Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Dalton Pruitt: Texas Kid

Episode Date: October 7, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with Dalton Pruitt. Dalton talks growing up in the south, drinking, feet, and hunting. Its a fun one! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys.  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.bigcartel.com https://wwwBuyRaycon.com/GARBAGE https://www.HelixSleep.com/Garbage https://www.Brooklinen.com PROMO CODE: GARBAGE  Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

This just in gang, we are gonna be a part of the New York Comedy Fest here in New York City, November 9th, you can get tickets to come and see us at Gotham Comedy Club, November 9th, gonna be a fantastic time. Yes, and also don't forget, October 27th, we're going home baby, the boys are going back to Philly, Helium Comedy Club, one show only, get tickets, that's close to selling out, New York's gonna sell out, Philly's gonna sell out, get your tickets, do it. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to

everybody's favorite new podcast, this is Are You Garbage. It's a little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians when we find out they grew up to be classy or if they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day, down here in Antutti's basement, the fall is in the air, she's doing some home brewing, pumpkin beers she's making with a secret ingredient, she's doing upstairs in the bathtub. Shout out to Tutti. Secret ingredient, she says it's nutmeg, I'm pretty sure, just fentanyl. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me, he is the CEO of Are You Garbage, unamused I must say. Now I like that one. He's an international businessman, he's my best pal in the whole world and I love him, give it up for Kevin

James Ryan. Hey gang, happy to be here, thanks for tuning in, as always please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube and as you know those numbers are through the roof, through the fucking roof baby and then obviously sweet lord don't say it. The greatest website ever invented is shout out to www.patreon.com slash Are You Garbage, shout out to the yam family, all the subsidiaries, great people, god bless them. We love you and have a quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the magic man, he makes us all look good, give it up for D-Bone McMuffin, Toby McMullen. D-Bone. What's up dudes? What up bro? D-Bone, good to see you and gang, let me tell you something, we cannot be more excited and I mean

not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest here with us today. He is one third of a hot new amazing podcast called the Loud Boys Podcast over there on the gas digital network, but the big question in my mind today is he garbage, talk about a home game. This one, we got him fed to rights. Ladies and gentlemen give it up for Mr. Dalton Pruitt. Howdy, howdy. How are you man, thanks for coming. I'm good, I want to clarify we're not on gas digital, we are partnered with gas digital, but we are, but we are on Patreon. Oh shout out to Patreon. So go to the Patreon, subscribe to the Loud Boys. Patreon.com back slash the Loud Boys. Oh yeah, very nice. Awesome. How do you like my fentanyl joke? I liked it. Iced me,

there's the whole room, Iced, trying to look good in front of the game. Well, we've lost so many people to fentanyl. I mean, I bring up a national tragedy in the intro to a comedy show. Is your aunt to the soaking in a bento full of pumpkin juice and fentanyl? She's taking a nap right now. Oh my God, I apologize for my misstep. I'm throwing, I'm taking swings here. I like it. Dalton, give us the backstory. I'm excited for this. You're a Texas boy, right? Oh, yes. Yes. I've seen your feet. My feet are fucked up. Yeah, man. But they look like something of a Hollywood costume designer. Yeah, they look like a crocodile or a gargoyle. They haunt my dreams. You know, it's not as painful as it looks. It looks so painful. It looks, your fingers look painful.

You've never seen them, Toby? Toby, Google them. Okay. I saw them. Pull them up in variety. Okay, and I'll put them on the screen if I think it's, I don't know. We might get fly. We might not get ads. This one might not get fly. People are eating. Yeah, I mean, yeah, this is going on rotten.com. It's a family show, T-Bone. What the fuck? It's like something you see on E-bombs World back in the day. Yes. So give us the scoop. So you grew up in Texas. Give us the whole deal. How old are you, by the way? I'm 28. 28. Okay. You look young though. Thank you. I put a pegged you for like 27. I couldn't tell. You had me and I pegged you. Welcome to AYGF. I couldn't tell if you were older. You got a Hezbollah vibe to you. You have

a baby face. I do have a Hezbollah vibe. Yeah, I grew up in Texas for the most part. My heart's in Texas, but that's trash for the most part. Yeah. Yeah. We bounced around before we settled down in the West. Statue of Limitations was waiting to run out. Yeah, no. Where in Texas? I grew up in a little town called Springtown, Texas. Where? What's close to that? Nothing. Nothing. That's right next to nothing, Texas. We didn't even have alcohol. It was a dry county. What? Yeah, yeah. When I was growing up, I think it's since changed, but when I was growing up there, it was a dry county because of the Lord. I never liked that guy. Yeah. And so if we wanted booze, like my friend's dad would have to drive us like a half hour into Azel, Texas. That's where

the fucking goddamn hornets play. The Azel hornets. Mortal enemy to the Springtown porcupines. What the fuck? Sounds like a Simpsons episode. I feel like you're from the multiverse. What the fuck? That was our high school football arrival, the Azel hornets, the green hornets. Was it a big football town? It was. Yeah. Was it six man or was it full? Because some of those towns in Texas, well, it was three man football. It was a town, it was a town where there was like nothing in it, but a lot of people live there that would like commute to Fort Worth for their jobs. So there were a lot of families there. Okay. But it was like, you know, still the country, but there were still a lot of families there. So it was a foray like football high school.

Okay. So it was a big deal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pepper alleys. I was in marching band. Wow. What'd you play? Trumpet. An aristocrat. I like how you used to trump it. Yeah. Like it was D-line. It's a surprisingly difficult instrument to play. I'll have you know. Yeah. It really hurts after a while. When you say your, your, your buddy's dad would drive you to get beer, are we underage at this point? Of course. Yeah. It's Texas, baby. Yeah. Catch up, fatty. So they sound like the age they couldn't even drive. No, we were like 17. And he was cool with that. Oh yeah. Were the cops real ball busting about to drink him? No, there was probably one Our drinking happened in the like, in a barn. Like the cops weren't coming out to the middle of

the like, the cows weren't fine with noise complaints. My friends bought my friend had converted his dad had converted their barn into like a little saloon. There was a pool table. Yeah, there was a whole bar. I would love to have a couple of pops in there. Oh my God, dude. It was the best like weekends or I guess just every night really in high school. We were at the barn just drinking Keystone lights until we blacked out. That's America, baby. Yeah. USA. So we're talking small town, small town. Yeah. The, the, the attitude towards drinking was that like, well, we know you're going to drink and we'd rather you do it here. Yeah. But it was like, but that's the, the drinking is the only thing to do in this town. So it's like,

if you didn't buy it for us, we wouldn't drink. We don't, we don't have anywhere else to go. Was there a movie theater? No. There was no movie theater. No, we had to drive, you had to drive to Wetherford. Ah, the lovely town of Wetherford. That was maybe the closest movie theater about, about 40 miles, I think. What? I don't know. I forget how far Wetherford was. Doesn't matter. That's a hike. I don't know if you guys are prepared. I've listened to this show in your, your metrics of garbage. Yeah. We're playing t-ball. Yeah. It's, it's like, I'm, I'm scrambling even think right now because it's like, it's all garbage. Sure. The whole childhood. Well, the South plays by its own rules. We have to grade on a curve when it

comes to the South. It's definitely different than like Boston trash. What did your mom and dad do? My mom was a secretary until she wasn't, and then she just stopped. That's a tough, that's such always a tough one. Yeah. She was till she wasn't. Well, yeah, because I remember, because like I, I didn't grow up all the way. Ever? I didn't grow up ever. No, I wasn't. What are you, Peter Pan? We didn't, we didn't move to Texas until I was in like fifth grade. And so I was born in Georgia in a little town called Vidalia, and we hopped around a bit because of my dad's job always transferred him. Which was what? He was a federal prison guard. Oh, federal. Yeah. He started at the Georgia State prison and worked his way up to federal,

which meant we had to move around quite a bit. That's probably a good job, though. Good job, though. No, no, no. Benefits? Oh, yeah. I mean, pay is good benefits, but it's like, he would come home and tell us like what was happening in his day to day. You shouldn't be doing that to your seven year old child. No, you shouldn't. He would tell us stories about your night night story. Yeah. For real. He would come home and tell us about like inmates throwing shit at him or cutting their own nuts off or like getting into fights with inmates, like riots and shit. MS 13 was everywhere. Yeah. Now night night, little Dalton. He had these horrifying stories. He would like, like looking back on it. Yeah. I'm like, why would you tell

your kid this? That's fucking insane. Yeah. Like I, yeah, like guys would go crazy in jail and like cut their own nuts off. And he was like another day at the office. Jesus. A couple of keystone lights and trying to put that away. Yeah. Something a little harder than keystone lights. Did you smoke as a kid? Cigarettes? Here and there. Cigarettes. Because you have, I started smoking at six face. Right. Right. Yeah. No, where I, where I grew up, it was mostly snuff and chewing tobacco. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like you ever chew? I dipped a little bit. I like the pouches a lot. Yeah. The, the, those are my favorite, which is pussy shit where I'm from. You gotta get some real skull or Copenhagen where I'm from.

Well, you just go back from Texas. Were you a cowboy boots guy? I never was. You've seen my feet. I can't pull them off. I can't fit into them. I always wanted to be like, I wanted boots so bad. I have to shoe them first. Dalton threw another shoe again. Oh my God. How did we, all right. Hold on. I would pin in the back story. How did your feet get like that? Was there like a, oh, walking acid or something? What the fuck's happening? Yeah. Like in Robocop. What was there one in the next man? No. Um, or just years. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what it is, but it looks like it's a congenital. It's something I, my, I'm probably inherited it from my granddad. Can you open anything with them or like catch a football?

Cause they're like, well, they wide out like that. Yeah. They go, was that you relaxed? I'm never relaxed. Are you extending your toes or that's just how they fall? That's just how they fall. It's, it's bad. Um, yeah, he had a, so it was explained to me. It's a form of muscular dystrophy. I feel bad. No, no, no. He's a piece of shit. Don't worry. He beat, he beat up my Nana. Who are we talking about? My grandpa. Jesus Christ. But he, um, yeah, it was a form of muscular dystrophy called Charco Marie to named after the scientists who discovered it. How was your grandfather qualified to make this diagnosis? Is that a curiosity? No, a doctor. He saw a grandfather. His grandfather had this. He's assuming he inherited it.

Foley, we can afford doctors where I'm from. Dr. Quinn, Dr. Quinn stops my all the time. But not spending all their movie, all their money on movies. Fuck, I fucked that line up. Um, yeah. So I, it looks like I inherited whatever he had, but none of the swagger that he had. My toes are pretty jacked up too, but nothing near like that. But I got the one bad toe. Everybody has the one bad toe. Oh yeah. I've had to have my toenails removed. I've had, they got so ingrown, I had to go to the doctor and have them pried off of my body. Anesthesia? Local. Yeah. God next door did it. Yeah. Union. Union job. Yeah. I paid them cash. We did it after hours. Local 822 toe pullers right here. Business is booming in Texas.

Shout out to the Pruitt family. Wouldn't be able to feed my kids without them. I'll tell you that right now. They have a giant rats foot outside when they're on strike. Fucking scabs. This is a local town. Holy shit. Journey, journeyment toenail pullers. Yeah. What the fuck? All right. So back to the backstory. Your dad. So you're moving around with your dad a lot. Then you landed in Texas. So yeah, my dad was a prison guard and my mom was a secretary up until Tennessee. We were living in Tennessee. We were in Tennessee at the time. She had some health issues. It was actually a miscarriage. Oh, Jesus. Like how he laughs on that one. Yeah. I don't know how else to say it. My mom had a miscarriage and kind of went crazy and quit her job and just never went

back to work. But was that, could your dad support the family or was it like ten times or super tough? No. It was weird because we were never hurting. We always had a roof, food, all that, Xbox. Yeah. Two to three basics. Yeah. Yeah. We had a cable box. But he was always worried about money. He would talk to me about his finances at a very young age. This is too much of a small town. I mean, you two probably were bellied up at the bar in the barn together. So who's he going to talk to? Right. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I'm looking back on it. It's very strange that he would, like I was a kid and he was like, man, you know, don't ever get in debt, son. I'm like, Jesus Christ. All right. I'm a seven dude. Just riding in the car listening like Dave

Ramsey with my dad and he's like, listen to this guy. Listen to Dave Ramsey, son. Did you have brothers and sisters? Not really. I don't know how to describe. Okay. So take your time. Tell us everything. So we're trash from Philly. Right. All right. Yeah. No. Yeah. I'm the fucking king compared to this guy. So my dad, he was married before he met my mom to a woman and he had a son with her who was my half brother, Eric, and their marriage fell apart because he was in the military and he went overseas to South Korea, not during any war. It was peacetime, I think, but they were just, you know, they had a little bit of R&R. I get it. I don't know. I don't know what he was doing there. Bachelor party. He always talks about it. It was like in the 80s. So it's like there wasn't

anything going on in Korea. Sure. Sex tourism. I mean, theoretically there is. It's, you know, it's a tense situation with the North and South Korea and they have a lot of troops masked around the border. Okay. So it's a little bit of a dicey situation. Okay. Fair enough. He's making it sound like his dad just went there to party or hang out. Well, because all of his stories are like, yeah, I mean, Koreans know how to drink. Every story about Korea is like, the food is good. The women are good. The drink is good. I'm like, what do you do there? That's a real South thing. The drink is good. Yeah. Refer to it. Not like they got good beers or anything. Soju. I love it. Half brothers. Good drink too. So yeah. So I got to step, step brothers. So what

happened to half brothers? Yeah. So what happens when he gets back from Korea, his wife at the time is pregnant. And when, when she gives birth, the baby is Mexican and he's like, well, I'm not like, I'm not like you have brother Eric, my hat. No, no, no, no, my half brother Eric already existed at this point. And then he gets back. This is all before you. This is all before I come into this world. He returns. I'm a twinkle in his eye. And so yeah, so that their marriage falls apart and then he meets my mom somewhere down the line and he has me. And so my relationship with my brother or half brother was just that he was this guy who would come around every now and then to ask my dad for money. And my dad would just

tell me about how crazy his mom is. Yeah. And would you ever see the other kid, the Mexican Eric? No, I never saw any of that family. I would just hear stories about it. Like it was a zoo. Like my dad would talk about it. Like it was this insane place that he just never wanted to go to. I never saw them. But anytime my half brother Eric would come visit, he was like, he was a troubled kid or something because he would just torture me. He was a kid. He kept snakes. Oh man. So that's another thing kept snakes. That doesn't make him sound like a pet. He kept them. Yeah. That's a tough word choice. He kept snakes and good drink. Yeah. And so he would chase me around with snakes. Holy, what are you on, jackass? What the fuck?

I don't know. He would just chase me around the house with snakes when he would come visit. Hi, I'm Don Prue. Somebody call social services. Welcome to Tennessee. Holy shit. How much older than you was he? He's like, he was 40. Actually, yeah, he's almost 40 now. Yeah. He's like 10 years older than that. Okay. He served in the military infantry and then became like went to all the hardcore training and became a sniper. Damn. I got a buddy who became a sniper. They play by their own fucking. That's like, that's another kind of fucking crazy. This is pretty sniper though when he was

torturing with the snakes. This was, yeah, this was just him as a teenager. I got him in my sights. Yeah. Get the Rattlers. This was just a teenager. I knew Rattlers would get him. That's all we were saying in Texas all week. Yeah. This was, yeah, because this was way long ago. We were still living in Georgia at the time when I would see him and the, the moving around from town to town, which I can't imagine the towns are that great because they're near prisons. Yeah. Federal prisons, which typically are in the middle of nowhere. Right. I mostly lived near prison. So just a shit whole town like growing up my, the town we lived in, in Georgia, the town I like spent the first seven years. The only thing that like the only industry in that town other than

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on Raycons. One more time. Write it down. Buyraycon.com slash garbage. Do it. So you're settling in Texas and effectively you're, you're an only child. Correct. Growing up. Are your parents still together now? Yeah. Oh, God, they shouldn't be. Every time you hit it, it sounds like a motorcycle turning over. Yeah, maybe I haven't. Hey, look, maybe we're digging into some things I should work through. No, I'm kidding. This is fun. Oh yeah, they're still together.

He's going to be crying in a minute. This is a great time. So you get to Texas, which by the way, love Texas. The first time I'm spending time there, we drove San Antonio, Austin, Houston, Fort Worth. Fantastic. Loved it. Yeah. If you were to ask me like what I consider home, like when I think of all the best memories I have. Springtown? Springtown. It sounds like Joe Dirt. Just trying to get to Springtown. Hey, Joe Dirt. It's like, if you could see the, I remember there were days after school that we would just go, just to have something to do, we would just go hang out at the Sonic Drive-In. Yeah. Oh, dude, I was growing the verb. So I was a big just hanging at the deli or

we get like a grocery store, the Exxon, like the, you know, the gas thing. Yeah. Root 44 ocean water. What's that? Yeah. Stop trying to relate to this. I'm saying, I understand there was nothing to do. You go hang somewhere. You don't know what a root 44 ocean water is. No. So it's Sonic. How the fuck would I know? Oh, it's Sonic. It's Sonic. The root 44, that's the 44 ounce. And the ocean water is like Sprite with coconut. It's really good. Man. Is that even legal? Yeah. Right. 44 ounces. That's a big one. Summer rolls around. I'm getting an ocean water.

Yeah. So what else is in the town? So you got a Sonic. We have a Sonic. We have a barn where underage drinking happens. We have a barn where. There's a prison somewhere in the vicinity. There's a, well, I think at this point, by the time we get to Springtown, my dad finally leaves the prison and he gets a job at the Bureau of Engraving and Printing, where they like make money, like print it. Ah, okay. Okay. Yeah. And we. I had no idea what that was like making trophies. No, no, it's where they have. Just trying to class it up. It was the Bureau of. No, it's really your first place trophy.

It's kind of a cool place if you're interested in money. So they, yeah, they like a mint. Yeah. Yeah. They have all the plates there and like the old artists and guys who like roll them and print money and he went work security. He was, he was like a police officer on site there. Nice. Yeah. That's pretty cool. What was the, what was the gun situation growing up? Did you shoot guns and stuff like that? Of course. Yeah. Yeah. We would. Texas comes correct when it comes to guns. Well, yeah, Texas, but like my dad grew up in Georgia where now you got to just bear with me on this. What's the, the hunting that's big in that part of the country.

I'm sorry. What was that word? The hunting that's big in that part of the country is what's known as Coon hunting. That's raccoons. Yes. And I've gone Coon hunt with my dad a couple of times. Have you ever eaten raccoon? Absolutely not. Okay. I at least have not eaten a raccoon, but I've shot a few and armadillos with the armadillo. I've not eaten an armadillo. Can he eat an armadillo? I'm sure you can, but yeah, I've shot guns for sure. Were people eating the raccoons that you hunted? No, it's more like a sport thing, because it's like those dogs, those, those Coon hounds are like, they're family in that part of the country. Like if you have a Coon hounds, that's like,

yeah, it's like a, so it's like, that's like a bonding activity with your dog to like, take it out of the woods and it'll run a record. So we're not talking Atlanta hitting a Braves game and no, no, no, no. We're talking, I mean, we're talking like, truly in like, like Texas chainsaw looking. Yeah. Like country is like middle of nowhere. Did you wear any of the raccoons? Yeah. Any pelts? No, no pelts. No, a lot of like camo, cargo shorts. I get that vibe from you. Yeah. Well, I saw you not too long ago outside Joe's Pizza. He had like an American bandana. Oh, I've got it with me. Yeah. He looked like the fourth of July. He had a cut off like American flag shirt and bandana add on. Man. Every squirrel? I don't

think I have. I've eaten. I think I've eaten snake at like a restaurant. Finally got your step restaurant. Finally got your step brother back, huh? Half brother. Hey, Eric. I mean, there's, yeah, there's a lot of garbage here. Like what else, what else would you like to know? I think I want to take a shower. Yeah. You're gonna have to after this. I got a quick one. Yeah. Texas guy just moved to the East Coast. Bucky's versus Wawa, where does your loyal team like? Bucky's was, we just had our first Bucky. Which we love. Like I'm Bucky. I go Bucky's all day. All day. If there was Bucky's up here, I'd be team Bucky. Like what I love about Texas, but also anywhere in the country really is like regional places. Sure. Yeah. And Bucky's is big

for me. That's like, you know, when I think of Texas and home. Every time we drove by one, we were like, where the fuck, and that's where we're going. Yeah. Yeah. So that's the same situation with the Wawa for us. But here was my question with Bucky's. Bucky's seemed to be, it was a show. It was, you know, there was long lines. There was all this. Can you just walk in there? Like as somebody who, like, are there any small Bucky's or were you driving out to like the highway to go to Bucky's? I would, yeah, we're, we're, let me think, because when we did see one or two smaller downsized Bucky's. What I want to know is as a local kid, you know what I mean? Like we're there as tourists, you know, we got a hat and we waited in line for the Kalachi's or, you know, whatever

it is. But can you just, you know, after school, drive over, grab a sandwich and Bucky's in two seconds in the car and go home? Usually no. Usually a Bucky's is only going to be on like the side of the highway. But also there's a lot of highway driving in Texas. I picked up on it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of flat fucking highway. Yeah. So I would drive by a Bucky's like every day I drove to college. You went to college? Yes. Very nice. Where'd you go down there, obviously? Yeah. I went to the University of North Texas in Denton, Texas. Okay. But you're studying? English. Okay. I started as a biochemistry major. What? I get that vibe too though. I see that for some reason. You're just trying to make math. I try to learn the recipe real quick.

To be honest with you, I do think at the time Breaking Bad was heading into like its fourth season maybe. Sure. And I was like, well, I don't know. Like I just have to go to college. I guess I'll. This guy makes science. This guy seems cool. I picked my major to be like, I don't know. He does science. That was cool. But I ended up getting an English degree. Okay. And just to step back. What's your go to at Bucky's? What do you get? Oh man. Well, the barbecue sandwich for sure. Okay. The Beaver Nuggets. That's a big one. I saw them there and I said this is Dalton's thing. That's what? Is that like a corn pop? It's like a sweet corn pop. Like a big caramel. I don't know. I saw them. I saw them. I mean, if you eat enough of them, it'll feel like there's a film

on the inside of your mouth. Okay. They make you a queasy, but they taste good. Do you ever make them? Do you ever put them in a bowl with milk or cereal? That's too much. I've tried it. That was the first thing I thought when I saw them. There's realms that should not be explored when it comes to food. Because that was too decadent. I was like, this is, this is way, it's like, did you ever used to take like, like there was Oreo cereal, but did you ever used to just take whole Oreos and 100% crush them up? Yeah. I remember, I remember the girl I went to high school with showed me that when I was in like eighth grade. She's like, don't you ever do this? And it was, it blew my mind. Yeah. And it's like, we shouldn't have access to this technology because you go through a sleeve in

in about 30 seconds. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. But it's unbelievable. That's why I don't do beaver nugget cereal. You don't want to cross that line. Yeah. I don't want to cross that, the Rubicon. Why don't you open Pandora's box? Yeah, you can't be closed. You can only wake up in the matrix once. What were your grades in high school? B's and C's. Did you take the SATs? Or ACTs. I took the SAT. Uh-huh. What'd you get? Was it out and what was it out of? It was out of 2400. I got like 18 something. I don't even remember. So you're a smart kid. I would say as trash, as like truly white trash as I am, I'm smart. I'm like, I read a lot. I'm pretty smart, but I am trash. Which is a commitment to your character because from what

you're telling me, if I was looking at this on paper, you know, English teacher, comedian, or biochemist wouldn't be the career, I would say, I see bomb maker. I see bomb maker serial killer. Sure. I was a bone to pick. Yeah. Bell tower or something. Yeah. Yeah. You got a real bell tower vibe too. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. So that's saying a lot. Overcoming obstacles. I get a lot of, I get real Sam talent vibes from them. You know what? I listen to this show. You know, the country aspect. I listen to this show and Sam's is the only episode. I was like, oh, I think he might be the only person in comedy trashier than I am. Yeah. Sam. Sam, we love you, buddy. Yeah. All right. So you got Sonic. He got Bucky's. What else? What else is in the town?

Well, there was no Bucky's in Springtime. That was a drive. I don't want to make it seem like we were Bucky's. But in, yeah, we weren't, this was not a Bucky's town. This was a, we had a Brookshires. That was a grocery store. Is that where you went? That's where your mom went to the store? That's where we went to go. Brookshires. Brookshires. Yeah. Was it a nicer place or like didn't, like even as a kid, when you like this is the only place to buy groceries in the town. So did they sell anything other than groceries? Was there any kind of feed or I feel like no, because we actually was a whole feed store in a town square. Get your deer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There was also, what is deer corn? Deer corn? Isn't that what we saw? It's just corn. Yeah,

it's just corn. You have a, you have a deer lease. Are you familiar with a deer lease? Yeah. Or a deer, or a deer blonde. He's got a Kia. Oh yeah. Deer lease is like, I got a forte. So deer lease is like when you go hunting. Uh-huh. It's like a, really it's like a tree house, like a big metal tree house. You get up in there to snipe deer really. But the corn is like you have feeders out on the property where they come to and you fill those up with corn and you, there's all kinds of different feeders, but some you could just set to like, oh, like spit it out and it attracts the deer and then you kill them and then you have a barrel and then you have meat for the winter. Yeah. It's like a deer lick deer meat guy. I like

it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't, I, I never really went hunting like that. Like I wasn't, I, uh, I never. Raccoon was the biggest game you've hunted. Raccoon is the biggest game I've hunted because like all hunting is, is expensive. It's like a rich kids thing. Yeah. No, I know what you mean. Yeah. And so I, you gotta have all the deer. You gotta get there. I'm not dude. I know how funny that sounds. I'm not cross in Texas. I'm not joking. All of my friends that could afford to go hunting. I was so jealous of, I was like, I just can't, my family can't, we don't have hunting money. Yeah. We're not, you know, you're not that sweatpants. Yeah. Just shooting the raccoons in the trash cans. It's got a blazer on. It's also hunting in Texas also is a lot of is just,

it's a great excuse to drink. Sure. Four o'clock in the morning. Yeah. It's like fishing. Yeah. It's the same thing. It's a fucking hang. Oh, fishing now. That's, that's what I like. Yeah. Yeah. Like what? Like lakes and shit? What are you going for? I grew up fishing too. Yeah. Well, when I was a, when I was real little before we even went to Texas, we, my dad and I would just walk to like a creek. Love that. With a fishing poles like Andy Griffith. Yeah. Is it black and white too? Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever gone, what's it called? Canoodling or doodling? Where you get definitely. No. No. No. That's a whole different breed of white trash. Hellbilly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah. Hmm. Fishing is good, good old fashioned fun. Fishing is good clean fun. Even as we got

older, me and my buddies would be like, if you didn't like, like, let's just go get two cases of beer, act like we're fit, like, you know, throw a line and we'll just sit in the woods and drink for fucking six hours. Was there a pool at your house? You guys have a pool? Never. No. What was the house like? What was like, was it like one of those? I don't know. It was always changing. It was a hologram? Yeah, it was. He could never find his bedroom. It was a different house, like every two years. What, were they like single homes? Were they apartments, condos or were they like those stereotypical, like rancher style? It was all over the place. There were times we lived in a house, times it was an apartment. I think at one point we lived in a trailer. Wow. You think at

one point. Yeah, because it's like, we bounced around so much like early, early on, that's hard for me to remember all of it. But when you got to Texas, like, do your parents still live in the same house that you grew up in in Texas? No. No, they live in Arkansas now. What the fuck? Yeah. This has wit sec all over it. Jesus Christ. They moved to Arkansas because my dad said he wanted to try and quit drinking in Arkansas in medicinal marijuana. So now they live in Arkansas and my dad gets, just gets drunk and smokes weed. You put this shit together and say, okay. His plan was to smoke weed to help him quit drinking, but now he's just addicted to two things. That's great. That's so fucking southern thing to me too, or like country thing of like,

well, I'm going to move because I want to quit like you can't do it. That's insane. Yeah, that's crazy. My dad's insane. I had to get out of Texas. Didn't you live in a dry county? Yep. But that house, the Texas house, that was a single family home. Correct. Yeah. Does that have a barn? How many acres did you have? I guess for the town we were in, we would be considered a poor because we only had one acre and we had neighbors, which is bad in where I'm from. Yeah, you want the land. You want the land. If you have neighbors, you're fucking up. I spit on that. Yeah. Neighbors. Yeah, we had an acre and, you know, it was out in like a little cul-de-sac. What was the street name? Portwood. No, no, no. Was it?

So many different places. It was Arbor. Arbor Court. That's good. That doesn't sound that bad. A court's classy. It wasn't. It was not a bad house if we had ever finished unpacking. It would have been great. You'd never finished unpacking. Everywhere I lived as a kid, there were always unpack boxes. Oh, my dad was always on the move. Even when, even like, we lived there from like fifth grade till I graduated and still boxes. He was still boxes and he was always like, all right, I'm going to get it up on the market any day now. He was always thinking. He was always thinking like he's, yeah, and it was always like, all right, I'm putting the house up on the market. That was a conversation that was had for years until it finally, you know, he sold it and now

they live. And half stuff was already packed too. That's easy. Yeah. Yeah. Out the door, you know. What do they live in Arkansas now? What kind of house? I don't know. I haven't been yet. When did they move? Holy shit. That's a tragedy that I've ever heard in my life. I don't know what kind of house your parents live in. You've never been to your parents' house. Well, they, how long ago did they move there? Like a few months ago. Okay. They, they had moved a few months. It's fine. Like they, they moved from Texas back to Georgia because my dad had gotten a job as a, like a police trainer and then he did that till he retired. So he only did for like six months and they moved to Arkansas. And I just haven't gotten a chance to go out there.

Yeah. That's fair enough. I'll give you that. I'll give you that. I mean, if you were like, they were living there for five years, I'd be like, you got to go home and see them, see the family. Your mom cook growing up. Yeah. She actually cooked. That was like, she prided herself on her home making abilities. Like she really except for unpacking the box, except for unpacking the boxes. But yeah, she cooked a lot. A lot of, a lot of good home cooking, you know, like greens and rice and tomatoes. And would she make breakfast for you before you went to school? Yeah. A lot, a lot of mornings she would like, because I didn't want to eat breakfast and she would insist on cooking me like a breakfast burrito or something like that.

What a good way to start the day. Would you pack your lunch or buy lunch at school? I always just bought it at school. Okay. Very rarely did I pack a lunch because I just, I didn't like carrying it around with me. Yeah. I hated that. Yeah. I felt like a dork. Dude, you feel like the biggest goober walking around with a lunch box? Yeah. Good school system. Trying to get my dick wet over here. Yeah. It actually kind of, for what the town was, like, no. The answer is no. But for what? Circumstantial. Circumstantial. It was a, it's a better school than you would think. Okay. But there were still kids who died. That's every high school, yeah. We lost a couple. How? Let's see. Eighth grade, one kid climbed up on a natural gas tank

and lit a match and he exploded. What happened to drowning in the community pool? A good old fashioned overdose or something. Yeah. Holy fuck. 12th grade, my friend Ryan. Did he do it on purpose? The kid with the, I never found out. It was him and his buddy, and his buddy was like just there and just saw him blow up. It was like, what? And then he ran to like the nearest business and was like, Hey, my friend just exploded. Henry done blow it up. Holy fuck. Soundcloud. What are we talking about here? Yeah. 12th grade, my friend Ryan, he got a gun accident shot in the head. Okay. Any electric fusion or anything? Dude. It's so that, uh, back in a, damn. Oh, so fuck. I'm sorry. I had no idea.

Oh, your friend. No idea. I don't know. Do you guys want to talk about it? I'm fine talking about it, but I, it's up to you. This is a comedy show. I'm so sorry. Fuck. I could go it. By the way, you guys would love that whole saga. I just, I know the vibe of this show and I don't know if y'all want to hear all of that. It's, I don't know. I'm sorry. I don't know. It's up to you. I want to put you in a weird place. It's okay. That is exactly how my friend got killed. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. He was a, yeah. He was an electrician working a job in Midland, Texas at a, at a Sam's club. You guys know about Sam's. I know Sam's club and I know Midland. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, combine the two and you get, uh, I guess death. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Yeah. He, um, it was just a faulty wiring and a light fixture. Yeah. And it zapped him. And, uh, even at, it's, it's, I'm laughing because the story is funny because we buried him. And then two days later, I got a call from his wife and was like, she goes, you are not going to believe this, but the funeral home made a mistake and we buried Eric in the wrong grave. Oh my God. You gotta dig him up and put him somewhere else. So his mom had to go back out there and move him. Not personally. She went out there to make sure nobody stole his boots. Oh my God. That's a big thing with electricians though. A big thing with electricians is your boots. For some reason because I used to work. Oh no, that's a Texas thing. But I used to work in structure. Even up here,

I used to work in construction and there would be guys like cutting wires because like, they'd be like, Oh, is it this or this? And they would, they would, Oh no, he was buried in his cowboy boots. Not his work boots. He wasn't buried in the boots he died in. The electricians would be like, give my boots to make sure my wife gets my boots. Yeah. The boots that were melted onto his feet. Still smoking. Yeah. That's horrible. I'm so sorry that happened to you. But yeah, that is hysterical. Well, okay. So get this, but there's more. Walmart, they own Sam's Club. They send his wife a letter and all it says is something like, we're sorry you had a bad experience at one of our stores. It's like the milk was expired. Yeah. Here's a $25 gift card. Where I come from is a

William Faulkner novel. It's just tragic tales of the South. Dude. Yeah. Hey, Kevin, answer your question. Yeah, there was some electricians. I've done that a couple of times where I'm like, this question might go south. Fuck, it went south. I mean, you brought me in. I'm south. I mean, the kid blowing up with the gas line. That's what I thought. I'm like, Oh, that's what I'm like, Oh, someone must have like got an electric, an electric heater on a fence or something. Well, there was one kid who was like, surfing on the back of a truck like Teen Wolf. Yeah, I like that. But then when the truck took a corner, he barreled out of it into a fence and died. But there was, you want to know the best part though? I remember driving by it and the way I

remember it is there was a kid shaped hole in the fence like Wiley Coyote. That's great. Love that. Oh God. What was a Pruitt family vacation looking like down there? Jesus. I can't imagine it was the four seasons. Dude, it was our vacations. Big Disney World family. We did go to Disney World really? Because I was an only child. So it was like, it was like we had the funds. It was easier to move three people. Like every trash family goes to Disney World at least once. Yeah, but it was like we had the money to do fun things, but they never felt fun because of who my family is. It was just like, it's a lot of family. It was just like, I brought you to Disney World. Are you going to enjoy it or not? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. See if I can score weed.

Yeah, the vacations were like, there were some years we would just go back to my dad's hometown just to see my grandma and stay at her apartment. Oh, her apartment. And then there's a town in Florida we went to a lot called St. Augustine. I feel like I know that. That was a regular is the oldest city in America. That's probably, yeah, that's probably why. Well, what's there to do there? Is it near the beach? I'm gonna look at old forts and pirates. It's not. Is it near the beach? It is on the beach. It's a really beautiful city. Okay. We would go there a lot. I think I remember one year when I was like 1920, we went to New Orleans,

which is an awful place to go with your parents at any age, but especially when you're not drinking age because I had to have my dad with me to order any alcohol. Like, they'll let you drink if you're underage as long as you have your parent with you. So I kept having to grab my dad and go, Hey, I want to, I want to get a grenade. Will you come with me to buy me a cocktail? Holy shit. Drinking with your parents on vacation. Oh, yeah. Oh, that was vacations at a certain point as a teenager. It was like just a place to go drink like all of us. Did your mom booze too? All of us. Yeah. Wow. Heavy. Heavy. Quite the tale. Did you work as a kid? Did you have a summer job or anything like that? Yeah, I got my first job when I was 17. I got at the, we had one of

these in Springtown, a Subway. Ooh, okay. I was a sandwich artist. Yeah. Which is a fun job when you're a teenager and just like, don't have any responsibilities because I, I mean, I was straight up stealing cookies, all the, like not even, not even cooked cookies. I would go in the freezer and like a mouse, just eat cookie dough out of the boxes. Did that shit all the time? Yeah. Was it Otis Spunkmeyer cookies made a chance? No, Subway has their own like proprietary cookie recipe. It was, I used to, I used to go all out at Subway. I would make myself a BLT but with like 35 strips of bacon. It was awesome. This guy's making sense. Best summer of my life. Best summer of my life. Dude, going out back, eating my big ass BLT, smoking an apple black

and mild with Brian, who was also at the Subway. That was a fun summer. We used to, I worked at this restaurant and we would have to go into the walk-ins and clean them. So we'd go in with a bucket of soapy water and that's where they kept like the desserts and the crème brûlée. So I'd go in there with a spoon in my pocket. We'd just eat like fucking 15 crème brûlées and just throw them in the bucket. Hell yeah. No one's none the wiser. Yeah. That's the best part of working like fast food is just eating as much as you want. Oh, 100%. Yeah. The death of me. Literally. Every restaurant I've worked at, I hated work. I hated eating there just because like, what? You just get the fucking, that's too much of it. You see, you know. I get that. Yeah. I'm just like, you see how

the sausage is made. And I'm like, I can't eat here anymore. You know. Yeah. Not for me. All right. Let's get into some of your garbage. Have we not got... We're an hour in. We've been asking them questions for the last 30 minutes. Actually, yeah. I feel like I really, I feel like I threw you guys off with all this. I have one for you, which we've done before and I feel this is gonna, this will pay off. This will, how do you hold a pencil? Like this? Oh, normal way. Oh, you got long ass fingernails though. You got to cut that, John. Oh yeah. Holy shit. They need a scrubbing too. Get the steel wool out. Were you working on a car before you got me? No, I'm a, I'm a, you know, chicken picker out there in the... Are you a nail cutter or nail biter? Biter. Yeah,

you got to go biter all day. Yeah. Of course. It baffles me when somebody is like, I'm trying to quit biting my nails. It's like, I've never even thought about it. I'm just always chomping on my nails. I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. Trust me, when you let one grow real long and you get a nice, nice bite, nice bite on it. Yeah. Well, I'm trying to, yeah, I'm trying to finger, I'm trying to play flamenco guitar. Let's get the pick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that true? No. I did, I did try in high school. Played the trumpet. I, I grew him out in high school because I was trying to learn how to finger pick and the principal made me cut him. He was like, boy, he was... The principal?

Yeah. He was like, boy, those nails is too long. You're gonna hurt somebody with them things. I'm not, he really said that. He was like, I want to see you cut them. He watched you cut them. Yeah. He wanted to make sure I cut my nails. I got a quick one. Moving around a lot. Did you ever, have you ever slept in a Murphy bed? Like a fold out? Yeah. Not a folds out of the wall. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if I've slept in a Murphy bed, but I've slept on tons of like, you know, hotel fold out couches in the same room as my parents. So on vacation, one room? Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes it would be like they would get the bed and I would get the fold out couch. Yeah. Been there. Yeah. Anyone in your family collect

Marlboro miles? Ever. I don't know if anyone ever had Marlboro money. My aunt always smoked Sky Dancers. Sounds like the bootleg Blue Angels. The Sky Dancers. Yeah. I give it up for the Sky Dancers. They're all different players. Yeah. I don't know. Sky Dancers. What the fuck is a Sky Dancer? It's like the knockoff American spirit. It's got like a little chief on the cover of it, on the box, the cover. Oh yeah. Wow. Sky Dancers. Yeah. I don't know if anyone ever had Marlboro only come in hundreds. Yeah. That's what it looks like. Yeah. That's what my aunt always smokes those. And then other than that, it was always like, you know, we were a camel family. I think. And Sky Dancers, I assume didn't have a rewards program. No, they didn't. It was just like a

$3 pack of cigarettes. That was your reward. We have a Crystal Light family growing up. Crystal Light. Yeah. Yes, for sure. Crystal Light. And then when Mio came out, that was a big day. Wait, is that the juice? Mio's the bottle that you squeeze? That's trash. That's a real trash. You did that at home? Yeah, Mio. Oh my God. He just got so much. Yeah, Mio. That's supposed to be in like a single thing of a bottle of water that you drop a couple in there. You're making pictures of that? No, no, no. You would have balls of water. You have the Mio, so you have like a juice. What was the water situation it has? Was it bottled? Tap. Yeah, it was always bottled. My parents, my parents always bought bottled water. They

didn't trust the tap water. Well, that's where we were just in Fort Worth, right? And they said, don't. Yeah, I was told us how to drink it. It was like, you could roll the dice with it. I don't know. I've never had any problems with tap water anywhere I've ever gone. Other than Amarillo, Texas, which is where my mom grew up. So we went there every Christmas and whatever is going on in that town, they do have noticeably disgusting water. Like truly, it's like. Visibly? Yeah, cloudy. It tastes like shit. It's like, how does anyone live here? Home of the 72 ounce. I'm about to ask you the same question. Yeah. Well, there's the, Amarillo is the home of the 72 ounce steak. I don't know if you're

familiar with it. I don't, but I wish I would have stopped by. 72 ounce. Yeah, the big Texan. You get your name on the wall or whatever. Yeah, you have to eat it on a stage in front of everyone. On a stage? Yeah. Yeah. And if you're from Amarillo, Texas, if you can finish it in under an hour, it's free and you get your name. Do a lot of people. Is it like a, it's like a tourist attraction. But do people accomplish it often or is it one of those things where it's like once a year or something? Because they, they, this is how they get you. This is, this is the 72 ounce steak scam. You have to eat not just the steak, but all the sides. Yeah. Load you up on taters. Um, let's see. Do you eat your pizza crust? Yes. If, if we're at like a nice place or

ordering in like Domino's or whatever, but it was always, um, you guys ever go to like a CC's? I've been one. A CC's pizza buffet. That was where you didn't eat the crust. You don't want to load up on the bread. Well, no, you keep the crust as tallies for how many slices you've eaten. And that's, that's like the competition you have with your friends on a field trip. Just so you can eat the most pizza slices. What would be considered a nice place? Like a nice pizza place? Yeah. The pizza buffet. Okay. Check please. Now you're 28 years old. Yeah. When that's not still an operation. Is it the pizza plate,

the pizza? I do remember the buffet. I remember going to some as a kid and it being like remarkable. Yeah. It was, it was, it was the best thing I was scared of is that your hometown still had it. Still did it. Um, no, they didn't have the buffet. Okay. Well, mine had it up until up through high school. Mine had it. The nineties is fine. No, that was 2005. Really? Yeah. Because we would, good Lord, we would cut school and go there. Damn. Or like leave school early and go to pizza buffet. I thought they canceled them before night court was off the air. Holy shit. What were the pets? What was the pet situation? So, uh, other than the snakes, other than the snakes. So we would, like we would get dogs,

but then at some point, the word get dogs. It's the word choice is so strange in the south. Well, because like my dad, because my dad would bring home a dog. Like we had a beagle, Mo. I had a beagle too. Shout out. Yeah. And then one day Mo wasn't there. And my dad told, my dad told me, uh, he gave me the, you know, I sold him to a farmer. Okay. But then never revealed that that wasn't the case. At no point ever told me the dog was actually just dead. Sure. And he, like I was running around the neighborhood for two weeks, like riding my bike, running around looking for this dog. And then he finally was like, Hey, Mo's not coming back. I just like seeing you get the exercise. Geez. This guy's all about life lesson.

Don't trust the banks. I like the exercise, boy. But that was always, but if the dog didn't die, it was like he would just end up giving the dog away because we would have to move at some point. Oh, that makes sense. And so we didn't actually have like a family pet until I was a freshman in high school. We got a shit zoo named Gizmo who by some miracle is still alive to this day. I mean, by every method of veterinary science, my mom is keeping this thing alive. It's got like the cloudy eyes and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just in a chamber. Huh. Okay. Ever bring an animal from outside into the house and then raise it as a pet? I tried for sure. They didn't make it. No, they would, my parents would. Actually,

one time. Yeah. I found a cat on the street and that became our cat Chester. So I, you know what? I just remember Gizmo was the second family. He was, Gizmo was the only dog we ever kept. Okay. And Chester was the only cat we ever kept to completion. Chester like died, but we kept him till the end. Didn't give it away. Yeah. Yeah. Cause like we also had cats too. I remember crying my eyes out because like we had these three kittens that our calico had given birth to and I love these kittens and then one day my parents took me to a place and they were like, all right, say bye to the kittens. And I was like, what? What kind of place was it? It was just like an adoption center,

but they, they were like, we have to give the kittens away. Yeah. It's too many. Yeah. They were like, they're getting in the walls and eating the insulation. What does a cat do that? I don't know. Are you sure they were cats? These kittens, these kittens like would, like they would just show up like possibly three mountains. The kittens would like their faces would get swollen in their eyes because they were eating insulation. My parents are like, we got to get rid of these fucking things. That makes sense. Where in the house was their open insulation? I don't know. I guess the attic. This kid's something. Do you have a passport? No. Okay. Never have any plan on getting one. I would like to travel abroad. Okay.

Do you take pills dry or do you drink water with? It depends. I can, I can and have taken them dry for sure, but I enjoy taking them with water. I enjoy. Do you own any, do you own a pair of dress shoes at the moment? I do. I have a pair of wing tips. Oh, okay. Yeah. Do you own a suit? I do not own a suit. Okay. If you were going to get dressed, say you had a, hey fuck, I have a wedding tomorrow. What are you, what can you pull together out of your closet? Nothing. Nothing. No, dude, I got to go to Joseph A. Bank and rent a tuxedo or something. Get some Steve Harvey. Yeah. Rent a tuxedo. I don't know. Some Steve Harvey suits.

Lisa, Lisa suit. I don't know if I've ever actually needed a suit. That's like, that's such a southern shit to me. Because the way we all like formal attire where I'm from is like cowboy boots, jeans, buttons, purl snap button down. Yeah. Yeah. Which is a great look. Like, my friend's funeral, that was how like most people were dressed. Yeah. Like the cow, like that's how I was dressed. I had like a Johnny Cash shirt on. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. And black though. Black. Yeah. All black. It's not a fucking answer. That was, that was the thing before he died. He always demanded, he said, I want everybody dressed in all black. I will be mourned properly. Damn. He's, I don't know. Got some old souls in the

tough outlook. No, no, no. He was, it was always a joke, but that was like for wishing. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Sorry. What's the next question? What's your Dairy Queen order? Oh, the steak finger basket. I meant ice cream, but okay. Can you put some sprinkles on the steak finger basket? He goes hot meal. Holy shit. Dilly bar blistered. What are you into? I like to ribeye. I get the hamburger with hot fudge. What was it again? What's it called? The steak finger basket. It's fried steak fingers with French fries, two pieces of toast and gravy. Oh man. It sounds delicious. It's awesome. What the fuck is a steak finger? I don't know, dude.

It must be a Texas thing because when I went to Dairy Queen's up here, I was like, where is the steak finger basket? Can I talk to y'all, man? Yeah. Can I talk to y'all's manager about the steak finger situation at this Dairy Queen? I might just be your Dairy Queen. Hey, my armadillo's overcooked. No, no, no. DQ is like a kind of a Texas thing. 100%. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because like when I was growing up, it was always like DQ. That's what I like about Texas. I didn't know it was. That was the song. That's some lunatic would sing on his front porch. Yeah. So yeah, when I like my favorite, I guess my favorite thing to order at Dairy Queen is the steak finger basket followed by a, yeah, Blizzard for sure. Oreo and the Heath.

Okay. Heath, that's a gentleman's choice. Yeah. Have you ever been to a. Sure, that pair as well with the steak knuckles. The steak knuckles. With the pigs now. Oh, well, have you ever, have you ever had a pickled pigs feet? No. No? No. You know, Hormel? Sure. Make the chili. They also make something that was a staple in the Pruitt household called pickled pigs feet. I gotta look them up. They make the chili. Yeah. Yeah. So awesome. And pickled pigs feet was always something I enjoyed eating. Oh, I've seen that for sure. I think there's a jar of that in my garage for a moment. Yeah. Oh my God. That thing. That's what you're talking about. Are they cooked? Is that cooked? Yeah. Yeah. You can eat that right out of the jar. The best part? No, you can't. Yes. Yes,

you can. You're not in New York. You're not allowed. Yes. It's illegal. The best part. Let me tell you the best part about pickled pigs feet. You eat them, have you a little snack, put them in the fridge, you know, what's left, pull them back out of the fridge later. All the brine has congealed around the pigs foot. So you get like a salty jello before you get to dig back into your pigs foot. Just ruin my day. Just ruin my day. Holy fuck. I know that gelatin that you're talking about. Yeah, it's not. Yeah. It's a pork jelly. It's not jelly. Smuckers ain't making it. Yeah. Don't get a PB and J at the brood house. Yeah, you want a peanut butter and pigs foot sandwich? Extra hoof for me. Aren't there bones in there? Yeah, you eat around the bone. There's

meat on the bone. There's meat on the bone, Kevin. Is the skin on the foot? Is there a nail? Like there's a hoof. Oh, quite a wedding ring in there. What other weird shit do you eat? Vienna sausages. That's disgusting. Okay. I mean, can you top the pigs feet jelly? I believe he can. I believe in this young man. What else? What's weird? I mean, I don't know. Like head cheese. I've eaten head cheese. Yeah, pork brains. Dude, that's like Indiana Jones. Oh, when we would go fishing. You know what, big boulders rolling behind you. Just gotta get your pigs feet. When we would go fishing, this one of the like a real treat was if you were

gutting a fish and it had eggs, like grabbing those fish eggs and frying them up. That was always good. That I can kind of say. I'll give you a fry. I thought you were just going to slurp them. I'm a caviar man. I would have cut. I would have pulled the plug on the cameras. Have you ever had alcohol that someone made in their house? Of course. Great question. Like moonshine or like bathtub gin? I've had moonshine. Like a guy had made it in like a big like Home Depot bucket and we were definitely underage. It was my friends, girlfriends, dad. We were all at their house and he gave us a flavor. It's always like mixed with like a kerosene. Tastes like shit. It's not pinnacle. Yeah, dude. It's fucking. Call up Diddy. Let's

get some sorok in here. It's booze made in the Home Depot bucket and we were 18. What I've watched a lot of moonshine. Drywall screw. Yeah. That's back all I taste. I'm a big moonshiner's fan on A&A or whatever it was. Oh, fuck. All right. God. Is there a crawl space in the home? No. What's a crawl space? That's a no. It's like in the basement. Oh, no, we didn't. There's no basements. Storm shelter, tornado shelter, anything like that. No. He's going to the bathroom or a closet. Have you ever watched the implosion of a building? Not in person, but that was a thing in Dallas. It was like a spectacle whenever they would blow

up a building. Sure. Have you and your family ever sat and watched a house burn together? Like if something caught on fire, you ever stand around and watch it? Like our home? Not your home, but just a home. Oh, yeah. Yes. If something's on fire in the town. If there's a fire, you're going to watch. Like when Zach blew up from the natural gas tank. Yeah, we saw the black smoke rising. We were like, oh, must be another kid. Must be Zach again. Get the pigs feet. We're going out. Have you ever been to a BYOB strip club? Yes. Okay. Recently? No. Okay. When I was like 18. Cool. That passes. What was your first car?

Um, what? It was a Chevy Silverado. Like 99, 98, 99. That's not too shabby. Not too shabby. No, it wasn't bad. And then after that, like, my dad gave me, let me, he didn't give it to me. Let me drive his 98 Lexus until I totaled it. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Your dad had an Lexus? Yeah. We were like, like the next evolution of white trash. Like my dad grew up dirt, dirt, poor, like, like what you read about in the South. Yeah. And then my family was like, if you gave that guy money. Okay. So yeah, there was a Lexus. My dad always was buying shit way above his means. And it was a huge Lexus I presume, right? He didn't buy a brand new

Lexus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What else would he buy? He was big on like home theaters. Like it was, it was always like a very tense in the house when he was picking out a home theater, when he was picking out new speakers and receivers and stuff. We were in the Magnolia room weekly trying to find the right one. What's the Magnolia room? You don't know about the Magnolia room? No, I assume it's some sort of theater. A home theater. No, at Best Buy, they have the Magnolia room. Oh, the glass. Yeah. Wow. He would like go in there and sit there and hold. Yeah. Yeah. He would just go in there and go, man, look at how cool this looks. And it's just like footage of frogs jumping around. It's like the future. Oh God. I mean, I think I've

Is there anything else you want to know? Is there anything else you think we should know? Is there anything we're missing? I don't even know, man. What kind of injuries did you sustain as a child? Well, my feet seem to more of natural causes. Yeah. Yeah. I do. I do remember one time, and this is something my family still makes fun of me for, even though I was a little kid. That's awesome. Yeah. I was barreling down someone's driveway on a like a razor scooter. Okay. And just like blazing fast, as I remember it. And I went to look for the break with my foot and I couldn't find it. And I wasn't aware that like you can't just plate your foot on the ground to stop it because I did that and it flung me off of it. And I like slamed it

to the pavement and like skidded and like ripped all the skin off of like my elbow and my hand and all that. But I didn't even notice that at first because like I hit the ground so hard it knocked the wind out of me. And just as a kid, I was like, dad, I knocked my lungs out and he was like, that's not possible. I know that dumbass. Yeah. You can't knock your lungs out. You dumb fuck. Would you guys go out to eat as a family? Yeah. We actually, my dad would take us to like nice restaurants. Like there was a place in downtown Fort Worth. We went to a lot called Texas Day Brazil. I think we saw that when we were down there. Yeah. Brazilian steakhouse. Yeah. Okay. That was fun. We actually, yeah, we weirdly enough, we did go eat a lot of nice meals.

Like we would go into places that we didn't, like didn't make sense that we were there. He was going to say it doesn't make sense. He said it doesn't make sense that we were there. It doesn't make a damn bit of sense that we were even. I love the rhythm of the Texas accents. What about Christmas? Christmas was usually, we would drive up to my mom's hometown, just spend it with like all of that family. Would you decorate the house though for Christmas season? No. Usually, my mom would buy like a fake little tiny tree to just put on the table, like the end table. What? Yeah. I wonder if they do it in Texas like this. Yes. No, yeah. Texas goes big on Christmas. My family just did. Okay. We would drive up to Amarillo

and just spend Christmas there with the bad water. What would they put the presents for you when you came down in the morning? Well, there, usually for those Christmases, there would be a tree, but like in our house, there was never like a real tree. I guess because if you were going there anyway, if you were going away for Christmas. So you would actually sleep there Christmas Eve with your grandmothers, all right? We would usually, yeah, we would usually either stay with a family member or get a hotel. Dude, that's like cousin Eddie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Man. Anything else? Missing any teeth? No, I'm not, not that I'm aware of. I just,

I haven't been to a dentist in probably like 12 years. Yeah. It's been a long time. Did you have braces? No, I never did. I had, I got the silver caps when I was a kid. Yeah. That hurt. The caps are the fillings. Like the, I don't know. I had silver teeth as a kid. Yeah, they used to put, I had a cap at one point too. Yeah. So did my brother. Yeah. Shit. Yeah. It's like, then they fall out. They fall out. Yeah. It's your baby teeth. So they just fall out anyway. I mean, once, yeah, I just had like one day it fell out and I had a little piece of jewelry with a rotting tooth in it. What'd you do with the silver? Do you remember? I killed a werewolf. I melted it down, made a bullet. I, yeah, the tooth had to come out. We were under attack.

Get the smelter. Yeah. Oh my God. Dalton Pruitt. I mean, 100% garbage. Yeah. Yeah. But legendary. Oh, fantastic. You think, you think this is going to be a legendary one? This is a good one. This is the first text. This is the first proper Texas guy we've had, right? This is the first pig's feet. I think it's gonna come across our desk. I mean, coming into this, I was like, I don't even know how I'm going to fit in like anything because it's all just everything. Yeah. It's everything. Every decision that was ever made in your life has been garbage. Yeah. Yeah. It's like you and Tom to car for the heavyweight championship. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sam town as well. We got to have you back for another part. Same as my boy. By the way, I love

that. Yeah. Sam's fantastic. All right. So you got the loud boys podcast. What else you want to focus out there tonight? Yeah. Plug any shows or any social media, anything. Yeah. Patreon. Patreon.com slash loud boys. Yes. We have our live standup show. It's called Brooklyn's Cool. It's at the Brooklyn Comedy Club in Williamsburg. The next one's going to be on October 10th. Nice. Obviously Skankfest. The weekend after Skankfest, we're going to be at Laugh It Up Poughkeepsie. Very nice. Um, and then other than that, uh, I'm doing merch now. So be on the lookout for the t-shirts. Nice. Awesome. Support these guys. They're super funny. The podcast is awesome. They're working hard. They're doing their own young hustlers, baby. Got to fucking love that. What a fun episode. What

a crazy fucking tale of woe. I want to give you a hug. If you want to come, if you want to come to my parents this year for Christmas, you are more than invited. Okay. Gotta keep your socks on though. We can't have the dog chewing on this thing. Please don't feed my cat insulation. Kevin, what do you got for him? Guys, thank you so much. Just, you know, Patreon, YouTube, iTunes, the whole fucking nine yards. Come out to our live show. We got Philly and we were announcing a New York City show very fucking soon. Might even be from the beginning of this episode. Check it out. Thanks, guys. We love you guys. We'll see you next week. Peace.