't know. He's, I don't know. All the rich kids play accordion. You know, I, right? I, where did we go on vacation? That was the question. Well, when we were in Italy or in America?

Actually, we didn't really go on vacation when we were in America. Just recently, we have been going to Hawaii during the summer. Very nice. Yeah, very nice. Yeah, but... Which island do you go to? Kauai. Okay.

Mm-hmm. Very nice. Yeah, that's a good one. That's the one of Jurassic Park was filmed. That's true. It's very true. I just knew that. You're telling me you didn't...

She's never been to Hawaii. She read that in the fucking in-flight magazine on the way here. I don't even think she's Italian to be out of here. She's Swedish or so. I don't know what's going on. I don't fucking believe a word she says, though. I know that much. Huh.

Okay. You're telling me you guys didn't go on vacation the whole time you were growing up. From 11 years old. Reno, like, have a zoo. No, I'm sure we went on, like, little trips, but I don't really, um. Don't really recall. I don't really, like, recall because we, my dad was renovating our house for a while. We got a house in Stockton that needed to be completely redone.

So we spent, like, all, he did all the work and everything. Oh, it took, like, 20 years. It took a, it took a while, for sure. How many bedrooms is the house? Um, fuck, I don't, let me, just a few. I don't know. You know, more than one and probably less than five. Did everybody have their own room?

Yeah. All right. Four bedroom. So wait, I think five. Five bedroom house. Okay. All right. Five bedroom house need a little work.

Do you guys have a pool? Yes. Pool. In ground or above ground? It was in the ground. Okay. Get a read on her. I've never heard anybody answer that question that way.

What was in the ground? It was, yeah, it was dug up. What was the family car? Um, Honda pilot Respectable car Respectable? Was there only one or did your mom have a car too? No, just one. Just one.

How would your dad get to work every day? He would drive it. And then your mom's just at the house, no car. Yeah. No shit. Really? So she would be in the house all day? What if she had to go to the grocery store or something?

Um, I don't know. I should call her. I was as a kid. I didn't ask these questions. I don't know. I'm sweating. I'm freaking out. Everybody relax.

What's your mom like? What does she do? This is the show. Fuck. How is this the most high pressure thing you've ever? Or do you react this way to a lot of... No, what are you talking about? Okay, I apologize.

It's him, isn't it? I don't think it's me. I don't think I'm the weird one this time. Yeah, no, totally not. Not this time. Okay. What was the name of the grocery store that you went to growing up? How do you not know that, Christina?

S-mart, I think, S-mart, I'm pretty oblivious. My parents say that I'm always in my own little world. Like, growing up. Yeah, so I'm just like very... To not know what grocery store you went to. I couldn't read. Is that true? Are you saying when I was like 12, 13?

Let's start here. Name a grocery store. No, it was S-mart. Fine, it was M-S-mart, yeah. S-mart. Yeah. I don't know that. It was in Stockton, so it was S-A-smart. You guys don't know about it.

Stockton. Lots of the gangs. Okay. Okay. Well, you grew up in a predominantly gang area. Mm-hmm. You did? Well, Stockton. It's all like, it's... Stockton, California. Mm-hmm. Were you in a gang? Uh-huh. Yep. You were?

Yeah. We were called ganglily. Silly. Silly is she played the accordion. She was a fucking gang. She hit her. Oozooze. Whatever. Okay. Huh. All right. Your mom did the cooking? Yes.

Did you guys do the seven fishers on Christmas? Christmas. The seven fishes. Yeah. Do you not know what that is? No. What? I don't, that's Italian Italians don't do the seven fish.

It's very American. Is that true? Very true. She is an Italian American. For the guy who knows everything. I didn't say I knew everything. The guy who was everything and nothing at the same time. Quite the paradox.

Did you take the SATs? Yes. Do you remember what you got? No. I think it was probably a little above average. Okay. Not showing off. Were you a good student?

A's or B's? Like where were you at? A and B's. A and B's. Did you attempt to go to college? Did you go to college? Yeah, I went to UC Davis. UC Davis. Very nice. What'd you major in? English and minored in Pollyci. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer. Okay. And that wasn't on the table for you? No. I thought it was boring.

Okay. Did you start taking pre-law classes? No. I just started studying for the LSAT. Then I started working on an insurance company instead. And then I did that until I started. And then I was doing comedy and that at the same time. Out there. Mm-hmm. Gotcha.

No, in Austin. In Austin. In Austin. How'd you get to Austin? I drove from California. I meant what? Idiot. How do you think she got there?

I got on an airplane, bozo. What life choices? Yeah, what shifts in your life led you to Austin? I just, I got bored because, yeah, I just got bored. Yes, you were like a new fresh start in Austin. It was, you know, COVID. And so... Austin was opened up.

And then my work became remote. And then I was like, maybe I'll just travel and do remote work. And then I landed in Austin. Okay. And you were already started doing comedy at the time? No, I hadn't started doing comedy yet. Okay. So you started down there?

I started down there. Gotcha. Okay. What was your first job? That. Well, actually, no. I had a little jobs like, you know, I host. like being a hostess or as a kid at a restaurant yeah yeah like in college I did that and

I was a babysitter all through high school okay so stuff like that but my real first real job was insurance insurance sales yeah not that being a hostess isn't a real job but like my after when I'm an adult professional career yeah yeah yeah and was the insurance company's job sales was it a sales it was an insurance underwriter so that is so you would write people's policies? Yeah, just like price and just kind of figure out how much to price. Yeah. You would crunch the numbers to figure out the price. Yeah, the risk. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like do you smoke? You drive whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like, yeah. What was, what was your first car? My first car was a Prius Oh shit

Yeah There's a little silver 2006 Prius How old were you when he got that? 18 Not bad Did you have to pay for it? Did your dad give it to you?

My dad gave it to me Very nice Was it a car from his shop? Yeah It was That he fixed up Somebody probably didn't come pick it up I think it was like one

That was just like Kind of abandoned Like in a Okay And then you kind of fixed it up And then I yeah Hey gang let's talk about Blue Chew

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Quince.com slash garbage. Do it. Now back to the show. That sounds like a resourceful guy. He is. He is very good. Do they still live in the house that you grew up in? Well, yes.

They do. So it's all fixed up now. Got it all night. Now it's, yeah. Does that hot, does the pool in the back have a hot tub? No. That's got to step it up. What was your first concert you went to?

I think it was Frankie Valley in the four seasons No shit Here we go Why Because it's my dad's favorite How are you talking about It's like going to see the Pope

For these fucking guineas What year would that have been I don't know I was little But my I don't I think obviously they're old And they weren't all there But

Few were missing It was Frank Cian amount Yeah It was like L.A. The seasons And the last remaining season. Yeah. Okay.

Wow, that's a really good answer. What was the first concert that you went to by yourself? Like you and your friends. Yeah. Then it was like a festival. It was Outside Lands in San Francisco. Okay. Yeah, you know.

Yeah, yeah, I like it. Yeah. So it was just that. Is that like EDM or is that? Some of it was EDM. Yeah. But not all of it. It's a music festival.

So there's a bunch of different. genres and uh yeah i went to see uh childish gambino and and flume and very nice there's a few um other what was the ones i remember because i was on molly so those fit a little bit harder than the other what was the friend situation growing up what was the friend situation big group tight group no i was always like kind of a loner got you kind of just kept to myself and okay introverted i know you can't tell got the vibe feeling Big personality You walk in in the winter room

It's so big it was enough Just me Didn't need anyone else You would have grown up in Italy You'd have been a whole different person Okay Did you go to prom? Yeah

As a group or with the date? It was a date but it was like friends Yeah Everybody was going as friends No he was my friend I went with him as friends We were friends Yeah no I didn't really date

till college Did he intend for that to be friends or was he like? I think so. I think, yeah. Was he like, hey, do you want to go to prom with me? And you were like, hey, I'll go with you his friends. No, I was excited that I got asked. Okay.

That's very sweet. Did you guys, how did you get to prom? Did he drive his parents car, his car? Did you guys get a group limo? What did you do? It was a group limo kind of thing. Yeah. Very nice.

Expected. Very, very trashy thing. That's the only time limos are used. No one's ever, it's only kids going to prom. Well, you'll have to eat in your room growing up. No, I don't think so, but did I? I did. What would you have up there?

I'd eat in the room end up with Molly. This girl's nuts. I love eating in my room. Yeah. Snacks? Salami, like whole salamis. You're joking. From Costco.

Yeah, my mom would buy these salamis that were all peppered, and I would sneak one. They're little. They're not like a huge, so it was like a reasonable, like. A amount of salami. Personal-sized salami. You gotcha. Wait, really? You eat salami up in your room?

Yeah, I was just eating like salami. Just like gnawing on salami. I thought that was really good. And I wish I didn't say that. I don't say that. I feel weird now. Well, you've never eaten a salami. You're lying.

I have, of course. I just thought it's an odd choice for you. I mean, you guys figure Italians, they keep a lot of cured meats around the house. There are a lot of cured. It's hanging from the ceiling. Yeah, they make their own cured meat. meats too. Would your mom make her own spaghetti sauce? Yeah.

You guys would do that once a year? No, she would do it often. Okay. You make it into a fucking swimming pool? It's a lot of fucking sauce to make once a year. That's what you do. You make it once a year and you jar it. She's not Italian. I don't even think she's from Earth. I don't know what the hell's going on. She definitely didn't go

to prom. No. I can say, see that kid. We're going with just as friends. Okay. I got a big stick of I mean you're only friends Christina I don't want you getting any ideas Okay All right What was the restaurant you were a hostess at?

Oh, it was called bistro Yeah, that's pretty good Mm-hmm Do you have a car now? Yes What are you driving around town in? Prius It's not the same one

Okay It's a different one I Is it the second one? Yeah You bought this one Yeah, from my dad. You bought it from your dad? Yeah, he got it from, he knows a guy.

Hey, he does. His guy. Wait, your dad sold you a Prius? What happened to the first Prius? It just, you know. Just crashed down. 2006, 20 years old. Yeah, it was already kind of shitty, so it didn't last too long.

And then I got this red Prius, 2008 instead of 2006. You only went up two years? Yeah, but that was all I... You're doing pretty well. That's all I needed. Is this the Prius that you drove? with the Austin in? Yes. Okay. So you bought it from your dad before you went down there. Yeah. And I still have it. It's still the Prius I drive now.

Do you get it washed? You keep it pretty clean? No. Okay. Not really. I mean, I'm not really in Austin too often anymore. So I kind of, it just sits there and then it dies because Priuses are sensitive. You need to like drive them or else they kind of shut down the batteries. Huh. Yeah. So then every time I go, I need to find someone to jumpstart the car. Is it? Is a Prius all electric? Dirtbag shit. I think so. I didn't know. No, no, it's hybrid. Hybrid. Yeah.

Oh. Mm-hmm. So every time you want to drive, you have to call. Who do you call to come over and jump your car? I have a friend in my apartment complex, and he always is around. So when I need to jump start my car, so that's lucky. Do you own jumper cables? That sounds oddly creepy.

No, it's not. No, it's not. I'm here if he's got two cables. No, no, no. Do you own jumper cables? No, I don't. You got to borrow his. Yeah, yeah, he has jumper cables.

I feel like. Like, the guys, no, they have all the. I don't have just art, but yeah. Real men do. Real men who live in Texas have jumpers. Yeah, yeah. I would blow up the car. I never know which ones to go with the red of the red of the black.

That would blow the car up. The other side's on your nipples. That's not going to work. All right. Easy does it. Do you eat in the car? Yeah. I eat in my room.

You don't think I eat in the car? Do you eat in your room now? Yeah. What's the living situation now? I have a studio, yeah. A studio apartment. In Austin. There's no other, if it's a studio apartment, you have to eat in your room.

It's only one. I guess, yeah. That's a lot of, yeah. You're flying around the country a lot. Yeah. Right? Talk about some flying etiquette. Okay.

Number one, but a big thing on the podcast, do you ever get to the airport early and have breakfast before you get on your flight? Um, no, no, not really. I'm usually a timet, like, as it's boarding, I'm there. Really? Yeah. I don't like to wait. Your TSA pre-check? No, I just got clear.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. Do you steal from the airport? Do I steal? Like from like snacks and shit. No. Okay.

No, I would feel too guilty. Okay. I thought about it, though. I have. I walk by, I'm like, these are, they're on for nobody's. No one's. Yeah. Do you guys do that?

Can you? I don't know. I'm very. A lot of comics do it. I don't want to get caught stealing. Yeah. That's like the embarrassment to overpaying for the bag of fucking skittles. I'd rather just pay.

Fat guy stealing snacks, that's Yeah. Bad look. What was the last thing you stole? Or the last thing you remember ever steal? Pens from work. The insurance, man, you're a real running game. The way she said that was like, I'm sorry, progressive.

No, I know, because they have my favorite pens when I was. What kind of pen is that? It's a, I am. Your favorite pen? It's a, it's a Sharpie one, the one that they glide's really nice. It's like a felt. pen type of pen and they have it at a mother ship like that's where I worked last are they the ones that have the the white tip what that looks like a little star no the the tip is

black no no I'm sorry the cap the cap it has a cap it's not it's not a pen like this no no no it has a cap yeah it's gray it's gray yeah yeah um can't think of it would you steal one at a time would you steal a box no no one at a time okay I wait until it ran out I'm not gluttonous. I'm not a glutton for pens. I forgot I had this pen. Back to the flight. You take your shoes off on a plane?

Usually no, because I don't, it's too tight to, you know. I'm pretty tall. You're sitting in coach? Yeah. You put your seat back? Yep. I mean, isn't that what it's there for? It's a very debatable.

It's debatable. Oh. Some people are pro. Some people are against. Really? Why would you not? I don't like doing it. Why?

Because I don't like when people do it to me. If someone does it to me and the person behind me is also leaned back, I'll go back. Man, I didn't know that this was a, I thought. It's a hot buttonish. Really? Like tipping or not? Oh, you got a tip. You're not tipping?

I don't think that's a hot. Tipping is not a hot button issue. You're not tipping? I made a joke. I can do jokes sometimes. My apology. No, no, it's okay. It won't happen again.

Don't worry. I apologize for making a joke on your comedy, but I can't get a fucking read on you. Okay, good. Do you have any superstitions? Oh, yeah, I'm really superstitious. Can you tell us one of them? I don't know. I feel that.

How does that all come true? No, there's so many of them that I, and I don't know what you mean by superstitious. I feel like I have like, yeah, I'm Italian. Of course, I'm superstitious. Is it something you do when the flight's about to take off to make sure that you get there safe? No. You don't say a prayer, knock on your head or anything like that? Oh, no, I guess more superstitious.

You're stuck in knock on your head. Like you say your prayer? You fucking do this a bunch of times like I do? Do you mean like, do I have OCD? Or that's what it feels like. I might have OCD. Maybe that's what superstition is. Just OCD.

Give us one of your superstitions. I put on the spot. I don't know. I feel like, okay, this isn't really a superstitious. but I do this thing when I see pennies on the ground that are unlucky where I flip them over and make them lucky for someone. Whoa. Just to make it lucky, but that's not a superstition.

That's not a superstition. That's like you're doing it for some other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I pick up the ones that are lucky and I'm like, I feel this is lucky. Yeah. I can't walk by it. But the fact that you would touch one that's on tails is insane. That's how much I want people to have good luck.

Ooh. You get that juju on you. You can't touch a penny on tails. That's nuts. No, but she's doing such a positive thing. thing for the universe. First of all, it's all fate. I'm just living in your wacko world for a minute. No, it's not. I have to pick the penny up on heads. I have to look at the date and put it in a pocket separate from my other chain.

You have to do that too? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Wow. Look at us. But I would never, I would never, I would never touch. You're not even Italian. I would never touch a penny that was on tails on the on the sidewalk. Oh, really? You got to stop doing that. Fuck everybody else. I'm making it lucky. It's. No. You're getting that on you. That's building up. No. I refuse to believe that. And now it's going to be in my head because you said it And I'm going to be like a little But I'm not I'm not going to change

No, you're do keep doing what you're doing That is the positive that's amazing And also too That's not real luck You're you're you're twisting fate there Oh my God No I think I think it is even more real luck Because someone went out of their way

To touch a gross penny on the ground For them to be lucky That's really lucky for them Now Yeah No It's supposed to be a twist of fate That the penny landed on the

that way. It can't be purposely put on it. But it's a twist of fate that she walked by. Yeah. She so happened to walk by. Well, the Prius wasn't working. How's that? I think my goddamn jumper gave it. Do you bite your nails or clip your nails? I pick at them. Actually, they're really bad right now. They're like, I've just, I had nails and then I just, like, pop them off.

I still have one. I have one hanging on, but like, I just like. One big brown nail. So you go? Yeah, so usually when I go on stage, I'd get really nervous and then I just like, and then I destroy my nails. So you go and get them done. You get nails put on. Sometimes.

And then I usually don't like it because I don't like the feeling of getting my nails done. But I like how they look. So every once in a while. When you say you don't like the feeling of getting your nails that what you don't like sitting there? No, that's fine. It's just the grinding down part of the nail kind of. And like they like clean in. And then I'm just like, oh, what if they go?

What if they go too much? And then it breaks the nail and it goes to the skin. And then I get grossed out. I grossed myself out at the nail salon. It's not worth it. I need a full count of how many fake nails you have on your 10 fingers right now. It's not great. It's not.

It's not. I'm hiding. I'm hiding. I got two thumbs, a pointer, a ring finger, and half a pinky. Wait, why wouldn't you just take them all off? Because it's hard to take them off. They're glued on. How do you think they stay on?

How do they come off the other finger? Well, because I got nervous enough to pop them off. Is that a satisfying thing to pick at the? and get them off? Yeah. I imagine. That's pretty good. You're fucking screwballs.

Yeah. Okay. Going back at, you know, before you started doing comedy, ideally as a kid, but you might not have the answer. Who's the most famous person you met growing up? It could have been like a local DJ, a football player, somebody in passing, something at a meet and greet. John from John's Deli in Stockton.

That's a great answer. That's like, honestly, what I always look for. Can we get eyes on John's Deli? Because they were like the small town celebrity. That was an important guy. Yeah, that was to, yeah, no. Best sandwiches in town. What do you like on a sandwich?

Oh. Salami. Obviously. No, actually, you know, salami isn't a sandwich. It's a standalone meat to me, I feel. Well, let's discuss that. Are we talking about like old school hard Italian salami? Or are we talking about the salami you can get at the grocery store?

Because a salami and cheese sandwich, thin is not bad. Yeah, I agree with the cracker. I like the little bites with the salami and the cheese. Nice. Yeah, those are good. Very nice. Hulshar Farms is a nice pre-package of that when you're on the road at a gas station.

It's a solid. But most of the time, salami by itself, it's better than if you add all the stuff, you know? It's like, it's already. Yeah, it's good. It's already hot without makeup, you know. That's what it feels like. I get hot without makeup. That's all right.

All right. Anything on Johns? Is it spelled G-I-A-A-A? A. N? Yeah. Yeah. Gia. Gianz. I mean, that's, okay. Yeah. 4.7 stars. Looks all right. Let's see a menu. What would you get there? The sandwiches. The deli sandwiches are really good. You're saying sandwich with a G-A-I- know, I know. I've not made fun of this before. No, I'm not making fun of you. Christina, give us something specific other than sandwich.

I got a dirt bag Italian friend. I like, I like prosciutto. I like copa. Yeah, that was one of my favorites in prosciutto. and all the toppings, all the makeup. So it would be an Italian. Yeah. Italian hero. Oradella copa salami, prosciutto. Yeah, all of those. Provalone, oil vinegar, roasted bread, bell pepper.

All of that. So good. That's a customer fame, by the way. What about, like, turkey and cheese? Are you a turkey person? Sometimes when I want to be healthy, I'll get, like, a turkey and cheese foot long from subway. Now you're speaking my language. Finally.

One of them foot long cookies, huh? Take the calories. Just be healthy. And I'd get the wheat bread too, so I feel good about myself. I'm like, oh, it's healthy. Kevin, talking about the chime card, baby. Baby, I'm chiming all over to play. Love that chime, gang.

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That's why CBC News is putting more journalists in more places across Canada, reporting on the ground from where you live, telling the stories that matter to all of us. Because local news is big news. Choose news, not noise. CBC News. What else do you eat? What's your favorite food?

I think sushi is my favorite. Okay. All right. Now that you're doing well, Porn all over. Have you had some good sushi? Yeah. I feel, but you know what?

I have a really low bar for sushi because growing up, when we did go out to eat my family, we would go to a sushi buffet, but it was like a really shitty sushi buffet. No kidding. Yeah. Sushi buffets as a kid? Yeah, and so I grew up just excited to go to sushi buffets because I thought that was the only rest, you know? That's the only place you get out of your day. You have such a fucking sometimes one.

Untrack mine when you're on a thing. You're like, well, this is great. This is it. Yeah, no, I'm like, oh, well, this is awesome, though. I love buffets and sushi buffets are good. I think now as an adult, you know, growing up in Stockton's sushi buffets, everything feels fancy to me. You know? What is a fancy thing you'll do now?

Will you go out to, like, a nice restaurant or something? I'll go to, like a sushi restaurant. Whoa. It's pretty fan. Like Omicasse. Sit at the bar. Yeah, I've done that. Okay.

Do you drink? Yeah. What's your go-to? cocktail beverage of choice. It depends. So espresso martinis when I'm like... At night and then in the morning because of the espresso

martini's Bloody Marys. Love a good Bloody Mary with all the food in there. Hopefully they have salamis. That's great. I mean you're fucking screwballs. I like it. Will you drink on the plane? Actually I don't on planes.

I feel like planes are where I detox. Okay. Yeah. Drink at the airport. Uh, usually not, but sometimes I'll have a joke at the airport. Okay. If I have a really long layover, I'll have a Bloody Mary. Airport Bloody Marys are the best Bloody Marys. I agree.

Yeah. Yeah. Let's say, so you're here this weekend. What does, you know, say you're on the road. What are you doing during the day? Are you active, do you get out and go do stuff? Are you just like, I'm hanging at the hotel all day until the show? I came here.

I know. I just, I'm kidding around. I feel like you guys have been taking me seriously this whole podcast because you're like, what, this woman makes jokes, actually? Like, what's going on? I think you guys are. I don't think you're wrong. We are. Clearly.

No, I'm not trying to disprove that in any form of a way. We never said we weren't. Well, it really depends. Sometimes I'll wake up earlier and then I'll try to walk around. I like walking ground cities to explore them. if I'm somewhere new. Other times I go to bed really late, and then I won't wake up until, like, two hours before the show.

Really? Yeah. That rarely happens because I don't sleep most of the time. I have a hard time sleeping. I don't know. You're doing nice hotels? You're doing wherever the club put. Do you have, like, uh, wherever the club puts me.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Well, you do a hotel breakfast. Yeah. I actually get excited. Yeah. Because I'm like, I'm getting my money's worth, even though it's not my, you know? Sure, they're paying for it.

Yeah. And they're like, I got to get it. And I, you should. don't even eat breakfast, but if it's there, I'll do it. What are you doing? You're doing a toast bagel? You're making a waffle? You're doing the eggs? Yeah, I'm doing all of that. I like, yeah. Will you do the powdered eggs? Powdered? Yeah. Like the eggs that are at, like a hotel buffet are not real egg. Oh, yeah. Like a Hampton Inns, those are powdered eggs. No, but they have a, even the

scrambled eggs are powdered. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's the only one that would be powdered. But yeah, I like them. I fuck with that. Wait, did you think the regular eggs would be powdered? Like the solid egg? Yeah, that's... No, no, I mean, I didn't know that there were powdered eggs. Like, I didn't know that they made eggs into a powder. Imagine like an egg buffet, kind of.

That's the level of... That's the level of little eggs. They are compared to the sushi. Have you had a waffle in the last 365 days? Yeah, I had one at a buffet, at a breakfast, actually, at the hotel. She loves a buffet. I love a buffet. Did you make it yourself?

No, no, not the breakfast. the waffles. Did you hear me what I just said? I had it at a buffet. At a hotel. The buffets have waffles that you make you know. They had me go in the back and make it. No, I know what you mean. No, it was already made that you can't, you didn't make it yourself. It was a fancy buffet at a fancy. Do you do any fast food? Do I do fast food? Yeah. I do all the fast food. What do you like? In and out. I had Carl's Jr. recently. Interesting. I thought that I'd never liked Carl's Jr.

And I liked it a little bit more this last time. Wendy's is pretty good. Okay. I'm listening. Taco Bell is always good, but you never crave it for some reason. Sure. But then every time I have it, I'm like, this is awesome. Wow.

Very well put, I feel. Right? I don't know. And then sometimes jack in the box. Did you guys call it Jack in the Crack? That's what they call it. We didn't have it out here, but I've had it in Hawaii a bunch. Sometimes they have really, they have tacos.

They're awesome. They're good. They're so good. Popeye's the chicken thing is super good, the $5 box. Okay. Yeah, I think Popeye's chicken is the best one probably. Okay. Maybe Chick-fil-A too, though.

I like Chick-fil-A. Great. Are you doing any cooking at the house? No. Yeah. Food, if I'm being honest. When you're home, what is the schedule when you're home? Like how long?

How long are you home for? Gotta get the cars started. Like during the week? Yeah. Kind of during the week. I've been spending time in L.A. For the last four months, I've been kind of in L.A. and then I go to Austin.

And most of the time I'm on the road, like, just weekends. And then, yeah. When you're in L.A., you're staying at Tuesday. It just depends. I kind of just go wherever I'm, like, feeling like, oh, maybe I want to do spots at the store during the week today. Or maybe I want to go to mothership. And it just depends on how I'm feeling after the weekend.

And moving with the breeze. I respect that. Yeah, I still haven't gotten my flight back, actually. From here? Yeah, from here. So I'm not sure where I'm going to go. Maybe you're hanging out in New York. Yeah, maybe I'll go to stay in New York.

I don't know. Hey there, bozos and homies. The back on the block tour marches on. Get your tickets now for Austin, Texas, Tampa, Florida. We got Chicago, Illinois. We got Bloomington, Indiana, Nashville. Los Angeles for the Netflix as a joke festival. Get them tickies.

Pittsburgh, Cleveland, and Denver. All tickets on sale, RUGGarB.com. Me and the big man do stand up. Then we close out playing AIG with the crowd. You've seen the clips. You love them. We'll see you there. Back to, what are you cooking anything at the house?

Can you cook? Yeah, I can cook, but no. That's like a riddle. I can cook, but I can you cook? If we were coming over and you're like, I'm going to make you, what's your best crack at a dish? Salad. What kind of salad? Just, you know, lettuce.

The one that comes in the bag. I take the lettuce apart. A wedge. I just like, here you go. Do you eat salad? I've seen it done I don't know what it is It's like a salami but green and round

It's the stuff that comes on top of a hamburger, right? I usually take that off it I don't like it I like a salad I didn't arugal a salad yesterday Oh nice Yes Top of a meatloaf

Healthy Do you sneak snacks into a movie theater Or did you as a child? I snuck a whole pizza in a movie theater You're like an alien Dude, she really is. First of all, you can't sneak a whole pizza. Yes, you can.

Yes, you can. That's got to be an inside job. You can totally sneak a whole pizza. You just take it apart. You stack the slices. And you put it in aluminum foil. Then you put it on your body. And then you just put no one knows.

And then you just have pizza in the movie. Are you doing that by yourself or with multiple pitch? I get it with my best friend. We shared a pizza. We shared a whole pizza. We got high and we shared a pizza and we went to the movies together. And it was really fun. No one checks.

No one bats you down at the movie theater. They're looking for any customer they can get at this point. You smoke a lot of doby? You smoke weed? I smoke weed. I don't do it super often. Okay. But it, yeah, I like it.

It calms me down. Okay. Back to the apartment. So you're in and out all the time. If we came over, right, when we saw the apartment, would it be like, oh, somebody lives here or somebody's in and out of this place? Like, does it look like somebody lives there? Whoever lives here like salami.

Um, it, it looks like, yeah, it, it looks like a, it looks like a beaver lives there. Okay. It's all messy and just everything's on top of each other. Does all your silverware match? No. Okay. Do you have a dishwasher? Yes.

Not by choice. It was there. How many plates would you say you have at the apartment? Like five. Five plates. I think so. Not a lot of plates. That's an odd number of plates.

So they don't really go into war. Literally. Yeah. So you'd either stolen or lost a few plates. It is an odd number. I'm sure this is going to backfire on me, but if we came over to the house and we asked for a glass of water,

what would we be getting? Would we be getting a bottle? Would it be getting a Britta? Would it be getting water from the tap? What would you be giving us? Do you know what water tastes like? I'm just kidding. I like this.

Probably want a milkshake, huh, fatty? I just give you Sprite. You'd be like, this is water because you're just a mountain dew. What's his diet? Spit it out. I get what you're putting down No, I have a Brita

I do but the filter needs changing And I have it see so I feel like I'm not gonna put the extra steps for a product I'll get a product and then I'll be like well I'm with you on that I hope that last Yeah sure that's everybody with a Brita filter You're not alone on that that's 99% if anything I'll just buy another Brita because I don't want to

I don't know how to change it either I've never successfully watch a YouTube video I don't know A whole process Do you have any half used gift cards Yeah and I probably lost them Yeah, the wear too. Anywhere specific?

Probably like Starbucks or something. Sure. Any colds cash? No. Growing up or at any point in your life were you guys ever into as seen on TV products? Might have done it once or twice.

Okay. Yeah. Did you collect anything as a kid? Beanie babies or anything like that? I like the gum, the, sorry, I went into Italian for a second. There were erasers at the top of pencils, you know, the little erasers.

Of course I do. Yeah, and they're all different characters. and colors and their different shapes and I had a big jar and every time I got another one I would just put it in the jar. I'll give you that also beer bottle caps weird huh yeah I liked I picked them up from the ground whenever I saw

beer bottle cap and I just thought it was cool I don't know I was six though that's starting early sure yeah it's like something about this all right well were your cartoons growing up I like Power Puff girls that was my favorite okay classic one were you a Spongebob fan

oh my god I love SpongeBob, but I got into that when I was a teenager. Okay. I was late for SpongeBob. Are you a Disney person? Yeah, I like Disney. Have you been to Disney World? No, not in Disneyland.

You've been to the one in California. Mm-hmm. Okay. Did you go there with your family? Mm-hmm. On a vacation? Yeah. Okay.

Also, I went as an adult, too. Yeah. Oh, there you go. Yeah. Yeah. We did go to Disneyland. But I didn't count it as a vacation for me, though, because I played the accordion, you know, and my dad was like, oh, we're going to go to Disney.

but Christina has to do that has to practice the accordion three days every day for the rest of the summer to go to Disneyland for like two days. And then my siblings were like, come on, Christina. And I was like, fuck, I guess. And then. It's crazy. That's like a work release program. But good work ethic instilled really good work ethic in me. Your dad really wanted you to be an accordion player?

I think it was more about the discipline. Like, okay, we can go to Disney World, but Christina has to practice accordion. Three hours a day every day for summer. And he meant it. It was not an empty threat. And he made sure. Did you do that three hours a day in the summer? Mm-hmm.

Oh, my God. I didn't have friends, so. Really? A real chicken of the egg, though. We could have had some friends if it wasn't from the accordion. Maybe. You know what I mean? Where would you practice in your room?

Yeah, in the room in the living room. Would he come down and then like check on? You're like, hey, you're doing pretty good. If I was one of your siblings, I'd kill myself. I'm listening to three hours of accordion all that. And I played it in the car on the way to Disneyland. Got to get those hours. Now, are you playing?

like traditional, I don't even know what the, traditional accordion music, are you doing like, are you playing, you're learning the hits? Oh, the hits. Like pop, are you playing like, you know. 1950s hits. Okay. Yeah, like Frankie Valley, you know. You're playing Frankie Valley on the accordion? I'm Frank Sinatra. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, no, I got really good. I mean, your dad is Italian. Yeah. Huh. Do you have name brand luggage now? No. I got $20. I got it overseas at a really cheap spot. Yeah, spot, just because I needed one.

I travel really light. Usually I only have like a backpack. And I was like, oh, maybe a roll. You're not even do. Really? Yeah. A backpack. Like when you're going out to a tour? Well, it's only a weekend. Like, how many clothes do you need? I don't know. Our t-shirts are a little bigger than yours. Huh. But anyway, I got a roly bag and I like that a lot more. Okay. You say overseas. Where are you talking about?

Oh. Afghanistan. Who says overseas like that? That's people who served. You know, I don't like talking about when I was overseas. When I was in country. No, I don't know. I mean, probably last time I was in Italy or something, like, just, yeah. Do you guys go to Italy regularly to see your family? No, I've only been a couple times since we moved back to the U.S.

Does your mom go frequently or no? We went two years ago, three years. To see family. To see family, yeah. And I think my parents might have gone again last year, but I was on tour, so I didn't go. Okay. Have your parents seen you do stand-up?

No. Never. No, they didn't even like that I was doing stand-up until this year. Are they aware of your success? Now they seem cool about it. Like, my dad will be like, oh, one of my coworkers pulled up one of your videos. Like, have you seen this girl? She's really funny, and he's like, have I seen her?

I told her everything she knows about the accordion. He sold her two Priuses. I actually feel like my dad is, my dad's sense of humor and just all of that is the reason that I, you know, have the sense of humor that I have. So are they planning on coming out to a show at any time? Like, what's, is it a you thing or a them thing? I think a little bit of both maybe. Mostly me, probably now. I don't really want them to perform around like obviously L.A.

How far away Stockton from L.A.? Yeah, like seven hours. Oh, Jesus. Yes. Yeah. Come down, catch a mat and eight hours. Just like a quick seven. So close?

Wait, are they, North of L.A. Or south of L.A.? North. L.A. is in the south. Is it? Huh. Yeah. Stockton, Mexico.

Stockton's like up by, it's up in, or like San Francisco. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like two hours from San Francisco. Near Oakland. Yeah.

Now, have you been to San Francisco? Or Lodi, I hear. Nicer part. Do you, will you play around there and they still don't come? Yeah, no, I... Like, you'll go to Cobbs or whatever? I've played 20 minutes from my house

and they didn't come. But this... Really? It's when I was... It's when they weren't really happy about me doing stand-up. Like I said, they wanted me to be a lawyer, you know? So they're just getting over it.

Yeah, yeah, no. Now, they were just worried about me. They were like, what is she doing? They wouldn't even tell my relatives what I would do. They're like, oh, we don't know what Christina does. Jesus. She does her own thing, but then... Some old-school Italian shit.

No, but then now I think they're... Now it's cool. Now the vibe is better. I'm not shunned anymore. Similar thing with my family. Yeah. I think that's just common, right? But it's from a good place.

Well, it's like you're, you know, it's a, I think you're from a parent's point of view. They're like, it's a very tough road to do. And, you know, it's not the most honorable profession. And you're a loser for a long time. But you finally make it, Mom. You cooked quick, though. When did you start, Connoody? I've been doing it for and a half years now.

There you go. There you go. Over and shake her. Well, yeah, I wanted them to talk to me again. said. I mean, she probably fucking, she can't leave the house

unless she writes three hours of jokes or something. Yeah, exactly. I know, it's true, though. I feel like now I have to, like,

hit, like, certain benchmarks every day or else I'm like, I didn't practice. I didn't do what I was supposed to. That's great. Yeah. So,

and I think that's also why I probably move fast. Yeah, really. Working. You have a laptop? You bring a laptop with you? No, I like writing with pen and paper.

Huh. Mm-hmm. You ever used a business center at the hotel? No. Okay. I like to be in the room. Okay. Do you write in cursive?

It's kind of like half and half because I learned cursive. Gotcha. You know what I mean? It's kind of like not cursive. Do you put a thing on your eyes? Do you put something over your eyes that's not just a dot? No, just a dot. I keep it simple. Okay. She's not trying to show off.

I can see you doing like a circle. I don't have that much time. Simple girl from Stockton, you know what I mean? I do a flower. See, I can see that. You have a jar full of erasers. Do you have a go-to karaoke song? Yeah, it's Molly Cyrus by Stitches.

Who's that? No, Stitches by Miley Cyrus. Molly, wait. Molly Cyrus by Stitches. Stitches is the... You should, yeah, you should look at up. People get, they don't like me singing. I did this at a Napa in a winery.

The guy let me eat ox. And yeah, it was at a winery. And he was like, are you sure? And then I played this. And all the people, wine tasting, got so mad at me. The strong choice. Yeah, it's really fun. Wait, Molly Cyrus.

Yeah, Molly Cyrus by Stitches. Is it some hardcore band? Kind of. Stitches, Molly, Syri. How do you, wait, there it is. Oh, fuck. Man, we're so old, we can't even find it. Hey, I'm young and cool.

I don't know what you're talking about. Molly Cyrus. Yeah. Song by Stitches, 2015. This seems a little aggressive. Yeah, you should play it. I mean, we can't, well, unfortunately, due to copyright. I don't own the right.

I'm going to have to talk about it. talk to stitches and see full clear us playing it. It's like, I just want them all day. Now I'm trying to fuck Molly Cyrus. I'm going to put cocaine in your ass. I'm going to put my ass. And this is what you're doing. This is what you're doing?

A wine tasting in Napa? Yeah, that's what I mean. That's, it's funny. Because it's. Sure. This guy's, I mean, this guy's got faced. I mean, I wouldn't peg you as a stitches. No, no.

I just like, it's like a really good hype song when you're drunk, you know, and sober. Were you at the wine tasting? Yeah. You were tasting wine. Yes. Okay. You think I was sober? I don't know.

Screwy. I don't know what the hell's going on. Huh. Let's say you're at one of, you know, you're staying somewhere. You get takeout food. You're at home. Will you put that on one of your five plates or do you eat out of the container? Sometimes it doesn't make it home.

It doesn't make you. You might just do it in the car right there. Yeah. Really fast food. I got you. I respect that. But if not, I like to eat. watch Bob's burgers when I eat a burger.

It's a weird thing that I like to do. I don't know. So sometimes I'll put that on if the burger makes it home. And then we both. Both are eating burgers. A lot of burger, a lot of burger talk going on. Hey, I'm with it. You know what?

There's a business now that they do where they like, it's like fork and film. I don't know if I can say that. Is a copyright. I don't know how copyrights work. I don't think you know how copyrights work. As somebody who was about to be a lawyer, you are not aware of a copy. What do you mean? But they have a trade secret or something?

Or just the name of a place? No, it's just the name of a place. Why wouldn't you be able to say that? No, I'm kidding. I was just kidding, you guys. She's good. Well, like, she takes it, like, one step further than I expect her to. And I'm like, oh, she really doesn't know what the fuck she's talking.

I think I'm for real sometimes. I think this is. I thought that a couple times. I'm always kidding. I know. I was like, come on, guys. No, you do it so well. You make the other person think there's something wrong with them.

Yes. You got some saying. You take it like two steps further than like most people would pull out. And then I go, I don't think that's right. And you go, no, I'm fucking with you. I go, okay. I feel like an idiot. I know.

This is emotional warfare at its finest. I'm going to have an eating disorder after this. I'm going to walk out of here and go, thanks for let me be on your podcast. Fucking turn the whole show upside down. We leave her here. We leave. Thanks, my God. I'll let you know next time I'm back in town.

We're bananas tonight. I'm like, I think that's the last time we're having these guys. I know. All of a sudden, you got Luke. Let's not ask for them. Look, those guys just didn't get the show. They just didn't bring it. That's so funny.

Okay. No, before we can film, they bring you food as it's happening in the movie. Whoa. Yeah, there's a business around this, and I've been doing it for years. By myself. That was my buddy's idea. you should be able to watch the food network and order, there should be like a kitchen that you can order whatever the fuck you're watching.

That's why I don't watch Food Network because then I'm disappointed. It's kind of like porn, right? I imagine. I thought it would be a good idea to have a podcast about food in movies. Like talk about like the Chinese food scene and Godfather. No way. I'm just kidding. I thought she was serious again.

Now you're making fun of me. No, I'm not. I don't think you're supporting them. I think it's a great idea. I think fat guys all over the world will love that show. No, you're having a good time. Can you imagine being in a third world country

and knowing that we talk about food? We don't even eat it. We just make commentary on it. They're like, what the fuck? I say that all the time. All that shit, they make them those competitions on the Food Network. They probably throw all that shit out. There's no way the crew can eat all that lobster.

What are you waiting to? Waiting for your phone to ring? Yeah. They should send it. I think that would be a good business idea. All the food from like movies and stuff, they should send it to. Yeah, a freeze-dried out. Yeah.

A lot of dry ice. Do it powdered. Like, yeah. From a movie. It powdered. It powdered the gum, jambalaya. Uh-huh. What, it, you have a 2008 Prius.

How are you listening to music in the pre? Is there an ox-court in that? Yeah, there's an ox-cord at one point, but somebody broke into my car the last time I left Austin for a little too long. But I didn't lock the car because I have a theory Just open it don't break my window because then that gives me another task You know? You leave the car on lock Yeah, that way they just get what they need and then they don't

You know cause damage to the car and my car gets cleaned That's kind of what I felt like because they took all the shit out of it And now I don't have to clean it Wait so did this happen the way you wanted it to happen? Honestly I just like to see it on the bright side of stuff so Her car got broken into and she forgot to lock the door and But the door was unlocked. The door was unlocked.

And they didn't smash the window. No, no, no, I did that on purpose because I don't want them to smash the window. And they didn't smash the window. They didn't. They just, they tried it. And then they saw that it was unlocked. So it worked out. Yeah, it worked out.

And I didn't even remember what was in my car. So whatever they stole like, they probably needed it more. But one of the things was the ox cord. And that's the only thing that I'm kind of annoyed about because now I have to bring a speaker in the car. You got a, that's what I was getting to the car. You got a loose, you got a Bluetooth speaker in the car. Well, no. not Bluetooth, but I have an ox.

You're doing a hardwired third party speaker in your car? And now I don't have that even. So now I use a speaker because it got broken into. Do you guys listen to me? Oh, wait. You have the speakers, what I'm saying. There's the built-in speaker, but I'll bring one like a little kind of party speaker in the car. Yeah, yeah.

I'm with you on that. You know party speaker? Yeah, a little tiny one with a fan that I got. JBL. Let me play stitches too. Yeah, exactly. Have you ever taken a picture with an iPad? No.

Okay. You flossing every day? No. Do you go to the dentist regularly? No. Doctor? No. Okay.

Have you ever owned a tennis racket? No. You brush your teeth in the shower? I have. You pee in the shower? Yeah. Okay. You drink, did you ever growing up?

I doubt it, but you drink milk with dinner? Yes. You did? All growing up. Even now, I love milk. Huh. Yeah. I'll just get.

She just turns out Just turned it all around I don't think you're weird at all Or mean Or mean Whole milk Am I being mean No

Whole milk Can not be nice Whole milk is Really? I'm kidding I also make jokes Okay You do?

That's the first one I heard I'm not sure anymore to be honest I thought this was a news show It's hot in here What's the rotation? What's the rotation when you're home of the towel situation for the shower. What do you mean?

How many towels do you own at the house? Oh, like three maybe. That's pretty good. How many showers for one towel before you wash it? Well, you know, I'm always clean when I use it. So I like, maybe like. You know, so. You're really defending this like a bad lawyer.

I'm clean when I use the towel. So you think the towel would still be clean for a while. It's not so much dirt. It's the amount of moisture on the, on the towel. Well, then I was just like hanging up and it dries until next time. I've showered before. So how many? How many?

Maybe like a week or two? I don't know. A week of showering every day. Yeah. So seven showers. Seven, yeah. It's not bad. I don't know.

That's standard. Yeah, I guess that's pretty good. Now, do you do? I don't know. Do you have in unit washer and dryer? Do you have? But it sucks because it's one of those European ones that it's like, you want and it takes forever.

Is it one thing? It's not only one. There's not two separate? No, it's one thing. What the fuck is that? Yeah. So it takes like an entire day. to do like that's crazy but they also have like off unit like downstairs downstairs yeah but i got

all my laundry stolen one time left it in the car yeah no no they left it unlocked i left the dryer unlocked stole your laundry yeah they stole it like who's stealing laundry i don't know but out of where out of the downstairs yeah yeah yeah so how long did you leave it down there for i'm wild it was like i was in delito for the weekend it was only no i went to bed because it was it was at nighttime and then the next day I went to that's way too long well you know was it left on the washer machine or in the dryer in the dryer so they got like a nice clean yeah they had stuff ready to go someone's out there folded michael yeah that was the good part I was like well I guess now I don't have to fold my laundry so that's cool everybody hates that yeah have you been to a marshals

tj max or home goods in the last 30 days um mar no but I like all of those places okay how do you feel about coconut look Okay. Just okay? I mean, you know. Not a fan. Like in drinks, I like it. In drinks?

Yeah, you know, like a... Coconut juice or something. Yeah, like a... No, I was... Yeah, an alcoholic drinks. Okay. You know, like a... What's it called?

Pia colada. Okay. You like a peanut colada. Mm-hmm. All right. I like... I feel healthy when I drink coconut water. Sure.

Sure. Yeah. But it... I think I like other fruits more. What's your favorite fruit? This guy. I'm just kidding. That's pretty good.

That was the funniest thing I've ever heard of my life. God damn, it came in my expense. I'm not happy about that. I invite you in here. You can call my friend Fett. You call me homosexual. You know, I'm a goddamn professional. I have to put up with this.

I feel like you guys are stiff around me, so I wanted to make you guys be cool with me. No, no. These guys want to be insulted. They're asking for it. I could just read it. I didn't know we were inviting rickles here. What's your favorite candy bar?

I like the kinder ones, but I grew up in Italy. Yeah. The good one. You didn't grow up in Italy. Well, I did my childhood pretty much. I clocked in memory-wise, went to Italy. It's wild you're pushing back on this. Five to 11?

That's not growing up. I'd say 11 to... You still haven't grown up. Maybe you should move to Italy. Fucking check in, all right? No seven fish. He's out. He's grown out.

I was kidding. Tinder Very classy Tinder Oh, kinder Very classy Huh Are there any

Do you have any I was just gonna say Real quick I got my hands on some of those The ones that look at little baguettes Bueno bars Oh those are good Yeah

Those are really good They really know what they're doing over there Huh I'm sorry Kevin No no it's okay It wasn't gonna go anywhere She would have Turned it on its head

Have you ever earned any trophies in anything? Yeah, piano. Like a competition. Yeah. And what age? Six. Maybe I was in Italy. Six or seven, eight.

Do you still have any of those trophies? Mm-hmm. I have them. Where are they displayed in? In Italy, actually. Yeah, in my parents' house. Yeah. Wait, your parents of a house?

In Italy? Yeah. We still have our house over there. What? Who's living in that? No one. What? Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. It's just been sitting empty? I don't ask quick. You don't, do you? No, I don't ask a lot of questions. I'm like, I'm sure they have a good reason for what they do. We should be able to go at least. That's all I'm saying.

So there's a house in Tuscany, Wisconsin. Uh-huh. Yeah. You know anybody from the Medici family over there? No. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Yeah.

The family. Yeah. Last name Medici. You're very big in the Renaissance. Banking. Right. European banking. Wasn't that when Galileo was also, or was that?

at the same time period. Yeah, he was furthering out here. Galileo, all those guys. Do you know who Galileo is? Of course I know who Galileo is. He would have been excited to discover you. That's mean. She's got to start right before me.

I've been going you fat for five years. She's got a whole breath of fresh air. He's like, I guess Earth has three moons. There's other little guys floating around me. He was a quack, Euro trash. You probably just talking about. Do you know how to use chopsticks? Awkward.

Yeah, like, I manage. But you're big on sushi. When your family would go to the sushi buffet, were you using chopsticks or four? Hand. Yeah. Cut out the middleman. Which is the proper way to eat it.

Yeah, I feel like that was the OG way to eat. Have you ever been in Japan? No. I've always wanted to go, though. I feel like I would like it. Sure. I mean, listen, you know. What, are you going to make a determination?

Kid screwballs She's wacky She's She's wacky We didn't get that many Straight answers out of her But The 08 Prius ain't great

You would like not straight answers Wouldn't you You're a little freak Is that what you like her? Sicko Right up your alley All right listen she's trash and I'm gay That's the program

Christina Mariani everybody Thank you so much for coming in Thank you. Thank you for having me. Do we say she's gar- You are garbage. Yeah? Yeah. I mean, dude, yeah. Wildly elusive.

Which would make you garbage. Sure. Anything you want to focus on to know? What do you got? You're on tour right now? Yeah, I'm on tour. Christina Mariani.com to get tickets. Cream Marie for my username on Instagram, even though I'll spell it.

C-R-I-M-A-R-I-I. Right. On Instagram. And, yeah, just on tour. And I'm doing the comedy story. on February 18th. Very nice. Doing the main room.

The main room. Yeah. Go and see her. Yeah, I'm really excited about it. Very funny, standard comedian. You're killing it. We're very happy for you. We love you.

Thank you so much for coming in. This was so much fun. Thank you. Yeah, this was a lot of fun. Sorry if I was too many. Oh, no. We're joking around. We love you.

Kibby, what do you got for? Guys, we're on the road right now as well. Get your tickets. L.A., Tampa, Denver, all over the place. All tickets available at R. Cleveland. Cleveland.

Christina, we love you. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week.