Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Cruise Ship Swingers

Episode Date: March 21, 2022

Kippy and Foley are back with a fun one! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.MVMT.com/Garbage https://www.BOMBAS.com/Garbage https://www.HelloFresh.com/garbabe16 Promo Code: Garabage16 https://www.BOMBAS.com/Garbage https://www.Coinbase.com/garbage

California? California? California? California, the middle class famous tour is coming to the left coast. Yeah, guys, April 3. We're gonna be in San Francisco, April 4th, we'll be in Los Angeles, April 6th, we're gonna be in La Jolla, get your tickets now. It's a little bit of stand up. It's a little bit of AYJ. It's a whole lot of fun, do it. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?

The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is R U Garbage. It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they're going to be glassy. Uh huh. They're just a mega bass shit. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're

down here in Antutti's basement. She's back from spring break. Okay. Abruptly. Oh, she had some trouble with the girls down there. One of her implants blew up. We're having a good time. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. This is a family episode. We're circling the wagon. I knew you were gonna say that. He's the CEO of Are You Garbage and it's coming around paycheck time. So show a little respect, you know, put in

a good word for me. Leave a nice help review. Hey, the fact guy's great. We love him. Hey, try to keep me around here. My fat waiter ate my mozzarella stick. Trying to unionize over here. Toby's playing hardball. Real communists that kid. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan. Hey, pal. Hey, thanks. I got the giggles today. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate review subscribe on iTunes. Those are review numbers. Those are almost true to roof. Fantastic. Those are

getting a second second set of legs on them. Obviously full video available on YouTube. Those numbers are true to roof. Cookin. Doing good on the YouTubes. Then, um, fuck. I don't know. Patreon.com. I saw you garbage. Come on. What are you doing? Patreon.com, baby. Sign up. Get bonus episodes of AYG. Episodes of hard feelings, which by the way is the break out hit. That's it. You gotta get that new one we got about to drop is real scandalous. Oh, yikes. A little bit of a teaser. We go

over bank accounts and it's tax time and someone's behind the April. At least I got an eight ball. Listen, it's not me and Toby. Take the edge off. Uh guys, check it out. And then obviously, we're on the road. Uh California LA by the time you're here, this is probably sold out. Um how about that? Los Angeles, California. Thank you. Love. Thank you for showing. All the all the calories buying tickets but fucking scoop them up now. So, you're not left out in the

cold. Say, Fran, La Jolla, let's fucking go. I got a big bowl of Chippino on my mind when I get up there. Yeah. Continue. That's it. What do you mean? We just plugged the shit out of the dates. How about a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the magic man. He's real lippy in the car. He's been at each other's throats all day. I love that I'm out just watching. By the way, I'm not saying for certain but word is there's some video evidence out the video evidence

out there of some poserness from somebody. I'm going to cut up. He's so scared of it. T-Bone McMuffin, Toby McMullin, everybody. What's up? What's up, T-Bone? Yet another fully Vilspin zone. We have a lovely drive in. We're listening to Van Morrison. We're talking about how great that new John C. Reilly basketball show is. Then you start bitching at me on fucking 38th Street about 39th Street about how I'm on Twitter on the car. We're stopped in traffic. I'm checking

the car was moving and this guy's reading about the fuck down. You got no room to talk. You'll break at green lights. Yeah. You do stink at driving. That's not true. I'm cautious. Which is a danger to everybody else on the street. But I'll be okay. Only guy will be doing 45 down Second Avenue when you fucking pull the E-brake at green light. I'll tell you one thing. Just in case someone's coming. One thing that'll never happen to me as a driver.

I'll never be involved in like a 90 car pile up. Yeah, just 87 rear end accidents. Hey, what happens behind me is they're probably. But I wouldn't because you see people driving down the highway. You're like, we can't believe this happened yet. Everyone's doing 45. There's fucking two feet of snow on the ground. We're not talking about that. We're talking about the sunny day. No fucking water on the ground and you're stopping at green lights. That's crazy. You

literally you almost go into a complete stop at green lights. That's how they carjack you. That's how they T-bone you. That's how they carjack you sometimes. No, they don't. They do. They wait till it turns green and they jump on you. What? And their carjackings have been up because they got these gas pipes that's going through the roof. Yeah, why fill it up with just steel of car? I'm not going to wait at the pump. Like it's your car with a

family in it. Toby, if you carjack the car and you got down the block and it had a baby in it, would you let the baby out? I'd raise it as my own. Teach it how to steal cars. Yeah. Get that thing a skateboard. Too sweet. Use a little bastard as my grease man. Yeah. Put him in the vents. This is my son Toby Jr. We go town to town doing kickflips. Not getting haircuts. He's an Ollie man. We're here. It's good to see you boys. I love yous both.

I had to butter me up for something. I had to. Well, I tried to get you to pay for my haircut but you said you won't. Listen, it's yeah, it's not me paying for it's not my it's our money. I just I just tell you when you can and can't use it. I feel like somebody else pays that bill. I don't know because I never see it. That's free money to me that gold card. Yeah. I mean, wait till we gotta pay that thing this month. It is hefty. Listen, we ain't we ain't that

liquid either. Tax season. I had to file an extension in blood. Gave him my pinky toe said I'll send the rest of send the rest around August of my birthday. You said you said your ear. Let him know you mean business. What he got his ear. I don't know. He's crazy. Skip the extension. Yeah, just fucking give me. I'll see. Patty wanted to know. What was that? There's a there's a mask behind there. Okay. Who's still wearing masks by the way? I do. Fucking Nancy Pelosi

have to win an Uber and you jam me up. Now, I gotta take a picture of myself and send it to every Uber driver like I'm trying to fuck him. That drop your star rating a little bit. I don't know. Yeah, you're in the toilet now. I get all the shitty cars come pick me up. Fucking dude on a motorcycle the other night. It's a city bus. Three more stops and I'm at your place. Thank you, Toby. Oh, that's good. Knock everything over. He looks extra scruffy today folks. You can't tell.

He looks like you did wash your hair T-bone. I'll give you that in the river. A couple of a couple of nightcrawlers in there. They're talking pretty tough for a guy in maternity pants. These are not these are these are Lululemon's who's Lululemon pound cakes. Hey, those are my nice pair of lemon cellos. Yeah, these are my poo poo lemons. My Lululemon meringues.

My poo poo lemons. You're just shitting on them. The shit just disappears. New poo poo lemons. It whisked the shit right off your body. Now, these are my these are my good workout pants. My good joggers. Hey, you wore to work? That doesn't make any sense. I'm going straight to the fucking gym right after this. Friday night. Where you gonna be? Huh? Some pizza parlor with your buddies. Not me. I'll be lying right to my trainer's face. I'm gonna be trying to be pulling

the wool over some poor guy's eyes in Astoria. What are you talking about? Straight to the gym, I said. Yeah, and lie to that man and bamboozled a poor 28 year old. Jim's is coke dealer going straight to the gym. And the Hindenburg went down, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, the humanity. We're having a good time. Patty had a question. Patty's can I hold 20? She needs a payday loan. A PDL. That's pretty good. Straighten out with the VA. She had a question. Sure. It's

mild, but then I have more of a confession. Something that I have to tell you, which I really shouldn't say in a public episode. Okay, but I'm gonna anyway. All right. For the sake of the broadcast. Yeah, we gotta move some tickets. Let's do it. Victim of our own success. I know. It's gotta get weirder. I'll be fucking my cousin in a couple of weeks just to keep the lights on. Next Patreon bonus. Fuck my cousin, Eric. Silverware in the dishwasher. Should it go right

side up or upside down? Oh, this is big. Is it? I have a couple of working theories on this. Okay. Well, the forks don't fit upside down. What do you mean? Jam them in? Oh, do you have the thing that opens up like the whole the open top tray? I see what you're saying. Okay. The one I have now has like slits that you stick in and they stick up. I'm talking about the dishwasher. I understand. You have a dishwasher? Yeah, you do? Yeah. What the fuck? And I can't get

a goddamn haircut. You believe this fucking guy? Why did this happen? We've talked about me having a dishwasher. A dishwasher. Yeah. Oh, look at you. I told you I have a nice building. Way nicer than what, you know, that rat's nest out there in Astoria you're living in. I'm in a city. I'm a city guy. Are we stopping? Manhattan. Manhattan. Listen. Yeah. So my current dishwasher. Yeah. That I loaded this morning. Yeah. With your underwear. You know the only difference

is you're drinking a dishwasher in your mom. I can't do it. She listens. She knows it's a joke. It's a harsh one though, man. One's easier to load. I don't know. Your mom doesn't follow me. Your dishwasher doesn't follow me around when I put a load in it. Yeah. The dishwasher doesn't doesn't blow my phone up for a week after I don't load it. Folks, that's a good piece of business. I don't care who you are. I think he was washing machine originally but I'm

crying. Dude, I got the giggies blow up my phone. And yes, we could put them in any way we want. They have a nice dishwasher. Yeah. Like the one of my moms. Yeah. Mine's more compact because they're on a steady. Mine's more compact obviously. My mom's at yeah. And my wife puts everything facing up. And I end up. Forks, knives. Even like sharp knives. And I cut myself every fucking time. Jesus. You gotta put them down. It's a safety concern. We can't do that in our

house for the dog because the dog does a little pre-wash if you must know. What? Yeah. Wait, hold on. You your your dog looks all the dishes before they go in. Yeah. I am never. She looks all the dishes in the dishwasher where I'm loading it. Can't get easy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She just comes back. So you can't put a steak knife in there that thumb bro. It'll fucking rip her tongue. Yeah. And she's a little baby. Can't have that happen. Sure. But yeah, I think I think it was a

booger that was just all and I was this is how bad it is fucking working with you. I was hoping you were picking a scab. I was I was placing all my eggs in the scab. It could have been some Elmer's glue. From what? What were you gluing? Not in 25 years. I know. If I open the bottle. Stuff sticks though. It's a good time putting Elmer's on your hand and then peeling it off. Of course. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. I did that. Really. Real quick. Has the it's not a booger.

It's glue. Has that ever worked? I have a feeling it worked like once in 1984 and you should have run in that ever since. Hey, it's something that works with you. Stick with it. Middle art art class. It's glue. I swear. Shut up you dumb bitch. You're not even a real teacher. Give me another box of macaroni. Well, yeah. Pick it up. That's it. It's time. Well, yeah, honey. Keep them coming.

Man, I never got that. Even as a kid, I was like, what the fuck is this? What? Making shit with macaroni. I know. Fucking bullshit. He's just perfectly good food. I just could never do it. Watercolors. There was kids that they're scraping glue off. Throw it into the pot one by one. Don't worry about that glitter. It'll be alright. I didn't get that shit at all. I thought that was whack. Yeah. All arts and crafts I thought was beat. I remember the thing

that was a lot of fun was making those bot the shoe box the the dioramas with like a little scene inside. Yeah, that was awesome. You put the thing up like you know like sideways like that and then it's like three day you build the I remember blew my fucking mind. The dioramas. Make a little scene inside. You make the scene. Well, I remember as in like second or third grade, you had a we got like an animal and you had to make that habitat like you know, a cheetah

or whatever and the jungle tree and someone for like water put a mirror down like you would like be able to and I was what the fuck? I was like, yo, mom, what the fuck are you doing? I'm just having me color the cardboard with fucking blue. I'm like, these people got just as a dead burdened it. I shot this in the backyard. That was big. Those died. That was fun. I like that. I I I could draw a little bit. I was in a little bit of a

drawer. Really? Yeah. Come on. I'm telling you. Nice. Still life. What are we talking about? Still life. We're alright. The fruit. Yeah. You can do the fruit. Shout out to Miss Lucente. You got the evidence to this back at the house and in a in the crawl space somewhere. I doubt it. I doubt it. We sold it all. It was worth a pretty penny back in the day. That's a kippy. That's the early stuff. Oh, I got a question for you. I'm listening. Do you or anyone in

your family pronounce it drawing? No, that's tough. Drawing. Yeah, I got plenty. Drawing. I got a couple people which is bad. You can draw. Instead of karaoke, it's karaoke. It's like a new version of karate. Motherfucker was doing karaoke. Yes, they're down there doing karaoke. I was like, what the fuck? Yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, yeah, you know, it's karaoke, karaoke. A lot of that's the same person does Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Sunday.

Yeah. I'm pretty sure most of my family says Italy. Italy. Yeah. Yeah. Italians is a little bit too. It's the Italians. They don't call them that. Let's move on from here. Don't get anybody in trouble. Uh, we wait. I remember just making ashtrays. Oh, with like pot or with like, uh, Play-Doh or not Play-Doh. No, you take it back to the kiln. We fire shit. Yeah, we had that for a minute. What? I'm telling you, Shady Grove, we fucking had that. Shady, that's first of all,

sounds like a retirement home or something. Shady Grove estates. When you check him, we can never leave. You can check out but never leave. Shady Grove was weird. We had a Mahjong team. What's Shady Grove? That was your elementary school? Shady Grove Elementary. Shout out to it. Skip back pike. Shady Grove. Yeah. In the mornings, we do pickpocketing. At lunch, we go under the bridge. And then an afternoon, we're running liquor. That was the first

time that a teacher ever made fun of me for being fat. Not the last time either. I had one of those, uh, hostess pies. You know what I'm talking about? They were, they were eclipsed. They were huge. They were like this big. Kind of yeah. And we had snack time. That was still when he got snack time. We got snack time and a lunch and at snack, I was crushing one of those in a high C Ecto cooler and I hear her go, that's not a snack. That's a lunch. I was like,

Hey lady. Fucking blowing on my spot, you dumb bitch. What are you doing? I'm sitting here trying to relax. Have a good time here before I play before I play four square. Shouldn't you be out back catching a smoke and calling your divorce lawyer? Fuck you're a teacher at Shady Grove. Give me some lip. Kip, let's talk about Bumbas for the third time. Talking about Bumbas baby. Bumbas. Yeah. Bumbas mission is simple gang. Make the most comfortable clothes ever and

match every item sold with an equal item donated. Yes. Look at that. They're giving it away. So, when you buy Bumbas, you're also giving back to somebody you need. Yes. And that's nice. Yeah. Bumbas designed their sock shirts underwear to be closed that you can't wait to put on every day. Everything they make is soft, seamless, tagless, has a luxurious, cozy feel. And if you know anything about the old Kipperino, I'm big into luxurious feel. I don't know

why you're looking at me like that. They're looking at me like a snake. They made from super soft materials like merino, merino wool, Pima cotton and even Cajun. Dan Merino? You got Dan Merino? These guys are all right. Joey Merilino wool. That's a deep cut. What's a Philly gangster? Philly Bob's Joey Merilino. So, go to Bumbas.com slash garbage and get 20% off your first purchase. That's Bumbas B O M B A S dot com slash garbage for 20% off

Bumbas dot com slash garbage do it. Do it. Hello, fresh. Hello, fresh. Hello, fresh. Hello, fresh. You know it. Love it. I know it. Yeah. The Foley family loves it. It's not only just a spokesman but also a client. Client help. Patty's been noshing on Hello, Fresh for the last couple of months down there. Courtesy of old Uncle Hank. Yeah. That bird likes a free meal. That one. Yeah. She's a free bird. She likes it. Hello, fresh is fantastic guys. They really really are. We

love them. Everything comes pre portion. You got nice ingredients. Farm fresh ingredients that you cook up right there. You're saving yourself time. You're saving yourself money and here's the thing too. What's that? This isn't a part of the copy. You're cooking things that you normally wouldn't cook. I don't care who you think you are. Yes. It's you know, you're doing spaghetti and meatballs. You're doing meatloaf. You're doing this. You're not thinking

of doing Cajun shrimp over a kale, Caesar or this or that. They send you all these cool things that you would spend 45 minutes looking around the grocery store for. Yes. And then you have a whole bushel of it when all you need is a little bit for the recipe. Yes. It's easy peasy. The biggest thing to do Hello, Fresh cuts back on time spent in the kitchen with meals ready in around 30 minutes or less. Look at that. Plus quick and easy meals including 20 minute

recipes and low prep, easy cleanup options, providing even faster route to putting food on the table. Hello, fresh is 72% cheaper than a restaurant meal. Holy heck of the same quality. Then you can save on average $65 a month when you order Hello, Fresh instead of grocery shopping. That's money right back in your pack. In your packet free and clear. Look at it. So, go to hellofresh.com slash garbage sixteen and use promo code garbage sixteen for up to

sixteen free meals and three free gifts. That's crazy. That's boncos. Go to hellofresh.com slash garbage sixteen. Use code garbage sixteen for sixteen free meals and three free gifts. Do it. Do it. Hello, Fresh. Hello, Fresh. America's number one meal kit. Do it. No, we had a semester in our class. We're not saying you're gonna say a semester abroad. We went to Mexico. Learned how the coyotes work. Went to Tijuana for the weekend. Um no, we had a semester where we were like

making pottery and we would paint it and then like put it put that gloss on it. I picture that scene in ghost with you and the teacher. Isn't it ghost or dirty dance? Post this pie all over me. That would get your little noodle. That was that was very sensual. Demi Moore. What are you out of your fucking mind? Was it Demi? It was Demi Moore and Swayze, right? He was nothing to shake a stick. Wasn't he dead in that? Something. He wasn't alive. Yeah, he was dead when they were

doing that scene. Nice. Talk about the six cents. Am I right? Boy. Talk about the four and a half cents. Boy. That's what I call poltergeist. Um the judges would have also accepted the sixty-ninth cents. Ah, I thought four and a half talking about my little pee pee was good. The four and a half. You would think. Yeah. Yeah, she was they they were both tight back then. All right, three and a half. Quit lying. You guys got me. You're not fooling anybody, Kevin. All right.

This is a wacky one we're having today. Anyway, it's the first time we've seen each other in a couple of days. Uh back to the dishwasher. Or do we wrap that up? Yeah, I think you'll always go down. I think you always go down to be safe. You're supposed to go up for cleanliness though, right? Yeah. It gets in there. It gets in there. It gets everywhere. The heat melts it off. Yeah. It's like re-innerning the atmosphere. I remember in the eighties, there was no such

thing. I mean, you we put whole plates of spaghetti in there and the shit would just come out clean. Oh no, we were always pre-washed. We have to pre-wash. Really? I still will I still will hit it with a sponge. Get the yo for the hot sauce. I used to put pots, pans, anything in there. I don't do that. She didn't know what was going on. It's my OCD. I gotta I gotta take it. Even as a kid. Mm hmm. Jesus. That Denise runs a tight ship when it came to fun time at sleepovers with you, huh? And

he came to fucking dish time. Here's the scoop. I think it sucked more than busting the table as a kid. Oh, it's felt it was it was like, I'm like, what are you guys? 20 years hard labor. It's had a nice meal. What the fucking butters every time I turn around, there's more butter on the table. Oh, that sucks. You get the plates and you got to go get the napkins and the fucking salt and pepper shaker and the always a fight. Always have salad cocksuckers. Take your

own shit back. It was a sitcom. Yeah. Yeah, it was always a fight. You do it. Fuck you. You do it. Screaming at each other me and my brother. Terrible kids. Um speaking of terrible things, like I said, I should I should keep this. I shouldn't be staying in this public. It's a little embarrassing. I'm peeing in the shower. Not in the shower. Not in the shower. Uh I'm going into the bathroom. I'm turning the water on. Opening the curtain real quietly peeing and then just hitting the

water in the tub. And this is a fat thing. It's not a I mean, well, it's because you can't pee comfortably at the regular toilet. No, I can do it comfortably. I just I I'm I'm a wild shot. Yeah. But you do to the weight. So, you've got to the point where you're no longer using the toilet. Think about that. That's what you just that's how I process that statement. It's and I'm supposed to be like that trash. It's just easier to walk in there and just pee in the

shower. Yeah, it's also easier to get. I'm hoping somebody backs me up on this somewhere. You're gonna get cut out of that house at some point for sure. It's easier to walk into the doors. It's not a fat thing. The doors just hurt when I go through them. So, I took the wall out. Yeah, that's not good. That's not good, right? That's not sanitary. Oh, fuck all the other stuff. To me, that's just like you're roll it. This is very fucking patron. That to me is

preview. You're giving up to me. Yeah, you're going, oh, instead of trying, you're just making everything easier rather than trying not saying you're not trying to lose weight, but you're just going, oh, I peed in the bathtub now. That's silly and wacky and zany. I'm dumping in there. I'm sure some of those dudes were dumping in there. What dude? Where were those guys dumping? The guys that are like on the bed that they had to get pulled out of the

house. Oh, bed pans and stuff. They're not getting up to go to the bathroom. They're fucking letting it rip daddy. This kid's got the right idea. Yeah, stop doing that. Force yourself to fucking bend it because it's laziness. You don't want to bend down and clean up. That's what it is laziness. Yeah, you don't want to bet because you're a larger gentleman. So, you don't want to bend down and pick it up. I'm a carton of eggs. Yeah, at some point you're

gonna be like, yeah, just barefoot now, dude. The shoes just really, they're hot on my feet or whatever. Why is that? I wonder what the steps are to that. What are my steps? Let's not look at them up. What are my steps to fatness of to being bedridden? Shoes? I've ran this scenario a lot. I'm a scenario kind of guy. You're one knee injury away from 900 pounds. Yes, it's that and that's you know, we I think we bet it 900. Nobody lives to be 900,

right? Yeah, my 600 pound life. It's like Yoda. You're not that far from score with those broads. You're 1200 pound sisters or what's it called the thousand pound gals. I can still see my little noodle. I I see a little guy. He's in there. That's me and I'm still here. You gotta you gotta you gotta you gotta lure him in like a squirrel. I have an elaborate series of mirrors that allows me to do so. It's like the Riddler's house. I go to the Riddler too much but I

love the character. Uh yeah, I think an injury. You're bedridden. One knee. Yeah, blow an ankle, something, a hip. A hip. I think you're down. Hips you gotta get replaced. You fall. You slip on ice or something. My biggest fear. I'm a full. Your knee goes and then you're gonna be the size of a house. Blow up from there. Yeah, blow up like the world trade. Unless I get unless I get heavy on the painkillers. I could could turn it around. What? Could all work out. No.

Go heavy on the pills and slim up. Yeah, I come out of it. Then I have it on halfway there. Yeah, yeah, let's explore that route. Let's see if the trainer fucking signs off on that one. Toby, go get me a baseball bat, will you? Fucking Tanya Harding this guy. Tanya Harding myself. Anyway, those are the two things that I wanted to bring up with you. The dishwasher in it. Yeah, it's trashy. No good. Yeah. Not great. She doesn't know about it. She's not a fan of the

show either, I presume. No, she is. She checks in. She checks in. Checks to make sure the fucking numbies are there and keeps it moving. Something like this might loop back around on her radar. Okay. Cuz I go to the whole song and dance. I flush the toilet. I want you to turn the thing on. That's that's how insane. Yeah, this would have been a perfect hard feelings to dive into. That's how insane you are. You fake it. You're like, oh, I'm shaving. I'm brushing my teeth. I'm you know. Yeah. I'm

rehanging the the curtain, the shower curtain, the fucking towel racks. I hate those things. They always come off. What? The shower curtains. Cuz we got everyone's gotta have the fancy hooks now. Not the clippy ones. Remember the remember the old clippy ones? We're a clip. You're a clip. Now, do you have two or just one? For all we talked about it when I was I just had one. Now, we have two. Now, you have a nice one and like a liner. Yeah. I don't like what they've done with shower

curtains. Yeah. Just saying. Not a fan. Like it wasn't there. We're thin back then. You got one on the outside with a fish on it or something like that. Now, they're too thick. That's real down the shore. A mermaid or something. Yeah. We just talked about like drying. I use it to dry my hands if the towel is not there. Sure. It's what I'm wiping my ass. Did it? Did it? Kid me? Let it hang there. Your poor shower. Mark my turf. Yeah. What do we got gang? Let's get to some cues here.

Okay. All right. Did you know you signed up for the old Patriot? I need to get your question read on the air. On here. By two professional experts. Yes. In the field. In the field. Of being dirt bags. Yeah. Um this one this is from Joe new Irish bozo here. Haven't had one read yet. Welcome lad. Have you ever scraped the butter off the knife back into the tub after making toast? Scrape the butter off the knife. Like there's like, you know, a little bit of uh shrapnel on there

and right on the edge and all the crumbs. Oh, I had a big thing. If there was crumbs in the we were a prom. We were a margin. Uh margarine. Margarine. Margarine family. Which is insane. That's what I know butter as. That's crazy. I would take margarine over anything because you can't. That's just cutting corners than he's. I mean, really? Save the money somewhere and margarine. Yeah. You do get the containers though. Man. They're all with them. Strap to the gills with

them. Promise containers. You don't know what's in there. Man, fucking turkey, gravy and shit. Roll the dice. Yeah. I remember one that almost made me I don't know. I I was just so looking to like butter my roll or whatever I had going on and there was like some roast set of teeth in there. The roast beef stew or something. I was like gagged. I was like seven, dude. I was like, fuck this. I thought it was never trust never trusted a promise container ever again. It was the perfect

like weight and stuff. Oh, it was bad. That's awesome. I had a couple of meatballs in there though. Yikes. But I never got and now like I'm a butter man, you know, uh but I don't know butter man. I'm a butter man. You can't spread the butter the pat like the that's why I like the margarine. Didn't matter how cold the fridge was. Yeah. Yeah. But then there was a lot. There was a lot of crumbs in the in the promise container. Yeah, we went through. I'll be we went

through a phase here judging me and my fucking single mother who's trying to make trying to make ends meet. country. country crock. Here's how we rolled. He stepped over that. Just call my mom a whore. You're a nice lady, Denise. Good thing you don't know how to work the internet. Next. Country crock melts too thin. You can't cook with it. Now it's very. Oh, I've always cooked. I you did. I didn't know margarine wasn't butter. I thought it was. I thought it would turn into another

molecular substance. It's not great. It's very chemically. Yeah. Weird. Hey, I am what I am. They sold it on. Maybe that's why my head's so big. Those two people you couldn't he's got margarine head. This boy's been country crock. Alusia, get me a muffin. I'm trying to stop some of this up. I'm going to be the poster child to sue big margarine. I'm going to be on like the infomercials. Have you had did you eat margarine grown up?

Did your kid look like this and it's just me? Is your forehead more than three feet? Uh that was great. This one is fourteen hundred on my SAT, which is a home run of a name. Uh I don't know what it was out of. Are you garbage if you think doing bicep curls with grocery bags is exercise? Great liver king of you. Dude, as a kid, I was fucking. I thought I was here. Yeah, if you have all the milk in it, dude, I was fucking bulking up for fucking preseason, dude.

Taking pre-workout. Two things a diet. I stay. The big jugs of Gatorade doing the iron cross. Love those. Love those big jugs of Gatorade. Yeah. I would drink a whole one of them. Uh huh. Going to football practice. You get a whole one. Whole big fucking banger. That and a turkey hugie. Before fucking football practice. No, we were doing two of days. I get that for lunch. Okay. Turkey hugie. Coach is screaming at you. That ain't a snack. That's a learn. It was

snack time. God damn it. Now hit the showers. No pissing in there either. He's got a napkin tucked into the neckline of his jersey. Coach, but my party tray. A promise container full of meatballs. Those are my meatballs. God damn it. Hang on there. Coach. I'm right back. Don't let every driver pull us up. You run over. You run over to the parking lot. I got a delivery for Henry. You're talking over an L. Boys, take five, will you? Anybody got a 10 on him? Anybody know what's been

more than 30 minutes? Give me a shit. We straight. It is. We only for free today, boys. His helmet full of ice cream. I got baseball games. Yeah, but it's the but it's the full size helmet. You're standing in line at the snack bar in your uniform. Where the hell's Henry at? Hey, man. You want to wrap it up? I got work to do. Now, turkey, turkey classic from WAWA. That's what I got every day. My head hurts, dude. Oh, that's so

funny. Everything wrapped in tin foil. Yeah, everything. Everything wrapped in tin foil. The cooler was wrapped in tin foil. I don't know how much tin foil we went through as a kid. I know. I still hate those fucking sandwich. I mean, we've talked about it a bunch, but those sandwich bags, the flip overs, that and so I can't wrap my head around saran wrap. Stinks. It's like I try to use it, dude. It's it's like getting caught up in spider webs.

Shit's everywhere. It's tough. They don't have a good enough a good enough cutter on the edge. I know. You should hit it. You should have like a fucking blowtorch. Just one of those things. Yeah. Or that chopper they had in the back of the class. The denogenizer. That's a great Goldman bit. They had the plastic scissors that couldn't cut anything. Put in the back. They had a guillotine. It's like, hey lady, I'm fourteen. I can handle

the scissors. I got two kids beheading each other in the back. Shout out to Gary Goldman. Shout out to the gold. One of the best. The best. Some would say. Yeah. Kip up at those fellas over there a movement. Big fan of the movement. Very similar. I mean, they're doing a little bit better than we are. Sure. But they started out small. A couple of college dropouts. Bootstrapped it. Bootstrapped it. Wanted to get in the old sunglasses business. Wanted to take on the big

boys. Yes. And you know what? They won because now they do sunglasses. They do watches. If you're not on movement.com, you got to go check it out. It's fucking fantastic. It's it's it's it's high price stuff for a fraction of the cost. It's unbelievable. We got sunglasses. We got watches. We got the old smear. They're fantastic. I know. I wear my I'm not a big watch guy but you know, they they gave us the option. I grabbed the watch and now I wear it when I go out

and I feel fancy. Real fancy. Watches that look like a quality like you know, a $400, $500 watch that you're getting you pay to the department store. Yeah. Fraction of the price like you said. 200 bucks. You're out the door. Uh-huh. Because they were built online with their own process from start to finish. I think you know, they're not getting they're not robbing Peter to pay Paul markups, markdowns. The whole nine yards are taking it right to you. Get a

hundred and fifty dollar watch. Looks like it's just like a five hundred dollar watch. It's crazy. Also, my lady uses the blue light lenses because she's at the computer all day. So, it's mine. Yep. Uh the ever the ever scroll blue light filtering glasses are a game changer. It really helps with eye strain, poor sleeping patterns. Uh and then there's a modern style on the frames. If you want to elevate your look with style that doesn't break the bank, then join movement and

get 15% off today with free shipping, free returns by going to mvmt.com slash garbage again. One more time. Take out a pen. Write it down. mvmt.com slash garbage. Do it. Kim, let's talk about Coinbase. Coinbase. That's where all that's where I do all my shopping. Let's talk about crypto which we got a couple of bucks now. Got a wet your beak. Time to play the market a little bit. Time to diversify. Generational wealth. I got enough money in gold. Buzzword. I want to start

rolling the dice on the internet. Yes. Coinbase is where to go. Uh Coinbase offers a trusted and easy to use platform to buy, sell and spend crypto currency. Look at that. They support most popular digital currencies on the market and make them accessible to everybody. They even offer portfolio management and protection. There you go. Learning resources, a mobile app. That's some back alley deal where you're buying your crypto now. They can dirt bag.

Yes. Come inside. This ain't a dark web. This is this is bright lights. Does it right? Business. On the up and up. I've been a user of Coinbase since I started dabbling in crypto a couple of years ago. Millions of people in over a hundred countries trust Coinbase with their digital assets. Whether you're looking to diversify, getting started, we're searching for a better way to access crypto markets. Start today with Coinbase for a limited time. New users can get

uh ten dollars in free bitcoin when you sign up at coinbase.com slash garbage. Sign up at coinbase.com slash garbage for ten dollars in free bitcoin. Do it. Look at that. Back to the show. Back to the show. Uh this is for max ten dollar homie here ever taking a photo in the lobby of the hotel you weren't staying in. I'm sure that happens a lot in Vegas. Hundred percent. Because like that's like you know the hallabes have the attraction, the fountains or the fucking whatever. Yeah,

we've done that. I don't know if you've ever done one in the lobby. We weren't staying in. We stayed at my cousins in DC for Easter and we went around. I mean that was like 30 of us. Like I'm talking a pack. It's when we rolled around in caravans. Be my uncle Mike's car, my uncle Joe's car, my dad's car, somebody else's car, fucking following each other around. The backwoods of fucking Virginia. Yeah. It's crazy. Um we did that. We'd go to we go to the hotel and take a picture out front. Do

shit like that. It's tough. Yeah. As a fan. We never like again, we never really went on vacation just because we went to the shore all the time. Like that was like we didn't go away during the school year and you didn't go away in the summer. This was Easter. Yeah, we went to we go down the shore for Easter. We go everywhere. Down the shore for Easter. Yeah. I always hated it but now as I get older, I like it. Yeah. It's quieter. You get away to hustle and bustle.

Can't go swimming though. Oh. Jump into water. Um yeah so we never really did like I've probably been like fucking three hotels with my mom. Just staying in hotels a kid with your parents was weird. Especially if you weren't in the same room. I don't know if I've ever really that's what I'm saying. I can't even really remember ever doing it. I don't think the thought of like standing at a lobby with my mom waiting to get room keys is like crazy to me. Really? I

mean we went to Disney once or twice. I don't remember you know but that was it. I don't know if we stayed at a house or so. I don't I can't recall staying at somebody's place on vacation is a tough look. No, they would rent a house. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Not like staying with like somebody used to be the neighbors. I was the one. No, we did say it was me, my brother, my sister in a room. Okay. And then me and my brother would share a bed with my sister would have a bed.

Okay. So, was it a connector? What do you mean? You never told me was your guys room connected in Tampa? We have still yet to get the connecting doors for the hotel rooms for pallin' around. I don't think they do that anymore. They don't. Well, that's the hotel we stayed in Adam. I know because they opened the door. Yeah, they keep icing on. I'm trying. I'm trying to pall around with the pallin' around doors. Sure. I don't know. I did none of the rooms I've

ever stayed at. That's how you do a little freaky-deaky. And loyal listener, my promise to you is that the second we do, you're gonna hear about it. It's gonna be great. Yeah. You open the door and you knock on the door next door. Do three knocks. Let him know you're in the party. Show him the upside down pineapple. That means you're in your tub real quick. Is that true? Did you ever hear that? What? Upside down pineapple? Yeah. If you go to someone's house for

like a dinner, if someone invites you over for dinner and you get there and there's like a lot of their upside down pineapple is the indication for swingers. Really? Throw that in the old uh Google noodle. Where is it? Where is it? Like an actual pineapple? You would just be sitting there and like, no, like a picture or a painting or anything. Just the visual of an upside down pineapple. Huh. I've been seeing it on that TikTok. Really? The upside down pineapple? Oh, yeah. These

kids are doing weird shit. Real freaky naughty. Okay. This is oh man. It's even more specific than what you're saying. It's it's cruise ship swingership. So, if you see a pineapple on a door on a cruise ship, it means that the couple inside is down to clown and probably gross as fuck. Yeah. It's never the hot. That's that's that's ain't the thing. No, that was a t-bone zest added to it. I'm gross as fuck. Are you going to put shit on your hotel room door like

that? Like a magnet or something? You're bringing it. They're looking, you know, it's like power bait. But you also just look for the bald guy with a ponytail. Yeah. Or me. Would I ever do something about swing? Yeah. No. Never. Not your cup of tea. I don't I don't know who would benefit in that situation at all. I wouldn't have fun. I doubt she would and then some guys with my wife who's I don't understand any this. This isn't checking any boxes for me.

All right. How about you? I assume. No. What? Is this your offering? You just slide a pineapple over to me. Pineapple upside down cake, which aren't bad by the way. Listen, I know he's gross and fat, but if you fuck him, we'll give you two first round draft picks next year. To next year's Swinger Hall of Fame. Who are we banging the clippers? What's going on? No, I'm not it. Yeah. Stays are behind me. I'm tired. All right. This one's from Joshua. Know anyone that

was born with teeth? I shit you not. My two daughters were both both born with bottom teeth. That's power plant type shit. I don't. That's weird, dude. You put them immediately up for adoption. Just chilling on nippies. Think about that. That's gotta make them bad boys rough. Good lord. That's insane. Yeah, I don't. I mean, no one I know. Maybe. I'm sure my family's so big. I'm sure somebody won't you know wisdom. One of those. Born with a grill. Paul Walsh. Where's

the house? Because it was born with a tear drop that dude. People shaking his head. No, dude. This is like Ripley's believe it or not shit. Really? Because it's not even they're prenatal teeth which is different from natal teeth which are your baby teeth. Sure. So it's like an extra set of creepier baby teeth. Damn. It's dad's Italian. His mom's a great white. That's crazy. Three sets. That was the most H. Foley joke ever.

Three sets of teeth. Clean up with the tooth fairy though. Yeah. I can make 15 grand. That's a lot. Yikes. Both daughters he says. Says I shit you not my two daughters. That's then genetic. Yeah, that's wild. Crazy. Um I just once for Maggie first time long time is a garbage to sleep on top of your comforter and use a throw blanket to sleep with so your bed is technically always made. I don't know how you do it. That sounds insane. Yeah. Just don't make the bed sleeping your

clothes. Yeah. Just don't make the bed. I don't mind. My wife will make the bed from time to time. Well, there you go. Either way, the problem's getting solved but that's not sleeping on your comforter like that. I would always if I ever fall asleep, I always end up taco in it. Gonna make tacos in the middle of it. No, I take the blanket and I pull I pull it over on me. So, I'm in there like a little taco. Oh, if you fall asleep on top. If I would happen to fall asleep. If

yeah. Pass out is the correct term. I was all fucked up. Woke up in a taco. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, no, no, none of that. That's real trash. At any point in your life have you used a sleeping bag as a duvet or comforter? 100% couch cover. Couch cover. We know some people who will be on the show quite soon. Uh yeah, no, that's tough. Yeah, because it doesn't fully. It's warm. Yeah, it does it on zips completely. No, the one hinge always stays. No, I mean a

little bit. Yeah, they're pretty cozy and they're water resistance for your bed spills. Uh I did have plastic or accidents and that monitor. Yeah, it's no good because about the bed, you're not like you're not like you're doing that to be a responsible person or whatever. That's not being you're cheating the system there. You gotta make the you gotta actually make the bed. Sure. That's the thing is is and I believe me, I could never have that kind of

discipline. I don't understand the making of the bed. I mean, I know people like it starts your day off. You've completed a task. It looks it makes the room look so much better. I'm not gonna I'm not in the room until I fucking go back to sleep. So, I gotta do more work to get back in the mental thing. I'm doing mentally fine. Start sleeping on the comforter in like a psycho. Why? I don't know. I just don't make the bed. That's what I said. Yeah. Fuck it.

That's what I'm saying. I like having a messy bed. Sure. And I like having a sleeping bag as a comforter. We had bad sleeping bags growing up. We didn't have good sleeping bags. I don't get one that we share. People had the nice satin on the outside and the like the flannel on the inside. Ours was the thing on the outside all around. Oh. Yeah, man. Yeah, it was not good. That's sweaty bed. It's like sleeping in Chinese finger cuffs. Yeah. It's it was

it didn't roll up right like it didn't stand by me. I was old. Yeah, that was the hardest part of the rolling it up as like an eight year old. Yeah, what are your fucking hands couldn't do it. I would just be like dragging it through the front yard going home from a sleepover or whatever. I think what's the stuff? Oh, yeah. I never fucking arts and I never like getting in it. It's too fucking. I feel like I'm in a coffin. I can't do it. I'd rather you were camp out in

your backyard. We tried and we were in by like, you know, 1015. As soon as you heard that first owl. Yeah. Oh, the coyotes came working. Kippy was inside. Well, the one time I was really young, my brother and cousins were doing it who were like, you know, they might have been fucking 10 or something. So, I was probably like five or six or whatever and I wasn't allowed to they were like, you know, my parents, my mom's like, you're not you're fucking six.

You're not staying out with me. I mean, these fucking kids were probably smoking and drinking already. They were like what, 13? No, like 10 or something. Okay. Or maybe 11 or whatever. So, my mom's like, you're too young to stay out. So, I was I was going to stay till like, you know, till bed time and then have to go in. Like a lot of pansy I was. But then they didn't make it all night. Yeah, that was slim fast. Clear my head. Hey guys. Alright, looks like I'm gonna

head up the wooden hill. Grab my slim fast and my bag of hers nibblers and call the fucking night. Golden girls are starting in 10 minutes. You gentlemen will excuse me. Yeah, then we did it once at my buddies just to drink. Yeah. Like 16. Sure. And then still just went inside like we just drank outside and we're like, it was fucking freezing. We way underestimated it. Well, like, I'm like, dude, let's just fucking go inside. It's like 1130. We're drunk. It's freezing.

Like, what are we doing? We just went in and slept on the couch. What about you Hillbilly? No, but I did go on camping trips with my family. Outdoor camping. Yeah. With just your family. Yeah, it was awful. It rained the whole time. If you're like woodsy people, like if your dad hunts, if you do that kind of like Yellowstone, you went out. Yeah. Your dad was like an art professor or something like that. He had no business being on the wilderness. Blatantly,

you're responsible. I know it could have got you real everybody freeze to death out there. They always find one or two of them here. Well, no, some family who fucking went the wrong way. Well, if we got chased by a bear or something like that, he can handle it, you know, start grading term papers. What would you take? Would you take like a little like a little camper? No, we go like campsite. They get a regular that's always weird to a regular car and pull up in a

Taurus and then hop out and now you need a Jeep or a wagon or something. Something that looks the part at least putting a tent down in a parking lot. It's no good. Dude, you're just tailgating in the woods if you're going to a campsite. We did a camper. I've said my stepdad. He's a woodsy guy though. Hillbillies. Yeah. Rednecks these people. They would do it. He's fired a weapon before. Oh, yeah. Bow and arrow. He's pulled it on some family members. My brother snuck in one night from

out boozing. Nice. And they didn't know my sister. He was something happened. I forget the whole story. Yeah, some nickel track. That's what happened. He was about to regulate any piece of steel up on that property. A couple of warning shots. He's in his little whitey tighties and my brother's like, it's me. It's me. My mom's like, didn't even my mom didn't even know there was a gun in the house. She's like, where the fuck did that go? Well, he's got the fucking

two M16s going in a drone strike. He's up there with the fucking night vision goggles on in his underwear. He's yelling clear, throwing flashbangs. Those are my biggest fear. Flashbang. For when? I don't know. Whenever they, whenever they, whenever the hammer comes down, but you would assume that's the way you'd want to go. If they ever come to get me, I want it to be like that. Who's I don't know, but they got hand grenades. They're not going to need hand grenades and

flashbangs to get you. Just put a cheeseburger in a box with a fucking with a stick on it. The rest is history. What's that? Pickles? It can't get me. No, but that's always my fear is it was one of those getting thrown in a window. I didn't know where I like that window right there. It's also then you know, that's when you know it jigs up. No, you got to grab it and throw it back out. That's the move. You don't just sit there. What if it goes off in my hand? Well, it's

going off anyway. Right? That's your house. That's how they got hemmed up in the town. Someone's got to make that move. But you jump on it. I don't jump on it. You get it the fuck out. If there's an open window, you fucking toss it back at them. That's the move. They'd be real pissed about that. I wouldn't be well received. Now he just made a man. The Queen's County Sheriff Office doesn't take kindly to that kind of shit. No, but that's

always I imagine how it going down. Yeah, you keep saying that. I don't know what you mean. I don't know. Don't you think about them coming to get you? What? I know you though. Who were the no? I don't think about anybody coming to get me. Yeah, me neither. I do get nervous going into banks, but other than that, that's not involving you. What do you mean? You'd be caught up in it. You get nervous. No, I'm nervous that I'm going to get in there and they're

going to be like, sir, you haven't paid your taxes in 75 years. You owe us. I'm afraid of financial ruin. Ah, I'm afraid like that thing like that dream you have where you wake up and you're like, oh, you're in school like a test today like that. How did you like how did I forget the term paper was to I have that feeling that like all of the money is going to get pulled away. Anytime that I've been in a bank cashing a check depositing a check and they've

gone. Wait, right here. Give me one second and left. My if it's taking more than 15 seconds, my inkling is to sprint out of the bank, but I haven't done anything wrong. I'm just catching a check like a regular fucking like a regular working Joe. Cash and checks is a tough one. Oh man. Yeah. Gentlemen deposits a check. I've cashed one pretty recently. I've cashed one within the last eight months. Whoa. Yeah. A commercial I did. Remember the E check? Oh, they

sent me a fucking E check. I didn't know what to do. I tried to deposit it into my Navy Federal account and they were like, they weren't having it. Take your treasures elsewhere. There'll be no quarter here by. So I had to go to fucking chase, chase bank. I remember the timing of it. It was a little dicey. I was there at 9 AM. Yeah. I remember you were trying. I remember this. Yeah. You're you're very whatever problems going on in your world is everybody else's

around use issue. Sure. Sure. If you need to raise a village to raise a foley. If you need a check, if you're a little to feed them, huh? Am I right? All right. If you're a little tight on cash, you've ran the scenario by T but you don't think they're gonna seize my account if I'm like you run through and you go to everybody that you see that day for advice. But if I go to you, that means you hold some sway with me. So first of all, I of course I fucking should

some credibility. That's not saying much but yeah. I mean, I have my my personal problems. Don't become your problems. What can I do? I'm not like make them worse. What? I make them worse. I know. Yeah. Yeah, I lean on you a little bit. A little bit. What do you do? Listen, I'm just shame. If I deposit a check at 502, do you think the financial instance? I don't fucking know. Stop being a scumbag and get there during regular business hours.

All right. Well, if I do it on my phone, it's technically registered as come on. You made too much money to be cash and checks. Eight months ago, I didn't a much. I was on a very thin, thin wire. Yeah. There was a lot of fucking a lot of ball in the cup action over there. Barely got this thing off the ground. I like to do the but the Islanders. We got away with it. Except we got everything checked out. You have not seen that 30 for 30. Do yourself a favor and go

check it out. Mm hmm. Guy tries to buy the Islanders. It's very thick. All right. Let's let's scoot through a couple of mo here. Please. This is from Scott. Never had a question read. Have you ever ordered your own birthday cake? No. I would hope not. That's sad. Ordered your own birthday cake. Let me ask you this. You're an office guy. They're really been an office guy. Not the program. For the record, it was a

chuckle out of Toby. I was thinking of my own joke in my head. And I'm a big fan. I workshopped it, ran it by a did some market research. Everybody's a fan. I think it's something to have the other day. If you if it's your birthday, that's something I said earlier. Just laughing at something I thought if it's your birthday at the office, is it your job to bring in cupcakes for everybody? Listen. What's the rule with that? I was very anti social in the

office. I never went down for a happy birthday. You never went down for a happy. Really? I went when you're one of the somebody was retiring and I got lumped in. I figured out when everybody was taking their breaks and when all the stuff would be and I like staggered mine so I was out of I'd rather I was just out front fucking catching heaters about six heaters in an hour ripping darts trying to play the books. Having a chicken farm, a couple of fucking

stingers call it a day. I'd imagine you would operate in a cubicle scenario like a like someone who's scouted a bank heist where you like know everyone's rotation so you can move through without ever interacting with anyone. It was very don't look at me. Don't talk to me. He looks real weird in business casual too. Let me tell you that. Yeah. You look you always look you just got fired. I was very close a lot of times. So you didn't have to bring your own cake in.

It wasn't your responsibility. I didn't even have a birthday as far as you know the off not you fucking Neo relax. No I think they might a lot of places do you know like a month like hey on the 15th we're gonna celebrate everybody in June's birthday. Unless they really like it. They really like it. Like the partners and stuff they would get the you know they would get a big bigger to do. Okay. Or like the people who were like there for you know fucking 90 years.

But in that situation it's not the person whose birthday it is to bring it in. It's not elementary school. Yeah because when you were a kid it was. That's all I can be thrown you a birthday party. That's fucking weird. Picking the scores because I remember that was always tension at the Foley. I gotta make these cupcakes. Yeah. Freaking out. Yeah. Fat little bastard. Fucking cup. Got to drop them or something like that. She'd freak the fuck out. Yeah. So like cigarettes

when you got them. That's the Bob Seeger in the parking lot. And I got dropped off in a purple intrepid with my step mom smoking blasted fucking Bob Seeger's greatest hits. I was a side B man myself. Thinking back. Your parents dropped you off at school with a radio blast and you are fucking straight trash. Turn their shit down. All right. Love you. Love you. Fucking turn that shit right back. There was a lot of that. A lot of that and I

get a dub on the way. If my dad was dropping me I get a dub on the way out the door. That we've come to realize we did not have. Like hey you might still have the house if you weren't giving 20s away every day to the kids at school. Tell you live though baby. I know. Fast and loose. That's the way we do it. Only way we know how. New money. No never bought my own cake. Buying plenty of cakes for other people. Especially lately with the specific intention of a face throw. Spent

like a hundred and fifty bucks on somebody's birthday cake. Not that long ago. Have you ever purchased an ice cream cake not for a birthday? Folks this episode is brought to you by Helix. That's a yes. I mean yeah. Probably all strung out and needed the sugar to keep the fucking hands from shaking. Uh happy birthday Charlie. Can you put on it? Yes. I have purchased the little Carvel Johns that they have

at the grocery store. At the end of the aisle. At the end of the aisle. Yes. As a substitute for ice cream. Like instead of getting. As a substitute for breakfast. Swap out the two eggs of bacon for a little crunchy cookies and some fudge swirl. Um in replace of getting a half a gallon of ice cream. So I don't see it as that bad. It is ice cream at the end of the day. Hey. Why is this Russia? What the fuck? I mean. Okay. Tell to the judge Fatty. Two things I take issue

in those and what you just said. One is the it's all fat moves by the way. One is called. A little too fat could lose a few pounds. Eating ice cream cake. That was a double D side. Uh you called it a little ice cream cake which leads me to believe that it was the biggest one available. What are you nuts? And you also said they don't keep. They don't keep. You had to get it delivered. Two guys and you brought it up like a couch and you said instead of a half

gallon of ice cream which leads me to believe that you were getting a giant tub of sherbert now with the handle on it. I don't think sherbert comes in that just comes in a little little sherbert thing to try to get that thing off. I still sell that sherbert. Fuck yeah. Okay. They do. They do 100 percent but now we haven't done the big tub of ice cream. That's early 80s. Yeah. That was that was recession era. Uh maybe in high school too to be honest with you. I was she

was rocking out kicking in the early 90s. Yeah she would rock that out because it was you know by that time we were like 1516 the boys were coming over. Yeah. That and the big the gallon jug of chocolate milk that was it was like it was made with pure butter. It was so thick. We never did the premade. Oh we had the Hershey's. We had the Hershey's but yeah there was a stint I'd say probably eighty nine to ninety four where one of those big ass fucking chocolate milk.

Have you ever done the double chocolate milk? Would you premade chocolate milk and then put syrup in it? No because the two chocolate flavorings never combined together well. I've experimented but I never put anything into production. It was strictly on the prototype level. You know there are the hair net and a beaker. The chocolate explodes in your face. Damn it. Back to the drawing board. I tell you the one it seemed like most of the early late 90s and the early

2000s we were a super fresh family. Which I think went either way depending on each location. It was just a very nice location. Okay. New construction. Okay. Very nice location. Because there was a super fresh right over there in Norristown or East Norton on Germantown Avenue that was downtown Beirut. Yeah it was stabby alley. Yeah. Yeah. No this one was very nice new construction and like the fucking you know late 90s or whatever. Very nice. Good time

those late 90s huh. But she was big on that uh like the 10 for 10 or whatever they would do the deal of like the you know. Yogurts was big on that. 10 for 10. But America's choice Hershey's syrup. America's choice was super fresh as brand. America's choice Hershey's syrup was 10 for 10 and she bought like 15. 10 for 10. Yeah. The fucking like regular size. Yeah. Because it's like pretty much brown water. It's so fucking you know. America's

best. I've never had anything. Never had anything from those fuckers. That was any good. Now there's no new Hershey's coming in because we got 15 fucking America's best and it takes like six months to go through one of those containers. Holy shit. So for like six years we just had this America's best and it fucking I remember like squirting it down the sink and shit. I was throwing them in the woods in the back trying to get rid of these fucking things to get

back on the gravy train. Get back on the good shit. Yeah it was bad. I was like what the every time there was a new America. I'm like what are we doing? It's like smoking Ecuadorians at the Cubanos. You know it was always good on paper but never good in reality. Wait. Nesquik. No Nesquik's great. Is it chocolate milk related? It's chocolate syrup related. The shell. The shell. No shell's great. The shell's awesome. Hey guys relax. I'm guessing that

something that I thought he was. I wasn't able to purchase. I wasn't able to purchase magic shell until I was in it. You just said maybe one word correctly. I wasn't able to purchase magic shell. That's what I heard from you. I was not able to purchase magic shell until I was well in my adult years. That my mother looked at that like it was titanium. Magic shell. I'm gonna need to use my d. It's locked up. Hey you open the magic. I get two magic

shells. Next to the core of seeding. You gotta promise me you're not gonna cook meth with it. That stuff is unbelievable. We only did it once and it was because like there was like a Sunday part like you know I think my sister worked at a camp and there was like some sort of Sunday party and that made it back to the house but we never she she's buying America's best fucking syrup ten for ten. She's not going she's not pulling the

shell out and I think America's Choice Magic Shell is just a sock or something. It's just a just a dress sock. Plastic laid over it. Um we also never got I'm gonna I feel like I mentioned this recently. Wait wait wait wait God I'm sorry. Uh peanut butter and chocolate syrup sandwich. It seems like it would be great. Never good. You guys never tried that. What. White bread peanut butter and chocolate syrup. I'm sure I've tried it but yeah now I

can see that not going not going right now. I'm actually shocked that neither of you tried this. I'm sure I have. You know how that would be good. May I may I may I may I spin this? Little magic shells. It's not running. No. You would have to get a pan. Get a little bit of butter. Throw the fucking uh the the peanut butter uh piece of bread. Bread it. Little butter on the outside. Grill it. Then put a little magic a little chocolate sauce on it. Then put the

other piece of bread and flip it. Make it like a grilled cheese. Then slice it. Put it on a plate. Maybe a little powdered sugar and then a little uh chocolate drizzle on top. Then you got an appetizer. Then you got something to play with. That's not a snack. You fat piece of shit. Miss Cooper crushed me. Um let's do a couple of more here. Uh this one is Brendan. My wife said her favorite meat is ham. Yikes. I'm a big ham guy. Oh no. All across the board. The big one

the the the Honeywell whatever it's called or is that the air conditioning? Honeywell's an air conditioning. Uh honey baked. The honey baked spirals. I get the carrier slice. Those things aren't cheap. How much is a honey baked ham by the way? Retail. Is that what we're using the internet for? Yeah. Welcome to the show. What did ham close hat today? Again, that's a Goldman. Is it really? When they say market price he goes. Excuse me. What did shellfish close that?

Ah he's good stuff. Love to get him in here. I I just messaged him. Got nothing back. Goldman hit me up. Gary. You pull him aside. You pull him aside. Chubby trot. Guys, if you haven't jumped in to anything that Gary Goldman does, I mean the best. Chubby. Chubby twice. Hey, what do you say after all this we get back up? We get a place to get you pull him aside. T-Bone, where you at? What do you got T-Bone? I'm doing Goldman's half hour over here. It's shockingly

difficult to pull up honey baked ham prices. Are you ready? Nuts go to the fucking website. The website. Go to ham.com dickhead. That's not work for sure. Use my username and password. No, honey baked is a company. Just go to Amazon. Honey baked ham. Amazon. That's not good. That sounds like rushing hacking to me. Can't get a can't get a quote on man. What's the deal? Honey baked.com. It's gotta be. Honey baked ham. It's almost Easter. It's it's probably the first

thing that comes up. It's fucking kids on screwballs. Honey baked. I do relax. Stop saying that. I'm gonna lose my mind with the spiral swirl. Oh, maybe maybe it's spiraled ham. Maybe. Google pressed ham and a can. No, pressed ham is when you moon someone and put your butt cheeks on the wind. No. Can't have that for dinner, huh? All right. Ham is currently trading at 10 at $10.39 a pound. That's how much it is for a honey baked 10 $10 a

hundred dollar or something. 10 bound ham. How many would you need to feed the family? I don't even like it. Really? Ham? That's some scallop potatoes on Easter with some like applesauce. I don't do the ham. I do the ham at Christmas just to appease my aunt who makes it but she makes a homemade ham. Damn. I think so. Yeah. And then yeah, you like fucking juice at the whole time with the pineapples and stuff. I don't fucking know. I'm not in the kitchen. Make your gum

taste sweet. What? Dirty bird. You know what she's up to. Now, honey baked spiraled ham delicious and it's like a sugary crust on it. It's fantastic. So, I respect that and when it comes to lunch meat, there really is no substitute for a good ham and cheese. I'm a turkey and cheese. You go turkey because you want to watch. Listen, you can't be eating ham every day. I get it. You got to go to turkey. Put that buffalo chicken. Shout out to the fucking Boar's

Head Blazing Buffalo. Oh man. The guy the deli guys hate making it though because it jams up that slicer real bad. Fucks it falls apart because it's so it's so tender. But that that the buffalo sauce gets all over everything. They got to like break it down and power wash it after each slice. You ever use a slicer like actually proper use one? I don't think so. Okay. You know what I did for a while? I was working. I worked at a butcher shop and I would wrap meat.

That thing where like you pull it and then you like fucking. Oh, like wrap meat like like the steaks? Yeah. Really? You got like you're like yeah and you would fucking pull it and it was an art and then you have to like fucking use the weight of it to pull it. Were you flipping them? Were you taking the expiration date off and changing them like they say they always do? Why would I say that on anywhere? What do you talk? No, this is an above board operation. Anytime the

meat's brown. You know, they flipped it a couple of times. Stod it out of his filet. Now it's a t-bone. I was so making you know a hamburger. Yeah, I was real fucking bad. Oh, terrible. They have that heated pad that you like sit you see or the fucking and I was getting there's an art to wrapping up a sandwich. The guys that can do that really tight and crumple it up. You know, you know. Oh, I'm it's a mess. It's either one of the knife and a fork. But when

I worked at Roberts Market in uh Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina, uh we had a dragon. weren't you supposed to be a movie star or something at that during this time? I was researching a role. Every time you've ever mentioned North Capitol down and I was shooting a movie for four months, I didn't know you were bagging groceries. I didn't shoot anything. I shot one heroin. I did one short film. That's all it's all we got. It was a total bust. It was it was it was

all we got. It was a bad move. That's all I did. Like you went out to Hollywood and you're like, I only got one role. We thought that was Hollywood. We didn't know any better. Durham, North Carolina. Now, what was the town? Wilmington. Wilmington. Oh, here we are. Johnny Rockets. What was it called? I worked at Pusser's Landing. Pusser's Landing. I worked at Pusser's Landing um East Coast Landscape Company and I worked at Roberts Market. How long were

you down there? Eight nine months. You had three jobs in nine months. Man, you are unemployable. You kept getting five. Yeah, no shit. Yeah. Also, wait, you've worked three jobs and did a short film. No, it's short film was like a couple of days. Why'd you move to North Carolina? That's a weekend. I didn't move there to do the short film. We moved there to try to get into the business down there. They filmed Dawson's Creek. I was missing four. Wait, hold on. Beep. Beep.

You didn't know this? I go to theater school. Okay, hold on. This was what this is what I thought. Wait, let's back it up a little bit. I go to the state wrestling tournament my senior year of high school. Alright, then I graduate. Bang the cheerleader. I flunk out of college. I go to the hedgerow theater. Okay, we want to save this for Patreon. Okay, good night everybody. Real cold like that. I just fade to black. Alright, let's do one or two more questions and we gotta get

up and get out of here. Okay. This is from Stormy. Is it garbage to throw two popcorn bags in the microwave? How would you do that? That sounds insane to me. And what do you put it on? 500. I don't know. No, how many minutes you put on because let me tell you something. There is no more situation in life that is a razor's edge than microwave popcorn. I know the trick. If you ever read the directions, there's a trick. I know it's a trick. I know what my trick is.

What? I put it on three minutes. Okay. And then I sit there and wait. And once I hear it stop popping, I get it out of there. Well, you're probably you're probably even a little too late. I think it's I forget the exact rule but I think it's three seconds between pops. Okay. Pop. One, two and then but then I'll sit there and count because I'm like a fucking psychopath and I want to get it. I want to exactly hit the fucking post. I like it burnt sometimes. Yeah. Toby? No

way. Okay. Um there's a long time when we didn't have a lot of stuff at the house. Snacks wasn't great when I would get home from school as like junior high or whatever. It was more of like a high profile of palate flavor I thought. Smokiness. Yeah. Smoking. Throw it in the trigger. Little oak meat. Um but I would do a thing on like Orville Redenbacher's fucking popcorn and then I found this fucking sprinkle cheese like nacho like and it was like a spice kind of and it was

like bright orange dude. I like the powder and like mac and cheese. Similar. Yeah. Yeah. You're making your own cheese popcorn. It was I tell you you leave a a fat kid in the 90s home alone. Man. Either that or slim fast. They come up with we come up with something. Yeah. Didn't matter what it was. Put a little bit of that in there. It's probably nice because you know it wouldn't be bad. It's Parmesan cheese. Little Parm cheese on popcorn. Were you proper Parmesan cheese or

were you the the fucking craft green tub? We were believe it or not which I see how much it was. It blows me away. We were the the jaw the tub of like fresh the green one. Oh yeah. What was the green one? Craft. Craft. Yeah. We were that for a little while but then we're still that when we started to get in the high school. She started going with La Catella. La Catella. La Catella. She gets it over there at Kerperle's. Yeah. I don't know who's it is but I know it's

fucking. I see it up here. It's like ten bucks. It ain't cheap. Yeah. It's where all our money's going. Shake cheese or upside down in it. All right. Let's do this and we'll get out of here. Well, this is just uh this is hold on to answer that question. Yeah, that's fucking insane. I don't know how you would do that. Also, who needs that much popcorn? Well, I can understand that but you gotta do it one at a time. I'm saying if it's three minutes, throw one in for three

minutes. It's not like it. I don't see how it would work. You can't put that in there for six minutes and it's all going to cook. No, I would have to be the same time. It's not. It's I think it's not conveyor microwaves work in the sense of like there's two different methods of cooking in the sense of like regardless of the mass that's in there, I'm really I'm really jumbling this up. It's not like one to one because you're selling you know exactly what you're

talking about. It's not one to one. It's dependent upon so it's not like you put it in for six minutes if it's three and three, right? It's like a completely new. It's not two of the same thing. It's a completely new product. Right. Yeah. So like the rules for two doesn't mean one. I would say three or four minutes. Probably. Yeah. But how would they even fit in? That's a big microwave. I just imagine like Steven Seagal like snapping a guy's neck and then throwing

two bags of popcorn into a microwave and then it cuts to him outsized as the house explodes. Yeah. It's coming out the door. Do you ever do the ones where you keep it on the stove? We gotta get out of here. Do you ever do the one? Jeffy Pop buddy. That was that was burn your house down in the that shit to me might as well. You might as well have been camping home on the range or something. We did. We I mean that's this is I remember I remember pre microwave popcorn.

That's why it was lawless. You had you had the popper with the yellow like visor. Yeah. The appliance which wasn't bad but the Jiffy Pop it always burned. There was no butter on it. It tasted like wood chips. It was just the novelty of watching that thing get big and watching the baby shitter shitter pants when fucking she could freaking out. Never worked out right. Yeah. Alright just from Mike Peters. Then we gotta get up and get out of here. Has someone you know started a buy

the bride a drink Venmo on a bachelorette weekend. I've seen that on the back of cars like bachelorette party buy me a drink at tugboat dot org or whatever. That I think I would do it just out of like somebody you don't know. Yeah. Why not? You're fucking mine. I'm support a good time. Okay. I'm talking about people that they don't know. Didn't we do weren't we on something bias a cup of coffee. What was that called? Oh yeah. Well a couple of bucks on that. What was that

called coffee dot com. That's what the name of this. This is it was KOFI dot com or something. It was like a pay direct to the performer. It was a very page. It was like a thing of Patreon where like you could. It was before Patreon or it wasn't Patriot not connected. No it wasn't going to be Jack Conti's coming up with some dog shit idea like that. Yeah. You guys are fucking gentlemen. Uh it was very like uh we did it when we did a hard feelings originally and because we

didn't want to have to do all of this. First of all, nobody was listening to that. You know, nobody's listening to the podcast because nobody cared or whatever. So, I was like, I don't want to do a whole nother episode each week for like three people. If four people join the Patreon. So, coffee. If you want to use dot com was this way. It was like a tip and you would go in. So, we would do like for every five cups of coffee we get or it's called bias of beer. So, for every beer

that someone bought us or every six beers, we would do a bonus episode that everybody would get. So, it was like this idea of like you could go like I'll buy you a six pack. Yeah. Yeah, that would get everybody an episode. It was a communism a little bit. Yeah. You know what I mean? Hear that kids. You gotta do a lot of shit that doesn't work until you land on gold. Yes. Shout out to Sam Yam and Jack Conti. And we thank you and we love you and we appreciate you. Yeah.

Um, yeah, doing that. I've had people, I've gotten things like for to buy. Wrap it up. I can't let this stand. I've gotten I've got a T-boner like I think we're at 90 minutes. I've gotten things from like if a wedding's coming up to buy that bride of beer or something like that. I get the fuck out of here. Buy, buy or drink. Help her cheat. Help her ruin the wedding. Get her so fucked up. She fucks a guy. I don't I don't mind it. I you know, if I was in had it in front of me

and I saw it and I had enough time to pull it out and you know, send uh it's Trish. Oh yeah, for sure. It's all guard. But I support it. It's a fun time. I'm fucking buying some twat. I don't know. Fucking her and her fucking fat friends a fucking drink. Fuck do I care? Sure. Can't stand bachelor parties to begin with. Yeah. Rune comedy shows. Rune nice dinners out. He's saying ruin. Ruin. Gang. You ruined it. With a ruin. Rune. Gang. We fucking love you to

death. We appreciate it. Love you. Get those tickies like we said for Cali, for San Fran, for Los Angeles, for La Jolla, for Pittsburgh, for Detroit, for Buffalo, that's the fucking next place. Salt Lake City, Chicago. You don't want to be out there in a breeze. Chicago is gonna sell out as well. Get those tickets. Old Towns almost sold out and then we got Rosemont. So, if you want to come to Old Town, we're only doing one show in Old Town. Get those tickets. Get a ticket to

Rosemont. Come up and see us. Right? T-bone? Oh yeah. Chicago. Rosemont. We love you gang. We'll see you next week. Peace.