Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Dad Meat: Tim Butterly & Mike Rainey

Episode Date: September 20, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with their old pals Dad Meat! Tim Butterly and Mike Rainey stop by for a fun one! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys! Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Laithwaites: Text GARBAGE to 64-000 https://www.LadderLife.com/GARABAGE https://www.BoxOfAwesome.com PROMO CODE: GARBAGE  Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hey, Texas, New York, Philadelphia, take the Jolly Ranchers out of your ears and listen up because the Keep It Moving Tour is coming your way. Yeah, guys. It's a stand-up show when we play AYG with the audience. It's a good time. September 21st will be in San Antonio. September 22nd, we're going to be in Houston.

And September 23rd to the 25th, we're going to be in Austin for the Moon Tower Comedy Festival. Ever heard of it? Then, Dallas-Fort Worth on September 26th, and we're bringing it back up north, baby. September 30th, we're going to be in Long Island. And then, what are we doing? We're going home for cheese steaks.

Whiz wit, baby. October. Cheese steaks and vengeance. October 27th, we're going to be at Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia. Get those tickets. They're going to move fast. I'm telling you.

Yeah. Do it. Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley.

We'll be back. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Oh, yeah. Little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out if they grew up to be classy,

or if they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, H Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day, down here at Entity's basement. Very excited. Eagles first win yesterday. Could not be more excited. She went out last night. She got all banged up.

I'm pretty sure I saw a couple of guys from the Eagles practice squad leaving her bedroom this morning around 6 AM. Talk about going for two. Am I right? My co-host is coming at you from right next to me, unamused, as usual. They're always too wordy.

He is the CEO of Are You Garbage, and a little critical on people's creative processes. Give it up for Kevin James Ryan, everybody. Hey, gang. Happy to be here. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube.

And as you know, those numbers are true, the fucking roof that YouTube's cooking, and then what's really cooking. I mean, we say it every week, multiple times. Talk about the greatest website on the history of the planet. Ever-created shout-out to Yam, the Yam family, The Pyramids, and then Patreon.com.

Patreon.com. So I show Are You Garbage. You can sign up. You get a bunch of bonus content, bonus episodes of AYG, episodes of Heart Feelings, live streams we do with our top tier people. There's live show footage up there. The whole fucking nine.

Check it out. It's good times. Check it out, gang. And having a quick shout-out to our producer extraordinaire. He's the magic man. He makes us all look good. Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin, Toby McMullen. Well, we didn't realize I don't have a mic.

It's like I have to have a mic here. I totally didn't know Toby didn't have a mic either. I was wondering why you yelled the through-the-roof like that. I was like, oh, we're both lunching it. Gang, we could not be more excited to have two incredibly special guests back with us today. The first time we're doing four people at Tootsie's Table. We could not be more excited.

You know them. You love them from the DadMeet podcast. Give me a nice big round of applause for Mr. Tim Bonnerly and Mr. Mike Gray. Yeah, that was incredible. Hey, boys. Thank you, boys. We come bearing gifts.

I watched this podcast, and I had a sinking suspicion that you have this thing filled with fucking buttons. This is a sewing kit. In a worst case scenario, I want to appreciate you so much. Beautiful, buddy. Thank you. Shout out to Traub's Bakery. Traub's Bakery, South Philadelphia.

Prospect Park. Prospect Park. Yeah, look at that. Since 1888, that's a fine establishment there. Also, too, did you have some of these? The cellophane's off. I started it unwrapped, but then everybody yelled at me to wait for the fucking show.

Do it on camera, idiot. That's pretty trash. You don't unwrap when you bring your hand. I was going to present it to you so you can give the OK like it's a bottle of wine. Should have known better. Chocolate Sprinkles, sir. Yes, of course.

It's a Yoohoo 2021. Shout out to Yoohoo. Are we Yoohoo fans of this table, by the way? Yes, dude. I just saw a Yoohoo can at a pizza place around the corner. I almost threw it all away. I don't need to have any plans. I could drink a six-pack of Yoohoo's.

Is it at a Fat Child Memorial? I don't even know they still sold it in cans. What? Yeah, that was what was so surprising. I thought it was a bottle. I was a box man back in the day. Yeah. Bottles, you get your hands on them.

But usually boxes in the lunchroom. That's how you did it. Just picture you drinking a 40-ounce Yoohoo box. I poured it out for a couple of homies that passed away at diabetes. It was all a dream. I accidentally got really close to one of my grandmothers as a child because she lived walking distance.

That's an insane statement. Like, very close. Like, not just distant, old person relationship, because she was walking distance, and she always had boxes of Yoohoo in the fridge. So she was like, I'll just pop by my mom's real quick, and, god, damn it, work. Her bait worked.

Dude, so fucking nice. There's a pudgy ones back again. Also a convicted sex offender. Unfortunately, it worked. I want to address. You've had probably the craziest episode of one of the craziest episodes ever. Jesus Christ.

I thought you went digging. I hear sex offender. I immediately think of the Rainies. Kevin Ryan from ABC News over here. What went up the spot? No, you're, you told the story of your Uncle Beef, which if you haven't listened, go back and listen. Real weirdo, man.

Just taking kids to Howard Johnson's willy-nose. It was crazy. You told that to a live show. It was like 85 people being like, what in the fuck? I've started the search for a courtroom hypnotist to get the rest of the story. Although I do know where he- That'd be a great episode.

Rainy under hypnosis. Dude, I do know where he eats dinner every Wednesday night. Yeah, so also the team, so the team, the fans. We could sleepers him. Same thing. I always wanted to watch you die, Uncle Beef. Uncle Beef, you did things to me. I was puffing in the up a little bit.

He's a good kid. He's in a Chipotle. Well, the working theory in the YouTube comments was it was your real dad. I get that, and that would be the logical conclusion. I look just like my dad, though. However, I don't know that I mentioned this on the first episode, but one of my earliest memories

was of my mom going to the Poconos with Uncle Beef for the night. And as young as I was, I recognized, like, all right, this isn't kosher. I don't know why they went, my parents- Would they pack ham and cheeses? He undoubtedly took her to Howard Johnson's for a hug. But they came back the next morning,

and they brought me a drum. Like a drum to play, like the instrument. Yeah. That's so- Oh, a 55 gallon trash can. There was a body in there. Mike, get in. Holy shit, man.

Jesus, dude. I look just like my dad. Otherwise, I would be fooling on board with Uncle Beef. Are both your parents still alive? Yes. Have you asked any of these questions? They would never answer. They would never.

No. Have you called them right now in here? No, that's crazy. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Call Uncle Beef. I'm out front. Although, honestly, he doesn't look

too different from my father. But if I showed you a picture of my dad, you would say like that. So you never said. Have you ever seen him and your dad in the same room? They know each other, right? They were buddies, because they were a part of- It's like Spider-Man. They were volunteers at the same fire company.

OK. Jesus Christ. This is- I forgot how insane the story was. They shared custody of a Dalmatian. They were both guards at my youth correctional position. Slip in the room with me, which I thought was weird. Holy shit. I don't- I don't, yeah, that, that, that says-

Go back. If you haven't listened, it was the live episode with Mike Rainey and Shane Gillis was on it as well. It was fucking- He's not around anymore, Uncle Beef, though, right? He's still living as far as I know. Hold on a second. Is that recording still?

Did all the power in the building just go out? Is it the spirit of Uncle Beef? We're still running? OK. Keep your mouth shut, Mike. Instead of boo, he says, ho-jo-oo. Take some candy. Mike's screaming in front of like a darkened bathroom mirror.

I'm not a fat little boy anymore. He's beating his drum. Say, ice cream man it to the mirror three times. Uncle Beef, Uncle Beef, Uncle Beef. Man, that was weird, dude. There's nothing more trash than getting molested. Fucking loser. It was just so crazy, because me and Foley

didn't know much about his background. And then he's like, oh, yeah, my Uncle Beef used to take me on my birthday and Christmas to have a motel and give me toys. All right, you know, give me these fucking cookies back. Man, they would never. So you can't get any closure on any of that. There's no way, if I presented that directive of question, that they would answer.

I think they would probably do that feigning go thing, where they just fall over, pretend like they're sleeping. I just flat out asked him if Uncle Beef was my real dad. But dude, he would come, he came every Christmas morning in addition to taking me out for my birthday. He would come every Christmas morning, and I think it was, what did he used to drink? It was like Canadian club whiskey.

On Christmas morning. Classy guy. Yeah. Wasn't you who had a can, I can say that. And was he wearing like a stained wife beater with suspenders at a time? Dude, not too far off. He usually wore gray pants and a white dress shirt,

and he always smelled like pipe tobacco. My cum. It would smell like me. It's like a little arty car, but you have to be dark. Put the kids to bed again. No, keep those kids awake, because the spirit of Uncle Beef is up. Don't let them go to bed, Uncle Beef will get them.

You had brothers and sisters though, right? Yeah, I have a sister. Did he shower her with any of this kind of a? Nothing. Dude, come on, man. Dude, I had a $30 spending limit every birthday. He would take me to Kitty City on Baltimore Pike, and we would go there, and I would get what I wanted,

and then we'd go right to Howard Johnson. And then he would get he won. Yeah. He would shower you with gifts, then shower you. I like how we go back and forth between molester you or he was your dad. It's a fine line. I don't know which one's worse.

He's either a child molester or a really great guy. We're really trying to make things right. Sorry, beef. You're going to have to get M. Night Shyamalan to write your suicide note at this point. I see hot dogs. That's great. Boys, thank you for coming and sitting with us, folks.

If you don't follow, if you don't listen, if you don't watch the Dad Me podcast, first of all, you're bonkers. You got to check it out. It's absolutely amazing. Two of the funniest guys. Maps are fucking cool. Likewise.

You guys are the best. This is a family episode. We have a little company. So as you know, we'll answer your Patreon questions. When you sign up for Patreon, you get to submit a garbage question and we will read it on the air. We were getting to everybody. We got through most of the backlog, but we're working on it.

Thank you for being patient. We love you. We appreciate it. Some of your questions are just kind of insane. He's lying. He's actually on LemonParty.org right now. And I see Uncle B. What's LemonParty? He's too old.

He's too old. I want to be in. Come on. I'll do it. I got money. They're actually a new sponsor. It's funny when they ask what LemonParty is, the entire mood of the room turns sour.

I know. Everything turns sour. It's old gentlemen. Taking care of each other. Yeah, taking care of each other. It's like Band of Brothers' director's cut. Oh, you did tell me. It's old guys banging, right?

We were beating around the bush a little bit. So were they. They're fucking each other, huh? OK, I'll check it out in my private time. It's like a Rockwell painting of three old dudes sucking each other's teeth. Yeah, it's a tough one. That was the big thing.

You spit on the American Gothic, huh? In, especially in like. Talk about the Saturday evening post. The Motel Room Earthly Delights. That was one of the things in high school we were in, like, the computer lab. And for some reason, that would get through the. Yeah, you were telling me.

That would. You were allowed to go to that, I guess, because it was the Dodd-Orger or whatever. Yeah, it was that in WhiteHouse.com. Oh, yeah, I forgot about WhiteHouse.com. I don't know what was that. It was a porn site. Yeah.

But they bought WhiteHouse.com before, like, the government got on the internet. Oh, wow. That's awesome. Yeah. Those early days, it was like the wild west. Ladies and gentlemen, we got it. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Good shit. Let's get into some of the questions. This is a fucking homerun. This is from Austin Grout. First time we're here. Have you or anyone in your family ever had a soul patch? They had had. You've had one.

I had a big corn. Oh, I'm still going through my corn face, right? But you know what? This is as far as I can grow it. So if I could grow it any thicker than this, You would have it. I would have it. Really?

Yeah. Ooh. That's a bad look. But, ah, man, soul patch. I think you were always too cool. You were always, you were a very cool guy. I was not cool. I was maybe too pretentious for a soul patch.

Yeah, for sure. Even as a child, I never even saw myself with one. But I think there's a level of financial comfort. I like how you think there's kids out there that see themselves with a soul patch someday. Oh, for sure. I mean. I just wait till my number comes in.

Are you kidding me? Dude, every fat 12-year-old that was watching Smash Mouth on MTV was like, wow, someday I'm going to spike my frosted tips and grow out my soul patch. Man, that guy really did it for us back in the day. That guy was a fucking hero, OK? Holy shit. I went the opposite.

I was already fat. So I was just like, I got to change things before I end up like that. I got to fucking straighten this. I got to ride the ship. My dad had a soul patch. Like, not so like he showed up one day. And me and my brother were like, what in the foot?

No stash? No mustache. Just this thing right here. I think maybe a stash. Maybe a stash, but then just that, like no beard. I'll give you that. If you got a stash in that, you're OK. Did you go on his porn drawer and it's just 311 CDs?

He had the Conquistador. He didn't have a soul patch. Yeah. Oh, so soul patches. I just thought soul patch was just this. No, it's no mustache. No mustache and just that. Yeah, that is a soul patch.

I meant detached from the rest of the beard. No. You'd have to have everything shaved off and just have you work at Sam Ash. Yeah, I rocked one for a little while for about two years. Really? Yeah, right before I moved back to New York or back to Philly. Yeah, you had an odd.

You made a lot of odd fashion and trend choices back then. He was a volunteer pussy eater. I remember when my dad switched to a goatee from mustache. He went from mustache to goatee. And it was such a shift that I remember in my head, I was just like, who the fuck do you think you are? Yeah, yeah, for sure. That happens once the divorce papers get signed.

Yeah, yeah, get your back out. She got the stash of the divorce. Have you ever frosted your tips? Yeah, I fucked around with my hair as a teenager, yeah. The most drastic thing that I've done to my body is go to Howard Johnson's with Uncle B. And dude, I had a big crisscross phase and in eighth grade. The rappers?

Yeah. Tell me your worst stuff backwards. Hank, dude, I had a whole mom. I was a fat child. This idiot's got a hoodie on backwards? Stumbling down the hallway? My eighth grade graduation present was a starter Pittsburgh Pirate Jersey.

It was black with yellow pitch stripe. And I was probably counted as morbidly obese. And I had to have my mom butt it up for me every morning. Oh my god. Oh my god, man. That's. Why did those shitty teams back in the day get so much love for merchandising?

Well, dude, the pirates are good then. This was 92. Oh, right before they sold everybody. They went in the NLE up until that year. Then I think they would play the Braves. Yeah. But they were huge. Raiders gear was huge.

Raiders gear was huge. Mornets gear was huge. Oh my god. Orlando magic. Yeah. Dude, I fucked. I got jumped when I was wearing my Atlanta Falcon starter jacket.

And somebody asked. For the colors or something? They were just messing with us. And the guy came up. He's like, give me your jacket. And I was a gigantic fat pussy. And even so, I stood up to him and I said, no. Yeah.

I didn't lose my jacket. I got socked, though. You got hit? But I kept my jacket. And it ripped when you fell over. Damn. That's a bad look. You know who made fun of me for having a soul patch?

Do you remember Hall of Fame reliever Goose Gossage? Oh, yeah. Ended up hanging out with him randomly one night at a bar. And he shit all over my soul patch. How bad do you have to be doing in your career when you're hanging out with you with a soul patch at a bar? At no point. That's a fucking.

You're in a bad place, if that's you're looking down the bar and it's you with a soul patch and that shitty part that you have. Hey buddy, what's going on? Little Uncle Hank buy you a drink. Hey, do you know Goose from Top Gun? Yeah, so do all the geese know each other? Here it seems Darryl Strawberry's dick.

What's the deal? Oh, God. Did you ever watch their 30 for 30 with him in Doc Gooden? It might not be a 30 for 30, but it's an ESPN thing with him and Doc Gooden talking about their addiction. 100%. Yeah. Docs I remember most.

Yeah. I watched it again a few nights ago. And all I could think of is how big Strawberry's dick had to have been. Oh, yeah. Just an absolute hindrance on the base pass. The technicality of what you say that is so great. And I sit there and it really blows my mind to really think

about the size. He's doing NPR voice about Darryl Strawberry. Terri especially gross. Holy, that's a great point that you brought up there. And I think about this. I think about the veins in it. The dick's got pinched stripes. The boys are out in the stripes today.

Take someone to throwbacks. All right. Let's see here. This is in the same vein as the Soul Patch. Does anyone in your family have a widow's peak? Which if you see a bad one there. I think they're cool. Are those on purpose?

I thought those are genetic. Yeah, they're not on purpose. Yeah. I don't know if that was like the forehead Soul Patch. Get it shaved. That's you're a loser if you do that. Red Soul Patch? Once I start going.

Can you go a little deeper? Dude, once the hairline takes its first hit, I might shave the forehead Soul Patch. Looks like Eddie Munster walking around. Yes, that's a Soul Patch. Or I mean, Soul Patch. That's a fucking widow's peak. Soul Patch on the brain.

I think you're a fan. I think I might have dressed up as a vampire. I think we painted one on me for Halloween one time. That's the easy go to. Yeah, you painted on it. It looks great to a little white face paint and then paint that on. Might be the most successful I ever

was at Halloween as a child. Were you a fat vampire? Oh boy, I guess so. Oh man. I just picked you hanging upside down and like you could still see the red marks under your tits. That might have been the one childhood memory that doesn't make me grind my teeth at night.

Eddie's ruined just fucking fucking from you. You just stole one happy moment in that. Man, I got to live as Dracula. Man. Dude, you had shitty Halloween costumes? Oh yeah, dude. I remember, do you remember the Ninja Turtles costume with like the plastic shell?

Sure. I mean, three hours into the first time you used that crack in half. And I probably wore that for four more years. I was like, the pants weren't getting past my shin bones. Ouch. And they get real tattered too.

Oh god. You look like Frankenstein after a little while. I always got my brother's leftovers. And they were always pieced together. No, it was fucking bad. He had this run. My mom bought him like an authentic Pirates outfit. I mean, dude, like the pants, real bird, the whole night

and it was fucking. The musket work. He had this fucking whole setup. And then because I remember when this year started, because I got to wear that like three years later. Colby Jack Sparrow. Check out Pizza Business right there. Wait, so someone was feeding this costume for three years?

Yeah. You just had a bird in the house for three years? Kepi, let's talk about lathe weights. Lathe weights? Yeah, I'll tell you what, man. I know I don't look it, but I do enjoy a nice glass and a nice bottle of wine. And like no one where it's from,

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Oh, love the ladder, boys. Come on, in this day and age, you got people breaking ground, pushing the envelope, smartphones, Elon Musk. Shaking up the market. Shaking up the market and ladder is no different. They're bringing that to the insurance game, baby. Yeah, before ladder, if you wanted to get life insurance, you had to drive across town, sit through some sales pitch

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Ladderlife.com slash garbage, do it. Kip, let's talk about bespoke posts in that box of awesome thing. Love them fellas, guys and gals over there. Quick story for you, my eyes are a little hazy because I was out when on a little nature walk with the lady. Did ya?

Brought my bespoke post hammock with this. Had a little spot right there by the river, it was absolutely fantastic. Fall coming in, you gotta get your hands on a box awesome. Travel, outdoor, grooming, whatever you want. Send you a nice little box, you'll be ready for the fall. Guys, it's so easy, to get started, just take the quiz at boxofawesome.com.

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Each box only costs 45 bucks, but here's the thing, baby. They have over $70 worth of gear inside. It's cool guy shit is what it is. It is. It's cool guy stuff. You're like, I don't know, where'd you get that thing? Bespoke post, the box of awesome helps you out. I feel like a man.

You get 20% off your first monthly box when you sign up at boxofawesome.com and enter the code Garbage at checkout. That's G-A-R-B-A-G-E at checkout. That's boxofawesome.com, code Garbage for 20% off your first box, do it. Man, older brothers did have some legendary costumes. Dude.

It's like horrific nightmare costumes. I remember like some of the very scary masks my older brothers had. Oh, too. When masks got one point in like the 90, late in the turn, like the technology or something got good or they were like, this is proper scaring me. Pretty intense.

Do you think it was Slipknot? I remember, I tried, I listened to Slipknot, I had that album and like, I remember looking at it and being like, they even scared me then. I was in like sixth grade. I'm like, it's a little dicey. I'd only listened during the day. I used a fake backstage pass to get to their concert

at the electric factory one time and I was a grown man and I was so creeped out by them that I left. Yeah, it's. They don't think they're gentle with the women either. They don't look like love makers to me. What do you think the song Waitin' Bleeds About? But no, my brother, he had all that stuff

and then one year, my mom got me a Bishop's costume. What, like a? Like a fucking Catholic Bishop. You know what kind of fucking brutality your face with? Walking around like a child molester. It's the earliest costume that year. The early 1980s. You see white smoke coming out of their house.

He's like, smells good, mom. What are you cooking? Dressed up like Cardinal O'Connor and then she fucking appeased me. She made me this bullshit sword out of cardboard and tin foil. So what did that do? Did that change?

Cut and imagine your child's ears off. It was a cardinal with a sword. Cardinal, oh my God. Wow. My brother rolling around fucking, yeah, looking like he just walked off fucking Pirates of the Caribbean. Movie authentic, Freddie Krueger. Yeah, had actual blood dripping down and stuff.

Yeah, and you're wearing a fucking broken ninja turtle shell. Halloween sucked as a kid. I loved it. Literally my favorite holiday. What was nice is when you got into the 11 or 12-year-old racket where you can just wear your shit, throw on a mask, walk with your boys,

and you'd still do all right. Let's do a little mischiefing. What kind of stuff are you into? We used to, the one year we rolled around with a BB gun and shot out a couple of windows. Jesus Christ. That's pretty fucking hell, dude. What the fuck are you having fun here, dude?

One year we killed a kid with a mic. Took his costume. Plus he had it coming. No, I remember one year we killed our neighbor's dog. It was so crazy. A little bit of mischief. You know, boys being boys. He totally thought we were all going to sign on with that.

Like, oh, no way. I thought these guys would have done worse. They're like, you're a fucking jerk off now, dude. Now, I remember some guy left his window down. When something's on the hill, you ever put the car in neutral and let it roll down? Yeah, we did that. Guy came looking for us, ran up to us.

You guys see kids around here? We're like, no, you fucking idiot. Two of you were stacked up in a trench coat. I don't see any kids around here. Just us old people. Just us old people. It's an outrage. Isn't it the youth today?

I remember there was these kids, older kids, in high school here in like junior high. They had a Mazda Miata. And they were driving by. They thought they were cool. Quit bragging. Someone threw like a fucking Snickers bar at them. Like just fucking pegged the door.

And there was like 15 of us. And they turned around and got out. And like, I was like kind of feeling like, I knew like, I'm like, if we act as a united front, there's no way these two kids are beating us up. So I was kind of like, it was you, you threw it. I'm like, yeah, yeah, you're a pussy or something. And I turned around and it was just me.

And it dude, he was like, I was like, You got beat up by a guy in a Miata? No, they were teenagers. They were like 18 or like 17 years old. And he punched me square in the chest because he knew he'd fucking kill me if he hit me in the face. And dude, the wind knocked.

I'm like, you're like flopping around on the ground as all of my friends are running away from me. I'm like, it was a, it was a bad look. Did you get your Snickers bar back Fatty? Can you get that bike change back please? We got a, I remember some friends of mine and I got, we took the fall for a kid with a great white trash nickname. His name was Dusty Dave.

Ooh, you can't come back from that. The second you get hit with something dusty like that, it's bad. You're born with a dead dad. So we, You're born with a dead dad. Yeah, that was shit. Your dad was crushed to death in a scrap yard.

You had to call in the cardboard compactor. We had to add Dusty to your birth certificate. Yeah, it wasn't natural causes, I can tell you that. You guys want his remains? Is there any copper wiring in there? That number one or number two? So we got, we were surrounded in the schoolyard we were playing in by the family that ran

the first poppy store in our neighborhood. And they pulled guns on us. Jesus. Yeah, and we were so confused about what was happening. We thought we were gonna die. We probably were. Sure, you were probably close to it. It's probably him with the BB gun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, tell me what happened, why are they surrounded? So what happened was we had to figure this out, but apparently Dusty Dave had set fire to the trash can that they kept in front of the poppy store. Okay, when you say poppy store, you mean Bodega. Puerto Rican corner store, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And yeah, they were pretty miffed about the fire

in their business. And they were, yeah, dude, they were rooting and tooting at us in the schoolyard. Dude, so we walked them to Dusty Dave's house. We were like, dude, deal with this. And that was the last time I ever saw that kid. I don't know, I don't know if they killed him or if he later died from heroin or whatever.

He might still be kicking around. I don't know. What was his mom like? I don't know, I've never saw her. Those like those dirt ball kids in your neighborhood, you will never see their parents. No, yeah, there's a reason they're that much of a dirt ball. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if you see like a six year old, like riding around the neighborhood on a bike, like a girl's bike with his shirt off, like giving the finger to grownups, like you'll never see that kid's parents in your entire life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chances are there's probably just one of them too.

Yeah. So it's like, you know, the chances have seemed. You could follow one of those kids for two weeks and never see a parent. All right, and you complain about Howard Johnson's. Yeah. I had a kid. Yeah, Neil.

Uncle Beef. I love playing that game now with my friends now that we're in our 30s, it's like, I reach out to my friends that are still home, like still live at home. I'm like, whatever, I'm like, there's no chance that kid's still alive. And they're like, no, I saw them at the whatever.

You're like, oh, damn, good for him. Yeah, he's down to one foot. He's doing good though. Still no parents. All right, let's see here. This one is from Tamali KRX. Do you currently have a collection of $2 bills? You do.

Butterly. I bet you have a couple of weird collectibles. No, it's worse than that. State coins. Spent them. Why, you needed money? I found a collection of $2 bills in my dad's old house and I needed them.

What's a collection? Two, three? No. Between that and commemorative coins and rolls of Sacajawea dollars, I probably paid for my transportation to and from my job for like two weeks. It's pretty cool.

Hey, I get it. That's fine. Dude, the fact that you broke that down, as far as transportation back and forth. He had a category for Sacajawea. That was trash. Oh, dude, state quarters. I opened up the two part, the folding cardboard.

Yeah, map and dump those fuckers out. Damn. Yeah, man. Don't leave real currency around me, man. I'm not a collector. Did you have to share that with your sister or anything like that, did you? I hope not.

Jesus Christ. Yeah, just find that out. Yeah, she's going to come collecting on that. The juice is running on that. The bottom of the legal case. $36.95 you owe me now, Tim. Dude, those maps with the quarters, my stepmom thought that was going to be our college fund.

Like she was like, look, I got one for each of you. And then like when like Tennessee would drop, it was like, we go to the store, it was a scene, and never panned out to fucking anything. That's trash. I remember always the Kennedy 50 cent pieces, the real big ones. They would sell an infomer?

Oh, no, the. Yeah, you'd find them floating around. You get one of those. You thought you were a hot shit. Did you ever get the 30 fuggies? Did you ever get the 35 cent Kennedy piece with the head blown off? Those got to be worth a million.

You asked that so sincerely. I was like, oh, he knows about coins. So they're like, I thought he was going to be like, oh, yeah, there was a misprint on the nine or something. She got 15 cents missing. I think I might have told this before I had one. So because it came out in 59. What conspiracy jokes are I doing that?

Fine. I had a $2 bill that I found in my apartment that my buddies were using for like blow or something at the time was just there. I'm like, I took it because I needed it. I needed the two bucks. And I went to a bodega and they're like, we're not fucking taking this thing.

I'm like, please, please. It's cursed. It's got like 10 bucks of coke on it, man. What are you talking about? You can still get nummies off that thing. I got 12 bucks. That's a devil's dollar. That is trash.

I love $2 bills. There's something cool about it. That was a good time. He ain't lying. Hashtag on perks, which is my favorite social media thing in the world. For the listener, Rainey, you were addicted to Percocets for a long time.

Man, it would have run. I speak about it like it was like a sports dynasty. When's that 30 for 30 coming out? Oh, we've been doing it on our Patreon. We've been collecting his Percocet inspired Facebook posts from like the last 20 years. It's actually a Perc 30 for Perc 30. Damn, that's fucking good.

Yeah, I had a great run, man. Summer 2012 to summer of 2014, I had one of the most illustrious painkiller runs that anyone has ever had. Was that post about the Cabo Comedy Festival real? Yeah, I did. I got into this thing called the Cabo Comedy Festival. And it got wiped out by a hurricane.

And when I got in, it was just like such a big deal to me. And I was like, oh, this is going to be it. But of course, it was like one of those deals were like, it's like, oh, you got to pay for everything. You got to pay to get there. You got to pay for your hotel. But I was so excited and also under the influence of Percocet. And perks just made me 1,000 times nicer than I am naturally.

So every post on social media was so heartfelt. It was though it's being written to like, I'm in the Civil War and I'm writing to like a loved one across the country. I think you might not see it ever again. My dearest brother for this Eddie Money CD fucking rules. Yeah, what a run, though. Dearest, that thing in my back is acting up again. Could you make me an appointment?

I was wondering if you could send a carriage to the emergency room. I'm out of my paint on it. Yeah, some of those posts are fucking home runs, man. They're so funny. I'm afraid I've come in with mesothelioma. Getting a glass action lawsuit. I slip it and fall into the CVS. We'll need aid immediately.

Please send word. Forever yours, Instructure settlement. Micah. I hope to make it to Florida one day. Please alert Bons and Seleno to my. Are you guys big Florida guys? What does that mean? Do I shop around paint clinics down there?

Maybe, Mike. Maybe I kicked the tires on a paint management clinic. Yeah, you know which emergency room you got to stop by? Tallahassee. Tallahassee General. My god. As for Jose.

They are loose with the pad down there. Best emergency room by far, West Palm Beach. Customer service there. It's like a resort. The paint chart goes up to 100. Dude, to that point, actually, one of my most memorable paint killer experiences was at Celebration Hospital.

What's the celebration? It sounds like a crack out. Dude. Come on down to Celebration Hospital, kids. Climb in the boarded window. Wasn't there an open mic there on a Wednesday? It's Celebration. It's Chuck E. Cheese.

It's Chuck E. Cheese for dads who aren't allowed to see their kids anymore. Dude, Celebration Hospital sounds so sad. Did somebody have a birthday show there? Perky cheese. Perky cheese. Dude, I promise it's a real hospital, though. But when I got to Disney, I just had surgery four days

prior, and I shouldn't have been getting on the plane. Disney was a big thing for you back in the day. Dude, I still love it. I still love it. And I shouldn't have got on the plane, but more so than anything else, I was constipated. And I was rushing to get on the plane because they were calling.

Are you with your family? I am. And so it's a tinge of sadness in this one, too. It's not all yucks over here with raining. I was trying to take a shit and beat the clock so I can get on the plane. And I ended up rupturing my disc again. So I got on the plane.

I was just in a ton of pain. From taking a poop? From taking a dump. So you started taking painkillers for real reasons. It was a legitimate injury. Oh, really? I ruptured to disc, and I had surgery pretty quickly. And then we had it.

I just jumped in the river. I just looked pretty fine. One of those in a cup of coffee really sensed the day I'm nois. But when we got to Disney, I had to go to the hospital. So they took me to Celebration Hospital Is that like Disney? Yeah.

No, it's close by, though. It's close by. Yeah, it's like Mickey. The guy comes in and Mickey goes, whoa, boy, this looks pretty ruptured. Dr. Goofy will be in in a minute. Gosh, that's the worst ruptured I've ever seen. Get this man some bills.

You're going to need a lot of presents. You're going to have a lot of free time. Oh, holy fuck. Celebration Hospital is not even on the campus. It's next door. It's going to be just Pinocchioing through the streets. You're all fucking jealous. But anyway, I got there.

They take car insurance there. Dude, they shot me up at the I lauded, which was like the most intense experience I've ever had. And the nurse was kind enough to sit there and talk Disney with me for about a half hour, which was probably the most equal greatest half hour of my life. Talk Disney with me. That's somehow darker than getting molested.

Yeah. Can we go back to beef? I got mouselested. Wait a minute. You see, go there on vacation with your family. Where's the family while you're in this hospital? They're back at the hotel. I got taken out of the hotel by an ambulance.

They're back at the hotel getting their story straight. Crane and alibi, making a couple of calls. OK, kids, now you're going to throw mommy down the steps. Did you give a thumbs up as they were loading it for you? I'll be all right, guys. We're looking for a sign up. We're looking for a sign up, a sign of life from the Perkhead. How old are the kids?

I got to hear this. They're young, dude. My kids were, my son was probably like two, six and 10. OK, so six and 10, they know what's going on. So this is a normal thing. I don't think they know he's on Perkhead. They don't know drug seeking behavior. Is daddy riding the lightning again?

Crushing up vitamins. Wait, so you guys go on vacation. You have an incident on the plane. Your disc ruptures again. You land and you're on vacation. Now, was getting on the plane and going home ever an option? No, dude, we were so poor that under any circumstance, we were going to finish this vacation.

Because this took every dollar that we had for the entire year to get there. So we were going to do it. I think the Perkhead's took a little bit too. It took every dollar we had to bike it in. Spent all my Perk money on this. What are you, nuts? So you had to go into the hospital.

Yeah, I did. And they sent me right back to the hotel. But I had to take the hospital. The hotel was very nice. They sent a town car to pick me up. Because we didn't rent a car or anything. We were just going to take the Disney buses and cabs, if need be.

But I didn't have a ride back. So the hotel knew. Caribroy out there were terrific. I don't know if I can promote things on here. By all means. Promoting Perkhead and Caribroy out. And the Lawton, apparently. So I don't have to give people the Lawton, but I.

And the whole Sackler family. So they sent a town car and brought me back in. Dude, I was in rough shape for the first three days. I couldn't get out of bed. I had to have my wife get the ice bucket and hold. I had to put my burden to the ice bucket and lay sideways. Just so I could pee. Damn.

Yeah, it was bad. Did you throw an ice bucket out? And you left it. Oh, some Porsche Muck was trying to make a cocktail when it got there. Some guy trying to enjoy a Mai Tai in his fucking hotel room. Hakuna Matata. But they were out doing those things

and you were laid up there. Yeah, I just had to lay there. Then by the fourth. Man, being laid up on vacation, that's pretty garbage. It was bad, dude. I couldn't get out of bed. And I had to eventually, by the fourth day, I knew that if I could poop, I would feel a lot better.

So I disimpacted myself. I made it to the bathroom and I took this brick out of my own butthole. I did that. I felt a lot better. And my buddy Chris had rented a hover round for me and had it delivered to the room. So I was able to take the hover round onto the bus

and I got to the Magic Kingdom the fourth day. And you're like, what? 29 at this point? You're too young to be a hover round is what I'm getting at. 33 at that. And talking about a Disney movie, right there. There you go. Get the treatment written up on that thing.

The white trash print. God damn. Damn. I didn't know you were a big Disney guy. Well, I think a big part of it is because I was whacked on painkillers as well. I was sitting there. But I went this summer and I've been sober for close to five

years and I still had as much fun this year as I've had before. Will you get dressed up on the plane at the airport sitting in like a Mickey shirt? Would you be doing this? The way Butterleaf reacted. Did you go with the kids this time? I did, yeah. Well, every time except when I went with my kids.

You went by yourself? With my wife. What? I don't get it, man. Yeah. Couples, Disney vacation, leaving the kids at home. That's fucked up. That's not what's going on.

Would you tell the kids? You kids stay here. We're going to Toys R Us. We're going to a week long dentist office visit. You guys probably wouldn't be into it. I mean, we could get you cleanings if you want to come. All right. You guys stay with my mom.

We're going to an SAT camp. You guys want to go? Jesus. But it was just like a quick four day trip for my wife and I. And yeah, we went to Disney. What do you do when you're down there just as a couple? We went to the parks, dude. We went to the parks and then we went to your ride.

You're riding coasting, doing all that stuff. Yep. And by then, like I was off painkillers at that point. So it was just spending quality time with my wife. She still stuck back at Celebration Hospital. Remember me? You gave me a shot of the lung a couple years ago. No, no, no.

That was a different guy. Yeah. R-E-T-A-R-D. That's fucking nuts, man. Man, that's fucking fantastic. We typically ask, have you ever been to like the, have you ever been to the hospital on vacation? It's typically like, we were looking for like,

yeah, I fell cliff diving or, you know what I mean? I cut my leg hiking. I tried to take a shit on a Delta flight. I blew up my spinal column. Not my drug addiction affected me even getting on the plane. You could have went to the hospital in Philly. But dude, we were so broke that nothing would have stopped me from getting on that plane.

Nothing. Dude, that's fucking, dude, you are fucking something else Well, there's trash savant. It is. Dude, that's the summer that we became like good buddies. Because I remember shortly after that trip, we went to go see Moonrise Kingdom and I had a cane. Remember that?

A cane is a bad luck on somebody that's in their thundies. You have no idea. Mike was very fucked up looking at that time. And we went to see Moonrise Kingdom and Mike had a cane and he was walking fucked up. And we accidentally both wore khaki cargo shorts and black t-shirts. And like a good third of that movie

is kids taking off their clothes and kissing. Is the closest they've ever come to walking out of a movie? It's the closest I've ever come to a movie. I'd leave if it wasn't for this day in Hitcham I step. Partly you get up to walk out. Rainy goes closer to the screen. I'm going to go see Jake and sit up. He puts his dick in his own popcorn.

Oh. So I rewatched Moonrise Kingdom not that long ago, too. It is a little dicey. That's a weird afternoon for you and your buddy. You and your new buddy who has a game. You're dressed identical, too. You and your new drug addict buddy. For the record, this was Celebration Theatres.

So yeah. Oh, man. I like how you didn't reciprocate when Mike was like, that's the start of a movie came real good friends. But it was like, man. I don't know what this guy's talking about. That's the weekend I went to the mall or I went to the movies with a sociopath.

And I'll never forget, this was that summer, too. Dude, I got a Chrysler 300 that summer, too. It was the best song of my life. Would you rent it or buy it? I bought it, dude. Rent a center. Dude, I used to keep the center console in my Chrysler 300. I used to keep painkillers and Pellegrinos.

And Tim and I had a show at Arts Parlor on Broad Street in Philly. And I remember the look on your face, dude, when I popped it open and I said, painkiller, Pellegrino. Tim just looked at me like, I don't understand what's happening right now. I mean. Yeah.

Well, I was I don't think anybody's ever said that sentence ever. I've never been prescribed a real painkiller in my life. I couldn't imagine sharing one if I got it. That was what I couldn't understand. I was like, dude, that's like, that's how much I care about you. Isn't the government? Isn't someone going to call you and ask where this pill went

if I take it from you? It's funny because some people were lucky with that shit and other people were like, you know, were like, never. I think they see you. They see your zip code and they're like, you think? Yeah. Yeah. I always thought the rule was that you go in and you actually

don't want anything. I've tried that. I've tried being desperate. I've tried everything. I'd be profan 800 every single time. Really? God, tell me what you want me to suck, dude. Come on, man.

We're going to give you time and all with that, Cody. Dude, that would be a come up. Get it, Cody. And that's funny. All right, let's see. This is from Braxton. You both have kids. So what's the crumb situation under your couch

cushions at the moment? A fucking nightmare. That's what it was meant to ask. I know. What's the call like? It's trash to ask that question. I can say without any doubt that that's probably what started the Chris Benoit situation.

Oh, the crumb situation. The crumbs in my couch are so bad that if I drop something in the couch, it's gone to me. I won't put my hand in there. Really? Oh, yeah. Dude, you ever see that tribal initiation where they put a kid's hand in a glove full of fire ants?

That's what it feels like when you reach into my couch. Yeah, that's your ball going into the old Nazi neighbor's yard. Yeah, that's there now. Yeah, dude. What's the dog have? What about the back of the car? Terrible.

At any given time, if you were diligent enough, you could reassemble an entire box of fruit loops out of the back of the car. Because let me tell you something. I don't mind that stuff, but you know what gets me? Is the sour milk smell. Nah, I don't fuck with that. I can't do it.

My buddies can't smell. Car, the fucking two car seats in the back, just kicking like sour milk. Are you saying milk? He's not. Is that a different thing? No, he's that trashy. He says it, M-E-L-K, milk.

Milk. He says, pillow. Milk, pillow. Did you guys have a parlor in your house grown up? Not, we didn't. That was our living room, was the parlor. Yeah, that's a, that's like a roll home thing, though. Like all of my, I grew up in the suburbs,

but everybody would, they referred to it that room as the parlor. That's where you sat and prayed or talked to the cops, bringing one of the parlor. We had, Bookspear, we had those parlors. Mike, my cousin had, I'm sorry to interrupt. No, that was it. I was gonna say, my cousin Tracy had a boyfriend named Jimmy,

and he got into a knife fight, and he's- Jesus Christ. You get into things so damn easy. The guy tried to cut up Jimmy's throat, and so he was wearing like this neck brace, and my cousin Richie made up this jingle about him. He's like sitting in the parlor with Jimmy Cowdler. What the heck with Jimmy Nick?

Who tried to cut his throat? Just the guy. Does it matter? I mean, anybody? It's fine. All of this has been, we've been talking about this. How do you say, the product that Crayola makes? How do you say that?

Crayons. Crayons? Crowns. Crowns. I think I said crayons. Crayons. But- You think you say, it's crayons.

Yeah, I say crayons. Say it again, butterly. Crayons. Well, that's not fair. I'll nail it if you let me say crayons. You do have a little bit of a Y in there, but it does lean very crayon. Yeah, crayons.

How's this sound? Crayons. It sounds different. You guys have any crayons? You lean more towards crayons. I say crayons. I know it's wrong. Crayons.

He says crayons. Yeah, crayons. What? Crayola crayons. Like fucking crayon apple, you dickhead. It's crayons. Dude, you hear the Y in there. That's literally how-

Crayons. You're not supposed to hit the Y really hard. Crayon. There's not a person on earth that would hand you the correct object if you asked for a crayon. Crayon. Do you have any crayons? Crayon.

Crayons. I'd ask if you were hungry. Crayons. Yeah, I think I would stop buying those. I think I got some apricots. Crayons. Yeah, I don't think so. Pop-tarts.

So fussing. Crayons. Yeah, dude. Wow. That's like- And how adamant he is about it is crazy. Yeah, this is authoritative. Crayons.

Crayon. Yeah, crayons for the kids. I mean, I know I don't say it right, but I admit it. I say it wrong. You're dead subtle. I don't think it's crayons. You think if you walk to the Crayola factory and you

be like, hey, look at all these crayons, they'd all go, oh, we know what he's talking about. If he goes crayons. His mouth is going to be probably be like, what the fuck are you eating? Crayons. Crayons. I still don't know.

No, I am doing the Y. I'm doing crayons. No, that's not how you say crayons. You say- Crayons. Sorry, you say C-R-A-N-S. Crayons. I don't think so.

Crayon. I think he just started the crayons rights movement. There you go. How about that? Yeah, that's the fucking- What else does he say? That's gonna- Dude, that word is going to hit me in the back of the

head driving home lately. Yeah. Was he really saying crayons? Yeah. Crayons. Crayol- He did. Crayola.

Crayola crayons. Crayola crayons. Your tongue's fighting me, man. Yeah. I'm not gonna do it. I got a wisdom tooth fighting me. Oh, man. That's a fucking great one.

I don't think so. I don't think anything wrong with milk either. Milk. How do you say milk? With an I. Say it. Milk? Oh, big shot, huh?

Like an only God intended, yeah. Milk. Excuse me, President. You pronounce words like you're fighting for custody with your tongue. Got partial custody of his own mouth. State took the rest. All right.

This one's fun. This is just funny. This is for Michael. Anybody in your family named Lenny. No. Lenny Dykstra hangs out at a bar by my house now. Really? He lost it.

Don't let's pub in Ridley. He hangs out. Was he the guy that got like airplanes repossessed from him? Yeah. He was killing it for a while. He was doing all right. He made a lot of money in L.A. in California.

Car washes. Car washes. Apparently they car washes out there. You can just print money with them. I don't know. But him and Ian had a blow up, didn't they? Mr. Ian Fadance. Really?

He's got the beef with Dykstra? I think they got into it. I think Ian looked up to Lenny Dykstra pretty hard growing up. That's what it was. 100%. I can't believe you didn't know who he was, to be honest with you.

Who? Lenny Dykstra? Because he's done so much weird shit. I think he ran like a failed video game company at one point. Yeah. That's Kurt Schilling. Kurt Schilling.

Yeah, that's what happens. I always confuse Lenny Dykstra and Kurt Schilling. Yeah. They were on the same team. Nails, right? Yeah. Dykstra and Dalton. They were boys.

They were tearing out the Dalton. Oh, man. They tore through Philly in the 80s. Dykstra convinced his wife that he was going away to rehab, but instead he went to Europe by himself for 30 days. Damn. That's fucking crazy.

That's not checkers right there. That's fucking. Wasn't a Kruck on the team as well? He was. Yeah. Kruck was on the team. One nut. That's he lost his ball.

Damn. That was an entire summer of every conversation for that summer with me and the boys was just about to have a ball. That probably hit. You were like 10 or whatever. Like, and that like blew my mind of like this guy now just has one ball.

One, one, one nut Kruck was. Yeah. That was a great summer. Yeah. That was a game changer, dude. Yeah. We got was a great. We have a Lenny in the family.

You have a Lenny. Yeah. We have a Lenny. We have a Lenny. Lenny. Lenny. Pull on Lenny. A man or woman?

Man. Alright. I know a female Lenny. You know a female Lenny. Yeah. Yeah, but it's. Are you trying to say Leni though? Laura Leni?

He's talking about Hollywood actress Lara Leni. All right. This one's from Clark ever pumped gas into anything other than a gas can. A water bottle, a bucket, a cup. There's no way that two of you haven't done this. Dude, I don't think anything other than the portable container.

Yeah, like the red container. Yeah, I think that's it. No, I helped the kid. Oh God. I helped the kid make two stroke mix where he was mixing oil and gasoline in a water bottle for sure. Oh, damn. Yeah.

Because we got our hands on like a motorized scooter back before anything more electric. We're touring around the neighborhood. Yeah, we filled up a water bottle some gas on me. That's such a dirt ball thing. We got our hands on one. Not like someone bought it or you know. Our greedy little mits.

Yeah. Maybe who actually owned or paid for sure. Mixing two stroke. Yeah. Pulling the spring bottle. You boys want to make some two stroke? Did you ever run out of gas when you had to walk in and get it?

What were you filled up the red thing for? My lawn mower. That's not bad. We're a dude running out of gas. I ran out of gas going to work and it was very close. I worked at a high school. This was like 10 years ago and like that was a man. Shocking, but OK.

That was emasculating because kids were walking to school and I didn't have any money to fill it up then. So the car was just at the gas station. So I had to walk down to the regional rail line, which was probably like a quarter mile down the road. And I was walking and a group of kids noticed that I was walking to the regional rail line and one of the kids yelled out, no car, have an ass.

That's fucking good. I love that insult. It's so spot on, you know. Destroyed me. Were you walking on the shoulder? No, it was a sidewalk. That's rare. But you can tell it's just like some fat fuck in September.

I love it. I love a guy walking on the shoulder with a plastic bag. Oh, yeah. Or yes, just always. It's always a bad look. And there's where they have like a fender and a shopping cart and they're pushing it. You're like, what the fuck?

Sweating through a van Houston. Oh, man. Van Houston. That's a deep cut. Those things stink. Van Houston button downs. See right through your nips. These things are always see-through.

We're like two t-shirts. Fucking van Houston. They might be a sponsor one day. Don't fucking crash into it. We're going super corporate. All right. This one's from Chris. You or anyone in your family ever walk around on their tippy toes

on a regular basis? What the fuck? There's those kids. Hold on. They walk on the balls of their feet rather than. We just noticed this on a guy on TV. We were watching Love Island and dude walks like that. Yeah.

But I have a very creaky house. So I'm playing video games all night, every night. Sure. I can't. I have to walk like that after dark. Yeah. You can't lead with the heel. Yeah, exactly.

I have to like. I have a mental map of every creek in my house. Oh, of course. I can walk through my house in the dark and avoid like. And it's just because I'm. Video games till 2 a.m. every single night. Can you make love that way too? You know where to pork on the bed?

Little bit to the left. Wow. Why the kids will wake up that easily? It's that loud. I mean, I'm putting some fucking pressure on the board. I'm talking about making love to his wife. Yeah. Trying to talk about fucking his wife here.

All right. Apologize. Next question. You've lost my interest. I'm so sorry guys. You don't deserve this. We were talking about two different things. Bunch of stiffs on this podcast.

All right. This one's from Joshua ever go to a high school party when you were 21 or older? Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah. What was the connection to get you there? Let me choose my words carefully.

Yes, please. It was just this. No, dude, I wasn't in the drugs yet. It took me. I didn't start doing hard drugs until I was 27 up until then it was just just beer fucking weed and mushrooms. Beer, heroin, coke. But this was at a point where my buddy Brian, he went to

Westchester University and he had a house there. And then we were at that weird age where it was like, OK, some of us were 21, some were 20, some were 19. And then it seemed like the 19-year-olds would bring kids that were still in high school. Sure. So it was like that weird mix where it was just like, OK, like this, some people could validate being there.

Sure. I don't know. I think the whole thing is no good. Chaperoning. Would you shit? He's got a sport coat to tie on. I'll buy you a six if you want. Did you ever go back to your high school football games?

No. Never? Never. I could have saw Rainey. Dude, I was, I barely said 10 words in high school and I was happy to get out there. It wasn't a bad experience, but I was just so painfully shy that it wasn't.

Gotcha. Dude, it wasn't until I started boozing pretty hard where I started to feel comfortable around people. So in high school, I just started to hit my stride with boozing. OK. What high school did you go to? Bonner.

Nice. Good school? Yeah. Not a bad school? Hmm. Where'd you go? Northeast. Which?

How about you guys? Where'd you go? I went to Council Rock in Bucks County. Isn't that where Simba was raised? Everything on the other side of the bleachers is yours. Hold on. Kippy's big head. Took his mom and his dad to hold them on.

They're both doing it. Smoking. All right. Let's see. This is from Kevin. Have you ever been in a tug of war competition as an adult? Every day when he puts his pants on. Goddamn belt buckle.

I have. That's trash. That's like wholesome. Where are you doing it? Yeah. That's the, I mean. Backyards. Backyards.

If you're doing your arms. That's worse. That's crazy. His brother's starter jackets in the middle. I've been at like a family party or like. Tim, that's a bad look. If you're doing tug of wars at your family. Horseshoes, cornhole, darts, things like that.

I'm going to fight you guys. You got to be the anchor on 4th of July. That is a bad look. What? Nobody does that. Cool. Are you Icelandic? What's going on?

I don't know. We spent a lot of time with like the kids from our jiu-jitsu gym. And I think that's where that kind of thing pops up. You do look Nordic. Thank you. Yeah. You look like you could be like an LOB model. Wow.

Meanwhile, like the three of us look like we say happy birthday to porn stars on Twitter. I've always wanted to say that to you. Wow. By the way, Jenna Jameson coming up. Don't think I forgot about it. I don't know. Tug of wars are not trash. They're normal and cool.

I don't know. That's insane. What? Physical challenges are great and healthy. In gym class. Sure. Not at somebody's fucking christening. I love horsing around.

Go Ted, get the rope. Yeah. Physical challenges are great. I had a cousin in a wheelchair. She loved it. No. What? No.

They're not. No, you're crazy. Yeah. Give me an exact time and place where you were at where there was a tug of war. It doesn't even have those kind of ropes. You make it seem like they're happening so much that you can't even pull one out. Yeah. You're in a league.

It's insignificant as a memory because we, I don't, yeah. His son's christening. They got the baby in the middle. Yeah. Yeah. No. What? I didn't even like him as a kid because I was.

Who would even have those huge ropes? Nobody has those huge ropes. We spend a lot of time. You guys hang out at the docks a lot? Yeah. Yeah. A bunch of yards. I hated it.

But at least like genuinely upset about this. I don't know. You know what it is? I hate when I'm so off on something. I'm just like, do I know anything? Jesus Christ, dude. Is that coming through? Are you getting that?

I doubt it. I thought you were shy. What's going on? I'm warming up. I had a couple cookies. I really hit my stride. Two cookies is my sweet spot. You also have farted since we've met an hour and a half ago.

You farted 47 times. Yeah. Oh. These are like these, by the way, these types of like dinner table. These are like fucking batting practice. Marshall amps for farts. Oh, yeah. It's like a stack for like Van Halen.

It's like performing at Red Rocks, dude. It's just fucking. Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye. These chairs turned your asshole up to 11. Oh, legendary. Yeah, man. Oh, man. Let's do a couple more.

This has been a fucking heater. This is from Ben White. Do you or anybody you know drive a Crown Victoria? I think it's Crown. 90 more. 90 more. What? I think it's Crown Victoria.

Crown Victoria. I had a Crown Vic. A Crown Vic. A Crown Vic. Crayola, Crown Victoria. A Crown Vic's one thing. The fucking spotlight in the driver's side window. Yeah.

You're driving like it is. The out-dale side of a Saiku. Yeah. Yeah. That's the guy pulling kids over. Yeah. Buying a car to police auction. Oh, yeah.

This is a pretty fucking great hand. I always wanted to. There was that one when you're driving down 95. It's like the police auction. Sure. I remember it was like, when I turned 16, I'm going there and getting the fucking car. Dude, just imagine if the drug dealer, it gets taken from Seju. I think that was a thing.

Like people, I think there's stories of that where like you buy like a purple Escalade and then like, he's like, that's clearly my fucking car. Grimaces yelling at you down the street. No, man. I got it on the lot. It's where they got. You'd have to paint it. I had a wigger brother who, I think he went from a Crown Vic to a, I want to say a Buick.

Rehab. Back to the Crown Vic. Sunrise Rehab. He had a Celebrations Crown Vic. It was like a big boxy Buick. I want to say, is Riviera? Yeah. Buick Riviera is one.

Yeah. He had both. And it's in that same world as the Crown Vic. Didn't the Riviera have the wire wheels? A little spokes in them. A nice one would have. Those things were garbage. Yeah.

But he, I remember it had a red, like, not velvet. I think it was a lor. Yeah. A lor red interior. Yes. Yeah. And we had a job together one summer. I was like 13 years old and I remember we would run to grab like sandwiches at lunch

and he would smoke weed in the car with me every day. And I was just like, I don't even think this is cool. That's the official car of getting a 19 year old pregnant. Yes. Yes. Yeah. They were, they were, anytime, like I had the, I had a 90, my first car was a 96 Chevy Lumina.

It was the same. It was just like a big fucking O-Fee old person's car. And anytime, anytime anybody has it, I'm like, oh, I know the struggle you're going through. I love those now though. Oh, they're fantastic. I would love a gigantic rectangular car right now. Oh, fantastic. What are you driving now?

2019 Volkswagen Jetta. That's pretty good. It's raining. 2017 Volkswagen Jetta. I just want to say happy birthday in heaven to my cruiser 300 man. I really miss that. What happened? That, there's no way that ended correctly.

Oh, come on. You didn't turn it in after the lease was off. We just talked about this last night, dude. Yeah, that was the buyback value on that. I wouldn't know. Probably rolled out the red carpet for you, huh? It got impounded. It got impounded.

No, no, it got repossessed. It got repossessed. Lack of payment. Really? Dude, it, something went wrong with it is to where like the, something with the transmission and it would have caused me like. You had a dirt bag owner. Yeah.

I think didn't stand a chance rolling off the lot with you behind the wheel. Yeah. The car absorbed the pills that were milled into it in the summertime, but it got, dude, it got repowed. It got founded in Florida one day. It got repowed and then I fell behind on payments too. It was just like. What year are we talking about with this?

This was 2017. So like April of 2017. Okay. And then in the middle of the night one time, like my wife and I, we were asleep downstairs in the living room and she, she's my wife working with her. She's like, like, there's somebody on the steps and a look at. Why were you sleeping in the living room? It's just what we did like forever.

Honestly watching TV. Yeah. Yeah. That was where the window AC unit was. Everybody was in the living room. There was a mattress on the floor. So me and 30 other people were sleeping. All right.

And then I opened the door. I was like, can I help you? He's like, yeah, dude, I'm sorry to do this, but I'm here. Hang on. What time at night is it? Dude, it was like three in the morning. Dude, you open up the door with, can I help you with three in the morning? I don't know exactly what was going on.

Keys? Parker said? Parker said or Pellegrino. No, thank you. I've already helped myself. But he was a gentleman. You are about it. Yes.

Hello. He was as close can be about it. And he's like, do you have the key? And I said, I gave it to him. They, they toted away. And that was the last that I saw it. One day I'm going to treat myself to one again. You're going to buy.

That's like, that's the thing. That's the, how long did you not been making payments on it? Since probably September. So it took a while. This was spring. Okay. Damn. That's pretty good.

Yeah. So you cruise through. Did you ever like back it in to like not show the plate? Or did you ever try to hide it? Honestly, dude, I have a driveway, but I started parking it on the street because I figured that was inevitable. And I wanted to save the embarrassment of just having a tow truck back into my driveway. Sure.

I just figured if I left it at the end of the block. Man. I get it. I get it. So you knew for this is hanging over your head for, for a while. The fall, the winter, and a little bit of spring. Well, you know how they say like twins can feel one another's pain? Like I could feel my car like feeling the bond being broken.

And that can be, that could have happened at any moment. Right? Like you, that was as you were waiting on that to happen. Yeah. Did any part of you think you were ever going to turn it? Were you like, Hey, if one, if these next two, three things fall, fall, right? That's a shit load of payments. I'll get that back.

I did because this probably happened. This was probably, I would say April and in May we were filming the Delco proper pilot. So I knew that money was going to come for that. Nice. And I think that check was probably like a little over two grand. And my, my plans were like, all right, if I can just stretch it out like a little bit longer, I'm going to use an entire check to pay my car off and pay enough to just keep it, keep it going.

But I knew like I had stretched it far enough, man. Didn't you have the car for like five years? I did. Dude, I got in my car. How long was the loan? I got in my painkiller summer. I got in my painkiller summer. 70 year loan.

What was the payments a month? I had a reverse car loan upside down on this price of 300 right now. Tom Selick son of a bitch got me. It calls me more to sell it than kill myself. My kids are going to be paying this thing off. Holy shit. Dude, the payment was probably like, I think it was like 340 or 360 a month. Oh my God.

What? Is that a lot for a Chrysler? What? Yeah. Fucking five years ago. He did it. He did it. He did it.

No money down. No credit check. Right? Yeah. Drive and sign deal or something. Yeah. Yeah. It was a payday car loan.

Pay 70,000% interest. Oh, holy shit, dude. You had it with him. It was at an Indian casino. I couldn't get that out. Because they play by their own banking rule. Holy shit. Oh my God.

Yeah, man. Yeah. Let's wrap it. That's fucking fantastic, dude. Guys, you're absolutely fantastic. We love you guys very much. Thank you for saving this thing. Thank you.

You got to check out DadMeat. You got anything that's coming up you want to let them know? Yeah. Plug it away. Yeah. I have a new podcast with Jake Matera and John Delcalo called Little Stankers. If you love serial killers and just awful people who also happen to be very funny people, check out Little Stankers.

And also follow my Twitch. It's twitch.tv slash timbutterly. And it's a really nice time that we have with the chat. And there's some video games. And there's some, you know, just loser wholesomeness. You know, on Tuesday, Thursday nights and Sunday mornings is my favorite one. And I'd love to see you there. Can I just add something real quick about that?

Please, of course, the gentleman from Philadelphia. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's so well-smoken, boy. I can't just, like, talk about his perc addiction or something. Gentlemen, if I may. No, I just want to say that being able to do this is, I feel like the luckiest guy in the world. But also, I just want to say to you, being able to do dad meet with you has been probably the greatest creative experience I've had.

And I just want to thank you. Oh, my God. Rainy's back on Perkz. Fuck. Somebody check this kid's pocket. Man. So I just want to say, like, if Tim and I started dad meet and it was just based out of, like, just earnestness and us trying to build ourselves up and trying to have better lives while also

just showcasing what morons we were. So if that describes you and describes, like, what you're going through and you're trying to build yourself through life and you feel like you can identify something within us, I promise you if you watch that. And you like cum jokes. It's, it's, you're going to drown and cum listening to this podcast. But I promise you, if you can identify with any of that, check out dad meet. That's great.

Thank you for saying that, man. That was beautiful, buddy. Hell yeah. Can we have you guys down? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, we can't wait to be on that. We'll do it for sure. Guys, check out their YouTube, check out their Patreon.

They're Patreon-fucking-cooking. Check it out. Support them. They're fucking hilarious. Go back and watch their episodes of AYG if you haven't. I'm at Kevin Ryan Comedy on all social media. Check out a fucking live show. You get some fucking merch.

The Patreon, the fucking YouTube, you know the deal. Thanks for all the support. We love you guys. Kering, we love you and we'll see you next week. Peace.